#i am alive!!! i do not feel it tho. its hard to type i am worried i wont finish my fic by the deadline i set for myself

[wanderingpages]

Noooo chapter 5😪😪😪😪 we’re coming to a close, fellas. I cannot… and yet. I can. We move forward my sisters in god

Oh…not him spending winter break with her…in the same house… as their parents…with all this…tension…. (Ive seen this [adult] movie before)

Aww he holds the door open for her… helps her take off her socks…walks her to class/.., it really is the little things. His actions… Peach said show dont tell 😮‍💨❤️

Not Cardan being fluent enough in french to have La Chute in its original publishing bye thats so hot of him and dare i say,..timothee chalamet core…. @iknowitwontwork wya (This is rockstar anon btw i am on medication (dont worry abt it peach this a little inside comradery bby)) anyways have i mentioned you write and its like a movie?

““Is it your favorite?” I ask. I wiggle my brows, “Do you think you, too, have fallen from grace?”” – first, not babygirl being versed in Camus 😛 secondly, ohhohoo i love all the biblical references 

“His smile is Cheshire in response, “Since the day I met you, little sister.”” - u know what…. At least he honest, like its really now hitting me that hes soooooooo honest about it. Playing  a little game as jude said when he was leaving her dorm after the party… like its a game but an honest one. Like am i crazy or is he just trying to see how far he can provoke her w their situation and honesty? 

Omg wait not him CLOCKING HER the very next paragraph  (By the way i feel like u should know, i have the chapter open on one half of my split screen and the other half is your ask box lol i am literally typing as i go like this is the wattpad comments section fr)

i feel so smart and validated that cardan literally says all of that ^^^ like wow i should have held my tongue (fingers) and read the next paragraph lmao

ALSO BAD THING SBY CULT DIDNT I LITERALLY SAY SHE KNOWS DOT MP3 BEFORE???? 

I like that his jewelry comes up frequently because its part of him, just like her knuckles come up cus its part of her fr like both of them are so natural abt it too like her playing w his chain and him rubbing her fingers like ugjhhfh SHOW DONT TELL IS SO IMPORTANT

Whoaaa not him clocking ASHA now!! Not jude saying her mamma dead or alive she dont really care, RESPECT 

Wait not him pulling up to the gas station to get a first aid kit….like he really doesnt say a word about it at allllllll

And jude said oh, more time alone with him? In a diner? Count me in ❤️

Oh shit cardan has moneeeyyyyyy – “I guess, there really is a lot about him I had no idea of. “I'm an honorary member,” he shrugs, “It’s kind of hard not to be when Daddy funds their lifestyle.”” purrrrr

Oop!!! “ “Ghost is my best friend. It would have been a fight had it been Locke or anyone else,” he divulges, and though I shouldn't be startled by his honesty, it still makes me feel a little too warm. Then he admits, maybe selfishly considering his track record for the past few weeks, “If he had gone further, I would have buried him.”” HELLO

Lol jude got some balls to say ““That's a visceral reaction,” I come to terms with. “Your best friend?” I blush when I remind him quietly, “you’re the one who told me to open my mouth.”” cus like she right tho

Ahhh! I squeaked ! ““Plus, I think you look cute with a dick in your mouth.””

When hes a feminist 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 – ““What makes you think you have any right over my body?” / “I know I don't.””

Hold on hold on hold on wait a minut wait a minute hold on, when did cardan transition from little sister/dear sister to baby? It happened so naturally how am i this far in and catching it???? I love him

Lol jude said fuck condoms we fucking raw or not fucking at allll 😤😤😤😤 

“After a while, I notice him staring. “Do you want some of my pie,” I offer. / “Is that a euphemism?” / [..]“Do you want it to be?”” – yes, i do, i wsnt it.

““What's the pipeline between mommy issues and wanting to bend your sister over the bathroom sink?” “ - HELP ME?! – ““Stepsister,” I tell him.” – emphasis on step fr okayyyyyyyyyyy 

““It makes no difference to me, Jude. Sister or not, I’d want you the same way I wanted you then, the same way I want you now.” ” - wait why is there butterflies in my tummy 🫣🥺

““I want you to copy me,” he says, huskily, startling me, my eyes growing wide. “I want you to stick your fingers in your panties and do what I do.” ” - PEACH…the gasp i gasped ….  !!!! PEACH

IN THE DINER!?

IN FRONT - ACTUALLY !! ACTUALLY IN FRONT OF MY SALA D IN THE DINER?! .. do continue 

““I think…I want to do to you what Spring does to cherry trees,” he murmurs. “Open you up…watch you bloom.” ” – DO NOT BE QUOTING PROFOUND POETRY RIGHT NOW IM GONNA FALL IN LOVE. 

His fingers in her mouth jus - 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶PUT MY FINGER IN UR MOUTH CUS U LOVE THE TASTE 

“He pulls out of my mouth, a trail of spit losing connection when he finds his way under the jacket, following my hand, and adding his finger to my two. I whimper at his intrusion, and think, disoriented, three. Three fingers.” – no fuc me for real PEACH PEACHERLY ANNE POSSIBLE i dont care that its dirty as hell this shit is poetic

NO NOT THE WAITRESS !!! NOT HIMS STILL GOING TOOO AHH PEACH

My heart racing rn 

Oh god.. The soft forehead kiss…like he didnt just rock her world in a booth in the diner… im literally and figuratively unwell

“He kisses me sweetly when we get to his car, and I kiss him back, because we can, for right now. ” – why did this hurt?!

AND ALL THIS TIME HE DIDNT EVEN LIKE CHERRIES

Not is it out of your system!!!! Twk ate w that fade to black fr tho

““Cherries?” / “Me,”” - STOP hes so fucking cute 

Okay this might be the longest ask yet 💀 my sisters in god is sending me💀

I think in any fic I’ve ever written, cardan is always holding doors for her lol

Not timothee chalamet core 😭😭😭 @iknowitwontwork ur friend is here, come get her ❤️

lol that is a nice piece of info to be made aware of 💀 I was lowkey wondering if you were switching through tabs lmao meanwhile I’m scrolling up and down trying to respond 💀 lol it would be soooo much h easier if this was the Wattpad comments section. Like they ate w that…that one little thing. They ate.

You did mention the song!

I really do try so hard to show not tell cus I hatttteee reading tell not show in books😭 like don’t tell me he loves her, show me!!! Where’s the build up?? The tension??

lol if cardan is blunt, Jude is ballsy (I hope it comes across this way lol)

Actually don’t know when that transition happened I just be typing stuff 💀

Always emphasis on STEP lmao he’s not the step brother he’s the brother that STEPPED up lmao lemme stop that was uncalled for anyways yes the diner, yes infront of your salad, ues the waitress, yes that song lmao

Also you should know the first time you called me peacherly anne possible, something in me changed like the stars alined and now peacherly is my go to user name for websites and stuff cus slayyyy who tf else being called peacherly ????!!!

Two really did eat w that lmaooo

#asks #sometimes I throw in angsty little one liners to subliminally prep u for the third act angst #just so yall don’t get bamboozled ❤️

[la-pheacienne]

so i have to go to work soon and am feeling quite scatterbrained so im sorry if this doesn't feel coherent. But I've been thinking for the last couple days about Elia Martell.

I understand that Elia Martell is supposed to be dead. that her narrative role is to be dead. but i keep wondering about if she had lived. (i have severe difficulty believing that Tywin actually wanted her to live, despite his "regret" over the Mountains actions. i think his regret literally comes from the fact that Dorne is a pian in his ass and not because of anything ehtical or even Strategic*)

*how would it have been strategic to let the princess consort of the previous regime live and go back home after killing her husband and her children? she would probably have been a political hostage tbh, to ensure Dorne's behavior, forcibly remarried by whomever Tywin chose. have no idea who that would be tho. but thats besides the point.

to be honest, I'm too scatterbrained to get all my thoughts in order, but if Elia had lived (and was aloowed to go back home), I have genuine doubts that Dorne would have enacted the same type of long lasting revenge that they do in canon. probably Doran and Oberyn would want the Mountain dead, and Tywin as well, but in this case their sister is actually "alive and well" and while children are precious, at least they have their sister back with them safe. and of course, probably Elia probably would be "broken" in this case. little more than someone wracked by grief. (tho maybe not. proably suicidal, or maybe the fact that shed be grief stricken, "broken" would drive them to revenge)

anyway, if Elia was going to live, i keep thinking that shed very likely become hard, after being the woman of sweet wit once. and I dont know, but if she wanted revenge, would Dorne really help her get it? i know that mysoginy is real, and Westeros seems to have a hard time allowing women to get their own revenge. I dont doubt the depth of Oberyns feelings, but its been almost fifteen years and its clear that he put Elia on a pedestal, (probably seeing the real woman would be truly difficult for him) and Doran clearly wants political vengeance in the story.

