#i also just realised this will be my first ever published fic o-o

[heliosynchronisity]

Defrag Protocol - Cyborg!reader x Doc Ock

#sick-fic, #comfort, #established relationship etc.

mini CyDoc sick-fic cuz im epic and was sick this past week. You could also consider this a teaser for my actual cyborg!reader x Doc Ock fic. I promise you it’s coming 🥺

(also I was gonna wait till I had proper accompanying art to post this, but it kinda sucked so... ur just getting a crop of the sketch for now. Might try again later XD that and im just rly excited about how the fic turned out ok i wanna post it!!!)

-anyway, fic under the cut:

You slowly awaken to muffled daylight assaulting your senses. Otto is already up and awake, letting you get an extra hour or two’s rest. You realize, however, that upon trying to move; your arms feel like lead, followed by your head and legs. Moving them feels like wading through molasses and as you come to your senses you feel your head begin to pound as well.

You’ve never felt like this before, are you sick? You’ve never really had a true cold or flue before. The nanobots in your blood lend to a pretty overpowered immune system. At worst you’ve had a few sniffly days during the winter. But as you groan lightly, trying to make head or tail of your body, you can tell that something is seriously wrong.

You sense Otto’s eventual return and the expected gentle shoulder touch. The whirring of his actuator’s seeming louder than usual in your weaker, more sensitive state. You let out a meek groan in return to him gently shaking you. It’s much wearier than your usual wake up refusals and this elicits a quick response from one of the actuators. Larry, you think, just from the sound, quickly rushes to your side and gives you a once over. “Are you alright, dear?” Otto asks, now circling the bed. You can merely curl yourself tighter into a ball, tucking yourself under more sheets in pain. An actuator claw gently lifts some of said sheets off of your head tho, so Otto can see your face a little more clearly. He quietly kneels down next to you. “Are you sick?” he asks, brows furrowing with worry. You merely shrug in response, you’re not entirely sure yourself.  You almost forget to respond, having gotten a little lost staring into his big brown eyes, looking up at you with gentle concern. Concern for you, makes your chest feel warm inside, or is that just the fever? “I don’t know...” You start “I’ve never been sick before... ” Thankfully, while meek, your voice sounds mostly normal, and it’s just your internal systems failing on you. “Computer virus?” He suggests, you reply with another tired shrug. Otto tilts his head dotingly before standing up, gently removing the sheets from your curled form. “Come here.” The cold of the morning air is quickly replaced by the warmth of Otto’s arms as he swiftly picks you up, bridal style. You may be a little heavier than someone of your usual height and weight class, due to all the metallic add-ons floating about your body, But Octavius continues to pick you up with ease. It’s relieving knowing that the apparent weight of your limbs is, in fact, merely in your head. You’ve gotten used to being picked up and carried around by the doctor, often preferring this method of traveling from place to place over walking... or flying. But its more often in the form of piggybacks or being coiled up in an actuator arm, even now being carried close to his chest still gives you butterflies. You don’t dislike it tho, in fact you snuggle against him more as you tuck your heavy arms against your body for warmth. Your limbs feel like you can feel every metal cable muscle strand in there for once, you really hope you’re just temporarily sick, this is really not the ideal operational status for a rogue overpowered military cyborg. You’re barely able to keep your eyes open but you sense the two of you approaching the small computer station you set up in a corner of the apartment. Otto kicks out the chair a little before sitting down and setting you in his lap. One arm still wrapped around you keeping you in place, the other reaches for the keyboard and enters the login. As the computer logs in and the multiple monitors slowly flick to life you feel the back of Otto’s hand rest against your forehead. This is met with a small ‘Hm.’ before both hands now work around you, searching the desks for some cables. You blearily exist in and out of consciousness as Otto continues to work. You gently rest you head on his shoulder and chuckle as you receive a quick forehead kiss from the man currently wrapped around you. You sleepily nuzzle into him more as you feel a hand fall onto the back of your neck. You’ve run through a few diagnostic sessions with Otto before, so with practiced precision he removes the protective plate covering the access panel on your neck, followed by the plugging in of two cables to several ports near your cervical vertebrae. You feel the usual rush of energy flow into and then out of you as data is uploaded to the machine. You must have moved a little in reaction as you feel Otto run a hand up and down your back comfortingly. You return to snuggling up against his chest as you watch streams of data appear in the corner of your vision. You’re too tired to look at any of the screens right now and just let the Doc do what he need’s to do, he’s familiar enough with your code now to decipher it. You’re jostled around lightly as Otto goes about entering commands and running diagnostics, but for the most part you remain sleepy and cozy in the arms of the scientist. “Anything interesting?” You ask after a short while, your strength seeming to come back to you slightly. The diagnostic process must be correcting some of the minor errors, but you still struggle to lift your limbs. “Mmm, it’s hard to say for sure...” He starts, his voice still a little groggy from waking up as well, it rumbles through your chest gently. “Looks like they may be some new bad sectors-” “There are plenty of redundancies,” You interrupt, with a yawn “try running a defrag protocol." Otto nods “Bad files clogging up over time causing compounding errors...” He adds on to your statement. “Yeah, something like that,” You nod back in return. “hopefully...” You add, quietly. “We’ll find out, love.” To this you get another quick kiss from him before he quickly writes in a defragging program into the terminal. ... “Have you done this before?” He asks, suddenly hesitating before hitting enter and executing the code. “Nope.” You shrug, “It’ll be fine don’t worry,” You chuckle, "I’ve done worse.” You hear a sigh escape the man before the sound of the enter key being hit. Suddenly begins the familiar tingling sensation of new code being uplinked to the computer half of your brain, then it’s quickly replaced with a new sensation. Your thoughts and memories, all for a moment get juggled around inside your brain, dancing around in your minds eye. You close your eyes so you don’t feel your eyes dart across the room as if you were in REM sleep. But as quickly as it came it starts to dissipate and your mind begins to feel clear, very clear actually. It almost feels like someone’s taken a pressure washer to the inside of you brain. You sit up a little, Otto watching over you silently and carefully. Slowly but surely you feel the strength return to your limbs and you roll out your back and shoulder muscles. You’re definitely feeling much better but it also feels like you just ran several marathons, you’re still gonna have to take the day or two to recover. “Feeling alright?” Otto asks, having watched you stare at your finally functioning limbs for several long moments. You lean your head back in his arms, now actually able to look at him in the eyes and smile. “Yeah, much better.” You say, stretching out your limbs. You hear a gentle sigh of relief from Otto who smiles back at you. “So no computer virus?” “No, no computer virus.” You laugh. “Thankfully I don’t go around plugging myself into random internet-connected computers, so it shouldn’t be too much of a threat.” You continue, gesturing to the cables coming out of the back of your neck. “But it’s good to know, even military grade cyborgs need to practice basic computer hygiene” You laugh. “Military grade prototype cyborgs.” Otto jests, gently poking the back of your left shoulder, where your tattoo reading the numbers #01 sits, currently hidden under the oversized t-shirt you slept in. You roll your eyes and click your tongue in response. You continue to wriggle and stretch in the doctors arms as you work the knots and weight out of your cybernetically enhanced limbs. Otto takes this time to terminate the data connection and gently pulls the cables out of your neck. He is much more gentle than you used to be with those, you laugh to yourself. After you’re all put back together, Otto leans back. “Time for something to eat, you think?” He asks, lifting an eyebrow. “Oh, that sounds like a very good idea!” You reply back, enthusiastically. But nary a movement is made by you. Instead you snuggle up against his chest again, looking up at him expectantly. He shakes his head and lets out a breathy chuckle before lifting you up and carrying you bridal style again. Of course, not without pretending to drop you on the way out. “Whoops!” “Hey!”

#doc ock #otto octavius #doc ock x reader #doc ock x oc #spiderman 2 #self insert #i just wrote the whole first draft for that in one go... #i dont think ive ever written that much in one setting #it is also now VERY late and i have work tomorrow oops #ok future nix here: #i also just realised this will be my first ever published fic o-o #pls dont eat me #be nice but also pls give feedback #writing is hard lol #ok bye hope u like hope this doesnt flop #hit post

[greencways]

Fic Name: Duty Calls

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x reader x unsub Elle

Words: 9K+

Warnings: Angst, kidnapping, miscommunication

Content: Okay so this was the first fic I ever wrote, I haven’t published this yet because I thought it was too long lol, anyways this is a fic about you falling in love with JJ and JJ falling in love with you, unfortunately Elle Greenway (your bestfriend) has a problem with it but you can’t quiet figure it out.

Also if something is in italics it means that the conversation is happening at the same time as the other in the scene!

————————————————————————

Duty Calls

I had known Elle Greenaway for just under 7 months, she grew to be one of my closest friends from the BAU, we were practically like sisters, when one of us were not there, people would always ask where either of were, we were probably the closest people you would ever meet, that was until Jennifer Jareau walked into the building.

“Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, JJ if you like”

“Elle” she began

“Greenaway, highest solved cases in Seattle, three years running, speciality in sex offender cases” JJ finished for her as Elle gritted her teeth and I could tell she was angry that she was already profiled by the new girl

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met” JJ questioned as she turned to me

“Oh, well I’m-“ I gave her a smile and I started to laugh

“She’s busy right now, she’ll talk to you later okay?” Elle grabbed my hand and dragged out into the hallway, I turned back to see JJ sad but shocked, Derek and Emily looked at her to say something but she shrugged it off putting it down to Elle being overprotective of me.

“Well” she turned to Emily and Derek “I’m the unit Liaison, my speciality is untangling Bureaucratic knots” at this point, she started walking up the stairs to go to her office “You’ll probably be talking to me a lot, my door is always open, mostly because I’m never in my office so just call me on my cell”

“I like her” Derek leaned down on the table he was sitting on to talk to Emily, Emily just nodded trying to profile her whilst not being able to figure out why she can’t. “She’s known everyone for a minute and already managed to piss off Greenaway, that’s got to be a record” Emily turned to look at him and furrowed her brow, partly because she knew he was right and partly because she realised you hadn’t been back in over ten minutes

“What the hell was that” y/n shouted

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Oh come on Elle, I may not be the best profiler in the world, but I sure as hell know that that wasn’t like you, you love it when new people join here” my arm flung back instinctively “Emily, Kate, Alex?” you stared at her waiting for her to say something

“They are different, you didn’t try to flirt with them the minute they walked through the BAU doors?

“Flirted?” I breathed out, those damn profilers

“The way you laughed, the way you smiled at her, the way you played with your necklace, not being able to look at her in the eye but simultaneously not being able to look away to see if she’s looking back at you”

Those. Damn. Profilers.

I retaliated, “I do all those things when I’m nervous Elle, you know I do, she’s just intimidating she walked in here like she owns the place”

“Intimidating?” She laughed out loud “Like that’s stopped you before” You suddenly remembered how you confessed you had a crush on Emily drunk on your couch on girls night solely because of how caring yet stubborn she was. Elle turned to walk away

“Elle wait” If someone else were here they probably would’ve thought I was pathetic

“Just drop it okay Y/L/N” You’re a damn profiler figure out why I’m mad” You just stood there as Elle walked away, you tried to read her as she walked away

“She’ll be fine, just give her some time” Emily said walking up to you, trying to believe her own lie.

“This isn’t like her” You said to her as you kept your eyes focused on your best friend walking away like her friendship meant nothing to you

“Come on” She tried to pull me out of my trance

“Okay, but first coffee” you laughed, Emily laughed too, happy to see you feeling somewhat better.

“I’ll meet you in the bullpen after” she gave you a look and you instantly knew what she meant

“I’ll get you one too, your usual?”

“Please and I’ll love you forever”

“Oh, forever” you giggled “Well if you say forever” you joked

She rolled her eyes “and don’t forget the-“ you cut her off “Splenda, I know” she gave me her best ‘ugh-you-know-me-so-well look’

“Coffee?” The tall Blonde questioned, unsure whether to talk to you because she didn’t know if you were half as intimidating as your friend.

“Ugh gallons please, it’s been a long day” you both laughed, you flirting and her knowing she could be at ease with you, maybe Elle was right, you thought, once you caught yourself laughing, smiling at her, playing with your necklace, not being able to look at her in the eye but simultaneously not being able to look away to see if she’s looking back at you.

“It’s” she said checking her watch “not even 9AM” she chuckled

“My point exactly” it felt easy with her, holding a conversation, she laughed and you felt a new confidence, you’ve never felt this way before, not even with Emily

“Hey, about my friend. I’m so sorry about her, I don’t know what’s gotten into her, she’s not normally like this” you felt your arm lifting up to her shoulder to soothe her anxiety

“You know what, don’t worry about it” she gave you her best “im fine” look, but what she didn’t know is that you invented that look

“Jennifer-“ you started

“Please-JJ, Jennifer makes me sound like a middle school teacher” you both chuckled, more loudly than you wanted. “So will I ever know your name mystery profiler” You breathed out to try tell her,

“Y/N come with me” Elle barged your shoulder, making you fall into JJ, landing on the floor. “Now Y/N we have a case”

“Duty Calls” you made a surprised face to her which made her laugh as she helped you up from the floor.

“Right of course, see you later Y/N” JJ suddenly remembering where she was.

“Bye Jennifer” you waved

“JJ” she said whining but laughing.

“Bye JJ” you said turning around pointing to her”

She laughed into her mug, knowing her Vanilla Latte had definitely gotten cold by now.

————————————————————————

Hotch explained the case and said “Wheels up” I nodded knowing I had to face Elle on the jet and I had to be away from JJ for a while, I wasn’t sure why but I felt so drawn to her, I twisted my ring, something I did when I was nervous, trying to figure out how to even approach the subject of Elle not talking to me to her

“Wheels up babygirl” Derek pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Right”

I looked over to the bullpen looking to see how long I was thinking for, luckily no one moved out of there yet, I saw Elle talking to JJ, this can’t be good I thought to myself “I’ll be back in a minute” I excused myself from Derek and made my way into the bullpen.

I made my way over to them but Emily caught me before I did something stupid

“Y/N don’t”

“Em, what’s going on?”

“Elle overheard JJ talking to Pen, about the fact that she has a small crush on you”

I lit up, JJ likes girls? And she likes me too?

I start to ask her what the problem is but because she is an amazing profiler, she already figured out my face

“The problem is Elle likes you too and it doesn’t take a profiler to figure out that she’s jealous, jealous of the chance that you have a chance with the new media liaison” I remembered everything, the little touches, the way Elle would insist on looking after me when I was drunk, the first one to make my coffee the way I liked it, the first one who would always help me to finish my paperwork when she could see I was stressed out, I remembered this morning, the way she gritted her teeth when she knew there was a possibility that I liked JJ, the way she barged into me when I was flirting a little bit too hard with Jennifer Jareau.

“Everyone knew except me right?”

“What that Greenaway had a crush on you?” Derek laughed walking up to the table I was sat on “Come on babygirl I’m pretty sure people who don’t even work on this floor know” he winked at Emily

“What do I do” I sighed

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” Emily said

“And don’t do anything I would do” You heard a familiar voice and turned around

“TARA” you shouted, you practically jumped into her arms

“Well if it isn’t DR Tara Lewis” Emily said

“Hello to you too Agent” Tara laughed

“Is she new?” she looked over to JJ

“Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ” She smiled

“Well Alright JJ, I heard we have a new case?”

“Yep, wheels up” I gave my best Hotch Impression

“I missed you”

“I missed you too babe”

Tara was the first ever friend I made at the BAU, she took about 2 months off from work because of an injury due to the last case she worked but I was very happy for her to be back.

————————————————————————

It’s been 6 months since Tara has came back, Jennifer Jareau and I have gotten really close and Elle and I have slowly drifted.

Hotch Debriefed everyone on the plane “Emily you go to the ME with Tara, Kate, Alex, Derek, Luke, stay here with me to look through the case files, and Y/N and Elle, you go to the crime scene, got it?”

Emily joked “you got it boss” and saluted him and I swear that if I blinked I would’ve missed him smirk for a second

Emily sat next to me on the jet, across from Kate and Derek, Alex, Tara and Hotch sat on the chairs on the other side of the jet, talking about work, I looked up from our conversation and I could see Elle making coffee but stirring the mug like she had something on her mind, I profiled her for a second, trying to read her face and I concluded that she wants to be left alone so I left it at that and returned to the conversation where I could see them all staring at me

“hmm” I said and everyone laughed

“I said are you dating anyone” Kate laughed

Wanting them to leave me alone and for Penelope asking every time I went into her “Lair” as she called it I decided to Lie

“Umm, Yeah I am seeing somebody” Elle’s head turned toward me as if -I- were the unsub like she talked down to last week

“Yeah somebody called Elle Greenaway” Derek laughed and Elle tilted her laugh and bit her lip intrigued as to what my next words would be, all whilst still giving me that death stare

“Hello my lovelies” Penelope said

“What have you got Garcia” Hotch said as he, Alex, Tara, and Elle walked over to our table

“There’s been two more bodies found” JJ said

“Hey Jayj” I said, to be nice and to piss off Elle for a second

“Hey Y/N she smiled and I returned the smile

“Get a room” Elle said as she walked back to get her coffee that she accidently left on the counter

Emily and Derek knew what I was doing and tried to hold back their laughter

“Thanks Guys” Alex said

When you and Elle got to the crime scene you could sense something was wrong with Elle but you didn’t want to push it because you both were the most professional people the team had ever worked with.

Four days later when you finally finished with everyone you finally relaxed on the jet as you caught the unsub, so much so that you accidently slept on Emily’s shoulder throughout the entire ride there.

“Wake up sleepyhead” Luke said

“Sorry” You looked over to Emily realising what you’ve done

“Don’t worry about me, your girlfriend over there is the one you want to worry about”

You looked up to see Elle reading a book crossing her legs not really reading just trying to distract herself, she gave you a sarcastic smile and went back to reading.

“Hey you” JJ beamed when she saw us coming back into the BAU after we came off the jet, her arms flung around me and I could feel Elle’s jealousy from the back of my head “How was your case?”

