#i also have eleven different christmas pairs but i was too lazy to get them out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rhosyn-du · 3 years

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Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Epilogue

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321 Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Epilogue

“How is this the third store we’ve visited that’s out of cranberry sauce?”

“Because it’s eleven in the morning on Thanksgiving Day?” Maia threw Simon a look that clearly said ‘duh.’ “I’m honestly surprised we managed to snag those last two pie crusts.”

“I should never have let myself get distracted while I was doing my shopping on Monday.” He fixed Jace with a stern glare. “No more distracting me at the grocery store.”

“You were pretty into my distraction, if I recall correctly,” Jace said with a lazy grin.

“You’re laughing now, but you’ve never seen Bubbe Helen when she doesn’t get cranberries on Thanksgiving. You don’t even know.”

Jace wrapped his arms around Simon’s waist, pulling him close. “Hey, we’ll find Bubbe Helen her cranberries. We’ve still got a hundred miles left between here and New York. There’s bound to be a store along the way that still has cranberries.”

Simon relaxed in his arms with a sheepish smile. “You’re right. I’m being dumb.”

“It’s not dumb,” Jace corrected gently. “It’s tradition, and it’s important to people you love.”

“Wow, holidays make you really sappy,” Simon teased.

“You make me really sappy,” Jace corrected, reaching for Simon’s left hand. He brought it to his lips, placing a kiss on the knuckle right above his father’s ring. The same ring he’d used when he actually proposed two weeks ago, at the same table in Java Jones where they’d made their list of fake dating rules all those months ago. He’d hidden the ring under his muffin, knowing Simon would steal the last bite like he always did, and even though it wasn’t the kind of grand, romantic gesture his siblings had suggested when he asked for their help, it was theirs, and the look on Simon’s face when he said yes was really all that mattered.

“You make me pretty sappy, too,” Simon said, drawing him into a kiss.

“If you two start making out in the middle of the canned goods aisle, I’m stealing the van and going to New York without you.”

Jace pulled away from the kiss to give Maia an unimpressed look. “No one’s making you watch.”

“Yeah, but every minute I have to spend waiting for you is one I don’t get to spend with my girlfriend, who I live two-hundred miles away from and only get to see maybe once a month if I’m really lucky.”

“She does have a point,” Simon said. “Plus, Becky can be really vindictive when she wants to be, and she’s got easy access to the room we’re sleeping in tonight.”

“And the longer we stand around here, the longer other people have to buy all the cranberries at other stores,” Maia pointed out.

“Fine,” Jace relented, releasing Simon. “Let’s go find some cranberries.”

