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wikipedie · 2 years

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Ok so this might be absolutely bonkers and/or I might take the show too seriously but as someone fascinated by therapy/therapeutic methods and trauma i need to talk about OFMD or I'll explode or catch fire or something

For starters, Stede is one of the best therapists I've seen on screen and he's not even a therapist (god the amount of ramblings I do about media portrayals of therapists). He genuinely truly cares about the crew and wants to help them grow. He sees them, sees their trauma and he recognizes the system that made them be pirates, doesn't blame them for it. ("Traditionally piracy is a culture of abuse, floggins, keelhauligns. And my thought is "Why?" and also "what if it weren't like that" "). Also, the quote about how "every captain pirate captains pirates differently" really made me think about how every therapist has their own unique approach of dealing and connecting with the people who come to them.

He builds amenities for the crew. He creates a session of feedback after his raid and gives attention to the positives (even if I laughed at him basically applauding himself on his own speech). When Wee John complains about his way of doing things, he says

reframing thoughts being a technique in CBT. Not quite the same thing, but reframing criticism is stemming from that. When Wee John brings up the very valid point that they don't have a flag, he agrees with it and creates a session of art therapy, for them to express themselves by creating flags!

When Black Pete complains that it's 'women's work', Stede doesn't simply tell him he's wrong. He turns to the crew immediately and he asks them "How many of you sew?". He uses positive reinforcement with Roach! (Roach has sewn his own arm up and that's difficult, I'm sure you'll also be able to!). He genuinely believes that the crew is good and they are traumatized people capable of doing good (and he is right of course)

sThe whole scene is absolutely precious. The way Stede goes around, checks in with everybody and actively listens to them and encourages their ideas. He supports Wee John who used to make dresses with his mum! (and now he's a pirate). And again, he acknowledges their trauma and teaches them skills of interrelationships (true, basic ones such as sharing but still).

Speaking of trauma....

I was and am absolutely delighted at the way this show deals with trauma. We see Stede's trauma with his father from the pilot (having an abusive and neglectful parent) and the trauma of being bullied in school and we see how these affect him.

We see then in turn how the trauma influences his actions (as trauma does). We see how killing Badminton is traumatic for him (because killing people is traumatic for him - and I guess traumatic in general - but we also see how killing is connected to his father and the idea of 'being strong') as Badminton literally haunts him.

Then there is his guilt of leaving his family, which is briefly addressed in episode 2 as he goes on his own 'therapy session' (a lot of therapists do go to therapy). (Holy shit I rewatched a bit of that scene and the old man says "until you resolve that guilt, you'll continue to be haunted" which ties up with Stede leaving Ed. He could never be fully happy with Ed if he didn't come to a resolution about the family he left behind. Anyways that's for another post.) And that one is also a fantastic therapy session! "Everything is coming from within you." "Why does he keep insulting me? -> Do you feel inadequate in some way?"

And then, of course, there is Ed's trauma, which becomes clearer and clearer the closer he gets to Stede and the more he opens up: The violent and abusive ways of being a pirate, that still echo through Izzy, the trauma of having to murder his own father, to be Kraken, the trauma of killing and the pressures of being Blackbeard. All of them being activated and manifesting in most harmful ways when he feels abandoned by Stede.

And lastly beloved Jim. We see how even Jim has lost their family and how they deal with that. They deserve much more space than I am giving them right now, but my brain is turning mushy. But I am thinking about giving them their own post. (or maybe I'll do an individual post for each character I don't know). One important thing to note is that Jim is the first person that breaks out of their harmful pattern. They return to it when they meet with their old Nana, but they listen to Spanish Jackie and they're the first one to actively try to...let it go. Return to Oluwande, build a life with him.

Anyways I love this show and I love these characters and all I can say now is

(and this is probably not the last I'll talk about this because I love this subject and I love analyzing it. also i kinda want a therapist!stede fic now.)

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #ed teach #jim ofmd #meta #ofmd meta #i guess #it's kinda chaotic but oh well #long story short this show is bloody fantastic

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foolishgamers · 3 years

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SOME (MORE) OSMP QUOTES FROM THE STREAMS TODAY (10/4)

*this is a very long post- you have been warned*

——————

“if you work hard enough labor can be free”

“dare we expand some crevices for a minute”

“wait, tubbo’s pregnant & ranboo’s the father?”

*joins call* “are you pregnant?”

“not being doesn’t work for me, i really like being alive”

“so how have things been? i heard you’re not pregnant”

“what’s your preferred type of minor?” “i can’t really answer that”

“how do we get rid of you sneeg”

“are you alright? you did one of those dsmp lore sighs”

“yeah i found toby face down on the lawn”

“i can be your rehab”

“you literally talk in crayola crayon”

“i need to go chop down shit, for therapeutic reasons”

“friendship over with tubbo, ranboo is my new beloved”

“i thought no one was supposed to get married without me”

“hear me out, i’m going to make a tik tok at your wedding”

“strip mining is dead”

“anyways” *messages sneeg ‘you’re out the server’*

“you have made me a worse man”

“i worry i talk about myself too much. how are you?”

“can i burn down your house for a vlog”

“my above average body is pulling down my below average mind”

“alright schlatt” “OKAY SNEEG YOURE OUT”

“the tree is naked? WHAT??”

*tommy messages wil : ‘HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!’*

“i’ll sniff out the diamonds for you!” *aggressive sniffing noises*

“dudddde, you can’t just go around taking other peoples kids tubbo!” “sorry, it happens”

“you’re gaslighting me!”

“what’s with you and arson today?” “ i just love arson.”

“ranboo, i need you to show up to toby’s house with a knife and a dream”

“if tubbo dies and i’m even slightly responsible i’ll be like “man that’s annoying’ “

“me and charlie damillio? i’d get rid of tubbo for that”

“i’m sorry i kept trying to murder you” “when did you try to murder me?”

“i don’t know what charlie damillio does”

“no don’t get hate haha, just make some tik toks”

“what does she do?” “…………………………… she’s great”

“why don’t the manifold’s have a show? keeping up with the manifolds”

“don’t do as i say or i do or anything”

“is tommy a brand risk wilbur?” “yup :)”

“phil’s making me a lil house and when he’s done i’ll give him a kiss”

“you can be friends with a lil kiss”

“what is a boy without his glass?”

“don’t pity laugh, give me my glass!”

“it’s so easy to upset you” “ that’s it i’m putting you down”

“why is niki ‘the cutest predator?” “because i am”

“im lost.” “that’s nothing new”

“ you know what? i’m not girlbossing i’m manfailing”

“now i birth”

“tubbo where are you?” “he’s at my birthing pod”

“i woke up and chose to struggle”

“want to go build bridges with me tubbo?” “okay but i’m not doing any of the work.”

“niki, i’m in my fail era help me.”

“okay you just need to stop being a failure, can you do that for me?”

“tubbo, can i manipulate you to prove a point?”

“toby it sounds like you haven’t been gaslighted in a while”

“tubbo do you know where i left my child?”

“you keep her on the noose i’ll go build a home”

“i hope you feel better soon tubbo :D” “i don’t.”

“what are you doing tubbo?” “suffering”

*giggling* “why are you stealing a child tubbo?”

“i’ll pay you your fees for watching my child”

“your house is full of coal” “oh no santa!”

“im sick of being bullied, i’m gonna start bullying myself so you don’t have to”

“im gonna pee” “pissing circle let’s go!”

“WHERE IS THE GOOP KING”

“i don’t like spending time with you tubbo” “that’s how it should be”

“phil i need repent!”