“Nothing we haven’t seen before” Elle said harshly as she brushed past us, I nodded and shrugged agreeing that we see these cases a lot of the time and it was nothing we haven’t seen before

“You’re back” Garcia shouted “girls night and that includes everyone, and that includes you Jennifer” jj looked over at you “I’ll pick you up” a voice said behind me “Thank you Emily” JJ said

“Don’t even mention it”

————————————————————————

You were the last to arrive at Garcia’s house for girls night because you got drinks for everyone, JJ opened the door for you and hugged you as Emily took the vodka out of your hand, JJ dragged you to the couch where Emily and Tara sat. Kate and Alex took a chair either side of the couch with their glasses already filled wine, you looked around for Elle and spotted her gossiping with Garcia, you put it down to nothing and focused your attention back on JJ as she was putting a movie on

“RomCom okay Y/N? we kinda decided before you came” she half stated and questioned

“Only if the RomCom is 50 first dates” you said jokingly but it wasn’t a joke, you loved that movie

“Oh my God I forgot how much you loved that movie” Tara said as she remembered you begging to watch it every time you were drunk, or even sober for that matter

“Luckily for you Y/N/N it’s my favourite movie” JJ stated, you could practically hear Elle seethe from the other side of the open planned apartment

“God Drew Barrymore is so hot” Tara said

“Now that I can agree with” Emily sighed, the others nodded their heads in agreement

“Wait, who’s got the popcorn” I asked.

“Me” Elle spoke loudly so everyone can hear her.

“You want anything else?”

“Skittles to put in the popcorn” you and JJ spoke at the same time standing about to head to the kitchen, you and JJ looked at each other not realising someone else has the same habit.

“Sorry babe, only enough for one person and I heard Y/N first” Elle barged aggressively past her and JJ ended up falling onto the floor completely the opposite to what happened a week prior

You lifted JJ up off the ground and spoke softly so no one else could hear “Don’t worry you can share some of mine” she returned the same smile you gave her, and you both made your way to the couch to find Elle sitting in JJ’s seat.

You knew what Elle was up to so you decide to test her as soon as JJ was about to sit on the floor, you turned to JJ said “Actually there’s a space on my lap if you want to sit on it” I swear Elle’s eyes hit the back of her head when she rolled them. “Well thank you M’lady” JJ joked, Emily and Tara stared at each of other as to ask what the hell is going on and Alex, Kate, and Penelope were obliviously watching the film that has only been on for 20 minutes.

“Y/N I need some help in the kitchen” Elle shouted after 20 minutes of JJ cuddling with you, which you and JJ both secretly loved.

“Duty calls” JJ joked after getting off your lap referring to the one of the first conversations you had, you both laughed as you understood what she was talking about, the others chuckled looking around confused

“What’s up?” I asked as I caught my breath running up to her

“Nothing I just wanted to see your pretty face” Elle smiled as you blushed “Although I could do with another drink” she whisper shouted as she squinted her eyes to you knowing it would make you laugh. “Anyone want another drink” she questioned to everyone louder

“Please” Tara, and Emily said, the others politely declined or said no out loud.

“So, what’s everyone’s love life like” Garcia questioned as you and Elle walked back towards your seat knowing fully well she knew everyone’s answers she just wanted the gossip

“Well I’m seeing someone” Kate reminded

“Oh yeah, Chris right? How is he doing?” You questioned sitting down wanting to change the subject

“He’s good, Meg’s great too, she’s just well”

“A teenager” Emily laughed

“Poltergiest okay for everyone” Tara said as she was confident it was going on anyway

“Ugh I hate horror films” JJ groaned

“Come here you big baby” you opened your arms signalling for her to come back into your lap knowing and understanding that both of you felt a wave of comfort in holding the other person.

The film lasted around 2 hours and everyone fell asleep after Garcia managed to grab blankets for everyone, JJ fell asleep on my shoulder but luckily she was a light sleeper “JJ” you whispered to her “Jennifer” You whispered more loudly, you shook her shoulders, she stirred lightly

“What time is it we are going to be late for work” she said in her sleep

You moved the hair out the face “Okay first of all its 3AM and it’s our day off” you laughed

“Oh okay” she said lightly you lifted her off to get some water “no” Jennifer whisper shouted, you turned to see her face still sleeping “you’re so warm don’t leave me”

“I won’t leave, I’m going to get some water for the both of us”

“Ugh” JJ groaned “fine but be quick I’m cold” she said groggily

You laughed and got water for the both of you “You smell so nice” she said into your shoulder “you’re so soft I could lay on you forever” you smiled and blushed knowing every time you spent with Jennifer Jareau you were falling harder for her, you looked over to the other side of the couch to see Elle sleeping, you were faced with the biggest dilemma you had in a long time.

————————————————————————

Elle woke up before anyone, you woke up and you saw her looking at JJ lying on your chest, “Elle” you breathed, she didn’t say anything and she just starred at you looking for an explanation as to why “She hates horror films” you tried to give your best explanation without trying not to wake up JJ and to piss off Elle, she gave you a slow nod, the same one she gives an unsub before she’s about to say something life ruining, “Elle come on, I know that face, tell me what’s wrong”

“I have to leave” Elle picked up her things from the floor and headed for the door, you grabbed her free hand

“Elle please talk to me” You sighed

“Let me go” Elle argued

“No, not this time, I am always the first person you come to in situations like this, why is this time different” you argued back, she gazed at you debating whether she should admit her thoughts out loud

“I said let it go Y/N” Elle shouted and you scoffed

“I-“

You cut her off “You what Elle”

She made sure no one was awake and after realising what she was doing you did the same

“I love you Y/N, always have” she started to breathe heavier

“what” you said genuinely confused as to why she would admit it now

“But I know I can’t be with you because you’re in love with the new girl” Elle reasoned “Everyone can see it apart from you and her”

“Elle-“ she cut you off

“Tell everyone I said I would see them later and that I’m meeting an old friend, you think you can do that or are you going to be pining after the media liaison?”

“You and I both know that isn’t fair Elle” you tried to reason with her

“See you later” Elle stormed off, making you realise that her walking off in the BAU hallway wasn’t a mistake

“What was that about?” Emily scoffed

“Well how much did you hear?” You were curious but tried to make light of it

“Just heard the door slam” Emily said and you felt relieve wash over you

“Oh” you laughed “She’s going to meet an old friend but she’s coming back” you said, shocked how easy it was to believe the lie.

“Right” Emily said profiling you, you nodded making your way to the kitchen getting a glass of water, trying to figure out what happened.

“Hey” a small voice said behind you

“Oh, hey JJ, you want one” you nodded to the glass of water you were filling up

“Sure, thank you” she smiled to which you returned it, “Hey I need to talk to you and it’s kind of important” JJ said with increasing worry but the same smile

“Yeah, the bedroom okay” you asked knowing it was the one room over but it was the best option to ensure privacy for the both of you

You lead her to the bedroom after realising you were the only one who knew where it was because JJ had never been over to Garcia’s house.

“Sit down” JJ said sternly, in the 6 months that I’ve known her I’ve never seen her so sure of something, sure how she acted on the phone when she was trying to get through to someone on the phone who would not take her seriously I thought back to that night “My name is Jennifer Ja-“ she started and then decided on a different approach “No, you know what, I’m not going to explain this entire thing again to another mid-level bureaucrat who can’t give me a sufficient answer, put someone on the damn phone who can authorise what I need” “Y/N” JJ said louder this time, you noticed her pacing around the room

“Woah JJ it’s okay” you got off the bed and went to grab her hands to try and help her breathe properly, you guided her to the bed and sat her down and tried to get her to match your breaths, at this point you were sat face to face with your feet on the floor “hi” you said to her flustered

“Hey” JJ sighed “So um” she tripped over her words, you laughed slightly indicating to her to carry on “I know I’ve only known you 6 months but I thought you deserve to know, I like you, I like you Y/N I have the biggest crush on you and I have since the first time you bumped into me literally and figuratively” you both laughed “but I know you’re seeing Elle I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything” she let your hand go and started to walk out the door

“JJ wait” she turned around unsure of why you stopped her “I’m not seeing anyone” you said lightly so no one heard you

“Oh it’s just what Penelope said” you suddenly remembered the conversation on the plane and the conversation that Elle, JJ, and Penelope said in the bullpen

Confused but intrigued you asked her “What did she say?

“She said that Elle told her that you and Elle had been dating for 2 months” JJ expressed sadly, of course she did

“I’m not sure why she would say that but I can assure you that I’m not seeing Elle or anyone for anyone for that matter”

“So it’s okay if I do this” JJ grabbed your face and lunged towards you pulling you in for a kiss knowing it’s something you both wanted

After two minutes of kissing you stopped to breathe “it’s more than okay miss Jareau” you said truthfully.

“Okay good” she said in the middle of you kissing again

“I could kiss you forever” you said

“I hope you do” JJ smiled

“I don’t think we can tell anyone about this, I already hate paperwork as it is, plus I think it would be fun to keep it a secret about us, see how long it would be before someone finds out about kissing”

“Apparently not very long” JJ pointed behind you and laughed at how terrible you were at whispering

You turned around to see her “Emily hey” you twisted your necklace and laughed while tilting your head back only doing those things when you were nervous

“Relax Y/L/N you have nothing to be nervous for, I’m rooting for you, plus I was waiting to see how long it would be before you guys kissed, I owe Tara so much money”

“No wait Em you can not tell anyone about this, this can not get out I’m already on thin ice with Elle as is” Emily could tell you were serious about this

“You got it” she gave you a nod and closed the door

“Bye Emily” you said

“Now where were we” JJ said

You got closer to her face “Hey”

“Hi” she said back to you “Ever since I saw you that day, I knew it was going to be you”

“I didn’t know you felt the same way”

“I did” Emily laughed from outside the door.

“Bye Emily “you repeated.

————————————————————————

You and JJ had been in a secret relationship for about a month, you loved spending time with her and she was overall becoming your favourite person, you both found comfort in each other and could always count on each other for everything, it was a lot like your relationship with Elle before you met JJ but this time it was different. Whenever no one noticed you would always sneak a kiss with her and she would do the same, you would always go to her office for lunch or whenever you had finished your paperwork and wanted to see your girlfriend.

“Hey, you busy?” you knocked before she answered.

“For everyone else yes, but because it’s you” JJ looked up from her paperwork, you walked over to her and kissed her head and sat down on the chair opposite before pulling your lunch out “but because it’s you I’m busy” she joked and you shook your head and laughed, you looked behind you to double check if you closed the door to find you did, you leaned over to kiss her lips “You’re so lucky I love you” you said into her lips.

“I love you too Y/N/N” JJ replied as you pulled back to get something for her

“I got your favourite” you pulled out Cheetos from your bag.

“You’re the best girlfriend in the world I could literally kiss you right now” JJ beamed.

“Oh, be my guest” you flirted as she leaned into kiss you as your phone goes off.

“It’s Pen, this could go a million different ways” you said to her.

You read her text out loud “There’s camera’s in her office btw, top left corner

; )” you both darted your eyes to the to top left corner to see a camera, you felt your face blushing as you saw JJ laughing in the corner of your eye

“I forgot about the cameras” JJ said after she finally calmed down from her hysterics

“You knew?” You whisper shouted as you saw her circling her desk to come up behind you, she teased you as she leaned over you and grabbed your face to kiss you but stopped suddenly.

“Come on babe, lunch is over” She knew what she was doing.

“Jennifer” You laughed and groaned at the same time, she grabbed your hands to pull you up and to get ready to go back to working.

“Next time” JJ promised

“Ugh” You moaned

“I love you too babe now get back to work before Hotch shouts at us” JJ laughed as she opened the door signalling for you to go out first, when you were stepping out of the door you turned to thank her not realising you would bump into someone whilst you were doing it, “Ugh my coffee” Elle groaned as you both realise you spilled coffee all over her red shirt.

“Elle I’m so sorry, here let me” you grabbed a napkin from the table next to her as you leaned over JJ followed behind you Elle’s eyes darting between you and JJ walking out of her office at the same time.

“You know what don’t bother” She said as she realised what was happening

“What was that about” Kate asked as she past you.

You began to speak but JJ stopped you “I accidently tripped Y/N up and she fell over me and into Elle” you gave JJ a sad look unsure of why she would cover for you like that, luckily Hotch held up a case with a look and you knew exactly what was about to happen.

————————————————————————

“Okay so you need us to stay in Colorado for a week in a cottage?” you needed to double check with Hotch to make sure you were hearing him right.

“And you want us to pretend we’re married couple?” JJ looks after at you trying to figure out if they already have figured out about our secret relationship.

“It’s just because I know how close you two are and I know you two will remain professional at all costs on this case, Y/N is our best profiler” Hotch added, you and JJ both nodded knowing that what he said is true.

This time felt different, being asked to work the case as lovers due to the fact that you were excited to spend time with your girlfriend but also due to the fact the rest of your team found you and JJ to be a compatible match relationship wise.

You looked around to see everyone’s reactions, everyone was mostly focusing on Penelope going over the new case again but your eyes stayed over Elle for a while, she was tense and nervous but she would never let it show in front of other people, since you used to be so close to her and she hated talking about her emotions, you learned to pick up and profile her behaviour, she was quiet, more than usual, and picking at her nails but doing it swiftly under the table so no one would notice, as well as this, she also had an underlying tone of anger, she was mad at you, at the situation, at JJ, at Hotch for giving you and JJ the case, and at herself for getting this irate and nervous that something bad could happen to you that was out of her control.

“Wheels up in 30” Hotch nodded to you and JJ.

You all got up and left the table, before you were out of the room, Emily stopped you “Aren’t you excited to be with your girlfriend for a week? What’s up with you?” she teased but also said growing more concerned with every word, you looked over at her, suddenly realising that you mirrored Elle’s nervous behaviour, “What?” you finished before she could answer your question “No it’s not that I’m worried about” you said honestly, “it’s her” you nodded at Elle, Emily looked in your direction and squinted her eyes and nodded slowly, “got it” “why are you worried about her though?”

“Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I think she’s mad at me’’ Emily started to nod but she had no clue what you were talking about “I mean the whole thing with JJ, this case, she keeps bumping into me all the time and it’s always when I’m with her” both of your eyes drifted to JJ making coffee. Emily tried to give you the best reassurance as she could but honestly this situation confused her just as much as you.

“Give them both time, they are both the most professional at their jobs and JJ is a smart girl she wouldn’t do something that would risk her job like this, and as for Elle, you know each other more than yourselves, what would you do in this situation?” Emily being a Libra meant that she would almost always be the peacemaker in situations like these but not when she was supposed to be, I shook my head in both disbelief and agreement that Emily was always right, she didn’t even need to tell me what to do next.

“I’ll go talk to Elle, you take JJ” you stated but it sounded more like a plead

“Hey you” you walked over to Elle

“Hey” Elle looked around to see if JJ was making her way over.

“I’ve missed you” you said honestly.

“Well it looks like you’ve had some really great company recently” Elle meant for it to come out sarcastically but it ended up coming out more harshly than you both expected it to.

“Oh come on you know that’s not fair” you both rolled your eyes

“Where is she anyway? Thought you would be going to check on her any minute now” Elle sighed

“Why are you acting like this? You’ve changed and I don’t like it!” You retaliated and Elle rolled her eyes.

“You want one?” JJ felt Emily’s presence behind her.

“Sure, thanks” Emily said

“You take Splenda right?” JJ smiled and Emily smiled back nodding knowing that the media liaison took notes of the way everyone took their drinks. JJ turned to face Emily

“So how do you feel about going undercover with Y/N, I know it can be a lot”

“I’m nervous, Em, what if someone finds out about you know” JJ tried hint at your relationship

“Okay JJ relax, you’ll tell them when you’re ready no one will force you or Y/N to come out when they are not ready, I won’t allow it” Emily tried to act confident but there was a hint of sweetness around it, JJ nodded and smiled.

————————————————————————

“She’s doing what?” you practically shouted at Hotch

“She said that when we never have her back, she took it on me the most, talking about The Fisher King case” you both nodded knowing exactly what you were talking about but didn’t want to pry any further

“When does she leave?” You asked but didn’t want an answer

“She’s out there talking to Luke right now” He said, you turned around to see her and Luke talking, you nodded thankful the answer wasn’t coming from anyone else but her

You made your way into the bullpen “Hey” you said to her softly and Luke made his way back to his desk to give you two some privacy

“I guess you heard” She talked into her mug, you nodded

“Where are your-“ you wondered why you hadn’t noticed her gun and badge yet

“In Hotch’s office” she finished knowing what you were about to ask her.

“You know, when I first started this job, the sound of my phone ringing, a call from the Bureau, I used to get so excited, the blood used to race through my veins” you nodded knowing you had the exact feeling when you first started this job “and now, that same sound it paralyses me” she continued “I’m not the same person anymore, that night at Lee’s if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing”

“Even though you killed someone” I asked her still unsure of whether I wanted the answer, she sighed and rolled her eyes, both of us thankful she didn’t answer my question.

“I guess that’s it then” she changed the subject very quickly, she left before I could say anything

“I’ll miss you” I said out loud but not loud enough for anyone to hear you.

“She’ll miss you too” Emily said making you jump

“Youhave to stop appearing behind me like that” you playfully hit her arm.

“Now that I know how scared you get, I don’t think I will” Emily joked back.

————————————————————————

“Are you sure you’re up for this” you said zipping your girlfriend’s dress up, you all had finally tracked the unsub down after 10 days of being undercover and you had been sent by Hotch to a local club where the unsub goes a lot, JJ was wearing a long red dress with black heels and her hair slightly wavy, you were wearing a short black dress, also paired with black heels, and your hair was more curled than hers.

“Yep” JJ said popping the p, she didn’t realise this was a heavy tell on her nervousness.

