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moonsgemini · 9 months

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seeking arrangements - iv

summary: With just two days left of before the wedding the celebrations continue. Going to a bachelorette & bachelor party when you’re a fake couple might cause some issues. Especially when Lola can’t seem to stop taking tequila shots & the liquid might have given her too much courage.

warnings: escort!rafe x oc, alcohol, angst, insecurities, fluff, thomas (he deserves a warning), shitty family, kissing

wc: 5.1k

an: I’m gonna be real I kinda hate this part, I feel like I lacked in every aspect lol. But it is done, & there’s two more parts to goooo. ALSO HELP I cannot get my comments to work. Like I can’t reply to people or comment on other peoples posts. It’s on in my settings I’m pretty sure so idk what I’m doing wrong.

series masterlist - previous part

“What’s on the agenda today?” Rafe asked before taking a bite of his bagel.

Lola was sitting next to him squinting at her laptop. She may have had the week off from work but she couldn’t help but try and catch up on some pieces that needed to be read. She hadn’t felt focused enough the last few days to try and squeeze in any work because she’d been so anxious. After the engagement party and the boat day she felt a lot more relaxed. Rafe managed to put a sense of calm over her.

After they got home from the party they spent the rest of the night in bed watching another movie. This one was Rafe’s pick. He made her watch The Godfather, but they didn’t really pay too much attention. Lola kept asking questions during the film and of course Rafe answered all of them. Never once did he get upset at her for talking during the movie, something Thomas hated that she did. The conversation ended up leading to them talking about everything. Rafe opened up a lot more to her and she felt closer to him.

It scared her because it meant that even if they continue to be friends after this she’ll never have him in the way she wants. When this whole thing began Lola was unsure about it because what if she got caught but she never thought that there’d be a possibility she’d fall in love with the guy. Of course it had to be Rafe that she reached out to, the most perfect guy.

“Ummm we have the bachelor and bachelorette parties today. Girls are going to one bar and guys are going to another,” She turned to him giving him a weak smile. This is the first time they’ll really be separated from each other.

Rafe groaned, “I have to be with those frat boys all night.”

She threw her head back laughing, “They aren’t that bad. Well except for you know who, he’s that bad.”

“Oh they are that bad sweetheart,” He took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “Except Harry, he’s been pretty decent. I don’t know why you ran with these crowds.”

“Please I only saw them when we came here because they’re all my sisters friends or Harry’s. They met them in college.”

“Explains why you and Tabitha are the coolest,” Rafe smirked at her. She rolled her eyes playfully turning back to the laptop in front of her.

“So that’s why my ears were ringing,” Tabitha said as she walked into the kitchen.

“Good morning to you Tabs,” Lola grinned watching her cousin pour herself a big mug of coffee.

Rafe chuckled, “Went a little too hard yesterday?”

“Possibly,” She rolled her eyes and grabbed the supplies for a bagel.

“Hey you better be able to go out later I’m not doing that alone,” Lola scolded.

Tabitha sat in the seat in front of her, “Relax I’ll make it. Takes me back to college, drunk every weekend.”

“Okay so what am I supposed to do with these guys for a whole night?” Rafe was not excited at all for the bachelor party. Ever since the boat conversations he’s been trying to avoid them. Everything was a dick riding contest to them.

Tabitha waves her bagel around, “Just get drunk, talk about sports too.”

“Getting drunk does sound promising,” he shrugged.

Lola laughed, “You can also talk about finance, you know they love that stuff.”

Tabitha nodded her head, “I’m always having to tell Andrew to shut up when he starts giving me financial advice.”

“I definitely don’t need financial advice. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have many friends. The less friends or people close to you the better,” Rafe shrugged.

“You two really are made for each other,” Tabitha said looking between the two with a playful grin.

Lola had come up with a plan. Maybe it was a stupid plan and would end horribly or it could go amazingly. She was going to go out and take a few shots to earn that liquid courage before ubering home if Rafe was back and then try to seduce him. She couldn’t stand being around him and not be able to touch him.

Of course they did subtle stuff to convince her family, but it was never enough. When he’d place his hand on the small of her back to guide her around the engagement party her body felt ablaze. Her fingers itched to run through his hair and pull him closer. They hadn’t kissed since the boat and her lips ached for his. She missed his soft touch, the things he would make her feel with something so simple as his hand on the back of her neck.

Sleeping next to him at night was the hardest. He slept shirtless and it was incredibly distracting. There had been moments where she’d wake up to his arm around her, his nose tucked into the back of her neck. Rafe knew what he was doing, he’d blame it on him doing it in his sleep. He was really like half asleep and she just looked so cute and soft laying there he couldn’t help himself. If she moved away or anything he would have pulled away but she never did.

He was very disappointed that he wouldn’t really get to hangout with her tonight when their time playing boyfriend and girlfriend was almost over. He’d rather spend the day at the beach with her than drinking with a bunch of guys he didn’t know.

He was sitting outside on the deck going through his emails while thinking about the girl that was inside. Lola insisted on making margaritas for them to pregame. They didn’t have to leave until six so they had time to just relax. Lola came out with glasses and a pitcher of the alcoholic drink.

“Woah there cowboy, we’re gonna finish all that?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Well we can try, or it will just go to waste.” She smirked shrugging. Sitting down next to him she began to pour the watermelon margaritas into the glasses. He smiled at her just looking at her. Rafe liked watching her just do stuff.

“What?” She asked with a nervous laugh. His blue eyes made her nervous because when he looked at her she felt like he was actually looking at her. Not the girl everyone thought was weak because of her breakup. Not the girl that lets everyone walk all over her.

He shrugged, “Nothing, just like looking at you.”

She looked away from his tense gaze, a small grin forming at her lips. It was hard to deny the fact that he didn’t have an effect on her, “You’re too much.” she said because it was true. Everything about him was so overwhelming.

“So Rafe what’s your next job after this one? Or should I say who is your next job?”

He adjusted in his seat. Scrunching his nose as he looked out at the backyard, “Uh no one right now. I-I don’t know I’ve been thinking of retiring.”

“Woah really?” She looked over at him a bit shocked.

“Yeah this week has given me a new perspective you could say,” he took a drink from his margarita.

“How so?” She asked her voice quieter now.

He shrugged, “I guess I just realized I want more. I don’t want to be a paid companion anymore, I want to be just a companion.”

Butterflies of hope flew around in her stomach. Lola’s delusions were starting to get the best of her. Maybe it’s because of me, she thought. Rafe takes her silence as not a good sign.

He feels like maybe he had said too much and scared her away, “Uh so I’ll probably try and get myself out there more. Ya know when we get back to the city. Find a girl finally go on dates.”

The butterflies were crushed at those words. Find a girl. Those words hurt her but she couldn’t show it. Rafe could read her better than anyone even though he’s only known her for a month. Her furrowed brows and the way she couldn’t look at him gave her away. He knew what he said hurt her, maybe he had been reading everything wrong.

She cleared her throat to try and get rid of the lump in her throat, “That’s uh great Rafe. I-I think that sounds great.” She smiled at him the best she could. Lola started chugging the rest of her margarita not really in the mood to sit and drink with him.

He watched her with concern. Rafe wanted to shove his words back into his mouth to get that pretty smile back on her face “Lola I..”

“I-I’m gonna go and get ready now. I’ll see you in a bit okay Rafe,” She gave her another fake smile before walking back inside.

“Fuck,” He muttered rubbing his face out of frustration with himself.

The whole time Rafe felt like he thought he knew what she wanted. She had even asked to just be friends after this. He didn’t want to overstep and tell her the real reason why he wants to give all this up. It was because of Lola, he wants her by his side. He liked the way she made him feel and he loved the person he brought out in her. He loved protecting her from people who don’t deserve her.

Lola was beginning to think her plan was going to end horribly. Especially after what he had said. She felt like things were maybe going somewhere with him. She has had more fun the whole week than she’s had her whole life. And she knows it’s because she’s had him by her side.

She looked over herself in the mirror. She felt hot, she felt like she could go through with her plan to seduce Rafe. Yet it wasn’t enough because that voice was still in her head telling her that he doesn’t like want her more than a friend. Or even possibly more than a client. Her outfit consisted of a black mini skirt and olive green long sleeve that had a small pink bow in the middle of the square neckline. She also wore black boots that made her legs look longer, her makeup and hair were done. She felt amazing on the outside but on the inside her insecurities were starting to take over her thoughts.

Rafe had been in the shower while she changed into her outfit. They hadn’t spoken much since he came back to the room. Things seemed a bit tense, a sort of unspoken tension between them.

Lola was switching purses to one that would better match her outfit when Rafe opened the door to the bathroom. He stepped out in nothing but a light blue towel around his waist. His chest and stomach still slightly damp from the hot shower. He had been looking down at his phone. Lola looked up at him from where she stood and gulped at his appearance. He was not making this easy.

“What should I wear? I’m guessing polos and khakis is the bar dress code,” He smirked putting his phone down and going to his side of the closet to look through the shirts he brought. He glanced back at her and stopped skimming through his shirts. He wished she didn’t look so incredible, how was he supposed to spend the night away from her when she looked like that.

He looked her over his eyes moving slowly taking in every detail, “You look unreal,” he said once he met her eyes.

Lola gave him a shy smile as a blush creeped up her neck, “Thank you, and uh you should just wear a button up and some black pants. Casual but nice.”

He just nodded his head only half paying attention. Rafe couldn’t concentrate when she was standing across the room looking like his future wife. He snapped out of his thoughts at the word wife. She was really doing something to him if he was thinking about marriage. He looked through his shirts and decided on a green jacket and black carhartt pants. Grabbing his clothes he went back into the bathroom to change.

Lola felt like she could breathe again. Having to watch the muscles in his back flex as he grabbed his shirt was too much. Especially since his skin was sun kissed from the day before she just wanted to run her hands all over him. He walked out of the bathroom and she clenched her fists. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

“You look handsome,” Lola said as she started to think about all the women that would get to see Rafe tonight. Jealousy took over her as she thought about how she couldn’t be by his side all night to show people that he was with her.

“Thank you sweetheart.” She was going to kill him.

“Alright lets go,” She sighed and began walking out the door.

“I’m not going go drink tonight so I can drop you off and even pick you up,” Rafe said following behind her.

“Okay, you decided on not drinking?”

“Yeah I just don’t really feel like being drunk with a bunch of people I don’t know. I also want to make sure you’re safe,” He shrugged and opened the front door for her.

Lola turned to him before walking out the door. Standing almost toe to toe, he was much taller than her. She was feeling intimidated but she tried her best not to show it. But like always he could read her so easily. He could see the her fingers twitch and her breathing pick up a little more.

“You’re kind of frustrating Mr. Cameron,” She said with a sigh, her eyes squinting teasingly at him.

“What am I doing?” He asked pretending to be clueless.

She ignored him not wanting to answer him, “Come on we can’t be late.”

The drive there was comfortable quiet. The tense atmosphere from earlier now gone. Rafe pulled into a parking lot on the main street and parking. He had been struggling since he first saw Lola. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

There were a lot of people on the main street going to the different shops, restaurants, and bars. It was a popular area in the summer. Rafe walked around her to walk on the side closest to the street, and hgrabbed her hand so he wouldn’t lose her in the throngs of people.

“Where are we going?” He asked her following her lead.

“The girls are going to Porter’s and the guys are going to Birdie’s. Porter’s is right there,” She pointed at a bar a few shops down, “And then Birdies is across the street.” She pointed at another bar on the other side of the street.

“Ah so we’re close to each other,” Rafe smirked liking the idea that she’d be close by in case she needed anything.

“Mhmm I think all the girls are there already.”

“If you want to leave early for any reason call me okay? I’ll be right over,” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Okay Rafe,” She smiled. Once they got to the front of the bar the bridesmaids immediately spotted them since they were all sitting on the patio out front.

“My favorite couple!” Penny shouted as she saw the pair walk up.

“Took you guys long enough. I wonder what you guys were doing that made you laaaate,” Tabitha said teasingly.

“Tabi!” Lola exclaimed.

Penny turned to Rafe, “Hurry and let your girl go so we can get drunk!”

“Alright alright,” Rafe said and turned Lola to face him. He cupped her cheek, “call if you need anything. Have fun and be safe.”

“Always,” She said breathlessly because his eyes kept going down to her lips. She knew what was coming and she couldn’t be more excited.

Rafe leaned down and pressed a kiss against her lips, he didn’t want to do too much since they were in public but he wanted to show everyone that this was his girl. He pulled away only to go in one more time, she smiled against his lips.

“Rafe,” She laughed pushing him away playfully.

“Sorry babe couldn’t help myself,” He shrugged with a lopsided smile that made her want to kiss him a million more times.

