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pepperonijem · 3 years

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ii. yakap || marahuyo

ii. yakap → series masterlist

Yakap (v.) Filipino: to embrace, to hug.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Filipino!Reader

Warnings: there are a few words and phrases in Filipino, but I have provided a glossary at the bottom with the translations! (Also, absolutely no plot, just fluff and vibes.)

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: Sometimes love is slow-dancing in the kitchen. Sometimes love is slow kisses before bed. Sometimes love is just being in his arms.

A/N: I'm so sorry I let you all think this series was dead. TBH I have had a hard time trying to write this series, and have made many attempts in the last two years, but this is the first time I've actually felt proud of what I wrote.

I even made a playlist to go along with this chapter! It's a playlist of new and older Filipino love songs that helped me to write this chapter. (Also follow me on spotify while ur here)

“Bago tayo magkayakap sa dilim…”

“So wait, what’s this song about again?”

“Well they’re talking about holding each other in the dark,” you chuckled as you handed the washed plate over to Peter. “But like… suggestively.” His eyebrow shot up as he finished wiping the plate before putting it away and you playfully poked his side.

“I’ll be sure to remember that one,” he smirked at you. “Yakap sa dilim,” he repeated with his best effort at a Filipino accent. You couldn’t help but smile up at him as he spoke, admiring his efforts at getting to know your culture. Every day felt like you were giving him more of you to love and he was embracing every bit of it.

Looking back, you’re not sure why you were ever nervous to share these things with Peter, or anyone for that matter. You had come a long way from the person who was afraid to eat their lunch with a spoon and fork at school, who was anxious of the weird stares when you spoke to your mom in Tagalog over the phone, who hid their heritage in an effort to fit in. You only ever wished that it hadn’t taken you so long to be proud of your culture.

Now, you enjoyed any opportunity you could to teach him more about the Philippines, about your language, your food, but especially your music. There was something about Filipino love songs that just made you feel both nostalgic and just kilig. It was an easy way to sum up how you felt about the brown haired boy standing next to you.

He returned your smile before planting a kiss on your forehead. The next few moments passed in silence with nothing but soft music playing through the speakers on your phone as you finished washing up the dishes. It had been a quiet night. Dinner and domesticity. And with Peter, it was all you needed for a good time. Once the last of the dishes had been put away, you suddenly felt his arms wrap around your waist as he spun you around to face him.

“Dance with me,” he smiled softly, his hand cupping your cheek. “It’s your favorite song.” You felt the calloused pad of his thumb, barely there, ghosting over your cheek. He pulled you in close, so that your head was resting on his chest and your arms draped around his neck. You felt the warmth of his breath as he rested his cheek on the top of your hair. The familiar scent of his Midtown sweater filled your nose and you let yourself relax as the two of you swayed side to side with the music.

“At ngayon, nandiyan ka,” you began to sing softly along with the music. “‘Di mapaliwanag ang nadarama.” You felt Peter smile against you and you wrapped your arms tighter around him, pulling him closer. The song was one of your favorites because of the way it captured how you felt about the boy dancing around the kitchen with you. The way you felt about him was something you couldn’t put into words. Two languages and you still would never have the right words to tell him how you cherished him, but nothing could keep you from trying.

Now, you’re here, and I can’t explain what I feel.

Peter hummed along quietly. He was more than familiar with the song, hearing you play it in your car, on the piano, or just absentmindedly singing to yourself. Although he couldn’t make out many words in the song, he had picked up enough to know that the title, Ikaw at Ako, meant You and I. It was enough for him to understand you were thinking of him every time you played it, including right now.

The excitement from knowing that, in this quiet and small moment, all you were thinking about was him was enough to send his heart into overdrive. He didn’t need to understand every word to know that the feeling of you in his arms, of having these intimate moments, was something he wanted every day for forever.

As the song came to a close Peter pulled away, lifting both hands to rest on your cheeks. His thumbs traced across your cheekbone gently, but with a subtle desperation, like you were a dream he was afraid to wake up from. His smile was soft, but his eyes wandered around your face, trying to remember every detail and you wondered what was going on in his head. Afraid to break the silence, you brought one of your hands to cover his.

“Mula ngayon, hanggang dulo, ikaw at ako.” The last line of the song floated over the silence that had come to rest between the two of you, dissolving it like a cloud. You smiled into Peter’s hands. “From now until the end.”

Your eyes fluttered closed as Peter’s lips descended on yours, landing in a slow kiss. Even now, you could feel him smiling against your lips. As the next song began to play over the speakers, Peter pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. “I love you,” he breathed out so quietly you would have mistaken it for a sigh until he added “mahal kita.”

It wasn’t the first time you heard him say the words out loud, but they sounded more familiar than anything. It was like hearing a song from your childhood 15 years later and still knowing every word. It was like coming home after a long day.

The words escaped your lips before you could even think. “I love you too, Peter.” The grin on his face spread to the corners of his eyes before he kissed you again, and again, and again. He continued to pepper you with light kisses until you laughed and tried to pull away. He let you go before grasping your hand, lifting it up above your head, inviting you to twirl into him once more.

“One last twirl,” he promised. “Then it’s off to bed for us.” You landed with your back against his chest as Peter began to leave kisses on your neck, knowing exactly how ticklish you were, just to hear you laugh again. “I love you,” he whispered between each one, repeating it like he couldn’t believe you were real.

Somehow, one last twirl turned into six more songs and two pudding cups. It wasn’t until you let out a yawn that the two of you realized how late it had gotten. The pudding cups were thrown away, the speaker turned off, and pajamas were slipped on. You raced Peter to bed, sliding into the covers. He let you beat him, happy to tuck you in before sliding in next to you.

As Peter reached to turn off the lamp, you took the opportunity to snuggle closer to him, resting your head on his chest and draping your arm around his waist. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, whispering goodnight against your skin. His fingers trailed against your arm and you let out a small chuckle.

“What’s so funny, love?” He asked, sleep laced his voice with a light rasp.

“I was just thinking of that song,” you answered.

“Which song?”

“Yakap sa dilim.”

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Glossary:

"Bago tayo magkayakap sa dilim" || before we embrace in the dark

"Yakap sa dilim" || embrace in the dark

"Kilig" || the feeling of butterflies and romantic excitement

"At ngayon, nandiyan ka na" || and now you're here

"'Di mapaliwanag ang nadarama" || I can't explain how I feel

"Ikaw at ako" || You and I

"Mula ngayon, hanggang dulo, ikaw at ako" || from now until the end, you and I

"Mahal kita" || I love you

#peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader #peter parker fan fic #peter parker imagine #peter parker #tom holland #tom holland fluff #fanfic #tom holland x reader #peter parker x filipino!reader #peter parker angst #harrison osterfield smut #tom holland x filipino!reader #spider-man

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staylavendertea · 3 years

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music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

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Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R. “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus: Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*. And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

#smoke & mirrors #smoke & mirrors playlist #bts smoke & mirrors

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simpbur · 3 years

Note

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise

#oh man. oh man #this was so fun ty anon #i'll do some spell checking after i write my english paper but for now take this #wooo boy #also if i interpreted canon wrong i do apologize i am here to have fun and think about fictional character #anon #ask

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myheartissetinmotion · 3 years

Text

hello, internet

I’m really about to expose myself here huh

anyway, this post is the brainchild of my quarantine. Beginning somewhere around April (what even is time) and ongoing to this day, I’ve written screenplays and fics, made pinterest boards and spotify playlists, dreamed up choreography, and plotted storylines, all as a product of both escapism from this insane world and yearning to be part of my favorite tv show in any capacity.

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, buckle your seatbelts and allow me to introduce you to “Zoey’s Extraordinary Cousin”, Victoria Evelyn Clarke.

(most of this was written before s2 premiered, and I won’t always be changing her whole story as it would be required on this post, but I’ll continue to add fics which modify stuff to fit s2 canon)

general stuff

name: Victoria Evelyn Clarke (named after a song-first-and a friend-middle)

nickname: Tori

age: 23

height: 5′9″ (plenty of opportunity for the brogrammers to joke about how short Zoey is when compared to her younger cousin)

hair: auburn, medium length, wavy

eyes: hazel, she wears glasses

family: her father is Mitch’s brother, so Maggie and Mitch are her aunt and uncle, making Zoey and David her cousins

occupation: just graduated from a BFA musical theatre program; hired to play piano in the SPRQpoint lobby, stays there for most of the time that her story is shown and eventually books a role in the LA area, which causes her departure from the show (if she’s just a recurring character)

a few of her functions as a character

disclaimer: I’m fully aware that a lot of concepts I’ve come up with for her couldn’t actually happen on the show (especially if I played her, which of course is the ultimate dream), but I just wanted to put all of my ideas into one place

because she ends up working at SPRQpoint, Victoria serves as a bridge between Zoey’s work life and family life, making the story more cohesive

due to the blood relation and her empathetic nature, she can tell when people are singing to her. Zoey tells her about the power right away, and she provides insight, taking on a similar role to Mo but with the added bonus of already knowing her family and getting to know her coworkers better. A complication in the powers is always interesting, and it opens the door for many more possibilities

she’ll bring more musical theatre songs to the table and diversify the music genres discussed on the show; it would also be really interesting to have a character that plays an instrument and see how that might factor into heartsongs

she’d strengthen the theme of music bringing empathy through storytelling; through her insight and empathetic nature, she sees qualities in some characters that Zoey and the audience haven’t seen yet

she’s been the “therapist friend” all her life, and a big part of her arc is learning how to take care of herself and realizing that her own emotions are just as valid as those of the people she helps; this gives a contrast to Zoey’s initial awkwardness when it comes to emotions and helping people, and they help each other through everything

the fact that she quickly falls for Leif sends Zoey into a bit of a tailspin; she feels that she has to tell her what else he’s sung, which results in a question about the ethics of the power and privacy. This’ll give more depth to Leif (who we’ve barely heard from emotionally since mid-ep-11; there’s a lot behind “things change, people change” that I’m curious about) along with bringing out a protective side to Zoey and deepening the Clarke family dynamic

personality and characterization tidbits

hufflepuff through and through

sees the best in people

loves music and is really knowledgeable about it (see Zoey and Mo in the relationship section down below for the impact of this) and has escaped into it her whole life; this makes her almost a foil to Zoey as they balance each other out

just as awkward as Zoey; one can absolutely tell that they’re related if only by their speech patterns and appearance

has a playlist for every imaginable human emotion

bi and hopeless romantic, but has never really felt wanted

unashamed theatre kid

quick-thinking and witty, intelligent but idealistic, and sometimes comes across as naïve

passionate about activism and working for change

feels and cares very deeply

see pinterest board and spotify playlist below in the references section for more

relationships with other characters

Zoey Clarke: her cousin. After graduation, Victoria visits her family to be there for them after the funeral, and this begins her storyline. The extended Clarke family is tight-knit, and she and Zoey have been really close friends throughout their entire lives. They can read each other well, and the established relationship is really clear in their dialogue and the way that each is one of the few people that the other feels genuinely comfortable around. Partly because Zoey never had a younger sibling, she was always very protective of her younger cousin. This comes into play in a huge way during Victoria’s storyline, beginning with her second heartsong. One of Zoey’s internal conflicts throughout this situation is the decision of how much to share with Tori of what she knows due to earlier heartsongs; she feels it would be an invasion of privacy to tell too much, but she also feels at the start that Tori is being naïve and a bit too trusting and doesn’t want her to get hurt. This struggle deals with both Zoey’s personal relationships and the ethics of the power.

Leif Donnelly: the reason for the aforementioned internal conflict. Victoria falls hard and fast for him during her first tour of the fourth floor, leading to her second heartsong. When confronted by a dumbfounded Zoey about it, she denies it as nothing more than infatuation at first sight, but this gets harder to believe as time goes on and Zoey has to watch her cousin and sworn rival genuinely becoming friends. After a few weeks, she learns and has to accept that Victoria’s feelings are genuine. Reciprocation, though, is a whole different matter; they find this out by way of another heartsong, which is also how Victoria learns of her own addition to the power. Witnessing that song pushes Zoey over the edge, and similarly to s1e5, she eventually blurts out the truth about Leif’s previous heartsongs and relationship with Joan, which leads to Victoria’s very conflicted heartsong rendition of “Toxic” (because if no one sings it to him at some point in the series, that’s a seriously missed opportunity). We see their later conversation: Victoria isn’t sure how to bring it up, but she doesn’t have to, because the events of the end of s1 obviously did take a big toll on Leif and he wants to be honest with her about it (see chapter 7 of singin’ from a streetlight). It would be interesting if she had something to do with the way he eventually found out about the power; Victoria lives very much by her moral compass, and she would feel awful about knowing things that he doesn’t know that she knows. If I had to sum up the relationship in terms of how it serves the show, Victoria sees the parts of Leif that Zoey and the audience (for most of the season) don’t, and he’s one of the first people who’s ever made her feel wanted.