“JJ look at me” you turned her around to face you “we’re going to be okay, you know that right?” it was more of a statement than a question but you made the message clear

You squeezed her hand twice, you and JJ had a secret code within your relationship, one squeeze meant that ‘everything is okay?’ two was ‘you will be okay’ and the three squeezes means ‘lets get out of here’ if you were both extremely uncomfortable, unfortunately it has happened more than you would like it to have been

“it’s just” she started to breathe heavier, you squeezed her hand two more times “these victims look so much like you and I don’t know if I can handle not being with you” JJ looked anywhere but you as she knew if she would look at you she would lose it and ruin her makeup

“Jayje” you lifted her chin so she was looking at you “I will be absolutely fine, you mean everything to me I want nothing more to be with you for the rest of time, I love you so much” it slipped your mouth but that was the first time you said it to her and meant it.

“I-“

“JJ im sorry I shouldn’t have said it, it was too soon” you turned to leave and you felt a tug on your wrist, JJ pulled you in for a kiss and let her hands wander all over you

“I love you too” JJ smiled into the kiss.

“Come on baby we have to get ready now, put these in so everyone can hear us at the bar” you handed her an earpiece as you put yours in

“12 o’clock” Emily said through your earpiece, you looked around and it was fairly loud, there were so many people in the club but in distinct groups so it was easy for you to find the unsub.

“I’m going to the bar, what do you want?” you said to both JJ and Emily to let them know you were going to make your way over to the unsub

“I’ll have a vodka lemonade babe, I’ll sit over there” she pointed at a table near the bathroom

“See you in a second” JJ squeezed your hand once, you made your way back to the bar and you sat down getting ready to order drinks for both you and JJ.

“So, what’s a pretty lady doing here all by herself” A man in his 40’s flirted with you.

Emily and JJ both said your name at the same time indicating that this was our guy.

“Just getting some drinks” you said honestly and not wanting small talk, he just nodded.

“What are you drinking?” at this point it felt more like an interrogation rather than a random guy flirting, you lifted your glass up to show him that you ordered a vodka lemonade, not wanting a drink at this point, just wanting to go back to your girlfriend, as you turned on your heels you made eye contact with JJ shaking your head angrily, “I said what are you drinking” he raised his voice at me and I was not about to lose whatever confidence I had in myself at this point, luckily I felt JJ walk over to me, I looked down at my now red wrist and back up at him again “Vodka lemonade, let me go” you hissed at him

“Now that I’ve got you” he towered over me and leaned into my ear “I’m never going to let you go” you felt your breath grow heavier. JJ flashed him her badge and he let you go, JJ picked you up before you fell to the floor as she guided you to the bathroom.

“What happened baby?” she didn’t care if the team found out if the team knew about your relationship, her priority at this second was to check if you were okay, you told them both the story knowing Emily was still listening in.

“I’m coming over” Emily couldn’t take it anymore

“NO” you and JJ both shouted at the same time “he’s dangerous, we do not need another agent in danger” you begged

“Fine, but the second I hear something go slightly wrong I won’t hesitate to come over capeesh”

“Capeesh” you said looking up to JJ saluting her

“Let’s go back out” You said to JJ

“Yep, I’ll get the drinks this time hmm” JJ said

“Sounds perfect” she guided you back up off the floor and she kissed you before you both left the bathroom, you stayed with her until you got the drinks, you leaned into her and said “I’ll be back I’m just going to get some air, I love you”

“Miss you already I love you too” JJ fake pouted, you started to make your way outside, you felt eyes on the back of your head but thought nothing of it, when you got outside you felt dizzy and the last thing you remember was a man standing over your body.

————————————————————————

“Finally” a man said over your freezing body, you looked around to figure out what was happening, it was light outside so you had been out for a while, you looked around some more and you realised that you were in some random basement in the middle of nowhere typical, you saw JJ still sleeping on the other side of the room and you couldn’t help but smile because at least you had the love of your life with you. “she’s been sleeping for days” you were out longer than you realised.

“Who are you and what am I doing here” you croaked.

“She’s still feisty even after being trapped here for a whole week” he turned to face a person standing next to you but you couldn’t muster your strength to turn and see what they looked like, even though you couldn’t see what she was doing you felt her look down at you and pout, you turned around and decided to sleep again because at least that way you could forget about your reality right now, as the door slammed it startled JJ.

She jumped up and made a noise, after she calmed down she tried calling me “Y/N” she also sounded thankful that we weren’t doing this on our own, you couldn’t turn around but instead just let your tears roll down, after 10 minutes you decided get up and crawl to her to be in her arms again but you only got so far, you felt something pull you back, after realising that it was handcuffs that were stopping you.

What seemed like hours later, a tall brunette walked in and gave you something to eat completely passing JJ “you need to eat my love” you didn’t even need to turn around to realise who was doing this to you, she called you that all the time

“Elle leave me alone, you’re the last person I want to see right now”

I know baby, you wanna be in her arms right?” she teased

“You do not get to call me that” you turned around and you became face to face with Elle Greenaway for the first time in what felt like years, she reached out her hand but you flinched, she carried on and wiped a tear from your cheek which you didn’t even realise was there, instead of fighting it, you let her, at least imaging it was JJ who was wiping your tears.

“Eat up” she repeated before she left, she looked back to see if JJ was looking at you, she was so she did the only thing she know would make you both mad, she kissed you, she kissed you intensely foolishly you let her, closing your eyes imaging it was your girlfriend the entire time. She stopped harshly and stood up and winked at you and called you “good girl”, after realising what just happened you felt even more disgusted, as she walked past JJ, she leaned down and whispered loud enough so I could hear it too “What’s the matter sweetie; see something you like” she laughed in her face and stood up, JJ looked over at you with a sad smile and Elle noticed this “I want to wipe that grin of your face so badly but my mother taught me to play nicely” you felt a lump in your throat and lunged forward at her about to say something you never thought you would get to say.

“Elle wait” she turned back around as you chocked on your sobs “Let her go, kill me and let her go” you emphasised those last words.

“Did anyone ever tell you how good you look begging pretty girl?” she cooed as she started to make her way over to you.

You lost it at her “Why are you doing this? What’s the matter with you? Why are you acting like this? Why are you hurting me and why are you enjoying it” you just couldn’t help yourself at the word vomit, it was like all the questions that had been running through your head for the last few months were just dying to come out.

Elle turned around to face JJ who was too startled to say anything at this point “You sure you want her?” she tormented “She’s way to suborn for her own good, get’s that from me I think” you were not even angry at this point, you felt uncontrollable tears fall down your face as you realised that was a possibility that JJ would leave you due to your stubbornness at some point, it hadn’t crossed your mind though until Elle pointed it out.

“Please” JJ rolled her eyes “It’s gonna take a lot more than Y/N’s stubbornness to make me leave her” she spat at her “Actually it’s one of the million reasons why I started dating her” both you and Elle were confused at this but then you realised this was JJ’s way of telling you that no matter what the circumstances were, she would never leave you.

“Okay then” Elle smirked as she stood up and lifted her arms up to a box on the highest shelf of the basement, taking JJ’s statement as a competition, she opened the box and pulled out a red camera, this was your camera, the one that you and Elle shared when you went places together.

“You kept that?” Your gaze softened.

“Shut up” Elle barked.

Considering it was dark, she fumbled for a while looking for the night vision filter on the camera and you had seen enough of these livestream cases to know exactly what was happening.

Penelope was pacing around her office in front of everyone as she furiously did everything she did to find you and JJ.

“Pen you need to calm down” Tara guided her to sit down as Luke came to stand behind her, he turned to Emily as to ask her what he should say next.

“Penelope we have done everything we could so far” Emily started

“They are two of our best workers they’ll be okay” Hotch finished Emily’s sentence for her. Kate’s phone pinged, everyone’s eyes landed on her.

“You got something pretty lady?” Derek was the only one brave enough to ask.

“Meg” Kate shook her head, feeling guilty it was someone else other than you and JJ, Alex came in with a handful of papers.

“This isn’t a case, this is just a list I’ve made of every possibility of who could’ve kidnapped them” Alex sighed, everyone else was thankful that Alex got further than they did.

“Andrea Nolan” Derek sighed.

“Matthew Brewster” Emily shook her head.

“Melissa Brdgers” Luke read out loud knowing these people would never kidnap you both.

“Wait was Matthew the guy from the bar, the one who flirted with Y/N” it started clicking for Emily.

“Garcia pull up Brewster’s number, see who he had texted more often this month” Hotch said sternly.

“Already on it sir” Garcia was.

“Greenaway, that’s got to be a coincidence right” there was a hint of panic in Derek’s voice.

Just like clockwork there was a livestream from Elle’s camera.

“Hey guys, I know you’re all there, did you miss me? Not too much I hope” Elle said to the camera as you hid your face because you hated your team seeing you on edge never mind in a situation this serious. “HI Emily, you were always my favourite, don’t tell the others” It was clear that she was stalling and that she knew what she was doing. Elle, however was smart enough to not do it on her phone because she knew Penelope would have already tracked her by now.

Elle turned back to you and finished the sentence that she started before she started live streaming “Okay then Jareau, if you’re sure that nothing will come between you and her” she angled the camera at you on the floor and started to straddle your hips Elle started to kiss you more intensely than JJ granted but you hated it, every time JJ kissed you it was soft and gentle, but Elle’s kiss was rough, she hurt you and she knew it “Say it” she whispered in your ear.

“What do you want me to say?” you were genuinely confused at her statement.

She leaned more forward kissing your neck but covering her head and her hands traveling up your waist from your team “That I’m better than her, in every way” you both looked over to her, you giving her a soft smile in which she returned, Elle the opposite.

Your chest grew heavy as you knew that this could be a possibility of a way out “You’re better than her, in every way” it came out as barley a whisper

“No sweetie, I know you can do better than that, say it louder for me baby, loud enough so everyone can hear it”

“Elle is better than you JJ, in every way” you shouted at JJ, you didn’t mean to. Not yet a profiler, JJ didn’t pick up on the fact that this was a message and she thought you genuinely meant it, you could see the tear roll down her eyes and you had a lump in your throat.

“Good girl” Elle whispered as she stood up to walk away, you knew exactly what to do next

“In fact JJ, Elle is better than you in every single because when I went over to her house for the fourth time I knew I loved her.”

“Pen and paper” Alex was the only one that picked up that this was a code “Write down important words of her next sentence Emily, she said directly to Emily because everyone else couldn’t concentrate.

“Yep, I knew I loved her when was away, when I was taken from everyone, I basically lived in Elle’s house at some point” she laughed like it was a great memory “ the one on 10th street you know, days I was away from my cat” she kept laughing “In fact Emily was the one I called on, I knew she was the one who could help save me” At this point Emily already had her FBI jacket on and was ready to leap out the door in order to save you both.

————————————————————————

Elle was about to say something before she heard those four words “FBI drop your weapon” Elle was too careless that she had you that she forgot you were also a profiler and you left Emily a coded message, after realising what had just happened, Elle slapped you hard across the face.

“In here” JJ shouted at the footsteps that grew louder, Derek kicked down the door, which you weren’t expecting anything else.

“Em” JJ struggled to speak and make eye contact with Emily as she reached down to take JJ’s hand.

When Elle figured out what was going she whipped your head around fast and shoved you back to the floor as you stumbled making your way to Emily and JJ.

————————————————————————

You made your way back to the bullpen with Emily and JJ, Elle was arrested because she aimed a weapon at an FBI Agent, before you stepped out of the elevator you stopped JJ to talk with her privately and you signalled to Emily that it was okay to leave for a second.

“I’m so sorry about what I did back there” you looked into JJ’s crying eyes, you stepped closer indicating a hug, reluctantly she agreed.

A minute or two into the hug she looked down at you “Is it true?” you both knew what she was talking about.

“JJ look at me” you lifted her chin up to look you in the eye. “I want you to know that you are the most perfect person in the entire world, what I said in there, every time I kissed her” you stopped to take breath “every time I kissed her I imagined it was you, it was the only thing that got me through those couple of days, I imagined it was you, every single time, what I said about Elle was absolutely not true, I said it because thankfully Emily and Alex picked up on the secret code I was giving them, there was a chance Elle would too but I had a feeling the team would find out before she did”

You looked up to see JJ crying, you held JJ even longer and whispered sweet nothings into her ears whilst you stroked her hair, it became a much bigger habit over the last three months which you both secretly enjoyed.

“Nothing will ever make me love you any less, nothing you ever do, nothing in your past, got it?” you always knew how to reassure your girlfriend.

“Got it” the side of her mouth tugged with a smirk “love you” she said into your hair as you were still hugging, she made sure to give you plenty of forehead kisses.

“Now come on, let’s get back out there before we look suspicious” she extended her arm for you to take which you gladly took.

When you and JJ walked into the bullpen there were balloons everywhere and party food on the table, you two were confused as to what this was for until you noticed a huge ‘WELCOME HOME Y/N AND JJ’ sign handwritten by everyone on the team, you tapped your girlfriend’s arm and leaned into her, she hugged your waist and whilst you and JJ started talking to everyone on the team, you realised this was where we you were meant to be, this was home.

#jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau x reader #jennifer jareau x you #elle greenaway x reader #aj cook #lola glaudini #criminal minds #fanfic #fanfiction #yn #jj x y/n #jj x reader

[not-poignant]

I was watching RotG and suddenly I could only see the meme with the increasingly large dominos. With the small domino being 'Pia watching RotG' and the big domino being 'Efnisien, Gary, Anton, Temsen, Gwyn and Augus all starring in the same a/b/o fic'. Does RotG hold a special place for you, thinking of all the stories you've written since?

Hmm,

Yes and no? There's an even smaller domino you're not seeing which is that I had written original characters and stories before this, and Augus in particular was based off an original character I'd written before (and not published) so like, Rise of the Guardians didn't *invent* him, I did, years before I ever watched the movie. But there's also dominoes that drove me out of the fandom, and it was my bitterness re: the fandom that prompted the writing of original fic in the first place.

So let me tell you a story, anon. If you don't want to know how toxic the RotG fandom could be, I recommend you just walk away now and know that no, actually, RotG doesn't have a special place in my heart, knowing I wrote original fic to initially escape the way some small pockets of that fandom treated me. Otherwise I would have written RotG fiction for far far longer, because as the old-timers will remember, I actually had a couple of longfic ideas lined up to go immediately after SAL that I abandoned because of well...everything.

I actually spent a while after finishing SAL kind of hating Rise of the Guardians because of some nasty drama and meanness/spite towards me, particularly in the last few chapters, and it took about 2-3 years before I could even consider watching the movie again or write for the fandom again. And then by the time I'd come back, all of my original stuff was established, and I felt a lot more comfortable, and a lot more 'fuck the haters' with some of the stuff I had previously had to deal with.

(Fandom wank beneath the cut, lol)

For example (self-harm and suicide mention) one person would specifically post graphic horrible self-harm photos complete with blood tagged into the RotG and blackice tag/s specifically to coincide with my chapter releases towards the end of SAL - and she was a BNF in the fandom in her own way, so *everyone* kind of knew who she was and what she was doing - and she blamed me and my story for the self-harm, and so I had people coming to me going 'do you realise what this story is doing to this person, don't you even care.' And of course I felt horribly guilty and distressed, but I was also at this point around 7/8 chapters from finishing the story, wanting to give everyone a happy ending, and after posting the last chapter I broke down and cried because I was just so relieved that I didn't have to be tormented by this specific person anymore or see these images as a survivor of suicide attempts and self-harm myself.

But also just crying out of sheer distress because of how horrible those last few weeks were, because like, if it wasn't for the readers I would have walked away due to the pressure and bullying and coercion to get out of the fandom just because I had a story that some folks enjoyed reading. That was a level of targeted hate I'd never encountered before, and have never encountered since.

Around that time a couple of small hate groups started up about me, and I would get messages like 'you realise there are hate groups about you, right?' and I'd be like 'please don't tell me about this, people can hate me, leave them alone.' Then there was the time I just got - over around 10 days - about 100+ messages telling me to kill myself because of SAL and how 'horrible' it was re: it's 'really dark themes' which I find hilarious now, but back then, was actually really stressful when it coincided with someone literally *harming themselves* or posting old self-harm photos on days I posted a chapter, talking about how the reason she was doing it was because she hated that my story was so popular when it didn't deserve to be.

Like, no, I did not have a special relationship with Rise of the Guardians by then, or the fandom. I hated it. It's why I stopped writing for it when previously I literally had so many ideas I wanted to write for Jack/Pitch. For years after that. I would remember the good memories I'd made with SAL, but a lot of readers followed me into original works. And otherwise, all I remembered was being forced to see those photos and this person's tags if I went into the tags to look for fanart to share and promote. I'd made some very good friends (some very best friends, actually), and some of us got the hell out of that fandom as fast as we possibly could to escape these people.

So like, I would love to say that like, I feel nothing but fond memories thinking of the influence Rise of the Guardians has had on me, but no fandom that I've ever been in has ever had this kind of level of underground viciousness that developed as the story gained momentum.

When I wrote The Golden Age that Never Was I was truly detached from the fandom and the movie. I was writing based on my memories and feelings of the characters. I didn't look in the tags like I used to, and instead looked for when I was mentioned directly. I had a spike of anxiety every time I got an anon message while writing it, and I had to like...avoid fics and a bunch of other stuff to get through it.

I have watched Rise of the Guardians since and I do really enjoy it, but...I don't see the dominoes the same way you do anon, probably because of the way it all happened in my head, though I do think putting original writing on AO3 happened partly because I was in a hurry to get out of the RotG fandom. So in a way RotG is connected to that, but like, only because I was fleeing and abandoning all of my Pitch/Jack ideas as I went (to the point where people remembered them and still asked me about them years later and I was like 'haha oh no sorry I'm not writing those oh well maybe one day!')

Chances are high I actually wouldn't have written original fiction if my love for Rise of the Guardians had still stayed strong. I was ready to write two very specific longfics, and had done worldbuilding for both, and was talking openly about them, but towards the end of SAL I bolted from the fandom as fast as I could. The hate I got from specific corners of the RotG fandom is one of the reasons I started writing Game Theory before SAL was even finished - to cope with how I felt about the end of SAL and the hatred I was getting there. When some of those folks said 'omg I'll never read a story about Augus' I was literally like 'oh thank fuck, I'm going to be left alone now.'

