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gumnut-logic · 5 months

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Five times Alan discovered a secret and one time he kept one (Part Three)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

This one was a bit of a challenge. It fought me (that and work had worn me out by Friday, so I had to delay writing until today).

Thank you again to the amazing @onereyofstarlight for reading through and her amazing support ::hugs tight::

And Thunderfam, I know I haven't replied to anyone yet (I figure you probably want me writing more fic instead with what time I have :D ) but I have to say you've all knocked my socks off with your kindness with this one. You are a bunch of wonderful people. The Tracys would be proud.

Warnings for all the angst and hurting Tracy boys. This one hurt to write.

I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

Everything was numb.

The room was dim and grey. White sheets, blue curtains, and the beep of medical monitors.

Two of his brothers sat around the bed with him, the third lying pale, wan and silent.

It was all in such contrast to his bright and energetic fish brother. He should be sitting there smirking, telling a truly awful joke.

Lying there so still…

Alan felt the well of grief deep in his belly, threatening to reach up and overwhelm him again.

He shut it down. He couldn’t afford to feel anything right now.

He’d already had his hysterics. There were no tears left. His heart was parched and dry, quietly waiting for the rain.

For the good or the bad.

Scott sat beside the bed almost as still as Gordon. His eyes were fixed on their brother, both hands wrapped around limp fingers, holding on as if to prevent Gordon from leaving.

Again, the thought caught his throat.

He must have made a sound, as Virgil looked at him with red-rimmed eyes.

Alan looked away, back towards Gordon’s sheet-draped body.

“Allie, you want to get something to eat?”

Virgil’s soft words disturbed the silence, shifting Alan’s heartbeat.

He shook his head.

Scott looked up and the pain etched into his face cut Alan’s heart to pieces.

He swallowed hard.

Virgil’s attention switched to Scott, but he said nothing further.

“Allie?” Scott’s voice cracked.

Alan moved without any thought other than hurt. He stumbled around the bed and fell into his big brother’s arms.

Strong arms. They wrapped around him and hid him from the reality in the room.

The reality that Gordon might never wake up.

And if he did, he might not be the Gordon he knew.

Scott drew in a harsh breath in Alan’s ear and the sound that escaped between his brother’s teeth was pain itself.

Alan thought he couldn’t cry anymore, but apparently he could.

He squeezed his eyes shut and refused to let out a sound, clinging to his big brother who was trembling almost as much as he.

He clung for a moment before stronger arms were gently wrapping around the both of them. Virgil was saying something, a soft, whispering rumble Alan didn’t have the energy to understand.

Time passed. He had no clue how much, but when he finally pulled away, nothing had changed. Gordon was still lying there; Virgil’s eyes were even more red-rimmed, and Scott’s expression still hurt.

“Sorry.” Alan’s voice was scratchy and harsh.

Neither brother answered him. Virgil gently rubbed his back and Scott’s hand wrapped around his arm.

Scott’s other hand had crept back to Gordon’s fingers and was again clinging to them.

Alan took a step back and cleared his throat. “I think I’ll go and find Grandma.”

Virgil’s hand stopped it’s circular motion but didn’t leave his back. “Allie-“

He stepped away a little more, his eyes drifting to Gordon, ever so grey and still.

“I’ll be back. I just need…I’ll be back.” He turned away from all of his brothers, dislodging both their hands and darted around the bed to the door.

“Allie-“ Scott calling his name hurt, but he pushed through the door and out into the hospital corridor, striding, then running down the hall.

The nurses on duty frowned at him in concern but he ignored them and ended up at the elevators where a small group of people were waiting.

They all looked at him with as much concern as the nurses.

A sign for the stairs and he pushed through into an empty concrete stairwell, the heavy fire door closing softly behind him and shutting out the world.

He stumbled down steps until everything was quiet and he could let himself fall back against a wall and breathe.

He didn’t want to think. Thinking meant hurting and since that call from Aunt Val, that had interrupted Virgil helping him with his schoolwork oh so long ago, the world had been spinning too fast.

Gordon, his amazing fish of a brother had been in an accident. A hydrofoil going faster than it had any right to, an explosion, death, and the remains of his sunshine brother jigsawed together on that bed.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Really? How did he have any tears left?

His throat ached, his head pounded.

The concrete at his back was cold, seeping through his t-shirt.

Just breathe.

It was John’s voice. His space brother teaching him how to control himself. Panic was not recommended in space.

The stairwell swam a little through the moisture in his eyes.

Panic and emotion are dangerous in space. The first step to controlling any situation is controlling yourself.

He could see his brother floating in front of him on Five.

Scott had been ever so proud of Alan that first trip up to their orbiting Thunderbird. He wasn’t allowed up there for long. Long term effects on growing bones and bodies in space had far too many unknowns. Grandma and Virgil had wired him up like a turkey ready for roasting, drawing as much data as possible as to how his body functioned in space. There was no way his family was going to risk him.

At thirteen he was still nodding at most of what his family told him, but there were frustrations. He wanted to be out there like John. John got to do amazing things while Alan was stuck at home doing schoolwork and could only watch.

But Scott had finally said yes to starting his training and that had led to finally being allowed up onto Five to learn with his brother.

It was amazing.

And frustrating even more because it was all moving so slowly.

Control meant safety.

John’s voice, ever so calm, bounced around his head.

Control.

He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. Let it out, let it take his tension with it.

Draw in another clean breath.

Let it all out.

Another.

Slow your heart rate.

John’s voice was melodic, almost hypnotising.

Calm.

Apparently this would all come naturally…eventually. For the moment he was still learning, but he was determined to get into space and make his family proud.

Scott smiled at him, blue eyes glistening.

Alan let out another breath and…

A door banged open somewhere above, and he jumped.

“I don’t appreciate your tone, Mr Tracy.” Aunt Val’s voice was sharp and commanding.

“And I don’t appreciate the GDF’s lack of assistance in this matter.” John’s voice reeked of sarcastic formality. “It is clear there are suspicious circumstances. Why aren’t you investigating?”

“As I stated earlier, we do not have jurisdiction.”

“Bullshit!”

Alan flinched. John rarely swore. In English, anyway. That was usually a thing for his military brothers.

“Are you going to sit and watch this one out just like you did with the Zero X?

Alan froze.

“John, I-“

“No, there are no excuses, Colonel. This is about family. How many more Tracys have to die before the GDF actually does their job? No wonder my father felt the need to spend billions to save lives. Someone has to.”

“Mr Tracy.” Her voice was like ice. “I understand the stress you are under, so I will excuse your remarks. However…” Her tone softened. “John, I will do my best. I promise.”

“Since when has that ever been enough?”

There was silence after that, followed by a door opening and closing.

Alan forced himself to start breathing again.

A scuffle of shoes on concrete proved that only one person had left the stairwell. The remaining soul suddenly let out a sob.

Moving ever so quietly, Alan crossed the stairwell and peered up the stairs.

His star brother had his back to the concrete wall just inside the fire door. His head was in his hands as he let himself slide down the wall until his butt hit the floor.

The sound of crying echoed down the steps.

John never cried.

Out of all of them, he was the calm one. Likely because of his job in space and that control and all. That and if he did, he did it in space where no one could see or hear him.

