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#hyunjin scenarios
tenderfrailty · 2 days ago
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that one skz member whose name starts with ‘h’ x g.n reader
wc: n/a
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you knew it was bound to happen, you were actually wondering why it had taken so long to get the deed done. but, after seeing the results, you were starting to regret even having that sort of thoughts before. now, you thought, this is karma, my time of truth has come.
safe to say you weren’t ready for it.
“are you seriously not going to look at me?”
honestly, you foolishly thought you had until the end of the year, maybe beginning of the next, but this?? right when you were in a perpetual state of joy and content, when you felt all was right in the world just because of that, they decided to take that happiness away from you. and there was no coming back from that, not ever.
“babe, come on, you can’t be serious.”
oh, but you were. you so were. so much so, that you laid face down on the bed and decided to stop torturing your eyesight from furiously staring at your phone, watching over and over again a stupid reel on instagram, and kept scrolling, not really seeing anything.
“yn, we talked about this…”
“no, you talked about it, I argued against it when you know I’m always right but… but you still decided to ignore and now… I can’t face you… it’s too painful.”
HYUNJIN was really trying to keep a straight and serious composure at this moment, since you apparently decided to switch roles and be as dramatic as he usually was. he’s seen you match his energy countless times, and he always enjoyed those moments to the fullest, but today it was different. all of it over-
“and don’t think I’m coming near you again, I can’t stand it.”
now that was unfair. “what?!? yn, sweetie, there’s no need for that.”
you tsked, now having switched to Pinterest in search of your favorite aesthetic so that it could soothe you, but you forgot you were logged in on your other account, the one where his pictures often occasionally popped up, alongside others in the industry. needless to say, to avoid yet another tragedy, you quickly switched, and sighed once you saw the aesthetic pictures of beaches and cafés and streets. “your actions have consequences HYUNJIN, it’s about time you learn that.”
he was getting a little frustrated with your attitude, since it’s been literal days since he’s seen you, busy with promotions and you also leading your life, so one could assume that, as the loving and affectionate boyfriend he was, there was a current drought inside him going on at the moment, one that had your name stamped on it.
because of that, he didn’t think twice to throw himself over you on the bed.
the sudden weight on top of you made you lose your breath and drop your phone behind the pillow you were resting your arms on, now unable to move because two unnecessarily long arms locked yours into place, and you felt a chin accommodating itself on your shoulder until it was settled.
quietude filled your bedroom, only your ragged breaths due to the, ehem, five feet ten body over you, lying on you. HYUNJIN, on the other hand, couldn’t help but to breathe deeply, taking in your comforting scent, your warmth after so long, feeling as if he’d been revitalized and given another chance at life, even if it sounded exaggerated.
delicately, right next to your ear, he dared to begin, softly. “baby, look at me.”
“no.” even your voice sounded as if you were struggling, but HYUNJIN was on a mission.
“then listen to me, okay?” no answer. he took it as a green light. “I know you were really attached, and you know I know you’ve been in love with it even before meeting me, so I understand what you’re going through–”
at that, a slight sniffle could be heard, just as you softly whimpered, “no, you don’t.”
biting his lip hard, HYUNJIN thought carefully of his next words, at the end choosing the ones that always made you talk. “then talk to me sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything.”
a moment of silence ensued, and for a moment, he thought that it didn’t work, and as he was scrambling in his head for a way to continue, you, yet again, let out a whimper, followed by a pitiful – teary??? – “it’s gone, HYUNJIN.” he swore he’d never heard you talk (sob??) like that, perhaps only on movies in which an animal, er, well- “you just don’t get it, because you’ll probably feel the same but I won’t, okay??? and-and how am I supposed to live like this? deprived of my right, now what am I supposed to do??? brush it, comb my fingers through it, play with it like- like that?? now it’s all meaningless, I don’t have a purpose anymore, this is the most atrocious day in humanity’s entire history-”
“yn.” his stern voice made you sniffle petulantly, turning your head to the side as much as you could. regardless, he still caught sight of your cheek, which had a lone tear rolling down. and he still couldn’t believe his eyes. “you can’t be seriously crying over me cutting my hair.”
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k-comfyspace · a day ago
I Can Do It
Star: Loona
Idea: Yes
Love: helloo idk if you are taking requests but if you are then can I please req a loona 13th member based off the Chuucandoit olympics where, she get's placed in chuu's team and they teased her bcs they know she was a hole at games, (yk kinda like the problematic one) but turns out she was an ace when it comes to atlethics stuff and ends up winning almost all the games for her team. Whew this was long but hope you had a great day~thank youuu
A/n: I know it’s been a while, it got buried somewhere in my inbox, sorry love! Hope it’s up to par with what you wanted
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"Hello! Today we will start the first field day of Chuu Can Do It!" Clapping excitedly, you cheered with the rest of the girls, jumping around with joy.
"Okay, today we are here with the members. Some of them were here before, but most of them are only appearing now, so let’s introduce ourselves." Jiwoo gestured in your direction, asking you to go first, which you did with a confirming nod.
"Hello everyone, I am Y/n, also known as the cool girl in Loona," you made a pose, leaning against Hyunjin. Your members made faces at your claim, scrunching their noses whilst you laughed at their expressions.
"There are many members who have a lot of athletic abilities among us." The comment was filled with doubt, the members smiling amongst themselves before their eyes eventually turned towards the farthest girl on the left, which was essentially you.
“What?" You asked, seeing their smiles.
"Well, Y/n is sort of a wild card." An offended gasp slipped from your lips as you looked at the cheerful member in the middle.
“What’s that supposed to mean!" You exclaimed, garnering laughs from the other girls, while Hyunjin kept a hand on your back.
"You always play video games at home unnie, so we’re wondering if you know how to do sports at all." Your mouth opened at their claims, but your leader wanted to keep it in a light mood.
"Loona is very competitive, so expect a lot from us today." You nodded, yet there was still a pout on your face, Hyunjin giggling and patting your back.
"I will be separating you into teams. Chuu Team and Yves?"
Both girls got into the center, watching the taller girl win again and again until you were left standing beside Jiwoo, a pout on her face as she lost every single one of the rock paper scissors.
Even if Haseul decided to switch Hyunjin to your team, the odds were still in the other team’s favor.
"It’s okay, Y/n, we can lose together," The cat announced, eliciting more laughs as you pretended to be upset and pushed the cat away. "We’ll win, you’ll see." You huffed, motivating your team that already accepted their defeat.
When the cameras cut, all of you were informed that the first sport was going to be archery. While the staff prepared the equipment, you were talking with Kahei when you overlooked Heejin, watching the proper stance for archery on her phone.
You decided to peek over her shoulder, knowing a bit about the sport, since you saw your sister play it a couple of times.
You could also consider yourself to have played archery over the years if playing it through the TV with a controller counted. How hard could it be?
"Alright, Y/n, just give us 4 and we can catch up." You heard Jiwoo whisper, massaging your shoulder while you puffed out a breath. "Unnie, I’ll get a ten for you." Jiwoo hummed in agreement before she added on.
"If you get a ten, I’ll treat you outside for some chicken." The extra motivation made you bubbly, marching over as you faced Sooyoung. You watched the older girl miss her first shot, all of your members turning their attention at you, as they anticipated what would happen.
Taking a deep breath, you placed the arrow on the bow, pulling the string back as you closed your eyes. You aimed for the center, taking a deep breath in as you let go, and it all went too fast as the arrow struck directly in the middle.
There was a chorus of squealing and gasps of shock since even you were surprised that you were able to hit the center. When it registered that you hit a bullseye, you cheered, spinning around in your place.
Not only did you manage to get your team closer, but you were also able to receive a chicken meal out of Jiwoo.
“Okay, it’s not done yet, two more Y/n!" Your team was doing their cheer while Sooyoung took another shot. The taller girl’s shot went into the black rings, giving your team more hope for you to win.
"Okay, I got this," you breathed out, loading another one before you raised it, wrist against your cheek, and fired it. There was another chorus of cheers and amazement, seeing as the arrow hit right beside the previous one.
You smiled in triumph, doing a little dance in your place while the girls cheered and started talking over each other. "You got this, Yves unnie!" The other team cheered for their captain, clapping and stomping, but seeing her arrow land on the outer rings, they shrank a little.
“Another round of chicken if you get a ten, Y/n!"
The motivation seemed to work, seeing as your arrow squeezed in with the other two. Dropping the bow, you ran into your team’s arms, jumping around as you managed to catch up to the scores.
"Time for the random target. Y/n are you confident in it?" Your eyes widened when your team stared at you expecting a response. "Me? But what if it was just beginner's luck?" You suggested, afraid of what the outcome would be.
"It’s fine, I’ll treat you to another round of chicken if you win against Heejin." At the mention of another meal, you pipe up, stepping your foot into the ring and going back to your place.
"Ace vs Wild card, let’s do this!" You send a glare towards the wolf, seeing her cheekily smile before Heejin was the first one to shoot.
Hers landed on the blue rings, your older members were hoping for at least a positive score. You didn’t know exactly what to do, so you decided to copy her shot instead.
If you weren’t aiming for anything, you were going to mimic Heejin instead. That way, if it did end up being a negative point, the lead that your team has would still be maintained.
Given your first attempt, it was already a given that you managed to hit the blue rings, the other shots repeating in order and somewhat in position.
When it was over, everyone waited with bated breath, whispering amongst their team. When the targets were removed, your jaw dropped to the floor when you managed to get almost the same score.
When the committee announced the final scores, your team lifted you up, while the rest fell to the floor. Then, as the camera cut, the staff changed the set, informing you that there was a need to change clothes.
But before you could, your members suddenly swarmed around you, all expressing their own shock at your display of archery.
You could only rub your nape, successfully flattered because of their praises and smiles. You were stuck in the middle, all of the older girls looking at you with a mix of amazement, joy, and admiration.
“It could be just luck, everyone. We still have more sports." You reasoned, the staff reminding you that everyone needed to change.
When the camera cut back, it was back to fencing, and you were smiling brightly. The gym seemed to have increased in happiness, as everyone had a lot more fun.
This time, you were at the end, watching your team play instead. You were exempted from playing, having requested not to participate because you didn’t want to hurt your members.
But there was still joy lingering in the air, everyone having a laugh as you watched Hyeju roll through your team. "I’m glad I’m not participating." You whispered to yourself, seeing Jiwoo squeal as she fell on the floor, due to the large wolf approaching her.
The game went on and it seemed like your team was clearly losing. "It’s okay, unnie, we’ll do better next round." You held up your fist to the three standing in the middle. Seeing their paint-splattered faces made you giggle before the cameras cut once again.
"I think I can’t punch well, but we’ll see." You stepped forward, staying a few feet before the machine to get a running start.
"Who do you see the punching bag as, Y/n?" You merely gave Sooyoung a smile before you charged straight at it. Draw your hand back and force it onto the black cushion.
Apparently, the name "Wild Card" suited you. Maybe you were a bit thin and shorter, but your punch was able to shift the machine, the girls covering their shocked expressions when the sound echoed for a second.
Even the staff was surprised, all of them going silent before the score went up to 890.
"Wait a minute. How is this possible? All unnie does is play games!" Hyeju called out, but you were already buried in your team’s arms, spinning you once again as they shouted their praises.
"Turns out it isn’t beginner's luck then," Jiwoo announced while you stared at the number on the machine, it looked like you were a lot more sporty than you thought.
The last two games went in your favor, seeing as you were an expert at dodgeball. The only time you lost was when you thought you had accidentally hit Yerim, giving them an opportunity to hit Jungeun. After that, you seemingly flipped a switch, mercilessly throwing the ball and hitting Heejin.
The final sport was the relay, and you were to admit that this was the sport you would lose in. Which was exactly the case when Sooyoung crossed the finish line while you were behind her.
“Your legs are the length of my body!" Your members laughed, puffed a breath, and fell flat on the floor. They exaggerated and pretended to give you compressions.
"The score was close, but in the end, Jokbal team won!" You clapped for your team, a pout on your face from being so close to winning. However, when it was time to choose the MVP, there wasn’t a need to choose, since every member knew who they wanted to vote for.
"On three, we’ll say it together." You were confused at the sudden announcement, wondering if you missed something before a chorus of your name was shouted by your members.
"If there was something we learned today, it is definitely to not underestimate someone. Y/n definitely proved herself to be our Wild Card and our MVP!"
You grew a smile, posing for the camera while your members laughed, praising you. While Jiwoo and the others gave their final words, the camera finally cut.
"Is it working?" You faced the camera to yourself, keeping your mask up as Jiwoo finished talking with the server. "I think so, Orbit I hope you’ll see this." Waving at the camera, Jiwoo gave it an eye smile.
"We’re outside at a restaurant, Orbits. Unnie fulfilled her promise and bought me chicken." You made a show of clapping your hands, making your own sound effects while Jiwoo shook her head at your antics, though she smiled anyway.
It’s been a few days since your shoot, and staying true to her word, Jiwoo asked you to dress. Taking you out to your favorite restaurant and enjoying the twinkle and excitement that you had swimming in your eyes upon recognizing the path that your van was heading to.
Jiwoo owed you three meals, so to make up for all three, she decided to treat you to all your favorites, and all the types of chicken for her members too.
She had to laugh when you gave her a tight hug, amusing the people that were able to witness your interaction. It looked like Jiwoo was your mother, treating her child because she was able to get a good grade.
When you received your chicken, the older girl watched you eat with joy. Wearing a bright smile the entire time before reaching to pat your head.
She wanted you to eat well, seeing as not only did you prove them wrong, but you made the experience fun for all of them, which was all she wanted, knowing that all of her members had fun during their filming.
"Eat well, Y/n. You deserve it."
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spilledtee · 3 months ago
𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐱
Word Count: 1.7k
Warning: smut, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), swearing, fingering (f. receiving), mentions public sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, hair pulling, established relationship, dom!Hyunjin
Synopsis: You decided to sleepover in the dorms and Hyunjin just can’t help taking you for himself
A/N: I revamped version of a scrapped fic of mine, tis the similar idea almost. Also I didn’t not proof read this. I didn’t proof read this so I apologize in advance. Hope that this fic doesn’t disappoint and you all enjoy it :)
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“Jinnie…” You whispered. “We can’t. Minho and Seungmin are here.” That didn’t seem to phase him though as he didn’t seem to acknowledge the words that escaped for you. Instead, he simply pushed, crashing his lips against yours, swallowing your words to stop you from protesting further. When his tongue slipped into your mouth, you couldn’t help but thread your fingers through his hair. You yanked at the tendrils, trying to suppress whatever sounds that would spill from your lips into something else. Again you tugged at his hair, this time hard enough so that he withdrew from you slightly. “Hyunjin-”
You words disappeared from you again. His tongue was already winding its way around the inside of your mouth. The heat of arousal immediately surged through your body as he tongue touched yours. Soft, passionate, ever more determined to have you give into him. He let out a quiet groan, muffled by the hot touch of your mouth. Your eyes snapping open looking at the two other men who had been sleeping peacefully just a few feet away from you. His hands had come from your sides, slowly finding their way to your ass, squeezing. One hand descending past the waistband of the shorts, ones that he had left you borrow to get comfortable, into your panties. 
You felt as a smirk was drawn on his lips, even though he was observant to your concern of his friends. “Relax…” He mumbled against your lips. “They’re asleep.” Another kiss. “Better make sure you keep quiet then.” As the words left his mouth in a whisper, a single digit pushed passed your already wet walls, causing you to let out a hushed gasp. The sound stirring Seungmin in his sleep but there was no other further reaction. 
You buried your face in his neck, unable to do much but try to get through this without making little to no noise. You couldn’t bear the idea of Minho and Seungmin relentlessly teasing you and eventually letting the other members know of this as well. Although, despite the fear of getting caught, you couldn’t help but find the feeling of Hyunjin’s finger stretching you out was exciting. You had always been weak for him, next to Minho, Hyunjin was definitely the king of teasing. Ever since you started dating, he had made it your goal to fluster you in front of his members. It pissed you off. Well you claimed, Hyunjin knew that and if reading your mind his finger curled within you, making you curse out. “For fuck’s sake Hyunjin. Stop teasing me and fuck me already.”
A chuckle escaped his lips, as he withdrew from you slightly, hand finding the shorts and pulling them down in one swift motion, your panties soon following. He held you in place, his free hand going to pull his boxers down. Even in the dark you could see that he was throbbing, the neediness he had been feeling all day evident. With the hand that had freed himself from his boxers, he aligned himself within you, watching as you squirmed in his grasp. Rolling you into you, his other hand clamped over your mouth to keep you quiet as he pushed himself inside of you. Each inch more pleasurable than the last. 
“So tight.” He whipsed, leaning down to let his hot breath tickle against the ear, trailing his tongue along your earlobe. “Let’s see if you can keep quiet, yeah?” He questioned, his tone full of mischief.
Before you can let out a remark, he sheathed himself within you. Fully, deeply inside of you, right to hilt. Without giving you time to adjust, he pulled out of you, nearly all the way before repeating the process of completely bottoming out into you. You arched into him, writhing under your boyfriend as you attempted to remain quiet, but Hyunjin was making it difficult for you. Making a mess of you already. The action had you going crazy. The feeling of each thrust causing your eyelids to flutter, your mouth hanging open beneath his hand, wetting it as your body begged you to scream. He was pounding you without relent, holding your hips close so as not to escape him with one hand while the other was ghosting around your bundle of nerves. He smirked, seeing you glare at him through the dark. He looked as though he was daring you to make a sound. As if he wanted to be caught. As if he wanted his friends to see that he was making a mess of you. 
You were stubborn though, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. A small annoyed sound escaped him as the hand that was on your mouth freed it, going to squeeze your breasts. You didn’t have time to wonder what he was doing because a scream almost tore through your throat. Instead, it was a strangled sound, one that made the two men in the room stir once again. Hyunjin’s nimble fingers had found your clit, working tight circles on the sensitive nub. Your eyes rolled back, head lolling back as you attempted to resist the urge to mewl from the touch. However, your boyfriend was already accustomed to your body. This would have you coming within seconds. It would have you screaming for him in seconds.
Screwing your eyes shut as began to whisper out a plea, begging him to give you the release you so desire, however you are stopped dead when a particularly loud snore escaped Minho. Your heartbeat thumped through your ribcage, the blood rushing to your ears as you prayed that Minho wouldn’t wake up. Slowly, Minho turned over his side, muttering something in his sleep.
You sighed in relief, hoping that Hyunjin would withdraw from you. Instead, he was pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “See, you don’t need to worry.”
“I don’t want to make any more noise though.”
Your boyfriend nodded. “Alright.” His hand went to clamp around your mouth once more, as you felt him tap his cock right against your click. You were about to tell him to hurry, but Hyunjin had already slammed into you without warning. Slowly he retracted, again slamming into you fully. He wanted you to feel all of him. After all the teasing, you thought you deserved to have him after. Each time his hips met yours, you sore that your nerves were lighting with fire.The sound of skin on skin filled the night air as Hyunjin sped up his pace, feeling you clench against him. Rough, sloppy, harsh, relentlessly pounding into you as you could only let out muffled screams against his hand. The sight of his cock stretching you out was enough to send you over the edge.
With all the strength you could muster, you tapped at his hand. His hand let you breath, the wave of air hitting you as you nearly cried. “Jinnie…” That name was the indicator that you were close, one that he loved so much.
An almost sinister chuckle came from the man above, his hand squeezing your hip. “So fucking tight. You’re gonna cum aren’t you?”
Arching into him, you pushed your hips into his. You wanted nothing more than to reach your high. “Please!” Your voice had come out as a high pitched moan. It seemed that you had given up on being quiet. It wasn’t the sound of his bed creaking, the sound of your skin slapping together that would wake his roommates, it would be your voice. You had little care for it though, only wanted him.
He smirked at your reaction. “I don’t think I can hear you. Maybe you should again, yeah? Let me hear you.” The command came, his eyes wondering slightly before locking back to you.
You wanted to cum just for him, in this dark space, just as he wanted. Just like you had wanted as well. “Please! Please, I want it so badly. Wanna cum!” 
That seemed to satisfy him enough, thankfully. Usually, Hyunjin would have you like a mess, have you crying for your orgasm. You were happy that he was at least having mercy. Although, it seemed that you spoke too soon as his hand found your clit once again, nimble fingers beginning the work they had started before the two of you had been interrupted. He rubbed furiously at the seinstive bud, continuing to thrust into you. It was as equally as hard, if not more, than before. Each thrust jolting you forward onto the bed. You couldn’t help but let out a sinsul, lewd sound, clenching around him. You screwed your eyes shut, feeling your abdomen tighten, moans of pleasure filling the small space, as your release wracked your body. That was enough to spur his own, Hyunjin following you into ecstasy as he removed his hand from you. Pressing his lips against yours, letting your mouth muffle his own pleasured cries. His hips never stopped, continuing to thrust into a few more times before his body shuddered to a halt. Completely slacking, falling down in the space next to you in the bed.
“Are you fucking done?” Minho’s voice growled from where he had been sleeping.
The two of you jolted hearing his voice. Your face instantly flushing more from embarrassment, knowing that his friend had just heard him. “You’re-you’re awake?”
“We both are.” Seungmin's voice sounded as well. “You know some of us have to sleep right?”
Hyunjin chuckled, attempting to check his breath. “I know I saw you guys.”
You face immediately went from pure astonishment to anger, hearing your boyfriend say that. “And you didn’t tell me?”
He shrugged. “You felt too good.”
A chorus for groans sounded through the room. “Can you just clean her up so we can get some sleep. I am tired.”
“ ‘Can you just clean her up’ blah blah.” Hyunjin mocked back.
“What was that?” Minho pulled the covers over himself, practically pouncing at Hyunjin for even thinking it would be okay to mock his words.
Your boyfriend shrunk back, practically begging his older brother that he was simply joking. You couldn’t help but chuckle at their antics.
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© All rights reserved to spilledtee. There is no copying or modifying of writing. Translating and reposting work is prohibited. Please inform me if you see anything similar to my work.
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chanluster · 5 months ago
the duke and i | m ; f
“The Duke of Hastings can show you much more than what you write of.”
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oneshot | bridgerton! au | f2l! au | 32.3k words
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s u m m a r y >> wishing to be a successful writer in the regency period seemed next to impossible for the sole daughter of a dead earl. with arising pressures from your mother to tie the knot, you turn to your dearest friend, hwang hyunjin, duke of hastings and the most eligible, scandalous bachelor of the season, for assistance. when he suggests the insane of idea of marrying each other to help each other, you agree to the proposal, unaware of how much the duke can teach you of the wonders of matrimony.
w a r n i n g s >> noble! reader, duke! hyunjin, hyunjin is a fucking rake, reader is a fucking nerd, also really really innocent, hyunjin is sosososo hot, a lot of teasing, foul language too, endearments, sexual tension, kissing, making out, corruption kink!!!!! corruption! fucking! kink! oral (f. receiving) fingering, unprotected sex (stay safe hoemies!!) orgasming on multiple occasions, there is fluff i promise, yes there is angst, also seungmin cameo of him being a drunk fool, and slight references to regency poets and writers here and there
p l a y l i s t >> here!
t a g l i s t >> @fivefootfuryanon @h0eforhyunjin16 @seoulicitae @linoscult @aliceu @hwangi @shipsaremything98 @babyyynatty @kabira @danyxthirstae01 @sunseokkies @lunefilm @severetimetravelnerd @minaamhh @starry--koo @ninjaleeknow @hyunjeonnies @inlovewithasa @titleisyettobemade​ @maedesculpaeusoubi @fleeingreality @healinghyunjin​​
a u t h o r ’ s  n o t e >> help i am back from the dead to finally give you bridgerton! hyunjin!! big apologies for taking so long, and i hope you enjoy this whopper :’) thank you for the constant support, and hope you won’t miss me too much while i’m gone ;)
back to masterlist
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“And remember,” she droned on, voice barely audible from the din of the carriage ricketing across the cobblestone. “You must dance with as many dukes you can get your hands on. Especially those worth over 10,000 a year!”
“As you say, Mama,” you got out, not particularly focusing on her orders, but the characters in your novel, bickering sweetly with each other. You smiled at the heated conversation, marvelling at how the two people did not realise their undying love for each other.
Unfortunately, your mother caught the slight happiness on your face, and simply had to stample it. “Are you even listening to me, child?”
You hummed out a cryptic answer, but that was not enough. “Stop reading that rubbish, ____!” she ordered, trying to seize it from your hands, but you were too quick, keeping it out of her range. “You have a bigger issue at hand here!”
“Leave me be,” you murmured, hugging the novel to your chest, unable to feel its leather due to your long gloves enveloping your fingers.  
Of course you knew of the ‘bigger issue’ she would not ever stop speaking of. It was another matter entirely that you did not care for it.
“____, listen to me.”
Groaning, you directed your gaze towards your mother, who looked regal in a light golden gown, shawl enveloping her shoulders. “I know you would much rather have your nose stuck in those silly little novels of yours all day, God knows why.” She brought a hand out, planting it on the silk of your lap. “But that may have been excusable before.”
You understood where she was going with this conversation.
Your father is dead now. 
Pursing your lips, you looked out to the tiny window, exposing the other carriages closing up to the huge pathway of the Buckingham estate. The clattering of horseshoes upon the gravel entered your ears, but still could not blank out the information that lingered.
There is no hope for single women in search of a career. Especially if they have no fathers or brothers.
As your own vehicle came to a rest, behind the dozens of others, you held onto your book, a footman opening the door and holding his hand out to your mother. She taking it, you followed suit, dusting away at the dress and tilting your head upwards at the destination.
The Duke of Buckinghamshire could rival the queen herself with his estate — the faded, grey-red brick was alight, orchestral music tuning outside and seducing the guests to enter. Hundreds of windows plastered on the towering walls gave a glimpse of the chaos residing inside, a few couples leaning a little too close behind fans on the sill and men screaming over card game losses. A flourish of men and women adorned in their finest attire rushed to the entrance, the gigantic double doors of the manor welcomed every guest, and you stayed close with your mother as the two of you made your way up the steps, and into the estate.
The interior was even more marvellous — golden chandeliers dangled from the vast, painted ceiling, like glittering diamonds as it shed light on the hallway, servants ready to take any apparel and lead the way to the ballroom. Marble floors glistened as your eyes skimmed over the crowd, looking for a specific person among the riches.
Your mother, finding the host of this ball, patted your shoulder as she began to hurry into the main hall. “Come, my child,” she said as she tugged you along, “I shall reacquaint you with Her Grace.”
Before you could object, the woman rushed into the ballroom, the music louder as the orchestra resided right at the end of the hall, playing its sultry tune to the dancers emerging in the centre. You wished to study the place further, but were turned to face a large duchess of overwhelming dress, red skirts flowing and feathers of the same colour jutting out from her updo. 
“Ah, Lady ____!” the Duchess of Buckingham greeted with a shark’s smile. “Lovely to see you back in society. So soon, might I add.”
You had a right mind to say that it was against your wishes, but your mother chipped in, “You know how it is, Your Grace. When one has an unmarried daughter one can only stay in society until that is undone.”
“Rightly so.” the Duchess brought her fan to her chin, studying you thoroughly. “My sweet, you are a pretty girl.” Her eyes landed on the book you held. “But bringing a novel into a ballroom? Do you not wish to socialise at all?”  
“Perhaps not tonight,” you said with as much disappointment as you could muster. “The Dashwood sisters will entertain me well enough.”
The Duchess could not respond as you bowed lightly and left your mother’s side, rushing past the other men and women of titles before they could converse with you. Your eyes skimmed the crowd, in search of a particular man, but the amount of guests made it incredibly difficult. 
The dancing continued on, laughter ringing throughout the hall as you secluded yourself in a corner, next to the refreshments. The wondrous scent of cakes, pastries and other deserts seduced your senses, but you restrained your temptations as you sat upon an ornate chair placed beside the tables of food. 
An unfamiliar lord, as if waiting for you to be at peace, walked over to your side, and you had to contain your disdain as you instantly deduced the motivations behind his coming over.
Reaching out his gloved hand to you, he asked the most irritable question. 
“May I have the first dance with you, my lady?”
Brilliant. You looked up at him, plastering a tight smile upon your face. “I deeply apologise, sir,” you began, opening your book. “I am afraid my firsts are promised to another.”
Confused, he tried again. “How about the next dance, then?”
Why was he being so persistent? “I shall see,” you replied, not outright rejecting him, but hoping that he understood the implications behind your lack of acceptance.
Beyond puzzled, he hesitantly dipped his head in adieu, wondering at his rejection as he thankfully left you alone.
It was not like you were lying to him — your firsts for everything had been promised to another man. You were just fortunate enough to use that to your advantage.
Glancing over the crowd one last time in search of that particular man, you dove into the novel, hoping he stayed lost in the crowd for the night.
A sad smile exposed itself on your face.
The thought of Jane Austen gaining little acclaim for the writings in your hands crushed you. Maybe that contributed to her publishing anonymously, but still — everyone knew she was the lady behind your favourite works. 
In general, there was simply no other form of joy for you other than reading the works of women. The soul of your gender had only ever been captured by the writings created by ladies of your age and mentality. It almost felt like you possessed a personal connection with them when you read these novels; It felt like that Austen understood you on an emotional level, a degree not many people could comprehend.
You dearly wished you could write such flawless books yourself.
A slight frown enveloped your lips.
As if your mother would let you. Or any man she marries you off to.
Progressing further into the novel, you became so engrossed that you did not notice another man walking to where you were isolated, the soft leather boots near silent on the marble floor. You wished you had perked up at his presence, but you did not realise him there until he got hold of your book.
And snatched it right out of your hands.
A gasp escaped you, features twisting into anger as your eyes followed the origins of such fingers, closing your novel with a snap!
“Of course I see you engrossed in a book rather than in another man’s arms.”
The roll of your eyes was inevitable.
Because before you was the Duke of Hastings, smiling like a pirate finding long-lost treasure.
Your answering grin was more a flash of teeth. “No man is ever as interesting as a good book.”
Clicking his tongue, he plucked a flute of champagne from the table next to you. In truth, Hwang Hyunjin, unfortunately, was one of the most fascinating men you had ever encountered. The greatest giveaway was his appearance — the lean, delicate figure, elevated by his gorgeous features. His eyes, the colour of bitter coffee, shone with mischief as the glass settled on his plush lips, tilting his head back so his lustrous golden curls fell from his shoulders. 
His hair alone sent a shockwave through the city. The gentlemen in society spent their time in the barbers’ salons after his new appearance at Lord Lee’s spring ball, and although they aspired, they simply could not compete. 
Your best friend was a sacred image no being could ever attempt to replicate.
Releasing a dreamy sigh, he propped the empty flute back on the table, dusting away at his cream-coloured tailcoat. The trousers of the same colour hugged his legs perfectly, tightening at his thighs. “Now, ____,” he began, holding out his free hand before you. “It is time for a human being to entertain you.”
You raised your chin in challenge. “And what if I were to say no?”
The scoff that escaped his lips dared you to try. 
“You cannot escape me, angel. Alas, you have promised your firsts to me.”
Grimacing at the truth, you eyed the object he had seized from you, crossing your arms. “What about my novel?” you asked. “I cannot let you discard it in any old place.”
“How about this?” He took a step closer to you. “I will keep hold of it as we dance.”
“And how will you do that, blondie?”
The man narrowed his gaze at the term — a nickname you had established the moment he had revealed his golden locks to you, to his utter dismay. “Well, darling,” he mused, the hand hovering closer, “You are going to have to accept me first.”
First. Always him as your first.
Of course, you were never the one to refuse the Rake of London.
So, making sure you exaggerated as much disdain as you could, you grabbed onto his hand, feeling the determined tug of his hold as he led you to the dance floor. Finding a fairly empty spot among the dozens of other couples, he fully interlocked your fingers with his, snaking the book-held hand around your waist. Feeling the hard leather on your back, you let out a hum of approval as you propped your free hand on his shoulder.
“If you dare drop the book, Hyunjin,” you warned, digging your gloves further into the fabric. “I will tread on your boots.”
His answer was patting your prized possession behind your book. “You worry as if you don’t tread on them anyway.”
As the orchestra began, so did his feet, commencing the dance. 
You saw his eyes wander, pausing at a particular image which made him smirk knowingly at you. “I think you should be worrying more about your mother.”
Fearful, you followed his line of sight. There she was, talking to the other countesses with smiles and frivolous laughter as she pointed to your general direction. Their sons pursued her finger, and as they caught sight of you, you gulped. A small chuckle huffed out of your partner. “I think I might see you engaged at the end of the evening.”
“Do not even utter such words!” you exclaimed. “I will either die a successful writer or die a spinster.”
“You do know you can be an author while you are married,” Hyunjin pointed out, turning you about the room. 
Shaking your head at his statement, you countered, “That could not be further from the truth! Do you remember Lady Andrews?” An absent-minded shrug was his answer. “Well, she lives up north now, but she once confided to me that she wished to be a painter. Guess what happened to her?”
“I assume this is the part where you attack marriage.”
“Yes! Because her life was ruined after she was wedded to some wretched old viscount!” You shuddered depicting the details. “In the last letters she wrote to me, she spoke of her easels and paints being taken away from her. God, it enraged me when she begged the heavens for any kind of assistance to be rid of the man, but after she became with child, there was no escape.”
Sensing your fingers clenching onto him tighter, the duke instinctively patted the small of your back with your book. “I cannot risk such chains, Hyunjin,” you guttered. “I may not have much freedom now, but it is still better than none.”
Allowing yourself to be twirled by your friend, he brought you back into his arms. His silence, although heavy, was temporary, as his eyes settled on you. “Not every man wants to imprison their wife, ____.”
You did not bother remarking on the statement. “What about your own marital status?” you asked, changing the subject slightly. “Have you not found yourself a nice girl from the many you speak to?”
Hyunjin scoffed. “Speak to,” he parroted softly, as if in disbelief. “The ladies that I...merely speak to...their families are a nightmare.” The repetition confused you, but you persisted until he pressed his lips in an unamused line. “I not want to marry these women. I do not feel any sort of affection for them.”
After a moment of quiet, you let out a huff of laughter. “Look at us, blondie.” You gestured to the crowds around the two of you, the chaos of it all. “Both of us are plagued by pressures of matrimony.” 
The music began its path to the crescendo, instruments sounding louder with every second your feet moved in tune to your friend’s. “It seems the value our freedoms too much to sacrifice it forever.”
He did not respond, eyes lost beyond you and the entire ball. His fingers upon yours tightened slightly, feeling the drum of his hands reverberating upon the book latched on your back. You cocked your head slightly, studying his faraway expression, wondering what matter had gained his interest so deeply. It was not an easy feat to gain Hyunjin’s attention.
As the violins sang out higher, the man’s grip on you loosened, almost as he became transported in his mind, losing all grasp on the reality he shared with you. Only when you smacked him lightly on the shoulder did he blink back, staring at you with mild irritation. “Hello?” you said, waving your gloved hand over his face. “Earth to Hyunjin?”
“Ah, um...sorry, angel,” he muttered, looking away as he picked up the pace of the dance once more. “I was just thinking.”
“Of what?” you asked, and when you caught the hesitancy in his gaze you groaned at him. “Oh, do not tell me you are thinking of some poor lady once again!”
“No!” he began, but then he frowned, shaking his head. “Well, yes, I...I suppose I was thinking of a certain lady.”
You grinned. “God help her, then.”
There was another moment of quiet among the buzz of the ball when he spoke again. “____.”
Your stare remained on his face. “Yes?”
As you kept watching him, you witnessed a slight blush arise on his cheeks. “So, you said, correctly, that we both highly value our freedom…”
Not quite understanding, you drawed, “Yes?”
“And of course, you know how we are the best of friends,” he carried on, eyes boring into you, as if you were some child who needed extra explanation. “You know, how everything I would ask of you would be in our best interests.”
A raised brow was your response to his rambling. “Hyunjin…what is the matter?”
He stopped, realising he could not meander any further. Sharp sigh escaping, he proposed a plan which had been haunting his mind since the dance. 
“I think you should marry me, angel.”
The words caused you to still completely. Not a very wise decision, considering the dance was still in motion, resulting in Hyunjin stumbling forward into you. His tugging hands had you continuing, albeit with much more shock. 
“What…” your insides threatened to retch out of your mouth. “What did you just say?”
“No, no, listen to me for a moment!” He clamped his lips together, searching for the right words to argue his point with. “Now I know marriage is something you have disliked—”
“Dislike?” A scoff. “I think you mean absolutely detest!” You saw him almost flinch at your snarl. “How dare you even suggest such a thing to me?!”
“I know, damn it!” he exclaimed, discomfort clear in his voice. “But if you would hear me out!”
“And what is this plan you speak of, Hyunjin?” you seethed, suddenly tempted to ram your heeled slipper into his boot. 
The man looked much in need of escape from this situation, but he merely twirled you about once more, the climax of the music about to begin. “I am very aware of your hatred against matrimony, and believe me when I say that I share in your disdain. Have I not complained of the very ceremony when mothers from every corner of London came to insist for their daughters’ hands?
Grumbling, you nodded. “Exactly, so obviously I must have a good reason why I spoke of this matter.”
“Well, spit it out, then!” you snapped. “It already sounds outrageous.”
With the instruments chanting louder, he commenced. “We both have a dilemma with marriage, especially concerning the burden. Your biggest problem is the freedom being taken from you. Mine is having to live with a woman I have no feelings towards.”
He continued, feet moving quicker and quicker to the melody of the music. “But see, if we wed each other, then those problems would be solved instantly!”
You looked at him as if he was insane. “You do realise that I would still be married. My scrap of independence would be snatched from me anyway.”
“That would be true if you were marrying some silly old lord, who had no interest in you other than your titles.”
His hand on your back pulled you a little closer. “But you see, angel, you would be marrying me.” 
Around and around, the two of you whirled, never stopping for a second to the music. “And you have known me long enough to know that I would never stop you from pursuing your passions.” 
Higher the melody climbed, lost to your ears as your eyes widened. 
His words rang through you with every note that escaped the instruments, sailing through the crescendo that washed over the ball. “ would let me write?”
Hyunjin furrowed your brows. “Did you think any different?” he asked, quite offended by your surprise. “Did you really expect that kind of behaviour from me?”
You did not hide your fears. “You may be my dearest friend, but you are still a man.”
That had him twisting his mouth into a scowl. His hands on you clenched harder. “You know me better than that, darling.”
You did, in fairness. The Duke of Hastings, leading you along this dramatic waltz, had been a constant in the entirety of your life. It was in these very balls that he had happened to stumble upon you, a child barely touching your second decade with a children’s book buried in your face. He, the exact same age but with much more excitement, snatched that book from your hands and made you leave your seat, chasing the boy around the ballroom till you burst into tears. After that rather unfortunate event, you vowed never to be in the same room as him, but you somehow ended up being his best friend instead.
Maybe it was because both of you had overbearing parents, driven by pressures of society and personal expectations. Or maybe it was the simple notion that after a while, you began to enjoy his eccentric behaviour and rather addictive smiles.
Perhaps it was better that way, too. For you could not imagine life without Hwang Hyunjin.
Your gaze was apologetic. “I do, blondie,” you supposed, but you steeled yourself once more. “But I have a condition!”
“And what condition would that be?” he asked, swirling you around and around, waiting for the climax to strike any second. The ladies around you were breathless, ecstatic, the gentlemen smug, but you and the duke had only business in your minds.
“Promise me that we remain the same,” you said, never leaving his sight when the music boomed across the ballroom, raw melodies dancing along with everyone within the four golden walls. His grip on you was firm, unflinching as he spun you across the marble floor one last time, dark boots never missing a single note as he nearly swept you away from the chaos of society. “Promise me that you and I will not change.”
And as the music drifted to an end, he finally slowed down. There was a moment of silence, heavier still under his stare. 
“I cannot promise you that.”
His next words sent the strangest sensation down your spine. 
“For we would not be friends anymore. We would be husband and wife.” 
The ballroom erupted into applause.
You blinked back at the new noise, head darting at the couples beginning to clap at the ended dance. Although the others began to depart, the two of you lingered on the floor, hands still clasped. 
His stare never faltered. “I cannot promise you that,” he repeated, slowly shaking his head. “Nor can I guarantee you continuity. 
“What I can promise, though, is that I will not take away your freedom. You may write as much as you wish.”
It was then his hold on you eased, stepping away as he held out the book — never dropped from his hand, but firm as he brought it before you, a silent offer.
“What do you say, angel?” His gaze was impenetrable. “Will you be my wife?”
Among the lords and ladies, there was only you and him.
You and him against the world.
It was difficult, finding allies in a time you lived in. Reminded of your mother, you had a terrible feeling that only doom would fall upon you if you refused his help. 
With good reason, too. No man could match what Hyunjin offered. No man would ever let you pursue your literary passions. 
Not a singular male in this society would ever care for your basic freedom, other than he.
Another first, then. 
So, in the middle of the ballroom, with your mother watching, you held onto the book, gripping it with a firm promise.
You dared not depart from the Duke of Hastings’ stare.
“Yes, blondie.”
You exposed a smile, a mocking quirk in your brow.
“A thousand times yes.”
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You insisted the wedding be small and intimate, for the ceremonies were already boring enough, but both your mother and Hyunjin insisted it be a grand occasion. 
The two of you tied the knot at Fulham Palace, a most esteemed estate dating back centuries, adorned in the finest flowers and gifts of nature surrounding its red-bricked walls. You had been there often in your childhood, due to the place being situated at the heart of your friend’s lands outside of the city, but seeing it decorated for your own wedding elevated the speciality of this abbey.
Many of London’s lords and ladies, dukes and duchesses had rushed to your invitation, fawning over the festivities and seated impatiently on the uncomfortable seating to await your arrival. Your friends, some bridesmaids, prepared your hair and fixed your dress, ordering everyone to take their places and sounding the instruments behind the altar to begin playing.
In truth, the ceremony was a blur.
Because this whole occasion was merely a plan, you did not deign to remember the memorable details of each event, the people who came or even the words recited by the priest.
However, the one figure you could not forget was your best friend.
No, you could not forget his face as you walked up to him slowly. It was a sight you had seen him expose only a few times in his life, when he would observe a flower open its petals in the morning, or regard a particular enchanting piece of artwork in an exhibition, which he would refuse to walk away from. You had raised a quizzical brow at him then as you slid the ring upon his finger, but he only offered you a wink, expression fading when the priest addressed you both.
Of course, another little detail you distinctly remembered was the declaration. The words which sealed a woman’s imprisonment.
“I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Your gaze had darted to Hyunjin at that, finding him staring at you already. Meeting his gaze, you found the comfort you hoped you would receive.
The Duke of Hastings will not throw you into the cages of matrimony. 
This very thought had relieved your nerves as you thanked every guest who congratulated you on the wedding, a few friends wiggling their eyebrows and wishing luck for the honeymoon. You waved them off, not really understanding the connotations, but carried on struggling at the reception until the sun had descended, and it was time for everyone to return home. 
That very evening, the two of you set off for this particular honeymoon.
You bid your farewells to your mother, she much too emotional for your liking, and because Hyunjin had no parents to bid his farewells to, the wedding carriage was up and running before the moon had taken reins of the night sky. 
Conversation never ran dry as you journeyed out of the din of London and into the countryside. Your destination was a couple of hours away, so rest was mostly out of the question as the carriage sped on, eager to get the newlyweds to their new home. 
It was well into the night when you arrived at Hemingford Manor, one of the many estates Hyunjin had ownership of ever since his father’s passing. Engulfed within the lush nature of Cambridgeshire, the little estate exuded a comfortable sort of radiance which you would expect from warm fires of winter. The gardens surrounding its walls was a whole maze of trees, bushes and an assortment of flowers, heightening its already ancient regality. 
The arrangements were made immediately, a small household welcoming you at the door as they took your luggage, unpacking everything as Hyunjin showed you around. It was extremely intimate, you noticed, every feature of any room possessing an unusual air well before your time, almost telling a story of theirs from centuries ago. 
He brought you to the bedroom, the grand bed instantly in sight as it’s curtains were fully drawn around its wooden columns, bedsheets black and red with gold thread stitched in swirls at the hems. Two ornate chairs sat beside the windows, and a huge dresser sat opposite the bed, beside it the door to the en-suite bathroom. Oil paintings littered the red walls of his ancestors, noticing your friend’s portrait made in his youth. The entire room radiated warmth, and you found yourself easing completely in his den.
“Well, I guess I should prepare for sleep,” you began, shrugging off your coat, walking over to the chairs and  settling it upon one of the arms. 
Hyunjin blinked back, as if his thoughts had been interrupted. “Ah, yes, of course.” He gestured to the bed. “You can have this room. I can stay in the one next door.”
You looked at him as if he was insane. “Do a husband and wife not share the same bedroom?”
“Well—” the man put his hands on his hips. “Yes, but I do not want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Uncomfortable?” You stepped towards him, quite offended. “Have you forgotten when we would sleep in the same bed whenever I stayed at yours for the summer?”
He narrowed his eyes at you. “We were children then, sweetheart. The situation is quite different now.”
“No, it is not,” you countered, matching his stance. “You were my dearest friend before, and you are my dearest friend now. That will always stay the same.”
That certainly quietened his tongue. He studied the stubborn quirk of your lips before sighing, unbuttoning his waistcoat. “Fine,” he quipped. “But I will not hesitate to throw you off the bed if you hog the sheets!”
You only offered him a scoff in response.
As the both of you began to ready yourself for bed, you opened your bag, making sure your papers were still intact. Counting up your drafts, you hummed in satisfaction before tying up the bag once again, setting it beside the dresser. Now, in your white nightgown, you went to the grand bed, slipping into the sheets. 
Grabbing hold of Pride and Prejudice, you continued reading from where you left off as you waited for Hyunjin to be suitably dressed for slumber. You hoped he would take longer than usual, but he disappointed you, as the fool always does, by arriving much earlier, frilled-collared shirt all loose and trousers all slack. 
The minute he saw you reading, he let out a groan. Leaning over, he snatched the book right out of your hands. “Hey!” You exclaimed, trying to take it back, but he stretched his hand away from you, propping it not-so-gently upon his bedside table. “Oh my God, not that harshly, you oaf! The book could tear!”
“I do not care!” He jeered, sliding into the sheets, propping his elbow so his hand supported his head. He swiped his locks away from his face, showing his full irritation. “Having your nose in a book on our wedding night!”
“Mr. Darcy was entertaining me just fine,” you sniped, crossing your arms. “You just had to be a Wickham and ruin the whole experience.”
“If this Wickham is a gift from the Lord Himself, then damn do I accept his name with pride!”
His ignorance made you laugh. Sliding your eyes to him, you matched his position, snuggling further into the pillows. “What does one even do on the wedding night anyway?”
Hyunjin’s amusement faltered at this, plush mouth parting ever so slightly. 
The Duke knew exactly what one does on the wedding night. 
As he raked his gaze over you, you waiting patiently for his answer, he wondered whether he should answer you truthfully. Tell you that he should be towering over you, kiss those pretty lips until they’re swollen and spit-slick, and take off that nightgown and uncover you before the stars. It was only customary, but the thought had his insides churning.
So he decided completely against it, to his absolute disappointment.
“How would I know? It is my first marriage as well.”
“Yes, but you’re aware of the ladies, and the gossip.” You leaned closer to him, unaware that the man’s heart halted for a second at the mere action. “When the guests were wishing me luck on my honeymoon they kept chuckling like children, as if they were in on a secret I was excluded from.”
“To hell with the guests, angel.” Hyunjin patted on your pillows, urging you to put your head down. “Our joining was very different from theirs. We can make our own rules.”
“Finally, an intelligent word from you!” You declared, but yelped as he pressed his hand on your head, sending you to the cushions. “Too harsh!”
“As I said, own rules,” he reminded you, a smile curling his lips. “Now please sleep! It is well past midnight.”
You shook your head no, resting your head in your arms. “Come on, Hyunjin! We have the whole night to ourselves, and you wish to sleep?”
Yes, he very much did. Because if he kept looking at you, excited and giggly and adorable, the tight leash he kept on himself would snap. 
He could not have his hands on you on the very first night. Not when you had no knowledge of what that meant.
“Well then,” he started, using all the strength in him to not curl a stray lock around your ear. “Tell me of your writings.”
His request had you face burning. “Never.”
The man made a face. “What?” He demanded, nudging you with his fingers. “Now you must tell me!”
“No, not now,” you hurried off, hiding your face in the pillows. God, the thought of your friend reading anything of yours made you sick to the stomach. “Argh!”
“But why?” he asked, a beginning of a pout etching onto his lips. “Do you not trust me, even though I have tolerated you for all these years?”
You turned to him again, furrowing your brows. “I do trust you!” You reassured him. “And I will tell you at the right time. Just...not at this moment.”
When you saw a frown develop on his face, you pouted at him, shame coursing through your bones. “To tell you the truth, Hyunjin, I am just embarrassed. It is so rough at the moment, so I want to show you the very best.”
“But I want to see everything,” he muttered. “Your worst and your best.”
“And you will see it!” You reached out, wrapping your fingers around his slender hand. The boy gaped at you at the sudden contact, but you continued. “You will be the first to see my drafts. I give you my word.”
The honest consolation brought the duke to a stillness. Hand enveloped by your fingers, he watched you await his reaction. 
Being the first to see your private writings was truly an asset. A special secret he would never share to another. 
“I wait patiently for that time, then,” he said, offering you a smile which melted your heart. “Now, I beg, sleep!” he added, bringing the sheets up to your chin. “I can tell you’re exhausted.”
Knowing your whining would be of no use, you looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes. “Fine, you absolute bother.” You closed your eyes. “Goodnight, blondie.”
A small chuckle escaped him, never forgetting the hold you had over his hand. He regarded over your resting figure, curling ever so slightly next to him, and he just could not help himself.
Stretching out his other hand, his fingers tucked away your stray locks from your face, curling them behind your ear. The smile ghosted on his lips, and only then he sank further into the pillows.
“Goodnight, angel.”
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A couple of weeks had passed as this ‘honeymoon’ period progressed in Hemingford, and you were beginning to settle in quite nicely to the peaceful time. The birds never ceased to chirp joyfully around the manor, the nature which engulfed the two of you like another living being surrounding you, silent yet welcoming. 
The scenery was perfect for someone like you, who was waiting for an environment like this to bring out the papers and put that inspiration to use. Hours rushed by as you sat under the trees beside the manor, writing away the scenes in your head as the maids brought you food. A few of those hours may have just been wasted on daydreaming, but that was the beauty of this entire situation — you simply had the time to waste in this retreat. 
Hyunjin had been more than satisfactory: he always came to dine with you for all meals, never concluding conversation, and made sure to accompany you on walks around the lands. Everytime you would step into new landmarks he would instantly recall the history behind it, explaining the work his forefathers had done on the manor, and lead you along till the sun followed you two down the horizon. 
You had initial fears. Just because he was your best friend before, it did not predict what his behaviour would be after marriage. You had heard many marital horror stories during the seasons of London society, and each one was worse than the last. Although you always knew the duke could never hurt you, there was no trusting the opposite sex. Fortunately for you, he rid those doubts from your mind, and maybe you began to have faith in the future.
There was, however, a downside to your new husband.
“Why will you not show me the drafts?!” he whined for the last time, following you into the house. Rolling your eyes for the millionth time, you took off your bonnet, handing it to the maid nearby. “I have waited long enough!” 
“I do not have to explain myself to you!” you argued back, grabbing your skirts as you rushed up the stairs, Hyunjin right at your heels. 
The man was much too quick, overtaking you instantly and barring you from stepping into the hallway. A groan was your reaction. “Let me through!” you ordered. 
“Tell me what your book is about.”
“I am not telling you anything!”
He curved closer to you, blond locks sliding off his shoulders. “Why?” he hissed, and you stayed stubborn as his hand on the bannister snuck closer to yours. “What have you written in there that is so exclusive?”
You bit the inside of your cheek, crossing your arms. 
It was not like you had written an anti-Duke of Hastings manifesto. Once again, it was just your humiliation — although you loved to write, there was absolutely no way you could ever willingly show him your work as of this moment.
You could not have your best friend be disappointed by your creations. 
So you turned completely on your heel, descending down the stairs.
“Hey!” you heard the man shout as you stepped into the entryway, picking up your book. “Where are you going?”
“To talk to the trees!” You looked over your shoulder, making sure to give him a glare.”Because I know they will not argue back!”
Before he could speak any more, you thundered out of the house, taking Pride and Prejudice with you. 
An enraged sigh escaped you, walking rapidly into the maze of hedges as you tried to stroll the anger away. When these silly arguments occurred, you began to wish that you had never told him of your work in progress. You could have just admitted that you liked to write, and feared that any other men would rob you off that hobby.
And on the last day of your honeymoon, too. Maybe you should have told him you were illiterate instead. 
Settling yourself upon the white wooden bench, right beside the forest, you opened up your book, gritting your teeth still as you immersed yourself in the world of Elizabeth Bennet. Although progressing, your thoughts drifted to another man who did not reside in the pages, and you found yourself even more aggravated.
Damned the beautiful bastard. Of course you were going to tell him of your writings. Why could he not simply wait?
The thought had you rigid on the bench as you read on, the mere wind and trees your silent company as you read away your rage. The duke did not come searching for you — it was for the better, because if he tried you would have ran away from his stalking figure. 
Night ascended from the horizons, and as the sun retreated so did you, back into the manor, book at your side. You nodded to the guards who opened the huge doors for you, letting you inside as you went straight for the stairs, void of the man who refused to let you pass.
Dim lights illuminating the way, you walked right up until your bedroom door greeted you, and when you saw Hyunjin, leaned back in the ornate chair as he looked out of the window, you paused at the entrance.
Although your steps were quiet, he turned his head to you. His features held a veil of unreadable emotions, cemented by the slight down curve of his mouth. 