“I’ll see you later,” She squeezed his hand before pulling away to walk onto the patio.

“Bye,” He waved at her and all the other girls who had been watching them.

“Byyye,” They all said in synch with laughs

Tabitha turned to Lola as she sat down next to her, “Girl that man is obsessed with you.”

“I really hope so,” She laughed. The girls not knowing the way she really meant it.

“Okay ladies lets drink!” Penny said clapping her hands, “Tonight in honor of me we’re having tequila!”

“This is going to be the best night!” Olivia laughed excitedly.

Rafe arrived to the bar the guys were at, he walked inside and spotted the group around a table in the back. He walked over and Harry immediately spotted him.

“Rafe! Dude you made it,” Harry said getting up to greet him.

“Of course, just had to drop off Lola.” Rafe walked over to the empty seat between Mateo and Josh. Thomas say directly in front of him.

“Hey what’s up man,” Josh greeted followed by the rest of them Thomas only nodding at Rafe to not some completely rude. Rafe found it amusing how much he pissed Thomas off. He liked it.

“I’m gonna go get another round. What are you drinking Rafe?” Josh asked him.

“uh just water, I’m driving tonight.”

“Shoulda ubered man.”

It was nearly midnight now and Rafe wanted to leave. He had bern having a good time for a while but now all the guys were pretty drunk and he just wanted to be with Lola. He hadn’t heard from her all night which he took as a good sign. The guys were playing pool now, some of the single grooms men were flirting with some women at the bar.

“You ever miss that?” Harry asked him as he lined up his stick with the white ball.

“What? Flirting?”

He nodded his head, “Yeah like picking up girls at bars.”

Rafe shook his head, “Not at all. I like Lola a lot.”

“I feel the same about Penny. Guess it’d be bad if I didn’t since we’re getting married,” He laughed patting Rafe on the back.

“You guys are sooo whipped,” Thomas laughed.

“And what about it?” Harry slurred.

Thomas shrugged his hooded eyes meeting Rafes, “The same boring girl forever? The same average pussy forever? noooo thanks.”

“I’m convinced you’ve never actually talked to a woman. I think you just like women who don’t like you,” Rafe shook his head with a smirk.

“Hey all girls love me. Look at me,” He stood straighter and smirked. Rafe wanted to hysterically laugh but he held it in. He started to feel a vibrating in his pocket. He pulled his phone out and saw Lola’s name across the screen.

“Saved by the bell,” He said before walking away to a quieter area, “Hello?”

“Rafeyyyy,” Lola sang on the other end of the line.

He shook his head with a fond smile on his lips, “This is him. What’s up sweetheart?”

“I’m ready to go Rafey. I wanna see you,” She said breathlessly.

For the last few hours the girls had moved to inside the bar where they drank too many shots of tequila and danced. Penny even did karaoke at some point. Lola was actually enjoying herself and she might have enjoyed it too much. She was definitely drunk by now which meant her plan to seduce Rafe sounds like a very good plan.

“God he’s just so hot,” Lola said her chin resting in her palms as she leaned on the bar. She was currently talking to the bartender and Tabitha.

“He is incredibly hot,” Tabitha agreed, “You should see him, he’s like one of those stone statues of the guys with the abs.”

Lola laughed loudly, “he does look like that. Beautiful. You know he’s a really good kisser.” Her brain started to get even fuzzier as she thought of the kisses from earlier.

“Call him girl, get your man.” Tabitha encouraged as shebsaw the look in her cousin’s eyes.

“I will,” That’s when she had decided to call him and let him take her home.

“You’re drunk huh?” He asked with a teasing tone.

She faked a gasp, “I would want to see you even if I weren’t drunk thank you very much. Especially when wow,” She sighed dreamily, “Especially when you look the way you do tonight.”

Rafe had quickly and quietly bid goodbye to the guys as he all but sprinted out of there to get Lola. He knew she was drunk and he didn’t want her to go outside by herself.

“I’m coming sweetheart, did you have fun?”

“Very much of it,” She smiled to herself.

“I’m outside now,” He as as he was getting closer.

She squealed, “Coming!” She hung up the phone and ran outside before Rafe could even made it to the walkway up to the bar doors.

She ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly, “Missed you.” Lola nuzzled her head into his neck breathing in the smell of his cologne.

“I missed you,” He had hugged her back and was stroking her hair with one of his hands, “Let’s get you home babe.”

“Kiss?” She asked looking up at him with those doe eyes. How could he say no? He was eager to do anything for her, to please her. He was there to fulfill all her needs how could he ever deny her?

“anything for you,” He mumbled leaning down and kissing her. He wanted it to be a soft kiss but when her fingers went into his hair and tugged him closer he couldn’t hold back. She kissed him hard and he was of course going to reciprocate. Their lips moved together in perfect synch yet a little messily. She wanted him and it wasn’t just because she was drunk.

Rafe was reminded of what she had been doing earlier when he started tasting the tequila on her tongue. He pulled away and kissed one more time softly, “Let’s go home.”

She nodded her head in a dizzy trance. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. Lola wrapped her arms around his waist and happily hummed. She was practically leaning her whole body weight on him and it wasn’t even phasing him.

“So how many shots did you take huh?”

“Ohhhh just a few. And a couple tequila sodas.” She laughed.

They reached his car and he helped get her in, making sure she didn’t hit her head. He buckled her in, she just watched him with a dopey smile. Rafe jogged over to his side.

The ride was once again filled with comfortable silence. Mostly because Lola had fallen asleep. Rafe heard her light snores and smiled to himself. Once they got back to the house Rafe rushed over to get her. He ended up having to find her house key and then carry her inside.

He was glad he didn’t drink tonight because he gets to spend the night taking care of Lola. Once he’s walking through their bedroom door the girl in his arms starts stirring awake. He laid her down on the bed as she opened her eyes. Squinting as her eyes adjusted to the light.

“Rafe you brought me up,” She mumbled and sat up on the bed. The sleep had sobered her up a bit. Enough to remember to take her makeup off and brush her teeth.

“Of course I did. You need anything?” He sat next to her rubbing her back.

“I’m gonna wash my face,” She mumbled rubbing her eyes, “Can you get me water and ibuprofen please. It’s in the cupboard on the left of the fridge.”

“I’ll be back,” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her head. He went downstairs to get whatever she needed. Rafe also took it upon himself to make her a grilled cheese and bacon knowing she hadn’t eaten since earlier in the day. The greasy food will help her feel better in the morning.

Lola washed her face and brushed her teeth. Feeling more sober and clean. She hadn’t drank that much in a while and now that she was older it hit her harder and worse. She went to her dresser to look for pajamas. Her eyes lit up when they came across the small floral tank top and matching boy short underwear. They were long enough to be considered very short sleep shorts. The part of her brain that was still a little drink was screaming at her to pick that set.

Her plan from earlier coming back to her. She didn’t think twice and grabbed them going to change. Lola looked like she was barely wearing any clothes, just what she wanted. If Rafe felt something for her then he would make a move on her or not reject her if she tried first. And she was almost positive that he did feel something for her. She fixed her hair a bit and put on some more lotion and deodorant.

“I brought you food too,” Rafe said as he entered the room. When she heard him shut the door she stepped out of the bathroom.

He looked up at her and froze. There she was standing in front of him in practically nothing. His hands were itching to touch her. The curves of her body and her pretty bare face were doing too much to him.

He cleared his throat and looked away going back to pulling the covers back, “I uh made you a grilled cheese and some bacon.” He motioned to the food on her nightstand. She smiled at him and mumbled a thanks. Lola walked over to her side and sat on the bed.

As she ate Rafe put on a movie for her before he went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. While he was gone Lola was giving herself a pep talk. She could do this, she’s almost 100% sure that he won’t reject her. At least that’s what she kept telling herself. She quickly finished her food before he came out and got herself ready adjusting her pajamas and her fixing her hair.

He stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but sweatpants. Lola took a deep breath as he sat down next to her.

“You feel better?” He asked looking over at her.

“Yeah I am, thanks for the food.” She turned to lay on her side, holding up her head on her hand.

He mimicked her position, “You’re welcome, how did your night go?”

“Hmmm it was good. The girls are crazy. I miss you though wish I had you by my side,” She said trying to give him her best puppy dog eyes.

Rafe swallowed hard, “Yeah? I missed you. What’s tomorrow’s plan?”

She shuffled closer to him, “Tomorrow we have family brunch and then rehearsal dinner. Then it’s the big day.”

He reached forward and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, “Easy last couple days then.”

She sighed deeply, “mhmm can I ask you a question?”

“Always.”

“So do you make all your clients feel like this?”

He tilted his head questioningly, “Like how?”

She shrugged looking at the white sheets under her, “Like they’re the only girl in the world.”

Rafe’s heart had started to pick up speed the closer she got. He didn’t know what game she was playing but it was a very dangerous one. He looked at the tv afraid that if he looked at her any longer he would do something he would regret.

“I think I like only making you feel that way,” He mumbled as he continued watching the movie.

“Rafe?” Lola asked in whisper.

“Yeah?” He finally turned to her and she was a lot closer than before.

Instead of answering him she cupped his face and leaned in kissing him softly. Slightly hesitant in case he didn’t want this, but then he cupped her face and pulled her in harder. She sighed satisfied with his response. Rafe felt like his lungs were going to explode, she was so suffocating in the best way. He grabbed her thigh and pulled it so that she was now on top of him. The very minimal clothes they had on made them be even closer.

Lola tugged on his hair as she arched her back slightly to get closer to him. Rafe ran his hands all over her, touching wherever her could. This was much better than he imagined. Yes they’d kissed a few times but it was never just them and it wasn’t like this.

When Rafe’s lips moved down to her neck he came to a realization. She had been drinking earlier and he’s pretty sure she’s at least tipsy still. He pulled away gently resting his forehead against hers.

He cleared his throat and quietly spoke up, “Sweetheart I can’t.”

Lola pulled away a little. Confusion taking over her features, “I-I thought you..” Her face flushed in humiliation. Had he read his body language wrong? Had she interrupted his words wrong?

“No no Lola I want to, but you’ve been drinking and I think you should be sober. I don’t sleep with drunk women,” Rafe tried to reassure but his last sentence made her nauseous.

She sat back farther, “But it’s me Rafe. It’s not some random client that paid for you.”

Rafe laughed softly not really reading the tension in the room. He thought she was just messing around, “Babe you paid for me.”

Lola rolled her eyes and got off of him, “Yeah you’re right, I’m really tired.”

“Lola,” Rafe said knowing something was wrong.

“Rafe I’m tired can we just not,” She mumbled as she tucked herself under the covers. Her back towards him so he couldn’t see her biting her quivering lip. Had Rafe just been doing all of this and acting this way because it was his job? She couldn’t blame him but Lola swore she saw something between them for just a split second.

Rafe watched her for a few seconds before turning off the lights and laying back. He had fucked it up somehow and he was going to do everything possible to make it up to her.

He had to fix it.

tags: @rosal1nd , @magicwithaknife , @f4ll-for-you, @hotch-meeeeeuppppp, @loveu-always , @weareatthebadlands

(if you would like to be tagged or removed let me know!)

(also if you already asked me & I missed you I am so sorry pls send another message)

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron series #rafe cameron x reader #rafe fic #rafe cameron au #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron fluff #rafe imagine #rafe obx #rafe cameron x you #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x oc

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tryingmyhand-atwriting · 11 months

Text

BEGIN AGAIN

Chapter One : An Unplanned Run-In

Notes: Hi, everyone (or no one if no one bothers to read!) This is my first ever attempt at posting fan-fiction that I have written, although I have been a reader of it for years. I’ve been in multiple fandoms through out the years but never had the guts to post anything out of fear of not being good enough or no one liking it but I figure - if one person likes it or one hundred people like it, it will all mean the same to me which is utter gratefulness that will swell within me. I am posting under a side blog so no one will know it’s me although I think there is someone who has found me (if so, hi Elise I love you.) Even if you hate it and it sucks and is boring be nice to me please I am baby. That is all - if you have made it this far I am grateful for that too.

Warnings: SLOW BURN. Hang in with me folks once we get to the good stuff it’s promising. Also, new writer - that’s a warning in itself too.

Word Count: 6545

Ashley Tisdale would argue that at times she knew her best friend better than he knew himself. Since the first day they met their connection had been instant and not even time or distance had proven able to dispel the friendship they both helped to nourish.

Not seeing him for three years didn’t change a thing between them and the older sister intuition kicks in when he’s over for the first time upon returning, meeting Jupiter in person now that he’s home, when he says, ‘Member Isabela?” And a lightbulb goes on over her head.

