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alittlehurtwithyourcomfort · 1 year

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9-1-1 Whumplist (Updated with Each Episode)

Characters: Evan “Buck” Buckley (played by Oliver Stark), Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz (played by Ryan Guzman), Albert Han (played by John Harlan Kim)

Age Rating: TV-14

Show available on Hulu

Genre: First Responder, Drama, Procedural, Found Family, Ensemble, LGBTQ+

(The styling of this whumplist is inspired by @love-me-a-lotta-whump who has an amazing blog, go check them out!)

Synopsis: The firefighters of the 118 work with other first responders to save lives in various emergency situations. Throughout this, they must learn to balance their own personal lives with the stressors of the job.

Note: This show is a great combination of drama, humor, and emotion that is definitely worth the watch (though it does require a bit of suspension of disbelief, the emergencies they deal with are WEIRD). The characters have such a great family bond with each other, and their development and interactions are amazing. This show has tons of emotional whump, as well as some great physical whump moments. I highly recommend. There is whump for EVERY main character, and I am not over-exaggerating when I say that.

TW’s: general blood/gore, child abuse and neglect, sexual assault (mild/not shown on screen), PTSD, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, gun violence, depression and mental illness, panic attacks, death, pregnancy/childbirth, domestic abuse, natural disasters, and various other emergency situations that could be potentially triggering.

(For more detailed trigger warnings, click here)

My word of advice is if you are uncomfortable with a situation/storyline, skip it. Most emergencies/911 calls are not essential to the overall storyline! I’ve had to skip a few myself, they can get pretty gross sometimes.

List Key:

bold = most whump, best whump, or favorite whump scenes

~~ = scene break

THIS LIST CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES!

________________________________________________________

Character: Evan “Buck” Buckley (played by Oliver Stark) (appears in all seasons)

1x01: upset, stressed

1x02: in shock ~~ crying

1x03: none

1x04: shoved/pinned against a wall, scared, worried ~~ shocked, worried

1x05: none

1x06: chokes on bread, unconscious, almost dies, emergency tracheotomy, barely conscious ~~ unconscious in hospital bed, oxygen cannula, concern for him

1x07: scar on his throat

1x08: none

1x09: hit with a bowling ball (comedic)

1x10: sad

2x01: angry ~~ stressed, worried ~~ startled

2x02: stressed, worried

2x03: stressed

2x04-2x05: none

2x06: drugged (comedic)

2x07: emotional

2x08: held at gunpoint, stressed, concern for him

2x09: no appearance

2x10: argued, emotional

2x11: none

2x12: no appearance

2x13: extremely worried, scared ~~ upset ~~ hugged, crying

2x14: none

2x15: concerned ~~ arrested ~~ concerned

2x16: none

2x17: concerned

2x18: caught in an explosion, bloody face, leg pinned under a fire truck, weak, scared ~~ weak, shaky voice, screaming in pain, concern for him, unconscious ~~ in hospital, cast on his leg, oxygen cannula, scared, upset ~~ on crutches w/cast, upset, crying, worried ~~ on crutches w/cast

3x01: in pain, coughing up blood, passes out ~~ concern for him ~~ in hospital, oxygen cannula, concern for him ~~ extremely upset, crying, argued ~~ (on blood thinners through episode 3x)

3x02: depressed ~~ caught in a tsunami, scared, almost drowned, gasping for air, yelling, hoarse voice, extremely concerned, cuts on his face, bloody ~~ weak, hugged, scared ~~ extremely concerned, scared, in shock, crying

3x03: still bloody + cuts on his face, extremely concerned, yelling, hoarse voice, weak ~~ exhausted, scared, yelling ~~ crying, choked-up voice, scared, emotional confrontation, crying, in shock, collapses, heavy breathing ~~ still cuts on his face, emotional, worried

3x04: very upset, argued

3x05: frustrated, upset

3x06: frustrated ~~ emotional ~~ cut on his arm, bleeding heavily, shaky voice ~~ at hospital, concern for him, bandaged arm

3x07: no appearance

3x08: concerned

3x09: stressed, worried

3x10-3x13: none

3x14: concerned, frustrated

3x15: almost caught in an explosion, screaming, panicking, held back and cradled, hysterical, sobbing ~~ in shock, extremely worried

3x16-3x17: none

3x18: emotional ~~ concern for him ~~ emotional

4x01-4x02: none

4x03: worried

(9-1-1 Lone Star Crossover: almost hit by a car, extremely concerned)

4x04: stressed, worried ~~ stressed ~~ extremely upset, crying, yelling, sad ~~ shocked, upset

4x05: shocked, upset ~~ concern for him, upset ~~ trapped in a fire, extremely worried, concern for him ~~ scared, screaming, upset ~~ exhausted, in shock, concern for him

4x06: concern for him

4x07-4x08: none

4x09: extremely worried, emotional

4x10-4x12: none

4x13: covered in blood, in shock, almost shot, tackled to the ground

4x14: pinned to the ground, covered in blood, in shock, yelling, extremely concerned, crying ~~ in shock, blood on his clothes, hands shaking ~~ sobbing, head in hands, hugged ~~ concern for him ~~ talking about breakdown, concern for him ~~ emotional

5x01: concerned

5x02: concerned

5x03: concerned

5x04: argued, stressed, punched in the face, shocked ~~ black eye, putting ice on his eye

5x05: none

5x06: held at gunpoint, shocked ~~ held at gunpoint, angry, pistol-whipped, blood on his forehead ~~ concerned, stressed ~~ held at gunpoint, stressed, tackled and pinned to the ground, crying out in pain, concern for him, worried ~~ bandage on his forehead, shocked, extremely concerned, heavy breathing

5x07-5x09: none

5x10: shocked, upset

5x11-5x12: none

5x13: shocked, concerned ~~ extremely worried, shocked ~~ concerned

5x14-5x15: concerned/minimal emotional whump

5x16: stressed ~~ extremely worried ~~ concerned

5x17: shocked, concerned ~~ upset, angry

5x18: worried

6x01-6x03: none/minimal emotional whump

6x04: almost hit by a car (comedic)

6x05-6x06: none/minimal emotional whump

6x07: very stressed

6x08: none

6x09: stressed, concerned

6x10: argued, stressed ~~ struck by lightning, unconscious, limp, in cardiac arrest, CPR, concern for him

6x11: in cardiac arrest, unconscious, CPR, defibrillator, concern for him ~~ (in dream), in hospital bed, confused, concerned ~~ (in real life) in a coma, ventilator, bandaged, concern for him ~~ (in dream) shocked, upset, collapsed, trouble breathing ~~ (in real life) concern for him, not breathing correctly ~~ (in dream) trouble breathing, confused ~~ (in dream) worried ~~ (in dream) teary-eyed, scared, crying ~~ (in dream) scared, concerned, crying, angry ~~ (in real life) teary-eyed

6x12: tired ~~ exhausted, sleeping ~~ emotional conversation, teary-eyed ~~ emotional conversation, teary-eyed ~~ upset, emotional

6x13: talking about his near-death experience

6x14-6x15: mentions of near death experience

6x16: argued, upset, emotional

6x17: upset

6x18: scared, almost hit by an ambulance, falls on top of an ambulance, bloody face, unconscious ~~ bloody face, groaning in pain, worried ~~ stressed, worried ~~ cuts on his face

7x01: worried, emotional

7x02: worried

7x03: worried

7x04: stressed, jealous, angry, worried

________________________________________________________

Character: Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz (played by Ryan Guzman) (appears starting in season 2)

2x01: stressed

2x02: stressed, concerned

2x03: concerned

2x04-2x05: none

2x06: drugged (comedic)

2x07: emotional, argued, stressed

2x08: none

2x09: no appearance

2x10: emotional, teary-eyed

2x11: none

2x12: no appearance

2x13: worried

2x14-2x15: none

2x16: no appearance

2x17: emotional ~~ shocked, grieving

2x18: shocked, worried

3x01: concerned, stressed

3x02: concerned ~~ stressed

3x03: stressed ~~ extremely worried, shocked, teary-eyed, emotional reunion ~~ concerned

3x04: fought

3x05: fought ~~ argued, emotional

3x06: bruised ~~ argued, emotional

3x07: no appearance

3x08-3x14: none/minimal emotional whump

3x15: stressed, concern for him, trapped underground, presumed dead ~~ scared, gasping for air (all flashbacks: emotional argument, shot, almost died, recovering, emotional) ~~ bloody face, exhausted, weak voice, pale, half-collapsed, emotional reunion

3x16-3x17: none

3x18: concerned, stressed

4x01-4x02: none

4x03: concerned

(9-1-1 Lone Star Crossover: concern for him, stressed)

4x04: concerned

4x05: stressed, worried

4x06: concerned

4x07-4x12: none/minimalemotional whump

4x13: shot, collapsed, bleeding out, barely conscious, concern for him

4x14: shot, bleeding out, barely conscious, in pain, concern for him, weak voice, oxygen mask ~~ unconscious in hospital bed ~~ still in hospital, weak voice, concerned ~~ sling on his shoulder, concerned ~~ sling on his shoulder

5x01: panic attack, concern for him ~~ hospital visit, upset

5x02: stressed, concern for him

5x03: exhausted, concern for him

5x04: concerned

5x05: none

5x06: held at gunpoint, angry~~ held at gunpoint, angry~~ concerned, stressed ~~ almost shot, concern for him, stressed

5x07-5x09: general emotional whump/concern for him

5x10: emotional (kind-of) goodbye, concern for him

5x11-5x12: general emotional whump/concern for him

5x13: emotional ~~ PTSD flashback, sobbing, concern for him ~~ crying, emotional

5x14: nightmare (bleeding out, collapsed), concern for him, (he just kinda looks horrible the entire episode)

5x15: none/minimal emotional whump

5x16: stressed ~~ emotional

5x17-5x18: none/minimal emotional whump

6x01-6x06: none

6x07: talking about the tsunami

6x08: emotional, teary-eyed

6x09: stressed

6x10: caught in explosion, rough fall, in shock, screaming, extremely worried

6x11: extremely concerned, teary-eyed ~~ crying, worried ~~ worried

6x12: emotional conversation, concerned

6x13-6x17: none

6x18: trapped, broken ribs, crying out in pain ~~ crying out in pain, grimacing, holding his ribs ~~ in pain, grimacing, holding his ribs ~~ hospital, "refusing medication", "i'm fine"

7x01: stressed

7x02: stressed

7x03: stressed

7x04: sprained ankle, upset

________________________________________________________

Albert Han (played by John Harlan Kim) (appears in some episodes throughout seasons 3-6)

3x11: argued, teary-eyed, emotionally hurt

3x13: none

3x14-3x18: no appearance

4x01: none

4x02: no appearance

4x03: concerned

4x04: concerned

4x05-4x06: no appearance

4x07-4x08: none

4x09: major car accident, bleeding out, head wound, in pain, weak voice ~~ concern for him, unconscious ~~ unconscious in hospital bed, concern for him ~~ weak voice, in pain, bandaged

4x10: recovering, lack of coordination, upset and frustrated

4x11-4x13: no appearance

4x14: concerned

5x01-5x03: no appearance

5x04: none

5x05-5x11: no appearance

5x12-5x13: none

5x14-5x15: no appearance

5x16: almost dies, rescued ~~ emotional

5x17: no appearance

5x18: emotional

6x01-6x09: no appearance

6x10: argued, stressed

6x11: teary-eyed, worried

6x12-6x18: no appearance

6x11: airing next week!

