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#i actually made this a few years ago and forgot about it
arctic-hands · 10 months
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I should totally learn how to brew my own mead or cider
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hella1975 · 2 years
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my sunshiney friend who I’m convinced has never judged anyone in her life and doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body: hey did something happen to your spotify I can’t find you anywhere :(
me knowing full well I blocked her in the heat of menstrual-infused paranoia convinced she was going to somehow scan through all of my playlists and collect enough clues to find my online presence and expose me: oh that’s weird
#like I just brushed it off with the shittest lie ever lmfao#bc she asked for my spotify AGESSS ago and then randomly a few weeks ago#JUST BROUGHT UP ONE OF MY PLAYLISTS?#and I was faced with the terrifying realisation that this girl checks my spotify regularly#and i was like. god damn. if u were really weird and stalkery you could very easily find my tumblr blog from my spotify#like even just from the titles (not anymore bc i changed them all in the exact same paranoia session that had me blocking her lmfao)#and ive finally accepted (bc ive noticed it for years but kinda ignored it) that i get SUPER paranoid before my period hits#like every month it's a whole thing and it SUCKS#and im pretty sure i posted about this when i did it but that night i was just CONVINCED that my spotify was going to expose me#and i blocked every single person from my real life on it skhgskjdghjk#AND THEN SHE MESSAGED ME TODAY SAYING THIS I WAS LIKE SHIT FUCK I FORGOT I DID THAT#like no regrets it helps me sleep at night BUT STILL SDGHSKDGH#im terrified that one day she'll ask again and i'll use the same 'idk why spotify isn't working :/' excuse#and she'll try and fix it WITH ME THERE in a way that LETS HER SEE MY SPOTIFY or worse THE FACT IVE BLOCKED HER#like if she finds out i actually made the conscious effort to block her there really is no normal explanation for that#and actually her assuming the worst would probably be better than the truth bc the truth is so much stranger lmfao#she's literally so lovely too i feel so bad but not bad enough to unblock her#sorry bestie ilysm it's not you it is very much me and this bitch hella1975#music tings
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fishy-lava · 4 months
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ya know I may not have an official adhd diagnosis but considering I had to be weighted down in my chair during dinner with a homemade weighted blanket as a child so I would stay put and also COULD NOT eat while wearing a jacket/coat or I'd have a breakdown and spent WEEKS AND WEEKS obsessively making a custom doll house for my ever after high dolls out of plastic cubbies complete with wallpaper and carpet and rugs and tiny furniture and dishes styled specifically to match each character I feel like it's only a matter of time really
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steventhusiast · 9 months
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modern au where eddie and robin are roommates and steve is italian <3
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eddie has always known that his roommate robin is in the US for college, but grew up in and is from italy. sure, sometimes he forgets, because she somehow has a near-perfect american accent and also speaks two other languages, but he’s always known.
and for the past year and a bit, he’s known how much robin wants her best friend stevie to come visit. she talks about them all the time, and ever since she and eddie moved out of the dorms and into an apartment together for their next year of university a month ago, he’s known stevie is going to come and visit.
he just kind of forgot the exact day stevie would be arriving.
so when he, clad in nothing but his garfield pyjama pants and a metallica t-shirt that’s falling apart, walks into the kitchen one morning and sees someone he doesn’t know at the kitchen counter fiddling with their instant coffee machine, he almost shits himself.
luckily, he doesn’t, because he remembers in that split second that stevie was due to arrive last night. but he still flinches pretty hard at the fright and grabs for the nearest grabbable thing, which turns out to be the doorframe. somehow, he makes a noise loud enough to get the mystery person’s attention, and they turn around.
holy shit. eddie did not know stevie is hot. or that stevie’s actually a guy. he kind of just assumed, with the nickname and all? but the man standing there looks like he could’ve been carved by the gods eddie doesn’t believe in, and- eddie realises he’s been staring at the guy for a few seconds now, and decides to talk like a normal human being. he first adjusts his position so he’s no longer holding onto the archway of the kitchen for support, and smiles at the guy.
“hi, you must be stevie?” he offers, and stevie takes a few seconds to process his words before nodding with a smile.
“my name is steve. robbie just is… hm, silly?”
eddie blinks a couple times, because steve has an accent. a thick one. he should’ve expected that, because- hello? they’re both literally from italy. but it catches him off guard, and adds to steve’s hot factor. why didn’t robin warn him about this.
“yeah, robin is very silly.” he agrees with a chuckle, and then realises steve might not know him, “i’m eddie. robin’s roommate. you probably knew that already though, so now i probably look like an idiot. well- more of an idiot than i already do in these clothes…”
he lets his words trail off as he realises steve is frowning at him in subtle confusion. he’s picked up robin’s rambling-when-nervous habit over their friendship, and hot guys tend to make him pretty nervous. but then he realises maybe steve isn’t as fluent in english as robin is, and even if he is eddie’s a fast talker that doesn’t always pronounce things fully.
“i am sorry,” steve looks embarrassed, “my english is not as good as robin.”
eddie feels so guilty at the pink that’s made itself known on steve’s cheeks, and shakes his head immediately.
“no! you don’t need to be sorry. i just talk a lot when i’m nervous.” he confesses. why did he say that? now steve knows he’s nervous. or does he? maybe he didn’t catch his full sentence.
steve raises one eyebrow at eddie though, and one side of his mouth quirks up into a smile as he turns around to keep trying to make himself a cup of coffee.
“i am making you nervous? why?” steve asks, his back still turned. now eddie’s the one with red cheeks. dammit.
“it’s because eddie here thinks you’re hot, stevie.”
eddie’s flinch at robin’s magical appearance behind him is somehow more spectacular than earlier, and he clutches dramatically at his heart and spins around to glare at robin.
“robin! what the fuck, man!” he yelps when he realises what she’s said. but robin isn’t listening, she’s too busy speaking to steve in italian about who knows what.
probably about how she knows all eddie’s tells for when he finds a guy attractive and how she knows eddie’s type and steve checks every single box. or, eddie squints at the pair as robin tsks at steve and takes over manning the coffee machine, maybe robin’s just telling steve how to make a coffee with the machine?
“you think i am…” steve starts as he spins around to look at eddie, and seems to be searching for a word for a few moments, “attractive?”
eddie’s eyes widen, and then he sighs and fixes a glare on robin. robin just shrugs and makes a very insincere ‘oopsie’ expression, and eddie is about to start denying like his life depends on it, but he looks back at steve.
and steve has that blush back on his face, and a tiny smile, and he’s looking eddie up and down even in his ridiculous outfit.
“um, yes.” eddie practically squeaks, not used to having someone’s eyes on him like this.
steve says something to robin in italian that sounds like it ends with a question mark, and robin rolls her eyes.
“steve wants me to translate a pick up line he wants to use on you, but i literally refuse to do that. google translate is free.”
and with that, she leaves the kitchen.
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srjlvr · 2 months
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꒦꒷ enhypen ! and your infamous ship with them&lt;3
idol-ot7!enhypen x idol-fem!reader .. fluff .. no warnings&lt;3 not proofread!!
read pt.1 here!! — since you all liked it<3
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ε ї з — heeseung
as if his heart eyes for you at the interview weren’t enough, heeseung started talking about you a lot in his lives, which only adds to your fan’s delusions.
he’d go on and talk about his day in his lives when all of a sudden he’d turn on some music and the first song he’d pick would be one of your songs.
“this song is so good, i listen to it almost every day, this artist y/n is really talented i really love her songs” he’d say with a big smile.
and oh, this is definitely not the end, he’d also go on and rant about the first time meeting you and tell them about those times when you bumped into each other, as if he’s telling his best friend about a new crush he has.
“i was walking down the aisle when i accidentally bumped into her, she was in a bit rush so she apologized quickly and ran away, it was so funny i didn’t know what to do” he’d giggle, “after that she saw me again and even got me a snack, that’s cute”
with delusional fans, comes the delusional tweets of fans, and the conspiracies about heeseung having a crush too (which might be true)
“if i wasn’t so sure before, now im more than 100% sure that this boy is having a crush on her, and i’m all in for it!!”
ε ї з — jay
a week after the valentine’s day story blew up, jay went on a live again, just casually talking with his fans that he loves and appreciates so much.
jay was ranting about a cake his mom made him,and explained how cool the design she did looked, to the point where he actually took his phone and scrolled through his gallery to show them a picture.
usually, when idols show their phones on lives or such, they’d turn off their notifications, only this time jay was so into it that he forgot to do it.
at the same time you, being the good old friend you are, responded to a text he sent you a few minutes ago, even before he started the live.
as he was showing his picture on his phone to the fans he also got a notification from you, it was a matter of a few seconds for fans to realize your contact name, and a few seconds for jay to realize he’s doomed.
jay tried to laugh it off but it was too late. now even those who didn’t ship you two and had doubts about it are left speechless.
“i admit i didn’t believe the valentine’s day story and their ship, but now knowing they text each other and probably do every day too? YES!!”
ε ї з — jake
your old meet up with jake was actually filmed for a short vlog, you both work under the same company so it was pretty common to meet up and get it filmed.
a few days after the scandal blew up, a really short vlog of the both of you got released.
fans rushed to watch it and see any clue of jake since it was rumored he was going to be there. the short film got around 100k+ in no time!
fans felt like swooning whenever they watched your interactions, you and jake even spoke in english, considering the fact that you both are foreigners and feel comfortable speaking in english.
jake never looked more shy than when he was literally standing next to you, holding his signed album and just waiting for the right moment to give it to you.
if you’d ask any fan that watched this short vlog, they’d probably tell you they’re 100% sure that something is up with the both of you. the way that he looked at you was something fans never saw before, and the way that you looked at him was as if you finally got to talk with your crush after years of crushing over him.
“i NEVER thought i’d be able to see both of my ults in one frame together!! i bet you a million dollars that they’re dating and fight me if they’re not!! it seemed like they tried to hide it but it looked too overact”
ε ї з — sunghoon
everyone’s favorite ambassadors!! your couple photoshoot got so famous that even people who never heard of the two of you refused to believe you’re not dating.
on your first photoshoot together, you and sunghoon did some funny tiktok challenges that got super famous to the point that people started making edits out of them.
ever since then, each time you’d see each other you’d make a tiktok together, wether it’s a dance challenge or just a very trendy tiktok hence, it wasn’t such a surprised that enhypen’s tiktok account and your tiktok account was filled with tiktoks of the both of you together.
fans brought up new conspiracies of the both of you going on short dates and filming tiktoks together, a whole new chaos was created.
if you thought these tiktoks were enough then think again because not only your tiktok was filled with the both of you, but you also made sure to take many many photos and post it on instagram.
i think out of all ships, yours and sunghoons shippers are being fed so well honestly and they never ever complain about it.
“i never heard about these two until i saw their photoshoots!! you can’t tell me they’re not dating?? and we get too many contents of them two im fully convinced they’re just dropping hints”
ε ї з — sunoo
new years awards came in fast, and all fans were looking forward to collab stages, it was rumored that a lot of 3rd gen and 4th gen are going to perform together, but fans never ever expected you and sunoo to be on one stage together.
him dancing to your performance in one award got so famous that fans even made memes about it, like “me when my favorite song is playing in one store” and more!
the thing is, this stage included only you and him, which made the fans go even more crazy. you and sunoo? on one stage? all alone? fans hoped so bad for that and it happened.
you and sunoo ate the performance, it included a lot of skinship and difficult moves that even fans who tried to cover the collab stage complained about it being really hard.
a stage between a female idol and male idol isn’t something that’s very popular lately (sadly!!!) so it was such a surprise that you and sunoo actually did it.
king and queen of kpop confirmed! your new ship nickname was formed in no time and other fans who watched your stage was mesmerized by how good you two look together.
“IM GOING CRAZY RN!! sunoo and y/n, boyfriend and girlfriend on one stage AND THEY ATE THAT PERFORMANCE!! imagine being on stage with your partner they’re so iconic for that!!”
ε ї з — jungwon
as weeks went by with you and jungwon being MCs, fans got used to see the both of you together every week, it became a routine for them to open their laptop and stream your live, they’ll always find the time to watch the two of you.
when your contract ended, fans were devastated and didn’t want to move on, they even considered to stop watching the show without having the two of you.
even in your last day, you and jungwon looked so sad and unmotivated which made fans even more sad than before. the memories you created will always stay in the show’s history and fans’ hearts.
i guess both of your fans got super lucky because your companies were smart enough to sign the both of you up to a new variety show!!
new content of the both of you together?? in one variety show?? your fans can’t be thankful enough honestly.
fans were going mad watching the both of you being too comfortable around each other, basically doing everything together and staying really close to each other.
“anyone else waiting for them to accidentally expose their relationship on this variety show? come on!! its too obvious they’re dating!!”
ε ї з — riki
ever since that time the both of you met accidentally, the coffee shop became super famous, mostly people who waits to catch the both of you together are going there.
ever since then, fate has its own ways of getting to you, and each time you’re going to buy coffee in local stores, you happen to see him too.
you once uploaded a photo of your coffee to your weverse account and fans noticed a very familiar figure, who just happened to upload a photo of his coffee with you in the background.
and if that wasn’t enough, you were caught by fans together in the same place and this time, even shared a really long conversation. it became a usual thing for the both of you to meet up whenever you’re off to buy coffee, as if you know where to go if you want to meet up.
fans refuse to believe that this is all a coincidence since the evidences are always there, you’ve been seen around each other too many times, even in photos you yourself uploaded.
at one point you just decided to upload a photo together and tease your fans a bit, and it actually worked because the next day you became trending as the coffee couple.
“coffee couple has done it again! do you think their dates must have coffee in it? like what if they go to watch a movie? popcorn and coffee? anyways im fully convinced they’re always planning it and we’re just here to watch”
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••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.
PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @dhriti-stories @ariadores @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 @moons-v @s00buwu @hoonheepretty @lovelovelovebts (bold means cannot be tagged)
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delicate-dorothea · 10 months
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“How many mimosas does it take...?”
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Summary: You and Peter made the jump from friendship to dating a few months ago and have yet to tell your friends until now, over brunch. 
masterlist
You struggle to keep your eyes open, fighting the second wave of sleep begins to wash over you. The room is silent aside from the light snores of the man next to you. You choose to soak up the sight before you. 
Peter. 
He’s laying on his stomach, cheek squished against the pillow, lips slightly parted, facing you. You shift your focus to the state of his back, feeling smug, seeing the scratches down his back from the night before. 
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s rude to stare?” The huskiness of Peter’s morning voice filled your ears. He shuffles closer to you, burying his head in the crook of your neck. 
“It’s the aesthete in me, I can’t help it.” You can feel the smile that graces his lips against your skin.  
Before either of you get the chance to speak again, Peter’s phone starts vibrating from the nightstand. He lets out a groan before reaching for it “Shit, it’s Harry.” 
“Hey man”
“Hey Pete, have you heard from Y/n?” His eyes flick over to you as he replied: “No, I haven’t, why?” 
“She went out with her coworkers last night and never came home. MJ and I tried calling her but the calls just rang out. Can you also try and reach her?” 
“Oh shit, okay. I’ll call but she probably just crashed at Stella’s house and forgot to let you know.” 
“Yeah, probably. But MJ is not having any of that shit since those muggings started happening in the area.” 
The mention of muggings and the indirect implication something might have happened to you caused him to sit up. Peter knew all about the muggings, it was something that he was following closely. Especially because it was in your neighborhood. He knew you were safe with him, but your friends didn’t know that as the two of you opted to keep your relationship under wraps. 
You could vaguely hear what was being said on the other line and screwed your eyes shut silently cursing yourself for worrying your friends, looking over at your boyfriend as he told Harry he’d try to get a hold of you before exchanging goodbyes. 
“I thought you texted Harry about not coming home in the cab?” he questioned, dropping his head back down to the pillow. 
You reach over him to grab your phone, opening up your messages and texting your friends letting them know you’re okay. “I never hit send” showing him the message already typed in the chat bubble waiting to be sent.
His hand rests on the small of your back “So you went out with coworkers, huh? Do you kiss all your coworkers?” 
“Just the pretty ones, now up, we all made plans for brunch,” you say crawling over him and out of bed. 
“I know we did, but it’s only ten. Who has brunch at ten? Just come back to bed, honey, we’ve got plenty of time.” To this you shake your head, slipping on your dress from last night. “I told MJ that I was already on my way back, which I should be…can you zip me up?” 
Peter stands and lets out a groan as he stretches before he pulls the zipper of your dress, fingers lingering a few seconds extra. He moves his hands to wrap around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I know I said it about a million times last night but you look beautiful, you always do.” You only hum in response, grabbing his hand and leading him into the bathroom to brush your teeth. 
It had been just under four months since you and Peter officially got together. After years of dancing around your feelings for each other and insisting that friends do in fact look at each other that way, you both finally have what you’ve always wanted. 
Your relationship was kept quiet because you both understood that finally acknowledging that there was much more than just friendship between you two and actually acting on it would be something that you could never go back from. The idea of the dynamic between the two of you in addition to your entire friend group changing for the worst made you both anxious. 
So the two of you decided to hide your relationship from them. You were going to tell them, but when May pieced everything together herself about a month in, you both figured it was only a matter of time before your friends do the same.
That was several weeks ago. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t find the situation amusing, and sure, sneaking around at the start did add a bit of thrill but you expected them, especially Harry, to say something. 
Harry had been best friends with the two of you since you were just little kids, he knew you both incredibly well, and he knew about how you felt towards Peter, something that you finally admitted to him (not that you needed to) after moving in together. You also knew Harry well, and you knew that he was a big fan of the idea of you and Peter, but you also knew that if he even suspected that anything truly romantic happened with the two of you, he’d voice it. You also worry that he would think you guys didn’t trust him, even if that wasn’t the case. 
As for MJ, her not knowing isn’t something that you ruled out, at least not completely. She had been privy to the shitshow that was you and Peter being in denial about each other's feelings in high school. She might not have known the two of you as long as Harry has but she didn’t need to, MJ was an observer, and even if she wasn’t, it wasn’t hard to notice that you two essentially orbited around each other. The possibility of her knowing and simply turning a blind eye to it until she was told by you or Peter directly was very likely. 
You can hear the water beat against Peter’s skin, “You sure you don’t want to join me?” You shake your head putting your toothbrush back in the holder next to his. “Very tempting but I’ll have to pass this time.” You watch him pout in the reflection of the mirror. “Fuck, you really did a number on me,” you said stretching your neck to the side analyzing the marks he left there. “Says you, I can only imagine what my back looks like right now,” that causes you to smirk and pull the shower curtain open further. “Is this you taking me up on my offer?” His grin is wide, “I’m afraid not baby, I just wanted a kiss before I left.” His mouth forms into an ‘o’ before pursing his lips and leaning forward to give you a peck.
“I’ll see you soon,” giving him one last kiss. “Yes, you will.”
You unlock the door and push it open. Harry and MJ are seated on the couch. “Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” Harry’s voice echoed through the room. 
“Did you get mauled?” MJ’s eyes widened slightly. 
Harry gasps and is on his feet to get a closer look at you. “Oh my god! You hooked up with someone last night?” 
“I did, but it was more than a hookup, I’ve been seeing him for a while,” you confess, walking away from him and down the hall into your room. Harry and MJ follow close behind. “For a while? What about Peter?” 
“Yeah, what about Peter? We thought you guys were finally going to stop beating around the bush. You guys have been extra touchy and smiley lately. I thought this was going to be it,” MJ adds. 
A frown was present on both of their lips. “Okay, I see where you guys are coming from but this is a conversation to be had after I’ve showered and am dressed for brunch.” You say gathering your clothes and towel and moving past them into the bathroom. 
As you run through your usual morning routine you realize that this would be the right moment to come clean about your relationship. From what your friends had said it was clear they had been biting their tongue for some time. You figured you had some time before Peter arrived and would be able to text him about everything as a heads-up. 
However just as you exit the bathroom, you hear the front door open and Harry letting your boyfriend in. Entering your bedroom, you find MJ sitting on your bed. 