GRRM said that Elia and Rhaegar had a complicated relationship, and it seems to me that She probably loved Him more than He loved her. so its questionable whether she would want revenge on purely on his behalf, which would lead to very complicated feelings of vengeance and scorn intermixed, naturally.

probably shed be a heavier inspiration to Arriane, if Elia wanted revenge against Robert but her brothers dont exactly listen, with Oberyn wanting the glory of the act and Doran's never ending patience.

I wont lie, i couldn't help think on this because i Know that the Stansas tend to wrack Elia Martell's description like a corpse doll for whatever shit they're snorting atm, but i think that if Elia had lived, theres a small chance that she would want to go to Daenerys.

Daenerys fitting the description of the Prince that Was Promised- which Elia would probably know about since Rhaegar told her the song title-and also bringing Dragons Back, which probably Rhaegar spoke pf repeatedly.

I dont think Elia would feel only scorn for Rhaegar, even his actions probably hurt her a lot, especially because over the years she too would, alos view him through a lenses of grief. but i think that if Elia knew that Daenerys seems to be the one Rhaegar was waiting for, she'd want to be at her good sisters side, either for vengeance, or because she too, wanted to see the dream of spring-the hope- that no doubt Rhaegar had shared with her.

what do you think?

So, thank you for asking my opinion on this, but this is really not my thing. I believe I'm fairly good at analysing written text, but I am not good at speculation and imagining alternative endings and what ifs. Maybe you should adress this question to someone in this fandom who writes fanfiction or generally likes speculation, AUs, etc. I will tag @ladyalianora for a pro-Rhaegar approach and @alethiaii for a not so pro-Rhaegar approach.

Having said that speculation is not my thing, I don't really know what would have happened if she had lived, cause she died, and her death is a pretty important part of the story and definitely the most important part of her story. But if i want to speculate, Elia surviving without her children in my opinion wouldn't have changed things so drastically. Her house would still want revenge over the dead children. It is not only Elia that would want revenge as you say, it's her entire house, and in my personal opinion, in universe, I think the children were actually more important than Elia herself for the house Martell. Not for her brother maybe, but for the house and the legacy of Dorne, the children are the most important. Let's be real. These children were Martell children and they were the heirs to the throne, they were supposed to succeed their father and grandfather and they would have if Baratheons and Lannisters hadn't killed them. This new order of things didn't just erase Targaryens, it erased Martells as well and the power they held because of their affiliation to the Targaryens. Yes Rhaegar left Elia but her children were always going to be the Targaryen heirs and nothing in the world would change that. It's Robert and the Lannisters that killed them and usurped their father so for Dorne they will always be the actual enemy, always. Plus they would really dislike the Starks because of their alliance with them and because of Lyanna, realistically.

So yeah Dorne would definitely want to avenge the children.

As for Elia, she would be a shadow of her former self, abandonned by her husband who is now dead, and with her children killed. Her attitude towards Rhaegar would be really complex cause he did abandon her but at the same time, strangely, tragically, her interests were tied to him, his death was the catalyst for the death of her children. She would definitely had mixed feelings, bitterness, betrayal, scorn possibly, she would definitely accuse him for being the cause of this entire rebellion but at the same time she would, I believe, feel intense grief over his death and usurpation. As GRRM said, their relationship was complicated, I personally believe there was some sort of understanding between them before he left, there was some sort of closure, cause I believe this possibility is way more in tune with Rhaegar's canon characterization. They were in an arranged marriage after all, it was a marriage of duty. But I'm 100% biased in Rhaegar's favour so maybe you don't agree. Also her negative feelings for Rhaegar would be largely covered by the disgust she would obviously feel for anyone involved in the new regime, the Lannisters, the Baratheons and the Starks.

To sum it up, her mental state would be very interesting to write, very complicated and tragic, just an endless sea of grief and disgust directed towards many different people, her husband, and his usurpers. An Andromache type of character.

As for her attitude towards Dany, I really don't know cause I never thought about this. Maybe she would go to her maybe not. I feel that Dany would be the one to go to Elia and not the other way round. Dany would absolutely want to meet her and talk to her, she would be the only hint of family she has left after all and they could have a connection over their common loss of their families at the end of the Rebellion.

"Daenerys fitting the description of the Prince that Was Promised- which Elia would probably know about since Rhaegar told her the song title-and also bringing Dragons Back, which probably Rhaegar spoke pf repeatedly". Now I do believe it is a possibility that Rhaegar had shared with Elia the prophecy but I am not so sure. Maybe he was very solitary in his visions. And also I don't believe he spoke repeatedly of bringing the Dragons back. I actually don't buy this and I think the fandom has severely misinterpreted his "obsession" with the prophecy. The line "the dragon has to have three heads" was spoken in Dany's dream and it was spoken to Dany. Rhaegar in the dream looked directly at Dany when he said that, and as we know, Dany was most definitely not present in the real scene, if we supposed it was real (it wasn't). It was Dany's vision, not Rhaegar's. All we know about Rhaegar himself was Aemon saying :

"He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King’s Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet".

That's it. He first believed he was TPTWP and then he believed his son was TPTWP. Period. So I really do not get how we concluded from this that Rhaegar was obsessed with having three children and that he even talked about it all the time. All this comes from Dany's vision, where Rhaegar was talking to her. And this theory is directly promoted by Targ antis who believe the Targs are just a bunch of self aggrandising assholes starting with Dany herself.

So no at this point I don't vibe with what you say. I do believe, however, that Elia would recognise Rhaegar's visionary and idealistic personality in Dany, along with other specific traits, and she would probably believe that Dany may be able to achieve what he did not.

#this got too long #Elia Martell #rhaegar targaryen #daenerys targaryen #asks #asoiaf #i hate hate speculating hate it #but it was an interesting question #a song of ice and fire #au #is au appropriate for this? #game of thrones #aspa rambles

[uglypastels]

(i literally typed this into my notes so i could keep going back to the chapter to make sure i didn’t forget anything and i still feel like i’m forgetting smth and i think it pasted weird so. my bad)

okay so first things first, comments on ch. 7

-amazing. amazing. amazing. amazing. wtf. this fic is like crack and i’m abt to change my address to the inside of your walls

-omg the dream with munson being a total sweetheart!!

-the kiss then slap then second kiss!!?!! (also OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY KISSED)

-and he knew she was going through his shit and reading his letter and even tho he was mad he held it back to first make sure she was okay

-and while they were arguing he still was trying to look out for her and *literally* catching her fall and holding her up (i could die).

-i love him being a little bossy bitch and the slight manhandling like😳😏😔😩 don’t get me wrong i love bossy/dom!eddie fics but they don’t hit as hard if he’s not got a brat to tame…so this is like perfect. (and if u felt so inclined to include even a little more manhandling going forward, i personally would melt this fic down and shoot it into my veins. if not, that’s okay too!)

now some lingering questions that are eating me alive that i’m SO looking forward to getting answers to

-what the fuck did munson give harrington a choice on if not ignore her or die?? what tf did eddie even say to him!!?

-reader wasn’t supposed to be on the ship!?

