#hurt but healing au

[shepscapades]

Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

#that’s a lie actually I think xisuma ends up telling Cleo :> #but only because Cleo is very smart and I think they should be close in this au :] #but no she would clock Tired Overworked Existential Crisis Xisuma in an instant #Cleo calls them both idiots and gives them big hugs and tells them they need therapy. also that they’re welcome by her place anytime to talk #it’s very sweet and healing to me #this is where “all things end’’ on Xisuma’s playlist comes in actually #oh my god I got so off topic #BDUBS IS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT THOUGH #like okay. technically #the reason etho shut down is because he was freaking out that everything was his fault #(last life—not giving bdubs a heart— trying to win for bdubs and then losing— coming back to s8 feeling like he can’t face bdubs—> #ending up leaving him alone when the moon hit #and bdubs was hurt by these things. no doubt #but bdubs just wants his friend back and maybe he’s a little reckless about it #bdubs hides his emotions behind cartoonish frustration and complaining but he feels bad #he feels like he should be doing more to ‘save’ etho and bring him back even though he was to #told* he shouldn’t #dbhc ask #dbhc #dbhc bdubs #dbhc etho #dbhc doc #dbhc xisuma #ask #anon

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

but I’m not angry anymore

#angst #hurt and healing #Readerbot #fnaf moon x reader #fnaf moon x y/n #doodles #sketches #if readerbot had a voice au lol #repairbot reader au #simple stuff #idk I just like their dynamic and I like being bad at poetry

[asparklethatisblue]

/|\^o^/|\ Vampire AU Fitzier! In which Francis turns James as he lies dying, and it very nearly doesn’t work

A follow up for @vandrawsing ‘s art here

#fitzier #francis crozier #james fitzjames #the terror #my art #vampire au #james clark ross #francis tears open his wrists to feed James his own blood for the turning #so they’re both hurt and need some time to heal

[turrondeluxe]

Was it love at first sight for Mikey and the tots? Did it take Mikey some time to warm up to them? Super cute AU!!

It was kind of hectic when Mikey saw the tots for the first time ever, while also being emotionally stunted, so the warming up is kind of a slow but surely process!

#GOING TO WRITE A BIT IN HERE SO SIT DOWN #SO #in the comics its not really said exactly how long after mikeys death casey marie produced the babies SO its my city now #in the au casey marie was actually planning on creating the tots from way before meeting mikey #so after mikey gets nearly killed by hiroto she just thinks that the babies are their safest bet on a fighting chance and basically #speed runs the creation of the tots ALL WHILE mikey is still healing and bed ridden #so when mikey does find out about the babies and why they were created (by casey happily telling him); hes actually still hurt and not yet #fully recovered from his nearly fatal wounds #again casey marie basically speed run the tots but she still had everything planned (im aware of the fact that ronin mikey heals very fast) #so then proceeds the mikey talk with april and the whole lair getting set on fire bit and consequently mikey running away with the babies #so the first time mikey ever saw the babies he had not much time to process his feelings #and general ideas except for Need to Get Away With Them #peepaw and babies au #doodles #tmnt #tmnt the last ronin #the las ronin lost years #tmnt odyn #tmnt yi #tmnt uno #tmnt moja #tmnt mikey #tmnt michelangelo #ask #my art

[darth-sonny]

"Box..."

Mikey paused.

The cat's cradle in his hands was unfinished - halfway done - but that didn't matter anymore.

Leo spoke. Spoke for the first time in weeks ever since they brought him back home...

And Mikey was confused as to the meaning of his brother's first words.

"What did you say?" he asked.

Leo raised a heavly bandaged hand - his only hand - and slowly pointed one finger at him. Mikey could see with crystal clear clarity how heavy the way Leo's arm shook, as if the action alone was so physically daunting that it tired him in just a few seconds.

Mikey was ready to gently take Leo's hand and lower it down when his brother spoke again, voice raspy and so, so different than what it had been weeks ago.

"Box."

With his brother's hand pointing at him, Mikey connected the dots.

"I'm... I'm Box?"

Leo nodded. "Box," he repeated again.

Mikey tried to smile, he did, but the way Leo's eye went to look down at the blanket covering him in shame made him realize that his smile was more or less of a grimace.

"Ssso-... orry..."

"It's okay!" Mikey chirped, wincing a bit at how Leo flinched at the loudness. "I'm fine with a new nickname!" He hummed, making a show of thinking the name over. He even scrunched up his beak. "Hmm, Box... Box... I like it! Box! We can add that to the list-"

"Na-... name..."

Mikey blinked. "What?"

Leo leaned forward, his face twisting in pain just a bit as his finger poked Mikey in the middle of his plastron.

"Box... is y-... yeerr... na-name..."

Leo's face then changed to one of confusion.

"Wha-... what's a-a ni-nick... name?"

lots of severe head trauma + deliberately messed with memories + recently getting possessed = amnesia

(mikey is box and raph is brute. the rest of the fam will get theirs once i decided on what they will be)

#it's the biggest contributer as to why leo doesn't tell anyone why he thinks there's something wrong w/ him #imagine - if you will - that you are a person who is badly hurt and a kind family takes you in to heal you #they treat you well. treat you nicely. you like them well enough and treat them like they treat you #but they're a family and you're a stranger #and then... there's the idea that you believe that there's something wrong with you but you don't know what #and you can't tell them because... well what can they do about it? #it's not about you #dodn't burden this nice family with a stranger's problems. not when they went out of their way to make room for you in their home #(leo can't help but agree with the voice in his head) #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #leo hamato #mikey hamato #prime leo au #sonny draws #my art #sonny writes

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from chapter 41 of The Nascent Diplomat:

'You called it our room,' Gwyn said.  'You've never thought of it that way?' Augus said, snacking on a pressed green vegetable snack which was dried into a kind of leather. Gwyn didn't like its bitterness, but it was Augus' favourite thing to eat, and he was often tearing off strips and idly snacking.  'I thought... I don't know what I thought. This space never felt like it belonged to either of us. And then, for a time, it felt like it belonged to you.' Augus was on the other side of the room, and Gwyn's mouth filled with words, he wanted to ask him to come closer. It was so unlike him. He didn't want to be someone who asked. He was embarrassed to be angry at Augus for not simply knowing, for not coming over. He felt wretched. He felt ugly. Augus could say neediness was a strength, but Gwyn felt like a grub or maggot, something soft and unsightly.  Surely what Oxcillian had done to him made him too broken, too...  'I want to leave,' Gwyn said, his voice raw. 'This place, it is so perfect for the vench, and I think parts of it even suit you, but I'm not suited to never seeing the sky, or feeling the wind. A proper wind. Waiting for my magic to heal is such a burden. I've never hated my magic more. But it's the only companion I've had for such a long time. For nearly all of my life.'

