#i am a psych grad i am aware of the research and i have my own reasons why i do not see one
How I, Cosmerelists Blogger, Would Handle Each Type of Investiture
It's my wife's birthday tomorrow, and I asked her what kind of post she wanted for her birthday, and she said she wanted me to write a post about myself. [For those of you who used to read Bleachlists, this is entirely due to her love of the "What if BLG replaced Aizen" post back in the day.]
So, uh, here we go!
1. Allomancy: 4/10
Here's the thing: I'm bad at swallowing pills. I have to not only take a sip of water first and hold it in my mouth while I drop in the pill, but I also have to, like, psych myself up to swallow properly. And I know that the metal shards are really small, but I know in my heart that I would have trouble with it. Vin and Kelsier and Wax are, like, chugging vials of metal in the heat of battle. I'd be like, "Wait! Hang on a second; I just need to take a moment here." And then I'd die.
2. Hemalurgy: 0/10
I hate blood. I hate being stabbed even in a blood draw. I capture centipedes alive and take them outside too because even though I don't like them, I would like killing them less. I would not be able to perform or receive hemalurgy. It sounds like the worst possible time.
3. Feruchemy: 10/10
Hell yeah! I wear jewelry and I wish I could use it to store attributes for later, be it health or memory or speed or anything really. And I like that there's no swallowing or stabbing involved!
...This post doesn't have any weird innuendos going on, right?
4. Awakening: 5/10
Awakening would be...fine, I guess? It seems pretty complicated, but I can probably memorize short commands, wear colorful clothing I don't mind draining, and...oh yeah...subsist on the souls of other people? Yeah, I don't know about this one for me.
5. AonDor: 4/10
I'm really not trying to be hard on myself! I am good at many things. But coding is not one of those things, and I get the sense that that's what the AonDor is. Plus, drawing?? I don't have a very steady hand. Do you think they'd accept, like wonky Aons?
6. Dakhor: 0/10
I already have arthritis. :( I don't want twisty bones!
7. ChayShan: 2/10
I don't even remember this one really. But it sounds like it's about precise, circular motion and spatial awareness, and I have to close my eyes and think hard to put on chapstick (don't ask).
8. Forgery: 6/10
I am pretty good at research; I did grad school and all of that. I'm not really artistic though, so the making part of the stamp might be tricky. But learning the long history of an object or person does sound right up my alley!
9. Bloodsealers: 0/10
I don't like blood! Why are so many of these powers blood-powered???
10. Surgebinding: 9/10
I'd love to have a little friend who was with me all the time and deemed me worthy of special powers thanks to my innate worth. No Radiant has ever had a lick of self-esteem, and yet, I feel like that would be very good for one's self-esteem. Plus, I have always wanted magical healing powers, and (metaphorically!) drinking light feels like a cool way to get that.
I don't like heights, though, so I'd shy away from any of those "soaring through the sky powers." Maybe I could be one of those ones that stay on the ground. A ground Radiant.
11. Voidbinding: 7/10
In my head, this is kinda like just "evil surgebinding" but I'm sure it will end up being more than that! It's still basically having a friend who gives you powers, right? Just, the friend is...evil?
12. Old Magic: 3/10
I don't like taking risks. If I knew every wish came with an attached curse, I would be like, "Nah." Like, that isn't even gambling. You KNOW half of it will be bad!
13. Sand Mastery: 3/10
I still haven't read White Sand, but I am a very thirsty person, and I don't want a power that will suck water out of my body, which is how I think this works maybe.
14. Hion: 10/10
Yeah, I mean, this is just humming, bisexual electricity, right? 10/10 no notes.
15. Charred: 0/10
I mean...this is a no brainer, right? Nobody wants their chest, memories, and souls burned away by a very hot ember on a long pointy stick. I'm very white. I get burned by a normal sun.
Anyway, happy (almost) birthday to my wife!
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I will request the walls have ears scene hard-on scene again and also I mean I would DIE for a psych perspective of elvis all day every day but i know that’s pretty heavy and god bless him what a mess of a man🥴
bless you. OKAY. so you have got to forgive me for how unsure i am about this. i'm like a damn baby deer walking on my legs for the first time. also that's coming at some point. probably. it really requires a lot of research. ( for a tumblr post i know but you never know, maybe i use that bullshit to get into grad school like i've been dying to go. and then at the end all of y'all can call me dr. ally. )
so. tw: i mean it's got him getting a hard on so, sexual themes? phone sex? mentions of elvis' sad sad hang ups? i do not know this is new territory for me.
the walls have ears ( but not eyes ) - elvis presley
elvis is used to dancing, he's used having his hips move every which way but loose. well, maybe there was that one time they went a bit loose but that was between him, that audience and god. and there wasn't a soul in that group who was gonna be a tattle tell. the point is, he knows how to dance, knows how to move his hips. so doing the scene he's being asked of with laurel seems like a simple enough ask. she's sweet and he likes her well enough. doesn't like her like he likes the girl he's got waiting for him at home but- he gets her allure, gets how his character could like a girl with her face.
it's a complicated set up for a scene, one of the most complicated ones elvis has ever seen in his pictures. there's so many moving parts that a part of him wants to ask the director and the production team what went through their heads and how they went about setting all this up. anything to find out more about the film industry even if- well even if it seemed like he was gonna get stuck doing these musical-singing pictures for a long while yet. maybe one day- maybe some day he'll get to have his moment as a dramatic actor get to be like james dean and marlon brando and paul newman. one day.
the moment they start the camera elvis finds himself aware of two things- one, that he was made to do this sort of dancing and he's got to take his girl out and show her one of these days and two, his pants are too tight. he knew the second point before hand and has been half trying to wiggle to make his inseam feel less strange and has honestly asked the costume team, "darlin' could you please take this out jus' a lil." only to be told that no they couldn't which was a crying shame if he did say so himself. he's been telling himself it wouldn't be a problem, telling himself he'll be fine but now the pants are rubbing him just the right way and he can feel himself hardening. lord have mercy. was this honestly when his goddamn body wanted to betray him like this. laurel's not gonna say anything but he knows she just saw it when she looked down from the way she looks up at him afterward. he wants to call time on the scene, tell the director he's gotta deal with this but he knows they're already- he's heard how hard this scene was to set up, he can't just stop because he's got a problem. maybe if he jiggles his leg- nope no, that made it worse.
if him and laurel maybe are rushing through the steps a little quicker or if he uses the table to give himself a bit of friction then that's his business. when they're finally on the table after the ceiling "caves" in he looks over at laurel.
"you're a professional and-" he starts before laurel waves him off.
"elvis, we don't need to talk about it. it's just my big brother having a- problem." she bites her lip trying not to laugh before a small giggle escapes her.
elvis scrunches up his face before grinning and letting himself laugh as he gets off the table and holds out his hand for her. "yeah, yeah, laugh it up, laurel. come on you."
she takes that as permission to fully laugh as she lets elvis help her off without a second thought. "go- i'll cover for you."
he opens his mouth to tell her she doesn't have to before she just shrugs and shoos him away. god, she's a good girl. he's got to remind himself to double check if that boyfriend of hers was still bugging her too much.
it doesn't take him that long to reach his dressing room and the second he shuts the door he practically tears off his pants. he's careful not to ruin them because while he hates the damn things someone still worked damn hard on them and they deserve to be respected because of it.
he eyes the phone in the corner of the room that taunts him with the knowledge that the person he'd like here- the person who's been in his thoughts as he danced-who might have inadvertently caused this problem is merely a phone call away. he shouldn't, but elvis has never been good at following what he should and shouldn't do. it's what always gets him in trouble time and time again. it takes a minute for them to patch him through but the second he hears your voice tension he didn't know he was holding since he felt his erection just slides away.
"elvis?" you ask your tone of voice betraying your confusion.
"hey darlin', am i interrupting anything?" he asks, his hand moving down to touch his cock through his underwear. it's just a light touch, almost as if he's scared to do more.
