#i am also a massive chicken shit

[snowflop]

The last episode of Technoroid Overmind was so... The world building and plot is so full of holes and I am fighting for my life to fill them. it's so so fun I loved every second of it.

#I love when things are bad i am going to be spinning this finale in my head like a rotisserie chicken for like a week #nooo don't imply the world government was involved in the terrorism 5 minutes from the end of the episode thats so silly of you aha~ #noooo don't leave massive gaps in your world building that i can only fill with the most horrible shit imaginable tehe~ #Kite did not beat the allegations lmao. common Kite L. #Also! The plot of the mobile game isn't consecutive with the plot of the anime? #I thought overmind was a prequel to the games plot and uhh... if it is something fucking insane happens during the timeskip #Kite like dies or something because he and Night and Light are all androids instead of humans #and Bora is a different person. like good for him honestly game Bora? very sexy #his dislikes are humans and the police which is so so so funny for a police android #normally i'd put this on my anime liveblogging sideblog but i really really liked the show so here is a public endorsement. #give it a watch if you want a goofy idol anime with the most troubling worldbuilding implications you've ever seen in your life :) #snow blogging

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

trouble, m | jjk

... aka, jeon jungkook’s dick is so good and your pussy is so heavenly that faith in humanity is restored.

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; a hookup turned awkward meeting at a goddamn McDonalds of all places; smut (fem reader, hair pulling, heavy making out, m-receiving oral, doggy, penetrative sex, fingering, m-masturbation); non-idol!BTS – ft best friend!Park Jimin being a wingman little shit classic

--

“Oh, I’m in trouble.”

Panic coursed throughout his veins.

“I can’t be here.”

And maybe a little bit of arousal too.

“Jungkook, this is a public place,” Park Jimin corrected him. “Anybody can be at McDonald’s.”

He almost got up from his seat, except he was boxed in a corner of a crowded fast-food restaurant and Jimin shoved the tray full of food right in front of his face. The other side of the table held various shopping bags full of things that Jimin thought his mother would like for the upcoming new year. Why did Jeon Jungkook have to be here? Well, he was the one guy from Busan who happened to be Jimin’s close friend and Jimin’s mother’s favorite friend of her son’s. Therefore, Jungkook obviously had to select something for Jimin to buy just so Jimin could say, Jungkook thought you would look nice in this cream sweater, thus gaining maximum best son points.

Yeah, Jungkook didn’t really get it either, but he was told that he was getting free food out of it.

Didn’t think it was going to be McDonald’s, though.

Also didn’t think that his fuck from last night was going to serendipitously appear, standing in line looking drop-dead gorgeous as she pushed the fur-lined hood of her coat back. Her lush hair spilled out in soft waves over the shoulders of that the black suede long-line stunner, far too much luxury for the city mall. And then there was her face. What god thought it would be funny to allow someone to look that effortlessly pretty bare-faced? Who put such sexy eyes on such a cute face? One glance and one would think, how cute with those dimples and pillowy lips, and then do a double take when the shape of those foxy eyes sunk in, holy shit, fuck me right now. Or, at least Jungkook had thought that. Still thought it, looking at her again in the daylight. Tight white top, heather gray sweatpants that didn’t match the lavishness of the jacket, and easy black-and-white sneakers, clearly everything thrown together to grab some food quickly while being a goddamn snack herself.

Jimin was carefully positioning Jungkook’s meal in front of him – fries, massive sandwich with both a beef patty and fried chicken patty, tall Coca-Cola and all, chatting away, and all Jungkook could do was gawk like an idiot.

Like he said, he was in trouble.

Tomorrow.

The ghost of her hand slid up his chest, caressing his skin while her voice curled by his ear, soft lips kissing down his neck.

I hope your friends ask about me.

The image entering his mind, the way she smiled above him, her skin alight from his mood lamp with specks of red light playfully dancing over her jaw, her fingertips tracing his muscle making his heart race, her soft thighs against his, smooth and sleek and making him insane.

The devil was in the details.

“Hello? Did you space out again?”

Jungkook jumped, startled that Jimin was glaring at him. “What?”

Those small hands stiffly pointed to the food spread before them. “Eat? Come on, it’s busy and we don’t want to take up too much time.”

“R… Right.”

He had about two seconds to take a bite out of his sandwich before Jimin casually asked in between bites of curly fries, “Oh yeah, you ran off last night with that sexy lady. How did that go?”

Jungkook choked.

-

That’s all I am, sex and shallow feelings, tch, what an idiot, acting like it was ever anything else, I don’t need anyone and I won’t need anyone, go ahead and act all high and mighty in front of your friends during the day, we all know you’ll be begging to crawl in my bed at night.

Mind a billion thoughts a minute.

You tilted your head and found yourself not that hungry. Still, some fries and a drink sounded good, so you picked that. Reached into the fur by your chest and pulled out your cardholder, tapping it to pay as you continued scowling in your head, trying not to let it show in the form of resting-bitch-face.

Ten minutes before this moment had been an annoying confrontation. You considered if you could have handled it better.

Or more savagely.

You should have pulled up all those messages you had left on read.

Sigh, but, no, you hadn’t thought of it. Ultimately, it wasn’t worth your time. It would have been a childish move. Why was that anyway? Why was it that you needed to be the “bigger person” and not be petty when some guy got all up in your face about you not wanting a relationship as his supposed friends crowded around in a circle around you two, clearly silently intimidating you? In public! Fuckin’ bum-rushed you on the street as if the showy dramatics would illicit shame or obedience. Yeah, because you were a woman who would just kill to be in a relationship, right? You scoffed internally. ‘Cause it was just so important to be in a relationship, more than, oh, I don’t know, actively not being in one that was definitely, absolutely gonna make you miserable?

Also, he hadn’t even been that good in bed.

“At least I am sex. You couldn’t even be that for a slut with as low standards as me,” was your frigid reply before walking away.

You couldn’t understand it. What was so great about relationships anyway? People only got into them for easy sex. A lotta work for a shitty time. You could get laid without the emotional baggage of another, thank you.

Although, sex probably wasn’t easy for people who acted like little bitches.

Hah.

You thanked the employee and accepted your food, wandering over to the drinks fountain with your paper cup. A basic day of running errands on your off-day now ruined by this bullshit. Nothing a little McDonald’s couldn’t fix though. Something about the nostalgia of hot, simple, cheap fast food made it more delicious. You probably should have gotten a sandwich or something, but you didn’t want to be too full and not want to do your errands after. Fried potatoes it was.

Hey, people called you sex, not the epitome of health.

You notched your finger on the tab and watched the honey-sweetened black ice tea pour out of the nozzle, which was the exact moment your intrusive thoughts popped up.

You avoid making deep relationships so that no one will notice when you die.

Thanks, brain.

Funnily enough, no one had ever said this to you. You would think someone would have noticed by now but, no, this was a revelation you made yourself once you were old enough to understand yourself better, and it came randomly while showering. Hmph. Goddamn showers. You slipped past a lovey-dovey couple to sit by the window counter, plopping down on one of the stools to munch on your fries for a bit. Alone. Some people wanted a lot of people to surround them. A sense of community and togetherness. Some people wanted a chosen few, valuing the quality over quantity. And some people were like you, loners who accepted who you were and that was NSFS – not safe for society – patiently waiting for the one that really understood you.

Or maybe there wasn’t anyone like you and you were just delusional about that.

Anyway, didn’t really matter. This kind of thing simply ended with thinking in circles. Sure, you could dwell on the whole question of existence, the why, but you had determined the more important was the who, the self within, and that wasn’t driven by the why. The who was driven by instinct.

