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thebibliosphere · 1 year

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Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

#adhd #mental health #mental illness #trauma #imposter syndrome #sorry for the wall of eratic text #feeling jittery af #possibly hypomanic tbh #either way #aaaaaaaaah

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ddarker-dreams · 2 months

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mini love report — giorno giovanna

relationship health diagnosis — 80%*

symptom one — intuitive

giorno's uncanny ability to read others got him far in life. it's a skill so interwoven into his being that it's as involuntary as breathing. from the instant he laid eyes on you, he started work on a mental profile. depending on what he wants, he'll make slight adjustments to how he interacts with you. he's hyper-aware of your likes and dislikes at all times. fortunately for you, his intentions aren't malevolent. the adjustments aren't drastic but you'd probably find it weird if you ever learned about this (you won't).

this information goes to ensuring you're comfortable around him. he finds intimacy a vulnerable, fragile thing that must be handled with care. you can feel the quiet intensity of his gaze most toward the start of your relationship, although it never goes away. he's searching for any sign of discomfort or unspoken cues to continue.

eventually, he'll come to trust that you'll voice misgivings if you have any and that he can ease up.

symptom two — resolute

once this man sets his mind on something, there's no stopping him. this staunch determination can be good, bad, or a discordant mix of the two. what differentiates him from other ambitious individuals is his patience and opportunism. he'll pursue you for years if need be. giorno doesn't want to conquer your heart, no, he longs to be worthy of having it. after all, if you've caught his attention, you must be special.

challenges may arise when 'determined' shifts to 'obstinate.' regardless of how opposed you are in a disagreement, he never disregards your perspective. the lone exception is when your safety is involved. should he believe you doing something imposes a risk, it's like trying to convince a brick wall. he'll still hear you out but you both know his mind is made up. he won't relent until you capitulate. he's methodical in dissuasion; never raising his voice or condescending you. he's well-mannered and considerate as ever.

you come around to his side faster than you'd care to admit.

symptom three — respectful yet sly

while mindful of your boundaries (thanks papa jonathan), giorno knows what mischief he can get away with (sorta thanks papa dio). for a man who has garnered the fearsome reputation he has, he's surprisingly impish. he'll quietly fluster you before getting your picture taken together, so that he can capture your expression forever. at dinners with important figures, when the conversation gets painfully boring, his hand will brush over your thigh beneath the table. he acts confused by your admonishment as if he hadn't instigated it.

occasionally, when thinking back on interactions from your teenage yours, you experience an epiphany. what you thought to be an innocent comment had flirtatious undertones! if you bring this up to him, he'll smile softly and say he's 'glad you finally noticed, even if it took a while...'

primary area of concern

he's what you might call 'morally flexible.' there are some lines he'll never cross — promoting illicit substances or harming children are the premier examples — yet he's still a mafioso. as the don of passione, he regularly engages in dubious practices. should you ever ask about his undertakings, he's honest up to a point. he knows how to make unpleasant subjects palatable. the thought of regularly lying to you makes his stomach churn.

giorno settles for misdirection and obfuscation. it's so subtle, so well done that you'll likely remain none the wiser. he masterfully steers you away from topics you're better off not knowing (in his view). he admits to lesser wrongdoings to satiate your curiosity.

no matter how he spins it to himself, however, this is still lying. it's just a fancy, roundabout version.

prognosis

giorno may have this debonair flair to him, yet beneath the polish sits a lonely heart. he's worried he'll accidentally spoil your relationship (especially if you're close friends before he confesses), or otherwise bring some harm upon you. he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself. you're someone he can be himself around. the charm he always exudes changes shape in your presence. he's a bit less smooth, more prone to blushing and fidgeting. he's just really good at hiding it.

he'll be a steadfast partner (and hopefully husband) come hell or high water. he's gentle and kind in a way no one beside you can illicit. you make him want to be better so that he's never at risk of losing you.

*the universe has tried (and failed) to wrench you apart (0-20) your friends are praying that you'll break up (21-40) 'well it could/has be worse' bargaining mindset (41-60) a lil messiness as a treat (61-80) pure and wholesome (81-100)

#giorno x reader #jjba x reader #mini love reports #valentines 2024 event

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teresajoan · 3 months

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Astrology: How trauma affects communication via Mercury

Warning - Content may be triggering. Reach out to those who love you and medical professionals when you need.