“why are you taking your anger out on me?” “ i have to take it out on someone important to me”

“if i was a chicken what would i want”

“can you go follow someone else tubbo?” “ no i need to follow someone with a bad origin”

“you’ll never find me, it’s raining and i’m viscous”

“tubbo can i not have larceny committed against me real quick?”

“do you have a couple balls to spare?”

“charlie how do i milk you?”

“at least now we can milk him again”

“do you have any balls? “ “im ball-less. i’m neutered.”

“did you make that man give birth?”

“you hit him so hard he birthed a child!”

“if only someone produced enough content to sustain a hive.”

“tubbo don’t eat his slimey balls”

“charlie im double fisting you”

“give me a book and i’ll start writing history”

“get your balls here”

“gunky chunky funky man. taking the world one gunk at a time”

“i can’t believe you just causally gave birth”

“this started out as a reading of ‘real history’ and ended as a funeral”

“i think you should have the honor of naming my dead son”

these are all i got today but if i missed any good ones feel free to add :))

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aliensunflower-fics · 4 years

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Attitude - [Bustier Salt]

[ I had a teacher like Bustier back in highschool, I was depressed and being bullied at the time among other horrible things so I REALLY dont like Bustier’s character for reminding me of that. So I based this fic somewhat on an actual event that happened with that teacher it was therapeutic! Hope you enjoy! ]

Marinette sighed, a mix of amusement and annoyance gracing her features as class was interrupted for the third time that day, this time it was Kim and Alix the competitive pair loudly declaring war on one another this time over who could procure the better mark on Bustier’s upcoming test. It was certainly the least destructive challenge the two had ever entered but Marinette could already see the many ways they could and probably would take it to far. She’d bet that Max would end up in a tug a war as both challengers would want him as a study mate and Marinette guessed that Kim would likely ignore sleep to cram while Alix would try to study and skate at the same time. Bustier called for the class to be quiet plastering on a cheery smile as she reminded everyone that it was almost time for lunch and that they could all talk then. Marinette fidgeted in her seat eager to bolt out of class and join up with Kagami for lunch at the bakery.

The two girls had grown close ever since Lila had ‘took over’ as the supposed class queen though it was more like everyone humored her In truth the girls threat had never actually come true. Marinette enjoyed a healthy relationship with all her classmates Alya and her were still friends and if anything Marinette felt she should thank Lila for helping her learn her own value. In the short while where Lila had been queen Alya and the others drew away not intentionally or maliciously they were just so busy listening to such grand tales they sorta forgot about Marinette. And in that time Marinette had bonded closely with Kagami the fencer giving her the push she needed to be more assertive and confident in herself! And when she was she noticed that suddenly Adrien wasn’t so amazing. He was a good friend but she didn't need the crush anymore she didn't need the validation she was happy and confident as she was.

And not long after that Lila’s new-ness wore off and everyone caught on to the fact that Lila could sometimes stretch the truth or be a bit over sensitive. In the end, Marinette still sat at the back and she still had to deal with Lila on the daily but she still had her friends and if things kept going as they were with Kagami well… Hopefully she’d have more than just a friend soon! The only real problem lately had come from the most unlikely source. Mme Bustier. Marinette wasn’t sure if the teacher had just fallen for Lila’s lies hook line and sinker or if maybe just maybe she’d ALWAYS been like this? It was a thought Marinette didnt like to entertain but it was hard to ignore the permanent fake smiles that never quite reached the eyes or how ever since Marinette became more assertive and confident how the teachers once compliments became criticism.

The sound of the bell caught Marinette by surprise and she moved to gather her things. Kim and Alix raced out of class first trying to beat each other. Adrien dodged Lila’s clutches sticking close to Nino, Alya looked back to Marinette giving her a thumbs up and a ‘go get her!’ Before chasing after Nino. Soon the class was empty save for Marinette and Mme Bustier. Hauling her backpack over her shoulders Marinette headed to the door only giving a curt nod and smile to her teacher on the way out trying not to notice the ever present fake smile and the cold look in her eyes that just didn't match, right as Marinette reached the door however-

“Marinette? Could you stay here please? And close the door would you, we need to talk.” Bustier’s voice as usual held a cheery tone but Marinette could easily hear the underlay of aggression.

Closing the door Marinette moved back to her teachers desk hoping that this wouldn't take too long. For Mme Bustier’s part she looked to be in no rush carefully taking her time to sort papers humming slightly her ever present smile plastered on as if desperately trying to look the part of the friendly teacher, instead of actually being it. Shuffling from foot to foot Marinette resisted the urge to tell Bustier they could talk another time after all Kagami was waiting for her! Surely Mme Bustier would understand? Finally Bustier slid a packet of papers in her desk drawer before she turned in her chair to address Marinette her smile growing wider more forced crinkling the side of her face before she spoke.

“So Marinette… I was thinking that you should spend your lunch in here!” She blinked once, then twice. But Bustier just kept smiling no hint of joking on her features.

“E-Excuse me?? But why?” The words were careful but Marinette could not stop the very clear confusion and annoyance from slipping into her voice.

“Mmm~” Bustier hummed pleasantly. “Well you see Marinette, I was not a fan of your attitude today in class.” It was stated as if it were gospel, a fact easy to understand. But Marinette understood little.

“I'm Sorry?!” The words came out quiet but strained shock, annoyance but mostly confusion evident. To her credit Mme Bustier didn't even blink.

“Your a good student Marinette, but your attitude is a problem. How can you expect to lead your classmates if you keep up this behaviour? So you will be staying here at lunch.” It was said so sweetly so kindly with such gentle tone yet still Marinette felt like she'd been slapped.

Had she done something? That was Marinette’s first thought. Doubt and panic creeping into her body twisting her stomach making her feel sick and sweaty. But she could think of nothing. All class she’d sat quietly taking notes when they were needed doodling if they werent. Answering questions when called. She’d been a model student! Even when the rest of the class became disruptive she’d sat quietly waiting for Mme Bustier to do her job- Unless. Was that it? Did Bustier expect, no demand that Marinette take responsibility for her classmates? Was this her teachers sick version of forcing Marinette to be an example of a perfect student a base for which others were expected to follow!? A cold feeling washed down Marinette’s back and her eyes hardened at the teacher still sitting still smiling. Did Bustier expect her to smile and apologize and sit quietly going hungry? Because if so she had another thing coming. Tightening her grip on the strap of her bag Marinette marched passed Bustier’s desk toward the door. In shock Bustier stood her voice raising.

“Marinette! Where do you think your going!” Even in her panicked state shocked by Marinette’s defiance she tried to force her voice to be calm and gentle she tried to smile but her widened eyes betrayed panic.

“I'm going to lunch.” Marinette spoke flatly not betraying the cold icy rage in her heart.

“Now Marinette. Your just proving my point. You clearly have an attitude problem. Stay here for lunch and let's talk about it.” Bustier was trying to regain control. Trying to keep her voice even and calm. Trying to make her command seem friendly.

“No. I don’t think I will.” She took another step, Bustier moved quickly taking a step from behind her desk now. Still smiling that horrible fake smile still trying to be friendly.

“Marinette. If you keep up this attitude I’ll have no choice but to take you to the Principle and call your parents! You WILL stay here for lunch.” The smile was so forced so ugly her little cold eyes piercing into Marinette.

