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#hybreadloaf
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Waitress: I'm sorry your food is taking so long!
Anna: [presses forehead against hers] Listen to me. I know it's not your fault. I love you. I am tipping you 80%.
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professorspork · 4 years
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Um okay so I just read all your frozen fics and I basically died of happiness so imma submit one Library, depression, lovely
(thanks for being patient, @hybreadloaf!)
She really thought Annawould be the mess, is the thing.
Elsa’s taken her time withher farewells. Lingered in each and every room of the castle she’s called homefor 24 years, drinking them in, making more permanent etchings in her mind’seye. The bedroom that had been her haven and then a prison of her own making;the chapel where she’d accepted the mantle of leadership with shaking hands. (Anna’smantle, now, as soon as all the arrangements are made.) The library she’d holedup in, in the late hours of the night—trying to empty herself of herloneliness, her helplessness, the listless, resigned inadequacy of herdepression by pouring as many words as she could into her head, like the knowingcould drown out everything else. She cracks open the spine of an oldfavorite and inhales, relishing the scent of leather and ink, the recollectionsit evokes. She’s not that person, anymore.
And not all of the roomsfeel quite so haunted. There’s the parlor where she learned to let herself bemade fun of, just a little, as they all discovered how truly terrible she is atparty games. The dining room table, covered in nicks and scratches, stains andburns, the remnants of countless meals with her loved ones. The courtyard whereshe’d first felt queenly; the stables and their promise of contained adventure.The ballroom, the portrait gallery, the lighthouse. All lovely. All loved.
Which is all to say thatshe’s been deliberate with her leave-taking; allowed herself room to mourn thelife she’s had as she readies herself for the one that is to begin. She’s beenthorough and responsible—just as she’s always been.
And yet she still findsherself devastated, when the day comes. It’s Anna who’s smiling at herwith a sort of warm serenity while Elsa takes deep, slow gulps of air to keepfrom weeping into her shoulder as they hug goodbye at the edge of the woods.
“You’re my favoriteperson,” Elsa confesses to Anna’s neck, less because it sounds like the sort ofimportant goodbye they should share before she leaves and more because it’sliterally the only sentence running through her head.
Anna squeezes her, fingerssplayed across her shoulder blades. Steady. Sure. “You’re not half badyourself,” she says back, and though the words are light her voice is don’t panic and do the magic and I love you allat once. Elsa breathes her in, trying to commit everything about this embraceto memory, because it’s going to have to last her a while.
She pulls back. “Anna, I—”
“You have to go.” It’s astatement, not a question, and it suddenly occurs to Elsa that somehow, rightunder her nose, her sister’s grown up. Queen Anna of Arendelle. (And howmuch more growing up will Anna do while she’s gone? The idea of missing that isdevastating. But the idea of staying, knowing just how much she doesn’t know…intolerable. There’s an itch between her shoulder blades and under her feet. Arestlessness in her limbs. She needs to know how far they can carry her. Needsto learn to trust herself, her body, her abilities, outside of a world that wasbuilt for her.)
(She wants to do thebuilding.)
She doesn’t know how tosay these things. “I know, I just—”
“Anna, stop hogging her,you’re being rude,” Kristoff says from behind them, breaking the tension, andElsa’s shoulders sag in relief. He adds, on Sven’s behalf, “Yeah, I want aturn!”
“Well, we can’t have Svenfeeling neglected,” Elsa jokes, and if her chuckle is a bit watery as she letsgo of her sister, no one feels the need to bring it up. She runs her fingersthrough the soft fur of the reindeer’s face, then up to scratch behind hisears; her forehead rests on his snout. “Take care of them for me, won’t you,buddy?”
Sven stands up a littlestraighter and snorts his affirmation. It seems pretty self-explanatory, butshe still turns to Kristoff for a translation.
“You’ve got it,” he vows. And then he’s lifting her high in the air tohug her—the way he does—and her heart lifts, too, at the sensation, as she’sspun in a circle. He puts her down and squeezes her tight, this mountain of aman who’s become her family.
“I’ll miss you,” he sayssimply, and something in her chest snags, because she’d kind of assumed he’dsay we’ll. Him-and-Anna. But no, Kristoff will miss her all on his own,it seems. Just as she’ll miss him.
“I’ll be back so often youwon’t even have time to,” she says. Trying to maintain his positivity, despitethe nagging at the back of her head.
“…you promise?” asks avery tiny voice from somewhere below them. And just like that, Elsa’s carefully-constructed composureshatters, the tears she’d managed to hold back with Anna spilling free.
“Oh, Olaf,” shesobs, falling to her knees and pulling the snowman into her arms. Her first andgreatest miracle. She’s all-out bawling, now, chest heaving with hiccups as hislittle twig hands come around to pat her soothingly on the back. “Of course Ido. I promise,” she eventually manages to sniffle, trying to get a hold ofherself. “I’m so sorry, I’m crying all over you, you’ll melt—”
“No, I won’t,” hereassures her. “Permafrost, remember?”
She remembers. Solidground beneath her feet. Some things never change.
And she’s stronger thanshe thinks she is, now.
“You’re right.” She lets Olaf go and getsto her feet, scrubbing at her face and putting on a smile. “Okay. Okay. I’mready.”
“Oh, one more for theroad,” Anna says, and there it is—the catch in her voice Elsa’s been waitingfor—and suddenly her arms are full as Anna sort of gently body-slams into herfor one last hug.
“Well, if you insist,”Elsa agrees, holding on tight.
“D-don’t just send meletters all the time, okay?” Anna warbles. “Talk to people. Makefriends.”
“I will.”
“And it’s okay if you can’talways make it home when you thought you would,” she continues. “It’s okay togo. It’s okay to like it.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
They hug a moment longer,then two. Elsa lets Anna be the one who lets go.
“Have fun,” Annasays, when she pulls away. “Enjoy it.”
“You, too,” Elsa murmurs. “Oh!Which reminds me.” She reaches for the trunk at her feet, the collection ofbelongings she’d thought were worth carrying forward into this next phase ofher life. What she’s looking for is right at the top. “Here. I think you mayneed this more than I do.”
“Mother’s shawl?” Annabreathes, as Elsa wraps it around her shoulders.
“So you can keep me withyou, even when I’m far away. You can keep all of us.”
Anna’s hands reach upautomatically to clutch at the fabric, pulling it tighter around her. Herengagement ring winks in the dappled light. “Elsa,” she whimpers, andElsa hears what she can’t bring herself to say. Go already. Go so you cancome back.
“Alright, I’m going,” shesays, and she means it.
She takes a step.
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Elsa: I got 100%!
Anna: On what?
Elsa: The therapist gave me a diagnostic test and I got the highest score!
Anna: ...So, you're majorly depressed?
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Anna: Ugh, you know what's the worst thing EVER?
Elsa: [muttering to herself] People.
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professorspork · 4 years
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hybreadloaf replied to your post: “Um okay so I just read all your frozen fics and I basically died of...”:
This is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. I cant even say how thankful I am. Excuse me while I cry for hours
!!
well you’re very, very welcome, pal!
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