Mo Montgomery: these two get along splendidly. So splendidly, in fact, that Zoey sometimes even regrets introducing them, especially when she can’t sleep due to their late-night, belt-to-the-rafters karaoke sessions that can be heard through the apartment walls. Mo finally has someone in the building (Victoria is staying with Zoey through the duration of her arc on the show) who properly appreciates music, and the three of them (plus Max and whoever else learns about the power-Simon absolutely has to in season 2, come on) become a sort of ragtag let’s-figure-out-this-crazy-power group of friends.

David Clarke: I’ve always thought that the backstory revealed in ep 5 of David being a former theatre kid was really interesting. He and Victoria have bonded over this for a long time, and she feels betrayed when he leaves it behind due to the toxic masculinity explored in ep 5. I’d love an ep called “Zoey’s Extraordinary Brother” or something that goes deeper into that; Victoria definitely has a hand in helping David embrace that part of himself, and she’s almost as close with him as she is with Zoey.

Max Richman: she’s actually known him for quite a while, having done a bit of community theatre with him before he even met Zoey (because you cannot tell me that this man, who can canonically sing and dance and genuinely enjoys it, wasn’t one of the only boys in his high school theatre program and didn’t ever play Georg Novak at some point). He seemed to have gone through some Good Old Fashioned Character Development in ep 12, what with the “focus on yourself right now” and everything, but there’s still quite a lot to unpack that was revealed between 7 and 11. Honestly, I just want to see someone Talk Some Freakin Sense Into Him, and an old friend who’s been removed from the situation but knows both him and Zoey very well is a pretty good bet.

Simon Haynes: Victoria, along with Mo, acts as Zoey’s confidant for the central love triangle. She’s a bit put off by the idea of Simon’s cheating, but sympathizes with both him and Jessica after learning the whole story; upon meeting him, she thinks he’s wonderful. (he honestly gets some of my favorite dialogue on the show...who else can pull off all of those deep conversations along with “this is a classy affair, of course there’ll be pigs in a blanket”? in this house we appreciate JCS)

Tobin Batra: the first person she meets on her first tour of SPRQpoint, much to Zoey’s dismay. As the audience learns more about him (which I’m so freakin excited for, by the way), he and Victoria share quite a bit of banter while the season goes on. Tobin also thoroughly enjoys trying to push Leif and Victoria together, and there are a lot of fun scenes in which he has a blast acting as a wingman for his oldest and newest friends.

Mitch and Maggie Clarke: they mean absolutely everything to her. Victoria’s parents are usually supportive, but they often consider her career as an entity separate from her as a person and discuss it as if the decisions are up to them; she was always able to come to her aunt and uncle when she needed to, and she’ll always be grateful to them for it. As previously mentioned, the extended Clarkes are really close, and Victoria deeply regrets not being able to make it to Mitch’s funeral. At the start of her arc, she believes that she doesn’t have as much right to grieve and that she has to “stay strong” for her family. Over the course of her storyline, she realizes that there are people that are there for her just as much as she’s there for them. This includes Leif, Zoey, and Mo; Maggie is one of the most important of these for her. Family is at the core of this show, and at the core of Victoria’s being.

Emily Kang: first of all, I’m still hoping she gets “Everything Changes” from Waitress in season 2. Victoria admires her wit and they enjoy each other’s company; when needed, she loves babysitting her second cousin.

Abigail: give her a last name gosh darnit. I hope she comes back as an intern in season 2; she and Tori would be SUCH good friends, and it might be neat if they had a duet of sorts, so that she’d be signing with the strings carrying on her part as Tori sang.

Aiden: okay, I knew from the beginning they’d be best friends oh my god. She’s closer in age to him than she is to Zoey; she was often babysat by her cousins when she was little, and that’s how she got to know the kid next door, the kid who air-guitared along to the radio and made plans with her to travel the world when they got older. Naturally, she had the biggest crush on him, which Zoey thought was hilarious. They still support each other’s music and keep in touch to this day.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen in season 2 with new characters, etc, and whether characters such as Joan, Autumn, Howie, Eddie, Deb, Ava, Jessica, etc are coming back. My ideas for this character and her relationships will obviously change as the show progresses (I say as if anything will happen-it’s one of the only things I have left to hope for, okay, voice in my head, shut up) and I’m looking forward to seeing how the story continues to unfold.

some potential heartsongs

“Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from The Phantom of the Opera: the first that the audience sees of her. After an episode of Zoey Going Through Some Stuff, she needs to talk to her dad, and realizes once she reaches the cemetery that she’s not the only one. It’s raining, much as it was when they tried to choose his plot. It’s just the beginning of the song; on “all that you dreamed I could”, Victoria’s voice cracks-she’s crying as she’s singing-and she trails off, then the instrumental continues while they talk. I mean, we’ve already had a song from an ALW musical...IT COULD WORK.

“Absolutely Smitten” by Dodie: after her first tour of the fourth floor, to an oblivious Leif. I’ve always wondered why they haven’t used the swings in the choreography yet, so I just decided to do it because Why Not. The vibes of this song would be perfect for the vibes of SPRQpoint, and it works for the scene as well; it’s vulnerable enough to be the beginning of real feelings, but cutesy enough for her to deny it to Zoey as nothing more than infatuation. If we can put the railing on the staircase back in from the pilot, it fits pretty well as a sliding-down-the-railing song, if that makes sense.

“Human” by Christina Perri: a visit to her parents. enough said. It serves as a major release for Victoria as well as the reveal that she’s far from the put-together person that she tries to be; I also feel like this kind of song would fit well into the show, and it’s more recognizable to the mainstream than most of the other songs on this list. This is also a wake-up call to Zoey that her cousin really is hurting, and the “help” that prevents the song from haunting her comes from the fact that she’s the first person to really understand Victoria’s relationship with her parents and be there for her.

“Strawberry Blond” by Mitski: the epitome of Yearning™. A few weeks have passed since “Absolutely Smitten”, and as much as Zoey would like to stay in denial about her cousin’s feelings, the universe isn’t going to let her; “I love everybody because I love you” is pretty difficult to twist out of context. This one is short and sweet, starting at the second verse and skipping to the repeated chorus. The choreo epitomizes the paradox of combined awkwardness and grace that lies at the heart of Tori’s character. She floats and spins, propelling herself around the office as if lifted from within by the music, never taking her eyes away from Leif. This is when Zoey realizes that she actually has to deal with it, prompting the swear guitar title card; this song and the next two are all part of the same episode.

“Victoria” by Jukebox the Ghost: this song is Leif’s; she accompanies it. Zoey comes downstairs to the lobby a few hours after the workday ends and hears the piano, but there’s no one playing it. It would be really interesting to see the way that instrumentals happen in heartsongs if there are actually instruments in the room; just something fun to play with in regards to the power. (yes, I named her after this song specifically for the purpose of this song, and I’m aware that if the full song is taken into its own context it doesn’t portray a particularly healthy relationship but the piano part is cool and the song just has this electric energy okay?!?!?!) The choreography is very La-La-Land-esque; it’s sweeping and explosive as they make their way across the lobby. At the second verse, she starts actually playing the piano; this cut of the song goes to the last chorus after the second verse. This is also another example of Tori’s being able to tell when she’s being sung to (the way that she finds this out is explained in jumpstarted (see below), but that wouldn’t work in this universe, so this song is how she finds out if she were actually a character). She’s in utterly joyful disbelief, going in between trading incredulous glances with Zoey and allowing herself to fall into the choreography. This song is the turning point for Zoey when it comes to the relationship she’s witnessing; while they’re on the piano bench, Leif smiles at Victoria in a similar way to the end of episode 7, and this sends Zoey’s protective-older-cousin-mode into overdrive. Feelings are one thing, but reciprocation is quite another, and this is when Zoey realizes that she has no choice but to tell Victoria the truth.

“In Case You Don’t Live Forever” by Ben Platt: let’s say that at the beginning of this episode, there was a dream that Zoey had about an old memory with Mitch in which she watches her younger self heartsing this to him, and she’s attempted for all of that time in between to remember the melody. A few days after “Victoria” takes place, Zoey is struggling to figure out how to bring up the needed conversation, and she tries to preface it by explaining how much Victoria means to her. She doesn’t get very far in her speech before she hears the music she heard in her dream; this song is Tori revealing how much she’s always looked up to Zoey, which brings her to tears and causes her to blurt out the last line of the episode: “I need to tell you something.”

“Toxic” by Britney Spears: tbh, this song once came on the radio and I thought “...wait a minute”. It’ll also be more recognizable compared to this list of showtunes and indie pop. This song takes place on the fourth floor during the next episode; Mo has come to pick up the cousins for their weekly lunch, and he and Tori are once again trying to give Zoey a crash course on musical pop culture. Today’s lesson is pop of the early 2000s, and Tori tries to give a demonstration by singing the first verse, almost unable to due to how hard the three of them are laughing. They walk past the conference room where a meeting is taking place, Leif sitting at the head of the table, and Zoey barely notices the instrumentals that have been building in the background until Tori stops short and the all-too-familiar riff (yknow, the daaaaada dadada) comes operatically from her throat rather than the invisible synth. Mo can tell by Zoey’s expression that the demonstration, which has stopped in the real world, has turned into a heartsong. As she sings, she makes her way into and around the conference room, spinning chairs and overdramatically throwing herself against walls, as if magnetically drawn to the subject of the song but trying to pull herself away. It’ll show how conflicted she is, but it’ll also be freakin’ hilarious.

“Unusual Way” from Nine: After the aforementioned much-needed conversation in the episode which “Toxic” appears in, Leiftoria (is that an unintentionally awesome ship name or what) is official. I’m not sure how long her story on the show would last, but this song marks the end of it; she books a role at a fantastic dinner theater in the Los Angeles area. In the scene of her last heartsong, Tori, Zoey, and Leif are sitting in an airport lobby. The ticket machines are down, and dozens of impatient passengers are waiting with them, listening to the drone of announcements and tinny pop music played over the loudspeakers that slowly morph into a melancholy arpeggio. If anyone reading this hasn’t listened to this piece, I highly recommend it, by the way-it’s utterly haunting and you’re definitely gonna cry. The cut starts at the second verse and skips the solo third verse to go right into the duet. There’s nothing extravagant about it; as in the musical itself, this song is carried by the sweeping, raw emotion behind it.

references or something-what do I call this one

spotify playlist: a living document (chronologically) of potential heartsongs, songs that fit her situations, and songs that just have her Vibes.

pinterest board: an ever-growing, ever-changing representation of her character. I’ve pinned everything twice so that there can be sections without disturbing the full aesthetic; each section is named after a lyric from a musical that represents that aspect of her character.

tiktoks: there are a few I’ve made about her, some actually in one or both of the universes I’ve written about (see below) and some just for The Vibes or other potential story ideas. @can.you.hear.it.echoing

jumpstarted: the first fic for anything that I’d written in years; it started out in my mind as three scenes and came out to 29 pages. This is an au in which she works at the karaoke bar; she couldn’t actually be on the show this way, but I just think it would be neat-it would only be canon compliant through the middle of s1e11 (there are a few time shifts), so here we are. (seriously though please read this one I’m very proud of it.) This story does share aspects with what she’d actually be able to become as a character, and these are further explored in my second fic.

singin’ from a streetlight: a collection of oneshots that goes through most of the potential heartsongs listed above, from Zoey’s pov. chapter 7 is an interlude, back in Tori’s pov, because Zoey doesn’t see her and Leif’s much-needed conversation on the evening of “Toxic”.

but i’ve never been quite alright: I thought of “Human” as a potential song for her after the entirety of “singin’ from a streetlight” had been published, so this is a seperate fic to explain that scene; it fits in both of the above universes.

scaffolding and christmas lights: cheesy fluffy office party holiday fic because why not. It’s fun to consider how other glitches in the power might manifest; in this one, anyone that Zoey makes eye contact with sings their heartsong to the world. this doesn’t really go with the timeline of either universe, but it’s an interesting idea that might be worked into either

with a little motivation, i’ll go far: she experiences her first heartsong, “California” by Ricky Montgomery, at the airport as she comes into San Francisco. I just this song fits her well at the beginning of her story-this was a really fun one.