But all Marinette wanted to do was laugh. Bustier was so sure of herself so sure of her power and position so sure that she was the most beloved and friendly teacher that all her students would accept even the most unfair punishment because if Mme Bustier said it then clearly it was true! And maybe… Just maybe. If Marinette lacked the confidence she now had, if she was still the Marinette from before Kagami, the Marinette who craved validation from a crush who genuinely believed LILA could take away her friends. Maybe if she was that Marinette things would have gone the way Bustier wanted. But for Marinette’s part. All she did was laugh, a cold dark laugh a laugh that still didn't break the fake smile on Bustier’s face but the shock was clear in her eyes. When Marinette was done laughing she took a breath before speaking her voice coming out cold.

“Fine. Take me to the principal's office. Phone my parents. I'd be delighted to hear what you’d tell them when they ask why you were trying to force their daughter to go without food.” Bustier’s eyes widened considerably her smile twitched but didn't drop.

“This attitude of yours is getting out of control Mari-“

“What attitude?! Mme Bustier? The one where I sat quietly in class taking notes? Or the one where I calmly answered questions when asked? Or maybe the one where when the class got disruptive I didn't do your job for you?” Anger filled Bustier’s eyes and her smile twisted into an ugly look.

“Don’t you think your going a bit far. Marinette.” Bustier’s voice was sickly sweet barely hiding the venom behind it.

“No. I don’t think I am. In fact id go so far as to say that the only one here with an attitude problem is you. Mme Bustier.”

“How Dare You!-“

“No! Mme Bustier! How dareYOU! I am not your perfect shining example, or your substitute teacher! I am a student! And the only thing wrong ive done today is let you waste my lunch!”

Bustier’s smile was gone replaced with an open mouthed look of surprise before being twisted into a sneer. She could not believe this! Her model student was daring to talk back to her? To make a scene? This was not what she was supposed to be this way! She was supposed to set the example to stop her classmates when they got out of hand! To acknowledge Bustier as a caring teacher who only had the best in mind but here she was fighting her!? Would she truly need to drag her to office? No that couldn't be this was just a mistake! Marinette was just acting out a little then she'd settle down and spend the rest of the lunch sitting quietly reflecting on how she could have done better how this attitude of hers was ruining everything! But then why was she trying to leave again?!

“W-Where do you think your going?! Get back here! This attitude of yours has gone far enough Marinette you are spending your lunch here!” The pretense was gone the sweetness lacking shock evident the desperation seeping in.

“No… I’m not. But you know what. If you really think I’m acting out. That I have an attitude problem? Then do it. Take me to the principal call my parents I’ll love watching you bury yourself.”

Cold fear washed over Caline, this was not her Marinette! Her Marinette had been quiet and resourceful she never made a fuss or upset anyone! Why was she suddenly acting out? She wasn’t being treated unfairly! She was being treated with extra responsibilities like all mature children should! Yet Marinette was acting like she was the victim and it was ridiculous if only the old Marinette would come back! Then everything would be easy like it use to be! Finally finding words she moved to speak she just needed Marinette to realize that all this tantrum would do is lead to an Akuma! Maybe, just maybe someone was being a bad influence on her star pupil! It could be that Kagami girl always so aggressive! That was it! She just needed Marinette to stop hanging around such… Unreasonable people. Surely the moment she would she’d go back to how she was and make peace with her role as the model student and Lila. Sure it was stressful to be an example but it was also an honor!

Meanwhile Marinette was having very different thoughts. As she eyed up Mme.Bustier she could see the teacher she once respected thinking her way through Marinette’s words. And if Marinette could guess her teacher was most likely trying to ignore the fact that Marinette had threatened her. But that WAS just like her, to avoid the real issues, the real problems, and instead soften everything until you let it go feeling ridiculous and guilty for something that wasn’t your fault. That’s what she’d done to Marinette during the Chloe and Lila incidents. And Kwami be damned if Marinette let her do it again! Kagami cared for her, stood up for her, was always there for her! And Marinette could hear her now in the back of her head urging her forward demanding she defend herself that she lay the line in the sand. Mme.Bustier would never stop not unless Marinette was firm. So when the redheaded teacher finally gathered her wits and opened her mouth to poor out yet more sewage about her responsibility to her class Marinette was going to remind her of HER responsibility!

“Don’t.” It was a sharp command. “Don’t you dare tell me who I am, or what I must do.” Marinette had no idea how much pent up anger she had at her once favorite teacher until that moment.

She needed to remain cool so she took a deep breath and centered herself thinking of how Kagami’s armd felt the last time she’d picked her up twirled her and called her ‘her dazzling sun’. She could do this.

“If you were to take me to Mr.Damocles about my attitude problem. What do you think I would tell him.” Bustier looked confused and angry and flustered.

“I would hope you would apologize!” Oh Kwami was she serious?

“I would tell him to review the footage of today's class. And do you know what he’d see?” Bustier paled somewhat trying to stammer out a response.

“He would see Alya at the start of class. Arguing with Chloe and you doing nothing to stop it but look over at me waiting for ME to play peacekeeper.”

“W-well it comes better from a fellow student and shining example then it does-“ Marinette wasn’t even listening.

“By the time you do stop them 10 minutes of class have been wasted. And me? Well I was reviewing notes waiting like a good student for my TEACHER to do her job.”

“Well I-“

“Later, Mr.Damocles would see you letting Lila interrupt class repeatedly to lie-“

“Now we don't know that-“ Marinette grit her teeth but proceeded.

“To LIE, about something relevant to what your teaching. And you let her, she gets zero discipline for repeatedly disturbing the lesson or making up lies. And where am I in all this? Reading ahead. Waiting for my teacher to do her job.”

Caline looked rightly embarrassed her face going from red to purple to white. Marinette didn’t care she wasn’t yet done.

“And then finally he would see Kim and Alix fight. Shoving each other, yelling, and what do YOU the teacher do? Again you look to me.” Marinette sighed.

“Face it, you expect me to do your job FOR you! But I am a student and like every other student here I deserve to go to school and be taught by a teacher who does her job! Instead of putting her responsibilities on a student while also expecting that student to neglect her own feelings so that bullies and liars get an easy pass.”

“That is enough! Marinette this attitude problem is worse than I feared! You will apologize!” Marinette sighed heavily.

“No.” Caline looked slapped. “Because I haven’t done anything wrong. The only thing this conversation has made clear to me is that if anyone has an attitude problem. Its you.”

Before Bustier could think of a response. Marinette was gone. Her confident strides taking her out of the classroom with no room to protest. Finally Caline took a breath it was shaky like her legs. She stumbled back slightly and sank into her chair, the normal happy smile she plastered on her face to show her students that positivity meant everything even when your upset was noticeably missing. Marinette harsh words kept replaying in her head. She couldn't be at fault… Could she? She didn’t have an attitude problem, no Marinette did she had to! Why else would she talk back?! Yet the words kept haunting her and a smile even her perfectly practiced ones seemed impossible to muster. And things remained that way even when lunch ended and her students returned all accept for Marinette who unknown to Caline Bustier was at home wrapped in the supportive embrace of Kagami as she finally told her parents everything that had been going on at school. As it turns out Marinette’s parents also thought Bustier was the one with the ‘attitude problem’.

[ There ya go! Hope ya’ll liked it! Thank you everyone who has followed and sent nice asks or left comments you have no idea how happy it makes me!!! ]

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#kagaminette #marigami #my fic #bustier salt #ml salt #its really mostly salt but i tried #if you cant tell yet i am a filthy multishipper #you cannot kill me

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bitchinrichie · 5 years

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Fears of the Past ch 6

Major IT ch 2 Spoilers

Ayyyyyy I’m back babey, this is the last chapter of this fic I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you for being patient with me

**********************************

You left Stanley’s side, running and panicking to see if IT had really killed your friends, Stan was calling after you but you kept going up the incline to the edge where you saw Richie and Eddie disappear. Reaching the top, you found nothing,

“Richie!! Eddie!”