You scowled at him as you stepped inside. “I am not showing you the drafts.”
He closed his eyes, nodding. “As you wish.”
You removed your coat, a brow raising. “I won’t show them to you tomorrow either.”
“As you say.”
Another brow joined its partner. “Nor will I show you them the next week.”
“Of course.”
What was this sudden change? “Hyunjin, are you unwell?”
“I am perfectly adequate, darling.”
The endearment had you frowning further. “Fine,” you muttered, knowing he was hiding something from you. “I will be inside, taking a bath.” 
You were about to enter the bathroom when his voice halted you.
Looking over your shoulder, you answered, “Yes?”
The man let out a soft sigh, crossing his leg over the other. “I...I wanted to say that I apologise for my persistence.”
Now that was a statement you were not expecting. You opened your mouth, but closed it, thinking it was for the better, and instead leaned at the doorway.
“I…” he clasped his hands. “I realised that as I insisted and shouted, I was becoming the very man you wished to avoid. That is the last thing I want for us. If you are uncomfortable in showing me your writings, that is fine. A husband, most of all a best friend, should respect that decision.”
His eyes lifted to yours, pinning you with a fierce stare. “I will not persist with you anymore.”
You found yourself unable to break this stare as you, too, locked your hands together, biting your bottom lip at this turnout.
The duke had never apologised for anything.
In the many years you had known him, he would always stand by his decisions, even if they turned out to be disastrously against his favour. His stubbornness refused to let him submit to the other, and you had watched him have his boney backside beaten almost every week for it.
Hearing the plea for forgiveness had certainly changed that perception. 
You took a few steps toward him, willing your hands at your sides as his gaze followed. 
Was the denial really necessary? The poor man only wished to take a glimpse into your mind. Was that too much for him to ask for?
No. You had to stay upright. So what if he apologised? He should have! The man had caused a ringing in your ears from the arguing.
But now, even though the entire time your body repulsed at the thought before, you found yourself reaching for your satchel.
His eyes did not leave your hands as you brought out the papers, dumping your bag beside his feet. You held them out, knowing there is no way out of your actions.
Hyunjin looked at the papers as if they were hemlock. “Why are you showing me your drafts?”
You pursed your lips. “Because I want you to eat them.”
“I have no appetite for paper this evening, I’m afraid.”
The attitude had you warning, “Do you want to read it or not?”
He regarded you with an adorable puzzlement. “Darling,” he started, and the word had you raising it closer to him. “You do not have to show me. I cannot have you forcing to do something which you do not—”
“You’re not.”
He paused. Kept that beguiling stare upon you. You carried on, “Hyunjin, I need you to understand that it was never anything personal. It was me just...not really believing in myself.” Gently putting the small stack of papers in on his lap, you locked your hands behind your back. “But I gave you my word on our wedding night. And the day you proposed, and the day I realised you were a dear friend to me.
“You will be my first for everything. Especially in the goals and dreams I treasure the most.”
The duke’s eyes enlarged, darting to the drafts settled on his thighs and then to you, capturing your lip between your teeth in nervousness. He wished ardently that you would break that habit, for if you kept at it he might just grab your face and continue for you.
My first for everything. The declaration had his stomach turning in on itself. He knew he had been there for many of your firsts, but saying it out loud was something else. Saying it out loud meant you were aware of that fact as well. 
So unimaginable, that you did not even realise the impact you had on him. So unbelievably innocent, eyes searching for his answer, desperate for consolation, when he had completely different matters in mind. 
By God, if you did not turn around and leave him, he would let the control on him falter.
“I...I need to take a long bath, Hyunjin,” you said, finding his stare unusually penetrating. “By the time I am done you would have finished reading half of it.”
Turning, you stalked back to the bathroom, looking over your shoulder as you took a step inside. “No sweetening the feedback.”
You did not wait for his answer as you went inside, shutting the door.
Both of you, not realising that the other was doing so, let out a quivering sigh.
Something was amiss. 
There was this...tension. You did not know the origin, but you knew it was there, underlying and creeping closer. Hyunjin was unusually quiet. Compliant even. A small part of you feared that maybe you should not have given him the most vulnerable possession in your care.
Deciding to fill the hot water in the bath yourself, you got on with your task, filling buckets of water in the copper bathtub till it nearly overflowed. Once done, you got rid of your clothes, and stepped inside. You instantly relaxed as the warmth of the water soaked your skin, calming your nerves, which were running high moments before. 
As you progressed with using the soap, you distinctly heard the pages turning in the room next door. Scrubbing yourself, you hoped that the man was enjoying your words, or else you were never leaving this bathtub again. 
At one point, you leaned your head back, closing your eyes as the water, now mixed with the scent of roses, lapped lazily against you. Your thoughts, once again, wandered to the man a wall away from you — what was he thinking? You wished you were there beside him, witnessing his reactions to the actions, dialogue, romance you had added in there.
Maybe that was the real problem. The couple you had added in this story had a strong relationship, but because you yourself had never experienced any sort of star-crossed love, you did not particularly know how to portray the raw romance. Still, you made sure they held hands in the ballroom at chapter 49. That was the pace in every other book you read, anyway.
After what seemed like a whole night later, you finally got out of the water, drying yourself with the towel hanging beside the tub. Grabbing your white nightgown, you donned the light dress, keeping it as loose as possible as you tried to dry your hair further, opening the door.
When you looked up, you saw the duke, head down, scanning through the papers with a face so focused it worried you. You made to say his name, but his hand shot up, silencing you. He did not even glance at your figure, bringing the hand back to swipe a finished page. 
A little smile appeared on your lips. Is he...invested? 
Does he enjoy your writing?
Another ten minutes of observing him, and he put the last paper down. 
Slowly, he tilted his head upwards, turning to where you stood. His face expressed something cryptic — unable to decipher the emotion which swirled beneath his dark, glinting eyes. 
He then let out a scoff.
“Darling, I need you to sit.” He gestured beside him, on the edge of the bed. “Right here.”
Perplexed, you obliged, settling yourself on the soft sheets, watching him heave off his chair, the last piece of your draft still in hand. He began a pace back and forth across the room, shaking his head as he turned at every end.
The pacing began to concern you. “Hyunjin, is something the matter?” you asked, hands grabbing tufts of your nightgown. “If you really wish to walk then you have all of Cambridgeshire waiting.”
“Tell me, dearest,” he said, still thundering across the room. “Remind me why you did not want to show me your drafts.”
That was an usual first comment. “Umm...because I was embarrassed about my writing?” 
Your answer made him stop. Whirl to your direction.
“Ah, yes!”
His features twisted into anger.
“Such poppycock!”
You blinked back. “I-pardon?”
“No, you shall not be pardoned!” he exclaimed, pointing at you with the stash of papers. “Not when you have written something like this!”
“Hyunjin, what do you mean?”
The man nearly ripped his hair out. 
“____, you have written a bloody masterpiece!”
Your entire body stilled.
“I...I did what?”
“Wrote a masterpiece!” He swiped through the pages, lighting up at each word that passed his gaze. “A bestseller! An award winning novel!” 
A smile worked its way onto your lips. “ really think so?”
Sighing out in exasperation, he set the papers upon the desk as he began to lose his initial anger. “How could you be embarrassed about something so beautiful?” He put his hand on the gold chair, leaning onto its head. “Your descriptions were lovely, the characters are perfectly imperfect. You have outdone a lot of the writers in circulation.”
Your shoulders sagged a little — almost as if you had been carrying a heavy burden, and this man had taken it off of you.
You made sure he saw your joy when you said, “Thank you, blondie.”
Seeing the pure contentment upon your face had your friend looking away, eyes narrowing to the plans once again.
“There was, however, one thing which needed improvement.”
The setback had you straightening once again, eager to hear. At least he was not sweetening it fully. “Go on.”
“As I was reading through, right till the end, I noticed a lack of very important details.” 
That was quite strange. “A lack of?” you asked, when you were so sure that you had added too much of everything.
His fingers drummed against the velvet of the chair. His other hand tightened upon his hip.
“I noticed that there was a deep lack of...passion.”
An incredulous look was your reply. “Passion?”
“Yes, passion. Desire.” He jerked his head towards the papers. “I hardly saw any of those emotions in the book.”
This new information was certainly quite worrying for you. “But I do not understand,” you started. “My whole novel is based on this relationship, of the love that blossoms and grows—”
“I understand that, darling, I really do,” he said. “I know what you are going to say.” 
The drumming continued. “But where is that residing in the chapters? Where is that physical lust implied in the characters?”
You had heard of the word before. Heard of its implications, yet never grasped the weight of its meaning. Was it just another form of longing? 
If only your mother had given you an education on this side of love.
“What do you mean...lust?”
Hyunjin raised a groomed brow. “What else could I mean, angel?”
The way he voiced that question, that endearment, had you parting your mouth, unable to say anything. You tried to speak, to say something to ease the tension which came slithering back into the bedroom.
“I...what were you expecting? From the relationship.”
Curling his locks behind his ear, his gaze became obscure. “You spoke of forbidden love, of...of a coupling which should not be occurring but happened through the fate of the universe. Is that right?”
When you nodded, he carried on. “See, I did not sense that from their exchanges. Their emotions are tame, chaste. An innocence which cannot be tainted.
“Now where is the fun in that?”
You dared not break his gaze. “What is that ’fun’?”
His eyes seemed to darken. “That ‘fun’ in the relationship is physicality. Where is that in your novel?” 
He took a step towards you. “Where are the unbreaking stares? The curious hands, aching to caress another’s? Where are the trembling breaths, the lust-stained sighs that fan lovers’ lips?”
The duke had you craning your neck back as he looked down at you. “Where are the kisses, my darling?”
You gulped. “K-kisses?”
“Yes, kisses,” he repeated softly. “Lips enveloping lips, tasting your inner workings? Travelling to your neck, your collarbone...places which cannot even be whispered in polite society?”
Each part he mentioned had goosebumps pricking at that certain place. 
The bastard still did not stop. “Where is that passion, ____? Where is that forbidden love, which only makes the heart burn wilder?”
And as he descended before you on his knees, delicate hands settling on your lap, you had a feeling swirl up your sides which had never struck you before.
“If I were the man in your book, I would not be tame with you.” 
His eyes offered a new, intimidating darkness. “Because if you were my woman, then I do not think I’d control myself. The moment I’d catch the innocence dancing in your eyes, I’d have waltzed it away into my shadows.
“Only God could save you from my hunger, then.”
Silence descended upon the two of you.
One waiting for the other to speak, and the other unable to form the words to do so.
The moon had illuminated your husband, one side of his face glowing like a celestial being, the other side basked in darkness. How strange, when he had compared himself to it just a few moments before.
You seemed unable to look away from him. His gaze, always intense, now had become so penetrating you wondered whether he could glance at your soul, quivering from his feedback. 
Improvements which you still did not quite comprehend, despite the implications.
Somehow, he could see it on your face. “I have a feeling you still do not grasp the idea. Is that correct?”
A half nod. “I…” God, speak! “I just...I have never understood it, Hyunjin.”
Your head dipped down, darting at the plains of your hands. “You asked me about lust, and I simply cannot answer because I do not know. I have never experienced such emotion.
“Hell, I have not witnessed a single action that you spoke of. How could you expect me to write of desires I have never even felt?”
This was unchartered territory. This was a terrain you had not explored with him.
Yes, he was your best friend. But one does not talk of such...dangerous conservation when your best friend happens to be a male — a complete rake, at that.
It seemed as if the rake, too, was thinking the same. 
His legs, a force which had never let him down, threatened to buckle under him. His mouth opened, only for silence to answer you. 
Lord and all His subjects help him. He did not think he could contain it any longer.
And as his eyes exposed you, vulnerable before him, he only knew of one thing — one fact within this ocean of uncertainty you swam in.
He would jump into the waters for you. But not to haul you out to safety.
No, the duke would drag you down further, with him as your sole saviour.
Or even your destroyer. Your fated undoing.
For the Duke of Hastings will absolutely ruin you, body and soul.
A blink.
A singular action, dragging him back to dark, dark reality, even sweeter than his fantasies as it sat before him, shy and wide-eyed.
An innocent reality all for him to defile.
“Yes, angel?”
You tried not to shudder at his lilting whisper. “How am I to be helped?”
The man did not even think of the possibilities, to your surprise.
If only you knew, how long he had kept them hidden for.
“How about I assist you?”
Confusion washed over your features. “And how would you assist me, Hyunjin? You have never written a novel.”
His answer was a chuckle, revealing slight glimpses of his teeth as he stood.
“That is true, yes.”
Sitting down beside you, he planted his hands behind him on the bed, leaning into the position. 
“But what I can provide aid for is the one feature you lack in your writing.”
His voice right behind gave you a fright.
“Pure, raw lust.”
Looking over yourself, you watched him reclined in ease. Your speech was uneven as you said, “And...and how will you help me with that?”
“Simple, my darling.” A pause, looking you over. “I shall provide you with examples. Show you what truly happens between a man and woman when all they yearn for is each other.”
He saw the further questions in your gaze. The questions you dared not voice out loud, perhaps dared not understand. 
Smirking, he sat himself up, eyes never leaving yours as his hands encircled your own, bunched up in your dress. As his fingers brushed against your linen he felt his skin go aflame. 
“If, of course, you would let me.”
Tilting your head slightly upwards, you sensed a foreign warmth envelop your face, burning at the sight of your friend studying you like an empty canvas, begging to be filled.
Perhaps you were an empty sheet of paper, waiting to be painted with guidance by the master. Maybe that master was beside you all along.
“What will you do to me, Hyunjin?”
There it was. The question which may have been his drug — his purest form of opium. 
Because when his hands travelled upwards, sliding to your face and imprisoning you with his stare, he knew he would become addicted.
“Not only show you what real passion looks like.”
A shame he did not care for his well-being when you were so fucking tempting.
“But show you what real passion tastes like.”
The shuddering breath that left you caressed Hyunjin’s lips, and he debated throwing the whole course of patience out of the window, and ravage you this second.
But he would never do that. Not unless you asked him to. 
“May I?” He whispered, eyes heavy lidded. The need for an answer was beyond rationality.
You looked at him one last time before you let your heart answer for you.
“Show me, Hyunjin. 
Those three words were all it took for the duke to close the distance. 
Close the final space which had stayed so irritably prevalent, when he brushed his lips against yours. 
The first thought that came to mind was how soft his mouth felt. 
Plush lips, moving against yours with the utmost gentleness; as if testing the waters, familiarising their new surroundings. He did not know what to expect, which was a thought that shocked him. Had he not bedded half of London to know the ins and outs of how a man should pleasure a woman?
Still, his vast knowledge could not prepare him for you and your shy acceptance.
His fingers cradling your jaw, satisfied, he delved in a little deeper, the weathered leash beginning to loosen as he found his opium upon your mouth.
You attempted to follow his actions — letting him lead the kiss as if it were the many dances you had partaken with him, treating this as yet another waltz you both had to share. The issue was, dancing never brought you the unnerving thrill that these ministrations did.
Hyunjin’s kisses were quite indescribable. 
When he tilted your head with the pressure of his fingers, gaining the fullest possible access to your lips, he thought his heart would burst from his chest. So compliant, you were, trailing after his actions. His pleasure heightened when he felt your heartbeat race beneath his fingertips, which resided just underneath your jaw. 
He would have been a happy man if he continued the kiss forever, but he forced himself to break away, remembering that this was your first, that you were not acquainted with the dance of passion. His gaze pried over your features, and a famished smile nearly broke upon his face.
He found you shivering beneath his grasp.
Lips glistening, courtesy of his own, eyes wide and skin warm, there was no other reaction which the duke would have savoured more. A fearful excitement resided upon your beautiful face — almost as if you were scared of yourself, of the feelings he ignited within you.
The man was not far from his prediction. You were positively terrified.
Terrified of the fire-like emotion that threatened to turn your stomach in on itself. It was an extraordinary sensation — as if you were engulfed by some unknown, mysterious fire, and Hyunjin was the one sparking it to life.
You parted your mouth, trying to speak but to no fruition. 
And him, whose eyes grew darker at the lack of words, curled his fingers to your jaw, smirking. “I can hear your heartbeat from here, darling.” A singular finger tapped against the spot, where your blood pumped quicker than usual. 
Your heartbeat thrummed in your ears too, making you all the more aware of the situation — you may not know what these feelings were, but you needed to find out.
It was not entirely your fault. A writer must do their research, after all.
Painfully swallowing the lump in your throat, you made yourself speak, asking the questions which haunted you. “ this all?” you got out.
Hyunjin slanted his head a little, narrowing his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“You know…” your hands instinctively reached for your lips. “What we just did. Is that all that happens?”
The hesitation had him chuckling, the shaky exhale caressing your mouth. “Do not pretend that you were unaware of kisses,” he mused, and you desperately tried to look away. 
The slight grip on your jaw had you unable to do so. “And as for your question…” the smirk remained. “We have barely touched the surface.”
His other hand skirting downwards, it grazed along your collarbone, tumbling to the free space at your side. It settled itself among the bunched linen, holding you steady. 
“I can show you more,” he whispered. “If only you wish it.”
Face burning further, you closed your eyes, letting your head dip in acceptance. You could not even think at this point — you were curious. Beyond intrigued, wondering whether these feelings would swell up more, take you into another reality farther from your imagination.
It was a slight inconvenience that Hyunjin shook his head. 
“No, my darling,” he said softly, the fingers on your jaw sliding to your chin. “I want you to say it. Say you want more.”
You had not the slightest idea what this ‘more’ was, but you sure wished to discover — judging by the ravenous gleam in your husband’s stare, he wished for you to find out too.
“Fine then, Hyunjin…” one last pause ensued. “I...I want more.”
The said-man let a small groan escape before capturing your lips again. 
He knew he was being selfish — almost pouncing on you like a man starved, grip on your side tightening as he quickened his pace, slowly prying your lips open.
When you felt his tongue skim along the seam of your mouth, you found yourself opening up to him, shocked at the sudden enthusiasm. Your hands, unoccupied, fumbled at your lap, unsure of their use until Hyunjin, his own hands leaving you, held onto them. 
With precise direction he placed them on his shoulders, all the while slithering his tongue inside. You found yourself gripping onto him harder as he explored you, he himself nearly transcending at your yielding. A groan threatened to escape, but was drowned out by his mouth, closing over yours and kissing you insane. 
His tongue worked wonders within you, swirling along with yours, desperation increasing with every time you complied with his actions. He opened your lips a little wider, sliding his tongue along your bottom lip, and you could not contain your moans any longer. The whimpered replies had him tugging on your lip, slowly sinking his teeth on the swollen flesh. Your fingers could not grasp harder, the lock around his neck tightening with a growing need.
Is that what it all was? Urgency? What was this need for?
You hoped with all your heart that Hyunjin would know.
He pulled away from your mouth, and with gasped breaths, he got out, “Angel, may I—” His thumb caressed the corners of your lips, trailing down to your neck. “May I kiss you here—?” 
The second the ragged yes escaped, the man’s mouth began peppering little kisses along his finger’s trail, leaving your skin burning with every touch. Dipping his head into your neck, he tugged down the neckline of your gown, settling on your collarbone. The hem descended to your shoulders, threatening to fall at your waist. 
His kisses did not falter, even when you gasped out his name, a soft cry which only grew when his teeth grazed at your skin. Pain bloomed at the touch, but the feeling did not last long, replacing it with his tongue lapping up the mark. The dull ache remained, yet forgotten as he created a pattern of these stinging sensations.
“____,” he whispered upon your skin, a hypnotic chant which only had you whining in response. His mouth skimmed right up to your ear in frantic. “I...I must show you even more.”
You stilled completely. “E-even more?”
Hyunjin’s eyes did not leave yours as his hands travelled down, holding onto your sides. Slowly, he tugged you forward, your body merely following as he laid you down into the bed. Your heart hammered as he towered over you, the loose shirt revealing a glimpse of his chest, and his locks, drooping down to your face.
Your hands held onto the sheets. The gesture had him melting, so endeared by your little scares. What would you know of what will follow?
His idle fingers began to roam. With every shuddering breath they journeyed further below, until they found the hem of your nightgown. He held onto the fabric, slowly sliding it upwards. 
You hissed slightly at the cold that welcomed your bare legs, but it was overshadowed by his warm caresses, every touch causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. Or something of the sort. That was what it felt like to you, anyway, with how out of place the reaction was. 
You asked him as his fingers paused, right on the edges of your upper thighs. Confusion, mixed with an overwhelming sensation, washed over you with every phantom touch. “What are you—” you paused as his hand tugged your legs open, ever so slightly. “What are you to do with your fingers?”
His answering gaze had you praying for the Lord. “How about I show you instead?” The contact lingered. “I promise it will feel wonderful.”
There was no other answer you could offer him. A hasty nod could only suffice as, with that signal, the duke braced himself for what he had been dreaming to do.
Nothing prepared you for the feeling of his fingers past your thighs. 
Your breathing hitched as they teased against your entrance, running slowly along your slit. He collected the arousal which pooled at the apex, mouth agape from your reaction. 
How you were drenched for him. 
The very sight, and the prolonging idea, had the man exhaling sharply. Even now, he could see in your gaze — you were unaware of your own responses, your body’s hurried joy as it begged for his fingers to delve in further. 
Tonight, he would show you a glimpse of his fantasies. 
His one finger slipped inside you, and you felt the world turn.
Slowly, so painfully slow it slid between your folds, completely halting your breath as you gaped at him. He held your stare with a dark intensity — no doubt there was hesitation on his part, scared his control would shatter, terrified he would submit to your desire and break you under his hold. Already the thought was so appealing. 
Still, he kept his fantasies at bay, holding your face like a fragile artifact as he delved deeper. A soft moan escaped your lips, and he cocked his head, realising it was a whine you tried to contain. 
“Angel, please,” he murmured, and when he paused on his journey you looked at him in desperation. “Don’t be shy with me.”
And then, grip on your side tightening, he began to pull his finger out.
This time, it was impossible to restrain. 
A heightened gasp shuddered out of you, gripping onto his shirt. How could an action so simple be so electrifying? The idea could not make any sense, but it did not need to when it brought such pleasure. You pulled on the fabric harder, elevating Hyunjin’s joy at seeing you so bothered.
“Yes, just like this,” he cooed, repeating the movement. This time, though, he quickened the pace as he began peppering little kisses upon your face. Each brush of his lips was like fuel to the fire below, growing angrier with every leisured plunge. “Say it all for me.”
You did not need to be told twice. 
Your whines grew as he quickened, foreign waves of mysterious origin overtaking your body. You feared his singular finger might be enough to do something drastic, but then his thumb started to wander. When he found your clit, he created a slow pattern of circling the bud, causing you to squirm beneath him. 
Seeing him above you was all too much — you needed his lips upon yours, needed to be lost in his tongue or else you would lose your mind. “H-hyunjin,” you stammered out, and the dazed expression had him reeling. “Please...please kiss me.”
He nearly moaned at the request itself. There you were, asking for his touch. His delirium spoke for him, letting his delusion a little astray. “But darling,” he muttered, leaning his face closer to you. “How can I watch you like this if I simply kiss you?”
Releasing his finger till the mere pad remained, he smiled at your panting. “How will I be able to watch you when I do this—” and brought two digits inside you.
He felt your walls pulsate around him, and he revelled in your reactions, the groans that followed with his delving. So, so compliant. So wonderfully welcoming, when all he did was touch the surface. 
Your speech was all muddled, broken words and half-prayers as his fingers worked within you. As if that was not enough, he curled them inside, and there, he brushed against a spot which had you seeing stars. You could hardly stay still under his grasp, squeezing your legs together. 
“Fuck,” he slipped out, and the curse itself had you fisting your hands in his shirt, damning the turnout if it were to tear. “Sweetheart, it’s okay to let go, keep those legs open.”
Further fastening his labour, you found yourself developing the most intense feeling in your gut — like a dark, swirling ball, aching to be released. You tried to raise your head to kiss him, but he only did the same, you barely missing him.
“Hyunjin!” You gasped out, and the said-man knew that no orchestra could compete with the music you tuned for him. Grabbing clumsily onto his collar, you tried with meak strength to bring him down. “’s wrong, something is amiss—”
You cut a glance down, where your cunt was more than occupied with his digits. “Wh-what am I feeling?!” In a frenzy you stared at him again, tears pricking your eyes. “Why do I feel—”
The duke only shushed you, a gaze akin to affection being offered to you as he trailed a slender finger upon your cheek. “Oh, sweet angel,” he whispered, voice a little breathless.
“That is me keeping my promise.”
And when he finally swooped your lips in a heart-wrenching kiss, fingers never stopping below, you let the overwhelming feeling take over. The aching was freed, and you broke away with a cry as you released onto him, spilling onto the sheets. 
Hyunjin commenced a trail of sweet kisses upon your face, slowing his work inside you. Lethargy washed over you, and you barely sensed him slip his fingers out until the hollowness of your cunt welcomed you in his stead. 
Through heavy-lidded eyes, you watched him as he brought the two digits to his parted mouth, sucking softly on the skin. A low noise hummed out of him, and you found yourself growing warmer all over again.
He caught you looking at him, and he slipped his fingers out with a pop!
“Truly divine, you are.”
Skin burning, you quickly shimmied your nightgown down, earning a chuckle from your husband. “That was…” you began, and you did not know why the thought made you so flustered. 
“Do not worry your pretty mind, sweetheart,” he reassured you, flicking your nose. “Your release was answer enough.”
That only had you all the more embarrassed. “Hyunjin?”
His eyes rooted to yours. “Yes?”
“Was this…” you paused, trying to find the right words. “Was whatever we did...everything? Was this the end?”
Despite the two of you only finishing now, the duke had his gut turning in on itself all over again. This time, he let patience take over. He had been rewarded more than enough.
He still answered with a hushed tone, offering you another vision. Another promise, which he intended on fulfilling even further. 
“Of course not, angel. This was merely the beginning.”
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It was a much more gradual journey than the previous one, with all the time in the world to go back to the duke’s main estate, where he was called to work after weeks of leisure. You, first indignant, were now devastated to leave Hemingford, a place which became a special haven in such a short time. 
But of course, one could not neglect their husband. Not when that husband would never let you leave his side.
Hyunjin was all eye-smiles in the carriage, hands refusing to let go of you despite your complaints. You did not particularly mind, but when he resorted to kissing you with the curtains drawn, your levels of embarrassment nearly broke the scale, amusing him to no end. 
There was no stopping him, though. After taking the first heated step with you, the vault of restraint in his senses had cracked. All this time he had proceeded with caution, but your heightened whimpers of the night before had undone the cellar of his desires. 
Once again, you had experienced another first with him. A first which he wanted to conquer for a long, long time.
Unfortunately, business called, or else he would have stayed a few weeks more. Damn the men begging his presence, when he could have explored every layer of your innocence in that manor, revelled in ruining you of your ignorance. 
He thought he had time to show the world of pleasure. 
Alas, the fantasy he created in his Manor had to fade.
Reality crashed upon the two of you unfairly quick — there was not a moment’s rest as you arrived at Lansdowne, the official estate of the Hwang family nestled in Mayfair. It was more an enchanting palace than a home, every room, furniture and painting like pieces out of a fairytale. You could never forget the first time you entered, knowing that despite your previous comforts, you were to be spoiled in this abode. 
The unfavourable situation which turned out from this was that your husband was not present to spoil you in his royal den.
As the days began there, with banality taking over, the two of you barely had any occasion to spend some time together. Business sunk its claws into the duke, refusing to show mercy. All the days and most nights, he managed tenants on his lands, heard their complaints and attempted to provide solutions. 
The problems arose while he was away tending to you in your getaway, his subordinates incapable of handling the work he did so effortlessly. It frustrated Hyunjin to no end, when he had to learn these strategies since his adolescence, yet his employees, far older than him, could not manage to use his funds efficiently. 
Although this meant time was sparse together, you did not mind so terribly. Having solitude meant having opportunities to write, and so you threw yourself into your drafts. You revised the more intimate scenes between your couple, and dared write down your first experiences onto the page.
Even documenting the occurrence had your stomach fluttering — when he kissed you delirious, going as far as slipping his fingers inside you. It felt like a delusion in your mind, scared that you merely created such events through your imagination, but you could not not make up such passion.
Hwang Hyunjin had shown you a very tangible fantasy.
It was these memories that kept you company as you penned down your world, a couple thousand words being scrawled on paper everyday. You wished to talk to him about taking matters further with your novel, but whenever the two of you had the occasional dinners you could not bring yourself to address the subject. He was already so occupied, and dumping your own tasks on him would devastate you
So you secluded yourself into your room, and only wrote.
Few weeks into Lansdowne, and you began to miss him.
You did not know how this feeling entered, but the moment it crawled into you it was all you could endure. It was not uncommon for you to miss your dear friend, even before marriage, but now that you lived with him, the situation changed. During the afternoons, when you burned your mind from the constant writing, you longed for his presence; conversation never ran dry when he was around, and the maids who offered refreshment were hardly an alternative.
Your longing, unfortunately, did not stop there.
Ever since that fateful night, you failed in shaking off the ever present tingling. His midnight eyes, akin to the devil, haunted you in isolation, and the sheer image of his full lips quickened your heartbeat. In fact, when you wrote a similar recount into your writing, the incident came into your mind so clearly you had to abandon the task altogether. The familiar wetness pooled at your core, and you cursed the heavens for being weak.
His fingers had an everlasting impression on you.
That was a whole other problem — you and Hyunjin, because of his tightening schedule, hardly had any opportunity to explore further of what happened. Teasing words and stolen kisses were your only alternative, and you dared not ask of him to do more. Your cowardice may have been one of the main reasons, but he was another factor of your silence. The man came home every night, so exhausted that even requesting to have him satisfy you brought you shame. He was much too tired, and you could not be selfish.
So you did not bother him. Let him leave every morning, and imagine what would be if he did not have so many responsibilities.
However, another couple of weeks later, and the need became unbearable.
Your every thought and feeling was replaced with this...this urgency. It was horrifying to you, never having been forced to such extremes, but it preyed on your mind like a beast. Meaningless tasks turned into burdens, sleep was lost, and your very heart threatened to burst from the intuitions. You wished to stop, but once you remembered that phantom touch, it was over. There was simply no alternative.
During those times, you could barely look at Hyunjin, offering you tired smiles as he disappeared into your chambers. You figured he did not notice, or else you knew he would make a comment on your worsening state. Truthfully, you were overjoyed that he was too exhausted to see you like this. If there was any chance he was aware, that alone would kill you off.
But this desire, too, was slowly withering you away.
Even as the sun began to descend, birds singing softly beyond your intricate window, soon to be drawn to a close. The library was bathed in gold from the light, painting your face as you attempted to write the last of the chapter, but to little success. 
You figured your creativity had had enough of being stuck in your bedroom, so you opted for a change of scenery, but the parasite was at hand, churning just below your stomach. Even with the thousands of books settled all around you, radiating their knowledge, the ache remained, dull yet present. You scowled, pushing the pencil harder in your hand.
The poor lead broke suddenly, making you flinch. “Argh!” you let out, throwing the object upon the desk. Useless — you were so utterly useless, reduced to a mold of nerves, growing with each image that passed in your head.
Cursing, you put your hands in your lap, looking to the gardens beyond the window. 
There is nothing you can do, ____.
The need arising, you slid your palms back, enough so they rested over your core. 
A dangerous thought entered your mind.
That’s not true. There is one solution.
Your eyes widened.
Of course, there was always that alternative. Glancing down, you involuntarily pressed your palm to your clothed cunt. Already a wave of pleasure washed over you, and you suppressed any sound with a hand to your mouth.
You cannot. By God, you cannot do such a thing.
Especially in a bloody library.
Turning around, you glanced at the bookshelves guarding your figure, stretching to the painted ceiling. As an aspiring writer yourself, you cursed yourself for suggesting to do such an action in your temple, with the place your church and the books your Bible. 
However, when the ache begins to creep over, your morality seemed to fade at first flight. 
What a shame your brain was not to be listened to.
Shooting up from your chair, you nearly fell to the plush carpet, leaning against the desk. Gradually, you took a step forward, and another, searching for any secluded area among the lines upon lines of populated shelves. 
“Where is it, where is it,” you mumbled to yourself, passing the Greek Literature aisle, moving further into the darker section. When you spotted the end of the library, you turned to a dim lit section of Romantic poets. “Aha!” You exclaimed, finding the place you were searching for.
This particular section has been a favourite little hiding place for Hyunjin. Recalling the memories, you always caught him here whenever the two of you played hide-and-seek, or when to comfort him here after a particularly harsh spat with his father, the late Duke of Hastings. Above all else, he found himself isolating here whenever he wished to read by your insistence, finding solace in the words of Blake and Wordsworth, picked up on the shelves. 
You, on the other hand, did not come here to read. 
Backing up against the wall, you let yourself fall to the lush carpet. There was barely enough space to stretch your hands apart, feeling the wall on one side, and the bookshelves with the other. It was small trouble, though, as space was not the priority — simply distance. 
Thankfully, you had time — dinner would be served in about an hour, and the servants had been told not to disturb you as you ‘write’.
It was now or never.
“Lord forgive me.”
Grabbing onto your skirts, you raised them upwards, along with your petticoats. After undressing your pantalettes, your white stockings came into view, ending right above your knees, tied with baby pink ribbons. 
With your underwear gone, you felt the cold caressing your dripping cunt. Immediately your fingers rushed to swipe at the arousal that pooled onto the carpet, a hiss escaping your lips. Then, moving higher, you felt the swell of your clit, and began to rub circles, so, so slowly — just like Hyunjin did, exactly like his fingers did.
The ripples of pleasure crashed over you with every swipe of your fingers. It was the most wonderful feeling, experiencing it after a span of weeks. Yes, somewhere in the back of your rational mind, you knew you looked pathetic, whining softly from your own efforts, but your desperation took over; you had been patient long enough.
Your desire, however, had no such moments to waste with such gradual rubbing, so pent up inside you that it forced you to quicken your pace. You prayed that no one heard you, for the sobs that flew out your mouth increased, playing and teasing your clit till it nearly numbed you.
The real bliss poured out when you plunged two of your fingers into you, going deeper and creating that identical pace, relished before. You closed your eyes, and images came flashing back — the midnight eyes returned, along the malicious grin, and suddenly it was not your fingers that pulled and pushed into your cunt. Your mind dared to conjure up Hyunjin, his dark laughter ringing in your ears as he curled his fingers into you, reaching a spot which had you seeing the seven heavens. 
So far along, you did not care if the others heard. With your concoction before you, fingering you delirious, you called out his name. A panted “Hyunjin!” squealed out of you, the word laced with madness. How you begged for release, when it was actually in your control.
And maybe you would have come all over your fingers at that moment. Maybe that was a fantasy that would have been rewarded to you if reality had not been so unkind.
For it was reality that arranged a presence turning to his favourite hiding spot. For it was cruel, cruel reality, bringing at your secret aisle the very man who caused your current frenzy.
Hwang Hyunjin. 
Sweet Duke of Hastings, who thought to surprise his wife and return home early, so he could join her at dinner this evening. Curious Duke of Hastings, who found the servants informing of your ‘work’ in the library, and so walking to you himself, expecting the distant sound of sighs and scribbles on paper. 
Shocked Duke of Hastings, when he heard his name instead, being moaned at the end of his library. 
His pupils dilated, gloved fingers hanging on the edge of the shelf, he grew flushed in his attire as he watched your near undoing. You whimpered his name over and over, as if that was your only comfort among the heavy sensation in your gut, the pleasure which numbed your senses. He trailed down to your sopping fingers, clumsy in their rhythm.
A shuddered breath escaped him.
It was then he let out the most self-satisfactory scoff. 
That moment, you opened your eyes. Widened when they settled on your husband, face exposing an aghast expression as he crossed his arms, gaze never leaving the mess between your legs.
He had the audacity to grin wickedly.
“Oh my, sweet angel. What do we have here?”
Your entire body stilled, fingers frozen inside of you. Every ounce of strength, which tried to make you speak, abandoned ship. 
Noticing clearly, a splutter of hellish laughter spilled from his lips. “All this time,” he began, feline amusement dripping in his voice. “All these lonely, lonely weeks, I was so guilty.” His boots made a soft thump against the carpets, grey longcoat fluttering after him. “I kept thinking, see, of you, so alone and unentertained. Stuck in her chambers all day and night, burning out her brain with her words. Writing of my examples.”
He unbuttoned his overcoat, pinning you with his gaze. “Little did I know you were impersonating me.”
You almost cried with shame. 
“God, I doubt I can call you angel, again,” he drawled, tossing his woolen jacket behind him on a nearby chair, pulling off his gloves. 
He uncovered his slender hands, continuing, “Not with your fingers still in your cunt.”
That nearly had you in tears — you yanked your digits out, making to push your skirts down in a hurry but were dutifully stopped by his raised voice.
“Pray, darling,” he inquired, and you could taste the ridicule as he stood before you, crouching down. “What do you think you are doing?”
He did not give you time to answer as he grabbed your hand, half-soiled by your endeavours. “Why have you stopped the show when the intended audience has arrived?”
All these questions messed with your senses, squeezing your thighs together as the high, threatening to undo you before, began to fade. “Hyunjin—” you said, but you were interrupted, as, with his hand, he lifted your trembling figure with ease. Legs unstable, you let him steer you until your back hit the bookshelves.
“Another notion puzzles me too.” His golden locks skirted along as he cocked his head.
“Why did you scream my name when you touched yourself?” 
Your mouth parted, remembering your incessant whining. The thought caused your entire body to burn up, your husband taking instant note. “Come on, now, darling,” he taunted, grip on your hand tightening. “We both know you are more than capable of speaking.”
It was surprising how you managed to speak, despite the phantom touches.
“I…” you paused, embarrassed that you tried to tell him the truth. “I do not know...damn it!” you hissed as you saw a phantom smile accompanying his hands. “I had this...this need, Hyunjin. Everytime I recalled that night, I…all I wanted was some sort of...release.”
“Oh?” he got out, and he had to cage you with his hands for his own stability. 
The thought of you, withering in pleasure — pleasure you did not realise you yearned for — had his mind transcending any sense. There he was, stirring the cauldron of desire bubbling in your veins, your face twisting in pain from your lack of knowledge. 
He had to pray for forgiveness for his mentality, but at this moment in time, he only knew of one religion. You, and your wishes, whispered in panted breaths.
“If that was what you felt, then why did you not tell me?”
If it was not for his hand gripping yours, you would have covered your face. “How could I?” you whined out. “You were so busy! I could never be selfish enough to put myself before you.”
His heart nearly burst from his chest. “My darling,” he hummed, stroking away the flyaways upon your face. “Do you not realise that I put you before myself?”
Your confusion had him continuing. “If you had told me that you had such...needs, then I would have damned the work to hell.”
Suddenly, you wished you were the most selfish person in the world.
“Every wish, your every want…” his eyes promised the world. “It is mine to bring it to you.
“So tell me, angel.” His fingers lingered on your face. “What do you want?”
Alas, that fated question.
What you wanted was to tell him without doubt that you wished for his fingers inside you again. What you wanted was your husband fulfilling his promises, showing you more, more, more until you forgot your name from the sheer force.
You hated how your speech could never voice it out loud with confidence.
The man noticed your face warming beneath his touch as you stammered, “I-I want—” pausing from his fingers on your cheek, “Hyunjin, I want you to…” 
Your pathetic attempts had him chuckling. “So innocent to me still?” He asked softly. “Even when I caught you moaning my name like a whore in the night?”
Whore. Sane you would have slapped him for saying such a thing, but the arousal that pooled at the term meant completely different. He was aware of your reaction, causing him to be compliant. 
One day, he would voice it out of you. One day, you would say from your own mouth that you wished for ruination.
“How about this, ____?” he started. He brushed a small kiss upon your forehead, heart fluttering at the chaste action. “When you want me to stop, voice that out instead.” The next kiss was upon the tip of your nose. 
You thought up a worrying confession, but when you saw his expression change, you realised you blurted it out.
“I don’t think I would want you to stop, Hyunjin.”
The molten lust in his eyes nearly undid you then and there. He offered you a low, satisfied growl, wondering how in God he could ever resist you.
“I don’t think I would be able to, angel.”
He did not say any more, swooping down and enveloping your lips with his.
You instantly accepted him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pulled him closer, closing your eyes and letting him paint an artwork of desire upon your mouth. You could tell he was trying to be gentle, but your confession cracked the glasshouse of desire he had tended for so long. 
His tongue was inside your mouth at once, and you relished its desperation, letting it explore all of you as his hands wandered down, your own sliding into his locks. Softer than all the silks in the land, you already felt the moans bubble within your throat, partially escaping with every parting. His heavy breathing in your ears only wished for all distance to fade.
There was so much of him, all at once — you had shared kisses with him after that fated night, but you knew those kisses were the sole form of affection he could offer in those lonely weeks. The way he bit your bottom lip, soft and then a little harder, had you losing all sense.
It was such things that made you realise how much you missed his presence.
Tearing away from your lips, he gave fevered attention to your neck, trailing his kisses down your skin, open and wet and restless. “Hyunjin—” you began, but then you gritted your teeth at the pain of his suction upon your throat. His hands pushed you further into the shelves, and a few books began to fall at the force. 
“H-Hyunjin!” you exclaimed, eyes darting frantically to the classic editions that scattered on the floor. “W-wait, not here!” 
The man blinked in his haze of desire, looking at you. “Huh?” he got out, spit-slick lips parted, his whole body raising from his breaths. “Why not?”
“The-the books, they...!” you tried to explain, but with the stare he offered, you quietened within moments. “...Hyunjin?”
His answer was his hand taking your wrist and turning from the secluded corner. He steered you out of the hiding place, pace hurried with each step he took. Head whirling to every aisle, he cursed under his breath, finding the spaces between the shelves filled only with books. 
“What are you...searching for?!” you demanded in bated breaths, but then he let out a satisfied noise as he found an open aisle, the first line of shelves in the library. 
In front of those shelves sat a large, wooden step ladder — no doubt there to grab onto the higher sectioned novels. A knowing smirk enveloped his features as he led you to where it stood, backing you against it.
A small yelp escaped you as the man hoisted you upon the steps, you holding onto his shoulders as he slithered his arms around your waist. “There,” he said, tilting his head slightly upwards. “Now you shan’t worry about your novels falling.”
“Easy for you to say!” you crowed, already feeling unstable, despite sitting on the sixth step. “This time it might be me falling!”
“Well then,” he began, tugging your legs apart till he fit snug between them, “You just have to hold on tight, don’t you?”
Oh, you were going to kill him.
Leaning forward, he halted your breath, brushing his lips across your neck. “I can stop if you wish,” he whispered on your skin. His hand rested over your chest, where it rose unevenly under his palm. When you did not answer he looked up, climbing so he levelled with your face. 
You felt his heavy breathing fan your lips. “Do you want me to stop, angel?”
His eyes saw right through you — with the way a malicious smile began playing at his lips, he knew his answer long before you registered it yourself.
Head shaking hurriedly, you murmured out your response as you grabbed onto the lapels of his longcoat. 
You pulled him down, desire taking control of your senses as he undid you with his lips. His hands, sliding down, hitching your skirts higher than before, bunching it at your waist. Never giving himself a break on your mouth, he peeled off his coat, tossing it beside the ladder. Only when you broke away to take a panted breath did he begin his descent — kisses on your neck dragged down further, along your clothed abdomen until he parted, shuffling the fabric from between your thighs.
An uneasy fuck flew from his mouth — your glistening cunt welcomed him again, the recollections of the last honeymoon night crashing back. 
In truth, the events had not left his mind. The memories of his fingers playing with you, inciting those sinful sounds were the few things which brought him a high in the dark days of work. You, drenched by his efforts, dripping for him, and only him, to take care of you.
Seeing the sight before had Hyunjin restraining his cock. Fuck, he thought, leaning closer till his face was a mere inch from the center. He did not comprehend the consequences of this; what if he went crazy? A part of him was distinctly aware that if you were heavenly around his fingers, then you with his tongue would transcend reality.
Hands holding the back of your knees, he slung your legs over his shoulders, securing his fingers upon your thighs. With one last inhale, he closed the distance.
Nothing compared to his tongue running along your slit.
A hiss left you at the contact, tendrils of pleasure curling up your spine as he explored the edges of your cunt. He was teasing, being too leisured for your liking — he could not help himself, fearing he would rush the process and end it too quickly.
He wanted to be inside you the entire night.
Your incessant whining had him lapping up the wetness, gripping onto your legs a little harder as he delved in further, tasting your arousal and letting out a satisfied noise. Leaning your head back against the higher steps, your hands carded through his hair, his locks a comfort for the slow torment below.
When his tongue dove upwards, circling your clit, an obscenely loud moan tumbled out of you. He was so exceptional, so good at what he did to you, licking away at the bud as if he had not been served for days. Your whining was more encouragement for his antics, increasing his strokes with a slight curve to his lips. 
What reduced you to choked gasps was an old prospect from the first night — his digits, leaving one of their spots on your leg and slipping one inside your folds. As if his tongue was not enough, that singular finger created a rhythmic pattern of plunging in and out of you. 
You thrashed under his grip, hips rolling giddily along with his work. Even the ladder began to shudder, jutting slightly back and forth from your desperation. Although the squeeze on your thigh was an indication to calm down, you ignored it, too intoxicated by the thrusts of his tongue to realise his signal. 
He made you realise as he paused his ministrations entirely. You nearly shrieked at the lack of his presence, but then you looked down, and found his lust-hazed eyes staring at you. 
“H-Hyunjin?” You mumbled, voice raspy from your previous moaning. 
The slick glazed on his lips brought you another level of high. “I need you to stay still, darling,” he voiced, slender hand gripping onto your thigh. “You even have the poor ladder shaking.”
You willingly nodded your head, knowing you were lying through your teeth. If he continued with his tongue prodding at your clit, then you would start trembling from the thrill. 
“I don’t think I believe you,” he mused, blowing on your drenched cunt. Seeing you shiver had him chuckling. ”I need you to be still if you want true pleasure, sweetheart.”
An ironically chaste kiss upon the edges of your thigh gave you more reason to grip him harder. “I want you to enjoy this as much as I am.” 
As much as I am.
Good, sweet Lord.
Maybe you will never move an inch again.
“K-keep going,” you whispered, near frantic as you played with his locks. “Please.”
The please at the end was exactly what he needed before he pounced into you again. 
His tongue was relentless — a second finger joined in the venture, and the fullness of him was back again, with an intensity that only promised satisfaction. You knew it was coming, with the heaviness in your lower abdomen. 
You needed that release. Whatever it took, it was the only image in your mind, taunting you of the relief that came with it. With the hard grip of his locks, your husband sensed it straight away, quickening his pace with both his tongue and digits. 
Damn Hwang Hyunjin to Hell, for he was so unfairly good to you — licking your clit to a frenzy, touching a certain spot inside you, over and over again. He never missed, never faltered his labour as the burden inside you intensified. You sang his praise in your stained mind, hoping he could see the joy on your face.
“Hyunjin—!” You whined out, stealing a glance at his head, moving back and forth slightly between your legs. “It’s—the feeling, the one before—!”
You did not have to say anything else; his free hand, wrapping fully around your slung over leg, made you realise of his awareness. The feeling was at its peak then — one more of his stripe along your cunt, and it was over.
Fortunately for you, the Duke of Hastings kept his promises. 
One little nibble of your bud, plunging in his two fingers at the same time, and it was useless. Your release came rushing through, cries escaping your lips as you undid yourself onto his mouth. All sense of surroundings abandoned you: you were drifting away, like a kite losing its roots, further and further as his fingers slowed. You feared that you would lose all sense until his tongue lapped up the release. His hums of satisfaction anchored you back into the library, hands at your hips as he heaved upwards, watching over your dazed expression. 
You saw his every move, licking the remnants of your release off on his face. He then hovered closer, locks more sweat slick as they caressed your skin. 
“God, angel,” he rasped out, holding your chin with his stained fingers. “You…I can’t...I can’t get enough of you.”
He stole a kiss upon your mouth, but your shy whines caused him to go deeper, sliding his tongue along your bottom lip. “Shit,” he whispered as he parted from your lips. “You must stop me, ____. I cannot take you all at once, I…no matter how much I wish, I cannot...fuck, I cannot taint you.”
And maybe it was your husband, admiring you like a poet would his muse. Maybe it was something more than the dull ache inside you, the flutter moving to your heart which had you saying the next words. 
“But I...” you paused, every panted breath heavy. “I never…never asked you to stop.”
Hyunjin stilled completely before you. 
His eyes were too much, but you did not stop the confession pouring out. “If...if there is something more, I…” his thumb on your chin hardened.
“I want to know. I want to see it all...even if it may taint me.”
There it was. 
The thoughts which haunted you for the past few weeks. You wanted more, even if that meant that this more would one day be satiated. You wanted to see the end, the final stage, because you knew deep down, your best friend was still holding back from you.
You saw it in his eyes. You saw his unadulterated desires, dark and fearful, yet you wanted to be surrounded by his darkness. 
You wanted Hwang Hyunjin to break you like he wished.
Sure enough, he saw it all over your face too. His jaw turned slack, and he debated slamming his head against the shelves to make sure he was not dreaming.
He did not think his wife would let him have a moment’s peace. 
“God help you, sweet angel,” he murmured, glancing at your dress — more specifically, how to get you out of it. “I don’t think I can leave you innocent any longer.”
You parted your mouth to speak — Hyunjin was about to interrupt you, perhaps take you to the final stage of your passions.
Everything was about to descend when you heard the shrill knock on the door.
Your heart jumped out of your dress, the man above you catching onto your shock. With an unexpected burst of anger, he turned his head towards the large doors and screamed, “Who the fuck is it?!”
The servant at the opposite side flinched at the tone of voice. “Um, there is a guest in the living room, Your Grace!”
That did not help his case. “Then tell them to piss off!” The Duke demanded, holding onto you a little harder.
“But Your Grace, he urgently requests your presence!” The boy insisted. “We tried telling him of your...distractions, but he would not listen!”
Hyunjin looked like he was about to tear the manor down with his orders, and you widened your eyes, holding onto him. “It’s alright,” you reassured him, and possibly reassuring yourself too.
He glanced at you, and the frenzied stare he pinned you with shut you right up. “Fuck,” he cursed, running an angered hand through his hair, the other not leaving your side — as if you would fade from his grasp. 
You feared it too, in truth, that he would disappear. The thought plagued your senses, much more than you would have liked.
“To hell with that bloody guest,” he growled, leaning into you again. He pressed his forehead against yours, cupping your face with his hands. “To hell with everyone.”
“Hyunjin,” you breathed out, relishing the contact. “Hyunjin, it’s okay…” you held his agitated stare, wondering why you were convincing him to go when you wanted him to stay. “I will be here, you know...when you come back.”
He searched your gaze for confirmation, needing to affirm your words. When he found the suppressed desire within, he could not help himself. 
He planted his mouth upon yours, finding solace along the lines of your lips — he loved how your every kiss was a comfort, a sweet little sin all for him to enjoy. In honesty, he could spend an eternity basked in your warmth, but alas, reality was a villain in his tale.
Forcing himself to pull away, he ran a tender thumb along your cheek. “I shan’t take long, angel.”
You nodded tiredly, in time to the man holding your waist as he settled you back onto the carpet. Lingering for a few moments, he made himself leave your side, grabbing his coat and donning the heavy fabric. He satiated his desires with a glance towards you, dazed off with your hands clinging the ladder railing still. 
A small smile catching onto his lips, he turned on his heel, promising murder to whoever disturbed the moment he dreamed of. Opening the door, he looked back, catching your stare. 
The smile upon his face grew wider. A smile so sincere, so loving, with all the world’s miracles nestled upon his pretty mouth. It was a smile that you had never seen before, with all your years beside him — seeing it now had you wishing you could bottle the image and carry it with you forever.
It was a smile which had you so in love with him.
It was then your heart dropped. 
Hyunjin, unaware, closed the door behind him, leaving you to your revelation.
Instantly, you clutched at your chest, heartbeat racing. 
In love.
You were love with Hwang Hyunjin.
“No,” you slipped out, mind rushing a mile a minute. “No, no, no, no—”
You gripped the railing harder as the hand on your heart trailed down, shivering from the phantom touches of your husband.
Hell, of the husband that you had fallen for. 
One would think love was an entity writers would idolise — your own inspirations searched and indulged in all kinds of love, but you always accepted that an emotion so intense was not for women like you. Love was a rarity. Love was unconditional, strong and vivid and all-consuming. 
Love, undoubtedly, was a weakness.
Your breathing turned ragged, hands reaching to clasp your head in panic. 
I will be here...when you come back.
Your promise to him, before he left you to your hysteria.
Why would you ever say such a thing to him?
“Oh, no,” you kept chanting, turning over to your side, away from the door and towards the window, where night was small comfort to your nerves. 
You could not let yourself succumb to a man. No matter how dear he was to you.
And if that meant staying away from your husband, then so be it.
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Perhaps you should have given reasonable explanation to why you decided to distance yourself, but of course, reasonable explanation was never your forte. 
Hyunjin, damn him, tried to make more effort in returning home earlier, despite his business demanding his presence with every passing day. You were almost powerless under his tender gaze, but you knew that you could not be swayed.
As if you had not fallen under his spell already.
Your only distraction was your novel, so you did just that — even with your husband in the manor, you closed yourself from everyone, writing furiously on your desk as if committing to anything else would cost your life. The flushed skin did not shy away as you wrote of your second experience, changing the events slightly so they fit your story. The memories tried to torture your mind, but you refused to submit. You could not fall for Hyunjin.
You could not fall for a man.
The duke did not realise of your avoidances, simply thinking that you evading his more heated kisses, his dangerous touches, was a result of your fatigue. He understood, knowing you worked your brain as hard as he. He was upset, obviously, when he craved your touch every waking second. For you, though, he would do anything. If that meant waiting, he would do that too.