So seeing him crumpled on the floor sobbing into his hands…

Alan put his foot on the first step to climb up…

The fire door flew open with a bang.

Alan scuttled backwards into the shadows.

“Oh, John, honey.” Grandma hurried over and wrapped his brother in her arms. She drew his head to her shoulder.

Alan’s eyes widened as John clung to their grandmother, so far from the calm man Alan knew.

“I should’ve seen it.” The words were rasped out.

“You can’t see everything, honey. You’re not a god.”

“But I should-”

“You were busy with Scott in Japan. You were doing your job.”

“Just like I did with Dad.”

“John!”

But nothing more was said for some time and Alan grew more worried by the moment. His family was falling apart.

John was a huddled mess in the corner of a hospital stairwell, the concrete as grey as Gordon’s room.

Alan’s chest tightened again.

“John, Alan, get back here now!” Virgil’s voice was harsh over comms.

Alan didn’t think, he just moved. John and Grandma made it through the stairwell door while Alan was only halfway up the steps. He cursed himself for leaving in the first place.

The corridor was an ignored blur and he threw himself through it at a run. He skidded into Gordon’s room, past a jagged hole in the door itself that hadn’t been there when he’d left.

His family was crowded around Gordon, his fish brother’s eyes open and staring at Scott.

Voice whisper quiet. “Keep th-the noise down. Tryna sleep.”

Gordon’s eyes closed and his face relaxed.

Alan bit the inside of his cheek and looked up at Scott.

Exhausted blue eyes shone with hope.

-o-o-o-

Part 4

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #alan tracy #john tracy #scott tracy #virgil tracy #gordon tracy #sally tracy #grandma tracy #val casey #nuttyfic #thunderangst #all the warnings #this one hurt

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lolia21 · 1 month

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I have an angsty sanders sides hc

Hear me out

Virgil is Thomas' fear/anxiety so he reacts to when Thomas or any of the sides are upset about something. I came up with the when I was watching the intrusive thoughts episode and they point out that virgil and Patton where the ones freaking out. What if it was Patton freaking out and virgil was just reacting to how anxious that made Thomas?

So the hc is that Virgil doesn't actually dislike Janus or Remus. It's just his job to make sure that Thomas something is wrong or upsetting. Like he knows that those parts of him upset him or parts of him, so he naturally rejects them. He's like an unwilling Warden. In charge of making sure the parts of Thomas that could cause hum distress don't.

Janus knows this and knows it actually hurts Virgil a lot to go against sides that he used to (and still kind of is) be friends with. Janus and Remus are constantly referencing this secret Virgil has. Even after Thomas knows about the other dark sides. My hc is that they know the truth and what Janus, especially, is pushing for is Virgil explaining the impossible task he has.

Janus knows that part of Thomas taking care of his mental health is Virgil not constantly working over time reacting to Patton and Roman's negative reaction to them.

Virgil doesn't want to bring it up because he knows how guilty Patton and Thomas would feel. He also thinks being honest would make them and Roman feel like they have to change instead of letting them do it naturally.

Idk I just like the idea that Virgil is torn between the two sides not only because he wants the light sides and Thomas to like him but also because it's literally in his nature to react negatively to them regardless of his personal feelings.

I really like leaning into the nature of them being representations of emotions and the limitations and complexity that would bring.

I like to imagine that he just collapses at some point and asks for Janus to take care of him becuase that what he always does. Janus takes him back to where the dark sides are and finally explains the situation. It's a moment of really healing and comfort for Virgil and we get to see peak mom friend Janus. Also the light sides and Thomas trying to figure out how to navigate this.

#virgil sanders #sanders sides #ts janus #ts remus #ts roman #light sides #dark sides #hurt/comfort #angst #headcanon

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bumb1e-vee · 1 month

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Virgil couldn't stand it. Though it wasn't their fault (never their fault those two were perfect). They were the perfect mix of logic and passion and Virgil just whishes he was able to be included in that love that the two of them share. It hurt, his arms ached and burned when he saw them cuddle, tears pricked at his eyes when he watched them share sweet nothings during movie nights, his heart felt like it was being squeezed in an iron fist when the two of them held hands. It hurt the worst when they sat right beside him.

He couldn't help it, after he saw the two of them together, he ran up into his room, locked the door and started sobbing on the floor, not even making it to his bed. He had gone downstairs for a snack, and when he was in the living room he saw Logan and Roman making out on the couch. It made his heart shatter (the pieces of his heart always chipped away the more he saw the two of them together like that), and his eyes prick with tears that he managed to keep at bay until he was alone in his room, skin stinging with phantom touches, not knowing the feeling of loving touch (He wishes he could be between the two of them on the couch, smothered in those sugary sweet kisses he watches them indulge in).

But Virgil knows better than that, he knows better than to wish for such things. He knows better than to know that he's worth their love (he wants to be, so desperately, he wants nothing more than to be worthy of them). Logan and Roman were the perfect match, logic and creativity, brains and passion, and who was Virgil to think he deserved a spot in love with them, he had a perpetual storm cloud hanging over his head. He'd only put a damper on the perfect happiness the two of them had.

He picked himself up off the ground and got into the shower, that way his sobs could be masked by the running water and the playlist he chose to put on. A bunch of breakup and unrequited love songs used to put salt into his wounds.

(How could he listen to anything else, his heart was screaming in pain?). Virgil sat in the shower until the water ran cold and the playlist had played out at least three times. His eyes were red rimmed and his skin was wrinkled as he pulled on a tee shirt and a pair of shorts. It was only about 5:30 at night, well before dinner, but Virgil didn't see himself going to dinner with the others. (He didn't want to face the other two and sit across from them to see them so in love). It didn't matter that much he decided. He pulled out his phone and opened tiktok, the endless doom scrolling was about to begin, and he could at the very least distract himself from the growing hole in his heart.

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typically-untypical · 9 months

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Their Emotions

Per @amateurmasksmith's request!

AU: Canon divergent

CW: None that I know of

WC: 1937

Date: August 11th, 2023

Janus pulled the gloves securely around his hands, lingering as he looked down at the yellow fabric. Yes he liked the aesthetic but that wasn't the predominant reason he wore the constrictive fabric. In fact, Janus didn't dress the way he did purely because the dark and mysterious vibe was a fun persona to play, rather his touch was a beautiful and dangerous thing. He doubted others were affected by his power, they had their own things to deal with. Thomas was a whole person, but they were fragments, pieces, and with that came certain quirks. Patton could literally starve if he wasn't touched; Logan turned into a statue when Thomas had brain freeze, and when he was younger, Virgil had wings as a part of the whole "Fight or flight" mantra. Not all of their quirks were tied to idioms, some of them were just because of how Thomas viewed the world, or how he wanted the world to be. Janus assumed that was how he turned out to be an empath, something along the lines of deceitful people being the most in tune to other people's emotions. Fortunately, it was only when he had skin to skin contact. He could hide behind his layers of clothing and be spared the other's feelings. It was overwhelming.