“Down here!” You heard Eddie’s faint voice from below in a another cavern. Gaining the attention of the others, you all make your way down to them; Eddie is hovering over Richie who seems to be unconscious. His glasses were broken but still intact and he sort of looked peaceful. Eddie, however, was about to go into cardiac arrest,

“Why isn’t he waking up? This isn’t- he’s gonna wake up. GUYS WHY ARE YOU JUST FUCKING STANDING AROUND WE HAVE TO HELP HIM”

“What do you want us to do? He’s unconscious, we can’t do much-” Stan stated in all fairness but Eddie wasn’t having it.

“HE’S YOUR BEST FUCKING FRIEND AND YOU AREN’T GONNA FUCKING DO ANYTHING?!” You all knew that Eddie was just upset but as you looked at Stan, you could see him break inside. He backed away from beside Richie while you glared at Eddie but he was looking at Richie again. Mike went over to console Stan while the others tried to form a plan.

After just moments of silence, IT started digging its claws into the cavern, trying to get to you all, drooling and screaming. A plan was made to sneak past IT and make it into the narrow passage back toward the sewers, you helped Eddie grab Richie following behind the others.

‘I SEE YOU LOSERS YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM ME” The dumb clown had found you again, clown, he was just a clown….

“Guys, I have an idea, everything in nature must act in the shape or form they come in right? IT’s just a clown, we just have to make IT believe that,” you set Richie down or tried to at least as you felt his hand grip yours,

“Fuck, what did I miss?”

“Richie! Fuck are you okay? Are you bleeding? What hurts-” Eddie was promptly cut by Richie pulling him down and kissing him. It was very quick but his point was made,

“You worry too much, Eds” Richie hazily smiled before realizing what he had just done, quickly standing up, not looking at Eddie; on the other hand, Eddie was blushing and his mouth was in the shape of an ‘O’.

“Not that you guys aren’t adorable but we should probably take on the killer clown first,” you joked and they both nodded standing further away from each other. You all were joined as a group again facing Pennywise, standing side by side, once again ready to fight. Stanley wasted no time,

“YOU’RE A STUPID FUCKING CLOWN, THAT’S ALL YOU ARE AND EVER WILL BE!”

IT cowered into itself even if it was the slightest bit, you all saw. IT was angry and it wouldn’t back down easily but neither would any of you. You looked over and saw Stan was shaking, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, nodding at the other losers. The Losers Club was going to win this fight, your fears subsiding, it was only an outdated clown.

***

No matter how terrifying Pennywise could be, he was still a coward and if none of you showed fear, he would have nothing over you. So long story short you all basically bully IT to death and it’s very therapeutic, this was what set you all free. IT had terrorized you as a clown, father, friends, family, and monsters to feed on childlike innocence. And now you were free.

No more lost memories or hesitation due to a killer clown, you all could live out the rest of your lives with the people you truly loved and who truly loved you back. Unfortunately now was not the time for that because the cavern started to collapse. Running to get back up into Neibolt was very stressful but since everyone was on an adrenaline high from murdering a demon, it went pretty quickly.

Stan pulls you close as you run out of the rotting house that was currently sinking into the ground. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and you can feel his heart beating insanely fast. The others crowd together as the house disappears,

“Honey, it’s over, it’s gone. We’re free,” you whisper to him and some to yourself. He nods and lifts his head up to look at you,

“Is Rich okay?”

“He’s fine, he wasn’t seriously injured.” He nods again, his eyes holding all of his pent up emotions and you wish he wasn’t so hard on himself.

“I almost didn’t come, I thought- I wanted to end it.” He didn’t look at you in fear of the shame he guessed he’d see on your face.

“We were all scared, I understand, we all do. IT hurt you really badly. But we defeated it together and without you, it wouldn’t be the same. You saved us Stan,” you wipe his tears and kiss his cheek. He finally looks at you and his eyes hold pride and love, a look you missed on him.

***

The quarry. It was peaceful, just like it was when you were teenagers and swam around in your underwear. One last place that wasn’t touched by the horrors you all witnessed, you wanted to cleanse yourselves.

“No, this is stupid and gross and we could get like seven diseases from swimming in that water, fuck you guys.” Eddie was complaining profusely that you’d all die, he was always kind of a protector. Not that you listened to him.

Bev jumps off first, followed by you and Stan and of course the others. Richie having to put Eddie over his shoulder as he jumped in. You could hear Richie laughing as Eddie screamed at him for making him jump into the dirty water,

“Hey! Are we gonna talk about what happened between you two?” Bev smirks at the two and they freeze.

“Uh listen I um I wasn’t thinking- it was a spur of the moment, I’m so sorry Eds I just-” Eddie cut him off by kissing him again,

“You talk too much.” He smiles nervously, pulling away from Richie but he just hugs him tight, crying into Eddie’s shoulder. You were so happy, you knew Richie loved him, even if he didn’t tell you. The looks he gave Eddie were the same ones you gave Stan. Oh. Stan.

“Uh hey guys? If we’re sharing stuff. Um I’m- I am bisexual.” You didn’t dare look at anyone’s face, you were too scared of being rejected by your friends and your true love.

“Thanks for running it bi us,” you whip your head up and find Richie smiling at you with understanding and encouragement. Bev squeezes your arm, Bill and Mike giving you a thumbs up, Ben and Eddie high five while smiling at you, and Stan looks at you with pure adoration.

“There is nothing in the world that change my feelings for you, I love you Y/n,” he wraps you in his arms and feel so loved and supported than you have in decades. Richie and Eddie join you two, hugging you tight which induces an all out group hug. This was your family, your friends, your love, and your life.

***

2 years later

You were currently sitting on the couch while your lovely husband makes you lunch because he won’t let you do anything around the house anymore. You still lived in Los Angeles, Stan wanted to move in with you after everything that happened in Derry. He told you that he wouldn’t make you move since you were a famous animator for Disney, you told him it wasn’t a big deal but he was so proud of you. You had dreamed of working for Disney since you were 11, Stan always encouraged your drawing so you dedicated a short to him, Piper that played before Finding Dory.

You and Stan had always been huge Disney fans and when you took him to see the movie, you watched his reaction to the short before it. He cried. That was two years ago and now you were married, he proposed not even a week after that and you were married two months later. It wasn’t a huge wedding but all the losers came and your father was there as were Stan’s parents. It was beautiful but you were just happy to finally be with your soulmate and now with a little one on the way. Stan was beyond ecstatic when you told him you were pregnant, his little songbird.

“Honey, are you sure you don’t need help? I’m not crippled you know”

“Yes! I can make lunch, Y/n. No, but you’re carrying our child and I don’t want you stressed out,” Stan was dedicated to making you comfortable and doing everything so you didn’t have to.

“Richie did ask me to be his maid of honor so I’m going to be doing something eventually,” Richie and Eddie were getting married in three months and Richie claimed both you and Stan as maid of honor and groomsman and Bev as a bridesmaid. Eddie was pissed at first but he gets Mike and Bill and Ben. Richie clarifying that he very much was the wife in the marriage.

Stan sighed and you could hear him laughing to himself as he approached you with your soup, he kisses your stomach and then your lips before eating his food,

“So I’ve been thinking about names.. If it’s a boy I was thinking Wren or Robin. If it’s a girl, Aya or Rosella,” he smiles warmly at you. You haven’t told him about the gender yet,

“I like Aya.” he smiles but looks at you in confusion until it clicks.