If your instinct was to eat, fuck, sleep, repeat, then so be it.

Oh, and occasional responsibilities, like getting your tires rotated. Hence why you even outside today in the first place.

Hah, what a bother.

You munched on your crispy, hot fries and didn’t bother anyone. You learned not to expect too much out of people. They talked a lotta talk and didn’t walk much walk. I want this, this, and this, you heard a whole lot and nobody did it. A speech was all well and good, just not nearly as half as interesting as doing. And if you didn’t want to do it, you didn’t waste time beating yourself up over it. If that resulted in you only hooking up and avoiding relationships that you didn’t feel like committing to, then at least you weren’t disingenuous or fake.

Yup.

Looking out the window, you watched the people rush past with their shopping bags, linking arms with each other to avoid slipping on the sidewalk. Snow flurries falling down, down. The glass was clean enough that you could see inside the restaurant too. Tables with families and friends sharing simple, cheap fast food and turning it into a collective memory. Laughter and conversation echoed around your silence.

The looking glass showed you two ways.

You didn’t mind it, but it was evident you weren’t part of it too.

Hmmmm.

Your gaze stopped at a pair of guys. One of them was wearing a big black bucket hat. You noticed him because large brown eyes were actively staring back at you. Ogling, even.

What the–

You turned slightly and sat up straight with alarm as Jeon Jungkook stiffened and shifted, scooting closer to the person next to him, sneaking a not-so-subtle glance at you. You continued to look back in stunned confusion.

At goddamn McDonald’s?

Is no place sacred?

It was only less than twenty-four hours ago, but last night felt like another world.

-

Your fingers framing your face.

You licked your lips. Staring into his eyes, everything dark except for the mood lamp he left on. Cycling lights slowly drifted on the ceiling in a colorful haze. It was easy to remember all the shit people liked to say about you when you were alone, she’s so pretty but I hear she’s only into casual sex, what a shame, but you found solace in knowing that they had one fact wrong, because casual sex was for casuals and that was the wrong adjective to describe what you did.

Definitely the incorrect one to describe what transpired between you and Jeon Jungkook last night.

Your hand slipped from your cheek, and you touched his skin, bringing his face close to yours, keeping the whispers only in the air that you shared with those trembling lips.

“You’ve got cute eyes, but I bet you can be sexy when you want to.”

What was wrong with this? What was wrong with your comfort zone being someone else’s hands on your waist, pulling you closer? What was wrong with accepting the surge of power you felt licking the side of his mouth, adding slippery friction to the harshness of the metal rings pierced there, drinking in his moan as you teased him? It was just so annoying caring about all that noise trying to get to you, telling you to tone it down, telling you to stop, and, for what, don’t you have shame, that’s not how women should act, no. What they really meant was that was not how they would act. The consensus was to strive to be the respectable audience, always strive to fit in and be the quiet ones.

You envied their desire for silence.

Because you had to be loud.

You tangled your fingers in his long black hair and pulled his head back, running your tongue over his neck, tasting that skin and the anticipation vibrating in those muscles underneath. Admired the shivers under your body as you rolled into him, nice and slow and agonizing, whispering dirty things to him, things you wanted and none of it safe for work, finally bringing his head back down to nip at those gasping lips, intending on turning them pink and prickling with want, kissing him softly in contrast to the way you tugged at his hair every time he tried to intensify it.

“P-Please…”

His hands on your bare ass, hiking your dress up, digging his fingernails in, trying to keep his breathing even as desperation bled into it.

“You said to show you what I like,” you murmured. “I like teasing you.”

You pressed your body to his so your perfume would cling to his clothes, his bedsheets, his skin.

-

This was going to sound dramatic, but Jungkook was pretty sure last night she saved his life.

Actually.

That sounded very dramatic.

And kind of pathetic, so Jungkook kept that thought to himself, but nevertheless he kept that secret close to his chest, next to his racing heart that couldn’t seem to slow down, especially when her nails raked down his back while her tongue snaked around his, sucking on it lightly compared to the force behind her hands, the contrast between kiss and touch causing unbearable levels of arousal. He hadn’t expected a casual conversation to turn into this. He liked to think he was maybe charming, perhaps suave in some cases, occasionally daring, but he didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Casual sex could only stay casual if both people got the memo.

And Jungkook knew he didn’t want to get in too deep unless he was sure and the truth was that he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to want someone that much. It was fucking terrifying to be that vulnerable. How could he ever be “sure”? If he failed at his own goals, the only one he was letting down was himself. If his plans didn’t go as planned, well, that sucked but it was okay because it was only himself and he could do something about it. But getting his heart broken by someone else – ugh, what could he do about that? Worse, everything became so complicated when people didn’t say what they meant and didn’t mean what they say. It would be nice to experience the good stuff without the chance of getting his heart broken.

Cut out all that risky business.

It was a bit strange that this situation hadn’t felt like a risk. Of course it was, how was it not risky bringing a woman you barely knew to your apartment with the intent to make out and who knows what else, but, hey, the moment had felt right.

Or maybe it was the gods playing tricks on him.

But, anyway, her tongue wrapping around his balls felt amazing.

She pressed her soft lips to the sensitive skin and sent shivers through his legs as her fingernails dragged down his tense thighs. He hoped they left marks, or at least lingered for a few hours. Looking down, and those sly eyes were gazing back, like they knew exactly the effect they had on him. Sparkling when her name escaped his lips in a pleading whisper, glinting in the low light as her head tipped back and her tongue curled underneath his balls to lick that thin skin behind him, making him gasp and almost fall over, his palm smacking into the wall to hold him up. A jolt of radiating pain shot up his forearm, and then her hot, wet mouth surrounded him and swallowed his cock as deep as it would go.

He wanted to say he had made a sexy moan, but he was ninety-nine percent sure his neighbors were awake, so instead Jungkook whimpered and rested the crown of his head against the wall, feeling his hair stick to his face. Apparently, his embarrassing vocalizations didn’t matter though, because her head started slowly moving back and forth. Her eyes closed, humming steadily in satisfaction. His breath caught in his throat, forgetting all about the pain and instead drowning in the pleasure that rose like scalding steam. Ecstasy shimmered through every blood vessel in his body. Soft lips, swirling tongue, tight throat that closed in around the swollen head and pulsed, pulling him in deeper, and Jungkook could feel it, his cock twitching and getting harder, the insistent softness on the cusp of not enough, and yet so much was happening. Flexing wet muscle under the head every time she backed up, trapped in that warm sleeve, her cheeks sucking inward and drawing him deeper every time her lips pressed into his crotch, her graceful fingers fanning over his thighs and ass, stroking his tingling skin in time with her tongue.

Holy fuck.

Maybe it was dramatic that last night she saved his life by blowing his dick with such incredible skill, but Jungkook was sticking to this drama.

Wasn’t casual sex supposed to be wham, bam, thank you, next. Not, holy shit, my cock is so fucking deep in her throat I can feel her neck muscles flexing, but perhaps he had done some good deeds or this year was going to be extra prosperous in the sex front (it wasn’t a question that came up much among those elderly fortune tellers his mom visited, how odd). It had to be something like that, because how was he supposed to know the friend of a friend was going to be, one, hot, and, two, down to fuck, and, three, actually good at it?

And, four.