Back when Janus was still Self-Preservation, when he wasn't seen as a villain, his small hands would reach for Patton's. Emotions gave off such beautiful feelings, love and care that filled the sense in every way. Holding Patton's hand was like being encompassed by home, the smell of dinner cooking, the hum of happy melodies. Janus had loved holding tightly to Patton and that feeling. The gloves hadn't become a staple to his ensemble until they were in elementary school. Love didn't last, and the warmth turned to disappointment as Janus reached for Patton's hand. It burned worse than anything he had ever felt; it was a stabbing pain through his heart and he had pulled his hand away like he had touched fire. Patton's disappointment grew on his face. Janus and Remus were pushed away from Thomas shortly after that, and Janus wore gloves to keep him from reaching out for a comfort that would never come.

Long sleeves came next, a heated fight with Virgil turned nearly violent as the anxious side grabbed his arm.

"I need you to listen to me!" Virgil had screamed, but all Janus could feel was fear, pain, and anger. He had yanked his arm away, putting on his most deceitful smile as he fought to catch his breath. He had known about Virgil's pain but he had never understood the depths of it. He wish he could help the anxious side; he wished he could explain why they needed to hide, why they couldn't tell anyone about their feelings.

"Thomas isn't ready to know that much about himself, and it will only cause him pain in the end." He knew Virgil needed more of an explanation than that, but he was so focused on the pain of lying that he couldn't see the monsters around them, the way their life could fall apart if they told the truth. All Virgil knew was the pressure to be good, to share everything, the pressure not to lie. His fear lingered in Janus' heart, beating rapidly as he questioned his own decision.

Virgil looked at him disgusted, sneering "you're nothing but a liar" before walking away. That was when he started being called Deceit. No longer was he the side that wanted to protect Thomas, that was Virgil's job. Virgil was looking out for Thomas, trying to protect him from the world. Janus was just... deceit. That was also the day he stopped leaving his arms vulnerable to touch. Virgil's fingers left lingering prickles of panic. He never really figured how to get rid of the feeling, but it was fine. Janus donned a black shirt that covered his arms, a color Virgil favored, and everything was fine.

The capelet was next, a memory he chose not to focus on as pushed away the feeling of fingers on his throat. Anger was such an unpleasant feeling to experience second hand. He hated the idea that anyone could force him to lose sight of his job. Anger burned, anger consumed. It choked him with its smoke and fire as Nisus held onto his throat. Janus had spent so long pushing down his anger, pushing down the frustration and pain but Nisus had pulled it out with a single touch. The destructive path he left behind had scared even Remus.

Never again.

He didn't need to know what the others felt. He didn't want to know. He could no longer pull up the memories of Patton's love and care. Touch only brought pain, and so Janus stayed covered.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts as he walked into the common area.

"Morning Janus!" Patton was the first to greet him, disappointment had faded into pity, much the same way Patton had pitied Virgil in the beginning. It was a step in the right direction, but it was a far cry from the love Janus' heart remembered.

"Good Morning," He responded smoothly, walking over to his seat and surveying the others. He knew how they all felt about him. There was no need to brush his fingers against their arms, to feel the thrum of their emotions in his own heart.

Roman was discussing something with Virgil who was listening, but just barely.

Contempt. Betrayal.

Logan was reading a book, curled up in a posture he would yell at anyone else for having.

Nothing. That almost hurt worse.

Patton was walking over to him.

Pity.

"Hey Jannie, it's been hot the past few days so we were all thinking of going to the imagination to go swimming."

Swimming required a swimsuit, which typically required fewer layers. He could put on a wetsuit but the idea of wet clothes against his scales was completely unappealing. He typically loved the beach, curling up in the warm sand, allowing the salty water to occasionally spray him and cool him down. He didn't want to say no to a family excursion when they were all beginning to get along, but he couldn't risk touching them. He didn't want to know. He wasn't afraid... hesitant was a better word. "If I do join you I will most likely stay on the beach, I'm not a fan of swimming." He could stay in his full outfit and it wouldn't be a problem.

"I know you're supposed to be the lord of the lies," Remus chimed in from the air grate, sticking his head out. They had reinforced the air ducts for exactly this reason. "One of your favorite activities is laying on a rock in the sun while the cool waves brush against you. You won't even let me make the rock poisonous or anything like that."

Janus hissed at Remus who disappeared back into the HVAC system, giggling manically. Janus had taken years to be comfortable being dressed down in front of Remus, almost a decade even, but he was immediately beginning to regret that decision as the others looked at him. The problem was now, whether or not he told the truth they'd have their suspicions. He cautioned on another lie.

"Apologies, the truth is embarrassing which is why I didn't lead with that. I don't like being less than fully covered in front of others."

This time it was Virgil who snorted and chimed in. "You weren't always that way. You used to love showing off your arms and-" Virgil cut himself off and Janus knew they had both had the same thought. That was before Virgil and him were arguing, before Janus became a snake. Honestly, being part snake didn't bother Janus, but he was happy for Virgil to make that assumption.

"As I said, I'd be happy to attend, but I will remain on the beach." He tilted his head to the side, doing his best to give off an unassuming smile. He didn't focus on the way Roman rolled his eyes, or on the way Virgil glared at him like he was a puzzle.

"Well, if that will make you the happiest, kiddo." Patton chimed, his own voice strained and Janus was debating backing out entirely.

"I will also stay on the beach. I have a few books I would like to finish, but getting out in the pseudo fresh air should be good for all of us." Logan had set down his book and was looking at all of the others. The idea that Janus wouldn't be alone on the beach seemed to relax Patton.

"I'll prepare a picnic," he clamored, making his way toward the kitchen.

The four remaining sides sat in awkward silence. Logan looked like he had something to say. Roman was obviously trying to avoid looking at Janus. He still argued that things were getting better, but they certainly weren't anywhere near pleasant.

"Roman, don't you need Virgil to help you pick out your outfit for the beach?"

"What? I would-" His dramatic statement was cut off as Logan looked at him. The logical side wasn't being subtle but maybe he wasn't trying to be. That wasn't his strong suit.

"Right, of course, come on Virgil." Virgil looked between Logan and Janus before sighing.

"Yeah, okay, whatever."

Soon it was just Janus and Logan in the room, and Logan took a seat again, this time a little closer to Janus. "I don't understand what has you hesitant to be loosely clothed in front of us, but know we will respect your needs... at least, I will."

Janus snorted and gently shook his head. "That was never in doubt for me Logan, you are respectful to a fault."

"A fault?" His eyebrow quirked in question.

"Sometimes it would benefit you to be more selfish and demand your own needs be met."

"Although I don't necessarily disagree with you, I believe the conversation was supposed to be about your needs and wants and not my own."

"Do you truly believe I am not taking care of my needs?" Janus asked, putting his hand to his chest. "I am Thomas' sense of self-preservation."

Logan stared at him with a deadpan look. "And Virgil is Thomas' anxiety. He enjoys giving anxiety but also gets anxiety, we are facsimiles of people. We are complex."

It was kind for him to care, though, strange. "I stand by my earlier statement. You care more than you should." Janus shook his head. "By sitting on the beach I will be taking care of my needs. I will be able to remain fully clothed while continuing to build the bonds which will suit all of us and Thomas far more than our current situation does."

The other side continued to look at him with that quirked eyebrow but eventually relented. "If you would like to talk about the reason you are adverse to showing us your skin and scales, I am here to listen." Logan stood up. "I should also get ready. Patton will be wanting to leave the moment he is done in the kitchen."