“It’s him isn’t it, Peter? He’s the guy you’ve been seeing.” You can feel your cheeks heat up “Yes, we’ve been dating for a couple of months now-four- to be exact.” 
“I knew it. Well, I wasn’t sure if it was a friends-with-benefits arrangement, which I’m glad it wasn’t because you’d both be hurting each other or if it was serious and he was your boyfriend.” She explained. 
You feel relieved, “We were going to tell you guys but everything was pretty hush-hush because we both thought it would fuck up our friendship and then May found out about a month in when she went over to Peter’s for dinner, we thought you guys would do the same. But then the weeks went by and none of us said anything, and it left like one of those things that the longer you wait the more others would feel like you don’t trust them. Can I ask when you pieced it together? God! Does Harry know too?” 
She laughs as you finish speaking, your pace telling her that you’ve been holding it in for a while. “He doesn’t, he knows that you’ve been in love with each other forever, and is sick of waiting for you two to finally come around and get together. I’m almost positive he’s contemplated locking you two in a room and not letting you out until you talk about your feelings before. I knew something was up when we went to that Oscorp event. Peter smelled like your perfume when you guys arrived.”  
You were sitting at your desk, buffing out your color corrector, about to respond when there was a knock on the door. “Can we come in?” Peter asked, only turning the knob after hearing a yes from both of you. Harry took a seat next to MJ on your bed, while Peter walked over to you and pressed a kiss to your temple before saying hi. 
“Are you almost done?” Harry asks
“Almost, I just need to add concealer and perfume, then we can leave.” 
“Cool, can we continue our conversation from before? I would like answers.” 
“Oh? What were you guys talking about?” You could tell Peter was intrigued. “Y/n’s seeing someone, and she said we’d talk about it after she got out of the shower, so who is it? Because whoever it is can’t hold a candle to-” Harry’s words come to a halt due to MJ’s hand covering his mouth. “Maybe we should wait until after brunch before we pester her with questions, who wants to be interrogated on an empty stomach?” A muffled noise, presumed to be a hum in agreement, is made in response. 
Peter’s gaze is on you, you know he wants to ask what that was about and is waiting for an opening to do exactly that. Lucky for him, MJ gives that to him by telling Harry that you're just about finished and that they should go put on their shoes and wait for you by the door. 
“I didn’t know you were seeing someone” Peter jokes once they’re out of earshot. 
“Oh ha ha, MJ knows, or we’ll she already knew and I confirmed it for her.” 
“Since when?” He runs his hands over the fabric of your sundress, “Is this new?” 
“Since the Oscorp gala, said you smelled like my perfume and it tipped her off. This is new, I bought it the other day, you like?” He takes your hand and spins you around, “I love, you look gorgeous. What about Harry?” 
You rummage through your closet before holding up two different pairs of sandals. “MJ says he’s none the wiser, but is kind of sick of the pining, which ones go better with the dress?” He points to the shoe in your right hand, “That one. Let’s just tell him at the restaurant.” You nod your head. “I was going to text you about telling both of them when you got here because the first words out of their mouths after I said I've been seeing someone were ‘What about Peter’ but you were already here. Alright, I’m done.” 
The four of you make your way out of the apartment and down into the subway station at the corner of your block. One train ride later, you were all sitting in the outdoor section of the restaurant waiting for your meals to come sipping on mimosas and gossiping amongst yourselves. 
Until Harry turns his attention to you “How many mimosas does it take for you to finally spill your guts about this guy? Because as your best friend, I am deeply offended that today was the first I’m hearing about it, especially since we talked about you building up the courage to tell you know who about how you feel.”
“It’s Peter.” 
“It’s me.”  You and Peter say at the same time, statements that cause your friend to choke on his drink. You all watch Harry intently, as he wipes his mouth with a napkin waiting for his reaction, for a second you're worried he’d be upset but any worry you had fades as he grins. 
“It’s about time, how long? When’d you tell him? Or did he tell you? I’ve been waiting for this moment since our middle school dance. Can I be the best man at your wedding? Oh my god! I can't believe you did that to her neck. Do you know that you two were awful at hiding your feelings, you’ve basically been dating each other all our lives. It’s important to me that you know that, because I was probably one ‘she’s just a friend’ or ‘he doesn’t like me like that’ away from losing my mind.”
read about May finding out here.
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jellieland · 3 months
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It’s a while before Scar reappears on Hermitcraft, after his victory.
When he does, Pearl is doing one last sweep over the server. Things are starting to slow down a little as the server is shut down, colours muting and mobs stumbling to a stop, but it’s nothing half so violent as it was last time.
Xisuma has backups of backups of backups, and Pearl has been repeatedly assured that last time was the exception, not the rule.
Still. She checks things over.
She is flying over Scarland when she sees Scar, sitting there at the end of Main Street and staring pensively out across the server.
She hasn’t seen him since he killed her, almost a week ago.
She flies down and alights softly beside him. “Hey Scar,” she says.
His eyes flicker to meet hers. He gives her his signature half-smile. It looks a little strained. “Well hello there, Pearl!” he says. “You know, I forgot about this place!”
Pearl looks at him for a moment, and heaves a sigh. So, they’re talking about this, are they? She sits down on the bench beside him.
To be fair, she isn’t sure who else he would talk to about it. If not her, it would probably be Grian. Grian, who just this morning had snapped at her to make sure she didn’t miss out Scarland in her final loop, in that way he had of transforming a remarkable amount of the worry he felt into irritation as soon as it left his mouth.
“Yeah,” says Pearl. “Me too. Nice to be back, right?”
“It’s ending,” says Scar, and Pearl winces. He isn’t wrong. The timing on this isn’t brilliant, but they couldn’t really wait much longer. “Why do things keep ending?”
“What, just sort of things in general?”
“Everything always ends,” says Scar, staring at her intently. “It ends and ends and ends. How in the world do you not go mad with it?”
Pearl chuckles ruefully. “You're asking the wrong person, mate.”
A villain, but not a demon. Forced into wickedness, but not made with it inside him.
No. No, he wouldn't understand. Not really.
“I don’t think it’s the going mad that’s the problem, really,” she says. “I think it’s the keeping going afterwards.”
“Oh.” He sighs. Then he narrows his eyes in suspicion, glancing up at the sky. “What about the moon, Pearl?” he asks. “How’s that been looking? If that’s gone all funny again as well, I don't know what I’ll do.”
Pearl looks up at the sky.
She looks up at the sky for a while.
It’s been more than a year, now.
“I reckon the moon’s still worn out after last time, mate,” says Pearlescentmoon, still staring at the sky. It’s the easiest place to look, at the moment. “You can’t do that kind of ending twice, you know? It would be too much to do it twice.”
The sun is bright, but she feels a chill, deep in her bones.
“Well,” says Scar. “Well! That’s good to know. But still, it’s very nice of you all to wait for me for so long.”
Pearl shrugs. “I mean, we didn’t really wait. It’s only been a week.”
Scar blinks. Blinks again. “Huh,” he says. “A week. Interesting!”
“Interesting?” Pearl squints at him. “How so?”
He stares at her for a moment before he speaks again. “I thought that was it,” he says. His eyes look far away. “I thought that was all there was, Pearl. I thought there was nothing, after.”
Pearl opens her mouth, but he keeps going.
“I thought that was all there was,” he says again. “So I wasn’t going to just give up. You know? That would be absurd! I was going to keep going. I did keep going!”
“You did,” says Pearl. It’s halfway to a question, but not quite there.
She doesn’t know if she would have kept going, if she had been given the choice, and not handed victory and death in one fell swoop. That’s one of the few things about her victory that she hasn’t wondered about much. She hadn’t even considered it before, to be honest.
She thinks, probably, that she would have kept going.
She’s less sure that it would have been pretty.
“I did,” says Scar. “You have to, don’t you?”
Pearl thinks of Grian. “I don’t know,” she says. “I think it’s a choice, sometimes. I think that makes it mean more, actually.”
“Well. Maybe,” says Scar. “It just- I couldn’t waste it, you know? It was a whole world.”
The weight of that settles over her. A whole world.
A whole world, and refusing to give it up, until you are made to.
“How did you die?” asks Pearl. “In the end.”
“My elytra broke,” says Scar.
“…Huh.” says Pearl, taking a moment to consider the implications of that statement.
“I was trying to get more shulker boxes,” says Scar. “Do you know how annoying it is trying to get stuff done without shulkers, Pearl?”
“Yeah,” says Pearl. “I have an idea.”
“Well,” says Scar, “I was trying to get more but my elytra broke. Did you know, the void kills you no matter how many hearts you have.”
“Oh,” says Pearl. “Yeah, I guess it would. You see Lizzie down there?”
Scar snorts. “No. Everyone falls alone, Pearl, don’t you know that? Martyn, and Lizzie. And me too.”
Pearl looks around at the world, slowing down around them. “Well,” she says matter-of-factly. “You’re not falling now. You’re here now.”
“…Yeah,” says Scar softly. “Would you look at that? I sure am.”
They sit in the quiet for a while.
“Why would you not kill me?” asks Pearl abruptly.
Now is not the time to ask. She knows this. But it’s been burning at the back of her mind for the past week, and there will never be a time to ask.
Scar blinks at her for a moment, but recovers without missing a beat. “But Pearl!” he says, all wide-eyed innocence. “I did kill you!”
She gives him a look. “When I asked, Scar.”
“I-” he stops, and sighs, serious again. “Look. I know that was what you wanted. But- it wouldn’t have been fair.”
“Why?” asks Pearl.
“It wouldn’t have been fair,” says Scar again. “You can’t talk about it, first. You can’t volunteer, you can’t plan it out, you can’t draw a line in the sand. It ruins everything, if you do that.”
He looks at her, eyes intense.
“If you do that, that makes it a choice, not a reaction. That's what it is, I think. That must be what it is. You said it yourself—if it’s a choice, it means more.”
“That was my choice, Scar.”
He shrugs, unrepentant. “And I made mine, too.” He frowns for a second. “Think of it like this: I was fighting Gem. And when she died, I just kept fighting.” He shifts slightly, looking almost uncomfortable. “It doesn’t have the weight it would’ve had if we stopped and decided to make it matter more.”
“You’re saying it doesn’t matter?” asks Pearl flatly.
“No!” exclaims Scar. “No, that’s not what I was trying to say at all! But- I wasn’t given your life. I didn’t just accept it. I fought for it. And you didn’t have to give it away. It’s worth more than that, Pearl. Someone should have to fight for it.”
The look he gives her then… she has to look away.
“That’s what I think,” says Scar firmly. “That’s what I wanted to say.”
Pearl stares down at her hands for a while. “I don’t know if I totally agree with how you chose to do things,” she says. “But… thank you, Scar.”
They are, again, quiet for a while.
“What do you think I did, while I was still there?” asks Scar eventually. “You know, if someone was making you guess.”
Pearl leans back and looks at him intently, considering. “I reckon you caused chaos, and made something beautiful.” She shrugs. “That’s what you always do, yeah?”
“Oh,” says Scar, looking genuinely touched. “Why thank you, Pearl. I certainly try.”
“You sure do. You know, whatever else you do, I have to give you that,” says Pearl wryly.
Scar looks at her for a moment, then tilts his head slightly to the side. “You know, Pearl,” he says, serious, then pauses.
“Yeah?”
“I left a whole pile of shulker boxes in the Mounders’ base.” His voice stays serious even as his typical sly smirk creeps across his face.
Pearl takes a few seconds to register what he’s just said. “I- you- Scar!”
“Completely unsorted,” he says airily. “It was just a real mess, honestly.”
“Why would you tell me that!”
He snickers at her. “I can’t believe you would leave such a mess, Pearl! I mean, who else could it have been? It’s in your base, after all!”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!” Pearl narrows her eyes at him, laughter bleeding though the mock-annoyance in her voice.
He shakes his head. “And you call yourself a cleaning lady!”
“Right, that’s it!” says Pearl. “I’m finding this server and tidying it up whether you like it or not.”
Scar jerks back slightly, humor suddenly shaken.
…Right. She’d almost forgotten.
He looks away. His expression, though, is thoughtful rather than pained.
“I don’t think you need to do that, really,” he says.
Pearl watches him. “Why not?” she asks. “Are you the only one who’s allowed to keep trying?”
He sighs.
“There’s always going to be some things you can’t clean up,” he says. “But you can’t always be going backwards to get them.”
They look out at the world around them gently, carefully slowing down to a stop.
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re not wrong,” says Pearl. “I guess it’s a balance. What you can fix, and what you need to let go.”
Scar nods. “I think so.”
He gives her a warm look. He looks up at the sky, where the normal sized moon is just beginning to rise. He glances around him at the remarkable things he has made, that this time will be left just as they are.
“And there’s always a new sunrise,” he says.
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lyzsaphrodite · 1 month
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༊*·˚ Home is Where the Heart is ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
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Dior Goodjohn x fem!reader
synopsis: You and Dior are long distanced and she decides to surprise you by coming to visit you for your birthday.
warnings: fluff, fluff, and fluff
a/n: this is not my best writing ever i just wanted to get this out while i work on the Summer fic
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You and Dior have been in a long-distance relationship for about a year and a half now. You met on the set of Percy Jackson and instantly clicked; she ended up asking you out two months into filming. After season one wrapped, she went back home to LA, and you returned to your hometown. You haven't seen each other in person since filming wrapped six months ago, because you're still in school. You guys text multiple times a day and FaceTime at least once a day, but it's still hard for both of you. Especially for you since your love language is physical touch, and you just like to have physical connections with people. Your birthday was coming up, so Dior thought it would be an amazing idea if she came and surprised you. She planned it all out with your family; she would fly in on your actual birthday and stay for a month.
Today was finally your birthday. You woke up to look at your phone and found a bunch of birthday wishes from friends, family, and even fans. But none from the person that mattered most to you. You didn't think she would ever forget your birthday. Maybe she just wasn't awake yet, even though it was currently noon, which means it was 9 in LA, and she's always up before 9. But you just decided not to worry about it. You still had the whole day. You were really bummed that she wouldn't be able to come for your birthday, but you understand that she's busy with her music and everything. You got out of bed, took a shower, and got ready for the day. You and your best friend decided to go shopping for your birthday. You visited all your favorite stores, getting all of your birthday freebies. By the time you and your best friend headed home, it was around 4 o’clock, and you've yet to get a message from Dior, which made you visibly disappointed. Your best friend kept seeing you checking your messages every few minutes and finally decided to say something.
“I’m sure she didn't forget; you know her, she's always busy with something.”
“Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone but her has wished me a happy birthday though. Like even at the mall, those fans who came up to us to say happy birthday, I didn't even know them. And I thought she would be one of the first to say it.”
You finally arrived home and went straight upstairs to put your bags down and take off your shoes. You were home for around 30 minutes when you finally heard the doorbell ring.
“Y/N, someone's here for you,” your mom yelled. You had no clue who it could be; you weren't expecting anyone.
“Coming!” you yelled back to your mom. You hurried down the stairs to the front door, and standing there was Dior with her bags and a gift. She looks just as beautiful as she always does.
“Hey, baby,” she said, smiling.
You had absolutely no idea how to react; you were definitely not expecting this at all. You ran to her and jumped to hug her. As she held and hugged you, you started to tear up.
“I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.”
“What are you doing here? I thought you weren't able to come.”
“I wanted to surprise you, sweet girl.”
“How long are you staying?”
“For a month.”
“Oh my gosh, no way!”
“Way!”
“OMG, and Mom, you knew about this?”
Your mom just smiled and nodded.
“Yep, and so did your best friend.”
“OMG!! I cannot believe this; I thought you forgot my birthday!”
“I could never forget your birthday, mamas.”
You and Dior share a passionate kiss, the weight of her surprise visit lifting a heavy burden off your shoulders. In that moment, all the worries and doubts melted away, replaced by the warmth of her presence. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The month that followed was a whirlwind of joy and reconnection. Every day felt like a treasure, filled with laughter, adventures, and stolen moments of affection. Whether it was exploring your hometown together, cooking meals side by side, or simply cuddling on the couch watching movies, every second was cherished. On the day of her departure, you stood at the airport, hand in hand, hearts heavy with the weight of impending separation.
"I wish we lived closer," you managed to say, your voice breaking slightly as you fought back tears, the airport's din muffling your words.
Dior's eyes softened, mirroring the sorrow in your own as she squeezed your hand gently. "I know, darling. It's hard saying goodbye every time," she murmured, her voice tinged with empathy.
You leaned into her embrace, seeking solace in the warmth of her presence amidst the impersonal hustle of the airport. "I hate it when you leave," you stated simply, your voice carrying a mix of longing and frustration, the airport's commotion providing a stark backdrop to your heartfelt confession.
Dior's arms wrapped around you, holding you close as if trying to shield you from the pain of separation. "I feel it too, love. It never gets any easier," she whispered, her breath warm against your ear.
Tears welled up in your eyes as you buried your face in her shoulder, the weight of longing settling heavily in your chest. "I just wish we could be together more often," you confessed, your voice barely audible above the noise of the crowd.
Dior's fingers brushed through your hair soothingly, her touch a silent reassurance. "Me too, sweetheart. But no matter the distance, you'll always have my heart," she vowed, her words a promise of enduring love.
And as you stood together in the midst of the bustling airport terminal, surrounded by the chaos of departure, you found solace in the simple act of being together, knowing that no matter where life may take you, your love would always be a constant, guiding light in the darkness.
this is unusually short because I didn't know how to end it
taglist: @asvterias
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sonicslushie · 11 months
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Slipped My Mind ~ P.P.
Summary: You’re the person who designs Spiderman’s suits, but you never actually met the man- or boy- behind the mask. 
A/N: terrible summary & first fic, originally this was going to be based on the conan gray song “yours” but it took an odd turn in there so it's not lmao. But if you wanna read that let me know i’m dying to write more for petey boy. This is also like a little fluff thing that i threw together in a few hours so it’s not the best (my b) 
a playlist for u to listen to as u read<3
Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark Intern!Reader 
TW: kinda a clueless reader, mentions of blood and open wounds, 
Wordcount: 3.6k
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Ice cream was all you wanted. It was your lunch break from Stark Industries, the place you interned at because of your impressive resume, and partly because your dad just so happened to be the owner of Tony Stark’s favorite burger place. You had been a pretty smart kid, finished highschool early and graduated MIT with a degree in engineering and all you wanted was to build supersuits. That was the dream, wasn’t it? Helping the world’s mightiest heroes by being the one who created their high tech suits and accessories, actually making a difference for those who saved billions of lives? Yeah, no. 
You started out three years ago as Ms. Potts' personal assistant at the ripe age of 16. You spent 2.5 years of that assisting just doing the basic intern stuff; grabbing coffee and burgers, attending meetings to take notes, scheduling and yatta yatta, the occasional fake laugh at a dad joke that Mr. Stark made. It wasn’t until you joined Ms. Potts in Mr. Stark’s lab to give him his burger, and you corrected his formulas on some project and you thought it was OVER. He looked surprised that you even spoke to him, oh fuck, you messed up. Or so you had thought. He actually told you that you were right?? Then, I swear to god, he asked what you would do to improve the project he was working on. (It was a super suit for the newest hero, Spiderman.) He liked your idea to add what you called the “training wheels” protocol. Mr. Stark decided to give you a chance and he had you help him create the rest of the suit, and now 6 months later, you were in charge of all things Spiderman. 
But that’s not the point of the story right now, right now, you wanted ice cream. 
And you had just bought two big scoops in a freshly made waffle cone. Honestly the best use of 5 bucks, or so you thought. Just as you were about to take the first lick, a red and blue streak sprinted past- no into you. It was like a movie, all you saw was your delicious creamy dessert flying up in the air in slow motion, then- SLAT! Both you and the ice cream were on the ground, a familiar looking super suit standing above you, stammering about how he was “so sorry” and “chasing a bad guy” in a very peppy voice. 
“You’re Spiderman, why weren’t you swinging from building to building?” You asked, furious you were now going to have to buy another one. You just wanted one thing, could you not just have it without dealing with this bozo? 