92 notes · View notes

buddie-buddie · 1 year

Text

we will find a way (through the dark)

9.2k - t - ao3 In which President Evan Buckley is kidnapped and Secret Service Agent Eddie Diaz falls apart.

This whole Wyoming trip was a bad idea. Eddie had said as much when the travel plans first crossed his desk. Buck, to his credit, had agreed. Neither one of them seemed to understand why a speech at an hour-long ceremony warranted a three-day trip, but that ship had apparently long since sailed.

“What’s there to do in Wyoming anyway?” Buck had asked one of his advisors. “Can’t I just fly in for the ceremony and leave as soon as it’s over?”

Eddie thought that was a brilliant idea. The less time they had to spend away from the White House– the less time they had to spend in Wyoming, of all places– the better.

Unfortunately, Buck’s team was prepared with an answer, quickly launching into some long-winded explanation full of Washington jargon like strategic and good faith and precedent-setting. It was buzzword salad, as far as Eddie was concerned.

The way Buck’s eyes seemed to glaze over as they spoke indicated he felt the same.

Buck going anywhere other than the White House or Camp David is already less than ideal, and heading to some rural area of Wyoming, where there’s bad reception, limited resources, and guns outnumber people 4:1 is pretty much Eddie’s personal hell.

Now that they’re here, his feelings haven’t exactly changed. His team is incredible, as is the entirety of the Secret Service. They’ve been hard at work clearing buildings, mapping travel routes, surveilling, and filling the gaps left by the less-than ideal amount of local law enforcement support they’ve been provided.

They’ve been here for a day and a half now, and while Eddie still isn’t feeling great about the trip, he’s no longer walking around with “resting bitch face so severe it might get stuck that way,” as Buck had so lovingly pointed out when Air Force One had first landed.

Tensions had managed to grow since their arrival, which Eddie knew could be attributed to Buck’s overall frustration with this trip in the first place. A frustration Eddie shared, tenfold.

Buck was exhausted after a particularly busy week, spread thinner than he had been in recent memory. Thinner than Eddie thought possible. And yet, somehow, even after all these years, Buck still manages to surprise him.

The night before they were set to leave Washington, Eddie had brought up the idea of postponing the trip. It had been a long, draining week and to add a few days of travel on top of it felt like a cruel and unusual punishment, at least as far as Eddie was concerned. It physically pained him to see Buck so stressed, exhaustion materializing in the bags under his eyes, in the dark circles that cast an unwelcome shadow across his face.

When Buck didn’t go for that, Eddie suggested shortening it to one day instead of three. He was met with protest, insistence that he’d rather go and be miserable than change his plans and disappoint his constituents. Buck had stopped for a minute, his half-packed suitcase in front of him, and promised that when they got home, he’d stay in bed for a whole day.

“I’ll allow it,” Eddie had said, wrapping his arms around Buck from behind and dropping a kiss to his temple.

“I have one condition,” Buck said, relaxing into Eddie’s arms, melting into his touch.

“Let’s hear it,” Eddie murmured against Buck’s ear.

“You,” Buck said, pausing and tipping his head back in an attempt to look at Eddie. “Have to stay in bed with me.”

Eddie grinned. He couldn’t help but squeeze Buck a little tighter, fondness unfurling in his chest. “Deal.”

“Yeah?”

Eddie nodded, turning Buck so they were pressed chest to chest, their foreheads resting against one another. “Yeah,” Eddie murmured, stealing a proper kiss.

The first day of the trip goes according to plan. Buck is exhausted, and Eddie can tell he’s losing steam towards the end of the day, but he still manages to keep a warm smile on his face until they make it back to the hotel room. Eddie follows him inside, locking the door behind them as Buck heaves a sigh and sits on the edge of the bed.

“You did well today,” Eddie says, toeing off his shoes and shrugging out of his suit jacket before crossing the room towards the bed.

“I– I feel like you guys are smothering me.” Buck’s reply seems to startle both of them.

Eddie tries not to take it personally. It’s not his fault there are fewer police officers in the entire state of Wyoming than there were students in his high school! Usually when they travel, local police come in to support the Secret Service. The small police population out here has meant fewer support officers than they’re used to. It left Eddie and his team feeling a little stressed, and they had come to the decision that the best way to fill the gaps and compensate for the change in routine was to increase the presence of Buck’s personal detail.

Instead of two agents shadowing him, they bumped it to three. Instead of four agents surrounding him in open air, they’ve had six.

Frankly, Eddie isn’t a huge fan of the change in routine, either. He’s been on edge since the second they got here. But if it means keeping Buck safe, he’ll adopt whatever changes are necessary. He might not like it, might spend all day longing for the status quo, but he’ll do it. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do if it meant keeping Buck safe. Nothing .

“I’m sorry,” Buck and Eddie say at the same time.

“No– no, Eddie. I’m sorry,” Buck insists, his eyes wide and searching as he holds Eddie’s gaze. “I– I don’t know where that came from. I just–”

Eddie sits down beside him. Their knees brush, and the tension in the air dissolves immediately. “You don’t ever have to be sorry for telling me the truth,” Eddie tells him. “I’m sorry that we had to change your detail. I don’t like it any more than you do.”

“There’s nothing here but open air and cows,” Buck grumbles, loosening his tie and pulling it over his head with a sigh. “Can’t we decrease it?”

Eddie shakes his head. Annoying as it is, it’ll be a cold day in hell when he does anything that could potentially put Buck in danger. “No, baby. I’m sorry.”

Buck makes a noise halfway between a groan and a whine, flopping back onto the mattress. Eddie sighs, taking comfort in knowing that even as tired as he is, Buck hasn’t lost his personality.

“We just have to get through another day and a half. Not even. First thing Wednesday morning, we’re on the way home,” Eddie reminds him. “And then I believe there’s a deal involving a bed and a locked door that’ll need your attention.”

The following afternoon is Buck’s big speech, the whole reason for the trip in the first place. He spends 15 minutes speaking at a ceremony to honor the 100th birthday of a national park that Eddie isn’t convinced he himself had ever heard of before learning of these travel plans. As Eddie expected, Buck absolutely crushes his speech, complete with a standing ovation before he waves goodbye and heads backstage to meet up with his team.

“Nice work,” Maddie says, beaming as Buck makes his way down the stairs, trailed by Eddie, Bobby, Chim, and Hen. He strides over to where she’s waiting with a few of his advisors and a flock of additional Secret Service agents.

Buck lets out a deep breath, relief and gratitude shining in his eyes as he thanks her. “Now what?” he asks, accepting the bottle of water Eddie passes him with a small smile.

“Now, you have to go get changed into something more appropriate for skeet shooting with the governor,” Maddie tells him.

She manages to keep the grin off her face, but Chim fails, chuckling as he claps Buck on the back. “Now this, I can’t wait to see.”

It’s a twenty minute ride in the motorcade to the rifle club, where Buck is ushered into a sitting room and promised that the governor will be with him shortly. He takes a seat in one of the oversized leather chairs, directly beneath a taxidermy buck.

“It’s Buck-ception,” Chimney muses. Eddie grins, though it may have less to do with Chim’s bad joke and more to do with the horrified look on Buck’s face as he turns his head and sees the deer mounted directly above him.

“I miss Washington,” Buck grumbles.

Eddie doesn’t blame him.

Washington has the Oval Office, which is free of dead animals hanging on the walls. Washington has four times more law enforcement officers in its 70 square miles than Wyoming does in its nearly 100,000. Washington has Christopher. Washington has the Residence. Washington has their bed–– God, Eddie misses their bed.

Washington has their best memories and some of their worst ones too, but it’s home. And while Eddie’s never felt homesick when Buck’s in reach, he finds himself longing for the city just as much as Buck is.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it, though, because the governor is striding into the sitting room and Buck is rising to his feet to shake the man’s hand.

“Mr. President.”

“Mr. Governor,” Buck says with a warm smile. Eddie remains in awe of him– how even when he’s somewhere he doesn’t want to be, doing something he doesn’t want to do, Buck still manages to be so friendly, so genuine. He still manages to share the best parts of himself. “Thanks for having me.”

The governor returns Buck’s smile. “Pleasure’s mine.” He leads Buck down a hallway to a private locker room, Eddie, Bobby, and Chim trailing behind them alongside the Governor’s security. The Governor motions for Buck to use the room on the left before heading into the room on the right himself.

Chim stands to the left of the door while Bobby walks through the room, returning a moment later with a nod to signal that it’s empty and safe for Buck to enter. He steps into position, standing on the right hand side of the door as Eddie moves to follow Buck inside.

“I think I can handle this by myself, guys.” Buck motions to the bag in his hand. Eddie tries not to take it personally. He knows Buck is feeling overwhelmed. He said as much last night. And yet, there’s still a pang of rejection at Buck’s words. But he shoves it down, nods, and steps to the side, as much as he hates the idea of Buck being out of their sight.

But it’s only for a minute. They’re in a building that’s crawling with agents, and this is a private room– Eddie remembers as much from when he saw the building’s plans during his briefing this morning. There are no exterior doors, no doors that connect to other rooms. Just a small changing area connected to a private bathroom. And Buck is only getting changed out of his suit and into whatever sort of skeet shooting attire Maddie put into the bag that’s slung across his shoulder.

He’ll only be a minute.

The Governor reappears a few minutes later, his own suit traded for a flannel shirt and a dark khaki vest with matching pants tucked into calf-high boots.

Eddie catches the way Chim’s eyes light up, already anticipating Buck’s getup. He shoots him a look, silently begging him to behave.

They wait for another minute before Eddie starts to get antsy. He has no idea what could possibly be taking Buck so long. He’s pretty efficient when he gets dressed in the morning, only slowing down to swap lazy kisses with Eddie as they move around the walk-in closet at the same time. That and tying his tie. But Eddie’s out here in the hallway and he’s hard pressed to believe Maddie would pack him a necktie for an afternoon at the rifle club.

Something must be wrong.

Eddie steps forward, knocking on the door. “Mr. President, all good?” He waits with bated breath for Buck’s answer, only it doesn’t come.

“Mr. President?” Eddie tries again, more insistent this time. Again, no response.

He looks between Chim, Bobby, the Governor, and the two state troopers trailing the Governor, concern written across all five of their faces.

Fuck.

Eddie doesn’t waste another second.

The door is unlocked, but there’s something blocking it. He’s able to twist the knob and push it open, but it only goes a few inches before he’s met with resistance. He slams his shoulder into the door, using all of his weight to push it open far enough that he can make it through.