Simon took his hand, and Jace could feel the warm metal of his ring pressing into his skin.

~~~

“We have cranberries!” Maia announced as they entered the Lewis home.

“Oh, thank god,” Becky said. “Someone was starting to get a little agitated.” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head significantly toward the kitchen.

“So, you’re only happy to see me for my cranberries, huh?” Maia teased.

“I’ve got a whole list of reasons I’m happy to see you.” Becky gave her a quick kiss, then turned to poke Simon in the ribs. “But I’m only happy to see this fool for his cranberries.”

“Hey!” Simon protested, poking her right back.

“I guess I just don’t even rate, huh?” Jace asked.

Becky turned a wide, mischievous smile on him. “Oh, no. I’m happy to see you for an entirely different reason. I want to offer you a trade.”

“Don’t do it,” Simon said. “She’s sneaky, and she will rip you off.”

“I am sneaky,” Becky agreed, “but this is totally above board.” She turned back to Jace. “I hear that you and Maia are drinking buddies.”

“I’m not sure I like where this is going,” Maia commented.

“That’s probably a pretty accurate description of our relationship, sure,” Jace agreed.

“Which means you’ve seen Maia drunk,” Becky continued. “Which means you probably have embarrassing stories about my girlfriend. Stories that I’m more than willing to trade embarrassing stories of my brother to hear.”

“See?” Simon pointed at his sister. “Sneaky.”

“Yeah, babe, I’m not sure you’ve actually thought this through,” Maia said.

“No, I have,” Becky told her with a smirk. “I’ve also thought up all kinds of ways to convince you to forgive me.”

“Please don’t elaborate,” Simon said.

“Okay,” Maia said, “but I have an even better deal for you.”

“I’m listening.”

“How about we both tell embarrassing stories about Simon and Jace over dinner.” Maia leaned in and finished in a low voice. “And then you can show me how you were planning to get me to forgive you when we get back to your place tonight.”

“Oh,” Becky said. “Yeah, that’s a much better deal.” She turned to Jace. “Sorry, got a better offer. No hard feelings?”

Jace shrugged, biting back a laugh. “I mean, I can’t really blame you.”

“Is it too late to do Thanksgiving with your family?” Simon asked Jace. “Or we could just sit in the van and eat cranberries out of the can. That’s also an option that would be preferable to this.”

“Oh good, you found the cranberries.” Bubbe Helen emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She walked over and pulled Simon into a hug. “I knew my grandson would come through.”

Behind her, Becky shook her head emphatically, mouthing ‘lies.’

Simon kissed his grandmother’s cheek. “It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without cranberries.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying.” She turned a critical eye on Jace. He was pretty sure she still held a bit of a grudge over him supposedly proposing to Simon in a storage closet. “And what are your thoughts on cranberries?”

“Oh, uh.” Jace was pretty sure he’d never thought much about cranberries before this morning’s frantic search across half of New England. “I’m definitely pro-cranberry.”

“Speaking of which,” Simon interrupted, “we should get these groceries to the kitchen and get started on the pies. You’re going to love Jace’s pecan pie, Bubbe Helen. It’s the best I’ve ever had.”

“Pecan, huh?” Bubbe Helen gave Jace a considering look.

Jace nodded. “With browned butter. It’s a family recipe.” Technically, it was Alec’s recipe, but Alec was family, so he figured it counted.

Bubbe Helen nodded. “You’ll do.” Then she turned with a wide smile to greet Maia, and Jace let out a relieved sigh.

As they made their way to the kitchen, Simon bumped Jace with his shoulder and spoke in a low voice. “It’s cute that my grandmother makes you nervous.”

“It’s not cute,” Jace muttered. “She’s terrifying.”

When they arrived in the kitchen, Simon’s mother was checking the turkey.

“Another half-hour, I think,” she told them as she closed the oven door. “If you work fast, you can put the pies in as soon as the turkey comes out. I cleared some counter space where you can work over there. Do not touch anything else.

“Hi, sweetie,” she added as an afterthought, giving Simon a quick hug.

Simon returned the hug. “Hi, Mom. Pie plates still in the same place?”

“Bottom cabinet to the left of the sink,” she confirmed. “Is there anything else you two need to get started on the pies?”

“Pie plates to the left of the sink, half an hour, don’t touch anything,” Jace repeated back to her. “I think we’re good.”

“Perfect. I’m going to go toss the linens in the dryer. You boys get started on those pies, and I’ll be back to check on the turkey in,” she checked her watch, “twenty-eight minutes.”

Jace watched long enough to make sure she was out of earshot before saying, “If we’re ever crazy enough to do joint holidays, she and Maryse cannot be allowed in the kitchen at the same time.”

Simon chuckled. “Mom can be a little intense about holidays being perfect, but I think it’s just because she wants us to enjoy them.”

“I get it.” Jace knelt down to retrieve the pie plates from the cabinet. “I mean, you saw what Maryse and Alec were like just over Christmas dinner. Military campaigns are less well-orchestrated than Thanksgiving at the Lightwood house.”

“Is it weird having Thanksgiving here instead of with your own family?” Simon asked as he rolled out a pie crust.

Jace set the pie plates down next to the pastry mat. “I am having Thanksgiving with my family. I’m having it with you.”