“Forgot to put in new web fluid. I’m sorry about your ice cream but I’ve really gotta- I don’t see him anymore. Shoot.” He says, shaking his head. “You know what, let me make this up to you. I’ll buy you another one.” 
Well that seemed fair and it slightly cooled off your now bad mood. You agree and wait in line with the dude who you create super suits for. The funny thing is, this was actually the first time you ever met the one and only Spiderman- or Spiderling as Mr. Stark calls him. You don’t even know who the person is under the mask, but at this point you really didn’t care about it, you just wanted your ice cream. 
After waiting in line for what felt like forever and making meaningless small talk with the masked hero, you make it to the front of the line. 
“Two scoops of strawberry, please. Waffle cone.” You smile at the worker, then turn to Spiderboy. You say at the same time as the employee, “5 bucks.” 
The Spiderdude pats his sides as if feeling for a wallet, then looks at you with that expressionless mask- god you had to work on that- and says, “I don't have my wallet.” 
You could almost smack him in the back of the head, but you just take your wallet out and give the worker a 5 dollar bill. Taking the new ice cream, you turn to the hero, “Well now you owe me two, Spidey.” 
“I-I’ll make it up to you, do you have Venmo?” He asks, panic rising in his voice. He sounded young, maybe around your age. If you were honest, he piqued your interest. So instead of rolling your eyes and walking away, you pulled your phone out. 
“Here,” you say, ready to just get back to the lab. He takes a picture of it and gives you a thumbs up. 
“I’ll have to make a new venmo so you can’t figure out my identity, but I gotta run.” He says, and literally runs off. You stand there, looking at the hero you basically manage but just met, then your ice cream. What a day, huh? You shrug it off and begin to eat your ice cream as you head back to the office. 
The ice cream had been off your mind ever since you finished the yummy dessert, and went back to designing your own web fluid. Sure the dude had his own way of making it (you weren’t really sure if it had been coming out of him or not until today, you never really had the chance to ask anyone), but you knew you could do it better. Everyone at Stark Industries called you ‘Junior’ for a reason, and it wasn’t just because of your crazy intelligence. It might have also been the slight egotistical self assurance and the stubbornness you possessed. 
As you worked you listened to music and snacked on the various foods you hid in the lab unbeknownst to Mr. Stark. Here and there you would test the web fluid with some of the new web shooter prototypes you had made, at this point you could swing around New York from how often you used these things. You often thought of it and giggled at the thought; ridiculous, these silly little dreams you possessed. 
You had been giggling about it to yourself when the one and only Mr. Stark walked in- with a kid who was talking so fast and in such a familiar peppy tone that you couldn’t help but look up. 
“-and then I looked up dodo birds and did you know they’re basically just big pigeons?” He finished, looking up at Mr. Stark with big brown doe eyes that sparkled in the light. Sparkle in the light? Oh come on, y/n. You caught yourself ogling at the new kid, still trying to figure out where you heard that voice before. Little miss genius might be able to create the highest tech super suits in the world, but boy oh boy did you have a hard time connecting dots. 
“Right, big pigeons. Anyway, Peter, this is y/n y/l/n. Junior, this is Peter Parker.” Mr. Stark says, looking at you as if you could take the excitable kid off of his hands. 
Now, Mr. Stark is a lot of things, and busy is one of them. This just so happens to affect his memory, and in this case, he completely forgot that he never introduced Spiderling- Peter Parker- to his favorite intern. It slipped his mind, I mean when you’re a billionaire CEO and a superhero, the little things tend to slip the mind. It’s not like he meant to never introduce you two, he really did mean to. But every time Peter’s been at the tower, Junior was always gone either for the weekend or for her lunch break. Plus, Mr. Stark had things to do. Like right now; get out of this boring conversation and get burgers from his favorite burger place with Happy. 
“Oh it’s nice to meet you, Peter.” You say, not knowing that you met Peter earlier that day as Spiderman. But Peter knew, and he also forgot that he had to venmo you for that ice cream from earlier. Caught off guard, his eyes just go wide and he awkwardly smiles and waves at you like an idiot. 
“Um okay. Anyway, Mr. Stark, I was about to head out, but I got the new web fluid made and finished up the new prototypes for web shooters. I also started up blueprints for a new suit. I forgot to mention I saw Spiderboy today and I gotta say, that suit does nothing for his ass.” You say, going back to the blueprints in front of you, making sure everything is perfect for tomorrow morning. Mr. Stark takes a peek over your shoulder, nodding in approval, then says, “Well I’ve got to hit the road, I’ve got… an important meeting to attend. Yeah. See ya tomorrow, Junior, same to you Pete.” 
You and Peter tell Mr. Stark bye in various fashions, being left in an awkward silence, neither of you really knowing how to proceed from there. Mr. Stark never told you that you would be meeting with Spiderdude to discuss your progress on the new ideas you had come up with but if he didn't show up before 5 you weren't staying, you'd didn't get paid enough. Peter wasn’t told he would be seeing the girl he literally ran into and owe her ice cream money. Seems like it just slipped Mr. Stark’s mind again. 
“So um, whatcha doing here Peter?” You say, begin to clean up your workstation to go home. Peter was just standing awkwardly behind you, trying to figure out what to say. He was also unaware that you didn’t know that he was Spiderman, he had figured Mr. Stark would have told you if you were the one working on his suits all this time. 
“Oh I was um- just leaving actually. Looks like you’re ready to go home, so I- Yeah I’m just gonna go.” He says quickly, turning on his heel to leave. At this point you were just ready to go home, so you shrug it off and say, “Nice meeting you, Peter. See ya.” 
He doesn’t say anything as he leaves. If he was being honest, he’s never been good at talking to pretty girls. Not to mention super awesome pretty intern girls who have been providing him his super awesome super suit. Probably too many “supers” but he didn’t care, he could barely even function in the same room as you. Not to mention he made a fool of himself earlier, but honestly you didn’t even seem to remember, which threw him off even more. And when you said “nice to meet you” it confused him, you two had met earlier that day. God, he had to get some fresh air. 
Peter made it outside and was cooling down from that super awkward and weird encounter, when he saw you pulling out of the car park in your car, singing along loudly to some Miley Cyrus song. He turns away, trying not to make it obvious that he was avoiding you. But you turned your head as you were looking for oncoming traffic, and you saw him. 
You don’t know why you did it, but you rolled your window down and yelled above the loud ass music, “Hey Peter! You waiting on a ride?” 
He was too caught off guard to lie, and to be fair he didn’t even like lying, so he shook his head and before he knew it, he was getting in your car. 
“Where are you heading?” You asked, turning the music down. He tries not to be as awkward as before as he says, “Queens, but it’s a far drive you really don’t have to-” 
“Oh I live there too! Don’t even worry about it,” you say, happy you could do something for the odd kid. He was a bit awkward, but in a cute sort of way. It almost made your stomach get butterflies at the thought of you of all people making him nervous. 
“Oh okay, thanks so much. I really appreciate it,” he says, then after a beat of intense silence with Miley wailing in the background, he decides to try and make conversation. “So how long have you been working for Mr. Stark?” 
“Since I was 16, so like 3 years. Most of it was being Ms. Potts’ assistant though,” you say, tapping your fingers to the beat. 
“Woah, wait so did you like graduate early?” He asks, now immensely intrigued. You give him the rundown of the past 6 years of your life, to which he’s very impressed and totally not thinking about how pretty you look in the dying sunlight. Totally would never do that. 
“But yeah, that’s me. What about you, how did you get involved with Mr. Stark?” You ask, glancing over at him slightly. You must say for a dork, he had some very nice features. 
“Very long story that includes him hitting on my aunt. Ugh,” he shivers at the memory, “And a trip to Germany.” 
That rings some bells in your head, but to be fair Mr. Stark is in Germany a lot so you don’t really question it. Like I said, you don’t connect dots very well unless it’s in the form of equations. 
You guys talk all the way to Peter’s apartment, you even give him your phone number if he ever needs a ride to the office. As Peter walks off, you both can’t help but wonder how weird the day has been. But as you drive off and turn up the radio, you put it out of your mind. Time to go home and relax. 
Only when you got home, you didn’t relax. Almost as soon as you step into your apartment, your phone lets out a little “cha-ching” noise, notifying you that someone just venmoed you. You completely forgot about Spidey owing you for your ice cream until you saw the little notification: Spidey paid you $10 with an ice cream emoji underneath. You smirk, then go back to fully entering your apartment. Only to hear your phone go off a few seconds later, another venmo notification, this time a comment left under the money he just paid you. 
I feel really bad about earlier. I figured I’d pay for both. 
You raise an eyebrow at your phone, smiling a little to yourself. He seems sweet. Sweeter than most guys you’ve run into in the middle of New York. And trust me, it’s happened more often than you’d like to admit. 
You type back. 
I really appreciate that Spiderdude. Love the profile pic;)
His profile picture was that one Spiderman meme with the three Spidermans pointing at each other. It made you giggle, at least he had a sense of humor. Most superheroes (*cough* Steve Rogers *cough*) didn’t. A few seconds later he sends another message. 
Next time I’ll get you three scoops:)
You smiled and decided that was a pretty good deal, three free ice creams? Sounds like a scam but you weren’t going to question it. You just put your phone down and decided it was time to have a nice warm bath and rock out to Taylor Swift. 
It was a while before you heard from both Peter or Spiderman, and you were still clueless to the fact that they were the same person. After a few weeks of that whole situation being off your mind, you were going into work on a late night call from Mr. Stark said that something urgent came up with the Spiderling and he wasn’t in town to take care of it. So, you jumped out of bed and rushed out still in your pajamas to the Stark Tower. 
You sped all the way there, the stars oddly bright for the city. You made note to go to the rooftop of your apartment whenever you were able to make it back. You always had a thing for the stars, having not grown up in New York. The city was beautiful, but you could truly say that you hated the nights there. No stars glittering overhead, cars and people being loud at all hours of the night. The only good thing you could say about the night in New York was all the food places that were open 24/7. (You tend to have a craving for Thai food at odd hours of the night.) 
Upon arriving at the Stark Tower, you ask F.R.I.D.A.Y what’s going on, and she directs you to your lab. You make your way up there, wondering what in the world this kid could be needing that’s so urgent. If it’s something stupid, dear god, help him. You would molly whop him into the next dimension. 
The lab doors upon a very beat up Spiderboy, who’s laid across your desk. Laying in a pile of blood. Okay, good enough reason, you supposed, immediately dropping all idea’s of punching the poor kid in the head. 
You rush up to him, taking in his half dead state of being. A giant would- no a hole would be a better way of putting it. Just a big hole in his side, with a lot of blood seeping out of it. You poke him, making sure he’s still breathing. He groans in response, it’s enough to get you moving. You had planned on this a long time ago, you created a device to regrow skin just for this occasion. You found it and within seconds, his wound began healing, though it might take a while for him to create enough blood to be able to even be able to sit up again. At that thought, you ordered F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get the building’s onsite medical team to get the kid. 
Once you were finished fixing his gaping hole, you poked him again, praying he was still alive. There was so much blood everywhere, but you tried to keep your Thai food down as you begged for him to wake up. 
“Come on kid, you can’t die on me. Mr. Stark would kill us both,” you say, starting to shake him now. You could see his chest moving up and down slightly, but he wasn’t waking up. You pleaded in your head for the med team to get there quickly, you didn’t know why you were so upset by this. Sure, it would be sad if the kid died, but you didn’t know him like that. You didn’t know him well enough to be crying over his dying body, begging him to just open his eyes or say something. Not that you could see them through the mask-
The mask. 
Your trembling hand goes to take it off, but the medical team rushes in just as you begin peeling it off, only exposing his neck. 
You step back as the med team begins working on him, you let them know that you healed him, but he needed blood. That was all you could say before they moved him onto the gurney and began taking him away, you called after, “Just wake up, Spidey, please!” 
That was the first thing that Peter remembers hearing, your voice. Lights were flashing overhead as he heard people saying things above him, though he couldn’t comprehend any of it. God, he was so dizzy. And why wasn’t his side hurting anymore? He started grabbing for his side, but the people around him stopped him from doing so. What was going on?
“You were bleeding out,” one of them says from above him, he’s starting to hear them more clearly now. Maybe his superhealing had finally set in. “No, Ms. y/l/n just saved your life. Now calm down, you’re going to be okay.” 
Peter didn’t realize he was just speaking his thoughts as they came to him, he also didn’t realize that you had decided to follow the medical team just to make sure he ended up okay. It’s not that you didn’t trust them, you just wanted to be sure. So much for looking at the stars, huh? 
Peter kept babbling as the medical team got him to their facility a few floors down, starting to connect tubes to give him more blood. One of them goes to take his mask off to check for any head wounds, but he stops them. He’s conscious enough to know that he knows none of these people, and none of these people need to know that he’s Peter Parker. 
“You’re Peter Parker?” You say, total confusion in your voice. Damn it, did he say that out loud? “Yes, you did, you idiot.” 
You get as close as you can without getting in the way of the people trying to help him. Once they were all done and he was getting the blood that he needed, you asked them to leave so you could talk to Peter. How did you not realize? He has a very distinctive voice, and obviously that’s why Mr. Stark brought him into your lab a few weeks ago. Seriously, not your best moment. 
“So you’re the infamous Spiderman?” You say, sitting on the edge of his cot. He peels his mask off and takes a breath of fresh air. 
“Wait,” it hits him that you didn’t know, what is going on? “You didn’t know?” 
“Nope,” you laugh, “I’m not really sure how I didn’t, especially after Mr. Stark brought you in there. I’m also not sure how he never mentioned that you were there person I’ve been making all this superhero stuff for. Must have slipped his mind.” Understatement of the century. 
“I thought you knew, that’s why I never really mentioned it. Also,” he smiles a little to himself, “I promised to get you ice cream next time I saw you. How about it?” 
You raise your eyebrow at him, “You’re in a cot getting blood poured into you.” 
“When I’m better?” 
“Sounds like a date.”
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holllandtrash · 7 months
Text
i forgot that you existed | lando norris (6 to 1)
part of the lover x 6 to 1 series | lando norris x leclerc! reader
it isn't love, it isn't hate it's just indifference 
takes place 3 months after part 12 of 6 to 1 (immediately after london boy in the lover series tbh) vote for the next part here
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I forgot that you existed takes place three months after lando and y/n started dating. I can’t make it fit into the real f1 2023 timeline so here we are, in our own delusional 2023 world. 
The door to Charles’ flat swung open and your brother greeted you with a hug, despite having seen him not too long ago. 
It was rare that he was home during his birthday, especially as the F1 calendar kept extending, but it worked out in his favour this year and on that Monday, October 16th, he had his friends and loved ones over for a quick celebration before everyone needed to hop on a plane for Texas tomorrow.
“Twenty-six,” you laughed, squeezing his arm, “You’re getting old.”
Charles opened his mouth to rebuttal but before he could say anything, a recognizable French accent could be heard behind him. 
“Don’t say that. How do you think I feel?” 
You glanced over his shoulder and saw Pierre pouring himself a drink, a humorous smirk on his face before he raised his eyebrows, his version of greeting you. You kept it together and didn’t roll your eyes at him, instead looking back at Charles.
“Really?” You asked, voice dropping to a whisper.
Charles shrugged, “He’s my best mate.”
“Who fucked your younger sister and then talked about it around the paddock like it was an accomplishment,” you harshly pointed out, knowing Charles hated to be reminded of that and also hated confrontation. “Pick better friends, maybe.”
You walked inside the flat, dropping the bottle of wine on the counter and purposely avoided Pierre’s watchful gaze. You wished Lando was with you, and you knew he’d be here soon, but you just felt better when you had his hand to hold and him to turn to to make comments under your breath. 
Arthur called your name from behind you and you turned and said hi to him and his girlfriend, Carla, offering to pour them a glass of wine. Arthur declined, but Carla raised her empty glass and gave you a bright smile, politely asking for another.
You found a few glasses and opened up the bottle, all while ignoring Pierre who was still standing in the kitchen. You smiled as Joris was next to walk through the door, greeting him as well, but before you could join everyone in the living room, Pierre called you out for giving him the cold shoulder.
“What, no hello for me?” Pierre asked. His faint scoff and the narrowing of his eyes told you that he wasn’t kidding. He looked at you like he was truly offended that you had shown everyone else here attention and not him.
And you had kept your mouth shut around Pierre for a while now, months really. There was tension, but you were civil because weirdly enough, Charles was still his best friend. Charles as well, kept his mouth shut. All of you just silently agreed that if no one said anything, you could all move on.
But you could only bite your tongue for so long.
“I’m sorry,” the sarcasm dripped off your tongue. “I forgot that you existed, actually.” You eyed him over, practically challenging him to respond. 
And obviously, he did. 
“That’s unlikely,” he said, voice dripping with the same bitterness you had. 
You missed the way Charles and Joris exchanged a worried glance, both of them knowing that you hadn’t actually talked to Pierre in months unless it was to exchange a casual ‘hi’ ‘bye’. Both of them also knew that you quickly grew to despise the French driver.
Even though you were never dating Pierre, the one night you spent together made your skin crawl when you really started to think about it. Him going around and telling other drivers about it after the fact was one thing that you still had issues with, because he didn’t seem to understand it from your perspective, but the real issue at hand was that you were 20 when you slept with Pierre while he was 27.
20. Barely old enough to make the right decisions, barely an adult, barely someone who should be trusted with a few bottles of wine and a man over seven years older than her. 
Pierre knew you were inexperienced, young, easily manipulated at that age. He showed you the right amount of attention at that dinner and you were swept off your feet, not even thinking about how wrong this was on so many levels.
The age gap, the seven years between you, wasn’t what bothered you. You had friends who were happily in love with partners with an age gap like that and then some. 
It was the fact that Pierre knew he could take advantage of the situation, make you think that he was what you wanted because he was older, smarter, he had known you for years, made you think he knew you. 
You trusted him. At least, that night you did. You didn’t think anything bad would come from it, especially since you decided to keep it to yourselves. It wasn’t a mistake, you both agreed, it just shouldn’t happen again. 
God how wrong you were, about it not being a mistake. 
Of course it was. You slept with Pierre Gasly. The same Pierre Gasly who was known around the paddock for hooking up with new girls every race weekend, for leading women on and then leaving them high and dry only to brag about to whoever would listen.
Being sexually active wasn’t the problem, the way he acted was. 
Like he was too good everyone here, like he could get anything he wanted if he just batted his eyelashes. Pierre was cocky, egotistic, arrogant. At one point you thought it was just self-confidence, an admirable trait. You knew now it wasn’t. 
The door to the flat opened again and even though you were in a vengeful staredown with Pierre, you loosened up immensely as you heard Lando’s cheerful ‘Happy birthday Chuck’ greeting when he walked inside. He patted Charles on the back and started to make his way towards you, only to see that he was about to walk into the middle of something.
“I don’t want to get involved,” Lando whispered to Charles.
“I’m not getting involved,” Charles shook his head. “It’s my birthday.”
“She’s your sister.”
“And she’d break both of my legs if I tried to interrupt. You’re probably safer than me.”
Probably, being the key word.
Lando, reluctantly, approached your side, hand finding your waist. He glanced at Pierre, but Lando as well didn’t have much of a friendship with the French driver anymore either. Not condoning his actions nor the way he treated people. Pierre had a horrible attitude, but he just never saw it until you pointed it out.
“Let’s go on the balcony for a bit, yeah?” Lando suggested. 
Lando draped his arm around your shoulder and you nodded, starting to turn with you under his arm. 
He, for one, was happy you were taking the high road. He had seen you absolutely livid before and he thanked his lucky stars that it was never directed at him. 
But Lando was ahead of himself. He trusted you to keep walking and move on, but he couldn’t say the same for Pierre. 
“So that’s how it’s going to be now, huh?” Pierre asked, calling after you before you could slide open the patio doors. 