it’s the terror of knowing what this world is about: taking the little bit of David’s canon backstory and RUNNING with it. he and Tori would have bonded so much over musical theatre when they were younger, and she must have felt so betrayed when he tried to abandon that part of himself; this fic explores that

‘cause i see every part of you, and i can tell you see me too: Leif shows Tori his sketchbook and Feelings Ensue. (I want to see more of him as an artist, it’s such a fascinating aspect of his character, please Austin please)

don't look too deep: I watched mamma mia 2 and this is the result. #laurengrahamfortanya2k21

have you been too much on your own: this came out of thinking about les mis too much for the thousandth time; it’s an au of chapter 2 of “singin’ from a streetlight” just because I thought it would be kind of hilarious

suddenly we all got young: the brolympics strike again. this came out a bit angstier than expected but it was so much fun to write; I’m really loving what I get to do with her in s2

just keep losing my beat: written during the midseason hiatus; finally found a way to fit her properly into s2 canon. quite proud of this one

perfection is so quick to bore: I fell so in love with the song “I Hear a Symphony” that I had to write something around it, so here this is. it’s very projection-y and rather cheesy but I tried to capture the emotion

screenplays: there are a few that I’m working on and this post will be updated as I finish and revise them

if you’ve read this far, thank you. I just wanted to get her out in the world before season 2 started so I could be as canon compliant as possible (and it happens to be Dec 21, both my birthday and the day that Planets Are Being Cool on the solstice so it’s a great day for manifesting). I would give anything to be part of this show in literally any capacity; from the beginning I loved the concept and by now, as cheesy as it sounds, it feels as if it’s almost knit to my soul. the entire cast, crew, and creative team are such wonderful people (at least from my limited view, but they seem to be very genuine) that I’d love to work with, and this idea has been a sort of a coping mechanism through everything going on in the world and in my life. This post will probably be updated as I come up with more content and the show develops during s2 and beyond. even if nothing comes of this, I love my Tori dearly, and I hope anyone reading this enjoyed learning about her as much as I’m enjoying creating her story.

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ckret2 · 4 years

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So I’ve got a Spotify playlist consisting of the compiled contents of 81 different Alastor-centric playlists, like I just copied the contents of every single playlist I could find with no cultivation, no filtering, and no censoring. The one limitation I put was no duplicates of the same song—although multiple versions of the same song off different albums was allowed.

And since then I’ve been listening to this all-packed-together playlist on shuffle. It’s brought up several comments/questions. Highlights include:

- To every single person that includes a romance song with lines like “baby you’re my angel” or the like: are you a Radiodust shipper actually referring to Angel, or are you a Charlastor shipper referring to Charlie’s “fallen angel” heritage?

- One of you included an entire creepypasta story about the devil talking a man into killing his ex-wife and her lover as part of a 500-step-long plan to conceive the Antichrist and I’m not quite sure why it was on an Alastor playlist but I appreciate the characterization of the devil in it. I guess a creepypasta is kind of a radioplay of sorts? Maybe more Alastor playlists should just have random radioplays mixed in.

- To the person who included half a Kidz Bop album on their Alastor playlist: I’m not judging, I just wanna know why. I want to understand. I really want to understand.

- I respect all you people that included song covers by Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox and I understand where you’re coming from, but like, if you’re not familiar with music genres from before 1990, I suggest you look up which genre a given PMJ cover is trying to emulate, because if you’re stuffing PMJ covers on a playlist specifically to make them “sound like” Alastor’s era or because you’re going for “songs Alastor would like because they sound like what he’s used to,” then a PMJ cover that makes a 1990s song sound like a 1970s song isn’t quite in the right neighborhood.

- There are different philosophies that go into making a character playlist. Some go “the genre has to fit the character’s era and/or personal tastes, whether or not the lyrics do.” Some go “the lyrics have to fit the character, genre be damned.” Some go “these songs were big/popular when I was into this character so that’s what I associated with them.” Some go “these songs are really out there for the canon character but fit my headcanons.” Some people may have totally different criteria I haven’t even thought of! Anyway the point is: when you mix over eighty playlists together, you get every single playlist-making philosophy mixed together, and it’s an exciting experience to listen to.

- And on that note: every single genre on the planet is on this playlist. We’ve got Britney Spears, we’ve got Vocaloid, we’ve got Thomas Sanders (we’ve got a LOT of Thomas Sanders), we’ve got My Chemical Romance, Two Steps from Hell, Barry Manilow, Oingo Boingo, Within Temptation, Madonna, Kesha, Hans Zimmer, ... we’ve got the poppiest pop, emo, metal, electronic, folk, rap, rock, movie soundtracks, TV soundtracks, classical, disco, country, KPop, Carrie Underwood, every single decade for the last 150 years... and I’m deliberately leaving out all the jazz, swing, electroswing, and musicals, because those are a given for Alastor. Obviously those ones dominate the playlist but it’s amazing how much variety there is outside them.

- I’m frankly amazed by how much of this playlist is Thomas Sanders and Bendy and the Ink Machine. Like. It’s a notable quantity.

- That said, actually the playlist doesn’t quite include every single genre. Like, for example: I can tell y’all want to lean into Alastor’s New Orleanian/Louisianan/Creole roots from how many songs I’ve seen that include words like voodoo, Creole, New Orleans, bayou, uhhhh The Princess & the Frog, etc... And yet aside from a few New Orleanian jazz artists so far I have crossed paths with very little Louisianan music compared to, say... Undertale songs. So here. Start with some Cajun, try some Mardi Gras songs, I’m not totally sure how much of this playlist is “actually from Louisiana” and how much is “other people making songs that they think are Louisianan” but try this one anyway, and once you’ve oriented yourself a bit dig in here. I wanna see ten Alastor playlists with one song that includes “Zydeco” in the title or album name, stat. Sure, we know Alastor’s all jazz and swing and musicals, but I sure don’t listen to only three genres, you probably don’t listen to only three genres, and Mr. Radio Guy Whose Public Title Includes The Word “Radio” Who Likes Bursting Spontaneously Into Musical Numbers probably listens to more genres than you and me combined, and those genres probably started with what was local & accessible & common around where he grew up.

- Then again I haven’t listened to this whole playlist yet, sometimes I put it on shuffle and sometimes I put it in alphabetical order to try to slowly work through it from top to bottom (I’ve made it mostly through the C’s) so maybe y’all hid the Cajun & Creole music down in the D’s. But lemme say this: while randomly shuffling through the playlist, I’ve randomly run into multiple Irish drinking songs & shanties, and randomly run into zero zydeco, so like from those of you who follow the “music that sounds like what the character listens to” philosophy of playlist-making, non-jazz Louisianan music could use a lil more representation. If there’s room for twenty-six Billie Eilish songs there’s room for one BeauSoleil song. (I’m partial to “L’ouragon,” but you do you)

- Somewhere in this massive mixed playlist there are three parody medleys of Disney songs rewritten to be like “here are grimdark edgy lyrics about all of the terrible real-world things happening to the cultures depicted in these Disney movies!” and like, okay, I can see why that merits inclusion in an Alastor playlist, his big moment in the pilot was “take an optimistic song worthy of a Disney princess and rewrite it with grimdark edgy lyrics,” but those three songs still annoy the hell out of me because the specific way they frame the concept of their songs is that Disney movies/songs are “full of lies” and these songs reveal the lies. And then it’s things like... “Aladdin got captured and interrogated by the CIA,” which is definitely a thing that happened to a character living in an ambiguous time period that predates the existence of the United States, much less the CIA, much less the CIA’s meddling in the middle east, by several centuries. Disney was definitely lying about the reality of Aladdin’s day-to-day existence by not depicting American imperialism that predates America. Or “the characters in The Princess & the Frog have to deal with the fallout of Hurricane Katrina,” like, yeah, Disney sure is pulling the wool over our eyes by dishonestly denying the devastating consequences the 2005 hurricane had on 1920s New Orleans. Listen the lyrics are clever and all the things they discuss are real salient social issues but it still drives me nuts that the songs are framed like they’re revealing “lies” being told when half of the movies are taking place in (fantasy versions of!) time periods or locations where the issues they’re discussing didn’t apply, if they’d just framed that one line differently— Okay, okay, I’m finished, I’m done, I’ve got it out of my system

- Every single love song makes me go “are you imagining this song with a ship (and if so which ship) or do you just think Alastor would be into this song?” The question goes double for songs from the 20s/30s, because the odds that they added it to their playlist just because they think Alastor would like the song increases.

- On the other hand, if whoever added “A Formidable Marinade” isn’t a Charlastor shipper I will eat my hat. Also nice work on the gory cannibalism sex song.

- Every once in a while I’ll run into a song that makes me go, now how the heck did you end up on an Alastor playlist? Does this song line up with someone’s very specific headcanons and/or fanfic plot? Do they think Alastor would like this song? Did they happen to like the song and like Alastor at the same time and so they associate them with each other? Examples: “I Got You (I Feel Good)”, “iRobot” (is it the emotionlessness of being post-death?? do they headcanon that he’s got radio hardware replacing his guts?? is it a post-breakup ship song??), “Greensleves”, “Barbra Streisand” (the song, not the singer), “Jolene,” “The Last Steampunk Waltz,” “Seven Nights in Eire,” “Cruel Angel’s Thesis,” and the person who included half a Kidz Bop album, please, I just wanna talk—

- Every time I hear a song that includes the words “hell,” “sinner,” “smile,” or “radio,” I go, “Haha. Nice.”

- An incomplete list of songs that amused me for how on point they are: “Hotel California” (how often do you have a fandom where “Hotel California” is actually very blatantly fitting without having to twist through an extended & convoluted metaphorical interpretation?), “The Hunting Song,” “The Axeman’s Jazz,” and “Time Again”

- I sort of hate whoever put “Circus” by Britney Spears in their playlist and made me realize that lyrically it’s a perfect Alastor song because it is.

- *scrolls past six versions of “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past five versions of “It Don’t Mean A Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past a song from Bambi* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past five versions of “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past eleven versions of “Sing Sing Sing”* Haha. Nice.

- What’s with those of y’all putting steampunk songs in Alastor playlists? Listen, listen: steampunk vibes are for Sir Pentious. Swing vibes are for Alastor. Don’t cross the streams. Take your steampunk songs and make Sir Pentious playlists with them. He could use more playlists.

- The playlist includes 39 songs that include “smile” somewhere in the title.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #(how do i tag this. meta on meta? fanmix playlists are inherently meta already but like)#meta

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readersguidetotheuniverse · 4 years

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Folie a Trois: a group read of... More Than Maybe by Erin Hahn

The supporting characters

Ariadna: From Zack to Meg, Phil to Marcus... I really liked that the supporting characters had background and depth... for a YA romance novel, that it is. Ok, they are not the deepest, most exceptional characters –they are a little bit stereotyped, and everything is sooo rose-coloured tinted–, but I appreciate how the relationships between them are depicted and how every one of them has their own unique quirks and background story. Nevertheless, I must add... I think Hahn’s attempt to make all the characters these goody-two-shoes has made some characters sort of a decaf version of what they should realistically be, see Charlie Greenly, Phil Josephs, Cullen... At times they were so soft they became even boring to me. I understand Hahn’s religious views, but honestly, no one is that good.

Alicia: I liked the supporting characters quite a lot, actually, all of them. In many young adult novels you find rather flat secondary characters that only exist to complement the main characters, but not in this one. All of them were complex, with their own defined personalities and their own stories. There were a few moments when I got a bit irritated by someone's actions, Cullen uploading Luke's song behind his back, for example. But real people are flawed and make mistakes so it's only fair that fictional characters do, too.

Marina: First off, I have to say I loved all the secondary characters. I have to agree with Ariadna though, they are not overly deep but they get you right on the feels. I especially enjoyed seeing the different relationships between them –Zach and Cullen <3–. To be honest I found it a bit frustrating that they all kept telling Vada how amazing she is and how well she’s doing but it takes Luke, a person whom she’s officially met recently, to stand up to her dead-beat father. Talking about fathers, Phil is an amazing father figure and I’m really glad he at least encouraged Vada to follow her dreams. On a side note, can I just say that the first time I read about Cullen and Zach I pictured a more lanky version of Emmett Cullen dating Zeke (from high School Musical)? And that’s why I found it hilariously amusing when they started talking about Teen Wolf. Whatever happened to those DVDs?!