Simon smiled without looking up from the pastry mat. “If you keep saying romantic things, I’m going to kiss you, and then we’ll never get the pies ready to go in the oven on time.”

“I wasn’t being romantic,” Jace insisted. “It’s just, it took me a long time after the Lightwoods took me in to really start thinking of them as family, to accept that they thought of me as family. I’m not sure I ever would have if it wasn’t for Alec and Iz. They taught me that family can be people you choose, not just something you’re born with.” He shrugged. “And I chose you.”

Simon looked up from the now perfectly-rolled pie crust. “That was super romantic.”

“Maybe a little,” Jace conceded. He lifted the crust into one of the pie plates and began smoothing it into the corners.

“That’s actually part of why I wanted us to do Thanksgiving here this year,” Simon said as he began rolling out the second crust. “I know you haven’t always felt like you had a family, and even though I know you do now, I wanted to show you that you get to have my family now, too.”

Jace wound his arms around Simon’s waist. “Now who’s being romantic?”

The pies were not ready to go into the oven on time.

#shadowhunters #shmb2021 #jimon #jimon fic #jace wayland #simon lewis

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merakiaes · 4 years

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Fall Apart To Fall Together - Santiago “Pope” Garcia

Pairing: Santiago “Pope” Garcia x reader

Requested: Yes.

Prompts: None.

Warnings/notes: Mentions of miscarriage. Not proofread so I’m sorry in advance for any possible mistakes. My first time writing for Pope so show some love <3 And send in more Triple Frontier requests xx

Wordcount: 2392

Summary: Losing a child will drive any couple apart but if it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other in the end.

Part Two

It was an extremely rare thing to see a marriage with no problems whatsoever from start to finish, without at least one conflict or argument every other month.

Maybe your husband or wife was a drunk, or an addict. Maybe they were sloppy and lazy and refused to evenly split the responsibility of doing chores and taking care of your kids. Maybe you fought a lot, about money, lack of emotional support or maybe they were getting a little too close to their co-worker and continuously staying late at work for other reasons than they claimed.

Every marriage had its ups and downs, but some downs were worse than others.

The pain that followed losing a child that you had spent months preparing for, months bonding with even when it was still living inside your body, months preparing a place in your heart for, was simply indescribable.

You had grown up being the oldest out of eleven siblings so by the time you moved away from home to go to college at nineteen with a scholarship to your name, you felt like you had gotten enough of the parenting for a lifetime.

Not only did you simply not want children, but you didn’t want to pass on your bad genetics, your family having a long history of mental instability and different disorders.

All of your siblings had something, whether it be severe depressions, anger issues or they were alcoholics or drug abusers.

You were one of the unlucky ones who got a little bit of everything. You were bipolar like your grandmother and had anger issues like both of your parents, and let me tell you the two did not go well hand in hand.

You didn’t want to pass shit like that on to another generation like your parents had eleven times. You couldn’t see yourself as a mother and all you wanted in life was to move forward in your career and be successful.

But that all changed when you met Pope.

He was a retired military man and just like you, he was very hardworking and dedicated to making a nice living. But he was also a family man, which came to be a problem.

Having been an only child and growing up having no father figure, he longed to become a father himself and getting an opportunity to do everything his father hadn’t done for him.

You told him already in the beginning of your relationship that you weren’t interested in reproducing and it crushed him, you could see that it did.

But he had loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you and knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, so he accepted it, and you got married.

He kept bringing the topic of children and starting a family up every once in a while, just to test the waters and see if maybe, just maybe, you had changed your mind. But you never did, strictly taking your birth control at the exact same hour every day.

And yet somehow, you managed to get knocked up, four years into your relationship and three years into your marriage.

Pope was absolutely ecstatic and, of course, he wanted to keep it.

You had always thought that it would be an easy decision if you ever, against all odds, did get pregnant, but now that you were… Now that you had seen the tiny little smiley face on the digital screen of the pregnancy test and now that you knew that there was an actual life growing inside of you, you were suddenly questioning everything you had ever thought you believed.

Suddenly, the idea of being a mother didn’t seem so bad, and the mental image of your husband with your baby suddenly turned you on more than anything ever had before.

So you decided to keep it.

You had never seen Pope so happy, and the longer into the pregnancy that you got, the more connected you felt to your unborn baby, which was why it killed you so much when you lost it.