Like...I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia like 6 months after that, I cracked teeth because of how stressed I was, and I still have crowns in my mouth and teeth removed because of that whole period. I was sleeping an average of 3 hours a night.

...I feel a very special fondness for the people who supported me at the time, especially my good friend Silvia, who is still my beta and friend today. She is responsible for far more of the dominoes that have led to this moment than Rise of the Guardians could ever directly be. And I am extraordinarily grateful for the readers who have found my stuff since. Now the majority of readers of my original stuff have never actually seen Rise of the Guardians or read my RotG fics, and like, actually sometimes that's really nice, if a bit weird.

I have never, in my life, encountered a fandom that could get as toxic as pockets of Rise of the Guardians got, and I'm including Dragon Age: Inquisition in that, which had literal blocklists of asexual people, so you know I mean business! But as a final point, I do want to say the majority of people there were amazing, absolutely amazing, this is truly a case of a few bad apples spoiling the whole experience, and I'm still to this day gutted it happened like that, and have zero surprise a lot of people left the fandom all at once, at the same time, because of it.

#asks and answers #personal #lmao not gonna tag this into anything important #SALverse #shadows and light #basically yeah... even when i rewatched the movie #i can't help but remember what happened #and those images #of literal self-harm being posted on tumblr #and tags viciously implying i was the worst person #for the crime of writing a story that got popular #like i didnt' PLAN for that to happen and i certainly didn't know #as a result #i'd be told to kill myself over a hundred times #one of the reasons i just don't give a shit about antis these days #is that i know they're just bullies #but being a *direct victim* of that bullying with those specific triggers #was like...yeah #anyway there are so many people from that fandom who i love and think of fondly #but the movie will always remind me of *that* time #and even writing this post has left me feeling like choked up and anxious #like i used to feel all the time back then #i have complicated feelings for RotG #and it's a shame because the movie is truly gorgeous and savagely underrated

[onlyswan]

hi art!! I just recently came across ur acc and im curious abt some stuff like for one what are ur fave musicians to listen to ? Bc I remember the first thing I read from ur page - I forgot the name 😭 but it was when oc and jungkook kept meeting on a train while she was listening to cas and reading a book and omg since that moment I knew u were my favorite writer bc you were able to capture all my feelings and I just resonated with ur writings sm !! And I also have been using cas as my safe music for years now so seeing someone else also feels the same from years back makes me feel heard somehow !! I felt so safe and just so happy reading ur stuff like I forget about all my struggles I get excited to go to bed since my routine consists of reading ur stuff and it’s literally a daily thing now lol, and if u ever think about doing a long fic or even a novel pls do bc I am in LOVE with ur writing style you are able to capture the smallest details without dragging a story or make it boring you truly can bring stuff to life !! I used to read a lot and try and write poetry and sometimes stories too but thing got in the way and is slowly stopped but you made me remember why I love books so much and why I wish I couldve been a writer and that’s something so special !! also when did u first start stanning bts and have you ever been on the editing community lol? sorry for the rant and bombardment of questions and extreme enthusiasm but tbh I’ve realised that since I love ur fics so much I should start to get to know a bit about the writer and how you came across to writing them !! I hope u know how many peoples days you make better with these stories and ur so sweet too, keep being u !! :33

some of the other artists i listen to are txt, iu, frank ocean, beabadoobee, niki, mitski, fka twigs, omar apollo, hozier, the rose, wave to earth :D and i became an army during mots7! and i assume you meant writing community? :O but since i was like 9 i’ve been writing short stories and mainly poetry as a hobby and hid them all in the drafts. i never rlly published anything until i started this blog !

OMGSJDHDKDKF you’ve been here since gold rush!? this is so insane to me bcs i was pretty much mia in 2021 plus i was in my experimenting phase :| thank you so much for being here all these time !! 😭😭😭💗 i’m so happy we were able to connect through music <3 my favorite form of art <3

and i reallyyyy wish i can do a long fic but i have such a horrible attention span and committment issues lmao 😭 once i get annoyed or bored i immediately detach myself from something it’s a big problem </3 but thank you for your interest i can’t believe you would want to read an entire novel from me 🥹🥹🥹

I am in LOVE with ur writing style you are able to capture the smallest details without dragging a story or make it boring you truly can bring stuff to life !!

oh i’m gonna cry 🥲 i love you so much you have no idea how much i needed to hear this! i’m always insecure about being too much or too little with my writing so this is so comforting 🫂🫂🫂

and omg don’t be sorry i love this energy 🥹 !! i sometimes receive asks from ppl that seem to forget that there’s a real person running this account and that makes me feel dispirited so you’re such a breath of fresh air <3 thank you beloved for being so sweet and kind and reading my works it means the world to me 🤍🤍🤍

#art’s mailbox

[hellothere-generalangsty]

Fives - Anchor

Pairing: Fives x reader

Word Count: 1450 words

CW/ TW: Angst; mourning/loss, death, letter, anniversary, pain, brooding, it’s very heavy and sensitive so please proceed with caution and let me know if I didn’t TW something you deemed necessary; also a bit more hopeful/ light toward the end because my heart couldn’t handle that much sadness tonight

Tags: @chaoticvampirejedi @loth-wolffe @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s @tacticalsparkles @imalovernotahater @canwestayinthisdream @wakeupjackthisisntfair @namesmox @badbatch-simp24 @lightning-wolffe @maddieskywalker @for-the-love-of-clones @m-e-w-117 @99squad

@ladykatakuri @firelordillyria @andiebell2023

Notes: I guess I missed him a lot tonight… Sorry for the pain

Some elements included in this fic are inspired from chats I had with @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s ; thank you little moon for being an inspiration to me 🌙

Iridescent - Linkin Park

.

0000.

Happy anniversary Fives.

Though I don’t see how it could be happy, when you’re everywhere but here. I never grew used to your absence, I never could; not when you’re haunting my every move, haunting this place and this world, finding your way back to me through faint memories and thousand of faces walking up to my office every day, asking me about my day and if I feel well.

I have to look at the ghost of you, every single time, and lie.

“I’m fine. What can I do for you?”

And I hear your voice again, and again. It tells me about the pain running through your back, the nightmares hitting harder than usual, and the fear eating you alive every time you get out of your hard, cold bed.

But it’s not you. It never is. I never could be.

I stopped buying your shampoo. I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the bottle we had in the shower. It’s still there, hidden somewhere in the bathroom, waiting to be emptied and thrown away carelessly, in such a mundane way one could so easily forget about it. But I can’t throw it away; it’s not mundane anymore.

I hid the jewels too, except for the bracelet. I hate to wear it, but I hate even more to put it away. I just feel…I feel naked when I don’t have it, and empty when I do. I can’t help but see you – feel you – through the shades of blue and black. What was once the purest blessing turned into the worst curse, and I can’t break it. I almost did – breaking the bracelet. I almost did.

I could if I really wanted to; but then I would lose you again, and I just…

I gave your aprons to the boys. I couldn’t stand to see them, neatly hanging in the kitchen. They were silly anyway, and I had no use for them. I’m a doctor after all, not a cook.

I published my thesis on the clones’ rights, and it is being presented to the Senate by Senator Amidala as we speak. I told her I wouldn’t be able to be there for her discourse, and she simply hugged me. I wish she hadn’t.

0527.

It’s been a year, yet it feels like yesterday. Everyone moved on; everyone but me, and I can’t help but be mad. I am mad that they forgot so easily about you, that they brushed you off as “another collateral damage”, another…clone. It’s the way they say it when they try to comfort me.

You were more than a clone. More than a soldier, and more than a man.

You were Fives.

You were my anchor, and I was your ocean.

I miss the way you said it. Coming home to me, tired, features drained and eyes darkened by the horrors of your latest campaign; but always soft and caring through the hoarseness of your voice as you whispered it against my skin. You always found a way to be there for me; for everyone, even when you were losing yourself in your own prison.

I am mad at you because of that. Because you couldn’t stand back for once, be egoistic and think of yourself instead of trying to play the hero in the dark. They killed you because you didn’t wait, not even when I asked you – begged you to. I am so angry because I called you an idiot, and all you could answer me was “I love you too, my ocean. My anchor.”

You didn’t even let me say it back.

1134.

I am mad at myself. You trusted me enough to tell me everything, and you knew I would believe you. And when you tried to do something about it, I called you an idiot. I wasn’t even there with you; I should have been there with you. I could have saved you.

Fives…

I remember the first time you came home. At the time, it was still “my place”, but the moment you stepped in it stopped being mine only. I always told you to come by if you needed; and the one time you did, we ended up laughing so hard the neighbour had to knock at the door. But it felt good. I guess that day I gave you a part of myself, and you carried it with you ever since. I suppose it died with you, too.

I know I shouldn’t be so broody; I can almost hear you, your chuckles filling the room, your hands pressing down my shoulders as you tell me “it’s a celebration, smile for me!”; and the smell of that shampoo tickling my nose as you come close to lay a kiss on my cheek…

But now the only thing I can feel are the tears, and that twisting ache in my chest, burning my skin and ripping my lungs apart. I can’t even breathe correctly anymore, I…

1745.

I’m sorry I had you waiting.

I fell asleep on the table, and woke up because of the cold. It’s always cold in here now. I borrowed one of your old sweatshirt - I hope you don’t mind. I kept them. I almost gave them to the boys, along with the aprons; but then I thought they could always come in handy.

They do. When days like today happens; days where I feel too lonely, where I miss you too much and it just feels too cold, I slip into one and hold it so close to me it almost feels like you’re here. My arms become yours, your faint perfume comes back to me fresh and soft, and I sometimes swear I can feel your warmth against my skin. I close my eyes when I do that, and it stops being a dream for a second.

For just a second, you’re back. You never truly left.

And when I open my eyes again; when I realise what it is all about, I still feel you. I see the bracelet, smell the black tissue, watch one of these B movie we used to laugh at and somehow I feel the best and worst I’ve felt in a long time.

I wish you were here. I wish I could tell you how much I missed you and how beautiful you are; if I could hold you tight, one last time... I didn’t even get to hug you one last time. I didn’t know it would be it; else I wouldn’t have let you go.

Echo is supposed to come around today. He told me he would. He didn’t forget about you either, you know. Neither did Rex, or Jesse, or Kix. Your vode didn’t forget about you. They always make sure to keep you alive, tell everyone about you and remember them of who you were.

Echo always says you’re his best friend. He never uses the past tense. I can’t blame him; I still say you’re the love of my life whenever people ask me. I guess we know deep down these things will never change. We don’t want it to change.

Wait, someone knocked.

2226.

When was the last time we laughed like that? For once, we turned the tears into something better; lighter. I’m sure you would be proud of us.

Of course, you would be proud of us.

It almost feels good to see you through Echo; to find glimpses of you in his smile, the faint spark in his eyes when he retells your best pranks, and the way he chuckles...I almost feel at home right now. With you. Not quite, but close enough.

Enough to make me smile, for the first time today.

Echo says hi. He’s watching me writing to you. He asked me to tell you that Rex lit a candle for you this morning, and the boys had a little something for you; but I can’t know what; apparently I “wouldn’t understand anyway”. So I hope – we hope – that you liked it.  We’re probably going to watch a bad movie and mock the poor acting until we fall asleep, and tomorrow we will…We’ll probably think of you again, but hopefully there won’t be as much tears as today.

I guess it’s a battle worth fighting. Not for the Republic or the Greater Good; not for the Senate or the Chancellor. Not for the Jedis or the Galaxy.

No, it’s a battle we fight for you, Fives. Let us be your anchor, for once, and rest easy now, because more than anything or anyone else out there… you deserve it.

2359.

Happy anniversary Fives.

I love you too, my Anchor.

 - Your Ocean.

#star wars #the clone wars #tcw #fives #arc trooper fives #letter #echo #arc trooper echo #fives x reader #arc trooper fives x reader #fives my beloved #Sad Hour for Fives #again i am sorry for the pain #mesa writes #tcw fic #sw fic

[ajkal2]

the essay: childhood trauma, responsibility, and tma. part 1: jon

in a tma fic i published like six months ago, i left an authors note that promised an essay on jon and tim’s trauma to anyone who asked. several people asked, and so here i am!

the fic is called a deeply annoying child. it’s about being a kid and seeing something horrible, and it’s about jon and tim’s rocky relationship. 

this post isn’t actually about the fic. it’s a breakdown of jon’s mental state through s1-3. im going to make another post about tim, and then a final one linking it all back to the fic. i’ll chuck links to those on here when they’re posted!

but first, let’s talk about my boy, JON ‘JARCHIVIST’ SIMS.  

(fair warning- this isn’t a fully backed up meta post, it’s my interpretation of canon. any thoughts/queries/additions welcome! my askbox is always open <3) 

part o: a note on guilt

hey, you know what’s fucked up? an eight-year-old kid with survivors guilt. 

as a child, jon watched someone he knew die, due to circumstances that, while they were not his fault, were set in motion by his actions. children (and often teens!) think in black-and-white. complex logic often just doesn’t occur to them.  jon, at 8, looks at what happened, and says that’s my fault. i did that. jon didn’t like his bully, and wanted him to go away, and then he did. that instinctive reaction is something i think he never grows out of. when you already hate yourself, it’s easy to pile more fuel onto that flame.  he doesn’t think about risk, not to him, because he deserves whatever happens. he let someone die. he doesn’t ever forgive himself for that.

part i: belief (precanon+s1)

now, i have a headcanon about why jon doesn’t believe statement givers, and imma lay it all out for you right here. 

when jon was 8, and freshly traumatised, i think he tried to tell someone what happened. beneath all the layers, jon is compassionate, and tries to help people. now, picture this. a kid, one with a history of troubled behaviour and an atypical home life, goes up to someone (a police officer, his carer, a teacher) and tells them a giant spider ate someone. what’s that person, someone who is a rational adult, someone who doesn’t believe in silly things, going to say back? are they going to believe that kid? 

no. no way. they’re going to tell that kid that they’re making up stories, that they had a nightmare, that they should stop making jokes about someone who actually disappeared, jon, you need to be more sensitive about these things. 

now, that kind of dissonance- ‘this did happen, it was real’ and ‘everyone i talk to is telling me it’s not real’- is hard on adults. to a kid? devastating. 

jon, because he’s jon, would have been desperately searching for a way to explain this, and i think the thing he grabs on to is evidence. if he had some evidence of what happened, if he could prove what happened, people would believe him.*

but he doesn’t have evidence. and he resents that, and he resents that so much that by the time he’s an adult he’s settled into a mindset towards the supernatural somewhat akin to ‘i didn’t get believed, but you think you should be believed? what’s so good about you? you think you’re better than me?** fuck you! i don’t believe you!’   this is also a way of keeping himself safe. if the monsters aren’t real, they can’t hurt him.

and then, through s1, that mindset is chipped at. the statement givers start being real people, who come into jon’s office and cry when he dismisses them, and that clearly makes him uncomfortable. martin gives his statement, and martin has evidence. jon knows martin, and knows that he’s a good person, so martin having evidence isn’t likely to be an attack at jon. 

jane prentiss attacks the institute, and then suddenly jon’s shield of denial and anger is ripped away, because the monsters are real, and they can hurt him. 

*would they? i don’t know. people can be very attached to believing that the world is good, and kids are misguided, and there are a hundred thousand ways to explain away a piece of evidence, as jon comes to know well. 

** this ties into jon’s self hatred, as people saying they are better than him kicks him right in the Issues. 

part ii: paranoia (s2)

after prentiss attacks, jon is left floundering. his old I Do Not See It mindset has been smashed to pieces, and underneath all the trauma he’s been brutally suppressing is bubbling up. jon has no real experience in judging threats, because for the last 20 years he’s been burying his head in the sand and yelling he can’t see any threats. so he overcompensates, and assumes everything is a threat. his experience re:not being believed tells him that everyone around him is stupid and wrong and the only person he can rely on is himself.  

so he investigates. he’s convinced that his life is in imminent danger, that everyone around him is plotting to kill him. he doesn’t hold back, because you don’t hold back in a life-or-death scenario.  he knows something is wrong. something is very wrong. he’s sure it’s a threat to him, a threat to his life. but he can’t put a finger on what it is.

this is when his friendship with tim breaks down. i’ll talk about tim in a minute. 

jon spirals, and obsesses, and wrings answers out of the ether until it all falls together. he understands what is wrong, that it’s sasha that wants him dead. or, well, not sasha. he’s been winding up tighter and tighter all series, and he lets loose by striking out, acting for once instead of reacting. it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london, after all.

and then, well, that doesn’t go well. 

 part iii: desperation (s3)

after what jon did backfired so badly, he goes to georgie, because he has no other option. and he thinks, what went wrong? and the answer he comes up with is i didn’t know enough.* that’s why it all went wrong, because he didn’t know what he was dealing with. and so the solution is to find out more.

he’s starting to realise that he’s changing.** he wants to find out more about that as well, to control it. 

so he goes and finds out more. or, tries to. he doesn’t have many leads.*** jon is not good at judging threat, and doesn’t know the danger he is putting himself in. he’s stubborn, and locked onto getting more knowledge like a dog and a bone.****

and then he does get more knowledge, but it’s the knowledge that the world is ending, and he’s the only one who can fix it.***** he can’t process his trauma. he doesn’t have time. the world is ending. 

in late s3, jon is desperate. he’s overworking himself. he feels alone: daisy’s at his throat, elias is dangling information over his head, tim... 

we’ll talk about tim later. 

basira doesn’t trust him, georgie isn’t happy with him, melanie’s never liked him. he gets kidnapped for a month, and no one notices. the only person jon has firmly in his corner is martin.****** and he doesn’t have time to talk to martin, because he’s getting kidnapped, and jetting across the world chasing shadows, and desperately, desperately trying not to fuck everything up again. 

and he doesn’t! they build a plan. it’s dangerous, sure, but jon doesn’t even know what that means anymore. his whole life is dangerous. jon going into the unknowing is cautiously, waveringly hopeful. maybe this time it won’t go wrong. this time they know what to do, they know what they’re dealing with. 

and, the tragedy is, it doesn’t go wrong. they save the world. they send elias to prison. it all goes to plan. and tim is dead, and daisy is buried, and jon is lost in dreams. 