Readily manhandle him. But not in a threatening way. In an unafraid-to-say-and-get-what-she-wanted way. The direct, forward assertiveness was sexy as hell, but Jungkook wasn’t going to tell other people that he liked it when a woman took charge. That wasn’t exactly small talk. It didn’t come up naturally. He didn’t even tell the women he had previously slept with. It hadn’t felt like the right atmosphere. And, well, the sex was just okay. He figured he had to be careful in what he said when he wasn’t sure if they were going to be long term.

He had to cover his ass.

Speaking of.

Her fingernails sank into his ass and dragged down harshly as she tilted her head back. His throbbing cock slid down along the back of her throat, sending uncontrollable tremors up his chest and down his legs, pain and pleasure and perfection.

Jungkook slapped a hand over his mouth and let out a muffled half-scream.

She started focusing exclusively on the head, back and forth, running her tongue over it with her plush lips constricting the base, holy shit, and his eyes rolled back in his head, his hand falling, exhale thin and thinning out even more as he was reaching the end. It was too unexpectedly good, fuck, it made the muscles in his back tremble and his blood boil, o-oh, fuck, made his heart race and his calves strain with tension, I’m gonna c-cum, made his scalp tingle and his mind go blank with pleasure and he never thought an orgasm could be this intense unless he was the one getting himself off, but he was wrong, he was so fucking wrong, because he could feel the tightening in his core spiraling a bit too much and he was going to lose his fucking mind.

He gasped and screamed under his breath.

The high hit him like the sudden violent snap of elastic, so sharp that he was winded and able to feel the muscles of upper thighs spasm, shooting a rather impressive amount down her throat, almost regretful he didn’t pull out so that he could see how much it was, but none of that mattered, ensnared in wave after punishing wave of indecent, gratified lust flinching through his shaking, hard muscles as he felt his cum fill her mouth.

She swallowed.

Jungkook almost punched the wall, the oversensitivity almost painful, his hoarse voice on the verge of cracking.

“C… Careful…. P-Please…”

Those eyes flickering up, and she seemed to understand. Gently, pulling back just a little. He almost buckled at the sensation of the sucking lessening, such a good feeling but overwhelming in the afterglow, and then it was cloud-nine bliss, achingly perfect in the way she carefully slid his cock along her tongue, his twitching length gliding in the puddle of saliva and cum, repeatedly, soaring high like the moon, the thick viscosity creating a slick friction that was wicked heaven.

He wanted to say, oh, yeah, I lasted a long time after that.

He did not.

I’m in trouble.

He realized that the second she got on her knees on his bed, raised her ass, and turned her head back to smirk at him. Made direct eye contact as he tried to hide his gulp and put on the condom, keeping his hands low so she didn’t see them quiver. He was staring a bit too much, but she simply reached over and took his right hand, caressing his tattoos, and then he gasped as his fingers touched slippery wetness, looking down, and was he allowed to fall in love with a beautiful pussy at first glance or not allowed? Fuck, she even had a cute asshole. Was that too dirty to think or what?

Jungkook didn’t contemplate it too much as she slid his fingers into her, the soft, firm walls wrapping around him.

“Ready?” she hummed.

“Y- Yeah…”

In hindsight, he could have said much sexier things other than, yeah, but that was the least of his problems. Getting on his knees, sinking in, and he nearly blacked out with how good it felt. A steady controlled pulse surrounding him. Somehow, his cock became even harder, his fingers splaying out over the juicy curve of her ass, deeper, so tight, and it was all her, that cute face smiling back at him with the tip of her tongue tracing her upper lip. Naughty smirk widening, captivating foxy eyes filled with mirth shining in the darkness of his bedroom.

Jungkook didn’t even care.

He was just trying not to bust a nut at this excessive amount of sensuality that he hadn’t been prepared for.

“You look very sexy with your hair over your face like that.”

He hadn’t even noticed the strands of black covering his vision because he had been too busy looking down.

“Your back looks… oh, f-fuck… looks so beautiful…”

She grinned and lowered herself on his sheets to push back against him.

He had stuttered because her pussy had squeezed him in between his words. There wasn’t any time to be eloquent anyway, not with the sudden need surging through him at this improved angle, his grip on her hips tightening and thrusting his hips forward, wincing at how loud that smack was, surely someone outside heard, but there was nothing he could do about it, didn’t want to stop, couldn’t stop, sinking his teeth into his lower lip and trying not to add any additional noise, wanted to slow down but it felt so good when he was so deep, so tight and choking his shaft, the sensitive head of his cock rubbing against her walls and swelling. Even with the condom he felt so much, pressure and power and intensity, placing a palm on her lower back and groaning between clenched teeth, the arc of her ass so obvious and the bounce so visible that he would dream about it, all of it, the slaps of body to body, thrusting hard, rough, his ears tingling with her low, sexy moans, too good, felt too good, and he wanted to last longer but just couldn’t.

Threw his head back and yelled under his rushing exhale, straining to contain his cry in his chest.

Didn’t last much longer with a new condom and in missionary position either. He kept staring at her pretty face and perky tits, feverish desire racing with every slap of hips-to-hips, his hair falling into his eyes, struggling to see her hands clutching his pillows, and then she arched her back to give him a full view of those perfect, tasty-looking, hard nipples. Honestly, he was proud of himself for lasting the ten minutes that he did. Five minutes. Er, at least he hoped he lasted more than five minutes.

He was sweaty and gasping but he asked anyway.

“Sorry, I… Are you upset at me?”

She tilted her head, confused. “For what? That felt amazing.”

His face burned as he mumbled under his breath.

“I… I usually last longer…”

“Oh.” Blink. “Oh!” She grinned at him, and it was so devious that Jungkook realized this must not be the first time she had heard that. “I don’t care about things like that. But, uh…”

Her sex saved his life.

Her next words murdered him on the spot.

“You know, when you came, uh… I’m sure you were trying to be quiet and all that, but you sounded a bit like one of those faraway screams that happen in movies. You know, when someone gets thrown far away mid-battle. A very tiny, aaaaaaa…”

Not the best sex of his life comparing his orgasm noise to the Wilhelm scream.

-

You could admit it.

You shouldn’t have said that.

But also shouldn’t people be told of such things so that they became more self-aware? It took everything in you not to burst out laughing in his presence (although you did laugh a lot when you arrived home). And it wasn’t as if you were going to see him again. For a while, anyway. Definitely not the next day at goddamn McDonald’s.

Right?

Wrong.

You gawked at Jungkook until the other guy with him noticed and started staring at you too. Oh, jeez, it was Park Jimin, another one of the guys who had been there last night at the birthday party. You remembered him and his distinctive, bubbly giggling all night. He had a great voice too, making listening to karaoke actually bearable. He was, however, the kind of guy that wanted to be in the know about everything and everyone.

Aw, shit.

You weren’t ready for another repeat of this morning.

Jimin’s round, discerning eyes recognized you immediately even in your casual clothes and lack of makeup. You snapped your head back to your empty paper packaging. Snatched up your cup, pushing away from the window counter and stepping down, winding over to the drinks machine to top off on tea before sprinting it. Hey, McDonald’s wasn’t that cheap anymore. Inflation was a thing. Better get as much as you could before leaving.

You tossed the oily packaging and your napkin before turning around, immediately nearly colliding with Jeon Jungkook.

“Gah!”

“Oh!”

And he grabbed your waist.

Of course, he did.

Your bare waist, because you were wearing a crop top under your heavy coat.

You kept your drink-holding hand out of the way and gasped into his chin, your other hand landing on his left upper arm and squeezing, suddenly tense all over. It was hard and solid under your grip, twice as tense as you were.