A leather-trimmed bench has been dragged over from the middle of the changing area, if the dents in the carpet are any indication of where it once sat. It was shoved in front of the door, clearly meant to slow down anyone trying to make their way inside. Buck’s suit jacket is in a pile on the floor, just beside his dress pants and shoes. His bag lays sideways on the floor, a pair of olive green pants hanging out of the opening.

His white button-down is in the middle of the floor, stained red with what can only be blood.

There’s a lot of blood. Too much blood.

A trail of it starting in the middle of the room, leading out through a wide-open window.

Shit.

There are bloody footprints on the carpet. Three pairs in the middle of the floor – two made by shoes and one made by bare feet. By the window, there are only two pairs. Both shoes. They dragged him out.

The realization burns in Eddie’s chest, nearly breaks him. They dragged him out.

How did they all miss this? How did none of them hear it? Eddie thinks he might be sick.

Behind him, he hears Bobby radioing in a mayday and calling for a total lockdown. He hears boots in the hallway, voices echoing in his earpiece. The Governor’s saying something, the state troopers, too.

But he can’t focus on any of that. Not when Buck is gone.

No, not gone.

Taken.

The worst of it is the tiny black rectangle in the corner of the room. Buck’s panic button. Eddie beelines toward it, dropping down to get a better look. It’s still intact, which has Eddie trying to wrap his head around why Buck didn’t hit it– it must’ve been in his hand at some point if it made it all the way out of his pocket and across the room. Why didn’t he hit it?

He’s careful not to put any fingerprints on it, pulling a pen out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket and using it to flip the thing over. He’s not ready for the sight of the bloody fingerprint, just to the left of the button itself. It trails off, as if the device was knocked out of Buck’s hand before he could get his finger onto the button.

But he tried.

Something about that makes it even worse.

“Talk to me,” Eddie says, walking into the sitting room, which has since become, for all intents and purposes, Secret Service headquarters.

He just got off the phone with the director, briefing him on what had gone down. It’s been fourteen minutes since Eddie breached the door to the locker room and they discovered Buck had been taken. Closer to eighteen minutes since Buck entered the locker room in the first place. The pit in Eddie’s stomach grows steadily with each passing minute. He’s desperate for an update– a real update. Not just “Yeah, he’s definitely gone,” which had been the latest one a few minutes ago, before Eddie stepped out to call the director and try to tamp down the rage burning within him before it consumed him.

“We have footage,” Bobby says, looking up at Eddie from behind a laptop screen. He’s sitting in the same oversized leather chair Buck had been in before, the stupid taxidermy buck above his head.

God, what Eddie would do to go back to that moment. The things he would change. The things he could prevent.

“Let me see,” Eddie says. Bobby hesitates, one hand on the laptop screen, as if to shield Eddie from view.

“Eddie,” Bobby begins. “I just watched it. I think–” His voice is gentle and sympathetic in a way that has Eddie feeling absolutely terrified.

“No,” Eddie insists. He can hear the hysteria starting to creep into his voice. He clears his throat, takes a quick breath. “Let me see.”

Bobby hesitates once more, but Eddie steps up next to him, standing over his shoulder and staring down at the screen. Reluctantly, Bobby hits play.

It’s from an exterior camera, one that had a perfect view of two men dragging Buck out of the locker room window. Eddie stands there fuming, his blood boiling beneath his skin as he sees Buck, covered in blood, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs and a strip of tape across his mouth.

He kicks and claws, thrashing around as they pull him out of the open window and throw him in the back of a waiting golf cart. It has a miniature flatbed in the back, and one of the men jumps in beside Buck, locking his legs around him and holding a hand over his mouth to keep him still and quiet.

The other man throws a tarp over the both of them, concealing them from view, before jumping in the driver’s seat and speeding off.

And then they’re gone.

Eddie can’t breathe. Buck is gone– taken – on his watch. He’s out there somewhere, barefoot and covered in blood and at the mercy of the two animals who just dragged him through a window right under Eddie’s nose and Eddie can’t fucking breathe. His chest is tight and his head is heavy and everything hurts. He can’t–

“Eddie,” Bobby’s voice sounds far away, too distant to be coming from the man standing directly beside him. “Eddie, look at me.”

Eddie can’t get the words out. Can’t get the air in. Can’t do anything except stand here as his world falls apart and stammer out a broken, “They– I– I can’t–”

“I know.” Bobby’s voice is even where Eddie’s wavers, smooth where Eddie’s grates against the lump in his throat. But the fire in his eyes burns just as furiously as the one in Eddie’s. The undercurrent of anger that Eddie can sense coming off of him is just as intense as the one thrumming beneath his own skin.

And something about that is more comforting than the evenness of his voice ever could be.

“We’re going to get him back,” Bobby says, matter-of-fact. There’s no room for interpretation, no doubt behind his words.

“He’s… Bobby, I– I don’t–”

“He needs you,” Bobby says, his voice low. Quiet enough that it doesn’t draw the attention of the other agents coming in and out of the room, but loud in all the ways that matter. Keep it together , is what Bobby doesn’t say out loud. Keep it together for him. And fall apart later.

Eddie hears it all the same.

He nods, managing to get a shaky breath. And then another one. The heat behind his eyes eases up, the pressure in his head and the burn in his chest ebbing away with each additional breath. Not all the way, but it’s enough.

Bobby places a hand on his shoulder, squeezes reassuringly in a way that has Eddie’s chest aching for an entirely different reason.

And then Hen is running into the room, waving a sticky note in her hand. “I got a plate.”

“Let me have it,” Eddie says. Bobby, to his credit, doesn’t protest as Eddie grabs the laptop out from in front of him and pulls up the database.

Hen reads off the plate number and Eddie types it in. The system shows a match immediately. He pulls up the driver’s ID and his heart skips in his chest. That’s the same guy from the security video, the one driving the cart away. He’s sure of it.

If the way Bobby stiffens beside him is any indication, he’s sure of it, too. They share a small nod, and Eddie sends a silent prayer of thanks to every God he can think of before keying his radio. “All agents, be advised, we have an ID on one of our suspects. Dixon Allan, age 31. Driving a white Silverado with a busted left tail light. BOLO is going out now.”

“Last known address on our friend Mr. Allan is 129 Fox Hollow Road,” Bobby says, looking between Eddie, Chim, and Hen.

“Well, let’s pay him a visit,” Eddie says.

Eddie kills the Suburban’s engine three doors down from the house. The road has a more suburban feel to it than many of the streets Eddie’s seen since they first arrived two days ago. And yet, despite the paved streets and the houses close together, there’s not a single streetlight on the entire block. Though that’ll work in their favor. The sun is quickly setting, leaving them with only a few more minutes’ worth of daylight before the street is completely blanketed in darkness.

Another two cars pull up behind him, all of the agents careful to close their doors quietly and move silently as they head over to Eddie’s car.

Eddie swaps his suit jacket for a kevlar vest, rolling the sleeves of his white button-down up his forearms as Bobby steps up beside him, clad in his own vest.

“Eddie.” Bobby says, the fear on his face giving way to something softer, more compassionate. “I can go in first.”

Eddie’s chest squeezes, the onslaught of emotion catching him completely off guard.

“We have no idea what we’re walking into,” Bobby says, the compassion from his face bleeding into his voice and softening the razor-sharp edge of the truth behind his words.

“I know,” Eddie says solemnly. He knows Bobby is trying to protect him, offering to be the first one in, the first one to see whatever it is these animals have done with Buck. To Buck.

But what Bobby must not realize is that this – whatever it is they’re walking into – is what Eddie deserves. He’s the one who let Buck into that locker room alone. He’s the one who waited too long to breach the door and get inside. He’s the one who failed. He failed his country, failed his people. Failed Buck.

And whatever horror scene they’re about to walk in on, Eddie deserves every second of it. He can’t put that on Bobby. Not when all of this is his fault.

“I’ll lead,” Eddie says, the words scratching against the lump in his throat.

He’s saved from having to say anything more about it when his earpiece beeps, signaling an incoming communication. “All agents, be advised. SWAT is eleven minutes out.”

It’s Eddie’s boss, the director of the Secret Service. The unspoken words there are Wait for them. Which Eddie has no plans of doing.

Eddie keys his radio. “We’re moving in.”

“Special Agent Diaz––”

“Do you have any idea what can happen in eleven minutes?” Eddie demands. He gives zero regard to the reprimand he’s bound to get for interrupting his boss– and over the team comms for everyone else to hear, no less. “What they could do to him?”

“Stand down and wait for SWAT,” the director says. “That’s an order.”

“I don’t give a damn if it costs me my badge!” Eddie hisses, careful not to raise his voice to the point of giving away their position. “It’ll be on your desk first thing tomorrow if that’s how it has to be. But I’m going in there and getting my President. And I’m not waiting eleven minutes to do it.”

The comms are silent for a beat before Eddie keys his radio one more time. “Respectfully, Sir.”

“I would never ask any of you to disobey–” Eddie’s voice trails off as he turns to face his team, only to find them all in their vests, their weapons drawn. They’re ready to go.

“We know,” Hen says.

Eddie tries again, shoving down the ball of emotion that’s started unfurling in his chest. “No one is under any obligation to–”

Chim cuts him off with a wave of his hand. “Yeah, yeah. We’re all consenting adults here. Now, let’s go get our President back.”

Eddie nods. “Clip your lights on,” he tells them. “Stay light on your feet and wait for my signal.”

He’s met with a round of nods, each of the agents fastening their flashlights onto the top of their guns. As they’re walking down the sidewalk, approaching the house, his earpiece beeps again.

“Be advised, SWAT recommends breaching at the alpha side.”

Eddie knows that’s as close to a “You were right and I was wrong” as they’re ever going to get. He’ll take it.

At least his badge is safe.

“Copy,” Eddie replies. He directs the agents to different sides of the house, approaching the front door with Bobby, Hen, and Chim on his heels. He glances back at them, and once he sees they’re all ready, he turns to the door and kicks it in.

The lights are off, the entire house swathed in a darkness that feels somewhat fitting for the gravity of the situation. Eddie steps over the threshold gun first, feet second.

His stomach drops as he looks around. He freezes, the beam from his flashlight locked in place. His breath catches in his throat and from somewhere behind him, he can hear Bobby’s do the same.

The front door opens up into a small entryway, just large enough for a coat rack and a small table pushed up against the wall, holding nothing but a single set of keys– no doubt belonging to the white Silverado parked out front, the same one they used to flee the scene– and a layer of dust Eddie can see from several feet away. Directly ahead is an open door that leads to what looks like the kitchen. To the left, a hallway.

There are cobwebs in the corners and dust on the floor. The house is cold– too cold for anyone to be living here comfortably. But that’s not what has Eddie’s blood running cold, alarm bells going off in his head as he fights against the fire in his chest to get a clean breath.

There, on the hallway wall, set clearly against the white paint, is a bloody handprint.

Beside it, another one. This one messier than the first, the fingerprints trailing away, down the hallway, as if their owner dragged them across the wall.

As if their owner was dragged.

Not without a fight, though, if the fingernail scratches in the wall are any indication.