Aries Mercury - They grew up in a loud atmosphere, with lots of yelling. Possibly had one “leader” or “dictator” in their childhood home that they felt they had to obey. They grow up believing that they need to communicate quickly and loudly or else they risk never being heard. For people who felt they were not allowed to play loudly as children, play is healing later in life.

Taurus Mercury - Someone else always came before them. They had to learn to be patient and wait for their turn to speak. Their survival was determined by your ability to cooperate and choose the right alliances. They saw that trusting the wrong person could be detrimental to their wellbeing. Keeping their language neutral and friendly was most palatable for their parents. Music, singing, and healing the throat chakra is healing for these people.

Gemini Mercury - If they were smart enough, they would be praised. When things got too much, they learnt that they could throw themselves in books and mysterious. Their parents or the adults around them had different communication styles, so they had to learn to pick up different styles of communication in order to get their needs met. They also learnt that looking good and pleasing to the eye would help them relate better to others. At its worst, Gemini mercury learnt to use information in exchange for power or leverage, such as gossiping and rumour spreading. Humour is healing for these people.

Cancer Mercury - It’s hard for them to process and move on from what happened, so speaking about it can feel very real and present in their body. It’s often on the mind, and as a result, they limit their communication. When they do speak, they can overwhelm others with the amount that comes out. Learning to be ok with their own voice and narrative above what others say is healing. Also , drink water.

Leo Mercury - As a child, the communication around them was excessive and over the top. They learnt that to avoid punishments or drama, it is best to take control of the situation and shut it down quickly. Others couldn’t always be there to care for them, so they had to become hyper self-sufficient. You had to learn things by themselves, and as a result, they don’t do well in group settings such as class rooms, unless they’re in charge. They’re better at grasping attention from men than women or gender diverse people. They may have strived for their fathers attention from a very young age. Letting their fire out via creativity is healing.

Virgo Mercury - Every move they made was criticised and resulted in punishments. To survive, they needed to absorb this style of thinking for themselves and those they love. They think that if they’re hyper aware, they can prevent anything bad from ever happening again. There are a lot of thoughts and concerns directed at their body. Healing their mind and their body simultaneously is paramount. This is why the physical work required with animals can be so healing for them. Also - eat well.

Libra Pisces - Criticised for making mistakes or not appearing as others thought they should, they learnt to cover up their mistakes and insecurities by pretending everything is fine. They’ll do better than fine, they’ll speak a whole PR performance about how fine everything is... Allow them space to be imperfect. Finding the beauty in their mistakes is healing.

Scorpio Mercury - Defiant and secretive, the trauma is in the eyes. They can not take back all that they have seen, but they’ve also been taught to hide it. They may avoid eye contact in an attempt to avoid an argument. Their eye contact is intense when they want others to hear their pain. They didn’t have strong parental figures, so they learnt to be independent and in control of themselves. Growing up, people around them weren’t always truthful or honest. This has left them with a feeling of always seeking the truth. They were led to believe that their emotions were too much for others. However, these intense emotions never leave them, they just learn to hide or redirect intense thoughts in secretive ways. Self compassion is the key to healing.

Sagittarius Mercury - Naturally intelligent, they received more attention and praise at school than at home. They aim big and far away as a way to avoid addressing the present situation. As a result they don’t address the repressed hurt that pushed them to run away or towards that thing so far away. The more they heal from the past, the bigger the future truly becomes.

Capricorn Mercury - Their parents were practical and analytical. They were put to work at a young age, either around the house or in a family business. Their parents weren’t emotionally open or affectionate, as a result their tone of voice is blunt and controlled. Ruled by Saturn, the planet of fear, there was a sense of fear at a primary age when they were first learning to speak. Working in what they love is healing and where they find joy. Also - move them bones.

Aquarius Mercury - Their language can somethings sounds strange or unusual, such as a lisp, a stutter, mumbling, or jumbles words. They detached from their voice when they detached from their body as a way to survive. Now they swing between detachment via humour and avoidance, and to re-experiencing the emotions in a flash. The more they analyse everything outside of them the better, it avoids turning the analysing inwards on themselves. Escaping into nature is healing and helps to quieten the mind, in order for the bigger issues to be healed.