The ‘Bad Apple’ club aka Charlie Greenly

Ariadna: We all grasp to certain extent how business —corporate, big-money businesses— work, and it is understandable Charlie’s nasty partners took advantage of a teen’s rage burst, but, oh, man, how it bothered me when they tried to ruin poor Phil’s fund-raiser... What bothered me the most, though, is how Charlie Greenly was that blind, how he couldn’t see, beyond his own interests, how important the Loud Lizard was for Luke, his friends and for Ann Arbor, or to what extent the whole ‘Break for You’ issue bothered his own son. I honestly think his heroic act at the end doesn’t quite redeem him of the harm he has done. Besides, Charlie was supposed to be a Punk-rock star... What’s really left of that personality? Has her wife and kids completely transformed him into a dull wimp? Not quite believable, this character is.

Alicia: Charlie made me so mad at him that sometimes I wanted to throw the book across the room. I understand parents always think they know best, it's in their parent DNA. But it was really frustrating and irritating how he kept trying to get Luke to do whatever he wanted, without considering what his son actually wanted. He kept trying to convince Luke to do something he had stated time and time he didn't want to do and was not going to do. He used him for his own interests and treated him kinda badly just cause he didn't fit with his own expectations for him. Realistic as it could be for most people, it's still shitty. It's almost cathartic how he redeems himself at the end by quitting Bad Apple to support his son but that doesn't change his shitty behavior towards Luke during most of the novel.

Marina: I mean Charlie didn’t seem the brightest of the Greenly family, to be honest. I think he should probably listen to his sons more (and his wife). I find it hard to believe he didn’t know what he was getting into. He was a famous punk-rocker at a time where you had to be clever and sharp-witted, like, is he smart enough to stay away from hard drugs and keep his career afloat (and later become an accomplished music producer) but not know how to choose business partners? Apparently. And talking about his previous life as a punk-star… Can he stop trying to live his life through Luke? It finally dawned on him in the end, yes, but throughout the book Luke (and later Cullen) explicitly told him he didn’t want to be famous, it doesn’t excuse his behaviour!

Soundtrack

Ariadna: While some of the tracks on this book’s OST are not my cup of tea (see Demi and Taylor), I must confess: I’ve been listening to TøP the whole week. Hahn got me at Car Radio *shrugs*. Working in the book industry, I’ve always felt books, when possible, should offer something extra. I really love that this book, even more considering it is addressed to teens and YA, offers this little something to connect it to the readers’ real world, to make the story even more realistic. I think it is a loss that the book itself doesn’t include a QR code or a link to a playlist itself, but it is an easy search away in Spotify, thanks to some nice reader that has already put it up!

Alicia: I just had this one little issue with the music/artists mentioned in the novel: Vada hates Stevie Nicks and consequently I hate Vada. There won't be any hate towards Stevie Nicks in my presence. She is an excellent artist and I will not hear otherwise. Other than that I actually loved how important music in general is in the novel and how many real actual songs are shared along the story. I expected to find mostly alternative/indie bands so there was no surprise there. And music can tell a lot about someone so it was interesting to see the music Luke and Vada listen to, to understand them better. Also it was really nice to get so many songs in so many different styles to actually discover new songs myself. I'm really happy about how music really does play an important part in the book.

Marina: I’ve mentioned I like it when authors add their little soundtracks to the books but this one goes far beyond that. You get to listen to the songs throughout the characters’ actions and feelings and the music is not only an add-on but it becomes part of the plot. Which, granted, it’s a book about a girl who writes reviews about bands and a boy that writes songs, how can music not be part of the book? But it goes beyond the “here’s a song that inspired this chapter/book/scene” to a basic subplot. Coincidentally, we all looked up different songs on Spotify because we hadn’t heard them before and we found a playlist made by a reader, we hope you enjoy it too!

Vada and Luke’s relationship

Ariadna: It is interesting to read a YA romance novel in which the main action doesn’t revolve 100% around the romance. It is way healthier than most: both Vada and Luke have clear goals and motivations that are not biased by their relationship, they motivate and encourage each other, there is no narcissistic chauvinist - submissive flower dynamics going on —thank the gods–, and they are supercute and honest with themselves. However —I always have one of these–, it is still a naive teen relationship, mostly in terms of the plotting and the writing. Surprisingly —see the irony— they both have had crushes on each other for years, but they haven’t acted upon it until now. They NEVER fail, get mad, do any bad deeds... ANYTHING. Are they even teenagers? Honestly, I hate when the characters in a book are these holier-than-thou perfection vessels. Added to the not-really-that-big-of-a-deal problems (what happened with the instagram issue? What about Vada’s funds for college? They don’t even really get *really* mad because of the Bad Apple thingy...), they feel kind of bland and not too realistic for my tastes.

Alicia: At the beginning I thought it was a bit rushed, how quickly they trusted each other considering they had barely interacted before. Even if they had a crush on the other that doesn't mean they actually knew that person, not really. As they spent more time together and got to know each other, their relationship evolved pretty organically and naturally, to a point when it just made sense. It was really cute to see how they got closer through awkward encounters and how their passion for music helped them connect and relate to the other. Having read many young adult romances, it gets old very fast. The stories get kinda predictable and hard to believe. This one also had some predictable moments, almost all of them do, but overall it was a really nice love story, one I could actually believe.

Marina: To be honest, I expected this book to be less about the music and more about the relationship between Luke and Vada. I think what Erin Hahn accomplished in this book is to show a much more mature relationship than I expected. I thought this would be your typical YA-Romance with a lot of drama and kissing, but instead I got a slow-burn story (so slow, it felt like moving through molasses) with depth, insecurities and, yes, drama. I think both these characters are more mature than expected on a YA romance novel and it was surprisingly refreshing. You still get some teenage-y sub-plots, i.e. the prom or even the 15-minutes of fame; but it doesn’t take away from the blossoming relationship between Luke and Vada.

The Grass is Greenly and Behind the Music

Ariadna: I must be growing too old for this s**t, but I don’t get the whole podcast/blog thing. I get it, social networking does this kind of thing: turning a nobody into an internet sensation in a matter of days, but... I agree with Alicia, it is too much of a coincidence (one of the deus-ex-machina I so much hate) that both the main characters are internet-known... in a blog, nonetheless! Maybe Hahn could have used precisely this internet presence to make Vada and Luke meet each other, instead of the too-worn-out high-school cliché. And Marina has made me think... maybe some interludes as Cullen’s podcasts, letting us know some behind-the-scenes gossip (The Lindsay issue, Luke and Vada’s first kiss becoming viral, and so on...), would have spiced up the novel a bit more.

Alicia: Okay here's the part I just didn't believe and kind of threw me off a bit. What are the chances of a music blog and a podcast, both run by teenagers of the same age in the same city in the same bar, becoming really popular and actually viral. Who even reads blogs anymore anyway? (Says while writing in a blog). It was just quite hard to believe so many people read Behind the Music that even ROLLING STONE became interested. Yeah sure this extremely known successful music magazine wants a fresh out of high school blogger to work for them. And then the podcast. What could two teens have to say to have a podcast so popular that when Cullen uploads Luke's song it literally gets millions of reproductions and attracts attention everywhere. And both of them being run by two people working in the same place, going to the same high school… the world is not actually that small. Sorry it's just kind of extremely unrealistic and didn't particularly like that part.

Marina: Seeing the “behind-the-scenes” of the day to day of a podcast was very interesting. I guess it would have been better if Cullen told the story as he is the one that does most of the work. Also, how did they get that famous? Is it just because of their dad? I don’t really get it. On the other side, I find it incredibly unbelievable that a teenage girl has that much input on a music blog that isn’t even hers and gets to go to concerts and stuff like that. I get that Phil is a cool guy but how come the blog is so famous and he doesn’t really care about it or mentions it much during the book besides sending Vada places? I just don’t understand that.

Overall

Ariadna: Honestly, I’m not one for YA romance novels, I think I’ve outgrown them by far, and they usually bore me. That said, this book has surprised me for good. It is a light read, doesn’t follow the genre clichés, it doesn’t make everything revolve around the main characters’ love interest, the supporting characters have personalities of their own and it has a wide-ranged well-put playlist, which I think is great for teens and young adults to read. I particularly didn’t like the religious issues coming up from time to time, but, overall, this is the best written book of the three we’ve already read for Folie a Trois, and that’s a lot to say!

Alicia: Overall it was a really cute book. Initially it took me a while to get into it cause the plot wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, that was a tad disappointing. But then once you begin knowing the characters and they begin to know each other as well it's quite captivating and easy and quick to read. I really enjoyed the love story, I loved how diverse the characters are and how they interacted. I really like how the plot develops, too. If you're looking for a soft, cute, easy enjoyable read I definitely recommend this one.

Marina: As most YA books that I read, it was entertaining but it didn't change my life. I really did like Vada and Luke's relationship, as I said I find it more mature for this genre; the music was a big highlight and the drama wasn't overwhelmingly dumb (as is the case in some other books). Overall a good book for summer and a light read for any other season ;)

#folie a trois #group reading #group read #goodreads #feel good #music #romance #love #ya #ya book #young adult #ya novel #more than maybe #erin hahn #book #beach read #readers guide to the universe #rg2universe #rg2u

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alright-anakin · 4 years

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Only Us

I stumbled upon this song on Spotify when I was listening to a radio of my Sky playlist and it gave major Leia forgives Anakin vibes. It’s Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen (great musical btw). This made me think of the fic I’m writing (well it’s fic 3 in priorities, so I’ve got like a paragraph, but I actually have written out an outline for it so I don’t forget what I want to put in it) which is a time-travel one. Leia and Luke travel back in time. Most of the time travel fics I’ve read only have Luke travel back, I think because people think Leia would not want to, or that they wouldn’t know how to write her reluctance or downright dislike of Anakin, but I think that would be a really interesting thing to explore. Anyway, before I give my whole plot away, I will just say that this made me think of Leia’s eventual reconciliation. I did change some of the lyrics to make it fit better.

Only Us

Leia

I don't need you to sell me on reasons to love you I don't need you to search for the proof that I should You don't have to convince me You don't have to be scared you're not enough 'Cause what we've got going is good

I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget Clear the slate and start over Try to quiet the noises in your head We can't compete with all thatSo what if it's us?

What if it's us And only us And what came before won't count anymore or matter? Can we try that?

What if it's you And what if it's me And what if that's all that we need it to be And the rest of the world falls away? What do you say?

Anakin

I never thought there'd be someone another shot you would give me [Leia] Well So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me in But if you really see me

Luke

If you like me for me and nothing else Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know

So it can be us It can be us And only us And what came before won't count anymore or matter We can try that

Luke & Leia

It's not so impossible Nobody else but the three of us here 'Cause you're saying it's possible

We can just watch the whole world disappear 'Til you're the only one I still know how to see It's just you and me It'll be us, It'll be us And only us And what came before won't count anymore

Luke, Leia, Anakin

We can try that You and me That's all that we need it to be And the rest of the world falls away And the rest of the world falls away

The world falls away The world falls away And it's only us

#only us #dear evan hansen #spotify #leia organa #luke skywalker #anakin skywalker #the one where L&L timetravel #my fic #leia would not be as forgiving as luke #fight me #she would kriffing hate anakin #she would only see vader #at least for a while #c'mon we all know luke would have to beg her to help him #and even then #her focus would be on saving padme #luke would focus on anakin

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hermitologist · 4 years

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My 20 Favorite Records of 2019

Lists! Everyone loves them. Here’s another one.

These are the records I liked the most this year. That doesn’t mean they’re the *best*, that means I liked them. You might not. That’s fine! You might be livid that Porpoise Corpse’s neo-classical folk prog double LP isn’t on my list because it’s an easy top 5 record for you, but maybe electric mandolin solos, blast beats, and harpsichord runs aren’t my thing. That’s fine too! It’s infinitely cooler and far more productive to let people enjoy the art they enjoy rather than wasting precious minutes of your life trying to convince the entire internet to have the exact same taste in music.

That said ...

This years list is chock full of the usual, if you’re familiar with my taste at all -- tons of super heavy bummer jams, a handful of Radiohead-adjacent mid-tempo rock of the indie or emo variety, some hearty post-rock, some tried-and-true vets doing the thing they do very well ... again, and a few outliers. The honorable mentions list gets considerably more eclectic if you’re looking for stuff that sounds less like a soundtrack to various stages of the apocalypse.

As always, I welcome your suggestions for records and podcasts I might’ve missed the boat on. There’s way too much good stuff out there to keep up with, so PLEASE help me out.

Also: When I am not being a lazy pile of crap, I try to haul my dadbod around town for a run a few days a week and will listen to/briefly review a record in the process. Almost every record on this list has been a part of one of those posts, so if you’re interested in such a thing, please check out my Instagram.

