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yourdoorisunlocked · 3 months

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What A Dish, What A Doll! - Part 1

𝐀/𝐍: This was originally supposed to be pretty dark, but my mind clearly had other plans since I ended up writing a fluffy little fic about our favorite radio man lmao. I’ll probably write up the angstier fic, too, if this one does well.

Also, the Reader is AFAB, since that’s what I’m comfortable writing for as a girl myself.

. . .

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐,𝟏𝟏𝟓 𝐍𝐨 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

. . .

The door to Alastor’s manor creaked open for you, and with a grin you took the spare key he gave you from the lock and swung the door fully open to push yourself inside in an attempt to escape from the late winter chill.

It was a late January night, meaning the serene moonlight washed over the snowy landscape as early as 5:00 P.M., making it dangerous for a lady like yourself to be wandering the streets of New Orleans late at night.

But it had been months since you really had to worry about anything like that, since you had Alastor by your side to look out for you. Such a sweetheart to you, and a bit of a mama’s boy, too, judging by the pictures set atop the mantle just above the unlit fireplace.

The mere thought of your ever-enthusiastic smiling companion made you especially giddy as you kicked off your winter boots and shrugged your coat off your shoulders, placing it upon the antler-adorned coat rack and skipping past the staircase into the living room.

Flopping on the couch, you reached over for the radio while cuddling up with a blanket, excited to hear the well-awaited voice of the man who had altered the direction of your life – undoubtedly for the better – and you were practically kicking your feet like a flustered schoolgirl who had received your first confession as Alastor’s voice rang through the small device, loud and clear for you to hear.

“Good evening, New Orleans!” You couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiastic announcer’s voice that he normally used for his radio show, and the first time the two of you had met.

Though, Alastor was more relaxed around you nowadays, seeing no need to keep up the too-cheery facade his listeners had renowned and adored him for. You cherished moments when he was simply relaxed, content with a close-lipped smile and sitting beside you, whether it be reading, playing the piano with you, occasionally even pulling you into a spontaneous dance.

As you listened practically through the entire thing, you began to silently fantasize about your unpredictable yet darling radio host.

“Well, I’m afraid that’s all the time I have tonight, folks! I should be going, now. It's rather bad form to keep my doll waiting at home for me~,” He finished with a soft chuckle.

Blood rushed to your cheeks at that last little comment, practically cursing Alastor for his cheekiness, and he knew that you listened to his shows whenever you could.

"The au-diddly-dacity of that man..."

“Thank you for tuning in! See you next time~...”

The radio returned to static for a few seconds, before a jaunty little tune began to play through the speakers, and it just so happened to be one of your personal favorites, one that you, no matter what mood, nor what you were doing, couldn't help but jump up and dance to.

And, of course, Alastor knew you loved it.

You sighed with content as you relaxed into his couch cushions, sinking into the blanket that Alastor had laid out for you since he'd found you constantly falling asleep to his voice on the radio when he returned home from work.

A pang of guilt thundered against your chest as your heart strained at the stinging reminder of how much of a burden you really were to Alastor. He was a good man, who helped you out when you were in a tough spot, you should at least repay the favor, right?

I should at least do something nice for him... He's been so good to me, even inviting me over for dinner more times than I can count.

He was the one who offered me that job at the radio station, hell, he even let me off early so I could listen to his show!

With a huff, and a newfound sense of energy, you got to work around the house, tidying up and lighting the fireplace, sparking a candle or two, and keeping the radio playing all throughout the thirty minutes you had spent cleaning, imagining the look on Alastor’s face when he returned.

You had even started on dinner, making a nice pot of venison soup, since it seemed to be his favorite.

You pushed down the swell in your chest when you heard the doorbell ring, excitedly rushing over to a mirror and sweeping across your face and hair, making sure everything about you was in perfect shape.

You opened the door, craning your neck a good amount to make eye contact with dark chocolate eyes staring down at you intently, almost illuminated in the moonlight, set against smooth caramel skin beneath a fluff of mocha brown hair.

“Hel-!”

Alastor’s usual smile was smacked clean off his face at the sight of you standing before him, apron tied across your skirt with a few stains upon it, hair slightly amess but clearly put together.

"-Lo... My dear, what is the meaning of this?..." His tone seemed cheerful enough, if a bit bewildered as his eyes scanned your form once more, stopping upon the apron once again before returning his gaze to yours.

You looked so painfully, so heart throbbingly domestic that it nearly gave him a heart attack when he first opened the door. Such a submissive nature fed into other... primal desires of his that he wasn't fully prepared to delve into.

You smiled sheepishly up at him. "Why don't you come in? I've already started dinner," Alastor's trademark smile quirked his lips upward as he suddenly took your arm and headed inside, practically glowing as he headed straight for the kitchen.

"Oh, no, mister, you stay right there," you winked down at the radio host as you pulled him into a chair. "You've been working so late, let me handle dinner."

You truly piqued Alastor's interest when a familiar scent wafted past his nose, and he eyed you with surprise as you worked in the kitchen, pouring a hot, thick broth from the pot into a small bowl.

As you headed towards him, he tried his best not to absolutely melt in his seat as you served him with a smile, and he carefully took the steaming bowl from your hands.

Venison, hm? Well don’t mind if I-

AN: You know that one scene in Ratatouille where that critic takes a bite of his dish, and gets a flashback to when his mom used to cook for him? Imagine that but with Alastor.

“Is it good?” Your soft, almost worried voice brought him back to reality, and as he met your hopeful, imploring gaze, Alastor nearly choked on his food as heat crept up to his cheeks, burning against his face and ears.

For just a moment, I thought I saw...

With wide eyes, you rushed over to him with a napkin, patting his back and looking over him with concern as his coughing ceased, and he took the cloth with a grateful, slightly wobbly smile.

“Was it really that bad...?” Your confidence wavered slightly as you stared down at Alastor, realizing the sudden proximity as electricity raced up your spine and lit your cheeks aflame.

Half-lidded cocoa-brown eyes searched the very depths of your soul, before he shook his head and murmured, "No, quite the opposite. I'm... I'm actually quite thankful for this, tonight." Though, it couldn't have come at a worse possible time, when he was finally squashing any sort of emotions he felt for you into the dirt, only for you to make them froth and rise to the surface yet again.

Why, he hadn't realized how long it had been since anyone had done anything like this for him!

Ah, his dear mama...

He recalled the last dish she ever made for him. Her house-famous Jambalaya that he had adored so much. It even managed to put his father in a good mood.

"A-Al? Alastor? Are you alright...?"

He hadn't even noticed that tears were streaming down his slim cheeks until he felt small droplets falling upon his lap.

"Oh, nothing. This... This all just reminded me of someone..." He shook his head and took his circle-rimmed glasses off his pointed nose, rubbing the fogginess off the glass as the gears turned in your head.

You raised an eyebrow. "Who...?" You then caught a glimpse of the photos set above fireplace just past the couch that faced away from the kitchen. Of course!

Immediate regret washed over you as you fretted over Alastor, apologizing meekly as you attempted to clean up the soup in front of him, but you were stopped as he gripped your wrist.

"I'm so sorry! I never meant to be such a burden, I just really wanted to do something nice for you, s-since you're always-"

"No, please, this has been a delightful surprise, darling." You froze at the pet name, heat creeping over your cheeks and tinging your ears a bright pink as Alastor released his grip upon your hand.

"You have never, never felt like a burden to me. I promise you that," he slid his hand from your wrist to your hand in an act of comfort, but it only served to make your face glow even redder.

"Now I'd like to finish the dinner you made for me. If you don't mind, of course," his usual cheekiness had returned when he spotted your slightly flustered face, and you nodded and returned to your seat promptly.

Alastor, being ever the chatterbox, resurrected the flowing conversation between you two for a good hour, as he recalled stories from his childhood, keeping you entertained throughout your dinner. Your laughter filled the hallway, your smile both wounding and freeing his heart, while you sat, mesmerized at his captivating storytelling and how he spoke with his hands, practically alight as he drank in each expression you gave him.

"Would you care for a dance, darling?" Alastor spoke up suddenly, the contents of his bowl completely gone as you eyed it. You shyly agreed as he smiled gently and pulled you into the living room.

Soft caramel brown hands wrapped around yours as Alastor's slender fingers held you close in a surprisingly tight grip against him, and you could feel the rise and fall of his chest, along with his rapidly beating heart despite his suave demeanor as he slowly danced along with you to one of the songs that had begun playing on the radio beside the fireplace.

Nothing but your dear friend's soft humming along with the sounds of the radio filled the silence between you in the moment, and you began to relax in his grip as you lazily kept up with his slow steps.

Put your head on my shoulder~

A slow dance between you two, with an occasional twirl as Alastor nearly swept you off your feet swept the minutes away, until the moon was well past the horizon and twilight fell upon the sky.

As he spun you around once more, a sudden gust of air swept past the pair of you, nearly blowing out the candle beside you.

Hold me in your arms, baby...

Alastor's eyes widened at the sight of a petite, elderly woman standing beside the doorway into the kitchen, watching the two of you intently, until her form faded from the door with a shimmer of light and a gentle smile.

Squeeze me oh-so tight, show me...

He gulped softly at the sight of the angel while you stared into his eyes, completely fixated upon his surprised open-mouthed stare as his gaze flickered from behind you to your lips.

You barely missed his darkening expression as you both began to sway slowly once again.

Show me, that you love me, too~...

"Would you like to stay the night, darling?" For the first time in his life, Alastor seemed unsure, maybe even nervous, as his dark brows creased together and his charming smile twitched at the corners of his lips. You smiled and reached up to smooth out the crease with your fingers.

You had no idea how he warred with himself, knowing that he'd be practically signing his soul away simply to be in your company.

Put your lips next to mine, dear~...

But... Perhaps this would be worth it.

Perhaps moments like these, when time slowed, where you both could block out the rest of the world and simply bask in each other's company would be worth the risk.

Won't you kiss me once, baby~?

Alastor had decided, right then and there as you stared up at him with nothing but adoration.

He'd have you. He had to. He was damned either way, but he'd storm the pearly gates themselves if he failed to drag you down with him.

Just a kiss goodnight, maybe...?

But, with immense relief, Alastor realized wouldn't take much persuasion as your eyes seemed to twinkle beside the flickering candlelight, and a gentle yet teasing smile played at your lips.

You and I will fall in love...

"Yes, I'd like that very much, Alastor."

. . .

𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: Okay, I KNOW that 'Put Your Head On My Shoulder' was released in the 50s, BUT LET'S PRETEND IT WAS THE 20s, OKAY???

Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this first post, I might write a part two if the people want one. Maybe Alastor headcanons?? Who knows...

Let's just see how far this goes lmao.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #fluff #alastor x reader #alastor the radio demon #fanfic #writing #very inaccurate 1920s representation #this man is my new hyperfixation for the next couple of weeks so buckle up lmao #I will never shut up about alastor istg #expect more slow dancing scenes with him #it's like 12 am rn ya'll 💀#yourdoorisunlocked

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shirtdraws · 1 year

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"it was a really great story, isn't that right?

lets meet again, yoo joonghyuk."

version w/o wings below :)

#still reading bc oh boy am I slow #but I'm in the early 200s now #i miss the rest of kimcom i will not lie #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #joongdok #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #spoilers #art tag?#100 #200 #500 #1k #2k

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python333 · 8 months

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your writing is literally the best in the cod fandom. we need more injured reader angst. it's too good

don't breathe — python333

— — — —

synopsis [reader] gets buried alive after refusing to give intel to enemy soldiers and *slips up and writes reader almost dying again* oops how did that happen haha

relationships platonic!price & gn!reader.

characters cap. john price.

word count 2.7k

warnings suffocation [reader], just generally really depressing thoughts, near death??, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note aww tysm :(( dont say its the best im gonna get a complex LMAO but i appreciate it!! and yes i agree injured reader angst ftw :3 i present to you: reader gets very injured and theres a lot of angst and its basically just you suffering for a good 3/4 of the fic while the last quarter has the actual comfort!

“Hello?” You try again, your voice cracking and your tone as desperate as it can get, “Please, God, say someone can hear me.”

You’ve been trapped in a casket for about five minutes now—at least, you woke up five minutes ago. God knows how long you’ve been stuck in the stupid thing, but realistically, it’s probably been much longer than five minutes.

The last thing you remember from before you were buried is being in the interrogation room of some small terrorist group’s facility, one you and the others were led to believe was abandoned weeks ago.

Unfortunately, whoever gave you the information must’ve either had incredibly outdated information or was setting you all up for failure, because the facility was very much not abandoned and was instead full of enemy soldiers.

You all had already gotten into the building before you knew that, because of course you all had to be in the same spot at the same time—practically sitting ducks for the enemy—and of course you all had to be clueless about the possibly hundreds of people in the facility until it was too late.

As far as you know, everyone managed to escape. Everyone but you. They didn’t mean to leave you behind, of course they didn’t, they were more focused on just booking it out of the facility. However, because of that, you were now stuck—you assume—several feet underground in a casket that has a limited amount of oxygen that drops every time you take a breath.

You let out the breath you’re currently holding and suck in another deep breath, holding it as you think. Your strategy of holding your breath until you no longer could mostly worked, but it wouldn’t for long, you knew that soon you’d suffocate in all of the carbon dioxide gathering in the enclosed casket.

You don’t know how long you’d been unconscious in the casket, breathing in oxygen carelessly in your slumber, which made the whole situation worse. You didn’t even know how much time you had left.

You hate to waste your breath checking your comms, but the enemy soldiers had accidentally left your earpiece in your ear—the small device apparently going undetected under their radar—and you wanted to make the most of it. You move your arm from your side and press onto the PTT button on your earpiece, wincing a little at how cramped the casket was.