Ashley remembers a pretty, young eighteen year old interning for Austin’s personal assistant in 2013 to 2014. Isabela had been kind to a fault and so gentle as a person that Ashley–and Austin–had developed a protectiveness over her. She had fit into their group effortlessly and there was a close friendship that had developed between Austin and her. So close they were, Ashley would joke about being replaced. It all went downhill after the Great Incident of 2014 and Ashley never heard Austin nor Vanessa speak about Isabela again.

She exits her kitchen, resting against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Yeah I do,” she replies wondering where he would take it next. Austin hums but doesn’t reply as he continues stroking Jupiter’s back, the toddler asleep on the couch beside him. “Did you run into her or something?” She probes.

“Nah, just been… reminiscin’, I guess.” But Ashley knows her best friend, knows by the clench of his jaw and glint in his eyes that he has more to say. Things he may not want to admit or isn’t sure he should admit. “When Lydia told me she was stepping down after havin’ her baby I asked if she had any contact with Isabela but she said they don’t talk anymore.”

Ashley does a double take. “You wanna offer her the job?” She isn’t sure how to explain to him that if someone reached out after years with no contact , she would have a lot to say to that person. Granted, Isabela would never give anyone a piece of her mind but to save Austin from rejection she knows he is in desperate need of some womanly advice. “Don’t you think that’d be, uh–I’m not sure these are the right words but–awkward and mean after what happened?”

“It doesn’t have to be for the job, Ash.” Austin shrugs his shoulders. “With all these new changes in my life I guess I just uh–I know what people I want in my life now.” Ashley has seen firsthand what he means. While paparazzi had always been a part of their lives, the recent attention and invasiveness being introduced to Austin’s life was something new. A level of fame even Ashley hadn’t achieved with High School Musical..

Ashley had faith in Austin and his talent, even if he wasn’t as confident in himself. She could see his wildest dreams coming true but with Elvis, Ashley also knew he had learnt some lessons scary enough they would never shake. She saw he was frightened to death of being made to be someone he wasn’t, of being put on a pedestal and failing to meet expectations. Most importantly, Austin was made aware of how quickly people came around for the wrong reasons, ready to take advantage of success, money, and fame. Someone who freely gave loyalty and honesty expected it in return, a betrayal of that nature would hurt Austin the most. Ashley had seen Austin lose himself and have to find who he was again, but the man who reemerged was skeptical, with a new point of view.

“So you want to make amends?”

It takes Austin a while to look at Ashley, his hand rubbing soothing circles on Jupiter’s back. “More than anything I just wanna talk to her.” But she sees the longing in his eyes when they meet hers and pieces of the puzzle begin to fit together.

That’s how Ashley ends up at Chucky’s Bar in Los Feliz on a Thursday night. She didn’t tell Austin that she occasionally chats with Isabela over Instagram because she didn’t want him to do something embarassing like slide into her DMs with a lame greeting and possible emoji. Austin was smooth and charming in many ways, but at the end of the day, he was only a man and this situation was better handled with a woman’s touch. All it had taken was a ‘miss you! when are you free?’ before Isabela responded saying that this was where she’d be on her last night in LA before she traveled to Hawaii for a work trip.

“Ashley! You came!” There’s a girly squeal and arms squeezing her from behind before she turns to face Isabela. There’s a wide smile on her face and her hair frizzes with the humidity of the crowded bar. Sweat shines on her face, mascara smudged under her eyes, but Ashley has to smile– Isabela never let perceived-imperfections dull her shine. “You look hot.” Isabela checks her friend out with an impressed grin.

“I feel out of my element. I can’t remember the last time I dressed up.” Ashley giggles, taking in her surroundings. “I’m also scared I’m going to start leaking and ruin this dress.” She gestures to her enlarged breasts, made more noticeable by the deep V-cut of her dress.

Isabela lets out a loud laugh. “Some guys like that,” she whispers conspiratorially and Ashley slaps her on the arm. Isabela grabs Ashley by the hand and begins leading her to a table, “Come on, a friend saved us a table. Victoria’s got bar duty tonight but she’ll be checking in occasionally.”

“Victoria’s still working here?”

Chucky’s Bar brought back many late night memories for Ashley. There were many drunken nights spent at the low-key bar where Ashley, Austin, and Vanessa had never been recognized. It was at this bar where Ashley met Isabela and her tough as nails cousin, Victoria, who was cold the entire night and would only make rounds to their table to make sure Isabela was drinking enough water to go along with the tequila. It had taken almost a month for Victoria to warm up to the former Disney kids. Ashley was sure any kindness on Victoria’s part was thrown out the window after the Incident.

Ashley would have found Victoria’s over protectiveness creepy if she didn’t understand why. Isabela was sweetly naive, always seeing the best in the world and people around her. An innocence that had probably broken her heart more than once. It hadn’t taken long for Ashley to feel the same way towards Isabela, like she was a younger sister.

“She practically runs this place. Derek’s one year away from retiring and he’s already promised to leave it to her.” Isabela’s face beams with pride. As they approach the table she turns to face Ashley briefly and catches the uncertainty in her eyes, the awkward hunch to her shoulders, that only comes when someone feels unwelcome. Isabela reaches to hold Ashley’s fingers in hers. “She’s gonna be on her best behavior, okay? I told her you were coming and anyways, everything that happened that day had nothing to do with you.”

Doesn’t it, Ashley wants to ask. Guilt gnaws at her, knowing she was meeting up with Isabela for selfish reasons. To do her best friend’s dirty work, get him into contact with someone who probably, most likely–definitely–wants nothing to do with him.

“We talking about how Victoria breastfeeds you?” There’s a busty redhead seated at the table. She’s loud in her proclamation and beautiful in a sheer silver dress. She’s gorgeous, her hair swept back in an updo and her legs crossed, the hem of her dress rising dangerously high. Already there’s more than a few curious eyes glancing towards their table. She smiles at Ashley but it drops when she catches sight of Isabela’s empty hands. She guffaws, offended, “Where are the shots? You get up and come back with no shots?”

Isabela tumbles into the seat beside her, laughing good-naturedly at her friend’s offense. It was obvious the girls had started drinking before her arrival but Ashley didn’t mind; she was planning on an easy night. Hangovers tend to be a multi-day affair once you hit thirty. “Luis said he’ll bring ‘em out to us,” Isabela tells her friend before presenting her to Ashley. “This is the worst influence in my life and the devil on my shoulder — Ash, meet Sky. She was my college roommate and yes, Victoria hates her. Doesn’t give you any right to talk shit about her though,” Isabela pinches Sky’s underarm for good measure.

“I wasn’t talking shit about her, I was making fun of you. The pretty princess stuck in the tower–you’re twenty-six.” It must be a sermon Isabela has heard before because all she offers in response to Sky’s mocking tone is an exaggerated eye roll and a shake of her head.

“Don’t worry, Victoria hates me too,” Ashley tells Sky. “She’s just always gonna look out for Isabela. No judgments here.”

Sky puts a hand on Ashley’s arm,eyes twinkling. “Oh my God. We should totally start a club.”

“I think you two booze hounds have had enough,” a blond waiter approaches their table, balancing a tray of shots. He looks toward Ashley, clarifying, “I mean those two. Especially this one,” he shoves an elbow into Sky’s side, the woman yelping and returning the hit.

Isabela leans over to touch his shoulder, imploring.. “Luis, you’re just in time. Their conversation was sobering me up.” She pouts, her lower lip jutting out.

“You just don’t like hearing the truth–”

“Not you too!”

“Ladies,” Ashley holds up her shot glass and a wedge of lemon, a strategic distraction, putting an end to the conversation. The constant back-and-forth chatter is definitely enough incentive for her to break her own self-imposed sobriety. “Are we taking this shot or what?”

“I like you,” Sky states, preparing her lemon with salt.

“Wait! We have to cheers to something,” Isabela insists when both Ashley and Sky go to throw the tequila back. She purses her lips to the side in thought, “What’s something all three of us can cheer to?”

“How about this,” Ashley begins, leaning forward on her elbows, “Sky’s here for you and so am I. So how about a cheers to Isabela for bringing us together tonight?” Isabela flushes, her lashes fanning against her cheeks as she avoids eye contact, flattered and flustered all at once. Ashley momentarily feels like she’s kissing ass, knowing she’s still wrestling with guilt over her ulterior motives, but she isn’t lying about her affection for her friend.

Sky extends her shot glass forward. “To Isabela.”

The night is a whirlwind after that. Ashley remembers a Pitbull song coming on that had Sky pulling both she and Isabela to the middle of the dance floor, smack between other dancers. There was another shot–or four–taken and by the time the girls are dancing to the fifth song of the night, now joined by a group of girls they had befriended at the bar. Ashley has to momentarily return to the table, ridding herself of her jacket.. It isn’t lost on her that the reason for her random request of a girls’ night out hasn’t been brought up once, but she doesn’t have it in her to ruin what has been an amazing night so far.

She could always try again. Preferably when it wasn’t her first time reuniting with an old friend in months.

As Ashley saunters back over to their spot on the dance floor, she catches sight of Sky’s silver dress towards the bar with Luis, no doubt asking for another round of shots. Ashley hopes–and doubts–that Sky forgot to order her one, the beginning of a headache pounding behind her eyes. Isabela’s still where she left her but a man has since joined her. He’s handsome, Ashley must admit, and standing almost a foot over Isabela who’s lacing her fingers together in front of her repeatedly. She has a smile on her face though,so Ashley doesn’t feel the need to interject as she nears.

“You’re sweet, but I’m here with my friends. Sorry,” Ashley catches Isabela apologize, her lashes fluttering as she blinks rapidly, and her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. In anyone else Ashley would have taken the actions to be coy or flirty, but in Isabela she sees them for what they are–nervous tics. More words are exchanged and Isabela moves away when the guy places a hand at her hip. Ashley is debating on whether or not she should intercept and tell the guy to get lost, knowing it would be quicker than Isabela’s kind approach, when he throws his hand out beside him in a fist in annoyance before storming away.

Isabela stumbles back, flinching violently at his outburst, and Ashley’s beside her in the next moment, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” She asks, scanning over Isabela. She didn’t see the guy touch her, but Isabela’s response worried her, as if he did more than utter cruel words to her. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, no.” Isabela shakes her head and attempts a smile but her eyes are glossy with unshed tears. “He just got mad and it caught me off guard, I guess. I’m fine.”

“Isabela—” you don’t seem fine, is what Ashley’s going to say but she’s cut off by the arrival of Sky–who did conjure up another round of shots–and two blonde girls they had been dancing with earlier.

“I got us more shots, bitches,” she whoops loudly, pumping a single fist. She drops the act once she takes in the heavy atmosphere. “What’s wrong?”

Ashley hesitates. Some guy was rude to Isabela and she almost cried, which was technically true, but her reaction hinted at something deeper–although the man hadn’t seemed to lay a hand on her. What worried Ashley was the possibility of someone else having done so..

“Some guy was a dick and caught me off guard. Ashley’s never seen my freak outs before.” Isabela shrugs, feigning nonchalance and maintaining eye contact with her friend. There seemed to be a million words said between them but their mouths didn’t move once. It was a look shared between best friends with no words necessary.

Sky shakes her head, turning to Ashley with another smile and extending the tray of shots again. “Isabela doesn’t go out much, so every time she does she gets shocked at what big assholes guys actually are.” She said by way of explanation, handing a shot to Isabela. “She’ll survive; it just takes her a couple seconds to shake it off.”

Ashley detects the bullshit lie, but it isn’t a topic she wants to press so publicly. Instead she politely declines the shot, “I need water for the next hour before Ubering home. It’s Jupiter’s birthday party tomorrow and I need to be up early to set up.”

“Oh, no,” Isabela’s brows pinch and she places her shot back in Sky’s hand. “I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have asked you to come out to a bar if I knew you had to be up early tomorrow.” She interlocks her elbows with Ashley’s, pulling her to Luis’s section of the bar and signaling him for two glasses of water.

“I’m a grown woman, Is. And lack of sleep is nothing new to mothers. Having a newborn is like a hangover that lasts for months.”

Isabela chuckles, sliding her glass of water over. “What a lovely comparison!”

“I love being a mom,” Ashley defends, laughing. “But it’s not as easy as people make it out to be. At least it wasn’t for me. I called my mom crying so many times, sure that I was failing or ruining this perfect little person somehow.”

“You’ve officially talked me out of ever wanting kids.”

“Come on,” Ashley rolls her eyes. “You put everyone before yourself; you’d be the perfect mom.”