You had never, in a million years, thought that you would have to grieve your own child, but a glimpse of something you, to a beginning, thought you didn’t want, discovering that you did actually want it and then not being able to have it was an entirely different kind of pain.

You carried your baby girl every second of her life and when you carried a life, it being there and then so suddenly gone, a part of your soul died forever. And so did Pope’s.

You had never even wanted a baby to begin with, but he had never wanted anything more and losing what he held dearest completely crushed him.

He never got to hold her in his arms, or bounce her on his lap. He never got to read to her, or watch her as she napped. She slipped away so quickly, before he had even gotten to say her name.

You didn’t just lose the baby. You also lost the 1, 2, 10 and 16 year old she would have become. You lost Christmas mornings, loose teeth, and first days of school. You just lost It all.

You fell into a depressive episode, not being able to eat, drink, sleep, or do anything but lay in your bed all day long, staring into nothingness with your blinds pulled down to hide you from the rest of the world.

You constantly questioned whether you could have done more, pondered whether there was something you could have done to save her, tossed and turned at night worrying that the things you innocently did may have harmed her.

If you hadn’t carried that heavy bag, would she be there with you now? If you hadn’t been stressed at work, would she still be growing in your womb?

These questions, these fears, became a daily form of torture and only a mother who had lost a child could understand what it was like to live with this niggling guilt.

And it was especially hard when you had to go through it all alone, because Pope… Pope was an entirely different planet.

While you mourned by shutting down, he mourned by putting himself to work, so intensely that he was barely even hanging on to his sanity toward the end.

He was agitated and over-worked and you needed his support, needed to have him there with you and help you through your loss. After all, you were in it together.

But it was like he was avoiding you to every cost, obsessing over some drug lord rather than acknowledging his loss and dealing with his trauma, and it just made you so, so angry.

And in the end you just… snapped. Both of you snapped and you realized soon that the miscarriage had forged a crack in your marriage and relationship, so deep that it just couldn’t be fixed, so you got a divorce and went your separate ways.

Last thing you heard from Benny was that he’d moved to Colombia to get closer to work. He never reached out to you after moving out, so you didn’t either, even though you secretly wanted nothing more than to get him back.

A year and a half passed without hearing anything from or about him, and eventually, you just stopped thinking about him, forcing yourself to forget about him in an attempt to numb your pain.

It was currently three minutes to three in the morning according to the alarm clock standing on your bedside table, the bright red numbers illuminating the otherwise pitch black room.

The house was eerily quiet and just like every other night since the miscarriage, you laid wide awake, although your mind was completely blank.

A knock on the front door suddenly reached your ears and to a start, you figured it was just the sleep deprivation causing your brain to play tricks on you.

But then there was another knock, and you quickly realized that there was actually someone at your door.

You had no idea who would come knocking at your door at this hour but whoever it was, you hoped they would just go away if you ignored them.

It quickly became apparent to you, however, that they were there to stay, when a third knock echoed through the quiet house.

You heaved a sigh, closing your eyes for a brief moment before throwing back the duvet covering your body and sitting up on the edge of the bed, taking a moment before standing up and heading for your closed bedroom door.

You wrapped your cardigan tighter around your body for heat when you walked into the cold hallway and headed straight for the front door, wasting no time in standing on your toes to look through the peeking hole once you reached your destination.

To say you were shocked to see who it was, was a big understatement, the familiar face that you hadn’t seen in so long causing a knot to form in your stomach.

But you swallowed your anxiety and reached for the lock anyway, twisting it to the right and slowly opening the door.

Your eyes met Pope’s in an instant and for a moment, he almost looked surprised to see that you had actually opened. But he quickly regained his composure and you wrapped your arms around yourself as you shivered, looking at him.

“What are you doing here, Santi?” You asked softly, your voice coming out as silent as a whisper.

He sucked in a deep breath, releasing it just as quickly, his face falling. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed hearing you call me that.” He confessed, causing your heart to tug in your chest.

But you kept your face free of emotion, simply staring at him.

When realizing you weren’t going to say anything, he sighed, his shoulders falling. “I just… wanted to check up on you.” He said, and then proceeded to lift his hand for you to see. “I brought Chinese. Sweet chili chicken with noodles.”