“Jesus,” Chimney mutters. His voice is empty, hollow in a way Eddie’s never heard it before. Almost as if he’s shut off his emotions, tamped them down in the way Eddie so desperately wishes he was capable of doing himself.

“Let’s move,” Eddie says, pushing the words past the fear that’s materialized by way of a lump in his throat.

He heads down the hallway, his heart hammering in his chest as his eyes scan the trail of blood and scratches on the wall. The need to find Buck is the only thing more powerful than the rage burning deep inside him. It’s the only thing keeping him moving forward, keeping him from falling apart.

The intensity of the blood against the wall trails off the further he gets down the hallway, the heavy, robust marks fading into barely-there traces with each step Eddie takes. He tries to take comfort in knowing that it means Buck wasn’t actively bleeding– at least not from his hands– but any shred of relief is lost to the fear and the fury dangerously close to consuming him.

The trail ends at the second door on the right. Eddie holds up his free hand in a silent signal to his team to freeze. The quiet footsteps behind him come to a halt, and he turns his head to see Bobby beside him.

The anguish in his eyes has Eddie feeling like he’s looking in a mirror. Bobby has the same clenched jaw, the same creased forehead, the same fire burning behind his eyes that Eddie feels in his own. But there’s something more there. Something softer. At first, Eddie isn’t sure what to make of it. Then, Bobby nods his head towards the door, a silent offer.

I’ll go first.

He doesn’t have to say it out loud–– Eddie hears the unspoken words loud and clear. He knows it’s Bobby’s last attempt to protect him. To shield him from whatever might be behind the door.

Later, he’ll let himself feel the gratitude. Later, once Buck is home and Buck is safe.

Later, he’ll find Bobby and he’ll thank him. He’ll tell him that he’s never had anyone care about him in the way that Bobby does. He’ll tell him how much the seemingly simple gesture meant to him. How he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it.

Later, he’ll tell Bobby how even though it meant the world to him– maybe even more– he couldn’t take him up on the offer. He hopes Bobby will understand. No, he knows he will.

Later, he’ll tell Bobby “I had to do it.” And later, Bobby will smile and clap him on the shoulder and say “No, I know you did.” Later. Once this is all over.

But now, all Eddie can do is meet Bobby’s eyes and hope the look he gives him is enough to say all the things he can’t right now.

And then he moves.

The door is locked. Eddie wastes no time kicking it open. It slams against the wall, the hinges rattling as he barrels into the room, Bobby and Chimney immediately behind him.

The room is dark, illuminated only by the beams of their flashlights. There’s a startled whimper from the far corner, and it’s a miracle that Eddie hears it over the sound of his own heartbeat hammering in his ears.

“Buck!” Eddie crosses the room in three strides. Protocol says he needs to clear the room of any potential threats before entering, but he’s long past the point of giving a single damn about protocol.

Someone behind him shouts out a “Clear!” and he hears Bobby on the radio, updating the other agents on scene.

None of that matters to him. His sole focus is Buck.

Buck, who’s sitting in front of him, eyes wide and wet even in the bright light of Eddie’s flashlight. He’s on the floor in the corner of the room, his knees pulled up to his chest. His hands are bound behind his back and there’s tape over his mouth. His captors are nowhere to be seen. He’s alone.

For reasons Eddie can’t quite name, that makes the knots in his stomach coil even tighter. Buck was alone in here. Buck, who hasn’t been alone– not really, anyway– in years. Buck, who just minutes before being taken had insisted he’d be fine by himself.

Sure, the alternative is that Buck’s captors could’ve been in here with him, doing god-knows-what to him. And that’s hardly better than Buck being left in here alone. But something about the sight of him all by himself, tucked in the corner of the room and looking smaller than Eddie’s ever seen him, has Eddie’s stomach turning, his chest squeezing beneath the agony of it all.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Eddie promises, easing one corner of the tape up. He’s not sure if that last part is true. Not yet. But it needs to be.

“We’re here, we got you.” That part is true. They have him.

Finally, finally, they have him.

“Are you hurt?” Eddie asks. He can barely stand the half-second of wait time between his second and Buck’s reply, which comes by way of a quick head shake. No.

Eddie’s shoulders sag with relief, just as his radio beeps in his ear. “All agents be advised, we have both suspects in custody.”

Eddie lets out a sound that’s halfway between a sigh and a sob. The relief is palpable, coursing through him and soothing the frayed edges of what little remains of his sanity.

“We got them,” he tells Buck. “It’s over.”

Buck nods, eyes still shining in a way that feels like a knife to Eddie’s heart. “Gonna take this off, okay?” Eddie says, working hard to keep his voice calm and even. Buck nods eagerly. Bobby is there too, kneeling down at Buck’s side and starting in on the ropes wrapped around his wrists.

Eddie brings one hand up to the side of Buck’s face, and his chest squeezes at the way Buck immediately melts into the touch. He pulls the tape off with his other hand, dropping it to the ground as soon as it’s off.

Bobby gets the rope off at the same time and Buck collapses like a puppet whose strings have just been cut, falling into Eddie’s chest with a strangled noise that Eddie knows he’ll be hearing in his nightmares for years to come.

“I got you,” Eddie says, fighting off a sob he can feel building in his chest. He swallows it down and brings a hand up to the nape of Buck’s neck, holding him close. “I got you.”

Buck’s chest heaves as he draws in a shaky breath, fingers wound so tightly in Eddie’s suit jacket that his knuckles have gone white. “I got you,” Eddie says again. It’s just as much for Buck as it is for himself.

He holds Buck as close as he possibly can, buries his face in his hair and finally takes a deep breath for the first time in hours. His hair smells like sweat and blood, but underneath it all there’s still the familiar minty fragrance of Buck’s fancy conditioner. It’s barely recognizable, but Eddie clings to it just as hard as he holds onto Buck.

Bobby backs off, gives them a moment to hold each other, to breathe. To let it sink in that this nightmare is finally over. Eddie’s gratitude knows no bounds.

“I– I’m sorry.” Buck’s voice is ragged, trembling in the same way his hands are.

Eddie’s heart breaks all over again.

“Shh,” Eddie shushes him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I-I told you… I told you not to–” Buck stammers. Eddie eases him back, putting just enough distance between them that he can take Buck’s face in his hands.

“Buck, please–” It’s all Eddie manages to get out before his voice cracks, hot tears stinging his eyes, threatening to spill over.

He blinks them back, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Buck’s. “I’m sorry I left you,” he says, his voice wavering. He could apologize every day, every hour, every minute for the rest of his life and it still could never be enough. “I shouldn’t have listened, I should– I should have insisted.”

Buck shakes his head. “This is not your fault.”

“It is,” Eddie insists. “It is, I– I should have…” His sentence trails off when he registers the way Buck is shaking. He’s trembling in Eddie’s arms, his whole body fighting against what Eddie assumes is a combination of an adrenaline crash and the fact that he’s still barely clothed. Eddie lets go of Buck only long enough to stand up. Quick as their lack of contact may be, it’s still met with a sound of protest from Buck. Eddie helps him to his feet, and it’s the first time he gets a proper look at him, and it takes his breath away. There’s dried blood all over him. It’s caked onto his skin, his hair. It’s beneath his fingernails, stuck in the creases of his palms. Sweat-damp curls are plastered against his forehead, and dark circles hang beneath his weary eyes.

“Come on,” Eddie says gently. He wraps an arm around Buck’s waist, taking on his weight as he leads him towards the door.

He keys his radio with his free hand. “All agents be advised, I’m bringing POTUS out. Need medical on standby.”

“No medical,” Buck protests. “I– I’m fine. Just need a shower.”

“Yes, medical,” Eddie shuts that nonsense down immediately. He leads him out the door and towards the waiting ambulance.

Maddie is the first one to reach them, running over as soon as she sees them cross the threshold. She meets them halfway across the front lawn, pulling Buck into a tight hug. She’s the only person on Earth for whom Eddie would let go of his hold on Buck, and he doesn’t mind stepping back and letting them have a moment together. Eddie can’t make out what she says to Buck, but if the way his shoulders sag is any indication, it’s exactly what he needed to hear.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Eddie asks. Buck is sitting on the back of the ambulance, Eddie directly next to him. Buck’s head is resting on Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie finally, finally feels like he’s able to breathe again. Buck is dressed in Secret Service issued sweats, a navy blue crewneck sweatshirt and matching pants. Hen had been quick to bring them over as soon as they made it out of the house, and Eddie’s not sure who was more grateful– him or Buck.

Eddie was quick to help Buck into them, hoping they’d help to fight against the chill in the night air. He had grabbed a rescue blanket off the back of the ambulance, too, and draped that over Buck’s shoulders in an attempt to get him as warm as possible.

“I– I promise,” Buck says, voice still a little wobbly. “My, uh, my wrists are a little sore. That’s all.”

“And your head,” Eddie reminds him.

“And my head,” Buck agrees.

There’s a small gash on Buck’s forehead, just above the spot where his birthmark kisses his eyebrow. It’s no bigger than an inch wide, and there’s an angry bruise already blooming across the skin behind it. The paramedics already cleaned it and applied a steri-strip, and Eddie was able to find a tiny bit of comfort in the knowledge that it wouldn’t need stitches.

That tiny bit of comfort was immediately chased away by rage when Buck explained that one of his captors had accidentally smacked his head against the window frame when dragging him out of the locker room, hence the injury. “It’s weird,” Buck had said, both to Eddie and to the paramedics as they tended to the wound. “He apologized. It was like… I– I don’t know. I almost feel like they didn’t want to hurt me.”

Buck had also said that they dumped him in the room, tied his hands behind his back, and left him alone almost immediately. They didn’t hurt him, didn’t demand information or national secrets. Didn’t make so much as a single threat. Not that they would have had much time to do so– Buck hadn’t even been there an hour by the time the Secret Service arrived.

It all certainly tracked with what Bobby was getting from Dixon, who apparently started talking before the cuffs were even fastened. Bobby had come by a few minutes before and pulled Eddie aside. Maddie was quick to swoop in and sit with Buck while Eddie was briefed. Apparently, the two idiots were hired by someone to whom the governor had an outstanding debt. They were only supposed to rough him up, but upon realizing the man they had jumped from behind was the president, they panicked and took him. How kidnapping the president of the United States was a better decision than aborting the mission and making a run for it, Eddie will never understand. But all that matters is Buck is here. He’s safe. And Eddie isn’t letting him out of his sight any time soon. Possibly ever.

Not even to deal with Dixon and his partner. Bobby had asked if Eddie wanted to speak with either one of them before PD took them away, to which Eddie had shaken his head. “You’d be wrong to trust me alone with either one of them,” he said.

Bobby nodded, understanding. “Why do you think I’m over here?”

“It doesn’t hurt, though,” Buck says, pulling Eddie out of his thoughts and back to the present. “My head.”

“There was a lot of blood,” Eddie reminds him. He feels sick at the thought of it, the visuals playing in his mind sending his stomach churning all over again. “It was all over the locker room. And on the walls in the house.”