Pisces Mercury - The dissociation struggle is real. Difficulty listening and following along with others that are speaking. Due to fearing that they may say the wrong thing, they learnt that it’s better to give vague, indirect responses. They learnt that it was better to be able to back peddle than say something blunt that can’t be taken back. The freedom to experience self expression is healing. The more that comes out of them, the more internal space to absorb new information and communication clearly.

*Consider Pluto/Saturn in Air Houses or Pluto/Saturn aspecting Mercury and/or Air houses.

#astrology #witchblr #astro observations #astroblr #scorpio #pisces #aries #mercury signs #gemini #virgo #pluto #sex education #trauma

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artemisgrayy · 1 month

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hi hello here is a totally anonymous prompt from a totally anonymous fan!!

consider: Vox & the Most Dangerous Game (short story or series/movie!)

take from that what you will and have funnnnn~ <3

Vox & the Most Dangerous Game

✨ Masterlist ✨

18+ - Minors DO NOT INTERACT

Tags: NSFW, Vox & Reader, Porn with plot, NonCon, Reader has Fem Anatomy, hypnosis, manipulation, biting until blood is drawn, claws drawing blood, penetration, breeding if you squint hard enough

“Fuck.” Another paper cut slices your thumb like butter from furiously flicking through the paperwork. Velvette will have your head if you get blood on her reports again. You set them down, sticking your thumb in your mouth to slow the bleeding. The metallic taste dances across your palate as you rifle through the basket on your desk for a band-aid. When you find one, you fumble a bit, struggling to apply it with your left hand.

Five perfectly manicured fingers slam the surface in front of you, launching your heart into a tailspin. You look up to see Velvette, the Social Media Overlord, glaring down at you.

“Where the fuck are my reports?” she demands, snapping her fingers, “I need social listening, what’s trending, engagement analytics and I needed them yesterday.”

“Ah,” you bow your head, hastily flicking through the stack looking for the reports. You pry each one from the pile and hold them out to her, “Here they are.”

She snaps them out of your hand, the paper crinkling violently. Your mind races as you watch her ruby eyes narrow and scan the sheets. You’re nearly confident they were perfectly crafted, but a sliver of doubt shrouds your thoughts. You hear her mumble under her breath, each flip of the page more irate than the last.

“What the fuck is this?” Velvette spits out slapping one of the pages on your desk, causing you to flinch. You open your mouth to reply, nervously pulling on the hem of your skirt, but you’re cut off, “Engagement is way down. Are you sure you did these right? Did you fuck’em up, again?!”

You swallow down the lump in your throat and point towards your screen, showcasing the information that you pulled the data from. You knew she would ask about this.

“Well Ms. Velvette,” your voice is shaky despite your attempt to mask it, “I triple-checked the data but every result comes back to this. I can try to run it again?”

The overlord moves closer to squint at your screen, the rich navy and magenta curls of her pigtails brushing against the desk. She scoffs, standing upright, and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Don’ fuckin’ bother. Un-fuckin’-believable,” she clips, massaging the spot where her fingers rest, “Go see Vox. He updated the software to change the algorithm. Get the old one back. If the cretins of hell aren’t glued to their phones, then what’s the fuckin’ point.”

You’re frozen in place, slightly taken back by Velvette asking you to see Vox — generally, she handles communication with him.

“Well?” She waves her hand emphatically, motioning at the elevator, “Get on with it then.”

“Yes, Ms. Velvette,” you nod, launching from your chair, and half-jogging toward the elevator. You nearly roll an ankle on your way and you quietly cuss about Velvette’s dress code. You jam the elevator button with such pent-up ferocity that the paper cut stings beneath the band-aid.

The elevator dings, signaling its arrival and you slip inside before the doors fully open, tapping the button to the penthouse suite. Your hands cross comfortably in front of you.

As the elevator climbs, you become hyper-aware of the sweat pooling in your palms. You've seen Vox’s face daily since starting with Velvette - he runs the whole VVV empire — but never in person. His malicious smile, with teeth like sharpened glass, can be found on the walls, doors, and even on the elevator screen.

“Vox. Trust us.” Vox’s euphonious voice echoes through the speaker of the metal box. A chuckle escapes your chest at the prospect of trusting any of them. You know full well what these overlords are like, and wouldn't trust them to as far as you could throw them.

Your heart is nearly in your throat when you reach the top floor, the arrival bell reverberating through your spine as the doors open. Your feet feel cemented to the floor as you trudge through the cold, dimly lit hallway, but the ethereal blue glow from Vox’s office pulls you forward.