However, your recoiling could only last so long. Your best friend knew you like the back of his hand.
He figured something was amiss when he decided to grace you with his presence one evening, expecting another show of your moans behind the door, only to have the distant scribbling of ink against paper. Entering inside, he awaited your surprise, your unadulterated joy, bracing himself to have his arms engulfed with your hug.
In reality, he received a mumble of blessing, and the continuing scribbling.
He was not trying to coax you into giving him affection. He was well aware of how hard you worked on your novel, but that day, he dearly wished you would abandon your project for just a night. Just one, single night, so he could show you how much he missed you every single moment.
Poor, unfortunate man. How was he to know that your affection was the one thing you could not give him?
Another few days into the silence, and Hyunjin had had enough.
He called to you one dinner, ushering the servants away with the flick of his hand. The dining room became all the more huge, like a lush vault, perfect for a sweet interrogation as the velvet curtains drew to a close, and the eyes of a hundred paintings focused on you. You swirled the soup with your spoon, refusing to look at him. 
Damn him and his endearments. “Hmm?”
The man, too, seemed to be unsure of how to talk of the subject. “Is…” he put his cutlery on the table. “Is everything...alright as of late?”
Your gaze remained rooted to your food. “Of course,” you said. “Why would I not be?”
There was a heavy silence in the room, new and uncertain between the two of you. Your friendship with the duke had never been filled with such quiet — why were you creating such awkwardness around him?
You already knew the answer.
“Do counter me if I speak incorrectly,” he began, grabbing the stem of the wine glass. “But I have noticed you to be quite...secluded.”
“I am busy, Hyunjin,” you said curtly. “I have a whole novel to edit.”
His lips twitched downwards before opening his mouth, bringing the glass to his lips and taking a small sip. “I know you do, and you know I am proud of you for it.”
Choosing to not say anything, you tried finishing off your dinner, aware that you were losing your appetite. It seemed your husband did not want to back down tonight. “____, I feel as if you are hiding something from me.”
The spoon in your hand nearly clattered in the bowl. “And why would you think that?”
“Because—!” Hyunjin paused, downing some more wine. “I do not know, but I feel as if you do not want to speak to me.”
He was too smart for his own good. “You are imagining things,” you waved him off, finding your salad fork oh so interesting in the candlelight.
“Look at me.”
His voice stopped you cold. 
Your gaze scrambled to meet his, and although his command was rough, his eyes exposed a completely different emotion. 
Pure concern washed over his features as he muttered, “Have I done something wrong?”
That question broke your heart.
“No, no, of course not,” you quickly said. You bit your lip in guilt, watching him sigh, almost in relief.
This was the consequences of your actions. A man who had done nothing unjust, yet was being punished. Pure shame coursed through your veins, catching the distress on his face, and you wondered whether you were being cruel. Maybe this time, your feelings were exaggerated.
If you were aware of such truths, then why could you not look your best friend in the eye?
That night, you hurried to bed, leaning on the edge in wait for him. Your thoughts were in disarray; your heart impatiently desired his return, and your brain berated you for daring to. 
Truthfully, it was horrifying how you had become so dependent on someone, when your entire life you relied on the fantasies in your head. Although your revelation was every lady’s dream in society, you felt as if another burden had been dumped upon your shoulders. This time, though, this burden would last for the rest of your life.
These thoughts were your singular company, when you lay awake all night. You were acutely aware of Hyunjin slipping between the sheets, but you did not move a muscle. A small part of you knew that if you turned, you would be unable to resist his whimsical gaze and wandering touches.
So you lay rigid, only letting yourself sleep till your best friend submitted himself to oblivion.
He, too, could not bear to live like this.
The Duke of Hastings was not a fool. He had not known you for over a decade to discard you lying through your teeth. It was beyond his understanding the reasoning of your change, but it deeply disturbed his soul. 
He turned in the bed, watching your back bathed in moonlight. Why would you not tell him what bothered you? What had he done wrong?
As he watched you stay rooted in one position, his thinking turned to dark corners. A realisation struck him; you started acting this way the day after he nearly took you in the library.
This alarmed him greatly — was that why you were so troubled? Were you...uncomfortable with his touch?
His heart dropped down to his gut. 
If you truly detested his affection, then he would not know what to do with himself. Recently, it was all that haunted him — you, you, and a little more you, strolling through his mind as if it were your domain, creating stories underneath his eyes. It only worsened when he discovered your sweet moans, triggered by his kisses and touches. God, the very thought of you, whining his name as you touched yourself, brought him a familiar feeling amplified. So ardently he wished to taint you further. 
Even thinking of the images had him clutching his pillow tighter, fingers aching to turn you over. 
However, the harsh fact was that you could not bear to look at him, and he had to live with that. Questioning you was of no use. 
Hyunjin only prayed that he did not scare you off. 
Unfortunately for him, his prayers were not to be answered. 
Days passed, and the distance grew. The man dared not say a word to you in fear you would stray further, and you dared not approach him in fear you would fall harder. It was the most abhorrent situation, and you knew you had to get away somehow.
Fate spoiled your plans when Hyunjin revealed some news.
You looked at the invitation in slight horror. “A ball?”
Scratching the back of his neck, he explained further. “When we were...interrupted that day…” he sighed a little. “It was Seungmin who was downstairs.”
“Kim Seungmin? Has he returned from the States?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “And he has decided that the first thing he wishes to do is throw a huge ball in celebration of his return.” A roll of eyes followed. “Forever the dramatist.”
You restrained your laughter. “It has been over 2 years since we met,” you wondered out loud. 
“Well, you can meet him at his estate when we attend the ball.” 
He felt your eyes on him as he declared his words. Awaiting your outright rejection, settling down on the chair in the living room. You watched his thighs tense under the peach trousers as he folded a leg over the other — damn him for being too attractive to refuse.
“Very well,” you only said, not ignoring the nerves which threatened to take over. They increased a little at seeing the smile on your husband’s face.
You needed to stop leading the man on. Never could you go to the ball with him. 
“It is a week from now,” he added, bobbing his foot excitedly. “I shall write back in acceptance as soon as possible!”
Nodding, you returned to your reading, hoping the faux conversations were enough distraction.
A week. Seven days to somehow escape from this event, or else everyone would see you enter the ball as an official couple, and then your fate as another man’s property would be sealed.
Had he ever made you feel as such?
You did not let yourself ponder over this further. Your only objective was getting out of this invitation.
However, you were a duchess. Trying to hide yourself from London society was an unattainable feat. 
The reminder had you nearly ripping the page off your book, too stressed to read on.
This became your focus of the next week, pondering over the night of the ball, scouring your mind with the possibilities which may occur at Seungmin’s estate. As the days neared, Hyunjin insisted you go shopping in search of a special ball gown, and you only obliged so you did not have to be in the same house as him. Still, if he was not there physically, his image preyed upon you in the markets, constantly reminded of his opinions and likings in every fabric you ran your hands upon. 
There was no escaping him. You were disgustingly obsessed.
Purchasing everything you needed, you requested it to be charged on Hastings’ tab, a privilege awarded to you ever since your joining with the duke. You always argued that you wished to spend your own money, but he would not listen.
“But I adore spoiling you, angel,” he would merely say, and buy up half the boutique, leaving you a flustered mess. The conversations did not leave you as you bought your dresses and accessories, returning home and dreading interaction.
Excusing yourself, you shut yourself in your room once more, and wrote.
Wrote away your soul in the last days, till it was the morning of the fated event. The sun shone magnificently on your home, but failed to radiate its light on your darkened mood. You had no choice on the matter — you were to accompany Hyunjin to Seungmin’s celebrations, and that was final.
You were about to fake typhoid when a letter arrived for you.
It was from your mother; she wrote in question of your wellbeing, and how much she felt your absence in the house. The content was not very interesting, and you debated writing back with a lack of enthusiasm when you read the last section.
She mentioned tonight’s ball — more significantly, how she felt ever so lonely without you with her, “enlivening her spirits”. The praises were nothing further from the truth, but it was her confession which had an idea rushing to your head.
“Lonely without me, huh?” you murmured, as you rang a bell for a maid. Arriving, you requested for a little trunk, asking for your new dress and other adornments to be packed. “For once, Mama, you have been useful.”
The packing did not take much time, the other servants calling for a carriage as you made preparations to leave for a night. Hyunjin, making his presence known, descended down the stairs, a grin upon his face as his hand fished in his inner pockets. 
When he saw your endeavours, though, his beaming flickered. “What is going on here?” he asked, refusing to look away from your luggage.
You turned to him, mustering up the bravado to face him with your decision. 
“I received a letter from Mama this morning,” you explained to him in faux ease, gesturing for the servants to bring your belongings outside. “She is feeling rather lonesome, so I thought to see her.”
The man was not convinced in the slightest. “Since when did you garner sympathy for your mother?”
Never confide in your best friend again. “Please,” you stressed, holding the letters in your hands. “She still took care of me the best she could. Plus, I would never want to be lonely at that age.”
He was not listening to this explanation though, his hands going into his pockets. “When will you be back, darling?”
The endearment made this all the worse. “The morning after.”
A heavy pause instilled on the both of you before he broke it. “But...but the ball. A-are you to just...abandon the invitation altogether?”
“No!” you began, locking your hands behind your back. “No, I shall meet you at Seungmin’s estate. It is a small setback, but—”
“____, this will be our first social event as husband and wife!” he countered, you grimacing at his minor outburst. “I want you by my side when we walk down the steps!”
“But I will be there, Hyunjin!” you exclaimed. “I do not understand why you suddenly want to follow these silly traditions!”
Gritting his teeth, your friend pinned you with his stare, growing fiery the longer you held it. Traditions never interested him, but this one had been a certainty he had been looking forward to. The image of you, descending the stairs with your hand on his arm, brought him an absurd amount of joy.
But there you were, bursting his bubble of dreams.
“Why is this all coming to light today?” he muttered, taking a step towards you. “Why, on the day of the event, you decide to tell me that you would rather go with your mother, who never truly cared for you, than me?” 
Than me, who always did?
You dared not answer his question truthfully — instead, you let your undeserved anger take the reins of your tongue.
“So you are already suspicious!” you snapped. “Why am I not surprised in the slightest?”
His eyes narrowed at the statement. You did not look into it further as you turned on your heel, heading towards the door. “Do not run away from me, ____!” He shouted, following after you. “Tell me what you implied from that horrendous comment!”
“Oh, let me uncover it clearly for you, dearest,” you snarled, standing at the doorway. The words which were to leave your mouth had sure consequences, but in the moment, you did not care. All you wanted then was an escape.
“You accuse me of scheming and demand me things which I do not want to give you.” 
Your hand gripped the letter behind you. “You’re becoming the one thing I feared, Hyunjin. You’re turning into a typical male.”
The man froze entirely at your claims.
Did not utter a defense against him as you sighed out, glancing away from his shell-shocked eyes. You did not bid your farewells as you descended down the stairs, reigning in your temptation to look back as you made your way to your transport through the gardens. 
As you slipped inside the carriage, clasping your hands in your lap, you wondered whether you had taken a step too far. 
You wondered, with rising dread, whether you had broken your best friend’s heart. 
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Biggest reason being that she was truly a pain in the rear. The moment your carriage had arrived on the rocky entryway of your mother’s manor, she rushed down the steps. After engulfing you with an embrace which might have caused a minor stroke, she hurried you inside, her servants bringing your possessions.
You did not particularly miss your previous abode, although it gave you small relief. You passed the familiar hallways, and settled in the nostalgic parlour room where your mother gushed over your presence.
Still, this manor did not seem like home to you.
Conversation was mostly struck from your opposite, you nearly silent as the woman vented out her frustrations of every family in London, drinking her tea and urging you to take a biscuit or two. Your stomach was void of an appetite, missing other emotions which you abandoned on the other side of the city.
By the time evening arrived, all you wished to do was hide yourself into your old room, but your mother would not accept. Having the maids open your trunk, they brought out the ball gown you had picked for the occasion.
It was a dark, seductive red, swell of its puffs cuffed with black lace — this lace scattered over the fabric, lining not only the neckline but down the chest, rose-like stitches etched onto the bust. The high-waistline also bled further black stitching, almost all over the gown as it fell to the floor, with a midnight ribbon trailing at the back.
You bit back a fevered sigh. Hyunjin would have adored this gown.
The thought had you pursing your lips, requesting the gown be pressed. Then, walking over to the dressing table, you settled yourself onto the seat, using the accessories bought previously to style yourself. With the assistance of a few maids, you managed to accentuate your hair, adding small pearls within the locks.
The ballgown came back in an instant, and you undressed yourself, waving away the girls in your room. Firstly, you slipped on a thin chemise — then, you allowed a maid to enter to help with the corset, who tightened it at the back without mercy to your body. Barely able to breathe, you loosened it slightly after the girl left, focusing your attention on the gown. After adorning the petticoats and white stockings, you adorned your attire, slowly as to not crease its fabric. Hooking the back yourself, you turned to the mirror, holding the black gloves.
There was no doubt about this countenance — it was exactly to your husband’s taste. Clamping your lips together, you donned the gloves, the silk smooth beneath your touch as you filled them to the fingertips. With one final peek at yourself, you slipped into your shoes, and left the bedroom. 
You were a fool to think of any other person but your mother welcoming you at the entrance, but wishful thinking had always been your flaw. Her string of compliments had you adorning a ghost of a smile, but you did not say much as you both climbed into the carriage, instructing to journey to Seungmin’s estate.
Without a novel to distract you, you fell into a habit of clasping and unclasping your hands as you sat, waiting for the ride to be over. Your mother was small comfort as she filled the silence for you, but even her voice strained your mood — you wished for other discourse, or other meaningless entertainment.
You ached for laughter.
Whatever. This was your consequence. You must bear with it.
If your mother knew of your troubles, she certainly did not voice them out loud. She did ask of your relationship with Hyunjin, but you waved her off with false reassurances — you could not have her prying into your private life.
“I hope he has burned off your silly writing fancy!” she drawled, catching the lights of the destination flickering closer to our transport. “As a wife you have much more important duties.”
Gazing afar through the window, you spoke your truth. “Actually, Mama, he encourages it.” A small chuckle escaped you. “I think he wants me to be an author more than I do.”
“Oh?” The woman brought a hand to her chin, impressed. “That is a rare occurrence indeed.”
Catching your raised brow, she scoffed. “Do not gawk as if you are not aware of men. I am shocked he has given you freedom.”
You listened to her, watching the estate linger closer. “Child, you have found a man who does not restrict you in your passions. I do not know how you accomplished such a feat, but you must be extremely thankful.” A glance was stolen towards her. “Such husbands only exist in those books you love so much.”
Before you could comment on her statement, the carriage slowed to a stop, reaching the final stop. The footmen opened the doors, and your mother stepped out first before you followed, careful not to ruin your dress on the pathway. 
The crowds had you leading inside the estate, luxury which could compete with the Duke of Hastings being exulted in every corner of the interior. Dozens of lords, ladies and other aristocrats wandered in all places of the house, your own mother being swept away by her friends in her social circle. Your presence felt less relevant with each passing second, fearing you would lose yourself in the rush of golden curtains, rose perfume and unwelcome conversation.
You thought that this ball would grant solitude, but then you heard the bright drawl of a familiar lord. 
“By God, is that my dear bookworm I see before me?”
Jumping from the voice, you whirled on your heel. A surprised smile caught on your face.
The said-man returned your shock with a mischievous grin. Lord Kim Seungmin changed greatly since the last time you saw him — what was once thinned, pale cheekbones were now full and golden, amplifying his eye-smile, which he did not lose in the Americas. He was adorned in navy blue, contrasting with his off-coloured pants, black hair styled effortlessly away from his forehead.
“My goodness!” he began, strolling over to you with his mahogany cane. “Even after two years you upkeep your radiance.”
“You flatter me,” you said as your smile widened. “You certainly have changed. I adore the tan!”
“I fear you are the sole admirer,” he confided, narrowing his gaze at his incoming guests. “As if I wish to look like a ghost among men!”
“You have earned my approval, at least,” you complimented in earnest. “Not that it would matter much.”
Seungmin scoffed at your comment. “Says one of the most affluent women in the country! When were you going to tell me you were Hyunjin’s bride?”
Your irritation sparked as your heartbeat raced. “It was very recent, I admit. I would have sent word, but it would not have reached you.”
“I daresay I am not surprised.” 
You peered at him, then. “No?”
He gave you an incredulous look. “My dear, everyone anticipated the occasion. Only you were clueless to the possibility.”
Gritting your teeth, you jabbed him with your hand, causing him to chuckle. “Ow! I was hoping you would mature by this time! No doubt your duke encourages this!”
Preferring to stay silent on the matter, Seungmin continued on the subject, making it difficult. “Where is he, by the way? Gossip tells me it is your first ball as a couple.”
“Is he not here?” A shake of his head had your nerves creeping back. “Oh, um, my mother was alone, so I thought to accompany her instead.”
You nearly grimaced at his callous features. “How bizarre,” he murmured. He then offered you his arm. “If so, then allow me to accompany you in his absence.”
Accepting his arm, he helped you navigate your ways through the huge foyer, the grand stairs welcoming you two as dozens upon dozens of aristocrats came into view — the host nodded his head in greeting at every passerby, leading you down each step, until your feet landed on the floor of the ballroom. 
Examining the area, you marvelled at the pastels colouring each wall, corner and crevice of the vast space in the room. Sweet music filled the air, and murmurs of many ladies and gentlemen resonated everywhere around you, growing louder as their eyes rested on you, your sensual attire, and the lack of husband on your arm.
“How about a dance, Duchess?” Seungmin asked you as he brought you closer to the center. 
Instantly you shook your head, stopping in your tracks. “No,” you refused, tugging on his arm. “I have no wish for dancing this evening.”
“As if you ever have,” he mused, earning your glare. “I presume you await for your beau? Everyone knows you dance first with him.”
A sharp breath exhaled from your nose. “Nevermind that, just take me where the cakes are.”
Laughter spilled from his lips, stirring you to the refreshments. “As you wish, ____.”
Making your way through the guests, you finally ended up where the food resided, tables lined from one corner of the room to the other, flanked in every type of nourishment. Your gaze found stands of cakes, and you left your hand on your friend’s arm, raised towards the deserts. As soon as a servant handed you a plate, the chocolate cake was in your hold.
“Honestly,” the host started, as you cut a piece with a fork, digging straight in. “And they call you the pinnacle of grace!”
“Who in heaven said that?” you asked, baffled as you ate another small piece. Seungmin, snapping his fingers, brought a tray of champagne over to you. Picking up two flutes, you began, “For me?”
Downing the first, he offered you a grin. “What made you think that?” he replied, already sipping the second. “My party, my alcohol.”
This time you giggled at his demeanour, he handing you a drink as you finished your cake. The bubbly goodness was welcomed, warming you up and calming your senses. 
After the third glass, the champagne-induced man let out a huge sigh. “Right!” he exclaimed, propping the glasses on the table beside you. “I must find myself a pretty lady to dance with.”
“Do try to stay on your feet, Seungmin,” you said, raising your flute in toast. 
“No promises!” he merely countered, disappearing into the crowd.  
Your smile faded at the isolation which hit.
There you were — hundreds of people surrounding you, many potential partners to dance with, yet there you were, hand not in another hand but wrapped around your alcohol. 
You could not blame a single soul. This was all your doing.
That had you consuming the champagne to the last drop. 
At least there was some form of relief in this ball, as you watched Seungmin and about a dozen couples form a circle at the center of the room. With the first opening of the music the host led his partner, all the others following suit. 
Watching the waltz had you remembering the last dance, the fateful night where this union came into fruition. Your friend’s smile, his hand on another’s waist, all these images reflected the very same you experienced many weeks before.
You bit the inside of your cheek, reminiscing deeper and deeper. You hated how every fibre of your body ached for his presence. The worst part was that it was not mere lust, or the carnal desire which erupted at his thought.
You longed for him — his banter, his mischievous eyes, and his rather heart-wrenching smile.
The music heightened, the climax of the dance falling on the ball room as Seungmin whirled and whirled his partner, a string of giggles faintly heard from the crowd. When he twirled her one last time, he caught her instantly, at perfect harmony with the ending of the sweet melody.
Applause scattered across the hall as the couples bowed to each other.
A curse escaped you then. 
There was simply no doubt of your feelings — avoiding him could never be the solution. 
This revelation may have arrived at the perfect time.
Because, as the music played once more, a figure emerged at the entrance. 
The murmurs, one by one like a slow wave, died down as they caught sight of him, gazes shocked.
Sipping your champagne, quite puzzled, you turned to the origins for this change of atmosphere. 
Every atom in your body stilled. 
Froze completely at the sight which stood at the foot of the steps. 
You were unable to suppress his name.
It was as if, by a miracle, he heard your shivered whisper — his eyes skimmed the crowd, frantic beneath the calm.
They found you in the chaos.
Your very breath disappeared from your lungs.
Hwang Hyunjin looked like the devil’s greatest fantasy; as if he stole the night and imprisoned it in his attire. He was adorned in lustrous black, waistcoat patterned with red swirls of velvet. His collar was slightly ruffled, cravat of midnight as it barely brushed against his chin. His tailcoat somewhat glistened in the chandelier light, dark leather boots still as he stood before the hall.
His greatest change was his hair. Once golden like the lights of heaven, it was now as black as the underworld. Half of the locks were swept up in a ponytail, the rest curling at his shoulders. 
The flute nearly dropped from your hands. 
Seungmin, finding his friend on the steps, burst into a smile. “Hastings!” he broke through the silence with enthusiasm. With his voice the crowd fell into frenzied discourse, the host making his way through his guests, strolling towards the new arrival. “By God, it has been too long!”
Hyunjin hummed, not particularly interested in what he had to say. His gaze from you did not stray for a heartbeat. Seungmin, catching on, wrapped a hand around his friend’s shoulder. “I see you only came for one person,” he said, leading him to where you stood. 
Champagne was not the only substance which heated you further, cheeks growing warmer the closer he walked over to you. Every move he emitted exuded sensuality, as if his bones were made of silk. 
You let yourself to a third serving when he stopped before you, Seungmin clapping his hands together in excitement. “Look at the two of you!” he proclaimed. “Your clothes match so perfectly!”
Sure enough, both of you adorned the same hues of dark reds and raven blacks. You felt his eyes rake over you, and you restrained to not do the same, lest you let more than your stare wander. “I always knew you two were right for each other,” your friend continued, grabbing his fourth flute, drinking away in glee. “I am overjoyed to see that you both see it.”
Something cold swirled in your husband’s stare, and you ran a finger along the empty glass, embarrassed to hear such genuinity. “Hyunjin, the second waltz is about to start.” He gestured his flute towards you. “I know you always dance with each other first.”
The duke’s eyes flickered to the host for a mere second before pinning on you again. “I have no desire for dancing tonight.”
You had trouble downing your drink. “How strange...” Seungmin noted, darting between the couple. “Your wife here said the same thing not an hour ago.”
“Did she now?”
The silence that followed was quite unbearable. Even your friend was unimpressed, offering Hyunjin a drink from the waiters nearby. “Oh, you both are such bores! Maybe marriage is not the solution after all.”
You dared not look at him then, fiddling with your black ribbon. “I need to get drunk!” the host declared, tutting his head at the tension created. “I will come again when you two stop being so bloody shy.”
Shy would not be the most accurate term, but Seungmin was too intoxicated to care. He strolled to compliment a gathering of ladies within your radius, which left you with the one man you feared to be alone with.
Hwang Hyunjin. 
Hwang Hyunjin, in his changed, midnight glory, watching you with an indecipherable intensity. Creating the wildest butterflies ever felt inside your body. 
You did not know where to start. 
The man did not understand where to begin either, tongue at loss for words. There were too many words to spill, too many feelings left constricted.
He wished to say something, but his senses had failed him. So, much like you, he stayed silent, wondering if the two of you would ever break this barrier.
Even then, he could not help but linger closer, leaning against the lush walls of the room, right beside you. His presence was a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Tailcoat brushing against your skirts, he examined the ballroom along with you, itching to reach for your hand. He would never really, but in that moment, you were beyond tempting. 
You see, he had no idea what you would wear tonight, and after the spat at Lansdowne, he yearned for change — hence the raven hair and darkened clothing, so unlike his usual pastel attire. He did not even think that you would attend the ball in fear of his presence, but seeing you before him, engulfed in his favourite colours…
He would have damned society and taken you in this very hall. 
Daringly, he let himself wonder whether you felt the same — he heard your shocked murmur when he arrived, and the further shocked stare which made him ever so smug. If only you would let him do something about it.
If only you would let him ease this tension before it spiralled out of control.
His thoughts were rudely interrupted as Seungmin came stumbling back, alcohol, swishing back and forth in his new glass as he giggled at his guests. “Dear friends!” he broke out, hands raised, some of the drink accidentally slipping out. “Oh, forgive me, gentlemen!”
You heard Hyunjin sigh beside you as he held his own hands out to steady his friend. “Steady now, man!” he warned. The drunkard only chortled, foot stepping onto your dress.
“You should not have drank so much!” you scolded, raising your skirts. Glimpses of your stockings came into display, and Seungmin shrieked.
“Careful duchesh!” he slurred excitedly, leaning right into you and wiggling the glass as if it were a finger. Unfortunately, he had little control over how hard he shook his alcohol, and it all spilled over. 
Right onto your white stockings.
Yelping, you saw the middle part stain in pinkish-red, murking the material with every drop landing. “Seungmin!” you yelled in agitation. 
“Oh bollocksh!” he cursed, causing a few gasps around the hearing radius. “I apologishe, dear, so very very much—”
Hyunjin, witnessing the scene, stopped a nearby servant. “Please tend to your master, here,” he ordered, pointing towards Seungmin begging for your forgiveness. Nodding, the boy took the host away, the latter hiccuping as he asked for more wine. “And do not give him any more to drink!” the duke added.
Focusing on you, he rushed over, assessing the mess made. “Damn fool has spilled quite a bit.” Whirling his head to any exits, he spotted a dark hallway, remembering the route of the estate. “Come with me.”
You glanced at him, frantic. “Where to?”
He did not answer fully as he wrapped a hand around your waist, almost making you forget that you had wine spilled over you. “Seungmin has many spare rooms,” he explained, leading you out of the ballroom. Thankfully, the crowd was too occupied in preparing for the second waltz to care for the distressed couple. 
Keeping your skirts raised, you managed to keep your gown safe from spillage as Hyunjin led you down the less crowded hallways, depictions of the Kim family painted on the walls. “Ah!” He got out, reaching to a familiar room as he opened it, ushering you inside. “This is where I usually reside whenever I stay at the estate.”
The room was basked in dark, velvety colours, perfect for the man next to you. Lush carpet underneath, the huge bed, nestled at the wall at your right had its curtains drawn, revealing glistening indigo sheets, matching the framing of the bedroom. Dressing tables, wardrobes and the like were furnished at each corner, your focus drifting back to the dweller. 
There was barely any light, save for the oil lamp sparked to life by his match. Setting it to the side of the bed, it brought much more life to the room, previously engulfed in mystery. 
Without the upheaval, the space was basked in silence. You realised the hand on your back was sorely missed, and Hyunjin, standing a few feet away, clenched and unclenched that very hand, yearning for his fingers upon you once more.
But the two of you kept playing that little game of keeping quiet. Sooner or later, one of you will have enough of this sickening ploy. 
Groaning, you walked over to the edge of the bed, kicking your heels off as you saw your stockings, fully stained. “Damn it,” you muttered, promising Seungmin murder. 
Another few minutes of your grumbling, and he had had enough. 
“Maybe I can be of assistance.” 
Perking up, you found Hyunjin, walking slowly to you, hands fumbling in his coat pockets. After a few seconds of rummaging, he brought out a package, tied with red string. 
You raised a brow. “What is this?” 
“Open it,” he merely said, taking a step closer as he held it before you.
Hesitantly accepting, you tugged on the end of the bow, unraveling the tie. You did not forget the stare which rested on you the entire time you opened the wrappings. 
When the paper unfurled, you examined the contents.
Before you were a folded pair of black stockings.
A soft exhale escaped as you beheld the present, the midnight silk soft to the touch, already aware of its rich feel. You delved in further, and uncovered white ribbons at the top, for tightening their grip. 
“How…” you trailed off, dumbfounded at the coincidence. “How did you…?”
“No, no, this was…” he locked his hands behind his back. “Something I was supposed to give you this morning.”
“Oh.” This morning. When you two had that particularly nasty fight. “I see.”
You glanced down at the present again. Hyunjin had proven, once again, how refined his taste was. “I have never seen such exceptional detail on stockings before.” Discarding the paper at your feet, you ran your thumb across the material. “I doubt this suits me at all.”
There was a pause at that. 
You knew there was something he wanted to say. The way his jaw ticked, the boot lightly tapping on the floor — he was bursting to add a comment which may be a risk, considering the circumstance of your relations. 
Allowing yourself to be the first to dare, you peered up at him. The curiosity, explicit in your eyes, had him clearing his throat.
His hesitancy faded. “Show me, then.”
Catching the ferocity in his stare, you swallowed, hand at your skirts. “If…if you wish.”
And that was all he needed to begin.
You watched as the man descended on his knees, lingering upon you until he looked down, revealing your white-clad legs the further you raised your gown. You stopped before the ends, holding onto your skirts and petticoats as if your life depended on it.
Hyunjin’s gaze did not waver as his hand raised forward, finding themselves upon the bow at the top of the stockings as the other gently held your ankle. Untying the ribbon, he hooked his fingers under the tight fabric, your skin brushing against his knuckles. Slowly, he pulled down the stocking, uncovering your skin before him under the dim lamp light. When it bunched up, his hand at your ankle stretched the ends of fabric, sliding the stocking right off. 
Discarding it behind him, he repeated the unveiling on the other leg. He noticed your skin heating underneath his touch, and he dared not expose his growing delight. 
Once the other half slid off, joining its partner, a hand raised in front of you. You stared at him in dazed confusion, and his fingers curled, save for the pointer directed at your present. 
“The stockings, darling.”
The endearment had you falling short — his caresses on your shin brought you back to consciousness, your hand beyond your control as it handed the gift to him. Taking it, he put one of them beside him, bunching the other with his hands till he directed the entrance to your foot on his lap.
Slipping them on, he worked his way upon your heel; his hands were slow, fingers softer than the silk beginning to cover your leg. Every fleeting touch had small shockwaves coursing up your body, as if it was the first time he laid his hands on you. How were you so unaccustomed to his caresses still?
Maybe because he knew how to agonise you. 
When reaching above your knee, he brought the ends of the stocking to your thigh. His fingers fell to the ribbon dangling from the underside and, with the utmost care, began to tie the two pieces together, forming a pretty red bow. 
As he closed the pattern, he tightened the bow, securing the fabric — snuffing out any possibility for the fabric to fall.
He then continued on the other leg, gaze flickering from your legs to your face. He caught every laboured breath you released, every flutter of your eyes slipping you in and out of a daze. His fingers were slower still, as if he never wanted this to stop. The stockings were like a second skin, adding a lustre to your legs the more he covered you with it. 
Sliding over your knee for the last time, he held onto the blood-coloured ribbons. Fingers skimming against silk-stained skin, he tied another perfect bow, tightening it at the ends. 
All done.
His gaze lingered on the bows, the sliver of skin past your thighs. His hands too, refused to leave your legs.
It was then his eyes flicked upward — right into yours. 
You caught every swirl of desire residing inside. 
Every little detail etched on his face was stained with lustful anguish, suppressed hunger of things you dared not imagine. You held onto your skirts with more force, afraid you would lose strength in your hands. 
Hyunjin’s hands, however, had no such troubles.
For they began to carry out his wishes — they slid upwards, past the stockings and upon your upper thighs, spreading them enough to slip himself between your legs. This alone had you near crumbling for him, but his eyes asked for more. Even with the dim light, you had never seen a man so beautiful in agony. 
You wondered whether he was going to say anything. Silence was a giver of many answers, but the questions you held could only be answered by his lulling whispers. Despite protest, you willed your hands beside you, clutching the sheets, waiting for him to tear your soul in pieces. 
Finally, the Duke of Hastings parted his mouth.
“One word, angel.”
He squeezed your thighs softly. 
“One word, and I will never torment you with my presence again.”
A bated breath escaped you.
It was much too late for that. Hyunjin had already tormented you, had done so ever since your fateful realisation, and you knew he would do so for the rest of your life. It would hardly matter whether he was oceans apart or a hair’s breadth close — him, and everything he represented, was complete and utter affliction.
Such a shame that he was a torment you would sacrifice everything to be around every day. Such a horrible, horrible shame that Hwang Hyunjin was a presence you loved more than you could let on.
Hence was the reason you did not answer him with words. What you wished to say was much too vulnerable.
No, you answered him in actions — replied with your hands raising to clasp his face, leaning down to envelope your lips with his. 
You were surprised to hear a pained moan leave his mouth, and you realised that was the sound of pure, heart-breaking relief. Instantly his hands travelled further as he kissed you back with twice the fervour, hands sliding to grip your waist. Pulling you to him, he erased any distance between you, delving deeper into your mouth. He shuddered at how he went so long without your tongue swirling along with his, like parting from a lost companion.
Fingers sliding to his neck, you welcomed his enthusiasm, his desperation which heightened with every searing touch, every soft bite of his teeth against your lips. He broke away, peppering open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, eliciting the sweetest whining from you. 
“...missed you,” he murmured on your skin, sending chills down your body as he kissed the edges of your dress's neckline. “I...missed you so much.”
“Hyunjin—” you began, wanting to say that you yearned for him, but the words on your tongue faded when his fingers bunched up the skirts of your gown, hitching it higher until the midnight stockings were back in view — he did not stop there, pushing the fabric further till it bunched at your waist, along with the petticoats. His hurried hands pulled down your underthings, sliding them right off your legs, discarding them behind them.
Seeing your cunt glistening in the lamplight nearly broke him.
“I—God,” he breathed out, hands spreading your legs apart. An aching whine escaped you at the action, the cool night air caressing your inner thighs. “Angel, tell me...we do not have to do this.” He glanced up at you, and the madness residing in his eyes infected your soul. 
Maybe madness was the only reason you damned the consequences.
“Don’t you dare stop.”
Hyunjin licked his lips before blessing you with his closure.
The first stripe across your slit set you on fire. 
A soft groan through your mouth at the familiar sensation, the overbearing feeling of being ascended far away from this obscure bedroom. He had always worked wonders, but this time, the languor had faded, desire hardening his tongue against your folds. He pulled on your legs, sending his face further into your cunt, and you yelped at the ferocity of his actions. 
There was no denying it — the man had grown frantic without you.
Swiping in the arousal coating along your slit, a satisfied hum escaped him as he travelled upwards, your seething more encouragement. He struck gold as he found your clit, circling his tongue along the bud, rendering you helpless as you moaned without shame. You cared little if the guests heard you beyond the door, your husband making it too hard to contain yourself.
Perhaps you would have survived his treatment if he did not leave one of his hands upon your leg, trailing up your thigh. He slipped in not one, but two fingers straight inside, and your voice raised an octave — the gradual rhythm of his digits had that overflowing feeling creeping over you all over again. Your grip on his half-ponytail tightened, pleading for him to give you mercy, but the man was relentless, never opting for a break in his devouring.
“Damn it, please—” you grated out, instinctively rolling your hips against his face. The edge of the bed seemed more like the edge of the world. “Wh-whatever you do—”
You did not finish as Hyunjin squeezed your thigh, and you knew then in your dazed mind — a certainty that he understood. 
Within moments his pace quickened, fuelling the spark of nerves which swirled in your gut, threatening to overtake you. Teething your clit softly, then swirling his tongue along, you knew that if he carried on, he would break you on this bed. Something within you felt as if that was his was his very purpose.
Why the thought thrilled you, you would never know.
His rapid fingers and sensual tongue working harmoniously finally got through to you, as, with a whimpering cry, you came all over him, closing your eyes as spots of white stained your mind. You felt his ministrations slow, a small kiss gifted upon your sensitive clit before his lips pulled away. Other hand brushing across your leg, he soothed you from the high you experienced, whispers of his lilting voice perking you from your stupor.
“Hyunjin?” you quietly called, gazing at his lust-struck face. He did not look away as he brought the finger to his lips, sucking away at your residue.
You did not think you could ever get used to this image.
“Yes, angel?” he rasped out, straightening on his knees so his head nearly levelled with yours.
Catching the implications within your eyes, his own widened slightly.
“More?” he let himself wonder, and when you nodded much too desperately, he realised he had done it. 
All he needed was for you to voice it.
“Oh, my sweet little darling,” he whispered, taking one of your gloved hands. Slowly, he slid off the long gloves, repeating the same for the other. “This time, I cannot let you off.
His hands then clasped yours. “This time...I need you to say what you want for me.”
The declaration would have had you closing your legs in embarrassment if your husband was not between them. Not even embarrassment for what he said but...the idea of you wanting to completely oblige it.
Look at you — a few months ago, you possessed not a single inclination of what he suggested; what he asked for, what he so direly wanted you to say. The woman before this one would have rather buried herself under the earth than admit such desire for a man.
The Duke of Hastings, though, brought her out from her underground retreat, and revealed to her all that she was capable of. He showed her what everyone was so afraid to even talk about, and made you addicted to what was forbidden.
A dire shame you wanted Hyunjin to keep you intoxicated for the rest of your life.
You faced him once and for all. Asked him for the one thing which you never thought imaginable.
“Show me...all of it.”
Your hands travelled to his shoulders, keeping him close.
“Show me everything.”
If there was a way to bottle this moment and hang it on the walls of his heart, Hyunjin would have jumped at the chance.
Had he defiled you, after so long? Had he slipped his dirty fantasies into your mind, tainted you with his infatuation?
The answers to his questions were found upon your lips. He collided his own against yours as he gathered you up in his arms, standing up and taking you with him.
Your legs would have given way if we’re not for him keeping his grip — a grip which wandered upwards, catching the little metal hooks of your dress. He thrust his tongue inside your mouth, and the harsh frenzy delighted you, welcoming all of it as you opened for him wider. A shuddered breath escaped you at the hooks being undone by his hands, one by one till you felt your gown loosen.
At the last hook, Hyunjin pulled the sleeves off your arms, and the dress fell to the floor, leaving you with your corset and petticoats. You were caught off guard when he swivelled you around, you feeling the tugs of lace being unravelled with each pull of his fingers. The kisses did not cease, being rewarded at the crook of your neck. Each caress of his lips sent shivers down your spine — more so when he eased off the corset from your body, tugging off your petticoats along with it. 
All that was left was a thin, loose chemise, everything shown clearly beneath the white veil of its fabric. The man turned you to face him again, and his gaze turned molten at the sight that welcomed him. Taking your lips in his, he ripped off his own attire — the long coat, waistcoats, every piece from the waist up being discarded. He had to break away for a moment to take his shirt off, and you caught the sight of his lean figure, turned golden in the light. 
You could not help reaching out, running your curious fingers against his skin, soft and warm beneath your touch. He dared not speak, fearing you would take away your hand, but that was the last thing you wanted to do. 
Tonight, you did not want distance — and neither did he.
Kissing you again, he pulled the lace in front of your chemise, loosening the attire until, with wandering hands, he dropped the last layer you upheld. Slowly, never leaving your lips, he backed you against the bed, holding you steady as he laid you upon the sheets. You never let go of him, aching to take all of him in your mouth, taste his very soul till it was the only thing that remained on your tongue. 
“Fuck—” a curse escaped him as he broke away, catching the swelling of your lips. His gaze trailed downwards, upon your breasts which perked at the sight. “You’re so—so beautiful, I—”
Trails of open-mouthed kisses attacked you after, falling upon your breasts where Hyunjin began swiping his tongue along the nipple. The foreign wave of pleasure had you ripping out the most atrocious moan, caring less if the whole manor were to hear. 
While his tongue played with you, his fingers worked at his trousers, unbuckling his belt as he peeled off the clothing, tossing it to the ever growing pile. You craned your head forward, glancing at the bulge near bursting from his underwear. A quivering sigh escaped you, rendering louder by the quickening of his actions.
Getting rid of his underwear, his cock sprung free, and you were surprised you had not passed out from the mere sight, red and angry and too bloody big. You could not stop staring, hard to believe that a man could possess such...such substantial anatomy.
“Like what you see, angel?” Your husband mused, leaving his place upon your nipple. Flustered, you tried to look away, but it was no use, when the man caught your chin with his fingers. “I’m surprised you can be shy even now.”
That did not help with your situation, causing you to heat drastically beneath his touch. Chuckling, he dropped a little kiss upon your nose before resting his forehead against yours. 
Grasping his cock, he levelled it against your leaking cunt, the head teasing your folds. Even the small action had you seething, the warm residue sending shockwaves across your body. You held onto his neck, fearing you would lose yourself if you dared not hold onto him.
His midnight eyes turned to yours, noses brushing. “This may hurt for a second, ____,” he confessed, voice barely a murmur. “But I promise I will make that second up to you.”
Nodding slightly, you watched only him as his gaze travelled downwards. Fear threatened to take over, but one look at your husband, and it all faded.
With a final prayer to the heavens, Hyunjin began his descent.
Slowly, ever so slowly, his cock slid into your cunt. A heightened whine bubbled up to your throat, and you let it free with each inch that entered, terrified that this man could break you with what he slipped inside you. Your walls tightened with its entrance, and the more you voiced out the more he tended, peppering sweet kisses upon your cheeks.
You did not know how long it was till he stopped, letting you adjust to him inside you. Your eyes threatened to bulge out of their sockets, yet your husband was a huge comfort, circling smooth strokes upon your hip with his thumb, holding your face as he held the universe in his hands.
Breathing deeply, he glanced at you — a nod was your response to his consoling gaze, knowing what he meant.
With that, the duke began to pull out.
He was slow, just as he was when he first entered you. He was gradual, languid, and the terror that haunted you was replaced with a new, different kind of high. 
You had never felt something so pleasurable.
You revealed your surprise to Hyunjin, stare glistening at the foreign sensation — your entire body was up in the clouds, relishing the slow withdrawal and the skill he brought in the bedroom. You were so sure that he was terrified too, scared of ruining this, but all you could feel was pure, unadulterated delight.
When the head reached the beginning of your folds once again, you thought that this was it — there was no more to be done, and your contentment was short-lived.
However, your husband surprised you as he slid inside you once again. 
This time, there was a slight increase of pace, and it kept getting better, your feelings heightening with each passing second as he dipped further into you. He was so unbelievably good, knowing just how to make you whimper — God, his gaze was enough to undo you, ablaze with all the hellfire from the underworld. The devil worked hard, but Hyunjin worked overtime, bottoming out into you once more.
From that point on, your bodies began to move in sync, you giddily moving your hips along with his, aching to have him inside the whole time. Your hands carded through his velvety locks, taking out the ribbons so his hair fell all about him, curtailing his face as he rocked back and forth upon you. By God, he was so exquisite, something straight out of an artist movement, despite the sweat beading down his forehead, despite the parted mouth, the slight panting.
“H-Hyunjin—” you began, interrupted by another sharp moan from his efforts. “Hyunjin, I think I’m close—”
This time, you were interrupted by his lips upon your neck, teething love bites everywhere upon your skin. He hummed against you at your warning, and thrusted his cock into you. The head reached a certain spot which had you seeing seventh heaven, seeing truth and peace and everything in between, because fuck, he knew where to strike.
You did not know how long it had been till you felt yourself dizzying, the feeling in your lower abdomen warning you of its leash snapping. Hyunjin, aware that you were close, only brought his fingers to your clit, prodding at the bud till tears stung your eyes. 
“I...fuck, angel—!” He gasped between thrusts, pressing sloppy kisses upon your lips. “Look at you, all...all messed up from my cock!”
Heightened wailing was your response, broken murmurs being spewed from your lips. Hastily the man shook his head, revelling in your utter ruination.
“Ah—! Come on now!” he cooed in his husky rasp, holding onto your head. “Say it for me, darling.”
A part of you did not think you could manage, but you had to if it meant he would bring you relief. The duke may have been the love of your life, but he was still, undoubtedly, a smug bastard. 
Despite that, you could not believe how easily you resorted to begging. 
“Please, Hyunjin!” You pleaded in half-pants, the tears spilling when he delved into that one particular spot again. “Make me do—whatever the hell I do, damn it!”
Huffing out a small laugh, the man held onto you a little tighter, retaining his grin. “Oh, ____,” he said, and the next words slipped out in his haze of lust, not realising he had revealed something of terrible importance.
After planting another disheveled kiss, he murmured, “You are so lucky that I love you.”
You did not have time for this declaration to settle before your husband obliged you in the best possible way; his thrusting turned erratic, fast and uneven, and the increased pace of his fingers was too much, all at once.
You had no choice but to let out a cry as you spilled onto him — some escaped from your walls and stained the sheets, whimpering breaths keeping you alive. His ministrations slowed as well, fingers stopping at your clit. 
Watching you undo yourself for him was certainly the last straw for him — for the first time he released into you, grunting at the impact. Parts of his orgasm, too, sullied the sheets, but that was the least of his concerns, as he held onto you for dear life, nearly shattering his entire self upon you.
Pulling out of you, he collapsed beside you on the bed, his deep breaths breaking the silence. You, too, panted for a while, gazing up at the dark ceiling. 
You expected your first thought to be utter delight at your first time. You had finally done what no one in polite society ever told you about, and it was so wonderful that you doubt anyone would have shared in your fortune. 
However, your mind was occupied with another matter entirely.
You are lucky that I love you.
You closed your eyes. 
Hyunjin loved you. Hwang Hyunjin, your best friend and husband, loved you when you thought it impossible.
Something within you then wondered if it was too good to be true.
Noticing your name, you turned, finding the very man staring at you — in a way which would have your theories proven true. You did not know about yourself, but seeing him before you, black locks disheveled, skin glistening from sweat, you could not deny that anyone would fall for him if they saw him now. 
You tried to push your emotions past you, blinking back a bit of fatigue. “Yes?”
“Tell me what goes on in that mind of yours.” Turning over, he propped his arm, holding his head in his hand. “Are you alright?”
Perhaps you should have opted for a vague yes, but something in you did not want to beat around the bush anymore. You wished to tell him your truth.
“I was wondering about what you said,” you began, reflecting his position. 
“I have said many things, darling,” the man drawled. “What do you specifically mean?”
“Well…” you tried to avoid his gaze, but you knew by now that evading Hyunjin was useless. “Before know…”
“Know what?” He mused, which had you rolling your eyes. 
“You know what I mean!” Sighing, you continued, constantly looking at his features. “Well, just before that, you said something to it true?”
Silence fell on the room as your husband pondered at your question. His eyebrows raised, and you realised that he had figured it out.
“Ah, yes,” he said, nodding. “I know exactly what you speak of.”
You waited for his response, suddenly aware of how naked you were in this bedroom. Dread curled at your stomach, and you debated grabbing the sheets and sneaking out of the manor. 
That is when Hyunjin gave you his answer. Gave it to you as he took your hand in both of his, pinning you with a stare he reserved only for you.
“They are the truest words I have spoken.”
He leaned into you, and your heart fluttered, much more dramatically now because of what he revealed.
A soul-saving smile adorned his lips. “Despite our circumstances, it was inevitable that I would fall, and I thank the heavens that I did. I love you, ____, even if you cannot return the feeling. I love you as the friend I never had.
“I love you because you are the most inspirational woman I have ever had the pleasure to meet.” 
When he finished, you wondered whether you had the words to respond to a confession as heart-wrenching as the one your husband blessed you with. Tears pricked the corners of your vision, and you leaned into his hands which cupped your face.
Brushing his lips against yours, you willingly accepted, giving him all the affection you garnered within you for so long. The tears trailed down your cheeks, and you had to pull away, hands curling at his locks.
“I-I…” you sniffled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Hyunjin, I-I love you so much—”
The man’s heart burst from his chest.
His rashness got the better of him, interrupting you with a searing kiss as he sunk his teeth into your bottom lip. 
Never in his lust-hazed mind did he foresee you reciprocating his affection.
He was ready to spend eternity in a one-sided relationship. He was ready to stomach the melancholy you brought if you were to fall for another, or if you simply never loved at all, blankly living your life without any form of affection to give.
But…to have you fall for him. 
What he said to you was wrong.
You were not lucky that he loved you.
He was lucky that you loved him. 
So the Duke of Hastings, pulling the clean sheets upwards, showed you how lucky he was, deepening the kiss and you offering all of you again, moving your lips along with his. 
And in this night, the two of you made another revelation — that perhaps reality was not the villain in the both of yours tales after all. 
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You wondered whether it was all a dream, with the happiness that followed without any strings attached. 
The passionate endeavours between the two of you did not stop at Seungmin’s manor — hands wandered in the carriage back home, and the moment you stepped at Lansdowne, Hyunjin backed you against the wall and ripped your dress right off, never wanting to stop ravishing you. You did not stop him, did not want to stop him, when you waited so long for him to engulf you without any barriers. By the time you both stopped in the shy hours of dawn, you had been drained of all physical strength, but filled with mental joy.
You fell in love with Hwang Hyunjin, and had the fortune of this love reciprocated. 
Sometimes, you wondered if it was all a dream — a twisted, subliminal illusion, tricking you into believing that marital life is what every writer writes of in the end, the solution filled with flowers and sweet kisses. You never thought, even in your wildest dreams, that you could achieve such bliss with another. 
Then, you would wake up with your husband’s arms around you, and finally understand. Finally comprehend what it meant, to never stray from a soul connected with yours. 
The weeks after also brought the finishing of your novel, your childhood dream all polished in your hands as you took it to the most famous publishers in town. You had fears of the reactions, as what you wrote during certain parts of the novel was borderline scandalous, but the men at the publishing house enjoyed the first few chapters you showed them, and asked for more on the next visit.
You were overjoyed by their reaction, but then doubt entered your mind at once — what if they were only agreeable to your writing because of your position? 
The thought soured your happiness. You did not want to be a writer because of your position in society, but because of your skill. There may have been thousands of other women with talents surpassing yours, but would never be able to achieve even the interest of a publisher. 
Hyunjin was the first to know of your news, and the worries which accompanied it. He listened to you on your second, third visits, scoffing at your disbelief of your turn of events. It was ridiculous in his mind how ardently you doubted yourself, waving off the publishers’ interests in your novel as sheer luck, or your station as the Duchess of Hastings. He assured you many a time, that your flair in creating stories surpassed no man or woman living in London. 
He knew those publishers well — well enough to know that they had never released a novel written by a woman, no matter how influential she may have been. Knowing you had managed to enter consideration for publishing was a feat in itself. The duke had absolutely no doubt that he would see your works in the hands of every person who knew how to read.
What you did not expect, however, was the request from the publishers to have your novel anonymously published. You demanded a reason, and they provided a whole list — women writing was only considered a secondary activity, and if word were to reach the city of a Duchess writing books instead of tending to her family, then it would cause an outrage. You could not believe your ears, despite a small part of you expecting this setback. 
You wanted your name on the book. 
Confiding in your husband once more, you told him of the condition, angrily pacing back and forth in your home. “It is simply...awful!” you spat, locking your hands behind your back, turning the room once more. Hyunjin watched you with a concerned look passing over his features as he looked up from his book. “Why should I hide my identity? I am proud of what I wrote, damn it!”
The man let out a sigh. “I think you should keep the name anonymous.”
That had you pausing. “I beg your pardon?” you demanded, thundering over to him. “Are you saying I conform to their conditions?”
“I am not suggesting it because of their reasoning. I know they are still too ashamed to try publishing a woman’s creation.” 
Closing his book, he set it to the side table. “My love, there is nothing that brings me more joy than seeing you accomplish your dreams. I want more than anything to boast of your mind, and the writings it invents. However,” he continued, “I fear when the public sees your name printed on the novel, a controversial one at that, and see it that they attack you.”
“But that does not matter to me,” you responded, hands on your hips. “In fact, I welcome their criticism! Let me see what poppycock they want to say of my hard work.”
Hyunjin clamped his lips together, trying to hide a smile. “I am happy you do not care for such people, but it would damage your future writings. It would damage your future.”
When you frowned at him, he held out his hands. You closed the distance, settling upon his lap, sliding your arms around his shoulders, while he did the same around your waist. “Tell me, angel, do you wish to write after this?”
“Of course.”
“Well, see it like this,” he began. “Let us say you publish the novel anonymously. It would be in instant circulation, and everyone would read it, no matter who they are. Why? Because your identity is hidden. There would be no bias against you.”
“So?” you asked, and Hyunjin gave you a look. “Okay, okay, continue!”
“As I was saying,” he carried on, “This would not only help you gain an initial audience, but, if you do wish to reveal yourself after that, then it would be perfect. You would have not only shown the public that a woman had written such a brilliant novel, but anyone who would have had previous biases would either conform to reading your writing, or be furious that they had been tricked into reading a woman’s novel.” He then added, smirking, “Which, in my opinion, would be a very amusing situation to witness.” 
You thought over what he said, mind in slight conflict. “In the end, though, it is your choice,” he reassured you. “Whatever you do, you have my undeterred support.”
The little addition had you smiling. “You make valid points,” you admitted, which had the man releasing a chuckle.
“You say that as if I have no intelligence,” he jeered, pulling you closer. “You will be thanking me when all of this goes as I predicted.”
“Don’t push it,” you countered. “We both know you have been proved wrong many times.”
“Hmmm…” he trailed off, leaning in, brushing his lips upon your skin. “At least I know I am right about one thing.”
“Oh?” Your head began to swim as he trailed a few lingering kisses up your neck. “And...and what would that be?”
He did not answer you — only offered an alluring smile before pressing his lips against yours. A soft hum left you as he moved his mouth against yours, slow and languid, teasing his tongue against the seams. 