-reader’s crew did something horrible, possibly to munson and his crew??

also 👉👈 i saw u answered an ask that there could be a nsfw scene and i am begging with my whole heart🥺

peeps, dont read this ask if you havent caught up on Not Wholly Evil

i dont think the walls in my house are big enough but hey, you do you <3 you would mostly get to experience me sitting at my computer for 5 hours straight, constantly getting distracted and then annoyed that I'm not making any progress in the story haha

he is a sweetheaart, deep deep down, but ya know, it's hard to show that when the lady kinda hates your guts

im sorry but idk what she was thinking, it wasn't slick lol, and it is his ship so he knows everything that happens around.

im such a whore for manhandling and i had originally included more of it in the fic but i also don't want to make it like too aggressive because don't want it to get too dark (you should have seen my original draft. she went fucking through it yikes) but yeah i mean stuff might happen who knows (i don't. the planning for this fic is abysmal) and the same goes for the smut.

see the thing i think happened (i say as if im an oracle writing down these events and not making it fucking up in my own head dafuq) but ok- so the thing with Eddie is, he's a bit of a maniac, and i feel like he thinks he gave steve a choice, which was probably consisting of mainly threats, but it was technically a choice + i steve absolutely knew what eddie was up to so he just let it slide because fuck ok, get yo girl i guess.

hey, i said it from the very first chapter! its all in their baby

and about that last question... you'll have to wait and see

ok, so, this was such a treat to wake up to!!! thank you so much for the asks you do not understand how much i love answering these

#uglypastels answers #eddielives1986

[angeloftrumpets]

Hiii ^_^/ I was wondering if you had a back/story for your S/I(s) with any of your F/O(s)? I'm mostly curious, and only if you'd like to share :3c

HIIIIIIII okie this is going to probab;y be a very jumbled adnd maybe confusing and long post bc AA but i will try to make it understandable and write it before my ride gets here and picks me UP OKIE (edit i have been adding onto this post on my shift since like 1 am my time so i apologize if its confusing my work laptop is weird ANYWAYS)

I only have one s/i aside from just straight?? up me?? (or a backstory if that makes sense) and thats neph or, the cat/shark guy (Funfact!!! neph came from a convo with toonie, ill explain a bit below but he is cursed to not have a name and since hes a Nephilim toonie decided to start calling him neph, as like a shorter version of it! (thanks toon ! :3 💛)

to begin obviously he is a Nephilim, i hc six also is one since i remembered my mom telling me something about the Nephilim teaching humanity about technology i dont know where it is said about that but thats where that hc comes from!! they are both (neph and six) are kind of a 'different' kind of Nephilim as in they are only related with technology and were apart of the ones that showed humanity technology, so example both him and six both have the ability to go through the television and when it is invented computers/phones etc, that just kinda explains the general basis of how he works the cat tail/shark stuff is cause im cringe and think that combo looks cool and that he can shapeshift (As i imagine most nephilims can?) and since he mostly exist on a digital plane no one is going to question if they see some weird combination of animal on some animated program if he were to appear in it even though he looks like that physically also. due to the fact that he is a Nephilim, he obviously isnt liked by most beings from the heavens since he is a product of a human and a fallen angel and was cursed by the big g himself to not have a name nor be seen physically by humanity, which can get pretty lonely and make someone weird, he has a long history of being chased out by various angels that catch him lurking by (he likes to hang out around the garden of eden, thats where him and toonie met) ALSO if we are gonna get specific michael DOESNT like him and has definitely nearly killed him like twice. hes welcome in hell tho :))) neph doesnt hold any hard feelings twards angels for not being fond of him considering what he is, but not all of them are like that. obviously, toon being one of them (or i guess archangel gabriel if we are being literal but i dont want to confuse alt g and him so i will say toon)

when they both first met toon was definitely a little anxious at first considering hes heard of Nephilims/his peers going after them/ and the flood in general (by the way, i dont remember what ep it is but i hc when alt g tells noah something will be joining him on the boat it neph was apart of that (specifically six and neph, and some type of alternate, since the flood also wiped out Nephilims he had to keep some alive to help him) anyways back to what i was saying sjhfdfh they ended up becoming close and when toon isnt off doing angel or messenger duties hes usually with neph in the garden of eden (same goes with if neph isnt doing something for alt g or something along those lines) after the events of overthrone (if we go by the toonb/riel sand tomb theory i know some people think that was jesus or atleast my roomate hcs this so ) neph wasnt told about what had happened to him and was confused why he was no longer able to find him, noticing that there was definitely something very wrong with the heavens (due to alt gs actions yk) he ends up eventually figuring out what had happened and in a weird time/universe fucky way is able to get toonb/riel out, since its no longer safe at all for toon to exist (and also alt gab doesnt know that he has escaped) he basically is forced to exist within the realm of media in a strange way (BEGINNER BIBLEEEE HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEEHEHE) though this isnt 100% set in stone and it changes but i like to think it would be cool if he is able to exist within the realms of technology as some digital angel OKIE i am SO SO SO SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG POST i got so giddy and excited at seeing this ask and have been trying my best to figure out how to answere it THANK YOU SO MUCHF OR ASKING ME!!!!!!

#A #by the way i just want to say nephs design works generally for most of my f/os only one of them i dont and thats jonesy #who also has his own s/i but its been like a year and that lore is SUPER complicated so i decided not to even bother #i have been thinking about toonie SOOOOSOOOOO much and theres so much more i could probably add here but i tried to summarize it best i can #OKIE BAI #ask #lore #< ???? #☀️

[delcakoo]

lovey emss,💙 i'm back I'm sorry I haven't updated you in a while. I forgot the last time I updated you, did I ask how you are feeling now?😭 (like if ur cold is gone I hope it is) anyway I'm not updated cause I'm so busy with school its draining. but on the bright side, on the end of this week we might go to an amusement park on thurs. idk whether to get my hopes up cause it doesn't happen or it doesn't really go as according to plan and it ends up disappointing me

but uh anyway um i have an update abt my hair getting cut I just couldn't tell you because I've been so busy these past few weeks😭 I got my haircut like at the start of nov and yeah I like it the bangs are a bit too thicc tho😔😍 so it's always tied up cause it gets annoying cause it gets on my eyes. but other than that I like it

oh and guess what. i've been getting motivation a lot because of a special someone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) so yeah I feel much more alive studying cause they're there. we had A LOT of interactions as well. holding hands (🤭), hugging, were matching bracelets, and guess what they're Sunoo biased DJWBDJWKJDBKS. so we have matching pcs on the back of our id if that make sense. we went to go buy ice cream as well today hsdshd. I plan to borrow their hoodie tmrw 😙 I feel real guilty tho cause my unloyal ass said I'll only like Jungwon and nobody else and bs like "no one can fit my standards, unless you are Jungwon" like I'm so untruthful to myself. I feel guilty cause I've been loyal to Jungwon for a while (except that one time I told you abt my other crush if u still remember.. the one I moved on from) but I'm happy really happy with her. we don't really do anything besides (the skinship) and I'm contented with that. I want it to stay that way. I'm sorry Jungwon😔 (watch me go back to Jungwon after I get my heartbroken for the 239239229th time)

how are you? how's school? I hope you are well mentally and physically. i'm not updated so idk if your cold is gone now😭😭 what subjects do u find hard? for me its math, i need more focus on it. i'm bad at it😭 can you recommend a song you like for me to listen to? I'm wondering what type of songs you are into :DDD

(sorry for the long paragraph😭 forgive me this is the only time i've been appreciated that way)

-m💙

MOONIE DEAR HII! ive been busy w school too so dwdw i understand <3

YEP THATS THE LIFE WIRH BANGS SHJDHDN IT GETS SUPER ANNOYINF 😭 im glad u like it tho :000 it’s fun to style right?? (when it cooperates 🧍🧍)

OH MY GODDDD SHE SOUNDS AMAZING AISHJSNS AND SHES SUNOO BIASED ????? absolutely immediate yes THATS SO CUTE SHE LOVES ENHA TOO WTFFFF 😭 U GUYS NEEDS GET ALBUMS TOGETHER EJHDDKNEJEM IM JESLOUS RN OMG???? and its ojay if jungwon found out theyre sunoo biased he would definitely approve as well LMAO <33

ive been good ! YES I AM BETTER FROM MY COLD NOW MSHSJSN lifes been pretty bland for now but IM SO DAMN EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS N DECEMBER SJHDJDBAH I HOPE IT SNOWS SOON <333 and omg same, math AND SCIENCE BRUH UGH ITS SO HARD 😭😭 i reccomend watching vids on whatever u find hard, it can be rkly helpful sometimes :0