#daily excerpt #the lone wolf #the nascent diplomat #fae tales au #gwyn ap nudd #augus each uisge #mm romance #slowburn #asexual romance #hurt/comfort #fantasy romance #i like that gwyn's healing isn't just that he's becoming more comfortable #but it's also that he's being more vocal with his discomfort #in a way that's more vulnerable and true than it used to be

[boxofwaspss]

vampire au dreammare <3

FOR YO

U

#i love vampire aus #ummm if the colours r weird once again my screen is blinded by lights #dreammare #dream #nightmare #utmv #the story here is that nightmare turned dream to a vampire #dream tho...does not want to drink blood and for the longest time starves himself #they argue and fight about it all the time and it always ends with nm force feeding dream #till one day a hunter hurts nightmare #and the only thing dream can think to do to heal him is feed Him this time #nightmare is smug as all hell #anyway nothing more romantic than spitting blood into your brother-husbands mouth am i right boys #blood #ig lol

[hazelkjt]

♪ I'm coming home, I'm coming home, Tell the world, I'm coming home ♪

#ffxiv #ffxiv gpose #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv oc #au ra #xaela #hazel kha #janis and baato #hazel's mother and father #it hurts to say goodbye but heals to say hello

[mimilind]

Stranger of the Falls - Part 6

Pairing: Boromir x Reader

Rating: T

Chapter Word Count: 2400

Parts: [ < Previous Part ] [ Next Part > ] [ Masterlist ]

Full story: [ AO3 ]

※※※

6. Defense

You twirled a smooth horn between your hands. Boromir had made it from a curved ram’s horn, drilling a hole in it and turning it into a sort of trumpet. Should the enemy approach you would blow it and alert everybody. 

You were on the lookout that evening; Boromir had divided the nights into watches and now it was your turn. You sat on a rooftop and observed the deserted plains in the growing darkness.

A few days had passed since the village prepared for war, and the dreary darkness from Mordor had finally disappeared, blown away by a fresh south-west breeze. Nothing had happened yet, and you were hoping it never would. Without the strange darkness to hide them, the orcs probably wouldn’t dare venture this far.

Even if Boromir had a plan, no plan was foolproof.

You wished you knew how the war went, but no news had reached you since you learned about the attack of Cair Andros. It felt like the world was holding its breath, waiting for something – be it good or bad. 

It made you restless and nervous.

You heard steps from below and turned to see Maja approaching you. “My mama needs you. It is time!”

You were about to climb down and fetch a replacement lookout when something else caught your attention: a group of people coming running across the southwestern plains. They were far away still, but heading to the village. 

No… not people. Orcs! You noticed their crooked swords and axes now.

The sight filled you with cool tendrils of fear. This was it. War. War was upon you!

You remembered the horn and blew it, producing a dull hoot. As you climbed down from your post, you blew and blew and blew, and from all doors around you people came out.

Boromir was among the first to reach you. He looked alert and strangely excited.

“The enemy army is here,” you told him. It came out like a terrified squeak. 

He observed the orcs briefly. “No, just a minor band, thirty or so at the most. Raiders perhaps, or deserters. With our precautions we should take them easily.” He turned to Vidar. “Take a lantern and wait for my signal over by the trench. Be sure not to drop it until every orc has crossed.”

You tried to swallow but your throat felt too narrow and too dry. Was this the last time you saw these men? Vidar… and Boromir.

You wanted to tell him to be careful but no longer trusted your voice.

“What about Mama?” Maja asked, pulling at your sleeve. “The child is coming.”

Boromir looked at her, then you. A fierce, crooked grin broke out in his face and he pressed your trembling shoulder encouragingly. “Then you deliver the child and I deal with the orcs. I will be seeing you!” 

You nodded. Deliver the baby. That you could do.

As soon as you entered Sigrid’s house you became completely calm. There was a patient needing your help and until she and the baby were safe you had no time to worry about orc attacks.

※

You could not say how much time had passed when you finally laid the wailing infant on her mother’s chest. It had not been an easy birth.

“Thank you,” Sigrid said tiredly. “Damn Torsten for putting this little monster in me and then riding off to war.” She stroked the baby’s damp head. “He thought it was a boy but I knew it would be a girl. When he returns I shall gloat at him that I won.”

Something about the way she said ‘when he returns’ made you want to cry. She did not think he would. 

But then you remembered about the orcs and your heartbeat increased. Had Boromir made it? 

You ran out. Guttural yells and clangs of steel reached you from beyond the palisade and you ran to the gate, expecting the worst. 

You were met by a spectacular sight. A burning ring surrounded the village, sending sparks and bright tongues of fire high into the air. Within the ring lay a litter of dark corpses in the grass, and others hung skewered on the sharp lances along the palisade. Some were still writhing in death throes; Vidar walked among them, grimly beheading anyone moving.

Boromir was chasing two last orcs on Svarten. He sat tall and formidable, driving them before him like Béma the Hunter himself. His face was streaked with soot and his hands covered in black blood.

This was his right element, here in the midst of battle, bravely protecting people.

You had never admired him more.

Desperate to evade the menacing pursuer, the orcs leaped through the fire, but the burning tar stuck on their boots and turned them into living torches.

Svarten easily jumped over the trench and followed them. Two neat sword slashes later and the orcs fell to the ground in reeking piles.

It was over.

