I've been getting some new followers recently, so maybe time for an Official Pinned Post(tm)
call me jayse or brood, 30+ neurodivergent disabled queer transman. he/him. also a system so I switch btwn I and we. re: syscourse - we do not engage & think all systems/system origins are real. we also support self-dx, both of plurality and otherwise <3
don't follow if you're under 18 please and thank you, this is not a sfw space
currently obsessed with dai and solavellan, but also dragon age in general, fallout, pokemon, star trek, bugs, everything abt plants, cute stuff, really whatever I like. I rarely use content tags but if you want or need smth tagged just lmk and I'll 100% do my best
dai blog with trespasser spoilers is @broodwolf221 , ao3 is bitterling , art tag is #broodart
writing comm post
also trying to be rly communicative and genuine bc I miss that part of tumblr's culture
anddd I think that's all the important stuff <3
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I’M BACK!!!!
A Fallout 4 reactions blog??? In 2022???
After THREE YEARS of trying to get back into this account I have finally gotten Tumblr Support to help me. Firstly, I am shocked to see thousands of you still follow me. I love you all (except the fake bitches who will probably unfollow me when they realize they’re still getting updates from a Fallout 4 reacts blog in the year our Lord 2022).
I have not played Fallout 4 since 2018, but I am about to start a fresh game just to get a feel for the characters again. I can’t remember major plot points of the game and definitely don’t remember every companion quest. However, I’ll slowly get through the reactions I’ve accumulated while I re-learn the game.
Please check me out on AO3 where I will transfer some of my more popular reactions. My current masterlist will be abandoned, but I’ll find a place for it somewhere on my blog. I am very interested in doing full fics on AO3, including some Fallout 3 content since I am doing my first playthrough now.
Reactions are open. Cannot believe I’m saying that. No idea where to even start, but I am so excited to re-join this awesome community. I have also recently played Dragon Age and Mass Effect, so if you like that content definitely stay tuned on my AO3.
I will be clunky with formatting and a theme overhaul. I haven’t been on Tumblr in ages. But I’m happy to be back. Feel free to slide in my DMs. I’ve missed you all.
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I really wish I could experiance fallout 4 for the first time again.
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Elysium
god this fic took forever i’m so sorry!! but hey, first fic on the new blog! <33 also y’all should really thank @iwaasfairy who listened to me complain about this fic for a solid month, she’s the reason it got finished
Cult leader Oikawa Tooru x female reader
tw: indoctrination, extremely dubious consent, blood, yandere themes, religious themes, minor character death, implied abuse & drug use, mild smut, nsfw
The island itself is breathtaking
Pristine beaches with gleaming white sand, vast swathes of lush, green rainforest and waterfalls that cascade into shimmering pools of crystal clear water. Untouched, undisturbed; a paradise. At least, that’s how Ryuji had described it.
Paradise, but only in the sense that a gingerbread cottage in the middle of the woods is paradise to a lost and hungry child.
He hadn’t been wrong. Bare feet sink into soft, white sand as you climb from the boat - the warmth just toeing the line between pleasant and burning. Gentle waves ebb and flow behind you, and there’s a light breeze that kisses your skin, the taste of seasalt carrying in the wind. Home, it seems to sing.
A laugh sounds somewhere in the distance, yet the only other figure on the beach is a man walking steadily towards you. He smiles when he sees you’ve noticed him; friendly, non-threatening. It’s a far cry from the swarming welcoming committee you’d been dreading, and you wonder if that’s somehow intentional as well.
As the boat pushes back out to sea he comes to a stop before you, “I’m Makki,” he says, pushing the fringe of his hair back and giving you a not-so-subtle once over. Whatever he sees must meet approval, because his grin only widens, “Welcome to the Commune.”
Ryuji wasn’t wrong; the island is a beautiful, deadly thing.
—
You’d never heard of the Commune before the phone call.
And maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. You’ll be the first to admit you’re hardly an expert, but from what you do know, groups like the Commune – cults – don’t spring up out of thin air and start broadcasting their mistreatment and systematic abuse.
They’re not the kind of people that have sweet old ladies clutching their pearls and mothers shepherding their children away – at least, not in the beginning. Not entirely. They’re not out to recruit extremists to further their cause, they choose to prey on the vulnerable, the lost and the disillusioned. Those easily manipulated. You suspect that’s why when you google the Commune, all you find is a website for what essentially looks like a long term luxury wellness retreat.
��The Commune is about healing and harmony, about returning to nature, supporting one another to forge a brighter, more holistic future together… a self-sufficient community living apart from technology and other evils of modern society.’
You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you scroll through. There’s a whisper of philosophical teachings woven throughout, a page dedicated to their founder, Oikawa Tooru – smiling handsomely in every single picture, because what would a burgeoning cult be without a charismatic leader – but there’s not enough.
So here you are, on an island hundreds of miles away from home living amongst strangers; because Ryuji wouldn’t have sounded so terrified if this was just some alternate, free-loving bunch of hippies.
And even with all that he’d told you, everything you thought you’d be prepared for, the Commune is like nothing you could’ve imagined.
Makki introduces you to Asuka, a woman only a few years older than yourself, dark haired and stunningly beautiful, and winks as he tells her to take you under her wing. She smiles brightly, eyes twinkling, and pulls you into a heartfelt hug – as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.
“We’re so glad you’re here!” she beams.
You’d like to hate her.
It feels like you're supposed to, sometimes; when she gets that dreamy look in her eyes and starts talking about Oikawa and the Commune and how lucky everyone here on the island is. Yet there’s something about her – the genuine warmth she emanates maybe, or the kindness in her eyes – that makes it difficult for you not to like her.
“You should come to the gathering tomorrow,” she hums idly one afternoon, maybe a week or so after your arrival. The two of you are sitting on the edge of the pier, legs dangling down into the water, tangled fishing nets to be repaired strewn between you.
“I always go,” you reply.
She laughs, fixing you with a knowing look, “And sit right at the very back, all but running off the moment we finish?”
And your traitorous heart skips a beat.
“It’s okay to take things slowly,” she says. “We understand that being a part of the Commune is a big change from the life you knew, and that not everybody is able to see what we see and embrace those changes.”
Asuka sets down the knot she’s working through and reaches for your hand, a gentle smile on her face, “But you shouldn’t be afraid. You’re meant to be here, I can feel it. You just need to stop fighting against it; surrender yourself to us, to the island, and everything’ll make sense, I promise.”
It’s dangerous territory. One wrong word could set off alarm bells, yet you can’t help pressing just a little.
“Do you ever miss it, then? Life outside the Commune?”
Your family. Friends. The life you left behind before you came here to be brainwashed like all of the others.
“Why would I?” she answers without missing a beat, and it’s hard to ignore the bitter flicker of disappointment you feel at her answer. “The island provides for us, we don’t have to spend our days selling off tiny pieces of ourselves just to make ends meet. It’s paradise here, and we have Oikawa to thank for that. Why would I ever want to go back?”
Silence falls between you as you struggle to think of something to say to salvage the situation. Yet Asuka isn’t even looking at you, instead staring out at the water with a strangely pensive expression.
“Did you know I was married once?” The words seemingly out of the blue, you can only shake your head. For a moment, she doesn’t reply, watching as the waves rise and crash offshore. And then;
“I was young, eighteen or so, fresh out of high school and he was a small town cop.” Her eyes flicker to yours, and your heart clenches at the sadness and pain echoing there. “I thought he was a good man, once upon a time.”
A chord strikes deep, your chest tightening involuntarily at her words. It’s not the same, of course it’s not the same, and yet…
No. You stop the errant thought in its tracks. Groups like the Commune prey on the vulnerable, you know this. People like Ryuji, like Asuka, like–
Her fingers squeeze around yours, pulling you back to the present. “Come to the gathering tomorrow. Listen to Oikawa, it’ll help.”
—
She doesn’t give you a choice in the matter – dragging you by the hand to sit right at the front of the gathered crowd that very night.
Oikawa’s handsomer up close; tall and dark haired with pretty eyes and long, sweeping lashes that frame delicate cheekbones, it’s not hard for you to see how a man like him has amassed such an impassioned following.
Once he starts actually speaking, however, you realise that his good looks and charming smile are just the tip of the iceberg. Oikawa’s utterly captivating as he preaches about the cycle of life and death and the paradise that awaits his faithful. Passionate and engaging, he speaks like he truly believes every word of the lies he’s spreading.
And Asuka, her friends, the others gathered, they eat up every word like it’s gospel truth, resounding cheers and thunderous applause deafening around you. In the midst of the rapturous din, Oikawa’s eyes flit to yours.
Slowly, he smiles – a dazzling grin that makes your stomach flip – and everything; Asuka, the noise, the others swarming around you, it all fades away.
For one electrifying heartbeat, you’re frozen in place. Just you and Oikawa, trapped in the pull of each other’s gaze.
—
You can’t forget the reason you came.
But it’s… difficult, in a way you struggle to understand. You only have one purpose for being here, one goal; find Ryuji and bring him home.
And yet, some days it’s like there’s a fog in your mind, and you have to focus to remember why you’re here at all. You catch yourself laughing with Asuka and her friends, the days passing by in a blur of endless, easy distractions.
It barely feels like work when you’re sitting under the shade of the trees, eating the fruits you’ve picked by hand – ripe and sweet, unlike anything you’ve ever tasted – diving off waterfalls into the crystalline water and meandering down the shore collecting seashells. Even when you are working, mending clothes or cooking with the others, it fills you with a sense of contentment you can’t quite explain.
Like you’re a part of something bigger. Like you’re doing something that matters.
Ryuji becomes a distant thought. A whisper in the back of your head, a niggling in your gut, easily brushed aside and ignored until there’s a moment of quiet. In the dead of night, the balmy summer night’s breeze kissing your bare skin, you lie awake, lost in memories of the last time you’d seen him.
Fists angrily pounding at your door, the yelling that gave way to sobs and the hoarse, desperate pleas that followed. Ryuji’s face; pupils blown wide and eyes rimmed in red, darting restlessly around as he held you too tight and begged–
Rolling over in bed, you gaze out your window at the star flecked sky, the shadows of the forest that lie at your doorstep, and wonder what it is that scares you more; that you’ve lost track of the days you’ve been here, and saving Ryuji is starting to feel like an afterthought, or that you could so easily forget all of it, find a place here in the Commune and be happy.
‘The island, it–it fucks with your head.’
Ryuji’d told you that, and you’d brushed it off as paranoia. You need to find him. Find him and get the hell outta dodge.
You can deal with the fallout later.
—
Kiyoshi.
He’d mentioned the name a few times amidst his rambling – a friend of his on the island. You’re annoyed with yourself for not thinking of it sooner, however much like Ryuji himself, trying to focus and remember the name is like wading through thick mud.
Once you do, though, finding him amongst the hundred and fifty or so inhabitants is the easy part.
There’s no strict division between genders within the Commune, however Kyoshi, despite his somewhat lean stature, is among the builders of the island and his path doesn’t often cross with yours.
From Asuka you find out that he’s been a part of the Commune for years now, before even she joined, and that he mostly sticks to himself, though you’ve seen him chatting quietly to a few of the other men, a perpetually angry looking blonde in particular.
It’s the last part that piques her interest, “Why’re you so curious, anyway?” she asks, her face lighting up as a sudden thought occurs. “Do you want me to introduce you two? To be honest, I didn’t think he’d be your type, if you’re interested, though…”
Cheeks aflame, you’re quick to shut her down. “No, no, nothing like that. I’ve just… seen him around and we’ve never really spoken, I guess.”
A lame excuse, though mercifully she lets the subject drop without too much prodding.
Therein, of course, lies the problem. Walking up to Kyoshi and casually trying to drop Ryuji into the conversation without raising red flags is risky, but what other options do you have? You’ve already spent too much time on this island.
Although, maybe Asuka has the right idea.
While you hadn’t been lying when you said you weren’t interested in Kyoshi in that way, nobody else knew that. Who would really look twice at the shy newbie striking up a conversation with the quiet, easygoing man? He wasn’t unattractive per se, and from the brief interactions you’d seen of him, he seemed kind enough.
You have enough patience (barely) to wait for dusk the following night. There’s a celebration, something about the full moon and a blessing on the island and the Commune– you hadn’t really been paying attention when Oikawa had spoken about it. Still, it’s too good an opportunity to pass up. With the fire pits crackling, and the dancing and music and the sweet honey wine flowing freely, nobody will be paying too much attention to what you’ll be doing. Hopefully, the alcohol will also serve to lower Kiyoshi’s guard, and perhaps if you’re really, really lucky, loosen his tongue as well.
Of course, you’re not banking on him telling you exactly where Ryu is or what happened to him– and that’s assuming he actually knows – but at this point you’ll take anything over the nothing you currently have. A tiny slip up, that’s all you’re asking for.
As the sun descends beyond the horizon, you play your role well, laughing and chatting amongst friends, sipping carefully at the cup of wine in your hand as you wait for an opening. And perhaps it’s your nerves working against you, but you find that it’s not just Kiyoshi your attention is drawn to.
Up on the shore, away from the rabble, Oikawa lounges back with a cup of the same honeyed wine you’re pretending to drink. For the most part he seems deep in conversation with Iwaizumi, his right hand, but every once in a while he glances up, letting his gaze roam over the crowd of his followers.
Every inch a king and his general.
And it would seem benevolent, if not for the strange smile he wears – the one that widens when his eyes catch yours.
Swallowing tightly, you force yourself not to dwell on it, to ignore the odd sensation curling in your gut and the way your skin prickles under his attention. Now is not the time to lose focus.
Pushing all thoughts of Oikawa aside, you subtly scan the beach once more, only to find that Kiyoshi’s moved, sitting now on a piece of old driftwood near the bonfire. Alone for the first time tonight.