“Does anybody copy?” You ask again, staring up at the almost pitch black space above you, “I repeat, does anybody copy?”

It’s a vain attempt at contacting your team, really. You don’t know if they’re thinking about you, if the signal is going through, if they even have their earpieces on—you know nothing, and that terrifies you because you really don’t want to die right now but there’s literally nothing else you can do besides helplessly talk into your earpiece, not knowing if anyone’s listening.

Your lungs start to burn and you let out the breath you were holding, taking another deep breath and beginning to hold that one. The air feels… thick. It’s starting to get harder to breathe, and you know you shouldn’t panic but you can’t help the few worried thoughts that come to the forefront of your mind.

What am I going to do when I run out of oxygen and the only thing left for me to breathe in are my own discarded breaths? What will I do when all there is to do is suffocate? Am I going to try, in one last desperate attempt, to break out of the casket, or am I going to just lay here and die? Will my team try to find me, or will they forget about me? Have they already forgotten about me?

Before you can listen to any more of those depressing thoughts, a voice comes from your earpiece.

“H—lo? [c/n]?” It’s hard to tell with the static and the cuts in between the words, but you think it’s Price talking.

“Price?” You ask immediately, all thoughts of preserving your breath forgotten. “Holy shit, you can hear me?”

“Je—s— whe—e—” He cuts out for a moment and your stomach drops when all you can hear is static for a moment.

“You’re— You’re cutting out, Captain, what did you say?”

“Wher— —re you?” It takes you a moment to realize what he’s saying, your mind working much slower than it usually does, but once you do you shake your head negatively despite him not being there to see you.

“I don’t— I don’t know,” You respond, taking a deep breath before adding on, “I think I’m underground, I just know I’m in a casket and it’s getting harder to breathe and—”

“Okay, o—y,” You hear Price’s voice crackle, his voice becoming more distant and sounding almost muffled to you, “Sa— —ur bre—th, I’ll try to g—t some—e to track your— —tion.”

With the constant cutting out of his words and the distortion of his tone, you can barely register or process what he’s saying, and that only panics you more but you refuse to let your emotions get the better of you even in the state of disorientation you’re in, so you keep holding your breath.

A minute later, Price’s voice crackles through your earpiece again.

“Okay, we’ve got your loc—tion,” Price’s voice sounds… oddly far away, “We can—”

His voice slowly becomes muffled, and you release the breath you were holding without realizing it, slowly blinking up at the ceiling of the casket. A sort of haze falls over your mind and you can barely even hear Price anymore before you suddenly snap back to reality and hear his now much clearer voice loud in your ear.

“[c/n]? [c/n], are you still there?” You recognize his tone now, and you’re just a little shocked at the sheer amount of worry in it.

“Haven’t moved an inch,” You breathe out, before lying, “You cut out for a second for me, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay,” Price reassures you, “I said we got your loc—tion and we’re hea—g out th— —w. It’s not t— far away from where —e alre—dy are, we’re ba—ely three clicks away.”

“… Clicks?” You ask, your eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

“Yes, clicks,” Price replies, sounding concerned, before hesitantly asking, “… You know what those are, right?”

“I don’t—” You struggle to find words for a moment before you speak again, your own voice starting to sound distant, “I don’t think so?”

“What do y—u mean you don’t thi— —o?” Price asks, his voice sounding freakishly close, “Are you okay?”

“No, yeah, I’m fine,” You lie through your teeth, not wanting to worry Price further, “I just… how far away are you?”

“Just ab—t two cli—ks now,” Price says, before pausing and clarifying, “Two kilometers.”

Two kilometers… how far is that? “And that’s… is that far, or?”

“No, it’s not too far. It’s just a mi—te away, we didn’t ge— —o far before Laswell got your loc—tion,” Price tells you, “We’ll be there soon, ok—y? We’ll get y— —ut of there.”

“A minute—” You cough and feel tears pricking at your eyes from how hard it is to take another breath, “A minute?”

“Yes, a minute— [c/n], are you okay?” Price asks again, before laughing nervously, “You know what a minute is, do— —ou?”

“...” You struggle to answer the question, thinking long and hard for a few seconds before hesitantly answering, “… Yeah, I do, sorry. It’s sixty seconds.”

“Why’d it take you so long to answer?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I—” You take a few shallow breaths, and feel a headache start to build up, “How far away are you guys?”

“We’re alm—t there,” Price promises you, “The heli’s ab—t to l—nd, and we’ll dig you up, and—”

Why is it so cold? Price’s voice cuts off and when he stops talking you realize that you’re shivering. You ball your fists up and can’t even feel your nails digging into your palms, your hands having gone numb from the cold, and realizing that makes you discover that your lips feel numb too.

Your ears start to ring and you feel that uncomfortable pins and needles feeling in your hands, the sensation slowly traveling up your arms, making you both wanting to peel off your own skin and also grateful that you can at least feel something besides the cold.

In the midst of your thinking, you hear muffled thumping coming from above you—whoever buried you couldn’t have buried you anything below six feet.

“—llo? [c/n]? Are you still there?”

You bring your hand up, the movement slow and sluggish, and you try to search around the side of your face for your earpiece. You eventually find it and when you do you press against it until you feel the PTT button being pushed.

“Still here,” You confirm breathlessly, coughing again as you take a few more shallow breaths, “I think I’m running out of— of… what’s the fuckin’ air that you can breath in, it starts with an o…”

“… Oxygen?”

“Oxygen, yeah,” You slowly blink up at the ceiling of the casket, “There’s— I think— I don’t… I think… I think I’m gonna pass out, Captain.”

“[c/n], don’t you fucking dare,” Price growls, “You stay awake, I swear to fucking god.”

“I can’t—” You take a few more shallow breaths, before coughing, the tears escaping your eyes reaching the corners of your mouth.

You can hear Price briefly talk with someone else, his voice the most serious you’ve ever heard it, before he talks directly to you again, “How much longer do you think you have before you run out of oxygen?”

It takes you a moment to register the question, but when you do, you answer, “Uh… I don’t— I think… maybe a few more minutes? I can’t tell, it’s just hard to breathe, I can’t…”

“Okay, okay,” Price softly says, gusts of wind blowing into his mic as he talks, “Give me a second, okay? We’re almost there, kid, we’ll— we’ll be there in just a minute, we just passed over you, I just need you to stay awake.”

“In a minute,” You repeat to yourself, before taking a deep breath, hoping that you have enough oxygen to make it out of this casket because you really don’t want to die here, not when there’s help just a minute away.

After what you assume is a minute or two, instead of thumping, you hear something cut into the dirt above you. The sound, however, is heavily muffled, so muffled to the point where you don’t know if you’re hallucinating or not.

Is that a symptom of CO2 poisoning? Hallucinations? You lay still in the casket and can’t help but release the breath you’d only just taken, the ringing in your ears starting up again and growing louder faster than they had before.

Your entire body is numb, your chest is heavy, and you can feel a sort of fog fall over your mind. You can distantly hear Price yelling through your earpiece, but you can’t find it in yourself to respond, instead simply laying there, your blinking starting to slow down before it eventually stops, leaving your eyes closed.

—

For a moment, you think you died and went to heaven, which would be weird, considering all the things you’ve done in your life. Not saying you’d go to hell, just saying God would probably hesitate for a second before letting you in through the pearly gates.

You blink awake, slowly but surely, and the first thing you realize is that you can feel things again. You tilt your head down to the bump under the white bed sheets laid on top of you, and squeeze your hand into a ball, watching the bump move and feeling your fingers dig into your oddly sore palms.

You let out a sigh of relief and pull your hand out from the sheets, bringing it up to your face and feeling the oxygen mask that’s been placed over your mouth and nose.

“Don’t mess with that,” You hear a voice say to your right. You turn your head and see a very tired Captain Price, dark eyebags hanging under his eyes and arms crossed, his hands having a white knuckle grip on either one of his elbows.

“…” You don’t say anything, instead you simply stare at him until he sighs and gets up from his seat. You watch silently as he leans over your bed and bends down, before pausing, and then quickly snaking his hands under your back to pull you up just enough for him to properly hug you.

You reach up with shaky hands and tentatively hug him back, not nearly as tightly—not that you don’t want to, but you physically can’t with how weak your arms are right now—but with just as much sincere affection. You can feel Price’s beard rubbing against your neck and hear his small sniffles as he embraces you tightly.

Maybe it’s his sniffling, or the way you can finally feel warmth for the first time in what feels like forever, or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s holding you with so much care and affection that it almost makes you burst at the seams, whatever it is, it causes you to tear up as well.

Those tears quickly become sobs that bubble up in your throat and crawl their way out of it, forcing you to tuck your head into the crook of Price’s neck and muffle your sobs in it, muttering a small ‘sorry’ after each one.

After each ‘sorry’, Price responds with, “It’s okay, let it out, sweetheart, you’re okay,” and those reassuring words only make you cry more because God, you didn’t even think he’d find you, yet here he is, letting you cry into his neck and is reassuring you after every apology that it’s okay.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” You mumble a litany of apologies into Price’s neck, your breath stuttering and hitching as you try to hold back your sobs. Price only shushes you and rubs his hand up and down your back in a comforting gesture, bringing his head up to kiss the top of your head.

He tucks your head under his chin, “Don’t apologize, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

And fuck, you know it’s just words, but it only makes you cry more.

Your sobs eventually stop, leaving you hiccuping against Price’s neck, silently crying as he continues to rub your back.

“I thought you died,” He whispers, his hand stuttering on your back, “I thought you died and I was going to dig up your dead body, when you didn’t answer me.”

You stay silent, letting him continue, “I thought you were dead when we dug you up and needed to feel your heartbeat for myself to confirm that you were still alive.”

He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been here ever since they put you in here. I haven’t slept, I’ve just stayed here, waiting for you to wake up so I could tell you that I—”

He chokes up for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I’m sorry for not even thinking to drag you out of the facility with me when we all ran out. You were— you were right there, and I couldn’t just grab your arm and take you with me, I just had to leave you behind and I—”

“You watched me while I was asleep?” You ask quietly, your eyebrows drawing together.

Price pauses and pulls his chin off of your head, and pulls you away from his neck so he can properly give you the most incredulous look he can pull, before saying, “I’m pouring my heart out to you and apologizing for practically leaving you for dead, and that’s what you’re worried about?”

“Well, I’m not worried, I’m just—” You shrug, not knowing how to explain it. Price sighs and chuckles quietly before tucking your head back under his chin.

“You’re insufferable,” He mumbles, sniffling a bit.

“… I forgive you, by the way,” You say after a moment of silence, “I didn’t really blame you in the first place.”

“You had the right to.”

“Sure I did.”

“But you didn’t blame me.”

“Right.” “…” Price stays silent for a moment before pressing another soft kiss to the top of your head and saying quietly, “You should blame me.”

“Maybe,” You mumble back, “But I won’t.”

Later, maybe an hour later, if the others see you asleep in Price’s arms while he keeps your head tucked under his chin and rubs your back affectionately—no they don’t.

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loguetowns · 2 months

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love drunk

eustass kid x reader

kid is (extra) annoying when he's drunk

“say you love me” + kid for @saidbysae

1.2k words

a/n: i can't take credit for the ending bc i think it was a cliche post that was floating around here or twitter when i saw it a billion years ago. anyways i think kid is really soft and i luv him for that

if there's one thing you've learned about the kid pirates, it's that they definitely know how to party. and of all the rowdy, noisy, rambunctious pirates, the captain is the worst of them.

"heat, get me another!" kid yells from across the room.

"another glass?"

"no," he downs his jug and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "another barrel!"

across the room, he spots you and when you shake your head, his mischievous grin gets even bigger and brighter. you're crazy, you mouth. he just laughs and winks in your direction, raising his empty glass in your direction.

it's going to be a long night.

and sure enough, it's in the wee hours of the morning that you're dragging him across the deck towards his room. somehow, he's managed to lose both his jacket and his shirt, but in the autumn air, his body is still running hot. you're practically sweating with his body pressed against yours.

"baaaby, i know i don't look'it but 'm drunk," kid slurs.

usually so clever when he's (mostly) sober, it's silly of him to state the obvious — so much so that you can't help but smile. "i know."

you plant a quick kiss on the arm slung around your shoulders. "let's call it a night, hm?"

kid whines, "nuh uh, no way. tonight, we party like kings!"

he pumps a fist in the air, but with the sheer amount of alcohol running through his veins, his arm goes a little limp in the air before unceremoniously falling like a wet noodle.

you can't help the guffaw that slips out of you — a laugh at how silly he looks — and he can't help but laugh at how silly you sound. in drunken stupor, laughter is exceptionally contagious, and before you know it, the two of you are doubled over, howling in laughter.

you fall into each other, one lover supporting the other, until you make eye contact with each other and the giggles start again. the sound of love fills the chilly night, easing from laughter to (mostly) steady breaths. sitting on the deck now, kid looks at you with a lovedrunk grin.

he looks up at you, "hey."

you winkle your nose at him, "what?"

"c'mere," he points to the spot next to him. "i have a secret t' tell ya."

you roll your eyes but crouch down anyway. "what?"

kid looks at you with excitement that can only be described as child-like. he's a brute with a bounty higher than children can count and yet, here he is, practically giddy with what he's about to tell you.

he pauses for dramatic effect.

"i love you."

he stares at you like this is the most ground-breaking revelation you'll hear in your entire life and — god dammit, if he isn't the most adorable thing in the world right now.

you take his face into your hands, squishing his cheeks in the way he hates when he's sober. "i know."

he pouts. "you have to say it back."

you smirk. "no."