"you're not. i was thinking of going out, but then you called." you pause and hum quietly. "not that i mind, handsome, but you never call me like this when you're on set. you miss me that much today?"
"you know i always miss you." the sentence slips off his tongue before he even stops it. he knows he doesn't need to charm you, he's got you wrapped around his finger even without it. still, there's something to be said about always making sure you're happy with him. he knows he can be a bit much. "i- gotta promise you won't laugh, satnin."
"you- i won't. unless it's really funny." you say, twirling the phone cord around your finger. "what's got my man all shook up?"
"you." he answers with a low chuckle as he presses the palm of his hand against his crotch, inhaling as he does. "they got me wearing these tight pants- rubbed me all the wrong ways. felt like you in that dress i bought you last week. all tightness and heat, damn near felt like a vice grip."
he hears you shift and he didn't realize until that moment that you were on your shared bed. you were on the bed, maybe you were wearing his favorite dress. or maybe a nightie, it was early enough to have you wearing that still. you might have just gotten up. he knows how you are when you first wake up, all wet heat and warmth and he stops his thoughts there. you're not into this just yet, you haven't given him the go ahead, he doesn't need your permission but he wants it right now.
"like my-" you pause and there's another shift of fabric and your voice gets a little softer, like you're embarrassed to say it. "pussy?"
he hums in acknowledgement. "yeah, just like that. laurel- she's a good girl, satnin, didn't even bat an eye. i've got a bit of time. she's- covering for me. telling our director something." he pauses and takes a deep breath. "you- wish you were here. you could take care of this with those pretty lips."
the laugh that leaves your lips sounds almost like wind chimes to his ears and somehow it makes him even harder. "wish i was there too. but i don't think i'd like to take care of it that way. i think i'd prefer to be on your lap."
elvis can't help the low groan the image you're providing him with elicits and his hand moves to actually lower his underwear so he can take his cock in his hand. "like that one time in the cadillac when you thought we were gonna get caught."
a breathless sigh. "yeah, elvis, just like that. with you holding my hips so tight i get bruises from it later." you let out a small groan and elvis swears he hears how wet you are from the other end. "i'm wearing a ring you left here. makes me think this are your fingers."
that does it, that's what has him wrapping his hand around his cock listening to you talk. has him gripping himself like his life depended on it and right now it just might. he doesn't have the door locked but honestly, everyone in the mafia and on this set know better than to barge into his room lest you end up with an eyeful of ass or breasts. "didn't realize my satnin has such a dirty mouth. you playing with your clit too, baby, rubbing it like i do? you got me touching myself like you do. feel like i'm gonna burst already."
you nod before remembering elvis isn't there with you so he can't see it. you exhale shakily, your answer a tight whisper. "only got a dirty mouth when you need it from me. i'm- my fingers aren't yours but i can be a little faster with the wrist. it evens- oh- out." you bite your lip. "i think we're both there- i haven't- i didn't have you this morning. this is the first time today."
his pace quickens at your quiet oh, knowing fully well that's you telling him you're going to come soon if you aren't already starting to. his grunts are getting closer together, he's gotta be quiet about this but you can be as loud as you want and he can hear you, can hear the sighs and the soft moans. "you gonna come for me, baby? gonna come on your fingers and take a picture for me?"
"uh huh." is the only answer he gets, the only words you can manage as you take that as cue to go faster, to curl your fingers inside yourself to- do everything that has you letting out a shout of elvis' name a minute or two later. elvis' own hand tightens the grip on his cock and pumps even more as he hears the click of a camera on your end.
"good girl. my bestest girl, takin' a photo for me." he mutters focusing on just coming shutting his eyes to try and picture how you look, half fucked out and- it's then that he comes with a grunt. he's gotta be quiet even if he knows you love hearing him groan your name. he has to catch his breath before he speaks again. "you still there?"
a hum. "i am. sleepy again though." you yawn and stretch being mindful of the cord. "can i go take a nap, elvis? you're not gonna be home-"
"for a few more hours at least, baby." he finishes for you. "go take a nap, darlin'. rest up for me for tonight. think i'll take that ring back from you."
you laugh softly. "okay. don't go getting excited again. can't help you until you come home if happens."
his answering laugh is a little dark but he knows you're right. "don't think i have to wear these pants any more. should be fine. wear the blue nightie when i get home, alright?"
the only answer he gets back is a snore and he hangs up. he knows you heard him when he gets home and sees what he asked you to wear on your skin. the photo you took- when you two get it developed- comes with him on the next shoot.
he doesn't have another problem with his pants like that again. not until 1968.
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Week 34/52: August 23rd - August 29th 2021 | Hydrangeas in Abbotsford
Monday to Wednesday were my days off this week. I was still trying to recover from my vaccine on M/T so I just stayed up and watched drama (我的小确幸 A Little Happiness) to my heart’s content. Went to see bb on Wednesday! We watched pranks and WongFu together on youtube~ I bought this plum gummy candy from T&T for 99 cents to try and it was very strong plum but yum!!! Would like to try again. I just really love gummy candy. I went to work Thursday to Saturday. We were told to bring props and my coworker Diana and I brought the same thing (instant noodles) LMAO. It was unplanned af LOL just Asian things, I guess. Didn’t even end up using the props at all so not sure what the point of that was but at least we got this friendship photo together lmfao.
I am so exhausted lol. The commute is so tiring. I want free time...
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How do you know if going to graduate school is right for you? I’m a psych major and i dont know if I want to go law school, counseling, social work or specialize in a certain branch of psychology. I don’t have any internship experience because I’m an undergrad and it’s hard to find an internship. I have taken some psych classes (developmental, abnormal, social) but they all seem interesting and my school only has general psychology as a major.
I’m sorry this answer is coming so late. I can explain why later (I have good news!) but I want to hold myself to a higher standard for you and all my readers. This is such a good question and now that I’ve had graduate school experience, I feel like I’m finally qualified to answer this question!
Should I go to graduate school?
I’m happy you’re thinking ahead to your future! This is a big question, and I’m going to try to give you a framework to organize your thoughts. I recommend that you break down your decision into “W” and “H” questions: Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How would/will you go to graduate school? You can answer these in any order and revisit each question as needed.
What graduate programs am I interested in?
I would recommend you ask your professors about this, especially if they have been practicing psychologists, researchers, social workers, or lawyers. You can even email random professionals (like lawyers, they love this stuff) who do work you’re interested in and see if they’ll let you ask them specific questions for a half hour. Be polite and professional, and always have your resume handy!
Having a hard time finding (paid) internships and specific classes is a common problem. You may want to look for entry-level jobs at law firms or psychologists’ offices, like an assistant or receptionist position. Although it’s not the same as an internship, working at a firm gave me a better sense of what being in the legal field is like.
If you can do research or become a research assistant while in college, I highly recommend you do so, as these experiences give you a taste of what graduate research is like. If you’re at a research university now, start asking your professors. You can also apply for summer programs at other universities.
Here’s a sampling of research programs for undergrads.
University of Wisconsin—Madison has a list of their own programs.
Here’s a list of pre-law programs for undergrads. (I did one of these, and it was super insightful! Feel free to ask about it.)
Why do I want to go to grad school?
What career opportunities will this program open up for me? Can I get the same job(s) with a different degree or different strategy?
Is my interest in a particular topic so deep and my passion so profound that I want to spend 5, 8, 10 years on this for a PhD? Or 1-3 years for an master’s? Do I enjoy research and being in an academic environment? Do I want to immerse myself in a JD program?
When would I go to grad school?
Many graduate students, professors, and advisors recommend that students take a gap year (or two or more) before attending graduate school, to get career and life experience. This may be a little difficult when you’re trying to get jobs in your field, and you might be tempted to go to grad school right now because the economy is a mess. However, many universities are also a mess and may not have a lot of money to offer you funding, which is very important to most students.
Where would I go to grad school?
What programs are known for your area of study? What state, city, or country are you interested in relocating to? Are you bound to any location because of other responsibilities, such as family or health reasons? Visit the campus. What do you like about it? Talk to the admissions officers, the professors, the students (if you can). Listen carefully. How do they describe their school? What is it really like?