Isabela shrugs a shoulder, her elbow leaning on the table. “I don’t know. Maybe. I wanted kids when I was younger, but the past few years have basically been about my career. One thing is for sure though, I’d want it to happen on my terms and at the time I’m ready. No time soon.” The conversation and glasses of water have helped both of them sober up and, for that, Ashley is glad. The room isn’t spinning as much as it was before. Now, Ashley just feels drowsy as the alcohol leaves her system. Isabela must catch her tired expression because she hums, “What time should I be at your house tomorrow to help you set up?”

Ashley shakes her head vehemently. “You’ve got a flight tomorrow, miss. You’re going to need all the sleep you could get.”

“I could sleep on the flight,” Isabela returns smartly, her tone matter-of-fact. Ashley pushes her knee, sending her spinning on the bar stool. Isabela continues. “I feel guilty I had you come out! No way in hell are you setting up alone tomorrow before hosting a kids’ party. I’m helping!”

Luis interrupts their conversation, throwing a rag over his shoulder and refilling both glasses with more water. Ashley smiles. “Two beautiful ladies like you must be starving. My momma always said the way into a girl's heart was through her stomach.”

“I think your mom had it wrong; isn’t it supposed to be a man’s stomach?” Ashley laughs, but she has to wonder because food certainly sounded like heaven then.

“Two burgers to go please and then an Uber.” Isabela shoots him a dazzling, cheesy grin, her cheeks dimpling as she throws a hand over Ashley’s shoulder. “We’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

—

Waking up early after a night out is harder to do the older she gets. If Isabela hadn’t offered to help Ashley with Jupiter’s birthday party set up and have a flight scheduled for later on that day she would have stayed in bed nursing her hangover for the next forty-eight hours. The breeze is fresh as she waltzes up to Ashley’s front door to ring the doorbell. It’s early spring and as is regular for Los Angeles the sun is bright and scorching but the wind is a welcome reprieve from the heat. Various trees are surrounding Ashley’s front yard but Isabela doesn’t dare take off her glasses. Her eyes were probably swollen and red from lack of sleep and overdrinking the night before. Come to think of it, she still felt slightly drunk.

She had been woken up two hours earlier when Sky had crawled into her bed. Ashley and Isabela had left the bar before anyone else and the late time Sky showed up at her apartment meant that Luis and Victoria must have let her and a few others continue drinking after closing time. Isabela doesn’t understand how Sky did it. Isabela hadn’t drank half as much but knew she would be suffering twice as hard compared to Sky.

“Hi, sunshine.” Isabela can only grumble in response to Ashley’s greeting, letting her usher her inside the house with a laugh. “I told you to sleep in. I’m making Chris do all the heavy work anyway.”

“I’m perfectly able,” Isabela insists, sliding her glasses atop her head. She claps her hands, taking in the balloons and empty candy bags surrounding the living room coffee table. “Put me to work.”

There were fifteen other children in Jupiter’s daycare class and each one had a specific diet request which meant each candy bag must contain different items and not be confused. Ashley handed Isabela a list of the kids name and items their goodie bag must contain and sat her down in front of all the miniature snacks and toys. Jupiter’s party was space themed and the small moons and planets that Ashley had bought to go in the bag made Isabela coo. Why were tiny things so unfairly adorable?

“I want to make sure they are perfect,” Isabela defends with a fond eye roll when she sees Ashley arching an eyebrow as she triple checks a bag. There’s a small smile on Isabela’s lips from Ashley’s teasing but when she puts her mind to a task she always has to make sure it is done right. Not to mention that focusing her full attention on the goodie bags had her paying less attention to how sick she still felt. Even when she was younger she had never handled hangovers well.

“Do you want me to place the trash can beside you? Need a reminder as to where the closest bathrooms are?” Ashley teases her friend, noticing the large inhale and exhale she’s continuously doing and knowing it is in efforts to tame her growing nausea. She had offered Isabela tums and breakfast but Isabela insisted the only thing she would be able to keep down was water.

“I hate you,” Isabela returns, leaning back to let the couch cushions swallow her. “Drinking is not meant for me. I don’t know why I keep letting Sky talk me into nights out.” She closes her eyes for a few moments. Her eyelids feel heavy and she wonders if her eyebags are as horrible as she imagines. Isabela knew she looked a mess when she was tired. She wasn’t lucky enough to be a cute drowsy girl. No. It was all dark eyebags and swollen eyes for her.

“Think of the memories,” Ashley insists. “Memories are all we leave behind anyway.”

Isabela pops one eye open. “That was dark,” she laughs, never having known Ashley to be anything but optimistic. She gets what she is trying to say though. It doesn’t matter how much money someone left you if they were pieces of shit throughout your life, you would have rather had good times with them.

There is a shift in Ashley’s attitude, a tension in the air and Isabela knew it would come up sooner or later. She remembers being back at the bar. Crowded and sweaty and that guy had been an asshole but it was nothing new — it wasn’t until he had turned his hand into a fist and swung it beside him that she had reacted. Isabela had flinched and it made her feel weak but knowing Ashley had caught sight of it caused anxiety to flare up in her chest and overtake every feeling in her body. Hangover and shame be damned. She was sick to her stomach deciding whether she wanted Ashley to know the truth or not.

“Is,” Ashley begins, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Isabela doesn’t want to seem flippant or uncaring of the worries her friend is bringing up so she sits up and mirrors her position. Showing she’s listening but keeping what she hopes is a blank expression on her face so nothing is given away. “Last night at the bar… when that guy asked you to dance —” Ashley cuts herself off and Isabela has been through this before. Knows that the people in her life care about her and it hurts them to think about and they can hardly bear to ask. “If you don’t want to answer it, that’s fine. We’ll move on and I promise I will never bring it up again but I have to ask at least once. What happened with that guy at the bar?”

Isabela thinks back to her sophomore year in college, freshly twenty and in love with the new usual that had taken up residence at Chucky’s Bar. He’d been a couple of years older and had only recently graduated from university, he was on his way to taking over his family restaurant. He was sweet and funny, his family had been warm and welcoming and within a blink of her eyes her sweet dream had turned into her worst nightmare. His tight grips became punches, his jealousy became delusions, and the hopes of him changing for her were flushed down the drain. She knew the saying, ‘if they did it once they will do it again’, but she had been so young and dumb and blinded. She considers herself one of the lucky ones. The incident had only escalated once and she had managed to get away.

It’s been years and she’s had therapy. Isabela isn’t angry at the world. She doesn’t hate all men. Hasn’t sworn off to ever date again or anything like that but the memories still feel fresh in her mind. Sometimes more than others and they always succeed at making her feel weak because she can’t help her body’s physical reactions. She can admit that the memories paralyze her every single time she has to deny someone something or she is in a position to displease someone, even minimally. It’s what had happened at the bar: Isabela’s palms had begun sweating the second the guy approached her because she knew she was going to turn him down. He had been kind in asking but not so nice once she had declined his offer. It hadn’t been the curses he had called her that made her flinch. The flinch had been in response to the arm he’d thrown out in exasperation and more than anything she’s only embarrassed of her lacking strength.

It’s one thing to have your weakness known and another entirely to have to explain it. It was like baring your soul to every person you came in contact with and Isabela trusts Ashley but she’s not ready for the way Ashley looks at her to change. She doesn’t need another person in her life viewing her as needing to be protected.

“My ex boyfriend wasn’t so nice,” is what Isabela settles on and she hopes that it’s enough for now. She remembers her mothers tears and Victoria’s anger when she woke up in the hospital. Ashley’s eyes soften and tear immediately and Isabela isn’t ready to draw out any other reaction. She reaches over to place a comforting hand on her friend's knee, assuring her she was with her now. “Oh Ash, don’t cry,” there’s a wobbly lip accompanying her chuckle. “It was a long time ago and I’m fine, okay? I’m right here.”

There’s astonishment in Ashley’s eyes, wonder over the strength of the woman sitting in front of her. Talking of her pain and still choosing to comfort others. “I hope Victoria killed him,” is all Ashley can think to say and Isabela lets out a watery laugh with one last pat to her knee before bringing her arm back.

“Let’s move on to these balloons, yeah?”

Three hours are spent blowing up balloons and taping them together as well as convincing Ashley to not change every detail over the chosen theme. Chris had been seconds away from crying when Ashley suggested for the tables to be moved and it was only when Isabela convinced her otherwise that the tension in his shoulders seemed to release. He had made a crazy motion behind his wife’s back and Isabela had to bite back her laugh. She sympathized with the stress on Ashley in ensuring the party was perfect for Jupiter and she was glad if she was able to ease a sliver of that.

After meeting the gorgeous and chatty Jupiter she found herself bummed that she was unable to stay. Jupiter was kind in providing Isabela with a tour of her playroom and allowing her to color in her favorite art book. There were lots of gibberish and babbles that ended with Jupiter looking up at Isabela waiting for a response so all she could do was pretend she understood the little girl with responses of ‘oh yeah’ and ‘wow’.

“I don’t want to let her go,” Isabela complains with a pout, squeezing Jupiter for a goodbye hug that the toddler was more than happy to return. “She’s perfect. I don’t understand how you guys get anything done, I just want to have her in my arms all day.” She takes advantage of having her in her arms and decides to take one last whiff of her baby head before letting go. “Have the best birthday party, little lady. Eat cake until your heart's content.”

“Uh oh, someone has baby fever.” Chris cocks a playful eyebrow in Isabela’s direction.

“No, no, no. I’m more than fine being the cool aunt who gets to spoil them rotten and hand them back during tantrums,” she replies, placing both hands on her knees to rise from her couch on the entryway, Jupiter having disappeared to the backyard. “You two should have another one, though.”

Chris’s wide eyes and immediate head shake have Isabela laughing. Ashley elbows her husband slightly, rolling her eyes at him before responding. “That one runs us ragged. We wanna wait until she’s a little older.”

Isabela can understand that. “My flight is in three hours and I still need to shower —”

“Is that what I smell?”

Ashley rolls her eyes at her husband, “Ignore him. It’s what I do.”

There is a bright smile on Isabela’s face, content to be around friends and their marital teasing. Maybe she missed them more than she thought. She feels guilty for believing Victoria when she said Ashley must have had ulterior motives for an impromptu girls night. Isabela had been nervous and taken more shots than she should have before Ashley’s arrival, convincing herself it had something to do with the mishap from years before. Fortunately Victoria and Isabela were both wrong and she found herself letting tension release in Ashley’s presence.

“Make sure to send me lots and lots of pictures of Jupiter. I want to see her chubby cheeks smothered in cake frosting and her little face when she opens her gift.” The adults peek over in the direction of the distracted toddler. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Are you kidding? Thank you for helping. I would still be stuck in a stress frenzy if you hadn’t been my sound board today,” Ashley replies, pulling her old friend in for a hug. Chris has the door open for Isabela behind them as he lets them say their goodbyes in peace, knowing it may be a while before the girls would be able to see each other again. “Let’s not go that long without contact again, ‘kay?”

Isabela shook her head. “Now that I’ve met your little monster you aren’t getting rid of me.” There’s another round of waves and goodbyes before Isabela exits their home and they close the door behind her. She feels lighter than she had when she arrived that morning, sleep deprived and slightly hungover. The air breeze against her no longer has the morning freshness and the LA heat has managed to set in.

She takes solace in the fact that in a few hours she was going to be in Hawaii. It was a light work trip with her client only having one single interview and photo shoot so she knew she would have downtime to hit the beach and local restaurant. Isabela’s making a mental note to text Jessica, her coworker and client’s social media manager, as well as opening her notes app to see the packing checklist made the day before when she hears footsteps trudging towards her and her name being called.

There's a sinking feeling in her gut. A part of her wants to run away and hide, remembering the embarrassment and shame that was brought upon her that day, but there’s a voice in her head telling her to keep her head held high and act like nothing was off.

“Austin, hey,” she hopes her tone isn’t filled with the dread she feels.

There’s a pause before she allows herself to face him for the first time in seven years. Isabela has seen him on television shows and movies, on the cover of magazines and gracing the front pages of tabloids with his then girlfriend. She would have to be in hiding to not have seen him this past year alone with all the Elvis promo, but seeing him in person manages to take her breath away. He’s handsome and that hasn’t changed. If anything, time and new opportunities have done him well. She remembers a sad boy who had just lost his mother and didn’t know what to do with his life; he was skinny and lanky and hadn’t got a haircut in months.

The man in front of her had life in him. He’s filled out since the last time she saw him and she sees a gleam in his eye that wasn’t there before. Austin must be happy, its the only guess she would make, and no matter what he put her through, happiness and health is all Isabela would have ever wished for him.