BONUS: I put together a playlist on Spotify of my favorite song from each of my top 20 records, and a separate one for the 51 other records I liked this year, so if you’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, just needle drop a little and see if anything grabs you. And if anyone’s feeling productive and has time to do an Apple Music playlist, I’ll link and credit you.

Top 20 Spotify Playlist

Top 20 Apple Music Playlist -- Thanks, Austin!

Other Faves Spotify Playlist

But before we get to the Top 20, a couple of records that deserve a nod ...

Record I Listened To The Most In 2019 Whether I Wanted To Or Not

Angel Du$t - Pretty Buff

This is my four-year-old son’s favorite record, and while I’m trying to round out his musical palate by throwing on all sorts of different bands while we’re hanging out, he insists on either “no music” or “The Basketball Song” (which is “Big Ass Love”). I have no idea how or why his little amazingly weird brain equates the song with basketball (a sport he doesn’t really play or watch or think about ever, to my knowledge), but it does. He LOVES IT. I’ve got to admit, I didn't care for the song all that much when I first heard it, but it’s an earworm, and some 3000 plays later, I love it, and I love the record. Funny how that works out.

Record That Came out in 2009, But I Didn’t Discover Until 2019

Self-Evident - Endings

Endings was neck-and-neck with my favorite record of 2019 for spins this year. Coincidentally, the it was recommended by someone from the band who made my #1 record, and it has moments where it sounds a whole hell of a lot like my #1 record. Blows my mind that a band that was/is so incredibly in my wheelhouse sonically, that has released nine LPs over an 18 year career, and operates in circles incredibly close to a ton of bands I love and respect and nerd out about music with somehow managed to elude me for the better part of two decades. At any rate I’m incredibly stoked to have finally found them, absolutely love them, and honestly might’ve listened to this LP 20 times in a matter of a few days when I got my first taste. It’s that good.

And now for the list ...

20) Remote Viewing - It’s Better This Way

Super nasty, dark, sludgy, well-crafted noise rock out of London that fits somewhere in between KEN Mode and early-Kowloon Walled City sonically. You’d think it was pretty crazy to have a band be so locked in and fully formed as early as LP2, but then you find out they’re ex-members of Palehorse, Million Dead, and I Want You Dead and it all kinda makes sense. Unfortunately, the song on the playlist is from a previous LP (because the new one is inexplicably not on Spotify), but you can and should get the new record on Bandcamp.

19) From Indian Lakes - Dimly Lit

I’ve been a big fan of FIL for years, but have always been at a bit of a loss when it comes time to describe them. It’s hazy and dreamy, but not quite shoegazey ... it’s insanely infectious and pleasing to the ear, but not really poppy ... it’s forward-thinking and experimental, but not quite art-rock or groggy at all. It’s just excellent. Full stop. If you dig anything from Tycho, to Radiohead, to The Cure, to Slowdive you’ll enjoy this.

18) Stray From The Path - Internal Atomics

Furious, mathy, riff-heavy hardcore from Long Island that sounds like a reformed Rage Against The Machine had spent the past two decades doing steroids, mainlining Red Bull, and studying the finer points of Moshology. The breakdowns are massive, the drumming absolutely mental, and the vocals pissed as hell. At my advanced age, it’s rare that a record makes me want to pit and/or try to deadlift cars, but this one’s got that magic.

17) Glassing - Spotted Horse

Mostly spazzy, occasionally dreamy, black-metal sprinkled post-hardcore that fits in very well with bands like Portrayal Of Guilt and Respire in the rebirth of traditional screamo. It’s fits and starts of chaos and beauty, and it all sounds and feels like it could completely go off the rails at any time which is what made bands like Orchid and Majority Rule and Saetia so great back in the day.

16) La Dispute - Panorama

It’s no secret that I’m a big La Dispute fan (Thrice has toured the US with them twice in the past decade), and I love all of their records, but I’m pretty sure I can say with full confidence that this is the best record they’ve ever made. Everything is firing at peak performance, and the way the record is arranged and sequenced makes it feel more like a film score than a collection of songs. It’s a complete work -- meant to be listened to as such, which is a daunting artistic task, but they pulled it off in grand fashion.

15) Russian Circles - Blood Year

This band has been in the upper echelon of post-rock bands for as long as I can remember, and Blood Year is another incredible addition to their already stellar discography. These guys are all absolute monsters at their given instruments, and one of the best live rock bands on the planet, so getting to hear them do their thing on a record that manages to actually capture that live energy and ambience really does the trick for me.

14) Greet Death - New Hell

This one kinda came outta nowhere for me, as I (ashamedly) was not familiar with them prior to giving New Hell a spin. It blew me away. I’m a total sucker for bummer jams, and this record is full of top-quality sludgy, sad, shoegazey goodness. If you dig Cloakroom, O’ Brother, or Pianos Become The Teeth this is gonna be right up your alley.

13) Sleep Token - Sundowning

Another record that came out of nowhere to knock me on my ass. I downloaded it before a transatlantic flight on a whim (after hearing about 30 seconds of the opening track), hoping that it would be a nice, mellow companion to ease my in-flight anxiety. And it was, but whoa was it so much more than that. It kinda sounds like a collab between Active Child and Deftones -- poppy, melancholic piano ballads, brought to crushing crescendos via super heavy drop-tuned sludge -- which sounds like a mess, but it works so well. It’s a killer record and probably would’ve landed higher on this year’s list if it hadn’t come out so late in the year.

12) Big Thief - UFOF

This one’s a bit of an outlier, and a damn good one at that. I came across UFOF via a friend’s recommendation before the hype train had left the station, and honestly didn’t know what to expect. Said recommendation simply said that it was good and infectious and probably a few other things that I can’t recall, but didn’t mention the folk thing (which is great because I probably would have passed). The friend was right. It’s good (maybe even great), incredibly infectious, and gave me a nice reprieve from the heavy stuff I tend to listen to on the regular.

11) Cave In - Final Transmission

I’m beyond thankful we got any new music from Cave In after Caleb passed. They owed us nothing, and had every right to walk away, but managed to rally to release a killer record that is heavy both sonically and conceptually, and still manages to give me chills despite being live demos recorded in a rehearsal room. There are few bands on the planet who’ve inspired me like Cave In have, and seeing them pull together to grieve and forge ahead to continue to build their legacy is even more inspiring. What a band.

10) Pedro The Lion - Phoenix

My favorite singer/songwriter of my generation decided to revive the project that made me a fan of his in the first place. That project put out a record for the first time in 15 years, and I had unreasonably high expectations for it. Phoenix delivered and then some. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, weeping into my cup of coffee the first time I heard Phoenix, the same way Control used to make it seem like the inside of the Thrice van was getting a little dusty during cross-country drives back in the early 00s. It blows my mind that David Bazan can be such a prolific artist, write such insanely powerful music, and seem incapable of writing a dud song.

9) Coilguns - Watchwinders

This Swiss noise-rock band kicks unbelievable amounts of ass. Their Millenials LP made my favorites list last year, and when I heard they had a follow up coming out a little over a year later, my gut reaction was to worry they’d blow it with a new record that was either rushed and/or half-assed, or lose the plot and take a hard left turn and make something markedly un-Coilguns. They did neither. The made an absolute monster of an album, that was apparently written in the studio, and is full of live energy in rawness that is pretty tough to capture in a sterile atmosphere like a studio. Watchwinders dropped in late October, and if I’d had a bit more time with it, I could see it moving up to my Top 5. It’s that good. I find myself going back to it constantly.

8) Blessed - Salt

This record kinda defies description, but it reminds me of everything from Pile to Menomena to Interpol to La Dispute to Devo at times. As scatterbrained and incongruent as that might sound, I assure you it rules. It was in verrrry heavy rotation this year -- mostly for the utterly filthy drum groove on the final track. If you like your music catchy, but slathered in weird, this is definitely gonna do the thing for you. It’s an incredible record.

7) Herod - Sombre Dessein

I hadn’t heard of this band before they popped up on a Spotify playlist early this year, and when “Reckoning” hit, it absolutely flattened me. You know that nuclear apocalypse scene from Terminator 2? That’s what “Reckoning” did to me. It was undoubtedly my favorite ultra-heavy track of the year, and while it’s my favorite song on the record by a pretty large margin, the rest of Sombre Dessein kicks ass too. It’s 42 minutes of crushing heaviness that kinda sounds like a blend of Cult Of Luna, Meshuggah, and Gojira. Heavy. Pissed. Unrelenting. And Outstanding.

6) Pile - Green & Grey

Every time I try to describe Pile to someone I fail. On Wikipedia they’re described as “indie rock”, which ... sure, I suppose? There’s a little post-punk in there, a little post-rock, a little noise-rock, nods to classic rock (maybe?), a little of that southern magic that made Colour Revolt so great (but Pile’s from Boston so hmm ... ), some country even? Do you like weird guitars? Freakish musicians? Melancholic crooning? I dunno. It’s all over the place, but in the best ways possible. They’re a singular band, and so damn good. Green & Grey is stellar addition to a discography that is already full of incredible music ... even if the album cover gives makes me want to fold those blankets and put them away.

5) PUP - Morbid Stuff

Was this the year that PUP broke? Definitely seems like it, and rightfully so. Morbid Stuff is my favorite thing they’ve ever done, but I’ve absolutely loved everything they’ve ever put out, so that’s saying a lot. Per usual, it’s insanely infectious and anthemic without being traditionally poppy or relying on tropes to burrow into your skull and take up residence there. It’s uplifting musically, but kinda depressing lyrically, which does this weird push/pull thing in my brain that makes it impossible to stop listening to. The musicianship is fantastic, the guitar parts especially -- like the guitar line in “Scorpion Hill” wow. I really needed a record to fill the gaping void between the metal/sludge/noise and the ambient/downtempo electronica I listened to this year, and Morbid Stuff fit the bill perfectly.

4) Cult Of Luna - A Dawn To Fear

These guys belong on the Mount Rushmore of Post-Rock/Metal with Neurosis and Isis. Nobody has done it better than them over the past two decades, and A Dawn To Fear is arguably their best work to date. It, like any Cult Of Luna requires a great deal of patience, but man if they don’t make the wait worth it. They’re the masters of the slow build to an absolutely crushing climax, the dynamic shifts that leave you feeling like you got hit by a freight train, the nuanced instrumentation that tells a different story each time you listen to a certain section of a song. They’re absolute masters at their craft, and this record is them at their peak.

3) Big|Brave - A Gaze Among Them

Another record that came out of nowhere to completely floor me. I hadn’t heard a single note from this band until a friend recommended I check out the opening track, “Muted Shifting Of Space”. I did ... and that plodding drum and bass pulse with dark, swirling, ethereal guitar swells/feedback and soaring vocals building into a huge release of sludgy, drop-tuned goodness checked off all the boxes for me. I was hooked. The atmosphere and dynamics Big|Brave have built their sound around give every song a cinematic feel -- if you close your eyes, can you see drone footage of landscapes too? . If you dig post-rock/metal that is experimental around the edges, moody, absurdly heavy, and has both feet firmly planted in sludge, this is a must-have record.

2) Cloudkicker - Unending

If you’ve been following me on social media or reading these year-end lists for a while you’re probably pretty familiar with Cloudkicker by now because any time we get new music I can’t shut up about it and the record invariably ends up on this list. This instance is no different. Unending is the first LP we’ve gotten from Ben Sharp in four years, and it’s worth the wait and then some. He’s managed to pull from every era of CK and turn it into a masterpiece mash-up of styles without it ever feeling rehashed or uninspired. I’d go far as to say this tops Beacons and Fade for me, and comes awfully close to challenging Subsume for my favorite Cloudkicker record of all time and space. There’s soooo much progressive and djenty masturbatory metal garbage floating in the ether right now. Hearing the one of the kings do the damn thing properly is incredibly refreshing.

1) Town Portal - Of Violence

No surprise here. I’ve been crapping my pants about this band ever since my good friend Scott Evans shared their music with me a couple years ago. I’ve been unhealthily obsessed ever since. The magical progressive rock/metal these three guys are capable melts and massages my brain in a way few bands ever have. Of Violence is incredibly mathy without ever feeling awkward, it’s melodic without being conventional, it’s discordant without being abrasive, it’s heavy as shit without being overloaded with distortion, it’s progressive as hell without ever coming remotely close to devolving into a wankfest, and it’s damn near perfect in every way. Songwriting? Great. Tones? Phenomenal. Musicianship? Otherworldly. Execution? Flawless. Mix? Perfect. Replayability? (Not a word, but ... ) PUT THIS RECORD ON A GODDAMN LOOP AND NEVER TURN IT OFF. Can you tell I like it? You might too, so give it a listen. And if by chance you do not like it, please see a doctor. You’re broken.