※

Other villagers had joined you at the gate, now a loud cheer broke out. He had made it! The village had withstood the attack!

Boromir dismounted. Standing there tall, proud, victorious. Beautiful.

“After tonight, I will no longer call you ‘Främling’,” said Vidar. “You are no stranger to us anymore. Hence, since you still do not remember your name, I say we name you ‘Hjälte’! For, you are a true hero, and we are blessed to have you among us.”

His words were met by an even louder cheer and Boromir graciously bowed. “It was the least I could do after you took me in so generously.”

Everyone then helped put out the fire with buckets of sand and refill the trench with tar in case of new attacks. Like Boromir had said, this had only been a small band. They could be forerunners or scouts from a larger army.

Afterwards, you walked home beside Boromir almost shyly. For the first time, you had seen warrior-him in action. You wanted to hug him and tell him how glad you were that he had survived, but felt too intimidated.

“Thank you for saving us,” you said instead. “The ring of flames was fantastic.”

“It worked better than I had dared hope,” he said proudly. “I got the idea from a place called Moria where I once saw orcs hesitate before a burning chasm. Not one of my best memories, but this time it was helpful.” 

Back in the house, you noticed red blood in the water when he cleaned his hands. 

“You are hurt,” you said worriedly.

“A mere nick.”

“Let me treat it. There could be poison on their weapons this time also.”

Like the other day, your concern seemed to amuse him, but he obediently sat at the table and held out his hand.

You sat next to him, putting a generous amount of ointment on the cut and binding it neatly.

Still with his hand in yours, you looked at his beautiful face. You could not express your gratitude with words. He saved you; all of you. Maja and her mother, the newborn baby, Vidar, little Kalle, everyone had him to thank for their life.

This handsome, kind, generous man was truly a gift to your people. To you. You had never met anyone like him.

You admired him so much. Held him in such high regard… no. More than that.

You loved him.

Part of what you felt must have shown in your eyes, for Boromir gently eased his hand from yours and rose. “We must get some rest.” But instead of stretching out on the bed, he leaned back in your comfortable chair. 

At your surprised look, he explained: “Long have I been imposing on your hospitality. You should have your bed to yourself.“

“I do not mind sharing,” you said earnestly, feeling a lump in your throat. He was pushing you away. Creating a distance.

“You already did so much for me,” he said seriously. “I never even thanked you for saving my life. Twice. First you healed me, and then your faith in me and stubbornness hindered me from taking the cowardly way out. This way is better; I can do some good now. And for that, you shall always have my heartfelt gratitude.”

His words shook you to the core. This way is better. 

Did he mean to die in battle?

Now you saw the scene earlier in a new light. Boromir’s excitement before the fight; his heroic charge against over thirty orcs. It was not courage. It was the fearlessness of one who had nothing to lose. 

Was he still choosing the cowardly way out, but disguising it as bravery?

You did not say anything of what you were thinking. Instead you tried to hide your dismay and make your voice steady. “I am a healer; it is what I do. Think nothing of it.” 

You went to bed, ignoring how large and empty it felt, and exhausted after the long night’s events you fell asleep almost immediately.

※

The next morning, Boromir, Vidar and you went out to gather the orc carcasses, piling them up and setting them on fire. While you were working, a group of riders approached from the same direction the orcs had come. They were Rohirrim!

As they came closer, you felt your heart soar with relief. It was people from your village, as well as the neighboring ones. Jan, Ragnar, Karl, Torsten, all the rest of them. They had survived! Did that mean the war was over?

“Welcome back!” Vidar waved excitedly. 

The men looked weary, but relieved when they saw your pyre. “Béma be blessed. We were worried we would find naught but smoking embers like in so many other villages. We have been tracking these orcs for days and found only ruins and homeless refugees in their wake – until now. How did you defeat them?”

You proudly indicated Boromir. “We had help.”

Torsten cut in: “Why, if it is not Lord Främling! You look well. I am glad you made it.”

“He is Lord Hjälte now,” said Vidar.

"Congratulations on becoming a father again, Torsten,” you said.

“The child is born? And everything went well?” He leaped off the horse in a smooth jump. “I have to go see them at once. Was it a son? No, say nothing, I know it was. I have a talent for guessing these things.”

You smiled smugly as he hurried off.

Meanwhile the other riders filled you in with news from the war, at long last. A lot had happened. Théoden King and his riders found their way to Gondor blocked by the orcs at Cair Andros just as Boromir had feared, but got unexpected aid by a people who dwelled in the mountains and took them on a shortcut to Minas Tirith, capital of Gondor, just in time to save the day and help defeating Sauron’s enormous host. 

They then described the battle in detail, encouraged by a barrage of questions from Boromir. 

There had been many losses and injuries. Théoden King was dead, and his niece Éowyn, who unexpectedly joined the army, was badly hurt. Her brother Éomer would become the new King of Rohan. 

Another man who died was Denethor, the Steward of Gondor. Boromir’s father. 

“Poor old fellow; they say he lost his mind and burned himself alive, broken with grief after what happened to his sons,” said Ragnar, unaware that one of them was standing right in front of him. “The eldest was killed in battle in the north prior to the war, you see.”

Boromir did not betray any emotions at the news, but you saw his fists clench and his whole stance become rigid. 

You wished you could hug him. What a gruesome way for a man to die!

“And the youngest?” His gaze was intent.

“Hurt in battle, but Lord Aragorn healed him. He is greatly improved; they say he will survive.”

Boromir grew visibly less tense. “And what now? You said this mysterious heir to the throne has appeared, this Lord Aragorn. What are his plans? The Dark Lord lives, and although he lost a battle, he will return with renewed force soon enough.”

Ragnar shifted uneasily. “Lord Aragorn is on his way to Mordor. It is a ruse, and he does not expect to survive, but…” He lowered his voice. “There is a secret, powerful item, you see… a ring, they say, a ring of power. It was forged by Sauron a long time ago and if he can get it back he will use it to usurp the entire world. But a brave young halfling is on a secret mission to cast the ring into the fires where it was once wrought. A halfling is–”

“I know what a halfling is.” Boromir had grown very pale.

