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engine51104-blog · 7 years

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🎊 One Year Anniversary! 🎊

A year ago on March 11th, I was getting up to get ready for work. As usual, it was never a pleasant experience in regards to my anxiety, because I knew that when I went in, I was probably going to be left alone and given more tasks than I could handle. I was preparing myself for another cataclysm of terror; and as I went in to work that day, I had no idea the new web the universe was weaving for me.

When I came home that night from yet another stressful day at work, my aunt and uncle were watching a show I had not an inkling of a clue about. I watched it briefly before going to bed because I was just so exhausted, being anxiety sucks every last bit of energy out of your body.

Laying in bed as I was trying to fall asleep, thoughts of the peculiar show picked at the corners of my brain. The characters I saw on screen were desperately trying to draw me in with their unique personalities and differing smiles, and no matter how hard I tried to resist, I wound up following them.

Little did I know that the men and women of both Station 51 and Rampart General Hospital were there to breathe new life into me that night.

I just knew that I had to have more of it. I needed to watch more and see what it was really about; and I found myself sucked into a whole different world. A world of medicine, firefighting, friendship, brotherhood, trauma, and triumph. I’ve only ever seen trauma in my short years here on earth, so all of these were totally new concepts to me and a little overwhelming to take in at first.

But I quickly fell in love. Knowing that this was a piece of fiction meant to entertain while trying to stay as authentic as possible never bothered me in the slightest bit, because that’s not what I garnered from it. That’s not what millions of other fans garnered from it when they grew up and became firefighters, paramedics, doctors, ambulance attendants, and whatever else have you.

I became so much more engrossed in this show that within a year’s time I have experienced so much that has literally changed me as a person. Finding the show was like hitting a gold mine, and when I found other like people with the same interest and passion as me, I really thought I had struck the biggest riches the world had to offer.

Quickly becoming involved in many groups and forums on Facebook, I met a lot of people and they got to know me fairly quickly. At the time I had Roy as my profile picture because he was the first one I became attached to (naturally since I’m just beginning to watch the show and it seems to be heavily centered around the two paramedics), and I was getting friend requests from people left, right and center.

In the meantime, I was witnessing first hand how this fandom was run. You had the people who ran their own Facebook groups, and the people who ran their own Facebook pages. You had people who took screenshots from the show and modified them into beautiful works of art, or the people who took screenshots and made them into hilarious memes. You even had people who drew their own fan art!

Then you had the people who liked to write fanfiction based off of the show. Some of those people even took it a step further and brought it into role play, which is an art form in of itself. I used to role play my favorite movies and tv shows back when Myspace was still cool.

I eventually meandered over here to Tumblr and saw what everyone here was doing with the show, and I just thought to myself, I really want to get involved with that! I want to make my own group, write my own fanfiction, start my own role play, run my own blog; all about my favorite show! How much fun would that be?!

Starting my own group was a cinch, and at first it was going great until I ran into my first trouble maker. I don’t dig confrontation at all, so when the problem occurred, my first instinct was to run and hide. For a night, that’s what I had done, and then the next day I enlisted more help to keep the group under control.

All the while, I was working on my own fanfiction for the show which I thought was going quite spectacularly. I was really digging the storyline and I had it posted to WattPad, where lots of people were reading it and liking it also. But my group wound up getting so out of control with the drama, and with that one trouble maker, said trouble maker slandered my fanfiction so bad that I gave up on writing.

Completely. My passion for writing was sapped out of me like the reaper yanking the soul out of body, and I was just nauseated at the thought of writing another word. I had taken a hearty blow that day, and I honestly wanted to give up Emergency. But that very day, the guys brought me back. What for?

I needed time to heal before I could even think of writing again, and while that happened, I found a group of role players that accepted me as one of their own. I admired their dedication, work, and imagination that went into their work and after a few months of reading what they were doing, I decided why not try and do that for myself? Maybe role playing will help get me back into writing again, you know, like dipping my toe in the water to test if I want to take the swim.

I full on had a crush on Mike Stoker at this point, Roy being a thing of the past lol. Once I found the quiet and handsome fella that barely showed face or voice, I just had to melt for him. I actually made my own role play account for him and tried working through some ideas, to which my friends didn’t like very much. I was disheartened and downtrodden so much again that I gave up my role playing account so they would be happy.

But in turn, no matter what I did, I couldn’t make them happy. So I gave up Twitter completely. I gave up my old Tumblr account that had over 60 followers, I closed down my Emergency! group, and I still didn’t want to write stories.

They always say not to let people get to you, but when you’re sensitive and when something means so much to you as Emergency does to me, it tends to cut very close to the heart strings. I think I’ve had a few of my heartstrings severed and I’m still wounded to this day. I still can’t seem to let go of what was done to me thus far... and I really wanted to give it up this time.

I wallowed in my sadness and wondered what in the hell I did wrong. I fell in love with a show. I joined the community. I met friends. People I thought were friends but turned out to be the opposite. So what was I supposed to do? I think the universe tried telling me that giving it up would have been the easy way out, that I would have been letting these people win.

I would have been proving to the world that slander on a major FB page could easily tear me down, in turn making me weak and afraid. That slander on a personal page of my fanfiction made me a chicken and unafraid to put myself out there in the world. And you know what, I believed those things until I had an epiphany.

One that doesn’t happen just by somebody saying to you, “well I warned you about those people.” No. Some people have to learn by experience, and I’m one of them. So you know what I did? I got up from the floor, I brushed myself off, and I looked the devil right in the eye and said “watch this.”

I created a new Emergency! fan page on Facebook to post my screenshots on called Station 51 Enterprises. In conjunction with that, I have my Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr account all linked to the same name.

I went right back on Twitter, created another personal account, AND created my own Emergency! RP accounts. I wasn’t going to allow somebody to tell me or guilt trip me into feeling like I shouldn’t do it out of their own insecurities. And it makes me sad for them because they do have talent.

With April coming up and that being the start of Camp NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I have a fanfiction idea set up and ready to go, and that’s right... it’s for Emergency!

There comes a time when you need to take charge and say “I’m not going to let these people rule me. They may have the opinions they have about what I’m doing, and that’s their right, but I get to choose how I react to it.” So with that motto, I will be doing what I love to do as being my own individual, independent fan of this show.

I’m going to write my fanfictions, I’m going to post my screenshots, I’m going to role play my role play; and nobody is going to stop me.

These guys have continually lifted my spirits and pushed me through even the darkest bits of the tunnel, and they still continue to to this very moment.

Did you know that before I watched the show, I was deathly afraid of driving and getting my license? Now I’m taking driving lessons and I’ve already learned how to parallel park, do three point turns, and I drive around without barely feeling afraid. It is the strength in finding this show that has given me that power, and it’s truly remarkable.

They’ve gone completely above the call of duty, and they’ve truly saved me. With all of this being said... If you’re running your own group, page, writing your own fanfictions, doing your own role play, etc... Run your group and page with an iron fist and keep it about the rival of memories of this brilliant and influential show. Write your fanfictions and play your role play with so much heart and soul that it will bring your readers to tears, or make them want to madly punch a wall. DO NOT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU OR BULLY YOU INTO THINKING YOU CAN’T DO IT. Because you can. Not only I say that and believe it, but the guys do too. Station 51, 10-4, KMG-365.

#emergency!

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