The circular, metal doors whoosh open as you approach and you're in awe of the massive, spherical room it reveals. Your heels clack against the floor, the sound echoing off the curved walls as you traverse the lit-up walkway that cuts through the center.

As you approach the middle of the room, you're greeted by a curved wall of screens, radiating light with such intensity that you squint. Each TV, in a range of different sizes, broadcasts something different. Movies, news, porn, social media — nearly every video format you can think of had a dedicated screen.

Your eyes trail downward, landing on the back of a slightly reclined chair at the center of it all. The mint-coloured tip of Vox’s boots can be seen next to each other, his legs crossed at the heel on top of the control panel below the TVs.

“Ms. Velvette sent me up to ask about changing the algorithm. Engagement has been down and uh,” your heart is in overdrive, thrumming through your chest like a jackhammer as you intentionally walk through each word to avoid stammering, “she asked me to come to see you about changing it back.”

“Uh huh,” mumbles the demon. You catch a glimpse of his hand furiously typing away on his phone as you speak, barely acknowledging your existence.

Is he fucking kidding?

You’re sickened by the fact that you spend most of your days putting up with Velvette’s bullshit, only to be ignored by another smug asshole in this place. Rage bubbles in your chest, you take a deep breath and look around the office, hopeful for some semblance of common ground. Your eyes land on a massive dartboard with pictures strewn across it, and you realize you recognize one of them.

“Oh, I used to listen to his broadcasts all the time. That’s Alastor, right?” you barely notice the flicker of the screens when the Radio Demon’s name leaves your mouth, “I love his voice.”

A snap pulls your gaze back towards the chair, which is now in an upright position. Vox’s feet are planted on the floor and his claws slice into the armrests of his chair. His head tilts towards you, his blood-red eyes pointed furiously in your direction. The glow of his turquoise sharpened teeth contrasts with the drips of crimson saliva bleeding from his mouth.

You realize you must have hit a nerve with Alastor's name.

“What did you say?” Vox’s voice booms through the speakers of the office, vibrating through every bone in your body.

You're annoyed by his reaction more than you are scared. The paper cut burns under the bandaid, reminding you of the constant shit you put up with in this fucking place — now you can't enjoy other mediums?

“I'm sorry, can I not like things that aren't Vox-related?” Your eyebrows furrow and your head tilts, “Who gives a shit if I listened to the fucking radio however many years ago.”

“You're playing a dangerous game.” Vox spits venomously, his voice distorted in a way you've never heard before. The chair spins and he launches himself to a standing position. His body stiffens, the shoulders of his navy and turquoise striped blazer nearly coming to his ears.

Vox’s footsteps echo through the giant room as he walks towards you with a nefarious intent. The hungry look in his eye twists your stomach into knots. Primal fear overtakes the rage you felt moments ago, clouding your senses. You take a step back.

“Fuck this, I quit.” you sputter out. On the last syllable, Vox’s left eye swirls into a cacophony of blue and red circles. You're entranced, as if you're caught in the deathly whirlpool of his gaze, unable to escape. A faint buzz fires through your limbs, locking you in place.

“Do ya now?” Vox cackles, coming toe to toe with you. The overlord’s aquamarine index claw curls under your chin, digging into your skin as he forces you to meet his gaze.

Vox's grin fires warning flares through your mind as his eyes take you in, swallowing you whole. Electricity zaps around the screen of his face. A baleful laugh erupts through his chest as he turns on his heel to walk back towards his chair.

“Follow me.” He demands. You don't have the opportunity to decline. Your body moves on it's own, following in the footsteps of the demented demon in front of you. He casually sits in his chair, legs apart.

“Sit.” Vox’s clawed finger points at his lap. You fight against your body with every move it makes but to no avail — you're now straddling the demon, powerless. His shit-eating grin devours you.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?” you force out behind gritted teeth, “let me go you fucking asshole”

“oh ho ho,“ he gleams, cocking an eyebrow, “this one is spicy. I like it when they're spicy.”

You feel his claws dig into your scalp as he grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your face towards his. His teeth part, revealing his long, cyan tongue inching towards your neck. The tip of it grazes against your throat, and you grimace at the wetness of his saliva coating your skin.

You want to squirm but you can't.

“Go ahead and squirm.” He urges as if reading your mind. He leans back in his chair, fingers laced behind his head, “Show me how scared you are.”