Your legs are moving before the thought even fully registers.
“Do you mind if I sit?” you ask, gesturing to the empty space on the log beside him.
Kiyoshi smiles, the laugh lines at corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly, and shakes his head, “Not at all.”
“Thanks.”
Taking another sip of your wine, you will your shoulders to relax, your racing pulse to slow. This has to seem natural, and so you force yourself to hold your tongue, let your head loll back and breathe deep, soaking it all in. You can hear the others in the distance, the music and the dancing, the happy laughter and shouts that beckon – you want to go join them. Even your blood seems to hum, a call of something other pulsing through your veins.
But you pay it no mind. There are more important things to worry about tonight.
Indeed, steel blue eyes have been appraising you curiously for a while now. “This is your first Lunar blessing, isn’t it?” Kiyoshi asks after a moment.
You nod, humming in agreement. Less than a month; you’ve been here less than a month. Is that a good thing?
“Are you enjoying yourself?”
A harmless enough question, and again you nod your head. “Yeah, it’s…” you pause, searching for words that won’t sound hollow. “It’s paradise. I feel like I need to pinch myself just to make sure it’s real.”
He smiles gently. “But?” he probes.
Grimly, you wonder whether Kiyoshi’s usually this perceptive, or if you’re just a really terrible actor. In a way, you suppose it really doesn’t make a difference; you’ve come too far to turn back now – at least not without raising suspicion.
So you lie with a truth, and pray that it works.
“I had a friend I was supposed to meet here,” you confess quietly, gazing not at him but the crackling flames of the bonfire, the burning embers carried off into the night. “He was the one who said I should come, but now I’m here and he’s not and every time I catch myself enjoying this–”
“You feel guilty,” he surmises, cutting you off. “Because he’s not here to enjoy it with you.”
Wordlessly, you nod – and maybe it isn’t so much of an act when your eyes begin to glisten, your smile wavering.
Kiyoshi’s silent for a moment, and you take another sip of the honey wine to hide your nerves. “You shouldn’t, you know,” he says eventually. “Feel guilty, I mean. You belong here, with the Commune. You’re happy here. Paradise… isn’t for everybody.”
He doesn’t say it to be cruel, more like he’s simply stating a fact, and somehow that makes it all the more unnerving. And it’s nothing you haven’t listened to Oikawa preach about time and time again. The Commune is for the devoted, the faithful – the lucky few – and you’ve never thought too hard about what he’d meant by that.
The Commune’s small, maybe a hundred and fifty or so people on the island. There’d been no initiation, no test of faith or trial period you’d had to pass when you arrived – at least, none that you’d been aware of. You simply stepped off the boat and they’d welcomed you with open arms.
An uneasy sensation settles into your gut, goosebumps prickling at your skin despite the heat of the midsummer night.
That… doesn’t make sense. It can’t. Absolute control’s too important in groups like this, they couldn’t just let anyone–
Kiyoshi speaks again, his calm voice pulling you from your thoughts. “What was his name?”
You blink at him slowly – stupidly. “Sorry?”
“Your friend,” he clarifies. “What was his name?”
“Oh, um- Ryuji.”
Kiyoshi’s brow furrows in thought for a moment, but he merely shakes his head, “Doesn’t ring a bell, but like I said, not everyone who arrives stays with us for long.”
He looks you right in the eye as he says it.
You don’t understand the cold, foreboding that seeps through your veins, because he’s lying. He has to be.
Ryuji was here. They were friends, Ryu’d told you that–
Why did you think this stupid plan would work anyway? That he’d tell you anything, much less the truth when this whole fucked up island is full of liars and those too indoctrinated to know the difference?
“You alright?” he asks when abruptly, you shoot to your feet beside him.
And it takes every ounce of willpower you have left to force an easy smile to your lips, raising your cup just a fraction, “Yeah, just gonna go get a refill. Thanks for the talk, Kiyoshi.”
Whether he notices that your wine’s barely touched or not, you don’t care – not as you turn on your heel without another word and head back up the beach.
Your head is pounding, your body trembling – you don’t hear the call of your name until a hand reaches out and grasps at your wrist, spinning you around.
Asuka greets you with a wide grin, Makki and a tall, broad shouldered man you think is called Mattsun standing either side of her – the former’s arm slung casually over her shoulder. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you,” she says. “Come on, we’re gonna go swimming, it’s so pretty out there!”
You glance out towards the ocean. Moonlight bathes the inky blue water, light shimmering off the rippling tide; some of the others are already out there, splashing amongst the waves.
“Clothing optional, of course,” Makki laughs, and Asuka tugs on your wrist once more.
“C’mon, it’ll be fun!”
But you shake your head, slowly pulling your hand from her grip, “I’m not feeling great, I think I’m gonna head back.”
Asuka frowns, concern marring her pretty features. “Are you okay? Do you need us to call Mizo–”
“No,” you say, cutting her off. Healer Mizoguchi is the last person you need to see right now. “I just– I just need to go lie down for a bit. You guys go have fun – enjoy the blessing, I’ll be fine.”
Makki and Asuka share a fleeting look, but it’s Mattsun who interjects before either one of them can speak, “I’ll walk you back, then.”
Your stomach churns. It doesn’t sound like a suggestion.
And the smart thing to do would be to accept his help; the walk from the beach to your villa isn’t far, and while you’re not as familiar with Mattsun as you are with Makki or Asuka, it’s not like he’s going to hurt you or anything, but–
“Really– you don’t need to, it’s fine,” you smile weakly, shuffling back as he reaches to offer you his arm. “Go swim, I’ll see you guys in the morning.”
Mattsun shrugs easily enough, falling back into line with the other two – yet there’s something in the way he grins and holds your gaze for a beat longer. A glimmer of amusement, as if there’s some joke you're not a part of. “I’ll hold you to it, sweetheart.”
The heat that floods your cheeks clashes uncomfortably with the cloying heaviness in your stomach, but somehow you manage to stutter out one last goodbye before turning back to scamper off in the direction of your room.
–But not to lie down.
There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the full moon’s bright. No need for a torch, not unless you decide to venture into the heart of the forest.
You’ve been a fool. Kiyoshi, Asuka, Makki, Mattsun; you can’t trust any of them to help you, even unwittingly. Ryuji’s here on the island – somewhere – and every second that slips away, every second that you allow yourself to forget puts him in further danger.
And so you cling to your discomfort, ground yourself in it. The prickling sensation at the back of your neck, the tightness in your chest as you slip past your villa, keeping low and quiet – they’re a reminder that there is something insidious here on the island, that you have to get out.
You and Ryuji.
He’s here. Away from the others, kept under lock and key as punishment, or maybe being forced to undergo whatever kind of glorified brainwashing they’ve got going on, but here. You need to be smart about this, because while you don’t intend to stop until you find him, tonight will be your best shot – while everyone’s distracted down on the beach.
For the first time in a long time, it feels like you have a clear head.
Creeping through the underbrush, you steer clear of the well trod pathways that lead towards habitation. You’ve been there, and to the docks, and the river.
If they’re still keeping him here (and they are, you refuse to entertain the possibility that it could be otherwise) then it’s not somewhere out in the open. A bird cries out in the distance shattering the calm of the night, and you flinch – but it only serves as another reminder that your time tonight is limited; you cannot afford to delay. You wrack your brain, trying to dredge up memories of the last few weeks, surely you must have seen something–
“Lost?”
The single word, spoken in a deep, gruff voice has your blood running cold.
Slowly, you turn.
Iwa stands behind you in the thicket, his face utterly impassive. Briefly, you contemplate whether it’s worth trying to bluff your way out of this, but Iwa’s eyes narrow, flashing in the dim light and you think better of it.
A sigh escapes you, your shoulders deflating. “Where is he– Ryuji?” you ask; a whisper rather than a demand.
Iwa’s expression gives nothing away. Did he know, or have you handed him the smoking gun of a crime that’d fallen through the cracks? Does it even matter anymore? You’re just–
You’re tired.
Exhausted. In the space of a few moments all of that shining determination and resolve; it fled, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. This has to end, you can’t keep fighting against them forever. You can’t keep drowning in this guilt, feeling torn every second that you spend here on this stupid island. You just want to find Ryuji and go home.
… Right?
A tense beat passes as Iwa appraises you, and then; “Come with me.”
The hand he places on your shoulder doesn’t give you much choice. His grip isn’t what you’d describe as gentle, yet he’s careful enough to make sure you don’t trip or stumble as he marches you north.
In the thick of the forest away from the beach, it’s eerily quiet. Every twig that snaps underfoot, every ragged breath you draw; it feels too loud. Out of place amongst the stillness of the midsummer night.
And isn’t it ironic, that for the first time since you set foot in this paradise, you feel like you’re trespassing?
A bead of sweat trickles down from your temple and your mind unwittingly drifts back to Mattsun and Makki. Are they still swimming with Asuka? Probably, you reason. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how long it’s been since you left them on the beach, but surely no more than an hour.
And strangely, like water drawn from the depths of a well, an image comes to mind; the four of you standing in the waves, you perched atop Mattsun’s shoulders, screaming and giggling in delight as Asuka tries to knock you down again, two sets of eyes watching from the shore…
You should have stayed on the beach.
“Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask,” he replies drily – humouring you, you suppose.
Your lips quirk upwards for the briefest of moments. “What happens on the Lunar blessing? Asuka, the others– no one told me what it was.”
Iwaizumi doesn’t answer you immediately, but you feel his fingers reflexively tighten on your shoulder. Likely it wasn’t the question he was expecting; surely there were others that you could have asked – but you don’t really want the answers to those.
If you’re being led like a lamb to proverbial slaughter, what good would it do you to know it?
And yet as the seconds pass and no answer seems forthcoming from your captor, you resign yourself to the fact that your curiosity will remain unsated. You don’t even know what prompted you to ask in the first place; knowing Oikawa it’s probably some grand, meaningless spectacle. Pretty, hollow words spoken only to–
A heavy sigh draws you from your thoughts, and you falter in your step, almost tripping over your own feet in the process. Iwa’s quick to right you, urging you forward with a less than gentle nudge. “Walk straight,” he grunts, yet it lacks any true heat. Anticipation flutters through your veins, and he mutters a soft curse behind you. “Fine. It… it’s an exchange.”
An exchange? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Your eyebrows draw together, mouth opening to press the matter, but Iwa beats you to the punch.
“You’ll find out for yourself soon enough, now shut up.”
You have no response to that, so you do.
—
The two of you walk in silence for what feels like hours. Eventually, the terrain becomes steeper, the worn path you’re treading twisting and winding, and you realise you must be close to the mountains at the heart of the island.
As your breath comes in heavy pants, your legs beginning to ache, you can’t help but be lost in the beauty of it all.
The flora’s different here, unlike any you’ve seen before. Flowers bursting from the bark of towering trees, blooms of vibrant hues; reds and purples and soft, baby pinks. Even the vines at your feet curl amongst pretty white buds that gleam invitingly under the moonlight. Your jaw falls open as you gaze around in wonderment.
You forget why you’re walking, where it is that you’re heading. Iwa’s grip relaxes as a quiet gasp escapes you, and he doesn’t stop you when you stray from the path to take a closer look. You can’t resist reaching out to touch the silken petals, leaning in to smell their perfume. Soft and light and sweet, your eyes flutter shut, a smile creeping across your visage.
It reminds you of home. Not your actual home – the rundown, tiny shoebox apartment you gave up before you came here – but something deeper.
Home, like the long summer days spent playing in your parents’ backyard. Home, like afternoons curled up by the window, watching the rain come down in sheets outside.
Home, like the comfort of arms wrapped around you; two hearts beating in sync.
“C’mon,” Iwa interrupts after a minute or so, his voice a touch less gruff. “We’re almost there.”
Dazed, you find yourself nodding, allowing him to guide you back to the path. This time, he doesn’t grab you by the shoulder, seemingly content enough to walk by your side.
True to his word, it’s only another few minutes before you see it; a wooden villa, four times the size of your own and far, far grander, set amongst a clearing of trees on the mountainside. Confused, your eyes flicker from the villa to Iwa and back again. Gossamer curtains billow lightly in the breeze, a warm, inviting glow spilling from the open windows. Surely this cannot be where he meant to lead you… and yet he merely stands at your side, arms folded across his broad chest, watching you expectantly.
“You gonna make me carry you up there?” he asks, not unkindly.
Swallowing tightly, you shake your head.
Another glance, and you catch a shadow lingering by the window. Your heart skips a beat, apprehension curling in your gut as you begin to walk, every step feels less steady than the last. You’re almost glad when Iwa takes you by the arm; if only so that you have something to focus on other than the growing tightness in your chest. The villa, with its pretty flowers and airy, elegant grandeur is far from the isolated cell you’d been afraid of, yet the uncertainty of what you’re walking into eats at you all the same.
Is this where they’ve been keeping Ryu, or has he brought you here for another reason?
Nothing, however, can prepare you for what you find inside. Warm light emanates from lanterns that bathe the room, and your eyes widen as you stare around you.
Strange, gold carvings inlaid with mother of pearl decorate the thick, woodens support beams, a pot of incense burns on a table overflowing with fresh fruit. There’s a jug of the same honeyed wine you’d drank earlier in the night and two cups set on an ornate stand nearby – just within arms reach of one of the chaise lounges.
Iwa affords you little time to gape, drawing you further in. Silken tapestries hang from the walls – you’re pulled along too quickly to truly take note, but the brief glimpses you get hint at a story; a divine being cast from his home, lost and wandering.
It tugs at something buried within you, and uncomfortable, you tear your eyes away.
The two of you reach a closed door at the end of the hall, and Iwa pulls you to a stop, knocking once.