“Not mine,” Buck says. “It was his. The smaller one. He tried to grab me in the locker room and I– I pushed him off. He hit his head on the corner of a locker. And then he must’ve gotten scraped up on the window, cause his arms were bleeding a lot. He got it all over me.”

Eddie remembers seeing the smaller of the two kidnappers get in the back of the golf cart alongside Buck, the visual of it seared into his mind. That would certainly explain the blood in Buck’s hair, not to mention the streaks of it across his bare body.

“Okay,” Eddie nods, comforted by the fact that Buck seems to be alright. At least physically. And for now, he’ll let himself take solace in that. For now, that can be enough.

He tips his head against Buck’s, their temples resting against one another as Eddie takes a shaky breath. Buck’s voice is so quiet, so small, Eddie almost misses it. “I fought back.”

“I know, baby,” he assures him, rubbing reassuring circles into Buck’s back. “I know you did. It’s over now. It’s all over.”

When they get back to the hotel, Buck beelines for the bathroom, eager to shower off the blood and the sweat still caked onto his skin. Eddie fights every instinct telling him to follow Buck inside, to keep himself plastered to Buck’s side. Instead, he tries to give Buck a little bit of space, tries to wait to follow his lead, painful as it may be. He leans against the door frame and watches as Buck turns the shower on and grabs a towel off the rack.

“Can you–” Buck says quietly, and there’s something uncertain in his voice, something almost a little bit shy, that Eddie hasn’t heard in a long time. He looks between Eddie and the shower, biting on his bottom lip. “I– I don’t… I don’t want…” His voice trails off, his question left unspoken.

Eddie hears him anyway. Understands him perfectly, in the way he always has. “Of course.”

He walks the rest of the way into the bathroom, kicking off his shoes and stripping out of his own clothes before helping Buck out of his. Steam fills the room as Eddie guides Buck into the shower and steers him beneath the warm spray.

Buck closes his eyes, tips his head back against Eddie’s shoulder, his back to Eddie’s chest. Eddie wraps an arm around Buck’s waist, holding him close as the water sprays over them. Eddie can’t bear to look at it, can’t stand the sight of the water running pink as it swirls around the drain. He presses a kiss to the top of Buck’s head and closes his own eyes, taking a deep breath and allowing himself to relax into the feel of Buck pressed up against him.

“Thank you,” Buck’s voice is so small, Eddie barely hears it over the sound of the running water. “I don’t–”

Eddie’s not sure how Buck was planning to end his sentence before his voice broke off. But it doesn’t change his answer. “It’s okay,” Eddie murmurs.

“I don’t want to be alone,” Buck admits.

“You don’t have to be.”

He feels the sob tear its way through Buck’s chest before he hears it. Buck crumples against him, falling into Eddie’s arms as the gravity of the day’s events seems to finally hit him.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie promises, taking on Buck’s weight and easing him onto the floor. He pulls Buck into his lap, holds him against his chest. He ignores the way the tiled floor is digging into the bottom of his thighs, and the way the water is beating on his back on the wrong side of uncomfortable. “I’m here.”

There’s a certain weight behind his words. They hang heavier in the air between them, as if they’re suspended in the thick cloud of steam. They’re more than just an assurance.

“I’m here,” Eddie says again. It's a promise. A pledge. And unspoken vow that he’ll never leave again.

They stay like that for a while, until the sobs wracking Buck’s body fade into sniffles, until the water starts to turn tepid and Eddie gently eases him to his feet just long enough to wash off. He turns the water hotter and work’s Buck’s fancy shampoo into his hair, massaging his scalp and scrubbing behind his ears in the way he knows Buck loves. Eddie’s stomach turns as it rinses out pink, the last of the blood disappearing down the drain.

He follows it with conditioner, the shower filling with its peppermint fragrance. Buck has been using this stuff for so long, Eddie feels like one of Pavlov’s dogs with the way the smell of peppermint instantly soothes him. It’s immediately grounding, and never more so than tonight, as it covers up the metallic scent of the blood washing down the drain.

Once they’re done and all of the hot water is gone for good, Eddie detaches himself from Buck just long enough to turn the water off and grab Buck a towel, passing it to him before grabbing one for himself. As they towel off and step out of the shower, Buck’s hand finds Eddie’s wrist, holding onto him as he guides them out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

Buck stands over the dresser for a moment before crossing the room and pulling a t-shirt out of Eddie’s duffle bag. It’s the one he wore to bed last night, and as he turns it over in his hands, Eddie can see some of the lingering tension bleed out of his shoulders. He looks up at Eddie, who nods without hesitation. “All yours, baby.”

They make their way into bed, and Eddie relaxes instantly as Buck curls into his side. Eddie shuts the lights off and drops a kiss to the top of Buck’s head.

“Thank you for finding me,” Buck says quietly, the words muffled by Eddie’s t-shirt. But Eddie hears him loud and clear.

It feels like Eddie’s heart is splitting wide open. He wonders, briefly, if Buck is able to hear it do so from where he’s laying with his head atop Eddie’s chest.

“Thank you for fighting,” Eddie says, running a hand through Buck’s hair.

“I didn’t do much,” Buck replies.

Eddie shakes his head. “You did more than you realize. You fought back, you…” he takes a breath, clears his throat as he searches for the right words. “You bought us time. You fought to make it out of there. You… you gave me– you gave us hope. We needed that.”

He shoves all thoughts of what might have happened if Buck hadn’t fought out of his mind and instead tries to focus on this, on being here with Buck. He tries to focus on the feel of Buck curled up against him, tucked into his side like they’re two puzzle pieces slotting into place. Like the two of them were made for each other.

Eddie likes to think they were.

Buck’s eyes are shining as he props himself up on his elbow, looking at Eddie properly.

Eddie continues. “Even in our worst moments, we still make a pretty good team.”

Buck smiles for the first time since this whole nightmare began, and the sight of it alone does more to mend Eddie’s battered heart than he ever thought possible. “You think so?” he asks.

Eddie nods. “I know so.”

"You know what could have stopped them even sooner?" Buck asks, a mischievous glint in his eye. He’s looking more and more like himself with every passing moment, something for which Eddie has never been more grateful.

Eddie knows exactly where this is going. "We're still not giving you a gun. Nice try."

Buck lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine,” he concedes. “But what about a really sharp knife?”

"So you can end up with an accidental self-inflicted stab wound?” Eddie asks. “I don't think so."

"What about…” Buck begins, his voice trailing off as he inches closer to Eddie. “A super smart…” He brushes his nose against Eddie’s. “Absurdly handsome Secret Service agent…” he drops a quick, playful kiss to the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “...Who carries both a gun and a really sharp knife?"

Eddie grins, only for Buck to chase it away with a long, lingering kiss. "Deal," he murmurs against Buck’s lips as they part.

"Great,” Buck leans in again, smiling against Eddie’s lips as they kiss again. “I always did like Bobby."

Eddie can feel Buck’s chuckle rumbling in his chest, and despite his best efforts to keep a straight face, he can’t help but laugh alongside him. “You’re ridiculous,” he says fondly.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees. “But you love me.”

Eddie nods, stealing another kiss. “I do,” he promises. “I really, really do.”

Eddie wakes up slowly, a tiny, content sigh falling from his lips as he turns over and reaches for Buck. Only instead of finding his warm boyfriend, all Eddie’s fingers are met with are cold bed sheets. “Baby?” Eddie mumbles, his voice thick with sleep. He props himself up on his elbow and blinks slowly as his eyes adjust slowly to the low light.

It’s too dark for the bed to be this empty.

He glances over at the door to the ensuite bathroom, but there’s no light slipping through the crack at the bottom of the door. “Buck?” he calls, a little louder this time. When he doesn’t get an answer, he kicks the duvet off and swings his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up properly. He reaches for the lamp on the nightstand, clicking it onto the dimmest setting. It’s still enough light to have him squinting as his eyes adjust.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes before standing up and looking around the room.

No.

No, no, no . Not again.

His stomach drops, his heart slamming into his ribcage. There’s a pool of blood on the carpet, just next to Buck’s side of the bed. And a trail of blood across the wall, leading from Buck’s side of the bedroom all the way to the door. Five lines for five fingers, fingernail scratches chasing after the bloody smears before cutting out abruptly at the door jamb. He stumbles, nearly falling over as he scrambles towards the hallway.

“Buck!” The scream tears its way out of his chest, shredding against his vocal cords as he yanks the door open. “BUCK!”

“Eddie.”

He blinks his eyes open. Buck is leaning over him, his eyes shining with concern. Moonlight pours in through the open window, dancing across his face as he looks down at Eddie. “It’s okay,” Buck assures him. He runs a thumb over Eddie’s cheek, his touch instantly grounding. “You were dreaming.”

Eddie swallows around the dryness in his throat and tries to catch his breath. His heart hammers in his chest as he looks around, trying to get his bearings.

They’re in bed, in the Residence. The window is open, just how Buck likes it. Buck is beside him. Buck is here. The walls are perfectly clean. No blood. No fingernail scratches. Nothing but wallpaper.

And Buck is here. Buck is pulling Eddie into his chest, holding him and murmuring “It’s okay,” and “I got you,” and “You’re safe.”

Buck is here.

Eddie’s breathing begins to even out, his heart rate slowing down as he holds onto Buck, his arms wrapped tight around him. “I’m sorry,” Eddie breathes.

“No need,” Buck says simply, as if Eddie waking him up in the middle of the night plagued with nightmares of something that happened months ago is no big deal.

Self loathing burns in his gut. He hates that he still thinks about that awful, awful night in Wyoming. He hates that everyone else seems to have moved on, and yet there’s a part of him that’s still right there, still standing in that blood-soaked locker room. Still kicking down that door. Still finding Buck, tied up and covered in blood.

He hates how vivid the memories are when they come. He hates how he feels like he’ll never be normal again. Like it’ll never stop hurting.

He hates the nightmares. Hates the sick, twisted dreams where he sees that bloody wall again and again and again. Hates the dread that consumes him, the darkness that lives inside him still, even now.

He hates that it ever happened in the first place. That he ever failed Buck like that.

Eddie remains in awe at how well Buck is doing since that terrible night. Sure, the two of them both clung to each other for the first few days after their return. And it was weeks before Eddie felt like he could breathe again anytime Buck was out of his sight. But Buck seems to be doing well.

He hasn’t been plagued by nightmares in the same way Eddie has. He doesn’t look like he’s going to throw up every time their schedules don’t line up and they have to spend a few hours apart. Not like Eddie does, anyway.

He’s doing well.

Eddie is not.

“Was it Wyoming again?” Buck asks after a beat.

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat as he nods. Buck passes him a glass of water from the nightstand. It makes something in Eddie’s chest ache.

Buck is so good to him, so in tune. He always knows exactly what Eddie needs, always before Eddie knows it himself. Eddie could live a million lifetimes and still never find the one in which he’s worthy of being loved by Buck.

“Y-Yeah,” Eddie says, his throat feeling better after downing half the glass of water. “I woke up and you had been taken again.”