“You- it’s a girl?” you nod and he immediately wraps you in his arms, hugging you tightly and he’s crying. He lets go to kiss your tummy again,

“My beautiful girls. Aya means bird in Hebrew, so my little birdie, you’re gonna be daddy’s little girl huh?” You smile and you feel tears on your cheeks. You never thought you would be here, that any of you would be free.

You married the love of your life and having his child. Bev and Ben got married last year and travel all over the world, Bill and Mike are engaged and moved down to Florida and Bill finally finishing a book well, and Eddie and Richie finally getting married soon. You all took back your lives and now you’re making up for lost time but by now those 27 years don’t matter. No longer did you have nightmares of your fears of the past but dreams of what awaited you, you’d always be losers but you no longer had anything to lose.

@honeybunthegalwithteethforeyes @eddiegaykaspbrak @tozierchee @chipoisaloser @multi-parker @tropicaluris @checkontherep @adritozier @happyhanlon @itsbaconheree

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thatbitchinsneakers · 3 years

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The Bachelorette Season 16 Episode 2

Ok here we go. Episode 2. Can’t say I’m excited but I am definitely ready.

The episode starts with a view of none other than the La Quinta resort. Chris Harrison walks in to a room full of testosterone and dicks immediately go hard. He announces that it is time for date one. The date card that was written by an ABC intern is read, and dicks immediately go soft when they hear that they do in fact have to go on a date with Clare.

The thing that has me laughing so hard is how unbelievably low budget this season is. Like the date is in a room with fake grass and a fake tower and they have to basically just tell Clare that they aren’t here for the Instagram followers, but here to be “open” and “honest” with her. Every other season is like “the group date will be going a remote island where Beyonce will be putting on a private concert and then she will flash her cooter to you and ONLY you and you’ll hold these memories forever” and then this season is like max budget is $50 per date. I guess when you’re 39 and have been on 5 different seasons of the bachelor, ABC just doesn’t have the effort anymore. Sorry Clare. Also, these “gifts” these men are giving her like I just refuse to believe someone was packing and thought “oh okay I’m gonna bring an entire chess set so I can give Clare the Queen and pretend I’m gonna treat her like a Queen”. Sorry but I’m calling BS on this one!

The physical touch part was pretty stupid too, I’m not gonna lie. Another extremely low budget activity. Actually, maybe those eye masks cost about $2 per person. Anyway, nothing like touching a girl who you’re all simultaneously dating in a room full of other horny dudes!

This “after party” is truly hilarious. Clare is literally BEGGING someone to ask to pull her aside. Harvard magically grows balls and asks her to talk. He is trying to explain that they just had suuuuch a good time with each other that nobody wanted to talk to Clare. So of course she has to make a scene cause there wouldn’t be a season without a few big scenes from 39 year old Clare! Also loving this fight with the men about whether or not someone is allowed to “speak for the group”. Like oh my god this fight is not even worth watching. Why can’t you guys fight about who fucked random girls before quarantine started? Ugh I’m bored. She ignores one guy who was actually like “ok let me fix this and talk to you” and was like nah fuck you where’s Dale. And the first “I can see myself falling in love with her” has arrived! A sentence that truly does not even make sense.

When Clare is asked what she wants in a husband, she says “I want someone who appreciates my assertiveness and stand right beside me and be like ‘thats my girl’” Okay so Clare is saying she needs a giant pussy for a husband. Noted.

Next, we see Yosef setting himself up to be the villain of the season. Love this for him. He’s going to use any excuse to find something wrong with her, even though he knows he is on a full blown reality TV show where everything is planned and nobody is actually themselves. Every season needs a villain though!

Jason is chosen for this next date and Clare claimed she picked him because she thought he needed this like therapeutic date. How dare she like assume he needs therapy? Like WHAT?!?! How offensive!!! Also she didn’t fucking pick him to go on the date, the producers obviously did. This date is like so intense for no reason too like ?! Instead of some lavish date with unlimited champagne and a private helicopter, he has to sit on the beach and listen to Clare talk about how she’s unlovable. Sorry but this is legit miserable. Moving on. Wait I’m back. WHY THE FUCK IS SHE BRINGING THE DRESS SHE WORE WHEN SHE WAS REJECTED?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH!!!! LIKE ACTUALLY WHO TOLD HER THIS WAS OKAY.

The next date - dodgeball! Another extremely low budget date on the tennis courts of the La Quinta. Clare is like “lets play strip dodgeball” and everyone is like um no? Team Blue Balls though - that was a nice touch. Someone describes the night as “getting crunk” and I would like him voted off the island immediately. And who is this random dodgeball referee? Was he covid tested? Or is he just an ABC intern they had to bully to play the ref of a dodgeball game at the La Quinta? So many questions! This dodgeball game is actually extremely inappropriate and very unlike the Bachelor franchise. Making men strip to a jock strap? Clare I know you’re an ancient dinosaur that hasn’t been laid in like 12 years but why is this necessary? So not only do all the boys have to see each other ass naked but the producers, camera crew, producers etc have to see it too? Then Clare pulls out “cheers to the balls!” in her toast. I absolutely cannot do this.

This one on one time where Brandon is like “I knew I wanted to meet you the second I saw you were the bachelorette” and then says “ well I don’t know anything about you” and like stuttering and can’t find the words to say to her other than that she’s beautiful has me actually laughing out loud. Did absolutely nobody coach you on this before?! Like he can’t tell her one thing he likes about her and it’s truly hilarious. I mean honestly I respect the fuck out of her that she’s like okay I don’t have time for this please leave. Byeeee Brandon! See you on Instagram tomorrow!

“I know what I’m looking for and I know what I like” ok no shit Clare you’re 100 years old and have been on a million bachelor shows like if you didn’t know what you liked by now I’d be so worried.

Well, that’s all for this week. Not much drama unfortunately. Oh well. See yall next week for the shittiest season of the Bachelorette!

#thebachelorette #clarecrawley bachelorette

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vanessakirbyfans · 5 years

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Vanessa Kirby is no Princess Margaret any more. After all, as The Crown star takes on her latest high-kicking role as an Mi5 agent in Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, the only crown jewels are the ones she’s kneeing between the legs. The Queen and Lord Snowdon are gone without a trace and in their place is none other than Jason Statham, her new on-screen sibling, and The Rock, her new love interest. Talk about a holy trinity.

In the talented hands of Vanessa, this is no damsel in a dress, or, in, fact distress. In between dangling out of a moving car shooting a gun and having The Rock caught in a headlock between her thighs, there is real depth to Kirby’s Fast and Furious wing woman. Finally, we have an action heroine we can actually believe in and root for.

Here, in another edition of GLAMOUR Unfiltered - the celebrity interview franchise where guest powerfully open up about the obstacles they have had to overcome– Vanessa discusses overcoming school bullies, body hang ups and how she altered her mindset to seek validation from within… GO VANESSA!

How did you get this high-kicking, badass on for Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw?

I channeled the inner Marge (Princess Margaret). It’s everything she wanted to do to her sister and anyone. It was the inner rage. It was very therapeutic!

When you were filming this, were you ever like, ‘oh my Christ, my life is in jeopardy!’?

Every day. I was constantly in pain, but my sister was in the production team and I had some of my favourite people from The Crown in the costume and makeup department too. So, we had a little crew and we just laughed the whole time at the absurdity of things we had to do.

What’s the key high kicking move you’ve learnt?

It’s the elbow move! The stunt team realised quite early on that my punches would knock nobody out and so they were like, ‘how are we going to make this remotely believable?’ Instead of doing a straight punch, which I tried to do badly, you rotate from the hips and use your whole body. You can’t do a follow through; you’ve got to reverb! It’s also a great dance move!