You would have offered yourself right then and there if he had not broken away, drumming his fingers against your waist. The smile darkened as he gave you his reply.
“You cannot resist me, angel.” 
That, no matter how much it worked against your favour, was an undoubted fact.
After this though, you made your decision to keep anonymous, letting the publishers know of your change of heart. You knew that what Hyunjin said made sense, and, if your novel does receive recognition, then revealing yourself would create a huge statement in London society, positive or not. With this in mind, brought the final edited drafts of your work, and received information of the commissions and percentages taken by the publishing house.
Because the release of your novel was to take some time, you had some freedom with your everyday activities, which were once taken up by the constant editing. The duke, luckily, had begun to employ much more able men in his authority, and so his work was decreased significantly, to the point where he had days to spend with you alone.
During that waiting period, he suggested the two of you retreat to Hemingford, where you both spent your honeymoon. Your smile never left as you jumped at the idea, the man in turn making arrangements for the earliest carriage out of the city. 
Within two days, you were welcomed by the little manor, nestled in the gifts of nature. You found yourself warming to the whole place once more, memories of the past months returning in a flash. Images of the many groves of trees, small network of rivers and a special presence, soothed you in every part you walked through. You nearly forgot how dear Hemingford was to you in the chaos of city life, engulfing its regal, almost mystical atmosphere. A part of you hoped that the book would take forever to be published, so you could never leave the natural retreat Hyunjin’s ancestors had created.
The man himself was glad he opted to take you to the manor — he saw your nerves slowly taking over in London, and knew that the more you stayed in Lansdowne, the more the wait was going to eat you alive. Aware of your attachment towards this place, he made it his personal mission to bring you here, and try to provide you with a little peace. When he caught that certain smile of yours when your eyes fell on the manor and the gardens around it, he felt half his worries melting away in the spring air.
He hated seeing you so unnerved. 
After a few days resting in paradise, the situation was changed for the better. You, breathing in the very earth beneath your feet, observing the trees curved over you like a concerned parent, thought that you could stay here forever. Receiving a letter from the publishers’ of the near completion of copies made only brightened your spirits, and you sighed out into nature.
“Is something the matter?”
Perking up, you saw Hyunjin, who walked over from behind you. 
“Ah...not much,” you said, watching him settle beside you on the bench you sat upon, folding one dark-clad leg over the other. In his hands possessed a book of deep-shaded red, which he held with great care. “Thinking about the letter today.”
“I see.” His eyes wandered down to his fingers. “Actually, I do have something for you, relating to the subject.”
“Oh?” You followed his trail. “Does this book have something to do with it?”
“However did you figure that out?” He drawled, but then he faced you properly, unfolding his leg. “Here.”
You took the possession, eyes on him. “Whose book is it?”
A knowing smile escaped his lips. “Look at the front, angel.”
Curious, you obliged, checking the title. 
You completely stilled. 
Written on the front was the name of your novel. 
“Oh my God,” you got out, holding it with both hands, opening it to the pages. There it all was, inscripted upon the hundreds of pieces of paper.
Your writing.
Your sleepless nights, your labour, your every ounce of strength, tied together by paper and leather and string. 
Rushing, you opened to a random section of the novel, smile widening at the typewriter’s neat, cleaner version of your manic scribbles. The dialogue, the description of each environment — it was there before you, but this time it was not in your head, whirling indefinitely without a place to explain itself.
It was all on paper — in your very hands.
“H-Hyunjin,” you stammered out, not realising your heart was becoming a little too heavy. “Oh my God—where did you get this? Have they—they have begun to sell copies already?”
“Oh Lord,” your husband murmured, hands on your shoulders. “No, no, my love, this was of my own doing.”
When he caught the confused expression upon your aghast face, he explained further. “Before we left for London, I paid a visit to the publishers’, who had started typing up copies of your book. I requested the first copy made be given to me.”
His thumbs began to stroke soothing circles onto your skin. “I know you would have wanted to hold it in your hands before anyone else.”
Heavens above. He truly knew you so well.
You focused back on the book, closing it as you ran your fingers over the leather cover. “I…”
“No need,” he said, giving you an amused grin. “I already know I am the best husband one could ask for.”
He expected his banter to be returned, but you responded to him with a heart-shattering smile.
Holding out the book, you propped it in his hands. “I want you to have it, Hyunjin.”
This time, it was his turn to be confused. “Am I missing the joke here?”
You held his gaze, albeit with much difficulty. “I promised you something once, quite a long time ago. All my firsts are yours.” 
Your hand reached out, brushing against his. “This is my first novel. My most prized possession.” A pause, before holding that state with all your might. “I would want nothing more than for you to keep it.”
The duke used his every ounce of strength not to cry upon the bench. “Well then…” he began, taking the book from you. He turned to the front page, which was blank, save for the title name again, and the written anonymously typed onto its surface. “Well, ____, you must sign it for me!”
A laugh escaped you at that. “An autograph?” You jested, spluttering further when the man brought out his fountain pen, opening the cap. “I suppose with this enthusiasm, I shall throw in a little message.”
Hyunjin slapped a hand to his chest, brows raising in mock surprise. “By God, you spoil me!”
“Give it here!” You retorted, taking the pen and book once more as you found the landing page. 
You pondered for a few minutes on what to write, earning a few hurry ups! and the occasional she does not love me after all, the latter greatly exaggerated. Berating him, you finally thought of the words, arriving straight from the heart. 
Finishing off, you gave the novel back. “Let us see what faux sweetening you have made for me,” he chortled, eyes lowering to the text.
His grin began to fade as he read the message in his mind.
Hyunjin knew that the sting in his eyes was not the spring breeze.
Slowly, he looked up, catching you staring at him with a smile—loving smile upon your face. A shuddered breath left his lips, unable to form the words.
“Oh no,” you began, jesting despite tears welling up in your own eyes. “It seems the duke believes in my faux sweetening after all.”
A coughed laugh left him at that, trying to clamp his lips together from smiling, but his emotions refused him to suppress himself. His eyes crescented, adding to his near teary grin. Propping the book to the side, he offered his familiar stare, laced with every fibre of affection.
“Come here.”
You jumped at the command, leaning closer as he cupped your face in his hands and pulled you to him. He moulded his lips against yours, and you readily accepted him, offering yourself up entirely for him — as if you were not completely his by your own choice.
The slight madness laced upon his mouth had you whining onto him, taking in the entirety of his affection as you opened up to him. Your request was teased upon with his tongue, sliding along your bottom lip, but the man pulled away, panted breaths fanning your mouth.
He pressed his forehead against yours, fingers holding onto your face as if letting go would cause you to stray. “I…” he let out a deep, trembling breath. “I love you, ____. So much.”
Your heart would never tire of the declaration. “I love you too, Hyunjin.”
And as he claimed your lips once more, you wondered whether you had finally achieved what every work of literature praised in the most elevated of languages. 
Still, at least you knew this — that once there was a duke who you promised all your firsts to, and had somehow found his way into your heart. 
There was once a woman, who refused to believe in love for herself, only for this duke to convince her otherwise, by falling for her completely.
Love stories may be a mere creation of the mind, but at least, at the very least, you knew.
Your love story was real. The first which was not mere fantasy, but real and true and tangible.
You had a feeling that this first, out of all the others you shared with the Duke of Hastings, was going to last.
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hyunsuks-beanie · 22 days ago
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Pairing: Switch! Hyunjin x switch! fem. bodied! gn reader
Genre/Warnings: Smut; cursing; choking kink (Hyunjin); breeding kink (reader); cream pie
Word Count: 2.2k
A/N: Thank you to @uniquebeardragonturtle (, sorry I couldn't tag you), for this request! Writing about Hyunjin having a choking kink was just so wholesome you so much fun, and I hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it! Also, I made this gender neutral, but with a female bodied reader, so I hope you like that!
"Y/N, could you help me with this?," your boyfriend, Hyunjin, asks, turning to look at you with a pout on his face while holding his necktie. You giggle and walk up to him, placing the tie on his neck, and helping him tighten it. "You're such a kid," you softly say, a smile on your face. But instead of replying to you with words, Hyunjin does something you hadn't expected him to do. Not now anyway.
Hearing a low moan come out of his mouth, you look up at him, only to see his eyes shut tight. It takes you a minute or two to realize what is happening, and, to prove your theory, you tighten the tie around his neck. As soon as you do so, Hyunjin's eyes shoot open, as he moans your name out while looking at you, his eyes darkening. "Oh my god, the necktie's choking is turning you on!," you exclaim, surprised at having discovered a kink of his you never knew existed.
At your words, his demeanor changes completely, going from borderline lustful to bashful in a matter of seconds. "I-It's nothing like that, babe," he stutters, only to have you smirk and pull on the tie again. He looks at you with wide eyes, making you lean into his ear and whisper, "Gosh, I so wanna choke you and fuck you right now," he lets out a whimper at your words, causing you to pull back and face him. "But we're gonna be late for the dinner if we start now, and I don't want Chan and Minho to murder us," you giggle, taking his hand and leading him to the door, as he continues to pout.
Little does Hyunjin know about the devilish plan that's brewing in your mind.
After that incident, Hyunjin is surprised to find you acting as if you'd forgotten all about his choking kink. Too shy to ask you to choke him while having sex, he concludes that you weren't comfortable with the idea, and whatever you did that night was just in the heat of the moment. A couple days later, you show up at the company, bringing in food for the boys. "Hey Y/N, what's that in your hand?," Jisung asks, curiously eyeing a medium-sized box you are carrying alongside the bags of food. "Oh this? It's just some stuff related to work," you say. After having fed and chatted with the boys for a while, you get up to leave. "Come see me off?," you ask your boyfriend, to which he gladly agrees.
At the door, you hand him the package, making him give you a confused expression. "What do I do with this?," he asks. "It's for you. I know you're gonna like it," you smirk, biting your lip before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Don't open it in front of the boys. And send me a picture, I'll be waiting." And with that, you're out of the building. Back home, you can't control your excitement, awaiting the picture from Hyunjin. "Will he like it? Will he think it's too much? What if the boys see it?," you continue asking yourself.
Your train of thought is broken when your phone pings, indicating a new message from your boyfriend. You tap on it, feeling yourself getting wet at the mere sight of him with a choker toy around his neck, his hand on the leash, and the top buttons of his shirt undone to give you a better view. You can't see his face, but you know he liked the gift. Smirking, you find your fingers dialing his number. He picks up on the second ring, and shyly asks you, "When did you buy it?" You reply with a simple, "A few days ago. Sorry it took so long to be delivered," before adding, "Did you like it?" He lets out a small whimper at your question, saying, "I got hard just looking at my own reflection, and had to jerk off imagining you choking me while sucking on me." Now it's your turn to moan, imagining his pretty self jerking off at the thought of you.
"Fuck, I can't wait for you to come back home. I don't know how much longer I'll last." You whisper through the phone. "Just wait for me baby, I'll be there in no time."
Waiting for him to come home feels like an ordeal to you, and more than once, you find your looking at that picture of him on your phone. Unable to control yourself or the wetness pooling between your legs every time you see the photo, you take your shorts off, hands quickly finding your core as you start pleasuring yourself. "Ahhh fuck. Hyunj-jin," you moan out, imagining him choking you as his mouth works wonders on your heat."
Unbeknownst to you, Hyunjin is leaning against the door frame, smirking as he plans to punish you later for being impatient. But first, he needs to thank you. And so, he backs up towards the front door, only to call out, "Babe, I'm home." He walks back towards the room slowly, giving you time to conceal the fact that you had been going off at the thought of him. When he enters the room, it takes everything in him to not pounce on you. You look so innocent sitting on the bed, legs spread out, eyes wide open, and hair sticking up in all directions, that it's enough to get him semi-hard. You get off the bed and walk up to him, kissing his lips softly. "How was your day, baby?," you mutter against his lips.
To your surprise, he takes your chin in his hand, looking you directly in the eye. "How about we talk later? Because I can't hold it in any longer. I need you, now." You try hard not to whimper at his words, sliding his bag down his shoulder, and taking the choker out of it. The toy goes back around Hyunjin's neck, but this time, it's you who clasps it, rubbing your clothed heat against him. You kiss him roughly, pushing him onto to bed as you straddle his lap. You bite his lips before shoving your tongue into his mouth, one hand on his shoulder, while the other pulls on the leash to tighten the collar. Hyunjin lets out a loud groan, enjoying the choking feeling on his neck, as you continue to grind against his lap.
All of a sudden, he pulls onto your hair, growling, "Don't tease me," and the look on his face is enough to make you cum then and there. Leash still in your hand, you stand up, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off him. Pressing your lips onto his chest, you leave a large lick across his torso, biting down hard enough on his abs to leave a hickey. Satisfied, you move to take his pants off, sliding them down along with his underwear. You almost drool at the site of his hard-on, taking it into your mouth after pumping it a few times.
Hyunjin throws his head back in pleasure as you begin bobbing you head up and down, licking and sucking on his member. You sharply tighten the leash without warning, making him let out a loud moan. Smirking, you speed up your pace, feeling him getting close.
Hyunjin pulls on your hair, making you look up. "W-want to s-see your b-boobs," he moans out, making you pull back to take your top off before returning your attention back. He feels himself edging closer to his climax, seeing your boobs bounce on your chest as you continue to suck on him. Feeling him close, you tug on the leash one more time, and that it enough to push him off the edge, as he cums into your mouth. Licking up every last bit of him, you look up, a satisfied grin on your face.
"You're amazing at giving head, babe," he says, kissing you hungrily, and getting a taste of himself on your lips.
Soon enough, you find your shorts discarded on the floor, as you lower yourself onto Hyunjin's dick, the man lying on the bed on his back. You hiss at his size, playing with the leash as you wait for yourself to adjust to his size. Seeing how much you are enjoying his kink, he pictures how you would look being choked. As if on cue, it's you who speak, while slowly starting to go up and down his dick. "You look so pretty with that collar around your neck, baby. How about we have you always wear this choker when it's just the two of us?," you smirk, to which he replies, "I don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off me in that case, babe," taking in a sharp breath as you come down all the way, making his balls hit your core. Smirking, you pull on the leash once again, making him groan in response, "Getting too cocky, are we now? Don't forget baby boy, I'm the one in-charge right now." "We'll see about that," he smirks in return, placing his hands on your hips as he starts guiding you up and down his length.
You moan at the feeling of his dick going in and out, holding his shoulders for support. "Aww what happened, baby? Weren't you the one in-charge?," he mocks you, speeding up the pace. "Look how well you take me," he smirks, making you moan louder as he hits your G-spot. "Like that, don't you? Like it when my cock slams into you." "F-fuck yes, do that again, Hyunjin," you manage to say. He continues his relentless pace, making you bury your face into his throat. You pull at the choker around his neck using your hand, before proceeding to leave a lock lick up his throat all the way up to his chin. Groaning in response, all he can say is, "I'm close."
"M-me too, ahhhh," you moan in his ear, "Fill me up Hyunjin, fill me to the brim." Riding out on your filthy words, Hyunjin feels himself coming undone, as he releases into you. The feeling of his warm juice inside you is enough to make you release as well, and you lay your head on his shoulder as you ride out your high.
You start to get up and off him, but Hyunjin's hands keep you in place. "Not so fast, love," he whispers with a devilish smirk, "I saw you going off at the thought of me choking you, so why don't we fulfill your fantasy too?" And with that, he flips you over, pulling himself out of you so fast that it makes you hiss in pain. "Aww, what happened? Did it hurt?," he asks you in mock concern, smirking when you nod. "Good," is all he says, eyes moving down to his cum seeping out from inside your pussy. "Look what a mess you made, baby. Seems like I'll have to fill you up again."
His words are enough to make you wet again, and you let out a moan, which is cut short abruptly when you feel Hyunjin's hand wrapping around your neck. Leaning in close to you, he says, "I don't need a collar to choke you, love. My hand is more than enough." And with that, he tightens his grip around your neck, shoving his tongue down your slightly parted lips, as his other hand makes its way down to your core, teasing you rubbing and pulling on your clit."
You arch your back in pleasure, and just like that, as quickly as it had started, his hand disappears. "All fours," he growls, letting go of your neck briefly. You quickly get into position, with his hand finding your neck again. His free hand moves to massage your boobs, pinching on your nipples, as he aligns his dick next to you. Without warning, he rams into you, hilt deep, from behind, making you cry out. That's his cue to tighten his grip around your neck, as his other hand moves from your breasts to your clit, rubbing circles onto it. He continues to move in and out mercilessly, and you grab the headboard of the bed to keep from falling.
Overstimulated from your previous orgasm, the both of you find yourself edging closer to your climax. "Want me to breed you again, baby?," Hyunjin whispers in your ear, biting your earlobe. You can only moan in response, almost feeling yourself cum at the mere thought of his juice spilling out of you. He hits you G-spot again, making the both of you moan as you ride your high together.
Pulling out from you, Hyunjin can't help but admire how his cum and yours drip out on the bed, a you fall over, face-first, into the pillows, exhausted. Smiling, he gives you a soft kiss on the cheek, pushing your hair away from your face. "Thank you for the gift, babe," he says, "I loved it." "I'm glad," you smile in reply, before adding, "I'll wear it the next time."
"As you wish, babe," he responds. "And I'll choke you tighter."
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etherealeeknow · 4 months ago
the fwb rules
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• rated m for mature
• pairing: fwb!hyunjin x fem!reader
• wc: 4.559
• tw: explicit language, light characterization of an insecure reader, unprotected piv sex (stay safe, lovelies!), fingering & oral (f), nipple play, cream pie— i think that’s all, please do tell me if you find more c:
• note: last time i said long fic isn’t my forte and this time i’ll still say the same hahahahaha. but still, i hope i don’t disappoint 🥺 please kindly note that english isn’t my first language. therefore, i apologize for any mistakes. feedbacks are always appreciated because i’d love to grow! thank you for waiting and enjoy 💞 pretty banner made by my bestie!! ilysm 😽😽😽
• tag list: @charlieshelves @es-kay-zee @formidxble @oh-my-sparkle @bobateastay @http-hyxnjxn @lyralurexrattle @hyunsluvv @healinghyunjin @sailorhyunjinz
what happened to the rules?
it didn’t start off like this. you can’t remember when exactly you started wondering about the five word question. all you know is that you were one bite away from gobbling a spoonful of jisung’s ice cream when it struck you: since when did you and hyunjin stop going by the rules? he’s been occasionally texting you out of the blue lately just to know what you’re up to, and today he even asked you to stay the night at his, and as much as you want to believe they’re all normal, again, it didn’t start off like this. from the beginning, you and hyunjin have come up with three rules so your relationship can work: one, be very casual. two, no strings attached. three, no fucks given outside of the, well, literal fucking. but look at you now, lying naked and out of breath under his blanket while facing his ceiling, driving yourself insane over the haunted question. you have to get it off your chest somehow, but how? 
“hey, why so serious?” asks the culprit behind your overthinking, causing you to jump slightly over his sudden appearance and your hands instinctively pull up the blanket to cover your naked chest, which as a result, makes him chuckle. cute. “here. it’s my cousin’s,” adds the topless man as he sits on the edge of the bed and hands you a white shirt that even under the dim light, you can already tell won’t fit you.
“your cousin? the model? hyunjin, she’s tiny,” you utter, hands still gripping onto the blanket. “i’m—“
“you,” he cuts you off, placing a hand on top of yours while carefully glancing at you to make sure you there aren’t any signs of discomfort. “are fine, y/n. now hurry up. i’m sleepy,” he adds before letting go, leaving behind a lingering warmth on your knuckles.
nodding, you turn your back on him to change, and the room falls silent, causing you to hear how fast your heart is thumping even more than it should have. is it because you had too much coffee this morning? or it can probably be because the shirt is too tight that it’s cutting off your air circulation, right? right, of course. you tell yourself because as much as you dislike both reasons, they are still far better than having hyunjin as the cause.
once you’re done, hyunjin already has his back lying against the bedhead, his head tilting slightly to the side, avoiding the light coming from the night lamp on the bedside table, while his eyes bore deeply into yours. unbothered that he’s been caught staring, he averts his gaze downwards till they reach your chest and spot how your nipples are sticking out through the thin fabric.
“see? it fits you just fine,” he says, turning his vision back to your face as he opens his arms and motions them at you, only to have you remain in the same position with your increasing heartbeat.
“aren’t you gonna, uh, wear something?”
instead of a proper answer, all you get is his laugh—hyunjin’s contagious laugh that usually always succeeds in making you laugh too. but today hits differently. has his laugh always sounded this lighthearted before? no matter what the answer is, one thing for sure is that despite how sweet hwang hyunjin and his laugh are, they have never made your cheeks burn like this before, and this is forbidden. it’s against the rules.
“an hour ago we were naked while sucking each other’s face, y/n,” he finally answers after a while. “besides, i always sleep like this. now, come on,” he adds, repeating the same gesture, except this time his hands are open wider, eager to have you near him again because the space around him is starting to make him feel lonely.
complying with him, you fall into his embrace and hyunjin immediately lets his hands travel to the exact places of where they want to be—one around your head and the other around your waist. despite the room turning less cold with his warmth directly passing onto you, your heart and cheeks conditions remain the same especially since you can hear how hyunjin’s heartbeats are beating just as fast as yours when he lets you lay your head on his chest.
“hyunjin,” you call out, hands fiddling with the collar of your shirt.
“y/n,” he replies, replacing the collar with his fingers instead, intertwining them with yours.
what happened to the rules?
“do... do fwb do these?” you ask, the bravery in you finally decide to show up, even just for a little.
“do this?” he asks back while squeezing your hand with all his might, as if he’s nervous.
no. not ‘this’, but ‘these’. not only the hand grabbing, but also the fact that he asked you to stay the night, that he’s cuddling you to sleep, and that you’ve been getting unusual symptoms over them until this very moment.
“yes, this,” you nod and hyunjin becomes muted, but his heartbeats are growing louder, and his grip on you has become tighter.
after what feels like forever, he whispers, voice slightly cracking, and hands getting a little colder, “yes. yes, they do.”
then the two of you become muted, but both heartbeats keep growing louder, and everything stays that way until sleep eventually takes over.
as a homebody, you’ve always against the idea of sleepovers. you believe home is the sweetest place and your own bed is the comfiest even when your mattress is older than a decade and your favorite plushie has had too many holes here and there. but waking up in hyunjin’s bed has broken your stigma—never in your whole life that you’d have thought someone else’s bed can provide you twice the comfort.
“looks like someone had a good sleep,” chirps jisung as he sits beside you, causing you to wipe off the smile on your face before going back to your laptop.
“wow suddenly my best friend’s a psychic?”
“hey, that’d actually make a great drama title!” he exclaims and you roll your eyes. “please do spill the tea though. what happened?” he adds.
“what happened?” you ask back, eyes still on the screen, but the corner of your lips are on the verge of breaking into the smile, knowing full well he’ll complain—which he does by lamely calling you a meanie.
laughing, you tell him nothing happened, but the way he rolls his eyes is a sign he’s not taking any of your bullshit. you are telling the truth though. besides spending the night with each other, nothing really happened, right? it was just another casual fucking session. yes, it was amazing, but that’s no news for jisung. the guy’s practically your wingman—setting you up with hyunjin was his idea because he believes you should, “live your life. have that dreamy college sex orelse you’ll regret it like my old man changbin!”
right on cue, a notification popped out on your big screen, and the sender’s name makes your heart pop too.
“aha, see!” jisung points at it. “y/n, where are you?” he reads out loud, earning yourselves all the eyes from every other student in class.
“oh my god, jisung. shut up!” right when you’re about to log out from the chat app, hyunjin sends another one.
“can i call you?” jisung reads once more and you’re only one second away from smacking his head, but your vibrating phone holds you back.
shooting jisung a glare, you make sure to close your laptop before leaving the class, answering hyunjin’s call even when you’re still half way through the door. right when you’re about to greet him hello, hyunjin beats you to it—his voice a bit raspy, but the softness in his tone still lies within, and it creates endless questions in your mind.
has he just woken up? so is this how he sounds in the morning? why is he calling?
and the list goes on because this isn’t like hyunjin at all. sure, he’s not validating the rules, but he’s breaking his character despite already alarming you to anticipate morning booty calls from him at times. he’s never actually done that though. 
“hi,” you reply, startling yourself with how small your voice came out.
“you left,” says hyunjin and you can hear him sighing from the other line, which somehow causes a slight pang in your heart, wondering if perhaps he is disappointed. “can you come back? wait, actually, let me go to you instead.” he says and you can hear the rustling sounds coming from his side.
“hyunjin, i have class. that’s why i left. i—” should you apologize? but why should you? casual, no strings attached, and no fucks given, remember? “i’m sorry.”
“oh.” hyunjin stops on his track before plopping back down onto the bed, smiling. “i’ll pick you up after class then. when will you finish?”
unconsciously, a smile creeps up your face too, but the realization hits you right after, then followed by the five word question, and you know—you know this is your guts telling you that now’s the time to ask him about it, but your heart hates confrontation. plus, wouldn’t it be rude to reply to someone else’s question with a question? “hyunjin, are you, uh, horny?”
just like yesterday, hyunjin laughs, and with the raspiness in his voice still present, he doesn’t fail to make you laugh along, but at the same time waking the butterflies in your stomach and makes you rethink your decision. mayhaps, you should’ve left him a note or told him that you’ll leave early in the morning; or even, you should’ve ditched classes today and stayed so when he wakes up, you can get him a glass of water, not leaving the boy uncared for like this. but who are you to do so? 
“isn’t it normal for a guy to have a morning wood?” he jokes before quickly adding that he’s not horny. “i just want to see you so let me go get you.”
pressing your lips together, you contemplate on whether you should let him. if you do, won’t you be turning whatever the two of you have right now into something far more complicated? but it’s only until hyunjin adds a desperate “please?” that all of your dilemma disappears, as if you’re being cast into his spell—“okay.”
while heading to the gate, you have the biggest urge to book a massage appointment. dodging jisung’s questions and running away from him after the first period was draining, but having to spend the day running back and forth between two buildings because thinking that volunteering as the lecturers’ teaching assistant was draining on a whole new level. other than feeling like your legs are gonna come off, your mind also feels like it’s gonna blow off—you can’t stop recalling all the things you need to start working on as soon as possible, but stepping into hyunjin’s car turns everything to 180 degrees.
you’d like to think that it’s because of the faint lavender aroma coming from his car freshener along with the heavenly cool air conditioner, but no. you know full well it’s because of the way hyunjin’s smile lit up, his eyes disappear into two small crescent moons, and his blonde hair which is becoming one with the warm orange sky that brings peace to your heart.
“hi,” he breathes out the moment you close the door, and you do the same except for looking at him, which causes hyunjin to furrow his eyebrows while speeding away.
the way home is silent, just the way you like it, but you know full well that it’s not hyunjin’s cup of tea. he doesn’t need to say it, his action is showing it all as he’s been fidgeting non stop, wiping his sweaty palm along his jeans while occasionally licking his plump lips. hyunjin’s a very vocal person. he’s talkative and loud—including in bed. you press your warm cheeks over the realization of your own thoughts, embarrassed. you can’t possibly suspect hyunjin for being horny in the morning when you yourself are being like this in the afternoon. it’s uncalled for.
noticing you from the corner of his eye, hyunjin calls out, asking you if there’s anything wrong, totally catching you off guard. what should you say? lying is not your forte, but being honest clearly isn’t the best option right now, at least, not before you shower and appear presentable in front of him—but wait, since when did that matter so much? a few months ago, you even fucked after you ran a marathon.
“y/n?” calls hyunjin for the second time.
“look, hyunjin, really, it’s okay if you’re horny. you can pull over and i can, uh, relieve you and i can just take the bus home after,” you spit out shamelessly while looking at him straight in the eyes, eager to get far away from hyunjin as fast as possible before you go out of your mind.
just like the night before, hyunjin laughs. and just like the night before, his laugh hits differently and it does nothing other than burning your already burnt cheeks for the worse.
“i swear to god, y/n, i’m not horny. i genuinely want to take you home. nothing more,” explains hyunjin, head straight at the road but eyes repeatedly stealing glances at you. “and nothing less,” he adds, voice barely audible but you caught it.
“o— oh.” is all you manage to respond before the ride quickly turns quiet and hyunjin’s hands begin fidgeting again, all the while you’re trying to decode what he has just said—what does he mean by genuinely wanting to take you home? do fwb do this too? what happened to no fucks given?—and it goes on until hyunjin hits the break in front of your old apartment building.
“we’re here,” says hyunjin, breaking the silence by unlocking the car door.
“we’re here,” you repeat after him, already opening the door and setting a foot out. “uh, thank you.”
“don’t mention it.” hyunjin shoots you his signature smile the moment you lower yourself to meet his eye level from outside the car; this time, you have no choice but to fall under his spell.
“hey, uh, you wanna come in?” you ask, biting your lower lip as a way to punish yourself for being so indecisive. one second you want to run away from him and the next second you want to be near him. come on, get a grip.
as if the punishment isn’t enough, hyunjin declines your offer, all while chuckling with his head thrown back. “for the third time, y/n. i’m not horny. go in and rest up.” 
“if you say so.” you shrug, giving him a small smile before turning around, making sure not to look back, only to fail when you hear the engine driving away.
you can’t quite tell—no, you can’t tell. you don’t get it. there’s an unexplainable empty space in your heart that is caused by hyunjin’s rejection. is it because you’re just not used to see him without having to fuck him? or is it because you’re hurt over the fact that he’s not in the mood to touch you? is it because of last night? is he finally sick of your flaws? things would probably be different if you had retouched your makeup or at least combed your hair before seeing him, would they? either way, you’re fully aware you shouldn’t be torn over your friend with benefits, yet your aching heart says otherwise.
and so when the doorbell rings only a few seconds after you get in and the figure you see through the peephole is no other than the man in question, you spare no time to swing the door open. hyunjin, in return, spares no time to lock his lips with yours right after he utters a brief apology. just like the way hyunjin sneaks his playful hands down your ass, you sneak your tongue in his mouth, and your action makes him smile into the kiss as he leads you back into the room and kicks the door shut with his long legs.
the way to your bedroom is actually pretty short, but with your tongues moving in sync, bodies pressing—glued, even, and eyes continuously closing in pleasure, the short way to your bedroom consists of endless stumbling, tripping, and bumping the door. once inside, you break the kiss and are about to undress yourself when hyunjin beats you to it, settling you down on the bed as he begins taking off your attire one by one ever so effortlessly. and in just a matter of seconds, his lips are back on yours again, floral scented hair falling and brushing against your cheeks, leaving you no time to wonder over the fact that it’s the first time hyunjin has ever undressed you. 
as the kiss continues, you can feel yourself gushing more and more that you start grinding on him mindlessly, needing to feel more than just his bulge poking you. your hands leave his blonde strands to tug on his hoodie, only to have him stop you—one hand around your grip and the other rests on your hip.
“what do you think you’re doing?”
“need you. need to feel you,” you mumble, desperation so visible through your cracked voice. 
“what happened to the girl who was all flustered to sleep with me last night just because i was shirtless?”
autumn nights aren’t supposed to be hot, but hyunjin has proven he has the power to make the impossible happen just with his words and mocking smirk. but the rising heat on your cheeks is nothing compared to the emptiness you feel below, clenching around nothing surely isn’t the best feeling.
“please, jinnie,” you whine, tugging on his hoodie once more, hips moving against his hold.
“fuck.” is all he manages to say before getting off the bed to disrobe himself—hoodie and track pants thrown across the room, now showcasing his toned body and thighs altogether as he hovers over you.
“please take this off too. it looks suffocating,” you say, index finger running faintly through the bulge forming from his tight boxer, making it stand up even more and hyunjin has no choice but to obey you. “put your hair up too please,” you add just when he’s about to dive right back in, and again, your wish is his command.
biting to pull off his hair tie from his wrist, hyunjin smoothly ties his hair back and you’re only given a few seconds to admire his feature before his plump lips coming in contact with your hardened nipple while he toys with the other using his fingers—rubbing and pinching, making your breath hitch over the sensation, fingers digging into his bare shoulders because you don’t want to mess up his hair, and hyunjin’s low grunts pretty much indicate he’s loving it.
“more, please. give me m—”
hyunjin retreats his hand and tongue away from your breast, moving them to your naked pussy,  drawing circles on your outer labia with his middle finger. he teases you just enough and quickly slides in his digit and at the same time sucks on your clit right before you’re about to complain, making you tingle from head to toe.
“you hear that?” he asks, voice muffled, the effect of being too tongue tied from licking every part of your heat, but finger working its magic perfectly, creating loud wet noises from your fluid. “drenched. my pretty y/n is drenched,” says hyunjin, and as much as you want to comment on him for the pet name, you’re too caught up on how his lips vibrate against you the moment he starts palming himself with his unoccupied hand. if he keeps it up, you know you would come undone there and then, and you don’t want that—not yet. so you ask him to stop and he instantly does as told.
“what’s wrong? did i hurt you?” there’s fear written across his expression and heard from his tone, but you’d like to believe your eyes and lips are just playing tricks on you.
“n— no. i just,” you pause to avoid his gazes, but something within you pulls your attention back on him. “i wanna cum with you inside me,” you confess, voice barely audible due to embarrassment; all this time, it’s always been hyunjin to say such things, but perhaps, all the strange tension lately has finally gotten the best of you. you hear him mutter a low “fuck” while his pupils shakes for a brief moment before they somehow appear a shade darker. licking his lower lip, hyunjin pulls you by your legs and rests them on his shoulders, and proceeds to align his tip with your entrance, once again teasing your throbbing core.
the moment you whine is the moment hyunjin pushes himself inside ever so gently, but the stretching still has you throwing your head back, while hyunjin letting our airy moans upon your walls clenching around him. none of you can tell how it’s possible for your vagina to remain so tight after all the countless fucking session for the past half year, but hyunjin doesn’t find that troubling. in fact, he lives for that and it shows from the way his eyes roll to the back of his head as he begins thrusting in and out of you—slowly but steady, veiny hands secured on your hips, vision goes back and forth from your half-lidded eyes to your parted lips.
hyunjin leans down to kiss you for a couple of seconds, and when he lets go, he quickens his pace—leaning down once more so his length can go deeper in you, hitting your g-spot. at that very moment, you mentally praise yourself for placing the bedroom mirror right across the bed. it presents you with the magnificent view of hyunjin’s rounded, firm ass bouncing rhythmically whenever he snaps his hips, and placing your hands around them, squeezing them, nearly makes you drool over the sight. with hyunjin constant thrusts, the familiar knot in your abdomen starts to bubble up.
“oh my god,” the two of you whimper in unison as hyunjin begins to lose his tempo, moves also grow sloppy, but never once misses your spot.
“y/n, i— ah— i’m so close. fuck,” he breathes out, sweat forming on his forehead, wetting his baby hair down to his neck and chest, and you can only drool helplessly at the sight.
“me too. please cum inside me, cum with me, hyunjin, please, please,” you beg, voice a pitch higher, almost sounds like you strain your throat, and it stays the same. when you feel hyunjin twitch inside you, your hands automatically reach for the bed sheet again, but it only lasts for a second before they’re being taken by hyunjin’s own hands—he has never done this. while intertwining your fingers, his cock twitches again and his eyes roll to the back of his head, jaw falls open as he calls out your name—you naturally do the same, fingers pressing flat against his white knuckles
“cum, baby,” he cuts you off, averting his hazy eyes on you, and that’s all it takes for you to break—your orgasm washes over you like waves and you cum undone around hyunjin, shaking and mewling altogether while feel the wet coldness around your inner thigh. hyunjin follows right after, shooting his hot cement inside of you; the man can no longer keep his eyes open as he buries his face on the crook of your neck, his choked moans bring music right to your ear all a while his hot breaths bring goosebumps to your unrecovered body.
after riding out your highs, none of you move. hyunjin stays on top of you, his chest rises and falls according to your hard breathing. somehow, it’s calming you down, but it shouldn’t.
“hyunjin, you’re heavy.”
“oh, sorry,” he chuckles and even without looking, you can tell his eyes are smiling too. with his remaining strength, hyunjin pushes himself up and rests on your thighs to pull his dick out of you, momentarily admiring the mixture of his juice and yours dripping down your cunt before fixing his eyes on you to study your face—also something he has never done before. 
“i’m sorry,” he mutters a few moments later, eyes now on you.
tilting your head, you sit up, resting your upper body with your hands on the bed. “all of a sudden? i came? you always make me feel good.”
“that’s what i’m sorry about. i— i didn’t mean to— i mean, i—”
you reach out to him, gently patting his thigh. “hyunjin, calm down. this isn’t like you,” you whisper the last sentence, knowing that perhaps, now’s the time to talk things out, to stop whatever is going on, and go back to how things are used to be, maybe? your heart’s just been restless for too long and apparently, hyunjin seems to be in a similar situation too.
“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to keep using you like this. i genuinely meant what i said. i only wanted to take you home, but we ended up here and—”
“isn’t that what fwb do?” you pull your hand off his thigh, and a frown painted across his face as if he’s questioning your question. “that’s what we agreed on. we have our fwb rules, remember?”
“one, be very casual. two, no strings attached. three, no fucks given outside of the, well, literal fucking,” says hyunjin, proving he has memorized every words to the back of his mind.
nodding, you carefully bring back your hand to his thigh, repeating the same movement you did before. “exactly. so you don’t have to be sorry. don’t worry, i’m not feeling used at all.” you end it with a smile.
hyunjin mirrors you, he smiles too; his eyes fall to where your hand is. “but what if i’m breaking them? the rules,” asks the boy whose cold hand is now on top of your warm one. “what if i like you?” his eyes find their way back to you, and that’s when you know. the difference between your temperatures; the difference between your smile and his—the sadness that lies within.
that’s when you understand. everything finally makes sense; every one of hyunjin’s unusual acts. the constant texts and calls, the undressing, the pet names, the facial expression, the hand holding.
what happened to the rules? feelings. that’s what happened. to hyunjin, it’s his feelings over the rules.
but you, what about you? the butterflies, the irregular increasing heartbeats, the flushing cheeks, the overthinking, the disappointment at some point.
“y/n,” hyunjin calls out and you don’t get to get back to him because he’s already an inch away from you, momentarily eyeing your lips before he closes the distance. once again, his blonde hair falls down, brushing against his cheek before meeting yours and it tickles you, but not in the same way as how his kiss tickles your heart; giddy.
what happened to the rules? unwanted feelings. that’s what happened. to you, it’s the unwanted feelings against the rules. and for now, the unwanted feelings are too strong for you to push him away, so you pull him close instead. for now.
gen’s masterlist
repeating this!! special note: HUGE THANK YOU for my awesome bestie for the banner 🥺💞💞 ily, bish!! thank you for being my beta reader too 😽😽😽
697 notes · View notes
huenjin · 11 months ago
the study of relationships.
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summary — college team's volleyball captain and your roommate-cum-best friend, hwang hyunjin argues with you over guys being better than girls in relationships to help you out of one. or in which hyunjin is in love with you for years now and he finally decides that maybe he doesn't want that best friend tag anymore.
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pairing — hwang hyunjin x reader, ft. minho
genre — fluff, angst | volleyball!au, f2l!au, roommates!au
rating — nc-17
word count — 15k words
note — kinda excited to post this very long plotted fic on here because first long fic for skz !!! this fic is brought to you by hq, hyunjin's long blond hair and b me mv that we never got. please please do send me constructive criticism so that i can improve on my writing for this community. happy reading!
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
Your best friend, Hwang Hyunjin yells at the top of his voice, pitch lower in precision as you open the door and slam it shut forcefully, the sound loud enough to bounce to him clearly. Your feet storm hard against the wooden flooring of your apartment, sound bouncing off from that again and Hyunjin pauses his video game to look at you.
It's a familiar sight. Hyunjin sighs.
"Hey," he tries catching your attention but he fails. You storm into your room, hair flailing behind you in your anger, eyes blurry with the angst you feel that wraps slowly around your heart. You walk into the room and slam the door shut, so loud that a chip of wood breaks from the top of the door and falls down.
"Jesus Christ! Y/N—" Hyunjin yells to no one in particular. However, he drops his controller to the side of the couch and jumps to his feet only after pausing his game. He takes big strides to your room and in high contrast to his rash movements, his knocking on your door is very gentle.
"Can I come in?" He asks, scratching the door absentmindedly. He presses his ear and head against the door to hear a response but all he hears are your soft cries and it makes him sad.
"Go away, Hyunjin!"
"Y/N, let me in," he stresses, his leg kicking the air slightly, dangling before that. "I—"
"You're going to make fun of me."
"Will not." Hyunjin knows where this stems from and he won't deny. However, at this minute, he just wants to be there for you. Teasing could wait for an hour or so after you've calmed down. "So please?"
You hum and Hyunjin waits for a sign of protest. When he hears none, he takes it as an approval to open the door and the sight before him hurts him ever so slightly.
You are wrapped in a cocoon of your white blanket and your head is buried in the sheets outside, not ready to look up at your best friend. He frowns as he walks towards you, letting himself to sit by your side. He stretches his arm out and stops when you declare,
"I'm a world class dumpee."
"You are," he shrugs, voice tainted with a slight tease and you look up at him, glaring with your red, puffy eyes. You try shoving him but the cocoon you are wrapped in slightly falls forward too in impact. Hyunjin laughs and stretches both his arms forward to prevent you from falling forwards.
You pout, mumbling with a voice that is strained and is your proof of the urge to cry, "You promised you wouldn't."
"I'm your best friend," he shrugs and pushes your body wrapped in the thick blankets backwards, your head hitting against the pillow. A soft whine leaves your lips, followed by an oomph. "You knew I was going to tease you at the very first opportunity."
And then Hyunjin pounces on you, tickling your sides over the covers and your tickle sensitive being rushes in sensation as you laugh your heart out, chest heavy and mind focussing only on your best friend that you forget about the boy who broke up with you an hour back.
"Stop," you laugh. "Hyunjin," you whine. "Stop, you idiot," you laugh again. "I'm going to kill you—"
Hyunjin's laughter fills the air along with yours. In your perspective through your watery eyes, you see a boy with no worries and all smiles and you want to be like that. You desperately want to be like that. You push your wrapped body upwards to shove Hyunjin to the side and it works. He laughs, slowly receding with yours and he lets out a loud relieved sigh as he looks at your face with less creases and tears that now fall due to laughter.
"Hey," Hyunjin says and you turn your head to face him. His face is rigid, the childish gleam that he had just a while back long gone.
He sits up, running a hand through his hair and folding his arms soon after. "The guy was a jerk," he tells, helping you up. His hand finds the end of the blanket and unwraps it slowly from your being. "He was a mighty jerk, okay?"
"He is your teammate, Lee Minho," you stare, dead into his eyes and he shrugs.
"I know," he sighs before shrugging, giving you a nonchalant look. "What was it this time? Let me guess, he broke up with you for no reason again."
You hit the blankets that cover your thigh hard and send imaginary daggers in Hyunjin's way, "Yeah! I just don't understand why he'd break up with me."
"Uh, possibly because—"
"Is it because I'm on like close friend terms with everyone in the college volleyball team? I mean, Lee Minho always said dating—"
"Dating you would be hard, Y/N," Hyunjin continues, mocking your ex-boyfriend's voice. "You hang out with so many guys and all your best friends are dudes that it makes me jealous," Hyunjin pauses, placing his hands flat on the bed from behind as he leans back. "Ah, Lee Minho, that bastard. He always did say that to you."
You look down, fidgeting with your fingers and you roar out in anger. Hyunjin looks at you amused until you say, "Why can't guys be more like girls?"
"Excuse me?"
Hyunjin's eyebrow is raised and he laughs mockingly. He lifts his arms from behind, stretches his back before sitting up straight. He kicks his legs and raises it upwards to sit cross legged, looking straight at you and laughs again. "You are totally kidding me, right?"
"No, I'm not, Hyunjin," your eyebrows furrow. "The reason behind most, if not all, break-ups is the guy."
Hyunjin agrees with you deep down. Okay, maybe not completely but at least a ninety percent and that's a good one. However, he knows how competitive you are and if there's something that can get your head out of this post break up blues, it's this.
A competition. And so just to entice you a little, he sneers, "If anything, girls should be more like guys."
"Bitch, no," you laugh, head falling back at the sheer stupidity that rolls out from your best friend's mouth. "Men are so conceited that they had to make a whole word for treating women equal."
"Not all men simp. Plus, it's an AAVE and that people should not use it. In my defense, I've treated you like a guy my whole life," he shrugs. Lies. Lies. Lies he spews out endlessly because at one point, without him even knowing, things did change and he's seen you as a woman; as a woman he now has feelings for.
Hyunjin, to prove his point, hits you on his back like you've seen him do with all his teammates and your torso bends forward from your hips on impact. "See!" He stretches his arms, tattoos on display in the loose half sleeved black top he wears and you wince, stretching your hand back to rub only for Hyunjin to stop laughing quickly and rub your back, mumbling, "Sorry."
"Hyunjin," you shrug, mumbling, trying to guide your best friend. "Don't ever use the not all men tag, please."
He slaps a hand over his mouth, realising his error, again apologising and you stretch your hand forward quickly to protest, "No, no," you tell, "You don't have to apologise. I just hope you know how it sounds."
"I do," he falls back, lying down against your mattress. "I do and I hate that I accidentally said it."
You follow suit, and fall on the bed, hair splaying around, some falling on Hyunjin's face. He groans, moving the hair away and whining, "It got into my mouth, ew." You laugh.
Hyunjin speaks out, staring at the ceiling, "Whose fault is it that a relationship goes astray?"
"Still going to say the men," you look at the same spot he stares at. "They're—"
"It's a war."
"See!" You exclaim. "This is the issue with men. They cut us off all the time."
Hyunjin laughs, hand stretching out to hold your wrist to soothe you down and mumbling another apology, he continues, "This is a battle, Y/N; a battle that's aged long and has never come to a conclusion. The battle—"
"Get to the point."
"Look who cut me off now."
"Anyhow," he continues. "The battle between men and women."
"You definitely sounded like a prepubescent boy there," you look at Hyunjin. His skin is so clear, you notice, making a mental note to steal his skin care products later. He turns a second later to face you and he nods, "Don't care. Definitely going to win this."
"You wish," you let out a condescending laugh. "I'm going to beat your ass, Hyunjin."
"Kinky," he smiles that stupid, toothy grin of his, "I likey."
"You gross pubescent boy," you shove at his arms only for him to quickly hold your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours in the midst of the squabble. You let him, still laughing lightly, lungs light and mind free from all the sad thoughts.
"I see that I've got an upgrade."
"You did."
You're about to thank Hyunjin for this small gesture that probably seems to be nothing when his phone rings from the other room. The scary unexpected track to Tokyo Ghoul's opening – Unravel – that you can't help but accept that you've grown to like, plays.
He lets go of your hand and jolts upwards, jumping off the bed. A small whine leaves your lips unexpectedly and Hyunjin smiles at that. He pulls up the blankets over your body that he shifted, mumbling, "You should sleep early. You had a tough day."
"No," you whine yet again, "Let's talk more—" His phone rings louder, the scream part of the ringtone jolting you up and your hand falls on your chest in shock. "Hate when your phone does."
"And yet you sing along to it," he sings, humming the tune.
"Pfft," you scoff, holding onto the blanket, scrunching it in your grip. "Go. It's probably about the practise match against Yonsei University."
He hums in agreement, folding the blanket again carefully, right below your neck, his cold hands brushing against your clavicle and the temperature difference runs a shiver down your spine.
Hyunjin switches off the light as he walks out, gently closing the door shut and you watch your best friend throwing a small smile at you before leaving. Did you really deserve all this care? Perhaps not.
Hyunjin, on the other hand, dashes out to get the phone before the caller cuts the call in frustration. He's definitely not spending the money to call back whoever it is. That shit is expensive. He jumps a couple of steps and grabs his phone, accepting the call before looking at the name of the caller.
"Hyunjin…" It's Lee Minho. "Can you come over?"
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"I really want to throw a punch at you, you bastard."
And Hyunjin does. Virtually, of course. Over the game they are playing. He couldn't afford to injure a fellow teammate when the preliminaries are right around the corner.
"Bro," Minho sighs. "Can you go easy on me?"
His game character hits Minho's again, the energy bar of the other drastically going down on the screen. Hyunjin can't stop. The frustration that he has pent up over the last hour after seeing you cry and crumble over being dumped by his other friend drives him to the edge and he delivers another punch. Minho's character dramatically collapses as soon as the energy bar is empty and he drops the console by his side, pressing his back against the sofa, arms wrapped against his chest, pouting.
"Go on," Hyunjin glares at him. "You better have a good explanation."
Minho runs a hand through his hair and sitting up straight, turning his torso to face Hyunjin, he tells, "I don't."
"You're lucky that we have a match soon, else you'd be six feet underground," Hyunjin sighs, throwing his hands over his head and folding it behind. "I can't believe you did that to Y/N."
"I fell out of love with her," Minho says. He doesn't dare to look at Hyunjin because he fears if the glares would actually result in him six feet underground. "Can't that be the only reason?"
Hyunjin chuckles, moreso at himself than at his friend, mumbling under his breath so low that Minho thinks it's just him humming, "Is it possible to fall out of love with her?"
He wishes Lee Minho could tell him how.
Hyunjin stands up, patting his denim jeans and looking at Minho, he warns, eyebrows furrowing, "I'll help her out with this. Just don't be a jerk and start dating in like two days."
"I—" Hyunjin glares at him. "Fine."
"Practice at seven," he adds and grabs the key of his motorcycle from the table before him. "Don't be late and act normal around Y/N."
"Fine, sir," Minho rolls his eyes. He won't admit it ever but the man warning him could be the reason for his breakup. That and his insecurity and fear of you cheating on him. But it's mostly Hwang Hyunjin. He knows how he feels even if you didn't.
Hyunjin walks out of Minho's house, closing the door on his way out and getting on his motorcycle, he rides back home to you. Just as he had promised you.
He opens the door to your room as soon as he enters his house, removing his shoes and placing it to the side, only to find his ears listening to the soft snores that let free from your lips. Carefully he walks towards you, his thumb and forefinger holding your chin lightly and tilting your head upwards to help you breathe properly.
He pauses for a minute just to watch you. Your eyebrows that you dislike so much just because according to you, it's not thick enough. He loves it however, even though you would never listen to him. Your eyelashes cast a gentle shadow on your high cheekbones and he gasps because you're so beautiful. You're so near to him and yet so far.
He bends forward, pushes your fringes to the side and places a soft kiss against your forehead, mumbling the words he wishes he could tell you straight up. Even if he did, you'd probably laugh and scoff at him.
"Beautiful girl," his lips graze the skin by your forehead, "You are a fighter. You have always been a fighter. You are stronger than you think. You are braver than you believe. Every challenge that life has thrown at you, you've conquered every obstacle that has been placed in front of you. You've overcome every single one of them. You are unstoppable and unbreakable and right now, you are filled with more faith than you have ever been."
Hyunjin pulls away, softly caressing the hair by the side of your face, "So please believe in yourself. You're worth so much love. So much of it, Y/N."
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"The jerseys came!"
Bang Chan screams, a huge grin on his face as he opens the door for you. He runs to Felix and holds onto his shoulders before jumping up and down in joy. He is so delighted. "It looks so good, dude."
Hyunjin smiles, running towards you and helping you with the cardboard box. "It's alright," you mumble. "I'm the manager. It's my job."
"Pfft," he scoffs. "And I'm your best friend. It's my job." He picks the huge box that covers your entire upper half, easily and places it down before the coach and the team.
Jisung rushes to your side, nudging you with his elbow, "We've got a pretty good manager." He bends down and rips open the box, taking his jersey in his hand, "Number 13, bitches. Nothing shows what an amazing libero I am like the number most feared." You laugh.
"Number 10 isn't that bad, I guess." You hear Minho's voice break through the cluster of voices and your movements still. You turn your head to look at the brown haired boy who towers over you, wearing a smile so pretty that your heart still skips a beat.
"Hey, Y/N," he smiles. "Thanks for bringing this over."
"Uh," you fidget with your fingers, averting your gaze everywhere else besides at Minho. "I guess. It's my job, yeah."
Hyunjin notices. He always does. The boy runs towards you with his jersey. Number 1 printed in big behind. The setter brings the jersey so close to your face that it's buried in the fresh opened shirt. "Number 1, of course," he laughs, scrunching the shirt in his hand as he raises both his arms above.
"Oh, shut up, Jinnie," you laugh.
"Yeah, shut up, Jinnie," Jisung echoes. The middle blocker, though not the tallest in stature, is excellent at his position and has the biggest love-hate relationship with your best friend. He folds his arms and mocks Hyunjin.
Hyunjin places his right hand down on Jisung's head, ruffling his hair after pressing down on it. He scolds the older boy, "Don't call me Jinnie. Y/N's the only one who gets to call me that."
"Stop gathering around people," The captain claps his hands together to gather all of your attention. You quickly rush to his side and he smiles at you warmly, before looking at his team and glaring at each of them as they gather around him. "Yonsei University was kind enough to arrange a practice match with us thanks to—"
"Y/N," Jisung shouts, pivoting his arms by their sockets before lifting them both high above his head, cheering for you.
"Don't cut me off, Han," the coach shoots daggers at him, frowning visibly at the disobedience. "One more time and you're running around the gymnasium twenty times."
Jisung groans, only after winking at you. You chuckle under your breath, covering your face with the notepad in your hand. Hyunjin rolls his eyes, nudging Jisung to 'keep it in his pants' in the scariest voice ever. You could feel the dark clouds around Hyunjin, the aura darkening for a split minute before he breaks out into a huge smile as he looks at you.
The coach instructs out commands; strategies to help the team win against Yonsei. Moves that he's studied after watching their matches. You know this because you watched Hyunjin do the same at home. He does it at odd timings though.