*👁️ **👁️ ***👁️ ****👁️  ***** he’s not the only one, of course, there are a whole team of people working on stopping the Unknowing, but jon is the Archivist. he’s the heir to gertrude’s legacy. 

****** this is where they fall in love, after all. which is a good thing, of course, but it adds an extra weight to every interaction they have, guessing and double-guessing how the other feels, until jon actually can’t talk to martin, not how he wants to, because he’s not sure if they’re there yet. (martin is there. jon doesn’t have time to be.) 

see yall next time 

i would like to cover s4 and s5, but this post is 1.5k already, and i’ve covered up to when the fic takes place! next time i will be ranting incoherently about timothy stoker, punctuated by bursts on uncontrollable sobbing. when that’s up, i’ll chuck a link here, and on the author notes of the fic i’m doing this for. see you then!

#tma #tma meta #jonathan sims #jon sims meta #character analysis #a deeply annoying child #the essay tag #god this is a mess but w/e posting it anyway

[gumnut-logic]

I Just Can’t

@janetm74​ requested a little Scott/Em from this prompt list.

So after a very long time away, I returned to the Gentle Rain universe for a little visit. It didn’t go where I expected.

The prompt was:

84) “I’m just trying to keep you from dying! Don’t you see that? I care about you and you are the last person I ever want to see dead out there, so just fucking listen to me for once!”

So, yeah, one word of language warning.

Timeline: Fair way after most published events and I’m not even sure it is in the timeline to be honest. I just threw them together.

Emaline Harris was first introduced in Gentle Rain and she became a series :D She is an original character (my first, actually). The universe is also part of the Virgil/Kayo universe Warm Rain, but that is barely background in this fic.

Both series can be read in order on my website.

So many hugs for @janetm74​​ This is for you. Thank you for the inspiration.

I hope you enjoy

-o-o-o-

“I’m just trying to keep you from dying! Don’t you see that? I care about you and you are the last person I ever want to see dead out there, so just fucking listen to me for once!”

Scott blinked at the fire in her words. He would have taken a step back, but he was held by his seat in One, its safety harness and back preventing him from moving an inch away from the fury of his wife.

Em hovered in front of him, the white of her medical baldric glaring at him. It had stains. Some identifiable, some not so much. But all of which he wished he could have protected her from.

But he couldn’t.

Because she was who she was and there was no way he could hold her back from helping people any more than he could himself. If there was one thing they both shared, it was that.

Her determination was what made her so beautiful.

“Emaline-“

“No!” She held up a hand. “You don’t get to speak after a stupid stunt like that. All you had to do was wait for Virgil.”

“There wasn’t time!”

“Another thirty seconds, Scott! If Virgil hadn’t caught you, YOU WOULD BE DEAD!” Her pale blue eyes electrified with a mixture of fury and fear. “I almost lost you! For no reason!”

“A life was saved!”

“Virgil nearly missed the both of you! He has enough bruising from his leap off that cliff after you to inspire his next painting. Kay is going to kick your ass, flyboy.”

Scott swallowed. Kayo he could handle, but he hadn’t realised Virgil had been hurt. “Is Virgil okay?”

Em sighed and looked down a moment before looking him in the eye. “No. No, he is not. You owe him an apology.”

As if he was aware of his name being mentioned, Virgil’s calm voice issued over comes. “Thunderbird Two departing danger zone. Transporting injured to Capetown Medical and returning to base.”

The line cut out before Scott could reply. The lack of personal address or even his callsign was enough to illustrate exactly how much shit he was in with his brother.

“Scott, please.” And suddenly the anger in her voice was gone. “Why? Why is your life not worth as much to you as it is to me?”

She wasn’t crying, but there was so much grief in her voice, he had to reach out and pull her to him.

There was resistance at first. She was as stubborn as she was determined to the point of the words being synonyms.  But then, as light as she always was, he drew her into his arms, hoverscoot rising at an angle and their baldrics clattering as they met. Her head landed on his shoulder and he held her there, stroking the nape of her neck where her hair bun left it bare.

“I’m sorry.” It was an exhalation.

“Please don’t do that again.” It was muffled into his uniform.

“Em, you know I can’t guar-“

It was exactly the wrong thing to say. She flung herself backwards, pulling away. Practised reflexes let her go out of respect, but he grabbed at her again. No!

She didn’t let him reach her, her hoverjets humming almost as angrily as her expression.

“No, Scott Tracy, you can guarantee. You can tell me that you will wait. You can tell me that you will consider. You will tell me that you trust your brothers’ knowledge and experience. And you can tell me that I am important enough in your life for you to not give up that life in a situation that can be easily avoided.” She drew in a breath. “If you can’t value your own life enough yourself, then value it for me.” A breath. “I love you, Scott…please.”

Every rule, every philosophy, every self determination screamed at him to deny her. The thought of putting his life above others was anathema. But his strategic mind flipped the equation without permission and he saw his actions from her point of view.

His brain listed off his abilities, how he should have been able to handle the situation safely.

And how it had all gone so far south so quickly, and how only the quick actions of his engineer brother had prevented a very long plummet down a very high cliff.

His first thought had been gratitude and admiration for his brother’s skill and the fact the rescue was a successful one.

He didn’t register Virgil’s grunts as anything other than simple exertion. Now looking back, now he didn’t have his arms full of terrified rescuee, he could take a moment to examine exactly what had happened.

Virgil hadn’t said a thing.

He had rappelled them back up the cliff. It had been all business and as the adrenalin had waned, Scott had just felt tired. Em took the rescuee into Two and after a silent scan with Virgil’s mediscanner, Scott had returned to One.

It was just another rescue almost gone wrong.

Virgil had just saved the day…again.

What if he had waited? Would the man have fallen?

His heart feared what would have happened if he did. That was why he had jumped himself despite the fragility of the rockface.

He looked up at his beautiful wife. “I don’t know if I can stand by and risk a death I can prevent.”

Her lips thinned, but her eyes were sad. “Neither can I.” She drew in a breath. “Commander Scott Tracy, as Lead Medical Officer of International Rescue, I’m citing you for reckless self-endangerment and recommending psychological review.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“I can’t lose you, Scott.” Little more than breath. “Not like this.

“I just can’t.”

-o-o-o-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #Scott Tracy #em harris #Gentle Rain

[specialagentrin]

a forever continuous list why WE love dean

aka : my sunflower and one of my main reasons for bothering to exist

[So, Dean, guess who was able to snatch almost everyone in your discord server and tumblr friend list? It just, it hurt’s me whenever you think low of yourself, and then this idea just, popped up in my head. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @3dg310rdsupreme and @dying-by-fangirling helped - along w/ your discord server. Love you. Anyone can gladly add on, anytime.]

Reasons: 

You're the definition of perfection.

Because you somehow manage to find time for everyone.

You always listen when we need to vent or talk about problems.

You always manage to make us feel loved and cared about.

You always make sure we are okay.

You brought us all together. I wouldn't know any of these people if you hadn't introduced them to me.

You bright up the entire internet with one message.

You always make sure we are looking after ourselves.

You make us all feel beautiful whenever we share selfies or talk to you.

If ever we go missing randomly, you make sure we are okay.

You always pay attention when someone is excited about something.

You make me feel loved and like someone cares about what happens to me.

You are so brave and dedicated and have already managed so much more than I ever could.

You are so talented.

You somehow manage to make every single one of us feel loved, without even seeming to notice how amazing you are.

You are so patient when people don't understand something, and always make sure they are happy.

You have a skill of making anyone who speaks to you want to be your friend.

You are always so supportive. If any of us share anything, you are there telling us how amazing it is.

You've taught me so much.

I haven't even known you a year and I would both die and kill for you, you're just that amazing.

You deserve the world and you don't even realise it.

I didn't know you were going to end up my friend when I first commented on your fic, but I am so glad a million times over that I did, because you have literally changed my life for the better.

You always have a nice thing to say to anyone who needs it.

You love with all your heart, and you love everyone!

You are just the purest boi!!!!!!!!

Honestly I want to hug you so much…….. unfortunately I can't. But just know I WANT TO.

You think so lowly of yourself and yet think so highly of all the rest of us! Even though you are the most amazing!!!

We can all just talk to you about anything - including nonsense - and you just join in instead of saying how crazy it sounds.

You’re strong and resilient, you’ve been through things I can’t even imagine and you still have the biggest heart 

Wonderful singer and beautiful voice

You are funny and adorable and it makes me smile just when you talk.

You’re incredibly creative and an amazing writer! 

You’re smart and knowledgeable about a variety of topics, AND you’re patient and understanding when you explain them to us. 

Talking to you lights up my entire day and I can’t imagine a day without talking to you now

All you have to do is say hi and instantly I perk up and am happy to see you.

You are one of the most loving and caring people that I know.  You literally worry about everyone and always want the best for us. 

You are a beautiful person, I feel loved and cared for with you and you make us all feel the same way! 

You say it’s annoying but you think of us throughout the day and tell us.  What it really does is make us all feel special to know we are that important to you.

You sometimes look like a miniature adorable version of jack kline.

You’ll stand up for what you believe in 

You won’t hesitate to stand up for others 

Your smile is so bright.

Have I mentioned your writing? It’s literally better than half of those crappy adults out there! And it evokes so much emotion in me. 

Whenever your happy, I become so fucking happy in return 

Honestly you could light up a whole city 

Your smile makes the lights of Albuquerque seem dim. Your heart makes the Eiffel Tower seem tiny. 

You were the first to understand my complete crack ships (Percy Jackson/Peter Parker, anyone?) and not laugh. 

You loved me. And that’s all I could ever ask for. Your unconditional love and support. (Am I crying while writing this? Psh, no, I’m just allergic to feelings…)

You wouldn’t hesitate to put others instead of yourself first 

When someone is hurting, you wouldn’t stop until they feel better. 

You are an amazing writer and I still plan on reading all of the books you end up publishing

You care for everyone. I mean everyone. You sap :)

Your voice is stunning 

The fact that whenever your happy, you show off your body proudly - that just makes me so happy

Whenever I’m having a horrible day, you fill my life up with endless light. You make me want to be a better person. And I love you. 

I love it when we bounce ideas off each other, and then we both start running with it

You were so patient when I told you that I was coming back, but didn’t

You were one of the reasons that I did come back and start speaking again

You’re one of the best writers that I’ve ever seen 

Being your friend is one of the best things in my life

Whenever I see you typing, I get this big grin on my face

You are always patient with me

Your voice. Your voice. Need I say more?

You’re a star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You say the most beautiful and heartwarming things that I’ve ever heard

Nothing ever makes me happier than listening to your ideas

You’re so creative and lovable, I want to hug you so bad!!!!!!!!

I love you

You make everything feel better, even when something really hurts

Beautiful, amazing, show-stopping

Nothing ever really feels bad when you’re around

I never laughed harder when we were messaging

When we first started messaging each other, and you just pulled up with this sunny personality and I honestly thought He’s going to be my best friend

You’re literally sunshine

You’ve given me the best memories that I’ve ever seen

You’re a dork, and I love you all the more for it :)

Everything that you’ve been through just made you a kinder, sweeter, and nicer person

Nothing’s better than just sitting down and actually talking with you

You’re beautiful

I’m always smiling when I think about you

You’re the best person

You always try to tell the truth, in the nicest way, which is awesome

You’re awesome

You always tagged me for stories that you’d written, despite the fact that I didn’t do anything except give you an idea

You’re always willing to help every single one of your friends

You have, honestly, been one of the best people I’ve ever talked to

We all love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💓💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝🤍🤎🧡🎔♥♡❣❤

The world wouldn’t be the same without you

you’ve got the biggest heart

You taught me how to use discord and were my first ever rp and are always so patient and kind about everything.

You leave the most heartwarming comments, and that really lights up my day!

Your writing. Oh Gosh, your writing, Bean!! Somehow you write the exact things we're all feeling -- but then you put it into words and do it amazingly!!

When you're around, I never feel lonely. That's literally the warmest vibe a person could have, and you exude them endlessly!

You make it easier for your friends to love themselves <3

You have a really wonderful blog!! 

You always have the sweetest things to add to your friends' posts, cause you're frigging amazeballs like that. 

I get so happy whenever I see that I’ve gotten a message from you. 

The memories I’m making and the memories that we’ll make in the future, I’ll treasure for the rest of eternity. 

Words haven’t even been invented yet to tell you how much everyone here loves you.

I just, you always manage to make me cry because you're always telling me that you love me??? And it’s like, thank you for telling me to exist???  

What would we do without you here?

YOUR DORKY SMILE W/ BRACES IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND YOU CAN’T SAY OTHERWISE

You're beautiful.

You’re the best internet friend I’ve ever had��you’re always there, whether it’s to chat about fandom stuff, or to cheer me on, or to just be there through hard times. Thank you for being the best friend I could ask for. ❤️

I adore your writing—you paint such beautiful pictures with your words. I love the way you sing—your voice is breathtaking. You’re so talented, and you’re going to go so far with those talents! 

You’re such a considerate friend, and you don’t give up on people no matter what.

You are resilient, no matter what, you subsist

Dean, you go above and beyond for your friends, and it’s truly amazing.

You're always so welcoming to new people! I've always been super shy but you made me feel welcome straight away. You're a wonderful person to talk to and you're always willing to help your friends. I look up to you!

Dean, you are one of the most important things in my life and one of the best things to happen to it,i can’t imagine a world without the light you shine into it.

You’re awesome and I’m happy for you with T and all the amazing things to become the guy you want to be!

My heart, for irene’s sake - do you know how happy you manage to make me? How I literally freak out when I see your name typing? How euphoric i get when you call me bug or love? You just - I’m so happy to have you.

You make me actually feel unique and cared about, talking about me to others which is not something I'm used to. Even though I don't rp with you, you're still my precious Dean-o and I love you with all my butt, cause it's bigger than my actual heart. <3

Your awesome also your a fantastic bootylicious piece of ass -winks- nice personality to UwU 

UwU Love ya Dean I appreciate you so fucking much you have no idea. Like do you have any idea how many people can put up with my bullshit and personality? Not many and you're awesome anyway possible. If we ever meet in real life I'm gonna take a picture of us together and say I took a picture with an angel. (btw its Lucas love ya very much Dean)

DO YOU WANNA HAVE A BROMANCE? I've got some broses and some daffodudes with your name on it! UwU Also 0w< Luv ya your awesome ill give ya cuddles if we ever see each other in real life! I'll even throw in one of my very special no bugging a person or trying to piss em off rule for ya. Only two have ever been made and you'll be the third! OwO 

UwU Also thank you for being there for me! I enjoy talking to you even though I'm barely on it's a nice thing! To know I have great friends who dont judge me and you're one of the many who are nice to me! OwO So i want to say thank you and that i appreciate you very much no matter what you do! Also if you ever need to talk my doors always open or well chats always open for you no matter the hours! But if I'm asleep I’ll have to respond later cause I'm a deep sleeper! TwT

#hey we just love the kid okay? #postivitiy

[helenarasmussen87]

Writing Asks

This the post where I know no one is going to ask me anyway.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Something that is like a “Oh hey, what happens if we do THIS!” and go from there. Usually ends up having loads of emotions, comfort, angst, introspection, loads of kitchen sink dialogues, not too much action. Families, happy endings.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Fluffy stuff and humourous stuff. I am a little too serious for either one and my humour is drier than the desert and very odd. So no.

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Teacher and Student relationships. Necrophilia, abuse of all sorts, underage. Just not my thing. I’ve gotten unable to stomach a lot of grimdark and super dark stuff as I get older so I won’t write it. But go ahead if that’s your thing.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Two, since I can’t have more than two on the burner. Learned THAT early on and they’re Terror AU’s One is a fixit, but with health complications and angst. The other is a Modern Day AU which has two professors falling in love after one gets injured and the other worked as an EMT and helps to take care of him and they fall in love.

5. Share one of your strengths.

I can offer insights on what flows and what doesn’t. I can also happily shred my own drafts if they don’t work. 

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Action. I work at it, but it’s not my favourite. Or war writing. 

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Danny had to turn his head away to hide his smile, because he knew that it was a legitimate concern for Jose. Most of the time, he had jumped into bed with his partners first and then did the mating dance. 

Although extremely smart in other aspects, dating and social interactions were always a bit skewed, because he was always second-guessing himself and nervous as hell.

“That’s actually how things work out in these situations. At least it did for me and my ex and for me and Claude.” Danny explained calmly, making Jose nod and take another pull of his slurpee.

“So what do I do? Like is there a time when I bring up the possibility of us sleeping together?” Jose asked, the words slightly mumbled as he chewed on the straw.

“You don’t bring it up. You’ll just know when the time is right for it to happen. Sex isn’t what a relationship should be built on. Yes, it’s nice and it’s part of it, but it’s not the end all to be all. Trust me on this. It will happen if it’s meant to happen.” Danny explained, hoping that he had put it all in the plainest and simplest terms he could for his friend.

I am proud of this because it was majorly borrowing from life and I can see the difference from earlier writing. 

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Sergio laughed shortly. “I’ve already done enough of that, and look at where it’s gotten you. Yeah, legally I hold claim over you. I could make the club buy out your contract and sit at home all day, having litter after litter.”

Iker’s blood froze at that and he turned to look at Sergio to see if he really meant it, but Sergio’s face gave nothing away.

“Or I could sign your rights to the club and let them sell you wherever or to whomever. Take you out of Spain, or sell you to Getafe or Malaga. All of these things I could do. The club actually did bring it up at that meeting you didn’t show up for.”

Iker blinked, his hands going numb as Sergio’s wickedly honed words hit home.

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you. Or make you feel indebted. I’m telling this to you because you’re this close to losing your spot and that’s the last thing I want for you. But there’s only so much I can do for you.”

He sighed and looked at Iker dead in the eyes.

“I miss him too, Iker. I miss Antonio every fucking day. And I miss you.”

Iker swallowed hard as Sergio abruptly turned and left, slamming the front door and freeing him from the command so suddenly that Iker fell onto the couch and curled up in it.