OTHER STUFF I REALLY ENJOYED THIS YEAR

HEAVY JAMS

METZ - Automat

Buildings - Negative Sound

Helms Alee - Noctiluca

Minors - Abject Bodies

Periphery - Periphery 4: HAIL STAN

Employed To Serve - Eternal Forward Motion

Elizabeth Colour Wheel - Nocero

Defeater - S/T

Pelican - Nighttime Stories

Spotlights - Love And Decay

Great Falls - A Sense of Rest

Baroness - Gold & Grey

The End of the Ocean - -aire

Vous Autres - Champ du Sang

Brutus - Nest

Torche - Admission

Glose - The Second Best of Glose

Throes - In The Hands of an Angry God

Slipknot - We Are Not Your Kind

meth. - Mother of Red Light

SECT - Blood of the Beasts

Kublai Khan TX - Absolute

Seizures - Reverie of the Revolving Diamond

Dead Kiwis - Systematic Home Run

Norma Jean - All Hail

Refused - War Music

Chamber - Ripping / Pulling / Tearing

MIDRANGE JAMS

Jimmy Eat World - Surviving

Elbow - Giants of All Sizes

Raketkanon - RKTKN #3

Bad Religion - Age of Unreason

The Appleseed Cast - The Fleeting Light of Impermanence

DIIV - Deceiver

Idiot Pilot - Blue Blood

Microwave - Death Is A Warm Blanket

Low Dose - S/T

SWMRS - Berkeley’s On Fire

Self-Evident - Lost Inside The Machinery

B. Hamilton - Nothing and Nowhere

MELLOW JAMS

Trade Wind - Certain Freedoms

Square Peg Round Hole - Branches

Great Grandpa - Four of Arrows

Local Natives - Violet Street

Rhone - Leaving State

Shlohmo - The End

Tycho - Weather

Bon Iver - i,i

Drowse - Light Mirror

Bonniesongs - Energetic Mind

Telefon Tel Aviv - Dreams Are Not Enough

GoGo Penguin - Ocean In A Drop

Bent Knee - You Know What They Mean

THE PODCAST QUEUE

The Deadcast (RIP) - sports, culture

Chapo Trap House - politics

The Rich Roll Podcast - health, wellness, endurance sports

Hang Up & Listen - sports

Effectively Wild - baseball

The Gist - current events

The Downbeat - drums, humor

To Live & Die In LA - true crime

FilmDrunk Frotcast - movies, culture, humor

The Modern Drummer Podcast with Mike & Mike - drums (duh)

The Trap Set - also drums

Song Exploder - songwriting

#music #AOTY #endoftheyearlist #topalbums

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so-shiny-so-chrome · 5 years

Text

Witness: Sacrificethemtothesquid

Creator name (AO3): sacrificethemtothesquid

Creator name (Tumblr): sacrificethemtothesquid

Link to creator works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacrificethemtothesquid/works

Q: Why the Mad Max Fandom?

A: It's hard to put it into words. I went into the movie anticipating car chases and explosions and came out enraptured. Max and Furiosa's dynamic was incendiary and I couldn't leave it alone.

Q: What do you think are some defining aspects of your work? Do you have a style? Recurrent themes?

A: My style is long. Too long.

Q: Which of your works was the most fun to create? The most difficult? Which is your most popular? Most successful? Your favourite overall?

A: Length & Breadth was the big project, and it's been a huge journey to see it finished. It wins for most difficult because I had no idea what I was doing or if I could even finish something, and it blows my mind that it resonated with people. My favorite has always been Seven Thousand And One. It hit me so hard and it was so intense to write. It was done in a day and when I came out of it, I was staggering.

Q: How do you like your wasteland? Gritty? Hopeful? Campy? Soft? Why?I

A: am a firm believer that gritty and soft or gritty and hopeful aren't mutually exclusive. I like sinking my teeth into the ugliness of the world. I wrote enough awful grimdark edgelord dreck when I was growing up depressed and it seemed like there was no end in sight. I like that I've learned there's always an up somewhere, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. Also I like to break people and put them back together. The harder the breaking, the bigger the healing.

Q: Walk us through your creative process from idea to finished product. What's your prefered environment for creating? How do you get through rough patches?

A: I write down just about every idea I have. Usually they'll come as blips and scenes that I build around later. I find that I write best when I'm supposed to be doing anything else, and the more important the anything else, the easier it is to write. When I hit a rough patch, I step back and let it sit, or jump into another section that feels easier. For me, hitting a rough patch usually means I'm grinding at something that isn't necessary. @thebyrchentwigges gave me some of the best advice I've ever gotten, and that was to start in the middle of the action. It's okay to set the scene, but I can write 10k of buildup without blinking, so dropping myself right into the meat usually cuts away parts that weren't necessary in the first place.

Q: What (if any) music do you listen to for help getting those creative juices flowing?

A: I'll come across one song that hits just right and then I'll listen to that on repeat until it loses its power. I guess it's like a kind of meditation? There's no set process to finding The Song, but the Discover Weekly algorithm on Spotify usually delivers. I've got playlists saved for each story.

Q: What is your biggest challenge as a creator?

A: Length and making less of it. I'm working on being concise. It isn't going well.

Q: How have you grown as a creator through your participation in the Mad Max Fandom? How has your work changed? Have you learned anything about yourself?

A: I had bits and blobs for other fandoms that never really got posted, but I never really committed to anything until people started showing up for L&B. "Thank you" feels absolutely grossly inadequate, so I keep writing things hoping people understand their presence means the world to me. I feel like a toddler presenting macaroni art - I made it because I have no idea how to express how much I love you.

Q: Which character do you relate to the most, and how does that affect your approach to that character? Is someone else your favourite to portray? How has your understanding of these characters grown through portraying them?

A: Furiosa. She's so powerful. I don't think I'd ever seen a woman be so angry and raw, and it was like looking into the sun.

Q: Do you ever self-insert, even accidentally?

A: I think it would be hard for me to write if I didn't.

Q: Do you have any favourite relationships to portray? What interests you about them?

A: As brutally called out by @fuckyeahisawthat: "Dude rolling around in grief and self-loathing, hopelessly besotted with a hypercompetent killer woman".

Q: How does your work for the fandom change how you look at the source material?

A: It forces me to dig deep into canon, which always leads to interesting places. Having that level of familiarity and knowing how much work and worldbuilding it involves makes source richer. The thing I love about George Miller is that I KNOW he's done an insane level of worldbuilding; the problem is that he doesn't SHARE the details of it, so I have to go spend thirty hours becoming an expert in oil cracking just to call something "guzzoline". I like knowing the other 70% of the iceberg, and I think overthinking.

Q: Do you prefer to create in one defined chronology or do your works stand alone? Why or why not?

A: I'm such a global thinker that even if I do manage a one-shot, it can't exist in a vacuum. If I have more than one fic in a fandom, it's going to adhere to an established timeline because otherwise, there'd be nowhere for the plot to go.

Q: To break or not to break canon? Why?

A: Canon is canon is canon. I need to have my work fit seamlessly into the source material and the more solid the canon, the greater the challenge to adhere. For me, it's actually easier writing within a more solid and comprehensive canon, since it helps set the parameters for the story and lets me focus on the emotions.

Q: Share some headcanons.

A: Valkyrie lives.

Q: If you work with OCs walk us through your process for creating them. Who are some of your favourites?

A: Because I keep religiously close to canon, I tend to avoid OCs. That being said, if the story requires them - my Repair Boys, for instance - I try to make them as canon as possible. I look at the existing characters - the ones on-screen for half a frame, the ones mentioned in the production notes, etc etc - and build from that. I'm pretty fond of Keno. I couldn't give my Capable the arc she deserved without him. In my original work, I walk them around in my head and do vignettes from their point of view. What are their influences, what are their weaknesses, if they a choice of things, what they would choose. They're people - think of your best friend or your partner or that weird guy on the bus - and get to know them that way.

Q: If you create original works, how do those compare to your fan works?

A: Strict adherence to canon. I'm always worldbuilding in my head for something. Nothing about being alive exists in a vacuum, and I'm fascinated by paths of influence. It's an endless game of "why?" and "and then what?"

Q: Who are some works by other creators inside and outside of the fandom that have influenced your work?

A: All creators have their own unique take and for me, the variety is what gets me excited. One of the best parts about fandom is that someone else will always bring up something you'd never think of on your own. The MMFR fandom is incredible because there's so much talent. I haven't come across a single piece of work that left me underwhelmed. As a reader and content consumer, it's spoiled me completely, and as a writer, it's set the bar very, very high. It's been a huge honor to be part of this community.

Q: What advice can you give someone who is struggling to make their own works more interesting, compelling, cohesive, etc.?

A: Don't assume you have to write everything in one unbroken line. If you've got ideas for a scene, write that first. Connecting scenes later might still be a drag, but you'll have a better idea of what that connection should look like. I like thinking of my work as a quilt: I know the general pattern and what each square looks like, but once the squares are done they'll need shuffling.

Q: Have you visited or do you plan to visit Australia, Wasteland Weekend, or other Mad Max place?

A: We went to WW16 and WW17. It was so powerful to put faces to names and have actual meatspace time with people I'd come to love online.

Q: Tell us about a current WIP or planned project

A: Fandom-wise, I'm doddering along with an amorphous thing for Dragon Age Inquisition. My main focus (read: the thing I'm procrastinating on) is an original work. It started out being about wizards and now I think it's a murder mystery. It doesn't really know what it is, so neither do I.

Thank you @sacrificethemtothesquid

#Mad Max Fandom Creator Spotlight #Mad Max Fandom Spotlight #mad max fanfic author spotlight #mad max fanfic #mad max fandom #fury road fanfic #fury road fandom #sacrificethemtothesquid

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whiparoundandcry · 5 years

Text

Earbuds dump

someone wanted me to go through all the questions so //cracks knuckles

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

dunno what ‘this way’ specifically means, but I tried reenacting the way a lot of my fav fics have been, in way of word count per chapter, character interaction, plot balanced w/ the ship, ect

2: What scene did you first put down?

Maaan, it’s hard to remember what came first now. I have a doc thats like, 20 pages of just notes & me outlining the plot and world building. The first scene written on that doc is lloyd revealing his identity to the team, which actually happens about a year before the start of the story!

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

hmmmm, I’m a sucker for when the narration contradicts the dialogue- I just think it’s really funny, pfft. can’t think of any large scenes I do that in rn, but I also really like this bit, during the city hall meeting The woman sitting at the corner chair closest to the ninja shifted in her seat, and stared pointedly at Kai and Jay. Kai tried not to shift under her stare, but he could feel Jay stiffen next to him. “You two saved Satoshi the night King’s was attacked, right?” Kai’s mouth was immediately dry and his brain cut out. Her voice wasn’t loud, but compared to the silence before, she might as well have fired a gun. The question itself was straightforward enough, but Kai hesitated to answer - first, because Green ordered them not to speak, and second, he had no idea what she was talking about. I try to keep Kai a reliable narrator (aka I project a lot) and I feel like this part is funny for first-time readers, bc you get the feeling of “do I know who that is??? Did I forget?” then kai confirms it like “who tf”

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Kai looked up from their hands to meet Jay’s eyes, all warmth and kindness. “I dunno. I’ve only know you for a month, but I still feel as close to you as I do any of them.”

ouch!!!!

5: What part was hardest to write?

GOD ALL OF THE FIGHT SCENES,,, this fic was so ambitious oh my god. That’s part of why the final chapter is taking a lot longer than normal- big fight scene ;v; also the meeting with the mayor was difficult to write bc like, I dont know shit about how city government works. My search history for the time I was writing that scene looked like I was researching for an essay, christ.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

I’m finishing it :,3

7: Where did the title come from?

real honesty hours: I thre in the bit about Kai giving Jay his earbuds on impulse. I never planned for them to be a reoccurring symbolic plot device or for them to even exist but damn, here we are.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

My relationship with my brother def inspires how I write Kai & Nya. I say that I project onto kai a lot, but I project all of my ‘trans younger sibling’ energy onto Nya. ngl, most everything I’ve done in this fic was inspired by batman tho

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Yeah, I have around 3 scrapped scenes. I’ll probably never release them, bc they were scrapped for a reason :,3

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Kai & Jay are the most boring out of the four boys :, ) so I figure’d it’d be easiest to fit their charters into the plot I had in mind, I couldn’t think of any way to fit in the “zane’s a robot” or “cole literally died” plot into it without making the entire story about those things. If I was made out of time tho, you bet earbuds would be a polyninja story.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I honestly just like that I’ve gotten as far as I have into it, and the perception that its gotten has been so incredible //sobs. Aside from that, my favorite parts about it are probably Kai & Nya/Lloyd’s relationship, and also that Nya is trans. I hadn’t seen any fics where she was trans before, and tbfh its my favorite headcanon. I’ll never write a cis nya in my life

12: What do you like least about this fic?