“Oh. Well, so Lord Aragorn has decided to make this decoy attack to distract the enemy, hence increasing the chances for the halfling to succeed. I know, it sounds impossible, but Aragorn believes it might work, and nearly everyone is following him there.”

“But not you?”

He blushed hotly. “He sent us to free Cair Andros. Us and some others…”

“We were afraid and did not want to die,” Karl cut in. “We have families waiting for us. He saw that and released us. A good man, he is. And a great king, if he survives.”

“We bested the army at Cair Andros,” said Ragnar. “This group we were tracing were the last survivors.”

After exchanging a few more words the men left you, eager to go see their families now that their task was finally over. 

Boromir left too, with a curt “I shall take a walk” that made it clear he did not want company.

You looked long after him.

※

That night Boromir moved out of your house. He said he was no longer a patient, and did not want to impose on your hospitality. Therefore he had arranged with Vidar to sleep in his spare room.

Your stomach grew tight; you knew what this was about. He wanted to keep a distance from you, and you were fairly sure it was because he suspected you had feelings for him.

“I am happy for Vidar’s sake,” you said, smiling forcedly. “He has been lonely since his wife passed away.”

“Goodnight then.” He bowed and left.

”Goodnight.”

You went to lie in your empty bed. And then you cried.

※※※

Parts: [ < Previous Part ] [ Next Part > ] [ Masterlist ]

Full story: [ AO3 ]

#boromir #boromir x reader #boromir fanfiction #boromir x oc #boromir x you #boromir lives au #lotr #lotr fanfiction #lord of the rings #hurt/comfort #healing #heroism #Stranger of the Falls

[nympippi]

After Pandora, Dream didn’t like being left alone, so to remedy that he started sleeping with Techno and then when Patches came she started sleeping with Dream and Techno (because Dreams paranoid)

But it became a routine, something Dream can’t quite break after being so alone and getting so used to Techno in general, it just became the new normal to share a bed with your -very annoying kind Dream would add- roommate.

#dreblr #pippi art #Dream just doesn’t like being alone anymore and quite frankly neither does Techno like the idea of him being alone #Dream worries Techno a lot in most of my au’s #he’s so paranoid about losing Patches about losing Techno he quite frankly spirals a lot #Dream has had every major friendship fall apart and he will be damned if he loses Techno #OKAY IM A DREAM APOLOGIST ALRIGHT LISTEN LISTEN LIIISTEENNN #btw this is mainly platonic however you can interpret this however you like I don’t care #but like him living with Techno and just existing with him and healing are my favorite fics because I love hurt/comfort and rivals #c!dream #c!techno #rivals duo #Also they co-parent with Patches because I said so thats why #rivalsblr #Also Techno drools in his sleep and should honestly tie his hair back but he doesn't lmao #Dream also has Patches in a death grip because paranoia and c!Q. #dream and patches #patches the cat

[xysidhequeen]

Since Danny opened up his trauma to Jason, did he ever comfort Danny whenever he had nightmare of his parents doing things on him?

Jason has comforted Danny after and during nightmares. Not all of them, he doesn't catch them all.

Sometimes Danny's nightmares are loud. Sometimes they're ice crackling out from him in waves, covering his room and the hallway and Jason just knows. He busts through the ice and the doors between him and his hurting king, melting the ice with his flames until he can finally get to Danny and wake his frozen body and remind him he's safe, he's whole, he's alive. Sometimes his nightmares are deafening, they're a Wail shattering walls and ceilings and everything around him. Sometimes Jason has to push his body one slow step at a time into the middle of a hurricane, bleeding and hurt but not half as hurt as his screaming friend.

But sometimes Danny's nightmares are silent. They're quiet because screaming didn't help. Screaming made it worse. Noise brought their attention back to him. Pleas and cries and screams made them angry, angry he was using their son's voice, their son's body. So sometimes Danny is quiet, locked in a silent prison of his own mind and the only way Jason can tell is if Danny didn't pull his aura entirely back into his body and he's able to feel the pain.

Danny has gotten better about locking his aura down as his mind slowly realizes he doesn't need to anymore, that he doesn't need to be in survival mode and he can make the subconcious decision to ask for help because he knows it'll come.

But sometimes the fear is stronger. And on those nights, Danny is alone.

#tw abuse #tw nightmares #tw vivisection #tw experimentation #its all just mostly hinted at though #nothing graphic #but im warning just in case so we all stay safe #danny is dealing with trauma too in the background #cause trauma healing isnt a linear journey #and somwtimes you never fully 'heal' because trauma rewires you it rewrites your entire brain it burns new pathways in #anyways this reminded me to add a scene with a nightmare into the story somewhere #gotta have that cute traumatic angsty hirt comfort moment where Danny is in Pain and Jason comes kicking the door down #I really struggle to hurt Jason but man am i mean to everyone else #Jason is my baby child and he cant be hurt. everyone else is free game to me though lets goooooo #zee answers #dp x dc #the king and his red knight #the king and his red knight au #tkahrk #tkahrk au #danny phantom #dc x dp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #halfa jason todd #jason todd/danny phantom #jason todd/danny fenton #also yes Nocturn could technically fix it but Danny asked him not to monitor his dreams too much and Nox respects his autonomy #usually. sometimes if danny's having itnreally rough he'll ensure danny has good dreams. he tries but he can only do so much

[bluejaysandblackbats]

The Juice Box Jubilee

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, YJ98, Titans

Summary: A mysterious girl walks through heroes' nightmares, and they band together to figure out why.

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Sandsmark, Bart Allen, Tim Drake, Conner Kent, Cissie King-Jones, Grant Emerson, Roy Harper

Relationships: TBA

Additional Tags: Dreams and Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergent AU, First Person POV, Mystery Character(s), Confession(s), Found Family, Healing

Chapter Two: playing dress-up (Cassandra Sandsmark's POV)

Sometimes I feel like an imposter. Nothing makes me feel worse than the nightmare I’ve had for the past two or so years. In my dream, I’m eight years old again. I’m in the art and history museum by my house while my mom works in her office examining new items before displaying them to the public. I walked through the empty impressionist exhibit, mimicking the poses of the women in the paintings. I stretched like the elegantly poised dancers and leaned forward, weary and worn like the exhausted women in their pretty dresses in other paintings. I hear a giggle in the empty exhibits. It was out of a strange curiosity that I did it. They were women. I thought I should be like them.