You hadn’t even seen the white and red paper bags up until then, and neither had you felt the smell. But now that you did, you couldn’t deny the fact that you were extremely hungry.

Your face softened and you hugged yourself closer, giving him a look of disbelief. “You wanted to check up on me… and you brought food, at three o’clock in the morning.” You pointed out. “You couldn’t just send a text?”

“I wanted to see you.” He replied without missing a beat and you flinched slightly, not having expected such a quick answer.

“You’ve been gone for…” You trailed off, not even being able to remember in that moment, and sighed, letting your arms fall down to your sides and bringing one of them up to run a hand over your face tiredly. “I need to go back to sleep, I’m exhausted and I can’t do this right now.”

He shook his head, looking pleadingly at you. “Please, (Y/N), I know you. You weren’t asleep to begin with.” He pointed out, before looking down at his feet. “Something happened and I… I can’t stop thinking about it. I know you don’t want to see me but I- I really need you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, the worry coming so naturally it was like you had never been apart in the first place.

Out of pure instinct, you stepped out on the porch, into the cold night air, and reached out for his hand, the sudden touch of affection causing his eyes to widen slightly.

You ignored the look he was giving you and squeezed his hand, giving him a careful look. “What happened?” You whispered. ”Are you okay?”

He sniffed, looking to the side. “Can I just come in?” He asked and looked back to you, nodding toward your bare legs where your skin was covered in goosebumps. “You’re gonna get a cold if you stay out here like that.”

You dropped his hands and sighed, wrapping your arms back around your body to provide some heat.

“Yeah.” You whispered, and stepped out of the way to let him in, knowing he was right.

He stepped after you over the threshold and looked around in the dark hall, eyes turning sad when they landed on the familiar photographs of you and him on the walls, that you hadn’t had the heart to take down even after all this time.

You turned away from him to give him a moment, closing the door and locking it back up.

When you turned back around, you had no more than a second to react before his arms had wrapped around your.

“I’m sorry, for everything.” He mumbled into your hair, but you said nothing, did nothing, but stand there with your arms hanging limply at your sides.

When noticing the lack of response, he pulled away, looking down at you with sorrowful eyes. This time you responded with a nod, your hand reaching out to take the paper bags in one hand and his hand in the other.

“Come on, we can talk while we eat.” You said and he nodded, letting you steer him into the living room.

And talk you did.

He finally opened up and acknowledged his loss and told you all about the mission and how it had gone wrong.

You fell asleep in the sofa at six in the morning, tangled up in each other to the sound of birds chirping outside the living room window and with empty Chinese boxes spread out on the coffee table.

Seeing him again after everything, and after such a long time, brought back all of the memories and created many questions in your head, a lot of confusion as to what was going to happen next.

You had known each other for so long, been married and almost had a child together. You had been in love, like really in love. And yet everything felt so incredibly foreign to you.

But you did know one thing for sure; the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around you and the musky scent of his aftershave felt more familiar than anything else, and right before you had fallen asleep, you came to the conclusion that maybe, sometimes, two people had to fall apart in order to realize how much they need to fall back together.

(If you want to be added to the tag list, send me a message, ask or leave a comment)

#santiago garcia x reader #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #pope #pope x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier imagine #triple frontier x reader #will miller #ben miller x reader #francisco morales #oscar isaac

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foundcarcosa · 7 years

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cxcvi.

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? >> If you’re thinking about reading this, I’d consider passing unless you’re ridiculously fascinated by my every word or something -- it’s extremely long. Anyway, I actually closed it by accident, because I didn’t compensate for the change in air pressure when I swung it behind me.

Stripes or polka dots? >> I prefer stripes.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? >> I do care. I’d prefer not to be touched. Exceptions exist, but they’re so few and so specific that it’s easier to just start from “don’t touch me” as a rule and then write in the amendments as they become relevant.

What is your gender? >> I don’t have one. Except for Sparrow’s interpretation of my gender, which is “a .gif of a twerking spider”. It’s acceptable.

Do you think that people think its obvious? >> I think that my lack of fucks given re: gender is plenty obvious by my appearance, but at the same time, it’s probably better in general if people don’t assume.

How long did your first date last? >> I don’t remember. It was almost 12 years ago.

Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? >> I don’t have a favourite colour.

