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EPISODE 07.03.4040
SHARE YOUR CONTROLLED BRAIN IRL 
Is BB right about the money? 
She has a doubt, especially after bathing in a crowd environment, she goes through all her recent actions and declarations and gets worried of the receptions, she hears all sorts of accusatory comments about what she fashions to survive and it is really hard to discern who is really hinting... The people or the Masters through the people?… Will that generate more exclusion, misunderstandings and laughing? She tends to forget about it until she is in a space, as she is so used to be alone with all her theories and discoveries, locked in a restrained internet world that gives her half of the necessary infos and some made out facts, pages and discouraging hacking alarms and software bugs. She concentrates for a second; “It’s something SO big that it traumatises all my friends, chosen and blood families, entourage, activists and allies to keep silent, and the police refusals, lawyers and medias ignorance! That much of a level of isolation and efforts in intimidation to keep everyone silent and divided, strait up violence which eventually leads to groups of 10 police and firemen coming to take me by force to hospital to inject hardcore meds in my ass while all details disappear and everyone gets back on their everyday days... Come on! It HAS to be fucking BIG? No? HAS to involve big money!” And she is 99% sure amounts must go high high HIGH and even surer that using her body and brain as objects to bash, fuck and manipulate should grant her with that 66% easy…? Presumptuous? 
After months of being ostracised from friends and fun, buried under incessant brain eating and keeping as healthy as possible BB goes out clubbing parred with a wise amount of drugs. She needs to have a dance so badly, see familiar faces, and feel surrounded by good energies!… Barely touches the substances after her initial start and go line, very surprising and unlike her, but she is content and fulfilled with this change, and only takes half of a pill too late or too early, stupidly just before she decides to actually leave the venue without saying anything, having had enough of nightlife psychosis theatre... Ho one important piece of information for our readers is that, the Bastards want her to believe that people around her can only read her thoughts when she is high on drugs. We will explain in further diving in the story that it is a trick marketed to make her believe the perpetrators are the infamous members of her family, and it is a system with a processus that will only end when she sobers up from all drugs and clubs or music making for years. 
She walks home delighted to have seen her friends and received love hugs and actually danced hard for so much longer than for so long! She remains puzzled on the reason why these public thought reading sessions are still hapening… She THINKS they are really not playing in the “Doctors” favour. The grand realisation of the ampler and spectrum of the operation for BB happened thanks to one of these instances and she is really grateful for it.
This brings us to raising 2 more questions: First: does this mean she is right in thinking that the Masters can decide when and for how long people have access to her thoughts? And second: do they have access to it all, are they aware of what they make her think and what is genuine and how direct is it? BB: “because it feels really fucking live!” In your ears? On your phones? In an inoffensive V2K for the rest of population? Just a couple of the worst words there and there, beamed out to nearing curious heads…? 
BB: “I feel that I see them come close to me and try and catch my eyes, when that is done they stand still, bend down their upper body slightly in my direction, like waiting to hear something imminently… Or could that be another trap to make me think they hear me live strait in ears and make me tell that to a professional Psychiatrist LIAR?... And so you’re waiting to hear... get informed... about…??? My panicked urged thinking on the way you look? The way you move...? Really…? Is that interesting what I think about the way you look? Do what you get satisfies you? Or can we agree that it is generic, always the same, absolutely non specific, vulgar, and most importantly useless as fuck? Is it somehow interesting and, I can’t grasp why? So hearing the primary thought of a female bodied individual under pressure and harassed in a social environment who was traumatised while growing up, by Patriarchal society’s pressure to work on the way she looks as a priority and to make it fit the selling standards as well as prove it by finding a men against all women is fascinating? Or is it better to get the embarrassed judgements about your races, genders and genitals she wishes never crossed her neurones?”
Unmistakably choosing a social environment at night, which was initially and is even more now an anxious and difficult process for her to go through is the perfect setting to share her brains out, the absolute jackpot if you want her to sound hysterical and obsessed! She systematically scans rooms and analyses level of security within them, trying not to look shaky and scared. She is used to taking shit from her trusted ones under instructions, and so having to assess a full night of energies to open or close to is without a doubt setting her off to make another bunch of enemies. Or so they think! The Evil dumbers trying to play her body want to add to hysterical and obsessed, offensive and ridiculous. Offensive is really important because it raises up many hurt feelings for harassing comments and actions to want to fuse, and ridiculous obviously linked to making people laugh, it is hard not to laugh at something funny, she feels like laughing too when listening to the thoughts farting out of her head… Some she owns up to, some are put through.    