As soon as Logan left, Janus let out a soft sigh. He knew how they all felt. He was sure he did... then why did his fingers tingle to reach out for Logan, to see if there was truth in his statement? Janus looked down at his gloved hands. One day. Maybe one day he would be able to reach out to one of them.

Tag List: @simplestoryteller @fantasticfangirl21 @joylessnightsky @glacierruler

#sanders side fic #fanfic #sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #Janus Sanders #Janus angst #hurt/comfort #mildly unresolved

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erudori · 5 months

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art dump- i drew all of these TODAY, wouldn't you know

#project arrhythmia #art #originaldesign #my brain hurts so much GAUGHHHHG #crystalmonarchy #hal #virgil #loony

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yourchemicallyimbalancedromance · 6 months

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The Time Will Come

Prompt: 17. “You’re shaking like a leaf, are you okay?” (Credit to @/dumplingsjinson for this idea that I found from their hurt/comfort prompt list which you can find here<3)

Summary: post WTIT, Logan goes to an unsuspected side to garner their help.

Ship: platonic analogical

CW/TW: anxiety

———————————————————————

Logan rose up in the anxious sides room, pad of paper still in hand, exhausted and aggravated.

Virgil hadn’t heard him come in, the music from his headphones preventing him from being able to hear much of anything. He was sketching on his bed and mumbling the words to the song he was listening to to himself. This was his way of coping through the unease that rippled its way through Thomas because of Remus’ actions.

Logan stood there, waiting for Virgil to notice him. He didn’t want to bother him but he didn’t really feel as if he had anyone else to go to. Roman was busy rehearsing lines for a play, Patton was free but he was just…too sentimental, and Remus and Janus? No. Absolutely not.

Virgil could feel someone looking at him and looked up, quickly jumping back. “GAH!” he removed his headphones and took a second to catch his breath. “Jesus fucking Christ, Logan, you could’ve said something.”

“Apologies. I was wondering if we could converse about something important” he said, setting his pad of paper on Virgil’s desk. His hands were shaking.

Virgil recognized this subtle action as something Logan only did when he was overwhelmed with emotion. It’s funny, In a sick way. Logan was the one who taught him and the rest of the sides that suppression wasn’t helpful, yet he continued to put on this emotionless persona daily.

“God, you’re shaking like a leaf, are…you okay?” He asked, concerned.

Logan shook his head, suddenly all of the thoughts in his head were jumbled, he couldn’t speak. “I— Thomas keeps— Remus—“ he tried on multiple different ways of starting his sentence before he couldn’t stand upright, the shaking getting worse, tears in his eyes. He felt embarrassed, this wasn’t how he wanted this to go.

Virgil rushed to his side and held him as he collapsed into his arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay, breathe.” He says warmly.

“he won’t listen to me.” He said, taking deep breaths and composing himself. He stopped shaking and sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed.

“Logan, you need to talk to him. Not only is this effecting you, but all of us. Pushing down how you feel does nothing but make it worse.” Virgil says. He didn’t want to be so brutally honest with him, but he had no choice, enough was enough.

“I am the Logical side, Virgil, not the anxious side. I’m fine. I’m more concerned with Thomas’ procrastination issue.” Logan responds

“Really? Because the borderline breakdown you just had speaks otherwise.” He retorts. He winced a little at how cutting his voice sounded.

“The house is a mess I just need him to—“

“The house is a mess because Thomas is, same thing for you. You have emotions, Logan. I’m sorry but you have to face it just like the rest of us. The house is one of the lowest things on my list of priorities right now. You need to talk to him.”

“Fine.” Logan replied half-heartedly.

———————————————————————

After his initial conversation with Virgil, Logan found Thomas sitting in the living room re-watching Parks and Recreation with Nico. It was his 17th time rewatching it and he kept pointing out his favorite parts while Nico laughed.

It had been a few hours since their venture downtown and Logan didn’t want to intrude on their date. Or more-so, he was afraid to.

Eventually Thomas walked into the kitchen where Logan was standing, sipping his coffee, going over the script in his head. He was at the part where he was explaining the issue to Thomas when present Thomas interrupted him.

“Hey, Logan im sorry about earlier, I promise I’ll get back on schedule soon.” He says

Logan gave him a stoic look. “Thomas, we need to talk about this. I think your procrastination levels are just growing increasingly more high by the day. Why is that?”

“I really don’t want to talk about this right now, I just wanted to let you know that I would, eventually, be getting back on—“

“Thomas, this is extremely important. I’m tired of you pushing me off to the side.” Logan interrupted him, flustered.

Thomas stared at him, shocked, a hurt look on his face. “I wasn’t trying to do that I just don’t want to—“

“Forget about it.” Logan says, cutting him off, watching Thomas’ face go from hurt to heartbroken. He couldn’t find it within himself to care, he was too tired, too maddened with Thomas’ apparent need to not listen to him.

He sinks back down into Virgil’s room, sitting on his bed, just as he was earlier.

Virgil looks up, and Logan doesn’t even have to say anything before Virgil just wraps his arms around him and holds him close. “He’ll listen soon. I promise. I know what it’s like to not feel heard.”

Logan nods and lets himself be held. Usually he’s not one for psychical touch, or any kind of show of affection for that matter, but he needed this. He really needed this.

“Thank you, Virgil.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #logan sanders #ts logan #ts patton #patton sanders #roman sanders #ts roman #ts remus #remus sanders #ts janus #janus sanders #Nico #hurt/comfort #angst

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gravedigg · 5 months

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This is what Virgil looks like in game, btw. He’s a revenge oath paladin, but my head canon is that he picked up the first armor he found on the nautiloid. Everyone just assumed he was a paladin and he didn’t know any better.

#Virgil Acheron #bg3 #durge #I romanced Gale by accident #I think it’s a mod glitch or something but it’s too late now #I can’t hurt his feelings

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staledirt87 · 10 months

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Finished it! It's not a groundbreaking work or smth like that but I'm proud of it and it's one of the few pieces I a.) Actually paid attention to the shading and b.) Fixed the lineart once I found something wrong with it

(Click for better quality)

#virgil sanders fanart #my art #artists on tumblr #fan art #virgil sanders #sanders sides fanart #sanders sides #spider virgil #dark side virgil #my leg is cramping and my eyes hurt

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pencilpat · 6 months

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Breaking Things - Analogical

This sat in my drafts for a bit, because it makes me emotional. This is simply a hurt/comfort expression of thoughts about Virgil giving comfort to Logan's ongoing struggles with his and Thomas's emotions. I see analogical as queerplatonic, but romantic interpretation is ok with me!

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A crash resounds from the hallway, so loud that Virgil curls in on himself with a gasp and Roman lets out a slight scream. They blink and look at each other, fingers paused on the controls of a video game.

"What was that?" Virgil groans.

"I don't know, probably just Remus- Jump back to game world, Gloomba." Roman nudges his arm with his elbow and jerks his head towards their stalled game. Virgil rolls his eyes, and he's about to retort, when a bang sounds from the same area. Virgil flinches again. A swelling pit seeps through his gut, suddenly, the mindspace seeming to darken around them.