I heard a giggle in the empty exhibit. It filled me with an indescribable feeling of shame. I froze, trying to ignore it at first. But it echoed. “Who’s there?” I asked before turning around. Without warning, mirrors surrounded me, but instead of seeing my reflection, I saw nothing but myself in my different costumes and outfits over the years. I thought it was a prank. I always thought it was a prank at first. “Okay, cut it out!”

I turned to leave the room, but there weren’t any exits. Then, one of my reflections spoke. “What are you trying to prove?” fourteen-year-old me asked.

“Who are you trying to be?” sixteen-year-old me asked. I opened my mouth to answer the questions before my seventeen-year-old self snickered.

“What are you really wondering, girl?” my seventeen-year-old self asked.

Then, they all started teasing and jeering at me, bringing up my worst insecurities. They told me I wasn’t a real Amazon. They told me I’d never stop trying to imitate the ones that came before me. I was a cheap copy of every woman I admired. For all my strength and power, I was a pathetic excuse for a hero. I was nothing but a fraud. At this point, I would’ve started shattering the mirrors until my knuckles bled, but a small hand caught my fist. “Why are you hurting yourself?” the voice asked. I looked at her with tears in my eyes. She was a little girl with brown hair and serious eyes.

“I-.” I tried to speak but couldn’t give her a sensible answer. “They’re right… I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be. I’ve been playing dress-up my whole life.”

“Everybody plays dress-up sometimes,” she replied. She hooked her fingers into the mirror and opened it like a door. “Do you wanna play one last time?”

I wanted to say no, but she had the sweetest smile. We entered the room filled with costumes, clothes, and wigs. I hesitated before picking something, but she spun through the room and changed into items like a magical princess. I smiled, and it felt like we played for hours. She didn’t judge me or expect me to change, so I felt free to try things I hadn’t before. Different outfits and wigs that I thought were cool. And I told her stuff I wouldn’t tell anyone. “I never felt more at home than when it was just me and the guys… I didn’t have to be anything with them,” I smiled, “And if we’re being honest, I thought I had a crush on Conner, but I-.” I trailed off.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“It sounds dumb, but I thought the only way people would see me as an Amazon is if I looked like the ones I idolized,” I confessed, “And then I kept trying harder and harder to be feminine-. That’s not what I wanted to be.”

“What do you want to be?” she questioned. I looked in the mirror while I fidgeted with my wig and straightened the waist of my side button track pants.

I slipped on a pair of goggles and smiled. “I don’t think I want to be Wonder Girl anymore. I think it’s time I stop pretending,” I smiled.

*

I called Bart, Cissie, and Conner to the park to hang out while I tried to find the words to explain my feelings. Bart arrived first with Cissie and swept me off my feet in an embrace. “It’s been a million years! How’s it going? Wait-. What’s wrong? There’s something wrong,” Bart greeted me. He held my shoulders as he looked me over.

I chuckled and hugged him. “Not like you to notice stuff like that. How are you?” I asked. Bart’s face changed for a split second, almost frowning.

“I’m great. I can’t complain. Max is back,” Bart replied. Cissie hugged me and laughed.

“My turn, okay?” Cissie smiled at Bart. “How’s it going, Cassie?”

“Um… I don’t know yet,” I answered.

Conner and Tim came through together. “Hey! Conner brought food!” Tim shouted.

I hugged them, and we walked toward the picnic tables. We sat at the table, and I stuck my fingers in the patterned holes in the metal. “I’m not-. I don’t have-. I’m not going to be Wonder Girl anymore,” I announced.

Bart stood up to protest. “Why?” Bart asked.

“Because I don’t-. I’m not-. I don’t-. I’m nonbinary,” I stammered. I raked a hand through my hair and started rambling about how I never felt like a girl and how hard I tried to be a girl. “So, um-. So when I change my look and my costume and name-. I wanted you guys to be the first to know.”

We sat silently for a few seconds, and Conner poked his lips out and cleared his throat. “At the risk of sounding insensitive, these tacos will taste terrible cold,” Conner mumbled. I chuckled, and everyone else laughed, too.

We ripped the bag open and started eating before Conner stopped to look at me. “Hey, Cassie, we love you. You know that, right? That’s never going to change,” Conner reassured me.

“Cassie, we’re a family,” Tim added.

“Yeah, Cassie, we’re happy you told us,” Cissie smiled. Bart didn’t say anything.

Instead, he waited until everyone left and sat with me. “Bart? Are you okay?” I asked.

“I-. I’m glad you called. I’ve been-. I’ve felt down in the dumps for a while now, and it felt good to see you guys. I know you’re-. I’m nonbinary like you. It’s more common in the future, but I get how-. You don’t-. You and me. We don’t talk about our feelings,” Bart explained. I never expected Bart to say he was depressed.

“Bart, are you okay?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure my mom-.”

He burst into tears. “I feel like everyone’s fading away,” Bart cried, “And I don’t want that. I want you to stay. I want Cissie, Conner, and Tim to stay. I wake up every day wondering if the people I see will disappear or if I’ll-.”

I hugged him. “Bart, I love you so much,” I replied, “You jerks are my best friends… And in true best friends fashion, I’ll tell you a secret, and if you ever tell Conner I will kill you with my bare hands.”

Bart stopped crying and nodded. “I won’t,” Bart promised.

“I used to think I had a crush on him, but I realized something… I wanted to be more like him,” I confessed.

“I thought everyone felt that way about him… Well-. Not Cissie, but almost everybody. I’m behind everybody maturity-wise, but I’m catching up quickly. He’s the oldest and the coolest in the group, so it’s only natural,” Bart replied. I grinned.

“You’re right… And-. Bart, let me text my mom. It can’t hurt for you to spend the night at my house-.”