Highlight of your day? >> The high point of today was getting to three-quarters done with WoW’s Loremaster of Draenor achievement. Spires of Arak was a pain in the ass.

Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? >> That would probably depend on the length of the voyage and where to. I do love flying, though.

Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? >> Whether I can tell if someone has eyeliner on or not depends on how closely I’m looking at their face and also how much I care.

Can you cook? >> I can.

How high is your ceiling? >> I don’t know.

Whats the worst job you can think of? >> The worst job for me would be janitorial work, especially if bathrooms are involved.

Do you swear a lot? >> I do.

Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? >> Yes.

Is everything working in your house? >> More or less, I assume.

Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? >> I’d rather have a trampoline, as I’m more likely to use that than a pool (seeing as I can’t swim and find the rituals surrounding pool usage -- the showering, the drying, the changing of clothing, the uncomfortable sensory bits -- to be overwhelming most of the time.

Does pop give you energy? >> Not that I’ve noticed.

TV show you love with a passion? >> Metalocalypse is one. So is Vikings. And Person of Interest. And Hannibal. And Tremé. And Carnivale. And...

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? >> There are no such things in my life. Perfect age to get married? >> The age you feel like doing so. Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? >> It’s not safe to say that. I own two.

Name a career path that women are known for taking. >> I’m not confident enough in the veracity of any demographic-based statistical data to answer this.

Favorite type of cookie? >> Thin Mints are the only cookies I can eat more than one of in a sitting.

A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? >> I don’t look for specific qualities, I look for well-crafted and intricate and intriguing tapestries -- and then I mine the details.

What would I find if I looked in your pocket? >> A lip balm.

What was your first word? >> I don’t know.

A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? >> I’m fine with not knowing how to play one. Singing is more my thing. And rhythm-based music games. :p

Last time you went to 7-eleven? >> I don’t remember. I was probably in New York.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? >> None.

Does everyone in your family have a job? >> I don’t even know everyone in my family, let alone their employment status.

Going anywhere this weekend? >> Not that I know of / can recall.

Is your room ever clean? >> The bedroom is generally some level of clean. More cluttered than I’d like, but that’s because I’m inclined to minimal possessions and Sparrow is not.

What does it mean when youre being quiet? >> It means I don’t feel like being loud. Which is usually.

Last person you had a face to face conversation with? >> Sparrow.

Wheres your phone? >> On the bed beside me.

Do you know the difference between your and you’re? >> Yes. I don’t find it worth arguing about, though.

How late did you stay up last night? >> I went to sleep sometime around 1a EST, I think.

Anyone you’re ready to kill? >> I’m ready to kill whatever mobs I need to kill to continue grinding out these achievements.

Do you need to get a tan? >> No. I certainly wouldn’t complain about getting a shade or three darker, but I don’t think I spend enough time in the sun for it to happen regardless.

What do you want? >> A slight decrease in humidity. A stone-and-glass shower that could feasibly fit a dozen people comfortably. A giant Snorlax plushie. Her.

Favorite TV show as a kid? >> I don’t think I had one. Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? >> Sherlock.

How many times have you been in love? >> I don’t know.

Go camping or go to a party? >> Partying while camping is a lot of fun.

Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? >> Yes. I started in earnest when I left my dad’s, because I wasn’t allowed to swear while I lived with him. So, 17.

How many years older than you would you date someone? >> My general guideline is no more than 10 years older than me.

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? >> I don’t.

Would you consider yourself a nice person? >> I don’t consider myself a nice person. I don’t want to be a “nice” person. I want the adjectives that describe me to be more... detailed. Less fake-sounding.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? >> There are three.

Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? >> As far as I know, no. Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? >> No.

True or false: Glee is annoying. >> I don’t know, I’ve never watched it.

Last thing you cooked? >> Half of a bag of frozen potatoes and onions and peppers.

Do you use slang often? >> Sure.

Wear glasses? >> Sunglasses, and sometimes clear lenses for aesthetic. About how old was the last person that hit on you? >> I don’t remember the last time I was hit on.

What color are your headphones? >> One pair is black, the other blue.

Would you make a good teacher? Why? >> I don’t know. I’ve never really thought much about it, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be socially acceptable enough for any established educational system.

Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? >> No. I don’t understand a lot of them, or what their target demographic is, or what the hook is supposed to be, but I accept them as a quirk of modern society.