One of the best lines in the film is, ‘I am done with your alpha male bullsh*t.’ When you came to do a film like this, did you have any reservations about coming into a very male dominated space?

This is part of the reason why I chose to do it and I was really clear about what kind of female she should be. I felt like it was so important as the lead female that she wasn’t falling into any tropes like she’s never got saved by the guys, she was a capable fighter and she never got rescued. I wanted to make her a bit scrappy, weird and not some traditional version of female action we’ve seen before.

Do you have to deal with everyday sexism?

Less so now but for years, yeah! Before the last couple of years, it was on such a subliminal level and it was something that was so accepted. It definitely has changed. Everyday (on this film) I was like, ‘nope let’s not wear this costume, let’s do this!’ There were lots of ways in which we tried to take care of that presence in a movie that’s really about men.

What would happen and what would people say when they were being sexist to you?

Day-to-day stuff that every woman has experienced but also work-wise in terms of the scripts you read. Always without realising she would be the girlfriend. She’d never be out there fighting on the field. She’d be the woman waiting at home to see if the man survived and saved the world for her. That’s the difference now. People are really open to the conversation. Universal is run by a woman who is incredible and she’s so passionately hot on this stuff. Even having a presence like Hattie in a movie like this is unusual and that felt really important for me to take care of as an actress because you can talk about wanting to change things and wanting to represent someone on screen but can you go into a seriously alpha male world that’s generally regarded as testosterone and try and inject a feminine presence into it?

What have you learnt about your power as a woman through Hobbs and Shaw?

I was really hard! Every day we showed up and talked about it. I was able to say what I thought and made sure as a fighter, she got fights that were her own.

The body is looking banging in this! Did you go down the gym?

I did not go down gym! I was at the National Theatre doing this play and eating so much chocolate to get me through it because it was a really tough part and I was not down the gym. They would take me to stunt training in the morning and I would train but I’d be out of breath and all these stunt guys - like the world’s best stunt guys - would be really polite and gracious whilst I was tripping over stuff. I had to squat in front of mirrors and my legs would be wobbling. You feel like such an idiot. I couldn’t do a roly poly at the beginning. I kept going sideways and hurt my head loads. The very first day we shot, we’d finished the last show the day before. We finished on Saturday night and on Sunday morning at 7am, I was on set having to do this one long take in MI6 gear, so I was wearing a helmet, guns everywhere, a balaclava and I had to take out 6 guys and do this flip roll. It was my first day, so I was so scared anyway - no one knows anyone - it’s really awkward and it’s up to me to get it in one take. It was a nightmare. It was like a tortoise when you land on the shell.

You seem very in tune with your body image in Hobbs and Shaw? What has your journey with body image been like?

It’s just an act - I tried really hard to act it. On The Crown I was called Bambi, especially by the costume department - I fell over all the time! So, it was really risky doing a movie like this. With body image, I am always conscious of my bum - my sister is the same. But I have come to realise you only get one and you only get you. You can’t think your way out of it. You have to enjoy it for what it is. I have been trying to do that more and more. I didn’t feel more in tune with it filming this - I was aching so much and hobbling around a lot.

You have gone through a journey of empowerment in your life - you have been bullied at school – what has that road been like for you?

There was a drive in me to prove myself. I have always been really interested in where we feel like we are not enough is who we are. Especially when you are bullied you feel in yourself you are not enough as you are or try to be something different to please other. Whether it’s for friendships or relationships you need to find the best version of you that you are the most comfortable with.

What have been the turning points in your own empowerment?

Working with War Child has changed my life forever. I also think learning to be ok as you are. More and more I try everyday to practice self-care and self-love. I would summarise self-love as sometimes noticing the thoughts that you have about yourself are so negative and more negative than anyone would be to your face. You would never be that negative to someone else. It’s so bazaar we have this inner critic. I used to really struggle with it at work and in my life generally. I have had to really nurture that part and say, ‘why are you doing that, why are you saying that about yourself?’ The practice of catching it and replacing it with something positive is so simple. Would you ever say the things you say about yourself to anyone else? Absolutely never! If were talking to a friend about their fears or anxieties, how would you talk to them? I don’t talk to myself how I would talk to a friend. It’s a key to empowerment is catching that thought.

What do you tell yourself in those moments of self-doubt?

I talk to myself like how I would talk to a small child. If am doubting myself, freaking out or feeling super anxious I go, ‘you are ok, it’s all cool, remember you are enough.’ Because I think we look for outside sources to do that be that validation from relationships, affirmations from the outside too - be that owning things or being something more, achieving something - and those things are transient. They come and they go, they are not constant. But your mind could be if you practice it.

You have become an activist as an ambassador for War Child. Can you remember a moment during that experience that has changed you?

The very first trip with them when I met some of the Syrian refugees. When you actually meet those families, I just felt that parts of me shifted forever. I am so privileged. I am so lucky and live somewhere where I don’t worry about my life every day - as in danger of my actual life. We have freedom and we can choose what we want to do. The refugees come from the most horrific experiences, then they come to camps which some of them have been living in for six and a half years. They are stuck with nothing to do, like a prison. It’s unimaginable. Then you come back here and think, ‘What? Why do I worry about that! I can choose what I eat in the morning. I don’t have the same powdered food every day.’ That’s helped my inner critic. Experiencing the lives of others that are far worse than anything I deal with. It makes anything I have to deal with much easier.

#Vanessa Kirby #Hobbs and Shaw #Interview #Articles #Videos

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druid-baby-tiefling · 5 years

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If You're Hurting:

There are a lot of you out there dealing with a lot of negativity. I know it. ♡ Well, it can get really rough thinking that you are absolutely alone... Maybe you don't know how to reach out to friends, family, anybody... Maybe you think you're completely alone or you can reach out but you're afraid your loved ones won't understand... maybe you believe you are burdening them with what is upsetting you.

I am going to tell you something that you may or may not realize or want to accept:

☆ Bullying is not just happening at school ages.

☆ Your own family can bully you.

☆ If somebody says something positive just to validate saying something very very negative and hurtful then THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY.

☆ Abuse is very scary in any form: verbally, psychologically and physically

☆ If you are not okay then YOU ARE NOT OKAY

☆ Also, it's OKAY to NOT be OKAY

☆ There are many ways to put people down without making it seem obvious.

☆ Somebody simply waving away accomplishments that mean something to you is a way to put you down. They may say things such as: "That's a nice little start you have but let's be honest with each other... You're just not doing as much as you think you are." I say this word for word because I've been told this.

☆ "You destroy everything you're given."

☆ "You can't do anything right."

☆ "You're naive." This may seem more innocent but it is a way to put you down.

☆ No matter what the situation... just know that if it hurts you then you are valid in your feelings. Nobody should make you think you aren't valid for hurting from their words.

☆ If you're scared to talk to someone try anonymous chats or a hotline. You should be able to find somewhere where you can vent without name/location being put into the equation.

☆ Sometimes all we need is someone to listen

☆ Try listening to some music that soothes or uplifts you

☆ Write down your feelings in a notebook or journal that is only yours.

☆ Write Poetry. Everything is poetry no matter what stanzas, etc that you use. Your poetry is your own. Don't feel pressured to make it like everybody else's. We are all unique.

☆ Animals are very therapeutic so if you have a pet then why not spend some much needed time with them. Animals are very caring and supportive. They are also very intuitive. They often can tell you are down.

☆ Have sidewalk chalk? Try finding a place to use it.