The relationship build up seems kinda... eh? I definitely should've put more into it, but at the same time I feel like I did as much as I could with it, just bc I’m so inexperienced with that stuff. I also with I could do a better job of conveying the vibe that I want this version of ninjago to give off (gritty, rough, gotham) but without being super edgy about it? Also I’m really upset that Cole & Zane are getting shafted in Earbuds. I should’ve come up with more stuff to include them, but everything I came up with just felt forced, so they ended up just being background characters- which is was more than they deserve, bc they’re honestly my favorite boys on the team.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Well, there’s always the 8tracks playlist I made a while back (should transfer that onto spotify sometime) but theres a couple songs that I think fit the characters super well that aren’t on the list • “Fresh Eyes” is a super great Kai&Jay song QwQ “so suddenly I’m in love with a stranger / I can’t believe she’s mine / now all I see is you with fresh eyes” From Kai’s pov @ jay??? hell • “Better days” was a song rec sent in by my good bud hedley-ramsay anon, and it’s perfect for Kai’s POV, as he’s trying to stay optimistic about all the shit thats happening around him “Guess I didn't break it, but I bent it / I know I didn't say it, but I meant it / I shoulda had a little more heart and soul” • “Miss Atomic Bomb” is very very good for Lloyd & Harumi. tbh its a good song for them in canon too, but the dark city vibe it gives off fits so well with the Earbuds AU. “I was new in town, the boy with the eager eyes / I never was a quitter, oblivious to schoolgirls' lies” • “Be Still” is also a super great song for lloyd, in this au and just in general. “Be still / wild and young / long may your innocence reign” DONT CALL ME OUT I REALLY LIKE THE KILLERS

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

not... really? its a fanfiction about legos, I dunno if there’s any lesson to be learned from it. Be gay & do crimes

15. What did you learn from writing this fic?

writing fanfic is super rewarding & fun!! It’s a pretty pig time sink sometimes, but damn if yall don’t make it worth it.

thanks so much for your continued support everyone!!! The last chapter has 2 scenes to go and is currently over 10k words 💪

#earbuds #long post #woof

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chantelroyal · 5 years

Note

Here are a few questions! 1. Do you think you'd ever make marvel OCs? 2. Can you tell us about Cassie Fuller? 3. Are there songs that make you think of Nickate?

Thank you, Quinn!! 💙Sorry that it took so long!

1. I have a And The Canaries Sing verse plot bunny that’s a crossover with the Avengers. Natalie Lance and Valentia Flores along with one of ATCS’s villains Vincent Geller would crossover into their world while still existing in the Arrowverse. Canon characters in the Arrowverse such as Team Flash would be discussed and make an appearance but the focus would be on Nat and Val working with the Avengers. So it’s basically a bit of an Arrowverse/MCU crossover. That’s probably the closest I’ll get to having Marvel ocs 🤷🏼‍♀️I like Marvel enough but I usually end up picturing my pre-existing ocs in the MCU.

2. Cassondra “Cassie” Fuller is my From Dusk Till Dawn oc. Her faceclaim is Candice King (think early TVD). I’ve had her on my mind since season 1 first showed up on Netflix (which I watched and loved immediately). It just wasn’t until the end of season 2 that I started working on her as an oc. She is Kate and Scott’s older sister with many secrets. She’s like 21-ish maybe younger. I don’t have much decided for her as I’ve gone back and forth on ideas and I shelved her for a while. I did start getting a bit of inspo for her recently by working on her Pinterest board. Here is her inspo tag as well.

Some things about her: she was a cheerleader, loves bubble gum, never takes her pearl necklace off, bisexual and is musically talented (singing and piano). She was the good girl with straight A’s, pompoms and religious background but in reality, she very much did not want to be THAT. She left home at some point to play music and only returned just before season 1 starts. Cassie is a completely different person much to her family’s dismay so they don’t get along much in early season 1. Scott is the only one who accepts her again because he saw that side of her before she left - the side she hid to fit a mold she didn’t wanna be in.

She’s been through some sketchy shit that involved an international crime family and ancient artifacts pre-season 1 and there’s something not quite human about her as result. The lore I’m creating is still in progress so I’m not quite sure what she is exactly but she’s something! Whatever she is allows her to see Kisa in season 1 when Richie does. Since she’s the only one that sees Kisa too, Richie becomes a bit obsessed. Cassie is not a fan of this but she goes along with it to protect her siblings which in turn has Seth and Cassie at odds because he’s pretty sure she’s making things up to mess with Richie. That dynamic changes as the series goes on. By season three Richie and Cassie don’t get along (despite in season 2 Cassie being involved with Richie and Kisa’s plans) and she prefers Seth while actually disliking them both for ruining her family’s lives. Also, there are werewolves and most of them are loyal to Cassie!

3. If I’m being honest I have a difficult time relating music back to my ocs which is why none of my fic playlists are finished. There are four random songs that kinda make me think of Nickate that I can think of atm. Chemicals React by Aly & AJ, I Found by Amber Run and Parallel Lines by DVBBS as well as 2002 by Anne-Marie but that’s for a Nickate AU so it doesn’t actually work for the main fic. I can’t talk about music for Primrose without mentioning the lovely Spotify playlist for Nickate @drbobbimorse made me or the equally lovely Spotify playlist for Kate @ofwisdomandwar made me.

#comealongpixie #answered #answered: natalie lance #answered: valentia flores #answered: and the canaries sing #fic: and the canaries sing avengers au #answered: cassie fuller #answered: the unholy #rel: nickate #answered: primrose

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twilight-adamo · 6 years

Text

As Dreams Are Made On: The Mixtape - Liner Notes

Hello everyone! I am currently in the process of gathering my thoughts on Brave New World and trying to get the next installment of These Our Actors (which will focus on Rosalie) just right, in addition to trying to find my thread on Out of the Blue and other non-Twilight projects. This has been complicated by the fact that I’ve been fighting a couple rather nasty nose and throat bugs of late, and so this weekend I’m doing my best to relax and recover.

In the meantime, I thought I’d start offering up my notes on the Spotify playlist I posted a while ago and why I chose the songs I did. For anyone who didn’t see the link, here it is:

https://open.spotify.com/user/12153099402/playlist/5IYjYDbcM6qvQ2hgGnOCGF?si=orkjWU50SjKm7xbPSF_r5w

Since many of my choices do relate directly to specific plot points, there are potential spoilers ahead, so I’m putting this behind a cut. I won’t get through every song in this post, but I’ll add additional notes in subsequent posts as time allows.

As I think I mentioned before, I find playlists to be a very useful tool in my writing. It’s possible to spend too much time tinkering with playlists, of course, so I try not to do it in place of writing or outlining - this is just something I work on when I’m occupied with non-writing tasks that allow for a certain amount of downtime. Each song tends to relate to a plot point or an emotion I’m trying to evoke in a certain part of the story, and the sequence generally follows my outline of the plot, though I’ll sometimes put the playlist on shuffle if I’m feeling stuck and want to try and shake things up, and I sometimes end up adding, removing, or resorting various songs as my understanding of the plot evolves. Since As Dreams Are Made On is done, the current version of the mixtape - all 49 songs - is now pretty much in its final form, but when I’m working on a story, the associated playlist is very much a living document and subject to change.

Music has always been a hugely important part of my life, thanks in large part to my mother, who was an influence on much of my creative output. I tend to think of myself as a visual and verbal person first and foremost, but music has the power to set my mood, to reawaken old memories, to align my thoughts, and to soothe my emotional turmoil. My personal tastes are fairly eclectic - my mother favored country, and I’m still fond of the genre, but I also listen to a lot of pop, classical pieces, musical theatre, folk music, movie scores, and so on. Spotify has been kind of a godsend when it comes to building playlists, though there are unfortunately a few pieces which should be on the mixtape but aren’t simply because they’re unavailable on Spotify. I’ll try to make a note of those missing pieces in the appropriate sections.

Right, well, without further ado, let’s get to the songs.

Pieces and Pieces - The Rough and Tumble This song’s sort of a thesis statement for the whole story, in a way. The refrain, in particular, speaks to me of where I was going: Nothing is lost when it’s been found again / Everything’s found where it was lost. Cass/Bella (or CB, as I refer to her, when I’m not simply calling her Bella) has seemingly lost a great deal, but she comes to gain a great deal as well, and to recover things she thought lost to her forever. The line “I will make you mine again, pieces by pieces” also speaks to me of the story’s dramatic climax, where the nature of CB’s relationship with Alice becomes clearer.

Where Is My Mind? - Pixies Here’s where we’re getting into the actual sequence of events. This one might be a little bit of a cliché, but it reflects CB’s confusion when she wakes in the world of Twilight. It’s also just generally one of my favorite songs.

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last This is the first of many pieces pulled directly from the soundtrack of the Twilight films, and the first song that centers a character other than CB, as it reflects Alice getting hit by the mating bond full-force. It’s a lovely piece, but I think there’s an undercurrent of anxiety and some slightly ominous elements that suit Alice’s mood well. Love at first sight sounds like a pleasant prospect, but it’s also a frightening one, and neither Alice nor CB would have chosen it, given the chance to choose.

Iowa (Traveling, Pt. 3) - Dar Williams Another of my favorite songs. I listened to a lot of Dar Williams in college, and listen to her fairly often still, but I keep coming back to this one in particular. As a lifelong New Englander, famed for what my great-grandmother called ‘the Yankee reserve’ (which means we don’t tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves and generally we keep to ourselves), these lyrics in particular speak to me:

But way back where I come from We never mean to bother We don’t like to make our passions other people’s concern And we walk in the world of safe people And at night we walk into our houses and burn

So, to me, this song speaks of CB’s struggle with her own emotions as her life in Forks begins and she grapples with the mating bond and all it implies. And it also speaks to her background as a lifelong Bostonian, who doesn’t like to be a bother but nevertheless finds herself in a whole new social context and a position where she needs to reach out to others to survive.

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs This is Rosalie’s introduction to the story. I don’t really know why, it just seems to suit her, somehow.

Bela Lugosi’s Dead - CHVRCHES It may be physically impossible for me to write about vampires WITHOUT using this song. I just felt like I had to fit it in somewhere, and the first meeting with the rest of the Cullens (sans Carlisle and Esme, of course) seemed like a good spot.

Looking for a Place to Shine - Deidre Thornell Hear the Bells - Naomi Scott I’ll be honest, I don’t have a lot of compelling reasons for these two. They just seemed to fit the sort of transitional period between the first meeting with the Cullens and Leah’s introduction a little later on.

Red Eyes and Tears - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Leah’s introduction to the story. Again, it just seemed to suit her.

New For You - Reeve Carney We’re back to Alice with this one. It sort of reflects her own emotional turmoil in dealing with the mating bond and having to accept that CB doesn’t necessarily reciprocate all her feelings just yet.

Fearless - Taylor Swift Well, this one actually comes up in the story, so you can pretty much guess where it fits in. Again, though, it’s one of my favorite songs, and speaks to the joy that I think love should carry with it, and the idea that love should drive us forward and make us better. It’s been a serious contender for the first dance at my hypothetical wedding for a long time (though “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri may be beating it out now).

The Mercy of the Fallen - Dar Williams More Dar Williams! This one...I don’t know. Somehow, it speaks to me of love and acceptance, of individuals who are all burdened and broken in their own ways reaching out and comforting one another. And that, in turn, makes me think of CB’s first visit to the Cullen house: her first real conversation with Rosalie, her introduction to Carlisle and Esme, all of that. This is where she really starts to build bridges, I think, and where she and some of the others begin to open up to one another.

Bella’s Lullaby - Carter Burwell, Dan Redfeld and Elizabeth Hedman This is of course one of my favorite pieces from the Twilight movie score, and includes a leitmotif that comes up more than once in both the films and in my playlist. I couldn’t find the original version from the score itself on Spotify, but this cover works. Of course Edward plays it on the piano at this point in the story, reading it out of CB’s thoughts, and I think she adopts it in a sense as a sort of personal theme. Every time I listen to it, it makes me think of soaring pine trees and crisp, cold air, and I find the melody very soothing.