“S-Sorry, Jimin pushed me…”

You vaguely heard Jungkook mumbling but you didn’t have time for this, didn’t have time to be let down again by humanity. Didn’t have time for Jeon Jungkook getting into your face about you fucking and dipping, scolding you about being too blunt, and possibly even directly calling you a bitch. Not that you didn’t deserve it. You just didn’t want to find out that cute-faced, criminally-undercover-sexy, surprisingly-a-very-good-fuck Jeon Jungkook could maybe be a shitty person.

Didn’t want to know.

Better not to know.

“S’okay. Let me get out of your way,” you mumbled back, turning your head away.

“You’re not in my way.”

You heard him say it, didn’t believe it, and yet his hands were still around your waist.

“Actually… Please be in my way.”

You froze.

Snapped your head back and found yourself centimeters from Jeon Jungkook’s face.

Oh, I’m in trouble.

He let go of you, slowly, his touch hovering as if you would make a break for it in the middle of this crowded McDonald’s, as if you would bowl over small children and their Happy Meals to escape, sending plastic toys flying in your wake. But you did no such thing, instead holding your breath, realizing how upset you would be if this was another you’re an insensitive whore moment. The truth was that you didn’t care until you did, or at least until you fully comprehended that you were glad to see Jungkook rather than completely indifferent. Why? He hadn’t said anything special. Just, please make it home safely. You had thought that was weird, please. Brushed it off as him being polite or even maybe trying to entice you with that light touch of submissiveness, anything but the possibility of him actually, honestly, straightforwardly caring about your safety.

You learned to expect people not caring for much except for themselves.

“I… Good afternoon,” you managed to get out, stepping closer as a crowd of kids squashed themselves against the drinks fountain, clambering over each other with their paper cups, yelling about how you snooze, you lose even though there was plenty of soda in a fast-food restaurant.

An adult, presumably a guardian, ran over to tell them to quiet down.

“Y… Yeah…” was Jungkook’s strangled reply, startled at you attempting conversation.

You held your sweet tea and tried to lightly bow, but realized that you could hit him in the chin if you did. You stepped aside to avoid that, and then his hand darted out. Stopping. Suddenly aware of what he was doing, stuck on what to do, looking at you helplessly for instruction. This was some love song or romcom movie shit.

No.

This was a goddamn McDonald’s, not awkward-sexual-tension meeting grounds. You grabbed his hand and pulled him along, spinning to find yourself crammed into the table with a grinning Park Jimin and too many shopping bags.

“Oh, hey. Funny seeing you here.”

Jimin was stifling his giggles.

You immediately let go of Jungkook’s hand, your face frozen and expressionless.

“Ah, Jungkook, can you watch my food?” Was it your imagination or did Park Jimin just bat his eyelashes? “I’m gonna go put the gifts in my car.”

Oh no.

“Stay right there!”

Jungkook looked mortified. “Jimin, wait–”

But he did not wait. Ruffled fluffy black hair, mischievous smile, and a whoosh later, those crinkly paper bags gone like a disappearing act, leaving you and your fuck of last night with a half-eaten sandwich and cold fries.

“I… He… I’m sorry,” Jungkook sputtered, jerking erratically.

You clutched your tea like a liquid social safety net. “Sit down. Children are staring at us.”

Sure enough, a small crowd of curious peepers were climbing the low half-wall and peering at you and Jungkook. They were being plucked off one by one by a pair of exasperated ladies who looked like they desperately needed a nap. As soon as one child was removed, another climbed up to take their place. Inquisitive little bundles in brightly colored jackets, pom-pom beanies, and sipping soda from paper cups. Jungkook whipped his head back, exposing his red ears under his bucket hat for half a second, saw the kids, and sat down beside you, turning his back to them.

Now even bigger peepers were directed at you.

“Uh…”

You cleared your throat. Drank some tea. “Erm.”

“I... I didn’t expect to see you here.”

You almost choked on your chuckle. “Yeah, uh… same.” You ticked your head to the outside, in the general direction Jimin had run off too. “Shopping for new year stuff?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Mostly for Jimin’s family. I usually shop online.” He scrunched his face with a little bit of dismay. “It’s too much on the weekends sometimes.”

“Yeah, I’m the same.”

Your knee touched his.

He looked at you.

Don’t look at me like that. I’m gonna want to kiss you.

“And we’re in the middle of a McDonald’s.”

“What?”

You could see stray strands of black brushing against his cheeks. Could see those starry brown eyes under that big bucket hat, those pink lips parted and that small mole underneath them trembling, something you had noticed last night even in the low light because you had been licking up his neck and watching his open mouth, savoring the way his whine travelled by vibration through your insistent lips from his throat.

“I don’t want to make out with you in front of all these children,” you clarified, letting out a slow, concealed breath. “But if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to make a bad decision.”

People only get into relationships for shitty sex.

Right?

I want to be around him.

“Um… I think Jimin wanted to get an air fryer and who knows what else… I’m supposed to carry the big stuff,” Jungkook grumbled, sounding like he wanted to abandon his current adventure for a different kind of adventure. Still, he begrudgingly remained a good friend. “But tomorrow…?”

You weren’t sure if he was aware that he was getting closer to you, practically thigh-to-thigh and shoulder-to-shoulder, but then you put your hand on his coat sleeve. He froze up, holding his breath. He smelled good. Fresh and clean, like laundry from the dryer. He was close enough for you to clearly discern his scent.

Close enough for you to remember.

“I need to get my tires rotated,” you finally remembered. “I’ll call you.”

His cheeks flushed pink. “C-Call me?”

“Yeah, give me your number.”

-

She asked for it like it was easy.

Who cares? Jungkook determined, after all, that he was easy. Or at least his hands were hurriedly fumbling with his phone as he blurted out the numbers as calmly as he could, which was probably not that calm, but who cared? Not him and definitely not his dick.

“Thanks. Don’t forget to answer or I’ll feel dumb.”

“Wait, give me your number.”

She paused, glancing at him. Shivers all over when their eyes connected, and he was sure he saw a guarded flicker in those eyes, but then it was let go, her lashes lowering, casting away the unknown reservation that he hoped she could tell him one day. And yet she stayed silent, turning her phone over in her hand.

“I want it,” he breathed.

Her eyes shifted back up. Ghost of a smirk on those lips.

Like she was trying to hold back.

“I’m going to give it to you,” she whispered to him, and he had to lean in, no, wanted to lean in and the scent of her perfume caught him, sweet and smokey, all those memories flashing back, in the dark with fistfuls of his sheets and breathing in, his pillows, his blanket, his clothes, heavenly and arousing. “Just saying I come with a warning label.”

“What kind of warning?” Jungkook found himself asking even though he was desperate to indulge in this risky business.

“I’ll never let your last that long,” she purred with a smug smile. “Don’t give up, okay?”

Jungkook felt his cheeks burn as he typed down the number and kept his retort to himself because Jimin suddenly appeared and the conversation was abruptly over. He jerked his head away quickly as she mouthed a tiny aaaa under her breath, teasing him, and this was a bad decision but he answered the call anyway when it came.

-

What are you doing? You don’t do relationships. People don’t like the way you do things. They’re complicated and full of secrets. They can’t be honest. You’re too honest. It doesn’t work.

Your intrusive thoughts had worked the graveyard shift and were now doing overtime.

They don’t like you.

You weren’t that surprised at these thoughts. You also did the absolute most when fucking and probably not enough outside of fucking. Some would call this karma. You would call it a nuisance. Shut the fuck up, brain. You already knew all this. You knew and you muted all that sound, all that excess noise that warned of tomorrow being ruined, chose to shut it all out until there was nothing but the melody of Jeon Jungkook’s bated breath.