“Ash didn’t tell me you’d be here,” he says as he approaches closer to where she stands. Isabela expects the hug, finds herself accepting it, and then she immediately hates herself after. “It’s so good seeing you. I’ve been thinking about you.” Austin has never been one to shy away from his feelings, he’s always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but this once she wishes he wasn’t so honest because it somehow hurts more to know she’s crossed his mind and he never reached out. “My assistant, uh, Lydia, remember her? She's pregnant. Told me last week and she was really happy. She’s gonna become a stay at home mom after, I think.”

There’s a brow arch because she’s unsure of how the news pertains to her. Isabela has talked to Lydia frequently through the years and the woman had called her a few days prior to share the news. “Yeah, she told me. Her and Raul are really excited. I mean, good for them, I know they’ll make the best parents.”

Austin looks like he’s gonna continue as he nods his head along in agreement but, “Hang on, you keep in touch with her?” He asks and he looks genuinely confused. It makes two of them because Isabela has no idea what’s going on in this conversation or what she could possibly have to do with Lydia being pregnant and why on earth it would be the first thing Austin wants to share with her after six years of no contact.

Isabela nods slowly. “She’s been a great help to me through the years. Helped me finish my internship and get an interview at this agency I’m at. I tell her she makes me feel like a nepo baby with all the connections she offers.” The fond eye roll shows all the love between the two women and transports Austin back in time to when there was a genuine friendship between them and he remembers to put the conversation back on track, where he wants it to head.

“Well, the job’s yours. If you want it.” There’s a dead silence that takes up the space between them. Quiet enough where he can hear the sound of the leaves rustling on Ashley’s front yard and the faint sound of a car honking from a block over. Austin feels the need to explain, “The past year has been amazing, Is, and I’ve actually got some of my favorite directors asking for me to read for their films. And with Elvis coming out, despite how it makes me sound like a complete dick, things are changing for me and I want people I can trust around me. You know, people who won’t come around for the wrong reasons or with bad intentions. When Lydia told me she’d help me find someone new all I could think about was offering it to you. I’ve got James, Kate, and people I trust around me and I wanna keep that going. I trust you. And I already know you’re damn good at your job.”

The betrayal that has simmered beneath her skin for six years - a betrayal from a friend and former employer, a betrayal that Isabela had forced herself to forgive without apologies being exchanged for her own emotional health - she feels the betrayal awaken in her chest as if it’s the day of again. She didn’t need anyone to plead for forgiveness and she didn’t need to be fought for but she always hoped that if a thought from him was spared for her it was because of more than him needing her for a job. A job he was only offering because he was big and famous and people were out to use him now.

Did Austin wake up and think, “hey, she was humiliated and treated like shit in my backyard and never spilled the beans to any tabloid so I must be able to trust her?”

Isabela reminds herself to take a deep breath. Austin was many things but he was never selfish or inconsiderate of others. His mom and sister would have never allowed it. Isabela had to come to terms with the fact that a moment of great disappointment and disloyalty in her life didn’t create an impact in his life. He hadn’t spent three days crying in bed afterwards or had a hard time getting hired for months after because gossip had made the rounds. Nope. The humiliation, sadness, and shame was left for her.

“I, um,” she knows that anyone else would have a lot to say. She wishes she had the guts to do the same but she doesn’t want to engage in an argument or have him give a meaningless apology. She doesn’t want him to know how much she still cares when he obviously had moved past it. “I’m taking a year off. Gonna take some time to travel and all that, but thank you. For thinking of me and offering.” She hopes her eyes aren’t brimming with tears because they sure are currently burning.

Austin looks disappointed and she wonders why he’d be anything but aware of the fact that she wouldn’t want to work with him again. Do they remember the day differently or something? She doesn’t have the gall to say any of that and she bites her lip to stop herself from easing any discomfort between them so the awkward silence grows between them before Austin moves to break it.

“Let me take your number down, at least,” he says as he reaches into his back pocket to pull his sleek black iPhone out and hand it to her. She takes it, noticing no phone case on and she cringes because her phone wouldn’t survive a day. “In case you come back from vacation early.” There’s a teasing lilt in his tone and she offers a small smile as she inputs her number for him, “Or just so we could catch up. You’ve been missed.”

There’s that eye roll again and it makes his stupidly handsome grin immediately return. For her part, she offers another small smile and wave as she heads down the pathway, “until next time, then,” she replies and when she turns she takes a deep breath to disperse the tightness in her throat. Although it’s unlikely, she wishes the next time is never because she wouldn’t survive another experience.

#austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fic #austin butler x reader #austin x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler headcanons #austin butler one shot #austin butler fanfic #austin butler

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duhragonball · 11 months

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All right, let me put this under a cut, because this doesn’t come up often, but I think I’d like a single post I can refer people to when this topic gets brought up.

Short version: I read all seven books and hated them, and now the author is an unapologetic transphobe, which is something I have no patience for. In recent years, critics have begun to connect the author’s neoliberal politics with a lot of the flaws in the writing, and this video by Shaun is a pretty good exploration of what was so frustrating about the books and the characters.

Long version: I “liveblogged” all seven Harry Potter novels between 2005 and 2012. I use the quote marks because back in those days I’m not sure “liveblog” was a term, but I certainly hadn’t heard of it. I called it a “review”, but I basically would read each chapter and recap the whole thing with my smartass commentary. In hindsight, this was probably more like me trying to do Nostalgia Critic’s bit in prose format, but I wasn’t very familiar with him at the time either.

Soon afterward, I moved my online presence to tumblr, which was sort of a fresh start for me. It sounds like I’m implying there was some sort of bad experience that came out of the whole thing, but there wasn’t. I was proud of the work I did at the time, and while I’m not sure if it holds up in the 2020′s, I got a lot of satisfaction out of finishing a multiyear project like that. But by the end, I was ready to move on, and so I have moved on, which is why I don’t speak of it much in this space.

The point I’m making here is that I read all the books and I examined them pretty thoroughly, and my conclusion was that they all sucked. Yes, even your favorite one. No, it didn’t start out good and jump the shark later on. They all sucked. That’s what I had against Harry Potter.

I say “had”, because even though I’ve moved on to other pursuits, J.K. Rowling continues to maintain a public presence, selling her video games and spin-off movies and so on. She’s also gone full-on TERF, spouting transphobic rhetoric and using her platform as a billionaire best-seller to bully people who are much less fortunate than herself.

I’ll embed that video I linked to up top.

youtube

I think Shaun does a really excellent job explaining just what bugged me so much about the Harry Potter books. I found the main characters extremely unlikeable, and I could never quite put my finger on the reason. And the villains were pretty weak too, despite all their terrible crimes and talk of conquest. Superficially, the whole thing feels like a classic good vs. evil struggle, with good wizards fighting bad wizards, kind of like how the Transformers are about good alien robots fighting a war against bad alien robots. But it never seemed to work in the Harry Potter books.

Shaun explains why: Despite the “good versus evil” premise, a lot of the good guys just act like thoughtless, selfish pricks sometimes, and it’s justified because they’re on the good guy team. Sometimes a character will do something terrible to another character, and it’s deemed acceptable because they’re nominally a “good guy”, and the person they’re being a jerk to is a “bad guy”, so they’re fair game. It’s less about “good vs. evil” and more about “us vs. them”.

Shaun doesn’t spent a lot of time getting into Rowling’s transphobia, but he does talk about a lot of the other problematic stuff in the books, like the lack of thought she put into Cho Chang’s name. He also points out the hypocrisy in having all the other characters act irritated with Hermione’s anti-slavery campaign. The whole thing with the house elves was half-baked from the start, and Rowling kept stumbling through each book trying to correct course, ultimately settling on having one character stand up for the Right Thing, only to have all the other characters ignore or dismiss her concerns. Harry himself seems to have no particular opinion on house-elf slavery, which sums up the character very succinctly. He’s the protagonist and the viewpoint character, but he doesn’t stand for anything in particular.

Now that I think about it, I suppose this was why I kept working anime characters and Transformers and professional wrestlers into my liveblog of the books. At the time, I would have told you I was just doing it to keep myself entertained as I trudged through the series, but in hindsight, I think I was just starved for characters who actually believed in something bigger than themselves. Harry can barely be arsed to do his own homework, meanwhile, I’ve known what passions fuel Omega Supreme since I was nine years old.

“Diction: Straighforward. Personality: Complex. (*snif*)”

I don’t know what sort of person you are, @endmylife69 . You strike me as a reply guy, contrarian for its own sake. I see feminist and antifeminist posts in your likes, and one of the three posts on your blog is about how much you hate Chi-Chi, so I don’t know why you even show up to my blog, where I think Chi-Chi is awesome. The point is if your agenda here is to sea-lion me into “proving” that Rowling is a TERF and that TERFs are bad, I’m not interested in playing that game. There’s plenty of critics out there who will walk you through that discussion step by step. You asked what my problem is with her, and I’m telling you.

There are fans of hers who have to struggle with the moral implications of liking her work while distancing themselves from her hateful beliefs. I respect the fans who have to figure that out. I don’t respect the fans who just pretend like the dilemma doesn’t exist, because they care more about playing that new Hogwarts vidya game than anything else.

For my own part, I can’t relate to the fans’ dilemma, because I always thought Rowling’s book series sucked shit. What’s frustrating for me is that I spent about seven years roasting her books on the internet, and the whole time I was going “Ha ha these books suck shit!”, and it all just feels so dated now, because she’s going to go down in history as this rich, hateful bigot. Her lousy writing is going to be a footnote to her career. It’s like writing an “epic takedown” of Mel Gibson movies without ever getting into all the antisemitic stuff he’s done. In retrospect, I feel kind of disgusted for engaging with her work at all, even to insult it.

I’m sick of talking about Harry Potter, so let me make this about Chi-Chi, since that seems to be the only thing I know you have strong opinions about. Part of the reason I like Chi-Chi so much is because she’s basically right. She objects to a lot of the things that happen in Dragon Ball, which makes her seem like a killjoy, but her motives are sensible and important. She grounds the other characters, keeping them with one foot in the real world.

This is because Chi-Chi understands that there’s more to life than fighting gonzo anime battles. Yes, she lives in a world where laser karate is real and quite prevalent. Yes, her sons are insanely powerful warriors who are sometimes the only thing standing in the way of world annihilation. But at the same time? Gohan and Goten really do need to study and get good jobs. Protecting the world is important, but so is family, and home life, and the work you do. Also, maybe it’s important to stop breaking the furniture all the time. Its expensive, dammit.

These are messages that a lot of DB fans don’t care for, because they tuned in for gonzo anime battles, and this loud woman is scolding everyone for wanting that. But the point of the character is that there’s a bigger world in the lore. There’s places to live and people to meet and things to do besides fighting Frieza all the time, and she wants her loved ones to thrive in that world, which is why she keeps reminding them of it.

And that’s a metaphor for our own world, where there’s more to our own lives than the shows we watch and the books we read, and the internet arguments we get into. We each have to ask ourselves what we stand for, what we’re trying to be on this planet. My problem with the Harry Potter franchise is that it doesn’t seem to stand for much of anything. The characters only seem to care about stopping big league threats, but have no interest in reforming their broken society. The protagonist spends much of his time just passively experiencing the story like he’s sitting in a theme park ride. The author only seems to feel strongly about punching down, attacking trans people and surrounding herself with anyone willing to congratulate her for this despicable attitude. Her supporters only seem to care about being on her side, no matter how morally bankrupt it is.

Like, okay, that video game came out a few months ago, and I saw people on Twitter trying to angrily justify their decision to buy it, even though a lot of people have pointed out that it directly supports a woman who uses her wealth to justify her bigotry platform. They’d go “It’s just a game!” and someone made a really snotty TikTok about it or something, and I’m like “Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?” If it was just a game, then they’d just play it and not say anything. But they know it’s not just about the game, and that’s why they’re so defensive about it. They want to be on both sides of this thing, and that doesn’t surprise me much, since their favorite book series taught them that they can be a real selfish dickbag and still be a good guy as long as you oppose the main villain.

Chi-Chi would see right through that. It’s not enough to just oppose the final boss. It’s the life you live before and after those kinds of battles that defines you as a person.

Anyway, Harry Potter sucks rotten eggs, and the author is a giant toolshed. Also, that funeral they did for the giant spider was a fucking ordeal to read. 0/10 would not recommend.

#ask duhragonball #index

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winns-stuff · 2 years

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LO RANT:

Okay, so yeah I saw that damn instagram post and all I have to say is this: If Hades so much as touch a single fucking hair or limb on Demeter, even her damn clothes I will definitely be absolutely outraged. I don’t give a fuck, Demeter took so much shit for Persephone and no I’m not saying that she isn’t a helicopter mom or anything literally read my recent appreciation post about her, tells you everything you need to know, but she does not deserve to be yelled at or insulted by this random ass man. I’m so tired of everyone just blindly appreciating and congratulating Hades’ behavior, whatever the fuck Demeter has to say she can say it to Persephone her own daughter and Hades can stop coming into Persephone’s problems without her permission and dictating whatever and whoever Persephone is allowed to speak to, the shit is annoying.