Who would I want as my graduate advisor?
This is part of the “where” question, and it’s usually only relevant for research-based programs where you need an advisor, like PhDs and certain master’s degrees. Experts who are currently studying the thing you want to study or something similar may be the best people to guide you and mentor you.
How can I get to and through grad school?
This is a financial and logistical question. Do your research! You really don’t want to take out large loans for grad school, and ideally you want to get fully funded (or close to fully funded), with a tuition waiver and a stipend, especially if you’re a PhD student. Many graduate programs will offer or require you to work at the university as a teaching assistant, research assistant, or graduate assistant. Because you’ll be doing school and work, grad school can be a full-time job—you’ll want to earn income from it to pay your bills, even though it’s likely to be a very modest wage, to put it gently. Some schools or departments are desperately underfunded. Finding a program that will fund you is often critical for your well-being.
I highly recommend signing up for ProFellow emails. They have a lot of information about funding your graduate education. Also, when you are a graduate student, join your grad workers union. :)
Now, I want to mention the difference when it comes to law school because it’s kind of a weirdo here. Law schools will usually award scholarships pretty much the same way you’d get a scholarship as an undergrad. There are no grad workers, but law school is still a full-time job, although plenty of law students work and have families, whether they enroll part-time or full-time. Sometimes law school scholarships are largely based on your LSAT score (although more schools are ditching the LSAT, so we’ll see), so that’s something to be aware of, too. Some students choose to study for and take the LSAT while in college, whereas others may do this during a gap year.
……..Well, what now?
If any of this advice is confusing or intimidating, please let me know! I realize this is a ton of information, and I don’t want to stress you out. The long and the short of it is, you have plenty of time to decide, you just don’t want to make the decision all at once.
Use your resources! This is your decision, but make sure you’re getting information from all sources. Be on the lookout for graduate school fairs. Sign up for some law/graduate schools’ mailing lists and webinars and all that good stuff. I get emails from the Indiana University Robert H. McKinney School of Law, and they send out lots of easy-to-read information about applying for law school in general.
Ask your professors and academic advisor if they know of any opportunities. If you’re interested in a particular law school or graduate program, email their admissions department and professors you’re interested in working with. I want you to be as comfortable as possible with your decision, whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide.
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I think I am having vicarious stress about how immagrint families are being treated at the American border too. Also other horrors happening in America though I live in Canada. How do you cope with that? If this question is annoying or personal you dont have to answer. Is it weird to feel post election stress after the 2016 election although I am not American? I heard American college kids had almost ptsd levels of trauamtic stress after the election in America.
It’s funny, today I was on the phone with a grad school friend who does front-line crisis mental health work in the USA, and grew up being heavily involved in the Democratic Party. She said, “I have such an issue with this rhetoric now, like, ‘don’t look away.’ Bitch, I haven’t looked away for two years. I’m fucking exhausted.” Because things like that are intended for the people who do look away, who are conservative and apathetic, but often they only reach an audience that is already engaged with the issue, and they land like hammers on people already trying their hardest.
And yes, freaking out about the shit that goes down in the USA is a fine old Canadian tradition. To quote Pierre Trudeau’s 1969 comments to the US president at the time: “Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.”
(And Canadian politics are definitely negatively affected by the USA. My province just lost its NDP government because its Conservatives “aren’t as bad as those crazies down south!” and I have a sinking feeling the Cons will cakewalk to federal victory too in October)
You might also notice that on my blog, I post about political issues in only a small number of cases: 1) I have a unique observation I think needs to be added to the world, 2) It’s an issue I genuinely haven’t seen covered yet, and I know people who would want to know; 3) It’s a feel-good story meant to comfort people who are fighting the good fight; 4) It’s advertising an immediate, low-barrier thing people can do right away to directly affect the situation; 5) It’s a resource to help those fighters be better activists. And I do my best to always tag political posts with a standard set of tags to let people ignore them, so if somebody wants, they can follow me and just get my cats’n’fandom content.
The audience I usually have in mind when I blog are people like my friends: Smart, compassionate people committed to social activism, but without limitless amounts of money, health, time, or attention. Some of the people who follow my blog are DC lobbyists directly fighting the Trump administration’s policies. Some of them are crisis workers and EMTs and librarians and deal with the ragged edges of human existence in today’s society. I know I don’t have the nerves or capacity to be their news source; they can follow anyone else on Tumblr for that. So what I try to be is the friendly cat cafe they can go to at the end of a long shift to relax.
My response is really guided by a blog I followed a lot when 9/11 happened; I was following it to learn about getting published as a fantasy author, but its authors were New Yorkers and socialists and military veterans, and they had a lot to say about the false witch hunt for a justification for starting a war in Iraq in 2003 and the slow erosion of rights and freedoms of Americans and “enemy” POWs and the incredible damage the American war machine does when it gets going.
They’re not blogging as much now, but when Trump was elected, they released two posts that I found to be deeply useful:
Defense in Depth - Tl;dr: It is important that those of us in resistance to the world’s outrages don’t attack each other for having different priorities, because we need a diversity of targets and approaches.
Taking It Back - Tl;dr: Our enemies WANT us to be overwhelmed and horrified and frozen in shock and catatonic. That is a deliberate tactic they use. Whenever we seem to catch our breath, they create a new outrage for us to get upset over. We need to learn how to set our own pace, resist the lie that you have to be upset and horrified all the time, and focus on taking care of yourself.
I’m also really affected by Rebecca Solnit’s book “Hope in the Dark” where she points out that activist movements have two effects. The first is to influence whatever issue they’re actually agitating about. The second is to give people the tools and experience they need to become citizens who change their societies in deep and enduring ways.
One part of the problem is finding ways that you can make the world better that feel really concrete and achievable. That’s a whole other discussion, that depends a lot on what you’re good at, what your resources are, what you’re capable of. People feel a lot less terrified if there’s something they know they can do.
But even once you’ve figured out how you’re fighting to make the world better in some small way, you probably can’t do it 24/7; you’ve got to keep mentally resilient the rest of the time.
So what do I do to cope?
I focus on easy-to-do, ordinary hobbies that bring me joy, especially ones that get me off my computer and out of my head. I garden; I just bought a bike; I’m getting my sewing room back in order so I can go back to making costumes and working on the @betterbinderproject.
I make sure I keep social connections where we can relax and enjoy each other. That means being codependent with my cat, babysitting my nieces and nephews, exploring my local bi/pan meetups, going to historical re-enactment events, texting with my friends about Tumblr drama, talking to my colleagues during slack moments at work, and enjoying the fandoms and fanworks that bring me joy.
I do my best to look after my physical wellbeing. Which for me means stretching, yoga, taking my psych meds and vitamins, taking painkillers, looking after my cuticles, using moisturizer, braiding my hair, getting massages, and always making sure there’s a cake in the kitchen. My emphasis isn’t whether I’ll get some disease 30 years from now; it’s making sure that inhabiting my body today is the least unpleasant that it has to be.
I try to look after myself; I go to therapy, look for jobs, keep up on my business paperwork, budget my money, work on upgrading my skills, and develop my 5-year plan. I work really hard on doing this without being stressed, because my habit of procrastinating and only getting around to this stuff when I’m in abject terror isn’t good.
I also, and this feels weird to say or suggest, try to educate myself on issues that are not the crisis du jour. I watch TV shows about the Russian revolution, listen to books about Indigenous language reclamation, read the diary of a World War II servicewoman. This isn’t an attempt to expand my list of crises to worry about, but because I find my ability to cope with the present immeasurably helped by knowing that people have faced other, different crises, and how they dealt with them. It’s… background research in resilience. With the added bonus that it helps me stay intersectional and aware of when we might be only seeing the most privileged part of a crisis situation.
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About me.