You would wake up at three in the morning to grab a glass of water and you'd find your best friend squatting in front of the television as he watches every single one of Yonsei's matches. He wouldn't listen to you telling him to go to sleep because, "Being the captain is hard, Y/N. The whole team's banking on me to set the ball perfectly at the right time. I can't..."
And you understand. You understand the worries that go around in his head, the anxiety of being the best because he's no genius. He got to the top, made a name for him all thanks to his hard work and if he needs to keep it — he won't have it any other way — he swears to god that he would practise and study till he drops dead. Hwang Hyunjin loves volleyball that much.
So, you do what any friend would do.
You would make two cups of coffee, one for him and one for yourself. You sit next to him and watch the match with him. Your head lays back against the soft material of the sofa, just watching Hyunjin's eyes fixed on the screen, studying each movement of every player, gasping occasionally at how the setter of Yonsei's team leans his head back to decoy the opposite team only to dump the ball.
You don't remember much from that night because you fall asleep way too quick in the silence and in the presence of a focussed Hyunjin, your cup of coffee half empty. You don't remember anything from that night besides the fact that you woke up in your bed the next morning, or more like, Hyunjin waking you up the next morning because you overslept. Either ways, you were back in your bed and for that, you were grateful.
And as soon as the coach is done with the instructions, the team members scramble before splitting themselves into two groups, first to do serves and then perfect shots and finally, have a practice match.
You sit next to the coach, watching each and every member. That's what the previous manager told you to do. To observe. That's what the manager must do. To observe so well that you know each member well enough to know how their mind works, how their personalities are and who they truly want to be.
This is exactly why you can't seem to ever hate Lee Minho. Because you've seen him on the court, at his very best.
He's the best darn middle blocker you've ever seen. He doesn't tower that much over people with his height but when he jumps, lifting off his feet, he is as good as a wall cemented and strong before the opponent. He has only got better with every practice match and you realise that he wants to be better. And that's how he truly is. The constant urge to do better than the person he was before and perhaps, to Minho, you are someone he wants to leave behind in the past.
There's no one to blame here and you realise that it's a lot better if you accept the truth before it hurts you more than it should.
But then, in a second, Hyunjin takes your attention away whole heartedly. The boy arches his body so beautifully as he sets the ball for Jisung who slams the ball over the net with such force that leaves you gaping, notebook slamming your thigh. The coach stands up, his heels slamming the ground first before his toes do and he is as stunned as you are, eyes wide.
Funnily, Jisung's surprised too.
"We did it!" He says slowly, his words gradually making sense to him and when it does, he rushes to him, holding his shoulders and jumping ecstatically, "Hwang Hyunjin, we fucking did it!"
"When did you guys practice that?" The coach cuts the commotion short with his question. Hyunjin turns to face him along with Jisung, scratching the back of his head. Jisung is so overjoyed that he rushes to the coach, "Today morning! It sounded delusional but we pulled it off, coach."
You look at Hyunjin, who turns his attention back to you as soon as the coach is scrambling off to tell more instructions to Jisung on how he should time it a little bit earlier to hit it with even more impact. You smile, giving him a thumbs up and Hyunjin laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Are you guys finally dating now that Minho's out of the picture?" Chan nudges Hyunjin. The man stumbles a step forward on impact only to quickly look at the older with eyes so wide that he wonders if it were possible.
"What?" He splutters the words out, voice haphazard after the cough.
"Everyone in the team thinks you guys should," Chan shrugs and Hyunjin's face morphs into that of seriousness almost instantly and shoots the other male with, "Did Minho hear of this?"
"Perhaps," Chan catches the ball Felix throws at him. The coach claps his hands to bring the attention back to him, barking out orders to resume the game. Chan pats Hyunjin's shoulders, "You know what we always tell, Hyunjin, in this sport—"
"Take the shot when you see the opportunity."
"Or someone's going to block again," Chan sniggers and looks at Minho, who was trying his very best to avoid your gaze, "This time round, it could be someone better than our middle blocker."
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You're picking up the volleyballs lying around when the guys go to shower and change, dribbling them slightly and smiling to yourself. A figure towers over you as they drop a ball into the huge bucket. You turn around to look up at Minho.
"Can we speak?"
"Do we have more to say?"
"I guess," he shrugs.
"We can still be friends, Minho," you sigh, eyes closed. "I also won't be those annoying types to tell Hyunjin to stay away from you because you broke up with me. You should know better."
"I didn't mean that," Minho looks offended. "I wanted to apologise. I should have tried harder perhaps."
"You should have."
"I know," Minho sucks in his lower lip. "I really should have but you know—"
"Lee Minho," your voice is firm. "I've told you a gazillion times that Hyunjin and I are just friends, Minho. Somehow you made up this sort of weird thing in your head so don't drag me into this mess. This is yours."
Minho scoffs, "You're going to eat your words soon," and picks up another ball. You remember the task you had forgotten in the heat of the moment, rushing to pick up a ball to put it back. The rest of the team is slowly making their way outside.
"I doubt," you sigh, throwing the last ball into the bucket and dusting your hands together. Jisung's darting towards you, hands in the air. Minho moves to the side, gliding against the floor, making way for the shorter man to reach you, bubbling with such enthusiasm you wonder what the cause of it is.
"Felix is treating us!"
Ah, so that's the reason. You smile at Jisung, nodding your approval. You push the bucket to the side of the gymnasium with Minho's help and switch the lights off as the team exits the gymnasium.
"Lee Minho!" You hear a feminine voice through the air, your eyebrows quirking upwards automatically. Hyunjin walks to your side, sighing as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his sports jacket, mumbling so softly that you barely catch it, "I warned that asshole, God damn him."
Minho's face lights up in a way you haven't seen in a while and your heart is heavy. The woman, Irene — you hear Chan shout her name and wave at her — locks her arm with Minho's and walks with him, the man doing nothing to push her away. It shouldn't affect you. Not anymore now that the two of you have broken up and yet it hurts.
Hyunjin quickly pulls you away, preventing your eyes from lingering further even a minute more. His hand holds yours and he drags you to his motorcycle. You look down, biting the insides of your cheeks, alternating between the right and left every time you taste the copper of the blood.
"Your hand is so small," Hyunjin says. "Like look at how it fits into mine," he laughs, lifting your hand upwards as he clasps it tightly. He mumbles, "So small."
You break into a smile, watching Hyunjin tease you, momentarily drifting from the thought that upsets you and it leaves you wondering how Hyunjin does it all the time. He lets go of your hand, ruffling your hair as he bends lightly, "You've got this."
He quickly turns on the heels of his feet, pulling out the keys to his bike and igniting it. You hear Jisung scream from behind, "I thought you were taking me with you!"
Hyunjin screams back, "Carpool with the rest. I'm taking Y/N."
He lifts his leg, straddling the bike as he holds onto the handles, kicking the support free. He turns towards you and tells you to hop on and you do as he says. Your fingers hold his jacket, making sure you're not hugging him from behind. Minho's words run in your head and Hyunjin notices this small gesture of yours but he pays no heed. After all, it's been a while since he realised that what he has with you is better when it's platonic. He is too afraid to lose you.
"Jinnie," you tell him as he starts the motorbike, accelerating behind Jin who leads the way. You hear your best friend scream, "Yeah," through the loud winds that hit you.
You lean forward and speak closer into his ears, your jaw hitting his helmet, "Remember how I said the guys are to be blamed in a relationship."
"Yeah," he hints at you to proceed.
"Here's my first point. Minho back there," you point out. "It was that easy for a guy to move on. That easy," you stress your word. "While I'm here repenting if there was any way to get things back to where it was. However, there's no use in me trying because there's Minho with Irene like our relationship was a thing in the past."
"That doesn't mean he didn't care about you during the relationship. That's how guys are. They give it their everything when they're in the relationship," Hyunjin reasons and you laugh sardonically.
"You're kidding me, right? The girl definitely cares more. It almost seems so easy for the guys to break up and move on. Remember the time when you broke up with Lisa," you speak, raising your tone a little more so that Hyunjin can hear you. The motorcycle moving against the wind causes your hair to touch your mouth and you're spitting hair out facing the side. Hyunjin laughs, his grip on the accelerator tightening as he speeds up just a little bit, causing you to hold onto his jacket pockets a little tighter.
"Bro," Hyunjin mutters when you bring up Lisa. "I cried enough when she broke up with me, okay?"
"You did, for a day or two," you state. "The girl cried her heart out for a whole week. You went partying that Friday with Jisung!"
"Are we now using quantitative measurements to determine how deep our care and love is?" Hyunjin gasps, sounding very offended. "This reminds me why most relationships don't work. Because girls are shallow as fuck."
Hyunjin accelerates, missing sight of the speed breaker in front of him. It hurls you onto his chest, your arms wrapping around his waist to keep you safe. A soft scream leaves your lips as the side of your face buries into his broad back.
"Sorry," Hyunjin apologises quickly. "Didn't see that!" Hyunjin prays that you don't move your arms away but you do and he sighs, face falling. He is glad that you can't see him. Your hand is back to gripping his jacket and head back in this battle of words you're currently having with your best friend.
"It's okay," you tell him. "What's not okay is how you think women are shallow."
"They are!" He takes a turn to the left. Your thigh muscles tighten as it straddles the seat, fingers digging into his side for support. "I mean, let's be real, sweetheart. You take an hour or more to get ready for college."
"Because I want to look presentable!" You hit his broad back and he chuckles.
"Lies! You're shallow!"
"Says the person who walks around shirtless at home and stares at the mirror, lightly touching your abs and saying perfect," you tease and Hyunjin turns to look at you for a minute with his eyes wide before he turns his attention back on the road.
"You saw that?"
"Of course. I see that every day."
"But you're watching the television, how?"
"Reflections," you state.
He's gasping. The motorcycle slows down as it reaches Pizza Alvolo. The pizzeria is adjacent to a pretty park and you can hear the birds chirp lowly right before the sun is ready to set. You jump off the motorcycle, dusting the denims covering your thighs and Hyunjin removes his helmet, hooking it to the handle securely.
The rest of the team are seated in the pizzeria already waiting for the two of you, waving at you as soon as you enter the place. You rush and sit next to Jisung who has been aggravatingly patting the seat next to him. Hyunjin sits opposite to you, next to Chan. He snatches the menu from him and the elder male whines at the behaviour.
You look around and notice that Minho hasn't reached the place yet. Not that it mattered to you. You will slowly learn to stop caring so much for a man and you will soon be able to look at him and think of only the fond memories and nothing more.
Or so you thought.
The minute you see Minho walk into the pizzeria, although not with Irene, you feel the ground slip underneath you. Jisung is nice enough — albeit not knowing of the whole pickle you are in — to hold your wrist and turn your attention towards the stack of pizza boxes that come your way as he gleams, "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!"
You look away from Minho and toward the direction Jisung points before turning to look at Hyunjin who lets out a loud sigh. You know that he's clutching at his thick thighs, nails digging into it at the sight of your uncomfortability. Hyunjin knows it will take you days to get over this break up, maybe weeks and that as a good best friend, he should wait. He should understand.
But it frustrates him so much. The sight of you being in pain, in hurt because of another man — his other best friend at that — pisses him off way more than he thought it should at first.
Hyunjin quickly takes his phone out and you narrow your eyes at him, mouthing, "Rude. Put it back into your pocket." In a second, your phone dings and you take yours out. Minho sits by Jisung's side in that second, a seat away from you and your heartbeat accelerates. You unlock your phone to see a message from Hyunjin and you lift up your head, raising an eyebrow at him and he eyes at you to open the message.
Jinnie: do you want to leave?
Your eyes widen and your lips part slightly. You don't respond immediately, locking the phone and shoving it back into your pocket. You smile at Hyunjin, trying to signal that you were alright so far. Jisung opens the cardboard boxes of the pizza and squeals. Chan looks at the situation, analysing if it'd be bad for the team on a bigger approach. Hyunjin might be the captain but had it not been for Chan's guidance, the volleyball team would not have lasted a day more with the differences.
Felix announces, "Eat to your heart's merry! I might never treat again." He takes the first bite for courtesy's sake before telling everyone to join in.
The team laughs and Minho smiles, the skin by his eyes wrinkling and your heart stops to remember all the reasons you were so madly in love with this man. It is at this minute you realise it'll take you maybe a little longer than you thought, a little longer than a casual fling and a little lesser than a long term relationship. You should have known this is bound to happen the minute you allowed yourself to let your petty emotions take over.
And maybe, just maybe, it is the fact that you have to pretend to be alright with having Minho around you that makes this heartbreak pain ten times worse.
Surprisingly, Hyunjin already seems to know because he doesn't stop glancing at you after every bite of the slice he has in his hand.
You stretch your arm out to take a slice of the pepperoni pizza on the table at the same time Minho stretches his arms out to take one. Your fingers brush against his and you jolt your hand backwards, mumbling, "Sorry."
Jisung laughs without knowing and teases, "Why would you apologise for brushing your boyfriend's hand?" He takes a bite of his pizza and as soon as he finishes chewing, he continues, "I mean, you guys do nastier stuff and suddenly, you all are prim and proper, Y/N. Love the contrast you exhibit. It's beautiful. You guys could be at it every time I catch you in the gymnasium alone. Also, you're his longest relationship. You should pride yourself—"
Jisung is speaking and you won't look up. Hyunjin has dropped the knife slightly just to try and get him to stop, though in vain and Minho's looking at you. His eyes won't leave your frame and you just want to leave. It is too early for you to be alright with this. Way too early.
"Stop, Jisung," Chan tells him, reading the situation in the room.
"Why?" Jisung's laughing. Felix understands by now, seeing your face hung down and so does the rest of the team besides the man himself. You can't even come to be angry at Jisung because he seems so innocent, unaware of it all.
You spill the beans for your own heart's safety, "Minho broke up with me."
Minho doesn't shift his eyes at anyone else and Hyunjin holds the knife again, a little too tight this time. Jisung's smile turns instantly into a frown and he turns his head to glare at your now ex-boyfriend.
He doesn't bother to filter his words. "Why the fuck did you do that, you arsehole?" Minho turns to look at Jisung for a split second before his eyes are back at yours. You lift your head to lock gaze with him and you feel your chest tighten, eyes water and it hurts.
Everything seems so much more painful.
Chan says once again, his voice firm, ready to not listen to one more word of the conversation, "Stop it, Jisung. Read the room."
You stretch your arm out to have another bite of the pizza and everyone eats in silence. The room is pregnant with the most awkward silence you had been in your whole life. You take your phone out, unlocking it and finally replying to the message.
Jisung puts another slice of pizza onto your plate and you smile at him. Felix tries breaking the uneasy tension by talking about this dude he met in his neighborhood that was kind of cute. After sitting for another two minutes, you push your chair back to Jisung's surprise and stand up. Hyunjin stands up instinctively, his calves pushing his chair back and everyone at the table looks at the two of you.
Jinnie: do you want to leave?
"I just realised I have to do some grocery shopping," you laugh nervously. "There's absolutely nothing back at home. Not that Hyunjin would buy anything and keep, right?"
Hyunjin chuckles and everyone in the room knows quite obviously that you are trying to escape the scene. They are kind enough to let you. Felix asks, spilling the oregano seasonings on top of his pizza slice, "Is Hyunjin going with you?"
"No," you cut your best friend before he can give his approval. "I'll go alone." You stretch your arm out, palm facing upwards, "Keys, please?"
"Don't hurt my baby," Hyunjin's sincerity is voiced and you laugh genuinely. Little did you know he meant both you and his motorbike. He drops the key to his motorbike onto your hand and you do a little cheer. Jisung mumbles, "Cute," before stuffing his face with pizzas.
"Have a good time, guys," you wish them and grab your bag, hanging on the chair. Jisung waves enthusiastically. Felix, Chan and the rest of the team waves too. You smile fondly at your team and walk towards the door only to find Hyunjin following you.
"What do you think you are doing right now, mister?"
"Can't I walk you out at the very least, woman?" Hyunjin gapes in dismay. He pulls open the glass door and you laugh.
"Sure thing," you say and walk towards his motorbike. Hyunjin leaves the door after stepping out, the glass door swinging back to shut itself. You swing your legs over his bike, straddling the automobile and dropping your chest slightly to balance the heavy vehicle.
"You sure you'll be alright?"
"Don't you trust your teaching? You taught me how to ride this thing. Don't worry."
You look over Hyunjin's shoulder to see Minho still looking at you, worry smeared all over his face and you feel your throat constricting again as you do your best to tear your eyes away from him.
Hyunjin takes a step closer, making sure everything's alright with the vehicle so that it doesn't endanger you. He places his hand over your wrist and you look at him in confusion, "Promise me you'll take care of yourself."
"I will," you laugh. "What are you? My daddy?"
Hyunjin stiffens for a minute before he lets go of all the inappropriate thoughts that fill him for a minute there before teasing you, "Do you want me to be your daddy?"
"Nah," you throw your head back. "You aren't that rich enough." You place the helmet over your head and look at him. Hyunjin taps your helmet and hugs you slightly.
"I'll see you at home."
You start the bike on ignition and look over Hyunjin's shoulder one last time to look at Minho, locking gazes with him before you pull yours away from him towards Hyunjin.
You look ahead, the clear road in front of you and turn the accelerator only after telling Hyunjin, giggling slightly,
"Sure thing, Daddy."
Hyunjin, on the other hand, is too caught up in his worry, eyes lingering behind the trailing presence of yours that finally disappears from his sight into a speck that fades away. In any other circumstances, he would have found your petite figure driving the huge motorcycle and you even calling him daddy, although in a teasing tone, insanely hot.
Right now, however, he just hopes you are safe. He wishes he could be by your side at every second.
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Gaho's Stay Here blasts on the bluetooth speaker. Hyunjin pulls open the door only to find you lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling with the most emotionless face he has ever seen you with. His eyes dart towards the empty bottles of soju on the small table in the hall.
You sit up, looking at your best friend and your lip pucker out quickly pouting at the sight of him and you stretch your arms out wide, squealing, "Hyunjinnie. You are home."
Hyunjin walks towards you, plopping on the couch and sitting next to you. He quickly lifts his arm up, hand darting back and forth at the air to steer the smell away as he frowns at you, "You reek of liquor, dude."
You quickly hug him, wrapping your arms around his frame from the side and snuggling your face into his shoulder. Hyunjin stiffens under your grip and he looks down at your being with eyes closed and he realises that you might after all just be a small being in need of some loving. He wishes to be the person to do that. Hwang Hyunjin utterly and truly wants to be your person.
Hyunjin takes your phone to stop playing the music — Stay Here that's been currently playing on repeat for the twentieth time straight — and you whine against his skin, tickles running down Hyunjin's spine.
"Don't stop the music," you mumble and Hyunjin looks at you and your figure that hugs him securely, head snuggled by his neck, chin digging into the skin by his collarbone and all Hyunjin can focus on is his heart that is beating furiously against his chest.
"Y/N," Hyunjin's voice seems like an anchor to your woozy mind and you hug him tighter, gripping stronger on to his white shirt. You hum in response and Hyunjin continues, "Gaho's music doesn't seem very fitting for the minute."
You pull apart, your face morphing and changing into that of offense as you glare at him, mumbling, "Gaho is the only one that understands me." You play the music again, the bluetooth speakers blasting with the sad slow tune in the air and you feel the want to cry all over again.
You stretch your arm out to take a soju bottle from the table to down it all out when Hyunjin stretches out to stop you, his fingers wrapping around your wrists. He locks his eyes with yours and in the softest, most caring voice you've ever heard from him, he says, "Don't, Y/N. It hurts me too."
"Can I hold you?"
In a split moment, the room is filled with just the soft beats of Gaho's Start Over playing, your raspy breaths and Hyunjin's lost stare. His grip on your wrist tightens and your mind is far too intoxicated to think if this friendship could be ruined. Your heart is heavy, chest tight and you want someone to free you. Anyone. You are clawing at the imaginary wall all by yourself and anyone could be a help. Anyone that is not Lee Minho.
"Yes," and you fall on Hyunjin at the exact same moment he pulls your hand closer towards him. The timing seems to have lapsed on to each other. Your chest on Hyunjin's, eyes looking up at him as your arms snake slowly over his torso. You snuggle forward, rubbing against his body slightly and Hyunjin sighs.
To Hyunjin, the scene is a lot dramatic just because of the soft music playing and because you are drunk off your head according to him, barely able to make decisions. He just doesn't want to do anything that will make either of your friendships but right now, in this minute with you almost on top of him, locking your eyes in his, your arms around his torso, close enough to feel every part of your being, he wants to be drunk too.
Hyunjin wants to be drunk so that he can make a mistake. Hyunjin wants to be so drunk that he can't think just because he is a coward.
"Do you feel better?" He asks and you snuggle into his chest, burying your face into it as you hold him. Your lonely heart being comforted by just his presence and in the back of your drunk head, you know you feel a little bit more that causes your heart to flutter when Hyunjin cares.
You and Hyunjin are both cowards — two small people in this big world with big emotions unwilling to risk one status for another, over the fear of losing each other.
But Hyunjin wants to risk it tonight. After years of pining, he wants to risk this golden friendship he has shared with you for years now. You are the trigger, however. You lift your face away from his chest and crawl slightly towards him, pushing yourself against him. You look at him, lips pressed together and you stretch your right arm upwards to hold his face in your hand.
"Jinnie," your voice lets out his name in such an airy tone that it seems to disappear away even before it reaches his ear. His eyes are glassy and his heart is in his throat, eager in nothing but anticipation that is risen from all his hoping.
It happens as he has imagined. You lean forward so slowly that he pictures every second vividly and in an instant, your lips are on his. Hyunjin knows it should have felt wrong but God, save him — nothing felt more right than this.
You kiss him and his whole world falls away. It lingers, like a memory that stays behind. Your lips are slow and soft against him, comforting yourself and him in ways that words would never be. Hyunjin's hand slowly lifts up to rest below your ear, his thumb caressing your cheek as your breath mingles only for a split second — one filled with hesitance and uncertainty — before you pull away, looking at your best friend.
It is just a second of a kiss. Something so small and insignificant to seemingly anyone else yet it means the whole world to Hyunjin. It is the whole world to Hyunjin because this is all that is needed to let him astray, hinge released of the stupid restrictions he has made up in his head over you.
Your small kiss is all Hyunjin needs to hold on to because in the next minute, he is pulling you towards him, hands cupping your face tightly and angling it to kiss you, encasing your lower lips in his as he moves against your coral ones. You let out a small gasp and run your fingers down his spine, holding him as close as possible until there is no space left between the two of you and you can feel the beating of his heart against your chest. Loud, clear and unknown to you that it beats for you in this minute.
Hyunjin's lips are slammed against yours, nearly knocking all wind from your lungs and you don't know if it is your feelings or Hyunjin himself. He presses his tongue to the seam of your lips and, the minute you let him in, he delves inside your mouth. Hyunjin kisses you like he thinks it is the last time he will ever be able to have his lips against yours.
Your arms move up his back and tangle around his thick, strong neck. In an instant, you pull away and arch up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against your own, before you draw back into his lips. Hyunjin can feel the burn of hard soju in his mouth, thanks to you, and it rolls off your tongue into his, seeping down  his throat and he can't hate it. There is a thrill in its own that Hyunjin knows stems from you.
If it was possible, Hyunjin would slow down time.
You pull back eventually only to hug him, humming against his neck, lips pressed against the soft expanse of his skin. Hyunjin's hand is pressed against your back as he pats you in a steady rhythm, instinctively humming to a tune that could calm you.
"Thank you," and he feels your weight fall on to his shoulder as you snuggle closer into his neck, your warm breath fanning against him, sending shivers down his spine. "For everything."
Hyunjin holds you for a while, silence and nothing but your breathing that is soft music to his ears, till he hears your soft snores buzzing against his eardrums and he knows you have fallen asleep in his arms, against his chest.
The next morning, you find yourself magically in your bed, comforter on top of you covering every inch of you, head aching thanks to your reckless drinking last night with no memory of whatsoever that happened. Lightheaded you should have known better.
Hyunjin chooses to be a coward, the morning after.
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The greens that cover the campus is the only other thing that keeps you sane in this university. The first being, the volleyball team. However, you don't know anymore if it is still, in the present.
You sit on the same bench before a beautiful fountain with a tiger head right in the centre, watching the vast basketball court. A place that holds way more memories to you now than it did a year before.
You shake your legs, feet pointing forward as you listen to music with about half an hour in your hand to waste before you head down towards the gymnasium to meet with the volleyball team. Besides few people that walk down towards their classes, the campus looks pretty stranded as you watch every single person stay happy in their sphere.
"Y/N," you hear your name being called out through yet another one of Gaho's songs and you lift your head up, to look at the person by your side, standing and providing you the shade they probably didn't intend to.
It's the man himself, the one who broke your heart for an explanation that made no sense to you. Lee Minho.
He stands tall, towering over you and your neck aches from looking up at him that you decide to stand up, removing the earbuds and placing it on the wooden bench, next to your phone.
"You're here." You gulp. "Aren't you supposed to be headed to the gym for practice?"
The fountain is everything you associate Minho with — moreover, it is perhaps the relationship with him that you associated the beautiful water fountain with. To see the very same man before you right now is needless to say surprising.
"I could ask you the same thing," Minho chuckles. He takes out a small cone of butterscotch ice cream and extends his arm, offering it to you. You smile softly, thanking him, sitting down back on the bench. "Can I sit here?" He asks and you nod, unwrapping the wrapping paper around the ice cream.
"Yeah," you tap on the seat by your side. You take a bite of your ice cream and Minho visibly flinches, mumbling, "Still the same."
"You broke up with me like two days back. What did you expect? A nirvana attained me?" You scoff. You take another bite of the ice cream, the sensitivity hitting your teeth and you hiss.
"Brutal," Minho chuckles darkly. You scoff, turning your head away and taking another bite of your ice cream. Minho opens his ice cream and you raise an eyebrow at him, mumbling, "You don't eat ice cream though."
"Thought you might want another one," he smiles and the thought of a second ice cream lights you up. "There you go smiling like a dork as always at the thought of it." Minho laughs and you bend forward to take it, your left arm stretching forward. Minho tugs it backwards and your body moves a little more to grab at it until it's too far for you, bringing you to your present position.
Your hand is on Minho's chest, his eyes locked in yours and you are surprised. This is not in your to do list and yet with Minho's grip on your wrist, you drop your ice cream as soon as he edges closer. His face is so close that you can see the perfect plump lips pout slightly, his face glistening in the bright sun and you gasp softly. It has been a while since he has been this close and he still makes your heart go livid within you, beating crazy.
He drops his ice cream in a second, his hands pressing forward to cup your face and pull you into him to kiss the living hell out of you. Your eyes widen, arms falling limp on either side as you stiffen.
"Can I try something?" He hesitates, iron grip on you.
"Try?" You look worried and the next minute, Minho is kissing you, his plump lips on yours for a while before he moves them against yours, taking hold of your lower lip.
It is an instinct. You choose to blame it rather on instincts. Your hand moves to grab the linen draping his arm as you hold it and kiss Minho back. It is as bitter as coffee thanks to all the memories that go along with it and yet — you find yourself drowning. You find yourself wanting more. You find yourself hoping if Minho could stay, if Minho could just pretend to love you, if not.
And it breaks your heart.
All over again.
A lone tear leaves your eyes and then another, till you are crying as you kiss him. A wet messy affair at its finest. Minho pulls back in surprise feeling the wetness against his skin. He cups your face and holds you, looking at you to check for damage — little does he know of the emotional one. Or maybe he does and he chooses to ignore. Typical Lee Minho.
"Did I hurt you?"
Your emotions take over, sanity pushed to the back. You are pulling yourself from Minho as he tries to hold you to calm you down. Your fist plummets down onto his hard chest once and then, for the second time till you are hitting him over and over again till you completely break down in front of him. Minho quickly pulls you into a hug, holding you close till you completely soak his white shirt with your tears.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you—" It's a repeated chant. Over and over again till you don't remember how many times you told Minho the same thing. Your mind goes insane with the overdrive of emotions. Did you like Minho still? You don't know. You don't know whether it's the familiarity of his hugs or his kisses or his whole presence that you crave or if it's his love.
"I'm sorry," he whispers and you accept because it's the first time an apology from Lee Minho sounded this sincere. "I'm sorry for breaking your heart." He snuggles into the crook of your neck, swallowed by guilt. Perhaps this is why one should never date their friends; because you lose something much greater.
"I hate you more now for kissing me here," you manage to say, throat rasp from the crying. "How could you stain this memory too? How dare you stain the memory of the location of our first kiss? It was supposed to be a bittersweet memory when I sit here and think." Minho is still hugging you.
"I'm sorry."
It is still bittersweet in a new way, you realise — the fact that Lee Minho kisses you for the last time, you swear to God, in the very same place he kissed you for the first time. The weather changed, the people around changed and the emotions changed. Even after all that, the fountain stays proud and mighty and bears witness to more new relationships and new heartbreaks. Nothing changes besides you. Nothing changes besides what we want.
You pull away from him. Sitting straight, facing the vast basketball court and the juniors playing the game, you make a decision, firm and determined. The soft pink petals fall down from the cherry blossom trees over the two of you and Minho looks at you, and then at the spilled ice cream. To see the boughs that were so bereft in the snow become so beautifully adorned should lift your spirits infinitely and it does slightly. Their scents diffuse in the warming breeze and you hold your head high to savour it.
"Let's stay away from each other for a while."
Minho's eyes shoot up, head lifting up to face you. He does not refute. After all, he knows he has to take a step behind after breaking your heart. What he does not understand is how the two of you could stay away from each other when your friend circles overlap to a large extent.
"How?" He finally asks. "How do I help you with that?"
"By doing just that. Give me space and time to get over you. I'll come back asking for your hand in friendship again," you smile. Your tear stained visage and the difficult smile you put forth is a funny combination but you manage to pull it off well, you'd say. "You don't have to take the first step this time. Let me do this on my own, Minho."
You stand up on your own, grabbing your earphones and your phone. Minho stands up, following suit and asks, "Are you leaving?"
"Yes," you turn only to look at him as you walk backwards. "And you have to head for practice. So get going. I won't have you mess up your performance by all means." You turn back and move ahead. From everything.
"You know I wouldn't," Minho screams back and the last syllable ends with a laugh. You lift your hand to wave and you leave, far, far away from him.
You now have an open wound to stitch back and you know you have to do it on your own.
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Hyunjin's phone rings right when he decides to serve the ball. He drops the ball in surprise, the sphere rolling all the way to where his phone is placed. Chan groans, stopping his pace at the sound of the phone ringing, and yells, "Yah! Hyunjin, how many times should I tell you to switch off your phone?"
Felix walks in exactly at that minute, laughing, "Anyone from outside would totally think Chan's the captain!"
Hyunjin runs to his phone, his blond hair strands falling forward, ponytail swinging left and right. Felix laughs at the sight, walking towards the ball and picking it up before throwing it at Chan who catches it swiftly. Hyunjin sees your name on the phone, eyes lighting up instantly and a smile prominent only for Chan to announce, "It's Y/N."
"Of course, it is," Felix scoffs. "Where's the rest of the guys? I thought you said we were to come early—" Felix pauses, eyes widening and gasping, "Hold up! Y/N is late. Whoa!"
"They are probably running towards the gym right now," Hyunjin says before picking up the call. He mouths to the rest, "It'll be short, I promise," and pouts. Chan sighs, only to smile and wave his hand at him to take the call.
"Y/N," Hyunjin cheers up instantly. "Where are—" He hears a choked sob from the other hand and Hyunjin stiffens, face losing the smiling in a second. "Are you alright?"
"I am," you strain it out. You barely manage through with the chokes and that pain that ripples through in waves but you eventually find the words to tell him, "I won't make it to practice today. Yeah?"
"Where are you?"
Hyunjin is angry and he doesn't even know who it is aimed at. He is just beyond mad at the fact that you are crying and someone made you cry. The thought of the skin by your eyes aching and eyes red and burning over anyone made him so angry that he could punch a wall through.
"I'm not telling you," he hears you say and he clenches his fist.
"Stop being a brat, Y/N," he stresses and Chan gestures at him, asking if there was something wrong. Hyunjin nods. "Where are you?"
"Leave me alone, Jinnie," you tell him through the phone, "Please,"  and his eyes widen before he calms himself down, realising that you are trying to cope all alone, a pathetic self-destructive quirk of yours that he had learned to live with after all these years. He gulps and realises you truly needed time alone and he hums in approval.
"Please reach out to me when you need me," he begs. "Please, Y/N."
Felix and Chan are staring at Hyunjin in worry when the door to the gymnasium opens and Jisung rushes into the room. He is panting and he looks around, searching for someone. Hyunjin turns away, his attention back on the call in his hands and he ends the call quickly, making a note in his mind to check up on you after practise. Not that you would let him miss practise. (Not that Hyunjin would do it to himself in the first place. He'd kill for volleyball.)
He walks towards the rest when Minho walks in, black duffel bag on his shoulder. Jisung is quick on his feet as he runs towards the other man, hands on his shoulders and he shakes the living hell out of him.
"He's gone crazy, dude," Felix mumbles and Chan laughs.
Hyunjin stays at a comfortable distance still, looking at his phone in worry every now and then. The man lifts his head and brings his attention back to the present only when he hears your name leave Jisung's mouth.
"Whoa, dude. You got back together with Y/N?"
"What?" Chan is the first to respond. "You did what?"
"I didn't get back together with her," Minho says, his voice is monotone and lacks anything more than nonchalance and it pisses the hell out of Hyunjin who has his fists still clenched tightly.
"I saw you kissing her but. . ." Jisung drops the bomb all at once in such a lost way that he doesn't realise the impact it was to have in this large gymnasium.
Hyunjin is charging forwards all at once, yelling, "You bastard," as he throws a punch at Minho. The blond dyed man is quick to put two and two together and realise that you are after all, crying because of the black haired man before him.
He pushes him back, Minho hitting the floor and Hyunjin's on top of him, punching him with his clenched fist, mind void and painted in hot red anger. Minho has his arms, blocking his punches and chooses to play on the defensive side.
In fear, we are all monsters. Hyunjin believes that he would be afraid of himself had he astral projected and looked at himself in this minute, all unhinged because of one girl — one girl he would set the world on fire for.
All that rage comes out faster than magma for Hyunjin and is just as destructive. More so because he's the captain. It consumes all that he is, so delicate under that carefully ordered world and carefully put up feign that he is alright with Minho breaking the heart of the girl he loves. Minho shrivels before him but Hyunjin does not stop. He relentlessly keeps going, stopping short of physical violence but doing far more damage with the words that he throws.
Chan tries to pull Hyunjin away as Jisung drags Minho from underneath him. The black haired man is left with bruises and a busted lip. On the other hand, Hyunjin is still fuming, along with Chan, sporting a few cuts from Minho who decided to throw a few punches in the last moment.
"Can you all stop?" Felix sighs.
"Why would you bastard make her cry again?" Hyunjin raises his voice. He's yelling at this point, loud enough for everyone passing by the gymnasium to hear. "Why the fuck would you make Y/N cry again? I told you to leave her alone!"
"This wouldn't have happened if things went different—" Hyunjin tries to rush forward to hit him again upon hearing his words, but Chan and Changbin, another teammate, have a strong grip on him. His blond ponytail lashes in anger and he fights against the two, trying to let go of himself. Minho yells back, "I would have never broken up with her if you never liked her, Hyunjin."
"What?" He stops still in his tracks, limbs falling and Chan lets go.
"How am I supposed to think it's alright for you to randomly stare at my girlfriend with heart eyes? For fuck's sake, you guys hug way more than I hug her," Minho glares, chest rising up as he vents everything he has bottled up so far. "If you had always liked her, you should have told me! I shouldn't have overheard it from Chan telling you to ask her out." Chan's face pales visibly. "I would have tried making her stay. I would have made her stay. I would have," Minho's voice lowers. "I still did, but I was too late."
Hyunjin has no words to refute. His eyes widen and his heart is in his throat, barely being able to say, "You could have taken it out on me. Why would you drag her into this? She loved you. She still wavers because of you. Your faithless love was the only hoax she was forced to believe."
Jisung pouts in awe at the words Hyunjin spills and Minho mumbles, "I don't know. I couldn't think straight."
Felix drops the ball with force, suddenly. The ball squelches before raising high and hitting the wall with impact. He folds his arms and speaks up, "Stop acting like kids." He points at Minho. "You, stop putting the blame of your failed relationship on Hyunjin. Him liking Y/N did not ruin your relationship. You killed it yourself."
"But he—"
"I liked her even before you made a move on her. Nothing has changed, Minho," Hyunjin inhales sharply.
"It's because you're a coward, you arsehole."
Hyunjin closes his eyes, looking away, mumbling, "Not going to even bother denying that. I'd be dating her if I wasn't this scared of losing her."
Felix proceeds to point at Hyunjin, glaring sharply at him, "You call yourself a captain? We have a match in a few days and you decide to lose control and beat up your teammate? One of the best middle blockers out there! What in the world are you thinking, Hyunjin? Jesus Christ, when Y/N hears of this, she's going to beat you up so bad for doing this to him in the name of the team."
Hyunjin doesn't dare to look up at Felix, shuffling the balance of his body from one feet to another. He is embarrassed. He should have never let his emotions take control of his body and yet he did.
Chan walks towards Felix before announcing, "We'll start practice in five. I want the two of you to sort this out by the end of this day. If you haven't, I don't want either of you coming to practice tomorrow."
"I'm the setter!" Hyunjin protests.
"Jeongin can do a darn good job too, so shut up and listen to me well."
"Now," Felix claps his hand, smiling once again brightly before running to pick up the ball. "Let's practice like the perfect team we are!"
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"And like I couldn't stop myself. It's like something dragged me to move forward and the next thing I knew, I was on top of Minho—"
"Fuck, that'd be hot."
"Y/N, focus. And like I was beating the crap out of him."
You dab an alcoholic swab over the small wounds on his face as he seethes in pain and you sneer, "Deserved it."
"Ouch," Hyunjin fakes offense. "Side with me at least now. You aren't dating him anymore." You stop, your hand midair and you dab constantly over his wounds till Hyunjins screaming, "Ow, ow, ow. I'm sorry," and holds your wrist and pulls it away.
"But you messed up your team dynamics just because of your anger," you frown. "You and Minho better sort it out quickly, Jinnie. Else, I swear to God." You glare at him.
"What will you do?" Hyunjin laughs, scrunching his nose and teasing you. You place the bandaids over the wounds and raise an eyebrow. Hyunjin prompts, "Bite me?"
"I will," you warn and Hyunjin scoffs, "As if."
You bite him. His shoulder, to be exact. Your teeth hold onto his socket for a good one minute tightly till he is yelping, hitting your back to let go of him as he hisses in pain. You let go of him and narrow your eyes at him. Hyunjin is shocked. So shocked that he blankly stares at you with his mouth wide open.
"Are you a dog?"
"I could be one if you taunt me too much."
"Wow," he blinks and you poke the insides of your cheek with your tongue. "Wow, you're truly one of a kind." And Hyunjin breaks down laughing, holding his shoulder with his hand and bending forward overcome by intense laughter.
"Buy me mint choco," he prompts. "Because now you injured me and I want compensation."
"Excuse me?"
Hyunjin pushes himself forward, edging closer to you, looking you in your eyes before saying, "You know you have to," in a low guttural tone that your heart does a whole somersault, triple axle and then lands with an ovation. "You hurt me."
You push him away and you leap onto your feet, your eyes wide and your hand over your chest. Hyunjin looks at you with a raised eyebrow. To change the mood of the situation, you quickly announce, "Fine. You'll get mint chocolate only if you get ready and come out in five minutes. Else you pay for it on your own."
Hyunjin stands up and holding your wrist, he pulls you with him to the door. You look at him in utter confusion and ask, "What are you doing?"
Hyunjin stops in his tracks and turns to look at you, blond strands leaving his ponytail to cover his eyes slightly and pink lips so plump that you wonder how they feel. The realisation that you have started viewing your best friend as someone more than just that hits you and you look down instantly. When did this happen?
"I'll just wear a coat and so should you," Hyunjin laughs. "Ice cream can't wait."
People think of laughing as a noise that comes from the mouth more often than not, but when Hyunjin laughed it was nothing like that. The laugh is in his eyes, in the way his face changes into that vision of relaxed joy and unrestrained mirth. And yet, in all honesty, it is not in his face either. His laugh comes from within, it is just the way he is wired with the instant ability to comfort someone. Just the sound of his gales, his snickers, his giggles, was enough to transport you far away from all your worries and the tension your life has in the minute.
Enough to make you forget that you have to tell him today about the decision you have taken.
Hyunjin and you walk down the stairs and off onto the road in five minutes as planned. The cool air of the night hits you and you hold yourself closer, the long coat held tightly to your body surface. Hyunjin laughs before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close by just a little bit and yet enough to share his body warmth.
"Mint choco, here we come!" And he runs with you.
The thing with your stupid heart is that you don't understand why it is beating so rapidly in this moment, your heart beat easily jumping to more than 95bpm and all because Hyunjin holds you. You look at the man by your side, his blond hair moving with the air, exposing his face and you wonder — had Hwang Hyunjin always been this beautiful?
You have known Hyunjin for a long time now. Too long for you to realise that your heart had a change in its plans for emotions recently. You have known Hyunjin way too long to know that you want him for a lifetime by your side, as a best friend at the very least and the thought that if you did act upon your new emotions that you have just discovered in this cold, breezy night, you are screwed.
Hyunjin turns to look back at you after hearing absolutely no sound from you. His face pales when he realises you are looking far ahead and he wonders if you do remember now. If you remember the drunk night.
So he asks to put himself at ease, "Y/N?"
"Huh?" You jolt up to consciousness, looking properly at Hyunjin. "Yeah?"
"Do you remember the night a few days back?"
"Night? Few days back?" You ponder. "When I was drunk?"
"Yeah," Hyunjin mumbles and you raise your body in anticipation, finally wanting to ask about the magical teleportation.
"Now that we are on this topic," you fold your arms and raise your eyebrows at your best friend. Hyunjin shuffles his balance from his left to his right. "Did you carry me to bed that night?"
Hyunjin chokes on air, sputtering out incoherent words before finally forming one proper sentence, "You knew?"
"You're the only other person I live with and I don't have any recollection of going to bed so like I presumed," you look down, heat rising to your cheek and you fidget with your fingers. "That you carried me to bed."
"That's all that you remember?"
You lift your head up, lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed, "Is there more?"
"Uh," Hyunjin turns back to face forward, his broad back in your vision again as he walks forward to the ice cream parlour by the junction.
"Hyunjin?" He walks quicker. "Yah! Hwang Hyunjin!" You follow him with quick, short strides, almost jogging up to him. "What did I do, Jinnie?" He opens the glass door to the ice cream parlour. "Yah, Hwang Hyunjin, tell me no matter how embarrassing it is." You follow him into the white aesthetically pretty place.
You finally catch hold of his coat and tug at it. Hyunjin turns, his cheeks flushed and you wonder what in the world happened that night. Yes, you have vague memories of hugging Hyunjin and passing out, but for him to act like this — wait, you didn't empty your stomach out on him, did you?
"Did I—" Hyunjin's eyes widens. He turns back, his attention on the man behind the counter and he points towards you.
"She's paying."
"Okay," the man nods and turns to look at you, waiting for your order. You sigh, glaring at your best friend before ordering one quantity of mint chocolate ice cream. Your eyes waver to the green ice cream and you frown in displeasure, something Hyunjin catches sight of your expression.
"How dare you?" He folds his arms, dramatically. "The only people that matter in this world are the one that like mint chocolate." The man at the counter smiles at the two of you.
You open your mouth, clicking your tongue, "I'm not paying money to eat toothpaste."
The man behind the counter laughs out loud and Hyunjin glares at him, scoffing. He takes the ice cream from his hand and waits for you to pay. The tall man looks at the two of you, again, before finally telling, "Good luck on your relationship. It's always fun to see couples have an argument over mint chocolate and still be so in love with each other." He turns to look at Hyunjin only, "For your information, I like mint chocolate."
Both Hyunjin and you look at each other, either of you waiting for the other person to disagree with the man but there is just silence. You can feel Hyunjin looking at you through the corners, waiting for you to refute like you always do. You don't and you do not even know why. The heat builds up beneath the apples of your cheek and the thought of being in a relationship with your best friend strangely brings about a wave of calmness within you, doing its best to shove the uncertainty of so many things away.
"Thank you for the ice cream," you say and walk to an empty table. Hyunjin thanks the man too, and follows you, sitting on the seat opposite to you and places the mint chocolate in between.
He watches you, unsure of the situation and you bite your lower lip nervously before shoving the cup closer to him and mumbling, "Eat. We came all the way here for you."
"You should have gotten another ice cream," Hyunjin frowns.
"It's past nine," you laugh, your hair falling over the chair as you lean back. "I can't let fat into my body after nine. You know that."
"Why do I know you?" Hyunjin puts his hand on his forehead looking at you and then he pushes the cup of ice cream towards your side. "Disappointment." You look at your best friend, disgusted and he won't take the disrespect though.
"It's a refreshing taste," he digs in and takes a big bite. "Plus, it's the right balance." He lifts the spoon with a small amount of the mint ice cream and shoves it right in front of your face. "The perfect amount of mint, chocolate and milk to make the world's most perfect ice cream."
You push his hand away and glare, "Why would you ruin two beautiful sweets," you raise an eyebrow, "Chocolate and ice cream by including," you fake a gag, "Mint?"
"Because mint balances the sweetness of the chocolate," he scoffs. "All you mediocre people won't understand. Mint chocolate was created for the elite class."
"Did you just call me mediocre?" your jaw drops and Hyunjin laughs. It's soft, airy and so carefree that you don't mind the fact that he is laughing at you and not with you. You don't mind one bit when you break down and laugh with him, unable to keep your face straight as you lean forward on the table, your head resting on your hands and you watch Hyunjin.
You decide to tell him of your decision in this minute.
"I'm going to make Seungmin manage the team," you tell Hyunjin and he stares at you, the spoon dropping from his hand and clattering against the glass rim of the ice cream cup. You continue, "He's always wanted to manage the volleyball team and I thought I should let him—"
"Why?" He sounds hurt. Disappointed, in fact and your heart plummets down.
"I thought it's time to move on."
"From the team or Minho?"
"Minho," you say, nibbling on your lower teeth. "I want to go back to him—"
"What?" Hyunjin feels his heart sink.
"Don't cut me off, hoe," you click your tongue. "I want to go back to him and be his friend. I'm not ready to ruin a friendship over this. I just won't."
Hyunjin looks down at his cup of ice cream. His spoon digs into the cold dessert over and over again till he realises that he'll do what he has always done for you — be right by your side as your pillar.
"Feed me," Hyunjin prompts and you stare at him with a void expression, mouth still open, wondering if he suggested this only and only to change the topic. Hyunjin stretches his arm out to shut your mouth. "People are going to think I'm starving you here."
"Whoa." You lift your head up. "And if I do that, people are going to think we're possibly the cutest couple out there still in our glorious honeymoon phase of it."
"Okay," Hyunjin shrugs and leans back against the chair, folding his arms against each other.
"Yeah, I'm fine with that."
You sit up straight and look down before finally saying, "Don't say that."
"Say what?"
"Those words that make my heart flutter. I don't know what to feel, Hyunjin." Hyunjin is too stunned to react and whine over the fact that you called him properly by his name in your conversation. The fact that he too can cause your heart to race a little bit just like you have with his all these years. "Don't say them to me if you won't ever be ready to take responsibility over them."
You place your thumb and forefinger on your forehead, squeezing the skin slightly to calm the slight ache you can feel, the vein throbbing slightly and you know it is your anxiety that kicks in because you almost spilled everything out. You quickly stand up and holding your coat tightly, you look at Hyunjin who is still seated and looking at you intently.
"I need to go to the pharmacy next door. I'll wait for you there. Finish your ice cream and come."
You don't turn to look at Hyunjin as you walk out, slightly embarrassed by your own behaviour. Between you and Hyunjin, you are the one who had to keep your cool, making sure you didn't slip up or make a mess so that you could at least have time to clean his spilt milk.
You push the door of the ice cream parlour and walk out, the doorbell ringing at your push and you hold yourself in the cold breeze. If Hyunjin did not respond to it, it is only safe to presume that he feels nothing more towards you. You could at least put two and two together. Or so you thought till Hyunjin is chasing after you, big strides and dark blond hair in the wind as his rubber band comes loose and slides off a bit.
"Y/N!" He shouts and quickly holds your wrist, pulling you so quickly that you stumble forward into him. Hyunjin grips your arms to steady you and he looks at you, his brown eyes trying to peep into your soul. He smiles, hand running through his hair only to bring more strands forward, covering his vision.
Falling in love with Hwang Hyunjin, you realise, is the easy part. He makes it so easy to fall for him — when he smiles at the sun, covering his eyes or when he is covered by the dogs in dog parks all eager to hug him because that's how he just is. You don't even realise when you fall for Hyunjin but when you do, you know you are already sinking and you are far too gone for saving.
It is, however, admitting to yourself that you fell for your best friend that is hard. The Hwang Hyunjin that you have seen since the five year old boy moved next door to you. The Hwang Hyunjin that would cross dress in your clothes. The Hwang Hyunjin that would steal your dumplings. It is the same Hwang Hyunjin that you fall for. You had all these doors with specifications that opened to only men like Lee Minho and yet like the rude asshole that you oh so adorably love he seemed to tear them down. Or perhaps those doors were meant for others and Hyunjin always had a door of his own for your heart.
You should have asked yourself why but would it have really mattered? You're here with Hyunjin by your side, whether he knows your feelings or not and you couldn't be any less glad, even if you are sometimes hiding, imagining a distance instead of seeing Hyunjin right there.
"I'll come back, Jinnie," you tell him, looking up at him and coughing slightly, trying to move back slightly to put some space between the two of you. "I'm not running away. I just need to buy some strips of paraceta—"
"I want to be responsible for them," His gaze doesn't leave yours. "I want to be responsible for you, your emotions and everything you are, if you let me."
You wouldn't dare to shift your eyes away, or focus on anything else. Just Hyunjin. Just your Hyunjin. Your heart beats so fast against your chest that you wonder if it ever had this much for any man or woman. And when Hyunjin pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around your frame, hand flat against your head that buries your face into his chest, you learn that Hwang Hyunjin's heartbeat is always your metronome — the beat your entire life seemed to have moved smoothly to.
You giggle against his chest, breaking into a smile, "Are you asking me out, Jinnie?"
"I guess," he chuckles into your hair, snuggling himself into you. He pulls you back to explain. "My original plan was to ask you out after the practice match that I'll make sure we win, but you could possibly not be there as our manager and what if I miss the chance?"
"You lovesick boy," you laugh, smiling stupidly at him. Hyunjin cups your face and presses his forehead against yours.
"I've liked you for so long, Y/N," and you blush, lips pursed and you smile back, heart fluttering.
"Thank you," you press a kiss against his cheek.
"For what?"
"For being you and for always loving me."
Hwang Hyunjin holds your face and kisses like he is capable of getting rid of all your worries, slowly bleeding into your marrows and cells and soaking you of the very essence he is. He holds you like you are a precious being — and to him, you are because he finally has you after all these years; he finally gets to call you his.
His lips are warm and tasted of mint; obviously from the mint chocolate ice cream earlier. His hands are wrapped around your waist and yours are locked around his neck pulling him down slightly. His strands of blond locks brush against your face, ticking you slightly and you giggle into the kiss. He laughs against your lips before kissing you slowly, drawing the kiss for as long as he could. When you break apart for air, you lean forward and rest your forehead against his, gathering some much needed oxygen. His smile tells you everything you need confirmation over and you smile back, sinking into his hold.
Hyunjin hugs with gentle arms that still gives the space to breathe; yet it is the hug of a strong pair of arms that tells everything that you are - every fibre of your being - that he is with you, and you wonder how he is capable of that. How he is capable of holding like you are his whole world — like he rather hold you than anything else.
Hyunjin does exactly that. He holds you tight and close to him in this cold night, ignorant of everything else around the two of you, like you and him only mattered in the place, like you and him are fireworks in this velvet dark, the blaze that dares to light up the night.
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saltyboyz · 12 days ago
“hide! my boyfriend is coming!”
pairing: stray kids x s.o reader
prompt: doing the tiktok prank where you tell them your boyfriend is coming and they need to hide so they don’t get caught
genre: fluff
word count: 417
warnings: none
a/n: the idea is not an original one but the reactions I did come up w :)
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He’s in the middle of eating when you run in, immediately going to pull him up from the chair. his spoon is still in his mouth when he’s asking you whats happening. “my boyfriend’s on his way, you need to hide!” and still doesn’t hear what you’re saying. “can i bring my yogurt??” as he goes into the closet
Lee Know
is already half awake so he hears what you’re saying clearly. “okay.” and stays in bed until you bend at eye level to him and tell him to go hide again. “i want your boyfriend to see me in your bed, you cheater.” scowls at you for thinking you could prank him 
allows you to pull him up off the couch. his eyes are bloodshot and wide from just being woken up but he repeats the words out loud. “your boyfriend? what?” and when you start laughing bc looking at him in this confused state is too cute, he whines “ahh don’t do that.” rubs his eyes and lies back down on the couch to continue his nap
he RUNS at the sound of your panicking. “what? who? what?” but doesn’t even give you time to respond bc he’s already stuffed himself into the closet. only understands that he needs to hide and assumes something’s wrong but he doesn’t want to be in the dark alone so he drags you in with him, shushing you like this was his idea to begin with.
doesn’t really know whats happening after being so rudely woken up by you pulling at him. gives himself time to adjust himself before hearing you rush out “hurry, hide, he’s coming.” and shakes you off him, crossing his arms and pouting. “i’m your boyfriend, he should be the one hiding.” 
pranks YOU. good luck trying to do any tiktok related stuff, he’s got you beat. 
he doesn’t believe one word coming out of your mouth. he’s your boyfriend and he knows that for a fact. “fine, i’lll stay here and introduce myself to them.” stands his ground by the door until you finally give up. “yeah, that’s what i thought.” 
oh pls. poor boy. he gets so scared to hear you come out of no where, yelling that he needs to hide. he doesn’t understand that your boyfriend is standing right in front of you but still, follows your lead. “oh my god, seriously?!” ends up going under the bed and waits for your command to come back out. 