“I can’t sleep,” Bart confessed. It seemed like a big deal. So, I grabbed his big head and kissed the top of it.

“If you still can’t sleep, we’ll stay up all night talking. We definitely have to talk about your gender,” I smiled. Bart nodded.

#fic #tjbj fic #wonderfam #yj98 #young just us #Jason Todd #Barbara Gordon #Cassandra Sandsmark #Bart Allen #Tim Drake #Conner Kent #Cissie King-Jones #Grant Emerson #Roy Harper #Nonbinary Bart Allen #Nonbinary Cassie Sandsmark #Dreams and Nightmares #Hurt/Comfort #Canon Divergent AU #First Person POV #Mystery Character(s) #Confession(s) #Found Family #Healing

[starrspice]

To all the people who thought Cherub AU was just a happy and fluffy silly AU

You fools. You've fallen right into my trap

#starr stuff #fnaf cherub au #cherub au #cherub eclipse #cherub moon #cherub sun #cherub y/n #lmao so much underlying angst #but the pain of the angst ACTIVELY being healed by the fluff? #ough #hurts so sweetly #so sweet it aches #suffer as I do over all my aus #literally all of my aus have a deeper plot i have planned out that isnt shown in my drawings #all you have to do is ask

[aftgficrec]

Hey! I love your page and getting fic recs! Do you have any fics where Neil goes or agrees to go to therapy? I’m good with Bee or someone else as the therapist too. It can be canon or an au. Thanks so much! :))

I was pleasantly surprised by how much we found for you! -A

previous recs:

‘another life to live’ here

‘Oakland’ here (completed)

‘you’ve been locked in here forever (and you just can’t say goodbye)’ here (updated)

‘If it means protecting you (I’ll pay my dues)’ here (updated)

‘Interlaced’ here (updated)

‘Regrowth,’ ‘To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself,’ ‘I took a breath and took the knife,’ and ‘flashes of intimacy’ ch 4 here

‘call me in the afternoon’ here

‘The Wild Fox Den’ and ‘Roses Grow Between Bone’ here

‘(My Heart) Pierced By a Pin’ here (completed)

‘The Sun Still Rises’ here (updated)

‘day by day’ here

‘the shuffling of cards’ here

‘Ain’t it fun’ here

‘Breathe, idiot’ here

‘Healing’ series part 1 here, part 3 here (completed)

‘The Fear of Being Known’ here

‘That one party’ series and ‘keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ here

‘Affection can be shown in so many ways’ here

‘Ghost of You’ here 

‘Make This Leap (Geronimo)’ here

‘Tenuous’ here

‘There is Nothing You Can Say’ here (completed)

‘of ice blue eyes & twisted veins’ here

‘don't break the glass’ (completed) here

‘Bad Apple’ here 

‘Phantom Pains’ here

‘Therapy’ here

‘Birds of a Feather’ here (updated)

‘In which Neil had Aspergers and Andrew finds out.’ here 

‘For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry’ here (updated)

‘I Wanna Get Better’ here 

‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ parts 6 & 8 here

and more:

‘Ember’ here (completed)

‘leave the room (with a little dignity)’ here

‘Art Hoe’ here

‘Blame It On My Youth’ here (updated)

‘Black as is the Raven, He’ll Get a Partner’ (here)

‘Our body’ series, part 1 here, part 3 here, part 5 here

‘and all the roads will disappear’ here

‘crossed out’ here

‘Double Trouble’ series here

‘i had a dream (where you couldn't hear me screaming)’ and ‘hold me close, in fact bury me’ here 

‘Just closed eyes with nothing behind’ here

‘doubt thou the stars be fire’ here

‘SCAR TISSUE’ here

‘Lighter Fluid’ here

you may also like:

‘The Sound’ here

historians by cielalune [Rated M, 21508 Words, Complete, 2023]

He remembers when she didn’t smell of ash, but perfume. The times they’d play the radio to fill the quiet of the car, and she’d hum along. How she never missed a single exy practice, and cheered for him each time. She wasn’t all too different from Cass in the end. Just because she was dead didn’t mean she was buried. Five times Neil tries to come to closure about the person Mary Hatford was, and the one time he accepts who she came to be.

tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: heavily referenced rape/noncon, tw: heavily referenced csa, tw: heavily referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: sleep paralysis, tw: depressive episode, tw: flashbacks with blood & gore, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: victim blaming

Mommy Dearest by chronically_peach [Rated G, 915 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil doesn’t talk about his mother much but Andrew knows it’s a touchy subject for the redhead. After a session with Betsy Neil admits he’s been thinking about his mother and allows Andrew a glimpse into who Mary Hatford really was.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Pain of a Forgotten Face series by Rose_vine [Collection, 2 complete works, Updated 2021]

Part 1: Pain of a Forgotten Face [M, 3086 Words] Neil Josten is awoken by a face in his nightmares from twelve years ago, a face he barely remembers. When he tries to brush it off and go to practice, he realizes too late that some memories refuse to let themselves be forgotten.

tw: ptsd, tw: panic attacks, tw: nightmares, tw: hallucinations, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: blood/gore

Part 2: A Hand to Hold Me Back From The Cliff [Not Rated, 2132 Words] After Neil collapses on the court from a flashback from when he was younger, Andrew convinces him to go to therapy. This is his first session with Bee, and it is only Andrew at his side that gives him the strength to walk through the door.