You could listen to your head and let those thoughts fuck everything up.

Or you could place your fingertips on Jungkook’s lower lip and feel his gasp travel through your nerves, feel the way your blood shimmered in your veins and raced faster. Caress that pink curve to stop at his lip rings, tangible, hard and soft juxtaposed. Breathe out, your eye line lifting, up, finding those large dark brown orbs surrounded by wispy black tendrils.

Jungkook wanted you.

That was pretty obvious, especially from his hands trying to slide up your skirt.

He was just waiting for you to start it off.

You could listen to your head or choose to feel and listen to your instincts, dangerous as it was.

I’m in so much trouble, fuck.

You knew it, and yet you leaned in and kissed him anyway. Something about him, the way his eyes instantly closed when you came close, the way he trusted your eyes wouldn’t stay open, the way his lips gave in to your insistence, no, yearned for it, his fingernails sinking into your hips and yanking you close, onto his lap and into his heat, and then it was darkness and tongue and breathing into his mouth, hot and unnerving and addictive.

You hadn’t even noticed you had closed your eyes until you felt your hands sliding into his hair. Barely even perceived how you held your breath when your chest pressed against his, gasping, too many clothes in between and all the anticipation, dancing your nails over his scalp and sucking on his tongue, his melodious moan melding with your heartbeat roaring in your ears.

What is this?

You rolled your hips into his lap and Jungkook groaned, breaking the kiss and tipping his head back, his hardness twitching between your legs, insistently pressing up through his sweatpants as his neck became exposed. And there was nothing you wanted to do but press your lips to that mole on his neck, tasting that tan skin and inhaling his scent, wanting to be covered in it, drenched in it, dancing kisses up his jaw and catching his ear with your teeth, tugging on his hair and rocking your hips back and forth, turning hot friction into hot, damp friction.

“I c-can’t…”

His moan rang in your ears, his fingers pushing up the sides of your panties and driving them into the crevice of your ass, creating a damn thong with too much fabric.

“Can’t t-take it anymore…”

Pulled hard and you gasped, feeling the slinky fabric slip in between your folds, soaked and soaking, strong hips knocking into that dug-in fabric and practically bouncing your pulsing pussy on his rock-hard erection.

You curled your arm around his head and tipped his face to yours, seeing his glassy eyes and open mouth, his shaking breath feathering against your chin, and if Jeon Jungkook was a liar, then he was a damn good one, one of those liars so deep in the lie that it started becoming truth.

He whispered your name in the shared air, between his and your trembling lips.

He’s too desperate to be a liar.

You closed the distance between lips and tangled your tongues in the tango, lifting your hips at the same time, smiling at his whine before silencing it by pulling his hand between your legs, pushing the thin fabric aside, and then the collective sigh. Yours, shivering satisfaction. His, driven desire, fingers exploring and sending shivers through your legs. Wet and slippery and soft. Pressing his face into your neck and then gasping when his soft lips pressed to your throat, light kisses and wanton need, his other hand sliding up your sweater, pushing it up.

I want you.

He slid two fingers into you and moaned into your skin, slow, pressing his touch into your clenching walls, his eyes closed under you. In, out, building pleasure, your hips following, riding his hand, deeper, intense, hard, his tongue licking your collarbone and your lashes fluttered, suddenly overcome by shivers.

“I w-want you…”

He gasped against your throat, almost a whimper, those pleading eyes half-opening. Pulling out slightly and rubbing slow circles that made your hips flinch, his fingertips brushing against your slick clit, and those brown eyes darkened, tipping his head back to watch your face. His fingers on your waist tightening, holding you in place, shifting his fingertips, and you bit back a hiss, locking your knees, staring back into his starstruck eyes that showed you everything he was as he stroked your clit, igniting all your nerves and scorching your skin in passionate flames.

You saw what Jungkook was saying.

He wanted you so bad, not just a little, not just for a couple orgasms, not just for every night but also every day, even every afternoon and every twilight and every dead of night. Every kiss, every touch, every look into the eyes telling you this meant more to him than casual and for some reason it didn’t feel like a burden.

Casual sex could only stay casual if both people got the memo.

Suddenly, you realized neither you nor him were getting the damn memo.

You leaned forward and breathed in his exhale, squeezing his hips with your thighs, harder, yes, so good, fast and harsh and closer, closer, pulsing sensitivity escalating, your fingers tangled into his long black hair, entangled moans slipping out, fuck, yes, I’m close, Jungkook, fuck, and he was good but this was more than skill, more than half-lidded eyes and your hand falling, tracing his jaw, biting back your orgasm until…

Until.

“I could stare at you forever,” you breathed.

Closed your eyes and moaned into his mouth, the high crashing down, leaking all over his fingers and causing his touch to slip, dripping down, everywhere, all over the front of his pants and down your legs, and there was no time to care, dragging Jungkook into kiss after kiss, driven by snaking pleasure coursing through your veins. His wet fingers grasped your thigh, kneading the softness, his whines trapped by kisses, begging for your legs against his naked chest.

How could you refuse him?

You just couldn’t.

-

I’m so fucked.

Truly, madly, deeply fucked.

Past in trouble and actually in danger, danger, you’re seconds away from cumming, clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth so he felt something else, anything, please, clutching fistfuls of his sheets and wondering why the fuck the condom wasn’t reducing any sensation because, holy fuck, his cock was trapped in a hot, slippery, tight sleeve that pulsed around his twitching, hard length every time he descended. He couldn’t think, could barely breathe, could do nothing but follow that carnal instinct to thrust over and over, deep as possible, the angle so good he closed his eyes so they didn’t roll back into his head even though he was hopelessly losing his mind at the sensations of her, so soft, so intense, so good his legs were shaking with tension, the rhythmic smacking obscenely loud, rattling bedframe echoing throughout his bedroom.

“H-Harder,” she gasped breathlessly.

Harder?!

Was she trying to kill him?

She lifted her hips and Jungkook knew he was fucked.

He threw all of his energy into his hips and sunk his teeth into his lower lip, his lip rings hitting his teeth. Metal hitting bone. Screaming in his head and tightening his vocal chords, thankful to see her eyes closing, her head tipping back, low satisfied moan of his name travelling to in his ears and then all that he was keeping together shattered and slammed into him, heat rushing and mind-numbing, euphoric high punching all the air out of his lungs, visceral tension snapping at his hips and now he was pumping the condom full, o-o-oh, fuuuuck, her walls shivering and amplifying the good feeling of sexual intoxication, his vision a blur, only now realizing all the sweat sliding down his back and forehead, his damp hair swinging down over his eyes, and maybe lasting a only a couple minutes but it was a damn good couple of minutes if Jungkook was allowed to say so himself.

He was panting, hardly able to catch his breath.

It wasn’t enough.

Fuck, he was so horny and he was barely recovering from his first orgasm. Didn’t know what came over him. A wave of insanity? Inconsolable craving? Willful sacrifice of his soul to the sex goddess in his bed right now? Dramatic, sure. Casual, no, pushing his palms against the bed, shuddering as he pulled out of that tight warmth, almost regretting it, but then he looked down. At the shiny slickness, his white cum swollen at the end of the condom. He gripped the opening and pulled down, peeling it off with a whine, and Jungkook was pretty sure he was overwhelmingly crazy or overwhelmingly horny or both, because why else would he scoot his knees up and start jacking his spent dick like a madman, whimpering at the sensitivity and the slippery friction and the scene before him – her legs lowering from his shoulders, those curious eyes glinting under him, her soft, bouncy breasts rising and falling rapidly in her heavy breathing, fuck, so sexy, so fucking sexy, faster, tighter, staring at those hard nipples he wanted in his mouth right now, so fucking bad.