He had no energy to do anything else. Not when he was all too aware he’d fucked up and fucked up big and needed to fix it.

Borrowed from life again and it was more of a dialogue that needed to be had when you finally realize how much you fucked up and how much you need to stop coasting and make it right. 

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

ALL OF THEM! Kidding. I want to say the one I’m working on right now. I was lucky enough I got a ton of help fleshing it out. I can see the end of the 1st chapter and I am having a hell of a time writing Goodsir’s chunk. He’s turned out more emo and romantic than I was expecting. 

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

The QuiObi prompts for the prompt week. Took me like two hours to knock them off and post. 

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

Its a passion and a hobby. It helped me through a lot of rough patches and keeps me sane. 

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

Mostly music or a change in life. I tend to write when everything is in flux with me.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Just write. Worry about editing later. Once you have something on the paper, fixing it up becomes easier. 

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Edit as you write. You don’t get anything done.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Oooh. I think it’s a toss up between my Qui-Gon/Jango fic in a pastoral setting where they have put their pasts behind and are farmers on Concord Dawn. Or the Werewolf fic I wrote during my RPF phase.

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Bloody hard. I would have to say Fitzier (Commander Fitzjames/Captain Crozier)

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Depends. Sometimes I go straight from beginning to end and sometimes I end up writing the middle and not figuring it out until later.

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

Outlines. I have notebooks I jot down point form notes about the characters and the plot.

18. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

Mine is a librarian or an alchemist trying to figure out answers and how things fit in.

19. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

A good playlist. Alone, in my room.

20. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I revise it along the way when I sit down to write. Then before I post, I give it a once over to make sure it flows and makes sense. 

21. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

All my old fics are honestly gone so I’m skipping this one. 

22. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

Honestly? The Duo and Heero one I wrote about them being in an abusive relationship where they split up, then got back together again. I was again writing from life, and I have seen couples who did overcome it, but looking back, I think I should have written it that they separated and went their own ways. 

Keep in mind I was very young when I wrote this, and I was in an abusive relationship myself and didn’t realise it at the time. He hit me once, apologised and never did it again. But he did end up manipulating me, gaslighting me, and emotionally abusing me until I finally had enough and left. 

23. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

Yes. Loads of them due to me not wanting to finish them. Or the hosting sites going under. 

24. What do you look for in a beta?

Someone who is honest, someone who knows the way I write, and has suggestions to fix those said things. But someone who is themselves is the best. Because they know what they want. Same here. 

25. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I do, simply due to lack of steady betas. Flow and story telling, but I also look for syntax and formatting as well as grammar. I will miss typos, so I run spell-check too. I mostly use a mental rubric. Teacher training.

26. How do you feel about collaborations?

I haven’t had a successful one due to the second person always deciding that they can’t follow through or up and disappearing. So I don’t do them.

27. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oh my God! I read so much and so many different people that I can’t pinpoint three. I usually end up reading a fic or two, so I can’t say why I read the author.

28. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I haven’t done that. I do admit to having inspired by fics. I wouldn’t ever presume to do that. It just feels like a snub.

29. Do you accept prompts?

Not really. I can’t tailor write stuff consistently. 

30. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

Oh always! I end up liking the characters that somehow never make it until the end. And in the Terror, unless you want to write angst all the time, you HAVE to ignore canon. And I mean BOTH the book and the show, since the book is nasty. The show is amazing, but oh my god is it depressing.

31. How do you feel about smut?

Yes damned please!

32. How do you feel about crack?

Depends on how well it’s done. Sometimes it is needed. Sometimes it’s like “Why?”

33. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

A bit tricky. I don’t mind non-con, but it has to be handled well. Dub-con, especially in A/B/O happens within context and it is usually dealt with. So I can tolerate that more than the first. Outright abuse, no.

34. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

Yes. Not often thought. But yes. I usually try and keep as many alive as I can though.

35. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

AO3, its a wild place and I love it for that reason.

36. Talk about your current wips.

It’s an AU where two professors that live in the same building and work in different faculties get thrown together and start to get to know each other. Due to circumstance, one gets injured and the other kind of volunteers to help take care of him, where they fall in love. The others in the vicinity do also. There’s Canadian shenanigans and baking. 

37. Talk about a review that made your day.

That they really liked how I wrote Frank Randall and would like to see more with his son, an OC I created for the story.

38. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I either delete, or give a generic reply and leave it. I’ve got stuff to do.

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Nope. It just doesn’t work for me.

*somewhere I fucked up on the number but here you are*

Whoever wants to do this.

#about the author #asks #memes

[tsarisfanfiction]

Please can I ask E, L, O and Z from the writer asks list.

Of course you can!  I’m always up for answering things :D

E. Have you ever written a crossover?

Yup!  I’ve written a handful of them actually, from my first and only bashing fic Vampire vs Shinobi (Twilight and Naruto - I have always hated Twilight) which ngl is only still up on my accounts because it’s something I’ve written and if I prune fics to only be the ones I’m currently proud of... many fics would not stay up very long.  My second-biggest fic, both in terms of wordcount and popularity, it also a crossover.  The Combat School was my twist on the super common 2012 trope “the exorcists from the manga D.Gray-Man take part in the Triwizard Tournament”, and was my first 100k word fic and I think still ranks highly if you look at Harry Potter/DGM crossovers on FFN by reviews/favourites/followers.  I think at one point it was as high as 4th but I doubt it’s that high any more.  Slightly sneaky is my TAG/Fight Rising crossover Stolen Shadows, because strictly speaking you could just call it a dragon!AU for TAG, but they’re based on the fandragons I’ve got for the Tracy boys+Thunderbirds on the site and FR does have its own category on AO3 and FFN.

I think those are my only published ones, but I do enjoy prodding at ‘what if these two ‘verses collided’ in my head so there are a few others floating around that’ll probably never be actually written, but they’re fun to play with.

L. What is your favourite fic idea that you don’t think you’ll ever write?

Oh boy, this one’s tough.  I usually try to write everything I think is worth anything, but some of them are just huge, so whether or not they’ll happen is another matter entirely.  Because I’m really bored I’ll talk about all the current ‘huge and too ambitious to probably ever finish’ ideas.  If they do end up one day happening, ah well, you heard them here first :P

Love Makes Fools (One Piece) - A retelling of the Wano Arc (most likely to be scrapped because the daydreaming I call planning happened long before the arc started so none of it is anything like how Oda’s actually shown) that’s actually a shipping fic, unusually for me.  Shachi saves Kid’s life and Kid falls in love with him, leaving Shachi to handle the Kid Pirates while the StrawHeart alliance are off doing their usual crazy shenanigans and winding Kaido up.

Fight Against the Tide (Boku no Hero Academia) - A retelling of the entire manga except it’s not Izuku that’s Quirkless, but Bakugo, and unlike Izuku, Bakugo is determined to make it on his own and turns down the offer of One for All (but still manipulates All Might into training him).  Lots of Bakugo and Mei chaos as she gives him the support gear he needs to keep up without a Quirk.

If They Never Were (One Piece) - A retelling of the entirety of One Piece (ahahah) except if Luffy never met Shanks and therefore a) never wanted to be a pirate and b) never ate the Gomu Gomu no Mi.  Follows Luffy’s adventures in the Marines, and explores what would have happened to the rest of the Straw Hats if they never met Luffy - or at least, never met pirate!Luffy.  I actually have a cast of OCs ready to go for this but this project is so ludicrously big I doubt it’ll ever be finished.

TAGxPJO thing - The Greek Gods foresaw the creation of IR and agreed with it, but there was one problem: the Tracy family are all suited to the sky, but most of the Earth is covered in water.  Cue Gordon Tracy, son of Lucille Tracy and... Poseidon!  The Tracys all know about demigods and gods and stuff but still consider Gordon their full brother, and to keep the monsters away from the powerful young demigod they ended up on the island where Poseidon could protect them (and a promise from Zeus that he won’t blast Thunderbirds out of the sky for having a son of Poseidon in them).  Chiron’s going crazy knowing there’s a demigod out there somewhere that he can’t find and train.

TAGxDCMK thing - Okay, so this one is probably my absolute favourite.  Scott sees something on a rescue that the Black Org didn’t want him to, so he got APTX’d, and TB1 got stolen.  Conan and Haibara take him in and hide him from the world (including his own family) and he joins the fight to take down the BO.  Meanwhile, the Tracys are going crazy looking for Scott.  In this AU no-one knows who IR really are, so Conan and co. don’t know Scott’s real name.  However, the Tracys are still a rich family so they’ve rubbed shoulders with the Kudos before and Scott’s met Shinichi as a kid and realises who he is.  At some point they end up going to Tracy Island?  idk, not sure where it would go after that.  And KID is involved because you can’t not involve KID.

O. Is there any fandom you’ve been into that you haven’t written fic for? Why not?

Many, usually because I’m just not inspired enough to actually write anything for them.  If they’ve got a really complex canon, or something I just can’t get my head into, I tend to not write, either.  Same with if there’s a character I can connect to enough.  Examples include Homestuck, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures (although I do have a vague wip for a Steel Ball Run fic, actually) and Miraculous Ladybug, but I’m sure there’s more if I think harder.

Z. Post an excerpt from either your first fic or your most recent one.

Oh hell, why don’t we do both so I can cringe and cry and what I used to be like vs what I’m like now.  Going with posted only (wips are a whole other kettle of fish).

First ever posted fic, from September 2009: Unwanted (Naruto).  The opening:

There was not a sound to be heard. For once, there was no breeze caressing the emerald leaves in the forest surrounding Konoha. Not a single bird sang; nothing stirred. The bright blue sky didn't contain one cloud - the sunshine was unbroken.

A raven haired teenager stood in the heart of the wood, gazing emotionlessly at the Village Hidden in the Leaves with cold, black eyes.

"It's changed," he murmured quietly. There was a rustle behind him and his three companions appeared.

"So there's your hometown, Sasuke," the silver haired shinobi said, violet eyes inspecting the village. "It's pretty busy." He was right - they could just about make out the general hubbub of village life. The dark haired adolescent said nothing.

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?" the only kunoichi in the team asked, putting one hand on Sasuke's chest where his shirt was open, and the other embracing him. He shrugged her off coldly.

"Quit flirting with Sasuke you cow, Karin," the silver haired ninja told the red head.

"I'm not a cow, Suigetsu you...you..." she spluttered, unable to think of a bad enough insult.

"Shut up you two," the final member of the team said quietly, his fiery eyes glinting in the sunlight. Karin and Suigetsu quickly stopped bickering. With much trepidation, Sasuke started to walk towards the gate. He hadn't eaten for days - starving himself, pushing himself further. His vision blurred slightly, but he carried on walking. It wasn't long, however, before everything went black and he fainted.

Most recent fic, from July 2020: Grounded (Thunderbirds).  The ending:

"Scott?" Virgil sounded worried, and he opened his eyes – when he had closed them? – to look up at his worried brother. Alan and Gordon hovered nearby, and he looked at them all in turn, even John's silent hologram – his ginger brother hadn't been there when the test had started, hadn't been expected after he pointed out their holotech's range didn't reach that far. "Are you okay?"

Was he okay? He had a broken rib, was recovering from a near-fatal spider bite and its side effects of dehydration, bradycardia and hypotension, and the man who had almost killed his brothers multiple times was standing the other end of the same balcony.

But they were one step, one significant step closer to Dad.

"Yeah," he said, staring out past them, at the platform cradling the most important engine International Rescue had ever created. For the first time since that horrid trash mine day five weeks earlier, he could honestly say, "I'm okay."

I’ll leave you guys to be the judge on whether or not I’ve improved at all.  I’d like to think I have.

#ask #hedwigstalons #not fic #unwanted #grounded

[captain-aralias]

Fanfic year in review - 2019

yeah - i’m going to answer all these questions too. just watch me. 

List of Completed Fics this year:

Keep Calm (Carry On, S/B and ensemble, Teen, 69k)

Sex and Blood (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 16k)

The Sound of Silence (Carry On, S/B, Teen, 10k)

Coming Up For Air (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 4k)

Hang the Moon (Carry On, S/B and ensemble, Teen, 30k)

The sky isn’t black anymore (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 9k)

This is fine (B7, B/A and ensemble, Teen, 4k)

Total: 7 fics, 142k words - making it one of my most prolific years ever in terms of word count! (even though i wrote about 30k of ‘keep calm’ last year, which would take the total down to a more reasonable level). 

i answer some questions about them below the cut... 

Best/worst title?

Keep Calm is the best title, for sure, as it’s a role reversal of ‘Carry On’. The only bad thing about this title is that i love role reversal fics and i can never use it again. also... i guess as i got to the end i started to think... ‘Should i bring out this theme of calmness...? is this even a theme????’ It was a bit distracting, essentially. 

worst title is ‘Sex and Blood’, which does what it says on the tin - can’t deny it. it’s supposed to be about how vampirism links the two things for baz, right? .... but i don’t like it. also - when people comment on it (thank you! please do comment on it! please keep reading it!) this stupid title that i wrote appears on my lock screen of my phone, which i just leave lying around at work. 

but i know - i did it to myself. i should have thought of a better title. 

Best/worst summary?

i don’t know if i already pointed this out on tumblr, but i noticed recently that all my ‘carry on’ fic summaries have a [Clause A - bad or good situation] but/or some other conjunction [Clause B - something happens that causes a fic to exist!] structure, except for ‘The Sound of Silence’. 

Even having realised that, I’ve still written a summary with the same turn for my as yet unnamed bodyswap fic... 

I think the best summary is probably ‘Keep Calm’. 

Worst summary - Coming Up for Air, but I was trying not to give spoilers for Wayward Son. and it’s a PWP.

Best/worst first line?

generally i love my first lines, and hate my last lines. 

i would say all of my 2019 first lines are indeed pretty good. ‘The sky isn’t black anymore’ is straight into being X-rated so i’m not going to quote it here in case that’s not your jam, but i like it a lot. 

i also like: There’s something wrong with Baz. (Sex and Blood). Obvious - but, it works.

i don’t not like any of them, even the really long rambling first line of ‘This is FIne’.

i will call out the first line of ‘Keep Calm’ though, because i spent ages trying to work out how to punctuate it, and i still don’t know what i should have done. it currently reads: The Mage is waiting for me, outside the door to Mummer’s House.

depending on when you read it, though (and i’m sure you didn’t notice) it may have had no comma (The Mage is waiting for me outside the door to Mummer’s House.) or it might have been a dash where the comma was, or even - gasp - a full stop (because rainbow likes to break sentences into fragments so that’s ok).

 i kept changing it. this may seem like a complete waste of time (and i think the right-right answer is that there shouldn’t be a break at all - no comma is correct), but i wanted the first sentence to FEEL like ‘the mage is waiting for me’ - the place is merely corroborative detail. the point is the mage is there, about to take simon away and change the plot. hence ... the punctuation.

Best/worst last line?

as i said - very few of my last lines are what i wanted. i have not mastered them at all. too often it’s just ‘this is where i ran out of story’. the worst is the ending to the ‘Sound of Silence’ where i literally resorted to ‘Carry On’ cliche to get out of it: And he kisses me.

it’s fine, it works - but i could have done better.

the actual ending line of ‘Hang the Moon’ is pretty good i think, but the pacing of that ending is all wrong. i’m much happier now i wrote a whole extra fic so the weight of everything ending isn’t on those final hundred words. 

the BEST last line i wrote... the one that actually really works (for me) is ‘Coming Up For Air’. And I feel like I can breathe again. 

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

apparently i wrote a lot - which i probably wouldn’t have predicted last year, although by this time last year i’d written ‘the mage’s heir’ and the first half of ‘keep calm’, which did provide much of the wordcount for this year. so - i guess if i’d thought about it, it would have seemed plausible. 

first person helps me write long. and in b7 i learned to write long. 

i guess i’m surprised because it felt like i wasn’t writing that much in comparison to some people in the fandom (and i probably still didn’t in comparison!) and i wrote several long things rather than many short things, so the list is still pretty short despite being MANY words.... 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

strange though it may be to say - i probably wouldn’t have predicted i’d write blake’s 7 this year. ‘never go back’ - that’s my motto. or rather ‘i can’t go back, my brain doesn’t work that way’. but good to have done it. 

What's your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

hard to say. it’s a draw between ‘keep calm’, which i love because it did everything i wanted it to. and ‘hang the moon’, which is a collection of all my favourite tropes loosely disguised as a fic. 

they’re also the two longest - and i tend to like the long ones better for reasons i have gone into before.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

it’s pretty much a tie between ‘keep calm’ and ‘sex and blood’ - and since ‘keep calm’ was many chapters long, is earlier, and much more heavily promoted by self and the big bang, i’m pretty sure that means ‘sex and blood’ is more popular over all. 

thank you fandom, for loving vampire porn as much as i do.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

we all know (well, those of us who know what it is) that b7 is a tiny fandom, so with that in mind, i think ‘This is Fine’ is well appreciated! <3

the story that is (to me) surprisingly about half as popular as most things that i’ve written for ‘carry on’ is ‘Coming up for air’, which i have now re-linked for you in case you never read it.

it disproves the rule that shorter porny things will be more read (although obviously the vampire porn suggests the opposite). idk, i thought it would catch those who were in the post-wayward son crash, like i was. 

the other thing to say here is that it was still extremely appreciated - i mean, it’s got about 50 times as many kudos as any of my b7 things, and overall i would say it is a thing that is well received. i know i’m fortunate to be friends with people who re-blog my stuff and people who comment, and i (in turn) really appreciate THAT. 

so - it’s not a whine. just an observation

Story that could have been better?

i think i would have written ‘This is fine’ better if i’d written it five years ago. i definitely could have written a blake-travis mindlink to make the gods weep with its perfection ;) what a prompt.

i’ve talked about how i don’t rate the endings of ‘Sound of Silence’ or ‘Hang the Moon’ as well, so i think these could have been better. if only i was better at waiting.., and thinking of an ending. or just - if only i was better at endings. 