Welcome to my blog! I’ve recently delve into the world of creating content for social media and it’s inspired me to make a new blog. A blog, to be honest, that’s more for me to write my thoughts and share IO psychology with those in the world who have no clue what it is! So if you happen upon my blog, welcome and I hope you enjoy or learn something!
My name is Allison and I was born and raised in Plano, TX. To understand my perspective on life, it’s important to know where I come from since my experiences are likely highly different from most readers out there. Plano is a middle-upper middle class city, depending on which side of Plano you hail from, personally I come from the more middle class side of Plano, but I’m still aware of the privilege that I came from. The privilege to be born to 2 loving parents, with 2 older siblings looking out for me, in a city that has plenty of residents that look like me and welcomes who I am, with teachers throughout my education supported me and told me I could be anything despite my gender or the color of my skin. These are all privileges that I was born into and from these privileges and this upbringing I have formed my values, my experiences, and my own perspectives on life.
A quick re-cap of the past 26 years:
Born in Plano, TX
Montessori school, elementary school, middle school, high school all went by pretty normally until my senior high years
Attended TAMS which is Texas Academy of Mathematics and Science (nerd alert). It is a high-school college program, where we stay at UNT for 2 years in our own high school dorm, take college courses, and live the dramatic high school years out 24/7 with our other nerdy peers.
Went off to college at UT Austin, thinking I wanted to be a pediatrician this whole time, until I joined a child psychology research lab and decided medical school wasn’t the place for me.
Graduated from UT Austin in 3 years, took a gap year to figure out my life, what I wanted to do next and with my career. Ultimately, I decided I wanted to be an I/O psychologist - a thing I didn’t know existed until after graduation.
Took my GRE, applied to grad school, got into grad school, picked a grad school.
Started grad school, only to endure stressful years with studying, being a TA/TF, doing research, writing and defending my Master’s thesis (woo I’m a Master!), studying for and successfully passing comprehensive exams (otherwise known as qualifying exams - only the hardest exam I’ve ever taken and I took physics y’all...), interning, and now finalizing my dissertation.
It’s been a crazy couple years, which I’ll slowly hash out as I continue this blog. But I hope you enjoy reading about my past, present, future, and any IO psych ramblings I have (cause you know I’ll have a lot).
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Part 1: Hi there! You gave me some great advice a few months back when I was applying for grad programs and I was wondering what your opinion would be on my newest situation: so I have been working in the clinical field since graduation, as I always believed hardcore that getting a clinical psychology degree was my end-all-be-all. I still love the idea of integrating clinical work with research, but as I have been interviewing for some clinical programs, I realized that what I really
“Part 2: really am interested in with these programs, and what I am able to speak more eloquently about, is the research side. Going to visit these campuses and speaking with their professors has made me realize that I could be happy with a career purely in research and academics, without the clinical aspect. I am considering one program that is an experimental psychology doctoral program, and the research I would do there is exactly my interests
Part 3 : and the training is great with opportunity to implement my own ideas into the lab projects (and they would fund me to do so). Do you have any opinion about experimental programs? Is there any stigma of going this route, especially as the APA does not accredit any experimental programs (I believe this is because there is no clinical aspect to it)? I would love to get more perspectives on this! (:“
Hi anon,
I think experimental programs can be great, and there is not a stigma about them as a group. You’re right- the reason they are not accredited is because there is no clinical aspect and therefore the degree does not lead to licensure. So an experimental psych PhD is much more like a traditional PhD, with less coursework, no clinical work, and mostly just a lot of research and teaching. (Clinical and counseling psych PhDs are really an anomaly). Which can be a great way to go if what you want is research and no clinical work.
Here’s my one caveat for you to consider: I have some friends who did this route, and liked it and are okay now- this is not a horror story -but not having a clinical degree leading to licensure but still doing clinical research limited their job options. So even though they do similar research as what I do, I can work in places like a department of psychiatry, and they (in many cases) cannot, because medical schools rarely hire non-licensed people even as researchers because so many of those positions have some clinical element or the expectation that the clinical research will be embedded in a clinical program. So just think about whether that’s okay with you. One thing to look at would be where the people in this lab end up- do they get research jobs? where? or do they more often become teachers? Again, it’s totally doable and I’m not saying don’t do it, just something to be aware of.
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What I Learned From University (1st Year)
FIRST YEAR
Everyone is super friendly, especially in the first few weeks → Introduce yourself to the people sitting near you for the first few weeks of lectures. Everyone is looking for a friend or at least someone to talk to!!
If you commute, make that time productive → My bus ride was an hour there and back each day. It sucks but I would try to be productive for at least half of the commute. I have a post about being productive on public transport here.
On that note, stay on campus as long as possible each day → As soon as I got back home I would procrastinate every little thing. Stay in an already productive environment for as long as possible.
Maybe don’t buy your textbooks used → I thought I was being smart by buying used textbooks (most schools will have a buy and sell facebook page for textbooks). I ended up having to pay for access codes in order to do my online homework – access codes that cost ~$70 separately and came included with new textbooks anyways. Email your prof or talk to someone who has recently taken the class to find out if you need an access code. If you do, your best bet is to buy a new version of the textbook (unless you can get a seriously cheap used textbook).
Print off your timetable and find all of your classes before the first day → This helped me so much! I found exactly where all my classes were before the first day of class. I wrote down little tricks to help me remember where everything was (i.e. my calc lecture is in the arts and science building which is also where the only subway on campus is).
Don’t knock living at home to save money → If you’re lucky enough to have a college or university close to home at least consider living at home. Getting your own place or living in dorms is expensive. (But if you have to find off campus housing on your own, don’t leave it too late or you might not find a place)
Figure out the best way to take notes for each class → You have to customize the way you study for each class, all depending on the prof and the content. I hand-wrote notes for some classes (chem, calc, and physics), but not others (psych and bio). If you’re writing by hand you can always just annotate your textbook notes or lecture slides (if they’re posted before class). If you fall behind while taking notes, just leave a gap and check out a friend’s notes after class.
Adjust your expectations → Don’t expect to get straight A’s, like you might have in high school. You can strive for straight A’s but be realistic as time goes on. For classes I struggled with, I expected to be near the class average. If I was a lot lower than the class average then I would know to invest more time.
Make time for physical activity → If we’re being honest I hardly exercised during uni. Go for at least a half hour walk each day and try to start a physical activity routine. Get a friend and join a sports team, go to a fitness class, or commit to some form of a daily workout with them! You’ll feel bad bailing on someone else, plus working out is more fun with other people.
Review content throughout the semester → Reviewing little bits of content will save you a massive content review right before finals! Look through old notes while you wait for your daily coffee or take 15 minutes to watch some khan academy videos on stuff you learned in the first month of classes.
Think seriously about how much you can handle → Don’t take on too many responsibilities at once and consider all of your options! I worked weekends and some week nights throughout the school year. Looking back I should have worked less because my stress levels were way too high. Also, quite a few people I talked to took 4 classes instead of 5, for their first semester of university. I don’t think I would have done it, in the end, but it’s always something to consider.
Have fun but be responsible at parties → Always go to parties with people you trust!! If you didn’t do much partying/drinking during high school (like me), remember to pace yourself when drinking! Eat before you go out and have some water between each drink, till you find your limit. Don’t let yourself be peer-pressured into anything but also don’t be afraid to have fun! And check out if your uni has a safe walk program (someone will come and walk you back to your dorm or your car if you feel unsafe or nervous for any reason)
When procrastination hits, aim to be productive in some way → The only reason my biology mark was so high was because I would study biology whenever I got sick of studying for physics and calculus. If you know you need to study but just can’t do it, start by being productive in some other way – study a subject you do like, do your laundry, organize your study area, etc. Get your brain to start thinking productively.
Labs are difficult so be prepared → I had so many labs first year. Some tips: eat and hydrate before labs, never assume you can finish your prelab last minute, be nice to your lab partner, always remember lab safety (don’t be the person trying to wear shorts in the lab, TAs will not hesitate to kick you out), don’t rush through an experiment but be efficient, and ask for help (even if you feel like you’re bothering your TA).