283 notes · View notes
pesiko · 3 months ago
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Double Trouble - to not be the perfect daughter [27.8k]
Sunrise - beauty and the beast AU [26k]
The Duke and I - marriage to be a successful writer M [25k]
Two Types of Fireworks - tangled AU [21.2k]
A Throne of Roses - king Hyunjin arranged marriage [16.7k]
Crown of Thorns - after ur marriage danger still lurks [14k]
Party Cup - your 1 braincell is heart shaped for him [12.2k]
Dandelion - second guessing everything but him [12.2k]
Four - they say good things come in fours [11.7k]
Backseat Driving - introduced to street racer Hyunjin [10k]
Coughing Up the Butterflies That Died in My… M [9.7k]
Forget Me Not - tingle that feels like a little hope [8.8k]
Love in Times New Roman - secret admirer [8k]
Define It - when your best friend stays home [7.8k]
Nobody Compares to You - constantly paired w Hyunjin [7k]
Because I Love You - stableboy Hyunjin and a princess [7k]
Purple Looks Good on You - soulmate pain bond [6.4k]
It’s Knot You - when the red cord of fate malfunctions [5.9k]
To be Alone - help bc she couldn’t sleep at night M [5.7k]
Drunken with a Sense of Love - caring in similar ways [5.5k]
True Love’s Irony - never just prince Hyunjin’s servant [5.3k]
Hyunjin’s Playlist - it all seems to make perfect sense [5.2k]
Pain in the Ass - soulmate tat & Taeyong’s xmas party [5k]
Story Told in Gems - star tears and the store owner [4.8k]
Heart Eyes and a Picnic Basket - bad boy Hyunjin [4.3k]
Shoot Your Shot - staring at him at basketball games [3.9k]
Apricity - heated argument worsens the separation [3.7k]
Never Take Your Eyes off the Target - to do his job [3.3k]
Heather - “you’ll always have me too” [3.1k]
Snacks and Snaps - bumping into someone [2.9k]
Who Let the Dogs Out - another reason to love dogs [2.8k]
Pizza Boy - the new delivery boy is super cute [2.8k]
Home - “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t sure” [2.7k]
Sweet Rivalry - everything was a competition b/w you [2.7k]
Sweet Tooth - united with your soulmate by taste [2.6k]
A Little Pick Me Up - worried after you faint at school [2k]
Limerence - “I want my best friend back” [1.9k]
Mario Kart - through the power of Mario Kart [1.9k]
The Visit - “watch another horror so you can cry?” M [1.8k]
Redamancy - with dance partner Hyunjin [1.6k]
Pretty Cute - a snatched unofficial confession [1.6k]
The Morning After - questioning your relationship [1.5k]
Tell Me Again (Why I Love You) - bad boy confession [1.5k]
Coffeeboy - only place cliches are allowed to happen [1.3k]
Strike - your best friend would do anything to win [1.2k]
The Nutcracker - he didn’t want to watch the ballet [1.1k]
As the Wind Blows - “am I your lockscreen?” [1k]
Back in Time & Forward in Time
[main masterlist] [stray kids masterlist] updated 7-31-21
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jisungsmysugadaddy · a month ago
𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞
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Word Count: (1.2k)
Material: Smut( Hyunjin and Chan Threesome, face fucking, oral( both f&m), cum, cum play, cumshot, pet names, dirty talk, small amount of aftercare
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It was midnight and you, Chan, and Hyunjin just came back from a night out on the town and decided to head back to your place for a bit. Recently the three of you have been closer than ever, which it felt nice considering the fact you had a crush on both of them. You all were laughing and having good positive conversations, but when Hyunjin said that he was going to the convenience store to grab a bottle of Soju for us, Chan took that as an opportunity to make a move on you.
You two were on the couch together, he started making dirty jokes and being kind of flirty until he said one of those jokes and you matched his energy except you laughed then took it seriously. He stared at you in shock because of the fact that your were catching his drift. You moved closer to him teasing him a bit by rubbing up and down his thigh while looking into his eyes before you actually did anything. “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.”, you tell him. “Oh yeah? We’ll maybe we could work something out before Hyunjin comes back.” he said with a smirk on his face. He pulled you in to start kissing you. You easily complied turning these kisses into a passionate make out session.
Since you gave Hyunjin the key back to your apartment, he could easily walk in at any moment. You hear the clicking of the lock followed by the door knob to the front door twisting, but you didn’t care and continued to make out with Chan. Hyunjin walked in and yelled “Guys!”. Chan was startled and even though you knew he was going to come in, your body couldn’t help but jump. Chan let go of you as the silence mixed with the sound of paper bags Hyunjin brought in made everything feel awkward, until Hyunjin broke it. He held up the two bottles of Soju, “Sooooo.. Do you guys still wanna drink?”. You smiled at Chan and gave him a nervous laugh then looked at Hyunjin, “Yeah we’ll take a few shots.” 
4 shots later, you guys were laughing your asses off over the smallest things. You still had control over everything you were saying and doing which is a good thing, but you can’t deny that you were buzzed. That night everything just felt...right. You felt yourself start to gravitate towards Hyunjin and even though there was a bit of liquor in your system, you knew before that you were attracted to him. When he saw you he wasted no time, pulling you by the waist and was aggressively kissing you, which you didn’t really mind. Chan walked up to the two of you from behind and decided to join in. Chan’s sucking on your neck while you’re stilling making out with Hyunjin. In your mind, you were in heaven and couldn’t wait to see what was gonna happen next. “We should probably take this to the bedroom”, Chan said. The three of you agreed and they decided to carry you into the room. Hyunjin has your legs and Chan has the rest of your body in his arms. It was more like a man handling carry but you enjoyed it. 
They threw you on the bed, then pounced on you, making you squeal out of excitement. They immediately underdressed you then themselves. You were propped up on some pillows to give you some elevation. Chan was down at your wet heat using the tip of his tongue to tease your clit. Hyunjin was above you, first giving himself a few strokes before, “Open up sweetheart”, you do as he says. You could already feel his cock throbbing as soon as it touched your lips. Chan then started sucking on your clit, making you moan around Hyunjin uncontrollably. “Oh fuck”, he moaned softly. Sooner after him and Hyunjin switched places but this time you felt him slap his cock against your cunt before inserting himself into you. A broken moan left your mouth when he did and Chan stuffed it up right afterwards. Hyunjin started at a normal pace, but that soon turned into nothing but straight pounding, he was long enough to hit what seemed like the deepest parts of you. With him going at this speed it made it easier for Chan’s cock to slide down your throat making the man above you moan constantly. “Fuck y/n! Oh my god your throat feels so good. Can’t wait to see what that pussy feels likes.” These words are what brought you to your orgasm, You were clenching so hard around Hyunjin that he had to pull out to make sure he didn’t cum yet. He then gets his face on the same level as your dripping hole to tongue you out so you cum in his mouth since you haven’t done so yet. As soon as his tongue went inside you couldn’t help but release your juices all over his mouth. “You taste so good y/n”, he moaned right on your clit making your legs shake from the slight overstimulation. Hyunjin got up from the bed and whispered something into Chan’s ear. All you were able to catch was the word “Necklace”, you were confused but quickly forgot about it when Chan pulled his cock out your mouth and flipped you on your stomach. “Ass up, princess”, even though you couldn’t see him you could hear his cocky smirk from behind you.
Hyunjin was in the corner of the room edging himself, letting out small whimpers because he was so ready to cum. Chan rubbed your clit a little before inserting himself making you shiver because you were still pretty sensitive. The stretch from him was a lot more than Hyunjin so he was hitting all the pleasure spots instantly. With your warm slick making for easy entrance he started pounding into you almost instantly making that familiar knot form right away. “Ahhh! Chan I’m gonna c-cum again!” He put his leg next to your waist to go deeper than before. “Yeah? Cum then baby. Cum for me.” A few more thrust and you were sent over the edge. You knew Chan was close by the way you felt cock twitch inside of you.
Not so long after he pulled out, “Get on your knees baby, we got a present for you.” You did as he said and Hyunjin came over to you while you were on the floor. They start stroking themselves above you, with your mouth open you thought they were going to cum in your mouth but they had something else in mind. Hyunjin was moaning as soon as he sped up the pace on his cock along with Chan. Next thing you know ropes of cum are spread across your neck and upper chest from both directions. The warm liquids across you felt somewhat nice, you didn’t even pay attention to the two visibly exhausted men above you. “You like your present?”, Hyunjin said teasingly. You smiled swiping some of the cum off your chest and licked it off my fingers , “Yes”. “You know what we just gave you. We gave you a pearl necklace.”, said Hyunjin. You were confused but then quickly caught on to why they gave it that name.
“Thank you”, you giggled. Hyunjin smirked and grabbed a towel to help clean you off. You all huddled into your bed and called it a night. Reminding each other of all the chores you’ll have to take care of the next day
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decembermoonskz · 3 days ago
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summary ▸ what’s it like to know your soulmate is someone you hate? no one talks about those soulmates who despise each other and wish they could trade. this is that story.
pairing ▸hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
genre ▸ figure skater!au, college!au enemies-to-lovers!au, soulmate!au; figure skater!hyunjin, figure skater!reader, angst, fluff
other characters ▸ bang chan, shin yuna, park sunghoon, lee chaeryeong, jung jaehyun, lee mark, lee felix, brief mentions of lee jeno, hwang yeji, shin ryujin, han jisung
words ▸ 21.9k
WARNINGS ▸  explicit language, food, mentions of making out and sex but no smut written, alcohol consumption, minor alcohol abuse (mc gets pretty drunk at one point), injuries, brief mentions of blood, mc slaps hyunjin once, hyunjin can be a bit of a jerk I’m sorry hhhhh, there may be some inaccuracies with the figure skating terms and competitions
song rec ▸ cry for me - camilla cabello
a/n ▸ so after so long I finally finished this beauty~ it’s been in my drafts for a while now and it’s done! thanks to everyone who waited and for the ppl who asked to be tagged!! 😭😭 I hope you enjoy this and do let me know what you think of it by sending me an ask!! ✨💜 without further ado enjoy!
teaser | feedback
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You had to be the unluckiest person on this planet. 
You were the only girl in a family of loud guys; don’t get it twisted you loved your dad and your brother Felix, even your cousin Jeno, but they were so loud and boisterous all the time that it constantly made your social battery drain in an instant. You wish you weren’t the only mellow person, and you were just hoping the three loud men would maybe quiet down just a little when they all come together to watch sports and movies. 
Your part-time job at the college café wasn’t too bad, the pay was good for what it was, but your boss was so unhelpful and you’re convinced that they got their position—and kept it—through nepotism or something similar. It’s usually you helping new interns, or you locking up the store cause your boss went out drinking and never came back like they said they would. It was exhausting especially when you could use that time when your shift ends on the ice instead of dealing with rude customers or checking everything is in place before closing. That wasn’t your job, but in the end your boss praised you and even gave you more off days in return which was the only benefit of dealing with them.
More days for practice you suppose, which actually brought you to the reason you feel you’re so unlucky. 
You have an annoying rivalry with a fellow skater, his name is Hwang Hyunjin.
He was so snarky, constantly spewing small comments that had you pulling your hair out; he was arrogant, acting like he’s the best skater to ever walk into a rink, and no one could ever hope of reaching his level. True, he was considered a skating prodigy, doing jumps and spins and routines at age nine that were never considered possible at such a young age. Most of the coaches he’s been with, have constantly praised his expertise and skill, including your coach, but that didn’t give him a reason to act like he was so much better than you! 
Oh, and the worst part of it all? 
He was your soulmate.
To find your soulmate, you’ll find that you have a matching tattoo somewhere on your body with another. You’ll also feel a slight burning sensation from the tattoo when you meet eyes for the first time. 
You thought it was romantic at first, when your uncle told you about how he met your aunt when she was a busy college student and bumped into him like a typical rom-com. Then the snowflake tattoo that was on both of their hips burned as they helped each other up and looked at each other. You thought it was romantic when an old high school friend met her soulmate who had a simple star on their collarbone and she said that it was love at first sight even without the tattoo they would’ve loved each other. 
It was so romantic you thought, until it was your turn. 
See, you despise your soulmate, no one ever thinks about disliking their soulmate but oh boy, it’s definitely possible and you’re living proof. 
The day you met Hwang Hyunjin, you were sixteen and it was a rainy July day. 
It was drizzling and then pouring in mere seconds once you ran inside the rink. Millions of loud ribbons of water pounding on the ground, like Mother Nature had a personal grudge against how dry your summer had been. You closed your wet umbrella to put your stuff in your locker, then you pulled your skates out of your bag and walked over to the rink where a couple skaters were already practicing. 
As you walked in, you saw him. 
A gorgeous form was flying across the ice—or at least it looked like he was flying anyway. He gained speed and executed one perfect triple lutz and then a triple toe. His landing was so fluid as his skate curved into the sheet of ice as he landed. The sound was crisp and clear; his form too was beautiful. You had to admit you were in awe. 
He continued and completed a seamless spin, like he was dancing on the ice, he was so fluid, so elegant. 
You stood there, eyes sparkling and lips parted as you watched how effortlessly he glided across the ice as if it was nothing. It made you reminisce. It made you remember when your dad bought you your first pair of skates. You were four and you were a slippery, sliding mess—as expected of a beginner of course; but once you got the hang of balancing—albeit still wobbling a bit—you realized you felt at home on the ice. 
It was like you were meant to be on the ice, and that’s how your skating dream started. 
You loved it and it loved you back. 
You were eight when you told your dad you wanted to become a figure skater, and he wholeheartedly supported you. 
Your relationship with the ice was like a partnership, in a way it technically was your partner, it was the only thing that accompanied you when you took those nerve-filled steps out onto it to perform. As your partner it’s there to catch you and guide you as you glide across, or hold you steady as you spin. That’s always how you believed the ice was at least. 
It was a partnership but if you didn’t step up to the plate, it could slip from under you, your first fall had you crying as your leg was scraped. You realized that this partnership had to be equal, if you wanted the ice to catch you, you had to execute your jumps perfectly. This need to get better is what drives you. 
To see someone do it so well made you a little jealous, you'll admit. It had taken you so long to learn how to do a lutz for some reason, even now you had a little difficulty with it sometimes; but it also inspired you, fueled that drive in you to do that jump as well.
“I see you’ve taken a liking to our newest member,” your coach Lee Heejin said, you turned to her and nodded—oh how you would regret saying yes to that in a few short minutes. 
The young man came off the ice as you were talking and coach Lee called him to come over, he ran a hand through his pretty black hair as he walked over to you. 
“_____, this is Hwang Hyunjin, he’s training with Choi Junho, you two will probably see each other often since our training schedules are so close together.” she explained. 
You couldn’t take your eyes off the boy in front of you, his beauty was practically indescribable. However, he looked completely disinterested in meeting you, he rolled his eyes, one hand on his hip. He hadn’t even looked at you, eyes set on his phone he grabbed and whoever he was texting. 
It was such a turn-off. What was his problem?
“Coach Lee, I don’t wanna be rude but I have a routine to practice, I don’t really have time to chat with new students.” Hyunjin says, his mild annoyance evident. 
Anger flowed through you, who did he think he was, you were going to compliment him on the jump you saw, but now? Hell no. 
“I’ve been training here longer than you have, it’s not like I had to meet you.” you said, obvious annoyance in your tone. 
Hyunjin laughs, still not looking at you, it sounds condescending and something in you wants to punch this guy’s stupidly good-looking face, “Sure, I doubt that, all the skaters here are pretty taken with me. If you want, like, an autograph or a pic or something, all you have to do is ask. I may be able to spare a quick one.” 
Your nostrils flare and now you’ve had it. 
Before your coach can chide him for his arrogance you walk up and grab him by the collar of his jacket, forcing him to look you in the eye. 
“Just who do you think you are?! You think you’re so great? Please! I know beginners who can salchow better than you.” you spat and Hyunjin was offended. 
“Listen here you b-“ 
Suddenly a burning feeling seared it’s way through you—more specifically on your neck and you released Hyunjin to hold the junction of your shoulder and neck. Hyunjin apparently felt the same burning and clutched his neck as well, your coach checked on you two—Hyunjin’s coach came over as well. You both looked at each other and your stomachs sank, you knew exactly what this meant. 
“You’ve gotta be kidding!” Hyunjin nearly screams.
“No fucking way!” you whine. 
You both said these things simultaneously and now you both look offended at the other’s reaction. Hyunjin points an accusatory finger at you and looks furious. 
“What’re you so upset about?! I’m the one who has to deal with you!” 
“Wrong! I’m the one who has to deal with a spoiled, whiny brat!” you counter and before Hyunjin can clap back your coaches pull you both up and take you to one of the coaches’ offices. 
This was awful. You give anything to let the ground swallow you up today and spit you out back into your bed so you could do this morning over. 
You two were sat down in chairs as your coaches both walked behind the desk to talk, then they looked at you two. 
You both had your arms crossed, pouting like children, coach Lee pinched the bridge of her nose. 
“So, you two are soulmates,” Hyunjin’s coach says.
“Unfortunately..” Hyunjin muttered and you scoffed. 
“It’s not like I’m happy about this, to think I was gonna give you a compliment but you’re just a stuck-up jerk who thinks he’s so much better than everyone. I don’t want a soulmate like that!” you near yell. 
Hyunjin’s leg is bouncing in the chair as he glares at you for a moment. “I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of all my gold medals clanking together. Do tell, how many do you have?” he bites back. 
You really want to punch this jerk. 
“More like you can’t hear over the sound of your own squawking.” Hyunjin had had enough but then your coach slammed a hand on the desk. 
“Enough! Both of you.” you were silent at the sound of coach Lee’s more serious tone. 
“Look, being soulmates is your business but you two are not going to cause a scene out there with your bickering. We are not about to showcase that kind of unprofessionalism here. Understand?” 
You and Hyunjin didn’t feel like arguing anymore and you also didn’t like when your coach got serious or angry so you nodded, followed by a curt scoff from Hyunjin but he nodded nonetheless. 
Soon you two were out the door and your coach told you to get ready for practice. 
As you were walking out Hyunjin pinched your jacket sleeve and pulled you off to the side. 
“So here’s the deal,” he started. 
You turned to see Hyunjin pulling his phone out, a picture of a long-haired chihuahua was on the back and it would’ve been cute had the owner of said phone not been so much of a prick to you. 
“Don’t tell anyone we’re soulmates. I’m not about to have people making jokes and little fake cute comments about us. Besides I have a date tonight, I don’t wanna have to explain this whole thing 'cause you decided to go and tell people, it’ll spread faster than you could imagine.” 
You really couldn’t believe how much of a jerk this guy was, it got worse each and every time he spoke and it pissed you off. 
What a way to find your soulmate huh? He’s more interested in not having to worry about the hassle of telling his date with another person that he found his soulmate. Your lips formed a tight line as you tried to control your anger. 
“Don’t worry I won’t tell if you won’t, I have no interest in being paired up with an asshole like you,” you sneered.
Your words had no bite to them for Hyunjin, and all he did was smirk at you, it made you sick. He walked past you and headed back to the rink and you finally let out the loudest ‘Ugh!’ of your life. 
You hated him, you hated every fiber of his being. 
That was how you met your soulmate Hwang Hyunjin. It was by far, the worst day of your life. 
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Skip back to the present day and college has set in now. 
You’re still pursuing your dream of being a competitive skater. With a couple trophies and medals under your belt now, you've grown into your confidence more. 
Today was a regular day, which meant your appropriate dose of caffeine was in your system, your bag was over your shoulder, snow was dusting your hair as you headed to the rink; oh, and bickering with Hwang Hyunjin was still an almost every-other-day occurrence. 
As the door to the rink closed behind you, you dusted your hair off and headed over to the ice area. You heard a giggle from behind you and unfortunately, you knew exactly who it was, you instinctively rolled your eyes. 
You spare a glance behind you to find Hyunjin talking with a couple other skaters, you turn your head a bit to identify the others. Shin Yuna, a “rising star” as they’ve called her, and Park Sunghoon, a more technical skater and his jumps are always executed with such style and grace, you enjoy watching him practice. 
You knew them, they were nice to you—well, Yuna was civil, you could tell she didn’t care for you at times but that’s only because she was head-over-heels for Hyunjin and wanted him all to herself most of the time; so your little bickering sessions never went past her. Oh if only you could tell her to please keep Hyunjin, you didn’t want him. 
Sunghoon was the only one who spared some conversation with you at times. 
As you got up and walked over to the rink, they walked by you, not sparing a glance, and you didn’t need them to. Until Sunghoon—being the nice guy he was—just had to speak up. 
“Morning _____.” 
You hiss under your breath and throw on a fake smile as you turn around, “Morning Sunghoon,” you say in a mellow tone, Sunghoon smiles and waves. 
Hyunjin and Yuna barely look at you before returning to their conversation and walking past you to go to the vending machines. 
“I meant to say yesterday but your axel jumps are getting a lot better. I thought it deserved some praise.” Sunghoon admitted and you actually appreciated it, you’d been working on your axel for a while now and to have someone else besides your coach and your family praise you was nice.
You smile a bit more genuinely this time, “Thanks Sunghoon I appreciate it,” you said and he smiled and nodded, before running after his friends.
You watched him off, Sunghoon was really nice, you’d consider him a friend although you don’t talk much outside of the rink. You’ve known him for a while now, you’ve even skated with him in ice dancing when you two were much younger in a junior show, until you both decided to focus on solo skating. 
You had no idea how he was friends with a demon like Hyunjin, the demon spawn hadn't changed at all. He was still annoying, still arrogant, and still your soulmate unfortunately. 
There were times when you two were so annoying that your coaches would basically put you two on timeout and have you sit in the bleachers for bickering too much. You wished so badly that Hyunjin being your soulmate was nothing but a bad dream, that you could go to sleep, wake up and have it all be just a horrible nightmare. 
Fate wasn’t that kind though.
“Well well, if it isn’t my favorite girl on the ice.” 
You knew this voice, and thankfully it was not Hyunjin. 
No, this voice had you smiling as you turned around and saw Chan, your friend, and a player on your college’s hockey team that practices at this rink too. 
“Morning Chan.” 
“Morning,” he sings jokingly and you laugh as he follows you on your walk to the rink. 
To you Chan was a reprieve from the exasperation you felt with Hyunjin; Chan was kind, smart, funny and clearly athletic. Both of you were involved in sports on the ice, although they were very different. 
“What’s the plan for today?” he asked as you sat your bag on the bench to get your skates on.
“Free practice, I wanna perfect some things for my free skate.” you explained, eyes focused on tying the laces on your skates. 
“Oh yeah your competition is coming soon right?” Chan asked and you nodded with a smile. 
“Yep, two weeks from now, there isn’t much else to do but practice practice practice.” you replied and got up off the bench, opening the gate to the ice. It was fairly early this morning so no skaters were using the rink yet. You always liked being the first one in—especially before Hyunjin got a chance to try and hog the ice for himself.
As you took your first step, you smiled a bit, you always felt freer the moment you stepped foot on the ice. 
You turned and leaned on the wall of the rink to look at Chan, “You’ll come watch right?” you asked and Chan smiled, cute dimples showing, and came to lean on the wall too, very close to you. 
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss my favorite girl’s performance.” he said truthfully and you laughed, pushing his shoulder a bit. 
You two had been friends since you started college, him and his friends and teammates Jaehyun and Mark. You became a little tight-knit group at your college and it was nice given your best friend Chaeryeong went to a different university. You and Chan always had a cute, flirty, touchy-feely relationship—soulmates or not—it was always fun to hang out with Chan. 
Oh how desperately you wished Chan could be your soulmate instead of-
“Can you guys take your PDA elsewhere?” you heard and you groaned as you saw Hyunjin walking over, making an exaggerated gagging expression. 
Speak of the devil, “See you Chan, good luck with practice,” and you turned to start skating, you had to get away from Hyunjin as fast as you could. 
Chan waved as he watched you near run away, missing his chance to say ‘bye’ back as you tried to avoid Hyunjin. 
Hyunjin side-eyed Chan, he never liked him, hockey felt too brutish and violent to him, he never understood the appeal. That’s the only reason he could think of that made sense. So he walked by Chan and sat his bag down on the same bench you’d put your bag on. 
He saw your bag and was so tempted to ‘accidentally’ bump it off the bench and spill it, and that was definitely a bit immature even for him. Still, getting on your nerves was one of his favorite pastimes and he’d love to see the look on your face. Before he could even do that though, Chan came over and grabbed your bag, placing it in your locker since you’d told him your code. Then he turned to Hyunjin. 
“That’s _____’s bag, I wouldn’t get any ‘funny’ ideas.” Chan gently warned Hyunjin, a stern expression on his face. 
Hyunjin scoffed, he was getting irritated, “Don’t you have to go like, I don’t know, hit a rock into a net or something?” he slightly snapped back and Chan’s nostrils flared, but he didn’t respond back simply sighing and leaving to the other rink where his other teammates had started to gather. Hyunjin glared at Chan for a moment and then turned to see you on the ice.
As much as you two don’t get along, he can acknowledge your skill, even if it is you. 
Your form was great and your jumps were fluid, you were skilled, very skilled at that; but his scrutinizing eye couldn’t help but pick out things you could do better—old habits from how his old coaches would train him. Not like it was his problem if you were lacking in some areas or not though; nothing else mattered to him but his performances.
I don’t need anything else. It’s just me and the ice.
Those were his own words, they were carved into his brain at a young age, his parents were both skaters, so this was what he grew up with. His parents always told him skating required passion, technique, grace, elegance, and most of all, perfection. 
The ice is one of the things Hyunjin had always known, his family had him on skates when he was only four, when he started skating seriously at nine, he won his first tournament and blew people away. 
Gorgeous, perfect, smooth, prodigy.
Hyunjin was known as “The Prince of the Ice”, everyone in the field knew Hyunjin, he was a star, a spectacle on the ice. So many claimed it was like he was dancing, like he was gliding across the ice. None of their compliments were new to him, he heard them or read them almost everyday.
A new comment, a new post, a new article, they all read the same way in Hyunjin’s mind.
Hwang Hyunjin is a prodigy, he is this generation’s perfection.
Perfection, perfection, perfection.
That’s all everyone cared about, but to Hyunjin none of the fame or praise mattered, just that he could be on the ice. 
When he was on the ice, Hyunjin felt calm, felt at peace, felt like everything else tuned out. All he heard was the music, and his skates humming on the ice. Jump after jump, spin after spin, it was just him and the ice, he wished he could just skate forever, live in the music, the movements, live on the ice.
It’s only when he finishes—the music stops and the rink fills with the loud noise of people cheering, clapping—that he returns from the dreamlike state he feels he’s in when he skates. Reality sinks back in, and he can’t help but feel a bit disappointed that it’s over. Still he puts it into the back of his head and places a beautiful smile on his face, picks up a plush or two and some flowers and heads back to his chair with his coach to see how people would score his skate. 
Skating is freedom for Hyunjin, there are times where all the expectations become an intense pressure for him. He just wants to skate and yet he feels like a bird in a cage because everyone only wants perfection, meanwhile, Hyunjin just wants to skate. He never chose to be this ‘prodigy’, it’s not his fault he’s this ‘great champion of ice skating’. It’s what happens when you do what you love for most of your life.
Hyunjin watches you a bit longer than normal while he thinks, you really seem to enjoy being on the ice, he can tell when you complete your triple salchow and double toe loop, you smile when you finish and it makes Hyunjin’s chest all fuzzy.
He cringes because he knows this has to be the whole link thing you two have. Everyday since discovering you were his soulmate, he’s felt like a whole new set of chains was trying to cage him, he covers his tattoo with turtlenecks, scarves, even makeup to keep people from questioning him about it. He’s always done this, even before meeting you. He never wanted anyone else to be a factor, all he needed was the ice after all, it was his sole love, his only focus. All he ever wanted. 
He sometimes curses you under his breath, because he’s angry and doesn’t care if it seems petty. He knows you didn’t choose him to be your soulmate either, and yet when all else fails to be blamed, he turns his cold glare towards you. If you hadn’t come into the picture, if he had chosen literally any other rink to practice in, maybe you’d never meet, and he could go on giving all his focus to practicing and the beautiful white ice underneath his blades. 
However that can never be, because on some pure instinct he notices how his body reacts to seeing you, it isn’t always hatred he feels, it’s care, it’s a twisted longing to see you. 
Yet he denies it even with himself because after years of arguing, years of petty banter, years of competing with each other even if you’re both in different categories technically, he still despises you for this stupid link you have with him, and how it tries to intrude into his relationship with the ice. 
At least you two seem to have one thing in common though.
The ice, for both of you, is home; he won’t deny that at least. 
A voice calls out and pulls Hyunjin from the unexpected trance he was in while watching you, he turns and sees Yuna, a concerned expression on her face, “You okay?” she asked.
Hyunjin didn’t actually know the answer to that. For some reason, watching you today stirred something in him. Was it the normal hate he felt? Was it something else entirely? He didn’t know and he did not like that, he’s never liked how you two were soulmates, and that wasn’t about to change now. 
“I’m fine,” was all he said in a curt manner, and he moved on to get his skates on. Yuna pouted but let it go, looking over at you with something she could only describe at the moment as envy. How could you somehow get so much of Hyunjin’s attention anyway?
You had this weird feeling you were being watched but you didn’t know by who, when you looked over and saw that Chan had left, the only ones right now were Hyunjin, Yuna, and Sunghoon who just joined them. 
None of those people had any reason to watch you, so why did it feel like your chest was lighter right now?
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You finish your final spin and pose, in your head you can hear the applause, the announcer bidding you off as you head to the booth to get your score. It’s perfect you think, and as if your coach read your mind, she said the same thing. 
“It’s perfect.” your coach exclaims to you and you smile. You’d just shown her a run-through of your short and free routines and she had approved happily. 
“You’re getting ahead of me in skill _____, no fair.” your friend Chaeryeong said with a smile as she leaned on the barricade. 
You laughed and scratched the back of your head, feeling a bit shy. 
“Alright, let’s take a break, it’ll be Hyunjin’s turn next.” your coach said and you subconsciously sighed at the sound of his name, but nodded all the same. 
You skated off to the side to get off the rink and saw Hyunjin and his coach come in, you glared at him and he was unfazed. 
“Break a leg,” you said but it didn’t have any supportive tone to it and Hyunjin laughed.
“Right back at you,” he countered with an obvious fake smile. 
Both your coaches and Chaeryeong let out a collective sigh at your antics, but it went by quickly and Hyunjin skated out onto the rink to warm up and get into position. 
You sat on the bench and Chaeryeong came to sit next to you, “You guys really never change you know?” she mentions and you scoffed.
“It’s not my fault someone’s a total asshole.” you reply and take your phone out of your bag. Chaeryeong sighs and wonders what would’ve happened if by chance you two had just met normally, no arguing, then you wouldn’t have had such an ugly start. 
Maybe things wouldn't be so sour, because now you two just argue for the sake of arguing she feels. Chaeryeong is the only person you actually told about Hyunjin being your soulmate, and you know she’d never rat you out. You trusted her with this secret.
“Why keep it a secret? It’s not like people knowing means you couldn’t date other people?” Chaeryeong asked when you first told her. 
“Look aside from his stupid reasons, I don’t wanna be associated with a total jerk like him anyways, I don’t need his popularity, I’m perfectly skilled on my own.” you had answered.
“That’s fair.” was all she said back and she swore she wouldn’t tell anyone. 
You hear Hyunjin’s skates on the ice and you can’t help but look up, regardless of who it was, the sound of skates on ice made you happy. 
He got into position, eyes closed, and only when the music started at a low volume did he open them, almost as if he was awakening to a call. 
Hyunjin and his coach, they worked differently than you and coach Lee. Coach Choi almost never called any jumps for Hyunjin, it seemed like he memorized them all already so the coach didn’t have to remind him about any of them. The perks of being a prodigy you suppose. 
Hyunjin began to speed up, and before your eyes, he pulled off a quadruple axel and a triple toe loop with ease. You couldn’t deny you were impressed and you hated it, even Chaeryeong’s eyes widened at how fluid the jump was. 
Across the rink you could see Yuna watching Hyunjin with a big smile on her face as she clapped, and you spotted Sunghoon sitting in one of the seats the audience would soon be in in the coming days.  
Hyunjin really did seem like he was gliding, dancing even. When he was on the ice, he wasn’t annoying or snarky or irritating; he was beautiful. 
Your gut turns, this is the soulmate link, isn't it? 
“You have heart eyes, stop before anyone gets the wrong idea.” Chaeryeong whispered to you and you nudged her, making her giggle. 
Still, you couldn’t deny you couldn’t look away. 
Ah this, this was peace, Hyunjin thought to himself. 
“Next.” he mouthed quietly knowing only he could hear his words.
He visualized the jump, he saw the way it looked on the ice in his mind’s eye. He saw the lines it would make on the ice, how it would sound as he jumped and landed. To Hyunjin, routines are like clockwork, he’s perfected so many jumps at such a young age, they feel natural to him. 
He gains speed, turns back, he preps, and he’s in the air again. 
Quadruple loop, triple toe, and he lands beautifully. 
“Beautiful.” your coach says absentmindedly as she watches Hyunjin. 
You had to agree, he looked almost like a ballet dancer, graceful, light on his feet, executing everything perfectly. 
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little bit intimidated by Hyunjin’s skill. Even though you two don’t compete directly, you had looked at him like a rival since you two first met. He sometimes just seems like he’s on a whole different level than you or anyone here for that matter—no, five levels. 
You gulped nervously, you wanted to be at the level he was, he made everything look effortless, but you? You were still nervous on some jumps, some spiral sequences had you feeling unbalanced. Although you hated Hyunjin’s guts, he was a goal post for you, motivation. 
“Coach?” you asked and she looked to you, prying her eyes off of Hyunjin.
“Would it be okay if I used the other rink to keep practicing instead of waiting?” better to ask than to stay silent. 
Your coach was a bit surprised, but she saw the fire that had been lit behind your eyes, this was what she wanted from you when Hyunjin first came to your rink to practice. She wanted him to push you, and it was working. 
“Of course, the hockey team isn’t coming in today,” she replied and you went to grab your bag, Chaeryeong right behind as she’s more interested in your practice anyways. 
Hyunjin could see you in the corner of his eye leaving, his eye twitched, something pricked his gut, and just like that, he almost lost his footing. 
It was too quick, and too sudden for anyone but Hyunjin and his coach to notice, but why did it happen at all? Why should he give a single shit whether you were watching him or not. He silently cursed the black rose on his neck for the umpteenth time as he then regained focus and executed the next jump.
It was perfect, but it had a new bite to it that wasn’t there before. 
“Good work, stay balanced stay balanced!” you heard your coach say off to the side, and you listened as you remained balanced in your spreadeagle position. 
Chaeryeong clapped, “She looks so beautiful,” she said and your coach hummed in agreement. 
Chan and his teammates, Jaehyun and Mark came into the ice rink today, seeing if maybe they could practice a bit, but noticed that both rinks were in use today, Chan furrowed his brow and walked in with his friends. That’s when he saw you.
He and the others walked in a bit and you were in a layback Ina Bauer, a shorter one so it was an entry into your jump.
Triple axel, double toe.
“Perfect!” your coach said and clapped, you smiled as you skated and went into your spin combination to wrap up your routine again. 
Elegant, stunning, beautiful, those were all the things going through Chan’s mind as he watched you skate. 
You finished in your ending pose with a satisfied smile on your face, and over the cheers and claps of your coach and Chaeryeong, Chan could only stare, lips slightly parted in awe of you. 
“Close your mouth dude.” Mark said teasingly. 
“Yeah you’ll catch flies. “Jaehyun added and they laughed at their friend. Chan pouted and looked at them both. 
You caught Chan’s gaze and he froze for a moment, you smiled and waved, prompting him to wave back. After that the three of them decided to just go sit in the stands and wait for you to finish since they were here now. Jaehyun and Mark knew you too and also knew how Chan had a crush on you.
Chan had always wondered if you were his soulmate, he liked you a lot and he’d always think about it when he spotted the Sunflower on his collarbone, however after a beach trip with all your friends he noticed that you did not in fact have a matching tattoo to his when you wore your swimsuit.
While it was a little disappointing given how much he liked you, it wasn’t unheard of for people to date and be with people that weren’t their soulmates. Chan just honestly never had the courage to ask you out—to take it a step further than just flirty jokes. 
Would you be interested in that?
You practiced a few more jumps before stepping out of the rink to talk to your coach, and Chan, Jaehyun and Mark got up and walked over to you guys.
“Well well, it’s the new world champion!” Jaehyun yelled and lifted you over his shoulder suddenly. You yelped at the sudden feeling but laughed afterwards, all your friends joining in your laughter. 
“_____, we’ll run through the routines again tomorrow okay?” your coach said as she started heading out.
“Thank you coach, I understand.” you replied and gave her a bow, your friends doing the same.
“You’re getting really good _____!” Mark said and patted your shoulder, you rubbed the back of your neck. 
“Isn’t she though? I have to step up my game!” Chaeryeong agreed. 
“Yeah you really do.” Mark teased and Chaeryeong pushed him. 
“You looked really amazing out there.” Chan said truthfully, you couldn’t help the flustered giggle you let out and tucked a hair behind your ear. 
Hyunjin was getting off the ice when he saw you and Chan across the hall. He couldn’t hear your interaction with how far you were from him, but you were clearly laughing, smiling, pushing Chan’s shoulder and touching his arm.
It made his jaw clench, made his hands form fists that he couldn’t control. Jealousy was an ugly color on anyone, he most certainly did not want to wear it because of you. 
He opted to ignore you and walk over to the vending machines instead, what he couldn’t ignore though, was a new, weird turn in his gut at the thought of you, you with someone else.
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It was a normal day at college for you. Exams were before the competition, and so you got down to studying so you wouldn't worry about affecting your grades because of practice. 
Despite seeing Hyunjin at the rink almost all the time because your training schedules—unfortunately—clashed often, you two went to different colleges so you didn’t have to see him here thankfully. 
The only ones who went to the same school as you were Chan, Jaehyun and Mark, that’s how you got much closer to them. 
That’s also how you found yourself in the café you work at, thankfully off the clock today, and you’re cramming for your exams with the three boys. 
“I’m gonna fail.” you whine and lay your head on the table around your friends.
Jaehyun snorted and lifted your head only to take a napkin from under you for his lunch. 
“You’re not gonna fail, have a little faith.” Chan says and pets your hair gently, you whine as your head is covered in your arms. 
“Easy for you to say, you ace your tests..” you mutter bitterly and Chan laughs as he continues to stroke your hair subconsciously. That is, until Mark looked at Chan and laughed a bit, he couldn’t help but tease his friend about his very obvious crush. Chan glared at Mark before he could even make a single remark and removed his hand from your hair before any more teasing ensued. 
“I mean that’s why we’re here _____, you asked us for tutoring and besides you’re tutoring us in exchange.” Mark said and bit into his sandwich. 
You looked up with a pout, and Chan smiled at how cute you looked. 
“I’m so thankful for my best friends in the whole wide world.” you say sweetly, Jaehyun rolls his eyes. 
“Less kissing ass, more studying.” he said and poked your cheek with his pen. You groaned and sat up to start studying seriously. 
You and the guys came negan studying and it was a pretty quiet but efficient time. Chaeryeong had texted you that she was on her way to join the study session, and so you were expecting her soon, getting her a blueberry muffin knowing it was her favorite. 
Mark kept tempting death by Chaeryeong as he tried to steal the muffin and you kept slapping his hands away. 
“Don’t steal my muffin that my friend got me you dork!” Chaeryeong said behind you and she took her coat off, grabbing the muffin and giving you a quick peck on the cheek as a thank you.
“I would’ve if you’d been any slower.” Mark said and the two of them kept bickering for a moment, while Jaehyun laughed and Chan sighed. 
After that the study session kept going, after a few hours you finally felt like you understood what some of your exams were going to be about and how to pass them. On top of finally feeling like you were contributing to a project you had to present. After giving very exaggerated bear hugs to each of your friends, you told them you wanted to go and practice. 
“This late?” Mark asked. 
You nodded and cleaned up your things, Chan looked like he wanted to ask you something but he swallowed it back down. Chaeryeong looked at him and felt bad, she thinks you two would be cute, but she was a firm believer in soulmates, and since Hyunjin was yours she was always telling you that it could work out—which led to you fake gagging and telling her that that would never happen. 
“I can drive you if you want?” Chan offered and you smiled, but only because you came up and ruffled his curls playfully. 
“You need your rest, your game is tomorrow, but thanks.” you said and waved to the rest of your friends. 
Chan waved and hid his disappointment behind a small smile, he watched you leave and your other three friends shook their heads at how hopeless he was.
He couldn’t deny how hopeless he felt either. 
It was fairly dark, and you came to the rink to find it basically empty. 
You waved to the staff member who was usually in charge of closing up and they knew you stayed late to practice sometimes so they welcomed you in. 
They also told you that you weren’t the only one here and that surprised you. 
You walked in, and lo and behold who was here practicing. 
A raven-haired boy, black turtleneck on and practically slashing the ice with his skates. 
For once your shoulders don’t sag, you don’t roll your eyes, no, you’re enraptured by his figure under the contrast of the dark stands and the white rink. 
Hyunjin has you totally in awe. 
He tapped his skate into the ice and took off, another jump flawlessly executed, and yet, it seemed unlike the ones you’ve seen before—you’d been watching him more than you realized—and you can tell. 
It was hollow. 
For the first time in his life, Hyunjin felt frustrated as his skates slid through the ice. 
Your image was consuming his thoughts, your bright smile, your crinkled nose, the way your eyes were Chan, not him. 
He clenched his jaw and tapped the ice with his skate as he did his next jump, it was clean, perfect, and yet, it wasn’t enough. The thought of you with someone else shouldn’t bother him the way it does; it shouldn’t twist his gut and make it feel like his ribs are like chains, suffocating his heart. 
He enters his spin so fast but he never loses control, it’s almost frustrating to himself at how perfectly he can execute everything, even in his frustration. 
He groans as he can feel himself getting angrier, why do you affect him like this? You’re no one to him, you’re nothing. 
Even he feels like that’s such a blatant lie. 
It feels like the tattoo on his neck is burning, branding him. 
He desperately wanted to rip it off his skin, claw at it till it bleeds but it would do nothing, it was in his DNA, the bond he has with you is eternal the moment you two looked at each other years ago. 
He hates it, he hates that you have any influence over him. 
He didn’t need anything or anyone else, so why?! 
For the first time he can recall, his focus is lost on him, the anger takes control and he digs his skate too much, the spin is sloppy. 
He falls. 
“Are you okay?!” 
He hears the one voice he wishes he wouldn’t, and yet at the same time, his chest soars at the sound of it. 
You don’t know what came over you, but this overwhelming amount of concern just flooded your senses as you came to the edge of the rink. Hyunjin looked up and his hand was humming because of breaking his fall on the ice, but it wasn’t serious. 
He scoffed to mask the odd warmth he was feeling at the sight of you. “I don’t need your concern.” he brushed off. 
Under normal circumstances you would’ve gotten angry, snapped back at him for his dismissiveness, but you didn’t buy it this time, you sat down and pulled your skates out quickly as you then came out onto the ice. Hyunjin was a bit taken aback but he didn’t pull away from you as you grabbed his wrist to check his hand.
This soulmate link was more dangerous than you thought, your instincts were driving you to do things that were unnatural to you. Caring for your soulmate is a part of you no matter how much you deny it, it’s in every one of us, and you couldn’t fight back even if you wanted to.
Neither could Hyunjin though.
He watched you, a softer gaze than his normal pointed ones as he looked at you. The concern in your eyes made him feel shy, he almost wanted to turn his face away, but Hyunjin never became this soft for anyone.
Hyunjin pulled his hand from you, his face confused and almost nervous as he looked away from you. You could tell he was closing himself off—for valid reasons though—and you almost felt hurt, but then you remember how your relationship is. 
Caring for each other is nowhere in the description. 
“Sorry I-” you don’t know what else to say, Hyunjin doesn’t either, this is incredibly awkward. 
You notice he doesn’t have his soulmate tattoo covered up, and it really is a twin to yours, you remember yours isn’t covered right now either as you put a hand to it subconsciously. 
“You know, you came into the last jump with a little more speed than you normally do.” you mentioned, Hyunjin looked at you, and he scoffed again, being a smartass around you was basically a shield at this point. 
“And here you said you weren’t a fan when we first met.” he quipped, you rolled your eyes and began skating. 
Why? Why weren’t his jabs affecting you like normal? It was freaking him out honestly. 
You gathered some speed, and you did the jump that Hyunjin attempted—a triple axel into a double toe—you landed perfectly and gracefully and you came up to Hyunjin again. 
“There, I demonstrated.” you say with a smirk. 
Hyunjin couldn’t believe you were even trying to ‘teach him’. 
“You do realize I’m a prodigy right? I don’t need you to teach me ‘basics’.” he said with a bit of a bite and you smirked even more, not threatened by his little outburst. 
“Yeah yeah, prodigy or not, you can still get some feedback and help from others.” you mentioned. 
Hyunjin doesn’t have a counter this time, instead he just skates and attempts the jump again. 
Slower, see the jump, then he's in the air again. 
Your eyes sparkle just faintly as he lands beautifully. You were tempted to clap but you held back. 
“Are you done with your ‘feedback’ now?” Hyunjin asked as he came up to you again, he was almost chest to chest with you and your breath hitched. 
“Yeah… I guess.” you answered a bit breathlessly. 
You couldn’t stop staring at Hyunjin, and he couldn’t either it seemed. You two gazed at each other, not saying a word, the same way you two did when you first felt your tattoo burn. 
Suddenly Hyunjin’s hand came up and you almost flinched when his fingers came up and touched the tattoo on your neck.
His fingers burned, despite being the ice, you felt hot, too hot. It’s like he was the sun and he was painting you with his flames. 
He broke his stare and his fingers left your neck—you missed his touch—and he started to skate off to the edge to get out of the rink. 
You wanted to say something—anything—ask him where he was going. 
Ask him to stay. 
Hyunjin then took his skates off, and to your surprise, he didn’t just grab his things and leave, he stayed seated, one leg crossing over the other and he looked at you. 
You stared at him, dumbfounded and he rolled his eyes. 
“Your routine, show it to me.” he said sternly and you were still confused so he clarified. 
“I’m gonna give you some pointers, think of it as an exchange for your ‘feedback’ not that I needed it.” he muttered the last part. 
You couldn’t believe Hwang Hyunjin had even considered returning a favor to you. However, although you can’t stand him, hearing his feedback on our routine would be useful you think, and so you find yourself getting into position. 
“T-This is my short-”
“I know that, just get on with it.” 
You glared at Hyunjin and the sour words you were about to spit at him fizzled out on your tongue as you chose to ignore him instead and begin. 
Needless to say, you want to take back your earlier statement, Hyunjin’s feedback was not useful. Instead he was correcting you like a drill sergeant. 
“Your form is off! Straighten your back!” you heard him say, you groaned and did what he said. 
Why did he have a master ability to ruin your entire mood?
Hyunjin eventually sighed himself and put his skates back on to consult you directly. 
He put a hand at your forehead and one at the small of your back and gently pushed you straight. You groaned and he scoffed. 
“Stop complaining I barely touched you. Now,” he steps back and looks at you, he mills over anything else he needs to change. 
“This is super stiff..” you whine.
“Yeah but your jump won’t wobble around on landing.” Hyunjin countered. 
“So is that how it is for you then?”
You release from the position and skate over to Hyunjin who is leaning on the wall of the rink now. You take a spot next to him and lean back too.
“You don’t care about being comfortable or enjoying yourself, you just skate as efficiently as possible?” you clarify. 
Hyunjin doesn’t answer immediately, is that really how it seemed? The methods he was showing you were how his parents and his old coaches would train him, regardless of your position you need to execute things perfectly. Is that another reason he didn’t really take a minute to enjoy performances, he just wanted to skate… freely. 
You dared to touch Hyunjin’s arm, a form of consoling him, for what you weren’t sure but you could see the inner conflict in his eyes. 
“Everyone expects perfection in skating _____, you don’t have time to enjoy it.” he says curtly and exits the rink. 
“I disagree!” you say a bit louder than you intended and Hyunjin stares at you, challenging you to elaborate.
“You should enjoy yourself you know? You always seem so happy when you perform. Yet when the music stops, you put on that fake smile and keep moving.” 
Hyunjin got shivers, he wondered how you knew him like this, given you despised him. 
“I just, you should skate the way you want, if performing doesn’t make you happy then-“
“You say that as if I have a choice.” Hyunjin interrupted with some bite. He walks up to you with a new fire lit underneath him and you near flinch. 
“I’m a prodigy, one of the best skaters the world has seen in some time. I don’t get a choice whether I perform or not, especially not now, it’s far too late for that.” he almost growls, “If I were to quit now, everyone would go on about how I’m ‘wasting my talent’ or ‘that’s the benefit of being a prodigy, he’s not like the rest of us’.” he went on. 
“Unlike normal skaters, like you,” he eyed you up and down, it was scrutinizing, “I don’t get normal options when it comes to my talent. The ice is all I know, and I don’t intend to abandon it now.” he sneers and he grabs his bag and just like that, the calm peace you had with Hyunjin dies out like a flickering ember. 
The Hyunjin who wasn’t snarky, the one who was calm, focused as well as stern, that was new to you. 
There were more pages to Hyunjin than you realized initially, and part of you wanted to know every last page of his complicated book. 
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The competition was today and your usual pre-game nerves were setting in. 
It was up to Chaeryeong to calm you in times like this because you began to criticize everything about your routines. 
Was this jump enough? 
Would this step sequence give you enough points?
Could you do this spin right?
“_____! Breathe!” Chaeryeong said with a laugh because you were running all these questions off your tongue at the speed of sound. 
“It’s fine, it’s perfect, it’s the start of the season so even if you get a bad score you can still work your way up.” she says to try and comfort you but alas, you begin to panic. 
“Oh god what if I get a bad score?! What if I freeze-”
“I take it back! That was a horrible attempt at comfort, I’m sorry. You’re gonna do fine.” she fixed and grabbed you by the shoulders, and you nod slowly, not sure if you fully believe her. 
“I wish you were competing with me..” you mutter and Chaeryeong winces, as she then looks down to the fresh boot around her leg. 
A freak injury during practice that would take her out of the chances for competing, let alone nationals. It was devastating a few days ago when it happened and you cried with Chaeryeong when she got the news. 
Still she insisted on being able to come and watch you perform like the great friend she is. 
“Yeah.. me too.” Chaeryeong said but smiled as she looked at you “You need to focus on yourself though, I’m gonna be in the stands cheering for you with everyone so go out there and crush it!” she adds and you smile. 
Your short skate was fine and you had it engraved in your brain but your free is where you were still a bit nervous. You were trying some new things that were more difficult, and adding new elements to any routine often left you a bit antsy. 
You took deep breaths, the competition would start in a few hours and so you went to go get your hair and makeup done before then. 
Chaeryeong would be fine as your coach was with her, you knew your dad, Felix and Jeno were on their way, Chan, Mark and Jaehyun were coming with them. You’d have support, everything would be okay. 
“Sorry can someone help zip me up?” you heard someone ask, and it was Yeji, a fellow skater here at the rink. 
You smiled and came over and helped zip her dress.
“Thanks _____,” 
“No problem, good luck out there.” was your response and Yeji smiled and nodded. 
Yeji was from a rink a bit farther away from yours and she was kind and very talented. You only ever saw her during competitions like this one, but even though you didn’t talk much she never once made you feel like she was above you. 
Suddenly the announcer called for the women skaters to come out and warm up and so you headed out, a deep breath in and out and you were out the door with the others. 
The applause was more than welcome as you and a few other skaters were warming up, you began to do smaller jumps to get a feel. You were thankful that the competition was in your rink, the ice was familiar and not something you had to get used to. In fact it was the ones coming from other rinks that would need to get adjusted. 
The ice is your partner and not all ice is the same, it’s like meeting a new partner for the day, you have to meet, get accustomed with each other, and prepare for your performance. You need to know how it’ll feel under your skates, feel how it’ll catch you when you jump, or hold you as you spin. 
Yeji was out here, doing just that, getting acclimated to your ice. She did some jumps and a spin and she already looked comfortable. Some people acclimate to new ice better than others after all. 
Yuna was in your group as well and she was doing a spiral, she kept her balance and looked very graceful, she seemed to have a lot on her mind though—a worrisome issue for skaters. When it’s time to perform you need to shove all that into a box in your mind for later. 
A couple other girls you hadn’t met before were here and you took another deep breath. You entered into a jump and nailed it perfectly. A nice confidence boost before going on. You were the third to last skater in your group, so you’d have a moment to wait but that was fine, it gave you time to pep yourself up instead of psych yourself out. 
As warm-ups ended you got off the rink and the first skater, Yeji, was up. 
As you came out, Chan came to meet with you for a minute. 
“Nervous?” Chan asked and you shook your head.
“Nope, I’ve got this.” you didn’t necessarily believe yourself fully but hey, fake it till you make it. 
Chan smiled and he could tell you were nervous still, but he liked your spirit, Chan’s smile always made you a little flustered but you smiled back at him. 
He leaned forward to whisper in your ear, “You’re gonna do great, I know it.” 
His voice made your cheeks burn but you smiled nonetheless, pushing his shoulder like you always do. 