SONG RECCS AJHSSNSJSK OF CORUSE <333 i will listen to literallt anything but country and rock tbh,, I RECOMMEND EMAILS I CANT SEND BY SABRINA CARPENTER AND LIFE IS STILL GOING ON BY NCT DREAM :D LMK IF U ENJOY TSJHSJK

and aw :( dw ab it! im glad i can make u feel appreciated love 🥹🥹🥹 MWAH MWAHHH

#delcakoo #m anon

[salaciousslut]

How has your day been so far, sweetheart?<3 also im ngl sometimes when i listen to Igual Que Un Ángel by Kali Uchis i think of you🫣

I'd trust you with my life if i ever blacked out tbh! I dont trust many people around me when im drunk but you give off a really safe feeling so if it were just us two i would maybe over do it on the alcohol 🫣 the thought of being hung over is so scary to me tbh!! I never wanna be hung over! And if i drink on an empty stomach im fucked like im just real drunk off one shot its not fair 🙄 i hope you'd have fun with us if you got drunk with us!! but im ngl i think i was a lil weird last night due to unfortunately getting a bit horny but y'know thats life😩 im just glad my friends werent able to tell cause that's between me and whoever i wanna tell. Normally though we are just big dorks abour anime, movies, and random tv shows, and i cant shut up about music half the time. 🤭

Im the same way!! i just unfortunately occasionally have some like autism/adhd moments where suddenly ive focused too much on trying to actively listen and end up not listening, so if i ask you to repeat yourself a few times its either bc of that or the fact that my audio processing stuff is kinda crazy at times. But i know i'll enjoy hearing you talk<3

Tease me as much as you want to<3 and by all means go ahead and be a menace. Either way im gonna end up with my fingers inside you🥰 i wanna make you melt, i wanna see just how much you need someone inside of you<33

Its sweet that you wanna spoil me<3 like it feels like a crime that youre calling me kind when you keep talking about taking care of me and spoiling me and im just saying nice things. Like i should be taking care of you, youre the princess here sweetheart<3 and i swear to you im thriving under any circumstance, the universe wakes me up every morning by gently kissing my eyelids hehe🤭

I hope to show you my smile and see yours, i dunno how you feel about video calls, but maybe when im comfy with it and if youre comfy with it (and after ive been in your dms a little while) we can do a lil video call! Just an innocent little hang out between a butch and a pretty girl<3 I'll let you know if you feed it too much in that case, I could use a lil more confidence just not too much. I can teeter on the edge of entitlement if i let it go too far, and i hate who i am when i act entitled like that version of me is such a dick and not even in a hot way.

its been okay, ive been studying all day because i have a big exam on monday which is soooo boring but im trying my best! and omg i just listened to the song and its so pretty!! im really honored that you think of me 🥺☺️ ive listened to a few of kali uchis stuff and its sooo good!!

aww yes i take care of my people!! im the mom friend so i gotta make sure everyone is alive and safe! but hehe i hope u werent horny because of me 🫣 if it was then oopsies sorry babe! and i love big lil dorks!! im a lil nerd myself so i totally understand!!

its okay i know what u mean! i have auditory processing issues too but im very understanding and well always do as asked so u never have to worry being around me!

ahh youre soo swoon worthy, i want you inside me now!!!! 🥺

youre saying nice things because you are nice and kindhearted! plus i just like seeing other happy!! and we can take care of each other!! none of that one way shit!!! its give and take!! hehe im kissing u on the nose and temple rn 😘

yes yes i love video calls, im the type who if u give me permission to call u whenever, ill learn ur schedule and just ft out of the blue bc i miss ur face and presence. i know how u feel tho so please take ur time!! hehe handsome butch and a pretty princess on the phone is too powerful tho, everyone else needs to watch out

okay i understand!! but dont be too hard on yourself okay? u deserve good things

#ci answers #butch my beloved

[asoulofatlantis]

Getting Rean in a Nutshell from a talking cat XD

The “breakup” is an optional bonding-event but the game hints at it happening canonically every now and then, making sure you know you are intended to have it, likely because Alisa is what Falcom would use as the “canon choice” for this mighty guys immense harem.

This is a scene the game forces on you, like it or not. The plot won’t move on until you went into the bathroom and you will meet Alisa there and get this kind of hug from her no matter what. The way Rean handles it slightly differs tho, depending on your relationship with Alisa in your CS3 save-file. (If you have one that is. No idea what happens if you don’t have one. I wouldn’t put it past Falcom that in this case they would put Alisa as your CS3 choice by default XD)

Alisa picked up on the position Rean is in. It wasn’t really hard of course, because “Sacrifice” doesn’t exactly sounds like surviving, especially not when you a self-sacrificing-type like Rean (which he eventually proves at the normal/bad-ending later) and it bothers her. The needed to hug him, touch him to make sure he is alive and to give him as much comfort as this is giving herself. Rean feels this and plays it down even tho he just thought himself that he didn’t look very nice, as he tries to comfort Alisa, which is typical for him. They are both idiots, but let's not get into that any further XD In any case... if you do not chose Alisa as your final bonding-event, this will be the last hug you ever get from her as Hajimari/Riveri cruelly skipt on the mandatory reunion-hug. So... enjoy it while you can, even if this one is quite painful compared to the ones from CS2 and CS3.

Seriously, seeing Alisa backing away from Rean as cruelly painful for me as a shipper. I mean, compare that scene to the reunion-hug from CS3 and tell me it doesn’t hurt!

Lets enjoy this while we still can XD

With Crow I sometimes feel like karma is what is giving him his punishment for his sins, but it never goes all the way. In the end, he never dies. He never truly loses anything of worth. Its like karma is just toying with him a bit ^^’ But I guess in a way, that also can be a sort of punishment.

Uh... I guess... yes, lets keep him alive so he can struggle though life, just like the rest of us. I guess living life, especially knowing what he had done, is much more painful then dying and taking the easy way out.

I guess we are going a bit azure here from our usual ways. Gee, always that special treatment for our idiot-traitor ^^’

Oh well... I mean... ultimately, what makes Rean happy, makes me happy. So... whatever.

I guess with this game I have to just accept that it is “slow and steady wins the race” because I am once again done playing for now ^^’

#Reasons to (not) replay CS4

[anoms-world]

why you don't understand me?. its more like why you don't love me and they say and always say we don't love you and we understand you as they say we know you seems like hate come from understanding certain topic or field and doing something about it an action a reaction (they call it love no its not to us) yea its true we don't understand yet we keep moving somehow in an action in a reaction (we call it love no its not to them). in case you ever wonder about their pale sick dark looking face skin depression is when you struggle with reality and for some its imagination some minds thinks its greed and being spoiled yea its makes since having desires are all they ever knew for me its always was between being half sleep and in a dream of my own to keep me moving so many unique methods to move on in life either through illusion or fantasy orrr reaction being peaceful is also to be peaceful toward others through cut down your harmful critical pointing out and actions when its all it does just to broke them in a world made already of dust and death (or it were dust and life to you) curiosity and secrets always been there its just a matter of blissful time and blissful emptiness

and the sloth said trying to cross the road i need to set a realistic goals (the line stolen from animals got problems)

faking your shadow (in other word, stealig it rule with something else not used to) *after the overwhelming break (the cry)….. trying to share/push the pieces (randomness) without my shadow made me overwhelmed again (slightly verbaly) its almost imposible to talk to anyone without clashes or to be even more smaller than being already small it make you only realise to look only for who have your same interests or die (cant die when sugar are too low now and you still alive and confused as hell)

wasn't connected with myself lately so it blocked me (couldn't even think so i can type or just be myself ) i had/have the inflammations now open wide blind eyes and closed wise one i needed the verbal clash to realize how truly alienated i am and not the only one tho i just forget how deferent we are tho i said i don't need a reminder (no not that, i miss to connect to myself or to connect to someone who make me closer to myself) do you blame me for the misfortune and verbal damage I've made?.

i have been in physical loop for a while, let it go alone now don't resist, yet over think it, feel the vibe, be the silence now

why? why?! its never was a hard question to me.. its clearly and obvious to me its to warm up the planet for higher unknown purpose laugh it off as much you want yet that exactly the truth of what i think..