Your body involuntarily wriggles, bringing your full attention to Vox’s hard, thick length pressing against the thin fabric of your underwear. You curse Velvette’s dress code once again.

You're disgusted by the amusement in his expression, his hot breath blowing across your face as he reacts to your struggle. Fear crawls up the back of your neck, terrified of where this is headed.

“Please let me go.” you whimper, still squirming on top of him.

“I'll let you go when you really know who's in charge here. Radio is dead. Video is the future. And this,” Vox points towards his crotch, “is your future. Get on your knees.”

Your body carries you against your will to the floor in front of the demon. Goosebumps crawl up your shins as they make contact with the ground below you.

A vile laugh bursts from the demon, “I'm so fuckin hard right now. Taste me, bitch.”

Reluctance floods your body, but you're unable to fight the movement of your hands as you unbutton and unzip him. The overlord's cyan cock springs free and you nearly choke on your tongue at the length and girth of it. You barely have time to process before your entrapped body forces you forward, his erection throbbing below your tongue as it runs across it.

Your lips wrap around the tip and Vox snarls in pleasure. The demon reaches out with both hands, clutching fistfuls of your hair. Strands rip free from your scalp as they wrap around his claws. He pulls your mouth down on him, forcefully closing the gap between the tip of his cock and the back of your throat.

“Mmm, good girl,” moans the demon, bucking his hips while he holds you there, cutting off any ability to pull air into your lungs. Your jaw aches. Your vision blurs. For a moment, you question if this is how you die.

Vox finally releases you and you launch backward, collapsing on the floor with a sickening thud. Your lungs heave, desperately trying to pull in oxygen as you stutter and gasp.

“You're not done yet,” he cackles, “now it's time for the real show. It's time you remember who owns you. Fuck me, now.”

Your stomach sinks at the prospect but you unwillingly climb to your feet. Distress fires through your brain like fireworks, and you plant your feet with such force that you wonder if they'll break through the ground below you.

It's no use.

You're pulled towards the demon, your body hanging on his every demand.

“Please no,” you plead, knowing full well the damage Vox’s monstrous cock will do to you, but that only sets his blood-coloured eyes ablaze. Your reluctance fuels him.

You straddle the overlord again, but this time you're pulling the fabric of your underwear to the side. Your body lowers itself towards Vox’s length, throbbing in anticipation of your pussy wrapping around him. His face glows a radiant blue when the bulbous head finds your slit. His maniacal expression sends waves of trepidation cascading through your chest.

“Sit.”

You do as you're told, slowly lowering yourself. He's not even halfway in when a sharp inhale dances across your tongue, your insides already stretching past the point of comfort.

“Please, it won't fit.” you beg, your breaths becoming more urgent with each inch that slides through your folds.

Vox looks up at you, a vile grin splayed across his face. He wraps his claws around your waist, the tips of his nails breaking through the skin of your back, and forces himself all the way inside of you. You scream as you feel him bottom out.

He doesn't give you a moment to breathe.

Using the grip of your waist as leverage, Vox thrusts violently, hammering into you with such ferocity that your hands fire out, clutching the breast of his jacket for support.

Your lips part and a moan escapes. You're unsure if it's genuine or part of the entrapment he has you in, but the cock of Vox's eyebrow answers that for you. He slides one hand to the middle of your back, pulling you into him, and you find yourself rocking your hips in tandem with his.

“Who do you belong to?” barks the overlord.

“I belong to Vox.” you moan.

“And who's better than that trash radio demon?”

“You are, Vox.”

A distorted growl rumbles from Vox’s chest in reaction to your words. He bares his teeth, clamping down on your shoulder. You scream as warm streams of crimson roll down your tricep, splashing onto the arm rests of the chair.

You're unable to deny the fire building in your throbbing clit as the overlord’s thrusts increase in speed, signaling that he's close to his peak. You meet his rhythm, chasing your own climax as your moans and his snarls echo around you, the heat of your breath fogging up the glowing screens.

He wraps both arms around you and growls, pulling you downward as he explodes inside of you. Your toes curl as shockwaves of pleasure fire through every nerve ending. Your orgasm pulses through your fingers and toes as you revel in how the demon fills you. His seed gushes out of you, dripping down the inside of your thigh.