Is the fan on? >> Yes.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? >> No special reason. I was in the mood to take one and I found this in the tag.

What does the last text message you sent say? >> I don’t remember and don’t feel like finding out. Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? >> In this highly improbable situation, I have no real problem picking up a pregnancy test for someone... as long as I have a good reason to. I’d be more interested in why they couldn’t go get it themselves.

Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? >> Except for the very rare times I’m on a public device or someone else’s device, no.

What color are your underwear? >> Black.

How short are your nails? >> They’re about a centimeter extended past my fingertips.

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? >> I’m too lazy to manipulate this question into one remotely answerable by me.

Favorite holiday? >> Christmas.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? >> Yes. I remember Ohio’s shape.

Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? >> How many spiders? How big are they? Are they venomous? Also, why am I locked in a room at all?

Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? >> I think my most expensive item of clothing is either my winter coat (which I only wear in... winter... so no, not often) or my Tripp coat (which is too small for me, so now I don’t wear it at all until I can figure out how to repurpose it).

Do you eat a lot of food? >> I eat as I’m compelled to. /shrug Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? >> I was an adult when I started having those kinds of relationships, so there is no way he could exert control over them.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? >> Yes.

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? >> I don’t know how good I’d be at understanding driving directions, seeing as I don’t drive. I understand most directions pretty well, if multiple frames of reference are given (compass directions and landmarks as backup, for example).

How many people do you text daily? >> Zero, usually, unless Sparrow texts me something.

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? >> No.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name? >> No.

What did you do on your last birthday? >> On my actual birthday, I didn’t do anything. My birthday trip was at the beginning of that month.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? >> I don’t know.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? >> No.

What is your least favorite subject in school? >> All of them.

Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? >> No. My father won custody of me pretty easily when I was a baby, considering my mother didn’t even show up to court.

Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? >> No.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? >> Earlier today. I watched the Leeroy Jenkins video.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? >> No. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? >> I don’t remember.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far? >> I don’t eat meals, I just eat when I’m hungry. I ate on about four separate occasions today, but not much.

Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” >> No.

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? >> It’s reliable for what I use it for.

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? >> Yes. I thought it had some cool things.

Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? >> I respect people’s financial limits, especially if they’re clearly defined (”ok I only have 20 to spend so”), but I don’t make a big deal out of trying to order the cheapest thing on the menu. I order what I want, and if they don’t want to buy whatever it is, then I’ll pick something else. --Or pay for it myself.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? >> Lilo and Stitch.

When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? >> No. I didn’t really have a context for that.

Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? >> I’d rather hardwood everywhere except the bedroom, I think. I just find it so much easier to keep clean, and also... I can just put rugs down if I want soft. (Rugs are also easier to clean for me, because they can be taken outdoors and beaten and aired out.)

Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? >> I don’t remember.

As a kid, did you ever go to camp? >> Day camp, sometimes. And church camp once, when I was 13.

Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? >> Yes, once. Wouldn’t mind doing it again.

Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? >> No.

When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? >> I don’t know.

Who was the last person to compliment you? >> I think that was Krister, on Instagram sometime in the past week or two.

How old were you when you got to go on your first date? >> I was 18.

Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? >> My father was overprotective and strict.

Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? >> No.

Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? >> No.

Do you still watch cartoons on television? >> Yes. I especially like to watch them on the bathroom TV at the in-laws’ house when I use their shower.

What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? >> A couple of soft tacos and/or a quesadilla or something. Nothing too extravagant.

