There’s a puritan loose in the Boiling Isles.
I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a puritan loose in the Boiling Isles. It’s never happened before, no one knows what the puritan is going to do next, least of all the puritan. He’s never been in the Boiling Isles before, he’s as confused as you are!
There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, “We’re joined now by Gus Porter, a fan of human stuff.” Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen human stuff in the Demon Realm. This is a puritan loose in the Boiling Isles!!
When a puritan is loose in the Boiling Isles, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, “What’d the puritan do?” The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like: “The puritan learned glyph magic.” … I didn’t know he knew how to do that?
The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the puritan at all. You’re down in the palace like: “Hey, has anyone… Has anyone heard–”
*palisman draining noises*
Those are those quiet days when people are like: “It looks like the puritan has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the puritan is like: “I’m gonna petrify the wild witches and smash ’em with my staff. I’ve got a nice staff and long hair, I’m a puritan!”
That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking puritan.
And then… Then… Then you go to brunch with people and they’re like, “There shouldn’t be a puritan in the Boiling Isles.” And it’s like, “WE’RE WELL PAST THAT.”
Then other people are like, “If there’s gonna be a puritan in the Boiling Isles, I’m going to try to kill his nephew!” AND THOSE DON’T MATCH UP AT ALL!!
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the puritan, and then, somewhere in the emperor’s palace, The Collector is like, “I have a titan and I’m going to play with the Boiling Isles!” And before we could say anything, the puritan was like, “If you even fucking look at the Boiling Isles, I will maul you to death with my curse. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can kill you with my curse, I’m so fucking crazy.”
“You think you’re freaking crazy? I’m a freaking god! I live in a freaking mirror. I’m freaking crazy!!!”
And all of us are like, “Okay.” Like poor Lilith Clawthorne at those goddamn coven meetings. “Okay.” And then, for a second, we were like, “Maybe the puritans brother will stop the puritan?” And then the puritan is like, “I have killed the brother 50+ times.” … He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed no matter who the puritan is!
i know season 3 likely won't deliver since we very much do not have time for that , but alador and hunter are hilarious when placed near each other and i'm tired of pretending like they aren't
not an allistic in sight . what will they do
saw this post from @littlesilentrebel, about eda and darius ‘stealing’ each other’s kid, and the mental image it conjured was So Immediate i jst. i had to write it down. here
“Please take her back.”
Eda grins, folding her arms. “It’s been two days. You’re really gonna fold that fast? Hah! I told you I’m better at this than you. I win the kidswap bet and the patience bet and also every other argument we’ve ever had, retroactively. Suck it.”
“You two planned this together. I can tell. Con artists, the both of you. Malice aforethought.”
“We did not.” Luz ducks under Darius’s arm, entering the Owl House with a cheerfulness that borders on manic. “All I did was ask a couple of questions!”
“Ten thousand questions.”
“You never even answered my questions about Amity. Like, will she be able to have an abomination form? Like, turn into one? Because, uh-” Luz’s cheeks pink. “That would be, uh, whoa.”
“You see,” Darius says with the longest sigh in the world, stepping over the threshold himself. “You see what I’m dealing w - oh, no. No.”
Hunter raises a mud-covered hand from the giant puddle of undefinable gunk that now encompasses most of the living room floor. Because of course it does. “Hi, Darius!”
“Well, Hunter and I are getting along just fine,” Eda says, totally unconcerned. She hops onto the couch, one of the only places that remains safe from the unholy slime pit. “He and Hooty really hit it off.”
Hooty, who is currently curled around Hunter like a snake, and who is just as mud-covered, croons. “You can’t have him back. We’re keeping him forever and ever and ever and ever and-”
Hunter swats at Hooty as the house demon nuzzles against one of his ears, a breathless laugh escaping him. “Hey! That tickles!”
“Hunter!” Apparently distracted from Amity-thoughts, Luz tosses herself into the mud next to him. “Hey. Did you know that abomination teleportation is a pretty new thing? And that no one really knows how abomination magic works, but it might have to do with extradimensional matter? And-”
Hunter follows this prattling with rapt attention. Gingerly, making himself an abomination carpet where the mud is unavoidable, Darius heads over to sit beside Eda on the couch.
“Wow,” Eda says, very fondly. “There’s two of them.”
“Titan help me,” Darius says, pressing a hand to his forehead. “There’s two of them.”
My Hunter cosplay that I debuted two weeks ago! I feel super good as this blondie and I'm absolutely making more versions and outfits for him!!
I really like how the wig turned out, and also Flapjack I love him!!! (everything made by me, but I got a lot of help to finish the last on Flapjack in time for the con by @kristalldroppar!!)
Edit: All scars showing on body are fake made with makeup!!
It's not the Hexside Borrower's AU, but here's a snow leopard Hunter about to (safely) eat mouse Luz. She doesn't seem too thrilled by the whole "about to get eaten" thing though lol
Anyways! I start college in a couple days and everything is kinda hectic so I'm trying to get to asks and do doodles to go along with some if my art skill allows 🤣 So be patient with me, I am only one man /lh