Buck sighs. “Oh, baby.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie is quick to say.

“For what?” Buck asks.

Eddie sighs, setting the glass down. “Everything,” he admits.

“Eddie,” Buck says gently, placing a hand on Eddie’s knee and squeezing reassuringly. “Stop being sorry for that.”

“But I–”

“You came and got me,” Buck says, cutting him off. “Like you always do.”

“I always will.”

Buck smiles, and still, even after all this time, it’s the most beautiful smile Eddie’s ever known. “I’ve never doubted that.”

74 notes · View notes

evanbuckleyrecs · 5 months

Text

stuck in solitude

Written by autumnchills

Words: 13,776

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)

Relationship: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV)

Additional Tags: Kidnapping, Hostage Situations, Ransom, Non-Consensual Touching, Sensory Deprivation, Concussions, Manhandling, Bruises Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Guns, Restraints, Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Panic Attacks

Summary:

Footsteps echo in his ears and Buck bites his lip in fear and frustration. There’s only one thing he can do.

Buck reaches for his radio, ignoring the sounds of scuffling feet and shouting strangers approaching.

“Mayday, mayday, mayday,” Buck presses out as steady as possible. “This is Firefighter Buck–Ah!”

A hand grabbing a fistful of his hair cuts off his sentence, ripping a cry from his lips as his head is jerked back.

Buck is kidnapped from a call and held for ransom, but it only gets worse the longer that he’s kept in the dark. He doesn’t know who these people are or what they want, and there’s only so much he can handle before he’s pushed over the edge.

#10 15k #rated t #buddie #911 #911 on abc #buddie fanfic rec #buddie fanfiction #established buddie #hurt evan buckley #non consensual touching #kidnapping #evan buckley whump #whump #hostage situation #guns #angst with a happy ending #panic attack

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biboybuckley · 2 years

Text

can you hear me screaming (please don’t leave me)

5.9k

the nurse eddie fic that actually many people asked for <3

also available on ao3!

Nurse Eddie Diaz has always been able to separate himself from his job. Until he meets the extremely accident-prone firefighter with sparkling eyes and warm smiles. Over the course of several years and countless injuries, the pair develop a bond that neither of them understand and both are scared of.

But when Buck falls into a coma, Eddie realizes that his fear may have cost him everything he ever wanted.

Eddie’s world shatters the moment Evan Buckley’s heart stops.

He’s standing just a few feet away, at the door to Evan’s hospital room, fist poised to knock on the door. He stands frozen as he watches the other nurses swarm around the bed, unable to move even as the doctors shove past him. There’s frantic chatter all around him, orders being shouted, instructions flying around the room. No one spares him a glance- he’s off shift. The voices fade to white noise, the only sound Eddie can hear is the monotonous beep of a flatline.

A hand grabs Eddie’s arm, jerking him around. A woman- Maddie, Evan’s sister, Eddie registers- is yelling at him, her eyes wide and frantic. Eddie swallows hard, blinks, tries to understand what she’s saying.

“What’s happening?!” Maddie cries, pulling at Eddie’s arm, his shirt fisted in her hand. It’s a green henley. Evan’s favorite color is green. He mentioned it, once, ages ago. Eddie cataloged it in the special file in his mind reserved for Evan Facts. Today would have been the first time Evan ever would have seen him in green, Eddie realizes. Except-

“He’s dead,” Eddie says, chilled by the even tone of his own voice. “Evan’s dead.”

Eddie met Firefighter Buckley for the first time several years ago. Evan was still a probationary firefighter then, only a couple weeks into the job when he was rushed into the ER. Eddie was one of the two nurses available to evaluate him, having to work as they moved. Evan was barely conscious, his eyelids fluttering as he tried to stay awake.

As Eddie’s hands skated down the length of Evan’s body, assessing for major damages and attempting to determine where the stain of blood on his shirt was coming from, one of Evan’s hands suddenly lifted, slender fingers wrapping weakly around Eddie’s wrist. Eddie’s heart leapt inexplicably and he slid his gaze toward the top of the stretcher, taking in Evan’s face for the first time.

Brilliant blue eyes, clouded over and unfocused, blinked slowly at Eddie. Eddie could see the pure terror under the soot and dirt covering Evan’s skin. His lips parted, but then he winced. Eddie adjusted their hands, gripping Evan’s tightly.

“Don’t try to speak, you’ve inhaled a lot of smoke.” Evan’s eyes closed and tears left tracks through the grime as his head fell back, a small sound coming from the back of his throat. His fingers went slack around Eddie’s and Eddie squeezed once before letting his hand fall. He swallowed hard, watching Evan’s eyes roll back behind his eyelids.

“Help me with the shirt!” Eddie’s coworker instructed, and Eddie snapped into action, yanked out of whatever trance the last few moments had put him in. Eddie eased the sticky fabric off of Evan’s torso as his partner cut away at it. A long gash ran down his right side, bleeding steadily but slowly, and looking miraculously shallow. The bigger concerns were the dark bruises already blooming across his ribs.

“Possible internal bleeding,” Eddie rattled off, pressing lightly along Evan’s chest and abdomen as the other nurse secured an oxygen mask. Eddie pressed his stethoscope against Evan’s skin and closed his eyes to listen. Evan’s heart beat along a strong, steady rhythm, and Eddie let out a breath of relief. “Heartbeat is strong, definite smoke inhalation but seems to be breathing normally now. Probable concussion, at least a few fractured if not broken ribs, but no external bleeding aside from the wound along his right ribs.”

Eddie removed the stethoscope and looked up at his partner. “We gotta get him an X-ray, stat. Get someone on-call to be ready for a more thorough assessment once that’s done. Tell radiology to prep, I’ll talk to his Captain.” The three nurses now surrounding them nodded, one hurrying to the phones and the other two wheeling Evan off.

Eddie sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair and turning back towards the entrance, where three other firefighters stood just inside the doors. He took a deep breath and walked towards them.

“Which of you is his Captain?”

“Captain Bobby Nash,” one of them said, stepping forward and holding out a hand. Eddie just nodded at him, eyeing the grime on his hands. Captain Nash dropped his hand back to his side. “How’s Buck?”

“He’s going to be alright, he’s getting X-rayed now. You can see him in a couple hours, most likely, if you want to hang around. We’ll need his full name and a recap of what happened, if you don’t mind.”

“Evan Buckley. He’s my new probationary firefighter, only been on the job a few weeks. He-” Captain Nash hesitated, gaze darting away.

“No one’s gonna get in trouble for anything here, Captain Nash. We just need to know what we’re dealing with.”

Captain Nash sighed deeply, shaking his head. “He forgot his oxygen. He ran inside before anyone realized and- he collapsed after a beam collapsed in front of him. He inhaled too much smoke and flames. We dragged him out almost immediately but-” he rubbed the palm of his hand across his face, “I should’ve paid more attention.”

“Hey,” Eddie said, gentler, “he’s gonna be just fine. Couple days in here and he’ll be good as new, alright? Do you know about an emergency contact or…?”

“It’s me,” one of the other firefighters said, stepping closer.

“Okay firefighter… Wilson, we’re gonna need you to sign a couple things, but he’ll be awake soon.” She nodded, her shoulders sagging slightly with relief. “Are you all planning to hang around until you can see him?”

They all nod without a word.

“Alright, feel free to use the bathrooms to clean up a bit and it should only be an hour or two, I’ll come find you in the waiting area once I have an update.”

Captain Nash nods. “Thank you, nurse…”

“Diaz,” Eddie fills in. “Eddie Diaz.”

“Thank you nurse Diaz.”

Eddie simply nodded and left the three firefighters where they stood.

He was preparing a room for Firefighter Buckley when they wheeled him in, now conscious, dressed in a hospital gown with the soot and grime mostly cleaned off. The nurse who brought him in set a hand on his shoulder, leaned down to murmur something to him, and then nodded at Eddie and promptly left.

Eddie stared at her retreating form, a protest dying on his lips. Something else must’ve been going on right then, occupying most of the staff, because it was just Eddie in the room.

“Hi,” Eddie said, reminding himself to smile as he stepped around the bed. “I’m nurse Diaz. A physician checked you out after the X-ray, right?”

Evan brought up a hand, rubbing the heel of it against his left eye. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, it’s uh- should be on the chart.” Evan nodded at the small table right next to him, where the other nurse placed a clipboard. Eddie felt his face heating up and quickly walked over, scanning the pages. Evan craned his neck to try and look and Eddie shifted slightly, obscuring it from view. The corner of his mouth twitched upward when Evan pouted.

“What’s it say?” Evan finally asked after a few moments. Eddie peered over the clipboard at him.

“That you’re lucky.” Eddie set the clipboard down. “Don’t even need stitches or anything. You got a guardian angel or somethin’ kid?”

Evan let out a small laugh. “Just nine lives, I guess.” Eddie grinned back at him, then jerked his head towards the cot.

“C’mon. Let’s get you all situated so I can let your friends in.”

Evan blinked, his eyebrows drawing together. “They’re- they’re still here?”

“Yeah.” Eddie frowned slightly. “Of course they are. Haven’t moved.” Evan swallowed hard, blinking a couple times.

“Oh.”

Eddie hesitated a few moments, then nodded towards the bed again with a grin. “Yeah, so c’mon let’s not keep ‘em waiting longer.”

“Right, yeah,” Evan said, starting to stand, and only succeeding in getting halfway up before he started pitching forward.

“Woah, woah.” Eddie stepped forward quickly, looping an arm around Evan’s waist and guiding Evan’s arm over his shoulders. “Nothing’s broken, but you’re still pretty banged up. Take it easy, cowboy.”

“Yeah,” Evan winced as Eddie eased him onto the bed. “Didn’t feel it until I tried to stand.”

“Painkillers tend to do that.”

Evan let out a dry laugh, sinking back against the pillows. “Right. Forgot I probably have a few of those in my system, huh?”

“You most certainly do.” Eddie smoothed down the blanket, feeling abnormally awkward. It most certainly did not have anything to do with Evan’s little smirk or the sound of his laugh, thank you very much.

“You alright for a few while I go find your friends?” Eddie asked, suddenly all too aware of how close they were.

“I think I can manage,” Evan answered, grin widening.

“Call button’s right there, just in case.” Evan nodded, closing his eyes, and Eddie took that as his signal to leave. If he lingered another moment to admire the simple beauty of Evan’s face as he let himself relax, and to ensure that his chest was still rising and falling with each breath, then that is for him and him alone to know.

Evan wasn’t allowed to sleep for twenty-four hours after that, visiting hours ended at 10, and Eddie was working the graveyard shift. So, naturally, they got to talking a bit. Mostly it was just Eddie checking in on him and Evan repeatedly asking how long he would have to wait before going back to work, but Eddie also learned that Evan was once a cowboy, he’d only been a firefighter for about a month, and that he absolutely, positively, hates any form of jello.

When Eddie’s shift ended, Evan whined about how his next nurse would probably be so insanely boring, and lamented that Eddie was “free of this purgatory, meanwhile I’ll be stuck here until I die of old age.” Eddie was nearly tempted to just stay by Evan’s side, except for the fact that he’d just worked an eighteen hour shift.