☆Love cooking or baking? It's a wonderful outlet for stress, etc. (Fyi: I stress bake.)

☆ Take a bubble bath/ hot shower

☆ Drink some of your favorite tea (if you like tea). Chamomile helps with relaxation.

☆ Go out in nature. It's proven to help boost moods.

☆Take a long walk.

☆ Hike at your favorite location or find a new one.

☆Try doing some yoga or if you already do yoga try some new moods.

☆ Watch a comedy. Laughter is a great way to alleviate stress.

☆ Do something silly like jump in a puddle, messily do dishes while singing and spraying water upwards so it rains down on you. Laugh as loudly and carefreely as possible.

☆ Do a fun art project.

☆ Color!

☆ List silly things.

☆ Skip, run, jump and hop to wherever you're going.

☆ These things wont make everything fine but they may help alleviate a bit of the stress hurt and anxiety you are experiencing...

PLEASE ADD MORE IF POSSIBLE

♡ I hope that no matter what situation you may find yourself in that you are okay, you know you are loved and that you matter.

♡ I hope that you see the light at the end of the tunnel or simply find the courage to reach out and move forward from the pain you are experiencing.

♡ I also hope that maybe you make a new friend along the way.

♡ Maybe your new friend helps you see yourself in a new light.

♡ Maybe you make that huge decision you were afraid to make so that you CAN move forward.

♡ Or maybe you simply turn your cheek.

♡ Maybe you don't help that toxic person in your life anymore and do for you instead.

Whatever the case may be: I wish you the best in whatever you do. ♡

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drunkenvigors · 5 years

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These are kinda therapeutic for me (I’m going to skip some of them cause there’s a lot though!) sorry if you somehow know me irl and see this

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I would love to be at least 5’6

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) I already have my dream pets and I love them with my entire being

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? No I switch between so many I never look the same lmao

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Don’t make me answer this it’s too hard to think of, nextttt.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: 8:30pm (my fave time of day), mashed potatoes, and the rest of my brain goes into oblivion idk

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? I care too much or not at all there’s no inbetween beware I could scare u off or piss u off take ur pick

9: Are you ticklish? Everywhere on me is ticklish unfortunately but you can get a free pass to tickle me for 1min if I think you’re cute, otherwise take ya hands off the merchandise stupid bitch.

10: Are you allergic to anything? Being social

11: What’s your sexuality? I am pansexual but due to being bullied about it I tell everyone I’m Bi.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? This is a choice nobody should have to make.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? I am a regular person that loves them both

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Short enough to pass as an elf so why not 🧝‍♀️

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? David Dobrik, hes entertainment for when I’m eating snacks

16: How tall are you? Mind ya business.. 5feet...

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Tee, that’s what I go by anyways so considered it changed

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes and no.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? How about neither because they’re big cluster fucks of the unknown and that in itself is terrifying

22: Pet peeves? Letting me get attached and talking to me then leaving me hanging without any fucking explanation like um lmao you suck

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? I’m nocturnal for sure

24: Favorite constellation? Dis pussy

25: Favorite star? Ur moms pussy

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? This sounds sexual

27: Any phobias or fears? Too many dots/holes in the same area, I’ll actually vomit.

28: Do you think global warming is real? OBVIOUSLY

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Eeeehhhh I guess. I believe in a lot of different theories that I’ve thought of myself, I don’t care what other people think about these things because I’d like to stay true to my own thoughts.

30: Favorite movie? Spirited Away

31: Do you get scared easily? Not really

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Too much math brb

34: What is a color that calms you? Red yay

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? ... don’t make me say it because I won’t

36: Where were you born? In a Jesus piece praise

37: What is your eye color? Poop

38: Introvert or extrovert? Both depending on the day

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Yea & if you don’t we probably won’t get along very well

40: Hugs or kisses? I’m definitely a hugger

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? There’s a very kind soul I’m dying to meet

42: Who is someone you love deeply? Tiger (my cat)

43: Any piercings you want? My bridge

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? This is hilarious if you’ve never seen me before

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? No smh are u kidding me that shits for the birds ya’heard weed will kill ya ;’(

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Godddd fucking DAMN he is so nice to me. Better than the stupid fuck people I tried to take care of around my area. These circumstances really suck.

47: What is a sound you really hate? There’s a couple people in mind that when they talk I would love to just shove a sock down their throat

48: A sound you really love? A skateboard on the pavement

49: Can you do a backflip? Fuk off maybe I’ll try to after doing this post

50: Can you do the splits? Used to

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Myself when I need to get out of certain situations due to excessive anxiety but not wanting to show my real emotions, you feel?

53: How are you feeling right now? Would be better if I wasn’t here rn

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Exactly how it is

55: When did you feel happiest? When I get attention from the person I want it from, stupid romantic bullshit that doesn’t even matter

56: Something that calms you down? Probably my sister because we can laugh anything off together and I mean ANYTHING

57: Have any mental disorders? I can’t count them all on one hand

58: What does your URL mean? It’s from a hopsin song and Bioshock infinite. Good luck figuring it out

59: What three words describe you the most? Confusing, loud, quiet, and I’ll add one more, contradiction

60: Do you believe in evolution? Well.. how do you think we’re humans rn, we came from monkeys or whatever

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? If they post stupid ads or things that’ll try to pursue you into doing something

62: What makes you follow a blog? If it fits my aesthetic

63: Favorite kind of person: funny

64: Favorite animal(s): 🐨

66: Favorite emoticon: 🖤

67: Favorite meme: disgusteng

69: What is your star sign? TAURUS BAAAABYYYY 😍

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No but I can so wassup dâddÿ

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? I have too many to pick

72: Post a selfie or two? How about no because I’m ugly lmao tf

73: Do you have platform shoes? NO I SHOULD GET SOME TBH

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I’ve pissed myself while drunk too many times to count, do as you wish with this information because I find it hilarious & I’m glad I don’t have an alcohol problem anymore lol

75: Can you do a front flip? Actually, yes, yes I can

76: Do you like birds? Don’t hate me for this but no I really don’t

77: Do you like to swim? Yessss

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Ice skating

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: trump

80: Some thing you wish did exist: a green sky and a purple moon

81: Piercings you have? Lip, nose, ears, nipple (yes only one of them lmao)

82: Something you really enjoy doing: sucking my own dick for attention

83: Favorite person to talk to: myself in the mirror

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? Idk I was so young when I made this blog I can’t recall

85: How many followers do you have? Idk does it even matter

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I smoke far too many cigarettes for that

87: Do your socks always match? Never

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? No wtf you thought I was fit? Nexxxttt

89: What are your birthstones? Emerald

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Koala

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Lillies, sunflowers, or buttercup flowers

92: A store you hate? Aerocrombie or however you fuckin spell it

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 6 or 7

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds but I would probably end up killing myself knowing all the bad things people think of me

95: Do you like to wear camo? Sometimes

96: Winter or summer? Summer

97: How long can you hold your breath for? 326183621

98: Least favorite person? Andrew lol fuck you.