“Come,” a familiar voice calls.
You stiffen, though perhaps you should have foreseen this outcome. Who else would Iwa bring you to but to him? Distantly, you register his grip relaxing, the sound of the door sweeping open and his voice at your ear.
“Go on.”
And it’s funny, you think, how two halves of yourself can be so at odds with each other. Because while your stomach twists itself into knots, goosebumps prickling at your skin, your legs stumble forward of their own accord.
Two steps forward, and your breath catches in your throat.
It’s a bedroom, that much you can deduce from the decor, but that’s not what captures your attention. Nor is it Oikawa, leaning against the bureau with a genial smile – at least not at first.
No. In place of a back wall, there’s open space, not so much as a panel of glass obstructing the view before you. And what a view it is; from this height you can see the sprawling forest below, the coastline dotted with bonfires and the moonlit ocean shimmering beyond. Where the floorboards end, there are steps, you realise as you unwittingly inch closer, leading to a cascading spring – likely fed from the waterfall you can hear rushing nearby.
How easy it would be to brush aside your worries, you think, to shed your clothes, slip into the cool, calm water and lose yourself entirely. Even amongst all you’ve seen and experienced on the island so far, this is incomparable.
“Stunning, isn’t it?” Oikawa murmurs, coming up behind you.
His voice startles you, yet when you turn, you find him not gazing out at the scenery but rather at you, that same strange, knowing smile curling at his lips.
“Some days, I admit, it’s hard to tear myself away,” he continues, unbothered by your stunned silence. “But even I can’t neglect my duties for too long.”
You swallow, tongue darting out to wet your lips. Confusion twists through you at the conversational tone, surely he hasn’t brought you here just to chat about the impressive views, yet there’s no hint of disapproval on his face, no indication that he’s anything less than pleased with you.
It’s unnerving to say the least, but you’ll play along with his game if that’s what Oikawa wants.
“Beautiful,” you say, though the words feel woefully inadequate even as you speak them.
He hums in agreement, something akin to pride flickers in his eyes at your assessment, “A labour of love, I suppose. But… everything you see here, everything I’ve built, it comes with a price. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I-I’m sorry?” you stutter.
“Paradise,” he elaborates, his smile widening. “There’s no give without take. Those people down there,” he nods down at the beach, the tiny, ant-like figures still milling about, “the lost, the beaten, the abused – I gave them what they so desperately sought; a sanctuary. A life without struggle, without suffering.” He pauses for a moment, reaching forward to take your hand. You almost flinch, almost skitter across the room to put as much distance between you as you can, but you don’t–
His palm is warm as it envelops yours, a pleasant heat that seems to spread through your veins, easing your tense muscles. There’s nothing to fear from him, you’re safe with Oikawa.
“Aren’t you happy here?”
Yes.
“What about the price?” you ask instead, though it takes more concentration than it should to force the words out.
Oikawa’s thumb sweeps along the back of your hand. “I never said it was your price to pay,” he soothes.
There’s something wrong with that sentence, but another sharp knock at the door draws your attention before you can think too hard about it. You turn out of instinct, barely aware of the way his hand tightens fractionally around your own.
A single finger at your jaw coaxes your attention back to him. “If you built a paradise, wouldn’t you give whatever necessary to ensure it flourished?”
Oikawa stares at you expectantly, deep brown eyes searching your face as he waits for an answer. Agreement would be the logical choice – the one he seems to want from you – but even as your lips part, the only sound that escapes is a breathless, confused noise.
When you were a kid, maybe six or seven, your parents took you to the beach one day and you waded too far out into the water. The waves were bigger than you expected; all it took was one mistimed jump and you were dragged under.
It wasn’t for long, probably only seconds, and ultimately you were fine – but you remember those few seconds so vividly. The feeling of helplessly tumbling through the water, fighting to break the surface but not knowing which way was up. Your lungs crying out for oxygen, the disorientation and dizziness, the panic.
It feels like that now – like the floor’s dropped out from beneath you and you’re just hurtling through empty air, desperately trying to slow yourself down with nothing to grab onto.
None of this makes any sense. Your emotions are shot to pieces, too many parts of yourself being pulled in different directions and you’re not sure which ones you can trust anymore. How can you be? Oikawa’s still holding your hand, smiling at you, and you just want everything to stop for a second so you can right yourself and breathe–
The door opens.
Iwaizumi appears in your field of vision, dragging a bound, hooded figure behind him. And because this is all some big, cosmic joke, you get your wish. Both of them, actually.
Time slows.
Even with a burlap sack pulled over his head, you recognise the man Iwa shoves to the floor and sneers at.
Hundreds of miles, weeks of uselessly traipsing around this fucking island, and finally–
Finally, you’ve found Ryu.
There should be relief. Fear, considering his current state, yes, but Ryuji’s here and he’s alive and as the hood is ripped off his head Oikawa squeezes your hand and the only thing you feel is… anger.
Not a heated flash that surges through your blood. It’s slow and seething, insipid. You look at him, locked in place as empty, pleading eyes meet yours and all you can think is that all of this – everything – is his fault.
“Asuka told you why she came to me, didn’t she?” Oikawa asks.
Your brow furrows, why–why is he asking you that now, how did he even–
He slips closer behind you, letting your hand go in favour of your shoulder, his spare dragging lightly along the bare skin of your arm. “She was lost, in so much pain. The physical wounds, they heal after a while,” his voice is right in your ear, a low murmur that sends a shiver rippling down your spine.
It isn’t an unpleasant feeling.
“But the scars inside, well… sometimes those fester.”
Gagged and bound, kneeling at your feet, Ryu doesn’t even try to make a sound.
He’s thinner than you remember. Face gaunt and bruised; there’s a half healed, mottled yellow one painted across the left side of his jaw, one eye purple and swollen. You glance at Iwa, standing stoically behind him, muscular arms folded across his chest. His work, you wonder, or others as well? You notice the tear tracks running down his face, catching the light of the lanterns, but it’s as if you’re seeing it all through a thick pane of glass. None of it reaches you, there’s nothing but that simmering, ugly feeling in your gut.
Oikawa hums, “I told you that Paradise wasn’t for everyone. It’s a haven, yes, but there are those who simply… don’t belong.”
His body’s so warm, pressed up against yours. Fingertips graze along your side, and this time you don’t bother biting back that tiny, breathless moan. Iwa briefly smirks at it, but there’s no embarrassment. Why should there be? Your eyes flit back to Ryu, bowed on the wooden floor.
Another memory resurfaces; A sharp crack and a ringing in your ears, Ryuji, eyes bloodshot and glazed, falling to his knees, clutching frantically at the leg of your pants as endless apologies spill from his lips.
It wasn’t him. It was never him.
“He hurt you,” Oikawa purrs. “He kept hurting you, I saw it.”
The words wash over you like waves breaking on the shore, but you find yourself nodding anyway. It was the truth, wasn’t it? A thousand tiny hurts, piled up on one another until you finally broke.
And you’d still come when he’d called.
Listened to him when he’d begged you not to hang up the phone.
“Iwa.”
The brunet moves towards a grand chest of drawers pushed up against the western wall. An ornate dagger sits atop, strange and beautiful; the blade isn’t steel or any metal you’ve seen before, but some kind of black stone, the handle intricately carved ivory. You hadn’t even noticed it before, Oikawa’s room filled to the brim with odd trinkets and treasures, but now that you have, it’s hard to tear your eyes away.
Iwa takes it and carries it over towards the two of you, holding it with the utmost care.
“Obsidian,” Oikawa informs you as he accepts the blade from his friend, bringing it in front of you both to show it off. “Pretty, isn’t it?” And while you can’t see his face, you can hear the smile in his tone.
He isn’t wrong though.
Ever so carefully you reach out, the soft pads of your fingertips running along the obsidian surface, surprisingly cool to the touch. The razor sharp edges – wavy and asymmetrical, leading to a tapered point – you’re careful to avoid, almost positive you’d draw blood with the slightest touch.
“Take it,” he urges, his breath ghosting over the shell of your ear.
Obediently, you turn your hand over, your fingers wrapping around the hilt when he presses it against your palm. And as long fingers curl around yours, you idly wonder how old the dagger is – there’s not so much as a scratch on it, yet there’s something about the weapon in your hand that feels ancient. It thrums under your combined touch.
Oikawa jerks his chin at Iwa, and with a short nod and one last, lingering glance cast your way, the latter exits once again.
Leaving you and Oikawa alone with Ryuji.
“It’s almost time,” he remarks – though time for what, you’re not entirely sure. His lips press against your hair, his arm dropping from your shoulder to your waist, drawing you flush against him. “I know why you came to me, the lies that led you here.”
Both of you turn your attention back to Ryuji at that, the bound man now shaking with the force of his muffled sobs, snot dripping from his nose. That bitter resentment rears its ugly head again, soothed only by Oikawa’s pacifying hum, his thumb now rubbing slow circles at your side. “Shh, I’m not angry – none of that matters now. You’ve found a home here, no? You want to stay on the island with me.”
You swallow, nodding your head rapidly. The thought of having to leave now, of being forced out after everything you’ve seen and felt and experienced here, you– you can’t fathom it. You don’t want to.
Ryuji’d wrought so much damage, but even before he’d swept through your life… had you ever been happy? Were you ever truly accepted – or loved, for that matter?
You can’t go back to that life. You won’t; he’ll have to drag you kicking and screaming from the shore. The Commune is your home, this is where you belong. Here, with Oikawa.
“Good girl,” he croons, another kiss pressed to the crown of your head. You beam at the praise and Ryuji crumples a little further. “Death begets life, you understand now, don’t you?”
You glance at the obsidian dagger in your hand and then at Ryu, beaten and bruised, bowed in forced supplication before you, and nod.
His fingers tighten around yours, “Then do it.”
Leaning forward, you reach for Ryu, fingers lightly trailing down his ruined cheek, curling at his chin to coax his head upwards. He squeezes his eyes shut, pain and regret etched over every inch of his face, but he doesn’t fight you.
Baring his throat to your dagger, Ryuji’s pleas take the shape of your name.
Muffled, thanks to the gag, but unmistakable. And for one single moment, you falter.
This… this is wrong; for all his faults, and god knows there were plenty, Ryu didn’t des–
A wave of calm washes over you, allaying your fears, your doubts. Your breath leaves you in a heavy gust, taking with it the tension in your shoulders, and Oikawa’s voice, smooth and honeyed, reaches your ears once more, “Nothing comes without a price, doesn’t he deserve to be the one to pay it?”
With your hand still tucked inside of his, your arm moves with a will of its own; slashing with inhuman grace.
The dagger cuts deep, Ryuji’s eyes snapping open in shock as a spray of warm blood hits you both. He chokes – a horrid, wet, gurgling sound – wide, pleading eyes frantically shifting between you and Oikawa. Every beat of his failing heart sends fresh blood spurting from the gaping wound. It drenches his front, splatters across your dress, your face, crimson pooling at the wooden floorboards at his knees. His mouth falls open and shut, trying and failing to form coherent sounds and you just stand there and watch, the dagger hanging limply at your side.
It doesn’t take long; seconds at the most.
Ryuji’s slumps to the floor, his body finally growing still as the light fades from his eyes. There’s a beat of absolute silence, and then–
Oikawa shudders behind you, a strangled, drawn out moan leaving his lips. You try to turn, but his arms lock around you, every muscle tensing, his back arching. The dagger in your hand grows hot, burning the soft skin of your palm, but with his fingers still tightly entwined with yours you can only whimper and endure it.
With a hoarse, guttural roar, a pulse of pure energy surges through the room like a shockwave. Every cell in your body lights up, electrified, buzzing; a dizzying euphoria unlike any you’ve felt before coursing through your blood.
Across the island, voices cry out in delight, a symphony of life. The trees tremble and shake, invigorated and renewed, fresh buds bursting from the forest floor, blooming under the light of the full moon.
The harvests flourish, even the river swells in response to the call.
Death begets life, just as he promised.
And with every inch of your body alight and singing with pleasure, you can barely think much less protest (and why would you want to?) as Oikawa roughly yanks you around, hungry lips crashing against your own as his fingers pull and tear at your bloodstained dress. He wastes no time with foreplay, and you suspect only begrudgingly takes a moment to hoist you up against him and carry you to his bed.
There’s nothing gentle about the way he hauls your hips to his, sheathing his cock inside of your warm, tight cunt with one savage thrust, but you don’t care.
Not as you cling to him, fingernails raking along his shoulders as he presses your thighs further apart so he can fuck you deeper. It’s hard and rough and brutal, yet you moan for him all the same, his name a prayer swallowed up by feverish, claiming kisses.
Tonight, bathed in blood and the soft glow of moonlight, you offer your god everything.
—
“Look, look!”
A small hand tugs at your skirt, and you glance down to find a little girl with pretty, dark curls holding up a crown of woven flowers.
“Do you like it?” she asks.
Carefully, you take it from her, bringing it closer to examine. She watches you intently as you study it, lifting it this way and that to appraise her work, humming thoughtfully for good measure. “I think it’s beautiful work,” you tell her after a long enough pause, and you can’t help but smile at the way she lights up, preening under your praise. “Why don’t you go show your mama? I’m sure she’ll be very impressed.”
The girl nods rapidly, thanking you before skipping off in the direction of her parents. The sun’s hanging low in the sky, the fires already being readied for the night ahead. You’re not unaware of the watchful gaze that carefully monitors your every move, and the moves of anyone who ventures too close by. Soon enough, you’ll return home to the heart of the island – anticipation fluttering in your belly at the thought of what awaits you – but for now, you let your feet sink further into the sand, closing your eyes as you bask in the lingering warmth of the setting sun.