“Get out.” Demands Vox, causing you to involuntarily stand and adjust your skirt. Euphoria continues to plague your thoughts and you're too lost in the haze to be bothered by any of his bullshit anymore.

You limp towards the exit, clutching the seeping wound on your shoulder when he calls after you, “Tell Velvette I'll update the algorithm.”

“Yes, Vox.” You mutter under your breath.

“And I'll see you next week.” his cackles echo through your skull as the metal doors slide closed behind you.

Hello super anonymous reader 👀 I hope you enjoyed your time with Vox, along with everyone else who dove into this one. "Fun" was definitely an understatement.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy writing Vox this much?? Do *I* wanna frick Vox??

Idk, I'm gonna go take a cold shower

✨ Masterlist ✨

#hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox x reader #vox & reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin fanfiction #vox hazbin hotel #vox fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin #vox x you

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leonardcohenofficial · 7 months

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to me anthony bourdain and jonathan gold are two sides of the same coin when it comes to excellence in food writing; while bourdain generally focused on the global and gold generally on the hyper local, the goal of both of their perspectives about food were to encourage their readers to actively engage with broadening and truly diversifying their palates by bringing connection to food and food communities that are marginalized or ridiculed by many bourgeoise food snobs to the center of their work

#read gold he’s amazing!!!!!!!!!!#y’all already know my tony love but jonathan gold is awesome #anthony bourdain #jonathan gold

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prussianbluevelvet · 5 months

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Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women who feel discouraged from transitioning because most leftists only care about and support trans women when they look conventionally attractive and easy to fetishise.

Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women who are afraid to transition because they feel like they’re ‘not attractive enough’ to be a woman.

You are not ‘failing’ at womanhood, or being trans, because you don’t fit into conventional beauty standards. You are not ‘failing’ womanhood because you don’t look as attractive as some other trans women, and you are not ‘lesser’ than them.

Because unfortunately womanhood is directly associated with this idea that you exist to be consumed by others, that you exist to be palatable. Performing femininity can be a chore, an expensive one, that is quite inaccessible and difficult to achieve.

Expecting trans women to hyper-perform their gender roles flawlessly to be accepted is just blatant transphobia and misogyny. It’s everywhere.

So. Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women. I hope that one day, you will find the confidence to live happily and authentically, regardless of what cis people think. Their support should not hinge on how ‘attractive’ or ‘fuckable’ you are. We all deserve liberation.

#trans positivity #trans joy #transfem positivity #lgbt positivity #transfem #trans pride #trans woman #lgbt #queer joy

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pinkysberg · 8 months

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if you're a young queer person in fandom my greatest token of wisdom is don't fall into the trap of respectability politics.

don't make the mistake of thinking if you engage with fandom in a "palatable" or "respectful" manner to cishet normie audiences they will let you remain in the community without bother. don't for a moment bend your enjoyment or opinions to seem less "strange" to people. make your headcanons and fanfictions and make them weird. stop playing into their hand. have fun.

make that giant, hyper-masculine man trans and then ship him with his equally hyper masculine best friend. every female character can be a lesbian if it so pleases you. make that character a gender-queer, asexual, biromantic, neopronoun user. if someone calls you weird, double down and queerify another character.

and above all else, throwing your fellow queer ppl under the bus for doing it weirder than you only has the bus accelerating to take you down with them. don't fall for it.

#also before it can even be misconstrued #no being gay or trans or hypermasculine and trans or genderqueer neo pronoun users are not 'weird'#but u know what i mean here lmao #also more than just female characters can be lesbians but the way language works u get me here idk #U GET IT #thinky

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ahoyimlosingmymind · 2 months

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there's something so personal about Fitz Vacker being 'girl coded' bc of his upbringing and the way he's perceived and how he's been socialized. I personally see him as a straight cis guy- but there's something so identifiable about the way he's perceived as 'hysterical' or 'hyper-emotional' when he reacts totally normally to high stress situations. How he's always expected to be palatable, easy to digest, to carry the burdens unique to him, that will always go unacknowledged. How he can never just be. Everything is a carefully crafted performance piece.

It's the way the foxfire girls sexualize him, (Which also happened to Keefe) how Sophie is always concerned and commenting on his looks. How he's treated like a trophy, something to attain, something to be experienced and then left behind. The way people hate him for his success and hate him for his failures. How he must feel like a piece of meat.

he's beautiful. but nobody cares what goes on underneath.