By Eddie’s next shift, Evan had talked his way into an early release. A strange twinge of disappointment sparked in Eddie’s chest, but he shook it off. First rule he set for himself as a nurse: do not get attached to patients. So, he pushed the thoughts of the handsome firefighter with blue eyes and bright smiles from his head.

Still. A part of him held onto the hope he would see Firefighter Buckley again somehow.

Turned out, Eddie wouldn’t have to wait long. Only a month and a half after they met, Eddie was walking through the hospital when he heard a vaguely familiar voice saying very familiar words.

“Come on,” the voice was insisting. “I’m fine! It’s literally a bump, there’s absolutely no reason to keep me overnight!”

Another voice replied as Eddie walked closer. “Buck, if you have a concussion I can’t let you come back to work, you know this.”

“But I don’t! It was a bump- a tap, even! It’s not a big deal!”

“You were unconscious for a solid couple minutes, Buckaroo,” a third voice countered.

“I was taking a nap!”

“On the floor?”

“Maybe!”

Eddie barely contained his snort as he approached the room, knocking lightly. The man standing in between Eddie and the bed shifted and, sure enough, there was Firefighter Buckley. Captain Nash nodded at Eddie, the last firefighter from that night standing beside Evan.

“Hey, everything alright in here?”

“No,” Evan said as the other two said, “Yes.” Captain Nash let out a long sigh.

“Nurse Diaz, would you please tell this man that if the doctor says he has to stay and be observed overnight, then he has to stay and be observed overnight? Maybe he’ll actually listen to you.”

Eddie grinned and stepped into the room. “Sorry, doctor’s orders are sorta word of law around here. Besides, you’re down to eight lives now, wouldn’t wanna risk it.”

“Seven,” Evan muttered. All three men raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. “I was a reckless kid, okay?”

“I don’t even wanna know,” Captain Nash sighed again. Evan just grinned and turned his attention to Eddie.

“How early can I be released?”

Eddie walked over to the bedside table and flipped through the pages of Evan’s chart. “Looks like… noon tomorrow.”

“How about midnight?”

“Nope.”

“Six AM?”

“Nope.”

“Eight?”

“Closer.”

“Nine?”

“Noon.”

“Ten?”

“Noon.”

“Eleven?”

“Noon.”

Evan groaned dramatically, tossing himself back into his pillow. “This sucks.”

“Well maybe next time you shouldn’t… huh.” Eddie frowned at the chart in his hand. “It just says ‘hit head’ as your reason.”

“Yes!” Evan said quickly, glaring at his coworkers. “Because that is what happened.”

Eddie raised a skeptical eyebrow at Evan, then glanced at the other men. The third firefighter was biting his lower lip, apparently to hold a laugh in. “That the whole story?”

“Well…” the third firefighter grinned. “Not entirely.”

“Chim shut up.”

“Aw, c’mon Buckaroo.”

“I swear, do not.”

“But it’s just so good, Buck.”

“Well,” Eddie chimed in. “Now you have to tell me. Doctor’s orders.”

“You’re a nurse!” Evan protested.

“Sorry kiddo, doctor's orders.” Chim turned towards Eddie, a delighted grin on his face. “He hit his head on the engine door.” Evan groaned, dropping his head back against the pillow.

“I’m sorry- he what?”

“Bobby called that dinner was ready and Buckaroo here takes off across the firehouse and just bam! right into the engine door.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered, burying his face in his hand to hide his grin because- the visual is just too good, okay?

“Thanks, Chim,” Evan said dryly, kicking at the man.

“No kicking!” Chim swatted at his foot and Evan grabbed the empty chocolate pudding cup by his bed and threw it at him. Eddie sidestepped, hoping to avoid any entanglement, and was saved by Captain Nash.

“Nurse Diaz, could I speak to you outside for a moment?”

“Of course.” Eddie nodded and followed the older man from the room, easing the door mostly shut behind them.

“Buck is… a pretty restless person,” Captain Nash said as soon as they were in the hallway. “I know you’re very busy and I hate to ask but-”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Eddie assured him, but Captain Nash shook his head.

“That’s not- Well, I mean yes, that would be great, but that’s not what I was gonna ask. Just… if it’s slow, or anything, could you maybe keep him a bit of company? He- he really doesn’t like being alone, especially in the hospital.”

Eddie’s throat felt strangely tight at the request, but he nodded immediately. “Of course, Captain Nash. Any moment I can spare.”

Captain Nash smiled. “You’re a good man, thank you. And- just call me Bobby.”

“My pleasure, Bobby,” Eddie said with a smile. Bobby nodded once more, and then gestured for Eddie to lead the way back toward the room.

As they approached the door, Evan’s muffled voice was exclaiming, “Just had to tell the cute nurse, huh?”

Eddie’s face burned and Bobby cleared his throat as Chim started to reply, before Evan quickly shushed him and called for them to come inside.

“Chim and I have to get back to the firehouse Buck, you gonna be alright here?”

“If ‘alright’ means ‘bored out of my mind and all alone’ then, yeah.”

“Wow,” Eddie gasped dramatically, hand to his chest. “I’m just chopped liver then, I guess.”

Evan grinned, seemingly despite himself.

“I think we’re leaving you in very capable hands, Buck,” Bobby said, nodding for Chim to follow him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Evan muttered as they left. Then he turned his gaze on Eddie. “You don’t have to go?”

Eddie shrugged. “It’s been a slow night so far. I have nothing to do until they page me.”

“Pagers are still a thing?”

“Apparently.”

“You’d think they’d have come up with something better by now.”

Eddie felt himself grinning and he dragged a chair closer to Evan’s bedside. “You’d think so.”

That night, Eddie learned that Evan has an older sister who’s also a nurse but he doesn’t speak to much, that he used to live in Peru, and that he’s never had a pet. In return, Eddie told Evan about his son, that he used to be an army medic, and that he only ever had one dog when he was a kid.

Eddie’s pager never went off, and neither ever indicated they wanted Eddie to leave.

Eddie got to know Evan over the years as he came in for various injuries, ranging from mild concussions to broken ribs to an emergency tracheotomy on what sounded like a disastrous first date. They never went beyond mainly casual smalltalk, but Eddie stored and cataloged every piece of information he got about Evan.

He learns that Evan crashed a motorcycle when he was in college, that he got kicked out of said college, that he then got a Jeep and decided to travel and work along the east coast, that he was a bartender, and briefly a NAVY Seal, that he had no idea what he wanted to do until he randomly decided to give firefighting a shot. That if he were to get a pet, it would either be a cat or a labrador, that he knows a truly absurd amount of random factoids, that his favorite color is green, and that his favorite meal is the mac n cheese that Bobby makes for the firehouse.

It’s insane. Eddie knows it’s insane, but he thinks maybe he’s starting to fall in love with this accident-prone man who now specifically asks for Eddie.

Eddie also learns that he’s not good when Evan’s hurt. This realization came the day Evan got his leg crushed by a firetruck. He showed up at the hospital covered in blood, unconscious and broken. Eddie couldn’t breathe. But then there were people all around Evan, touching him, trying to help him and no, that was Eddie’s job, so Eddie pushed his way through until he was front and center.

They grew closer than ever in those few weeks, but Evan became less and less talkative the longer he was stuck there. For once, Eddie didn’t feel the sting of disappointment when Evan was released, just relief for his friend.

And then he was back, not a week later, coughing up blood from a pulmonary embolism.

Eddie didn’t think it could get worse than that month. Even when the tsunami hit and Evan was caught in it, it still wasn’t worse than the firetruck. Nothing could be worse, Eddie thought, than seeing Evan so broken in body and mind.

He was wrong.

The worst doesn’t come with a bang, as Eddie always thought, but instead a crash.

Evan’s rushed into the hospital one night, five years after Eddie first met him, and the injuries all seem to be superficial. His partner, Lucy Donato, tells Eddie that he had run back into an unstable building, that there was a little boy still inside. Evan had given the kid his gear, and then the roof had collapsed on the pair of them. Evan had covered the child with his own body, taking on the brunt of the impact with not a single piece of gear on him.

He had inhaled way too much smoke, gotten a severe concussion, and broken three ribs. But everything was superficial and he could be released in a matter of days, they said. Eddie had checked Evan out himself. He reviewed his chart. Evan was going to be okay.

And then he wasn’t. His lung collapsed during the night, right in front of Eddie’s eyes. Evan had been fine one moment, talking and laughing as Eddie kept him company, and then his eyes had gone wide, his face twisting as he started to cough. And then he was choking, gasping in ragged breath and reaching for Eddie, eyes wide and terrified. Eddie pressed the call button, frantically trying to determine what was wrong.

A few hours later, Evan went into surgery.

A few hours after that, they put him into a medically induced coma. One they weren’t sure he would come out of.

Eddie was the one to call Evan’s sister, who had come back into his life a few years ago. Eddie had met her only a couple times, on various visits to the hospital. She told Eddie that she would call the rest of the 118, that they would be there immediately.

When they arrived, Eddie was in the same place he’d been since he placed the call, sitting vigil beside Evan’s bed. His shift ended an hour ago. He didn’t care.

“Nurse Diaz?” Eddie whipped his head around at the voice behind him, quickly dropping Evan’s hand to the bed. Bobby, Hen, Chim, Maddie, and Lucy were all standing just outside the door, Chim’s lips pressed in a tight line, Bobby with a soft smile, Maddie and Hen each with a slightly arched eyebrow, and Lucy looking nearly stoic. Eddie cleared his throat awkwardly and stood up.

“I was- uh- hi,” he managed, feeling his face heat up.

“Hi Eddie,” Maddie said, stepping in front of the others. Her eyes landed on Evan and her face fell, her eyebrows drawing together and lips turning down. Chim quickly stepped closer, intertwining their hands and squeezing her fingers with his. Maddie sucked in a sharp breath, blinking rapidly and then directing her attention to Eddie.

Her voice shook when she asked, “How bad is it?”

“It-” Eddie swallowed hard, blinking back tears. “There’s no way of knowing, not yet. He’s responding well to the surgery. We’re going to keep him under for four days, then we’ll reevaluate.”

Maddie caught her lower lip between her teeth, nodding and lowering her head as her body shook. Chim wrapped his free arm around her, supporting her in every way he could and whispering quiet reassurances in her ear.

“I- I need some air,” Maddie murmured. Chim nodded quickly and led her from the room, Bobby and the others shifting aside. Lucy leaned towards Bobby, conversing under her voice.

After a moment, Hen gestured towards Evan. “Can I-?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah of course,” Eddie replied instantly, moving out of her way. As he walked closer to Bobby and Lucy, he caught the end of Lucy’s question.

“-call Taylor?” Lucy was asking. Should we call Taylor? Eddie tensed automatically. He’d met Taylor Kelly, Evan’s girlfriend, a few different times, each as unpleasant as the last. She hadn’t been around in a while, Eddie’d grown hopeful that they separated. He held his breath for a moment until Bobby shook his head.