Sexiest story?

i think that’s the one that has the word ‘sex’ in the title. because vampires are sexy. and so is informed consent.

Saddest story?

sad?? what is this SAD? 

‘This is fine’ is quite sad given that it’s also about telepathic pornography. because we know everyone’s going to die soon. 

and ‘Sound of Silence’ isn’t sad, at least i don’t think it is - but Baz certainly is sad while it’s happening. 

Most fun?

i think ‘hang the moon’ is the most fun - because it has all the things that i like best happening in it. they fight some merwolves together, they go plate shopping, simon fights lots of people, fiona is there - it’s very fun.

Story with single sweetest moment?

hang the moon, probably. the bit with the moon. 

although i was thinking... surely i should talk about ‘keep calm’ a bit - isn’t it my equal fav? and i was thinking - what is the sweetest moment there... and the answer honestly is that i think the sweetest moment is the bit where the mage and simon are gardening together and simon doesn’t know if their relationship is doomed forever ... AND THEN the mage tells simon they can watch some VHSes of lucy next time simon comes back and they dont hug, but it is ... enough <3

I’M SORRY - I LOVE AWKWARD FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIPS BEING REDEEMED. 

Hardest story to write?

‘keep calm’ took me months and there were moments when i thought - fuck, this is not ending, and i hate not being able to talk to anyone about this because this fest is going on for months. and i was fortunate that i had the idea of emailing sharkmartini who i then did not know at all, and she was enthusiastic and getting that feedback made me think - ok, this is worth doing. i can finish this. 

but also - i started writing ‘sound of silence’ immediately after the ‘mage’s heir’ finished and i eventually published it over a year later. because the device i’d chosen meant that simon couldn’t say or do anything for most of the bloody story. and that meant that nothing happened, baz, thanks for nothing, and it was very hard to write.

and ‘This is fine’ - i must have written it in a few weeks. so it clearly wasn’t that hard. but in comparison to back when i (though i) knew everything that Avon would ever think or say... it was hard.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Coming up for air was the easiest story. i haven’t written anything else in a day for this fandom, although it is something i’ve done before, back in the day. 

most of the others were also really fun to write, unless i put them in the ‘hardest story to write’ box. so, you know - about half. 

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

i started to write ‘no’, but that isn’t true. writing ‘The sky isn’t black anymore’ shifted my perception of the way that i’d written Baz in ‘Hang the Moon’ i.e. my own fic (how wanky is that?) 

most of the others are me putting things that i think about characters into words. so i did the thinking before, rather than during. 

Most overdue story?

i wanted to post ‘This is fine’ on Gauda Prime Day and didn’t :( but i know bunnacula said that was ok ;) so i think the most overdue was the one that took me over a year to finally bother finishing. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

eeeeeer... 

yes, maybe. i would say writing a happy ending for simon in ‘keep calm’ where the happy ending is that he gets a better relationship with his father (see above) as well as getting to go out with baz (whose happy ending is also not just about simon, but mostly is) is a risk in a fandom where everyone hates the mage so much. 

and then i finally wrote my thing about how i think the mage is actually right about many things, and fiona is classist. what i haven’t ever said explicitly on tumblr, i don’t think (though i said it on LJ) is that another reason it is so much easier for me to be sympathetic towards the mage is that he literally is a version of roj blake (the main character of my old fandom and my personal fav). obviously the mage is a blake who is a bit more autistic and significantly further off the deep end on the ‘greater good’ scale than blake ever was. but blake even also dresses like robin hood and is from wales. i haven’t said this before because i feel like it cheapens my semi-championing off him/might make people who really can’t tolerate the mage think ‘wtf? is aralias mental? why does she like roj blake so much?’ to be fair - lots of people in b7 hated him too. 

ANYWAY. what i learned from that is - these are the stories i want to tell and no one got upset, so that is awesome and i shouldn’t be so worried about what people think before i know what people think. 

i also wrote vampire porn, but i didn’t consider that a risk. because i knew that sharkmartini would love it - and that was one person and that was enough. are we all going to write more vampire porn in 2020? i hope so.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

good question but hard to answer. 

i think the theme is ...... possibly influenced by ‘wayward son’..... poor communication is bad; good communication is good. maybe? 

and the fic that most demonstrates this is one that i have the most problems with, and that’s ‘The Sound of Silence’ where simon literally can’t communicate for the first half of the fic. and then baz solves his own problem by saying ‘sorry’ and giving back simon’s voice. 

‘The sky isn’t black anymore’, which i really like but feel i haven’t talked about much (it’s an unproblematic fav!) feels very similar and in fact i struggled to make it less about communication/saying what you want than it kept wanting to be. because i was thinking - this isn’t the problem of the fic! the problem is that it’s all too fast, right? but actually - and here we come back to the learning about the characters - it was both. 

because baz is a character who doesn’t communicate. and, like simon in ‘sound of silence’, he was also shut out from the POV in ‘hang the moon’.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! i want to get my ‘wayward son’ bodyswap out the door before the end of february..... maybe even january, but february sounds very achievable.

i have to finish my zine fic and then lop about 2000 words out of it, probably. 

i want to write another epic thing that is also about politics and vampires. it’s the one where natasha is alive, as well as other things. the problem with this one is that while i know a lot about it, i dont know exactly what the arc is - and i’m bored of re-writing simon giving up his magic to fix the humdrum (which i did... once... but i guess that was too often). so i have to try and work out what the climax is if it isn’t that - and i like to know the ending before i start...... but. my goal is to figure these things out and then write it. 

vampire porn - obvs. 

aaaand - for all of us: i will run a remix! oh yes, i will run a remix. ‘carry on big bang’ (which i definitely won’t do, it’s too solitary for me and too slow, alas - even though i keep thinking ‘i could do my vampire thing! it’s long’. it’s got to be a no) and the zine are in the first half of the year....... and i’m busy and stuff. so i thought it was going to be in december - but now i’m probably going for sign ups in march, post in may. I LOVE REMIX. i’m excited already.

#Blake's 7 #my content #carry on

[nottooldforthisship]

*CHEF fics*

- Learning to Eat by @mbpgku : Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?! Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat.  (METAPHORICALLY) (38k, M)

- Every Good Boy Deserves Cookies , by @stunning-stylinson​ : “Y-yeah?” Louis asks breathlessly, “And then?“Harry giggles and moves his bum back to meet Louis. “Add the vanilla and crack the eggs, beating it all in with salt,” Harry says.Or where Harry is a chef who teaches a class and Louis swears it’s only Harry’s bossiness that turns him on, not the recipe for cookies and Harry likes being praised. (8.5k, E)

- Feels Like Coming Home , by @phd-mama: The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten. This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives. (60k, E)

- Before We Evaporate ,  by  crimsontheory  : Louis Tomlinson; executive chef and owner of his own five star restaurant, been voted one of the top chefs in London, and has won several awards for his work in the kitchen. He’s always dreamed of being on Chopped, but never believed it would actually happen. Until it does. Now that he’s officially made it onto the show, there’s one tall, curly haired distraction that might just ruin everything for him.Or the kinda sorta enemies to lovers Chopped AU with far more smut than necessary. (37k, E)  

- Fool's Gold , by @freetheankles : Or the Arnacoeur AU in which Harry is scheduled to be married to Liam in 10 days and Harry’s mother hires Louis and his team to break them up. (55k, E)

- Check Please      by  zedi   :      Louis has a shit date. Harry offers to cover the bill. They maybe fall in love. (2k, NR)

*BAKER fics*

- Relief next to me , by @haydolce : AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more. (333k, E)

- leave it to the breeze , by @hattalove :  or a great british bake off au in which louis cares about winning and winning only, harry is made of sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, and niall sticks his nose into other people’s business. also featuring liam as louis’s best friend-slash-concerned mother, and zayn as a macaron connoisseur. (81k, E)

- shine by @lourrynavy​ ; Louis is an actor who needs to get away from the real world. He does the only thing that he can and runs away, finding himself in a small town where he happens upon Harry. What Louis doesn’t expect is to somehow fall in love and end up having to face what he was running from all along. (40k, M)

- Tis the Season for…Love?   ,    by @afangirlfantasy:   Prompt: Harry seems to have it all: A successful career as a pastry chef, a Victorian home in London, and a dedicated boyfriend who he's been with for years.   One day he stops by his boyfriend's apartment to surprise him and finds out that he's not so dedicated to Harry after all. Shocked and too depressed to celebrate, he decides to skip Christmas and on a whim leaves on a plane to New York. In New York he meets Louis… Or...Louis might just be what Harry's needed all along. (27k, M)

-  Flour and Chocolate      by   teaandtumblr : Then he approached the display cabinet. And the foreboding slammed into him. Because every product had letters next to it. Letters. GF, DF, V, O, VGN. What. The. Fuck? Lifting his eyes to the chalkboard menu spread across the back wall Louis felt physically ill. ‘Gluten-free’, ‘organic’, ‘vegan’, ‘paleo’, ‘dair-…’ Wait, what the fuck was a paleo? He had entered some hipster-trash establishment and it was more than time to get out.  OR Louis is a single dad and Harry works at the newly opened bakery down the street.(145k, M)

- Float Down Like Autumn Leaves (Stay Now) , by @getmesometacos  : The AU in which Louis has a 6 year old daughter with a costume emergency that puts her school’s annual Halloween party at risk, Halloween decorated cupcakes are hard to find and tall men look absolutely ridiculously cute in giant vegetables costumes. Co-starring Harry, who makes really good food for the kids. Featuring Niall, who works in a bakery but has a part time job as a babysitter. And as much as he doesn’t believe in love at first (or second) sight, Louis is really infatuated and really wouldn’t mind seeing Harry again.(16k, M)

- we’re still going, eight in the morning , by @nooelgallagher​  and @yoursongonmyheart​ : Harry washes his hands quickly before grabbing his phone. His screen lights up to 3 notifications.DJTommo is now following you!@DJTommo mentioned you in a tweet!Direct Message from @DJTommo!Harry yelps, throwing his phone to Niall who just barely catches it.Niall looks down at the phone, seeing first the tweet, then the DM. He tosses the phone back to Harry, who nearly drops it. “What are ya doing, mate! Answer him!”Harry thinks for a moment about what he wants to say. This is his chance to actually talk to Louis Tomlinson. Louis Tomlinson messaged him directly. He can say anything he wants. He begins typing, his fingers shaky.Niall comes over to stand next to Harry and peers down, looking to see what he wrote. When he does, he lets out a groan….Or, the one where Harry owns a bakery, Louis is a radio DJ, and Niall and Liam roll their eyes at their incessant flirting. (31k, E)

- taste on my tongue , by @bethaboolou : Louis Tomlinson, second place winner on TXF four years ago, is looking to reinvent his career. Harry Styles is a baker who is desperate for a bakery of his own.Louis doesn’t bake. Or cook. Or know how to use an oven.Take Louis. Take Harry. Add in a heaping cup of sexual tension. Another cup of delicious (and not so delicious) food. A smidgen of competitive spirit. A dash of hopes and dreams. And you get Kitchen Wars, a TV show that promises to be the must-watch event of the fall. (77k, E)

- come away with me , by @suspendrs: Or, Louis has to pick up the pieces of his and his daughter’s life after his wife dies, and Harry is a beautiful stranger that just wants to help. (80k, NR)

- Whether Clouds or Clear Skies , by @onewasturning :   “You, young Harold, are a baker among curry houses and vintage clothing stores,” Louis says, and it forces a bark of surprised laughter out of Harry.  “I’m a— sorry, what?”  “Harry,” Louis says, “last night I had an experience bordering on profound.”  “You’re making it sound like you did something sexual with my muffin,” Harry says. Or, Louis gets into the habit of stealing baked goods while Harry’s busy keeping tabs on the weather. (25k, E)

- Every Story Ever Told , by @all-these-larrythings : Becoming a best-selling author isn’t as difficult as Louis would have guessed. It seems all you need these days is the perfect blend of alcohol induced philosophy, complete disregard for one’s dignity, a live blog about how fucked love is, and a bored publisher interested enough to offer him a deal. (54k, NR)

- Skin New, Hands True, My Hands All Over You , by PearlyDewdrops   : Harry designs wedding cakes, so of course meeting blissfully happy couples every day is part of his job description. Unfortunately, it’s caused Harry to perpetually hope each new day is the one he’ll find love, too. That is, until Harry realises everything he’s ever wanted is right under his nose in the shape of his best friend, Louis. But predictably, Harry only comes to this epiphany when Louis starts seeing someone else. And this is not a John Hughes movie as far as Harry is aware. Everyone else is pretty sure, though. Featuring a heavy dose of pining, copious amounts of alcohol, drunk dialing that results in a situation reminiscent of Rachel Green’s, a ginger cat that likes to interrupt intimate moments, and a Halloween party that changes everything. (44k, E)

* RESTAURANT OWNER fics*

- all the lights are full of colour, by @infinitelymint : So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.  Or, Harry and Louis are separated, but for the sake of their two sons, they choose to spend Christmas together. It may just lead to a Christmas miracle. (26k, E)

- You'll Hear Me Calling for You , by  pinky_heaven19  : OR the one where Harry is an Alpha and Louis has a problem with it - until he doesn't. (42k, E)

- Let's Go Get Away , by @letsjustsee : Or, a fluffy AU in which Louis owns a restaurant that's next door to Harry's shop, and Louis is completely unaware how smitten he really is. (7k, NR)

* FOOD BLOGGING fics*

- 'Til I Tasted You  , by @icanhazzalou : Louis is Harry Styles' biggest fan. It doesn't matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can't cook to save his life.At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit. (14k, E)

#mine #fic rec #my fic rec #I probably missed a lot of them #in the chef part #anyway #here you go anon :)

[sagemoderocklee]

Oh what's this about "the only valid fic that’s ever going to be written for gaalee"? You don't have to tell the name of the fic I'm just curious about what happened? Like what's the deal with this fic?

oof… well, this is a conversation I’ve had many a time, but be forewarned, I have a lot of feelings on this matter and this will… not be short.

I’ll just use [redacted] but in all honesty whether I give you the name or not, I promise, it wouldn’t be difficult to know what fic I’m talking about (not least of which because I’m one of the few people who has been vocal about that fic and when asked I make it known I have No Interest in it). But literally everyone in the GaaLee fandom knows about this fic that was written–after careful research–just over 13 years ago. THIRTEEN! That’s quite a long time for a fic to maintain such acclaim, but the GaaLee fandom is small and a bit of a fic desert when it comes to content, and in a way, I think that’s to blame…. 

From my perspective, this fic–which published it’s first chapter in September of 2005 on Livejournal, then posted in April 2006 to a lesser known fic hosting website–has remained a staple in this fandom for so long because it was, by and large, one of the only decent novel length fics in the fandom at the time. And that time was a long time. If you look at the GaaLee tag on any fanfiction hosting website, you won’t have an easy time finding novel length stories with quality writing, characterization, plot, etc. 

[Redacted] was, ostensibly, the first GaaLee fic with any real substance: it had good pros, and, seemingly, it had a plot (though if you ask me the plot was “get gaara and lee together, and forget about any and all conflict outside of them once they bone down”, but I digress). 

People loved this fic. So much so that there are a number of depictions of scenes from this fic drawn by talented fanartists, there are podfics, there are probably translations, there’s a fucking TV Tropes entry. But the real impact this fic has had on the fandom? The reason I always vaguely complain about it?: “I won’t read anything if it’s not [Redacted].” 

As a writer, myself, I’m sure it’s obvious why I might have grown bitter about this fic over the course of my time in this fandom. Unlike other fandoms I’ve been in, such as the Harry/Draco fandom, which upholds the classics that helped shape the fandom but still allows for new, fresh takes, the GaaLee fandom holds on to this singular fic as the Pinnacle Fic. According to this fandom, you will never come across a greater gaalee story–never mind that this fic is 13 years old, is ableist in its depiction of Gaara, actually does forget the plot partway through, not to mention the gross ‘sand rape’ scene, and of course doesn’t hold up 13 years later with canon specifically because of mischaracterizing at least Gaara (it’s been a while since I read it, so I’m sure I’m missing things). Never mind that we, as individuals and communities, should be able to look at something more critically and say “yes, this was good at the time, but now I see that it is not perfect. Yes, this helped shape a small and lacking fandom, but it does not have to be the be-all end-all.” 

The GaaLee fandom, as indicated by the shit I was fielding thanks to daring to call out homophobia in the fandom, does not like change. It has certainly changed, even grown I’d like to think. But the fandom itself is stagnant in many ways; it does not want to let go of its old ways which is easily seen by some of the GaaLee–oh, excuse me, LeeGaa blogs out there (it’s very important to remember exactly who is putting it up whose butt, because heaven forbid we treat these characters genuinely and not depict mlm couples with gross fetishistic tropes like seme and uke–i hope that the tone of “i’m rolling my eyes” comes through strongly here). 

Now, I haven’t read this fic in about 4 years, roughly. I put off reading it for a very long time while working on Alliance because I, like so many people in the fandom, held it up on a pedestal. I worried over comparing myself to the author, I worried over the potential to be influenced in a way, that Alliance would seem too much like [Redacted]. Then, in the midst of depression and wanting desperately to read a GaaLee fic, I re-read it. I hadn’t touched it in four years–at that time–and thought “what the hell”. So I read it. 

And I didn’t like it. The pros are good, I’ll give you that. But other than the pros, I wasn’t moved. In fact, I felt only relief. “My fic is nothing like this. I don’t agree with this author’s interpretation here and here–oh my god that’s rape what the fuck” and so on. Now, it has been a long time since my last read through, so I may be missing things about the fic, but ultimately it’s not really about whether or not I like the fic, it’s not about whether or not the fic is good. It’s old. It shouldn’t really matter anymore because we should all have matured enough to say “This fic was good, it did a lot of good for the fandom, but looking back I realise it’s not what I thought it was and has some gross elements which we will not allow to continue to propagate in our fandom.” 

