Hufflepuff: If you could choose, how would you die?  

Slytherin: Dramatically. 

Hufflepuff: Here’s a dating tip– hold the door for your date, and rip the door off the hinges. Then, use the door as a weapon to fight off other people so that you can establish your dominance. 

Ravenclaw: I’m beginning to see why you’re still single. 

Slytherin: Don’t listen to him, please continue. 

Hufflepuff: We judge a person by what is inside and not by what they wear. 

Slytherin: Lucky for you, huh? 

Hufflepuff: *wrapping their multi-colored scarf around their neck* 

Hufflepuff: I have no idea what you mean. 

Hufflepuff: That wasn’t funny. 

Slytherin: Well I thought it was pretty funny.

Hufflepuff: You don’t count. Once, you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you thought of a meme you saw on facebook. 

Hufflepuff: Being a girl sucks. 

Slytherin: Being my girl wouldn’t. 

Hufflepuff: What? 

Slytherin: What? 

Slytherin: Jumping out of a window is just short term skydiving. 

Hufflepuff: Slytherin, I swear to god–

Hufflepuff: Do you ever get that feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat? 

Slytherin: That’s called arrhythmia. 

Hufflepuff: I get that feeling every time I look at y– 

Slytherin: That’s serious, Hufflepuff. You can die from it. 

Slytherin: I’m lactose intolerant. 

Hufflepuff: Don’t worry, I tolerate people regardless of whether they lack toes or not <3

Ravenclaw: Hufflepuff was washing the dishes and I heard them say, “Who do you work for? Who’s your contact?” while repeatedly pushing a plate underwater.  

Slytherin: Well, at least they’re having fun. 

Hufflepuff: Are you drinking enough water? 

Slytherin: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth. 

Hufflepuff: What? 

Slytherin: What? 

crap my bsf & i have said as slytherpuff quotes:

sly texting huff: i feel like someone is watching us..

huff: but someone’s always watching us!and btw ur out of milk.

sly: how the FUCK did u know that-

crap my bsf and i have said as slytherpuff quotes:

slytherin: my nose hurts from sneezing so much- *dramatically* if i died don’t forget about me

hufflepuff: don’t worry. everytime i sneeze i’ll think of you

slytherin:

James: Nothing in life is free

Rita: Life is free

Osias: Adventure is free

Aldrich: Knowledge is free

Dawn: Anything is free if you take it without paying

Hufflepuff: Okay, I think it’s time for you to get some sleep.

Slytherin: I’m not tired though. 

Hufflepuff: You’ve been awake for 3 days straight and you just had a ten minute conversation with Picasso because you thought he answered you back. You need sleep. 

Slytherin & Hufflepuff conversations

Hufflepuff: Can you read me a story?

Slytherin: No.

Hufflepuff: Please?

Slytherin: No.

Hufflepuff: Pretty please? With a cherry ontop?

Slytherin: Fine.

Slytherin: Once upon a time there was a girl who got stabbed and she di-

Hufflepuff: Ok, you’re scaring me now.

So I discovered today that I am not only in Hufflepuff but Slytherin also, I never thought I would see a day where I wasn’t a pure Hufflepuff. I’m not gonna lie, shit makes sense hahaha

Slytherin: so these are my pets. They’re the cutest aren’t they?

Hufflepuff: and that’s the most affectionate you’ll ever see Sly with an animal

Ravenclaw: …that’s the most affectionate you’ll ever see Sly with a living creature in general