"Wait," he says, standing, dropping his controller and moving away like a man possessed, "Something is actually wrong." His voice wavers, slightly too deep, slightly too echoey, as he senses the panic among them.

Roman groans at him and pauses the game, tempted to unpause and kill Virgil's character for fun as he watches him disappear down the hall that contains their bedrooms. Virgil ghosts down the hall as quietly as he can, dragging his hand along the wall, listening for sounds that would explain the distress he senses. Another smaller crash pipes up from the door with a silver 'L' engraved on it. Target acquired, Virgil walks towards Logan's door with worry creasing his brow.

He knocks, gentle just in case. "Logan?" he calls it just loud enough to be heard, knowing how noise can aggravate Logan when he's already upset. "Can you come to the door?"

There's silence, at first. Then he hears hesitant footsteps walk to the door. It doesn't open. "Do you need something, Virgil?" Logan's voice makes Virgil cringe, that crisp monotone that he uses when concealing, masking, himself.

"Uh, yeah. I sense your distress, y'know. It's kind of my job. I thought all of you knew that by now," he mutters the last part, scratching and tugging at the beanie he wears over his hair. He can practically hear Logan breathe in, his irritation loud as always.

"I'm fine."

"Then open the door," Virgil spits out so fast he barely thinks about it, blinking at his own boldness. Logan stills again behind the door. Virgil hears him sigh, and the door creaks open, just a crack, enough that Logan's face is in his view. And wow, does he look like shit. "Wow, you look like shit."

Logan glares at him through exhausted, reddened eyes - from crying or tiredness, Virgil can't tell - and glasses just barely askew. He wears no necktie, unlike his usual attire, just a polo. "Astute observation. What do you need."

"I- I don't know, I'm checking on you! Can I come in? I mean, you usually let me come in?"

Logan's eyes flash, something seeming off about them, so suddenly there and then gone that Virgil misses it. "Virgil," he groans, the mask slipping as he runs a hand down his face, further disrupting his glasses. "I said I'm fine, is that not sufficient?"

"No, L, it's not." Virgil breathes in heavily, and then shoves into Logan quickly, pushing both of them into the room. Logan gives a small, angry cry, stumbling backwards.

"Virgil! That is a complete breach of privacy, what are you-"

"Logan- Woah, Logan, what happened in here?" Virgil's eyes are held wide as he takes in a thoroughly damaged version of the usually pristine room. Logan's entire desk has been overturned, and the objects on his shelves seem tossed at the wall in a fit. The shelves that hold all of Thomas's memories seem untouched, thankfully. There are several empty jars of Logan's favourite jam, enough to be eaten in weeks seemingly eaten in only a few hours. Virgil looks back to his friend, arms extended between them in question. Logan is staring hard at the floor, anger creasing his features. "What happened?"

Logan's eyes flit around, landing on anything but Virgil's face. Finding only the signs of his episode surrounding him, he breathes in sharply, and then deflates as his breath leaves him. Logan walks quietly to his bed, and sits on the edge, leaning over himself and covering his face with his hands. His knuckles are reddened as though he's been hitting something - or himself. Virgil trails behind him on instinct, settling beside him instantly. He touches his shoulder softly, massaging his fingers into the muscle of his arm, grounding, soothing. Logan's tenseness settles slightly, calmed by the familiarity of their times comforting each other. This level of upsetness isn't something Virgil has seen coming from Logan, specifically, and it leaves him white-faced and drawn.

"I think- I think something might be wrong with me." Logan's voice shakes, a light rattle of fear. He looks down at his own hands like they're not a part of his body.

"Seems like it, bud," Virgil sighs. "Did something uh- upset you? Or..?"

"Everything." Logan barks sharply, his mouth held thin. "I don't know. I can't- I can not tell what's causing this."

"Causing what, teach?" Virgil moves his arms around his friend's body, now massaging both of his shoulders as well as holding him. He presses the pads of his fingers into his skin firmly, coaxing him back from that spot five feet to the left of himself. Logan leans into him, his eyes closing tightly.

"Do you remember when I threw paper at Roman, a while back?"

Virgil snorts. "Sure do. Funny stuff."

"It wasn't." Logan's fist tenses against his leg, pressing down into himself. "I didn't feel like- like me. Like myself. Something wasn't right. I was... overcome."

Virgil stops massaging him, setting a hand on his cheek and drawing him to look at him. "L, I'm being so serious when I say to tell me exactly what you mean by that."

Logan withers slightly under direct eye contact, but he holds it due to the seriousness of Virgil's voice. "I don't know, Virgil." He feels slightly taken aback, not fully prepared to explain this emotion. "It has happened more than once, I know that. I feel very- very suddenly grasped by something. Like something is squeezing me." As he speaks his eyes squeeze closed again, flitting back and forth under their lids as though searching for the answer beneath them.

Virgil breathes. "Oh. Well, that could be a panic attack, Lo." He tries to conceal relief in his voice under concern. "Is it your chest, specifically?"

"Virgil," Logan suddenly grabs his hand, staring down at his unmade blankets and breathing heavily for a moment. He manages to meet his eyes, misery making them watery and strained. "I have had panic attacks before, all of us have, when Thomas has them. It isn't like that feeling. It's- it's hot. Like a burning." Logan's opposite hand ghosts over his own throat, clenching and unclenching. "I don't know what it means. I am still me. But it's also not me. Burningly not me."

Virgil flinches under his intensity, wide eyes seeming wider with the dark makeup below them. Logan's behaviour is scaring him. He tries to think if Thomas has experienced much dissociation before, but no incidents come to mind. He blinks dumbly as he comes up with nothing to help. Logan's eyes drift away as the silence stretches. All of him drifts, suddenly, to the side as he falls onto his pillows with a dull thud. Virgil crawls up on the bed beside him cautiously, laying next to him and beginning to massage his arm again gently, knocking their foreheads together.

"You are yourself. We're all ourself. Feeling big things doesn't make us not 'us'. Just us, yeah? Just Thomas."

"Just Thomas," Logan parrots under his breath, eyes closing above deep purple eyebags nearly rivalling Virgil's. Virgil lays beside him, not knowing what else to say but wanting to do anything he can. He soothes at Logan's tense muscles in the semi-strained silence around them, silently offering anything he can give. The pit in his gut suddenly unravels just as Logan's breathing evens out. The rhythm of the massage and his exhaustion from wrecking his room seemingly caused him to fall asleep unceremoniously. Virgil sighs through his nose, glancing over the messy room and his friend's face.

He scoots closer to him, removing Logan's glasses gently and settling in the space of his side, faintly resting his arm over his stomach, soft as not to disturb him. If he fell asleep that suddenly, he must need it, and Virgil wouldn't disturb his most stressed companion's rest for anything.

"We'll figure it out, bud," he whispers to him, promising reverently even though Logan can't hear. "We'll all... be okay. For now." He chuckles at his own dire pessimism, and lets himself rest as well in the crook of his friend's sturdy arm. The room looms darkly around them, but they are safe, curled against each other through the darkness, only ever themself. Only ever Thomas, and all the pieces that come with him.