"but i love you!"

"i know."

"why won't you say it back?"

kid looks so wonderfully confused, and you take a moment to commit this expression to memory. if you were a little nicer, you might put him out of his misery.

but you're not and you won't.

"because you're being annoying," you smile.

"but you love me!" kid points a finger at you. "say you love me!"

"don't wanna," you chuckle.

"say it," he deadpans. "or i'll jump ship right now."

you gawk at him.

"you wouldn't."

"i wouldn't? are you sure?" suddenly, kid springs up and starts walking to the edge of the boat. honestly, it's impressive how fast he's moving.

when the crew drinks, kid has done worse things under the influence of alcohol — but the difference between then and now is that there are no burly crewmates to rescue their captain. compared to kid, you are a tiny little thing and you don't stand a chance.

you look around for killer or heat or thatch — or anyone, really. kid cackles and you whirl around. with a raised eyebrow, he swings a leg over and straddles the railing.

you panic — one wrong move and the kid pirates are down a captain. you rush towards him.

"okay, okay, fine! i love you too!" you tug his arm, "now will you please come back here?"

"okay," he beams in victory. adrenaline dissipating, kid climbs down all clumsy with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"'kay," his voice comes out happy and ditzy. "s'cold out here, take me somewhere warm now.

hand in yours, you lead him towards his bedroom and, thankfully, kid follows without any more shenanigans.

kid trails behind you and yawns, "'m tired."

a gentle smile graces your lips, "wanna go to bed?"

you turn back and kid almost trips over his feet. you're so pretty in the moonlight, and kid is overcome with an urge to kiss you. he catches up to you and snuggles against you (or as much as a 6ft man can cuddle someone your size).

"only if you're coming with," he declares.

"if i say no, are you going to fight me?"

"yuuuuup."

you've eventually made it to his room and it only takes you two seconds to make a decision. one wrong answer and you risk undoing all the work it took to get him here.

you open his door, "fine, i'll sleep with you tonight."

"ya hear that, boys?" he booms, and you gape at him. "i get to sleep with my baby tonight, bitches!"

you're moritified. you hiss at him as you quickly usher him inside, closing the door as fast as you can, all the while kid grins to himself. a smile stays etched on his red lips — a smile so hopelessly, stupidly, irrevocably, spellbound by love — as you struggle to strip him his stained clothes ("come on, let's just stay naked!") and into fresh pajamas ("do i have to put these on? can't we just stay na-" "no.")

finally, the two of you are tucked into bed, in clean clothes that smell like linen and lavender, cuddled under cozy covers. all is quiet in the captain's bedroom and it's not long before the exhaustion catches up to you. kid's chest is warm against you, and you let yourself fall aslee-

"hey."

you groan, "what?"

"i love you."

having already learned your lesson, you sigh.

"i love you too."

you pause, waiting for the follow-up mischief that will plague your attempts to sleep. but the only things that come are steady breathing and silence. satisfied, you return to your journey into dreamland.

until kid whispers, "hey."

you look up at him, so tired that you can barely manage to say, "what now?"

"will you marry me?"

he asks it so gently, so innocently, that you can't help but fall in love with him a little more than you already have. in the comfort of your solitude, in these quiet moments where it's just the two of you, this is when kid's love is the loudest.

he wraps an arm around you, pulls you closer to his heart, and you press your lips against his burning skin, right where his heart beats so fervently for you.

"idiot, i already did."

#eustass kid x reader #one piece x reader #one piece scenarios #one piece imagines #this request is from august............#i feel like people on here will take 2 weeks to write st and apologize for being so slow #and here i am 6 months later with a humble offering.........#thank u for putting up w me HAHA #¡! ❞ [ req ]

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rainbowd00dles · 20 days

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With just ten days until tsc can we all agree to not post spoilers out in the open? Like maybe use read mores if you really have to or make your tags easy to blacklist for people who can't get it straight away or for people who are slower at reading than others!

#i dont want to come across as pushy #but i am people who are slow readers its me #and id love to actually go into these books without the spoilers that i had with aftg #i was late to the party last time lol #tbh im probably going to avoid tumblr dash for the foreseeable #I'll just post stuff and dip

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30-3am · 6 months

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i want to cuddle with early 90's james. like, he comes back home after staying until late at the studio recording the black album, and he's so tired that he just wants to go to bed to cuddle and make out.

aaaand then we fuck

i like to think of this james purely because i've been thinking about him a LOT lately

you'll be in bed, having gone to sleep hours before he came home and wake up to the bed shifting with his weight. he's trying not to disturb you, cringing as the bed creaks and slowly pulling the covers around him.

he can't help but press a quick kiss to your head when he's finally settled, turning over to try and get some sleep. but you've missed him all day and want to say hello. so you turn over, wrapping your arm around him and kissing the space between his shoulder blades.

"hi," you say, voice laced with sleep.

he turns back around, hand automatically on your waist and gazing at you in the dark.

"didn't mean to wake you up," he mutters, struggling to stifle a yawn as he pulls you closer.

"i heard you come in." you snuggle closer to him, pressing your face into his neck and pressing a small kiss to the skin. "i missed you today."

he chuckles, hand running through your hair and caressing the back of your head.

"i missed you too."

you pull yourself from his neck, smiling sleepily at him and reaching up to cup his face with one hand.

"good day?" you ask, stroking his cheekbone with your thumb.

"it was alright." you're so close you can feel the heat of his breath on your face. "didn't get much done though."

that's what you were waiting for. you could tell as soon as he sat down on the bed that his day hadn't been brilliant. it was the relaxing of his shoulders when you finally touched him - the unclenching of his jaw as your fingers traced his face. he was glad to be home.

"that's okay, you've got time," you reassured, smiling at him to provide some comfort.

"i know. i'm just glad to be home." his hand was flat against your back, pulling you as close to him as was comfortable.

"i'm glad you're home."

it's the last words you speak to each other before your lips overtake your speech, kissing each other softly.

it doesn't take much time - a few wandering hands and a slip of his tongue inside your mouth - before the mood switches and his kisses become more desperate.

"need you," he murmurs into your mouth, rolling over so he's on top of you, arms bracketing your head as he presses his lips to your jaw. "missed you so much today. all i could think about..." a kiss to your neck. "was fucking that pretty pussy of yours."

you can only whimper in reply, noises being pulled from your throat as he sucks on your neck.

"been thinking about those pretty little noises you make." he pushes your shirt up, exposing your breasts and sucking and biting at the flesh. a noise escapes your throat and he smiles against your skin. "yeah, those kinda noises."

you laugh with him, hands threading into his hair and tugging him back up to your mouth.

"you feeling better?" you ask genuinely, scanning his face and trying to pinpoint any tension. you find none.

"i'm always better when i'm with you."

he fucks you slow that night, long, languid strokes filled with intention and desire that have you moaning into his mouth. he mutters "i love you" in the dark, over and over until you its the only thing you can hear.

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brbarou · 1 year

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esbar and tunuva...i love u middle aged lesbians

#a day of fallen night #adofn #the roots of chaos #esbar du apaya uq-nãra #tunuva melim #no spoilers please i am only on page 500....slow readers club....#art #fanart #samantha shannon #books

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from-the-clouds · 1 year

Text

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. iii

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | gif credit

chapter summary: Somehow, you realize you've accidentally ended up spending almost every weekend for the last month and a half with either one, or all of the Millers. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 8.7k chapter warnings: some angst, alcohol consumption, marijuana use, suggestive thoughts (but no smut), referenced parental neglect, implied age gap. reader has daddy issues (shocker!) & a fear of intimacy. a/n: this chapter is so disgustingly sweet it might give you a cavity. truly. but its also a little self-indulgent because joel is in my dream blunt rotation :/ please be patient with updates because i have a career/social life/apartment, and am a perfectionist! i promise i will always (try) to make the wait worth your while. Also, here's a link to the song Joel plays on guitar, since it's not on Spotify so I couldn't add it to the playlist.

-April 19, 2003-

“Well, that was awkward.”

Obviously, Joel thinks to himself as Sarah turns to watch the retreating form of her teacher, while Joel stares straight ahead at the crowd in front of him. At first, he had thought she was just being polite. It was the right thing to do, to say hello to a parent and a student if you see them outside of class. But…they were seeing each other at a bar. And she’d asked him to dance.

We just got here, maybe later? Joel can’t even remember what he had said, something along those lines. It wasn’t a flat-out refusal, but he had been acutely aware of Sarah’s eyes boring into the back of his head from where she sat beside him, and he sort of blacked out, couldn’t recall what had caused her to get the hint, to walk away.

Joel grunts an affirmation to Sarah, and drums his fingers against the tabletop. There’s a dance floor full of people in front of him, all under various levels of intoxication, all of them dancing.

“Do you believe me now?” Sarah asks.

“I never said I didn’t believe you.”

How he had allowed Tommy and Sarah to talk him into coming here tonight, he’s not sure. Probably, it had something to do with how much he loved them both. How he would, ultimately, do whatever they asked if he knew it’d make that happy. But still, honky-tonking is the last thing he wants to be doing at the end of a long week.

There was pretty much only one decent bar in town, so he wasn’t exactly shocked he had run into someone he knew. Everyone came here – to dance, to drink, to eat, or to drown their sorrows. To see their friends, or even to find someone to take home for the night. And over the years, as a frequent customer, Joel had used this place to do all those things.

Tonight was special though, a little more family friendly. It was swing night. It happened once a month, and Joel had always made a point to take Sarah a couple times a year. When he was young, his mother had taught him and Tommy to dance, and he felt it was only appropriate to pass the skill along, even if it was almost obsolete. He hoped Sarah would be able to do the same someday, if she ever had children of her own.

“Will you dance with me, at least?” Sarah asks.

“Of course I will,” Joel answers.. “But let’s wait for Tommy, he’s ordering our drinks.”

“You mean your drinks.”

“No, you got a Shirley Temple.”

Sarah narrows her eyes. It’s the same expression that Joel has only seen her use recently, and he actually prefers it less to the eye roll. This time, he’s glad it hasn’t come with a question from her, because when it does, it’s always a little more frightening. “Come on, you know that’s not the same.”

Before Joel can respond, he’s cut off by Tommy’s voice.

“Look who I found.”

This is what he and Sarah have been waiting on, and Joel turns to sees Tommy with all three of their drinks in hand. Over his shoulder, there’s a woman who looks vaguely familiar, wearing daisy dukes and a plaid shirt. After a second, he realizes it’s you.

Most of the time when Joel sees you – from across the street, of course – you’re in a power suit, a pencil skirt. Sometimes, it’s more casual – athletic clothes. There was also that black silk robe he can’t seem to shake from his memory. But this is so…different. It’s clear you’re trying to blend in with the crowd, but you don’t. Not because you’re not pulling it off – you definitely are, effortlessly – he’s just pretty sure if he walks into any room you’re in, his eyes will always be drawn in your direction.

Joel doesn’t see, but rather feels – Sarah recognize that you’re in front of her, because when she does, she’s tapping him on the arm before he can utter a greeting. “Dad, can I get out and say hi?”

He’s standing to let her out just as you step closer to the table, and you come chest to chest. “Hey,” he says.

“Hi, Joel,” you say, a soft smile on your face. Your eyes remain locked on his just a moment too long, before Sarah is wrapping you up in a hug, and you’re focused on her when she draws back. “How are you?” you ask.

Joel doesn’t hear Sarah’s response, because his brother is pressing a drink into his hand - a Jack and Coke, same as what you and Tommy are drinking.

“Sit down, please!” Tommy encourages.

“Are you sure?” you ask. “This looks like a family thing, I don’t want to-”

“Please!” Sarah exclaims.

“What she said,” Tommy seconds Sarah’s sentiments.

For a second, you seem to contemplate the offer, and then you accept the invitation, sliding into the booth across from where Sarah has settled back next to her father. Joel makes eye contact with his brother, sitting next to you. Tommy’s eyebrows are raised suggestively, and there’s a playful smirk on his face when he tilts his head in your direction. Joel gives him nothing, already irritated by his brother’s goading.

“Is that a Shirley Temple?” you point to Sarah’s drink. When she nods, you continue. “I haven’t had one of those in forever,” you say.

“Want a sip?”

“Sure,” Sarah slides the glass across to you, and you sip from the straw, pondering. “I should’ve gotten one of those instead. They were my favorite growing up.”

“Can I have a sip of yours?”

“No,” you and Joel say at the same time.

“You’re not gonna like it,” he adds.

“You always say that, but how can you know?”

Joel sighs. “Okay, fine. Try mine.”

Sarah seems pleased to get what she wants. When the bitterness of the whiskey registers, the triumphant expression leaves her face completely.

“Told you,” he says. Sarah grimaces, accepting defeat, and returns to her beverage.

Tommy leans forward, urging Joel to start making conversation as if this is a date and it’s his responsibility. But before he can think of anything, Sarah pipes up.

“Guess what?” she asks you.

“What?”

“My teacher’s here.”

“Yeah?” you ask. Joel takes a long pull off his drink, hoping it’ll loosen him up a little.

“Yeah, she tried to hit on my dad.”

Joel feels the cocktail of whiskey and soda get caught in his throat.

“Oh….” you sound intrigued, and you lean forward. He wonders if this is the dynamic between you and Sarah when he’s not around. Like you’re two friends, engaging in some harmless gossip. “Really?” Your gaze flickers between him and Sarah.

Sarah bobs her head once. “She has a thing for him. I can tell.”

“What makes you think that?” his brother joins in, moving closer to Sarah, crowding you between himself and the wall and putting his elbows on the table. Joel feels a flash of envy when you shift your attention towards Tommy.