But unfortunately, this fic is still relevant; unfortunately this fic still matters and still shapes this fandom in far too many ways. If the common theme of this fandom wasn’t “oh my god, have you read [Redacted]” “[Redacted] is the best fic and the only one I’ll read” then maybe I’d never say a peep about this fic. It would fall to the back of my mind, a fic I read and enjoyed once upon a time, when I was young and less rounded as a person. But unfortunately, the fandom does not take the stance that other fandoms take–it is not ‘a classic we appreciate for what it did for this fandom’, it is now a weapon used against new authors. I don’t think it’s necessarily intended to be, but it is. Who wants to write a fic for this pairing when all they hear is “I’ll never read anything but [Redacted]”? Who wants to write anything when they know people won’t give them a chance? Hell, who will read things when they’re told that the only thing worth reading is [Redacted]? When they’re told that everything else in this fandom is trash? And listen, I know there’s a lot of trash in this fandom–and I don’t mean writing skill, I mean actual trash. Writers who manipulate minors into a cult following while their writing features a relationship between a 16 and 25 year old; writers who write A/B/O; writers who write ‘soft stalking’; writers who turn Shukaku into “a voice in Gaara’s head”… The list is long and ugly. But that doesn’t mean write off every writer, that doesn’t mean refuse to move past a fic that’s 13 years old.

How are we supposed to overpower the gross, ugly content if we as a fandom community refuse to give new writers a chance? How can fandom grow and change and get better, if we hold on to something from 13 years ago? (Trust me, it shows that this fic was written thirteen years ago. It is Very Obvious.) 

Yet here we are, holding on to a 13 year old story. Who else do we know in this fandom who writes? Who else has that much acclaim? Who else writes good, quality stories and gets art and a goddamn TV Tropes entry and countless people raving about their work? Do you know what happens when I say I want to read a gaalee fic? I get a number of people asking if I’ve read [Redacted] as if I haven’t been here for 11 years. It was literally the first GaaLee fic my friends told me to read so that I’d understand why GaaLee was a good ship. I read it when I was all of 18 and so new to the fandom. I read it again when I was 21. And again when I was 24. I guess the third time was the charm. 

There is a post that floats around sometimes visible in the gaalee or leegaa tag that says “guess it’s time to go reread [Redacted]” or something to that effect with something like 350 notes. 350 notes. This tired comment from years ago that suggests there’s nothing worth reading in this fandom, that’s been put out there for writers and readers of fic to see. Listen, I won’t lie, it IS hard to find good fic content! It is, but it’s even harder when you don’t give people a fucking chance. 

Do you know what conversations I’ve had with people about fanfiction in this fandom? I literally had someone, point blank, say to me and the other writers on the GaaLee discord “I don’t read anything but […] [Redacted].” 

How disheartening. How unsupportive. How insulting. Saying that to people who you know are writers, who work hard and want support. That’s ugly. That’s not cute. That’s not community. 

There are fresh new takes on Gaara and Lee, and I know that for a fact because I have worked tirelessly to help create some of these fresh takes. I know my fucking worth as a writer, I know I’m good at what I do. I’ll always be learning and refining my writing, but I am a good fucking writer and it is a slap in the face to me and every other writer out there, who dedicates any amount of time to trying to produce good written content for this pairing. We don’t need the fic tags for this pairing to be filled with the trash mentioned above (pedophilia, rape, ableism, etc). We don’t need to be a fic desert. But if people only ever read one 13 year old fic, then that’s what we’re gonna keep having. 

I’m obviously not going anywhere. I’ve got plenty of GaaLee fics to write (something like 20+), regardless of the “I’ll only read [Redacted]” people in this fandom. But who’s to say if it’ll matter in this fandom? Who’s to say it’ll change how people feel about [Redacted]? Who’s to say if I can help make a trend of supporting fic authors other than [Redacted’s Author]? I mean, the person who made that post with 350 notes, far as I know, has never read my fic content. If someone is so desperate for content that they’ll re-read something from 13 years ago, then why aren’t they also checking the GaaLee tag on tumblr or Ao3 for new fics? Like people actively complain about the lack of fic in this fandom and then… do nothing about it. And I don’t mean they should write fics necessarily. Like yes, if you’re a writer and you want to see fic content in this fandom, I absolutely urge you to write! But first, we need more people who are willing to read fics. Who will go out of their comfort zone and just give us a chance. We need these people who are always complaining about the lack of fic content to do something about it, make other authors feel better about themselves, lift up other authors, share their works, comment like your life depends on it. That’s what we need. Because there are a handful of people out there who want to write and want to keep writing for this pairing. But without support…??? They disappear. They give up. They lose interest. 

There will probably be some people who feel like personally attacked because they’ve said these things and not supported other authors, but honestly, if you feel that way then please take that and prove me wrong. Be more proactive. Find a new GaaLee writer, find a story you haven’t given a chance. Prove that this fandom can change and grow; prove that fic writers have a place in this fandom. 

Because right now, fic writers don’t have a place.

Anyway, I’ve spent the last like hour going on and on about this, and I have things to do and I’m sure you didn’t want me to write something this long, Anon. Please, just blame my Aries Mercury ass for being a passionate talker lmao 

#otp: the ultimate otp #gaara #rock lee #naruto #shippuden #gaalee #this is like a call out post in good faith essentially #so it's going in the tags because i want ppl to start being more supportive of other writers in this fandom #give gaalee fic writers a chance 2k18 #this got out of hand im so sorry #i feel very strongly about this i can't help it #and tbh i think this is part of why this fandom doesn't have the popularity other pairings have #like god so many ppl have like no concept of this pairing like they just do not Get It #and i think it's partly this #partly the fujoshi bs but also partly this #because where are the stories that explain to ppl why they work???? #i mean you can paint a pretty picture but at the end of the day where's the story? where's the foundation? #Anonymous

[magic-magpie]

Let’s Review Terrible Fanfiction

Specifically, my terrible fanfiction.

Okay, so I started writing fanfics at age eleven, yeah? Thankfully, my sense of spelling and grammar was rather good from a young age, and I was too bashful to even think of writing a kissing scene, let alone a bad sex scene. But that really doesn’t mean I could write well. I posted it on FF.net, it has approximately 27K words, and eleven reviews. I was damn proud of this pile of trash at the time. The reason I’m posting my review of it on here (aside from it being fun as heck to verbally abuse my old writing), is because, well... okay, I myself am guilty of laughing at those absolutely awful, cringey fics, but we’ve all gotta start somewhere, right? And those eleven reviews from honest-to-God strangers on the internet motivated me to write further. All those reviews were nice, and they were helpful. They pointed out what went well in that mess, and what needed work. If they’d commented stuff like ‘omggg this is cringe I'm pissing myself laughing right now’, I’m not 100% sure my tiny eleven-year-old self would’ve continued writing for fear of being mocked again (’cause kids are kinda fragile). But look at my writing now - it’s by no means perfect, but it’s definitely much better, and it managed to gain me quite a few full marks in the Creative Writing portion of the English Language GCSE. So, to go back to my point, I’m also posting this to show you how much a writer can evolve if you just encourage them. Also, as a side note, I owe my entire writing life to the Ace Attorney FF.net fandom back in 2013. Those guys are the best. If I ever publish a book like I want to, I’d be evil not to acknowledge them in some way.

Onto what you’re all here for:

Review of Chapter One of Truths and Falsehoods, written by AA Addict, also known as Magic-Magpie.

“Nick, I’m HUNGRY! What do we have to eat?” Maya moaned at me. I swear, that girl’s appetite is never satisfied!

See, my problem with the majority of this is that the writing just sounds bloody awkward.

One sentence in and I’m cringing.

This is gonna be fun.

"Mr. Nick! Mystic Maya needs her food to train, and she needs to train because she's the master of Kurain! Hey, I rhymed!

Technically you didn’t because it turns out that Kurain it pronounced kur-ine, as in rhyming with sign

I’ll let eleven-year-old me off, though, considering she had no clue how Kurain was pronounced, and I actually only figured it out when AA6 was released and the game said the word.

[“]Trucy, I rhymed! Trucy, could you make Mr. Hat use that rhyme in his act? Pretty please?" Pearls said.

Okay, now here’s the thing - for those of you who don’t know anything about Ace Attorney, Trucy is Phoenix’s adoptive daughter, and Pearl is Maya’s younger cousin. At the end of the third game, Trials and Tribulations, Pearl was ten, and Phoenix was twenty-six.

BUT.

Trucy’s first appearance is in the fourth game, and she’s fifteen years old. But by the time the fourth game starts, seven years have passed since T&T. So Pearl should be seventeen. But no, she’s TEN. And I’m fairly certain I made Nick twenty-six, too.

Jesus help me.

There's a law against child abuse, what about adult abuse?

Nick I’m not sure you getting bitch-slapped by a tiny child who would probably cry if you acted properly hurt warrants a law being passed.

Also, there is. It’s called assault, though.

"Hello, my friends! We meet again! Ah, here's Pearl, my favourite child, who likes her curry mild! Oh, but look who's next to her! It's the dashing young girl Maya, who needs to train because she's the Master of Kurain!" 'Mr. Hat' said, flatteringly. It's actually Trucy talking in a deep voice. I didn't know she was capable of it!

This entire paragraph just cringes me out so much.

Trucy deserves better than this. Unlike me, Trucy actually knows how to create a goddamn entertaining and interactive act.

Also, why doesn’t Nick know she’s capable of it?! It’s only been one of her trademark acts since, like, he bloody well met her!

[”]In court you always win your case, with your hair that looks like a mace!"

Can you tell that I can’t rhyme for shit.

[“]Trucy! I'm your father! You should be polite to me![”]

TrUCy, I aM yOUr fAThER. 

And Nick and Trucy don’t have a strict ‘I am the father of this household so respect me’ relationship. They have a very easygoing sort of relationship, if I remember correctly. And even if he was jokingly saying it (which I think he is), he would definitely not phrase it like that.

[”]Case closed, Your Honour!" I pointed out.

Ahh, back when I had no idea that dialogue could be structured as anything but ‘he said, she said’.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"Well, when you pointed out those facts, you acted like you were in a court proceeding!" she burst out laughing. Pearls started laughing too, as did Trucy and eventually, me. Just to join in! Otherwise, I didn't see what was so funny!

nICK, YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR. PUT IT TO GOOD USE AND REALISE THE BADLY-WRITTEN FUNNY MOMENT.

"Well, back to the point. Where are we eating today?" Maya asked, grinning.

You know, this never actually gets answered. They never go out to eat. Which basically means that this entire chapter was P O I N T L E S S.

Well, that’s Chapter One. There’s twenty of these, believe it or not. Like, how. Thankfully, my chapters were fairly short.

#Bad fanfiction #Bad fanfic #Bad writing #Cringe #Super fucking cringey #Ace Attorney #Review #Fanfic review #Fanfic critique #Is it a critique? #I can't tell #Cringe writing #FF.net

[eddiesmunsonn]

13-25 odds for the ask thingy

Thank you! Some of these were tough to answer but it was nice to think of the answers that reflected on my won writing :) 

13. What traits do you share with your original characters or what traits do you wish you shared with them?In my recent pics I’ve not had an OC but I think in one of my HL fics, I had a guy who lived in England but was from canada and he supported Manchester United so that was similar to me lmao. Then in another HL fic, one of my young offenders at a horse camp was into the same music and bands as me. 

I also find myself using things I know when talking about already established characters (aka. The boy next door - the bands, books and TV shows Erin and Jay talk about is basically my life because it’s what I know)

15. Why physical quirks do your characters tend to have? Eyebrow raising, picking nails, biting lips, pacing, crossing arms, etc.

Usually eye rolling, eye brow raising and Scratching the back of the neck. Rubbing hands over faces etc

17. Are your protagonists always the “good guys” and your antagonists always the “bad guys” or do you like to do anti-heroes and grey morality?Good guys because I’m not really creative enough to do anything too different from the norm. I really struggled with starting to write a proper AU - I never really did major AU’s for HL when I used to write for HL. But doing the boy next door has been really hard to write, 

19. “For fans of ______!” What works would you say are similar to yours?

I have no idea what this means but I don’t really know what works I would say are similar to mine?

21. How do you come up with titles? Do you use placeholders or tend to change your titles while writing the first draft?

Titles are the hardest things ever. I hate it. When I plan a new story I just go for it and then if a title pops into my head, I use that and then change if something better comes in mind. I actually have done that and then used a title and then realised 3 chapters in, there is a better title that I could’ve picked - but I never change it though. Just keep whatever I write first publish it as.

23.Do your prefer reading series or standalone novels and does that reflect on how you write?

I prefer reading series because then you get to know the characters better. I don’t really know how this reflects on my writing tbh.

25.Do you start your novels with dialogue or description? Do you end your novels with dialogue or description?

Mostly description for both. Rarely will I begin or end a chapter with speech - unless it’s for :O impact at the end. I do really struggle ending fics though, sometimes I end up writing like another 300 words on top of what I’d already written just because I can’t seem to get an ending lol

#ask game thingy mabob

[gumnut-logic]

Fanfic Asks 2

This one is for @hedwigstalons who asked for A F L Q along with @fictivekaleidoscope , @willow-salix , @coffee-and-lenna and @janetm74 who all asked for Q. You guys are so kind to me ::hugs you lots::

-o-o-o-

A. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek: TOS…I’m a Trekkie from way back. Discovered it in 1986 through books in my school library (it wasn’t on TV and hadn’t been since 1975 of which I had the vaguest of memories…and yes, I’m old :P ). I wrote my first fanfic as a teenager, by hand in a notebook. It was submitted to the local club printed fanzine (which I still have lying around here somewhere along with a stack of classic printed zines). Looking back, it had a strong concept behind it, but it was horribly written. I do not have an electronic copy, though sometime ago I thought to re-write it, but never got around to it. You can find my second ever fanfic, written when I was eighteen on FF.net – Goodbye, Spock – it was a movie tag, written in early 1991.

F. How long have you been writing fanfic?

Hmm, I think I’ve given that massive number away in the last question :D Yeah, since I was about eighteen, possibly a little earlier. ::does the math:: Okay, that number is scary. Next year it will be thirty years since my first fanfic ::headdesk:: but having said that, I didn’t really start writing until the internet arrived with my first computer and maturity gave me the ability to finish things (sometimes). I really jumped in with Stargate SG-1 fandom in 2003. From that point on I wrote continuously until I had children in 2008. Then I stopped and didn’t really start up again until July 2018 when TAG hit me like a ton of bricks. The last two years have been amazing and I have learnt so much.

Oh, and if anyone ever says writing fanfic is wasting time or will never get you anywhere, writing fanfic and participating in fandom has done wonders for introvert little me:

Led to me getting my job – writing is a skill that can get you many places

Taught me how to blog and how to manage a blog – valuable skills in or out of business

Teaches you multiple online tools – chat, publishing and other multimedia applications – you’d be surprised how many people are not comfortable using many online tools. I use my experience every day on the library floor.

Allowed an introvert to reach out and learn how to converse and gain confidence in conversation – online interactions has many advantages

Is excellent for mental health…and equally unhealthy if you’re not careful – which leads to learning about yourself and managing conflict (unfortunately…which is why I have zero tolerance for fandom wank and will not participate in or create nastiness – I’m here for fun and to hopefully make things more fun, not miserable)

I’ve learnt to type. My first novel length fic was 75,000 words long and hand written before being typed into the computer – let’s just say that that three months back in 2003 finally enabled me to break the touch type barrier :D Which is a skill that I use every day.

If some one does say you’re wasting your time, they obviously have no idea what they are talking about – ignore them. As long as you’re balancing your fic writing with life in general, things are okay (I got addicted at one point and things were not okay, so don’t do that).

In summary, apparently I’m old, been writing forever and have found it a very valuable exercise which will no doubt lead me even further into interesting places.

 L. What is your favorite fic idea that you don’t think you’ll ever write?

I tend to write most things or forget them. There was that random fanfic idea I posted a few days back. It’s a cool idea, but I don’t have time at the moment. ::opens ups fic planning book::

Ideas sitting, not yet started, but might be:

Eos gets hacked by the Hood and injures two brothers before John realises it and saves her.

Episode tag to 3.21 that explores the Mechanic

Alan’s Vlog: I have a note for the next story that I haven’t yet written.

The Kermadec sequel

A fic idea I had the other day inspired by a news article – that one might actually get written at some point.

A sequel to V. T. Green (which apparently is my most popular fic) – which I had a concept for, but haven’t written down, by the looks of it. Oops.

A sequel to Bo where Virg gets buried in an avalanche – this one was started.

Eh, I have lots of ideas, most get lost in the mess that exists in my head. Sometimes I write a note down, but then I forget what the note means. I usually have to grab the inspiration when it strikes.

 Q. If you could pick one fic of yours to rewrite, which would it be?

Love and Sacrifice – I wrote that fic out of order and smushed it together and it shows. It is also full of technical holes. The plotline sucks because I wanted a certain scene and forced it. But it is such an integral piece of the series that I can’t alter it much. The whole of Warm Rain was written in bits. I usually write in order and that experiment shows that I’m not great at writing out of sequence. Most of the fics work okay, but Love and Sacrifice, while having some good scenes in it, is poorly constructed.

A Little Distraction and a Little Too Much Attention suffers from self-indulgence. Virgil wasn’t supposed to get hurt – I should have stopped at A Little Distraction, but apparently, I can’t help myself and the results weren’t great.

Two fics instead of one…there are more, but I’m not supposed to publicly criticise my fics – I do enough of that in my own head :D

-o-o-o-

EDIT: @weirdburketeer reminded me of something I meant to list but forgot regarding the above reasons why writing fanfic is not a waste of time.

The friendships! My goodness, how did I miss that? I flew to Sydney to meet a good fanfic writing friend in both 2004 and 2005, another friend flew all the way from Chicago (as part of a business trip) to Australia and made a special trip to Adelaide, just to meet up with me. It was frickin’ amazing!

And this fandom....I have met some absolutely amazing people here. You guys have influenced me like you wouldn’t believe. As I have said on many occasions, this fandom is just amazing ::drags you all into a massive group hug:: And yes, I have some fantastic friendships forming here ::loves you guys to bits::

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #star trek #writing #fanfiction