And then there’s so many people saying how “he’s gonna say that she belongs there and she’s an adult now so she can make her own decisions.” It doesn’t fucking seem like it because yet again someone is handling her own problems for her and she’s not even trying to take a stand on her own! She’s never had. Whenever push comes to shove she always has someone else helping her or literally doing everything for her! The shit is stupid honestly, I cannot explain how much I absolutely hate how this webcomic keeps saying how mature and adult like Persephone has gotten when she still does the same shit, I can’t be so accepting of so little development that was supposed to be good over the past 10 years. I feel like it’s so dumb and irritating that there is so many people trying to make Persephone seem like she’s this put together adult when the comic does not do anything that involves making her seem like an adult, she’s not put together at all or mature and there’s never any effort to make her like that.

Also I hate how everyone continuously disrespects Demeter, she’s not a fucked up person! She’s done some things that has put Persephone in unfavorable situations yes but she’s only ever trying to protect her. She cares about her daughter and any mother who absolutely hated her child or neglected her child would not even try and do half of the stuff that Demeter did for Persephone, no I am not saying that Persephone is ungrateful or anything I’m just tired of this comic always singling out Demeter and making it seem like she’s such a bad mother when she’s not. She’s a mother who cares dearly about her daughter, a mother who knows all about the three kings and how they do things and just how terrible they can be, she knows that her daughter is a fertility goddess and most likely would be devoured if anyone knew of her ability, there’s so many factors about why Demeter did what she’s done. She didn’t do things the best but I’m sick of people thinking that her actions came from a place of hatred or anything it came from a place of love! And it’s so much more than half of the cast has ever even been doing for Persephone.

Also something that I hate that some commenters said is why Demeter hates Hades so much, maybe it’s because the first recent encounter that she’s had with him was her trying to sober him up after he got himself drunk in the mortal realm, disrupting her work and possibly waking up the nymphs (children and babies included) and causing a wreck, which sadly she can’t even do anything about because Hades is known for blowing up on anybody and anyone who mildly inconveniences him and plus he’s a damn king, there’s no way that you wouldn’t have somewhat of a distain towards him after that and besides Persephone is in the damn Underworld somewhere she’s never been and somewhere she literally has no support except Hades and Hecate none of her friends are there and she doesn’t even know what she’s been doing down there or what she’s been through.

Also I’m getting annoyed at people comparing Apollo and Hades by saying “at least he didn’t do that”, you’re right he didn’t do that but he is literally no better all the fucking men (except Thanatos and Hermes) are all the same when it comes to Persephone, I don’t care if he’s “more respectful” he’s quite literally just decent and why do we need to praise him for doing the bare minimum, is the bar for the men that low that we’re thankful that he’s at least respectful to Persephone? This just gives more evidence that half the men in the cast are quite literally the worst and there’s nothing setting them apart from each other except one having slightly more respect for the female love interest but still having the same intentions and actions towards her. Yes this is a completely biased sentence but I don’t give a fuck I hate Hades and I hate how much no one even acknowledges his very huge flaws, he has not even changed there’s been 0 development he’s literally just the same as before.

Also, and I’ve said this before but, I do not appreciate SOME of the commenters being happy about Hades possibly being aggressive towards Demeter or becoming physical. I don’t care how much you do not like Demeter there should never be a point where you wish violence on someone especially by the opposite gender, it seems to be a common theme in the fandom to wish terrible things on characters that you don’t like. I know it’s all just fiction but I can’t just ignore how disgusting some of those comments are, they’re to the point where it gets disturbing for me. But it also just irks me because that’s Persephone’s mother, the one who raised her and protected her from all harm that could’ve been done if not for her, I feel like people should have more respect for her and yes they’ve had arguments and such but all of their problems could be worked out by words and conversation, I’m tired of most of the fandom demonizing Demeter’s actions and making it seem like she did something unforgivable when other characters that a lot of them love have done a lot worse.

But that’s all for now, I’m sorry I just had to say something or else I would be upset for the rest of the day, that whole panel was unnecessary and I’m so upset at the fact that Rachel wanted to make Demeter look so powerless and distressed in the panel to the point of tears just for her to be dragged in the comments, it’s so annoying to me. But anyways like I always say these rants are meaningless and no one should take them seriously, if you agree to this rant that’s fine and if you don’t it’s fine too, I don’t mean to just bag the whole fandom because I know it’s not everyone but it’s too many people in the fandom who think that Demeter is just terrible so that’s why I just said fandom, but later once I mellow out a little I’ll change it to say most instead of seemingly like all, but this isn’t to attack any fans just to speak my opinions about the behavior that some fans displayed in the comments under the spoiler, this shouldn’t be used as fuel to become an anti or to harass and insult any fans because we’re all different and we all interpret things differently, this is just what I interpreted from the situations so it’s illogical to take my opinions and form it into your own if you truly don’t think like that, instead you should see for yourself what you truly believe. I’m not the most knowledgeable person ever either, just a random teen on the internet.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo demeter

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foryouthem00n · 1 year

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“Interrogate.”

A/N: Request from @mooneeeee , I apologize that it took so long to post! There will be another part to this as well, maybe three in total but I’m not sure yet. Also I know that I’ve stated that I don’t write smut but this is about as far as I’ll go in that department! Even this was hard for me but I needed to write it so that I could establish the relationship. Song lyrics from 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

'Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Oh, Dom!” You cried out, digging your nails into Sonny’s back.

“You’re so good, baby.” Sonny praised in between kisses, continuously thrusting himself inside you, about to climax.

Sonny moaned as he finally came, the two of you both breathing heavily. He flopped himself down onto the bed beside you. You slid over to him, laying your head down on his bare chest.

“God, I needed that.” Sonny sighed, kissing your hair.

“Long day?” You asked.

“Long day would be an understatement.” Sonny grumbled.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I’d rather talk about how fucking hot you look right now.” Sonny eyed your naked body up and down.

You blushed, staring up at him. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Counselor.”

Sonny hummed in pleasure, kissing your hair again.

You laid on his chest and admired the way his body looked, the way that you felt so close to him in the moment. The casual sex was great, but you love the cuddling and sleepovers even more. You want so much more than just sex with Sonny, but there’s always something that gets in the way. Sonny lashes out any time you try to bring up your relationship or the way that he or you feels about things.

As you were just about to drift off to sleep, you heard Sonny’s phone vibrate on the bedside table. You sat up off of Sonny and he rolled over to grab his phone.

“Who is it?” You asked.

Sonny ignored you as he read whatever message he received. You watched as his eyes moved from right to left, glued to the phone screen.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Y/N. Why are you so concerned about who’s texting me?” Sonny snapped.

“I’m not concerned, I was just curious if it was work related. Didn’t know if you’d have to leave again.”

Sonny got up out of bed and began putting his clothes on. “I do have to leave, actually. And it’s not because of work.”

Your eyes widened. You didn’t understand what you had done to make Sonny so frustrated and why he was being so harsh all of a sudden. You could tell by his reaction that Amanda Rollins was the one texting him, and the reason for him leaving. They’ve been close ever since you’ve known Sonny.

“Sonny, wait! Can’t you just talk to me?”

“What is there to talk about, Y/N? We’re not together, which means I can do whatever I want with whoever I want. It’s none of your business what I do or who I text or who I hang out with. I’m a grown man and I don’t need to be interrogated.”

“I’m not trying to interrogate you! Aren’t I allowed to ask you questions, make conversation?”

“Sure you are, but not when it involves my texts or the other people in my life. You get so clingy out of nowhere and it’s fucking annoying, Y/N.”

You stared at Sonny blankly and he stared back at you. You didn’t respond to him, and it seemed like he had nothing more to say. While on the outside you seemed unbothered, on the inside, Sonny’s words hurt. He abruptly lashes out but it ends up being your fault. For what reason? Why does this keep happening?

Sonny huffed, grabbing his things. “I’ve gotta go.”

You watched as Sonny walked out of your bedroom and down the hall, taking a turn and then disappearing from your sight. You laid back down in bed, rolling over to your side, preparing to go to sleep. You were hurt by Sonny but it wasn’t a deep hurt. You weren’t worried about what would happen next. You would go to bed and forget about the whole situation by the morning.

Besides, Sonny will come crawling back. He always does.

#law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #sonny carisi #dominick sonny carisi #ada sonny carisi #carisi headcanon #carisi x reader #sonny x reader #carisi one shot #requests

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recurring-polynya · 10 months

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Hello polynya! Hope you don’t mind but I’d like to ask you about your writing process. You’re really one of the best fic writers I’ve seen so I’d like to pick your brain a little. :) How long do you spend outlining something before writing it down? What do you do when you get stuck on something? How do you make sure you’re getting characters right? I’m very concerned about that last one since I haven’t seen Bleach in years and if I ever started writing something, I’m worried I’d make everyone OOC.

Hi! Sorry for delay on this. I wanted to take the time to write out a nice and thoughtful answer and then I got swamped by stuff. I really do like sharing writing advice, though, so thank you for asking!

Just gonna do a little cut for length:

How long do you spend outlining something before writing it down? So, I want to start with the caveat that I hate outlining. I am very much that dog-with-a-frisbee meme, only it's "No decide what happens! Only write!" I think that, in general, it's best to do as much outlining as you can stand at the beginning of a project, but there is a minimum amount that I force myself to do, but what that minimum is will depend on the fanfic I am trying to write.

Sometimes a fanfic will spring into my head, fully formed, beginning to middle to end. Just go for it. No outline. Fuck it, we ball. Generally, this is going to be a shorter fanfic, like <10k, but I ran all of Portions for Foxes with no net. There is like the Touch of God, though, there is no way to guarantee this process.

Usually, with the stories in my Heart is a Muscle series, I declare that I am Writing This Thing, and it has a broad concept and, like, 5 scenes I really want to write. In this case, I will make an iterative outline. I really, really didn't feel like outlining the one I am working on now, and for a significant amount of time, my "Ductwork Notes" documents just said: "Outline: lol". However, as I actually started to work on it, and completed some scenes, I put them in the outline. Also, any time I thought of a scene I wanted to do, or a scene I would need to do, I added it to the outline. At some point, I was able to feel my way around the shape of the thing. It takes place over ~2 weeks, and I wrote out when the big events happened, which made it more obvious where and what I needed to add. I just continue to refine and add detail. I'm maybe 10 or 15% of my way into this thing (by progress, not by word count). As I go, I continue to update the outline. Eventually, I will break it into chapters, with word count. Going back and forth between the zoomed-way-in activity of writing and the big picture exercise of thinking about my story as a whole is the best way for me to work (it's also the way I code, swapping back and forth between writing and testing individual functions with how they fit into the overall software framework.) I feel like this is not a thing that would work for everyone, but it works for me.

Plot bunnies. We all get them. I generally do not get gripped by them, the way some people do, but every so often, I have a bit of a wild idea (often an AU), where I get excited over an idea, and I need to decide how much energy I am willing to devote to it. In this case, an outline is a tool for that. The thing that separates a plot bunny, imo, from a "fic idea" is that plot bunnies are usually open ended hooks: What if so-and-so died? Oh, I love this splash page where they're all in a band. That's not a story, it's just a concept. So, if I am considering making a story, I force myself to make an outline. It must have a beginning, middle and end. It must contain a number of Big Scenes I am excited about writing and that I think people will be excited about reading. Sometimes, this process very clearly informs me that this is not a story that I want to take the time to write, and that maybe I'd rather just do a fanart or write a 1k throwaway scene or maybe just make a Tumblr post about. But if the process of making the outline isn't a huge turnoff, well, now I've got an outline, which is a significant part of the work done, and I can feel free to go for it.

What do you do when you get stuck on something?

If I am stuck on a specific thing, the best thing for me is to go do a chore that requires my hands and leaves my brain free. Washing dishes, folding laundry, weeding, are all excellent candidates for this. It can be enormously frustrating to get stuck, because I am very impatient, so I have a litany of things I tell myself at these times, like "this is what writing is. just let your brain chew on it." I often try to let my brain run down little possibilities, even when I know they won't work, just to see where they lead. I try to remind myself to have fun and enjoy the process.

If I am stuck in the sense that I have writer's block or just generally don't feel like writing, I try to do other things. If I catch up on my ao3 comments and my volunteer job, then, when the inspiration comes back, I'll have a clear schedule. I believe that there are cycles of writing, where sometimes you are in creative mode, but sometimes you are in rest mode, and sometimes you are ingest mode, so it's good to go read a book or watch a new show. It's also cool to go revisit the source material.