“She just asked him to dance.” Sarah looks over her shoulder, nods her head towards the woman in the corner of the bar who’s probably already focused on his table anyways. Joel already knows what you’re seeing. Miss Davis is pretty, bubbly, outgoing. Probably about your age, if he had to guess, though it’s hard to say how old you are. He imagines he has ten years on you, give or take a few. And for all intents and purposes, Sarah’s teacher is the type of woman he should be interested in.

“She’s pretty,” you say it like you’re appeasing Sarah, but you’re looking directly at Joel. He’s not sure why you kind of frighten him a little. You’re sweet, he knows, even if you’ve tried to tell him otherwise. But there’s something else there, enigmatic and alluring, that continues to draw him in.

Tommy chimes in. “So are you gonna dance with her, Joel?”

“Uncle Tommy,” Sarah says dramatically. Her face drops for a second, though, her shoulders slumping as she angles herself towards him, lowers her voice. “I mean, if you want to, that’s fine, I guess. But I….I don’t know.”

Joel is taken aback by how long this conversation has gone on with absolutely no input from himself. Not to mention how honest Sarah is being. She doesn’t usually have much to say about his choice in women – he can usually just tell what she thinks. For her to express something so directly makes him realize how serious she is. But at the moment, he can’t find words to assure her everything will be fine.

It must be his lack of response that causes you to lean across the table and speak to Sarah. “You know, that’s valid,” there’s a tenderness to your tone. It dawns on him that you’re trying to comfort her. “It is kind of a conflict of interest.”

“Right?” Sarah perks up, just slightly, you’ve given her some support. “It’s one of those things you said you had going on at work the other day an….an ethical…”

“An ethical dilemma?” you finish her thought.

“Ethical dilemma! That’s it.” Sarah turns back towards Joel. “I think it's an ethical dilemma.”

For just a split second, he wonders why he’s been letting his already-precocious child hang out regularly with a lawyer. He’s accidentally creating a monster. But thankfully, Joel is finally able to find his voice. “There is no ethical dilemma, because I wouldn’t ever consider it.”

That seems to placate Sarah, and hopefully everyone will decide to drop it. Joel catches your eyes, and there’s something akin to wistfulness there, chin propped on your hand, before you blink once and focus back on Tommy, who's asking you a question. “So, are you here alone?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not at all,” Tommy smirks, not dropping his eye contact with you. “...It’s just surprising, is all.”

Joel stiffens.

“Oh, well…” you smile a little. “I’m just trying to get to know the town a little better. Trying to engage in the community, I guess. But…I’m not sure if I am doing that great of a job fitting in.”

“You are,” Joel interjects, and maybe it’s a little forward, but he’d rather say it before Tommy does. “That’s a nice flannel.”

“Thanks,” You look down at your oversized plaid shirt – the sleeves rolled up to the elbows – that hangs open over a tight white tank top. Joel can see a sliver of the black lace bra you’re wearing that pokes out above the low neckline. He wonders what it might feel like to press his face there, to feel your fingers carding through his hair, but does not allow himself to entertain the idea for very long. Not the time. “I actually had to go and buy it because I didn’t own any plaid. And by the looks of it,” You gesture towards the dance floor. “I need to invest in some cowboy boots, too.”

“One thing at a time, right?” he asks, and you agree.

“So what are you all doing here? Family outing?”

“We actually had to drag this one kicking and screaming out the door,” Tommy points to Joel.

“You did not,” Joel defends himself.

‘We kinda did,” Sarah says. “Do you know how to dance?”

You shake your head no, look at the people twirling and dipping and dancing in pairs. “Not like that.”

“It’s really easy! I can teach you. My dad taught me.”

“Cute.” Joel looks towards Sarah, and catches you staring instead. Your eyes flit back immediately to his daughters. “But I’m not sure I’ll be any good.”

“You’ll be fine,” Sarah says like it’s already settled. Joel knows he’s spoiled her, that she ultimately gets what she wants. He worries sometimes that others won’t find her quite as endearing.

“Sarah,” he warns. “You’re making it sound like she doesn’t have a choice.”

You hide a smile behind the rim of your glass. “It’s okay. You can teach me. Might as well learn, if I’m trying to fit in.”

Sarah seems satisfied.

“Joel tells me you grew up in New York City.” Tommy says it, and Joel notices you raise your eyebrows at the implication. He’s talked to Tommy about you. And now you know. He’s pissed at himself for doing it, but at the time he’d been drunk, a little more chatty and vulnerable than usual, and had mentioned you more than once. Too much to be a coincidence. The issue was, Joel had never expected you would talk to Tommy again. If he’d known you would, he wouldn’t have said anything. He doesn’t want to imagine the damage he had done when it was just the two of you, alone at the bar. But even now, he’s completely at his brother’s mercy.

“Yep,” you nod.

“You don’t have much of an accent,” Tommy remarks.

“Not everyone has them.”

“That’s fair.”

“I did, uh, go to a boarding school in a different state, though, so I wasn’t around it too much.”

“Boarding school?” Sarah turns to Joel.

“Basically you live at school,” you answer her question. ”Kind of like college, but earlier. I started going when I was nine.”

Sarah frowns. “Wouldn’t you miss your family?”

“Yes, and I did.”

“So why would you go?”

“Well…” you trail off, shift your weight. “It wasn’t up to me. My dad worked a lot, so it made sense.”

“What’d he do for a living?” Asks Tommy.

“He’s a criminal defense attorney....owns his own firm and it does pretty well, so…” you shrug. “He was very busy.”

“And that’s why you’re a lawyer? To work for your dad?”

“At one point, that was the plan, yes."

“What happened?”

The question appears to make you uncomfortable, you cross your legs and glance down at the table. “Uhm….pass.” Joel sees your face go blank for a split second before you look up with an easy smile. It’s like the desolate look you’d been wearing was never there, and you point to your drink. “I’ll need a few more of these if you want that story.”

“Might as well order another round,” Tommy flags down a waitress.

You have one more drink, but you don’t really touch it as the four of you continue to talk. Joel has two more, and Tommy has three, because he’s Tommy, and also not driving. Both you and Joel also have to vehemently refuse his request to do a round of tequila shots.

After a while, Sarah gets bored, then insists on teaching you to dance. You agree, but seem awfully reluctant. Joel wants to pull you aside and let you know that you don’t have to entertain everything Sarah offers, but once you’ve stood up, and he watches her arm link through yours as you both walk to the dance floor, he can’t bring himself to intervene.

He’s never seen Sarah be so taken with someone before, and he’s filled with a vague sense of regret. He always thought that she was content with just him and Tommy. Maybe she has always needed more. It’s partially his responsibility, Joel thinks – what could he have done to stop her mother from leaving? Even if he could’ve stopped it, they would’ve been a miserable couple…which might have been more damaging to Sarah than her mother not being around at all.

Once you’re long gone, Joel can sense what Tommy is thinking before he even opens his mouth.

“Shut it,” Joel says before he can even hear his brother's ribbing.

“I wasn’t even gonna say anything about that!” Tommy raises his hands, but Joel knows he’s lying.

“We should go over there,” Joel says. He trusts you, but in a bar full of drunk people isn’t interested in being far away from Sarah for too long. Both he and Tommy abandon their booth to mosey their way towards the dance floor.

Sarah has taken you into a back corner, far away from the band playing, where the crowd has thinned a little. There’s room for him and Tommy to lean up against the wall and watch you both.

Both your hands are clasped with Sarah’s, and she’s teaching you the counts, the steps, while you study the way that your feet move.

Joel has a feeling that if it weren’t for his daughter, you wouldn’t have hung out with his family for so long. It’s just like the hike, and as usual, he feels more like a third wheel than anything else. You’re right that you do look a little out of place here. Maybe you don’t belong, but he likes it. You’re wearing a pair of beat up hi-tops, which are a sharp contrast to Sarah’s baby blue cowboy boots that are covered in rhinestone butterflies. He’d gotten them for her for Christmas that past year, and she only wore them during special occasions like this.

Joel is doing the best he can not to think about the way your legs look in those fucking daisy dukes. All on display, and he wonders what it might feel like to drag his tongue up the soft skin of your inner thigh, feel you quiver and whimper as he works his mouth closer to– Enough. He’s disgusted with himself for thinking about you like that right now.

“Dad, look!” Sarah says, and it seems you’re catching on all right, but none of it looks graceful. Sarah’s trying to lead – which she has never done – so she falters often, and also can’t quite reach all the way above your head when she tries to spin you around. “Oh no, look at his face!” Sarah points. You turn his direction, and Joel realizes he has to neutralize the grimace that has crept onto his visage. “We definitely aren’t doing good.”

“I’ll get the hang of it,” you turn back to Sarah, assure her. “You’re a good teacher.” You’re being nice. Too nice, humoring her and laughing it off, even if she’s making a fool of you both. But you don’t seem to mind, because it’s making her happy.

All of the sudden, the toe of Sarah’s boot catches on the scuffed wood floor and she lurches forward. Joel immediately pushes himself off the wall as though he could close the space and catch her before she faceplants, but he can’t, and he can already see a vision of himself sitting in the emergency room at 2 a.m waiting, while Sarah holds an ice pack on her nose. But you reach out before the image is fully realized, arms wrapping around her shoulders. “Careful!” You warn. And even though you shuffle forward with the weight of her, you keep her from falling. Once she realizes she’s safe, Sarah giggles and throws her head back, her eyes catching your own.

He’s not sure what makes him do it. It could be the liquor, the way you look, the unspoken pressure from Tommy. Or maybe he’s just been wanting an excuse to be closer to you. Most importantly, at this rate, he feels like Sarah is going to hurt herself and also you in the process. Regardless of what the reason is, Joel decides to step in. He walks onto the dance floor.

“Alright,” Joel says once he’s gotten closer, looking at Sarah. “I can’t watch this anymore.”

“What?”

He halts in front of his daughter, jerks his hand. “Move. I’m takin’ over.”

Sarah rolls her eyes, but smiles a little, and drops her hands from your shoulders. Joel offers you his hand. “You mind?”

You look between Joel and Sarah, and she gives you an encouraging nod. “He taught me, he does know what he’s doing.”

“Well okay,” you take Joel’s hand. “You better not embarrass me,” and then you actually fucking wink at him. Already overwhelmed by the delicate weight of your hand in his palm, it almost sends him over the edge. He’s lucky he’s in public, with his family, because he doesn’t think he’d behave himself otherwise.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Joel answers. “Besides, I don’t think anything could be worse than what I was just watching.”

You giggle, and step forward when he tugs you just closer to dance, taking you fully in his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sarah dragging Tommy onto the dance floor. Everyone is taken care of.

You’re smart. And because of it, you’re a fast learner. Even people who can’t really dance can usually figure this out, himself included. But in Joel’s opinion, it’s always been less about getting the steps right, and more about who’s keeping him company.

And you’re great company.

Eager, willing, gentle…soft. He’s embarrassed at how long it’s been since he’s been this close to an adult woman, and normally he might be a little nervous, but instead, he just feels…comfortable.

But Joel is a selfish man. He always wants more. Wants the band to play a slower song, so then he’d have an excuse to pull you closer. Wind an arm around your waist, whisper things in your ear that no one else could hear, and feel your breath hitch when they register. But this isn’t really the dance for that, and the rest of his family is just steps away. He’ll have to compromise – which he doesn’t like.

“I’m going to dip you,” Joel says, matter-of-factly.

“No you’re not.”

“I am,” he insists. “It’s essential.”

“I seriously doubt that.”

“Look,” he tilts his head to Tommy and Sarah, and the latter is laughing as she pitches all her weight backwards into his arms. He nearly drops to one knee to catch her, she’s still so petit, but their form is actually pretty good. And they aren’t the only people in the room doing it.

“Okay,” you say, and give him a warm smile for a split second before becoming stone-faced. “But if you drop me-”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” Joel drawls.

He puts his arms around your waist, one of them catching the middle of your back, the other on a patch of exposed skin on your hip – your tank top has ridden up slightly with all the movement. You dig your fingers into his biceps, cling to him like he had hoped you would.

And even when he draws you back up, eyes locked with your own, your grip remains the same. You stay close.

“My turn,” Tommy interjects, and Joel can’t help the dirty look he gives him over your shoulder. He’s playing the annoying little brother, doing everything he can to piss him off. His brother wants to see Joel break, but he’s not going to give him the satisfaction.

Plus, Joel is happy to dance with Sarah, which is the whole reason they came here in the first place. She’s so excited to be there, and he wonders if there will ever be a time when she’s too grown up for things like this. He hopes not.

He ignores the sound of Tommy’s laugh mingled with your own. You were not laughing that much with him, and that causes a pang of jealousy. Joel doesn’t like acknowledging it, but he’s always resented Tommy for his ability to be the charismatic one, the charming one, the happy-go-lucky one. Even when they were kids. That’s what it’s like to be the oldest sibling. Never as fun, always more practical, more serious, the voice of reason. Always in service to their siblings, all in the name of love.

Eventually, you and Sarah are back dancing together, and since you’ve had some practice separately, it’s not as sloppy as before. It allows Joel and Tommy to return to their post against the wall, just out of earshot.

Joel feels his brother’s eyes on him as he watches you and Sarah. “Dude,” he finally gives in, looks over at Tommy. “Just ask her out already.”

Joel rolls his eyes. “Tommy-”

“You’re into her.”

“Maybe,” Joel says, because he knows it’s pointless to lie. “But she’s got a boyfriend.”

Tommy elbows him. “So what?”