He let his eyes flicker up.

Gasping, baring his depravity.

She smirked, her tongue tracing the edge of her upper lip.

“Cum on me, Jungkook.”

Words so simple that they could be said by anyone, but this was different, this was too much intensity, too much irresistible pleasure, too much too sure about this feeling, this moment, this connection, and then her fingertips slid up his hard, tense, trembling thigh, sinking her fingernails in and dragging down, those stings of pain sending him over the edge.

“A-Ah, fuck!”

His eyes rolled back and his hips pitched forward, flinching powerfully and shooting cum over her stomach, up her cleavage, sudden streak of white glistening against her skin, jolts of aching bliss penetrating his quivering muscles. Shared gasp, everything smelling like sex, his bedsheets, his clothes, his skin, mixing with her perfume. Sweet like candy and heavy like lust.

Jungkook wanted to douse himself in it.

Her cum and her perfume.

He pressed the dark, purple-red, swollen head of his twitching cock to her cum-covered stomach and moaned, dragging it across and slipping further and further into blinding oversensitivity, on the edge of too much but he liked it, fuck, he liked it more and more as he saw her sly smirk and foxy eyes sparkle, savoring his reactions. It made him want to give in to this side of him more.

Her hand lifted, fingers curling around his chin, stroking his lower lip with her thumb.

“You’re so sexy, Jungkook. I love the way you look at me.”

Something about the way she said it, making him feel that she really meant it.

No, know that she really meant what she said.

His heart fluttered. Took flight.

No.

Soared.

They really were such simple words, nothing complicated at all, and that was how Jungkook knew.

He was sure.

--

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Looking at your username: what is it about the Wen Kexing character that grabbed you? And are there any more recent BL characters that you feel similarly about?

Ohhhhh Ginny, I love you for this question.

I just have a massive soft spot for monsters. I think the monsters we see in stories are often so complex, so interesting, so hurt. The reason my username is wen-kexing-apologist is because Kexing did nothing wrong (I say this partially in jest). I love when the wrongs a generation, a family, a society has done to someone is what fuels their rage, I love when characters decide to embrace the label they have been branded as and use it to destroy the very thing that created them.

And I love when people see past that rage, that pain, that loneliness and are able to reach out a hand to it, and to love the person who has been buried underneath the fate that others pushed upon them.

WKX was a child who lost his family violently, whose family had been betrayed, who was taken in by the ghosts, stripped of his memories, and abused. Then when he got old enough he set off to kill everyone that had done him wrong. To destroy the martial arts world because they had destroyed his life and happiness.

[And as an aside, I love when stories allow for personal slights to be compared to the ruining of nations. In this case, that justice for Wen Kexing can only be served when the whole martial arts world has burned for what they let happen to his family.]

There are many other characters that work like this for me, who are outside of BL: The creature in Frankenstein, Nimona in Nimona, James Flint in Black Sails

In BL, honestly, I haven't seen that many BLs with characters that have the same vibes, they don't tend to have the time to unpack those types of characters. That said, I have such a soft spot for Vegas in KinnPorsche and Charn in Laws of Attraction (although that is technically a lakorn).

Getting way too personal here for a minute, I know how much room within me I need to store my rage. The rage I carry with me every day scares the fuck out of me, it is something I never want to unleash, because there have been moments in my life where I've let just a fraction of it loose and I know how good it felt. There are reasons, beyond just the fact that I am a massive fucking nerd, that swordfighting is my sport of choice, and some of that has to do with the fact that violence is the point. You aren't tackling someone to get a football, you aren't accidentally connecting shins to steal a soccerball, you are learning in swordfighting very specifically how to duel, how to fight, how to draw blood (but you're doing is safely, with protective equipment, and weapons made as safely as possible). All of which to say that there is a part of me that worries I am capable of channeling the level of rage characters like Wen Kexing have, and it is extremely comforting to me to see those characters heal, and to see those characters be loved by people who have seen the worst parts of them.

Perhaps it is conceited of me to say that I watch media so I can see myself in others, but that is so much of it for me. Seeing my relationship to one of my parents played out in Jam and Li Ming's relationship the first time we see the two of them on screen in Moonlight Chicken, the relationship I have to my other parent in the complexity of Sawsimol and Wang's relationship in 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us. It's why I have a soft spot for Sand in Only Friends taking care of people who have shit on him, because I am a compulsive caretaker, who has given care to people who have treated me like shit. There are just terrible parts of me that recognizes the terrible parts of characters like Wen Kexing and finds comfort in that.

Also, Wen Kexing just serves major cunt, which is the only excuse anyone needs really.

#wen kexing #word of honor #woh #lol whooops that got way too personal

[dark-elf-writes]

4 th year is such a fucking good time for a crossover family to come and fuck shit up. i have an idea for either the hazbin hotel residents or the IMP showing up to wreck shop rotating in my head like a rotisserie chicken.

4th year is where things get so massively fucked up on such a large scale that it really opens the door to being the time for other people to step in like “is anyone going to raise this child” and not wait for an answer. The fact that there’s also a chance to loudly criticize the schools and government at large is just an added bonus.

I am not familiar with them but I find most new fandoms through crossovers so I highly recommend both writing it and linking should the microwaving bear fruit

#the elf talks #harry potter

[adultswim2021]

Metalocalypse #41: "Dethhealth" | November 23, 2009 - 12:30AM | S03E03

I watched season three when it was on television, but remember very little of it, and suspect that I haven’t actually rewatched any of these since they aired. Good thing I spent way too much money, probably, buying this brand new on blu-ray.

Dethklok have a brush with death when playing a concert meant to help a massive amount of pets get neutered. Fans bring their pets to get their balls cut off by a machine, which collects the nasty things in a big glass receptacle. Predictably, all hell breaks loose, and the Sphinx is destroyed, nearly flattening Dethklok. Suddenly, the band becomes very aware of their own mortality. This fear or “hamburger time” (the “making cotton candy” of this episode) causes the band to subject themselves to a variety of doctors visits. The doctors visits cause Murderface to doubt his sexuality, Nathan to befriend his clearly-suicidal dentist, and Toki to have a cat. Also: Pickles tests come back and it’s bad: he’s dying. 

This one is pretty great, but it still demonstrates the show’s transition to the half-hour format not being exactly seamless. In fact, there’s a case to be made that it barely hangs together and is more-or-less a collection of B-plotish vignettes. There are scenes that you know would’ve been snipped out if this were an eleven minute episode. The scene where they all demand a decadent beach vacation before going to the doctor and leave a desiccated beach in their extravagant wake feels especially superfluous. The dream sequences are cool, but they feel like padding. But if you're going to pad for time on this show, it should be with something nightmarish, like Nathan having his jaw get Ebert'd off his face. The saving grace is that a lot of it is pretty funny, so who really cares? Honestly, this shit being more cohesive sorta comes second to that. 

Pickles doesn’t wind up dead after all because it turns out his pee was switched with Toki’s cat’s, who dies, because anything Toki loves winds up dead. This one ends with a fairly delightful music video where Toki’s head appears on a cat’s body. It’s derivative of season one’s Dethkids, but again, it’s a fun cartoon with cussing in it. How could something with cussing in it be taken that seriously?