At least until the sound of your name being called draws you back to the present. Yet it’s not Iwaizumi approaching, but rather Makki, two strangers trailing along behind him.
“Thought I’d find you here,” he grins, throwing a casual arm over your shoulders. “This is Kaneo,” he gestures to the man, “and his wife Manaka. They arrived this morning, I’ve been showing ‘em round.”
You turn to the couple, smiling sweetly as you extend a hand, “Welcome to the Commune.”
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Lost Time // Luke Patterson
Summary: Things changed since Sunset Curve fell apart literally as three out of four members died before a gig. Leaving a sad girl behind Luke by chance runs into the reader with someone else. Death tore the couple apart, and time can’t fix this.
Warning: Talk of death, depression, angst and fluff
Words: 2.2k
Might as well join the Julie and the Phantoms fan club!
*For the sake of the story the time frame has been altered, it takes place in the mid-2000s. Also! I tried to make the reader as generalized as I could to make sure that everyone can relate. The reader is Alex’s sister, for inclusion that can be biological, adopted, half or stepsiblings. I want to make sure all people can be the reader.
Masterlist
THIS IS FROM MY SECONDARY BLOG! REPOST!!
The 1990s was definitely some of the best years of your life watching your brother grow more comfortable in his identity. Alex had kept his sexuality secret, taking the frustration of the secret by learning how to play the drums. You would often be found curled on the chair listening to his growing talent; Alex was a great brother.
Alex found friends in three local boys Reggie, Bobby and Luke, even a little more than friends with Luke briefly. By 1991 the boys had formed a band Sunset Curve with each other and a loyal fan in you. By mid-1994 the band had a fanbase and some gigs, but playing The Orpheum was the goal.
Luke had admitted to Alex, he had feelings for you, and with a lot of encouragement from Alex, he approached you. Luke had been focused on music since his parents gave him his first guitar, so relationships weren’t even on the backburner.
“Hey.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to your cheek backstage, “Missed you.”
His hair tickled your skin, bringing a bright smile from the teenage boy and a deep blush from you, private time wasn’t as often as it once had been. After Luke’s fallout with his parents a few months back, he had couch surfed between Reggie and Alex’s rooms; he wasn’t allowed in yours.
“You saw me last night.”
“A monumental time.” Luke bent his bend to place a lingering kiss on your bare shoulder, his jacket having fallen down, “Three years together and a bright future ahead.”
Last night had been the third anniversary of your relationship and hopefully the previous night worrying on parents walking in, cheap dates Luke often felt guilty about. Luke knew in his bones playing The Orpheum tonight would open the door to a legendary future. A future where money wasn’t tight and he could you on dates he deemed acceptable for the love of his life.
Bobby voiced brought Sunset Curve’s lead singer back to that moment, you dropped from the stage to settle in the empty audience to watch the soundcheck. With a wink from Alex, he started making the beat to Now or Never, you beamed as they poured their souls into the song. The four were talented and made to be in a band together even if you didn’t really like Bobby.
Cringing at the awkward wink Bobby sent you turned on your converse to head to the bar for a glass of water. Thanking the bartender, you tuned out the conversation with the waitress and the band only jumping when arms wrapped around your waist.
“We’re getting street dogs.” Luke spoke, bringing your body to rest on his chest, “Do you want one?”
The thought of those street dogs honestly horrifying given they were cooked in some random guys car. The one time you tried, it had permanently tattooed the taste in your memories forever, and just remembering was vomit-inducing.
“I’ll pass.” You wrinkled your nose, turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t know how you guys like those.”
“Tradition.” Luke shrugged caressing your cheekbone with the pad of this thumb. Gazing at features he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life, “Still down with the plan?”
“The minute I’m eighteen, we go to the nearest chapel.” You grinned playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll be waiting Rockstar.”
Luke pressed a long passionate kiss on your lips, pulling away to jog over to Alex and Reggie waiting at the door. Bobby having declined the street dog invitation to flirt with the waitress Rose. Alex waved before the door closed. Little did you know that would be the last time you saw them alive.
1995 was the worst year of your life. 1996 was the hardest, especially with the forever reminder of your love. You wouldn’t trade 1996 for the world however, only wishing for one change.
Los Angeles, 2004
Alex, Reggie and Luke had learnt a mere few days away from that life had drastically changed forever. Firstly, the three boys had died from eating the street dogs mere hours before performing on the stage of The Orpheum. Secondly, it was no longer 1995 but instead nearly ten years had past bringing the three ghosts into 2004.
The most jarring wasn’t being able to be heard playing music with a random girl named Julie but that the most constant part of the band no longer was there. You hadn’t died that night, and Alex was pretty sure you were still alive. Luke felt lost waking up without you beside him and the deep regret of not reconciling with his parents.
It would be a week before Luke would swallow his pride enough to orb himself into his unchanged childhood home. Emily, Luke’s mom, was in the well-worn chair knitting a scarf Luke recognized as his favourite colours. Mitch was in the kitchen, putting the groceries away. It was heartbreaking being invisible to his aged parents.
“Hey, Mom.” Luke sniffled sitting on the couch nearby staring at his silent mother, “Sorry for not visiting sooner.”
Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes feeling hopeless, not being able to ease his parents’ pain, the regret and guilt bubbling to the surface.
“How is Y/N? I bet she’s living in New York of London now. We promised to travel the world together. Part of me is guilty of wishing she had eaten a street dog that night so we could be together.” Luke sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midsection reminiscing on the beautiful girl he had unwillingly left.
“Hey.” Mitch spoke, kissing his wife’s forehead. Her eyes closing in contentment.
“I wonder if you know where Reg and Alex’s parents are. Reggie’s neighbourhood was torn down who knows when. It makes me scared to see if Alex and Y/N’s parents still have their place. I don’t think so. They lost their son.”
“Hey Luke.”
Luke glanced over his shoulder to see Alex at the door, reluctant to impose of Luke’s privacy.
“Yeah.”
“We’re rehearsing.” Alex spoke, smiling as the other teenager took one more wistful look at his parents before orbing out of his house to the Molina family’s garage. Minutes later, the front door opening and feet thudding brought the noise to the Patterson home.
“Grandma!”
A four-foot blue of green and black blur covered the room in seconds nearly sprawling Mitch to the floor. Why was that 1996 year difficult? Well, ’95 was when Sunset Curve tragically died, and a stick changed your life. ’96 was spent going through the last five months of pregnancy without Luke.
October 1995
You kept your lips pressed tightly together, unable to look at the smooth, shiny mahogany rectangle surrounded by flowers. Looking up meant the reality kicking in. Funerals sucked. Especially the third funeral in the last handful of days. It was surreal thinking that one week ago you had kissed your boyfriend and hugged your brother and now they were dead. Gone. Not even a goodbye.
“Are you okay?” The broke voice asked, gaining your attention. Swollen red eyes matching yours held unimaginable pain. While the last few months had been icy with your parents, it didn’t mean losing one of their kids didn’t sting.
“I will be.” You whispered clasping your hands over the scratchy black velvet dress, one you had worn three times too many.
The sobs broke out seeing the best picture Alex had taken in his life, it encapsulated his best features; his beaming smile and kind, caring eyes. Alex was gone. Your brother was gone because he ate a bad hot dog with his friends. You would never see your boys again. Never feel Luke’s skin or share a laugh with Alex or complain about things with Reggie. You wouldn’t get to meet in the chapel with Luke wearing second hand ‘fancy’ clothing. In one night, your life changed.
It changed further seeing the two lines on the test later that night. The heartache growing. The baby you carried would never meet his uncles and his Dad. Would never hear them play or learn to play. ’95 and ’96 sucked ass.
You sighed, closing the door to follow the rambunctious ball of energy into the living room where he entertained Mitch and Emily. Some days it was difficult to stare into the green eyes he inherited from his father.
“Benjamin Lucas.” You spoke crossing your arms, meeting the gaze of the eight-year-old boy, “What did I say?”
“To not runoff.” Ben quietly replied, playing with his hands. His messy brown hair, in need of a trim, falling into his eyes, “Sorry Mom.”
“Please don’t do it again.” You gently told the little boy elated as he quickly found the toy box in the corner of the room.
Ben was loved deeply by Mitch and Emily, who had stepped up when your parents made the decision to sell your childhood home. Wanting Ben to know his paternal grandparents, you had struggled to find an apartment and job to say in the neighbourhood. Since the baby was the last part of their son, the Patterson parents’ had welcomed you into the home where you stayed until Ben was two.
“Do you want us to come around for Luke’s birthday?” You questioned sitting on the love seat, the same love seat you had made out on with Luke many times during movies.
The room turned sad at the question and reminded that for the ninth year, you would celebrate Luke’s birthday without him. A day where Ben wouldn’t fully understand. Emily simply nodded her head.
“Have you met anyone?” Mitch asked, leaning over to clasp his hands together. For the last few years, they had been pushing you to date. They wanted your happiness and for Ben to have a father even if Luke couldn’t be it.
“Mama can we stay here tonight?” Ben’s innocent voice cut the tension, saving you from answering the question again. Mitch and Emily each nodded their heads at the question, unable to tell the young boy no.
“Have you ate?” Emily asked, turning to look at you in concern. The chuckle left your mouth at the question she frequently requested, she missed cooking for more than two.
“We had pasta before we came.” You replied, turning to gaze out the window to the dark sky, “I should put Ben to bed.”
The soft whine from your son and denial was a nightly routine and very much a mirror image to Luke’s character as well. With a smile, Emily held out her hand to her grandchild, she was notoriously the only one able to get Ben to sleep fast.
“Come on Bug.”
It seemed the universe was keeping Luke from seeing you and discovering Ben, but when that night came, he was shocked. Emily was curled up on the patio couch, watching Ben in the newly bought sandbox. The patio doors opened. Inside, Mitch had invited a stranger who knew his son into the house.
“I think I heard the doorbell. I’ll be right back.” Emily called out to you. You had found shade under the tree reading a new book.
The soft cry had you up and running to Ben before you even realized, on his knee was a bleeding wound. You had already scooped the boy into your arms to quickly get into the kitchen. The moment your foot stepped into the home, the sound of a familiar voice and song filled the house.
Gently placing Ben on his feet, you followed the sound to the living room. Across the room behind a young girl stood a boy.
“Luke.” You breathed floored at the sight of the teenager who looked exactly like he did back in ’95. The ghost singing widened his eyes at yours, taking in the mature features and change of fashion.
He continued to sing the song Unsaid Emily he had written as an apology to his mom following the last big fight. The song he never got to show her. His voice faded as the ending of the song came around.
“Mama!” Your attention broke from Luke’s when a tiny hand reached for yours. The pain in his voice bringing you back to the most important part of your life, “It hurts Mama.”
Despite being sad, Mitch was the one to cross the room to lift the little boy into his arms. Placing the little boy on the counter, the man gently wet a paper towel to wash the area.
“I think he needs stitches.” Mitch sighed, furrowing his brows.
“Who is that?” Luke asked the Molina girl. The girl shrugged taking in the features she could recognize. Julie asked Emily.
“That’s Ben.” Emily beamed, looking over her shoulder at the little boy that filled the void of Luke’s death. It didn’t fix the wound or erase the pain, but Ben’s existence helped with the loss as he was a precious gift, “When Luke passed away his girlfriend Y/N found out she was pregnant with Luke’s baby.”
The choked sob fell from Luke’s mouth echoed by the thud of his knees, hitting the floor in the pure shock. The heartbreak painted so clear Julie was sure she could feel Luke’s agony.
God, why did Luke have to eat that fucking street dog. Fuck his band dreams. Nothing hurt as bad as finding out about Ben and Y/N having to be a single parent.
“I have a son?” Luke cried, orbing himself as far as he could from the Patterson home and his most tremendous loss.
Part Two
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Howdy, here's a handy dandy pinned post
Goofy little intro post about me and everything I usually post about here 🪱
You can call me Slowpoke 👋
I'm 22, Trans masc, and demisexual, and this is a blog for all my mind vomit, mostly art and sometimes writing!
I tend to post and create for whatever I'm currently hyperfixated on at the moment, so if you're wanting to follow me for something specific there may be long instances where I don't post that specific thing. You either love me at my year and half long Ninjago hyperfixation or not at all /lh
Some other bits of info about me is I have autism and will tend to use tone indicators, and occasionally my blog will contain mature themes. Nothing sexually explicit of course! Just maybe some suggestive humor and light gore. I don't mind minors interacting with my content, but please keep in mind that I am an adult and this is an adult space. I try to tag well known triggers in my posts but may miss some of them, so if ever need to tag something shoot me an ask and I'll fix it!
Of course, my blog does follow the usual DNI criteria, so if you're a pr*shipper, homophobic, transphobic, don't believe Ace people belong in the LGBTQ community, you get the point,,, kindly block me and don't talk to me you're nasty 💣
I also am a very active self shipper and half of my OCs are self inserts, so if thats not your thing either this blog won't be for you
I've got a whole range of interests and hyperfixations, but here are the main ones (some may be added and removed as time goes on)
Fallout New Vegas
The Elder Scrolls (I still have a side blog for TES content, so follow me at @scamp-on-a-lamp for that good shit)
Red Dead Redemption
Razia's Shadow
Pokemon
Dungeons and Dragons
The Witcher
Warrior Cats
So yeah, hope you enjoy your stay and like what I post :) I'm always open for asks and chatting so if you've got any questions just send me a message
Here a few other places to find me, see y'all soon 💞💞👇
F/O List if you're curious what silly little fictional men I am in love with👍
TES Blog: @scamp-on-a-lamp
Instagram: _cryptidc0re_
Tiktok: .cryptid_.c0re
Main Twitter: Sl0wp0ke_G4mer (mutuals can have access to the spicy art account if they ask 🤲)
Toyhouse: SlowpokeGamer
Ao3: SlowpokeGamer
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JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON
Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse
(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.
Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.
Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.
BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.
But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.
Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.
Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.
So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!
Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day
🥺💕
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Thank you for 220!!!
As promised I am making a proper post about it. Thank you all so much for following and supporting this blog!! I never could have expected it to get this many followers this quickly, or that so many people would enjoy my little AU, its amazing!! This post might be a bit of a long one but stick around because we are gonna vote on what to do to celebrate! I'm also gonna talk a bit about me and why this blog makes me so happy if anyone cares lmao
ok so item number one: the celebration
I have a couple ideas on what we could do so here they are (im also going to do a get 2 know OP sorta thing but that comes l8r)
Season one watch party
I would set up some sort of virtual chatroom/watch party thing and we all get to hang out and binge watch season 1 (as much as we can get through)
if this is the option ill probably have to do a second poll for what program bc Netflix Party requires everyone 2 have Netflix, Kast means everyone has to have Kast, etc.
Total Drama Commissions
So I like to think I've gotten decent at drawing in the style, I drew some of the photos in the posts as well as my own pfp so the idea is that I can draw whoever you want (yourself/OC/character) in the style for cheap. Deadass like 5 bucks idk.
Ask box slumber party
for this one to work yall are gonna have to participate but basically, we would all hang out for the night in my ask box! ill answer questions all night as fast as i can as they come in! ill probably post a few question starters and stuff
(personally this is my favourite option but it's up to you guys)
Voting is now closed (9/31/2020)
item number 2 on today's agenda goes under the cut bc it consists of me getting kinda sappy and rambling for a while
welcome to hell. I don't know when to stop talking to strap in.
Having this many people follow me in under 2 months is so fucking crazy. I never thought you all would be so excited about my little au, I made it for fun because I half rewatched the show with my sister and wanted them all to be friends, and I guess that's what you all wanted too! and then I realized there was sort’ve a fanbase and I was just amazed. This show is such a nostalgic show for me, it was one of the cartoons that my dad loved to watch with me and my siblings. (he's not dead I just realized how that sounds) I was probably 10 when they re-aired all three seasons on cable and we would get into it like it was a survivor and they were real people. I have 6 siblings, and all of us over the age of 10 were obsessed with this show at one point or another.
They don't make cartoons like this anymore. (i say, sounding old as shit and actually not knowing bc I don't have cable) But this show and 6teen are my favourite shows to rewatch now that I'm not a kid because there's so much hilarious shit I missed as a kid. No wonder my dad liked the show alone with us lol. But yeah, none of this really matters to the whole 200 followers thing, but I'm just so excited to see that so many people like the show as much as I did and do now ya know? so yeah, thank you for being here?
I really will try and keep up with this blog properly, it's just gonna be hard. As of right now, I have ELEVEN blogs, 5 of which I am actively creating content for, and I am starting a new job on Monday so that's gonna start eating my time. But that's why the queue is great! I try and fill it every few days, and ill do my best to keep that up (but bets are off when school starts back up, it'll probably have to be cut down to a few times a week)
anyways, if you have read this far, I'm sorry for all that and thank you?? you're amazing?? I'm gonna plug my other blogs for a second
@what-is-fanart-even is my main. Go here to see what I'm up to. I also do my art here, have my redbubble here, my main commissions, etc
@skyrim-said-that is the blog I'm probably most active on but unless you're into Skyrim it'll be boring lmao. I'm really only listing it so yall can see where I'm spending my time.
This is my Kofi if you wanted to uh support me? no push lmao I'm just putting it here bc I have it
I also have blogs for Outlast, Farcry 5, Red Dead Redemption, sitcoms(Gilmore girls, friends), IT (2017), and Fallout. ill drop URLs in the comments if anyone asks lmao.
and if you actually read this far you're the real fans, and I love you SO much. have an AMAZING rest of the month/year and i hope you're doing great!! Bye!!! ask box is open all the time if anyone wants to talk!! i love you all!!!!
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Hey everyone! Just a lil update of a sorts.
Some of you’ve probably noticed my somewhat low enthusiasm and lack of original SR content lately. I’ll be honest, I haven’t been all that much into Saints Row for the past few years. A lack of new games tends to do that and it’s hard to stay focused on the same thing for almost seven years, plus I periodically get pulled back into my other major fandom interests (TES and Fallout).
I want to reassure everyone tho that thetwobosses is not going anywhere. I’m still gonna be here reblogging fandom stuff from the tags and my dash because I love you all and this is my main Tumblr home.
And who knows, maybe SR5 ends up being sth really good in a year or two and revitalizes not just mine but everyone’s love for this franchise and makes things way more active around here again. I’m also still hoping the SR2 PC re-release doesn’t end up a buggy mess like the SR:TT Remaster did. My SR2 Meryl playthrough is still on hold because I wanna do it in a game that doesn’t crash on me every hour or two lol
(Also lately I’ve gotten into a new fandom obsession of Half-Life and the ‘Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware’ (aka HLVRAI) web series to the point that I actually made a separate blog about them! If you’re into either of those fandoms and want more about them on your dash, go follow me at @drcoomerphd. I reblog a lot of quality stuff but I miss having people to talk to? The SR fandom’s spoiled me, the dynamic there feels a lot different than what I’m used to over here <3)
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Hi! Can I be nosey? I saw your post on outlining Liar, Liar, Foxfire, could you explain your process a little more? Especially the EVEN DUMBER VERSION? Please and thank you and love your blog! Especially the little snippets of what you're working on!
Dear nonny you can always be nosy, I love it <3
I usually put the Title: DUMBEST VERSION at the top of my docs to remind myself that it’s the first draft and it doesn’t have to be perfect. It started out as a joke with Estranged back in the end of 2018 I think, when I started the fic. Then it kind of became a thing between myself and my then beta (she thought it was cute lol) I don’t really use it for its intended purpose, since I heavily edit as I write. You’re not technically supposed to do that, but I can’t write any other way if my work is unsatisfactory; it seriously kills my motivation when I know I can do better.
Which is where the EVEN DUMBER VERSION comes in! I’ve never used that one before this, I was just frustrated because I couldn’t get my plot to work in a way that I liked lol, so I decided to go through and outline literally every scene in season 3b. (Essentially: 3b for Dummies.)
In the case of this fic, I didn’t actually use an outlining method, really, and I usually don’t. I’m notoriously bad at outlines, and any time I’ve had to do them for school, I would write the project first, then write the outline based on that. The few times I do use an outline, I typically end up veering very far off track.
So what I initially ended up doing here was sitting down with a notebook and rewatching 3b, writing down the general ideas of each scene. Mostly I intended to use it just to jog my memory while I wrote the fic. It... did not work out that way.
After struggling for a few days, I decided to type everything up into a document, splitting each section by episode. I didn’t have every scene detailed, since it wasn’t an outline for the show itself, just for the main context I needed for my fic.
Then I used the blue text for the changes I intended to make/scenes I wanted to add. That way I had a visual representation of what was my original work, and what was the canon framework, which is what I was struggling with the most. It’s difficult for me to work within the constraints of canon like that, which I why I don’t write “missing scene” fics. (RIP)
At that point, it was a matter of adding in the scenes I knew I wanted, and then fleshing out some more where I felt like I needed more original content to balance out the canon. My goal is to have only as much canon context as necessary, because I didn’t want to write out episodes we’ve all already scene.
... And that still didn’t really help. I mean it was super useful in giving me somewhere to start but it wasn’t quite what I needed yet. So I started searching around for the scripts. (Fun fact: i used to be a film major, and I still have a thing for collecting scripts). I found the scripts only up to the end of 3a so that was a bust T_T But then I found the Teenwolfwiki which has scene-by-scene synopsis and it’s amazing. Way more effective than my outline in terms of laying everything out clearly for me.
So now I’ve got my outline as a sort of guide for where my missing scenes fit in, but then I’m going through the wiki to work my way through each episode, and decide which scenes I do/don’t want to keep. Since the fic is about Mitch and Stiles, I’m focusing on scenes with a heavy focus on Stiles and Mitch (who’s Allison’s cousin here, and thus follows the Argent’s storyline). I was also unsure how mush of Malia’s storyline to include, since the person who commissioned the fic didn’t want her in, but also there was some important context she gives to the plot... but then I realized I could just... not write her scenes. That leaves it up to the reader whether that part of canon still happened or not xD (For the record, I like to think it did, but her arc ends after they get her back to her dad, He never sends her to Eichen and that’s the end of her involvement.)
Like I said, I don’t outline very often, if at all, and I tend to get off track when I do (LLF has already changed drastically from the original ideas and outline, and a lot of scenes have been cut), the way I prefer to do it is to write essentially a very long summary. I like to jokingly call them “not-fics” because they can easily end up several thousand words long. It lays out the fic in a shorter retelling, but it’s less structured and leaves me more room for deviation. I usually don’t end up with an actual bullet-pointed outline until I’m pretty far into the fic and need to organize the remaining scenes. Estranged didn’t get an outline until I was...40k into it, maybe? It was a long time.
But if you want an ACTUAL outline method, one I’ve found and liked is the 3 ACT, 9 BLOCK, 27 CHAPTER Method, which somewhat follows the Hero’s Journey, but more in depth::
Act 1
Block 1: Introductions/Inciting Incident/Immediate Fallout (Exposition)
Block 2: Reaction/Action/Consequences
Block 3: Plot Twist/Break into Second Act
Act 2
Block 4: New World/Fun & Games/Old World Juxtaposition (Time for worldbuilding, everything is still fun; Harry Potter comes to Hogwarts)
Block 5: Build Up/Midpoint/Reversal (Growing paints. The character is changing for the better, lots of character development, etc. Pivotal moment)
Block 6: Reaction/Trials/Dedication (Character has potential, but still has work to do. Yennefer during the lightning in a bottle scene.)
Act 3
Block 7: Calm Before the Storm/Plot Twist/Darkest Moment (The whump chapter; Character reaches their breaking point.)
Block 8: Power Within/Action/Converge (Stiles in Ch. 16, to plug my own fic xD)
Block 9: Final Battle/Climax/Resolution
This is a super condensed version, but if you look it up, you’ll be able to see the full explanation on byomentor.com. I found it through Kate Cavanaugh on YouTube in one of her outlining methods videos.
I’m thinking of using this outlining method for this year’s NaNo when I finally, finally write Neverland, but we’ll see. It’s pretty flexible since you don’t have to exactly follow all 27 chapters; you can follow the general vibe and idea of each blog and still have a really sound story, which I like.
Another method I used forever ago for my fic Tree of Life (and I can’t remember the name of the method, but it’s pretty basic) was to have 5 points per chapter:
Inciting Incident
Progressive Complication
Crisis
Climax
Resolution
Now it didn’t work exactly that way because ToL is a pretty drawn out fic, even despite the action, but it’s a good thing to consider. If you have an action heavy or fast-paced chapter (or if a chapter feels slow to you but you don’t know why), it’s a good thing to keep in mind to help speed things up.
But yeah, despite my research in many different outline methods, my favorite is still to write my not-fics and then outline later, if I do at all xD
I hope this was informative! Please feel free to come back if you have any thoughts or questions : 3
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Halloween 2020 - Day 1 - The Stand (1994) - Episode 1 The Plague
Gee, an epic post-apocalyptic story about an out of control pandemic. Never heard that one before.
Much as we like to tie the Halloween season to the Christmas one by opening up with a festive horror movie, why not link back to the TV binging that provided some content to this blog earlier in the year by partaking in this mini series? We’re only covering part one here today as this is like four feature length episodes. In a worst case scenario, the rest will serve as backups that I can plug in if I’m having an off day so to help me from falling behind. But ideally they’ll go up once a week on the same day as a standard movie post. You manage to go back to actually doing 31 entries for the first time in donkeys years and it all goes to your head and you suddenly think you can do 34!
This has actually been on my list for quite a while now, we do love a good (or bad) Stephen King adaptation around here and I have a distinct memory of seeing this on TV when I was a kid. I’m guessing it must have played over a few nights over here at some point or maybe over a bank holiday or something? Not that I really remember much in the way of details, just the cornfields and a creepy face which we’ll get on to.
It’s something that’s stuck with me over all these years, I actually got a copy of the book at one point in what must have been the early to mid 2000’s. Still have it actually, I dug it out for the sake of this entry. Seems it’s a version from 1980 from it’s first run as a paperback in the UK. Seems to have a page or two missing near the start in amongst all the copywright business but otherwise it’s in okay shape.
Even has some writing on the first page that I can only make out in parts, one section seems to read ‘an old man beats a mule’. Or perhaps, more pertinently to this story, a mute...
Cover seems a bit dull and non descript compared to the various other ones that have come out over the years. There’s something interesting to this original version with the two figures fighting, very much a literal take on the good versus evil nature of the story with one figure dressed in light colours and the other dark. The dark figure is wielding a scythe which is obviously closely associated with the Grim Reaper. Seems to have some form of beak sticking out of its hood too and the robes and shoes seem to be almost harlequin or jester type clothes?
I wasn’t really expecting much going into it, especially based on the 1990 mini-series of It. I think because of the nature of It being partly set in the 60’s, as well the contemporary portion which just looks very 80’s, gives it this image in my head of being very dated. Outside of a few actors like Tim Curry, John Ritter and Seth Green, there’s not really any notable stars in it either and even though, Green’s notably arguably came much later on. The Stand though? This thing has some names, even if the bigger ones are just small cameos. Amongst the main cast you’ve got Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald and Rob Lowe. Obviously Ringwald isn’t a massive star or anything and is only really known for that string of John Hughes movies in the 80’s but around this time was peak Sinise. He’s not long removed from starring in Of Mice and Men (...and men....and men...) and would have roles in Forrest Gump, Apollo 13 and Ransom in the following years. Plus that big stretch in CSI:NY in the 00’s. But then you’ve got people like Ed Harris and Kathy Bates showing up, albeit briefly but these guys have some clout. I mean, Bates had just won the Academy Award a few years prior for her role in Misery so maybe she felt compelled to do more work under the King umbrella. Even the more minor roles seem like a roll call of ‘hey, it’s you!’ with Ken Jenkins (AKA Bob Kelso from Scrubs), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and the proprietor of Joe Bob’s Drive In, Joe Bob Briggs.