“I know you’re alright bein’ a homewrecker but I-”

“It makes sense Joel. She’s fuckin’ smart, and funny, and pretty. And Sarah fucking loves her-”

In any other situation, he would’ve acted weeks ago. But he’s starting to understand why he’s dragging his feet. Tommy’s right. Sarah adores you. Joel will fuck something up, it’s inevitable. And when you decide you never want to speak to him again, Sarah will lose you too. He’s already let her down enough.

“I should’ve never fuckin’ told you–”

“Take her to drinks, to the movies, dinner, show up at her house with a bottle of wine, hell, something. If you don’t ask her out already, then I will.”

Joel punches his brother on the shoulder. It’s not enough to incite an actual fight, but it’s definitely not playful. “Ow!” Tommy grips at his arm. “What?” When Joel doesn’t answer right away, he rolls his eyes.

“Speaking from experience, I’m surprised you haven’t already,” he raises an eyebrow.

“Once, Joel. That was one time. Will I never hear the end of it?”

“No,” Joel says. “And I see what you were doing tonight, too. Don’t think you’re slick.” he hopes to change the subject, and it seems to be working.

Tommy sets them back on track. “Well, I was just trying to get you to wake the fuck up and see what’s in front of you.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What happens when Sarah grows up? Goes to school, leaves the house? Then, what are you gonna do? You’re just gonna be alone?”

“You are treadin’ on some mighty thin ice, Tommy,'' Joel hisses. ““You barely know this woman-”

“I’d like a family, too, Joel. When that happens I won’t be able to keep you company anymore. You might want someone else. And maybe it’s not her, fine. But there should be someone.”

For as much as he hates to admit it, Joel knows Tommy is right.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-April 25, 2003-

It’s six at night. and you’re already in your pajamas.

A couple years ago, you would’ve thought that was pretty sad. These days, it’s only a little sad. You prefer things this way. That’s the perk of being an adult living alone. If you want to put on pajamas before the sun sets on a Friday night, you can. If you want to get stoned on the back porch of the house you bought yourself, you can. If you want all those things to happen while you watch the sunset and listen to yacht rock, you can. And you’re going to.

You’re toying with the new digital camera your brother bought for you. Vincent likes to argue with you, but he always feels guilty after a conversation gone wrong. Rather than use his words, however, he just buys you gifts. You had apologized over the phone a few days ago…this was his way of doing the same. The shutter clicks as you snap a photo of your backyard, and you look at it in the viewfinder before discarding the camera on your coffee table.

Martini is on the porch with you, doing that thing where he stands just out of reach but chirps at you until you pet him. When you reach out, he moves away. He’s not great at accepting what he wants. Maybe it’s why he’s sort of the perfect cat for you – you’re the same.

You light your bowl, and you’re mid-inhale when you hear someone call your name.

“Hey!”

At this point, you’d recognize Joel Miller’s voice anywhere. You don’t want to admit it’s because you’ve tried to commit it to memory, daydreamed about how it might sound for his smooth lilt to read you a book until you fall asleep, or listen to him take a phone call in the other room.

Realizing it’s him, you inhale sharply, forgetting what you’re in the middle of and taking a much bigger hit than you had intended. You begin choking violently on the smoke while simultaneously scrambling to hide your piece and the related paraphernalia sitting out, and manage to do so just in time for him to round the corner.

You scramble to hide your bowl under the pillow of the outdoor couch you sit on, just in time for Joel to appear at the screen door.

��Hey,” you say, covering your mouth. Your throat burns, and you cough again. Stay cool, stay calm. Everything is good. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I tried your front door and you weren’t answering, so I thought I’d see if you were back here.” It’s hard to see him from here, through the door, and he’s backlit by the sun that’s shimmering behind his dark hair, catching it in a golden halo.

You rise to open the door, and when you do, he continues. “I’m here to pick up Sarah’s soccer jersey.”

Right. Of course he was. She had left it a few days before, and you had assumed she’d come get it before her game on Saturday but it didn’t dawn on you until now that she ever had.

“I would’ve sent her, but she’s at a sleepover tonight.”

“Oh yeah,” you nod, standing in place. You’re trying so desperately to act normal, words evade you.

Joel squints at you, a slight smirk on his face. “I didn’t catch you off guard or anything, did I?’

“No, no, not at all,” you lie. “Come on in.”

Joel steps over the tiny dish of cat food you’ve left on your back step for the stray you feed, and into the screened-in porch. Now that he’s under the dim light, you get a better look at him. A loose-fitting flannel hangs open over a worn green t-shirt that barely meets the top of his jeans. His hair is damp, like he’s just showered, and he smells clean. In any other situation, you’d want to climb him like a tree, and he’s not even trying. But right now, you’re just doing your best impression of a sober human that is definitely not doing anything illegal. The truth is, you should’ve made him wait outside.

“This is nice,” Joel says, looking around. And you really wish he wasn’t because you notice that you left the clear plastic baggie containing your weed out on the couch. It sort of blends in with the green floral pattern, so you hope for the best, because there’s no way for you to sneakily grab it without drawing his attention. “I didn't know this was back here.”

“The last owners added it on,” you say, because that was the type of thing the realtor had said to you about the features of this house. And you supposed a carpenter or contractor would probably be interested in it. It was a good distraction.

“I can tell. Looks new,” he looks up towards the wooden beams that span the ceiling. The top of the porch is still covered, so during the few times it’s rained, you always sit outside to listen.

“I’ve got her jersey in the kitchen,” you tell him. “Wait here.”

It doesn’t take long for you to pick out the bright blue athletic gear from your pile of dry cleaning. It stands out against all your neutral-colored pantsuits. Joel has his back to you when you return, one of his hands clenched into a fist.

“Here,” you say, and he turns.

“You had it dry cleaned? You didn’t have to do that.”

“I kind of wasn’t sure if it was safe to run through the machine,” you explain. “But now that I’m thinking about it….it wouldn’t make sense to give a bunch of 11-year-olds dry clean only jerseys.”

“It wouldn’t. But it’s probably more convenient than scrubbing the grass stains out yourself.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Unfortunately. But again…thank you.”

“Of course.”

This is where Joel should leave, walk across the street, and go home. And he does, well, at least, he starts to. He steps away, reaches for the handle to your back door, and then pauses. “You know,” he says, glancing over his shoulder. “The Watsons were tellin’ me the other day you’ve been complaining about a family of skunks living under your house?”

You freeze, recalling the lie you’d come up with on a whim when your sixty-year-old neighbors had started asking too many questions.

“Well, it does smell a little over here.”

“Uh-huh,” you give him nothing.

“Something like that….you should really call animal control. Get rid of the problem,” Joel’s facing you now, eyebrow raised.

“If I call animal control…they’ll just kill them,” you answer. “And I don’t want that. So…I think I’ll just have to live with it.”

“That’s fair,” Joel says. “But you know, Sarah’s over here all the time, and I’ve never heard her mention it.”

At this point you know he’s just fucking with you. But years of remaining stone-faced through business negotiations and family dinners has prepared you for this, so even if you’re a little stoned, you’re not going to let him win.

“Yeah, it sounds like a coincidence. But they’re never around when she’s here,” you say, in your own defense. “Ever,” you add for emphasis.

“I guess that’s good.”

You both stare at each other for a second, and your blood buzzes slightly because even though this is just a playful standoff, you’ve never made such intense eye contact with him. It feels electric. After what feels like an eternity, Joel lifts his hand from his hip, and you see what he’d been holding in his fist, now pinched between his thumb and forefinger. He raises an eyebrow.

When you see the plastic baggie dangling in front of your face, you purse your lips. “Alright, you got me,” you lift up your hands, but snatch the bag from him.

“And here I thought you were such a good girl.”

You don’t even want to acknowledge the full body chill that runs down your spine at the sound of those two words, coming from him. Snatching the bag back from him, he gives you a cheeky smile. “If you give me a hit, I won’t tell anyone.”

Your jaw drops, and you look up at him. “Oh, you’re trouble.”

“I’m not the one lyin’ to my neighbors.”

“And I’m not the one snooping through my neighbors' things.”

“It was right out in the open.”

Joel doesn’t seem bothered at all. But it’s Texas, so you can never be sure. “Okay, fine,” you say. “If you want….I could roll us a joint. Unless you have other plans.”

“The alternative is a house to myself for the evening and some chores, so…yeah. Whatever you’d like.”

“Great.”

Joel follows you to sit on the couch. As you settle on opposite ends, he speaks up. “So you think you could explain to me why my daughter keeps tellin’ me she wants to be a lawyer?”

You snicker. “Believe me, Joel. I’ve tried to talk her out of it already.”

He chuckles. “It’s okay. Probably a more lucrative career than what I’m doing. She’s really taken a liking to you, you know that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her warm up to anyone so quick.”

“Well, I’m the first adult she knows that’s not an authority figure.”

“I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”

“I remember being that age,” you look down at your work. “It’s nice to have someone older to relate to, who you can talk to without being afraid of getting a lecture.”

“She probably needs it,” Joel says. “She told me you talk about girl stuff. I’m not so great at that.”

“I don’t know,” Your tongue darts out to wet the edge of the paper and finish rolling the joint. You put it between your lips, and rummage through the drawer of the coffee table to find your lighter, gesture between the both of you. “This is about ninety percent of how I spent my time with my friends at her age…and so far you’re doing alright.”

“Now you’ve got me worried about what’s going on at that sleepover.”

“Okay, well, I was maybe a little older. And with her? You’ve got nothing to worry about,” you shake your head.

He rubs the back of his neck, and his eyes glow with the reflection of your lighter as it’s flicked on. “I don’t know.”

“She’s fine, Joel,” you say, bringing the lighter closer and shielding the flame from the calm breeze of the evening. “She’s great. Really.”

“She is,” he agrees. You inhale, let the smoke settle in your lungs for a moment, before exhaling. You take your time, feeling warm from the weed and the feeling of Joel’s eyes on you, and he accepts the joint when you pass it over.

“I really didn’t really expect this from you,” he exhales, studying your handiwork before taking another puff. “You’re pretty buttoned up.”

“This is hardly rebellious.” Instinctually, you like the idea that he thinks you’re buttoned up. Deep down, however, you don’t actually want him to.

He looks so dreamy, the smoke curling though his eyelashes, tracing along his defined jaw, and then up, up, where it settles and shifts under the porch light, before disappearing completely.

Martini, who has been in hiding, hops up on the couch, and Joel reaches out, your cat nuzzling its face into his palm. “Didn’t know you had a cat,” he mumbles. And then, like some sort of magic, the cat plops down on Joel’s lap.

“I do…but…” you say out loud, then trail off because you’re in such shock. You glance up at Joel, who looks confused. “I’m sorry, I’ve just never seen him do this.”

He passes the joint back to you. “Do what?”

You take a final puff, and then put it out in an ashtray. It’s only about half smoked, but you can get into it later if either of you wants to. Plus, you’re more interested in what’s unfolding in front of you. “I kinda want a picture of this.”

“What?”

“I’ve had him for five years and he’s never sat on my lap like that,” you say, and you can’t keep the resentment from dripping into your tone. “What makes you so special? I’m a little jealous.”

“Of me? Or the cat?”

Something honey-thick drips down your spine at his words. You can’t conjure a witty response, opting instead for: “Shut up.”

You snap a couple photos while Joel’s still laughing, one hand on his chest, the other on Martini’s back, and then put the camera down, and lean against the back of the couch, curling your feet underneath you.

“You’ve got a nice view of the sunset,” Joel says softly.

There’s a distant fear you might never get to see him like this again, and you want to take him in fully before you drag your eyes to see what he’s looking at. Your backyard slopes down into a small patch of woods, the sky opening even wider to let in the aureate light.

“I know,” you agree. “It’s why I spend so much time back here.” The high continues to settle over you, strokes your shoulders, tugs at the corners of your lips.

“Surprised you like things that are so peaceful…being from the city and all…”

“The city is peaceful,” you say, thinking of the leaves swirling from the trees in the fall, and the snowflakes falling onto your family's porch in the winter, melting on the tip of your nose as you lean over the balcony to see the glittering lights below, car horns and engines and sirens piercing the darkness, white noise. “In its own way.”

“You miss it?”

“Everyday,” you say.

“What do you miss the most?”

“Uhm…probably the bagels,” you lie. Well it’s true. But it’s not what you miss the most. You think of your brother, flopping onto your bed on a Saturday night – a rare weekend when you visit home – and you’re trying to read A Tree Grows In Brooklyn for school but he’s begging to take you around the corner to get a milkshake. It’s the image of him you’ve so desperately tried to cling to and the recollections you share with him have only gotten more and more unpleasant as time goes on. “The bagels here suck.”

“Really?” Joel seems amused by that.

“And uh…I don’t know. It’s part of me. I have a lot of friends there, a lot of good memories,” you smile to yourself, lean forward towards him. “I had this apartment before I graduated, right? It had the best view of this little Italian restaurant, and I’d sit and watch people through the windows, eating and talking. I was supposed to be studying, but…it was great. I loved it.”

“What’re you doing here, then?” Joel asks, and you look back at the sunset. Here you are, waxing poetic and you’re sure he can hear it in your voice. “You runnin’ from something?” You look over to find he’s staring at you. Like he knows you aren’t being honest, and he’s asking you to stop lying.

So you do the only thing you can think of, which is to ask him a question in response. “What makes you think I am?”

Joel considers this for a moment. “I don’t know. I grew up in Austin. All my friends are here, my family. If I ever moved someplace else….it’d have to be for a good reason. And even if I did, I’d be lonely.”

You stare down at the floor. “Maybe I am.” Lonely? Or running from something? The answer is both, you know, but you’re not going to clarify. “My family. Things are pretty fucked. I thought distance would help, and it does, a little. But….that shit still follows you anyways. They’re always with you, no matter what.”