The post credits scene, where Nathan takes his dentist on a hunting trip in order to save him from suicide and he immediately says “check this out” and blows his own head off with his hunting rifle, is a memorable one. It’s the one part I remembered from this, hence me calling it "memorable".

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode 2.5 | November 23, 2009 - 11:30PM | Special

Okay, I am not going to watch this because fuuuuuuck that. This was an extended cut of the special, which I believe debuted on DVD. So, please enjoy the JPG of the DVD cover I put up there. I'm sure you are all loving that.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #metalocalypse

[freakartack]

hey i'm that dumbass who said ur art reminded me of cow snd chicken again!! i've been reading your theories about the biology of the orbulon species (which i absolutely adore btw, as a massive fan of speculative biology and just biology in general lmao) and that made me curious, what do you think his anatomys like? by that i refer to organs n stuff, like do you think he has internal systems to perform life functions somewhat like how humans do? and how'd they work if he does have em? apologies if i worded this in a convoluted manner im just Very Interested

LOLLLL if i could frame the cow and chicken comparison i would have. Anyways thank you! I am very happy you enjoy my insane orbiology raving. Speculating upon orbulon's biology is the funnest thing ever because nobody who writes official orbulon lore gives a shit about that. they're just like yeah he likes frozen french fries and he doesn't poop. He can teleport and he has 300iq. And then schmucks like me run around in circles trying to fit all of those random incongruous statements into a coherent creature. It's great

I have thought about orbulorgans before but i have not made a orbulon xray because there is some soul searching i have to do. Here are the pins on my ever-expanding corkboard

Some important things to note throughout are that orbulon does not 1) shit 2) fuck. The latter is no big deal but the first one is a big ole spanner in the works because most things indeed shit. If he did i could just contort the innards of a squid into his body shape but he doesn't. In addition to cephalopods i also lean on jellyfish a lot wrt his life cycle, which is great because jellyfish also don't poop. Unfortunately both ways they do expel waste is not that great. Warioware has a lot of grossout humor but at what point do we fly too close to the sun? At what point do we fall? (Some people like the theory that his digestive system just obliterates whatever enters it, thus removing the need for waste altogether. This is a simple and neat solution but i am neither of those things and so this question continues to keep me up at night.)

Orbulon's brain situation was swiftly addressed in move it where it is revealed that it looks like this: 🧠. Simple enough. This is another example of warioware devs putting the appropriate amount of thought into their cartoon wario alien and me not doing that because prior to them giving him a regular degular brain emoji a top question on my mind was "does orbulon have a decentralized nervous system?" I guess if i wanted to i could argue that they only showed us ONE of his brains so we don't know what's going on in the rest of him but the way he behaves doesn't necessarily imply anything of the sort. I'm just being silly.

The age old question: "Do you think orbulon has an open circulatory system or closed"!!!! This is the question all warioware fans have asked themselves. For a creature as brainy as he, you would think it would be closed, to better direct the flow of "blood" (or his equivalent) to his highly demanding brain(s). I'm hesitant to dwell on the question of whether he even needs oxygen or some other element for this because unfortunately everyone in this cast has casually been out there in space so. Cartoon physics wins this time.

Sorry if this answer is disappointing because it does kind of amount to "i don't know". But i do think. If i do make a orbulon cross-section it will probabaly be a lot funnier than this just to keep up the tradition of funny cross-sections in wario games because I do like the mystery and the anarchy of it all. He's deranged. He says something offhand about his third appendix and the crygors lose their minds

#not art #oh yeah also something else that lives in my head is that i think he can regenerate limbs so that's another fun thing. That can happen

[imreallyloveleee]

ok i've finally started season 6 of better call saul (ahhhHHHHHH) so there's no better time than the present for me to vomit out all of my thoughts and feelings on this show thus far

first of all, i already want to start rewatching this show, like, right now, before i even finish it. unreal

my biggest complaint at this point is that i feel they lost the plot with Mike a bit in s5. his is a trickier needle to thread than jimmy's, i think - there's less daylight between parking attendant mike and stone cold fixer mike than there is between jimmy mcgill and saul goodman. but i'm just not convinced that this guy would agree to work for gus fring long-term. i guess we're supposed to believe that the guilt he feels, blaming himself for getting his son killed and depriving kaylee of a dad in the process, is SO overwhelming that he'll willingly do these terrible things so he can "pay her back" with this massive nest egg he plans to build up. but like...this is a conclusion i'm coming to by sitting here overthinking about it, not a conclusion that i feel is coming organically from the show. something just feels off. and i don't think it's intentional, i think they just missed the mark. that said, i liked his "bad choice road" speech to jimmy a lot at the end of the season.

speaking of kaylee, oh my god the scenes with her are goddamn annoying, and the scenes with her mom are even worse. i honestly feel bad for the woman, she's probably not even that bad of an actor but on a show overflowing with people at the absolute top of their game she really stands out as a weak link.

NACHITO 😭 i know he's not gonna make it out of here alive. poor guy. he just really loves his dad!!!!!!!!

Lalo is such a FANTASTIC addition tho. it's so hard to add a compelling character this late in the game but he's so charismatic he even makes me hate Hector Salamanca scenes like 80% less

I could have done with less Gus Fring on this show in general. he was incredible on BrBa, but he just...doesn't need to be fleshed out more? and he kind of isn't, he's just around a lot? idk, but i'll take this as an opportunity to share that one time i saw Giancarlo Esposito wearing a black cowboy hat and buying a package of raw chicken at Whole Foods in Austin TX like 9 years ago

ok now onto the lawyer-y side of things. in contrast to Mike's story, I think Jimmy/Saul's is pretty much pitch perfect. i believe his decisions, i believe his hesitations, i believe the push and pull.

(sidenote just remembered i also deeply hate the salamanca twins, always have always will, on BrBa they always felt like some lame reddit bro's idea of a "badass villain" they're just so flat and boring and i wish they weren't in this show either ugh)

anyway back to Jimmy - obviously, this show would not work whatsoever if Jimmy didn't work as a character, but it's still like, HOLY SHIT do they make him work. he's so tragic, you just KNOW that he could be better and you want him to be better and you know he wants to be better but: he can't. he won't. we know where this story is heading. and at his core he will always be this boy who really really really loved his big brother and never felt that love returned and never will and now i'm going to cry just thinking about the fucking scummy lawyer from breaking bad oh my goddddd

finally: kim. kim. KIM. having only watched 6x01 at this point - i feel like i've only barely scratched the surface on understanding who this character is. i don't know what to say, but i just rewatched this scene and it's maybe my favorite thing i've ever seen, with the exception of like 8 other kim scenes (most of which consist of her dressing down an idiot man, her boyfriend included)

JIMMY AND KIM FOREVER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and if you're wondering if i'm having Fic Thoughts, the answer is yes, yes i am

p.s. i've been listening to some of the insider podcast episodes and my GOD what a breath of fresh air to listen to peter gould and vince gilligan after being an unwilling prisoner of roberto aguirre sacasa for 7 goddamn years

#better call saul #honestly this is maybe like 15% of my thoughts and feelings but i'm going to end it there

[idohistorysometimes]

Tips for tourists (for any Museum or historical site from somebody who works there)

Please do not block exhibits with your strollers, bags, or bodies.

I am not sure if this is a new problem or what: but it's something I really noticed when I was both visiting museums on vacation and working at them locally. But regardless, there has been this massive uptick of people who just plop their bags, strollers, or strategically place their families in front of exhibits so other people cannot get close to them. Do not do that.

