#i actually open discord and scroll through unread messages

[finniestoncrane]

running around in a circle tugging at my hair and holding back tears: too many things too many things too many things too many things too many thi

#if i could just. focus. for more than 30 seconds at a time #i write one sentence of a fic and then go and check my work emails #but while i'm there i'm like oh wonder if tumblr looks different on the remote desktop internet #it doesn't but i get distracted anyway until i realise and close it down #and then go back to my own desktop to look at tumblr #where i promptly get distracted for minimum ten minutes before i catch sight of the messages i haven't responded to yet #and i type a couple words out and then think oh shit i have messages on discord #so i go there #and get distracted by scrolling through not even new messages #maybe type a few words of a message before i mark it as unread because i'm like #oh i gotta finished writing the next chapter of my thing #and then i'm like hmmm but tempting commission work #and then i go actually i guess if i'm going to take a rbeak i'll do some drawing #so i grab my ipad which is still open on creepshow which i was watching last night #and so i start watching it but i can't focus because there's something else going on #and i realise i'm already watching the simpsons on my phone which explains why i have five different simpsons quotes on repeat in my head #and then i realise that there's a song playing on spotify on my laptop #and amidst those three noises i am also entertaining myself with in my head vocal stims and out loud vocal stims #and my anxiety is like hey... wanna worry about something #AND I JUST WANT TO FOCUS LIKE ONE THING AT A FUCKIN TIME ONE FUCKIN THING #finnie shouts into the void

[strawberry-possum]

I feel like if my mom watched how I read on my phone she'd have an aneurysm

#heres an actual account of me reading a fanfic update: #i open up the fanfic and check the last chapter to get reacquainted with it #i check my discord notifs #i read a paragraph #i actually open discord and scroll through unread messages #i read a few paragraphs #i load up dml and gather my gold #i read a couple of paragraphs #i go back to dml and do a battle or two #i read a few more paragraphs #i check discord again #i read a bit more #i check fr #i read some more #i check my notes on tumblr #i read another paragraph #etc etc #and i mean its not like im not invested in what im reading #i love reading it and i absorb and understand what im reading perfectly #i just jump around a lot #sometimes bc the scene is slow #sometimes bc its a scene with a lot of second hand embarrassment