Missing Piece: Star by Star - Cassandra Lease and Melissa Carubia Someday I’m actually going to get together with the friend who helped me with the arrangement on this one and record it. It probably won’t go up on Spotify, but I’ll likely post it somewhere. This is the song I wrote for my mother’s memorial service; the lyrics are of course reprinted in the story in their entirety. This is probably one of the most personal elements of the story, the point where I really started to spill my guts across the page. I obviously backed off a little from my own life once I introduced Callie to the story, but there’s still a lot of my soul buried in the text; sometimes, I think, too much.

Bella’s Lullaby (Extended Mix) - The Twilight Orchestra I’m not really sure why this shares the name Bella’s Lullaby when it doesn’t seem to have much to do with the shorter piece, but whatever. This is just a lovely piece that sets the mood for Alice and CB on the rooftop and the events that follow.

Possibility - Lykke Li Similarly, this is more of a ‘setting the mood’ song. I don’t think the lyrics quite fit, in their entirety, but this basically represents CB awakening to the possibility of forming a real attachment to Alice, despite her qualms.

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift Another (highly anachronistic) Taylor Swift song that shows up in the story itself. I can be an extremely basic white girl at times.

Bad Reputation - Avril Lavigne The Joan Jett version isn’t on Spotify! I don’t know what to tell you! This cover’s pretty good, though. Another Leah song, and something I imagine might be playing in the dive where CB introduces Leah to fried pickles.

Nothing to Lose - Minusworld My friend Melissa’s band! Get their EP, Giant Blazing Sword, wherever you buy digital music! Listen to them on Spotify and Bandcamp! Anyway, I think this is the track playing during Leah and CB’s encounter with the scary assholes in the alley, and when Emmett and the others get their big damn hero moment.

In Place Of Someone You Love - Carter Burwell, Dan Redfeld and Elizabeth Hedman We’re skipping ahead a bit here. This piece comes after the shopping scene and CB’s attempt to analyze Rosalie’s abilities, when she’s in the dream of the burning house, trying to save her memories.

The Forgotten - Green Day This piece represents CB’s emotions after she wakes from her brief coma, as she struggles with losing her memories and burning away parts of the world she left behind.

Black Is The Colour - Cara Dillon And this piece represents CB’s acceptance of her feelings toward Alice, her confession of love despite her reservations. It took me a while to find a cover I liked, as I very much wanted to use a version that had a woman singing about another woman, for obvious reasons.

Okay, I think that’s pretty much all I can handle for now. More to come soon!

#twilight fanfiction #twilight fanfic #twilight au #adamo #as dreams are made on #adamo spoilers #the mixtape #bellice #alice/bella

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thatmasquedgirl · 6 years

Text

Monsters in the Mirror Q&A

MONSTERS JUST TURNED 3 TODAY Y’ALL

In honor of this big event, I decided to answer a few questions about the Monsters series. Here are the big ones--and some of the ones you sent in. :)

What was your inspiration for this fic? How did it come to you?

I was on the way home from class. At that time, my drive an hour and a half long, and I had some of my best ideas then. I have no idea where it came from, but all I remember was asking myself, “What if Felicity was Deathstroke?” The next thing I knew, I had an entire backstory for Felicity already written.

What’s your favorite part of the fic?

There’s a scene in “Well-Oiled Machine” that rarely gets noticed, but that I love. It’s the one where Felicity is talking to “Bobby.” It’s a very dark little scene, in that Felicity is more or less threatening this man with a smile on her face. She may not use weapons to torture him, but there’s definitely some psychological torture going on there. In that moment, she’s more vicious than Oliver. I think it really shows the concept of her character and how dark she can really be sometimes.

What part of the fic are you most proud of?

The first scene of “Raining Pitchforks.” It was at that point that I really took time to establish Felicity’s character; before that, I had no clue what I was doing. So that was critical to everything that came afterward. It was also damn hard to write because I was crying in agony the entire time. When Felicity hurts, I hurt.

What part of the fic are you still dissatisfied with?

Just in general, I feel like there are some continuity issues that I really need to resolve. Which I hope to do with a few more rewrites that I’d like to do this month. As a whole, I’m really thrilled with the directions this universe has taken because it feels rich and exciting all the time to write in.

Who is your favorite character in the fic?

Felicity. I am fascinated by her development from seemingly normal, pre-Japan Felicity to the woman we first saw in “Stroke of Luck.” I’m equally obsessed with taking the woman we saw in “Stroke of Luck” and continuing her journey and character arc through the seasons.

Where there any major decisions you made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction?

Actually, no. Monsters has been pretty much set in stone since the beginning.

Was there anything you only learned about the fic after you started posting it (themes, motifs, symbolism, etc.)?

Felicity’s swords kind of became the symbol of the past she clings to so desperately--for me at least. She doesn’t move on from Japan; she holds onto it to the point of unhealthy obsession. And I think that’s okay. I think she deserves to wallow in it. She deserves to be angry for this horrible thing that happened to her. But I think eventually she’ll have to let go, in order to heal and progress.

Did anyone in this fic surprise me by doing anything? If so, what?

It really surprised me that Tommy and McKenna had a past fling. I didn’t expect that. Nor did I plan for Felicity to wake up growling at Oliver in either version of “Stroke of Luck.” There’s a plot point in Part 2 of “Rake the Ashes” that I didn’t expect to happen, as well (which we’ll talk about next Friday). I didn’t plan to have Tommy and Felicity have that heart-to-heart in “Bite the Bullet.” That just happened, and it filled a plot hole rather conveniently.

If you had to sum up this fic in a sentence, what would it be?

Oliver encounters the Vengeance of Starling while on a mission, and the two gradually blossom into a mutually beneficial--and supportive--partnership.

If you were to rewrite this fic, what would you change?

See for yourself. I just reposted “Stroke of Luck” with new updates.

Did anything about this fic’s reception surprise me?

I thought it was a ridiculous idea as soon as I had it, but I decided to go with it. That anyone read it at all is still a complete shock to me. That people love it still blows my mind.

What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic?

I ran the concept of “Stroke of Luck” by @itwasaromanticoverture the first time, and she told me I should do the thing. And when @bushlaboo looked over the revision for me, the response was pretty enthusiastic about the major changes. She actually made the suggestion that lead to the decision to have Felicity come up fighting. ElsieB was my beta for “Bite the Bullet,” and she seemed to enjoy it, despite the fact I threw 50 pages of fic at her with no warning.

If I were to write a Season 2 of this series, what would it entail?

I think there would be a major difference in Felicity as we progress. Sara’s part in Season 2 would be important for Felicity and Oliver both. And I honestly think I’d play up Isabel Rochev more than on the show, though not necessarily in the same ways.

What scene did you first put down?

The very first. Usually the way I start is the way I finish. If I write scenes out of order, they tend not to get finished.

What’s your favorite line of narration and dialogue?

Doing these together because they’re connected and both from “Rake the Ashes” today:

With the sweetest smile he’s ever seen, Felicity declares, “I’d go to war to save you, Oliver Queen. Nothing in her expression makes him doubt that; that smile was made for battle.

What part was hardest to write?

The parts that aren’t finished yet. I’m uncomfortable with how large my unfinished works are. AO3 says I’ve published about 110k words. My complete collection says I have about 170k--and that’s before all of “Rake the Ashes” goes in. So there’s at least 60k words of Monsters that y’all haven’t seen yet.

What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Honestly, I have no idea. It’s my favorite thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of writing, though. I think it’s because I have a female character who is allowed to be angry. She’s allowed to be dark and vulnerable and gritty and sad without anyone telling her she’s wrong. Sometimes we all need to be those things.

Where did the title come from?

It actually comes from lyrics from two of my favorite songs, “Sleep” by My Chemical Romance and “The Devil in the Mirror” by Black Veil Brides. To me, “Sleep” has always been a song that celebrates the darkness in all of us. In a stark contrast, “The Devil in the Mirror” is about having that darkness, knowing it’s there, and fighting it to become something better. I feel like those two things very much fit Oliver and Felicity in this universe.

Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

There was a very early version where Laurel discovered that Felicity was the Japan survivor and warned both Oliver and Tommy about Felicity’s background and how Donna tried to have her committed. Much of her backstory would’ve been revealed at that time. It was scrapped as other ideas evolved. And besides, I can’t reveal too much at one time--I have issues with the Exposition Fairy suddenly visiting.

There was also a version where Oliver and Thea are eating at Big Belly Burger and run into Felicity and Roy there, and that’s how they initially meet. I scrapped that one when “Well-Oiled Machine” came together.

What do you like best about this fic?

I love that Felicity, this normally bright and happy character in canon, is darker and grittier here. It’s kind of cool because I try to mix in aspects of her canonical personality with this one, and it makes this really complicated set of layers to her.

One of the biggest reasons I keep coming back is that every addition just opens more doors. Often times as a writer, the more I delve into a universe, the more rigid it becomes. Possibilities are closed as the characters make choices, and the path becomes more and more clear. The more trapped I feel, the less I want to work with it because it feels like I lose that creative freedom.

However, every time I step back into Monsters, it feels like the very first time. Possibilities don’t close; they just continue to open. And that freedom and excitement keeps me coming back to it.

What do you like least about this fic?

Writing the damn thing out of order. There are so many continuity errors scattered around that it drives me bananas.

What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story?

Monsters has its own playlist on my iTunes. Actually, it has several--I tend to create a new one every year, modify songs on it, update it with my purchases and favorites, and it evolves the same way the series does.

The Monsters 2018 playlist currently consists of 627 songs and that’s the smallest it’s been since its inception in 2015. (It was 355 then, but to be fair, I didn’t start it until September or so.)

The music on it tends to be more metal and rock. It isn’t a beautiful playlist by any means. It’s gritty and dark, but there’s also some softness to it in places.

There’s an incomplete version of this playlist on Spotify, if you want to check it out.

Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

It’s okay to be broken. It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay not to feel like you’re enough. It’s okay to be scarred. If you keep fighting your demons long enough, you’ll eventually win, and you’ll be better for it.

Strength of character isn’t given. It’s earned.

What did you learn from writing this fic?

Everyone is battling a monster in their mirror, but it doesn’t have to define you. It can become the thing that shapes you into the person you need to be.

Submitted Questions

@imusuallyobsessed asked: What are your hardest scenes to write and why?

My hardest scenes usually involve difficult situations or different character perspectives. Fight scenes can be incredibly difficult sometimes, just because there’s so much motion and flow. I tend to get in a panic writing them, so they come off hurried and sloppy. Then I have to go back and make it resemble something like writing.

Certain perspectives are tough because I have trouble getting into some characters’ minds (which ties in with another question you asked). John Diggle has to be the most difficult character perspective to write from. There’s just something about how he presents himself that I always have trouble with. But I never stop; I just torment myself with it.

@imusuallyobsessed asked: What are your easiest scenes to write and why?

Surprisingly, some of my favorites are Felicity-perspective fight scenes. I just said how I hate action, but when I’m in her perspective, it’s far easier to work with. I have no idea why that is.

Also, Olicity banter comes from deep inside me. Ninety percent of their time, their banter isn’t edited and is exactly what you end up reading in the finished product.

@imusuallyobsessed asked: What are your hardest characters to write and why?

John Diggle is a freaking disaster. Always. There’s something about that man that keeps me from getting inside his head and conveying him the way I want to on paper.

Laurel Lance also tops that list, mainly because I dislike her canon characterization or lack thereof so much. When I write her into a fic, I usually hollow her out to her basic, defining characteristics and build a new personality in there myself. Usually I feel like she comes off one-dimensional anyway.

@imusuallyobsessed asked: What are your easiest characters to write and why?

Tommy is one of my all-time faves. He’s 100% unproblematic to write because he’s always going to react in certain ways and he doesn’t carry the baggage that burdens characters like Oliver and Felicity.

Roy is also up there on the list. Roy Harper is the sass master of my heart. He gets all the saltiest lines that I don’t get the chance to say in daily conversation.

Anonymous asked: For #MITM, I know throughout the one shots we’ve seen a lot of UST, and when Felicity gets wounded badly, we find out they both love each other, but still don’t feel like they’re in a healthy enough place to be in a relationship. Does that ever change? Do they end up together?

Of course things change, and of course they end up together! I know it doesn’t look like there’s method to my madness, but I have a general plot for at least five seasons in this universe.

I plan to take my time with this series, so if you’re looking for a quick resolution, you’re going to be disappointed. Olicity has always been about the journey for me, instead of the destination. If I didn’t want them to happen, I wouldn’t write them together.

I currently have Olicity plotted for Season 2, barring any unforeseen narratives, and I’d really like to put some quality time in on this universe this year. I have too many words of fic hanging around unfinished.

#monsters in the mirror #fic by masque #3rd anniversary of monsters

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