#sanders sides #analogical #qpp analogical #platonic analogical #hurt/comfort #virgil sanders #logan sanders #tss logan #tss virgil #sanders sides fanfic #tss fanfic

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virgil-my-emo-son · 5 months

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Spiral Out, Try to Float--Logan and Virgil, Hurt/Comfort

Requested by @amateurmasksmith a very long time ago 😭 Apologies for how long this took. School's been crazy!

Summary: Logan has an anxiety attack. Virgil helps him.

Relationships: Platonic Analogical

Words: 610

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51837730

The world was spinning. Which, of course, it was supposed to, but not like this.

Logan put his head in his hands, breathing fast. Snippets from his extensive to-do list whirled in his brain. Write current skit. Brainstorm next skit. Schedule meeting with Roman. He squeezed his eyes shut. Deep-clean kitchen. Write next week’s schedule.

Logan knew what he should do, Patton had talked him through things after the last time he’d had an attack like this. Close his eyes, take deep breaths, think of calm imagery. A still lake. The peace of deep space.

He couldn’t seem to get enough control of himself to do any of that now, though. I’ll never get all of it done. Never. He could feel the corners of his eyes begin to prickle with tears. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be crying over this.

“Logan?”

Logan’s head snapped towards the door. Virgil leaned against the doorframe, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, his face contorted in concern.

“Will you—will you—will you close the door?” Logan stammered. Virgil pulled the door shut, walking into the room.

“You okay? Well, I mean, clearly… what’s up?” Virgil sat on the side of the desk; one hand emerging from his pocket to run through his hair.

“I’m—” Logan forced himself to take a long, shuddering breath. “I just have a lot going on.”

“And you’re having an anxiety attack.” Virgil said gently.

Logan took another breath. “No… you have anxiety attacks. I don’t.”

Virgil laughed. “Logan, you absolutely have anxiety attacks.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You’re shaking.” Virgil pointed out. Logan looked at his hand, and sure enough, it was trembling. “You’re having an anxiety attack. It’s okay.”

“I need to get things done. I need to get things done. I don’t—I can’t—it’ll never get finished.” Logan’s breathing got quick again as he refocused on his issue.

“Logan.” Virgil’s hand hovered above his. “Can I touch you?”

Logan’s eyes flicked up to Virgil’s as he nodded. Virgil took Logan’s hand. “Can you focus on me for a bit? Focus on my hand, how it feels in yours.”

Logan closed his eyes, moving his entire awareness to his fingers intertwined with Virgil’s. He noticed every little twitch of his fingers, the weight of Virgil’s hand, the sweat on his palm. His breathing began to slow.

“Good.” Virgil murmured. “Now can you imagine space? Neptune, or the butterfly nebula, or… anything like that?”

Logan almost smiled at that. He’d rambled enough about space that Virgil knew it was an interest of his, but he talked about his favorite planet and nebula more than other topics.

He envisioned the butterfly nebula, its vibrant colors, its ever-shifting forms and shapes. He lost himself in it, Virgil’s hand his tether as his breathing evened out and his heart rate slowed back to normal.

Virgil squeezed his hand. “Logan?”

Logan exhaled, opening his eyes. “Yes.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“Yeah?”

Logan nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” Virgil gave Logan’s hand another squeeze, then released it.

“Don’t—” Logan swallowed. “Don’t leave.”

“I won’t leave.” Virgil gave him a soft smile. “Do you want to do something, and then if you want you can come back to your work? When I’m stressed, I make myself tea.”

“I believe that would be a prudent step to take.”

Virgil laughed a little. “Prudent. Back to your vocab already.”

Logan smiled a bit, too. “Prudent isn’t an excessively difficult or complicated word.”

“I guess, but it’s not the most common word in the world, either.”

“I suppose.”

“Come on.” Virgil hopped off the desk. “Lets’ get you some tea.”

#virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #platonic analogical #anxiety attacks #hurt/comfort #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #fic requests #fic

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southern--downpour · 11 months

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having upsetting thoughts about the “live” ending

#what would he think? would he think the audience just wants to see him suffer for as long as he's entertaining?#how do you feel being dragged away knowing you're going to loose every memory you've ever had after just getting them all back?#how do you come to terms with the fact that you *begged* to die and they refused you?#do you think h'ed fight back? or just accept his fate silently and let himself be dragged away by showfall's drones?#sorry genloss is giving me such severe brainrot #it hurts me so good #honest to god want to write stuff for this and i am not a writer #shut up virgil #genloss #like you know if chat picked live it'd be because we couldnt stand to kill him/had *some* kind of hope he could escape eventually #but he wouldnt know that #he'd just think that however many people (hundreds? thousands? he doesnt know) wanted him to suffer #i so fucking wish gl!ranboo could know just how badly chat wanted to find a way to save him #GENUINELY almost tied the poll 50/50 to find any other option than kill him or have him suffer #uwahhhhhhhh

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anfieldroad · 6 days

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the bffs! love them for real

#ederson would fight virgil if he ever hurt ali #but mo is the OG for me

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radar-chaos · 5 months

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Okay first of all

Someone clean Patton's wounds I am BEGGING

Read tags for this one, lol

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typically-untypical · 4 months

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On the Outside

AU: Merpeople

CW: Blood and Injury, Janus Angst

WC: 3,753

Date: 12/10/2023

The ceremony was beautiful. It was everything Janus had come to expect from Roman, grand, extravagant, and beautiful. Logan, despite his attempts to remain stoic, was ever the blushing sacrifice, his life made into a promise to love and to cherish their king. Janus turned from the sight, and swam away unable to watch for another moment. First it had been Virgil, always Janus' antagonist, always so afraid of failure. Janus had fallen in love with the way he protected others, with the sarcastic wit he used to hide his insecurities. Janus had fallen in love with Virgil, and Virgil had fallen in love with the king.

Apparently, Roman was the adventurous type, always attempting to escape his duties as monarch of their fair city, always running from the coral spires that they called a palace. He and Virgil had met on one of those outings and had bonded. At first, Janus didn't think anything would come of it, the two were constantly arguing, constantly fighting, then the day came when he saw them. They were making out behind the jeweler's shop and when they separated for more than an inch, Virgil's eyes were filled with so much love.

Janus had swallowed his feelings and moved on, refusing to pull himself into a situation where he would get hurt. Janus was smart enough to know he didn't have a chance against a king, and if he had made a move beforehand, it would have only made things strained between them. So he let go. He let go of his best childhood friend. He let go of the first mer he loved. He moved on.

Virgil became the king's first sacrifice, a title denoting the life Virgil would have to sacrifice to be by Roman's side, the people he would sacrifice. It also denoted Roman's sacrifice of safety. When a king announced he loved someone so publicly, it gave his enemies a target, a manipulative tool. There were many mer that would use any opportunity they could to take advantage of the king, and having a beloved, having a sacrifice, meant opening up one more avenue for manipulation and treason. The title of sacrifice was a reminder, and a promise.

Despite that, Virgil didn't leave them behind. He still visited whenever he got the chance. He made excuse after excuse to come see Janus and Logan, often times Roman would come along and Janus would play the part of a gracious host. He couldn't deny the king was good looking, but he was not a fan of the way he strutted about as if he owned the place. He did own the place, in a manner of speaking, but it still pissed Janus off. Though, that wasn't the full truth either, was it. Janus had been jealous, jealous of the way Roman would flirt with Logan, jealous of the way Logan looked at Roman and Virgil. It had been naïve to hope, but Janus had thought, with Virgil gone, he might finally make a move on Logan. It was the two of them, and they had been able to take solace in each other.