[toixxx-ace]

arrrrgghhh

i do not feel great and i dont know why

im going to bed ONE WHOLE HOUR than i was a week ago and i am taking my meds and i am trying to get myself unstuck and i am stuck in limbo where my brain refuses to decide if i am in a good mood or a bad mood

i am just in a mood

#uggggh #im not gonna lie and say 'will delete later!11!' #because i never do #vent #i am trying to get better #i havent eaten all day because at least the infrequent stomach cramps show that i am alive enough to feel pain #and guilt i guess because i feel like im failing therapy by not eating #how am i supposed to be a person? is it this hard for everyone else? #i am alive!!! i do not feel it tho. its hard to type i am worried i wont finish my fic by the deadline i set for myself #and i will fail again #how can i make anyone understan this feeling of being a sad ghost in a corpse thats not mine???? #these tags are my diary

[not--oki]

Best recovery tips? And Self-Care Mentality Tips!

TW ED RECOVERY CONTENT BELOW

Stop giving a shit what people think. Because unless your weight is giving you health concerns, the number isn't what influenced you to develop an ED. It was probably your desire to be treated better or viewed as more beautiful by conventional society.

Remember that the older generations are always dying, and our societal standard of skinny=better will probably die out for a while too. It's not really worth shortening your life for a beauty standard that isn't sustainable. Right now the "fit" body type is trending, and that will change too.

Never use food as a reward or punishment. It's nourishment for the meat sack we're stuck in. Listen for a hunger cue and pursue it.

Don't go crazy with food, again. You do not want to risk going from 4n4/m!a to BED or ortho. Lots of folks go from restricting to going all out with food, or perfectly measuring every portion and counting every calorie to be in a normal range. That's BED and orthorexia kids.

Love yourself if you can. But it's really fucking hard sometimes. BUT don't beat yourself up. When you start to think negative thoughts like "I'm ugly, I don't deserve to eat, I ate today so I need to starve later" just stop. Tell that negative voice to shut up. As soon as you notice that tell yourself something positive instead. Even if it's completely unrelated tell yourself your nails look great, you did good at work/school, anything.

Stay in your own lane. Hard to say because some of you want to take care of everyone. Stop wasting energy on other people when you need to turn some of that energy towards yourself. Focus on yourself and healthy progress.

If support will help you, get support. If you are surrounded by abusers or narcissistic people... I would advise to seek outside support (online recovery buddies are great, if someone relapses it can suck and trigger the other person tho) or if you think you can go alone, try that.

Genuinely stop caring about how someone might view your body, and don't obsess over other people's body. See a person that gives you skinny envy? Push that thought away. Look at their hair or smile or something else. If you're judging heavier people that is just rude, and even more toxic. People of all shapes and sizes are just trying to comfortably exist in their bodies without judgement. Once you stop caring about other people's bodies, it's easier to see that most normal people don't care about your body shape either.

If someone is negative towards your recovery progress, give them a no bullshit answer. "I'm eating because I'm trying to take care of myself." "I gained back weight I lost by eating like a normal person" "if you're unhealthily focusing on my body and what I eat maybe you need some help Barbara"

We all had low weights. There isn't really an optimal recovery weight, and recovery is not linear. You may mess up for a while and that's okay.

It might feel like a comfort blanket, but hide or get rid of your thinspo and and any pro contant on social media. Unfollow Eugenia, throw out the baby food unless you have a lil gremlin. Etc.

If you dont change your mindset, you'll never recover. Ever.

As you get older bodies change. Seems like common sense but once you hit your mid-late 20s, you start to see the changes. Don't freak out, don't relapse. Your body is trying its best to function and defy gravity on the daily. Your arms, chest, butt, whatever are not going to look the same at 18 vs 28.

I am currently 21 and kiiinda freaking out because my bods always been exactly the same, and I'm seeing teeny tiny changes I don't like. For the first time getting old seems scarier. But I have to breathe and remember the only person who really cares about that is me. My body is doing good at keeping me alive, and I'm trying to appreciate it more.

I am not in recovery at the moment but I have been before. I'm in a weird in between phase. If I trigger you, block me please.

#🦋 tips #ed recovery #ana recovery #mia recovery

[virtualtoybox]

okay nobody asked however tho i may be cringe i am also FREE so heres the story beats for dark lady au -

-padme survived, tho is handicapped from injuries sustained during her fight with anakin on mustafar. shes in a leadership position in the rebellion, but stays disguised as a handmaiden to the queen of alderaan as a way to protect here identity from the empire. 

-luke and leia are raised basically co-parented by the organas as well as padme and sabe. luke and padme are extremely close while her relationship with leia remains strained and distant... being a mother to her daughter was harder than was to be one to her son. she saw too much of herself in leia, and it scared her, and i think it scared leia too. a ferocity and need to change the world around her but too young to do anything about it. padme wishes she had done more about it. she tries so hard to make up for hte mistakes of her past, creating a better future for her children based on the foundation she failed to build before. 

- its around 12 years old that the children are found out by vader, and leia is singled out just by being on the wrong planet at the wrong time, just because she happened to by the first he found ina vulnerable enough position. he never planned to take leia; it didnt have to be her. 

- middle middle ive been drinking and smoking, ALL NIGHT, so suck it up you dont get the intensive leia sith training meta. maybe tomorrow. 

- ....okay just a lil. so she is fairly easy to manipulate tbqh considering shes so hunger for more and better and any sort of satisfaction that can ease the burning in her gut for just a second. palpatine offers her that in the form of force training- something her mother forbade. 

- so leia very definitely like. feels like being a sith can get her where she wants to be- where palpatine is. doing better than him. 

- a new hope is different in many ways but the one i will talk at length about is Leias assassination of emperor palpatine. vader is tasked with stopping the hotshot pilot trying to destroy the death star and comes back to give his master the bad news only to find a mangled body and his daughter wuth blood on her hands. she wont tell him what exactly happened- but that she does expect a new title. 

- emperor vader and his daughter; the dark lady arfenia (the devoted) are a very intense hand in unlovable hand fucked up power duo who feed off each other in the worst most unhealthy ways - she hates him so much, knows she needs him alive for now, shaking deep in her bones to finally kill him. he loves and would die for her easily, knows its not yet his time so he  is basically a puppet leader for his extremely disturbed daughter. 

-during this time, padme takes luke to ahsoka for force training- desperate for some form of defense against her ex husband ... against her own daughter.

- leia and han end up meeting when han is taken prisoner by vader to try and lure luke ala esb, though things go quite a bit differently to the point of Han being stuck in the cells on Leias ship. she honestly just curious as to who wouldve grabbed her brothers attention to such an extent that she visits han a bit more often than she should. they only know each other for a month. theyre only together once. its enough. 

-jaina and jacen are born 9 months later. theyre both so strong in the force, leia can already sense the power rolling off her children in waves. but one of them, the boy... hes sick. no matter what she does, she cant get him to stop crying a sickly pathetic wail- something that scared her so so bad. she could only think of one person who might be able to help- her brother, a jedi. a healer in the force. 

-she leaves jacen with luke- hiding him away just close enough for her brother to sense and safe enough to wait until he did. she knows the boy will be safe there- maybe even get to know his father. 

-ive type 1k more words than discord will allow me to send about an au no one could possibly care about besides myself and im not even to the main part of the au. might write more later but for now i thnk im gonna go put myself in niche star wars au jail (timeout in the corner)

[probably-haven]

Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD. 

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

-

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

-

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

-

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

#genshin impact #genshin venti #genshin impact headcanons #genshin theory #genshin headcanons #archon war era venti #genshin barbatos #genshin decarabian #nameless bard #genshin ragnvindir #genshin gunnhildr #genshin lore #genshin spoilers #spoilers #angst #venti angst #archon war #old mondstadt

[root-admins]

SINoALICE x NieR Replicant - Weapon Stories

A complete compilation of all weapon stories from SINoALICE’s NieR Replicant collab... well, the ones that has lore to do with NieR anyways.