She is a vessel for anything and everything they want to make the female body say! Or shall we even go as far as to say; what they want a feminist to think? An exemplar soft white piece of bread for the sausage of their choice and pile of sauces. Are they really still Witch Hunting? Trying their best and most, lets have a little count… mmmmhhhh fuck loads against 1, to demonstrate that being a feminist is being a hypocrite? Do they need to prove womxn remain women and when you dig into their primary unrepressed thoughts, you can see how much they like to be raped? How much in competition there are with each other and how obsessed they are with their appearance and men? Acting this through BB Womans who never ever had any specifics in gender preferences appears to be worse! She knows she has taken on the role of the bad bad BAD feminist and finds it comical but it is probably not what is read by her surroundings. It could translate in; “Wow heard what she thinks!!! She’s got issues!!! That’s so mean” or... BB: “Insensitive or self-centred and everything else you might want to put in to justify your wish for me to feel ashamed, leave or just move away, bearing your sigh and spare you the consideration or memory of “that game you’re fed up with?”
When confronted with a lot of energies, everything becomes ultra binary; fucking or not fucking the men, “fine!” But then Comparing her size and looks with every female she encounters, obviously pointing out when she wins and noticing awful recurring words come out of her like some unfounded diarrhoea, and if they have a male partner it goes something like how better for them she is, like dog pissing, highlighting ingrained female competition as compulsory? When it comes to trans* people she is stuck by the thought of their genitals… being the worst one of all she can think of being stuck with while trying to be next to her friends.  
Again BB is really fed up to have to justify herself for ANY thoughts at all, but some of these need to be outed as their doings… All the ones that go something like; Fat, ugly, small, dicks, pretty, better, jealous… etc… Could not be further from the way she considers a person for the first time or the people she knows, she would never call them repeatedly fat or ugly or EVER want to categorise anyone with all encompassing description of their appearance, and if it happens that she did, well that would be a good subject to bring into light and discuss. 
The process is simple, they make her stop and wonder with a short and accusatory: “SSSSSSiiiiii” which in french translates to some stronger YES when opposed to a no. “Si” means you are a liar and what you really think is not what you think basically. So they go:”Hoooo, Siiiiiii BB you think that she is….” and wait for a word to be shat. Or: ”No, you don’t think that he…” Back and forth and back and force until they force out some blunt annoyed spelling of raw thinking to be fired out, and here we are, you do not just undo a thought? Do you? It’s out there, it is shared, it has shamed, it has hurt! 
But it crucially needs to be massively underlined as irrelevant! She is not perfect that’s fucking right, and she is not a sleepless moraliser anymore either, although she did take that one, good to work on even, and forced to understand she did not know how to get all her points across efficiently…  She then also got to learn quite a lot through this hyper introspection: the first thing that comes to your mind, and if it does not come, they extract it anyway, is rarely considered or enunciated by your brain. In the same way that you would not just punch the guy next to you in the metro on your way to work because it’s a hard morning and you can not stand anyone, you would also not just describe, judge or attribute some simplistic insulting words describing someone’s appearance in your head.. and even less out loud. No! You refrain your primary urges. Same goes with thoughts. If you’re fast and hold a lot of self awareness you should be able to catch them, but they often just hover deep in your disorders and insecurities. When you got them you can analyse them and decide to give them whatever importance you want to give them and restrain or indulge consequently with the attitudes and reactions related. 
BB thought she had been clear about ways to understand or try to understand how it could feel to be her, but that was with forgetting these special nightlife stretches… If you can imagine yourself in a club night slightly aside fearing to near bodies but still trying to look like you can handle it, having to juggle your thoughts made a public matter, avoid considering the ones they send to your brain and their constant calling you out on the worst of what you think or repeat under pressure, pay or not pay attention to what is said and acted around you, wonder if it is kind or not, scripted and imposed or scripted and acted enjoyably or pure reactions to your turbulent inner voices, steer clear from looking at people not to spew out anything offensive, nor focus on yourself not to seem self obsessed, wonder if you should be here or not, if your friends are ok with what the hear, having a nice time or if you are fucking up their party and your friendships just because you’re here, want to dance and you miss them, add to all of it some high level of anger against the people hired to remotely drill your brain hiding like weak knees, when you should just be free in a space made for body release and expression… and you can probably imagine a mine full of intense emotions to make you give it up very quickly. Last time she held it up for about 5 hours, was never scared or wanting to hide and danced as hard as she could and is really proud! 