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

After the Beep by kanekei [Rated T, 1030 Words, Incomplete, Updated Sept 2023]

Neil works through his relationship with his dead mother by leaving her voice messages that she'll never hear. It’s healthy, Bee says. He can’t help but think having the Minyards as patients has skewed her perception of what that word means. The number you have reached is not available. Please leave your message after the beep.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced violence

The Foxes by akaashisramen [Not Rated, 3386 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2023]

Trans Neil is on the run from his father and goes to his uncles house. His uncle promises him protection and allows him to play Exy as long as he goes to group therapy to process his mothers death.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture

someday, we'll grow by nopunintended [Rated G, 2078 Words, Complete, 2021]

Andrew and Neil see Betsy for a couple's therapy session per Andrew's request.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Couples Therapy by P0tatonoah [Rated T, 2014 Words, Complete 2020]

I got a lot of comments (like 3 or 4) on my breakup fic asking for a part 2 where Neil and Andrew patch things up and live happily ever after… This is not it. But you can read it as an alternative ending if you want. 

tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual touch, tw: implied/referenced violence

NB: find P0tatonoah’s andreil break up fic ‘Home...?’ here

They sicken of the calm, they who know the storm by EdgySpaghetti [Not Rated, 3162 Words, Complete, 2023]

After storm there always comes the sun. People born into the storm, who growing up sees only black clouds and lightnings striking everywhere, just learn how to live with it, how to protect themselves from cold, wind and rain. They recognize the pattern, know that lightning will struck sooner or later and are prepared for it. What are those people to do when there is no more dark clouds? They don't know how to live in this environment, how to dress to not get too hot and how to prevent potential sunburnt. They never had to do that before. They're still expecting the lightnings.

tw: ptsd, tw: anxiety, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: anger issues

Can I finally stop running now? by gracefromspace [Rated T, 12110 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil is intrigued by a blonde baker with piercings, two therapy cats and strong arms.

tw: heavily referenced torture, tw: flashbacks with blood/gore, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: anxiety, tw: negative self image

can't blame it on my youth by PoolToast22 [Rated G, 2650 Words, Complete, 2022]

The one where Neil Josten is Fine TM. But he's also in therapy. And today Bee decided to ask him that question.

hold on to happiness by minyarday [Rated T, 551 Words, Complete, 2020]

"self esteem had never been something Neil cared about. when you are a runaway that don't even have a place to call home, you learn to prioritize certain things and forget others" only that now he has the time to think about it

I'll Come Back To You by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 6900 Words, Complete, 2022]

Some of the things he’s learned today feel like stories about someone else: Neil switched to playing striker at a tiny high school in Arizona. Aaron lives in Chicago with his wife. Andrew’s cousin calls Neil every Tuesday, because Andrew is too stubborn to pick up the phone himself. But other things are clear truths, even if they’re more abstract: Neil’s mother died. Andrew is safe. Neil was supposed to stay, but part of him is gone. - - - - It's about dreams, reality, trust, patience, and determination. It's about making promises and keeping them. You'll figure out the rest.

tw: car accidents, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced violence

I will help you swim by unojonex [Rated E, 11699 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

He’s slowed down, stayed in one place for more than a few months and it's all caught up with him. In his sleep, ghosts of his past haunt him. And they have no mercy. Dreams and imagination swirl together in a confusing mix of nightmares that don't go away, even when he's awake. -- basically Neil and Andrew getting together while also dealing with a lot of trauma

tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/refererenced torture, tw: heavily referenced child abuse, tw: suicide ideation, tw: graphic nightmares with blood/gore, tw: dissociation, tw: hallucinations, tw: panic attacks

But Touch My Tears with Your Lips by transjorts [Rated M, 4070 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2022]

Andrew is sitting across from him, expression neutral, fork in hand. He’d dragged the tinnes across the plate—purposefully, if Neil had to guess. Andrew has already cut the burrito up into tiny pieces and spears one morsel on the fork, lifting it to his mouth. “Hi,” Neil says. Andrew chews, very deliberately. “Do you feel better?” Neil frowns. “What?” Andrew eats another bite. “Did all that running make you feel better?” Neil sighs and glances down, noticing that his water has been refilled. He takes a sip. “No.”

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: nightmares, tw: dissociation

let's just sit awhile by artiest [Rated M, 17291 Words, Complete. 2022]

Neil and Andrew don't have to keep fighting for their survival. They can settle now. It's hard, but they're trying. OR: During Neil's second year in Palmetto State, him and Andrew learn to take care of each other.

tw: severe mental health issues, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced torture,  tw: nightmares with blood/gore, tw: flashbacks,  tw: dissociation, tw: violence, tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: vomit, tw: alcohol abuse/alcholism

I could never give you peace by freshtaylorswiftduck [Rated T, 3407 Words, Complete. 2022]

Neil has both bad and good days. Today is a bad day.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attacks

10 tips to stress less, without the tips by lumos_max [Rated T, 5404 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Fall 2020]

A lonely Neil lets his therapist bully him into checking out the clinic's support group without too much fuss, but little did he know he wouldn't be checking out the group that day, instead meeting a dramatic hunk of a man who drives a fancy car and forgets to wipe the cream off the corner of his lip. It's only fair that Neil tries to do it for him, right?

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

“God, I have my father’s eyes.” by perks_of_being_a_writer [Rated T, 673 Words, Complete, 2022]

This is based on Family Line by Conan Gray. In this short story, Neil is at a therapy appointment where he and Betsy dive into his parental issues. This covers Neil’s abuse from both parents (because, yes, Mary was abusive and a bad mother). This is Neil learning that it's not his fault his parents hurt him and accepting that he is loved.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

"There's blood on my/your hands." by markonasurface (idwir) [Rated T, 4667 Words, Complete, 2018]

The year after his 19th birthday, the other team decides to recreate the bloody locker scene complete with a ‘Happy Birthday, Jr.’ Instead of stuffing everything down, Neil has a complete freak out and sinks into a depression.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks, tw: ptsd, tw: major depressive episode, tw: homophobia, tw: disordered eating, tw: vomit

Nothing is Safe series by hismiley16 [Rated T/M/E, Collection, 7 complete works, Updated July 2023]

Parts 3 and 7 recced here

Part 4: Written On His Skin [Not Rated, 11344 Words] The Foxes face the Ravens for the first time since Riko's death and things go as well as expected. Andrew is mildly injured on the court and isn't there to protect Neil when the new Evermore captain comes for him after the game. The team sees more than Neil ever wanted them to, including the ghost of Nathaniel he thought he'd buried in Baltimore.

tw: vomit, tw: bullying, tw: nonconsensual touch/assault  tw: dissociation, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced animal death, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