Please go to bed early. Sleep affects everything → I was so dumb and would never go to bed early even though I had to be up at 6 am almost every day to catch the bus. Lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually!! Also, all nighters are not necessary, unless you make them necessary. I prioritized and never had to stay awake too late. And never pull an all nighter the night before an exam (you’re better off getting sleep and resting your brain).
Bring a water bottle everywhere → Buy a decent water bottle and always carry it with you. Even though my uni is small there are still tons of spots around campus where I can refill my water bottle!! Stay hydrated my friends!
A practice problem a day keeps the F away → This saying probably works best for science classes, but I guess a reading a day will get you somewhere too. Do something for every class each day, even if it’s just a practice problem or a quick reading. Develop a routine!
You’ll have lots of midterms → I was under the impression that midterms happened just once a semester (I thought I would have one week where I had a midterm for each class). That was not my reality. I had 2 or 3 midterms for each of my classes scattered throughout the semester. Study really hard for your first set of midterms till you get used to the high expectations!
Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking → This is mostly in regards to social media. I was bummed when I looked back on my first year of university, because I felt like I hadn’t done anything fun compared to other people. You only see the image that other people want you to see. You don’t know how hard someone worked or how hard they didn’t work. Just focus on you and how you can affect positive results in your life.
Other people literally don’t care about your appearance → My friend’s little sister visited campus and asked us “Why is everyone wearing sweatpants?” People literally don’t care. Dress nice and put lots of makeup on one day, because you feel like it, and wear sweats the next day.
Start essays and reports as soon as possible → You never know what might come up so be prepared for the worst! Outline your essay or graph your data as soon as you can.
Eat healthy and do meal prep → You can eat healthy during university! Set aside a couple of nights each week to do meal prep. Cook food in bulk to save money and don’t eat out too much. Try to have at least 1 serving of fruits or veggies with each meal or snack you eat!
Find a good study spot on campus → Explore your campus and figure out your favourite places to study. I had a couple of spots where I would always meet my friends to study and quiet spots where no one would bother me. Studying outside or in an area with natural light is always good.
Don’t be afraid to talk to your profs and TAs → This is the number one thing I’m going to try to do more of in my second year. TAs are chill to talk to and they can tell you tons of useful information on what upper year classes are like, which professors are good, why they chose to go to grad school, etc. If you’re struggling in lectures or labs, talk to your prof or TA! Make an appointment and be sure you can tell them exactly which concepts you’re struggling with or at least where you got lost. One of my profs told us he just waits hopefully during office hours for someone to come in. (Also profs love it if you ask them about their research or any topics they seem passionate about during lectures.)
Explore all the resources your university has to offer → My university has a program that is basically people bringing their dogs around for students to pet, in order to relieve stress. It actually works and gave me something to look forward to! Just be aware of your options so that if something in your life changes you know where you can go to ask for help.
Get a planner and utilize it → There’s no excuse not to have a planner of some sort. Use your phone, get a bullet journal, or buy a cheap planner. Have somewhere where you can record important deadlines and make to do lists. I also recommend back planning all of your studying at the beginning of the semester. Write down your midterms and finals dates and write down how much you’re going to study each day leading up to the exam. This way you’ll be able to look ahead at each month and figure out what needs to be done (i.e. getting an essay done early because the due date falls during a busy week of midterms)
This post ended up being a lot longer than I expected whoops. Take the things I said into consideration but remember that everyone’s experience will be different. Good luck to everyone heading to university!
My Other Posts:
AP lit tips
high school biology
organization tips
physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes
recommended reads
reminders for myself
using your time wisely on public transport
what i learned from high school
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im also going through that growing phase the anon was talking about and for the longest time I thought something was wrong, that maybe I was dissociating with myself and losing my way but maybe I'm just changing. I dont know how to find myself again but I guess I need to give it time. How do I tell if I'm changing or dissociating? And thank you endlessly. Not just for your input on fandom and all that entails but because we can come to you with personal problems and you will still help. xoxo.
okay. This is a big question, and I have to add a warning here. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I’ve had training in counseling in HS (as a peer counselor) college (as a resident advisor) and grad school (as a teacher.) I’ve done a lot of self study and am familiar with psychology and self help and other ways of understanding our minds and behaviors. I’ve lead workshops, talked people through things, attended intense conferences but only taken one psych class. I might be able to to tell when someone needs to go see a real psychiatrist, but I am not one. I mostly use my knowledge of psychology to help myself, to write realistic characters and to analyze fiction.
So when I got your question, the first thing I did was google. I got a lot of science/academic hits, but because of my training I could decode it enough to find the sites that were most helpful to me. My first question? What is dissociation and when does it become a problem? Because disorders start with behavior that is normal, but veers into a dysfunction that harms the person.
Q: What Is Dissociation?Dissociation is a disconnection between a person’s thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of who he or she is. This is a normal process that everyone has experienced. Examples of mild, common dissociation include daydreaming, highway hypnosis, or “getting lost” in a book or movie, all of which involve “losing touch” with awareness of one’s immediate surroundings.
Q: When Is Dissociation Helpful?During a traumatic experience such as an accident, disaster, or crime victimization, dissociation can help a person tolerate what might otherwise be too difficult to bear. In situations like these, a person may dissociate the memory of the place, circumstances, or feelings about of the overwhelming event, mentally escaping from the fear, pain, and horror. This may make it difficult to later remember the details of the experience, as reported by many disaster and accident survivors.
Q: What is a Dissociative Disorder?Tragically, ongoing traumatic conditions such as abuse, community violence, war, or painful medical procedures are not one-time events. For people repeatedly exposed to these experiences, especially in childhood, dissociation is an extremely effective coping “skill.” However, it can become a double-edged sword. It can protect them from awareness of the pain in the short-run, but a person who dissociates often may find in the long-run his or her sense of personal history and identity is affected. For some people, dissociation is so frequent it results in serious pathology, relationship difficulties, and inability to function, especially when under stress. [X lots of info here on dissociative disorders but too much for this post.]
So you see here that dissociation has a large range, from completely harmless, like getting lost in tv show (The 100 anyone?) to developing multiple “personalities.” It doesn’t become a disorder until the long term effects make you dysfunctional in your life.
It sounds to me like what we’re talking about here is a dissociation somewhere between the normal everyday stuff, and something dysfunctional. I’m not 100% sure, but I’d guess duration of the symptoms might tell us if it counts as a mild disorder. When I researched PTSD, (back during 9/11) I learned that it doesn’t count as a disorder until the symptoms continue on for six months after the trauma. So technically, all the characters on the 100 were NOT suffering from ptsd, but from a NORMAL reaction to traumatic events. Who knew? (well I did, but the narrative conventions had us talking about it as a disorder. it’s an important discussion.)
So, it took a while to get here, but I wanted to make sure we understood what we’re talking about. I think this is what we’re looking at.
Something in your life has stopped working, or disappeared, or isn’t making you happy. It might be something that you have hung your identity on. “This is who I am.” Or something you’ve built your habits around. “This is how I fill my days.” Or something you’ve created as the center of your motivation. “This is what is important in life.”
And then it’s gone.
So you’ve lost an essential part of your identity, your daily routine, and your purpose in life. Now what?
Now you feel disconnected (because you are. You were disconnected from something that made meaning in your life.) Now you feel aimless (because you lost your purpose.) Now life seems meaningless (because what’s important no longer is.) The more of these changes that happen at once, the harder it is to find your footing.
Can you see that your feelings of dissociation are normal now?
You’re dealing with a profound change in your life and self. What once made sense is divorced from you.
In this case, I’d focus on the things that fell out of whack.
Identity: Who Am I?
Take time to remember who you were before you lost touch with yourself. Old favorites, music, movies, habits, hobbies, interests. Think back on your successes and failures too, what you’ve overcome.
Purpose: Why Am I Here?
Reconnect with the things you used to think were important. Remember what you believed in. You may have to question some of it and discard old ideas that no longer work for you. When you figure out what you DON’T believe, it is often easier to understand what you DO believe. “Not this– but this !!!” (Add a subheading here of “What Do I Want?” or maybe it’s its own heading. idk.)