“He wouldn’t want her here.”

Eddie exhaled slowly, trying not to let his relief be too apparent.

“I, uh, I’m going to let you guys be for a while,” Eddie told the room, directing the words at no one in particular. What he really wanted to do was go back to his vigil, to take Evans's hand and whisper to him all the things he was too scared to truly say.

“Will you be around?” Bobby asked as Eddie made his move to leave. Eddie hesitated, then shook his head.

“No, not for a bit. My shift ended a bit ago, I have a kid to get home to.”

Bobby only nodded in response, and Eddie moved toward the door again.

“Eddie,” Bobby said suddenly, his eyes catching Eddie’s. “Thank you.” Throat suddenly tight, all Eddie could do was nod before he practically fled the room. He hurried to his locker, changing into civilian clothes and shoving his scrubs in the laundry. Without even realizing, he’d been up for twenty-four hours straight and now that he was no longer by Evan’s side, the exhaustion was threatening to crush him then and there.

Making his way through the hospital half asleep, he nearly missed Maddie’s calls for him to wait. Luckily, walking around half asleep isn’t particularly speedy, so Maddie caught him in a matter of moments, setting a hand on his arm.

“Eddie,” she greeted, expression somber. “I just- I wanted-” Then she was throwing her arms around Eddie, holding him tightly even as he staggered. Her face was buried in his shoulder and after a moment, he returned the hug. “Thank you,” she murmured into his shirt, gripping the material tightly. “Thank you.”

“Y-yeah,” he managed finally, his voice choking up. Maddie pulled away as suddenly as she’d initiated the hug, sniffling and swiping under her eyes as she smiled at him.

“He really likes you, you know. Says you’re the only good part about the hospital.”

Eddie’s chest was suddenly constricted as he tried to formulate a response. “I- uh-”

“I just wanted you to know,” Maddie interrupted, waving him off. “And- if you ever just want to come keep him company, I’m sure he’d love it.”

His voice was tight when he spoke. “Thank you, Maddie.”

Maddie just gave him a teary smile and nodded. “Now get home to Chris!”

“How do you-”

“Buck talks about you. A lot. And him.”

“Oh.”

Maddie shot him a wink and spun on her heel, leaving Eddie speechless in the middle of the hospital hallway. Evan talked about him.

Over the next three days, Eddie begged off all his shifts and the hospital staff, aware of the peculiar connection between Nurse Diaz and the hot, clumsy firefighter, all immediately organized a schedule to cover for him. Evan was a regular at the hospital, one they’d all grown to care for in their own ways, but none to the extent of Eddie.

He came in every day, from when he dropped Chris off at school to after visiting hours when the other nurses finally insisted he went home.

Thursday, two days before he was supposed to be pulled from the coma, the doctors told Maddie that Evan wasn’t progressing how he should be, that he’d need to stay in the coma through the weekend if he were to have any shot of recovery.

It was only Maddie and Eddie there and she’d collapsed in his arms the moment the doctors left. Neither of them went home that night. No one tried to make them.

Eddie spent practically every waking hour beside Evan’s bed after that.

Monday, Eddie walked into the hospital with a sinking feeling in his chest. Evan was supposed to wake up today. He made his way to Evan’s room, picking nervously at the sleeve of his green henley. He couldn’t explain it, but something simply felt off today. Maddie fell into step beside him a few minutes later, passing him a cup of coffee.

“Do you think-” Maddie started, but stopped herself before she could finish her thought.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Eddie reassured her, gently taking her hand and squeezing it once. “He’s a fighter, remember? He’s not going to leave you.”

Maddie stopped, halting Eddie with her, and peered up at him, head slightly cocked. “No,” she said softly. “He’s stubborn. No way he’s going to leave before he gets to tell you first.”

Eddie frowned. “What do you-”

“He’s going to tell you himself.” Maddie squeezed his hand once and tugged Eddie into moving forward again, his heart now hammering in his chest. They reached Evan’s hall and Maddie gestured for him to go ahead. “I’m going to call Chim, make sure they’re all on their way.”

Eddie nodded with a gentle smile, squeezed her hand once more, and let go. “He’s going to be so happy to see everyone.” Maddie just gave him that same, knowing smile, and nodded.

Eddie made his way down the hall and lifted his hand to knock on the door. It flew open before he had the chance, the haunting beep of a flatline filling the air. His coffee cup crashed to the floor.

“What’s happening?!” Maddie cries, the beep ringing endlessly in Eddie’s head.

The words sound empty when he says, “He’s dead. Evan’s dead.”

“No.” The word comes out as a sob, and then Maddie’s fist is slamming into Eddie’s chest. “No! No, no no, no he’s not- he can’t- no!” She’s hysterical as Eddie folds her into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest as he maneuvers them out of the doorway, her hands still beating against his torso as he cradles her head with one hand, holding her firmly with the other. She’s screaming, sobbing, collapsing as she and Eddie sink to the floor.

Eddie’s tears come silently, tracking down his cheeks as he rocks Maddie. This isn’t his loss to grieve. It’s hers, his job is to comfort her.

“He was supposed to wake up,” Maddie sobs. “He- he was supposed to tell you-”

“I know,” Eddie whispers into her hair. “They’re going to do everything they can, okay?”

“He- he can’t,” she hiccups, gripping Eddie’s green henley as a lifeline. “He can’t leave us.”

Dimly Eddie's aware of her use of us, like he’s included in those that Evan would be leaving, that would feel the loss most acutely. Like he’s a member of the family already. Which- after five years of putting Evan back together in various ways, maybe it’s not that far of a leap.

Eddie was there when Evan was crushed by the firetruck, when he thought he’d lost his entire life, everyone he loved. He was there through three of Evan’s relationships, from the start to the end. He’s been there the entirety of Evan’s career as a firefighter. He’s outlasted two partners, countless emergencies, the entire range of injury a firefighter could endure.

Eddie’s been there, all along.

He’s known by Evan’s family, his friends. He introduced Evan to his kid, years ago during the firetruck incident. Two relationships have come and gone, but Evan’s been a constant in Eddie’s life, too, in the past five years.

They’re intertwined, the two of them. Inexplicably, beautifully, tragically entwined. Eddie and Evan. two sides of a coin. One who needs to fight to stay, one who needs to be fought for. Only- now Evan’s the one who has to fight. Fight to live, fight to tell Eddie, fight to watch Maddie’s daughter grow up, fight to fight another day.

Evan has to fight.

“I have a pulse!”

It’s those words that break Eddie. He shatters on the floor of the hospital hallway, Maddie wrapped in his arms as his cries fill the building. He’s not sure when Bobby arrives, when he’s pulled into an embrace, how long he’s on the floor as he falls apart.

All he can hear is the message coursing through his entire body, the rhythm tattooed into his very heartbeat, carved into his bones. He’s alive. Evan’s alive.

It takes about an hour for Eddie to gather himself. He’s sitting out in the waiting area, trying to steady his breaths, when a soft hand lands on his shoulder. He glances up to find Maddie smiling down at him.

“Hey,” she says softly. Eddie can only nod shallowly. She chews on her lower lip, hesitating. “He’s- he’s asking for you. If you feel up to it.”

Eddie’s on his feet in an instant. “Yes. Yeah I- yes, yeah of course,” he sniffs, clearing his throat and dragging his sleeve across his face, blotting away the still damp tears on his cheeks. Maddie smiles gently and nods her head towards Evan’s room, indicating for Eddie to go ahead.

He feels like he might shatter again with each step, terrified to walk into the room and find Evan crashing again, this time without an entire team to revive him. But he forces one foot in front of the other, reminding himself to breathe.

It takes a few minutes, but finally he’s in front of Evan’s door, fist poised once again to knock.

“Come in,” Evan calls before he has the chance to know. Eddie’s breath catches, but there’s no turning back now. He sets his hand on the doorknob and pushes into the room. The breath is sucked again from his lungs at the sight of Evan, upright and conscious and smiling, and he nearly breaks again.

Instead, he asks, “How-?”

“I recognized your footsteps,” Evan says softly, looking down at his hands as his cheeks flush pink.

Eddie’s mouth is suddenly dry and all he can say is, “Oh.”

“So…” Evan starts, glancing up at him again. “Miss me?”

“Jesus, Evan,” Eddie breathes, shoulders slumping as he lifts his hand to scrub across his face. “You- you fucking terrified me. I thought you were gonna die before I could-”

“No!” Evan interrupts quickly, eyes wide. Eddie blinks, stopping in his tracks. “No, nope, no way. I did not go into a coma and then literally die just for you to not let me tell you I love you first.”

For the third time in five minutes, Eddie finds himself breathless. “You- you what?”

Evan’s mouth falls open, his expression going slack. “Fuck- fuck- is that not- do you not- oh fuck, I’m so-”

“Evan,” Eddie laughs, unable to help himself. He walks forward until he’s able to sit on the edge of Evan’s cot, taking his hands. “Maddie was right. You are so fucking stubborn.”

“Are you gonna complain about the motivations I had for staying alive or are you going to put me out of my misery?”

“In case it hasn’t been completely, disgustingly, blatantly obvious, I am very much in love with you too, Evan Buckley. Probably have been since you came in five years ago with a concussion from running into an engine door.”

“Oh god,” Evan laughs, already crying. “That is not going to be our story, you fell in love with me the first time I came in.”

“Oh you mean when you forgot your oxygen and collapsed from smoke inhalation?”

Evan winces, squeezing Eddie’s hands. “Okay you fell in love when I got crushed by the firetruck.”

Eddie clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “No one would believe that.”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

Eddie meets Evan’s gaze, smiling gently and lifting their joined hands to kiss Evan’s knuckles. “Because anyone with eyes knew I was gone for you from the moment I saw you.”

Evan swallows hard, his eyes shining with tears until he rolls them towards the ceiling and laughs wetly. “God, you’re a sap.”

“Okay Mr. “I-stayed-alive-to-confess-my-love-first,” whatever you say.”

Evan laughs, a real one this time, and warmth spreads through Eddie’s body. “Maybe we’re both saps.”

“Seems like maybe, yeah.”

“Well this sap would like to ask you on a date.”

Eddie grinned. “About time.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Evan murmured, tugging Eddie closer. “Doctor’s orders.”

“I’m pretty sure that I’m-” Evan’s lips cut off Eddie’s response but, God, Eddie’s not complaining. The kiss is soft, gentle, slow. Careful, both aware that Evan’s nowhere near recovered enough for anything more.

When they split apart, Evan grins widely at Eddie, and Eddie can feel a matching smile on his own face.

“So…” Evan starts slowly, pulling Eddie in for another kiss. “Does this mean I can get an early release?”

Eddie snorts, kissing Evan’s nose. “Bold of you to assume I’m ever letting you leave this hospital bed again.”

#tals writes #nurse eddie #evan buckley #eddie and buck #buck eddie #Eddie Diaz #buddie fic #buddie911 #hurt evan buckley #whump #anyway i hate tagging #please just read and enjoy #and comment if you feel so inclined

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