That hadn't lasted long. Janus had watched quietly as Roman flustered Logan, spun him around in circles until he could only look forward. Janus had watched as Virgil pulled Logan out of his shell. He even answered Logan's questions when he asked about emotions. Janus had watched it all fall apart, sitting by and not saying a thing as Roman took one more person away from him. The ceremony had been the final straw. Janus hadn't been able to watch as Virgil and Roman kissed and spoiled Logan, not when he wanted to be in Logan's place, not when he wanted to be by Logan's side.

They didn't visit as often anymore, especially when Janus started making excuses, reasons why he couldn't see them, lies to hide his pain. Eventually, they stopped coming altogether, and it was easier that way. He moved from the coral spire he had shared with Logan and Virgil to something much smaller, something further from the palace. He left his job on the tribunal, no longer wanting to present cases in front of the three people he couldn't have. He focused on hunting, relying on old skills he had used as a guppy, as a survivor. He could still do it. He could still take care of himself. He hadn't grown soft in the light of Logan and Virgil's smiles.

They would hate to see him doing this again. This job was so dangerous. The hunter could easily become the hunted if one wasn't careful, and even if one was, a single misstep could throw everything off. Janus had barely made it back from the hunt with no prey to show for his efforts. His tail was missing patches to scales, scraped, broken and bleeding. It hurt to swim but what other choice did he have? He wasn't going to just lay down in the sand and die. That wasn't his style. If he was going to die it would at least be where it was comfortable.

Somehow he made it home, leaving a trail of thick black blood in his wake. He hoped nothing else out there wanted to hunt him, because it would be far too easy to follow his trail, at least until the tide changed.

"Just swell," He muttered to himself and the empty house around him. He had been lonely without the others. He had thought the smaller house would help. It hadn't. The loneliness persisted despite the confined space. "What a warm home I've created." He rolled his eyes, swimming over to his bed of kelp and lowering himself slowly into it. He should probably tend to his wounds, but he also was too tired to move. He would take care of it later. He would take care of it when he woke up.

[Section Break]

Virgil couldn't help but swim laps across his room, trying to figure out exactly where things had gone wrong. He knew Logan was watching him but he didn't really care at this point. In fact, Logan could probably provide some perspective. "He hates us." Virgil said, knowing it wasn't true but also knowing Logan would help him out of his spiral.

"I highly doubt Janus hates us, though I also find him pushing us away a bit strange."

That wasn't what Virgil was expecting. He didn't think Logan would actually agree that something was wrong. He figured he was just being overly anxious but he needed someone to talk him through it. Logan looked back at him and sighed, slowly swimming over to him, setting down his book. "Come here, angelfish," He whispered before pulling Virgil into a hug. "We've given him a bit of space, but how about we go check on him? Just the two of us? That might help considering his walls seem to come up when Roman is around."

"Yeah, cool, I could get behind that... but do you think it's safe? We haven't been out of the castle without guards since before we were with Ro."

"Safe or not, I feel like visiting Janus will help calm your nerves. Also, we won't be long, and we won't be far. Janus lives near the palace so we should still be in a protected area."

It only took him a few seconds to agree. Virgil needed to see Janus again, to make sure he was okay. Something felt off and he was desperate to fix whatever it was. "Maybe we should take one guard, just to be safe?"

Logan nodded, "I think that's a wise decision. Let's go ask someone, assuming you're ready to go."

"Yeah, yeah I'm ready." He had been ready days ago but he couldn't tell Logan that. Now was good.

It was a beautiful day for a swim around town, the temperature was nice and Virgil began to relax almost immediately after they were out of the palace. Maybe he had just been cooped up too long, being a King's sacrifice, especially Roman's they were always so well protected. It was sweet, but it was also increasingly stressful. Virgil liked to have more control of his surroundings and often he felt he didn't have that in the palace. It had been easier back when they went on regular visits, back when Logan and Janus still lived together. It had been so awkward trying to introduce Roman to Janus, he had seemed different, at arms length almost and after the ceremony with Logan it had gotten even worse. Virgil didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to just come out and let Janus know that he was in love, and he desperately wanted to let Janus know because things didn't feel complete without him.

"This is odd," Logan whispered looking at the name plates posted in front of the coral.

"What's odd?"

"I don't see our names, or Janus' for that matter."

Virgil felt himself grow faint as the anxiety once again took hold of him, ice water running through his mid sea veins. "That can't be right. Why would Janus move out of the place we had together?" Virgil began to drag Logan toward the property managers office she would know what was going on.

"Luna, bitch, where's Janus? His name isn't listed anymore."

The lion fish looked over at Virgil before giving him a wide smile, her spines flaring out. "Virgil! Big shot finally comes to visit me and only asks about his ex. How rude!"

"He's not my ex," Virgil blushed a bit, reaching out for Logan's hand, holding it tightly.

"Could have fooled me with the way you three were always flirting. It was a bit sad when he was left here alone. Anyway, told me the place was too big for just him so he moved out, probably about three months ago now."

Three months, had it really been three months since they had last visited him? They both knew he wanted space but that was too much space. "Did the fucker tell you where he was moving to?" Virgil tried to smile, tried to keep his anxiety from showing, it was a trick he had learned from Janus, but he wasn't nearly as good at it as Janus had been.

"Yeah, chill, I'll get you an address. And if you're gonna win him over might I suggest some nice sea glass? Showing up empty handed is a major no-no." She pulled out an oil pencil and wrote Janus' new address on Virgil's free hand. "He's near the outskirts of town so you have time to think of something nice before you get there.

"We appreciate the help, Luna," Logan said, far calmer than Virgil had been able to pretend he was.

"The outskirts, there's nothing out there but danger. Fuck, do you think he went back to hunting? I swear if that idiot got himself hurt again I'm going to put him in the dungeon just to keep him safe."

"I'm sure he's fine," Logan whispered, pulling Virgil in closer. "Janus is intelligent. He isn't the kind to take unnecessary risks." They should have known something was up when Janus left his position on the tribunal. He had loved that job and wasn't that one of the first signs that something was wrong, abandoning the things you loved and cared about?

"Lo, I need to you talk me down, okay? I'm spiraling pretty bad. What if he's dead? What if he got eaten? What if we never see him again?"

Logan squeezed his hand and they continued to move forward, neither of them wanting to risk the possibility that Janus needed them and they weren't there. "As I said, Janus is very intelligent. I doubt he would get himself into a situation where he needed our help so dramatically that he couldn't ask for it."

"Right, right," Virgil whispered, still clinging to Logan.

"Also, between the three of us we have a very wide set of skills. In the past we have been able to handle many different challenges because of this. I don't believe there are many things in this ocean that we can't handle together. Also, we have the king's resources at our disposal now." He kept his voice gentle and Virgil was thankful. Logan had always been able to help him calm down, but still, right now, everything felt off.