Function: How Do I Create My Life?
Create new habits. Make appointments. Sign up for classes. Get a new job. Join challenges. Keep a to do list. Get your life moving so that you can engage in it again and choose which habits work for you.
It turns out, my friends, that I could actually talk about this all day long.
This is the subject of my work that I’ve been doing for the last 20 years or more. I call it Art and Transformation, and I use creativity and reflection to help us understand ourselves, work through change, and create a life that is meaningful and empowering. Answering this ask has helped me focus on some of my own Identity, Purpose and Function questions, as rebuilding this work has been part of my process in facing the extreme changes I’ve gone through in the last few years. I should just cut and paste this whole ask into my scrivener file. It might get its own file.
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Here’s How One Woman Beat The Gender Pay Gap And Asked For A Raise
Courtesy Caitlin Boston
Caitlin Boston (center) and friends in a video she made to celebrate paying off her student loans.
Do you know that feeling of jumping into a metallic, purple catsuit to express your joy through interpretive dance with two backup dancers costumed in money signs? Probably not, unless you too have experienced the blinding exhilaration of paying off more than $200,000 in student loans. Caitlin Boston knows this feeling — it took her 10 years to get there. And it might have taken longer if she hadn’t asked a simple question of her colleagues.
She uploaded her whirlwind celebration to YouTube.
By the time Boston graduated in 2009, she had a master’s in social psychology and two undergraduate degrees in anthropology and American studies. Altogether, she had $147,602 in student loans.
On Tuesday, Aug. 6 — what would have been her late father’s 72nd birthday — Boston made her final payment on her student loans, which, including interest, added up to $222,817. In her dance video, she explained how she paid off what seemed to be an impossible amount of debt. “I did it all by my single freaking self, as in, no family passing me $$$ at any point,” she wrote in the caption to her video. “It was hard but I did it and I did it alone because I am a f****** boss.”
Hard is an understatement: When she was earning a low hourly wage, “in any given month, I had between $62 and $74 left in my checking account,” she recalled in an interview with BuzzFeed News.
But today, at age 35, she said, “I’m free. I’m freaking free!”
Boston pointed out that she never missed a payment or took off much time from work, even after her father died by suicide. Above all, she said, the most important thing that helped her pay it off: realizing she should be getting paid more by asking her peers if they were making over or under a certain amount. At some point, you can’t cut back on your lifestyle any more.
“Ask your other peers what they make — especially your male ones. It might make you feel uncomfortable but it’s the sole reason I started making an additional 41% a year.” For Boston, that was a life-changing amount — tens of thousands of dollars more than she had been making.
Boston dedicated the video — and her final payment — to her father: “I’ve thought about you and this debt every single day since you’ve been gone. So this win, it’s for you too.”
BuzzFeed News spoke to Boston about how she ended up with six-figure student debt, how she managed not to miss a payment, and what led her to start asking people around her — especially men — how much money they made. Here’s what she said:
My family is super working class. My dad was a police officer in Baltimore and my mom was a homemaker. I’m adopted. We never talked about the cost of college. There were periods when I was growing up when there were concerns about money, but my family never really spoke to me about it. We always had money for food, and there were always some new clothes for school. We could afford a house and a car and all these other things. But education — that’s an extraneous cost when you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
I didn’t have a concept of the amount of money that they were taking out for me. I wasn’t even aware of the amount of work that they had to put in until I was going on my third year to study abroad. I had to sign a paper for a loan for $32,000. That was the first time I’d seen a number attached to the debt. And it was for one semester to study abroad in London.
I asked my parents, what is that amount? They didn’t know. They weren’t aware what the total was for all of my loans because it was spread across so many different loans and different types of loans and they were just like, “Well, if you don’t sign this we can’t afford to send you to London.” So they’re sending me stuff to sign and I was signing it. I was just like, “Okay, whatever, I need to do it to get to school.” My parents didn’t have really great money management skills.
I went to grad school, and in my spring of my final year, my parents told me they thought I had six figures in student debt. That’s when I was like, what?
I 100% wish I had learned about money in high school. I wish I understood what debt meant. I didn’t even understand what interest meant. I wish they’d sat me down before any of us signed any papers to just be like, “This is how much money you’ll have to make to pay this off” — at a minimum. Just laid out, in black and white, what the logistics of managing any type of debt looked like so I could make more informed decisions.
That’s how I graduated into the recession in 2009, and that’s the legacy that I have lived through. It was pretty bleak. I was applying for jobs anywhere, and I was very lucky and privileged enough to land a paid internship. When I wasn’t working, I was spending the better part of those first six months after graduating just trying to understand how much money I owed, where that money was, who I owed it to, and how to set up payment plans. The total amount that I was expected to pay on that first bill was just over $1,400 — and I was working a paid internship for about minimum wage in Washington, DC.
I was completely beside myself looking at this number. I called my dad and was like, “Can you help me?” And he just said no. He didn’t apologize. It was a very straightforward conversation. He was like, “There’s no way I can help you — you’re going to have to figure this out.” I’ve seen friends of mine being informally coached by people — family friends, other family members — who had already navigated that landscape. But there are folks who have to make it through this wilderness without a map.
I realized I needed another job, so I picked up additional work at a running shoe store and started doing some freelance work doing design research for nonprofits. I lived in a vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, queer community house for $425 in rent. We cooked for each other. That’s why I was able to pay my loans and not accrue credit card debt, because I was living in a community of people that shared expenses and food with each other as a rule for living in the house. And we were rockin’ around with some of the most affordable parts of the food pyramid. I bought a bike because I couldn’t afford a Metro card, but it got stolen and I had to buy another bike.
By the end of any month, with all my bills paid, I had between $62 and $74 left in my checking account.
When you have nothing left to cut, when you’re down to the bone, what can you do? Make more money.
Later, I got a full-time job with a labor union and started making a salary of about $48,000, and I could drop the work at the running shoe store; I kept doing the freelance work. Still, mentally, I just could never get around how I was going to pay off $147,000 in debt.
When you have nothing left to cut, when you’re down to the bone, what can you do? Make more money. I didn’t have a partner or kids, so I moved to New York. I knew that my earning potential would be better there, and my work opportunities would be far greater.
In my next job, I got a pay jump to $72,000 and landed with a roommate in an apartment that, to this day, is very affordable. That’s been my number one strategy wherever I’ve lived — to keep my housing expenses as manageable as possible.
My dad died of suicide in 2013 and had about $50,000 to $60,000 in credit card debt that my mom had to pay off with the life insurance he left her. I have to imagine that the debt was weighing on him — one of the many things, of course, but a significant one, nevertheless. It was terrible watching her navigate the finances of death, much less the bureaucracy. That was the moment I realized, I’m not dying in debt. There’s no more playing around here. I can’t go down like that.
Bit by bit, I had been making progress on my loan, and by that I mean I paid off approximately $15,000 of the principal. I eventually consolidated all my debts with SoFi after running into a guy who worked at SoFi when I went on a boating trip in the Amazon in Brazil after my father died. I realized I hadn’t been able to really get a handle on my loans because so much of my payments had just been going to interest. But I needed to be done with this.
I left the nonprofit world and got a job at a design agency. I ended up loving it. Almost two years into the job, I was making pretty high five figures, so not a small amount of money, but with that level of debt, it’s still not enough to really be making a ton of headway on what I still owed. So I go up for my biannual review and I was like, “Listen, I just helped to bring in a $5 million piece of business, here are all of the other things I’ve done, and I think I deserve a raise.” And my boss just said that I just wasn’t ready for a raise yet.
I went out to dinner that night with three of my coworkers: a South Asian and Middle Eastern woman who had seven years of just banging job experience, a black woman with a PhD in cognitive psych and more than a decade of job experience, and a white woman who was 24 and had been working for like two years. It was review time, and we’d all been told a very similar story when we’d asked for our raises, and we were all very annoyed if not just outright upset. At one point we just started telling each other our salaries as we sat there. Every single one of us was making the same amount of money, including our 24-year-old coworker who only had two years of job experience.