The landscape of TV feels very different today with actors much more willing to work in the field as it’s taken on much more artistic integrity. The greater availability of shows after they’ve aired, be it through DVR, home media or streaming, has enabled people to watch in far greater numbers. There was a time when the big break was deemed to be making it to Hollywood and starring in motion picture epics but it seems more and more that story tellers are moving away from the relatively cramped 2 hour-ish format of the silver screen to having their vision play out over a long form story and the big name actors are following suit. I feel like things would have been very different back in the early 90’s so to have these names attached.
Seems for a long time there were plans to turn this into a movie, it’s even referred to during a ‘making of’ feature on the blu-ray (pretty much the only feature on there I might add) as a ‘motion picture epic’ but this must have been done way into production so either they were confused or trying to mislead viewers for some reason? Apparently in the early 80’s the idea was for the success of Creepshow to finance production of The Stand but took until the early 90’s for everyone to finally settle on the miniseries.
Very much a big budget affair too for a TV Show, $6m per episode. And it’s needed given the scale of the story, taking place in all these different locations, the special effetcs and with so many characters involved with over 125 speaking roles across the series. It’s definitely a jump up from It, even though that had the two different time periods, it only had a budget of $12m across its two parts compared to the $24m here across four parts.
But to finally address the massive elephant in the room, this story centers around an outbreak of a strain of influenza seemingly created in some shadowy government facility. After something goes awry in the lab, a doomed insider pleads with the guy watching the main gate to seal the facility but he instead piss bolts for his nearby house and hurriedly bundles his wife and child into their car as they make their escape. Everyone else is not nearly as fortunate though as the camera pans the facility, lifeless corpses strewn throughout that have seemingly dropped dead in the middle of their everyday activities, there’s even one guy doubled over on a ping pong table. All of this is set to the sounds of BOC’s Don’t Fear the Reaper and culminates with the image of a crow picking at a doll dropped by the child in the rush out of the front gate. The crow features prominently on the front cover of the blu-ray I have, perched atop of a skull. Though, I know they’re going for the whole post-apocalyptic vibe but what about the superflu is causing the road to burn up and crack like that? The bird also shows up a fair bit throughout the episode, I was going to talk about it being a raven and how such birds are linked with ill omen and death but it’s a crow apparently. Who knew? Not me, I’m no ornithologist. It also seems to be very closely linked with a mysterious figure that is alluded to throughout, a ‘dark man’ or monster.
When the original carrier of the disease makes his way into Arnette, Texas, and crashes into the gas station that Sinise’s character Stu Redman is working at, his dying words are of his efforts to escape from a dark man that was chasing him and that no one can out run him. Maybe in that moment you’d think this is just a state of delirium and he’s speaking oddly poetically about trying to outrun Death himself but as the show goes on, more and more people speak of this dark man, almost as if everyone in the grip of this disease comes to share this vision.
And speaking of visions, we can’t forget Mother Abigail and her cornfields. Both Lowe and Sinise’s characters are whisked away in their dreams to the middle of nowhere where a centurion on her porch warns of them of an ominous future. Think Mama Murphy from Fallout 4 only with much less chem addiction. The only thing Mama Abigail needs is her bread. What is it with King and fields anyway? You’ve got In the Tall Grass, plus the corn fields here and in Children of the Corn. There’s probably more I’m forgetting too. It’s either cornfields, writers in distress or killer ‘whatever I can see in front of me whilst I’m pitching this story’ with this guy.
In a way though it’s good that the show takes this supernatural turn because otherwise this would be a little too on the nose to be watching in this current climate. It’s very eerie to see such similar events play out on screen, starting with the widespread rumours and misinformation. It starts out innocently enough with talk of this so called superflu being downplayed, covered up by the government as an anthrax attack or outbreak of swineflu. I remember back to those more innocent times at the start of the year when COVID was naively dismissed as little more than another flavour of the month disease like the swineflu, sars or ebola that would be here today and gone tomorrow. But then you’ve got things like the sense of paranoia suddenly surrounding a simple cough or sneeze, talks of quarantines, social distancing, the implementation of masks (which one reporter describes as not being able to stop a flu germ with a hangover) to the more disturbing scene of lethal force being used against a TV news crew who refuse to surrender footage they’ve shot of army troops disposing of bodies. Granted, we never got anywhere near that level, I think the worst we had was that guy from CNN getting arrested or that Aussie reporter being pushed over.
They even managed to mirror how universal a pandemic like this is, from the common man to the height of celebrity. One of the characters we’re introduced to is a singer who, whilst he seems to be one of the few lucky to have some immunity, still sees his mother succumb to the virus. Just like we saw with the likes of BoJo or Tom Hanks, it really is a great leveller and, as a wise man once said, ‘You might be a King or a little street sweeper but sooner or later you dance with the Reaper!’. I guess we can take solice that we haven’t quite had the societal collapse that this show manages to pull off in less than a week, with Times Square on fire and a guy running around shooting people like he’s in Falling Down. That’s not to say we wont get there, we seem to be hovering more around general civil disobedience right now with the growing frustration of lockdown and PPE spilling out into protests.
It makes for compelling viewing to see how quickly things break down from simply a man having the sniffles to people being rounded up from their homes and ushered into army vehicles. There’s a lot to take in as the show has to establish the events taking place and introducing it’s multitude of characters so there’s not really much room to breathe. Hopefully episode 2 can relax a little now and give the cast some time to grow. There’s still some standout performances though such as Redman’s growing frustration at being cooped up in a test facility, lashing out at the doctors and nurses coming in in their hazmat suits, prodding and poking him. It would have been nice to see more scenes with him and Dr. Dietz. They have one argument where they nearly come to blows before having a big showdown by the end, with the Doc being one of the last staff members left alive, seemingly crazed by their inability to find any answers in Redman’s tests and he threatens to take his frustrations out on Redman by shooting him. He might be immune to the virus but I bet he’s not immune to a bullet. Dietz starts out with this complete lack of empathy, almost to the point of having a rather cheery deposition considering the circumstances, as he finds some fascination in the speed at which the virus causes death. But he becomes more and more short tempered and threatening as the days wear on and it would have been good to see a more gradual descent.
The aforementioned Ed Harris plays General Starkey overseeing the initial bioweapon project and the fallout of it’s outbreak, perhaps overseeing to a fault as it becomes pretty clear from his ever increasing five o’clock shadow, dishevelled clothing and massive bags under his eyes that he’s slept very sparingly since the initial breach in containment. I think for the entire time we see him, his screen never changes from a shot of one of the cooks at the base of the initial outbreak slumped over, face down in the meal he was preparing. It makes a bit of a change to go from the quite verbal exchanges of Redman and Dietz to Starkey’s physical appearance and facial expressions putting across his mood.
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The whole Lee being bald thing was just a mean hoax. It was never verified by any legit sources, just a bogus reddit post. There’s been plenty of those.
PSA: Rock Lee isn’t balding! I repeat, Rock Lee IS NOT BALDING! Here’s the Proof!
I knew that not watching Boruto would catch up with me eventually, so here’s me amending my previous statement: There’s no official confirmation that Rock Lee is actually balding in Boruto.
And BOY did I do a deep dive of the internet for this. Saddle up kids, I’m about to throw on my amateur detective hat and take you for a wild ride through the internet to end this rumor once and for all.
Warning: Long, picture-heavy post where I cross-examine multiple sources.
Part I: The situation!
Here’s a compilation of the screencaps from Boruto episode 58 that sparked a thousand rumors.
Looking at the top-left screencap, we can see a strange rendition of Lee’s hairline. Following this introduction, Boruto and Yurui begin their match. When Yurui unleashes his unnamed Bubblegum-Pop jutsu, Boruto is thrown back. Rock Lee then grabs his hair due to the heavy winds that emanate from the burst. Putting the two together, it looks vaguely like Rock Lee has a strange hairline that accompanies him frantically grabbing his own hair.
Part II: The “Sources”
Okay, I spent probably close to 4-5 hours scouring through different links and articles. Here’s a breakdown of the internet’s say on the matter:
The first major source is from a website called “Comicbook.com” It’s the website that was linked in multiple other copycat articles, blog posts, and forums, and was the first result for any Google search of “Rock Lee balding” (or variations thereof)
Okay, this isn’t so bad. I see that there are sources linked, so I should be able to logically follow the trail back to either an interview or the name of the “book” in question. First, let’s look at where these so-called linked ‘sources’ lead.
In any part of journalism, linking your sources is the most important step to ensure your audience that you cross-referenced with legitimate sourc-
aaaand YOU HAVE FAILED Journalism 101.
Hm. despite the fact that this is a Reddit post and not an actual link to ANY book whatsoever, the link’s dead. Deleted. Frankly, this whole search was an endless loop of dead ends, but I was deadset on getting to the bottom of this.
So thus far, I’ve got one lead that wasn’t solved: there’s a rumored “Book” out there somewhere, and it was referenced at “some point.” My first guess would have been a databook, but I’ve read those. Perhaps the one I read had a translation error?
Scrolling through the comments of this Reddit post, I came across this:
Important context clues here: It’s not stated in a Databook. That means Naruto’s Jin no Sho, the Fourth official databook, is NOT the source of the rumor. Also, I was able to find a scanlation of Rock Lee’s page for the very same book here:
Rock Lee’s balding also certainly wouldn’t mentioned in any of the previous databooks where Rock Lee was, y’know, a teenager. All four official databooks are off the table.
Secondly, the link posted by user “Hydrobolt” leads to a twitter post with the following:
No sources, no reference to a book, nothing. Except for a few screenshots of Boruto Episode 58. I’ll discuss these shots later, but this appeared to be yet ANOTHER dead end. (Also, this twitter thread has ZERO links or sources!)
I can see why the post was deleted by the mods, but this was troubling: Did this whole rumor start from ONE twitter post from a shipper (that had single-digit likes/reblogs?)
I didn’t think so. Even if this random tweet was picked up by a semi-popular media outlet, I still needed to answer the following questions:
What was the “book” that supposedly had Kishimoto’s confirmation? Did it exist, or was it a bluff?
Where could I find a scanlated (and hopefully English, though my husband speaks Japanese) version of the Rock Lee page?
Part III: The Search for the Non-Databook “Book”
Even if it wasn’t in a databook, there are multiple interviews and exo-textual sources that can be used to glean information about the characters. I knew I wasn’t looking for an interview–in part because the key was “book,” and also because Kishi has only given a set amount of serious interviews in the past, and most of those are available in translation. Thus, there might have been a storyboard, book, or some other source that was exclusively released that might hold this information.
The most promising lead was from a site called narutoforums.org
The original post:
Okay, first, there’s no actual link on “here”. That’s a major red flag, especially given that the post is currently only a year old (posted 7.27.18)
And it’s yet another dead end.
…Sigh.
But wait!
User “Platypus” mentions that the source was a ‘movie booklet that’s been out for three years.’ That’s a lead!
A movie booklet, huh? Here we go: Sometimes, highly-anticipated animated movies are released in Japan with exclusive manga chapters or other easter eggs, as well as other goodies.
So, let’s talk about this unnamed “Movie booklet” – Three years prior to 2018 would have marked the release of the Baruto movie in 2015. That means the booklet would have been this one: Zai no Sho
This was the most difficult piece to dig up information on. The booklet in question was only released in Japan and during the original premiere of the movie in 2015. I couldn’t initially find scalations, so I did the next best thing: Looking for a table of contents. Good ‘ol Naruto wiki was here to save the day.
Boom. It even has page numbers!
Now, I had a supposed book source and even the page numbers. All that was left to find a translation. After some deep digging, I found one—right here on Tumblr via user Emotionalrockfish.
This was the moment of truth! I opened the link for Rock Lee’s page and carefully read over the description…
Rock Lee
Tireless effort and ambition! With his hot-blooded passion, he guides a genin!!The leaf village’s pride, an expert of taijutsu. He possesses absolutely no skill for ninjutsu, but refines his taijutsu by exceeding the limits of effort with the gutsiness he inherited from his master, and does nothing but aim high. He and his son, Metal*, absolutely can’t miss their daily training!
*Metal Lee is shortened to just Metal here, so no, he’s not called Lee like his father.
(*Pterodactyl screeching*)
AND THERE IT IS: After a whole trail of vague suggestions and dead links, I‘d finally come to the final source material. And there’s nothing! Nothing there that even remotely mentions Lee’s baldness!
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Conclusion: RUMOR UNSUBSTANTIATED
Part IV: So where did this rumor all start? And what’s with “that” scene?
The Situation Unfolds: The whole situation is from Boruto, Episode 58: The Tournament Begins! The wind in this scene is shown to originate from Yurui’s jutsu.
The bubblegum pop emits a wind blast, throwing Boruto back. The very same blast tussles Lee’s hair.
It’s an obvious gag, but not about Lee: it’s meant to convey the sheer strength that emits from Yurui’s bubbles popping. This is a common trope in anime: Character emits a powerful attack, the audience sees/feels the “force” from the fallout wind.
The audience now knows that there are some stakes to Yurui unleashing his gum-based jutsu, because the force of the blast not only throws Boruto back, but can also reach a good distance away to where the proctor, Rock Lee, was standing.