Hyunjin was coming out of the back and saw you two again, it’s like life was enjoying tormenting his new emotions. His lips pursed and he could feel some mix of anger and jealousy bubbling up in him as he put his earbuds in and tuned you and Chan out of his head. 
A clouded head is a figure skater’s worst enemy. 
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The applause rings in your ears and you’re panting a little as you finished your short skate. You smiled as you finished and waved to the crowd as you skated over and picked up a plush you found, a cute brown bear. 
As you came over to the edge and came off the rink and hugged your coach, your body felt electric, the adrenaline coursing through your veins and your heart was drumming so fast. 
Your score was more than ideal and you hugged your coach again, waving to the camera and sending kisses. You saw your little section of family and friends and waved to them too. 
It would be a moment before your free skate so you took the time to relax and stay warm. 
“You did great!” Mark said as your friends came down from the stands to see you for a moment. 
“Thanks guys.” you said. 
“You completely nailed your axel, I told you you’re gonna master that!” Chaeryeong said as she held on to Jaehyun, who offered to carry her on piggyback. 
“One more skate for the day.” Chan said and you nodded. Getting a good spot in preliminaries was all you wanted so you could compete in the semis and the finals. 
You heard the audience from the other rink and remembered that men’s preliminaries were going on over there. 
A certain raven-haired boy came to mind as you looked over in the direction of the other rink. 
As if one cue, you noticed said boy was the one finishing, your friends followed your line of sight to Hyunjin. He was finishing and flowers were thrown on the rink for him. 
“Still think of him as a rival?” Jaehyun asked, even though he knew the answer, you stared at Hyunjin’s small figure in the rink and a fire lit behind your eyes. 
“Absolutely.” was your clear answer. 
Hyunjin felt a gaze on him, not all the spectators, not his coach, not his parents who always came to support him. 
No, he knew exactly who was looking at him, even if he didn’t know where they were. 
It gave him a bit of an edge but he smiled and waved to the crowd. 
After getting his scores—near perfect as expected—and going off to the side, he notices you again, god he wishes you’d stop stealing his focus. 
Still, for some reason, he wasn’t filled with anger initially, no, he wasn’t sure what this was. He noticed you just relaxing against the hall, watching the other skating group warm up. Your dress was pretty, black with glitter on the ends, it had a turtleneck to it and long sleeves that almost looked like sweater paws do. You looked cute, pretty even. 
He was almost tempted to go and talk to you for some strange reason, it was a brief moment where he didn’t completely dislike you and this link. 
That is, until he noticed you waving and his eyes followed yours to see your friends, and Chan. 
He smiled and winked at you, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and you looked fucking smitten. It disgusted Hyunjin, but it wasn’t because it was open PDA or anything basic, no; it was because you were his soulmate, and he thought he hated that, but what he hated more right now was you ‘pining’ after some other guy. 
This fire in his chest was exploding like a volcano erupting, everything was pushed aside as he was now blinded by anger and jealousy yet again—feelings he has yet to learn how to control.
The link was flooding Hyunjin’s senses and before he could even think about what he was doing, he was striding to you, your wide eyes meeting his. 
“Locker room, now.” 
You were flabbergasted by Hyunjin’s forwardness, but the burning stare and his stern voice told you that this wasn’t something you could negotiate. 
You started walking but Hyunjin grabbed your wrist, and pulled you a bit. Thankfully no one saw you.
After he pulled you into the room and locked it, you noticed the way your wrist was red, it burned.
“What’s your problem?” you asked and Hyunjin scoffed. 
“My problem? I should ask you why you’re fucking flirting out in the open with your little hockey boyfriend!” Hyunjin yells and you're shocked, you’ve argued before sure, but you’ve never seen him so viscerally angry before. 
“Excuse me?! Why the fuck do you even care?!” you yell back. 
“Oh if only you knew! I wish I didn’t care, god I wish I didn’t, but it’s getting on my last fucking nerve and you know why?!” Hyunjin rips his turtleneck down and you’re face to face with what would normally be a black rose tattoo, but it’s got a skin toned patch over it. 
“It’s ‘cause I’m fucking cursed with this stupid flower! Every time you throw yourself all over that guy it stings me, my stomach turns and I fucking hate it!” he yells. 
Hyunjin hated you talking to Chan? He was jealous? 
If things were different, you liked Hyunjin, he liked you maybe, maybe you’d feel happy about the fact that he cares. However, you’re sick instead, because he’s being forced to care; and you don’t feel bad because-
“How do you think I felt whenever you decided to mention that you were going on a date or something while we bickered?!” you nearly screamed, you were not going to apologize or back down to him. Never. 
“It stings Hyunjin but it’s not like I expect you to care! Now all of a sudden because you understand how it feels it’s a problem?!” 
Hyunjin groaned in frustration and you couldn’t believe he was doing this right now. 
“God! You make me so crazy! Believe me if I could just not give a fuck and ignore you I would! I’m so sick of dealing with you, it’s like no matter what I do, you haunt me!” he yelled right at you, and that hurt.
Tears were threatening to spill over your ears but you didn’t have time for this. Getting distracted now wouldn’t help anything, you still had a free skate. 
So you brushed his shoulder and headed for the door, “I don’t care how you feel Hyunjin, that’s your problem. I can flirt with whoever I want, it’s not like you ever considered my feelings so I don’t have to consider yours.” you finished and just before you grabbed the door knob Hyunjin scoffed and he spoke up. 
“Yeah, it’s my problem, hope it’s your problem when I go and fuck one of the girls in the competition later...” 
Hyunjin usually didn’t go that far, he felt it when the words slipped out. He had no intention of actually doing that, but when you two argued, he tended to just lose himself and say things in anger. When you turned around with anger and tears in your eyes, it may have been the first time he regretted the words he said. 
You couldn’t even control yourself as you walked through the small room and just like that, you slapped Hyunjin across the face. 
Hyunjin’s cheek was humming from the impact, his eyes were wide and he was frozen. 
“I hate you! I wish you weren’t my soulmate, I wish it was Chan, or literally anyone else! I fucking hate you Hyunjin!” you screamed at him. 
You spat the words, intending for them to sting and Hyunjin simply flinched and his hands twitched at his side. You rushed out after that, dabbing at your eyes so you didn’t ruin your makeup. He just had to ruin everything like he always did. 
You can’t believe life paired you up with someone so selfish; and yet, you knew that in your heart, you still can’t fucking hate him. 
You never thought that having a soulmate could feel so reminiscent of a curse. 
Your coach found you in the hall and she came up concerned as she gave you a hug. Thankfully you weren’t up for a moment so for a moment you let your makeup run and your coach guided you gently to get it redone. 
Hyunjin stayed in the locker room, hand touching his stinging cheek. Even he knows he went too far this time; the damage was done though, and his chest was heavy. 
What was he thinking dragging you over here anyways? Distractions during a competition? This was so unlike him to lose his cool like this. Seeing you with Chan pissed him off sure, but this was a bit much even for him. 
Hyunjin’s free skate wasn't for some time as he was the last skater in the men’s free. Normally he didn’t mind going last, but now he had to think about how his words really hurt you this time. 
He knew you’d be pissed with him before, but hurting you, making you cry, that’s not something he feels good about at all. 
He’s not so sure that’s something he can blame on the soulmate link this time. 
Maybe he needed to take a step back and think of his feelings and your own a little bit. 
Thousands of arguments in the past, but this was your first real fight, the first time it had real consequences.
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You blame Hyunjin for everything right now. 
You were hurt, distracted, but you knew you had a skate to do. All of it was for later—where hopefully you could give Hyunjin a better piece of what you thought. 
However, Hyunjin wasn’t your only problem right now. 
When you saw how you were currently 3rd place after the short skates, your stomach did a nervous jump. You thought your short skate did enough to keep you in 1st, but Yuna was above you, and another skater you didn’t know had topped both of you. 
You often had nerves about competitions, you couldn’t stop that ugly voice that compared you to other skaters, telling you that there were tons of skaters better than you. 
You tried super hard to keep that voice under wraps but it couldn’t help but poke out from the room in your mind you’d locked it in. Telling you this free skate wouldn’t help you, telling you that you could just give up. 
You shook your head, you wouldn’t listen to that voice, despite it coming to you when you’re more vulnerable after fighting with Hyunjin. 
Fighting with your soulmate felt like you were pushing a double-edged sword into each other. 
It was awful. Hurting him, him hurting you, and both of you being in pain for both reasons. 
The worst kind of pain. 
You took a deep breath, and you heard your name across the speakers, Yuna was in the same room with you and she looked at you, you looked back. No words exchanged, it was clear Yuna didn’t like you, however she smiled at you. 
“Good luck. I see you as a rival you know?” was all she said, and you smiled back. 
You walked out and saw your coach as you both walked to the rink. 
You skated out and you plastered a fake smile on your face as you stopped in the center of the rink to get in position. 
Right now, Hyunjin could wait, this was about you. 
As the music started, you began to move, letting muscle memory take control, let the ice think for you as you skated. 
The first jump was coming and although your nerves were more prominent, you took a deep breath and entered it. 
Your skates hit the ice as you landed perfectly, the cheers were deafeningly loud right now, more than they were before. 
For some reason it wasn’t comforting at all though, instead it placed heavier pressure on you to execute the next thing in your routine perfectly. 
Was this the pressure Hyunjin felt? 
He said all he needed was the ice, that nothing else mattered; but he also told you that he doesn’t have the freedom of choice with his talents, because everyone has expectations of him. 
That pressure must weigh a lot. 
Wait, you’re thinking of Hyunjin!
You feel your skate slip as you were working through your step sequence and you exited it too early—sloppily even. 
No, no no! You’re getting distracted! 
You were messing up your routine!
That ugly voice was yelling ‘sloppy!’ and ‘unacceptable!’ and your breathing was quickening so you tried to get it together as you began to pick up speed. 
The eyes watching you were too much right nice, for the first time in years you were experiencing stage fright of sorts as the music was too loud and you could feel the judges, the spectators, were all judging you, wondering how you could’ve messed up something so simple. 
You popped your next jump, not rotating as many times as you’d planned. 
“Oh no..” Chaeryeong whispered as she watched you.
This wasn’t the first time you’d had your nerves overtake you during a competition, but it had been years since you were like this. She knew something was wrong. Your family and your friends knew too, and of course your coach. 
“Come on _____, it’s okay, bring it back.” your coach uttered under her breath. 
You entered a spin and closed your eyes, trying to calm down, you remembered Hyunjin telling you that you were too messy on your next jump, to make your back straighter, so as you exited your spin, you tried to take his advice. 
As you entered your layback Ina Bauer and then jumped, you straightened your back and landed much cleaner than in practice. The crowd cheered and you let out an exhale. 
Guess Hyunjin knew what he was talking about. 
Suddenly though, Hyunjin’s voice entered your head. 
I’m so sick of dealing with you, it’s like no matter what I do, you haunt me!
You felt a prick of pain in your heart, like someone poked it with a needle, you shook yourself of those thoughts and picked up speed for the next jump. 
Something felt slightly off but it was too late otherwise you’d pop another jump so you lifted yourself. 
Misfortune really struck hard as your blade caught the ice. 
You had a partnership with the ice, you had to trust it to catch you, hold you, but you didn’t trust it, instead you worried about what everyone else thought, and the instant regret was too brutal to swallow. 
The entire rink gasps as you fall violently, your arm weakly breaking the fall but your ribs take most of it, and your cheek grazes the ice, scraping it. You slide until you bump the barricade and you don’t get up for a moment, but then pull yourself up just barely. You want to continue but your ribs hurt too much as you clutch them—you think they’re definitely bruised. The jump you were aiming for was difficult you admit, and speed kills, it’s basics, you knew the speed at which you could execute the jump, and you just came into it way too fast. A basic mistake you made at too high a level to be acceptable in any competition. 
Tears brim your eyes from the pain but also from embarrassment as the music stops and your coach comes to the edge and pulls you off the rink. You walk back to the locker room and you overhear the announcer say you’re out for injury a moment before the door closes and the next skater—Yuna—would come out now. 
Your heart was broken, you just ruined your performance, your point total for the nationals would be cut severely. The season just started and you could easily come back from this, it wouldn’t be detrimental, but your mind was too clouded. All you could think about was how everyone saw your failure, how it’d be so hard to regain approval in the eyes of the judges, how you’d need to work twice as hard to get back in the standings early. 
You prayed you weren’t injured so badly your season was over.
Your coach asked if you felt your arm was broken but you shook your head, being able to move it just fine, it just felt like a deep bruise, maybe some soreness. She told you you could go to the hospital to get properly checked up and that’s when your family came into the back to check on you, Chan and your friends as well. 
There were too many people, you appreciated their worry but this was too much. You pulled out a first aid kit and headed to the bathroom saying you could treat your scrape yourself. Chan insisted on coming with you but you insisted harder that it was fine, and he didn’t push it because you clearly needed to be alone. Even though your arm was still humming at how sore it felt, you could clean your scrape just fine. 
The music from the performances was muffled in the hall as you walked, quiet footsteps filled with sadness. 
You looked up and stopped as you saw Hyunjin was leaning against the wall. His hands shoved into the pockets of his down jacket he’d thrown on temporarily. He looks at you and it was a look that almost looked like sadness, or maybe it was pity, you weren’t sure. What you were sure of, was that you didn’t want to deal with his bullshit, not right now, maybe not ever again. 
You sighed and began to walk and before you walked past him, you heard him speak up. 
You stop, and begrudgingly you turn your head slightly to see Hyunjin in your peripheral vision—he looks like he wants to say something. 
“It’s not bad right?” you knit your brows together, not understanding what he meant. He sighs and looks away from you for a moment before elaborating.
“Your arm, your ribs. It’s not bad right?” he repeated more clearly, quietly though, his words floating through the hallway. He was clearly having trouble expressing himself. 
You almost felt surprised, he cares? 
Your heart does some odd thump and you look away from him, “No, as far as I know, just some deep bruising.” you answer. 
You think for a second you hear a quiet sigh of relief but you may be hearing things because when you look back at Hyunjin properly, he’s still looking at the floor, was it really that interesting with all the dirty scrapes and old gum on it?
What you didn’t know was that Hyunjin was watching your performance, he could tell even from a screen that you were distracted, he knows it’s all his fault. There’s nothing he can do to make up for it, but his heart definitely stopped for a few seconds when he saw you fall out on the ice. 
His breath was stolen as nerves flooded his senses when you didn’t get up right away. Every inch of his being screamed to run out onto the ice and get to you, check on you, but he watched your coach take you and a shaky exhale escaped him. 
It’s how he found himself contemplating checking on you here in this hall, but then you came out of that locker room and your frame seemed smaller than normal. It killed him inside. 
Hyunjin picks at the inside of his jacket pockets, sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, the guilt he felt was eating him alive. After everything, he had to say something, something to ease your pain, if not just a little bit. 
“I’m sorry, about the performance. Your score dropped a bit,” 
That was not the right thing to say. 
You laughed bitterly, “Hey at least you got what you wanted right? You felt like I wouldn’t leave you alone, well I don’t even know if I can come back from this this season. Congrats, you win this one.” you feel sick and you really don’t want anyone’s pity right now, especially Hyunjin’s. 
When he looks at you, his chest aches, seeing you in pain is making his heart clench, “_____, that’s not what I meant, look I was a jerk and I-”
“Hyunjin it’s almost time!” Coach Choi called out. 
Hyunjin looked at his coach and then back to you, he wanted desperately to try and clear up what he meant but you finished things for him. 
“I need to go treat my scrape. Break a leg.” you said plainly and headed to the bathroom before Hyunjin could say anything else, you don’t want to hear it; not right now. 
Hyunjin for once, agrees with you, he was the worst. 
His old excuse of blaming you or the soulmate link didn’t work anymore. He was the reason everything was crumbling. It felt like the ice he lived with was cracking under pressure. As he watches your sad back turn into the bathroom, it puts a crack in his heart. 
Part of him wants to help you, help clean your scrape, maybe hold you? That would be too out of line though wouldn’t it? After everything you two have spat at each other—especially today—the wall almost seems too high to even try to climb. 
He mouths a quiet ‘fuck’ and walks over to his coach. 
The bathroom door creaks as you open it and walk into the bathroom—the fluorescent lights hurt your head. You look at yourself with dead eyes and as you place the cotton ball on your cheek, you flinch at the sting of the alcohol as it hits your open cut. 
It’s then you spot the black rose tattoo that peaks through your dress, and then salty tears sting your scrape as you finally cry and let it all out. You drop the cotton ball and crouch down, hugging your knees, practically wailing as you cry and cry and cry. 
Life isn't fair. 
As the day ended, Hyunjin got another perfect score and won the tournament, and you’re crying in a cold bathroom alone. 
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The morning after the competition was awful. 
Your bruises were a cruel reminder that you were taken out of the competition because of your injury and not completing your free skate. 
After going to the hospital with your family, thankfully nothing was broken, cracked or anything else horrible. You had some deep muscle bruising on your ribs but it wasn’t too big of an area and other than that, you’d be fine. The bruise on your arm was much smaller and after a couple weeks of recovering, icing the bruises, and keeping your arm elevated when you were resting, you’d be back on the ice in no time. 
That was the only good news. After that, you stayed with your dad and brother again since your roommate was visiting their family, you really didn’t want to be alone. Having said that, you still locked yourself in your room, you only came out for necessities. Chan, Chaeryeong and your friends tried to coax you out so you could get your mind off of things; take you to a party, a movie, or just out to eat, but it never worked.
You’d politely decline their offers and opt to lay in bed, in the dark, until you needed to eat or use the bathroom, or if your dad brought you an ice pack for your ribs. 
You didn’t want to face the ice right now, you questioned it as you skated and you paid for it. It felt like betraying its trust in you, and you just couldn’t face practice either—not that you could practice right now anyway. 
You still couldn’t get Hyunjin out of your mind either; you’d think about what he was doing, practicing, adding another competition medal to his collection maybe? 
As much as he threw those bitter words at you, you still couldn’t bring yourself to hate him completely, you never could honestly. 
You had never thought of he soulmate link as a curse until now, and you have to agree with Hyunjin. It’s like he was haunting your thoughts—the one thing you just can’t escape from. 
Still, even with all of that, you couldn’t hate him. The link wouldn’t allow it for you, and maybe, as stupid as it felt right now, maybe you didn’t want to hate him. 
You sighed as you stared at your bedroom ceiling. You felt hopeless, was there actually any way you and Hyunjin could not hate each other? 
You couldn’t see it right now in the darkness of your bedroom. Nor when you closed your eyes and could perfectly picture him. You could see his pretty black hair, his brown eyes, his pink lips, it was hard not to fall for Hyunjin’s beauty. It was only his arrogant personality that had turned you away, maybe you two just got off on the wrong foot like Chaeryeong would constantly try and reason?
A knock on your door took you from your thoughts, and you saw Felix peek through.
“I don’t mean to bother, but uh,” 
He clearly seemed conflicted, but your brother was never conflicted with telling you stuff so you sat up—albeit kind of slowly so you didn’t strain your ribs. 
“That famous skater dude from my school, and that you hate was here.” he said. 
Your brows furrowed but then one of them raised so high, it couldn’t be. 
“Why?” you ask carefully. 
Felix shifts his weight on foot to the either and shrugs, “Said something about food, and he had to tell you something, so-”
Your brother walked in with takeout from the place you like and a piece of paper that he placed on your nightstand. 
“He seemed pretty antsy about visiting.” was the last thing Felix said before he left you in peace. 
You were still in shock and then took the piece of paper and opened it to see a small note. 
Your friend told me you liked the food from this place.
I’d like to I want to apologize but I’d rather do it over the phone. 
(I figured you wouldn’t want to see me.)
You knew the friend Hyunjin was talking about had to be Chaeryeong, and you simultaneously wanted to shake her by the shoulders and also, kind of thank her? 
Part of you had wanted to talk to Hyunjin again, even after everything, but you were too scared to even see him at all right now. 
You entered the number and tested a text.
[7:58pm] you: is this the legendary prodigy himself?
You were worried it was a bit too snarky when all you wanted to do was talk, old habits die hard you suppose. 
A ping had you feeling oddly relieved.
[8:00pm] hyunjin: stfu and call me ;p
You laugh and actually do as he says now. It only took two rings before Hyunjin picked up. 
“You said you wanted to apologize, do you realize how weird it is that you gave your number to my brother to give to me?” you start, hearing Hyunjin sigh on the other end. 
“Look, I didn’t know how else to deal with this okay? I know we aren’t friends but, the stuff I said back at the competition was out of line. I may not like you, but to make you cry the way I did, it was wrong. You were distracted and all of this happened because of me, I felt like my heart stopped for a minute when you didn’t get up right away if I’m being honest. I’m really sorry.” Hyunjin replied and you could hear the sincerity in his voice. 
For once he didn’t sound sarcastic or whiny, he sounded the way he did when you met him at the ice rink that night, calm. 
“Apology not accepted.” 
You laugh louder now, this is probably the most you’ve laughed since everything happened yesterday. You wince a bit as your ribs cry out in pain but for once you’re not upset about the reminder of your bruises.
“I’m sorry too, for, you know.. slapping you, I don’t actually hate you.” you said after a moment.
“It’s okay, I deserved it.”
“Yeah you did.”
For the first time, Hyunjin’s little laugh didn’t make you cringe, instead it made your stomach feel fluttery. 
“Thanks for the food, I assume Chae told you about it.” 
“Yeah, she punched my shoulder twice and then told me.” Hyunjin replied and you snorted, you could definitely picture Chaeryeong doing that. 
“So, do you actually accept my apology?” 
Hyunjin almost sounded nervous, like his voice was pleading for you to forgive him, but he couldn’t have cared that much right? Though, he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to bring you dinner and talk to you now if he didn’t care to some degree you suppose. He could’ve just kept ignoring you. 
The tattoo on your neck burns a little at the thought of him caring, you think. 
“I mean, making my season a lot harder is a serious offense Hyunjin.” —You can practically feel how tense Hyunjin is over the phone— “I’ll only forgive you if you promise to play nice the next time I come to the rink, and every other time after that, we don’t have to get along, but I’m tired of fighting with you.” you explain. 
There was silence over the phone for a moment, then you hear Hyunjin sigh, you knew almost anything you offered in exchange for you forgiving him would’ve probably been okay, but this is all you really wanted. After that awful argument before, you wanted that part of you two’s relationship to end. 
“That’s fair.” was all he said and you smiled. 
“Thank you.” 
Hyunjin didn’t think that hearing you forgive him for being an ass would have his heart thumping like a hummingbird, but hearing your laughs and the smile he knows you have on while you talk to him. It’s doing things to him. 
“So anyways, I’m gonna go now.” Hyunjin said, and you hummed. 
“Okay, thanks again for dinner.” 
After that you two got off the phone. Who knew talking with your soulmate without arguing was this easy?
Could you possibly, like Hyunjin?
It was too early to tell right now, but the thought of him smiling at you, laughing with you, looking at you like he was in love, that kept you up till nearly midnight. 
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Your mood fluctuated more often than you cared to admit to anyone during your recovery process. 
A week had past and your bruises were getting better, you’d gone back to living in your college dorm after feeling you could take care of yourself, and things were getting better. Mentally there were just days that were good and bad. You had days where you were more optimistic; where you told yourself it wasn’t the end of your season and you could come back from this. However there were also days where things felt hopeless. You felt like you’d let yourself and everyone supporting you down. 
Not that this was your last season but, it still felt crushing as the memory of you falling, the music stopping and you walking off replayed in your head constantly.
Sometimes you thought maybe going out to party and getting a buzz would be a good idea, just to take your mind off of things. 
That’s actually how you found yourself agreeing to one of Chaeryeong’s party invites. It turns out it was being hosted at Hyunjin’s house and part of you was fine with that, while the other part had your stomach sinking. 
“Why would you invite me to a party at his house?” you ask Chaeryeong as she drives you both to the party. 
“In my defense I didn’t know it was his house,” she said parroting how you said it. “Ryujin just told me that Jisung was hosting a party, I found out that like lots of different school’s students get together for Jisung’s parties, like shortly after telling you. It just so happened that Hyunjin and Jisung are friends and he offered to host the party for him.” she said guiltily. 
Even after telling you that, you still agreed to go and try and have some fun, clear your head, but personally you were a little nervous. You haven’t spoken to Hyunjin since he brought you dinner that one night. 
Han Jisung was infamous for having pretty bomb parties, he went to Hyunjin’s school apparently and students from universities all across your city would wanna go to them. 
Still, fate had a funny way of bringing you and Hyunjin together. Although you agreed not to fight with him anymore, seeing him again in person was scary. 
As you walked into Hyunjin’s house with Chaeryeong, you were kind of astonished by how big it was. Sure, it was no giant mansion but it was still really nice. 
The music was pretty loud but it offered you a chance to drown out your thoughts. 
Chaeryeong brought you over to the drinks and smiled “Drink all you want, I’m the designated driver today!” she exclaimed and you were thankful to her. 
“I mean, try not to get wa-”
Before Chaeryeong could finish her statement you grabbed a cup and chugged your first drink. 
“Oh boy,” was all she said before you grabbed one more, chugging the contents and hissing at the burn, it wasn’t unwelcome. 
You were a lightweight, so that was all you needed to let loose. Chaeryeong thankfully was with you for most of the party, letting you dance and take your mind off of everything else. 
However in truth, drinking and partying your problems away was a very short and very temporary fix to things. 
After a little while you found yourself sitting on a couch in the living room with Chaeryeong holding you. She had hoped you’d let things out and be honest with yourself but so far after getting all your energy out you were silent, and tired. 
In truth, you were pretty wasted, even though you only had two drinks, your other school friends you knew were here and off having fun save for Chaeryeong with you right now. Hyunjin was who knows where, probably making out or screwing some girl in his bedroom. 
Everything all of a sudden felt like too much, this was definitely one of those bad days. 
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. 
The music was loud and the bass boomed lightly, you felt it in your feet. All the faces of people blurred and melted together into one big blob. All the noise was like a loud buzz and before you could tell Chaeryeong you wanted to go home, you felt sick. 
You jumped up on your wobbly baby deer legs and rushed to the bathroom in Hyunjin’s place, Chaeryeong called out for you but you were too focused on getting to the bathroom, only problem when you got to it was, it was locked. 
Your stomach was turning, whatever was in those drinks wasn’t sitting well, and you could feel it coming, the bile, it always rose up to burn your throat when you were nervous right before a performance, but this was different. It was more rushed, more chaotic and desperately trying to escape you.
“Hey,” a hand on your shoulder caused you to turn and see Hyunjin, black hair in a ponytail, a white dress shirt unbuttoned and he looked so nice it made you dizzy. 
Hyunjin put two and two together and he didn’t say another word as he hurriedly dragged you to the kitchen sink where no one was. You’re somewhat thankful as he holds anything in the way as you throw up in the sink. The way you heave, the way you sound, it’s awful. You almost feel like you can see yourself, like an out of body experience, and you wonder who this is. 
You were recovering so well, but why couldn’t you just be happier? Why did that seem so hard? Because all you can think right now is: Who is this?
You don’t know this person you’ve become, eaten up by the pressure of the judges who gave each other looks of disappointment when you fell. By the pressure of the spectators who watched you and let out a collective sigh. By the you that looked in the mirror in the rink’s bathroom with pity, stomach turning with shame at that awful showing. You saw how your makeup was ruined, the scrape on your cheek from the ice still lightly bleeding. 
You couldn’t help but feel like a disappointment. Figure skating required perfect execution and that performance was a disgrace to the ice. You could be over exaggerating due to being drunk, but that’s not something you can decipher right now. 
Once you’re finally able to breathe after throwing up all the alcohol you consumed, Hyunjin’s hand shows up in your vision and he’s offering you a paper towel to wipe your face. You take it and do just that, looking away from the boy. 
You can feel he’s looking at you and you’re scared to see his face right now. Not really the best way of seeing each other again. 
“I know it’s a dumb question, given you just threw up and all too, but-“ Hyunjin shoves his hands into his pockets, his face is turned away from you, back leaning against the kitchen counter. His eyes are trained on something, almost like he’s in serious thought, then he looks at you and utters three words that rock your world. 
“Are you okay?” 
Just like that, three words are what cause everything to crumble. 
You think you remember crouching down in Hyunjin’s big kitchen, crying, sobbing. 
It’s cold, the AC needs to be turned off, the noise from the party is the worst noise you’ve ever heard, Hyunjin comes down to crouch beside you and he’s rubbing your back, a concerned look on his face. He smells like peach schnapps and some kind of floral smell that you think is his cologne—you aren’t sure. 
Your vision is blurred but you see Hyunjin reach his arm around you and you think you remember him picking you up bridal style and taking you somewhere. 
It’s fuzzy but the noise is gone somewhat, and you realize it’s his bedroom. 
“I don’t wanna be in here...” you mumble, arms thrown around Hyunjin’s neck contradicting your drunken words, but you don’t want to be in a room where he could’ve been making out with a girl. 
“You don’t have much of a choice, you’re stupid drunk and you need rest.” Hyunjin then sits you on his bed and kneels down to take your shoes off. You don’t stop him, simply watch as he takes care of you, he’s surprisingly gentle for someone you’ve only known to have a pretty nasty attitude in the past. 
You peel your jacket off and Hyunjin leaves for a moment and comes back with a makeup wipe which you sleepily accept. That is, until Hyunjin just takes it and removes your makeup himself since you were moving with the speed of a sloth. Once he guides you to lay down in his bed and brings the cover over you, you feel less cold, less like the ice is cracking underneath you and swallowing you up, less like everyone is disappointed in you. 
For right now, you’re just a girl, who’s sleeping in a really warm bed, not a care at all. 
You feel fingers gently glide into your hair, stroke it back and forth in a soothing rhythm. It’s equivalent to the way your skates glide on the ice one after the other, back and forth. 
You pry your sleepy eyes open and see Hyunjin still on his knees, his head propped up on his arm that lays on the bed, and his hand in your hair. You barely make out his features right now as sleep threatens to take you into its embrace, but your eyes catch one thing before closing. 
The small black rose tattoo on his neck that matches yours. You think it belongs there before falling asleep, you also think you felt Hyunjin’s lips on your hairline but you can’t be sure. 
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You wake with a thunderous headache and you groan as you rise slowly from the bed. 
It didn’t take long though to notice you weren’t in your own house, you would’ve been more panicked had you not seen the picture of a familiar long-haired chihuahua on the nightstand. You were about to get up when you saw a cup of water, with an Aspirin. There was a small note too. 
For the hangover. 
Next time do me a favor and try not to throw up in my house thanks ;p
You smirked lightly at the little face he drew on the note and thankfully took the medicine, and after putting your shoes on, you headed out of Hyunjin’s bedroom. 
There in the kitchen was a sleepy Hyunjin, a baggy dark blue t-shirt on, stretching as he closed a cabinet and picked up a mug on the counter to drink from it. You were surprised to see Hyunjin still in the house to be honest, you figured he’d already be at the rink for practice. You knew he wanted to be at the rink early just like you. 
“Chaeryeong wanted me to tell you that normally she wouldn’t leave her drunk friend with a guy, but since she knows I wouldn’t try anything she decided to trust me.” he took another sip. “Oh and that you’re lucky you went back to living in the dorms otherwise your dad would’ve killed you.” you winced at his words because yeah, your dad would’ve killed you if he found out you got really drunk like that. You’d have to send her an apology text.
“I didn’t wanna go into practice right now so I called in sick before you say anything.” he added as if he read your earlier thoughts. So you didn’t say anything, and walked up to him in the kitchen. 
He offered you some coffee but you passed, so he just stayed there drinking his own mug quietly. Much to his surprise though, you fisted some of his baggy shirt, you knew that if you were asleep in his bed then he must’ve slept out here on the couch or something, it made your chest feel tighter. You pressed your head to his shoulder without a word, Hyunjin’s ears turning a bit red at your affectionate action. 
“Thank you,” you muttered groggily. 
Hyunjin didn’t say anything else and neither did you, for now this was enough. Just being close to Hyunjin, in his house, the early morning light bleeding into the kitchen and the very faint sound of birds chirping. There was a chill to the morning and you almost shivered but being next to Hyunjin made you feel warm. 
Perhaps you never really despised him after all; and yeah, it took you awhile to figure that out, but he had been an ass for so long so you couldn’t really blame yourself.
“You’re scared of something.” Hyunjin says absentmindedly. You look up at Hyunjin, he doesn’t look at you, he’s spacing as he’s sipping his coffee. 
“I’m scared of showing my face in the rink again, after that horrendous showing.” you confessed, you don’t know why you’re telling him this, but something about Hyunjin is comforting you—not just any ‘something’, you’re not that oblivious. 
“Hah, you’re not the only one who got ripped by the judges.”
“You got a fucking near-perfect score, don’t talk to me like you understand.” you spat sarcastically and Hyunjin scoffed. 
He pulls his phone over to him on the kitchen counter and swipes something open, then he slides it to you. You look at him, eyes narrowed, and pick up the phone. 
It’s an article, you read the title and your eyes widen a bit. 
Hyunjin reaches over and swipes to what appears to be a screenshot of people’s comments. 
hwnghynjn22: is hyunjin upset? :(
mxxndrop: damn he’s so obviously pissed, he was even unimpressed with his scores even tho he beat everyone my a lot. 
hyxnjxnnnn: privilege of being a prodigy I guess.
You snort and Hyunjin glares at you.
“You really affect me at the most opportune times, you know that? It’s not that funny.” Hyunjin says dryly and you cover your mouth with your hand to laugh more. 
He really felt bad after saying that stuff to you, so much it affected his skate? You don’t know why, but you think that’s so funny. The soulmate link was truly fascinating. 
“Why do you screenshot this stuff?” you asked out of curiosity.
“I wanted to show you obviously. I also take screenshots of when people try to tear me down. It fuels me a little, guess that’s another reason why I’m still competing.”
“You’re a smartass that likes to rub it in people’s faces when they turn out to be wrong.” you simply state and he smirks.
“Pretty much.” 
You two stop talking for a bit and just relax, Hyunjin’s still taking small sips of his drink as he swipes through his phone. You sit with your thoughts, basking in the early morning, Hyunjin’s house is a bit chilly but you simply grab your arums and rub them. Then, you think of something. 
“I hope I wasn’t cockblocking you last night,” you say after a while, and Hyunjin simply laughs.  
“Trust me you weren’t. I’m not interested in that kinda stuff, hooking up at parties I mean.” he said and chugged the last of his coffee, scrunching his face as the last sip was a tad more bitter than the rest. 
You looked up in mild surprise, “That’s interesting, I figured a quick fuck at a party would be normal to you.” Hyunjin scoffs as he rinses his mug and puts it in the dishwasher. 
“For the record, I’ve only fucked one other girl actually, and she turned out to be a controlling psycho. Legit I want my virtue back.” Hyunjin shared dramatically as usual. 
You giggled and rubbed your tired eyes, then looked at Hyunjin again, his black hair messy and his eyes still tired, the fond smile that stretched across your lips was undeniable. 
“Really though, thank you, for taking care of me last night… Hyunjin.” 
Hyunjin raised his brows in shock, you’ve never called him by his name, ever. You smiled shyly, your cheeks were a faded rosy shade—maybe residue from the hangover. Maybe. 
The morning light from the windows bleeds through to the kitchen and casts a halo over your form and Hyunjin just stands there gawking at you. 
Since when were you so beautiful? 
Hyunjin supposes he has this imprinted image of the bratty sixteen year-old you. Hair with clips in it and ribbons in it, overdone makeup and plastic pink lips. You looked like some doll—okay a little mean but still your makeup really could’ve been done better—but as you got older your style changed, you changed he supposed. Your outfits had gotten darker, your makeup had more neutral tones. Your confidence on the ice was undeniable. 
You always looked gorgeous on the ice now that he thinks about it. Right now though, in his house, with no makeup, your cute t-shirt dress and coat, smiling and blushing? Hyunjin doesn’t think he’s seen you more beautiful. 
It caught you off guard when all of a sudden, Hyunjin’s hand cupped your cheek and stood above you. He didn’t know what he was doing either, but he couldn’t blame it on just the soulmate link anymore. 
He’s leaning down and getting closer and you don’t push him off, you’re not disgusted, instead you trust your instincts and close your eyes, as his lips are just within reach of yours. 
A knock on the door interrupts you both—mere inches away—and you both jump at the same time. Hyunjin groans in frustration. 
“Fucking!-“ he cursed under his breath and walked over to the door, you stayed there in the kitchen, frozen, and shocked. 
You two almost kissed.
You almost kissed Hyunjin. 
Your heart is pounding, and you almost kissed Hyunjin! 
His hand was so warm and his coffee breath fanned your face but it wasn’t unpleasant, and his lips were inches from yours, and even though he probably just woke up he smelled really good. 
You shut your eyes tight and tried to breathe and calm your heartbeat, the thing is, it’s not a scary feeling, it was exhilarating. You wanted him to kiss you. 
“Yuna really now isn’t the best time.” you hear Hyunjin say. 
Yuna? Why was she here?
“I heard you were sick, I got worried and so-”
“I’m fine, I just need rest, can we talk later?” Hyunjin cut off.
“You’re being awfully mean today…” Yuna said with a pout, “That’s not how you treated me a couple days ago.” 
Your stomach felt queasy again as you overheard her words, did Yuna and Hyunjin-
“Yuna we’re friends, I’m nice to you because you’re my friend, but you’re expecting more, I’m not responsible for that.” Hyunjin explains. 
“Seriously, I’m tired, can we please deal with this another time?” 
“Did I do something wrong? Why all of a sudden are you so cold? It hurts Jinnie!” Yuna said and you could hear she must’ve started crying. 
Yuna really likes Hyunjin, you can tell, you walk over to the wall near the foyer and hide, as you lean on the back of the wall you know you’re both hiding and eavesdropping. Not the best habit to pick up, but curiosity killed the cat they say. 
Hyunjin sighed, as he knew Yuna wouldn’t just take his dismissive answers for a ‘no’. Really though, the only one on his mind was you, so he takes a deep breath, exhales, and speaks. 
“Yuna, I’m sorry but I don’t like you that way.” he says truthfully, he knows he’s being direct, and the pained expression on Yuna’s face does make him feel a little guilty, but what he’s saying is the truth. 
“We’re not going to be more than friends, so please, please understand that. And-”
“And?” Yuna said, voice weak and cracking.
Hyunjin licks his lips and sighs, “And, I found my soulmate.” 
Your breath caught in your throat and you think your heart stopped beating for a second. 
“W-What..?” Yuna said, clearly just as shocked as you at what Hyunjin said. 
“My soulmate, I found them, and, yeah that’s all there is to it.” he finished. 
“Who is it?!” Yuna said, her voice rising in her upsetness.
Hyunjin rubbed the back of his neck, his ears turning a bit pink, and he looked back at Yuna, his silence was crushing for her. 
You didn’t hear Yuna after that, was the information so shocking she just blacked out? 
“I’m sorry Yuna.” was the last thing Hyunjin said, and you heard Yuna cry and get farther away, you assumed she’d left. The door closed after that and you just stayed against that wall with your hands behind your back, waiting for Hyunjin to come across the way. 
Then there he was, he turned and saw you, clear shock on your face that had yet to go away. 
“What the fuck?” you said, and Hyunjin grabbed his neck again.
“Look um, I know you heard that.” 
“Damn right I did.” you countered and Hyunjin winced, were you really mad?
You giggle though and he looks at you surprised, Hyunjin smiled sheepishly at hearing your laughter, and you shook your head, “Are you really okay with people knowing you found your soulmate now though?” you asked cautiously. 
Hyunjin looked like he was in deep thought and then he looked up, sighing, “I mean, it was probably gonna get found out sooner or later right?” he said lightly and you scoffed, he was clearly brushing it off. 
“Says the one that said at the time ‘I don’t want the hassle of telling my date’ or ‘I don’t want people making cutesy comments’.” you tease in a mocking voice that sounds nothing like Hyunjin and he scoffs right back. He hates the way you remember things so well.
“Watch it. I didn’t even say it was you yet, don’t make me regret it.” he warned but there was no force behind it as he smiled. 
You two stood there in silence for a moment, it was the first time you two were together and didn’t want to pull each other’s hair out. 
You two looked at each other, Hyunjin looked like he wanted to say something, something important. 
Unfortunately though, he seemed to hold back for now. 
You wanted to know what he was going to say, the look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before, it was vulnerable, earnest, yearning.
“Look, I know this is, years late but, do you think… maybe we could… try and start over?” Hyunjin asked, you felt like your chest was lighter. 
“I know we’ve both hated each other since we first met, and I’ve been nothing but obnoxious; but after that fight, I don’t know, I want things to be better between us. I know coming from a jerk like me that seems pretty selfish to ask for, maybe even impossible but-”
You laugh and cute Hyunjin’s rambling off, and he pouted. 
“Hey! I’m trying to tell you how I feel and you’re laughing in my face!” he whines.
“I’m sorry! It’s just-” you wipe a tear and look at Hyunjin “It’s just after everything, I never thought we’d ever find a way to get along. Yet here we are not trying to rip each other’s throats out.” you say and Hyunjin crosses his arms and smiles at you. 
“Sure Hyunjin. I don’t see why we can’t at least try.” 
“Then, can I make you breakfast?” he asked. 
You smiled, “Yeah, that sounds nice.” 
That’s how you ended up sitting at Hyunjin’s kitchen island, him not actually making breakfast at all and you two just having leftover pizza from the party instead. Talking and laughing, and probably being as close as you two have ever been. 
It was nice. 
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A few days later and you finally stepped back into the rink. You missed it, the chill of the inside, even the smell was familiar. 
“_____!” you heard and Chaeryeong came over to you and you were happy to see her injury was healing well. She was still using crutches but you could tell her overall mood had improved. 
“I’m happy you came back.” 
“Of course, I have an epic comeback to make.” you said confidently, making Chaeryeong laugh. 
“Come on, the hockey team is training right now!” she said and your mind instantly gravitated to Chan, and yet, recently you’ve found that he doesn’t make your heart leap the way it used to. 
It could be because you just don’t like him that way, having a flirty kind of relationship was enough. 
It could also be that Hyunjin has been flooding your thoughts ever since that morning a few days ago; sitting with him, eating pizza, listening to his laugh. 
After that day, you two actually began to text, trying to get to know each other a little more. It was kinda rocky and awkward, and yet you found yourself wanting to try still.
Maybe it was the link that was amping up your feelings a bit, but you enjoyed taking your time getting to know Hyunjin; getting to know your soulmate. 
You definitely didn’t think that anything would happen yet, you’d only just started really talking, but, just maybe, if there was a chance at something, you wanted to see for yourself. 
As you watched the hockey team, they were doing well in training, Chan noticed you in the stands and smiled brightly, waving enthusiastically at you like a goofball. You smiled and waved back. 
Although you weren’t technically in a relationship with Chan, it would be fair to tell him that you like someone now right? 
As if he read your mind though, Chan snuck over real quick to see you. 
“I’m glad you’re here.” he said honestly and you smiled again—Chan just had that effect on you. 
“Raring up for another game?” 
“Yup.” was Chan’s small reply, then he bit his lip as if he was thinking of saying something, “Actually _____, could we talk after practice? Meet me in the locker room after the team leaves?” 
Your heart skipped, Chaeryeong’s lips parted in shock because was Chan actually going for it?
This was nerve-wracking, you knew what these kinds of talks could lead to.
Confessions and kisses, or rejections and awkwardness. 
“Sure, I’ll wait.” was your answer, because you weren’t gonna tiptoe around this with Chan, you wanted to give him an honest answer about how you felt—something you weren’t able to do before because well, you were indecisive about it all. 
You weren’t blind, you knew Chan liked you, you thought you liked him in that way too, but you could never commit. Chan didn’t deserve you stringing him along anymore, especially since now you’ve come to a couple conclusions. 
The wait really wasn’t that long, but it felt long as you waited. As you watched the rest of the team head out, you turned and saw Chan poking out of the locker room and waving you over. 
You took a deep breath and you were ready for this, you hoped anyway. 
“So.. I kinda think you know why I asked you here.” Chan said as you played with your fingers
“Yeah.” was all you offered as a reply, you spared a glance at him.
Chan smiled at you, he always thought you were adorable when you were shy. He leaned forward a bit and you decided to face him more, you didn’t want to chicken out of this. 
Chan could see the inner conflict in your eyes, it wasn’t hard to tell from your slight hesitation and nervousness. He smiled at you and although he was pretty sure he could anticipate your answer, he went for it. 
“I like you _____.”
There it was. 
Your breath hitched as you looked up at Chan, his eyes on you, his expression was soft, and you couldn’t deny the sincerity in his voice even if you tried. 
“Chan I…” you trailed off, how did you even want to word this?
You don’t know if you like Hyunjin, you don’t necessarily like Chan in this way the way you thought you did. It all feels jumbled up. You looked down and but your lip.
“I.. I’m sorry.” 
Chan’s heart twinged at your response; that was definitely not what he wanted to hear in response to his confession. 
A sigh left his lips as he sat facing the wall now, you two sat in silence for a moment before Chan spoke up again. 
“I understand.” he said much to your shock as your head shot up and you stared at him. You thought he’d be much more upset—you suppose he was inside, Chan puts his feelings aside out of the focus of others often.
“Is it too much to ask.. why?” he asks you, glancing at you as you stare at him. 
You chew your lip again and this is a lot harder than you expected, “It’s just, I don’t know, we wouldn’t work out I think.”
“You really think that?” Chan asks.
“Yeah I mean, I don’t know if we would-”
“I think we’d be pretty great.” he says earnestly and it makes your stomach jump. He’s so sweet and you don’t deserve it. 
You can tell you’re not being clear, with him or yourself.
“Chan, we’re not soulmates, in the end it may not work out and-” “So? You can’t be totally sure of that right?” he interjected quickly, brows furrowed. You suck in a breath and let it out, as you glance at Chan.
“-and I’ve found mine Chan, I’ve known for a while now actually.” 
Chan’s eyes widened and he nodded slowly. “Oh,” was all he got out as he turned away from you now as you both sat. His head was down, looking at his hands as you two sat in silence; he dared to glance at you, he saw the evident guilt painting your expression. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” 
“It’s….complicated, we made this like, kind of an agreement, to not tell anyone.” 
“What? Why?” Chan looks at you like you told him you saw a flying pig this morning.
You groaned a bit, you haven’t had to explain this weird complicated shit you have with Hyunjin since telling Chaeryeong years ago. You look up to the horribly non-eco-friendly lights in the locker room, a sigh left you. 
“He didn’t really want people to know—” Chan eyebrows shot up and was about to release a flurry of angered questions at you, but just before he could you put your hands up signaling for him to relax “—I didn’t either! I didn’t want to tell people for my own reasons, before you say anything about him being an asshole. We mutually agreed to this, but now, it’s complicated.” Chan swallows his protective wrath down and you smile slightly. 
Chan still doesn’t understand your reasoning completely, but he doesn’t push you on it. You try to reach out and hold Chan’s hand and he lets you, brushing the back of yours with his thumb affectionately. 
“That just sounds.. confusing _____.” he says and you honestly agree, looking back on it, the two of you really never thought that all the way through. 
“I know.. it’s hard. I never really considered much after deciding to keep it a secret.” your voice is distant and Chan looks at you. His eyes are soft as he takes you in, they’re caring as they look at you, and his next words shock you. 
“I’m sorry.” your head snaps in his direction again.
“I can tell you’re really confused and stressed, I didn’t mean to give you another reason to be confused and stressed.” 
You felt your eyes brim with tears, not just of sadness but of frustration. “Why… why the fuck are you always apologizing? I’m the mess, I’m the one who never gave you a clear answer about whether I liked you or not, I’m the one who’s sorry Chan-” you started to choke up on your words, and Chan pulled you to him, engulfing you in his frame and rubbing your back as you let out small whimpers, trying hard not to cry.
You’d be lying if you didn’t enjoy his flirty jokes, his sweet gestures, but your heart was always conflicted; and no matter what, you just couldn’t string Chan along like that—at least not that far.
“Shhh, it’s okay _____,” Chan tried to reassure you, you continued to sniffle but you calmed yourself a bit and Chan just continued to rub patterns on your back. Yeah, he’s sad that you don’t feel the same way, but now that he knows you found your soulmate, his mind is throwing questions at him left and right. 
Sure, he doesn’t necessarily know everyone you hang out with, but you guys would stick pretty close given you had lots of classes in the same area of the campus—let alone all the time you see each other at the rink. 
As you come back to wipe your eyes, Chan connects the dots, the one guy who you spend time with almost as much as you’ve spent with him. The one whose neck is always covered in turtlenecks, especially since Chan knew about the rose on your neck. He smiles at you and sighs defeatedly as he looks down at his hands in his lap. 
“It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?” 
You flinch and you know Chan asked the question with that knowing tone of voice, you've heard it often when he was scolding Mark for attempting to slack off, or catching Jaehyun texting someone in the middle of your study groups. 
This voice tells you that he’s asking you this question even though he already knows the answer to it. So you didn’t give him one; you knew your silence was more than enough. 
Chan laughed a bit and when you looked up, you saw the slight pain in his smile; it broke a piece of your heart, to know you were the reason he was hurting. Even if you didn’t like Chan romantically, he was still one of your closest friends, you cared about him a great deal. 
Chan shifts so he has one leg on each side of the bench, he leans forward and looks at you. 
“I guess it’s kinda obvious,” he starts “Although you two drive each other absolutely crazy, it’s the people who drive you the craziest that are often the ones that know you best.” you hadn’t thought of it that way, and you snort a bit at his words. 
Chan smiled at the sound of your small laugh, rubbing a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb before holding it in his hand. “Hey, look at me,” he said and your glossy eyes looked up at him, a pout on your lips, and even now, you looked cute to Chan. 
“I’m not mad alright? So stop pouting.” he teased and you nodded. 
“Do you like Hyunjin?” he asked, that question felt so loaded even if the answer was supposed to be simple. 
You did like him, a little, but it was still rocky. It was just starting out, and yet, picturing him laughing made your heart jump. Picturing Hyunjin truly enjoying skating like he did when practicing, it made you happy. Picturing him looking at you with those sparkling eyes made your stomach feel fluttery. 
Maybe you liked him more than ‘a little’ actually. 
Chan can tell as you think, a small smile falls on your lips subconsciously and he nods. 
“Okay then. That’s what matters in the end _____, I’ll be fine. We’re still friends, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” he teases and you laugh; you really do love Chan, just not in the way he wanted. You bless the world for giving you Chan, he was so wonderful, understanding, you prayed he’d find his soulmate—or just anyone that would make him happy—and find them soon.  
“I really am sorry Chan.”
“No more apologizing. I promise I’ll do my very best to get over you.” Chan teased in a very sarcastic tone and you laughed again. 
Maybe it’d be a little awkward, but Chan would be okay—you both would be okay. 
You’re thankful you don’t have to lose Chan. 
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The next day at the rink was better. 
With things with Chan all done and dusted, you two could focus on being closer friends. 
Chaeryeong still came to the rink to support you during practice even when you knew she really wanted to be out there too. 
It was today that something pretty big happened to you. 
As you were tying the laces on your skates, a certain someone came into your peripheral. You looked up and smiled. 
“Hi Hyunjin.” 
“Hey. You’re early.” 
“I like to get out on the ice first thing, before a certain someone hogs it all to himself you know.” 
A scoff sounds beside you before Hyunjin sits next to you. Sunghoon and Yuna were close by and Sunghoon’s brows raised.
“Whoa, Hyunjin and _____, making small talk like normal people? Did we enter some parallel universe?” he quips and you laugh. 
You look up and see Yuna frowning as she walked away and headed to the locker room most likely; you could tell she was still hurt from Hyunjin’s rejection a little while back. 
“Maybe we did, I just don’t see the need to dig with her anymore.” Hyunjin said and you smiled again.
“Me neither.” 
“Good for you two, it was about time you two worked things out. So are you guys dating now or something?” Sunghoon commented absentmindedly as he sat down on a bench as he checked his phone. 
You both froze as you looked at each other. Hyunjin gulped and you looked like a deer in headlights. You weren’t dating, but, did you want to?
You two hadn’t really talked about that yet, just taking things slow. 
“We aren’t dating Hoon.” Hyunjin answers and Sunghoon gives a hum of acknowledgment as he’s now more focused on his phone. 
Part of you felt a bit disappointed at Hyunjin’s answer, even if it was true. 
Hyunjin’s ears were turning pink as he began to take his skates out of his bag to put on. He was tying the laces before he could shut himself up, and he spoke again. 
“At least, not yet anyway, I haven’t actually asked _____ yet.” 
It’s at that, that both Sunghoon and you stare at Hyunjin, who’s staring straight ahead at the ice.
Hyunjin gets up abruptly and walks over to the edge of the rink, “Sorry, looks like I’ll be taking the first skate.” 
Just like that he’s off, your heart is racing, Sunghoon laughs and that catches your attention. 
“He’s really flustered. So did you guys figure the whole soulmate thing out?” he asks, whispering the word ‘soulmate’. 
Your eyes go wide and he smiles at you. 
“I’ve known for a while since Hyunjin wanted someone to actually rant to actually.” he explained. 
Sunghoon to Hyunjin was Chaeryeong to you, you had no idea. No wonder Sunghoon would talk to you more sometimes. He was aware the whole time. 
“After your fall, he wouldn’t stop talking about how horrible he felt for distracting you. So much he was a total downer during his own skate, I’m sure you saw the article he found.” 
You nod and Sunghoon smirks, “Point is, you’ve always had an impact on him, he told me about it all about four months after finding you, and trust me you’ve been affecting him more than he’ll ever admit all this time.” he explained and you were frozen in shock. 
“It has been literal torture watching you two just fight and fight and fight. I’ve known both of you for a while now and you’re both stubborn as hell. I was waiting for ages for the grand moment where you two would get past that and start liking each other.” he added with a laugh as he then got up to go to the locker room. 