99: Someone you look up to: my homies that have passed away, I look up to them every day

100: A store you love? I like to order things

101: Favorite type of shoes? VANS

102: Where do you live? Doesn’t matter smh

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nnnooo

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Shiet

105: Do you drink milk? Milk drinks me glug glug bitch

106: Do you like bugs? NAH

107: Do you like spiders? NEGATIVE

108: Something you get paranoid about? Crack

109: Can you draw: if I try

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? Mannnnn idk

111: A question you hate being asked? Anything about my dead homies makes me at least a little uncomfortable

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? No

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Obviously

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Sunny but not burning hot sunny u feel me

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: who told u this information

THIS IS LONG

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruit salad perhaps

121: Something you want to do right now: Get tf out of here

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Sky for sure

123: Sweet or sour foods? I eat sweets to confuse the demons inhabiting this body

124: Bright or dim lights? Dimmadomedim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Bitch u really thought dragons aren’t real

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: everyone is so sensitive bro then y’all gang up and bully someone for something so small & meaningless as if you have nothing better to do with yourselves

127: Something you love about Tumblr: nobody really knows me here & if you do then hey hi wassup I trust you 🖤

128: What do you think about the least? Sheesh I have adhd next question please

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? She was a bitch but she was a lit bitch

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Fuck violence

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My mind

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Ehhhhh on occasion

133: Computer or TV? Tv

134: Do you like roller coasters? Naaah son

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? No

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Lobed thank god

137: Do you believe in karma? HAH YES, she been slacking though💀👀

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 3 tbh

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? People used to call me gauges and I am so glad that stage is over

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Oh, you mean schizophrenia because yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? For years, then I dipped out because I know I can’t be cured from mental instability

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Bad bad baaaad yikes

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving

144: What makes you angry? When people play with me or attention seeking people, I really hate some of y’all cry baby asses fr

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? one sadly

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? All of the above

147: Are you androgynous? Have you seen me because lmao

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: I can’t even pick one because I genuinely hate myself and how I look

149: Favorite thing about your personality: my what now 💀

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person: Jeremy McKinnon I want to tell him thank you. That’s it I guess

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? Um probably none

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Oooooofff I used to years ago but shit I’m over it now

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] my what

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? NO I AM NOT THE MOM FRIEND

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Not unless you’re my actual partner and even then I don’t really like to

156: What embarrasses you? Being outside

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: speaking/existing

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: I love you

159: How many people are you following? Idk prob a lot

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? I’ve had this since I was 12 or something I really don’t know

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? IDFKKK

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? WHAT

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yaminerua · 6 years

Text

I was rewatching Thriller earlier for like the bazillionth time and then I started remembering back to when 10 year old me went to my primary school’s halloween disco. I think I was attempting to replicate the way Michael looked in the video for The Way You Make Me Feel. Only I looked kind of terrible cos I was just using whatever I had and the shirt wasn't even the right kind of blue.. Lmfao you tried, past me. Anyways, I guess I was kind of known at school for being That One Kid who’s way into Michael Jackson. Like it was well established by that point and everyone in my year was well aware of and highly amused by it so I got made fun of a lot for it but I had tougher skin back then and could brush that shit off much easier. Didn't really make it easy for myself for being really fricking obvious about my obsession either. Ive never ever been subtle about anything I love. Anyways since it was a Halloween disco obviously the inevitable happened which is that Thriller got played and my classmates were all like lol hey Lauren do a dance. Man I knew I was kind of shit at dancing but like I said I was a tougher cookie then than I am now and I had confidence then that gradually got bullied out of me but the point is I had it once. So when the opportunity came to do a little dance I was like heck yeah. And I probably at the time didn't even realise everyone else was just laughing at me but they formed a circle around me on the school gym hall floor and let me do my embarrassingly bad attempts at dancing and at the end of the night the DJ guy called me up to the stage and gave me a box of maltesers chocolates for being a 'wee star'. I still have a photo somewhere if me posing with the chocolates at the end of the night. I had fun that night. Really had fun. And even tho everyone was probably laughing at me making a fool of myself, in the moment I felt cool, I went for it and got a box of chocolates as a result. The bullying became pretty relentless in the time afterwards so gradually I stopped being as confident. It kind of wavered. Sometimes I didn't care and just went for it (like when I entered the school talent contest trying to do an MJ song and nearly hit my teacher with my shoe when it came flying off my foot in an attempted kick of the leg dance move lmfao) and other times I got overwhelmingly self conscious and chickened out. I didn't go to the Halloween disco the next year because I had become too self conscious. My parents were at the disco tho with some other parents who'd volunteered to help with food and drinks and stuff. And my mum and the neighbour across the street both told me that when it came time to play thriller again the dj had remembered me from the previous year and was all 'where's that wee Michael Jackson girl?' My dad still brings it up sometimes pfff. I felt embarrassed at the same time as regretting not going. I wish I'd gone to more school dances/discos but I became super self conscious and missed out on a lot. I'm still fond of that memory tho because in the moment I had a lot of fun;;;; the picture of me that was taken back then also years later got submitted into a mosaic of the This Is It promotional image of Michaels silhouette built up of thousands of pictures of fans showing their love after... Well... You know. I think my picture in the mosaic was placed somewhere near his legs but I can't remember exactly. It meant a lot to me to be able to be a tiny part of a tribute to him. I went into more detail about it in a Twitter ramble a few nights ago but gosh he was really such an important pillar of strength for me during my younger years, especially through everything that was happening at home. Dancing, even if I was never good at it, and singing to his songs provided an escapism I sorely needed and honestly could probably benefit from going back to now. And regardless of what people believe or hear about him, I genuinely felt that his love and care for children was real and genuine and sincere and that he would never hurt a child. It felt like, even tho I didn't know him and would never know him personally, he was there for me and for all the kids going through awful stuff, be it in their homes or communities or anywhere. It made it feel like even though I couldn't talk about it to people, and had to endure all that shit in silence, that there was someone out there who would care if he knew. Maybe it sounds silly. I don't really care how it sounds. It was important to me when I was small and it gave me so much that I really needed that I couldn't get anywhere else. his death still hurts 9 years later. It's going to be 10 years next year and I am never going to be ready for that. It literally felt like the world just stopped and it still feels like yesterday when I settled down to sleep in this very room and my brother came up the stairs to break the news. I can still remember how hard I cried. I cried solidly for hours until i passed out. I'd always in some way hoped that maybe one day I'd be lucky enough to meet him. To say what I'm sure he probably heard a thousand times in a thousand different ways about how important he had been, how positive his impact had been for me as a child and ever since. That can never happen now but.. Ahh;;;; Someone recently had commented about how next year will make it 10 years since that awful day and I guess it just. Triggered something in me. I hadn't been very outspoken about how much I love the guy because people would always be shitty about it and I was afraid about what people would say because I got bullied relentlessly for it in both high school and primary school but honestly. Fuck that. I don't care anymore. He was important to me and he still is and I'm not going to shy away and pretend that isn't a fact. Genuinely tho...... I'm genuinely 95% certain that if I'd just had the same space now as I'd had to just go and dance til I dropped and sing til I cried as a kid to get out all that was happening inside I'd maybe be a little less fucked up. It was cathartic then. Therapeutic and honestly i want to get that back. Just. Lock myself in a room for hours and get completely lost in the music and then come out of it feeling... Better. Lighter. I don't doubt that maybe if I'd been able to do that when I was going through what I was going through in 2011/12 I might have come through that abuse a little less broken and suicidal but who knows. Maybe not. I'm where I am now and I'd like to think there's still a little hope that things can be alright. This house doesn't have the space nor the privacy tho to do any sort of dancing. Doesn't even have the right kind of floor to spin around on like the old house did before its renovation in like 2008. That and I'm also laughably out of practice and super unfit so I'd probably die like halfway through a song when I used to be able to go on for hours before I got tired. Aaah... One day maybe I'll get to see if that old magic can still help me like it did then. For now........I should probably sleep instead of getting weepy and nostalgic.

#personal shit #thinking back and remembering stuff #and I'm feelin immense love and appreciation for the King of Pop tonight.#And every night since before I was even double digits to be honest but still

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