Joel nods.

“But… I have a life here. When I lived downtown, I definitely did. I don’t mind the quiet, and….I have friends.”

Joel looks at you. “You got a boyfriend, don’t you?”

Why would he think that-oh. You had tried to forget it, the morning he’d caught you still wrapped up in your robe – not the fluffy fleece one you liked the most, but the one you specifically only wore when you had guys over, cause they loved that shit.

“Oh, right,” you say. “Bradley. Yeah, uh. He’s…he’s….not my boyfriend. But…” you shake your head. “It’s a little complicated.”

“I’m sure it ain’t that hard to explain.”

“I mean…” you avoid his eyes. “He’s kind of an asshole, but we’re not really commited to each other in a meaningful way. Plus, he’s not around that much which is kind of perfect…for me.”

“Really?”

“Less to worry about,” you answer, purse your lips. “But…I don’t know. I sorta wish he got my heart rate up a little more.”

“He’s not your type?”

“I don’t really have a type,” you shake your head. “I like what I like.”

Joel rasps. “I feel the same,” and he’s made sure your eyes are on him when he says it.

You swallow, nod, smooth your hair back. “Anyways. Why’re you asking me all this?”

Joel doesn’t seem to find an answer right away. You narrow your eyes at him, studying his face, looking for something that will give him away. It’s a trick you’ve learned…silence…a bit of skepticism. It makes people uncomfortable. And Joel shifts his weight, squirming beneath your gaze. Until something in his face shifts, and he smiles….just a little.

“So that’s where Sarah learned that.”

“Learned what?”

“That look you’re giving me.”

“What look?”

“Like you can see right through me.”

“Can I?” You narrow your eyes further.

“You’re tryin’ to.”

He’d done a good enough job of avoiding your question, and you’re not gonna ask him again, and instead opt for a different one. “So what about you, then?” you poke his knee with your foot.

“Oh, I’m not answerin’’ that.”

“What? I just told you, that’s not fair.”

Joel runs a hand along his jaw, ponders. “Most women don’t want to be with a man who already has a kid so…things on that front are not always easy.”

“I have a hard time believing that. I mean, don’t you have an upcoming date with Sarah’s teacher or something?” you tease.

“That’s not happening,” he assures you. “But….I work so much these days I don’t have the capacity for much. So I get what you mean, sometimes it’s easy to not get emotionally involved but…I’ve never really been great at that.”

“You’re a relationship guy?”

“I mean, Tommy has been pestering me about this lately. Says at this rate, once Sarah’s grown, I’ll end up old and alone. Annoys me to hell, but he’s right. I wouldn’t mind…some kind of companionship. Someone to tell you you’ve done alright at the end of the day.”

“You sound awfully romantic,” you at him blink slowly.

“I can be, when I want to.” Joel rolls his eyes. “But right now…I think I’m just stoned.”

That makes you giggle. So he’s just being honest. “I didn’t really see much great come from settling down when I grew up, so I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist when it comes to love. What you’re saying….it’s a nicer way to think of things.”

You rarely connected with the men you dated. You chose to date douchebags, to date cheaters. It was better that way, to know up front what you were getting yourself into. The best ones didn’t ask for much, just the odd fuck here and there for a couple months, and you’d step away when things were no longer fun, if they evewere to begin with.

Actually getting married, settling down, didn’t feel like a real possibility for you. So you’d never allowed yourself to indulge in what seemed like a fantasy. Some women aren’t meant to be a part of a family. Your father had told you once – during one of few times he’d attempted to comfort you after your mother didn’t call on your birthday – as if it excused his own neglect.

“Yeah, and it hasn’t all been bad. I mean, I’ve had a couple good girlfriends over the years. They were sweet, fun. I enjoyed the time I spent with them, they just…never made it through the real litmus test.”

“Sarah?”

He nods.

“It would be hard, I imagine. For her. Accepting someone new into her life.”

“Yeah.”

“You really care about her,” you say. “About how she feels. It’s nice.”

“I’m doin’ my best.”

The way he talks about Sarah makes you nauseated. It’s something pure, and you can’t help but feel bitterly nostalgic.

“I wish my dad would have been like you.”

It slips out, and you immediately regret it. It’s been too long since you’ve gotten stoned with someone else, and you’ve forgotten your filter. And even though you’ve already divulged more to him about you than you normally would, this feels like too much all of the sudden.

This isn’t something you can backpedal, and before you know it, Joel is leaning towards you. There’s concern written in his features, he wants to comfort, and you thank God for what happens next, or it all would’ve been too much.

His shift in weight causes Martini to jump off his lap and sprint to the door of the porch. He stares at you and then meows.

Even though Joel isn’t touching you, you have to tear yourself away from the hold he’s got you in. ““I gotta let him in, or he’ll get annoyed.”

You move to open the door, and the cat slips inside.

“Is that a guitar in there?” Joel asks, catching a sliver of the gleaming body in the dim light.

“Yeah.”

“You play?” He questions, and you come to sit back on the couch.

“Not anymore. It’s more of a decoration. How about you?”

“A little.”

“A little?”

“A lot.” Joel smiles, looks at the ground like not sure why he’s telling you this. “I actually uh, used to want to be a singer.”

“What?” you ask. “You’re kidding.”

“No,” Joel shakes his head.

“Joel, what?” you put a hand on his arm and lean forward, then look at the guitar.

“Why not?”

“I was…young when I had Sarah. And I had to do something that could actually help us get by.”

“Okay well, you have to play me something, then,” you rise to step inside and retrieve it off the wall.

“No, no-”

“Come on, please?” you ask. “Don’t be a tease.”

Joel just stares as you bring the guitar out to him.

“Although this might be out of tune…” you strum once, and wince at the tinny sound it makes. “Definitely it is.”

“Here,” Joel takes it from you. “I can do it.”

It takes him a moment, but he’s plucking the strings in a way that feels so instinctual, purposeful, you can already tell he knows what he’s doing. Once he’s finished, he strums a few chords, and everything is magically in tune.

“Alright,” you prompt, when he hesitates. “What are you gonna play me?”

“You know any Neil Young?”

“Of course,” you answer.

Joel nods once, looks down at the guitar, and starts playing. You’d recognize the opening chords to anywhere, but he somehow makes them sound even moodier, and bittersweet.

Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say…

He can sing. You’re taken aback. You’re not sure what you expected, but it’s definitely better than that. Deeper, raspier, and now you have new information about him that’s going to bounce around your brain when you’re bored during meetings at work, while you’re lying in bed at night, trying to sleep.

Because I’m still in love with you, I want to see you dance again…

You shift your weight, sling your arm over the back of the couch, and rest your chin on your hand. Suddenly, you’re feeling a little tired. He’s all-but putting you to sleep and, somehow, that feels like the highest compliment you can give. It could be because you’re stoned, but you feel warm all over. You close your eyes, just listen, until he’s finished.

Even after he’s finished, you keep your eyes closed, settling. Until you feel something graze against the back of your hand. Joel’s. He’s matching your own pose, facing you, but reaching out…

“That was nice,” you say, earnestly. You’re good.”

Joel smiles bashfully, tugs your hand from beneath your chin and pinches your index finger between two of his own. Your nails are painted a glittery purple, and Joel studies them. Sarah had painted them earlier this week when she’d hung out after school, and had picked out the color.

“So are you,” he shifts closer.

He’s not quite close enough to kiss you himself. But it’s enough…he’s just giving you the chance to lean in, to close the gap. The proximity makes you dizzy, and you’re a little overwhelmed. It’s too much. It’d be too much. You can’t. You’re afraid of what he might do to you.

“We should be good, then,” Gazing at him from under your lashes, you pull back just enough. It’s not a rejection, and you can tell he doesn’t see it that way either. There’s a mutual understanding, you’re on the same page, but you aren’t quite sure what it is. The warmth of Joel’s hand leaves yours, and a part of you is filled with regret.

And then, like it never happened, the two of you spend another hour talking. He’s engaged, intuitive, thoughtful, funny. By the time he excuses himself, long after the sun has fully dipped below the horizon, you feel like he’s an old friend. An old friend you want…badly, but, you know him on a level you hadn’t before.

“Gotta be up tomorrow for a soccer game, otherwise I’d stick around,” Joel says as you’re guiding him to the front door.

“It’s alright,” you say. “You’re welcome to do this anytime.”

“You sure?” he tilts his head, leaning against the doorframe on his way out. “You might regret offerin’ that….”

“I won’t.”

part iv

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mandiemegatron · 7 months

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𝕋𝕠 𝔹𝕖 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕

ᶜᵒʳᵃᶻᵒⁿ ˣ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ / ᴰᵒⁿᵠᵘᶦˣᵒᵗᵉ ᴿᵒˢᶦⁿᵃⁿᵗᵉ ˣ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴿᵃᵗᵉᵈ: ᴹ // ᴼᵛᵉʳᵗᵒᵃˢᵗᵉᵈ // ˢᵉˣ, ᶠᶦⁿᵍᵉʳᶦⁿᵍ, ˡᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᵘʳ ᶜˡᵘᵐˢʸ ᵐᵃⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵃʸ ʰᵉ ᵈᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉˢ 😤

A/N : Hello once again my lovelies !!! This is a tasty lil treat for my love @kaizokuniichan who asked me to write up something for our lover, Rosinante. I think this is the LONGEST piece I've ever written, I just had so much fun, I couldn't stop writing!!! I hope you enjoy babe, he loves you so much! He's gunna smooch you so hard! 🥰🥰🤭🤭

Doflamingo had taken you in after you saved Baby 5's young life, putting yourself in harms way to save the child and coming out from the fight nearly unscathed. The small girl had clung to you like a lifeline and refused to let go when you went to hand her off. Doflamingo had laughed, the sound echoing in your ears, but it didn't frighten you, only able to give him a bright smile when he offered you a place on his ship.

When Corazon suddenly showed up, you swore the tension could have been sliced with a butterknife, watching the two brothers stare each other down until Doflamingo relented, pulling his younger brother into a tight hug while exclaiming, "My brother has returned!" There was a celebration that night, the Donquixote Pirates always finding some reason to drink and party.

You listened absent-mindedly as Diamante insulted the brother, your eyes taking the slightly shorter Donquixote, curious of the man. Your cheeks burned when his eyes met yours, smoke from his cigarette floating up and slightly obscuring his view, which gave you the chance to walk away, heading down to the kitchen to make up a snack.

You had just finished your snack when footsteps alerted you; your eyes flicking up from the book in front of you to the younger brother standing at the door, a slightly apprehensive look on his face as he took you in. You gave a small smile and a wave, which he returned after a moment, which caused you to chuckle softly.

"I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you."

He walked over and sat scross from you pulling out a notebook and scribbling something down, sliding the notebook to you with a small grin. You were gentle with the book, fingers brushing over the page as you read the words.

You can call me Corazon, the pleasure is mine.

Your cheeks tinted pink as you slid the notebook back, unable to keep the small smile off your face as you began to sign, the movements a little clunky from disuse.

/Do you sign? It might be easier to communicate./

His eyes lit up like a light and a wide grin replaced the small one, giving you two thumbs up before responding in a flurry of signs.

/I do! I've only met one other person who could sign, this is definitely easier-/

You cut him off with a laugh, the sound causing him to falter as a light blush covered his own cheeks.

"You're going too fast, Cora-san, I can't keep up like that."

He repeated his movements but much slower this time, your head nodding slightly before you replied,

/Much better, that's much easier to follow. Thank you!/

His grin returned and you knew then that you could enjoy his company anytime.

~ A few months later ~

Walking through the newest town you'd stopped at, Baby 5 at your heels as she chattered about how excited she was to find a new dress. You smiled down at the girl and turned to your bodyguard for the day, laughing at the sour look on Corazons face.

"You know, we would have been just fine. You didn't have to come with us, Cora-san."

He sighed through his nose and signed,

/Doflamingo said I had to. Apparently you're important to him./

Your cheeks burned at the thought of your Captain calling you important, though you quickly frowned and gave Corazons arm a slap. He flinched at the feeling, giving you a matching frown and blowing smoke down at you.

"Not me, her. She's important, I'm expendable."

His face changed at your words, quickly signing out something but you turned from him, not caring what he had to say at that moment.

"I don't have a devil fruit, I'm not nobility, I'm nothing special. Doflamingo can find a child caretaker anywhere, I'm just..."

You gave a shrug, arms crossing over your chest as you keep your eyes peeled for the store you and Baby 5 looked at the day prior.

"I'm just convenient."

There was silence between the three of you until the store came into view, the small girl giving an excited shriek as she ran towards it. You shouted after her, running and catching up to her easily, snatching her up in your arms with a loud laugh that matched her own.

Corazon watched the sight with a heavy heart, knowing the Donquixote Pirates was no place for your kindness and love. Watching you care for Baby 5 hurt him, knowing his job was to keep kids from joining this ruined crew and his failure hung over him like a storm cloud. His hands jammed into his pants pockets as he strolled towards the store, following you both in and standing off to the side.

He shrugged off the whispers from surrounding people, his eyes trained on you and you only, watching as you held Baby 5 on your hip while you scoured the racks for good deals. He couldn't help but smile softly, his eyes soft and warm as yours met his. Your cheeks tinted pink, snapping your head back to the rack as the small girl pulled a cute dress from the rack.

"Great choice," he heard you respond, your voice light and happy.

Corazon's eyes moved from you two to outside, simply people watching and keeping his alert high just in case. He jumped when a heavy hand met his shoulder, ready to grab his pistol when his brother suddenly leaned into his vision, a low sigh leaving him as he shook his head. Doflamingo cackled, giving his brother a slight shake.