You had just turned your back on him. Lando felt you tense beside him. Your shoulders tightened, body stiffening. He whispered for you to just keep walking, to just go outside, but as much as you wanted to take the high road, you were also not one to stand down. 
You pivoted on your heels, ignoring the way Lando tried to grab your hand, one last attempt to stop you. 
“This is exactly how it’s going to be,” you retorted, your tone had him and Lando flinching. Thank god there was a kitchen island between you, but the way you slapped your hands on the marble surface had Pierre stepping backwards anyway. 
He raised his eyebrows, “Excuse me?”
“Did I stutter?” You eyed him up. “You’re a prick, Pierre. A conceited, self-centred, misogynistic fucking asshole who only goes after girls younger then you because any girl your age would be smart enough to know not give you more than two minutes of their time. I didn’t know better and I stupidly trusted you and then you ran your mouth around the paddock because apparently you think that since you’re not a good enough driver to score points you have to brag about your sexual achievements to feel like a fucking man.”
Silence. 
Absolute silence. 
From Charles, from Lando. From everyone in the living room who had assumed tonight was just going to be about having a casual hang to celebrate Charles’ birthday. Now the conversations had stopped, the stares were on you.
More importantly, though, Pierre’s lips were tightly pressed together, unable to come up with a response to match that, to attack you the way you had him.
“Now if you’ll excuse me,” you grabbed one of the glasses of wine you had poured. “I would very much like to just celebrate Charles and go back to forgetting you fucking exist.”
You took a sip as you turned and stepped past Lando, heading towards the balcony like you had originally intended to. 
Sliding the door open, you welcomed the autumn air and left the glass open a crack, knowing Lando would follow you out, he’d follow you anywhere. As you stared down at the scenic view of Monte Carlo, arms resting over the concrete barrier, you slowly started to hear the conversations pick back up again.
After another sip of the wine, it took everything in you not to look over your shoulder when you overheard the mixed voices of Charles, Lando and Pierre. If you had to assume, Lando was apologising for your outburst on Charles’ birthday while also pointing out that everything you said was in fact correct. When Pierre raised his voice, you didn’t catch what he said but you could hear the offended tone. 
And then Charles was clear as day, “Mate you never actually apologised to her and meant it.”
Shortly after, the door slid open again and you turned to see Lando joining you. He closed the door this time, muting the voices inside completely. He didn’t stand next to you, instead behind you and wrapped his arm around your stomach, pulling you into his chest.
Lando kissed the side of your head, only to chuckle immediately after.
“You were a little harsh back there.”
“I meant every word.”
“I know you did.”
Lando swayed side to side, taking in a deep breath of contentment. It was peaceful out here, quiet. You knew when you went back inside you’d be forced to deal with Pierre and the words that were spoken and you wanted to avoid that for as long as possible.
“Do you hate him?” Lando asked you and part of you wanted to say yes but that just wasn’t true. 
Hating someone was time consuming, it was tiring, it was draining and you just didn’t have the energy to put those type of angered feelings towards Pierre. He infuriated you beyond words when you saw him, especially knowing he didn’t care about what he had done, but you didn’t hate him.
“I’m indifferent,” you answered. “Really, it’s been lovely not talking to him at all these last few months. It’s like a breath of fresh air, not having in my life. He’s-” your words were cut with a sigh and Lando hugged you tighter. “He’s not a good person, and I think part of me has always known that. I’ve seen how he’s treated girls before, the little respect he’s given them but I just always brushed it off because he was Charles’ friend. I thought I needed him in my life too but I don’t.”
You turned in Lando’s grasp, putting the glass of wine on the edge of the balcony so you could rest your arms around his shoulders, your fingers connecting behind his neck.
You shrugged, “I’m just going to forget about him.”
“What if you see him in the paddock?” 
“I’ll keep walking.”
“At family events like this?” Lando knew that he was still going to be around your personal life.
“I don’t need to talk to him,” the answer was simple. 
Lando nodded, it was the sort of response he expected. “Do you think you’ll ever get back to a place where you are friends?”
Your lips curled upwards, “Maybe. If he ever grows up.”
At the same second, the door behind Lando slid open and you pulled apart out of respect for whoever was about to join you outside. 
You thought maybe it would be Charles, or Arthur even.
You certainly didn’t expect Pierre.
He glanced at Lando, and then at you and then back at Lando, “Mind if I steal Y/N for a second?”
“Why don’t you ask me if you could have a few seconds of my time instead of looking at Lando for some sort of permission?” You shot back. Lando hid his snicker fairly well and reached down, rubbing your arm quickly for encouragement, or maybe it was a gentle reminder to at least try and be nice.
“I’ll refill this for you,” Lando’s excuse was a poor one as he reached for your wine glass that was still more full than not. He squeezed your hand before stepping past Pierre, but knowing better than to completely shut the sliding glass door all the way.
At least if you two started yelling at each other, someone needed to be able to hear it and put a stop to it. 
“I’m not apologising for anything I said,” you told him before he could get the wrong idea.
“Not even for the way you spoke to me?” Pierre asked. This was not off to a good start. 
“I don’t understand how everyone in this flat is younger than you, but outrageously more mature,” you scoffed. “I’m not apologising for anything. Especially not since you haven’t either.”
“I did,” he retorted. “In the paddock!”
“You didn’t mean it, you just hated that I snapped at you in front of other people and you felt obligated to react.”
Pierre’s jaw clenched, a telling sign that you were definitely right and he just didn’t want to admit it. 
“I’m-”
“Save it,” you shook your head. “I don’t want anything from you now, let alone a few empty words. What you should do, Pierre, is a little self reflecting, maybe some growth. And come back to me when you know how to treat people with respect.”
You didn’t want him to get another word in, instead choosing to step by him to head back inside. You spotted Lando leaning against the kitchen island, chatting with Arthur and laughing about something. He caught your eye through the window, sending a wink in your direction as you slid the glass open fully. 
He treated you with respect. He showered you with love and adoration. Lando cared so deeply for you, going out of his way time and time again to prove that to you. 
You looked at Arthur, at Charles, you knew Enzo would be arriving soon and you also knew your brothers would do anything for you. Despite the bickering and sometimes screaming matches, they had your back. 
You thought about your friends, the ones in Monaco, in Spain, from all around the world. They loved you, they would drop anything for you. They wouldn’t go around and talk about you behind your back, they wouldn’t use you.
And you loved all of them. Your family, your friends, Lando. You held your loved ones close and cherished any second you had with them. Your relationships were a huge part of your life, they always had been.
You no longer had one with Pierre. There was no connection anymore.
You turned back around, only to see that Pierre had now replaced your original spot and was leaning against the balcony, looking at the streets below. His back was turned to you, probably having assumed you walked back inside by now and you should have.
Instead you were thinking about how gone were the days where you would be cheering for his points, watching his races like his other friends would. You wouldn’t dare set foot on a trip with him ever again, the friendship was gone. 
And you would have stuck around, had he just apologised and meant it. If he just owned up to being a complete prick, admitted that he was in the wrong for once. If he had done that, you would have still been his friend, you would be there for him instead of walking away and leaving him standing there alone right now. 
Did he know that?  
Did he know you wished it hadn't come to this?
Did he know now the mistake he had made, and was he hopefully going to learn from his actions?
You felt a hand wrap around your wrist as you were dragged back inside by Lando. He kissed your cheek, once and then once more before handing you the wine glass that wasn’t any more full now than when he had snagged it to refill it. 
“All good?” Lando asked, unsure what even qualified as good at this point.
You nodded and Lando didn't quite believe you but he didn’t push. You said what you needed to. Hopefully, your point got across to Pierre, but he wasn’t your problem anymore. As far as you were concerned, Pierre Gasly no longer existed in your life.
vote for the next part here
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forevermoreharrington · 7 months
Text
I would wait forever and ever - J.M
JJ just wants his favourite girl to relax a little
JJ Maybank x female!reader
A/n: 18+, friends/lovers, fluff
Warnings : strong language, kissing
Word count: 1.2k
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JJ absentmindedly threw his arm around her like he always did, making her jump slightly on her walk home, she should’ve known by now he always waited for her after work. He had mud on his boots and grass stuck to his clothes, his hair was a mess like usual and he was drowning in the strangest scent of rusted metal.
“Have you been hiding out in the trees or something you’re covered.” She went on her tiptoes to brush a leaf from his hair, he didn’t want to tell her she now had grass stuck to her shoulder, she looked too cute trying to make him look less like a stray dog.
“I’ve been hanging out.” He shrugged it off, lacing his fingers with hers. He liked walking down the street like this, with her tucked under his arm, it was like a stupid boys fuck you to anyone who thought they could have her. Because in JJ’s mind, she was very much his.
She pinched her brows together. She worried about him way too much, she worried that while everyone was at work or studying he was out getting into trouble.
“What does that even mean?” She tried to untangle herself from his arm but he refused to let her go, which in actual fact she didn't mind that much, she just wished for once he would give a straight answer.
He rolled his eyes playfully at her, he loved her, he really did but sometimes he felt like she was going to give herself a heart attack before they were twenty-five.. Everybody else on the island was stress free and here she was worrying about him, which he kind of liked but wouldn't admit.
“How was your day sweetheart?” She glared at him as he tried to not so discreetly change the subject, and partly for the nickname used that they had one to many disagreements about because according to her friends didn't call their other friends that and all he ever had to say was that they weren't just friends and he was still waiting on her answer to when he first asked her out two years ago.
“Hot.” She pressed the back of her hand to her neck, making JJ’s head do summersaults. Her skin was hot to the touch and sticky from sunscreen, all she wanted to do was go home and have a cold shower.
“That’s why we should go-”
“Home.” She interrupted, seeing that look in his eyes that terrified her. “To get your job application done, so I can tidy my room and so-” He pressed a kiss to her cheek, simply to get her to shut up and so he could redirect them towards the ocean instead of her street.
It felt like an abuse of power but one kiss to her forehead or her cheek and she completely forgot what she was saying and JJ took advantage of that whenever he could. She was smarter, but he knew how to use was he had.
“To the beach.” He pointed ahead, taking her down the alleyway that gave them a perfect view of the very few people that were there, it wasn’t tourist season just yet so it was the best time to go and she could just shower later while JJ used her laptop.
“Okay but only for a little while.”
His heart beat a little bit faster knowing he had got his way, knowing that all day he had been waiting around for her to get off work so he could take her to the beach because going alone wasn’t awful it just wasn’t as nearly good as bringing his best girl along.
And watching him do headstands in the ocean like a little kid was something she would never get bored of.
JJ shook himself off like a dog before he laid beside her, normally he would have leaped on her the second he got out the ocean but she had on her polo top and that little skirt that made his body ache and he would have felt a little bad if the club told her off for turning up tomorrow covered in sand and salt water. They directly hated fun there as far as he knew.
“You’ve got to chill out, you know?” He looked pretty in the sun, even when he squinted his eyes and scrunched up his nose, the only way she could explain it was it was all very JJ, he had his own special type of pretty.
“I’m fine.” She hated how unconvincing she sounded, she hated that she did worry too much and that he was right, she needed to relax now and then. He was always right about her, it was one of the things he was most proud of, how well he had memorised every one of her tells and how he knew all her secrets.
“No you’re thinking about the thousand other things you need to get done and not focusing on the fact that you're at the beach on a perfect sunny day with a cute guy, I mean isn't that what life is all about.” He looked away from the sky so he could look at her, fighting the urge to just kiss her until he couldn’t breathe, or to just fix her tangled necklace, even just brush his fingers down her arm.
But he knew she’d tell him off for it, she was always so sure he was just messing around with her, that he was making a game out of flirting with her, he was just waiting for her to realise that he wasn't kidding.
“I never know what you’re talking about.” She smiled softly at him, her chest tightening at the way he grinned back at her.
“Same. I think that's why we're friends.” He shifted forward, almost brushing his nose with hers, the sand getting so stuck in his hair it would take hours for him to wash it out. “Friends that sometimes kiss.”
“JJ.” She warned, his hand already against her cheek, he loved how perfect his hand touched her face, how right it looked to him. He ignored her, playing the innocent card. They had kissed plenty of times before, it wasn't like this was unusual for them , it was just becoming more common and they didn't have the excuse of alcohol affecting their actions either.
She just looked so pretty, how could he not kiss her, and then she had said his name and he was gone, he needed to taste her again, it had been weeks since their last kiss.
“What? I haven't even done anything yet.” He tilted her jaw up and pressed his lips to hers, sighing at the taste of her coconut chapstick on his lips, feeling it transfer over as he controlled their kiss. She always went weak whenever he kissed her.
JJ pulled back, grinning, far too pleased with himself for stealing a kiss. “Now you can tell me off.”
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starkwlkr · 7 months
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we’ll always have paris | cillian murphy
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2007
Paris was nice. Y/n loved it. She was currently in the city of love for a movie premiere for her film ‘Atonement’. Even after attending many premieres, she still got nervous. One of her top fears was falling in front of all the photographers.
“You look great.” Y/n heard the Scottish accent that belonged to James McAvoy. She turned around and saw James in a suit. They were currently in the same elevator going down.
“Thanks, so do you.” Y/n replied. Immediately James noticed how nervous she was.
“Hey, don’t worry. I’ll make sure you don’t fall. And if you do then I’ll fall with you.” He smiled.
“Thanks, James.” Y/n returned the smile. She felt better. Soon enough, the camera flashes were blinding her and shouts of photographers were the only thing she could hear. She’ll admit, she could never really get used to the bright flashes or the constant shouting of her name, but she would be forever grateful for the memories and opportunities.
As she made her way to the end of the carpet where James was waiting for her. She was slightly confused since James had said that he would meet her in the theater fifteen minutes ago. She approached him, ready to ask him why he decided to stay back, but she didn’t get the chance to do so.
“I need you to come with me, it’s rather important.” James said, but Y/n could barely hear him.
“What?” Y/n asked, but James grabbed her hand and led her to the building where the movie was going to play, except they didn’t go straight into the theater, James made a turn and led Y/n to a quieter spot. “What is going on? We have to be inside soon!” She tried her hardest to keep up in her dress and heels.
“Do you trust me?” James stopped walking and faces her. Y/n nodded. “Good then you’ll thank me later and many years from now too.”
What does that even mean?
James continued with Y/n by his side until he got to an empty theater. He stopped at the double doors. “Alright, so . . . don’t worry about the premiere for a while. I can only stall for maybe an hour or thirty minutes, but still enjoy those minutes. Also you look good, hair is amazing, no lipstick in your teeth, you’re more than good.”
Y/n was beyond confused. What was James even saying?
“Stop right there. What’s going on? Please just tell me,” Y/n asked. “Is this like a surprise? Because I really don’t like surprises and I’m horrible with reactions to surprises.”
“It might be a surprise, but i promise you this is a good one so just go on in and forget you’re even at the premiere of your own movie that everyone is waiting to see!”
“That is not helping.”
But Y/n still went into the empty theater anyways. It was more curiosity than anything. As she entered, she saw that the theater wasn’t completely empty or dark.
“Hi.” She said, catching the attention of the man seated in the middle of the theater.
“I thought you forgot about me,” Cillian stood up from his seat. “you didn’t call, I thought I scared you off.”
“You didn’t! Sorry, I just . . . I didn’t really remember where I had put your number and I thought you were only being nice because I was drunk,” She admitted. “are you here for the premiere or filming?”
“I just wanted to see you.”
Holy shit, I think I am about to pass out
“You wanted to see . . me?”
“Is that surprising? I enjoyed our limited time together. I’m actually supposed be in filming, but I decided that Paris was a good little last minute trip. I made a few calls.” Cillian had come up to her.
“So you’re the reason why James was being so weird. I should’ve known.” She chuckled.
“Sorry about that, I didn’t want anyone to interrupt us and this seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I’m realizing that you probably want to be seated in the theater to watch-” Y/n stopped him.
“So, how are you liking Paris? This is only my second time being here.”
And in that moment, Cillian swore he fell more in love with her, the way she talked, how focused she was, but most of all, he loved the way his name sounded coming from her lips. It was like a sweet melody that he couldn’t get enough of.
“Cillian.”
For the next half hour, Y/n had completely forgotten about the premiere.
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rxmqnova · 5 months
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Hi, I have a request, can you write some funny drunk Nat/Wanda? You know, when Yn went to her and she said like she has a girlfriend or saying a few funny things.
I always craved these kind of fics hahaha
Drunk
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Y/N: 25 years old ——————————————————
Y/N'S POV I sigh after dialing my girlfriend's number for what feels like the millionth time. Tony threw another party in the Stark tower and my girlfriend went there. I couldn't go with her as I only just returned home an hour ago from a mission.
She agreed to be home by 10 though, so we could make a cozy movie night, but it's nearly half past 10 and I'm getting worried.
"Alright" I breath out, taking a hoodie. I hope she's okay and just forgot about time.
Even though I'm completely exhausted, I drive as fast as I can and as I expected the tower is still full of random people dressed in fancy suits and dresses. I guess my sweatpants and hoodie don't really fit the dress code, but I couldn't care less right now.
"Y/N, what are you doing here?" Natasha asks me as soon as I reach the bar behind which she's standing. I'm not sure how and why, but she somehow always ends up behind the bar and makes some drinks. "You want a drink?"
"Oh. No. I just came to pick up Wanda. Have you seen her?" I ask, nervously tapping the bar with my fingers and looking around.
"I think she's with the boys there, Pietro made her try some of that Thor's asgardian alcohol" Natasha says, pointing at a small group of people in the far.
"Oh god" I sigh, mentally preparing myself for an encounter with my drunk girlfriend. "Thanks, Nat. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a great night" I shoot her a quick smile and take a deep breath to calm myself down as I'm really mad at Pietro right now.
I asked him to look after her here when I couldn't and not to get her drunk. Also I'm really tired and this will make things a lot harder. I'm so gonna kill him when I see him…
I walk over to the small group of people, greeting the boys with a quick 'hi' before spotting Wanda sitting on the couch, looking completely wasted.
Pietro's so lucky that he's not here right now. But he won't get away like that, I'll just yell at him tomorrow.
"Hi there" I kneel in front of my girlfriend, giving her a warm smile.
"I'm taken" She says without hesitation which honestly makes me chuckle. I'm glad she knows we're dating even in this state, but the way she didn't hesitate for a second made me actually chuckle.
"I know you are. Your girlfriend asked me to bring you home to her. Come on, Wands" I tell her, taking her hand and trying to lift her.
"Don't touch me. I'm gonna tell my girlfriend and she's gonna kick your ass. She can fight, you know" Wanda says, giving me a glare.
"This will be hard" I sigh. "Wanda, honey, it's me… Y/N. I came for you. Let's go home, okay?" I smile at her, but she's clearly not listening as she's just staring at my hoodie which is actually hers.
"Did you steal my hoodie? Are you a stalker? Y/N is gonna kill you" Wanda says, giving me another glare.
I sigh and walk over to Clint as he's closest to me.
"Do you know where Pietro is? I need to kill him" I tell him, anger building up inside of me. I just want to lay down to bed and sleep.
"I think he left with some girl. What did he do?" Clint asks me, clearly amused.
"I asked him to look after Wanda here and what does he do? He makes her drink that Thor's asgardian beer or whatever that is and now Wanda's drunk and thinks I'm some stalker who's hitting on her" I sigh, pressing a palm to my forehead and trying hard not to cry in front of everyone.
"Okay, come on. I'll help you get her to the car" He smiles at me.
"Thank you" I give him a smile back and walk back to my drunk girlfriend. "Wanda, sweetheart, it's time to go home" I tell her softly, kneeling in front of her again.
"Y/N/N, is that you? Thank god, there was some really annoying stalker lady" Wanda sighs. "I missed you so much" She says, tears filling her eyes.
"I missed you too, baby. Let's go home now, hm?" I smile, happy that she recognized me.
Clint helps me to lift her up, he puts one of Wanda's arm around his shoulder's while I put the other around mine's.
"Wait!… Y/N, you need to find that bitch and kick her ass" Wanda states, stopping to walk completely.