Whatever grammar mistakes/translation errors belongs to Pokelabo, and you will tell there are some. Most are stories are pretty self-explanatory tho.

Grimoire Weiss

We fought for what seemed like ages. To kill those things that took a twisted human form. To protect those precious to me, with my own hands. We were deceived for so long. Deceived by people in a land we've never been, whose faces we've never seen Issuing orders from a safe distance. We must have been in love. And despite the fact I couldn't save you, but I never got to thank you for saving me. These fragments glimmering deep in my depths... they seem to be the vague memories of people... the faded remnants of human wisdom... H-hold on! I’ll have you know my name is not “Booky Wooky!” You may call me "Grimoire Weiss" I am a great compendium of ancient wisdom. Treat me with respect!

Grimoire Noir

My name is the Black Book. Are you the king who will lead the world to salvation? Don't be so surprised, Your Majesty. For me, it is a simple matter to speak human words. I sympathize with your distress, Your Majesty. On this occasion, however, we have no choice but to let them deal with your sister. When sorrow overtakes you, you may come to me and speak of your tribulations. Reading is an admirable pursuit. Your Majesty--for me?? I shall peruse this volume if it comes on your recommendation... What is that? You think it odd for a book to read a book? Noir? I would prefer to dispense with this nickname. My name, Your Majesty, is the Black Book. I am a grand tome of human wisdom... thus, to refer to me by such a curious moniker is, dare I say, inappropriate.

Kaine’s Sword

She was slender, with smooth, white skin. The hint of a dark shadow in her expression highlighted her beautiful features. But something about the sword in her hand didn't seem to fit the picture. Anger, sorrow, hatred. When emotions overwhelmed her, she would swing the sword, so there was never a lack of blood to quench its thirst. The problem was that she couldn't put the sword down. A heart and body in constant conflict. No one in the world could understand her. And loneliness was eating her alive. The long war came to an end, and darkness devoured her. But her heart remained at peace. Because she faced fate in the arms of the one she loved.

Halua Head

File_25_10: Update Soon twins will be arriving. There is nothing at all in the white-walled, prison-like room except for a white bed. If only there were something to do in there... File_25_12: Update I went to look in on them, and the girl was kindly encouraging her anxious younger brother. The two of them had heavy expectations to fulfill. The weight of all humanity's hope bore down upon them. File_26_06: Update The day of the experiment, the girl passed me a letter. To the very end, she wanted someone to watch over her brother. Once I agreed, she quickly ran away. Report: Human Weapon Development Things seem to be progressing as expected with Experimental Subject A (Sister), but her condition has changed drastically. In her present state, she seems to have no sense of self. I am urgently beginning work on Experimental Subject B (Brother).

Devola & Popola’s Staff

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Thanks for that soup recipe! My mom loved it!  －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ A note received from a child in the village. Does this mean they are developing a sense of self? －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Thanks to the medicine you gave me, I'm feeling a lot better, though I can't leave home yet. Just sending a note to say thanks. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ According to our records, humans wrote their feelings down on pieces of paper, and sent them to others. Where did they learn to do such a thing? －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, I like you a lot. Will you be my girlfriend? Waiting to hear back. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ I simply cannot understand the things they have written on these scraps of paper. I feel an unfamiliar feeling, my heart saying “no”… －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Sorry I couldn't tell you in person, but I'm coming home late tonight. Go ahead and sleep if you're tired. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Ah, Devola. No need to worry about me this way. Tee-hee.

Favorite Pot

Yonah, I learned a special recipe! When you eat it, all your injuries will be gone! Oh! I want everyone to feed it to those they care about!

The ingredients are deer meat, sea turtle eggs, fresh veggies and herbs from the garden, and lastly tons of scorpion claws! Next, fill a pot up with all your ingredients, place the top on, and let it simmer overnight! The white steam rising from it is just so mesmerizing. ...Oh! I think it's ready! Smell for a soft scent when you take the lid off. That means it's done! I can't wait to give it to grandpa.

Transience

"Rule 0: You have the right to disband a rule by vote." I am the king's aide and second-in-command. Until now, all rules have be absolute, however, a "Voting Rite" was held where citizens could vote to change rules. Now, let's see what sort of ballots were made...

"Rule 451: Consuming alcohol is forbidden during the daytime." And stated as the reason is: because I like drinking... Because it's anonymous, all these votes are based off selfish desires. We need to improve the system somehow that reflects public opinion.

"Rule 356: Royal inquiries are limited once per day." And stated as the reason is: because I long to be with the King more...? Could this Fyra's vote...? No. Of course not. She's not the type to be interested in love. Moving on...

"Rule 68: The King's aides are to forever serve at his side" Reason being: Thank you for all your hard work. You deserve a break once in awhile... Could this be from the King himself? I'm honored to have stood by your side all these years. And the citizens of this country are proud of your work. There's no doubt of it.

Note: After rigorous deliberation, "Rule 451: Consuming alcohol is forbidden during the daytime", the most voted for rule, was repealed.

Grimoire Weiss ver.1.224

My name is Grimoire Weiss. I am an ancient tome of profound wisdom. After awakening from my long slumber, I traveled the world with my most beloved friends. She was a woman lacking respect for her elders. She'd continuously talk down to me, calling me nothing but paper and even set me aflame. However... Her rash words were also the driving force that moved us all. He was a compassionate and gentle boy who loved his friends. His manor of dress was odd, but his kind words warmed everyone's hearts. This I know to be true. I wonder if he, too had felt any relief from his sins. He was a cheeky guy, but not one you could just leave behind. We've been through a number of rough times together. I'd tell ya about it, but... I'm running out of time. If... If only I had an arm... Then I could have...hugged...him...

Grimoire Rubrum

It's the silk of fate. Knowing you, I shall begin living a life of truth. It's the forbidden fruit. Protecting you, I shall sink into wisdom's abyss. Those are the flames of anxiety. Thinking of you, I shall endure eternity's darkness. That is a reunion of bitter tears. Who are they? Why is it not me who's besides you?

Kaine’s Dual Blades ver.1.224

I craved it. Blind violence and blood-thirsty carnage. And I found it. I finally found it. A vessel stained with anger and hatred, seeking vengeance for the murder of her parents. I possessed that woman and gave her "power." That power turned the woman into a beast. One swing of her blade was enough to cut through stone and her grazes healed in an instant. She began downing every foe before her in the name of vengeance. I was delighted to witness the fruition of my desires. The woman's destruction didn't end there. After having her revenge, she continued to exert her "power" for the sake of her friends. Along her journey, her anger and hatred showed signs of waning, however, I gave it no thought. All I desired was to continue bathing in her bloodshed. Because her body has reached its limit, her power has lost control. Still, in the midst of the clashing of blades, I could feel her desire to protect her friends. Yes, this is the violence and carnage I crave. But why is it deplorable and empty?

Devola & Popola’s Spear

Upon hearing an old lady from the village caught a cold, I immediately collected my medicinal herbs with some boiled water, and rushed out from the library. I nursed her and remained by her side until her symptoms calmed down. She was extremely grateful for it.

I read a picture book to a group of children from the village. It was of an old tale about a brave, courageous man who triumphs over evil. I watched their expressions alternated between joy to sorrow to the story's pacing. I'm glad they enjoyed it.

Devola and I performed a song for the people at the village tavern. In addition to the regulars who drank there, elders and children were part of the audience. At the end of our song, the entire crowd smiled and cheered.

Every day Devola and I have been staying late at the library thinking of a plan to make life easier for the villagers. They're indispensable "vessels" for the project, so we need to do what we can for them.

Letter to the Postman

I was in a dimly lit cabin when I met a kind man. He taught me how to write a letter. What should I write on a blank piece of paper...? ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Apparently, a letter should start off with the name of the person you want to give it to. Of course, I'd want it to be his. I hope he'll be able to read my sloppy handwriting... ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

At the end of the letter should be the name of the person who wrote it. Of course, that would be the name he gave me. Is it odd my chest feels warm writing it...? ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Luiz ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

And in-between these two names, I'm supposed to write how I feel. And tell him what I want the most. I wonder if he'll be happy to receive this...?