"Ah brother, don't be so bitter! It's not my fault you're not paying attention."

Corazon glared for a moment before clapping a hand on Doflamingos' own shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze before turning your attention back to you. Doflamingo gave a low chuckle, his attention also on you as you laughed at whatever Baby 5 had said.

"She's something else, isn't she."

Corazon was shocked at the words from his brother, eyebrows shooting up as he turned back to him. He titled his head slightly, motioning for Doflamingo to continue. The elder brother simply sighed and gave Corazons shoulder a squeeze of his own before letting it fall.

"If you have to ask, then you wouldn't understand."

Corazon turned back to you before giving his brother a nod. He did understand, but he wouldn't let his brother know that.

The two brothers watched you almost dance around the store, a small collection of dresses for the girl in your free arm as you finally went to go pay. Gathering the bag, you placed Baby 5 down and thanked the vendor, leading the girl out and smiling beautifully at the two brothers as you passed them.

There was a moment of silence between the Donquixotes, before Doflamingo finally murmured out,

"... That's what I meant."

He followed after you, leaving Corazon to lean outside the store. His heart clenched as Doflamingo laid a hand on the top of your head, your head turning to look up at him and Corazon felt something snap as you smiled lovingly up at his brother. He hated how suave his brother was and how dirty he played, watching you fall into his hands like easy prey. You didn't deserve the pain his brother would give you, treating you like a fly stuck in a spiders web.

Corazon decided then that he would do everything in his power to get you out.

That night, the crew had taken over a tavern, drinking it dry and eating everything available, the poor owner having no choice but to sit back and watch the Donquixotes rip his livelihood apart for their own amusement. You sat between the brothers, an old logbook in your hands that you'd stolen from the local bookstore, making marks and little ticks in the book to anything you thought important.

"While I admire your dedication, I really wish you'd relax."

You jumped at the sudden voice, looking up at your Captain with a wide grin and a laugh as you reply,

"This is me relaxing."

Doflamingo gave a cackle, his head tilting back as the sound echoed to the ceiling. Your cheeks burned, thinking he was making fun of you, but when he looked back to you, his hand went under your chin, forcing you to keep eye contact. His thumb ran over your lower lip as he replied lightly,

"I could show you how to really relax, if you'd like."

Your eyes stared into the rose tinted glasses, rendered mute for a moment until you laughed nervously, pulling your face from his grasp.

"Maybe next time."

You remove yourself from between the brothers as you gather your book, waving them off as you said your good nights, making your way to the rooms upstairs. You checked the kids first, sighing softly with a small smile as Baby 5, Buffalo and Dellinger rested, oblivious to the party raging downstairs.

Closing the door, you turned and jumped, fist raised and ready to attack as you took in a shadow, giving an irritated grunt as Corazon stepped out from the darkness.

/You okay?/

You gave a soft "Tsk," and lowered your fist, straightening yourself before signing back,

/You scared the shit out of me./

He immediately signed back,

/I'm so sorry./

You gave a soft sigh and nodded, rubbing a tired hand over your face.

"It's okay, I'm just... on edge."

Corazon tilted his head curiously, motioning for you to continue so you grabbed his hand, pulling him to your room and closing the door behind you after pushing him in.

You rested your forehead against the door before turning and looking at him, your eyes sad and expression nervous as you asked,

"Can I trust you?"

He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands in his lap as he threw a long leg over the other. He stared you down for a long moment before giving a solid nod, his own expression determined.

You placed your book on the small dresser and walked to him, sitting beside him and staring out the open window. You were silent for a while, gathering strength to be honest with the younger Donquixote.

"... I think I want to leave."

Your voice was so soft that Corazon wasn't sure he heard you properly. One of his hands met your back and gave it a gentle rub as your face collapsed into your palms. His heart broke as a soft sob left you, your shoulders shaking as you bit back more tears.

"I think I bit off way more than I could chew and now I'm fucked."

While you sobbed into your hands, you took no notice of his other hand moving outwards almost lazily, a soft murmur coming from him but you didn't hear, too in your emotions to pay attention to anything else.

"... calm..."

A soft blue barrier washed over you two, a feeling of a breeze washing over your skin, causing you to lift your face from your palms in confusion. You turned to Corazon as he lifted his hand from your back and signed to you,

/... can I trust you?/

You gently reached out and took his hand in both of yours, thumbs brushing over the back of his as you gave a solid nod of your own. He took a shaky breath before responding in a low voice,

"... you don't deserve this."

You froze, eyes wide as your breath hitched in your throat. He... spoke.

He spoke.

Your mind ran on that one thought for a moment, heart pounding in your chest as your eyes finally met his once again, clear anxiousness written across his face as he waited for you to say something, anything.

"You..."

Tears welled in your eyes again as you finally choked out,

"Cora-san... help me."

You're pulled into his lap, his strong arms tight around you as your face buries into his neck. One of his hands cradles the back of your head while the other rubs over your back, his own eyes prickling with tears as he holds you to him.

"I'm so sorry you got caught up in Doflamingos insanity. You are too good for him."

You clung to Corazon like a moth to an open flame, his velvety voice washing over your skin and warming you from the inside out. After a while, you pulled away, wiping at your face as you murmured,

"I'm so sorry, how embarrassing-"

Your voice faltered as he cups your face, thumbs brushing away left over tears as his eyes bored into yours.

"Never apologize for being honest."

Your eyes searched his, your hands moving to his chest and lightly gripping around his shirt. Slowly, your faces moved closer, his nose brushing against yours as your breath mingled, lips so close-

There was an explosion of light outside the window, pulling both of your attention to it. The smell of smoke met your nose and you gasped, looking back to Corazon with a worried expression. Hopping off his lap, you ran to the window and groaned at the sight, seeing the building across from the tavern now decimated and in ruins, flames licking the sky. Doflamingo stood before it, his arms raised as he cackled maliciously to the sky. There was no sound which confused you, your head turning to question Corazon when suddenly it returned, Doflamingos laugh chilling you to the bone. It mingled with the crackle of the fire, your arms wrapping around yourself as you took in the sight.

"God damn," you breathed out, stepping back from the window and jumping when your back met Corazons stomach. You looked up at him and your brows furrowed nervously as you took in his expression, his emotions screaming out of his face as he took in the sight.

"Your brother is fucking terrifying, Corazon."

He looked down at you when you spoke, a deep frown on his lip as he gave you a slow nod, raising a hand to sign,

/He is./

You frowned, confused as you whispered out,

"... Are you mute or not?"

He shook his head sadly, running a nervous hand through his hair under his hat before signing,

/I'm mute for my own safety./

You turned and wrapped your arms around him, worry eating away at your heart as his own arms caged you to him.

"... Are you in danger, Cora-san?"

There was silence between you, and you squeezed him slightly, your face pressed against his sternum as he wrote Y E S on your back with a finger. Your own fingers clenched around his shirt, giving a soft sigh of relief as silence rested over you both once more. You pulled back to look up at him and asked,

"You have a devil fruit?"

He nodded slowly, his eyes still watching the chaos outside the window.

"You have to promise me you won't say anything."

Your expression steeled as you confirmed confidently,

"I'd die before saying anything."

His eyes snapped to you, his face breaking as he looked down at you. A large hand cupped your face and you leaned into it, one of your hands moving to press against the back of his own.

"Now I need you to promise you won't die for me."

You couldn't help but laugh, eyes tearing up as you pressed a kiss to his palm before you joked back,

"No promises, Cora-san."

No longer having the strength to keep watching his brothers madness, he took you away from the window, sitting back on the bed and returning you to his lap. Your legs caged his waist, hands on his shoulders as his own brushed over your hips. You shivered under his touch, both your cheeks burning bright red as your eyes met.

You made the first move, pressing a quick but gentle kiss to the side of his lips, smiling to yourself at the small gasp that left him. His lips chased yours as you slowly pulled back, brushing your nose against his as your lips barely touched. A soft moan escaped you and his fingers twitched, digging into your flesh as he finally captured your mouth, a delicious mound growing under you which you lovingly ground against.

Corazons breath caught in his chest as he kissed you, unable to form any thought as his hands met your ass, pressing you down against him to relieve the pressure of his cock straining in his pants. You moaned again, the sound muffled by his lips as his tongue brushed against your bottom lip. You gave him entrance and a low groan reverberated in his chest, his fingers gripping your ass cheeks as you felt your panties become soaked from your warmth.

His lips left yours to trail over your neck, your head falling back as his lips and teeth teased your flesh, your hips grinding against him almost desperately as one of his hands crawled up your shirt. His massive hand took a breast into it, his deft fingers twisting and teasing a perky nipple, grinning into your skin as you moaned his name.

"I could listen to that all day," he breathed out against your neck before leaving a hickey, his tongue licking over the bruising once he was pleased with it. He took in your breathless look for a moment, pleased with himself as he murmured down to you deliciously,

"Can I be selfish? Can I have you tonight?"

Your hands immediately went to his button-up, ripping at the fabric and pushing it from his shoulders. He gave a pleased laugh, capturing your wrists to stop you as he kissed you again, a little softer than before as he murmured,

"Say yes."

You kissed him back for a moment before brushing your nose along his cheek, your lips right by his ear as you whispered with a beg,

"Please fuck me, Cora-san."

The man's brain malfunctioned, a choked sound leaving him as his hands tightened around your wrists, a desperate need snapping in him. You blinked and your back was against the bed, Corazon towering over you as his hands ripped off your clothes, your own hands tearing at his belt and pants.

Once you were naked under him, his hands teased over your skin, his eyes taking in every inch of you as if committing your body to his memory. He wanted to capture everything, every little moan, every twitch your body gave - he wanted it all.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured as his fingers danced over your soaked cunt, grinning to himself as your hips twitched towards them, a fleeting whine leaving your lips as he pulled them away.

"Please, Cora-san, please, I need you -"

Your voice cracked as he pressed a finger until you, your eyes rolling back as a filthy whimper left you. He quickly added a second, slowly beginning to stretch you as he pumped in and out, your pussy squeezing around his fingers to the point he sucked a hiss in through his teeth, his other hand gripping his massive cock through his undies for a moment before caging over you again. You almost blacked out as he added a third, stretching you more than you'd ever been before, and your hand met his wrist, tears pricking your eyes.

"Too much, love?"

His eyes were so kind, so loving as he looked down at you, tears spilling from your own as you gave a small shake of your head.

"I... I just need... a second..."

When you were ready, you gave a nod and moved against his hand, moaning deliciously as the fire returned, pleasure overtaking the pain as he finger fucked you into the mattress. You were so close, praise babbling past your lips as your eyes bored into his own. His cheeks were bright red, lipstick smeared on his face and you assumed your own, a hand cupping his cheek as you cried,

"I'm so close, I'm so close, God please Cora-san, please, I'm gunna cum, I'm-"

His lips devoured yours as he pistoned into you, your breasts bouncing slightly at the ferocity. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck, nails digging into his back as you spilled over the edge, almost sobbing into the kiss as you gushed over his fingers, squirting over and over and staining the bedsheets. He let you ride your orgasm out entirely, leaving his fingers inside your soaked cunt until he knew you were coming down. Pulling them from you, he brought his hand to his mouth and licked them clean, moaning at how sweet you tasted.

If he died tomorrow, he knew he would die a happy man, just from your taste alone.

"... that was so beautiful," he choked out as your tired hands pulled at his boxers, fingers dipping into the waistband and brushing against his incredibly large cock. He gave a shuddering moan at the feeling, pulling his undies down and kicking them off before situating himself between your legs, precum pooling at the tip of his cock and dripping onto your mound. You shivered at the feeling, the wet slick chilling you as a breeze swept into the room.

You both stared each other down, your gazes similar as he leaned down to capture your lips once again. His tip pressed into you, and you whined with a hiss, pulling back from the kiss to look up at him. One of his hands tenderly holds your face as he slowly presses into you, guilt seeping into his skin as he watches your face scrunch in pain.

"Do you-"

You glare up at him as best you can as you bite out,

"Don't you dare stop."

Something in him snaps, and he fills you in one thrust, groaning loudly at how tight you are as your mouth falls open in a silent scream. Your eyes roll back and you arch off the bed, the tip of his cock assaulting your insides as you try to relax and adjust to his massive size.

"Such a good girl, you're so good for me," he praises you softly as he slowly pulls out and presses back into you just as slow. It takes only a moment for the pleasure to overtake the pain and you pant, giving him a begging look as you cry out,

"Harder!"

His hips immediately snap into yours, pulling a choked sound from you as he begins to fuck you, his head thrown back as he moans to the ceiling. His hands are rough on your hips, fingers digging into your skin to the point it bruises. You watch your stomach grow everytime he thrusts into you, his cock overfilling you and pushing you beyond the divides of pleasure that you've ever felt.

He suddenly cages over you, one hand moving from your hips to roughly grab your face, an almost dark look in his eyes as he watches you with blown pupils.

"You gunna cum for me?"

You moan shakily at his words, the thread inside you threatening to snap once again as he continues to rearrange your organs.

"I ask you a question."

He stops moving and you cry out, tears stinging your eyes again as your hips try to fuck against him to no avail.

"Yes baby, yes, please make me cum, make me yours, make me cum baby, please-"

Five deep and possessive thrusts is all it took for you to scream out, sobbing out his name as he fucks a second orgasm out of you, his hips stuttering and losing his rythym as he follows you over the edge, choking out your name as his forehead meets yours. You feel his cock twitch inside you, his seed spilling out and joining your stains as he lazily thrusted, chasing the butterfly kisses of pleasure as his lips press against yours.