As they got closer to the small hut Janus was supposedly staying in, the sea around them looked darker and Virgil shivered a bit. "Of course Janus would live somewhere creepy. He was all about that aesthetic and vibe." Virgil was sure he wasn't hiding how worried he was, but he was still trying. He was trying to give himself some kind of sense of normalcy.

"It does seem like his style," Logan responded, but he also squeezed Virgil's hand tightly. The darkness grew as they got closer and they both realized what was happening at the same time. Logan turned to the guard who had been following them. "Go back to the palace, get a physician here immediately, and inform king Roman of where we are and what we are doing." He then let go of Virgil's hand and swam toward the darkened water, entering the house without bothering for permission. He pushed the kelp away until he saw Janus' body, curled tightly around a slowly seeping wound. He took in a quick breath before immediately starting on first aid. Virgil wasn't sure what to do or how to handle this. It was like watching his worst nightmares come into reality.

"Virgil," Logan called, "Open up his nearest heat vent and get us some broth cooking. He's going to need something to eat or he will never regain his strength."

"Right?" He could do with instructions. All he needed to do was focus on the instructions he was being given. He could do this.

Time passed by too slowly and too quickly at the same time. Virgil managed to get the broth together and Logan was able to get Janus conscious enough to drink a bit but he faded again shortly after that. It was all a blur and when Roman showed up with the physician, Virgil almost broke down. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to be how it worked out.

[Section Break]

Janus woke up far more comfortably than he thought he would. The temperature was a little cool but less than he thought it would be considering where he lived. Even the kelp felt more comfortable than normal. He shifted and cracked his eyes open taking in his surroundings. It took him all of a second to realize he wasn't at home. Slowly twisting his head to get a better view, his eyes landed on a familiar red tail. The king was asleep, and Janus was most likely in a hospital. Shit, he hadn't expected to be found much less by the king. At least he was hoping he had been found by the king. Janus knew how bad it would be if it had been Logan or Virgil who had found him in that state and he was doing everything he could to deny that possibility.

"Ah, you're awake," Roman said, shifting to be a bit closer. Apparently he wasn't sleeping as much as Janus thought he was. "You have worried my beloveds." Roman watched Janus before sighing and sitting back a bit. They were both silent, neither sure what to say to the other. Janus was just about to ask when he could leave, when Roman spoke, his deep voice reverberating in the waves.

"I don't understand you," He said quietly. "You've quit a job you liked, moved to a place where you were alone, I am all for the drama and the adventure but this seems like a bit much. Were you intending on hurting the two of them? Was your grand plan to die alone only for them to hear news of your passing years later."

Janus wanted to answer no, but in a way, he was. He had wanted to push them away, because it hurt to be around them. It was better if they were allowed to focus on themselves and on their new happy life. "I was doing what needed to be done." Janus shrugged, wincing when he moved. Okay, maybe he was more injured than he originally thought he was and he didn't want to die. He just... wanted things he couldn't have.

"And what needed to be done?" Roman asked, "Getting yourself killed?"

"Getting away from you," Janus retorted before his brain could stop his mouth. He hated losing his cool but sometimes it was so hard to resist. "I didn't have any plans to stick around and watch you play house with the two men I'm in love with. That isn't my idea of a good time."

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down. That is a lot to wrap my head around. First off, you love them, and I knew it. No one get that upset so suddenly unless there are some major feelings involved. It's so romantic, the three of you living under the same ocean only to miss each other, but what I'm not understanding is why you had such a problem with me. Or why you didn't just ask me not to come by so you could confess without me being in the way?"

Janus rubbed his face gently fighting the urge to groan. "Well I certainly wasn't going to tell the king what to do, but on top of that, they made their position fairly clear. They were yours." He turned to look at Roman and he watched a look of surprise cross the king's face, eyes wide and gills flared. "I have no intention of getting in the way of their future and their happiness."

"You..." Roman started, voice choked as he gained his composure, brushing the sides of his cheek which had gained a bit of color. "You're an idiot."

Janus stopped, surprise crossing his own face. He focused on the king, attempting to understand what Roman had intended with that response. He was at a loss. Thankfully the king had more to say, apparently.

"They love you, have you not noticed that? And I don't mean in the sense of friendship. Virgil's tail does the same thing when he talks with me, or with Logan as it does with you, the little curl of nervous excitement, and Logan is constantly adjusting his glasses attempting to be perfect in your eyes because if he's perfect, maybe you'll notice him."

Janus sputtered, "N-no. That's not, Virgil does that when he's comfortable with people and he is obviously comfortable with me we've been friends for more then two decades, and Logan, he does that when he's excited. It has nothing to do with how they feel about me. Obviously they are both comfortable around me, we're friends."

"Yep, you're an idiot." Roman began to rise. "The question is do you love them?" He watched Janus with an intensity that he didn't like, that he didn't know how to deal with. Janus had already admitted to loving them. What more did the king want? "I think that's the answer I was looking for." Roman stretched, giving Janus a smile that he didn't understand. "I doubt even if I were to prove it you would understand, but this will at least be entertaining for me."

He started to swim off, leaving Janus alone in the room as he felt the exhaustion creeping up on him. He wasn't sure if it was from his healing injuries, the lack of food, or his conversation with the king. Either way, he wanted to rest. He could go back home after that, rethink his plan about how he wanted to proceed. Whatever he was doing wasn't working.

"Jay!" Virgil's voice echoed in the otherwise empty room interrupting Janus' plan for sleep. Immediately afterward, he felt the pressure of someone laying on top of him, obviously avoiding his injures with the careful precision that only Virgil was capable of.

"It's alright, Shadow. I can't be killed that easily. You know this," Janus whispered, gently running a hand through Virgil's hair, floating in the current they had created. Logan was by their side shortly after, looking down at the two of them.

"You had us worried." His voice was flat, but the way his hands were folded behind his back, no doubt hiding the way they shook, was exceedingly telling. There was a part of Janus that wanted to push them all away, to put up the walls he had meticulously built when they both became Roman's, but he was tired. Instead, he reached out an arm, inviting Logan in and the other man curled up by his side, wrapping his tail protectively over both Janus and Virgil. "I'm not letting you go again," Logan whispered it like a fact, like a truth that not even the gods could change.

"Sleep first, then we can discuss." Janus was trying to leave room for things to change. He didn't want to continue being an outsider looking in. It hurt too much to be near them and to not be theirs.

"No, no discussion." Logan's voice continued to hold that completely assured quality. "I have held my tongue long enough. I love you, and I believe you love me too." A slight waver, barely perceptible but still there. "And I'm not going to let you go. I won't lose you."

What could Janus say to that? When Logan made up his mind there wasn't much argument that could be had. It was strange, and he hadn't fully wrapped his head around the words Logan had said. When he woke up again, more rested and more lucid, he might have something interesting to say about Logan's confession. However, for now, he just closed his eyes.

"Alright, you won't lose me, but we still have things we need to discuss." He wrapped his arm around Logan's back, hand splayed against the other man's flesh. He was too tired for this discussion now, but they would have it soon.

"A worthy compromise," Logan whispered. "Good night Janus."

"Good Night," Virgil echoed and Janus didn't blush, of course he didn't, but his lips did curl into a soft smile as he listed to the two of them breathing.

"Good night."

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