“Glad you two are starting to work things out.” was his last comment. 
You weren’t sure how to process all of that, Sunghoon had left you speechless. 
All this time, Hyunjin was just like you, annoyed with you yes, but you were affecting him just like he was affecting you? 
You were broken from your thoughts as you heard Hyunjin’s skates land on the ice after he did a jump. You both used skating as a way to work through your thoughts and you could tell Hyunjin was incredibly flustered at his earlier statement. 
You don’t know what came over you but you rushed to get out on the ice, Hyunjin saw you and stopped as you skated up to him. 
“So you haven’t asked me yet?” you said teasingly and Hyunjin looked away.
“Don’t tease me.” 
You laughed and reached for his hand, “We’ve been taking things slowly. That's true, so what comes next?” you want Hyunjin to catch on, and he does. 
“What comes next is… _____, I think- No, I know I’m starting to like you.” he confesses and you smile wide.
“I still like how natural things are going, but I also would like to…” 
“Like to?” you copy.
“I’d like to go out with you.. maybe it’s too soon, I don’t know, but I know I like you, and I’d like to try this.” he explains. 
“I think that’d be lots of fun, Hyunjin. I’d like to go out with you too.” you agree. 
Hyunjin looks surprised but he can’t hide how happy he is when he smiles. 
“That’s… that’s good.” was all he said and you noticed he started to pull his turtle neck down a bit, you look and see the black rose on his neck now. A matching one to yours as always and after all this, you no longer curse it being there, no, you’re thankful it’s there. 
As rough and rocky as your relationship with Hyunjin has been, you managed to go through the thick and thin parts with him. 
You pull Hyunjin’s hand and bring him forward as you hug his waist. At first Hyunjin is flustered and doesn’t know what to do, but he calms down and wraps his arms around your shoulders. 
“Finally!” you both hear, and see both Chaeryeong and Sunghoon. 
“I knew they’d work it out. No matter how hard it was, I just knew it.” Chaeryeong said, 
“It was looking pretty rough there for a second. We held out as their friends though.” Sunghoon added. 
“We deserve ‘best friend’ medals or something.” Chaeryeong pondered, Sunghoon nodded and agreed and they both shared a high-five. 
You laugh and Hyunjin shakes his head at the two of your friends. 
Suddenly though you misstep on the ice and you fall back dragging Hyunjin with you. 
For once though, falling on the ice wasn’t scary. Instead you laugh and so does Hyunjin. 
The ice was there to catch you when you jumped, hold you as you spun, it was a partnership.
It would also be there to catch you when you fall, and help you get up again. 
You trusted the ice, and it brought you and Hyunjin together, no matter what, it would always be there to catch you both. 
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interested parties ▸ @sleepylixie @dreamescapeswriting @meiwrites @spookybias @lixesque @moonlit-han (hope you guys are okay with me tagging you) 🙈
taglist ▸ @xviternity @captainsjoongs @aliceu​ @hyunjihanji @echo-of-a-writer​ @hyuneytoast @wanna-b-avenger​ @speckled-sunshine​ 
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soramei · 2 months ago
From Resentment (hhj)
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Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)
Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.
However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.
Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.
Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers
Warnings: cursing, tw puking
Word Count: 8.8k
A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3
You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.
As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.
You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.
You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.
You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.
Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.
The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.
On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.
The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.
The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.
You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.
Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.
Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.
It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.
You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.
“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.
The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.
“What is it?” The voice asked.
“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.
“Here, let me take a look.”
You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.
It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.
“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”
He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.
“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”
You silently nodded and followed him.
He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.
“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”
“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”
“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”
Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.
“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”
“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”
You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.
“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.
“I know. I’m Y/n.”
“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.
“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.
“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.
“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”
“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.
He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”
You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.
The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.
“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”
You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”
“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”
Oh yeah. The bill.
Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.
“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.
“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.
You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.
You almost fainted.
Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.
“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”
“Do you take cash?”
Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.
“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.
“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.
That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.
You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.
“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”
Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”
“What about Coco?”
“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”
The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.
“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.
“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.
Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”
He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?
You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”
“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”
He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.
The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.
At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.
“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”
He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”
You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.
“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”
“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”
“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”
“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”
You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.
“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”
Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.
You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.
There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.
“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”
It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.
“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.
“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”
“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.
“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”
“I don’t know…”
“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”
You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”
And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.
Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.
“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.
“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.
You choked back a laugh.
“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.
“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”
You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.
You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.
The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.
You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.
Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.
Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.
Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.
The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.
The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.
After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.
“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”
The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.
“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”
The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.
“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”
The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.
There was a knock on the door.
“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”
You all politely greeted them.
“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”
The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.
It was Hwang Hyunjin.
You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.
You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.
He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.
You walked over to him.
“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.
“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.
“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”
You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”
“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”
Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.
As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.
“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.
“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.
“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”
And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.
The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.
For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.
Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.
Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.
Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.
“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.
“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.
“I don’t.”
“Sure you don’t.”
Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”
Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.
He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.
“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.
“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”
You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.
Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.
Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.
“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.
Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.
“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”
“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”
You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.
“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”
You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.
He didn’t say anything.
“I’ll try again,” you said.
Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.
Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.
“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”
“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.
“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”
You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”
“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”
Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?
“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”
“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”
How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?
“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”
“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.
“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.
You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.
During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.
On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.
The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.
Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.
Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?
Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.
Keep these. I was a jerk.
You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.
“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.
“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”
“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”
He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”
“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”
After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.
It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.
You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.
You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.
It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.
Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.
“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.
“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.
“You’re done all your midterms?”
“Yup.” You nodded happily.
He took a look at your shoes.
“New shoes?”
You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.
“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?
“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”
“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”
“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”
“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.
“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”
When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.
“Jisung, let’s end this.”
“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”
“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”
Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”
“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”
“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”
After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.
Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.
The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.
Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.
The bar was filled.
With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.
It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.
You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.
After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.
Hwang Hyunjin.
Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?
You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.
You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?
You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.
You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.
Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.
The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.
“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.
“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.
“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”
You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.
“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?
“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t care.”
“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.
“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.
“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.
“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”
Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.
You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.
As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.
“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.
“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.
That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.
It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.
You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.
“Wh-what happened to me?”
“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”
You rolled your eyes.
Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.
“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”
You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.
“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”
Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”
You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”
“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”
You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.
“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.
“You what, Hyunjin?”
He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.
You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.
In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”
“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.
You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.
You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?
You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.
But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.
You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.
Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.
At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.
You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.
“Y/n, wait.”
You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.
“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.
“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”
“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”
You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.
“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”
You shook your head again.
“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.
“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”
You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.
“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.
“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”
You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.
You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.
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spilledtee · 2 months ago
– 𝐌 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤,𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚
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You couldn’t help but stare. Dating Hyunjin was one thing but there was something about his hands. Not only was it the fact that they were ring cladded, but the veins in them seemed to pop completely as he played with the pencil that was currently twirling through his hands.
Memories flashed of them squeezing your thighs, as he pushed his cock deep inside of you. Or when he squeezed them around other people, just to tease, a signal to tell you that he was going to take you when he got you alone.
In your mouth. “Suck.” He would command you. It always seemed to make him moan when your tongue swirled around his fingers. “Oh, you’re such a good girl.” He would moan, sticking them deeper into your mouth, forcing you to gag on them.
When they were in you. It was a harsh, rapid pace. The rings around his fingers stretching you out, as the tips of his fingers curled against the soft, velvety spot. “Cum for me. Fucking cum.” He would command, as his fingers would vigorously work you to the edge.
Even if he was doing something normal. Like right now, he was just finishing rolling a joint and then he was twirling his knife. “What are you staring at?” He questioned, grabbing your attention.
You touched your neck. “Put your hand here.”
You didn’t have to tell him twice, his hand already squeezing at the lower column of your throat. “What? You can’t be serious right now.” He nearly scoffed, slightly surprised at your forwardness.
“Mhm, I am serious. Now, make me cum.” You said, your voice soft, legs sprawled out and pushing your underwear aside. Though it wasn’t a request, and for a moment, you thought that Hyunjin almost didn’t hear you. You wanted him to hear you though. Hear the command that only he could do.
As a silent reply his fingers dropped the pencil, immediately went to work, dancing across the bundle of nerves. The way that he toyed with you had left you panting, your mouth not been able to express how good you were feeling, unless it was moaning and whimpering out for him.
Unable to hold back a soft cry of sheer pleasure, you threw your head back. It felt like you were losing yourself in the sensations flowing through your body.
“Hearing those words come from your pretty mouth..” He paused, coming up to whisper the words in your ear. Without warning he tilted his head, to scrape his teeth against your neck. A moan tore throat you as his tongue soothed the red mark already forming at your pulse point. “…I’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy you because you’re mine.”
You didn’t care that you were a mess. You were his. His to pleasure and use as he wanted. All that mattered was Hyunjin and the pleasure that was building up in the pits of your stomach.
“Say my name when you cum.” He commanded, making sure that you knew which one of you was in control. “I want you to remember who’s making you feel this good.”
Before you could even thinking of replying, a searing pleasure shout through your body. Your hips jerked against him, and he tightened the hold he had on you as you rode out your high. His fingers never stopped though, continuing to work over you as you shuddered violently. “Say it baby.”
“Hyunjin” You breathed, your voice laced completely in lust. “Hyunnie…fuck.”
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taglist: @geniejunn @jsung01 @woofwoofbangbang @hanjiswaq @ofsake @flightoftheflightrisk @jonecb-97​ @colourmesafe​
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© All rights reserved to spilledtee. There is no copying or modifying of writing. Translating and reposting work is prohibited. Please inform me if you see anything similar to my work.
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skeezsbbygirl · a year ago
tmt (too much tank tops) + bang chan
hello sunshines! (◕‿◕✿)
i’m sorry it took so long for me to update :( i had some personal agendas i needed to attend to, but all is good now <3 this is for anon who requested a bang chan scenario inspired from all the sleeveless looks he’s been serving all of us lately haha. hope you enjoy!
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Don't do it, you thought, as you fought back the urge to bite Chris' exposed arm. The said male's attention was currently fixated on his laptop, clicking some buttons as he bopped his head with the beat that was playing in his headphones. You could faintly hear the tune due to Chris' habit of turning up the volume too loud, claiming that he needed to do that to perfect his craft.
His arm flexed, unbeknownst to him, as he rubbed his neck in attempt to ease some of the tension that was building in his muscles. Such motion made his veins even more prominent, faint shades of green and blue laced through his upper arm down to his hands.
"Chris, stop," you said as you grabbed his arm, slowly guiding it back to rest on the table. Your boyfriend looked at you in confusion, swiftly hitting pause on his laptop to focus on you.
"Stop what, baby?" he questioned as his brown orbs innocently stared into yours, a hint of concern was also displayed on his features, worrying if he had done something wrong for you to call him out.
"I'm sorry, I'll get this done right away," Chris added quickly, taking your hand into his and pressing a kiss on your knuckles. You offered him a sweet smile as you shook your head.
"No, babe. I wasn't talking about that," you explained, shifting in your seat to take a better look at him. Chris slid his headphones off, setting the gadget right beside his laptop. "Then what is it, bub?" he pressed, "You know you can tell me anything, yeah?"
"It's just," you paused as a sudden wave of embarrassment hit you. "Just what?" Chris prompted for you to go on. You shook your head, deciding to bite back the reply that was at the tip of your tongue. "Nothing. Forget I said anything, go back to work," you shrugged, flashing him a convincing smile as you reached out for your phone.
Chris eyed you suspiciously, sensing that there was something odd about your behavior. "I'm not going back to work unless you tell me what's going on," he stated. "Look at me, baby," he instructed as his finger firmly tilted your chin up. "Spill, (y/n)," he said, taking your phone from your hand as he carefully placed it on the table.
"It's embarrassing," you whined, pulling away from his grip, opting to nuzzle your face into his neck. "It's just me, babe," he chuckled, "Come on, baby."
"Exactly, it's you," you muttered, sending shivers down Chris' spine as your lips grazed the sensitive skin of his neck as you spoke. "What about me, love?" he asked as he grabbed your waist, pulling you towards him, making you settle on his lap. Your arms automatically wrapped themselves around his shoulders with your face still buried in his neck as he maneuvered you into a comfortable position.
"Youandyourstupidmuscletanktops," you breathed out in one go. "What?" Chris laughed, "What was that, babygirl?"
He heard you the first time, managing to catch your words despite how muffled you sounded. But still, he wanted to tease you.
"I hate you," you mumbled. "I hate you and your arms, and how they make me feel."
"No, you don't," Chris interjected. "Because if this is how you react when you hate them, then how much more flustered will you get when you actually love them," he teased.
You groaned in annoyance. "See? This is why I didn't want to tell you," you said as you emerged from your hiding. "So, you were ogling at my arms, huh?" Chris joked, cocking one eyebrow at you.
"Whatever, I'm joining Hyunjin in the dance room," you pouted, pushing yourself off of him, but Chris only tightened his hold on you. "No, baby," Chris whined, "Alright, I'm sorry, no more teasing."
Chris leaned in and gave you a kiss, one that lasted longer than usual. "You're the cutest," he cooed to which you responded with an eye roll. "I'm flattered that you like my arms," Chris said, "I've been working out with Bin a lot these days," he added.
"Yeah, I've noticed," you replied as you lightly traced the veins that adorned his upper arm with your fingers. Chris visibly relaxed under your touch, his eyes followed your movement, fascinated by your actions. "I'm glad you noticed," Chris giggled, suddenly growing shy from the attention he was getting from you. Not that he wasn't used to it, but it was the first time that you verbally expressed your fixation on his arms. He might have noticed your stares now and then, but he really didn't make a big deal out of it.
"Well, how can I not when you've been wearing a lot of sleeveless tops nowadays," you pointed out. Chris lifted his shoulders in a half shrug and you shook your head at your boyfriend's cocky demeanor, snuggling back into his embrace.
"I find them comfortable," Chris claimed. "And I find them distracting," you countered back. "Yeah, clearly," he teased, earning him a light smack on his right arm. "I just want to be in your arms forever," you said and Chris smiled at your response, planting a kiss on your forehead in the process.
"I'm here, baby. I got you forever."
The both of you stayed cuddled up for a while, with one of Chris' hand gently stroking your hair while the other was wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him.
"I missed you," you spoke after a while. "Like a lot," you added as you peppered Chris' neck with small kisses. "I missed you more, babygirl," he replied. "Alright, let me finish up and we'll go home," Chris released his hold on you, gently guiding you back to your seat.
An hour later, you guys were home, with you on the bed and Chris currently taking a shower. You were sprawled out on your stomach as you mindlessly scrolled through your phone, answering messages from your friends that popped up in your notification center every now and then.
Your attention was only shifted when Chris emerged out of the bathroom, clad in nothing but black sweatpants and a small towel hanging on his right shoulder, leaving his upper body bare. He sat on the edge of the bed with his back to you as you watched him dry his hair with the towel.
"Here, babe, I'll do it for you," you offered as you crawled to where he was. You tapped his shoulder, motioning for him to sit on the carpeted floor of your shared bedroom as you placed your legs on his sides. Chris' body nestled between your parted legs, crossing his own and making himself comfortable. "Thanks," he said, handing you the towel.
"You did well today," you complimented which earned you a shy chuckle from Chris. "You say that everyday," he noted, dodging your praises. "Because you do well everyday, Chris," you insisted, harshly ruffling his hair to make your point. The black-haired male whined at your sudden action, tilting his head up to pout at you. "You're such a baby," you teased, leaning down to kiss his lips. "But I'm your baby," Chris replied, catching your lips in another kiss.
"Yes, you are, so you better wear more sleeves from now on," you squeezed his arms, and then leaned down to plant a kiss on his exposed shoulder. "Aww, is my queen jealous?" Chris joked, poking your cheek. You huffed in response. "Don't worry, beautiful," he paused as he turned his body around to properly face you. "They may be out there for everyone to see, but they're only yours to touch and feel, and occasionally ogle at," he continued, a giggle escaping his lips as he delivered the latter line.
"I do not ogle," you argued, playfully hitting his arm with your fist. Chris laughed and stood up, hovering over your seated figure. He placed his hands on your sides, caging you within his arms. With Chris being so close, you could smell the all too familiar scent of his body wash -- it was safe to say that it took quite a lot of control not to pounce on him right there and then. "Yeah, sorry. I meant drool," he mocked.
You scoffed at his remark. "Forget it, I'm gonna ogle at Changbin's arms instead," you challenged and Chris immediately dropped his act. "Don't you dare," he gasped and attacked you with kisses. You yelped in surprise, throwing your head back as you giggled, which only allowed Chris to have better access to your neck.
"Alright, alright," you managed to say in between giggles, "I'm kidding, Chris!"
Chris stopped, placing one final kiss on your lips as he detached himself from you. "Good, 'cause you're mine," he stated. "I'm yours, always. I promise," you reassured as your hands came up to gently caress his cheeks. Chris melted under your touch, basking within the affection you were giving him.
You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips with his once more. Chris caught you off guard for a second when he deepened the kiss. It was slow and soft at first, but things quickly turned heated when Chris nibbled on your bottom lip, and at your grant of access, he delved inside your mouth.
You raked your hands through his brown curly locks, lightly tugging at the strands as you pulled him closer, which elicited a soft moan from Chris, his own hands finding their way under your top.
"Alright, sugar lips," you chuckled as you pulled away from Chris, halting his advances, "Go put a shirt on, you need to rest."
"Don't want to," Chris insisted as he towered over your figure once again. "And why not?" you asked, raising one eyebrow at him. "Because I wanna love on you right now," he answered, "So lie back, babygirl."
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hyunsuks-beanie · 17 days ago
First Time
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Genre: Smut
Word Count: ~2.7k
Hyunjin x virgin! fem bodied! reader; unprotected sex (Y/N on the pill); corruption kink; cream pie
A/N: Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this. It was really fun to write, and I hope you enjoy reading it!! PS. The song Oh Mami really had me want to include a corruption kink, so here we are lmao
"But I really wanted us to have the perfect day together," you pout, leaning into your boyfriend's side, as the both of you look out the window. Hyunjin had been insanely busy for the past few weeks with preparations for the comeback, which had forced the two of you to settle with late night FaceTime calls and text messages. Today had been his first day-off in forever, and you had wanted to go out on a nice little date with him. Nothing too fancy, maybe just a coffee at your favorite coffee shop, followed by a picnic near Han River.
But the weather had other plans, as it had been raining non-stop since mid-day, ruining any chances you had of going out. And seeing this had definitely taken a toll on your mood, so now it was up to Hyunjin to make you feel better. Luckily though, he knew just the perfect way to do so.
Smiling, he says to you, "It's okay babe, we can always go out some other time. For now, how about we make some popcorn and watch a movie while cuddling?" You look at him sideways, sighing because you know he's right. He's with you regardless, and you don't want to waste the moment by being sulky. "Hmmm, sounds like a plan, minus the cuddling, of course," you giggle. He fakes a gasp, holding a hand to his chest in mock horror, "You dare reject cuddles from the Hwang Hyunjin?," he exclaims.
"Don't be dramatic Hyun, Minho rejects your cuddles all the time," you counter, before turning around and hugging him. "Touche, but you don't have that privilege, since you are my girlfriend," he replies slyly, picking you up and carrying you over to the couch. Placing you atop it, he walks over to the TV, trying to select a movie that the both of you would enjoy. He finally settles on a handful of DVDs, including Harry Potter, Disney, and a few horror movies. Setting Peter Pan into the DVD player, he walks back over to you, sitting down on the couch and pulling you into his side.
The movie goes by with a lot of laughs and small kisses thrown in between, as the two of you get cozy in the warmth of each other's arms. At the end of it, you pop into the kitchen to heat up some popcorn, only to have Hyunjin come up behind you and hug you from the back. You giggle at his cuteness, making him hide his face in your neck. "I missed you," he mumbles against your skin, making you bite your lip and go quiet at the sudden intimacy.
You try to hide it, but your boyfriend is quick to catch on to the change in your demeanor. To test his theory, he places a soft kiss at the nape of your neck, and just as he had expected, he hears you gasp.
Hyunjin would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about taking you to bed, but he didn't want to put any undue pressure on you, seeing as how you were still innocent. Still, sometimes he couldn't help his thoughts, and dreamed about what it would be like to finally give you a taste of the pleasure you have been saving up on, all these years.
You, on the other hand, had never really felt the need to go all the way in any of your past relationships. It's not like you didn't want to, but rather, it was the timing that was never right. But having him kiss you like that right now, you can't help but feel a little something change inside you, though you can't really place it. A simple act on his part has made the temperature of the room go up by at least ten degrees for you, but you decide to shrug it off, thinking that you had misread his intention.
So, all you do instead is turn around and place a gentle kiss on his lips, before walking back to the couch with the bowl of popcorn in your hands. What you don't notice, though, was a small sigh escape his lips as he watched your retreating figure.
You settle back down on the couch, handing the movie you chose over to him. "A horror flick?," he says, quirking his eyebrow, "Think you'll be able to handle it?" Rolling you eyes, you mutter, "As if the both of us don't know exactly who is the scaredy-cat in this relationship," making him glare at you. Putting the DVD in the player, he comes back over to you, tugging on your arm as a way of beckoning you over to sit on his lap. Shaking your head, you throw your legs over his lap before climbing over completely.
Hyunjin would soon realize what he mistake he made asking you to sit on his lap, and he would be thanking that very mistake.
Barely twenty minutes into the movie, your boyfriend is clinging to you for dear life, too afraid of the jump scares in it. While you definitely find it cute, you can't deny the fact that you're having trouble finding a suitable position to sit in because of him sticking to you like gum. So it's not a surprise that you keep moving around on his lap quite a lot, and neither is it a surprise that Hyunjin soon finds his eyes going big at the feeling of you rubbing against him.
He tries to hold it back, afraid of what you'll think. But it seems like gulping and biting down on his lip don't work, as soon enough, you notice something rubbing against the back of your leg, and now it's your turn to be surprised. Turning around to face him, you can't help but brush against his bulging member, and looking at your innocent eyes staring at him is too much for Hyunjin, making him let out a soft moan as he throws his head back.
Hearing that beautiful sound escape his full lips, you feel a knot forming in the pit of your stomach, as wetness pools between your legs. Biting your lip, you pull his face back up again, placing a soft kiss on his lips. He kisses you back, wasting no time in deepening it, as his hands move to sit around your hips. Your own travel to his hair, as you lick his bottom lip, asking for permission. He gladly lets your tongue enter his mouth, lazily wrestling it with his own.
You stay that way for a while, just soaking in each other's embrace, but you can't let go of the thought of finally taking it further with him. You have made out with him many times before, but had stopped short just as things started to get hotter. This time though, you want to do it, and you trust him enough to be gentle to you.
Gulping hard, you pull away from the kiss, only to mumble against Hyunjin's lips. "I want more," you whisper, making his blown out pupils turn dark. But your boyfriend still manages to hold himself back, knowing how special it must be to you. He kisses you again, and then again, before finally asking, "Are you sure, love?" Seeing your nervous expression, he gently caresses your cheek and adds, "As much as I love the idea of being the one to show you how amazing you are, we don't have to do anything unless you're ready."
Looking at him with eyes filled with love and gratitude, you simply nod your head, making Hyunjin smile as he places his lips back on yours. He gets up from the couch, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you to the bedroom, never breaking the kiss.
Gently placing you on the bed, he climbs over you, forcing your mouth open with his tongue. When he pulls back, you notice a dark expression on his face, one that you have never seen before. Truth be told, Hyunjin's mind is in overdrive at the mere thought of finally ruining your innocence. He's lost track of the number of times he's jerked off imagining how pretty you would look when he has you a writhing mess under him. Now that his fantasies are close to becoming a reality, it's like he's become a whole different person.
His hands move under your top, roaming up your sides before coming to rest right under your boobs. He gently lifts the cups of your bra up, massaging your breasts. The new feelings makes you let out a moan, which is nothing less than music to his ears. His lips move from your own to your chin and down to your neck, as he leaves a trail of kisses near your sweet spot, before digging his teeth into your skin as he leaves a hickey.
Moving his attention to your throat, he continues to bite and suck on your skin, as his hands carry on with their ministrations on your boobs. "Hyu-Hyunjin, wanna t-take it off," you moan out, making him smirk against your skin. "As you say doll," he replies, taking off your top and bra in one swift movement. He gapes at how gorgeous you look, making you bring your arms up to shield your body, suddenly shy. "No no no, let me see," is all he says, pushing your arms away.
His mouth dives into your breasts, sucking and licking on your nipples. Arching your back in pleasure, you place your hands at the helm of his T-shirt, tugging on it. He understands your signal, and pulling back, pulls it off him, revealing his toned body to you. You can't stop your hands from roaming all over his body, as he continues showing some love to your boobs.
The wetness between your legs keeps growing with every touch he places on your skin, which feels like it's on fire. You push your thighs together in the hopes of not coming off as too needy, but Hyunjin stops you, and pushes your legs open wider. Pulling your track shorts down, he mutters under his breath, "So beautiful, and all for me," before smirking.
Hyunjin leaves a large lick on your pussy through the thin fabric of your panties, making you let out a whimper. Smirking against your core, he mutters, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to taste you," before hooking his fingers in the sides of your underwear and pulling it off.
Spreading your legs wider, he licks you again, sending waves of pleasure through you. He lips circle around your clit as he sucks on it, only to have you entangle your hands in his hair, tugging on them. Grunting, he moves a finger inside of you, as his tongue continues to torture your clit. Pushing further in, he curls his finger into a hook, making you scream. "Fuck ahh Hyunjin- it f-feels sooo good." He only smirks, pushing another finger into you. He continues to push and pull his fingers into your core, feeling you tighten as you edge closer to your climax. The knot in your stomach continues to grow as your moans keep getting louder, and soon enough, you know you won't last long. "I-I'm close," you manage to mutter out somehow.
Hyunjin speeds up his fingers, as his tongue laps up near your clit faster, and within minutes, you let out a scream as you cum all over his fingers. Lapping it all up, Hyunjin brings two fingers up in the air, both shining with your juices. He shoves them into his mouth, sucking on them as he finally gets a taste of you. Seeing you look at him, he smirks, "Want a taste babe?," before moving over to give you a kiss on your lips.
Pulling back, it's now time for him to take his own shorts down, but your hands stop him. He looks down at you, making you shyly say, "I wanna taste you too," looking down. He can't help but coo at your cuteness, replying, "Today is about you love, you don't have to do it." Shaking your head, all you say is, "I want to," before placing your hands on his waistband and pulling his shorts down. His hard member pops out, making your eyes go wide at how gorgeous he is.
Slowly, you take his length into your mouth, unsure of how to go about it. Closing his eyes in pleasure, Hyunjin says, "Teeth," making you graze his member with your teeth. He lets out a hiss, hands traveling to your hair as he pulls on them, guiding your head up and down his dick. You hollow your cheeks out, sucking on him while bobbing your head along his length. You swirl your tongue around his girth, making him throw his head back in pleasure as he lets out a deep moan. "F-faster, Y/N," he moans, making you speed up his pace. Soon enough, his vision blacks out as he feels himself twitch, cumming into your mouth. You almost gag as his seed shoots into your mouth, but manage to take it all in, swallowing. You swirl your tongue around his length again, before pulling away, remaining connected to his member by a string of saliva.
Seeing you still look so innocent and beautiful while doing something so dirty nearly makes Hyunjin lose his mind. It takes everything in him not to bend you over right there and completely wreck you, but he stops himself, knowing he needs to be gentle with you today. "Next time," his mind tells him, as he moves closer to you, pushing you back onto the mattress. Suddenly his eyes go wide, as he says, "I don't have a condom." Luckily for him though, you giggle and say, "I just had mh periods, so we're good."
Unable to wait any longer, he aligns his dick next to your entrance, looking up at you. His eyes silently ask you for permission, and you can't help but feel your heart swell, seeing him being so gentle with you despite his fantasies. "Ready, babe?," he asks, making you only moan in response. He wastes no time in pushing into you, making you scream his name. He continues to move in and out of you, as his lips move to capture your again in a kiss that is soft and hot at the same time. His hands move back to your boobs, while your trail all along his back, leaving nail marks in their wake. He pulls away from the kiss, moving his lips to your neck, as you continue to moan his name out like a mantra.
He pushes deeper into you, hitting your G-spot. It makes your eyes roll back, as pleasure spreads throughout your body. You feel yourself reaching your second orgasm of the night, as the knot in your stomach starts growing back again. "H-Hyunjin, faster," you moan, making him speed up his pace. Soon enough, his movements, combined with the feeling of his lips on your body, pushes you over the edge, making you cum all over his dick. The stimulation sends Hyunjin's dick reeling too, as he cums inside your core.
Pulling away, he can't help but marvel at how beautiful you look, wrecked at last, with his juices seeping out your pussy. He gets up to grab a towel and clean you, before kissing your forehead as he drapes a sheet over your naked form. He quickly gets in as well, pulling you closer. "Thank you for today, Jinnie. You were so nice to me," you smile, making him kiss your lips softly. "Thank you for trusting me love," he smiles too, before adding, "How about we cuddle to sleep for a few hours, and then I run us a bath?" "Sounds good," you yawn, "and how about we do it again later? I really enjoyed it."
Needless to say, Hyunjin hardly gets any sleep, unable to control his excitement.
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soleilsuhh · 4 months ago
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݄⿴݃*₊↷soft moments with hwang hyunjin 。
requested: hey faye! i was wondering if you can do soft moments with skz hyunjin? i’m literally in love with what you wrote for jaemin and doyoung. tysm if you do decide to do this!
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* the way he’s just so happy and proud to be your boyfriend; there are billions of other people in the world and you chose him. you might think you’re the one who’s lucky to have him but if you ask him, he’s the lucky one. when he introduces you to his friends or family, he happily put his arms around you and says “this is y/n, my girl/boyfriend/partner.” or when you post your photos on your instagram, he would show it to the nearest friend and proudly says with a beaming smile, “that’s my girl/boy/partner. gorgeous, right?”
* one day, you’re giggling at something he said, looking ahead at the colorful sky painted by the setting sun. little do you know that he’s staring at your side profile, completely lovestruck. with a smile on his face, he cups your cheek and guides your face towards him as he leans in. it’s a sweet kiss, neither able to stop yourselves from smiling into the kiss.
* hyunjin always shares his food or drink with you. it has become a habit and most of the times he does it instinctively. whenever he orders something, he casually lets you try some, holding the cup as you take a sip from your shared straw or feeding you a generous spoonful of his food.
* sometimes when he wants your attention, he tries to get as close to your side as possible without actually touching, quietly dropping hints of what he wants and grinning gleefully when you just sigh and put your hand around him or give him a quick kiss on the cheek/temple.
* his arm around your shoulder, your arm wrapped around his back, laughter and giggles erupting from your lips as you two playfully swing your bodies side-to-side while walking.
* casually fixing each other’s hair in public. he’s talking to someone but he notices that particular strand getting in your face in the corner of his eyes and while continuing to talk, he reaches over to tuck your hair behind your ear. or during times when he has long hair and it gets a little too warm or bothersome, you use the spare hair-tie you have to tie it for him just the way he likes it; not too tight and not too loose.
* it’s 3 a.m, the two of you lying in bed, him in your hoodie, you in his sweatshirt. both sleepy but not enough to actually fall asleep. and honestly you don’t want to. sharing earbuds as you listen to your favorite songs from your late-night playlist. admiring the way the dim night-light falls on each other’s faces as you gaze at one another with tired eyes and soft smiles.
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chaninfused · 17 days ago
CHERRY KISSES KISSES • HHJ • pure fluff; 232 words.
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Hyunjin loved kissing you.
More than the intoxicating feel of your mouth, more than the resolute lock of your grip, he reveled in the way your breath hitched each and every time your lips met.
It was a faint sound, a stolen breath, a fractured hiccup, and it was as though he had caught you by surprise. As though you didn’t expect him but welcomed him nevertheless, over and over again.
It was a sound that would melt into your surroundings, a wisp of the sweetest music, had he not chased it with every bit of his consciousness. Had he not clung to it like it was the sole thread holding him together.
At once, he would find his heart full and overflowing, a stampede, a hurricane, but also the gentlest song, begging, urging him to kiss you again and again. To hear the air pause, know that he had the same stunning effect you had on him. You were his rhythm, the hymn he shouted to the heavens. Every tune in his world sang to you. For you. An eternal serenade. A vibrant ovation.
If an encore was called, he would listen to your divine song as though he’d never heard it before. He was no one. Then he was your anchor, your earth and sky.
A man deaf to everything but the beautiful hitch of your breath when your suns collided.
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huenjin · 9 months ago
don't wanna be friends.
pairing: hyunjin x reader | bff2l!au, pornstar!au
word count: 3.705 words
tw: pornstar!hyunjin, nsfw content — dick piercing!hyunjin, multiple orgasms, breast play, breath play, fingering, cunnilingus, marking, penetration, unprotected sex, dumbification, slight overstimulation, creampie, mentions of reader masturbating to hyunjin's porn and the porn explained in detail.
music rec: damage is done | devin hoffman.
note: this was an nsfw ask originally but it got way past the limit, so tada, made it into a oneshot. if anyone was wondering why it's in this format/theme. unedited, like every other work of mine.
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you gulp down the next shot under hyunjin's watchful supervision. you've lost count of the shots you have taken and hyunjin has lost count of how many times he has told you to stop, that you are drinking too much.
"he told me that i can't fuck right. that i should at least pretend to fake it to satiate him," you scoff, another tear rolling down from the brim of your eyes and hyunjin wraps his arms around you, pulling into him to comfort you. "i can't— jinnie, i just don't come when he fucks me. i— maybe something is wrong with me. maybe i just can't orgasm when someone—"
"hush," hyunjin slowly taps your back to keep your thoughts shut. "there's nothing wrong with you, minion. you're fine." he pushes your big round spectacles up, calling you by the name he's always teased you with.
you slam the shot glass down, eyes groggy and head woozy from all the drinks you've gulped down. you lean forward, eyes wide open, glasses sliding down as you look closely at your best friend.
hwang hyunjin is attractive. you've always known your best friend is attractive. his bright eyes that light up at the sight of his dog, kkami, running to him right after you cuddled kkami forever. or the way his face morphs into one of disgust when you threaten to put eggplants into his plate. or the way he'd cuddle you when the weather gets too cold. hyunjin is attractive, both in looks and behaviour.
beyond this, your best friend, hwang hyunjin, is insatiable in the eyes of many women and men, including yours. a pornstar by profession, he knows the ways around women, having them come undone in his hold in minutes — you refuse to believe it's orchestrated. you know how he is in bed or at least what the biz wants him to exhibit and that alone has you trembling.
and to make matters worse in your end, you've orgasmed only once your whole life and that was during the time when you played with yourself while stumbling upon his porn (you were randomly searching for one and the temptation to watch your best friend just exceeded everything).
you knew his profession for so long — hyunjin told it to you over a glass of wine that you spat onto his white shirt the minute he told you about it. the conversation was never spoken about after that.
until today.
"what are you doing, minion? damn," he chuckles, "you really look like a minion with those glasses."
you still once you close in on hyunjin. hands on his chest, eyes fixated on his, you lick your lips and hyunjin's eyes widen, eyes unknowingly trailing downwards till he has to tear his gaze away, reminding himself that it's you, that it's his best friend.
"do you want to fuck me?" liquid courage, indeed.
"you must be kidding me?"
"why? you do this regularly."
hyunjin shoves you away, pushing you back against the couch. his eyes narrows on your figure and you fold your arms. he huffs, eyes glaring at you before looking away. he stretches his arm to take a glass and pour himself a drink, gulping it down and feeling the much needed burn in his throat.
"why?" you whine. "jinnie, that's your job. fuck me. you don't mind it. i'll just be one of those girls."
"i do mind it," he raises his voice. "you're not just one of those girls. fuck, y/n, you're the only constant in my life. why would i fuck that up?"
you bite your lower lip, eyes watering at the rejection suddenly. your drunkenness is what stirs the emotional side in you and your heart is heavy. you just want to be able to fuck like everyone else, just want to feel the bliss your friends talk about, the euphoria they reach.
"wait, are you going to cry?"
"no," you bite your tongue from letting out the sob. "i won't cry. you're not the first guy to reject me. this is normal. no one wants to—"
"—fuck me. who would want to fuck the girl that can't orgasm, let alone fake one?" you let out a fake laugh, tears finally rolling down your eyes.
"oh goodness," hyunjin sighs. he pulls you into him for a hug, rubbing your back soothingly. "you're my best friend, y/n. i shouldn't—"
"i want you to," you look up at him. hyunjin heaves in a huge breath. it catches in his throat as he looks down at you. god, he loves you. he has loved you for years now but who would want to be in a relationship with a guy who fucks girls for a living? not anyone sane. you deserve better. fuck, you deserved so much better than him.
yet, his heart won't stay still. his mind won't stop racing with thoughts he shouldn't normally have about his best friend. heavens, you have hyunjin wrapped around your finger and you don't even know it.
"y/n, don't—"
hyunjin loses his last bit of control over your proposition the minute you place your lips over his. it's exactly as he has envisioned. soft, delicate and everything that kept him away from breaking. you capture his bottom lip, kissing him softly, hands trailing under his sweater. hyunjin feels the goosebumps rising up, your warmth seeping into his. it takes everything in hyunjin to keep his hands away.
you pull away, catching your lower lip with your teeth before letting go and looking away, "you won't even kiss me back. am i that worse? do i kiss bad? jinnie, i just want to be—"
hyunjin has his hands on your face, turning it for you to look at him before he has his lips crashing down on yours, taking your breath away. you heave, breath hitching and you gasp.
hyunjin is aphrodite. the very reincarnation of sin. he creeps into you just as you expected, crawling into your mind and captivating every single sense of yours. your hands are in his hair, tugging at the roots and moving against his body. his hand sprawls over your neck and his thumb presses into the neck, rubbing slow circles. he kisses the top of your lips, your hands tugging at his sweater and you are moaning into his mouth.
you pull away for a second, fingers digging into his clothes, tugging at it to be thrown away and hyunjin obliges. helping you out of yours too, the two of you face each other stark naked. you take him in for the divinity he is in your head, eyes trailing down to his slightly erect dick and you gasp.
it's true. the videos don't lie. he is bigger than you had seen, girth firmer than you had envisioned and the frenum piercing has you salivating. it shines under the lighting, your eyes unable to drift away from it, lips parted slightly and heavens, hyunjin can't take his eyes away from you either. was this what he was missing out all this while in the name of friendship?
his lips are back on yours, your breasts firm against his chest as his cock rubs against your inner thigh. it's messy, heavy and has you panting for breath, chasing after his tongue, wrapped around yours like they never want to let go.
quicksand. this is quicksand. you're falling in too quick; falling into everything hyunjin has to offer way too quickly. and you love it. your mind is rid of thoughts. just hyunjin, hyunjin, hwang hyunjin. he pushes back, still kissing you heavily, till your back hits the soft covers of the couch and he's hovering over you.
hyunjin's tongue licks your lower lip, causing you to moan and he's groaning at the sensation, pulling apart for air few minutes later. he cups your face, thumb brushing the side and you lean into his palm.
"i— we should—"
"no, please don't stop," you beg. "not now. please. we're in too deep to stop."
"but y/n—"
"please fuck me, jinnie. fuck me like you fucked soojin."
hyunjin's eyes widens and he pulls away from you. looking at you as if he's staring into your soul, he gulps. "how did you—" his cheeks redden. "wait—" you bite your lower lip. hyunjin pulls the rubber band that holds his hair up, causing the silver strands to fall forward. he runs his finger through it, pushing it back as he holds it tightly to focus. "you watched my porn."
you gulp, lips drying up and you nod, running your mouth quickly to justify yourself. "i did. it was supposed to be a one time thing but—" you look away. "—i touched myself to that. i fingered myself to you fucking soojin and it's the only time i came."
if hyunjin has been just losing it all this while, now, he has lost it completely. his eyes darken, a light growl leaving his lips as he holds your legs and pulls you closer into his kneeling self. you groan slightly in his grip.
"you want me to fuck you like i fucked soojin?"
"want me to fuck you like some doll, huh?" he bends forward, kissing your neck, sucking at the skin till they stain purple to his pleasure. hyunjin marks you all the way to your breasts, covering your skin with both dark and light marks as you repeatedly confirm, "yes, yes, yes."
hyunjin pulls away, staring at you almost tauntingly, licking his lips and running his hand through his hair. he drops the words like they are heavy. "tell me then. tell me what i did and i'll do the same to you, just like you wished."
"you fuck—"
"no," he shakes his head. "in detail. from the very first scene. you'll get only what you ask for. nothing more. nothing less. so, go on, doll. tell me."
the power you hold is insane. you do not know how to use it, however. having never been given this much power, you look at your best friend for a while before slowly telling him. the words seem foreign to you but if this is how it is going to be, and if this helps you come, you're doing it.
"y-you kissed her first." your voice is barely audible. like you're telling hyunjin a secret. hyunjin catches your lips yet again, tongue presses against your lower lip before he slips it in, tangling it with yours as he kisses you. you moan, eyes closing as your hand wrap around his axle, hands pressed on his back. your fingers plays with the few strands of his silver dyed hair at the nape. he pulls back, waiting for you to continue.
with a little more confidence and the huge amount of liquid courage in you, you demand, "you marked her up like you just did to me. i hate that you marked her up. i hated it so much but turned me on."
hyunjin sucks a hickey right above your breast, speaking into your skin, "you hated it, doll?"
"yes. wanted it to be me." hyunjin's teeth grazes your skin and you moan, "fuck." your fingers pull his hair lightly and hyunjin grunts, teeth biting into your skin, making a dark mark that has you arch your back and your thigh to rub against his cock.
"what else did you see me do, doll?" his mouth trails further down to your breast and you gasp.
"you sucked on her breasts. played with it harshly." hyunjin abides by it, sucking on your breasts, tongue lapping around your nipples and drawing out circles by it. "yes, yes— fuck, jinnie, oh my—" hyunjin finds it seductive as fuck that you never complete your sentences as you moan. and he wants you like that — barely being able to say words besides his name. that's all he needed to hear.
"you played with soojin's other breast at the same time like—" his hand is already on your right breast. it pinched the nipple, twisting it between his thumb and forefinger. the pain shoots up and it clouds your senses, causing you to grind on his cock. your arousal leaks through you, and you feel yourself grow wetter with every single flick of hyunjin's tongue.
his right hand is still on your breast, his lips trail downward. your breath hitches in your throat and you let out a shortened sigh as he breathes lowly against your skin, kissing it before landing right in front of your core, wet with want for the man before you.
"so fucking wet and what for, doll?"
"your cock, oh my god. jinnie, want your cock in me. please." you beg, writhing in his hold as he grabs your breast, fondling it in his hold.
"that's not what i did in that video. go on, continue." it's stern with command and has you spitting out the next in sequence instantly.
"you—" hyunjin is playing with your nipples as he waits for you to speak. his finger twist and turn your nipples and you're squeezing your thighs together in this intense pleasure. "fuck, can't think, jinnie. i don't know. i—"
"no, no," he hushes. kissing your pubic mound and licking small stripes, he mumbles, "you have to remember the only porno that had you come, right?"
"you—" you feel his warm breath all over your core and a gush of arousal oozes out. "you had your mouth on her pussy. you ate her out till she came, oh my god. you ate her out—"
"well done, doll." and his lips are on your wet ones. he licks at the lips, pushing it apart as he takes in your arousal, lapping in to take it all. it's merciless. and if you thought his porn was intense, you forgot all about how hyunjin himself was a walking pornography. the way his tongue licks your lips, tip teasing your entrance as he rubs your clit, slowly. he draws small circles over it, tapping at the engorged button till your toes curl in, knees lift up to bend for your feet to press down. your eyes are squeezed shut and your fingers pull at his hair every time you feel the knot tightening.
the room is filled with lewd noises and your moans, resonating through the whole area for you to hear it out in the silence. it's pornographic. the voices you make resemble those that you heard. hyunjin licks another stripe up your sodden lips before wrapping the plump pair around your clit and sucking on it, loud noise of suckle resonating and causing you to move your hips slightly.
his teeth grazes over your clit, nibbling slightly till you feel the knot clench in your stomach. it's a vortex forming deep within and from the one time experience you have, you know. it's coming. you're so close. hyunjin rubs your clit furiously, mouth moving back your lip as he eats you out. he pulls apart right when he knows you're soon to come and in a second, two of his fingers are deep within you, rubbing against your inner walls and you're crying out his name just like he wanted.
it's hyunjin, hyunjin, hyunjin. that's all he can hear — his name dripping in saccharine from your mouth, topped with all those insatiable moans that leave your lips and hyunjin quickens his pace. the two fingers thrust in and out of you, finding the spot and rubbing at the walls to elicit a particular reaction — hyunjin is searching. searching for that one spot that will have you ruined for him.
"fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what—"
the minute he touches a particularly soft area, he has you grinding down on him, chanting his name like a mantra and he knows — hyunjin's found your spot. he rubs it as he curves his fingers, having you arch further into him. he sucks on your clit, fingers thrusting in you relentlessly.
and you come undone so easily that it's a surprise how your ex couldn't do this for you. you see the white under your eyelids as you come undone. hyunjin helps you ride it out. he removes his fingers and licks you clean, taking in every single drop of your orgasm.
"told you that you were perfect," he says, looking at you and smiling. he kisses your mound as he lifts your hips up. "you're the most perfect human being ever. so how in the world could anything be wrong with you?" he wipes away the tears rolling down your eyes, as an effect from the intensity of the orgasm you went through. "so, doll, now tell me what else did i do?"
your mind is blank. you can't think of anything. your mind is filled with just the man before you in all his naked glory and how you just want him. "want you, jinnie. please. i want your dick. please want that."
"that's not the answer to my question," he huffs. "did i not lift her legs up like this?" he lifts your legs and places it over his shoulders. his erect cock is angled right and he rubs the head all over your wetness. you hitch and whine, stuttering how much you want him. "did i fuck my doll dumb? did i fuck out all your brains, baby? oh no. should i fuck you more? can you answer that, doll?"
you nod, lips parting. "want jinnie's dick. want it. want it in me."
"as you wish, doll," and he inserts it into you, pushing your walls apart with his fingers till he thrusts completely into you. his piercing underneath his shaft drags against your walls, the cold metal adding the extra sensation that tingles your nerves. his large hands hold your hips up, your ankles hitting his back bone everytime he thrusts into you. he uses his one hand to hold your wrists together above you as he hits your spot over and over again. the friction of his big cock and the frenum piercing is all too much right after one orgasm. the stimulation is over bearing and you know why the girl in the video has her eyes roll up, tongue out and lips swollen.
hyunjin plunges into you and you gush all over his cock, coating almost all of his length with your arousal. hyunjin is barely in but he is already hitting your spot, hot tip brushing against it vicariously and the frenum piercing cold against it. the friction is enough to have the knot tighten so fast and hard that you know this is going to overpower you. hyunjin lets go of you wrists but you hold them above you obediently. his hand trails to hold your breast, squeezing it and fondling with it; the other holding your legs up securely.
with every thrust, his piercing drags against your walls and his balls slap against your cheeks. tears spill down your face as you scream loudly, "jin-ah, fuck. jinnie, jinnie, jinnie. it's too much, oh my god. i can feel it. oh—"
"you're taking it like a good, good doll for me. you can take more. i know you can." he takes his cock out. he wraps his fingers around it and dragging it across your slit and your core, the frenum piercing rubbing against it and you're ready to snap again.
and without any warning, he enters into you again, this time harshly and with a quicker pace. it is fast and hard and has you gripping onto him for the life of yours, your hands moving to hold his biceps, fingers digging into it. hyunjin fucks you like he wants to take you to heaven and back. like he wants to show you everything you are missing out and that there's nothing wrong with you. it's the men. always the men.
"going to fuck you and show you how you should be fucked. how you should be getting it. going to fuck you dumb, doll and have you be mine."
he doesn't stop. hyunjin is grunting and huffing as he thrusts repeatedly in you, his pubic bone hitting your clit and causing short sorts of heightened sensations.
"jinnie! i'm coming. i'm coming. oh fuck, i'm—"
second one in a span of few hours. if you could think properly, you would be surprised at how you came twice. it's surprising that you've come thrice so far in your whole life and all three times were to be credited to hwang hyunjin, your best friend.
you come around his cock, the white flash spreading under your eyelids and you are weeping. you feel the rushing oxytocin clouding your brain as you clench tightly on his cock. hyunjin doesn't stop however, as he chases after his own high, thrusting even faster if it were possible and overstimulating you. in a few minutes, hyunjin is coming in you. hot white spurts of his cum coating your insides as he thrusts his orgasm out, only to pull it out eventually and have his white come and yours poze out and stain the couch.
your eyes are shut and you are panting heavily, chests rising and hyunjin brushes your hair away from your face, wiping the sweat that has accumulated by your forehead. he places your legs down and mumbles, "you okay, minion?"
"hm," you respond. that's all you can say. you were too fucked out to think or do anything. hyunjin chuckles and slowly getting off the couch, he carefully lifts you up into his arms. you snuggle into his chest, wrapping your arms around him. "where are we going?"
hyunjin barely hears you question with how soft it was. you repeat and it is the second time that he hears it perfectly.
"going to clean you up and rest you in bed. you need to sleep well now." you nod, snuggling further into his chest as he carries you into his bedroom.
hyunjin's wrong, though. when he wondered how in the world anything could be wrong with you, he clearly knew there is something wrong with you.
you are too dense to ever realise how deep his feelings are for you.
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thepixelelf · a month ago
stray kisses
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Chan’s kisses are dreams. No touch is quite the same as the last. Some slow, some fleeting. Some easily forgotten and some which will not leave your memory for minutes, hours, days. He kisses you and holds you close, so engulfed in the warmth he is that for a moment you forget there is a world outside the one he has given you. The one that he gives you every day. His lips are a harbor, a hearth to return to. He closes his eyes and so do you, and, just for now, nothing else exists except a beautiful dream.
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You’re water when Minho kisses you. His hands roam your sides, your face, constantly moving as if you’ll slip through his fingers if he stops. So hard to hold onto, he thinks, and he doesn’t know how to change things. For now, his lips move slowly, confidently, as if you can’t feel the desperate grip of his hands. He pretends that the fluttering in his chest when you kiss him back doesn’t make him afraid. So, so afraid that tomorrow he will have to forget what it feels like. He kisses you like you’re water, and he cups his hands around your cheeks like it will make you stay.
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Changbin’s kisses are pop rocks. Sweet as sugar, the closest thing to it. They leave a tingling feeling on your tongue, a smile on your lips. Every one is interrupted by giggles and laughter, foreheads pressed against each other, eyes that sparkle. He kisses you, and your heart goes pop pop pop. One day, you swear he’ll kill you. Too sweet, too much for your poor heart to handle. He promises he’ll save you, though; makes a vow between pop rock kisses. You laugh against his lips, and when he pulls you closer and whispers the promise again, saying he’ll always save you. always. the skin beneath his fingers tingles.
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Kisses with Hyunjin are tulips. You told him this once, and since he just laughed, saying of course I have two lips, silly! you never got to explain why. Most people don’t know that tulips open, that the elegant bulbs can spread into wide arrays of petals and bloom so beautifully under the sun. Under the right conditions, Hyunjin kisses you with passion. Eyes closed, brows furrowed, lips red and searching, searching, searching. He holds you close, pressed to him, and when he takes a moment to breathe, he lets out a nervous laugh despite kissing you a million times before. He closes up again, shy, a bulb that only shows his most beautiful self when the moment is right. When the person is right.
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Jisung’s kisses are stars. Satellites. The blinking lights of airplanes overhead in the black sky of night. Sometimes unseen, sometimes hidden by clouds or the overwhelming brightness of the city. He often forgets what his kisses mean to you in a world that keeps trying to drown him out. In the quiet of night, you hold him close. You take those cheeks of his that you love so much in your hands and you ask him to look you in the eyes. You tell him he is enough, that he will always be seen, always be loved, and the stars in his eyes return in due time. He kisses you lightly, just a touch, and even though it’s a cloudy night, it is enough. He has always been enough.
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Kissing Felix is a slow dance under the sun. Warmth that spreads across your skin with just a touch, music that plays from old, twisted earbuds and an mp3 player in Felix’s pocket. His lips are always slow, careful, and you think it’s because he’s taking a picture with them. A pixelated memory of the way you feel together, warm and beautiful and moving together to an invisible melody. His hands lay lightly on your waist, thumbs moving back and forth in a way that he hopes you won’t notice, but you do. It’s him who doesn’t notice the way you sway with him, the way you relish in his touch, the way you never want this waltz to end.
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Seungmin’s kisses are sips of lemonade. Refreshing after a long day. The perfect refrain to a summer song. Not necessarily sour and not necessarily sweet, but exactly what you’re looking for and exactly what you need. He kisses the top of your head, the corner of your eyes, the tips of your fingers, and you feel your muscles relax as if you were never exposed to the heat of the world at all. You always smile into his kisses. He always pulls away with eyes that pour over with a happiness you hope to give him for the rest of your lives. You kiss him, and you taste lemonade.
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Jeongin is fire when he kisses you. He is fire and heat and warmth, and you wonder what makes you so desirable to him that he inhales so sharply when your lips touch. You wonder what about you has his breath laboured, his eyes aflame. It shouldn’t get to you, it shouldn’t, but the thoughts burn in the pit of your stomach. Insecurities burn and burn and burn, and you think the fire in Jeongin’s kisses must be an illusion. The real fire is in you. It’s burning you inside out. Soon you will have nothing to give him, no fuel left from the you that will be nothing but smoldering ash. But he kisses you like a promise. He tells you that your thoughts are stupid. It’s crude, but you listen. You’re burning. Maybe you won’t burn forever.
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