How do you make sure you’re getting characters right? I’m very concerned about that last one since I haven’t seen Bleach in years and if I ever started writing something, I’m worried I’d make everyone OOC.

I mean, why not do a rewatch, or even better, read the manga? You don't have to go through the whole thing, just the parts relevant to the story you are trying to tell, or the character you are trying to get write. I do this all the time, even though I already have a pretty encyclopedic knowledge of the parts of Bleach I care about. The Bleach wiki is very helpful for figuring out what happened in particular episodes.

I think this ties back to the previous questions, but a big part of writing is that you have to sit with your writing in your head and figure out what you are doing and why and if you are accomplishing that. There are different ways of doing this that you may find you enjoy more or less. I don't like outlining, but I do like looking up little bits of canon and overanalyzing minor details and making esoteric Tumblr posts about them.

Once you are actually writing, I try to have a very clear idea for my major players of:

What is their tendency?

What is their goal?

Their tendency is what they do naturally, how they act when they aren't thinking about it. Usually, you are shooting for your character to have some growth or change, and that's what I mean by goal. How do they act when they are being intentional? Then, in any writing situation, you can decide, "are they being natural or are they being intentional?" and decide their actions based on that. I think the most basic conflict you can write about is the tension between who someone is and who they would like to be!

A very basic example of this is that Renji is usually a pretty casual guy. He uses informal speech and probably jokes around with his subordinates. On the other hand, when Byakuya's around, he straightens his spine and puts on his best officer voice, because he wants to impress his boss.

This is going to vary based on the story you want to tell. The "tendency" category is also going to include what your characters do when they are scared or angry or other circumstances where things move from "unthinking" into "involuntary." A nice thing about this is that if you write one million stories about the same characters, you can really show their growth over time.

I hate YouTube analysis videos, but I watched one that really rewired my brain, about how, in a panic situation, Renji freezes up and Rukia runs. Hihiou Zabimaru, as an incomplete bankai, often acts a protective wall around Renji, allowing him to act while standing still. Conversely, So-oh Zabimaru is a close-combat bankai and prominently features a grabby arm. Rukia's bankai, on the other hand, is all about standing her ground (and forcing everyone else to, too). And on one hand, this is a powers analysis, but I use this as a touchstone a lot when I write about their conflict resolution styles at various stages of their maturity.

Here's a bit of advice that may be controversial, but I am going to say it: I think that even if you prefer AUs (and I mean, like, coffee shop AUs, not twist-on-canon AUs) you should write canon-compliant fic once in a while, even just as an exercise. You don't have to show it to anyone, it doesn't need to be a complete story. You can even just take a canon scene and try to write it from the POV of one of your characters. I just people really underestimate the amount of character work it takes to write a good AU. It's super hard to keep the characters feeling correct when you've taken away all the character beats that have informed them as people! In fact, I think it's good for any writer to try out different kinds of writing once in a while, even kinds you think you won't like. It really builds your writerly muscles and forces your to think about things in new and potentially mind-blowing ways.

Anyway, I hope that was helpful! I hope you do give writing a shot and I wish you the best of luck!

#writing advice

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bride-of-dracaenca · 2 years

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A Brief, Totally Incoherent History of the OG Animaniacs Fandom (1993 - ???), Part 0.001

(Early - Mid 1990s Animaniacs/PatB Fandom History that Exactly Nobody Cares About!)

@@@hhh…wow. Oh hey, tumblr!

So! OG Animaniacs Fandom seems to be a mostly forgotten chapter in Internet fandom history. Arguably, it was one of the very first Internet/Online fandoms with a unique, discernable “culture.” These fan cultures had existed before – but Animaniacs, arguably one of the first “Megafandoms” - that is to say, one of the first with its genesis (as opposed to merely its continuation) on the Internet - just happened to premiere during September, 1993. Also known on the early Internet as the ETERNAL SEPTEMBER (no, I am not making this up! See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September).

Therefore, it had stuff like this:

A! JW21 YK++i WK++ DT+++!^ P&B+ S&S+ HIP--- S!D--- P+++ Dpfdd{s} Tow2 $++++dmvac Vr+++++j+++t+++m++{s} IV! T419/65Years E5/73 H53 PonYiddish XBRomp A35 M

(That’s not my A! Geek Code, it’s the A! Code of a guy who is really, really cool and smart and was created by a guy who’s really, really cool and smart, FYI.)

Meh, I keep putting this off. Is it because of the collapse of our ecosystem and civilization in this horrible, dystopian “future” that we all find ourselves collectively in? Is it because the very idea of being one of the youngest contributing members of a fandom and, three decades later, maaaaybe, being one of the very oldest, again just maybe (I dunno) is like…one of the saddest things I can even imagine right now? Well, except for the collapse of our ecosystem, civilization, etc. etc.? Gee, okay. That part’s much worse.

I want to go back and eat Dunkaroos and watch Fox Kids. Take me back NOW. Please? ALSO I HATE THE RICH TEXT EDITOR I HATE BEING CAGED I WANT TO BE FREE AND MARKUP AND CODE AS I PLEASE WITH NO LOGIC OR REASON IN ANGELFIRE AND GEOCITIES AND TO FTP TO MY HEART’S CONTENT WITH DANCING CAT .GIFS AND MIDI FILES AND BLUE LINKS ON GREY BACKGROUNDS THAT TURN PURPLE WHEN YOU CLICK THEM AT THE VERY DAWN OF THE WWW 235273^$*&%$!23532 CURSE YOU!

@@@H. Aaanyway. I’ll just come out and say it: I was in the original Animaniacs (A!)/Pinky and the Brain (PatB) fandom starting in…in some form, at least as a lurker, September 1993, when the show first started airing on our local affiliate Fox Kids before it jumped the shark by jumping to the Kids’ WB.

Oh, haha, I kid about that last part. Please just read everything here as kidding/sarcastic, because it is. What is it that you kids do these days? Tone indicators? Read all of this as /j /lh /s or whatevertheheck. You know what I mean. Anyway, possibly earlier, because a.t.a (alt.tv.animaniacs on usenet) was preceded by alt.tv.tiny-toon. And I was a cagey, anxious, fringe-s kid who was really way, way, way too young to be there.

Oh, yes! “Kids” in early Internet fandom! Funny story about that.

So I had started posting some of the first fan works/meta, or whatever the heck it’s called now, for this A!/PatB...stuff, online, by 1994, and…just give me a sec here to chug some, um, “grape juice.” Boy am I super proud of this and this short series of “fandom history” I am about to share throughout this summer, and not ashamed at all. Oh, boy. From back then, when we all had “Warnersonas” on irc and this one total weirdo had a PatB-sona unlike the normal fans.

Also, though: there are lots of legit opinions about who the very best Animaniacs character is, but if you say it’s not Slappy Squirrel, then you’re objectively wrong. And Pinky/Brain, which totally normal people all shipped back then and was a totally normal mundane expected thing, was called Pinky/Brain or maybe Pinky x Brain but smushnames weren’t a thing yet you kids so that’s just what the ship is called, also they are married. My gay mouse uncles were married back then and it was canon. Sorry, I don’t make the A! rules. /j /s /lh. (JOKES ASIDE THE PINKY/BRAIN SHIPPING LITERALLY HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY LIKE THE FIRST MINUTE IN SEPT A! AIRED SO STOP REWRITING HISTORY TO MAKE THE GAY MICE STRAIGHT YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING MY QUEER CHILDHOOD.)

Side Note: I see a few of you from the og usenet/IRC #watertower days around here sometimes. I know who you are, I know where you live, I – wait, no. I, quite seriously do, kid, guys, although I met some of you irl a very, very long time ago.

og A! fandom peeps - I want you to know that I had a ball back then. You’re still some of the best people I’ve ever known, you and the rest of early Internet fandom, when we were just some weirdos and nerds before the Internet was “cool” or even a thing that most people understood or even recognized! I seriously love you guys. I hope that life has been awesome to you all, and to your loved ones at every turn, treated you well, and you’ve had a blast every minute. I know stuff is tough sometimes. Hang in there. I am rooting for you all every day, seriously. Thank you so much. I can never pay you all back, and I will always love and care. <3 <3

...To everyone else – I’ll continue this series soon, once I can swallow my pride a little bit harder. I’ll be around a bit spottily this summer due to travel, but more so this fall, and hope to post a bit more this week about this fandom history “stage.” And also share some other stuff I keep putting off posting.

Thanks for reading! See you very soon, for the next installment.

What about the PPPGALF, NERD?!?…

That was an Animania IV thing, I’ll get to that very soon. Give me a minute.

Also shut up, Yakko Warner. Shut up. Yes, I heard you, nearly 30 years ago. And you know what, I did! That’s why I have no time to write or post any of this, I am WAY too freaking busy. Now lay off, willya?

Until next time, AIE!, bleugh, Goddess Grapes and harfy QORN.

slappy is gay. i have proof

#animaniacs #pinky and the brain #patb #brinky #animanics reboot #og animaniacs #og animaniacs fandom history #early internet fandom history #fandom history lessons #why am i even doing this #what is wrong with me #what why how #animaniacs 1993 #animanics 2020 #yakko wakko and dot #usenet #irc #early internet fandom history like 1993 - 1997/8

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the-travelling-witch · 1 year

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pspspsps for that fanfic author ask meme, hows about every 10th question? :)

every tenth question, i like that idea hehe

10. have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

starting off with a question to which my answer will be pretty bland because no, i don’t think so

i’ve definitely read fanfic for all the fandoms i wrote for at some point in time; maybe not always while i was writing for it but before that, sure (mostly because if i like something enough to where i‘d write for it, i‘ve definitely inhaled all forms of content about that specific thing)

20. have/would you ever rewrite a fic? if yes, would you take the original down?

i can say that i‘ve ever rewritten anything before, mostly because there’s always so many new ideas to write and i already don’t have enough time for all of those

but it’s not totally impossible i‘d ever redo a fic, even if right now nothing really comes to mind where i could significantly improve upon sth; whether i‘d take it down depends on what and how i‘d change the original

30. do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

this question feels like a personal attack ^^;

it’s not like i drop fandoms because i know i will relapse into them at any given point in time the second i see like a fanart of my fave; it’s true though that i mostly write for whatever hyperfixation has currently taken root in my brain

(haikyuu, tokyorev fans… i haven’t forgotten, one day i will come back with new content suna is just too pretty not to)

40. do you feel like you put out enough content?

HAHAHAHAH no

i hate my output capacity sooo much, it’s unbelievable; if i could, i‘d post new stuff every week but i hardly do that; most of the time, i either don’t start because i think i won’t do well and when it’s done i don’t post because i get shy (yesterday i started writing angst and half way through the first scenario was like oh no this is weird, let’s do sth else ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ...)

sorry you guys have to wait half an eternity for mediocre content ㅠㅠ

50. has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? would you say it’s entirely positive?

oh yeah for sure!! i wrote before sharing it with people online but ever since posting on here, i‘ve been more dedicated to it and it has become something i look forward to

i think it’s a pretty great creative outlet, especially because my college degree is the exact opposite of creativity, and i can channel all the thoughts about my favourites into something instead of just spinning them around my head for eternity

also i‘ve made some pretty great friends along the way, some of which i talk to everyday (why are all you guys so far away though?? i can’t get on a plane just because i want to see @virtue-and-beneviolence or @watatsumiis irl ㅠㅠ)

but it’s not all positive; there are times where i feel so bad about my content that i have thought about stopping to share it and times where i can’t help but compare myself to others; i think that’s more of a personal mindset though and not something that’s necessarily a writing thing only

[fanfic author ask meme]

#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡#┊✩彡 cherished guests ♡#┊✩彡 letter from — moth ♡

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archiveikemen · 1 year

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Abe no Yasuchika Main Story — Chapter 12

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by downloading and playing their games.

read this before interacting with my posts

Domei: Please… forgive me… I beg you…!

Yasuchika: Nah.

Yasuchika’s eyes narrowed sharply like a cat.

(... He’s definitely serious.)

I found myself reflexively tugging on the hem of Yasuchika's kimono.

Yasuchika: What’s the matter, Yuno?

Yasuchika: You can go to the room next door if you're scared, okay? You’re too kind hearted to be involved in this stuff.

(That's not it.)

Determined, I shook my head and stood in front of Domei.

Yuno: … Don’t kill him.

Yasuchika: Why not? It's no different from samurai cutting down their enemies on the battlefield, right?

Yuno: …

(I don’t know how to answer that.)

(But…)

Yuno: … Is it not enough to just seal his powers away?