Further Explanation: It’s also fairly obvious that Boruto (and Ikemoto’s style) deviate from Kishimoto’s, so we should expect some variation in character appearances outside of the expected “age-up” factor.
Here are some original renditions of Lee with his hair (flying) up and his younger self’s hairline:
In Part I, we see that Lee’s hair falls into a widow’s peak. Then, in concept art for the Naruto: The Last, we see a far less defined peak—in fact, the hairline is decidedly square-shaped.
Then, finally, in the Boruto animation, Lee’s hair is almost circular (but also shown from an extremely tilted perspective.)
So we see a distinct transition in the actual SHAPE of Lee’s hairline in conjunction with the evolution of SP/Kishi/Ikemoto’s style. A story written over at least 17 years and spanning over three different series has a change in style? More likely than you think.
Conclusion: It’s a change in the animation style and a throwaway gag aimed at emphasizing the fallout wind from Yurui’s jutsu. Nothing more.
I rest my case, Pumpkin OUT!
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Cobra Kai - Seasons One & Two
I never considered myself a hardcore fan of the original Karate Kid films. I enjoyed them growing up, and the first film held up when I re-watched it with a friend three or four years ago. A few years ago, YouTube picked up the rights to have their own exclusive series that features the characters from the original movies and have it pick up where those characters are today, 30 years after the original trilogy left off. It is called Cobra Kai (trailer), the name of the rival karate school that series antagonist Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) attended. The first episode of both seasons one and two are available to stream for free, but to see the rest of the seasons you will have to be a paid subscriber to YouTube Premium, or you can be like me and pick up the DVD set that combines the first two seasons for under $20.
The first season picks up in the present, nearly 30 years after the original trilogy wrapped up. It starts to focus on where deadbeat Johnny Lawrence is currently at in his life, barely able to make ends meet on his own and finding himself recently out of a job. He reluctantly helps his neighbor Miguel (Xolo Maridueña) out of a jam with some bullies. Miguel is impressed with Johnny’s karate skills and wants him to be his sensei, and once Johnny stumbles into some money, he re-opens the Cobra Kai school.
Cobra Kai is not all about Johnny’s journey as fate leads to Johnny soon enough getting reacquainted with his rival, Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio). Daniel is in a much better place in his life; he runs a car dealership with his wife, Amanda (Courtney Henggeler) and they have a daughter Amanda (Mary Mouser) that Daniel has passed on his karate tutelage onto. Eventually Johnny and Daniel’s egos heat up once again and in their proper way of thinking the best way to exact revenge on one another is for them to train their prized pupil in order to win the regional karate championship to rub in the other’s face. Only Amanda is hesitant on getting back into karate and fate leads to Daniel taking Johnny’s estranged son Robby (Tanner Buchanan) under his wing where this eventually all builds up to Robby and Miguel squaring off in the finals of the all-important regeional karate tournament.
By the end of the first episode I was completely on board, after originally thinking there was no way they can pull this off thirty years later. However, once you see Johnny and Daniel exchange words for the first time again all these years later it is readily apparent there is an organic chemistry between the two and it was eye-opening how the two did not miss a beat after three decades. Another factor that helps is Cobra Kai nails the tone it is going for. It retains just enough of that cornball-80s charm with elements of Johnny and Daniel still living in the past. Apparently Johnny boycotted new technology post high school and scenes with him discovering the Internet, smartphones and dating apps are all a riot. The humor is balanced out by playing it straight with the new younger faces introduced and going along for the ride with Miguel, Amanada and Robby’s teenage growing pains.
Seeing all the characters evolve over the course of the two seasons is a remarkable feat of television. Johnny goes on a journey from being deadbeat dad, to trying to be the same ruthless sensei that his teacher Kreese (Martin Kove) was to eventually learning a moral or two. Miguel’s and Robby’s season spanning arc is truly something else and watching them gradually become different people stayed with me. The build up to the season finale at the karate tournament hit all the right nostalgia wrinkles and I love how the tournament organizers overplayed it and properly recognized Cobra Kai’s AWESOME entrance. The karate tournament itself is masterfully produced and once again brought back fond memories of the original films with plenty of nice little nods and callbacks throughout. The final fight between Robby and Miguel lived up to the hype that built to it throughout the season. After picking up the DVDs I invited my brother over to watch this with me as I had a gut feeling he would appreciate Cobra Kai as much as I would, and sure enough by the season one finale tournament we both were unabashedly rooting for our favorites and feeling every kick and blow dealt throughout.
Season two raises the stakes with an old face in the controversial original Cobra Kai sensei Kreese coming back to help with Cobra Kai’s expanding student-base while Daniel officially starts his own dojo, Miagi-do to combat Cobra Kai’s influence in the area . Season two focuses more on Daniel and Johnny building up their respective dojos and minor friends of Amanda, Miguel and Robby in season one have bigger roles in season two when they also pick sides in the high school karate wars. Seeing the dojos poke and prod at each other during the course of the season appropriately built up tensions in skirmishes in the mall and a house party before culminating in a epic 10 minute fight on the first day of school where apparently school security is worryingly laxed. The fallout of that tumultuous brawl for the ages has major ramifications for certain characters at the end of season two, and while season one closed on a mostly positive note for most characters, season two saw its finale swing in the other direction with most characters in precarious positions.
I dug season two almost as much as season one and liked how the kids were a bigger emphasis in the sequel season and we got to see more of the periphery characters shine in the second season. The adults still play a big role in the follow-up season with Danny patching up squabbles with the wife, and Johnny having a standout episode where he reunites with his fellow Cobras in a ‘special’ heartfelt episode. Krese is still as ruthless as ever and wears Cobra Kai’s motto, “No Mercy” on his sleeve. Watching both dojos try to expand their rosters and quarrel at school during the daytime got both my brother and I riled up as we anticipated everything would come to a boil at another karate tournament, but were thrown for a loop for the gratifying over-the-top fight scene at the school. Again, the consequences for that big fight were felt in the closing scenes of season two with a few added little twists that put the future of Cobra Kai and Miagi-do in jeopardy for season three.
Speaking of Mr. Miagi, while Pat Morita passed away long ago, I will give props to how Cobra Kai has his presence remained a glowing constant on the show with frequent references and past clips implemented at poignant moments throughout the series. Almost every episode of Cobra Kai has quick clips and callbacks to the original movies, even The Next Karate Kid got a couple subtle nods (the Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan reboot got ret-conned out of cannon according to producer interviews). By the end of season two I was surprised how deep the writers and producers pulled for references and periphery characters that made a return, and I am grateful they peppered in brief shots of the original films to remind me of them.
There are a fair amount of extras for both seasons. The first season only has 20 minutes of bonuses with deleted scenes, audition reads, interviews with the composers for the series and two musical performances from William Zabka’s band. Season three has almost double the extras and aside from a gag reel and deleted scenes it also features more extended behind-the-scenes specials covering both season’s fight choreography, character profiles and a very handy feature highlighting most of the references to the earlier films. Not a boatload of extras by any means, but what is here is pretty good and I will give props to YouTube for not being content with only the episodes on disc.
I recall giving the cold shoulder to Cobra Kai initially thinking there was no way they could pull this off after all these years. I got there was a little bit of Johnny Lawrence nostalgia going on with some of the commercial spots of the character several years back, but in no way was I prepared to be blown away by how good Cobra Kai is and how it recaptured the same underdog spirit that made me love it in my childhood. Nor was I prepared for how they would introduced a new generation of students that won me over as much as Johnny and Daniel did three decades prior and made their journeys equally as riveting as Johnny and Daniel’s. Do not brush off Cobra Kai like I initially did and at the very least give the first episodes that are currently free on YouTube a shot.
Past TV/Web Series Blogs
2013-14 TV Season Recap
2014-15 TV Season Recap
2015-16 TV Season Recap
2016-17 TV Season Recap
2017-18 TV Season Recap
2018-19 TV Season Recap
Adventures of Briscoe County Jr: The Complete Series
Baseball: A Ken Burns series
Angry Videogame Nerd Home Video Collections
Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Season 1 | Season 2
OJ: Made in America: 30 for 30
RedvsBlue - Seasons 1-13
Roseanne – Seasons 1-9
Seinfeld Final Season
Star Trek: Next Generation – Seasons 1-7
Superheroes: A Never-Ending Battle
Superheroes: Pioneers of Television
The Vietnam War: A Ken Burns series
X-Men – The Animated Series: Volumes 4-5
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SKY’S BIAS LIST.
hiya! so, i don’t know how common these bias lists are anymore, but it’s been quite awhile since i’ve done one. (probably since 2016?? damn.) but i have a lot of amazing people that i follow, and i feel like you all deserve a little recognition. now, one thing that i enjoy doing with these bias lists is to not only point out the blogs i love, but to tell you all why i do. i feel like it makes these bad boys a little more personal, and can hopefully bring a little brightness to someone’s day. so, without further ado, here’s the list: (in no particular order; i’m just going through my following list) // under a cut for length. apologies in advance for typos.
@fromlandtosea / @longthoughtlost --- RIN. there’s so much i could write here. you’ve been my friend for so long, and have put up with all of my nonsense for so long. i adore laura and every other muse that you write. you bring such a different life and voice to each of your characters, and i admire your ability to come up with unique and intertwined backstories for them. i will always love all of the threads, verses, and headcanons we’ve come up with together. you have absolutely made my time in the fallout community worthwhile, and i feel so very fortunate to call you my friend. (and also that you only show slight disappointment in all the stupid stuff that i do and tell you about lol) ♥
@betterhealing / @sanguinariis / @psychotheory --- i love every character that you write. you’ve been willing to write with me on all of my blogs pretty much since the day i joined the fallout rpc, and your consistent support has meant the world to me. you clearly put a lot of time, thought, and effort into your characters, and it shows in their multitude of well-developed verses, relationships, and headcanons.
@iinxsearchofxisolde --- we haven’t had the chance to interact much, but you and tristan are always a joy to have on my dash. i think that your choice to write a brotherhood outcast is extremely unique and interesting. they’re a faction that was kind of lost in the fray, and i love seeing your headcanons about them and how tristan fits in. he’s also a very intriguing, multi-facted character with a distinct voice, and it’s been great to watch you develop him over the past few years.
@disciplc --- lainey !!! we haven’t been friends for very long, but i am so glad we are. i adore all of our discussions about nisha and el, and i appreciate how supportive and kind you always are towards me. i’ve followed your nisha for a long time . . . technically . . . and i’ve always loved how you write her! hell, i always appreciate people stealing side characters from bethesda and making them their own, and you’ve truly done that with her. she’s a perfect mix of danger and softness (emphasis on the danger ;-0).
@pinkmanipulated / @hydrophobiic --- victoria, oh my god, we have written together for what feels like ages, and your writing, art, and dedication to your muses never ceases to amaze me. i’ve already mentioned this, but seeing how you write jesse has made me actually want to watch breaking bad, which is something i thought i’d never say. (and i promise i’ll get to giving it a go eventually ;w;) i can tell how much you care about his character and how much effort you’ve put into your characterization, and i love every bit of it. it’s the same amount of pride and dedication you’ve put into all of your muses, canon or oc, and you know for a fact that i’ll follow and interact with you on whatever blog you choose to write on.
@fictitioussouls --- not gonna lie, i enjoy every character you write, original or canon. i’m so glad to see you back and active on the dash again, and that you still have the same love for all of your muses + a bunch of new ones. :’)) you create such unique and detailed backstories for your original characters (emily, diana, and sophia still have my whole heart tbh), and you keep them very consistent. i also enjoy reading the threads you have with rin, and hearing about the headcanons and worlds you guys have built together! overall, i’m very happy to see you on my dash again.
@america-redefined --- eliana might hate having enclave blogs on the dash, but i sure don’t! :’) we haven’t interacted (yet), but i’d definitely love to. i think you do an excellent job writing nathan, and capturing the attitude and aura of the enclave with the way you’ve created him. it’s clear that he has a lot going on beneath the surface, and that you’ve put thought into what kind of character you want him to be. i really like the way you’ve brought him into the fallout 4 timeline, too, and how his life changes once he’s no longer with the enclave. (i was scrolling through your blog the other day, and saw the post about all of his goals in the enclave, and then how those all disappear within the institute and might have chuckled a bit at the “mighty have fallen” trope vibes that gave me)
@adxmortem --- the amount of development you’ve done for harlan is just wild to me, i’ve got to be honest. you’ve taken him in his very own, unique direction, and i really admire that! (and it also reminds me that we really need a new orleans based fallout, stat.) he has a very strong voice, and you have an incredible grasp on his character. i’ve enjoyed the threads we’ve done together, and i hope we get to write more in the future! i also very much appreciate you for the immense kindness you’ve shown me in the past when it comes to my personal life. that will always mean the world to me. ♥
@gwinnetts --- oh gosh, you are such a fun and prominent addition to my dash! the funny content and interactions you bring to the dash aside, i’m in awe of the amazingly detailed write-ups you post about your muses as well as the fallout lore. like a lot of the people on this list, you are someone who puts in a lot of thought to your muses, and really brings them to life in a distinct manner. i’ve also greatly enjoyed the ooc chats we’ve had!!
@shellheadtm --- we haven’t had many chances to interact, but i think your portrayal of tony is top notch. you capture his voice perfectly, and like gwinnetts above, always bring funny conversations / interactions to the dash, and i think that just makes it a brighter place for everyone! you’re an insanely talented writer, and your expansion of tony’s characterization and verses is fantastic.