Is there anyone currently annoying you? >> In general, yes, but now there is a finish line in sight.

Have you ever felt like someone was following you? >> Yes. Do you like short or long surveys the best? >> I like the 30-50 question range best. Any longer than that, and questions start to weaken and get repetitive. Case in point: this survey, which has asked me about instruments three times already.

Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? >> No. That doesn’t strike me as an intelligent move.

Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? >> ---

Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? >> No. I often get excited, though.

How often do you shower? >> Two to three times a week.

Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? >> I don’t recall ever doing that.

How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? >> Zero.

Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? >> I don’t think I have a context for that kind of opinion.

Do you ever watch any soap operas? >> No.

Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? >> Well, probably.

Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? >> If the questions manage to remain interesting, as I said before, then I’m fine with them. This one is pushing my patience.

What color is your significant other’s hair? >> It’s usually purple or red or some shade in between the two.

Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? >> Probably at some point.

Would you ever become a foster parent? >> I’d rather become an adoptive parent. I prefer the long-term investment model of parenting; the short-term investment model does not appeal to me.

Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? >> No, but a couple of them ought to be ashamed of themselves, probably.

When you get married, will you convert your last name? >> Yes. Provided Sparrow does what I think she should do, and change hers before the legal proceedings. Otherwise it just won’t make as much narrative sense, god dammit.

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? >> My parents were never married.

Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? >> Probably. I never paid too much attention to that.

What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? >> Superlatives and me don’t get along.

When was the last time you went shoe shopping? >> It’s been a while. I can never find shoes I want to wear.

When was the last time you cried? For what reason? >> I don’t remember.

What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? >> Hot Topic, Barnes and Noble.

Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? >> No.

Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? >> I did. I was raised vegan and sugar-free so I had to take packed lunches.

What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? >> Sea salt brownies are pretty good.

Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? >> Sometimes.

Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? >> No.

Who was the last person you texted? >> Sparrow, most likely.

Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? >> No. I don’t really like popcorn in the first place, but especially not for those prices.

Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? >> Alone until Sparrow went to bed. We have Venn-diagram sleep schedules.

What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? >> Balsamic vinaigrette, or Italian in a pinch.

Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? >> No. I like my floppy hat, but that’s it. And that’s just for winter, when my short hair can’t protect my head from the elements.

Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? >> No.

Is it your summer vacation right now? >> I don’t have vacations.

Do you like traveling? >> Yes.

What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? >> White. Do you go to church regularly? >> I did for a few months, but I don’t think it’s something I could keep up for long. Dragging myself out of bed in the morning just to go get frustrated at Christianity can sometimes be fun, but mostly I’m too lazy.

Who’s your best friend? >> I suppose that is Can Calah.

Are you determined? >> Determined to do what, exactly? My personality traits are dependent on the circumstance. Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? >> I have been in at least one relationship for the past five years, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

Ever had your heart broken? >> I’ve felt like that, yeah.

Even broken someone else’s heart? >> I don’t know. No one’s ever told me that, to my recollection, so I assume not.

Are you confident? >> I don’t know. Probably. It’s not something I put a lot of mental energy into. It strikes me as a largely unimportant trait to focus on at this time in my life.

When’s the last time you smiled? >> I don’t remember. I also don’t really... keep track, ya dig.

Are you tan? >> I am dark-skinned. Any big plans for today/tonight? >> No.

What’s the background on your computer? >> It’s a slideshow. Right now, it’s some cool space art I probably found here on tumblr.

Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? >> Not whole days, usually. Periods of time in general, though? Certainly.

Who’s the last person you kissed? >> Sparrow.

Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? >> I mean, at this point it’s kind of assumed.

#surveysofsamedi

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