BB only has had positive discoveries from these moments, lengthened endurance to keep ok in her favourite environments and countless signs of kindness and support. Which brings us back to wondering why are these brain eats organised and who does it really profit? Does it only happen when she is on drugs? No sorry, checked and checked! It had ceased to happen in the streets in the last couple of weeks. She understood there is a certain distance to respect to receive… the closer the clearest?  
As whispered above; is could be Patriarchy and their demonstration of the limits or incapabilities of womxn, some mindless misogynist droned out revenge, or is there a parent wanting to fully extract their “past the point mentioning” grown up child from rave environments and their consumptions, and if so who is performing the “parent”? Was the family, the evil, backward, jealous mother scenario set out from the get go of a thought reading experiment to create groundbreaking machinery or is it more recent, so to transform some joke that got a bit too far in a love fueled rescue? BB: “Huh... Is this just a fucked up fucking game?… Who is playing? And how do I become the only remotely playable body?” And last thought of option seeming most accurate for BB at this stage; “It just smells like a social media thought reading study and experiment... No? Does this just need to keep on without my consent and full knowledge on mechanisms for my whole life?” It certainly looks like this is what they are hinting at. Unfortunately for them though, this outrageously fucked up, unconstitutional and violent story has taken a turn of NO RETURN; they have let it go too far and too long, they have seen it too big which instead of inviting her to swallow it as impossible, got her to understanding it as impossible not to be REAL. She now knows TOO MUCH she can NOT forget. She already remembers everything from her 2 previous painful reality discoveries after hospitals, medications and all her datas, writings, videos and pictures destroyed. This 3rd time around the amount of support and signs of her sanity she is lucky to have had are printed deep in her memory, she is so grateful to have lended in a coussin of radiant power and love and everything she knows to be truth is most definitely not erasable. And even if their torture and pressure was nearing anything she would cede under and resign to take some anti psychotics giving way to their increased and sustained control of her body and brain, she would stop as soon as possible because this substance is hurting her physically and mentally and would run back to raves, altered states and people she likes to surround herself with, read what she wrote again, remember it all and resume to fight its disgusting doings and presence at all on this planet! 
But she has to admit that she has exhausted ideas on what to write, expose or communicate through her fiction, appart from going down the past slide show of her administered life and sharing all the crusty details of her slow realisation of the deception. They are sensitive and difficult times to recall and describe without emotion and more introspection, and could also loose her in interpreting many aspects and times as inaccurately linked to being a targeted individual. She is still not sure how efficient that would be, thinking that it could also hurt, guilt trip or offend some loved ones involved in hurting her or contributing to her isolation, or tickle the risk to drown herself in greater despair... BB: ”The past is the past... yerrr but... and in 2 days it’s International Womxn’s day! Wowwww!” But then again force is to constate that writing to expose perpetrators’ pestiferous work protocols is proven to be the most efficient tactic she found effective towards increasing tranquility, in small steps but could it eventually lead to owning herself, her mind and her body back? her popularity or NOT, who fucking cares! The worst of her outer and inner self is a public matter... but indispensably her INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS! 
Here is how she is going to power through this misogynistic shit storm. Just keep up what she is doing! Writing it all out and OUT, impose the amount of self care she wants to impose on herself, re-educate to rave environments for as long as it takes to feel at ease, not give anyone a word on her levels of consumption, since it is unquestionably highlighted that she has absolutely no problems, addictions or mental disorders resulting from her monstrous drug taking most of her life... Quite the contrary, it has always unveiled the truth! She will be thinking and dancing in ways that she sees fit or are envisageable under the machine hold in parties, try to not let them destroy chances to get hired somewhere, build her strength up day by day, walk, ride, shit, cry, masturbate and tell her points of views around Blue to whom ever wants to hear them. And If there is any problem with that, “Just let me know!”
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