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans, Thank you　Thank you　Thank you Thank you　Thank you　Thank you　Thank you 　Thank you　Thank you. Luiz ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

#nier #nier replicant #sinoalice

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

#amandathoughts #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acofas #a court of frost and starlight #sarah j maas #freye #rhysand #nesta archeron #tamlin #lucien #cassian #late night thoughts #acotar rant #nesta stan #updated with memes #just to break up the novel i wrote #feyre #feyre archeron #high lady feyre #amandabookthoughts

[starfallen-sloth]

Here's some of the ideas I didn't use for my Reverse Au! I had a lot, which made it hard for me to choose lmao. These are for my fics from @alleycat-arcade . I recommend reading it first if you're interested! This is kinda longer than I thought it would be lol.

A more Reverse version in which its just Belphie and Mc in the HoL. Mc just goes "yoink" when summoned and drags him back to the Devildom with them and they bond like how his brothers usually do in the actual story. When it would get to around the Chap 16 point in the plot, somehow his brothers would make it to the Devildom(maybe Mc finds a spell book or somethin and brings them to cheer up their human) and do a sort of group kill on Mc. Fake out death ensues and then the other brothers bond and stuff with Mc. Plot progresses as normal.

Mc just stays with the brothers after they summoned them and is like, "I'm your problem now". They just have a fuckin demon sleeping on their couch at all times or stealin their stuff and hoarding it in the basement. Like a forced roommates type beat.

Alt version of the last one where they keep them on purpose and Mc is like "okay :)"

Mc peaces out and becomes a foreign exchange student at the brothers' college. "This is gonna sound weird, but you look just like this demon my roommates and I summoned a few months ago." "Yeah, thats because I am. Now what is the answer for question 5."

A collection of different sin combos. Since Solomon and Mc are demons/the avatars of sin in this plotline, I wanted to combine the sins in a way that flowed with their characters. The offical ones are Mc with Wrath, Sloth, Envy, and Greed; while Sol is Pride, Lust, and Gluttony. I made multiple different combos for each of them, but I finally settled on these ones. I didn't feel like making a bunch of Oc's for their siblings and just giving them one sin would work well for the story. I was also torn on potentionally making Simeon included in the Avatars, but somewhere along the line it got scrapped.

Version where Mc is the sole avatar of sin and Solomon is their angel best friend who helps them deal with their sins. I scrapped this idea because I went, "what would I do with Dia and Barb tho" about 40 times.

Multiple sets of headcannons in which Mc is the avatar of a singular sin, and their relationships with the brothers.

Seperate AU entirely, where the exchange program takes place in the Celestial Realm and the brothers never fell. Scrapped because I desire angst, and I don't feel I could write it well with this. (Also where would Tantan come from and would Lilith still be alive)

Bonus reverse au, in which I shove all of the roles in the fuckin plot of the story into a randomizer. Probably would be funny as hell. Ruler of Hell Asmo with his faithful butler Solomon? Or Avatar of Envy Simeon and Avatar of Gluttony Barb? Bastard and old wizard Mc? Very funny and many combos could come from this. Havent done anything more with this cause I was high as shit when I thought of it.

I wouldn't be against expanding on any of these ideas if y'all would like to see it. If any of these interest you, my requests are open at @alleycat-arcade . Thank you for reading!

#tempo talks #fic thoughts #obey me headcanons #obey me fic #long post #tw long post

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

'Family support's just so wholesome, i can't! Your writing's great 💙 i have a request (tho it's more than fine if you're not taking them/ don't feel like doing this one): bau!reader losing a loved one, not telling anyone and throwing themselves into work but masking it up pretty well so no one notices how broken they are until after a though case reader falls asleep on the jet and has a nightmare, reid puts 2 & 2 together and comforts them.. idk just feeling a bit moody today, hope u r fine 😊

Hold you in my arms

A/N: hey! I'm glad you enjoyed family support! Im glad you also enjoy my writing thank you so much! im sorry I took forever to write this one up! Hopefully its what you wanted. I did kinda rush the case so we could have Spencer and reader content, so sorry if it is rushed and bad. hope you enjoy this one!

TW: family member going through cancer.

things to know: the italics in the beginning are going through the death of the brother, and near the end is the dream. regular font is what happened or is happening how ever you want to put it.

You were a really private person, for the most part, but with your team, they knew mostly everything about you. Which knowing them for years was okay with you. As long as they didn’t know any more details you were fine with that. Your family meant everything to you and you wanted them safe. You never wanted to be the reason they were tortured or even killed.

However some things that caused death weren't your fault completely. Your brother was getting near to death. He’s been fighting leukemia since he was 15 and recently it's been getting worse. You stayed with him the days you didn’t work or didn’t get called in. Lucky the last few days you had with him you only had paperwork to finish.

The team noticed how fast you would complete them and how detailed and well written they were so they thought nothing of it. Spencer though he noticed despair and worry, but he didn’t say anything since you two were only friends and if you had something to tell him you would reach out.

“Is she okay?” Prentiss asked as the team shrugged. “Yeah Spence is she alright seems like something is up?” Rossi said as Spencer shrugged not knowing what was wrong with his best friend and “secret” crush. “She hasn’t said anything or talked to me, she’ll probably talk when she’s ready” he said as that left the team with that and spending their own free time the way they do.

You would walk into the hospital with two thoughts in your mind. “He’s alright he’s okay, he’s fighting” or “it’s too late you work too much and now he’s gone” and when you would enter the room relief was hit and you saw him eating or watching tv.  

You two would talk and spend time with one another, but he would beg you to go back to work and not worry. “Matt, no I'm staying until they call alright? You said as he held your hand. “Please go back to work I’m fine, I know you’ll make it in time once my monitor goes crazy” he said as you glared at him. “Don’t say that, I’m staying.” You said as he gave you the look your mother gave you. “Ugh fine I’ll go, but you need to call me if anything happens.

Like that you would go back to work and finish even more paperwork. Like nothing was wrong. You were sad inside but you didn’t show. You were strong, well you had to be, your brother was told he was gonna live for 2 months and he just passed his 1 month, this scared you. You couldn’t lose him now. He was your other half considering how young he was. Why do good people die young and terribly?

When that day came, you were called by your mom. You were home so you quickly left your home not even worrying if you left something on, your main focus was your brother. Seeing him alive when you go there.

Once you got to the hospital you arrived and saw them resuscitate him. They gave you a look that said, he wasn’t gonna make it and you needed to say goodbye. Your parents were sitting in chairs while you held your brother in your arms like the first time you met him. He was just your little baby brother and you knew he was gonna do great things.

Memories of you and him passed through your brain like one of those movies. The good and the bad. As the monitor went flat he was gone, your baby brother was gone. Tears just flushed through your eyes not caring if some got onto him. All you could do was hug him and let him rest the way he wanted to. In your arms.

“It’s okay, it’s time for you to rest.” You said as you kissed his head and held on for a while longer.

That was the last time you saw him. You currently got back from the funeral, and you changed so the team didn’t notice anything. As you walked over to your desk you got a new picture frame out with a picture of you and your brother when you were 10 and he was about 3. You smiled at the way your brother smiled.

“Y/n” someone said. “Y/n? You alright?” Spencer said as you looked at him. “Yeah Spence sorry I was just thinking. What’s up?” You asked as he smiled. “Well we have a case, so let’s go?” He said as you smiled back and headed to the conference room.

The case introduced was about an unsub killing young 20 year old males. Most of them were either in college or working for their families. They were good people but they were just killed for no reason. Which made you think of Matt. What if….no stop it.