Something about the way he can never be just good. How his effort and accomplishments are always tied back to his father's name and his appearance. Nothing about him is acknowledged for its own merit. There's always some excuse for why he shouldn't deserve it, that he's had it 'too easy', that it's because of daddy's 'money' that he is where he's at.

Nothing about Fitz is ever allowed to be about him. He's expected to be the 'perfect victim', seen and not heard, any issue he voices is dismissed because he's seen as a 'protected class'... but if he was so protected, why does he never feel safe?

it's something about the way he's always watching himself in 3rd person. it's something about the way he's told to trust the adults in his life that have thrust him into a box that is impossible to maintain. The way he's always been told 'This is who you are. This is who you will be.'

how It wasn't his choice.

How he's so jealous of his care free best friend who doesn't exist in his world, who will never know quite what it's like. It reminds me of being a girl and watching my guy friends just not understand.

How they are free to fuck up. How the phrase 'boys will be boys' sticks to them like putty, and molds to any situation to justify them. That's their lot in life.

While this constant anxiety, looking over your shoulder, running from vultures... that's yours.

i don't know. It's something about Fitz Vacker being girl coded that just gets to me.

#fitz vacker #kotlc #girl coded #blorbo #girlhood #Fitz Vacker may be a straight cis boy but he's experienced girlhood

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chaotic-goodsir · 5 months

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Okay but what if you were bi and genderqueer and probably neurodivergent, but born in the 1960s into a hyper-conservative family, so you grew up with no idea what those things were?

And what if you spent decades surviving in cis-straight-male-dominated cultures - first on a college physics course in the 80s and then in the military - without having the language to describe why you felt out of place?

And what if you were mocked by colleagues for being in love with a man, because in the early 2000s attitudes still have a long way to go? What if you constantly fought to be taken seriously, putting on a front just to be seen as competent despite your rank and experience?

And what if you took all of that in your stride, or pretended to, keeping a constant balance between being open about your bisexuality and repressing everything else? What if you accepted it as a fact of life, that you'd always feel 'wrong' and have to perform a more palatable version of you to suit other people?

But then a god from beyond this universe showed you infinity, and you realised none of it ever mattered. That you'd been trapped your whole life by rules and lines and mortal constructs that never existed at all.

But here in the Black and White, you really can do whatever you want, forever.

What then?

Wouldn't you just be so angry?

#wileyposting again to procrastinate the next part of my black friday week series #i promise ill get something posted later today #hatchetverse #hatchetfield #black friday #uncle wiley #wilbur cross #macnacross #cw homophobia #cw dysphoria #starkid

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baskeigh-ball · 1 year

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Ahhh, sorry minor thing (has to do with your body swap comic) just thinking about the Mikey sensory overload bit. I saw this thread on it talking about his sensory issues and it hasn't left my mind since. It basically was a bunch of clips showcasing those issues in the show so seeing it in a comic is such a woah moment. Basically I was just curious on your thoughts on it.

yooo there's a whole thread about it? i haven't seen that but now i really want to omg if anybody has the link or something lmk

ok anyways rant under the cut lets go

I have a Few Thoughts about the bros and their neurodivergencies, both the ones headcanoned by fans and the ones actually confirmed

And these are the two main confirmed ones from the writer/producer of the show! Donnie's was a given just by observing how he's characterized in the show, and Mikey's became obvious once you recognize how hyper and impulsive he can be sometimes.

That one scene in Donnie's Gifts perfectly encapsulates how his brain works for me, where he forgot to mention a famous chef turned into a pig mutant live on television because he wanted to make sure the food he was making at the time turned out right and literally just forgot about the whole ordeal right after lmao

I'll be honest, a lot of the characteristics of ADHD he exhibits for me are mostly personal headcanons since I never took much notice of how his actions in the show can be recontextualized with the knowledge he's neurodivergent, but the one thing I DID notice is how often he goes into his shell.

Obviously it's a box turtle thing, his species is more inclined to hide in their shell since the carapace can actually close fully, making it a viable survival tactic. And with ADHD, I imagine any kind of unpleasant sensation or a sensory overload would trigger this escape mechanism, since being in his shell is equated with safety and control for him. It keeps the Bad Vibes out and lets him recenter himself

As for what would cause a sensory overload for him I have no clue, maybe it wouldn't be anything specific and I don't want to just project my own sensory issues onto him so I shall leave that open ended for now.