So I was like, “OK, I’m going to give you a number and I want you to tell me if you make over or under that number.”
We had all of the postdoc credentials or all the job experience you could ask for, and we’re still all being paid the same as a 24-year-old white woman. She’s a wonderful, incredibly hardworking, and deserving person, but this is not about who she is; it’s about how three other women of color at that table with more experience, the same work ethic, and ability to deliver at work were all being paid the same thing.
I went to work the next day and decided to talk to one of my white male coworkers. I said, “Hey, so what are you making?” He, being a normal American person, was like, “Oh, I don’t want to talk about money.” So I was like, “OK, I’m going to give you a number and I want you to tell me if you make over or under that number.” And I said a solid six figure number. And he said, “Under.” I went down by $10,000. He was like, “Over.” And that was all I needed. I was, like, well, there you go, I’m making at least $20,000 a year less than you. This coworker had the exact same job background, and the exact same master’s degree, and similar time at the company as me. There was no reason for this kind of pay discrepancy.
So then I just went to LinkedIn and looked up everyone at every company in New York, San Francisco, and LA with my job title and seemingly with my background in terms of education and experience. I blasted dozens — and I’m talking dozens — of people with the same email, saying, “Hey, I’m looking to make a career jump into one of the big tech companies, and I just want to know what you’re making. Can you just tell me, are making over or under X?” I got three responses back.
One guy’s response was: “If you have this amount of years of experience the industry minimum in a major job market is this.” That was pretty much what the other two women who wrote back did as well. They were within 10% of each other, comfortably six figures. Which was crazy.
Coming from a background where your family does not make a ton of money, I couldn’t even fathom asking for that amount of money until I got so angry and I felt entitled to it.
I started interviewing like crazy. I mean, I was on fire. Even though I was super happy in my job, I kept on thinking that if I’m being paid literally tens of thousands of dollars less than what I should be making, and I’m working this hard, I might as well be making the money that men in my industry are. I’m not going to work for a place that doesn’t respect my value.
I got hired by Etsy. I told them what I wanted, and that was what happened. I got a pay jump of about 41%, so tens of thousands of dollars. These are not small numbers.
I am in a really privileged and exceptional position of being able to make a jump into tech. But it wouldn’t have happened if I had not had amazing women coworkers who were willing to have a moment of vulnerability with me at that table, and a couple of dudes willing to be good allies.
The thing is, no one is going to help you figure out how much you need to make. You need to be really proactive and ask how much you’re going to make.
Now I work at another tech company. The only thing that has changed about me making more money is that I see my acupuncturist more regularly. I have a therapist I see weekly. And I buy vitamins. My lifestyle hasn’t changed except for my ability to access health care. I haven’t taken big vacations. I don’t buy a ton of stuff. I don’t go out to a ton of restaurants. I am 35, and this is the first year I am putting more than $50 per month into my 401(k).
This is what privilege is — to have a casual conversation with gatekeepers.
I don’t know if my degrees in and of themselves were worth it or if I could have gotten the same education for a much cheaper price tag. But what I do know is that because of where I went to grad school, I no longer doubt my value or my worth.
I paid off just under 50% of the total loan amount in 2019. When I made my final payment and made the video, I said, I’m going to wear this fucking traditional Korean crown that’s primarily associated with weddings at this point. I can wear it to celebrate myself and my accomplishments. I’m doing this for myself. I wanted the video to be a genuine expression of joy and celebration that reflected that in spite of this debt that has taken so much out of me, spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally.
I still ask the over/under question. I’ve also flat-out told some of my junior teammates what I make. I’m here to tell them what they should be shooting for. There’s a burden that we carry by not sharing what we’re making with each other. It perpetuates this idea that it’s all up to you to figure out how much you should be making, when really you are working for a series of employers who have pay bands, or salary caps, or freelance amounts set by what people are willing to work for. All that the secrecy has done is put the burden — and the shame — on the individual. The only way to circumnavigate that fucking capitalist bullshit, which is built on secrecy, is by having these incredibly uncomfortable conversations.
This is what privilege is — to have a casual conversation with gatekeepers. I was always jealous of friends whose parents were able to set them up for a coffee, an email, or a phone conversation with these people, because it’s those things that give you not only a network, but a spectrum of what you’re worth. That is what I think so many people do not have access to, and that’s one of the reasons why I am vociferous about talking about this.
I didn’t really have that privilege, and I think more people need to be talking about this and be willing to share. But I do have the privilege of rage. ●
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
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Considering a Psych Degree? Here’s Where These Psych Majors Ended Up
Psychology is a popular field of study for undergraduates. In fact, nearly 120,000 graduates from the 2015-16 school year earned their degrees in psychology, according to the National Center for Education Research. But we definitely don’t have 120,000 clinical psychologists entering the field every year.
So if psych grads aren’t all asking us how we feel about our mothers while we lie on their squeaky couches, what are they doing? I talked to several professionals with psychology degrees to see how they are using their education in their careers.
Mediator
Paige Harley spends her days helping people who probably don’t like each other very much resolve their conflicts. “I specialize in high-conflict divorce, post-divorce and custody issues. But you can mediate all sorts of things,” she told me. “I think mediators with psychology backgrounds can offer a great perspective in handling conflict and helping people navigate through emotionally rough waters.”
Harley explained that psychology graduates may need additional training before qualifying for the job. “Every state has different guidelines. I am taking a weekend class for the state of Tennessee. About all you need is a computer, some paper, a pen, a cup of tea (it can get intense) and a great attitude.”
Pay for mediators can vary but is on the high end. Harley charges $200 an hour. She has colleagues who charge as high as $400 an hour.
Foster Parent Recruiter
Ian Foster earned his bachelor’s degree in psychology back in 2005 and has spent the last several years finding foster parents for the children of Alaskan tribes.
“Foster care recruiting is a great job, because you’re helping some of the nicest people on the planet help children have a safe place to be,” Foster explained. “It’s a rare social work job [in that it] is in the trenches doing things on a daily basis that make an impact, but it’s still relatively stress-free. And working with the tribes is an honor. The work with the tribes in my role specifically is helping tribal members — most of whom are family members to the kiddos — navigate the state system in an effort for them to take care of their own people.”
He admits much of the job is paperwork, but given the complexity of Alaska’s geography, Foster has found himself doing a number of unique tasks, like mailing food to families in need, flying out to the tribes to get fingerprints and fighting to improve the system by advocating for the tribes.
And the best part for psych grads willing to move up north? “There is a serious lack of people in social work jobs up here, and financially, Alaska is one of the few places a social worker can do pretty well,” he said, adding that the Office of Children’s Services is always hiring.
I/O Psychologist
Not all psychologists sit in plant-filled offices muttering “Mmhmm” as you tell them about your week. In fact, Kara Fasone, who has her Ph.D. in industrial organizational psychology, or I/O psychology, works in the field as an I/O psychologist.
“My career has been focused on organization development and employee behavior in corporate settings,” she explained. This includes “helping employees become aware of behaviors, building programs to help employees learn and use skills, equipping leaders with tools and identifying culture adds to organizations.”
Essentially, Fasone’s work integrates human resources, social psychology and business. According to Fasone, I/O psychologists can expect a salary of around $60,000 starting out, but top earners take home more than $120,000 a year.
CEO of a Trivia Company
Industrial organizational psychologists aren’t the only ones helping out businesses, however. David Jacobson, who graduated with a psychology degree in 1999, founded his own trivia company 10 years later. It’s called TrivWorks. The company designs and emcees trivia events for small businesses and Fortune 500 companies alike.
“I rely on my psychology degree every day when producing events, as well as onstage hosting them,” Jacobson explained.
And while not every psychology major can pull off the same feat of founding a company to facilitate team building for big companies, Jacobson’s story is a reminder that you can use the skills you learn in college to identify a need in the word and craft a solution to fulfill it.