The Josten Anxiety Method by orphan_account [Rated M, 1721 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil talks to Bee about his anxiety.

tw: anxiety, tw: hallucinations, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Looking in the Mirror Never Felt so Good by Trimorphia [Rated T, 8693 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil Josten's journey to becoming a real person.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Achilles Come Down by infernalstars [Rated M, 5017 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil Josten was a liar before he was anything else. In the nest, sometimes his choices were between lying and dying. He’d had a decent amount of self preservation that he’d chosen the former. But now, being free, the world felt so heavy. He wished he’d chosen dying.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: eating disorders focus, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: vomit, tw: depression 

prompt: Neil x therapy bullet fic by @sadboyayeron [Tumblr, 2020]

#fic #neil josten/andrew minyard #betsy dobson & neil josten #universe: post canon #au: high school #au: different first meeting #theme: trauma #theme: neil's past #theme: therapy #theme: emotional hurt/comfort #theme: ptsd #theme: panic attacks #theme: mental health issues #theme: dissociation #theme: healing #theme: anxiety #theme: bad day #aftg mixtape #aftg exchange #tw: graphic depictions of violence #tw: child abuse #tw: rape/noncon #tw: csa #tw: self harm #tw: torture #tw: suicide attempt #tw: eating disorders #tw: sleep paralysis #tw: hallucinations

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

sat down to think about the Light's Out au and actually. yk. plan it out since i have Affection for it and Interest in it. and then my brain went "what about the aftermath though. why don't we meticulously plan that out" I'VE BEEN TYPING IN THIS DOCUMENT FOR FIVE HOURS straight GAY

#brain: what would they do. where are they. what changes. who changes. why. how. where. etc etc etc #BRAIN PLEASE ITS ALMOST 6 AM I WANT SLEEP #but i want answers more. im never leaving this desk am i #writhing on the ground and sobbing #i mean. im exploring new ways to hurt everyone. but also heal them. and other shit too im multitasking #putting specifically barnaby Through It #at least he has his boyfriend can i get an amen to that #watch me ignore the main part of the au in favor of the aftermath. which wasnt supposed to exist #like of course i had to give em all a happy ending but my GOD id like my Brain to Chill TF Out #absolutely unprompted #to be clear the document is purely notes / bullet points #where i go 'this happened and then this happened and that also happened heres a thought' #i need to destroy an entire rotisserie chicken with my bare hands and teeth. on the floor. no restraint. #that is the current mood! #but the mood is also being incredibly soft over these puppets. i wish to hug them... but theyre not real unfortunately... #SO I'LL MAKE THEM HUG EACH OTHER. WITH MUCH EMOTION. in my mind!!!!

[rizzulusarcturizz]

black brothers hurt and comfort snippet- muggle au

“Do you hate me for leaving you there?”

“No. I thought I did for a while but I wasn’t really angry at you. More angry at the universe, I guess.”

That’s a sentiment Sirius is familiar with; the encompassing rage that comes with knowing you were dealt a shit hand. Sirius had spent his entire life angry: angry at his family, angry at his brother, angry at his friends…angry at the universe, as Regulus put it. Spewing up anger and resentment everywhere, but rarely in the right direction. 

Remus had told him once that he burned himself with that rage more than he burned the people he directed it at. He had told Remus that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Remus doesn’t talk to him much these days.

“I would understand, you know. If you did hate me.” murmured Sirius, “The things I said when I left…”

“I said some terrible things too. I’m told fighting is what brothers do, especially when the brothers in question are pissed off teenagers.” Regulus took another drag of his cigarette, his eyes clouded with something Sirius couldn’t quite decipher, “Being angry was easier than missing you. If I stopped being angry I’d just be sad and back then I wouldn’t have survived it. That’s not your fault.”

“I could’ve left a number, an address, a name…something! Something so you knew where to find me!”

“No, you couldn’t have.” sighed Regulus

“Yes, I could’ve! I was just being a selfish prick that didn’t-”

“Sirius! You couldn’t have left anything for me because then our parents might have found it. You couldn’t have left anything because you didn’t know if you could trust me not to snitch. You were fifteen for fucks sake.”

“But-”

“ Sirius, just stop. I can’t stop you from being angry at yourself but don’t ask me to be angry at you too. There’s nothing for me to forgive.”

Sirius froze, not knowing what to say anymore. He had chased Regulus across the country ready for his brother’s righteous fury and bitter disappointment. He had prepared a million different apologies, a million different ways to grovel…he hadn’t once considered the possibility that Regulus wouldn’t carry any resentment. He had left his little brother alone in Hell as the sole focus of the Devil herself. He tried to open his mouth, tried to say something but a sob tore out of his chest instead. He was so tired.

Regulus stared, wide eyed and unsure before dropping his cigarette and tentatively wrapping his arms around Sirius. There had been a time when it was Regulus that curled into his brother’s chest, tears and snot covering his face. Something inside Sirius withered at the role reversal; he had come to offer closure and comfort to Regulus but here Regulus was providing it to him instead.

“Oh Siri…you’re not a bad person. Bad things happened to you, and maybe you did some bad things along the way, but you’re not a bad person.”

“You don’t know me anymore, Reggie.” croaked Sirius through his tears

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I know you. You’re my big brother. A decade and a few thousand miles doesn’t change that.” scoffed Regulus, slowly relaxing in to the hug

“I love you. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I told you.”

“I love you too, you idiot. Now come on, I refuse to get teary eyed on the street where anyone could see me. I have a reputation to maintain and you’re certainly not helping.”

Sirius startled at the unexpected laugh that tore its way out of his chest; perhaps Regulus was right, even after a decade and a few thousand miles, some things do stay the same.

#regulus black #sirius black #the black brothers #the noble and most ancient house of black #marauders era #marauders #harry potter #hurt and comfort #angst #these brothers make me fucking insane and i just wanted to write something about them #also if you don't like fucked up flawed sirius this one isn't for you lmao #will i ever finish this au? doubtful #it's basically sirius black's healing journey #he lives laughs loves #and mends his many broken relationships #starting with reggie ofc