"I promise I'll find her tomorrow, let's get you to bed now, okay?" I tell her, trying to be as nice as possible.
"But she had my favorite hoodie on. The one you always steal. I want it back" Wanda sobs, wrapping both of her arms around me and crying into my neck.
"Wanda, I promise you'll have your hoodie back tomorrow, just please come home with me" I sigh, rubbing her back. Clint just gives me a look full of sympathy which is not helping it at all, but nice of him for trying to make me feel better.
"Promise?" She asks, wiping her tears away.
"I promise, my love" I give her a smile and press a kiss to her forehead. "Let's go, you must be so tired"
Clint and I finally get Wanda to my car, so I thank him for help and buckle my girlfriend in.
"You got it back?" She gasps. "You're the best girlfriend!… I hope you kicked that bitch's ass" Wanda mumbles the last part, making me chuckle.
"You bet I did. No one will stalk and flirt with my girlfriend" I tell her which seems to satisfy her, so I sit behind the wheel and start driving us home… finally.
I pull over in the garage and open the door for my half-sleeping girlfriend, helping her out of the car.
"You're so nice to me, do you have a girlfriend?" Wanda asks me on which I furrow my brows as I thought she recognized me.
"I do" I answer, cusious where this will bring us.
"I have a girlfriend too! Y/N is on a mission now though. But maybe we could go on a double date someday!" Wanda says happily.
"That's a great idea" I tell her with a chuckle.
"Awesome! I'll ask Y/N when she comes back… you kinda look like her! That's scary!" Wanda gasps, studying my face while I'm trying to get her to our room.
"We're here" I announce, a sigh of relief leaving my lips as I sit my girlfriend on our bed.
"Thank you!" Wanda smiles, attempting to take off her shoes. "You can go home now. I don't think Y/N would appreciate if you watched me change, even though you look like her. And she should be home soon, because we're having a movie night" She looks at me seriously.
"Okay, I'll go home. Goodnight" I give her a smile and walk out of the room.
I wait about 2 minutes outside before walking back in. Hopefully she'll know it's me otherwise I might as well end up sleeping on the couch.
"Wanda, baby, I'm home" I announce, finding my girlfriend in the same position as I left her 2 minutes ago, her shoes still on and her cheeks wet. "Oh no, why those tears, baby?" I ask her softly, kneeling in front of her.
"Y/N/N, I can't take off my shoes" She sobs.
"Luckily for you, I'm here to help" I smile and wipe her tears away before taking off her shoes. "Let's get you ready for bed now, hm? Would you like one of my hoodies?" I ask softly, getting a nod in response.
Wanda loves sleeping in my hoodies just like I love sleeping in hers. We steal each others clothes on daily basis which I absolutely love, cause nothing is more comfortable than Wanda's hoodies.
I help her to change into some sweatpants and my hoodie which is not easy at all as she's already half asleep and isn't really helping me.
"Okay, you can sleep now, baby" I smile, helping her to properly lay down on the bed. I sigh in relief and lay down next to her, immediately having her cuddled up to me.
"I love you" She mumbles before drifting off to sleep, making me smile and kiss her forehead.
"I love you too" I whisper back. "But I'm not letting Pietro to look after you ever again"
After this I know a few things for sure… Wanda is the most loyal girlfriend ever and I'm really glad for that.
Another thing is that I will never ever let Pietro to look after his sister when I'm not here. We'll sure talk about it tomorrow and it won't really be a nice talk for him
----------------------
Chose Wanda, cause I felt like she is more likely to get drunk than Nat
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!! <;33
Wanda Maximoff masterlist
Masterlist
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wwandasbf · 1 month
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DONT LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD
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Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x F! Reader, PAST R x Natasha Romanoff (mentioned), WandaNat (mentioned)
Warnings: R is a little bit of a drug addict, rivals to lovers, angst, cheating, R is a home wrecker, swearing, very little fluff, top!wanda, smut, oral sex (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), little mention of masturbation?
(Minors and men DNI please!!)
☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆
You never randomly decide to fall in love with the person you so desperately try to hate. Especially when that person happens to be entirely unattainable and dating one of your best friends.
Wanda and Natasha started dating a few months ago and of course you and Wanda immediately didn’t get along. Natasha and you had dated for over a year before those two began dating, and that apparently drove Wanda mad.
Wanda hated how you and Natasha were so close, as if your relationship never happened and the two of you never had sex or wanted to marry one another. You on the other hand were unfazed by the “serious” relationship your ex was in.
You were high as shit more than half the time you were around them so you didn’t care even half as much as you would’ve while sober. You mostly just ignored Wanda or made dry remarks on how much of a bitch she was being when in reality she was trying to be nice, you were just pissed she was messing up your high.
Wanda quickly picked up on your drug addiction but she didn’t utter a word about it, she always tried to be polite with you for Natasha. In your mind, she was a snarky little witch who was quiet in a bothersome way. You would never acknowledge the fact she was a nice person and you were the problem.
You would never dare to admit that a simple glance from her light green eyes made you blush profusely, or that her soft voice comforted you like no other voice could, and you would most definitely never ever admit that you snuck small glances at her ass now and then.
Wanda was perfect and it deeply angered you because she was seeing one of your closest friends. You wanted to be with her but you didn’t realize it, you thought that it simply was just you getting annoyed at yet another person.
Wanda was deeply addictive, she was a drug you wanted over and over again. Despite constantly making your “hatred” for her more obvious, you still ended up going everywhere Wanda went when you, her, and Nat hung out.
Today was different though, because Natasha said she wouldn’t be tagging along. You and Wanda were alone in her room, you sat at her bay window, smoking a joint as Wanda put on music. You stayed there simply because Natasha asked you to try and get along for once, or at least that’s what you told yourself.
Wanda suddenly got off her bed and took the joint away from you, flicking it out her window and you immediately stood up and pushed her away. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You furrowed your eyebrows out of frustration.
Wanda scoffed, “You need to stop smoking that shit, you’re gonna destroy your lungs.” You didn’t respond, you simply glared at her and sat back down with your arms crossed while still glaring at her as if she was in the wrong but you knew you were.
Wanda continued, “Sorry, I forgot you don’t care about your health.” She walked away while shaking her head. She was a lot more pissed at you than usual which was probably because Natasha wasn’t there to be a buffer. You finally decided to speak up, “what’s your deal today? You’re being a dick.”
Wanda raised her eyebrows, feigning surprise that you actually spoke to her. “Natasha never says anything because she doesn’t want to upset you, but you’re getting out of control. How many days has it been since you didn’t take something?” Wanda’s tone was more concerned than anything at the end and you felt a pang of guilt for worrying her.
“I dont know, it hasn’t been that long.” You tried to sound convincing but it was clear you knew it had been a while. Wanda frowned slightly and sat next to you, curling her knees to her chest. “How long has it been since you were sober?”
You looked away momentarily, her tone saddened you even more. “I.. I think maybe uhm, five months..” Wanda’s expression grew even more worried. You just avoided her gaze and stared out the window at the rain and fog.
“You haven’t been sober since March?” Her voice softened and she gently grabbed your hand, “you need to try to get sober, you can’t keep going like this. If you don’t stop, you’re going to end up overdosing.”
You felt tears threatening to fall simply at how caring and sweet she was being. You wanted to hug her and bury your face in her neck or her chest, you just wanted to feel her embrace even more and yet you knew you couldn’t. You had gone over this a million times before with other people and yet somehow this time you decided to start crying.
You bit your lip nervously as tears ran down your cheeks, and Wanda felt her heart breaking at the sight. She immediately hugged you without thinking of Natasha, or any other reason why she shouldn’t be hugging you. You rested your forehead on her shoulder, allowing her to hold you. “I dont know why I’m crying.” You muttered, sniffling a little.
You pulled away a few moments later, still close to Wanda. She gave you a small yet sweet smile, hoping it would give you a bit of comfort. “It’s alright.” You took her polite smile and sweet words completely wrong, and leaned forward until your lips were pressing against hers. Wanda’s eyes widened and she hesitantly pulled away, staring at you in disbelief.
You looked almost just as shocked at the fact you just did that, and you felt a little sickened by yourself. You kissed one of your best friends girlfriend. You immediately felt terrible, the realization that this was your friend’s girlfriend and you just kissed her definitely didn’t make you seem like a very good friend.
Wanda didn’t know what to say or what to do, or how to feel considering the fact she didn’t dislike the small kiss, and the fact she wanted to kiss you again but less chastely. Wanda’s heart pounded as well, she felt so confused and worried at the same time. She just kissed her girlfriend’s friend. Once she realized you were standing up and about to leave she pulled you back and kissed you once again, sighing softly against your lips.
You froze since you half expected Wanda to slap you or scold you, but you didn’t expect a kiss whatsoever. You cupped Wanda’s cheeks gently even as the kiss ended and just lingered, your lips still centimeters from hers and your soft breathing mixing with hers. You couldn’t even say anything before she pulled you into yet another intoxicating kiss, this one lasting much longer.
The innocent kiss quickly turned into something more as the two of you began kissing deeply, her tongue swiping over your bottom lip and you immediately accepted it. Wanda’s lips were too soft and inviting to not let this happen, she was irresistible and you’d secretly dreamt of this too many times. All of your concerns for kissing Natasha’s girlfriend had fled your mind at this point.
Wanda pulled you onto her lap, pulling away momentarily. “Is— Is this okay?” Wanda was clearly nervous, not quite because she was cheating on her girlfriend but because she wanted you to be comfortable. You nodded a little too eager for your own liking but it made Wanda crack a small smile as she continued kissing you.
You never would’ve imagined being on Wanda’s lap, straddling her and making out with her and enjoying it so much. Her hands felt so good, slipping under your shirt and gliding along the skin of your back then slipping your shirt off. You whined slightly when she pulled away from your lips but quickly gasped as her lips went to your neck.
Wanda sucked dark hickeys on your lower neck as well as your collarbone while she unclasped your bra and tossed it to the ground. You whimpered as Wanda marked your skin, cursing under your breath when she’d occasionally nip and bite at your sensitive skin. Wanda loved how you squirmed underneath her and she abused it as much as she could. When Wanda began to unbutton and unzip your jeans then slide them down your legs, you felt your heart beating faster than before despite the fact that felt almost impossible now.
Once your jeans were on the floor along with your bra and shirt, Wanda marveled at how gorgeous your body was. “Can I take off your panties, baby?” You nearly groaned at the pet name Wanda called you, and nodded but Wanda raised a brow and spoke once again, “Use your words like a smart girl.” Wanda’s tone alone was enough to turn you on.
“Please..” you muttered, you weren’t used to being on the receiving end and it showed in your embarrassed expression. Wanda smirked, deciding that she wouldn’t tease you too much but that was mainly because she was growing impatient and just wanted to fuck you. Wanda pulled your panties down slow enough to make you whine, which Wanda found even more amusing.
Wanda finally got your panties off and couldn’t tear her gaze away from your cunt, you were perfect and so were your imperfections. Wanda put her hair back into a ponytail and lowered herself to the ground on her knees in front of you, not giving you a moment to think before burying her tongue inside of you.
You gasped and it quickly turned into a breathy moan as Wanda continued eating you out with fervor. When Wanda’s tongue was accompanied by two fingers you grasped her hair and tugged it to try and get Wanda’s face even closer to your core. Wanda placed her free hand on your hips to keep you from grinding against her tongue as she continued licking and sucking on your clit while her fingers stretched you out.
You leaned your head back against the cool glass of the bay window, the soft tapping of rain against said glass was drowned out by your moans and the lewd sounds coming from your pussy each time Wanda thrusted her fingers back into you. You were in complete bliss at that point, Wanda’s tongue worked your clit as her fingers hit deep within your cunt. Your moans grew louder and louder as the coil in your stomach was tightening each second, ready to snap at any moment. “Hold it.” Wanda mumbled against your pussy, the small vibrations causing you to whimper. “No.. please..” you could barely even speak. You glanced down at her to see her free hand had moved from your hips to between her own legs. She wanted to cum at the same time.
Your legs trembled, it felt almost impossible but you held back. When Wanda finally muttered “Now” you both came but Wanda didn’t quit. Wanda continued fucking you through your high, and continued even as you began feeling overstimulated. You didn’t stop her though, you would’ve let her stay between your thighs all day if you could’ve.
Wanda eventually stopped after she felt you had enough orgasms. She helped you back into your clothes from before despite her efforts to have you put on some of her clothes instead and she laid in bed with you next to her. The two of you laid there while listening to Wanda’s playlist, but were interrupted when you received a text from Natasha.
You felt guilt rising up in your chest the second Natasha texted. You responded and took a deep breath before turning your phone off, Wanda could tell what was stressing you out so much. “I’ll break up with her soon.” She kissed your temple softly. “You’ll hurt her.” You sighed, knowing how much Natasha liked Wanda. “We’ve only been together a few months, we haven’t even said I love you.” Wanda spoke softly.
You knew Natasha would be alright, but you still felt bad. You decided against focusing on that though, instead you buried your face into Wanda’s chest and relaxed into her embrace. You kept reminding yourself it was gonna be fine as long as Natasha never found out about it.
You spent the rest of the day hanging out at Wanda’s, your location turned off so Natasha wouldn’t suspect anything.
A/N - Sorry this is a little short and the ending sucks, also sorry for disappearing for I don’t even know how many months, I’ve been swamped with work and college, and I also really had no inspiration to write but let’s hope I post again within a month.
READ THIS PLEASE!!!
I’m no longer doing wlw fanfics because I recently found out I’m transgender FTM, so I’m sorry to all the lesbians and other wlw girls 😞
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sof1shticated · 5 months
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our deal | season end | part eight
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a/n: its giving romcom it's giving fun times, it's giving idiots to lovers!! as usual please let me know what you think, can't believe it's the second to last part of this series !!! taglist: @spideylovin , @lanando4 , @mindflay3r , @jazzy722 , @mcmuppet , @2bormaybenot , @wcnorris , @chonkybonky , @thatoneembarrasingmoment , @casuallyeating , @thomaslefteyebrow , @harrysdimple05 , @drunkinthemiddleoftheday , @just-levyy , @lausdigitaldiary , @jasminesacademia , @chiliwhore - if you'd like to join the taglist let me know!!! Our Deal Series Masterlist: HERE Formula One Masterlist: HERE words: 3.7k Warnings: alcohol consumption, very drunk f1 drivers, swearing!! might make you kick your feet and twirl your hair idk it made me do it
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(Y/n) was well on her way to very drunk. But luckily for her, so was everyone else. 
The 2023 season was over. It was four days since she’d flown home from Abu Dhabi; a mediocre race to finish the season had her revving to go for next year already. But for now, on a Friday night with alcohol flowing in her system, surrounded by other world-famous race drivers and whoever else got the invite, because there were certainly more than 30 people there. 
Daniel had sent the invite into the driver group chat, he’d rented out a club in Monaco for the end of the season and whoever wanted to come to party. Drivers, their partners, reserve drivers, she was sure there were a couple of team principals who could’ve been in the crowd, all laughed and chatted as if a week ago they weren't competing against each other. It was one of her favourite parts about F1 apart from driving so far. 
And the party was electric. She didn’t keep track of the drinks she’d been given. Max had brought over a shot, and then Daniel. She took a shot or two with Valtteri because she couldn't resist it before retreating to the dance floor to avoid any more. She could’ve danced the entire night if she wanted to. With the vodka coursing through her veins, she felt invincible. She jumped up on the table when I Love It by Icona Pop came on, commanding the room and putting on a show while everyone laughed and cheered. 
Some of the guys’ girlfriends jumped up with her with the next song since nobody could resist Dancing Queen by ABBA, and she laughed and danced and was so happy to be a part of such a group. 
She wouldn’t have missed this party for anything.
She didn’t have a place in Monaco yet, so she graciously accepted Alex’s offer to stay at his and Lily’s place rather than stay in a hotel for the few days she was there. She wondered if Alex assumed she wouldn’t actually end up sleeping at his place for tonight at least and instead end up at Lando’s apartment. She obviously hadn’t told Alex about the end of their deal.
(Y/n) had seen Lando around the party. Somehow, despite the size of the room and party, they seemed to gravitate towards each other. At the bar, or close by on the dance floor. She’d even ended up smiling cheekily in a picture with him when paparazzi Daniel came around with his camera. She didn’t even think either of them was doing it on purpose, she certainly wasn't and she didn't think Lando wanted to speak with her. Sometimes Lando moved a bit away when they’d get too close, or sometimes she would, but not 20 minutes later they were bumping into each other again. Still, they barely spoke.
She had a plan. She had spoken with James, and she was going to text Lando tomorrow to see if she could go to his place to talk. She was going to tell him everything. And she was going to hope against everything he could forgive her. 
She shook her head to stop herself from thinking about him and in front of her Carlos laughed loudly over the music. She was so lost in her own head that, combined with the alcohol, she forgot she was standing talking with him. 
“You heard nothing of what I just said, huh?” Carlos chuckled. She looked up at him, blinking the last bit of fog out of her eyes.
“No, mate, I’m sorry,” She laughed herself, “God, I hate taking shots sometimes.”
“Were you thinking about something specific?” Carlos wiggled his eyebrows and she widened her eyes dramatically. 
“Nope, why should I be prepping for next season already? You’re the old vet now,” She teased, “I’ve had some of my best ideas drunk, so maybe I can put it to use for the track.” 
“C’mon, we’re friends, you can tell me if you were thinking about a Mr. Norris,” He teased and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 
“What? No, why would-“ 
“(Y/n), mate, my friend, may I call you that?” He said in fake seriousness which caused (Y/n) to let out a snort, “Most of the paddock can see the way you two are.”
“There’s nothing to see,” She said quickly, but as if she were eavesdropping on the conversation she could see her own face and hear her own tone to know she was lying.
“Come on,” He dragged it out, and in her current state, it was enough to crack the shell. She covered her face with her hands to hide the heat that crept up her cheeks. Note to self, no shots with Valtteri Bottas when you have a secret. 
“I knew it!” 
“Carlos, no, no, please it’s not like that!”
“It has to be like that! It definitely has to be because then Charles owes me 50 Euros.”
“Don’t tell me you bet on me and Lando getting together!”
“Fine, then I won’t tell you.”
“What made you think it at all?”
“I like to think I know Lando pretty well, and based on what I know about him, it was obvious he liked you. He’s spent most of the night looking at you by the way. I was with him when you jumped on the table,” He paused and whistled, “He couldn’t have taken his eyes off you if he tried.” 
(Y/n) shook her head lightly. She honestly didn’t know what to think. Whether it was a good thing people in the paddock apparently knew there was something else — even if the something else was “casual” — going on between her and Lando, or a very bad thing that it might’ve gotten out of control before they could control their own narrative. 
Two people had responded resoundingly with ‘I knew it!’ Upon finding out she and Lando were more than friends. And they weren’t freaked out by it. 
Before she could say something more, Carlos was pulled away by his girlfriend to the dance floor. With a final look over his shoulder, he winked playfully and was whisked away to the tune of Crazy in Love by Beyonce. 
“I need another drink,” She mumbled to herself and made her way back to the bar. 
She smiled at whoever she passed, Max and Kelly making their way to the dance floor in the same way as Carlos and Rebecca. Fernando and Valtteri were having a conversation close to the bar as though just in case they wanted to make a quick escape to get another drink. Finally, Lance and Esteban, who leaned against the bar chatting and laughing with each other, both nodded their hellos with wide smiles as she approached.
“Not dancing on the table anymore, huh?” Lance teased, and she rolled her eyes. 
“Only for Icona Pop and ABBA,” She defended herself jokingly, “What about you two? What song will make you dance on the table?
“Ah, I don’t know, maybe some RiRi,” Esteban grinned and Lance and (Y/n) laughed.
“RiRi, really?” Lance asked.
“What she’s the best? Get some Pon de Replay on and I’ll get on the table and drag Lance with me.”
“In your dreams, mate.”
“I can absolutely make that happen,” (Y/n) chuckled, nodding toward the DJ, “I think it’ll be pretty easy to get him to play some Rihanna.”