Corporate Leadership
Studying psychology equips you with crucial skills in understanding how people think, interact and operate. An overwhelming number of psych majors told me they use their degrees in all areas of the business world, from sales to marketing and operations.
And because of their ability to understand people on a deeper level, psych grads are very successful in transitioning into leadership roles, from supervisor or manager to director and beyond.
Content Creator and Social Media Manager
Maddison Meijome’s psychology degree focused on marriage and family life. She knew she wanted to use her skills to make a difference in the world — and work from home if she could swing it. She managed both when she became a content creator and social media manager for Save Me From.
Save Me From is a hair care brand whose founder, April Peck, has a personal attachment to suicide prevention. Peck wanted to use the brand to raise money for suicide prevention. Meijome stepped into the role and now writes content on suicide prevention and shares the messaging on social media. Save Me From donates 10% of its net income directly to suicide prevention programs.
“I love this work, because I can see how well it will contribute to nonprofits that need grants and donations on a regular basis,” Meijome told me. “Because it’s a for-profit company with a mission, I am paid well, with the added bonus of writing about suicide prevention and awareness.”
Marriage and Family Therapist
Katie Ziskind earned her a bachelor’s degree in psychology, then specialized in marriage and family therapy during her master’s program. This experience allowed her to open her own private practice for marriage and family therapy.
But Ziskind doesn’t just sit in a room with patients and talk to them. “I see children doing play therapy, yoga, music and outdoor therapy,” she explained. “I also see parents, teenagers, young adults and even couples… With some adult clients, I even go for walks by the ocean on the Niantic Bay Boardwalk for walk-and-talk therapy sessions.”
Ziskind loves her work, because she’s her own boss and can prioritize her mission of providing compassionate, high-quality client care.
The bottom line here: Your psychology degree can take you to a lot of exciting — even unexpected — places. The only question to ask is, “How does that make you feel?”
Timothy Moore is an editor and freelance writer living in Ohio with his partner and their two dogs.
This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.
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#YemziGirl Feature 24 (February) - Rhona, Fashion Stylist & Editor In Chief
#YemziGirl Interview
1. Hey Roe, please introduce yourself
R: I'm Rhona, I'm a fashion stylist, the editor in chief of the print publication THIIIRD, a very passionate person and a Sagittarius.
2. How did you career as a fashion stylist begin?
R: I had a bottoms up entry into styling. I interned, then assisted as a first and after that I started producing my own work. I didn't study fashion or styling and am a English Lit grad.
3. What to pull, do trends play a huge role in your work and if so where do you 'discover' them?
C: Shows really. I love all the excitement that comes with a new season. I think my attention to the catwalks and presentations is where trends enter my work as a whole, aesthetic and research is where my inspiration mostly comes from. I tend to make use of trends most in client work where it is important to make sure you are creating work that feels relevant to the moment - as a stylist even if you're not for all the trends that come out of the season, an awareness is important. But I try not to let trends dictate my aesthetic. I'm really inspired by style cultures of the past, and things like caricature, story telling and how you can attach meanings, feelings and messages to visuals.
4. Are fashion weeks really important?
R: That's a interesting question. I think in some ways they are super important, they provide a massive platform for brands, young designers and big fashion houses to present their new collections. They're where the buzz is created around new season collections, buyers take note of things and writers give brands pr; but on the flip side to that, we are entering an age where social media means you don't have to rely on participating in a fashion week to connect with people. So it still is important but, things are becoming a lot more accessible, which is great for young talent, or brands who don't want to produce to seasons schedules.
5. You styled our very first ready-to-wear collection 'Down And Out In London And Lagos' (SS16), it feels like a while ago now, would you say the fashion industry has changed much in the past two years?
R: Yes! I remember styling that colleciont, it was great! I remember you were adamant that you used a model with natural hair for the campaign, today I think the industry understands that stance a bit better, but in that moment it wasn't something that was being said or could be said and understood easily.
I feel like the fashion industry now is starting to pay attention to diversity. In SS16 things were starting to change, but in SS15 or SS14, I could probably name most the brands who were featuring models of colour consistently on my fingers, this is especially true when it comes to womenswear. I'm probably even being nice by just mentioning brands, the same could be said of agencies and publications. In this moment, I think we probably can take that for granted, but that is down to the work of a lot of people who have taken it into their own hands to show that diversity in fashion is important, desirable and needed. Then after, some of the big guns have followed.
Yes! I remember styling that colleciont, it was great! I remember you were adamant that you used a model with natural hair for the campaign, today I think the industry understands that stance a bit better, but in that moment it wasn't something that was being said or could be said and understood easily.
I feel like the fashion industry now is starting to pay attention to diversity. In SS16 things were starting to change, but in SS15 or SS14, I could probably name most the brands who were featuring models of colour consistently on my fingers, this is especially true when it comes to womenswear. I'm probably even being nice by just mentioning brands, the same could be said of agencies and publications. In this moment, I think we probably can take that for granted, but that is down to the work of a lot of people who have taken it into their own hands to show that diversity in fashion is important, desirable and needed. Then after, some of the big guns have followed.
6. As a stylist, apart from the clothes and accessories what else is necessary to have on set?
R: Lots of things! I always have a kit with me which has in it things like clips, double sided tape, spare socks, pins, a lot basically. If I'm doing a shoot samples, might not necessarily be perfect fit for the model or musicians or actor I may be working with and these things help to tweak little things.
I also personally have a little seperate kit case thing of just pieces I've picked up, or bought to style with, or made that. The stuff in there is pretty random though and can be anything from a princess tiara, or beads or a durag.
Not quite a 'thing' but I think it's important to recognise the work of people in your team; if you have an assistant who is working with you or a good intern with the right attitude to learning, they are always great help on set.
7. What's been your greatest styling achievement?
R: I don't think I can really place that. I really love doing what I do and I've been part of loads of amazing projects that have left me really psyched when I see come together. I think the continuous feeling I have when I'm in the process of doing a job and its going the way it should is the best but if I had to single it to one thing though, I would say launching THIIIRD magazine through my work has been one of the most important things for me.
8. Now you are Editor-In-Chief of THIIIRD, congratulations! Tell us all about the magazine...
R: Thank you! THIIIRD is a fashion, arts and culture publication but we concentrate on socially engaged content. The magazine has three sections: Mind, Body and Soul; the mind section is interviews, the body section is editorial and the soul section is creative pieces which can range from art, to poetry and personal writing. The magazine explores topics like cultural heritage, diversity and activism. Core to the ethos of THIIIRD is that we are intersectional and so we concentrate on representing marginal communities which are underrepresented in the mainstream, as a constant to what we do.
9. Tell us your dream shoot for THIIIRD - designers, models, photographer, MUA, set design/location...
R: Oooh.. A lot of the dreams I have with THIIIRD we are very slowly working on so I wouldn't know where to begin but I can tell you, a high point for me would be seeing the day where I'd be able to work with Viviane Sassen on a cover shoot. I love her work! Its so thoughtful and provoking and challenging and I really LOOK at her images if you get what I mean? In terms of designers and models, whoever and what ever would work for what we were doing.
A model I'd really love to one day see on the cover is Duckie, I'm such a Duckie stan. She has what Devon (Aoki) and Adowa (Aboah) all these other awesome models I've been obsessed with in the past have had for me.
10. What's next for Roe?
R: Exactly this, what I'm doing right now - progressing in that. Letting that unfold. Smashing every project, is what is next. I'd also love to do some work in other cities as an international stylist, as I'm mostly London based, so I'll see how that develops!
11 And finally what is your favourite quote?
R: I'm a bigger love aphorisms, but one that has stuck with me is a quote by Osho "let life be a dance of love." There is something very me about that quote, I've always got so much joy from dancing; and I think love is a very powerful emotion, but not just in a romantic sense. I'm a sort of person with a lot of love in me, so I tend to let that guide me and so far it's working out alright.
IG @roena
www.rhonaezuma.com
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