@primeacumen --- viv is one of those really amazing, multi-faceted ocs that i would highly recommend anybody follows. we haven’t interacted a ton (mostly because i’m slower than molasses), but, from what i’ve seen of her, she’s wonderful. fandomless ocs often don’t get the love they deserve, so i want you to know that i see you and viv, and i am here supporting you 100%. people take for granted the amount of work that goes into building an oc for multiple verses, and it’s obvious you’ve done that work for her.
@not-completely-human --- i honestly knew nothing about alita when i first followed your blog; i just knew that you were a friendly and lovely person who i was willing to write with, and so here i am! i enjoy all of our threads together (and i will def enjoy the ones that my slow self needs to write starters for lol). i enjoy how you write alita, and the enthusiasm that you have for her. your writing has a nice flow, is easy to read, and i love all the little details and background you fit into it. and, you, of course, are such a nice person to talk to, and i’m very glad we follow each other!
@remnantrecruit --- another enclave oc for eliana to despise and me to love! we haven’t written together in awhile (which we should totally try and change soon :’0), but i enjoy seeing abner on my dashboard as much as i did when we first followed each other! enclave ocs are so rare as it is, but abner really stands out as a character even without that. his background is so sad but good. i also just appreciate your interaction with my posts, irl and character related. (your comment on my post when i was anxious about doing something dumb when i was driving still means a lot to me. it’s always nice to be reminded that we’re all human and capable of doing stupid things with two ton moving contraptions.)
@persistentflower --- what is there to say except i love violet ,,,, neutral karma lone wanderers are pretty rare in my experience, and i think you do a good job of capturing what it means for violet to be that. she and eliana contrast well, and i love their relationship, and how they support each other, no matter what verse we write in. (and the fact that we’ve essentially created a mini self-contained verse for our muses). i enjoy our chats ooc, too, and i look forward to us writing and interacting more !!
@miss-moreno --- we haven’t gotten to flesh out kay and eliana’s friendship, yet, but i see so much potential for them in what we’ve got going so far. kay has the sort of spirit that eliana loves, and i’m so excited to see where our threads take the two of them! in general, i like how you write kay, and how her life pre-war seems to haunt her quite a bit, and also how she knows she’s playing double agent for the railroad pretty early on.
@ninesis --- i’ve seen quite a few portrayals of rk900, but yours is definitely one of my favorites! i like that your nines is very job-oriented, but still soft and sociable and overall just a Good Boy. he comes across as very likeable, and you write him as a consistent and well thought out portrayal!
@intelligentmiinds --- i love all of your blogs, but since this is your main atm, this is where you’re getting love. :’)) bailey, i enjoy each of your characterizations. you bring a unique and accurate voice to each one. based on what i’ve seen from your ooc posts lately, i know you’ve been going through some rough times, and i hope you know that you are so important ! and loved ! and even if people are shitty and don’t understand you, you always have people who care about you, too. (and i hope you can get your ferret soon! small animals are the best. i have two bunnies and can vouch for them. :’)) )
@contrariian --- i have been lucky enough to interact with two of your muses so far, but you should know that i adore what i’ve seen of all your muses. you write such a wide array of characters, and each of them has a personality that comes across in how you write them. your writing style is so gorgeous and nice to read, too. 10/10 would interact whenever
@vocaliist --- i followed you on your previous blog for magnolia and the one you had for des, and what continues to knock me off my feet about all of your blogs is your style. i always admire people who can write in a way that is somewhat poetic and very pretty without making it impossible to understand, and you do just that. plus, who doesn’t love magnolia?? i look forward to writing with you some more!
@synthesan --- i’ve already jumped into your ims to yell about how cute ode is, but here i am again, anyway. we haven’t followed each other for long, but gosh i love what i’ve read from you and ode so far. i’m a sucker for synth ocs, and she’s such a fun one with an amazing backstory. you are also so great to talk to ooc, and i hope we can yell about our muses and videogames more in the future :’))
@synthmama --- okay, i can’t lie, your blog is one of those that i admired from afar for a long time because i was a bit intimidated by it. not in a bad way, but in a ‘holy cow this person is an amazing writer and creator’ kinda way. you and quinn have been around for a long time, and you’ve grown her character a lot in that span. it’s so cool to see how you fit her into other universes, and how she interacts with the fallout world. institute sole survivors are also very seldom seen around here, and so i appreciate that quinn took that route, and that you had her do it in a way that doesn’t entirely conflict with her morals.
@neomacaught --- you are absolutely one of the sweetest muns i’ve ever interacted with, tbh. your enthusiasm for threads and the wellbeing of your fellow roleplayers is such a lovely thing to see on my dash!! and neoma is such a cute character. i think she and el’s interactions have just been incredible. i like that she’s a bit awkward, yet very straight-forward, and that she upholds high morals. she fits in with el pretty damn well, and i think they’ll be very good friends!! plus, i can tell that you’ve put a lot of work into neoma purely by taking a peek at your blog; you have so many verses and ideas for her. she definitely deserves a lot of love
@voiceofmany --- we haven’t followed each other for very long (or interacted, which is my bad for being slow to talk to people about threads lol), but i wanted to mention you on here, regardless. i honestly am not familiar with a whole lot of your muses, but the way you right them, and your writing style, tends to draw my eye so much that i often find myself reading through your threads as i scroll the dash. the way you change dialogue to fit your characters is pretty damn great, and it’s always obvious you’re writing for/in a different voice for each of them
@theirsalvation --- we also haven’t followed each other for very long, but i enjoy the content that i see from your blog!! you have a wide range of muses that all come across as very different and distinct in the way that they’re written. when i read your reply from josh this morning, i was awed by how well you captured his voice and mannerisms, tbh. so, yeah, i hope we can interact a bit more sometime soon!! B)
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my summer job from hell is more or less over & i’m in school part-time so i’m gonna try to be more active here in an attempt to actually talk and write about things i like to start to pull myself out of a creative rut i’ve been in for months! so
hey fallout community, i’m hollie - 22, she/her, bi, from ontario & in the last year of my film production degree!
rly fascinated by fallout in general but new vegas is my favorite game! i started with fo4 but am way more drawn to the aesthetics & design of west coast fallout (i played fo3 too & i like some east coast lore & fo3 was fun! it’s just also stupid & it’s valid to dunk on & bethesda has no rights) but uhhhh yeah i like talking abt fo lore and speculating on headcanons, creating new content, ocs, etc also just funney jokes l o l
i follow from my main @negabyrne (n already follow a lot of fo blogs i like) but the fo content is all on this blog! follow if you are cool and also lgbt+
more abt me & some fallout ideas that i want to explore (mostly re: toronto in the fallout universe) under the cut as well as some important stuff!
i have a lot of loose headcanons about what ronto and the surrounding great lakes area could look like in the fallout universe mostly just bc i live here & because i think analyzing canadian politics through fallout’s worldbuilding is really interesting. i started writing some stuff about it as part of this post but it got too long, so i’m gonna finish it and post it after. i really want to conceptualize potential canadian factions, what the annexation of canada by the US looked like w/ canada’s own shitty history that in many ways is similar to the US’s - mostly unknown on a global scale, etc.
i’ll make it clear i don’t deal w creeps and weirdos if u post weird h*rny shit or u think only fanfic is real literature or you’re like. an uncritical legion stan i don’t post or want to see any of that, while i like fallout i’m also critical of a lot of aspects of it (& the fan culture around it). this also extends to shit like terfs or ppl who stan evil shit to be edgy and not bc they analyze it critically/enjoy complexity or ppl who are racist in video games for fun. i don’t discourse bc i don’t have the time & gross ppl/content will not be welcome on this blog, ever, period. i’m already aware of some weird ppl so some nasties r already blocked, i don’t tolerate and it’s like, this is tumblr and i’m 22 and i’m trying to like, find a job and develop my artistic identity i’m not discoursing a video game
i dislike discussing drama point blank so this is the only time i’ll mention this, just wanted to make it clear to folks so they know that i don’t post that kind of stuff & they don’t have to worry abt me sharing/rbing content (even harmless content) from jerks
anyhway fallout cool i hyperfixate and its all good and fun i’m hoping that writing & talking about it gets me back into the habit of creating bc i miss making original content!
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remember when I wrote "My next post will be a writing prompt"? well. lies. it's not done yet 'cuz it's exam period right now, so I essentially have no time for this. instead, I'm going to do something that I have wanted to do for a long time: screaming into the void. I never had a place to scream into the void before, but now I do. I should have started doing this a long time ago... anyways, if you want to read my two cents on the current state of the brony fandom and how I feel about it, then it's under the cut. and if you don't... you're probably right. after all, this is self-indulgent.
So I've been sucked into MLP a few years ago, in the French equivalent of high school. I can't remember when exactly, but I do remember that I was suffering from pretty severe depression. When I discovered the show, which was on a vacation day, I binged the first season in an afternoon, and followed with the second the very next day. It was... different. Refreshing. Bright. Colorful. Happy. I felt like I had found something that I was missing. And I loved it.
I started searching for content online. I found forums, websites, fiction repositories... all in French, since I hadn't learnt English at the time. But the content was... disappointing? Not what I was looking for. The big forum I joined was very toxic. I still have an account there, but I never visit. The fiction repository was better, but still had its fair share of drama. I wasn't satisfied. The bulk of the content was locked behind a language barrier.
I tore it down in a few months. A few months is all it took me to go from "hello-how-are-you-goodbye" to a good enough level that I was able to understand most of what I was reading. Not everything, of course. But enough. And from there, I would only go up. That's so emotionally invested I was; and, despite this, I could never talk about all of this to anyone. I was constantly looking for new content, but I was so anxious about myself and talking about what I liked that I never really got to talking to the content creators I was adoring. I never talked to anyone about the happiness they filled my life with. I was having suicidal thoughts, but here they were, with their beautiful stories about pastel horses doing stuff. It kept me alive, and I never thanked them. I didn't talk to my own therapist about this, and yet I could have trusted this man with my life! That's how anxious I was talking about my hobbies.
During all this time, I was vaguely aware of the controversies about the fandom. To outsiders, we were a joke. A black sheep, to point at and laugh at. And I don't know how to feel about this, because now, I feel... they can be right. I'd like to say we generally have a safe and welcoming community. I'd love to say that everyone in the MLP fandom is nice and kind. But I feel like I can't say this. There is an uncomfortable number of alt-right sympathizers (read: fascists) that proudly wear MLP badges and such. There are an uncomfortable number of misogynistic assholes within the community. The fandom often gets angry over little nothings. I have met a number of homophobic, transphobic people within the community. I feel like Hasbro is uncomfortable of our very existence because of this.
I still remember that one guy in one of the forums I was visiting, that had as a signature (roughly translated): < "Lesbian ponies" is lunacy, and the worst idea the fandom ever came up with. > I didn't understand why this made me so uncomfortable while younger. Now I know why. It's the idea that lesbian cartoon ponies, homosexual fictional characters, should be treated as fucking jokes, that made me uncomfortable. This guy had no issues shipping a mare with a stallion. At the exact moment it was two mares together (and considering the very balanced cast of 90% mares, which I'm not complaining about by the way, the target is supposed to be girls), it was a joke. It wasn't serious. It was lunacy. This guy couldn't understand w/w pairings as anything else than a joke.
Holy shit.
Also. Adult content! I would usually argue against talking about the adult part of any fandom, 'cuz they're generally a more niche thing? I think? But when half of the featured box in your biggest fanfiction repository, fimfiction.net, is smut fiction, I'd also argue it's a part significant enough that you'll want to talk about it, so here we are. MLP adult content is like any content. There is the better part, which is... cute ponies having fun and it's also hot. And that may be just my perception, but I feel like that's not what the bulk of the content is. We get a lot more of... general sexism, rape, gore, exaggeration, "extreme" content. And y'know, if porn is your thing and you're able to dissociate the reality from what you watch, then go nuts or something. But as the audience gets younger (we used to get a lot of 40s in the fandom, now most who join are 15 or whatever), you'll also expose people that don't have the tools to deal with this stuff and will confuse it with reality. And I really think we as a fandom don't generally put up enough content warnings for that. Not nearly enough. (also. foalcon. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HAIRY. STOP DOING THAT.)
A whole lot of other shit, too! Weird ships that are both popular and potentially abusive! I used to ship Twilestia, aka a student and her mentor/motherly figure, which is NOT FINE! unless you screw with the canon to change a lot of things in their relationships. Don't get me started on Lunestia, they are SISTERS STOP DOING THIS INTERNET! Outside of shipping wars, now, there was that debate on one featured fic about whether making a joke about transgender people being traps and transwomen being disgusting was fun: it was a terrible joke, stop calling out others for being "overly sensitive". Fallout: Equestria, the crossover that literally split the fandom in half! That is not a joke. And what would be a good fandom without its edgy fiction where the entire country gets brainwashed, the women are now all slaves, the men are now all phallocentred assholes that spend their free time thing about sex or raping every woman they see? I'll tell you what it would be: A MUCH BETTER FANDOM. This story is literally "what if I narrated a game of FATAL"? And it's awful, of course, but also, absolutely exhausting.
So I stopped seeking MLP-related content. I was so focused on the negatives, at some point, I couldn't take it anymore. I took a pause. I stopped checking for updates on stories I was following, stopped making searches. Despite this, I was still reading stuff about other things. There sometimes was a joke about how bronies were all ugly fat kissless virgins, and it always hurt me to read it, because I knew it was a lie. But sometimes, I believed it. I never really got a chance to talk to anyone about this.
I'm glad I can now. I should have created my own little corner to scream into the void a long time ago. I should be able to talk about my interests, rather than reading what others think about them. Everybody should relieve themselves of the pressure sometimes. Can you believe I never once did that? I used to had a blog somewhere else, but the platform was and still is absolute garbage.
welp, here ends the rant. better post this on my tumblr too until I chicken out like I did with that infodump about that one game nobody cares about.
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