He came out of the fire, and my lil brother is afraid of them, so my dad picked it up and threw it, but I, a fool, trained to catch peas since birth, turned around, and on instinct, opened my mouth and swallowed him in one gulp. He wriggles in my belly as we speak. @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
I summon u to go in my belly and fish him out so I can say sorry, please and thank
As I was opening a crate of Aboriginal artifacts I had recently recieved from a Australian friend of mine, something strange happened. Hiding in the packaging was the largest spider I had ever seen. Didn’t know if it had been placed in there as a joke by my friend or it was just a hitchhiker. I jumped back as it lunged at me. It than ran into the kitchen. I decided to do a little research (googling) to see what I was getting into. Turns out, it was a Huntsman Spider.
The Huntsman had gotten up the wall over the sink. It was as large as a dinner plate so it could not be missed. My research told me they don’t typically attack and normally stay on defense but this giant bastard had one of my knives. How it did this, I did not know. As I reached over to grab a larger knife I thought,“ that’s not a knife, this is a knife”. I threw it and stuck it dead center. Turns out those knife throwing lessons did come in handy. This gave me a great idea.
So, our uncharted meal and recipe will be Fried Huntsman Spider. I turned on my large deep fryer and did some more research. Turns out Google is lacking in this area. I may be the first or no one has documented it yet. I had to wing it.
I’ve fried plenty of foods like chicken, squirrel, and zucchini but I’ve never fried spiders so I went with making a batter. I checked out my Huntsman and it was dead. I must had knifed it in the right spot. I took it down and cleaned it thoroughly with a brush being careful not to break anything. My goal was to keep it in one piece.
Let’s make some batter.
2 cups Flour (whole wheat if your feelin crazy)
about 1 cup water (adjust for proper consistency)
2 chicken eggs
Wild onions (finely chopped)
Mix all that together in a LARGE bowl. Add more water or flour to get the thickness just right. Stir it thoroughly. Don’t want any lumps.
Make sure your oil is heated to 400°. Carefully dip your Huntsman spider into the batter. Don’t break any legs or other body parts. Once you are sure all parts of your Huntsman is covered in batter, carefully place it in your fryer. Both hands with metal tongs in each works best.
Once it is golden brown and floating on top of the oil, it’s ready to take out. Place your fried Huntsman spider on a large plate covered with a paper towel. While it cools, heat up some frozen peas. If your Huntsman is female with a hefty egg sack, add those to the peas along with a couple tablespoons of butter (the real shit).
I found it similar to eating crab. Hope you enjoy!
My chonky girl, Felix, is still going strong! Soon, I hope to try and pair her with Dorian T_T. Cross your fingers for me, I’ve never attempted breeding spiders before, let alone these teleporting fuzzballs.
I’ve got this design, inspired by Queen Felix, (and a few more buggo related things) up on tees (S through 5X) and vinyl stickers in the shop (link in source, below).
A large Huntsman Spider species, with long hair and banded legs. Common in Western Australia and the southern states. One of the Huntsman species pursued by the Giant Spider Wasps in the genus Cryptocheilus. I once saw such a pursuit, high up a tree where the spider was hiding under loose bark. The spider flung itself into the air and fell to the ground, rather than try and face the wasp.
Often found in houses, but usually living under loose bark and hunting at night.