Though I do imagine food would be a big thing for him. It seems like one of his bigger special interests, so I'd find it to be an interesting dilemma for him to have a limited palate despite his interest in cooking. He would definitely make it a personal mission to experiment and try as many things as possible just for the chance to find new stuff he finds enjoyable, but in the process end up finding out a bunch of other foods are practically inedible for him.

If anyone has other thoughts on this feel free to add them, I love these kinds of discussions on character analyses and trying to see how their neurodivergencies are portrayed within the context of the show :]

#i also headcanon leo as being adhd just in a different font #and raph as innatentive adhd with just a touch of autism #they all just give me that vibe idk why #rottmnt #rottmnt rant #rottmnt mikey #asks open

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tater-tot-jr · 3 months

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I think I should put in my two cents considering the Hazbin hotel leaked Angel Dust clip. I’ll say that this post should be one absolutely massive trigger warning. If you’re sensitive please don’t read this, I’m pretty blunt. Also I’m only talking about a small leak but SPOILERS!!!

So before I make any points I’ll start by saying that I’m not an inherent fan of vivziepop, this isn’t meat riding, it’s a genuine attempt at open conversation and discussion. I’ll also say I’m a survivor myself and while I don’t claim to speak for anyone else I have some ground to stand on here. I completely understand that people can be triggered by this type of imagery and will at least skip this particular scene or episode, I promise I’m not talking about you guys.

You wanna know who I am talking about though? The weird ass moral police I’ve been watching mobilize. It’s crazy how people are making a big deal out of this. I’ve seen three arguments and all of them are terrible in themselves and being used to justify terrible behavior.

I’ve only seen people claim three major things, this is a bad depiction of a s/a survivor and situation, this is something that’s too graphic and immoral to put in a TV show, the fact that the singing and dancing lightens the tone in a way people find distasteful. I’m going to be trying to prove why I find these arguments mostly ridiculous and unfounded.

As for argument one, s/a survivors come in all shapes and sizes and hyper sexuality happens to be an incredibly common reaction to sexual trauma. I haven’t watched episode one and two but even if I had I’d still have too small of a sample size to determine the entire tone of an incredibly messed up complex dynamic between too incredibly interesting and layered characters. It’s ridiculous to have so many assumptions and expectations of an *11 second leaked clip.*

Secondly. Creative freedom is possible the most important thing in art. If we didn’t have the freedom to put what we wanted on paper or on screen then we wouldn’t have had so much societal change recently. Just because you might find something distasteful and immoral doesn’t mean it absolutely has to be hated on and removed. It’s okay to not like things because you find them gross, it’s okay to not enjoy graphic depictions of serious subjects, it’s not okay to start internet wars over moral bullshit. It’s okay to be mad in silence sometimes, guys.

Thirdly. I kinda get this one, I don’t agree with it but I do understand the point. The idea you don’t want a serious subject framed with a sexy pop song is not inherently bad, it’s just something that makes me think you wouldn’t have liked Hazbin Hotel anyway. I actually appreciate the fact they are using the creative medium to make bold and shocking decisions but I get some people are sensitive to new things, that’s fine. Where this argument gets ridiculous is when people act like this is very out of line for a show like this. This isn’t a Saturday morning kids cartoon it’s and adult animated show about people in hell. It’s highly likely that this won’t be the worst thing we see, you either need to heed the trigger warnings at the beginning of each episode or get over it.

You’ll notice that I didn’t bring up anything about the merchandise pins or the storyboard artist, I did this because they aren’t arguments but barely related attempts at character assassinations. When you spend five minutes thinking about them critically you come to realize that there is nothing substantial to those arguments.

I’d like to finish up talking about how I think this scene is doing more good than harm. It’s important to make people uncomfortable when you’re talking about things so horrible like s/a and rape. It shouldn’t be meek and palatable for a general audience, it should upset you. I remember hearing something in a video game once that stuck with me. There was a character who said that when you’re sick you need strong medicine and that the strongest medication is very bitter.

I think episode four will be some very bitter medicine.

#hazbin hotel #angel dust #feel free to leave a comment if you disagree #it’s important to engage in discussions and I’d love to hear some other perspectives #if you leave a comment with arguments against any points I made I’ll do my best to respond to you with a potential counter argument #and it should go without saying that if I watch the episode and realize I’m completely wrong I’ll post a public apology

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