You both hold each other, kisses and soft breaths exchanged as tears rush out of your eyes. You flinched as something wet hits your cheeks, and you can't bite back the sob that leaves you as you take in Corazons own teary-eyed face. Your hands cup his face, and you kiss him over and over, your legs still wrapped around his waist as if he'd disappear the second you let go.

"Y/N,"

His voice was so soft, his throat wrecked from his moans and sobbing.

"D-did you mean it?"

You wiped at your eyes with the back of your hand, brows furrowed slightly in confusion as he chokes on his words, his cheeks bright red as he somehow gets out,

"... make you mine?"

Your own face burned bright red and you nodded, pursing your lips into a tight line for a moment before responding,

"Y-yeah."

Tears roll down his face like a waterfall, his face scrunched as he sobs,

"Really?"

You can't help but laugh lightly, your hands taking his face as your thumbs wipe away the never-ending onslaught of tears. You gave him a genuine, loving smile as you replied,

"... If you'll have me."

His cock twitched inside you and you wince with a moan, your back arching slightly as he thrusts into you again. He cages over you again and he slowly begins to fuck you again, his lips pressing to yours hard for a moment before he pulls away to breath out,

"Mine."

His teeth nip your bottom lip.

"My beautiful girl."

They move to your neck, sucking and biting the flesh til his name was written across your entire body.

"...Mine."

He catches your chin in a rough grasp again. His eyes are half-lidded, heavy and full of obsession as he moaned out,

"Mine."

A/N : AND THERE WE HAVE IT !!! I cannot express how much fun I had writing this, i love Rosinante so much 😭😭😭😭 my mans deserved better Oda-sensei 😭😭😭😭😭 also, I had to stop and walk away from this MUTLIPLE times because i made myself blush like ???? 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 good lord.

Anywhore, I love you all sm !! 💖💖💖💖💖💖 Please reblog/like/comment if you enjoyed, it gives me motivation and excitement to keep writing !! Thank you so much !! Be good my lil tangerines! 💖💖💖💖💖

#mandie mumbles ; fanfics #ok to rb #Donquixote Rosinante #Corazon #corazon x reader #rosinante x reader #donquixote rosinante #corazon #reader fic #one piece #one piece reader #op corazon #smut #slight slow burn #i am actually so proud of this 😭😭😭😭

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satorusluver · 2 months

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Me? Writing a full length Satosugu x reader smut? Stranger things have happened...

#making the final edits now #i am a slow editor when it comes to my own work forgive me #jjk smut #satosugu x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru smut #geto suguru smut #jjk x reader #suguru geto x reader #satoru gojo x reader #geto smut #gojo smut #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #geto suguru x reader #jjk

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bryhoney · 10 days

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Recognisance pt. 1

This is literally my first post, please go easy on me lmao - the slowest of slow burns between AdoptedWalker!Reader x Keegan P. Russ. TW: Kidnapping and Torture. Set two years after the events of COD Ghosts.

On AO3! Semi-Regular updates :)

This has barely been proofed - so, sorry in advance!

Pt.2

"NO!"

It's a man's voice, you don't recognise it. He sounds panicked, his voice is ragged and hoarse. His scream grows louder and louder until it's a deafening ring and-

You jolt awake, crying out in pain. Every part of your body hurts and the ringing in your ears is agony.

Your chest feels tight as you try to orientate yourself, you're in a room you don't recognise. It's sparsely decorated and looks medical, it's not often used.

It takes you only a second to notice the three silhouettes that stand in the corner of the room, effectively blocking your only exit. You lurch into a sitting position, pushing yourself backwards in the bed.

Panic floods your system, you don't recognise any of them. You have to get up, get back to-?

Get back to who?

The man standing closest to your bed is older, with greying hair and lines around his eyes. He pushes himself of the wall and you take note of the sheer size of him. He's muscular and clearly disciplined. A threat.

Your eyes scan rapidly for any sort of weapon, something that could offer some vestige of protection. Nothing.

He raises his arms in mock surrender as he approaches, "How do you feel?" His voice is deep, gentle and entirely unfamiliar.

W--g. Wrong. Wrong.

Your voice wavers, "Stay back!" You're pushing yourself even further away from him as you frantically try to assess the best way to escape these men.

"Hey, hey" he continues, your breathing is rapid and shallow.

Where's ----? I am - ------ and I am ---. I have been ---------.

Your hand instinctively reaches to the top of your thigh, your fingers find only the thin medical gown you're wearing.

Where's my -----?

What are you looking for?

"Do you know where you are?" He asks, he's at the end of your bed now. You realise that you can't escape this situation in your current state, you try and level your breathing and maintain eye contact.

"No." You grit the words out, you hate the way your heart sinks.

The man nods, a ghost of a smile tugs at his lips.

Stop it. Stop it.

"Do you know who I am?" He continues, his voice still calm as he moves to sit at the foot of the bed. His movement spurs you into action, you carefully swing your legs off the bed, just in case.

"No" You answer again, your hands fisting the bedsheets as you focus on keeping your breathing level. What the fuck is happening.

"Control your breathing ----. You're --- ------- when --- -"

Whose voice was that?

"I don't-" your voice falters and cracks. If they didn't know you were scared before, they do now. Stupid.

"Stop giving them the advantage"

His eyes meet yours and he exhales deeply, "My name is Gabriel. You and I work together, you were part of the Federation. Do you know what the Federation is?" As he speaks you realise he is truly unarmed, dressed in civilian clothing. The other two men are in standardised uniform, armed to the teeth.

At his words, you almost sigh in relief. It's the first bit of information you recognise. The Federation sounds familiar. It's-? E--m-. What was the Federation?

"Yes, but- I...I thought the Federation where-? I'm not part of the Federation? My house was-?" You're stumbling through scattered memories, trying desperately to assign meaning to abstract thoughts. The more you try to pin something down, the quicker it escapes.

A sudden wave of nausea washes over you. The man in front of you will hurt you. What?

"Dad! Wait! I'm not as fast as ----" It's your voice. You're young.

Where's my Dad?

The man at the end of your bed reaches towards you, covering the hand that's clutching the sheets, "It'll come back to you in time, Sweetheart". You would have flinched if you hadn't locked up in fear. Your heart thundering in your chest.

"Why can't I remember", you feel a tear roll down your cheek. You're not sure if it's borne from frustration or fear.

Safe. You're safe. Calm down.

He tenses and stands abruptly, "You were taken from us, you-" he cuts himself off, "we will get the men that did this to you- I'm just sorry it took us so long to find you".

His back is turned to you, the men that stand guarding the door seem to stand further to attention under his gaze.

This man, Gabriel, is important. He said you were someone he worked with. Were you important too?

He came back for you. He said you were taken and he came back for you.

"I don't-" you feel overwhelmed, unable to breathe.

You were taken? Why? Who took you? When? What did they do? How did you get out? Are they coming back? Are-

You shake your head, as though you can physically dispel these thoughts.

Gabriel turns to you again, "you will remember us, and you will help us get revenge for what they did to us".

Your eyes snap to his, "Us?" You stop trying to hide your fear.

He returns to your bedside and clasps your hand before he repeats, "Us".

3 Weeks Later

The chair is still the same uncomfortable plastic one as last time. You fought every urge to make yet another complaint to the man opposite you. You'd asked him to replace it for you, he'd raised his eyebrow, made some notes and said nothing.

You can remember everything since you woke up in the hospital room, just not a lot before that. However, the nightmares and flashbacks of your time with the Ghosts were becoming more vivid and frequent with each week. Sam made more notes about that.

You'd see this man almost every day, his name was Sam and that was about all you knew about him. He was assessing you apparently, monitoring your progress before you could go back to work. He applauded your short-term memory progress in the most unenthused tone you'd ever heard.

He clearly didn't want to be here any more than you did.

He'd ask the same questions every time before delving into other recovery topics.

"What's your name" his voice was monotonous, uninterested.

You reeled off your first name easily, before meeting his unamused gaze and sighing, "I'm not sure". You slouched in your seat, eyes scanning each crack in the cold concrete walls that surrounded the two of you.

"----? st-----! Get ----!" A man's voice, deep, urgent.

You fidget in the seat, "Something with a W in it? I don't know". It's the first time since you regained consciousness that you heard one of the voices. You decide not to tell the man opposite you that fun tidbit of information, you're not crazy.

He looks momentarily surprised at the omission before resuming the blank facade and furiously jotting down notes.

You knew your first name but Gabriel made it clear he wanted you to recall as much information as possible before he told you anything else. He said it would set a good foundation and allow them to track your progress better. It sounded like bullshit to you at the time but you had agreed to it all the same.

"What's your mother's name?" he continues.

You wait for another voice, a scattered memory. Nothing.

"I don't know," your teeth hurt from clenching them, you have to wriggle your jaw to ease the tension.

"Any brothers or sisters?" he pushes his glasses further up his face. Dickhead.

You hear laughing. "Got---! Yo--- -- ---o-" your hands are skimming the top of water, throwing it suddenly as ----. You hear a laugh and then your own. The sun is blinding and you can't focus on anything. Ha--y. Yo--- -a---.

"I don't know, maybe?" your eyes are closed as you try to concentrate. The sudden onslaught of shattered, unclear memories hurt to try to piece together.

"How do you know Rorke?" It's a new question.

"We worked together," you reply almost instantly. It's the only question you can confidently answer. The only answer you've been told the answer to.

“Where's —-? You came back witho—--?! —---” This time, you recognise it’s your voice. You’re scared. You’re angry. You’re screaming.

You bring your palms up to rub your eyes at the screaming. A headache is taking root and your eyes sting in frustration.

"Who is Elias Walker?" Another new question, you don't like this.

There are no memories, except a heaviness that settles on your chest. You physically shift in the chair to accommodate the weight and hope he doesn't notice.

"I wish I knew," your head is still in your hands, your elbows resting on the table.

The name is a whisper. It should mean something.

"Are you alright to continue?" His voice is absent of any concern that should be present in that question. God, you hated him.

"Yes, just annoyed" you manage.

Annoyed with you, with my situation.

Why the Federation believes that this is the most effective way of getting back your memories is beyond you. You make little to no progress with piecing together your life. Your memories are still undecipherable and scattered.

You're escorted back to your room, which lies opposite Gabriel's. You're aware that everyone on the base calls him Rorke except for you. He introduced himself as Gabriel and so you're hesitant to deviate away from this name.

He spends most of his time in the control room, meticulously planning the Federation's next move.

You'd been around him long enough to know that his main objective was the annihilation of the group of men who'd captured you. A particularly tricky group of men known as the Ghosts. An elite task force that managed to use the Federation's own weapons against Rorke. They also had an unnerving ability to kill droves of Federation soldiers without being detected.

From the limited number of redacted reports you'd been allowed to read, the Ghosts had managed to infiltrate the Federation ranks an embarrassing number of times.

It was remarkable, there was only a handful of them and yet the threat they posed was severe and entirely warranted. By the time I was retrieved, only the most loyal remained as active members.

The Ghosts had taken everything.

Rorke had succeeded in killing two of them, a man named Ajax and their former leader, 'The Scarecrow'.

It had been the remaining men, that had ripped you apart over two years of continued torture.

Gabriel had told you that the Ghosts had targeted you to get to him, you didn't ask why. You had ignored the implications of that statement. He also said you had valuable information, so you left it at that.

"Damn ---, what the ---- you doing on this?" It was a deep voice, a new one. It was almost entirely intact. You could hear the smile in their voice. It wasn't Rorke, it wasn't anyone here. It was someone you knew before.

You exhaled deeply as you crossed over the threshold of your room, closing the door and sprawling face down across your bed, groaning. You had wanted to make some notes on the voices you heard. You didn't want to forget them, but you didn't want to share them with Sam.

Any rest that you could have had was ripped away from you by two sharp knocks to the door.

"Just me," Gabriel yelled before opening the door, not waiting for any invitation to do so. He smiled at you as you scrambled off the bed to a presentable, standing position.

"You alright?" You ask, despite your initial unease about Gabriel, he was the only one to reach out to you and make you feel comfortable at the base. He was the closest thing you had to a friend.

"Jus' checking in with you, how was this morning?" He keeps his distance, crossing the room before taking a seat at your desk chair, swivelling it to face you. You follow his lead and sit at the foot of your bed.

You laugh, feeling tension roll off you, "Same as always, delightful" he seems to smile in response but says nothing else for a moment.

Gabriel doesn't come to just check in with you, he wants something.

He moves closer to you, grabbing your shoulder heavily and squeezing. It feels so familiar and yet-?

It shouldn't be him.

What?

"I'm proud of you," he says, "I know what you went through wasn't easy". He looks sincere and you feel your throat tighten.

You shrug him off playfully, smiling, "Alright, alright, what are you actually here for?"

He laughs, sitting back in his seat, "We've got some leads, need you to get on them - might have something for once". He's relaxed, crossing his arms in front of him.

You're taken aback, you'd essentially been signed off indefinitely, "You think I'm ready to - y'know, come back?". You're so hopeful and you can hear it in your voice.

Finally. You could get back to doing something you were good at. Something that had made you important once.

He laughs and you both move to stand, his arm wrapping over your shoulders as he leads you towards the control centre, "never doubted you for a second".

You're smiling. Actually smiling.

It's nice having someone believe in you. Someone who can attest to what you used to be capable of. The rest of the soldiers here avoid you, keep their eyes low as you pass them in corridors. As though you were a higher rank than them. As though you really were important.

Who were you?

#keegan p russ #keegan russ x reader #logan walker #cod keegan #call of duty ghosts #what am i doing lol #i am sorry in advance #the slowest of slow burns #not proofread

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