“Now you’ll have to eat your words, Estie,” Lance said.
“Oh non, I won’t be eating them, we’ll be on the table over there,” He nodded towards the same table (Y/n) was on earlier in the night. 
“Estie Bestie’s on the table dancing, baby!” (Y/n) mimicked his now classic quote from early in the season, and the three of them threw their heads back laughing again. 
“Ah, sometimes I think I will miss this for the winter,” Esteban sighed, a smile still plastered to his face.
“Miss what?” (Y/n) asked curiously.
“Just hanging out with people, I’ve always liked this end-of-year party, makes it feel more real, makes everyone feel more real,” He answered. 
“I agree, although, I’m more than ready for a recharge,” Lance said and leaned back in his chair to grab his drink on the counter.
“Hey, we all signed a verbal agreement, no car talk!” She raised an eyebrow. It was an unofficial rule, so she heard from Alex, that the end-of-the-year party, dinner, or whatever it manifested itself as that year, would be far and away from talking about driving. 
“Nah, not car talk, just ready for a break,” Lance defended casually, lifting his free hand in surrender.
“I get it, after that rookie year, I’m ready for a nap, I-“ She started to say but trailed off mid-sentence looking over to where the DJ was again. 
She couldn’t quite believe it herself, and if she had had a few more shots she might be able to convince herself it was all in her head. She hadn’t heard the song playing in the background because it was some sort of remix, but once the chorus of Total Eclipse of the Heart played loudly over the speakers she recognized it, and everyone sang along as if her heart hadn’t stopped. She was immediately brought back to that night in Miami. Before it had even started and she even knew what the curious feelings for Lando were, singing in the car with him and giggling on the way back to her hotel room.
“Oh, have we found another 'dancing on the table' song?” Lance chuckled, and she looked over at the pair of them again, she hoped her face didn’t give away her shock but clearly based on their reaction it did.
“Yeah, sorry, uh,” She shook her head, feeling about 10 per cent more sober than she did 30 seconds ago, “I’ll see you guys later.” 
She said and both of them waved slightly, they might’ve said more but she couldn’t hear them as she left and she made her way through the crowd. She needed to see Lando. Actually, see him, and talk to him. And, quite frankly, kiss him if he’d let her.
Maybe drunk at a party was not the best place to be spilling her feelings, but fuck the plan. Fuck the deal. And fuck the plan. She needed to tell him. Now.
She didn’t know where he was, she scanned the dance floor as she walked forward, looking for a familiar head of curls and the dark button up shirt he was wearing. She didn’t look where she was going until she ran right into someone.
“Oh god, sorry, I was looking for “ She started to say before she finally looked at who she’d crashed into.
“Lando,” She finished her sentence breathily. 
“I was looking for you,” Lando said as he stood in front of her looking her up and down quickly. He was holding onto her arm, which she hadn’t realized he grabbed to steady her after bumping into him.
“I was looking for you too,” She said quickly, “Um, can we talk?” 
Lando nodded and took her hand. She fought down the urge to pull it away. People were around, and the surviving sober half of her brain shouted. But instead, she squeezed his hand and followed him upstairs and to the balcony outside.
“I’m so sorry,” She blurted out the second the door closed behind them, “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
“I was about to say that I was sorry,” Lando said.
“No, please, please don’t be sorry, I’m sorry,” She repeated again stupidly, and she had to take a deep breath. Fresh air, please, fresh air. 
“Why are you sorry?” He asked. Both of them leaned against the railing. She looked over at him, his pupils were dilated and she knew he was just as well gone as she was. This was an idiotic move of hers, and her scared side she thought tonight wasn't the night to do this, but he still held her gaze with such intensity she knew they’d both remember this completely. 
“I’m-“ She started but stopped in her tracks before remembering something, “Did you know Carlos and Charles made a bet on us?”
  “No,” Lando said and let out a laugh.
“They did, the shits,” She told him.
“And who won?” 
“Nobody yet, I don’t think.”
“Why are you sorry?” He asked again, her brain felt like it was defrosting on slo-mo with each passing moment, the steadiness that Lando brought to her psyche battling with the alcohol running through her system.
“I’m sorry about Brazil. That night,” She sighed.
“What if I’m sorry about Brazil too?” He asked. 
“No, you can’t be sorry about Brazil until you hear what I have to say,” She pleaded, and he nodded once.
“Okay, what do you have to say?”
“I’m sorry for what happened, I’m sorry for how much it hurt the both of us. Fuck, I’m sorry for how you left that night. I haven’t been able to get your face out of my head. Your eyes, and I know it sounds crazy, but I felt so fucking horrible, and I wanted to tell you the truth, but I was so fucking scared the whole time.”
Lando didn’t say anything and only studied her face.
“I spoke to James,” She finally said, louder than she intended but she was so nervous. It might have already been too late, but despite what Carlos said, no one knew what happened that night in Brazil. If he was sorry about Brazil then maybe he thought it over and didn’t actually feel the same way. 
It didn’t matter anymore, she had to tell him. 
“What did he say?” Lando pressed his lips together tightly before letting them go, a habit she had noticed from him when he was really listening to someone. She wished that habit didn’t have anything to do with his lips.
“He said, and I’m definitely paraphrasing a bit,” She interrupted herself and then took a deep breath. Lando’s eyes hadn’t once wavered from hers. 
“He said that a lot would go into it. There might be some scrutiny from the media. It would certainly be a circus probably for at least a season. It would be a topic of conversation whenever we were fighting on track. Fans would either love it or hate it. It’s never happened before, that we know of, I guess, but it’s never been something fans really, seriously thought about, obviously, people think people are dating all the time, especially in the public eye, but this would be different. It would be new and unprecedented and a challenge.”
She paused, having said all of that in barely three breaths. She was afraid if she didn’t get it out now then she’d lose her nerve. She was suddenly grateful she wasn’t doing this sober. Lando could have been a statue except for his slow blinks. Despite her nerves, she managed to slow down her anxious speech for this last part, the part she really needed him to hear. 
“But then he said that all of those things could be dealt with. The media would get over it, and fans would push through it. Hell, it might even make people more intrigued. With meetings between the teams, and contracts, lots of contracts to make sure neither of us tells the other too much about the other car and strategy and whatever. But, he said, that as long as it doesn’t impact performance or whatnot, he said that if all that didn’t matter to me and to you, it won’t matter for Williams. And it won’t impact my future.”
Silence filled the air between them. She wanted to reach out and grab his hand that sat still on the balcony railing. The stillest she had ever seen it in fact, as if if he moved the bubble between them would pop again. She was the opposite, the energy coursing through her made her draw tiny circles in the pavement with her foot. She wouldn’t be surprised if it had started to wear out the sole of her shoe. 
The party continued behind them like nothing was happening, but she shivered as though she was being watched already. It was just her and him. 
“And what did you say?” Lando asked swallowing hard. His face was so much like the night in Brazil. The face when she grabbed his hand and begged him to wait. The one with a little bit of hope in his blue eyes that shattered like glass at her next words. She’d never make his face look like that again if she could help it.
“I said for Lando it’s all worth it. All of it.” 
This time she did place her hand on top of his on the railing. It was warm against her cold ones. Like it longed to warm hers up by never letting go. Lando’s lips cracked for the first time, and they soon formed a smile that warmed her heart. The smile she’d slowly but surely fallen for. Before she could say anything else he’d enveloped her into a hug.
There was something more innocent, more heartfelt to the hug than she’d ever felt before. It was like if he had kissed her first after hearing it it wouldn’t feel right. But this, a hug, so simple and sweet and tight as their bodies melded together like they were so used to doing, was perfect. 
“Are you still sorry about it?” She mumbled into his chest, and he laughed in response making her feel the noise reverberate through him. 
“Sorry about what?” Lando asked, she pushed away, barely, they were forehead to forehead. Holding on to each other as though they had to, which if she was honest, between the emotional load she just let go of and the alcohol, she did need him to stay steady. She laughed without meaning to, and she watched Lando’s eyes soften more.
“Brazil, for what you said in Brazil.”
“No, I won’t be sorry about that ever again.”
Before she could stop herself, her lips were on Lando’s again. Home, she thought to herself cheerily and smiled into the kiss. 
This kiss was different from all the others. The others were about the to need to be tired, the want to get rid of extra energy bursting through them. The need to be distracted. They were playing at being logical about something that was everything but. 
This was just about him. The only person she wanted to be with. 
It was about kissing him, and not being afraid of it. It was about all the other kisses they would now have, of all the beds they would share without a deal attached. It was about them. And it was the best one. 
When they broke apart it wasn’t enough, but she could see her own face reflected through Lando’s that there would be more coming. Quite soon, but maybe not in front of the entire grid. Not when it was so new. 
“How long are you in Monaco for?” 
“A few more days.”
“I’d like them all if you can stand the company.”
“I’d love that actually.” 
"Good."
“I did promise Alex and Lily a paddle game, but I’m sure they won’t mind you tagging along.”
“They'd better get damn used to it.”
“So, what’s our new deal then?” She asked, her eyes shining even in the dark of the night.
“I was thinking, no strings attached? No labels,” He replied with a smirk.
She shoved him playfully in the chest but kept a clump of his shirt in her grasp, if he minded her wrinkling it he didn’t give anything away.
“Together, for reals,” He said, and she giggled, “Boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.”
“At least take me out to dinner first,” She joked with a wink.
“I tried that already!” 
“And I said I was sorry!”
“I know,” He said and inched closer to her lips again, “I just wanted to see your face.” 
“You are insufferable,” She said with a wide smile, keeping barely a few centimetres away from his lips.
“You want me so bad” He teased, closing the gap that was barely there to kiss her again.
“Unfortunate truth,” She said between his lips. 
Some minutes later they were making their goodbyes after having called an Uber. Trying and probably failing to make it seem like they hadn’t just made out on the balcony for 10 minutes. A drunk, and clearly oblivious, Max and Daniel tried to convince them to go back to Daniel’s place for karaoke, which they politely declined but promised they’d go next time. 
They tried to make it look like they weren’t leaving together, old habits died hard, and there was something a little bit exciting about not everyone knowing they were together yet. 
She told Alex and Lily, sitting in a booth with George and Carmen as the night wound down. Alex’s eyebrows rose, and he suppressed a smile, and she knew she was right that he suspected she wouldn’t be heading back to his place with them tonight.
“What’s that about?” She heard George ask as she left.
“Ah, nothing,” Alex waved off, and she silently smiled to herself. She made eye contact with Lando from across the room as he said his goodbyes to Oscar and Lily. She felt her heart swell as his face lit up. 
She left the building, purse in hand and waiting to the side. The night air was cold on her skin, colder now that Lando wasn’t only a few feet in front of her radiating warmth. 
As if her brain had manifested him, Lando grabbed the hand farthest from her, pulled gently and spun her around to face him. 
“Let’s go,” He whispered in her ear, and she fought the shivers down her spine again. Between kisses in the back of the Uber, they smiled the whole way home. 
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hyuckmov · 1 year
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haechan — if i believe you  
haechan x fem!reader 10.6k, angst & fluff, fake dating to real a/n: thank you all for waiting...this is the longest thing i've ever written :) i really hope that you can enjoy this and the emotions and everything are immersive and not too annoying with the miscommunication/repression i hope. these two are my favorite ever, quiet haechan is my favorite ever and i would love to revisit them maybe in a later fic. anyway, let me know if you like this!! thank you for reading <3 it’s a little difficult to be around your friend group when they’re all like this.
it’s a little past midnight, and you don’t know how it happened but the room has been split into happy pairs, all in their own world. movie on the tv forgotten, jaemin has his arm slung around a girl as they whisper to each other on the floor next to the couch, which is taken up by jeno — currently very endearingly laughing at something his girlfriend said. renjun was arguing with his girlfriend, but you know that neither of them truly meant it. you don’t know how it happened, but it seemed that this year, the trip to jaemin’s beach house had turned into a triple date for which you were seriously 7th wheeling. the sight makes your heart hurt a little, because you suddenly feel so crushingly lonely. 
“still here?” 
you almost forgot that haechan was here too. almost. 
sliding in to sit next to you on the kitchen island, he was dressed cozily for bed: his hoodie rolled up to his elbows, smelling slightly of toothpaste and fabric softener. you didn’t actually talk to haechan that much, you were always closer with jaemin in the friend group, but sometimes when eating together he’d catch your eye after a particularly terrible joke, or you would raise your eyebrows at him for something questionable said. you had almost developed an entirely non-verbal form of communication in that way, the two of you sharing your humor, and yet you didn’t actually know a whole lot about each other. a part of you thinks that you know a different haechan from everyone else, because in all the looks you pass each other and the comfortable silence you share, the haechan you know is quiet and sensitive, with a world of kindness in him that made you feel calm. and although you know he can be obnoxious and loud, his laughter echoing down corridors and smile brighter than the sun, you much preferred the haechan you knew. 
you also thought he was the prettiest boy you’d seen in a long while — something casual about the way he would smile, or wink at people, and his habit of poking his tongue in his cheek…but you weren’t going to tell him that. 
“yeah, still here.” you exhale. “when did you make your escape?” 
“about 30 minutes ago.” he smiled fondly at the happy couples in the room. “it’s a bit funny how the room just rearranged itself. i could’ve sworn jaemin was beside me at the dinner table the entire night but somewhere along the way he dematerialised and reappeared next to the sofa.” 
“love can do that to a person.” you rolled your eyes, before pausing to consider that maybe haechan was not quite in the same predicament as you. “hey, speaking of, why didn’t you bring your girlfriend?” 
because you were sure that haechan had a girlfriend, who he would sometimes leave gatherings early to see. you vaguely remembered renjun complaining about how he always had to walk her to class, never showing up to gatherings anymore because of some surprise or another. 
haechan blinks at you. “don’t have one anymore. we broke up quite a few months ago.” at the guilt-striken look on your face, he shakes his head to reassure you. 
“i’m over it,” he says softly. “don’t worry about me, okay?”
you can’t imagine anyone breaking up with haechan — haechan who was so gentle. with his radiant smile and his arms full of flowers whenever he surprised her. haechan who walked her to her classes. 
“i’m sorry to hear that. you deserved better i’m sure.” 
he smiles, and it looks kind of shy. “if you say so.” 
“hey y/n-” you look up at jaemin’s voice, and realize that somehow, the room had emptied out while you were talking to haechan. the only person left was jaemin, who had just finished clearing the bottles and snack wrappers. “we’re going to bed, i’m going to turn out the lights now.” 
“okay, thanks jaem.” 
he made to leave, but stopped abruptly. “ y/n, remember-” jaemin looked at you sternly, one hand on the light switch, one pointed at you. 
“repeat after me: do not trust how you feel about your entire life past 9pm.” a pause, as he glances at the clock on the wall. “or 1am, for that matter.” 
you laugh. “thanks jaem.” 
“repeat it”, he insists. 
“do not trust how i feel about my life past 1am.” 
“good.” jaemin nods in acknowledgement to haechan, flicks the light switch, and just like that, haechan and you sit alone at the kitchen island, illuminated by the moonlight through the glass doors.
suddenly, it is so quiet you feel like you want to sit in the moment forever. 
you look over at him, and haechan raises his eyebrows. it is a look you know well. care to explain?
“sometimes i get really emotional at night”, you explain. “tend to overthink. jaemin knows that because i’m always calling him talking about one thing or the other.” thinking about how embarrassing it would be if you started oversharing, you quickly promise, “but i’m working on it, don’t worry. i won’t do that to you.” 
haechan smiles. “i don’t mind.” he blinks at you and supports his chin with his hands. “we have all night. tell me what’s on your mind right now.” 
“really?” you look skeptical. once again, you and haechan haven’t really talked that much at all. you think this is maybe the longest conversation you’ve had with him, with so many words. 
“it’s okay if you don’t want to. but i’m just saying, i wouldn’t mind.” he smiles, and it warms your heart. 
asking you softly if you would like something to drink, he gets up to make hot chocolate for the two of you. and you’re sitting there, not even trying, but suddenly the moonlight and the soft sounds of haechan padding around the kitchen are setting off a feeling of butterflies making their way to your throat from your stomach. there are shivers running up and down your spine because there is something tender and fragile in this moment that you can’t pinpoint, and a deep feeling begins to crawl its way, spreading through your toes and fingertips. all you know is it’s the feeling you get before you’re about to spill your heart out to someone. 
“haechan?” 
he hums, and the sound could break your heart. 
“do you ever feel lonely sometimes?” 
you hear the smile in his voice without having to turn around to look at him — its the one that starts at the corners and spreads slowly across his face. “so this is what keeps you up at night.” 
“i’m serious, haechan.” running your hands through your hair, you are aware that you are beginning to sound like a rom-com protagonist, but you don’t care. 
“sorry.” you hear the clink of teaspoons against cups as he stirs the hot chocolate. “i mean, i guess i do feel a little lonely sometimes. but it’s not…an all-consuming thought.” a pause. “i guess it is, for you though, isn’t it?” 
you hesitate, before nodding because fuck it, this has been on your mind for way too long and jaemin was rarely helpful. always with his arm slung over another girl, you had a hard time getting jaemin to admit he got lonely sometimes. 
choosing your words carefully, you continue your spiel. “it’s just…it’s insane to me how we are told that life is so romantic, that there are so many wonderful moments in love we can look forward to, but none of that is happening to me and it doesn’t seem like it will be happening any time soon.” 
haechan comes over to you, and passes you a mug of hot chocolate. soothingly, he places a hand on yours where it rests on the counter. “you have to wait y/n. i promise, one day you’ll find someone who loves you, and all the things you’re dreaming about will happen.” 
“you can’t know that for sure,” you press. “i mean, when will someone write a love letter to me? will we kiss in the rain in the park? will they run to see me at a new year’s eve party?” 
“woah woah woah, slow down.” he nudges your mug with his, indicating that you should drink, so you take a sip of chocolate: it’s rich and warm. 
“i’m sorry. it’s just over the years things just keep getting added to this list of love, and now that i look at it it just seems ever the more impossible.” 
“love isn’t defined by actions and experiences,” haechan muses. 
“but i want to experience these things,” you say, feeling a little shy at how raw this conversation was getting.  
haechan smiles at that, at the yearning hidden in your small voice. the two of you sit for a while, nursing your cups of chocolate, lost in your own thoughts. enjoying the warmth of his hand on yours, you look at the glimmering countertop and choose not to say anything so he doesn’t move his hand away. 
and suddenly, out of the blue, haechan asks you a question. 
“just out of curiosity, what are some things on your list?” 
feeling a little embarrassed, because really — sharing your romantic fantasies with someone was beyond intimate, you mumble, “just simple things. going to the aquarium. being a couple at the amusement park, on the ferris wheel. watching fireworks together. cuddling while watching movies in my bedroom.” 
haechan thinks about it for a moment. you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. you sit in silence for so long, you’re about to ask him what he’s thinking about, or tell him it’s not that serious, when he speaks up.
“i’ll do them with you.” 
you almost choke. “i’m sorry?” 
“i’ll help you complete your list.” he looks at you, as if it’s a completely normal thing he’s just said. 
“but…but i mean…” you blink confusedly. you were supposed to do those things with a boyfriend or someone you loved, not just as friends. that would defeat the whole purpose. 
reading your mind, haechan added “it’ll just be like fake dating. i’ll pretend to be your boyfriend so you can experience all that you want to.” 
you’re beginning to see a little bit of the haechan that you don’t usually get to see, as he grins at you and there’s suddenly something sharp to the smile you always found gentle. “the full, personalised, boyfriend experience. just so you can have a go.” 
you laugh, but that’s just a cover for all the questions running through your head. “i-i don’t know,” you stammer. “does it even count if it’s fake?” 
“you’re the one making the rules.” tilting his head to the side, his eyes glimmer almost teasingly. 
“but what are you suggesting? what do you have in mind?” 
