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certified-cix-hellbeast · 1 year

Text

hiccup

this is something i intended to continue but didn't, but with the way i left it, it seems complete enough to post. i had a whole story thought out in my head, a mafia-type au with the characters a little bit older than they are in real life; this was planned to be a section of it, occurring at some point in the story. i quickly wrote down what i had thought of so i didn't forget, and then i added onto it. and then i kind of didn't know what i wanted or how to lead up to it. this was written in april of 2021.

enjoy!

group: mcnd

warnings: stab wound, blood, and angst

"Why does it matter?" he mumbles, and Seongjun swears that he looks precious in everything he does, but right now, he’s dying.

"What?"

"Whether I live or die. You've done your job. You killed the man who was after you." his eyes are open, trained on the leader, like black holes to get lost in. But Seongjun can tell he's exhausted, just holding on by a string that he's ready to let go of. "Why do I matter?"

Seongjun wants to smack him. He lowers himself more, lays next to the boy while Minjae is trying to stop the bleeding in his side. there's still a knife; he's wrapping a bandage around the wound now. It feels like a dream, calm yet chaotic. Seongjun caresses the side of Junhyuk's face gently with his hand, thumb brushing against his cheekbone. if junhyuk falls, Seongjun will catch him.

"You are worth so much more than you know."

Nothing is said between them after that. Seongjun's not sure if Junhyuk believes him, or if he’s even registered what he said, but he blinks slowly, staring with the most placid expression he's ever seen. Somehow, it calms the waves, washes away the anxiety. Minjae takes the knife out, and Junhyuk doesn't flinch. Now Seungmin is beside the medic, rushing to assist him.

Sounds grow hazy, voices mesh together. They echo in Junhyuk's brain, bouncing against the walls; he isn't sure where they're coming from, what's real or not. All he knows is that he's fading. He feels no more pain, though. He's forgotten that he's even supposed to be in pain. The light is too bright and the dark is too dark. His eyes hurt, and he's so tired. He's in the state of tranquility that he's always desired, somewhere within the lines of death and life. He doesn't know what side he's going to fall onto.

He thinks he wants to sleep eternally.

So Junhyuk falls, and Seongjun is there to catch him.

x x x

He'd never felt so heavy in his life.

When Junhyuk wakes up, his eyelids are weighed down with exhaustion, but he refuses to fall back into the comforting bliss of sleep. He pushes himself to the sitting position, the most difficult chore of his day. His muscles scream and his bones ache. The injury from last night comes back crashing. He can barely move without pain, but he does so anyway. Anxiety bubbles in his stomach when he takes a look around him.

He's not used to… resting… or, taking a break, or healing. Junhyuk doesn't even remember the last time he relaxed for once. He could never be allowed such luxury.

But here he is now, and he relishes in it. He sighs; it's a deep flow of air that lets out everything that he's been holding in. Relief floats off in waves. He lays back down, letting the pillows and blankets swallow him however they please. It still hurts; he twists his body to make sure it hurts, because it's real. What happened last night was real.

The pain was definitely worth it.

x x x

Seongjun notices the blaze in Junhyuk's eyes the moment he sees him again, awake and coherent. Alive, buzzing with energy, desiring to move without being able to. He wants to get up, he says. He wants to move.

"Just a few more days." Seongjun tells him.

Surprisingly, Junhyuk listens. Minjae teases him, calls him a good boy when he quietly lets the bandages be checked. Said good boy rolls his eyes, because he knows that all of them are anything but. Huijun smiles fondly. Seungmin pinches his cheeks. Junhyuk is cutely annoyed. Seongjun just watches, as he always does, and always has.

Puzzle pieces fall into place. Junhyuk is the fifth member that they've been missing, each of them realize. he is exactly what they wanted. It feels as though he's been a part of them for years when it's only been a week.

The group plays games every Wednesday, watch movies every Friday, and Junhyuk's still sure it's all a dream. Maybe he did die from that stab wound and this is his heaven. He wouldn't exchange it for the world, no matter what.

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