Yasuchika: Domei is a bad guy. He deserves to be killed.

Domei, having lost the will to defend himself, only trembled in fear.

Yuno: I don’t think anyone deserves to be killed.

Yasuchika: Oh?

Yasuchika seemed to genuinely not understand my point.

(Even if he doesn’t understand, I still have to say it.)

Yuno: Domei!

Domei: Y-Yeah?

Yuno: Please apologize.

Domei: What…?

Yuno: Apologize to Yasuchika, because you tried to hurt him for no reason.

Yasuchika: …

Yuno: … I won’t say too much about this because I’m just an outsider. But if you did something wrong, it's only right for you to apologize.

(When Sanemitsu tried to harm me, Yasuchika stopped him and asked him to apologize to me… that made me feel a little better.)

(If my gut feeling is correct, Yasuchika's upset because of the harm Domei caused to the people, but…)

(He doesn't seem to care that someone was being unfair towards him and even tried to hurt him.)

That alone was enough to make my heart hurt.

Yuno: Even if Yasuchika is a genius Onmyoji who can defend himself from any attack, that doesn't mean you can hurt him.

Yasuchika: … Yuno.

Domei: … I’m really sorry. I promise that I’ll turn over a new leaf and live a decent life from now on. Please…

Domei sobbed and bowed his head towards Yasuchika.

Yasuchika: Sigh…

Yasuchika: That's enough. You’re dampening my mood.

(... Thank goodness.)

Yasuchika stood up and glanced down at Domei.

Yasuchika: — Ashiya Domei. You are to go to the Imperial Court’s Onmyoji Dormitory tomorrow. This is an order.

Yasuchika: We will put a seal on your powers after a formal interrogation. And also…

Yasuchika: You will hand over to me all the books and charms the Ashiya Clan has left, got it?

Domei: Y-Yes.

Yasuchika: You should thank Yuno.

(Ah…)

Yasuchika placed a hand on my shoulder and muttered.

Yasuchika: From now on… I suggest you stay away from the dark side of the Imperial Court.

Those words were directed at Domei, but my heart ached for some reason.

…

After letting Domei go, Yasuchika and I made our way back to the mansion.

Yuno: I’m sorry for butting in just now.

Yasuchika: It's fine.

After a brief pause, Yasuchika continued.

Yasuchika: That wasn't my style of doing things, but…

Yasuchika: I didn't hate the feeling of knowing you were mad on my behalf.

Yuno: Really…?

Yasuchika: Yeah.

(I was getting mentally prepared to hear him say that he hated it… thank goodness.)

Yasuchika: I feel strange whenever you treat me as if I’m a good person.

Yasuchika: It's kind of uncomfortable, and yet I want to hear that kind of words coming from you even more.

I wanted to ask why, but I stopped myself.

Yuno: … In that case, I’ll continue to let my feelings control my actions.

Yuno: If ever you think it's upsetting you, let me know, okay?

Yasuchika: You–

He looked into my eyes and was about to say something, but he just smiled.

Yasuchika: Okay.

Yasuchika: — Thank you.

Yasuchika’s hand brushed against mine.

(... oh.)

Our hands, which had turned cold due to the chilly night breeze, slowly grew warmer as our fingers interlaced.

(Recently, I’ve been getting this weird feeling whenever Yasuchika touches me.)

(I feel a little uncomfortable, but at the same time I want to remain like this for a little longer.)

— It was similar to the feeling Yasuchika described to me earlier.

The investigations regarding Ashiya Doman continued...

Ibuki: What. Is Yasuchika isolating himself at home or somewhere?

Yuno: Yeah. He spends the entire day dealing with ayakashi and fixing the barrier…

Yuno: And during the night, it seems that he’s working on ways to deal with Ashiya Doman.

Akihito: He’s been working late into the night daily, hasn't he?

A few nights have passed, and I was talking to Akihito and Ibuki whom I ran into in the hallway.

(I can accompany him to get rid of ayakashi in the daytime, but I’m unable to help him develop new magic spells…)

Yuno: Honestly, I’m worried about Yasuchika because of how hard he’s working.

Ibuki: He does get pretty extreme when it comes to work.

Ibuki: He always carries everyone’s burdens on his back. Cute.

Akihito: Sometimes, it's a problem that Yasuchika has the capability to do that.

(I think I get it.)

Akihito: … Yuno, could you go check on him and see what's going on?

Yuno: Me? He might think I’m being annoying.

(Won’t it be better if it were Akihito whom he respects a lot, or Ibuki who has known him for a long time?)

Ibuki: If he knows that Akihito is worried about him, he’ll only work even harder to finish his work earlier.

Ibuki: And if I’m the one who talks to him… it'll backfire.

Akihito: He and Ibuki will definitely end up fighting.

Ibuki: At least I can fight him, unlike you.

Akihito: …

Akihito silently shrugged Ibuki’s comment off.

(Yasuchika said that the two of them aren't friends.)

(Perhaps it's a difficult situation for Ibuki and Akihito too…?)

Even Akihito, whom Yasuchika looks up to, has obstacles he can’t overcome.

(... Whatever. I’m not in a position to interfere with it.)

Ibuki: Anyways. If it's Yasuchika, someone as poisonous as Yuno would be perfect for the job.

Yuno: Poisonous… was that supposed to be a compliment?

Ibuki: Interpret it however you like. Oh well, your character isn't suited for living in Kyoto.

(I don't need to live here. I’m not intending to.)

Yuno: I’ll try my best to fit in while I’m in Kyoto…

Yuno: For now, I’ll just bring Yasuchika some tea and check on him.

Akihito smiled in relief when he heard that.

Akihito: — Thank you.

(He really cares about Yasuchika.)

I separated from the two of them and made my way to Yasuchika’s room.

…

Yuno: I’m coming in, Yasuchika.

Yasuchika: Oh, Yuno. What's the matter?

Yasuchika was seated in front of his desk and writing something. He turned around when I entered the room.

I poured him some warm tea.

Yuno: Are you still working on your magic? Lord Akihito and Ibuki are worried about you.

Yasuchika: Yeah. I just have a little more stuff to do.

(You said the same thing three days ago.)

Yuno: How much longer will it take?

Yasuchika: Around 10 days?

Yuno: … My skills aren't good enough yet.

Yuno: That means you’re the only person in Kyoto who stands a chance in a fight against Ashiya Doman.

Yuno: But you haven't been sleeping well, have you? You’re always busy from dusk till dawn.

Ashiya Doman is still nowhere to be found, and ayakashi are still constantly causing problems around town.

Yasuchika: I’ve told you before, remember? I’m always staying up late.

(Oh…)

I was reminded of the things Yasuchika said to me in the castle garden when he was still staying in Kamakura.

== Flashback Start ==

Yasuchika: I don’t like to dream… what if I get nightmares?

== Flashback End ==

(Back then, I thought that he was just trying to dodge the topic. But now that I think of it, he was probably being serious…?)

Yuno: Do you hate getting nightmares?

Yasuchika: You even remember that.

Yasuchika: Are you going to make fun of me for being childish?

(It's true that I find it surprising, because I see Yasuchika every day and I never thought that he’d be scared of nightmares.)

But I knew that I shouldn't make fun of him for that, so I thought carefully.

Yuno: — Would you like me to prescribe you some herbal medicine that will help you sleep better?

Yasuchika: Huh?

Yuno: The more tired you are, the worse your nightmares will get.

Yasuchika: I see.

Yasuchika placed his hand on my head with a wry smile.

Yasuchika: Thanks, but there's no need.

Yasuchika: Because that’s not the case for me.

Yuno: What do you mean…?

Yasuchika: …

Yasuchika hesitated for a while before continuing.

Yasuchika: It's not something commonly seen, but I’ve been getting precognitive dreams.

(Precognitive dreams…?)

(It refers to dreams that can predict the future, right?)

Yasuchika: Sometimes, it's just about a small everyday matter. But sometimes, it can be about something big that will cause irreversible damage.

Yasuchika: Ironically, I became well-known because I dreamt of a huge fire breaking out and a political upheaval, so I told everyone about it.

(Is that also an Onmyoji thing!?)

Yuno: But you can use this ability to stop war and prevent devastating accidents from happening.

Yasuchika: I can't.

Yuno: Eh?

Yasuchika shook his head slowly.

Yasuchika: I’ve tried. But I can’t do anything to change the future I dreamt of.

Yasuchika: I can change the process of it happening, but the ending will always be the same as in my dream.

(Does that mean that Yasuchika has to go through those painful events twice? Once in his dream, and once in real life.)

Perhaps he was reminded of a dream he had, Yasuchika looked down at his hands.

Yasuchika: I know a precognitive dream when I get one.

Yasuchika: The smell of blood and the screams of people, they’re so vivid in those dreams that they disgust me.

(... Yasuchika doesn’t want that kind of future to come true.)

Yasuchika smiles when he’s hurt and shows no mercy to his enemies. But despite that, he’s always kind towards innocent people.

He claims that he’s just pretending… but I know it's real.

Yuno: You tried to change the future so that people won’t get hurt. Many times over…

Yasuchika: It was futile.

There was a hint of self-depreciation in his slightly trembling voice.

Yasuchika: Ever since I was a little boy, I knew my powers were stronger than that of others.

Yasuchika: But if those powers can’t even let me change the future… what for I have precognitive dreams?

(Everyone praises Yasuchika by calling him a genius.)

(They raise their own expectations of Yasuchika, not knowing how much pressure they’re putting on him.)

Yuno: You’re… blaming yourself.

Yasuchika: … Me?

Yasuchika: I’m not a pure person who believes that it is my mission to save the world.

Yuno: Perhaps reason and emotion are two different things.

Yuno: If I were in your shoes, I’d be hurting even though I know it’s not my fault.

Yasuchika: …

Yuno: … Can you let me know the next time you have a nightmare?

Yasuchika: Why?

Yuno: I’ll help you try to stop the tragedy happening in your dreams.

Yuno: Then when it doesn't work… I’ll become your accomplice.

(I want to go through the pain and sorrow together with you.)

(Please don’t think you have to do this alone.)

There was a strong determination in my heart.

Yasuchika: …

Yasuchika: I don’t think such things should be said so casually.

Yuno: I’m your assistant, remember? So let me help you.

Yasuchika: You never hesitate to jump in and stand by my side.

Yasuchika: … It’s the same as that time when I fought that ayakashi in the realm between the mortal world and underworld.

(At that time, I couldn’t leave him alone… he was bleeding and his finger was broken.)

(This man is strong, but broken on the inside.)

Yasuchika: I wonder where you get your bravery from.

Yuno: I’m actually a coward.

Yuno: But if I appeared brave… it must be because of you.

Yasuchika: …

After a short silence, Yasuchika burst out laughing.

Yasuchika: Pfft that sounded like a lovers’ quarrel.

Yuno: That's not...

My skin grew hot and my heart started beating faster.

(He’s always teasing me.)

Yasuchika: Just kidding.

Yasuchika: — Talking to you did make me feel more relaxed and sleepy.

Yuno: Really…!?

Yasuchika: Sometimes the things I say are true.

(You’re in trouble if you change your mind.)

When I held his hand and pulled him towards the bed, Yasuchika’s eyes widened.

Yasuchika: Waah— … Yuno?

Yuno: Go to sleep. Now.

Yasuchika: Eh? You’re so brazen.

Yuno: D- Don’t tease me. I’ve decided that I will make sure you sleep like a baby tonight.

Yasuchika: Does that mean you’re going to tuck me in? I’m looking forward to it~

Yasuchika laid down on the bed and looked up at me in amusement.

(Ermm…)

Yuno: I didn't really plan this far, so uh…

Yasuchika: Mm.

After much thinking, I…

Yuno: Close your eyes.

Yasuchika: Okay?

Once I made sure that his eyes were really closed, I started singing a lullaby in a soft voice.

Yasuchika: …

Yuno: Uhm, please let me know if I’m being a nuisance.

Yasuchika: You’re not. Please go on.

(That's good.)

Yasuchika listened quietly as I started singing again.

After finishing one song…

Yasuchika: This is my first time hearing a lullaby.

Yuno: … I see.

(Yasuchika was brought up in a toxic environment and was subjected to abuse, he never got to experience a normal childhood.)

Yuno: How was it? Your first lullaby.

Yasuchika slowly opened his eyes.

(Ah…)

The candlelight reflected in his beautiful dark colored eyes.

Yasuchika: Your voice was lovely.

Yasuchika: It sounded so dignified and calm… it was soothing to hear.

Yasuchika: Being a physician suits you. You’re so warm and good at healing others.

#ikemen genjiden #ikegen #ikegen main story #ikemen yasuchika #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #yasuchika main story

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