“well…” haechan hums as he thinks about it. “i could do everything with you on the list, as your fake boyfriend. in the timeframe that we’re going about carrying out this activity i’ll be fully and completely your boyfriend, yours to hug and kiss and hold hands with, until it’s over. then we can go back to being…” he smiles at you, hesitantly. “friends? does that work?” 
this haechan makes your palms sweaty, and makes your breath catch. this haechan makes you feel jumpy, and nervous, and impulsive. you think you’d do anything he asked in that moment. 
“okay.” you say slowly, and he smiles wide. “wait no.” you hesitate. “wait, fuck it, yes. let’s do it.” 
he laughs. “are you sure?” 
“wait.” his body heat is radiating off his skin as all his attention is focused on you. lips still pressed into a smile, his eyes bright and far too mesmerizing in the dim moonlight. and you can’t help but wonder then, “what if we catch feelings?” 
tilting his head to the side in consideration, he leans in close, one arm reaching out to cage you in. the two of you are nose to nose. you can count his every eyelash, see the constellation of moles scattered across his face and neck. his breath so close to your own, that your eyes can’t help but flutter shut.
“then that’s the best part.” he whispers.
you try not to think about how you felt when haechan leaned in, or the way the circles he traced into the back of your hand were still burning. you couldn’t help looking for the smell of his perfume on your clothes.
you’re way too easy, y/n. this is only the first real conversation you’ve had with him. 
you’re about to turn off the lights and call it a night, hoping to some power above that you’re able to reign in your emotions come morning, when there’s a light tap at your door. 
“y/n? are you there?” 
it’s him. you spend about 5 seconds debating whether or not to pretend you’ve already fallen asleep, but curiosity eventually wins you over. crossing over to the door, you place a hand on the doorknob. 
“haechan?” 
you can hear him shift from behind the door, pushing it so it keeps shut. “y/n, wait, don’t open the door. i just want to tell you something.” 
slowly, you remove your hand from the doorknob and the latch clicks back, shut.
 “okay…” 
he’s breathing softly, and in the quiet you can hear it as if he were in the room with you. “y/n, i’m sorry i sprung the idea on you just now. you can forget i said anything if it made you uncomfortable.” he shifts his weight from foot to foot, nervously. “especially the part about catching feelings.” 
“it’s fine,” you say softly, but there’s a little disappointment stinging at you. does he regret it? 
“but also, if you’d like, i would really love to do all those things with you,” the words come out in a rush, as if he’s trying to be brave. “as fake lovers. without feelings attached.” 
you don’t know what to say, and you can tell that for each second you stay silent, haechan is growing less and less confident behind the door. you run things through in your head quickly. this plan meant that you were able to jump headlong into romantic experiences you’ve dreamt of for what felt like your whole life, without the potential of them being ruined by a bad date, or waiting for years more to find the right one. and most of all, you trusted haechan with this.
haechan is leaning against the opposite wall, looking at the floorboards, but his head shoots up when you open the door. 
taking a deep breath, you look him in the eyes. “let’s do it.” 
“really?” shocked, he reaches for you — maybe to wrap you in his arms for a hug, but drops them, remembering what he had said about making you feel uncomfortable. putting his hands behind his back to resist the urge to swing you into the air, his expression of surprise melts into a huge smile. one that makes you laugh. 
“you’re more excited about this than me,” you tease, and because you just can’t help it, you step forward and give him a quick hug. “thanks for doing this with me.” 
instantly, his arms loop around your waist, squeezing tightly. “thank you for trusting me.” 
the butterflies in your stomach, however, tell you that you were maybe being a bit too trusting. without feelings attached. because would that really be possible with him, who’s currently making your heart race and your breath catch? 
x
it was a week since the beach house. and while the opening of summer felt optimistic and hopeful, now everyone had to wander back to their lives and figure out exactly what they were going to do for the next three months. jeno and renjun had an ongoing bet that jaemin would be fired from his summer job within the week. and jaemin had a bet with you that jeno and renjun wouldn’t find themselves a job that entire summer.
but you knew exactly what you were going to do for the season. and it all started with getting in the passenger seat of haechan’s car as he took you to a waffles place for breakfast. 
“hey.” 
“hi.” he flashes a quick smile at you. “you look nice today.” 
“really?” you adjust the collar of your shirt self-consciously, checking on your hair through the rearview mirror. 
“no, i lied.” he laughs, and the sound is all too fitting for the morning sunshine that flits in through the windows. “yes, i mean it. i like your shirt.”
“my shirt?” 
“just take the compliment.” 
you can’t help a smile of your own. “okay. i will.”
for a while, he drives in silence. it’s a peaceful sense of calm that you think you’ll come to enjoy. there’s a lot of comfort in just sitting next to haechan, watching his hands move on the wheel, his careful eyes scanning the road.
“so, y/n, i took a look at your list,” he starts. 
you had texted him a small list of the things you were thinking about doing. the classic dinner and a movie. going to the amusement park. sharing a kiss while watching fireworks. 
feeling a little shy all of a sudden in his car, you nod. “is it a bit much?”
“not at all,” he says quickly. “i was just wondering how you’ve never done some of those things before. i would’ve thought going to the amusement park was entry level honeymoon phase stuff.” 
you nod approvingly. “it’s sweet that you think so.” 
“didn’t you use to have a boyfriend?” 
“i did,” you muse. “i dated mark a while ago.” 
“our senior?” 
“yeah.” looking out the window at the cars passing by, you think back to your time with mark. “he was always nice to me. but we never really went out and did things. we broke up because i was someone who loved romance, and he wasn’t.” 
 “i see.” haechan hesitates. there was something about the way you talked about mark that unsettled him, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “do you think you could get back together with him?” 
“trying to pass me off onto someone else already?” you don’t pick up on the shift in haechan’s tone, and mistake it for genuine curiosity. “i guess i could. maybe after these years apart he wants something romantic too.” 
although the morning was warm, haechan felt a sense of cold sweep through him. he tries to brush it off. “well, thank your lucky stars you have me now” 
looking over at him, his hair falling slightly over his eyes, the troubled crease of his brow, your thoughts of mark immediately clear. “thank you,” you say, a little too emotionally for the early morning and this car ride. 
he looks over at you, and his chest eases up at the warmth in your eyes. “don’t mention it,” he says, and smiling at you is the easiest thing in the world.
x
the line for popcorn at the movies had stopped moving. fidgeting from the cold of the cinema, you wrap your arms around yourself as haechan stands by you, scrolling on his phone for a deal that he saw for a discounted drink combo. one arm slung casually over your shoulders, you lean into his touch just a little. 
today he was helping you out by taking you for a date. specifically, the classic dinner and a movie idea that has been long since rendered obsolete, but you had never had a chance to do. standing in line, his fingertips brushing your shoulder, you recall how he had showed up 5 minutes early outside your apartment, holding a small bouquet of flowers, and doing the thing where he flicked his fingers to splay out the two movie tickets he had ordered early on. the two of you had dinner at a nice italian restaurant, and he had offered to pay but you insisted, since you were technically making him do all of this. 
“are you cold?” drawing you out of your thoughts, you turn to see haechan, concern causing his eyebrows to furrow and his heart-shaped lips to form a slight pout. “why didn’t you bring a jacket? you knew we were going to watch a movie.” 
the line moves forward by a fraction of an inch, and you take a step forward, haechan now standing slightly behind you. “i completely forgot,” you whined. “i just haven’t watched a movie at the cinema in a while.” 
haechan bites back a smile, and slots his phone into his back pocket. the arm that is slung over your shoulder drops to your waist, while his other comes to circle around you from behind, and before you know it he’s pressed up against your back. you can feel the heat of his skin even with the thick hoodie he’s wearing over. dropping his head onto your shoulder, you feel him smile against your neck. “there,” he whispers. “now you won’t be cold anymore.” 
trying to steady your nerves, you stare resolutely ahead. “couldn’t have just given me your jacket like a normal person?” 
he shakes his head cutely, his soft hair tickling your jaw. “nope.” 
you make sure your voice stays resolutely calm. “then what will we do during the movie? you’ll be sitting next to me.” 
the line moves forward and haechan straightens, but his arms never leave your side. “guess you’ll have to hold on tight.”
and so you do. he ends up draping the hoodie over you during the movie, and he clings onto your arm, head resting on your shoulder. you hold on after the movie when he drops you off at home, grabbing onto his arm to steady yourself getting out of his car.
you hold on when he takes you for the next date at the amusement park; and when he tilts your chin upwards to press a kiss at the corner of your lips, your top-of-the-ferris-wheel moment,  you squeeze his hands in yours and move so your lips slot against his. you tell him with your smile that it’s alright. 
you hold on to him through your dates to the local aquarium, and to the beach. you let him pull you close as he drags you around the mall window-shopping, and as he guides you through clubs and restaurants. 
and if some part of you gets scared that it might be getting too real, if some part of you feels a little hurt whenever he brings up the list or when he removes your hand from his, you ignore it as best you can. 
x
“thanks for inviting me to this event,” you whisper, as you step into the doorway of the mansion, which really looks like a castle from the level of grandeur that meets your eyes. a man steps forward to take your coat, and you feel giddy. 
“nah, sorry for stealing you away on some random summer night.” haechan smiles, and you feel a tug in your heart. in his suit, he looks like he belongs here with all this finery, the slopes of his shoulders and the slight cinch of the waist looking elegant under the chandeliers, the rings scattered on his hands catching the light in pretty ways. “besides, it’s all part of the experience, isn’t it?” 
right. kissing and fireworks. trying to disguise the squeezing feeling in your chest, you smile back. “why do you keep bringing that up?” 
“do you not want me to?” there’s something careful about the way he looks at you. 
“i don’t.” you say, quietly. 
“then i won’t.” he extends an arm for you to take. “tonight you’ll just be my date.” and with your heart thundering up your throat, he steers you into the warmth of the room.
you spend most of the night in the same giddy spiral of emotions, as he twirls you on the dance floor expertly, and winces dramatically when you step on his toes. your hands never leave each others’ grasps, as you stand around tables eating finger-food and drinking champagne. as the party went on, he introduced you through holding up your clasped palms to each of his parent’s friends, earning a lot of cooing and fussing about. 
“haechan, how well you’ve grown up!” 
“is this your girlfriend? haechan is so lucky to be with such a beautiful girl like you.” 
“haechan! come say hello to the kids, they miss you!” 
“this won’t take long,” he mumbles sadly to you, as an aunt of his insists he meet his cousins upstairs. “i’ll meet you at the bar, okay?” 
“okay,” you smile, inwardly dying at the idea of haechan interacting with kids. as if he couldn’t get infinitely cuter. “have fun!” 
“don’t let someone steal my date away,” he warns, as he’s pulled away. “i mean it – you’re mine tonight.” 
you’re mine. you feel like you’re floating on a cloud as you make your way to the bar, you’re sure you’re at least swaying on your feet. 
“woah.” a hand reaches out to steady you, helping you settle into a seat. “too much champagne?” 
you gape at the man who’s sitting next to you now. “mark?” 
fidgeting with the collar of his suit and looking very uncomfortable, he nods in greeting. “didn’t know you were coming to this thing.” 
you look at him. he had gotten a haircut recently. but besides that in terms of appearance, he looked just as he did when the two of you were together, except for the fact that something about his demeanor was off. he looked tired, and there was something weary about his posture that hadn’t been there before. 
“i was invited,” you tell him. “how are you here?” 
“one of the ladies there is my aunt.” he pauses. “you’ve never met her. are you enjoying yourself?”
you think back to haechan’s smile as he sways underneath the lights, holding your hips. before you know it, you’re smiling too. “it’s a nice night. this place is really beautiful.” 
mark studies you for a moment.  “how have you been?” 
“i’ve been alright.” you figure since there aren’t any hard feelings, you don’t have to make anything up as you would for an ex you were bitter over. mark was still a nice person, and he had been good to you in the right ways. 
“it’s summer, so i’ve been going out more i guess. how about you?”
“i’ve been alright.” he downs his glass of white wine and signals for another one in a fluid motion, and you raise your eyebrows. shaking his head, he changes his answer. 
“okay, things could be better.” 
“why?” 
“just been feeling a little lonely.” 
you are so taken aback, that you let out a laugh. he looks at you, affronted, and somehow the furrow of his eyebrows makes you laugh even harder. 
“i’m sorry,” you calm yourself down. “i wasn’t laughing at you, not really. it’s just…” you take a sip of your own drink. “i was in the exact same situation say a few months ago.” at his bewildered expression, you gesture. “please continue, though.”
mark shrugs and goes along with it. “i guess i was just realizing that i wasn’t as happy as i could be. there were times where i would be – i don’t know, having dinner, and i’d just think ‘damn. really wish i had someone with me right now.’ you know?” 
“i do know.” you nod. “it’s crazy we’re experiencing the same thing, after, you know, so many years.” 
“yeah.” he looks at you carefully. “crazy.” 
“hey baby.” 
a hand slides possessively around your waist, and you jump. the next thing you know, a pair of lips are kissing their way down your neck, as another hand snakes its way around you until you are fully in their embrace. craning your head up, you already know who you’re going to see.
“hi haechan,” you say breathlessly. 
“sorry for leaving you for so long,” he murmurs, intermittently, as he continues to plant wet kisses on your neck. “the kids were going crazy.” 
feeling like you were about to burn up into a crumble of ashes, you splutter out, “we have company.” 
pulling away from you, haechan turns and stares at mark, coldly. “sorry, i didn’t notice.” his hand still draped over you, you can almost hear the forced normalcy in his voice when he asks, “and you are…?” 
“mark,” mark supplies, awkwardly fidgeting with the coaster under his glass. 
looking up at him, you see a flash of something race through haechan’s eyes, as he tightens his hold on you. “mark. well, hello, and goodbye.” 
he pulls you to your feet, and you set down your drink hurriedly and latch onto his arm. “say goodbye to mark, sweetheart.” 
“bye mark. things will get better, i’m sure of it,” you say, still left breathless by the turn of events. 
raising his eyebrows, he turns back to the bar. “see you around y/n.” 
“i don’t think so,” haechan chirps brightly, before tugging you away and past the throes of people, down a narrow hallway that was deserted. 
“haechan, what are you doing?” 
even in the dim lit of the hall, you can see his glower. “what were you talking to mark about?” 
“i don’t know…” you shake your head, still a bit lost. “just about life, i guess.” 
“did he ask to get back together with you?” he blurts out, suddenly. 
“what? no!” you splutter. 
“i heard him say he was lonely. who the fuck says that to their ex unless they want to get back together?” 
you take the hard look in his eyes. hesitantly, you call out. “haechan?” 
he huffs. 
“he didn’t want to get back together, i promise.” he looks at you, warily. “and even if he did, i wouldn’t want to get back together with him.” 
it is almost laughable how quickly his expression clears. 
“you wouldn’t?” 
“i wouldn’t,” you confirm. “i told you, i’m completely over it.” 
“okay,” he sighs, in something that sounds like relief. and before you could even register it, he pulls you into a hug, crushing you against him. “sorry, i guess i got nervous.” 
“that’s alright,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around him firmly, feeling his heartbeat against your ears, and you smile when you realise it’s racing. 
“hey it’s almost midnight,” he dips down to whisper into your hear. “do you want to go to the balcony to watch the fireworks?” as you nod, he leads you gently away from the corridor and through a set of glass doors, stepping out onto a beautiful balcony. the night air smells like honey and roses, and the sky is clear and bright with moonlight.  
you feel a tug at your fingertips, and you look to your side to find him smiling as he looks up. 
“what are you smiling about?” 
he hums. “i’m smiling about the fact that my date is the prettiest girl at the party.” 
you pretend to wrinkle your nose, and use your free hand to hit him on the shoulder. “corny.” 
“you love it.” 
and because it’s been weeks, and haechan is slowly making a home in your heart, you decide you need to at least start acknowledging the honest truth of the matter, so you don’t say anything. 
as the night sky fills with fireworks and the people inside the party cheer, he turns to hold your face in his hands, the tenderness and warmth in his eyes unparalleled by the lights in the sky. 
you tilt your face up to kiss him, and as his arms fall to your waist, with a jolt you remember his voice at the bar. hey baby. the term of endearment swirls in your chest, and makes you drape your arms around his shoulders and pull him just a little closer. the two of you don’t break apart for what feels like hours, as you lose yourself in the feeling of his soft lips on yours, the brush of your noses, and the slight tremble of his fingertips on your cheeks. it feels and tastes as real as you have ever known. 
x
except it’s not real. and you can’t ignore it. so you avoid it. 
keeping busy and finally diving into all the things you wanted to do for the summer was your only way of telling haechan you couldn’t make it for the next ‘date’, or the next. you can tell he’s a little confused, but since the whole thing was your idea, he’s trying his best to respect whatever pace you’re deciding to go with. you push it all away, and you try to live life without thinking of him and his hands, the way he closes his eyes in bliss when the sunlight makes his skin glow, the way his hair looks after he tugs his hoodie off, and the feel of his lips when he presses his face into the crook of your neck when he thinks you’re not paying attention. 
it’s late. you think you’ve definitely just had the longest day you’ve had all summer, running errands all around the city. all you wanted to do was lie in bed and put on a show that you could fall asleep to. lazily changing into your favorite pajamas, you set up your laptop on your bed, and you’re just about to press play when your phone screen lit up the dark room. 
jaem: wru
one of jaemin’s summer house parties must’ve been today. you were so tired that you forgot. 
y/n: too tired :( i don’t think i’ll go sorry
jaem: haechan needs you
you’re sure your heart actually stops beating for a second. haechan needs you. and just like that, your imagination kicks into overdrive, wondering what he could possibly need you for. 
holding your breath, you watch the three dots on your screen indicating jaemin typing for what seems like ages before your phone buzzes again. 
jaem: super hammered needs u to drive him home lol sry my bad that sounded weird
you let out a sigh of relief, but you can’t shake the adrenaline that rushed into you when you first saw the message.
y/n: can’t you let him crash at your place 
jaem: he won’t stop ASKING for u it’s driving everyone crazy 
a voice message comes through. he plays it, and it’s someone breathing really heavily. you’re beginning to wonder if jaemin sent this on accident, when haechan’s voice, low and husky from the alcohol, murmurs through the phone. 
“y/n can you hear me? i wanna….wanna see you… please…i’ll do anything…” 
“YOU’RE NOT BEING KIDNAPPED,” jaemin’s voice rings out, his words a little slurred but doing nothing to conceal the impatience in his tone. “GET A GRIP MAN.” 
“PLEAAAAASE”, he raises his voice in an impressive whine, and you wince in second-hand embarrassment because you’re sure the entire living room must have heard that. “I MISS YOU.” 
the voice message ends.
jaem: what a loser but yeah you get the gist of it
y/n: okay i’m on the way. can you get him on the phone? 
jaem: do it yourself
x
on the drive there, you do call haechan. 
he picks up halfway through the first ring of the phone. “y/n?”
“hi haechan. i’m on the way.” 
“don’t lie to me,” he mumbles. “honk your car horn.” 
“i’m not going to do that!,” you hiss, as if he were right here with you. “there are cars around.” 
“liar,” he breathes. there’s a pause, and when you next speak you’re startled to hear his voice wobble. “liar. you’re not coming to get m-” 
you slam your palm into your car horn, feeling your cheeks burn. 
on the other end, he sniffles, and you presume he’s nodding at you. “okay. stay safe.” 
“i will.” you hesitate. “is everything okay? did something happen at the party? are you hurt?”
he sighs over the phone. “everything is not okay,” he sniffles again, “because you’re not here.” 
you swallow hard. you want to take a hand off the wheel and slap yourself, because you need to remember that he’s not himself right now, and he might regret this all in the morning. you calm yourself down before responding as lightly as you can. “haechan i’ll be there any minute now, okay? but you have to tell me if something happened and if you want to talk about it.” 
he breathes heavily into the receiver. eventually, he mumbles out, “nothing happened.” shuffling, a pause, and then… “just miss you that’s all. i want to do more…more experience-y stuff with you.” more to himself than to you, he rambles on. “we’re falling behind you know. how are we going to finish this by the end of summer?” 
a shot of pain twists at your guts, and you feel nauseous. so he really just wants to get all of this over and done with. you want to stop the car so you can throw up. you want to turn it back around. you’re suddenly regretting dropping everything just because he wanted to see you, because if this was why… 
you keep driving on autopilot. the call has gone silent, but you can hear haechan breathing on the other end, and it’s driving you mad. you have no right to yell at him, but you almost do. 
when you pull up at jaemin’s driveway, you clear your throat. your voice controlled, you say, “i’m here now. you want me to come in and get you?” 