As you debriefed the case you were headed to New Orleans. As you got your go bag you were met by spencer who was waiting for you per usual, spencer noticed something stopped you. “y/n? You okay?” he asked as he startled you and you blinked many times not knowing he was there. “Yeah im okay, uh just thinking.” you said as he hummed. “Alright..oh is that a new picture?” he asked as he grabbed the new frame with your picture. “Actually it's an old one, i just thought i could have another picture you know.” you said as he nodded. “Yeah, i do, is this your brother?” he asked as you nodded. “Yeah i was 10 and he was about 3 years old in that photo, it was the first day of school for the both of us, he was going to preschool and i was going into the fourth grade” you said as he noticed your sincere smile. “Is he doing okay?” he asked as your heart stopped, but you knew you had to lie, you didn't want to bother him. “He's fine, going into his fourth year of college,” you said as he nodded, but he read through your lie, you thought your heart stopped internally, but your whole body shifted and he knew something happened. you then were interrupted by a hotch. “Guys we should get going, seems like they need us earlier than i thought.” he said as you nodded heading over to the jet.

As you read through the file you were still thinking about Matt, you knew he wanted you to work instead of grieving for him, and you were gonna do that until it was gonna finally break you. You just kept thinking about getting privacy to let the tears to come out.

As you landed, you had to talk to the family of the recent victim. As you got there you saw them break down, not only did you lose someone, they did too. As if your instincts were nagging at you, you walked in to talk to the family, understanding completely what they were going through.

After talking to the parents, they told you Jerry was sick. He had been going through some type of chemotherapy and he didn't go to his last one days before getting kidnapped. That was weird, maybe the unsub knew who they were. But you didn't really know how to back that up with so you called garcia.

“Hello my beautiful princess, how may i serve you today?” she asked as you smiled. “God pen, never change,” you said as she hummed. “Not in any world my love.” she said as you looked down at your file. “Hey can you see if any of our victims was going through some type of therapy, like chemo?” you asked as she typed away and you waited.

Maybe this was some type of coincidence, like god was giving you a chance to save someone, after losing someone.

“Woah, uhh, our first victim, David, had thyroid cancer, and our other two victim, had leukemia. How does this connect?” she asked as you sighed. “Our latest victim had some type of cancer and was going through, chemotherapy.” you said as she sighed. “God why would someone kill someone who is going through a hard time?” she said as you sighed as well. “I don't know love, that's what I'm gonna figure out.” you said as she hung up leaving you to tell the team. You walked over to where everyone was standing and they seemed to pay attention before you began to talk.

“So all of our victims went through some type of sickness that involved them to get chemotherapy, what if our unsub is going through that and by killing them they are taking their place by getting some chemotherapy.” you said as they all shuffled looking through.

“That could explain why they didn't have certain belongings with them. And could explain why some didn't have their id.” Morgan said as you nodded. “Alright well call garcia to widen her search, good job y/n” hotch said as you nodded. “And this person might be working near any of the hospitals, our victims went to.” you said as they all nodded and you were getting ready to deliver the profile.

While this happened you got a call from your mother. You quickly picked it up leaving the room. “I'm sorry I have to take this.” you said as hotch nodded and you went into a hallway.

“Hey mom? Everything okay?” you asked as she hummed  “i am, its just i really hate to bother you, but i can afford the funeral i only paid half of it... And i don't wanna ask you for money-” she said, stumbling over her words as you cut her off. “Mom hey, dont worry about that, let me give you my credit card information all right? Tell them to send me the bill to my apartment. You don't have to worry about it alright?” you said as she sighed and sobbed. “Okay, im sorry...its just i saved up money for college but it wasn't enough and i know you do-” she said as you cut her off again. “Mom don't worry about it. I had some money saved up for him too in case he needed something. It's fine mom.” you said as you kept reassuring her. You then met the team again as they had a lead.

“Hey sorry it was my mom.” you said as they found a guy who lost his family because his wife had left him for his best friend, he was then told he had lung cancer and didn't have insurance or enough money to pay for his treatment. He was recently seen at the same hospital all the victims were at, and that meant he was getting ready for his next victim. He also worked as a janitor at the hospitals, which explained how he got the information from them.

You and Reid were sent to his house as the rest of the team was sent to the hospital. As you got there you noticed the lights were on. “You check the front while i check the back.” he said as you nodded. You had a police officer behind you as you cleared the house. Everything seemed clear, but the odd things was why were the lights on. He probably left in a rush.

You both checked everything as found and he had schedules of the patients. He also worked in many hospitals which explained how he met the other two victims. Reid called hotch and gave him the address to the hospital next on the list. It was most likely he was just living here because you didn't find any bodies in the house, but you still searched outside his house.

You were walking around the back as you noticed humps in the ground...oh no. “reid! I think i've got bodies” you said as reid came along with a dog and they were sniffing and barking. “Yeah he definitely killed them here. Morgan and prentiss just found a shack a couple miles away from here and all their clothes and stuff are. Where is he though?” he said as you nodded.

You ended up finding him in the hospital reid found next on the list. They ended up getting the guy and taking him to the station. He was in the interrogation room and hotch let you take him. Reid was with you and you just stared at the unsub.

“You ready?” he asked as you nodded. He walked over to the door entering the room as the unsub looked at both of you as you sat down. “So uh mark? Right?” reid said as the unsub nodded. “Yeah, can you tell me why I'm here?” he said as you looked at Reid and he let you take the lead. “Well mark, your property is filled with missing people who were filled missing, you know, because their family cares about them. Why did you kill them?” you asked as he scoffed. “Please my family cares about me.” he said as you glared at him.

“Really mark, they do? Then why aren't they here? We know your wife left you for your best friend and he matched all the victims appearances. You killed innocent boys who were just starting their life. You're just mad that their lives were settled and not yours.” you said as the unsub felt uncomfortable that you knew all that.

“Mark, we know you killed them because you were eventually gonna kill your own friend.” reid said as he just shook his head as if he was going crazy.

You two were just throwing the truth at him as he exploded.

“I had to do it! They were gonna ruin someone else’s life too! I couldn't let them go through that.” he said as you too got your confession, not that you needed it.

“Look mark, we didn't need this but we got what we need and i hope you get what you deserve.” you said as he yelled, “you don't even know what they felt. Why do you care so much!” he said as you stopped in your tracks and turned around. “You know what i do, i know what it's like to lose someone, they were already suffering so much, and you ruined it more for them. They had more time, but you didn't care. If you really care, family is important, and losing one is even worse, especially from sickness. Knowing that i couldn't do anything hurts. You're the one who doesn't know. You only know what it felt like to kill them knowing you were gonna live and they were gonna die.” you said leaving as reid and everyone behind that mirror just heard what you said.

As you got back on the jet, you were so tired you fell asleep right away. You were just so tired you didn't know what to do.

You were running through the unsubs home and noticed a body that looked familiar. It was matt. You quickly ran over to him and saw his face. He was already dead. You then were tied up seeing the unsub shoot him over and over. “NO! Matt, no! You had more time! Why!” you said.

“You had more time….why did you kill him…” you mumbled as you were moving around a lot and crying. Reid noticed and he quickly put his book down as he shook you up. “y/n...hey it's just a dream...y/n'' he said as you woke up with tears falling out of your eyes. “Im sorry, sorry.” you said as you wiped your own tears away. You sat there in complete silence. You were comfortable so it wasn't awkward.

You then saw the way Reid looked at you, which was the look that told you he knew what was wrong. You sighed in defeat as you asked him. “How do you know?” you asked as he half smiled. “Well today when you mentioned Matt, your mood changed, and I knew something was wrong, and you also wanted to comfort the victims family. You seemed like you knew what they were going through. And when you told us about the victims being sick, you seemed really sad for them more than a regular person would be and when you talked about losing family, I knew something was up.” he said as you nodded. “So you profiled me huh?” you said as he nodded and gave you a sincere smile

He was waiting, but he spoke first. “y/n i'm here for you, just know that, even if you feel alone i'm here for you always.” he said as you nodded.

He was about to get up as you spoke. “Matt died...two days ago...and the funeral was today, and i'm not okay.” you said as your tears fell out. Spencer held you as he wiped your tears away. “I'm so sorry, y/n.” he said as you shook your head. “spence its fine.” you said as he nodded, but he knew it wasn't fine. “Its just...when he died, i held him in my hands. I was there when it happened.” you said as he felt very sorry that you had to go through that.

“Im so sorry. Here come here.” he said as he opened his arms so he could hold you. You were thankful for Spencer, he was always there for you and you were glad he was there for you for this. It made being able to grieve much easier.

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