“okay. i’m in the 1st floor bathroom.” 
x
the front door swings open, and you’re met with jaemin. at first, you think he’s going to tell you off for taking so long, but something in your face causes the words to die in his throat. 
“y/n?” he asks. “are you okay?” 
and before you know it, you’re wrapped in his arms in a hug and you’re bawling like you hadn’t for months. the built up pressure of avoiding haechan, of having to get into character as his girlfriend and having to get out of character just as often, and all your confusion at your feelings leave you sobbing and you just can’t stop. jaemin’s running his hands down your back and making soft, soothing noises. 
you realise that you just really, really, missed your best friend. 
“i’m s-sorry,” you choke out. “i haven’t come round to see you ever since the start of s-summer.” 
“it’s okay,” he shakes his head, and leans back to look at you, wiping tears off your face gently. “we’ve both been busy.” 
but you shake your head. “i really need to talk to you. i need your opinion in my life.” 
he laughs at that. “i never thought i’d hear you say that.” 
you just go back to hugging him as you slowly calm down, and the constricting feeling in your chest eases. but after a moment, your phone buzzes in your pocket, and when you check it you see that haechan has spammed your text messages with a bunch of ‘?????????’ and sad faces. 
jaemin, ever the nosiest person in the room, is looking at your phone with a frown. “you never told me you started dating haechan, by the way.” 
ignoring the twist in your stomach, you shake your head. “that’s because i’m not.” jaemin raises his eyebrows, and you elaborate. “we’re just doing coupley things. for the experience.” 
narrowing his eyes because he knows you way too well, jaemin asks, “was this something you decided in the middle of the night? it’s sounding very classic middle-of-the-night-y/n ….” but at the look of frustration on your face, he immediately drops it. “okay, okay. not now. i get it.” 
“y/n? are you here?”
you still, as haechan shuffles into view. he squints, until he confirms that it’s you, and suddenly he’s rushing towards you giddily and unsteadily, his socked feet slipping and sliding on the floor of the hallway until hes collapsed in your arms. 
and there it is: his damn face in your neck again.
“wondered where you were, angel” you feel his hot breath against the base of your neck, and shivers shoot down your spine. “can i call you that? is it allowed?” 
exchanging glances with you, seeing how this was slowly making you go insane, jaemin reaches out hesitantly to pry him off of you. “haechan, maybe it’s best if you stay at my place tonight-” 
but haechan is quick to shrug him off, and with an agility that he shouldn’t be capable of in his state he pivots behind you and clings onto your back. his face once again buried in your neck. 
“don’t wanna,” he shakes his head vigorously. “wanna stay with y/n.” 
“y/n doesn’t want to stay with you,” jaemin starts forward again, making eye contact with you as he confirms, “right, y/n?” 
haechan spins you around in his hold, with the most wounded expression you’ve ever seen from him, or anyone for that matter. his eyes filling with tears, his cheeks flushed and his lip wobbling in an alarming way, he chokes out, “you d-don’t want…to s-stay…with me?” 
“i do, i do.” you assure him, trying to soothe him by drawing circles on his back with your thumb as he bites back sobs. over haechan’s back, you can see jaemin sigh defeatedly. “what am i supposed to do, he’s about to cry!” you hiss at him.
“he can cry on cue,” jaemin mouths. 
pause. what?
you look back at haechan’s face, but every expression seems to be genuine: his bottom lip caught between his teeth and the tears shimmering in his lashes, his hands — which he barely seems to be aware of — caressing your sides nervously, as if afraid you were going to disappear into thin air. 
“haechan,” you start. “are you lying to me?” 
x
but that was the wrong thing to say. the better part of the next hour was spent trying to console a weeping and sobbing haechan on his knees, who would not stop clutching your waist and biting jaemin when he tried to pry him off of you. and then it was guiding him to your car, and another round of consoling as you assured him that no, you weren’t going to disappear as you were driving, and no, you could not drive one-handed so you could not hold his hand the entire way, but yes, he could put his hand on your thigh if he promised he wouldn’t do anything else. 
you end up reaching, and then driving away from haechan’s apartment, because he would not leave the car without you and you figured that you might as well get a good night’s sleep at your own home. and somehow, you end up digging out some of mark’s old clothes out from the back of your closet for him to wear. and now, you’re standing between his legs, brushing his teeth for him while he looks at you adoringly. 
he mumbles something intelligible, his mouth full of toothpaste foam, and you shake your head tiredly at him. 
“nuh-uh. rinse your mouth out first.” 
you hold the spare mug up to his mouth and his lips wrap around the rim of it obediently. turning to spit in the sink, he swivels back to face you, his arms never leaving your side. 
“i’m sorry.” he says, quietly. 
“it’s okay. i know you’d do the same for me,” you say, patiently, because it’s true. if you were drunk, haechan would definitely drop everything to make sure you were safe. 
that you were sure of, because that was just the kind of person he was. 
“no,” he tugs his bottom lip with his teeth again, looking nervous. “it’s not about that.” his arms remove themself from your waist and he wraps them around himself instead. all of a sudden, you’ve never felt colder. 
“what do you mean?” 
he doesn’t look at you in the eye when he answers. “sorry for bringing up our deal. that’s not why i miss you.” 
you think you could cry. “really?” he nods, but his eyes are still on the floor. “haechan…” you press. “look at me.” 
he looks up. he looks so pretty right there, his heart-shaped lips and moles scattered haphazardly over his cheeks and nose. 
“so why do you miss me?” you ask, hoping against hope. his lips part, and for a split second you think he’s going to lean forward and kiss you. 
but then his lips press together. he shakes his head. and again. and then he slides off the counter, brushes past you and out of the bathroom despite you calling his name. and when you break yourself out of your daze and walk, trembling slightly, to your bedroom, you see him tucked under the covers, fast asleep. 
x
“i still don't’ get this ‘quiet haechan’ thing you keep going on about,” jaemin chews thoughtfully on a forkful of salad. “but okay, i’ll bite.” 
you’re having lunch with jaemin for the first time in weeks. with nothing much going on in his life for the summer, him waving you off when you apologised again about not checking in with him, the two of you breezed past your usual topics and quickly moved on to the elephant in the room: you and your fake relationship with haechan. 
nervously, you pick at your fries. “do you think i should just tell him we can stop now?” 
jaemin shook his head. “that’s not the main problem.” ever the mom best friend, he takes a pause for dramatic effect before leaning in. “the main problem is that your catching feelings policy is completely shit.” 
you glare at him, but don’t manage to keep it up. he’s right. “you think i should ask him about that?” 
“of course.” jaemin shrugs. “but you could also just confess and see what happens.” at your mortified expression, he raises a hand to calm you down. “you never know until you try.” 
unwilling to address the fact that he assumed you were in love with haechan, and the fact that he was probably right, you argue back. “you’re the one who’s friends with the both of us. do you have any idea if he maybe likes me or not?” 
“i’m not telling you,” jaemin says, stubbornly. “you have to make the decision and accept the risks it comes with.” 
you put your head in your hands. “i really hate you sometimes.”
as it turned out, ‘sometimes’ turned out to be occuring quite frequently, because jaemin seemed hell bent on getting you to talk to haechan, even if it was through the most roundabout ways. 
such as inviting the beach-house group of friends over for dinner the next day, just so you had a reason to talk to haechan. 
and that led you to where you were, currently, jaemin putting the cap back on his black marker as the words “ASK ABT CATCH FEELINGS POLICY” scrawled over your wrist and palm. 
“i’ll remember to ask him, i swear,” you say impatiently, trying to wriggle your arm out of his grasp, but jaemin was a man on a mission. 
“i don’t trust you,” he insists. “this way, even if you don’t bring it up, he’ll read it off your arm, and you will both talk it out.” finishing up with a few exclamation points, he caps his marker triumphantly. 
you’re about to head to the bathroom to wash it off, when haechan shuffles into the living room, and embarrassingly it’s as if your mind is wiped clean. 
between the night he slept over and now, the two of you had only seen each other once. he had called to apologize for bothering you the night of jaemin’s party, and you made plans to have lunch together, not dinner (because night time was always an emotional affair for the two of you, as evidenced in the past few weeks). 
sitting in the sun, staring at him while he talked, the two of you eating in semi-silence, was enough for you to realise that no matter what time of day it was you would always be a little too giddy over him. the two of you, in some sort of mutual agreement, had left it at that — him bidding you goodbye with a pat on the shoulder, of all things. 
and now, standing in front of you, his eyes just as confusing with their tenderness, you think that jaemin may be onto something. 
“so how can i help?” haechan looks around the room, his mind on the dinner. “do we have all the materials? or…” 
“everything’s in the kitchen, haechan,” you nod in the direction of the dining table. “i’ll show you.” 
haechan nods, more to himself than you. then, hesitantly, he starts, “y/n…” 
something had to give. but not now, not as you felt everything in you crashing down, your heart threatening to spill over at the edges just at the sight of him again. 
“we’re good.” you interrupt. “everything’s going to be okay, haechan.” 
he bites his lip. 
“it will be,” you insist. “we’ll talk later, okay?” 
his expression clears a little at that. “okay.” 
x
in the car on the way home, jaemin insisting haechan drive you, it begins to drizzle slightly. after the moment from just now, the two of you had almost been able to go back to normal, working side by side and sitting together during dinner. topics opening up between you, discussing what happened in the days you hadn’t seen each other. things were comfortable, and you almost felt like you could go back to ignoring the aching feeling in your chest. 
it slowly starts to end when the car peels into the street in front of your apartment. the two of you go quiet, and haechan’s body is tense as he looks straight ahead.
you realise you hadn’t even brought up what you had meant to say. 
“do you…maybe…want to come inside?” you suggest. “we could watch a movie?”
“it’s late.” he says, almost automatically. he looks over at you, and you look so hesitant and sad. fuck. something stirs inside his chest, and suddenly he wants to do anything to take that look away from your face. 
“i mean, i could. just for a movie.” 
you smile, and haechan relaxes.
x
cozied up on your bed, haechan in a pair of sweats he had left over some other time, you slump against him as your eyes flicker between watching the movie on your laptop screen, and watching him. something about the way things were going tonight told you this might be the last time you could be with him like this, and you wanted to cherish it while you could. 
the music swells in the random drama film you picked, and you are feeling that feeling again, the one that you get when you’re about to spill your soul out, and even with haechan’s warmth against you — his arm tucked into your waist and your head resting against his chest, the reality that he wasn’t yours was crashing down all the walls in your heart. 
he realises you’re crying before you do, as he registers the jagged breathing from your chest, and the soft sounds you’re making. 
“y/n? what’s wrong?” 
“i-i, i just.” you breathe, and your sobs wreck through your words, each one stabbing painfully at his chest. “i’m just s-so tired of not h-having someone who loves me that much.” 
running a hand up and down your back, haechan makes soft cooing noises as you bury your face in his chest. “okay. so watching this film was a baaaad idea.” 
you’re muffled sobs soak through his hoodie, and you press it closer to your face because it smells safe and it smells like him. your emotions running away from you, you splutter out, “maybe i’ll never find s-someone. maybe i just have to deal w-with it. these experiences are just t-temporary fixes, aren’t they? i’ll never find someone who l-loves me. i mean, right now i am so in love with you and you don’t even seem to c-care —” 
haechan stills. he sits there, motionless, you still quivering in his arms, as his brain kicks into overdrive. 
you’re in love with him? 
incoherent, you’re still talking on and on, and suddenly he knows it isn’t something he should be hearing. 
“shut up.” he says, quietly, but you ignore him and ramble on. “shut up,” he insists. 
“you d-don’t want me,” you sob, and somewhere in the back of your mind you know you’ll be embarrassed about this later, but for now all you could focus on was the fact that haechan wasn’t reacting because he was probably completely disgusted at the idea of even being with you. “i-i started to ignore you because it was too difficult to be around you, and suddenly you show up drunk and asking for me, and then you just act like nothing happened and i have the feeling that i’ll never see you again-”
“fuck it,” he breathes, and suddenly he’s holding your face in his hands, moving you away from his chest. “shut up, y/n. please.” and then he is kissing you, his mouth moving on yours, begging you to understand. you think he’s drawing the breath straight from your lungs, and you’re sure your lips will bruise, but you kiss him back with even more fervor, settling your weight on his lap as you lean into him, and he groans. 
breaking away from you, breathing heavily, he reaches for your hands and begins to press kisses to your knuckles, trying to ease you. 
“haechan…” you start, because everything is so confusing to you at this moment. “don’t-you don’t mean it-”
“what’s this?” he interrupts, as he flips your palm up, raking the sleeves of your hoodie upwards so the words “ASK ABT CATCH FEELINGS POLICY!!!!!”, smudged but unmistakable, could be read even in the dim room. 
“oh, y/n…” he whispers, reaching to stroke your cheek. leaning into his palm, completely lost in his touch, you mumble on. 
“jaemin said our catching feelings policy was shit…” you blurt out. “and i agree. i want a new one. i want to be allowed to love you.” 
gently, haechan continues to whisper to you. “you’re the one making the rules.” trembling, his arms wrap around you, and he rocks you in his hold tenderly. “you’ve always been the one making the rules. i would do anything you told me to. i would love you if you asked.” 
you don’t understand any of the words he’s saying. “no,” you raise your voice a little louder, even though he’s still speaking in that low voice. “you don’t want me.” your eyes fill with tears, you can see it now: he’s comforting you, he’s lying to you because you’re crying, and haechan is nothing but good to you, a kindness and gentleness in everything he does that you just know you’ll never feel again. 
“y/n that’s not true,” he shakes his head resolutely. “please believe me.” 
his voice is patient and soothing, and it’s that tone which slowly calms you down. the gentle rhythm of his hands tracing circles on your arms allowing you to breathe easier, and relax a little in his hold to be able to really look at him. and it’s the worry in his eyes, and softness in the way he’s looking at you which makes something click into place in your head. 
and so what if everything in your relationship with him was supposed to be fake — the dates, the moments he’s introduced you as his girlfriend. everything else in between had started to be real for you — the kisses, the time you told him not to mention the deal or the list or the experience at all and so he didn’t, brushing his teeth for him as he sat on the counter, skin brushing against yours.
and so what if it was real for him too — the times where he’s held your hand or pulled you close when you weren’t paying attention, the nights on the drive back when he would look over at you incessantly?
untangling yourself from him, you reach for the notebook and pen you keep on your nightstand.  he doesn’t stop you, tilting his head in confusion. 
“what are you doing?” 
holding it out to him, your heart hammering in your chest, you gesture for him to take it. “write me something i can read when i wake up. it’s so i have…,” you take a breath. “it’s so i have proof that it’s real.”
something stirs in haechan’s chest. taking the pen in his hands, he begins to scrawl on the notebook, looking up at you as he’s writing. 
“if you still feel the same way, call me as soon as possible, okay?” 
“okay,” you promise, breathlessly. 
the yearning in your eyes is driving him crazy. guiltily, he reaches for you again, and slots his lips in yours, holding you tightly against him. as if kissing you was the last thing he would ever get to do. 
you have half a mind to move into his lap, wrap your legs around his waist and keep him with you forever, but already he pries your hands away from him and heads for the door, reluctance making his movements disjointed and shaky. 
“go to sleep, y/n.” he says, gently. “i’ll see you soon.” 
and with that, he’s gone, and you’re left on your bed, the note at your bedside burning a hole into your table. shutting away your laptop, you curl up under the covers, and somewhere in your mind you pray that the light of day doesn’t treat you too harshly.  
x
dear y/n, 
last night you told me that you were in love with me. i don’t know if it was the loneliness, or even if it was too late at night for you to be thinking straight. all i know is that i love you too. i didn’t think you would want me unless we were playing pretend. but now i can’t look at you without realising i am completely fucking in love with you. i’m sorry that you never knew, and that somehow i messed up to the point where you didn’t believe me when i told you. if you wake up tomorrow and you still want me, call me. i will do everything with you again if it means it’ll be real. 
love, haechan
it’s a little difficult to be around your friend group when they’re all like this. 
summer was drawing to a close, the optimism at the start and the feeling of endless days under the sun slowly fading to a blistering heat, which then slowly tapered out into a hazy sense of being in limbo. soon the seasons would change, the days get shorter and the nights grow longer, the loneliest parts of the year stretching out before everyone. the sense that this had been another summer of wasted potential, the sense of taking a deep breath before the dive, of holding love close to one’s heart and hoping it’s enough to last through the winter, hanging in the air.
you had walked over to jaemin’s apartment for breakfast with everyone, practicing the entire way. you were going to tell haechan you wanted to talk to him. pull him away from the group, and talk to him in a separate room. the letter from last night, from him, seeming to burn right through your palms, words you wanted to echo right back at him. 
but when you opened the door, you realise he wasn’t there. instead, everyone else sat slumped around the living room, prodding at various snacks and cans, and waving at you lazily as you picked your way through them, looking for the familiar mop of brown hair and eyes you had come to love. 
“jaemin,” you make your way to your friend, who’s crumpled into the couch himself. 
“hey y/n,” he smiles at you easily. “how did it go yesterday?” 
“well it’s still going,” you admit. “where’s haechan?” 
jaemin furrows his brow. “i swear he just arrived. i think he said something about getting us breakfast.” 
your body moves before you can think to, winding through the room and carrying you towards the front door and out into the driveway. and there it is — his car, slowing backing out. and through the window you can see him, looking over his shoulder, the familiar twist of his neck you knew so well. the arm he would throw over the passenger seat. 
you call out to him, and by some miracle he hears you. he stops the car jerkily, and you rush towards him. he had just barely gotten out of the car when you fall into his arms — you think you never want to be separated from him again. 
squeezing you against his chest, he murmurs next to your ear. “you read my message?” you nod. “i meant every word,” he says, kissing the crown of your head. “i know we’ve done this all backwards. really sometimes i just wish i could go back and ask you out like i should have done.” 
“i don’t regret it,” you tell him truthfully. stepping back from his hold, you interlock his hands with yours, relishing the familiar feeling. “i don’t regret any of the things we did.” 
“me neither.” he hesitates. “actually…maybe i regret getting drunk at jaemin’s party.” he shuffles his feet. “i missed you a lot, and i feel like i should have just told you then.” 
“maybe.” pause. “or you should tell me again now, because i don’t think i’ve heard you say it.” and it’s something that’s a little teasing, because at this point you know he loves you just as much as you love him, but haechan takes it so seriously — straightening up, he holds your hands against his chest, looking deep into your eyes. you feel a little out of breath from the way he’s looking at you. 
“i’m really sorry,” he starts. “for everything. i love you so much. everything i ever told you, every time we’ve touched, it was real for me.” 
“and if i believe you?” 
he smiles. and it’s a look you know so well, the familiarity in reading his expressions and talking to him without words hitting you full force. 
“just tell me you love me too,” he says, softly. “not because it’s at night, and you’re feeling lonely, and not while you’re crying. was it real for you too?”
and even though you’re soon interrupted by jaemin, who urges the two of you to go get breakfast together. even though the two of you keep making lists of places you want to go, and things which feel like love to you — haechan presenting you with music to dance in the kitchen to, afternoons spent restaurant hopping and nights spent driving to look at the ocean and sit under the stars. even as winter eventually rolls around, and the two of you bundle yourselves up in the apartment, his cheeks perpetually a shade of red which makes you want to kiss him —
neither of you forget the way it all started. that first time he held your hand in the middle of the kitchen and warmed you all the way through.  because everything was real. and in a way, it always had been.
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