Not only is it extremely rude but it also ruins the viewing experience for everybody else there (including any staff present if there is any). I get strollers, in general, are big and clunky and thus hard to maneuver around or that bringing a big group/family to a location will always kind of result in you just taking over the space you are in. But PLEASE be considerate of others and know how much space you are occupying. If you have already been in an area for a few minutes, read all the signs, and have seen all there is to see and other people are waiting PLEASE move on. Don't just stand there and linger. If you really need to wait for somebody or do something find an area off to the side away from the exhibits to do that. 

DO NOT FUCK WITH ANIMALS

If there are ANY animals present where you are (either wild animals or ones kept domestically) DO NOT MESS WITH THEM. I do not care if you think letting your toddler chase wild animals would make a cute Instagram post or if “you have them at home”, do not:

Chase the animals

Try to pick up the animals

Try to touch/pet the animals (unless otherwise instructed) 

Try to place yourself on the animal’s back or otherwise get in their space

Harass the animals in any way

I'm aware it might make a cute photo or how you might think whatever you are doing is funny. But I would like to stress just how injured or sick you or your child could get if you disobey common sense and decide to act a fool around animals you do not own and are not familiar with. If you harass a rooster you will get the spurs and have your hands, legs, or other various body parts shredded. If you harass a cow or horse you run the risk of getting kicked and suffering some pretty serious internal damage. And if you mess with wild animals (like bears or bison depending on where you are) you are fucked. Completely fucked. Either hospital or dead fucked. I am not joking. Its serious.

PLEASE LISTEN to any signs you might find in the area regarding any animals you might find, employees of the site you are visiting (AKA: if they ask you to stop chasing the chickens you stop), and your common sense. Not only will it put less stress on the animals and make your experience a lot more fun, but it will also save you a potential hospital visit.

Leave no trace

When visiting a historical site (especially when out visiting an old historical building or are out in a more woodsy area) please do not leave bits of yourself behind at those places. For example: do not carve your name into a 300-year-old wall or break off parts of whatever you are seeing to take home with you. By doing this you are literally destroying whatever it is you are seeing and ruining it for everybody else.  

Dont be that guy. Dont be the next “Creepytings”. Nuff said. If you are that guy you could get arrested, fined, or be the universal punching bag of whatever group you are apart of. 

Know the culture and customs of the area you are visiting 

This is more of a general thing. Like a REALLY general thing. But if you are visiting an area you might not be from or familiar with outside of popculture: do not assume what happens at home might happen where you are visiting. Do some research beyond that of watching media from the area. Actually google that shit first. 

Its going to save you a LOT of trouble and uncomfortable situations. Trust me. Just please research that shit first (and or ask natives on sites like reddit to give you pointers). 

TURN OFF THE GOD DAMN FLASH

If you are in a museum with artifacts that are quite old (or just anywhere in general) TURN OFF YOUR FLASH IF YOU WANT TO TAKE PICTURES.

Seriously, SERIOUSLY, not only is the flash extremely annoying but it will also degrade any of the artifacts you are taking pictures of with it. This article right here explains the logistics of that all well. There is a reason they ask you to turn that shit off. 

#tips #tourism #tips for tourists #museum #history museum #museam #museum work #history #historians #historian #travel

[nctzenkane]

So… let’s talk about the Wizard Game™️

For the past year or so, I have seen so much discourse surrounding Harry Potter as a franchise, and more specifically, Hogwarts Legacy.  With the release of the game upon us, said discourse has reached a fever pitch and I finally have to weigh in.  So, after all this time, what could I have to say? Fuck the “transphobic, antisemitism simulator”? I pre-ordered ten copies to “own the libs”? The best time to wear a striped sweater, is “all the time”?

Nah.

The crux of what I have to say is- who cares? Or rather, “why is the wizard game so important?”

Now, I know that answer to that question seems self-evident at first.  It matters because it causes harm to trans people and Jewish people, among others,  And you know what? You’re right.

There is much to be said (most of which has been said time and again) about how JKR uses her platform to spread transphobic rhetoric and funds anti-trans organizations with her quintillions of dollars. There is also quite a bit to be said about how the HP franchise, while not inventing the antisemitic portrayals of goblins (those have been present since goblins became a thing in European folklore) didn’t challenge any of those tropes critically, and thus introduced them to an entirely new generation.

The thing is, the brunt of the backlash isn’t really about any of that. Not if we’re being honest with ourselves here.

The true reason for the insane heights the backlash has reached in online leftist spaces (and trust me, no one in the real world knows or cares about the controversy. You can argue that they should, but the reality is that they don’t) is because of the online left’s obsession with virtue signaling, and expressing political activism through media consumption.  I know anti-SJW types have kind of ruined the term “virtue signaling” because they apply it to fucking everything, but it’s an applicable term here.  Many people have used their opposition to this game and the fact that they’re not buying it as shorthand for their commitment to their political stance, and I think the reason that hasn’t sat right with me is because it’s revealed a deeper issue with the community...

The majority of the online left are white and relatively privileged. Because of this, very few of them have real, tangible experience with oppression.  This has caused a lot of them to view these issues as purely theoretical, whether they realize it or not. They’ve never experienced organized resistance in marginalized communities, they got their beliefs from tumblr, twitter or tiktok.  They’ve never actually DONE anything in the name of real resistance, but they pat themselves on the back for not buying a video game, or going to see a movie, or eating a chicken sandwich.

Now obviously, I’m not saying that EVERY PERSON speaking out against the game fits that criteria. I’m making generalizations based on what I’ve seen (this should go without saying, but I also know how tumblr works).

Why do we continue to prop up the laziest forms of activism as though they deserve to be lauded?  Y’all really out here acting like you’re an Archon of Trans Rights because you... didn’t buy a video game and yelled at other people about it on the internet?

Thank you so much for your unwavering service to the cause.

Trans people are out here being brutally murdered, losing rights hand over fucking fist, but you “did your part” because you didn’t buy a $70 video game. Pennies of which would’ve actually gone to JKR’s already massively inflated bank account anyway.

Look pretty, and do as little as possible, am I right?

That’s because to y’all, this shit is all theory, not praxis. 

As a trans POC, I’m a lot more concerned about the governments of the world trying to systemically erase my existence. I personally don’t give a fuck whether or not someone wants to play a fucking wizard game, because I know that media consumption does not paint a full picture of someone’s political viewpoint. People can be multifaceted.  If you genuinely say shit like “if you play this game, I don’t feel safe with you,”, you come across as out of touch with reality, and that stems from our insistence on boiling people down to easily identifiable labels. We strip people of their complexity by making grand proclamations about where their political allegiances must lie based on surface level consumption habits, because it’s easier than reckoning with the nuances of how people truly think.

Now I’m not telling people they have to support the game. Do whatever you want. But you also can’t act like everyone who does decide to play the fucking wizard game is a transphobe and a Nazi. It’s blatant overstatement of harm and a deliberate exaggeration for the purpose of making yourself feel superior.

We’re often so obsessed with dragging people across the coals in the name of “justice” or “accountability”, that we use the most extreme language possible to justify and moralize it. A person can’t just be someone who wants to play a video game and not think critically about where that money might eventually go down the pipeline.  No, they have to be a transphobe, or an antisemite. (And let’s be clear, not engaging critically with where you put your money can and SHOULD be criticized. But the problem is that the goal here isn’t CRITICISM. It’s public shaming. And you’re not doing it because you care about the issue, which I don’t doubt that you genuinely do, but you’re doing it because you enjoy the feeling it gives you. The engagement. The social capital in leftist spaces)

Outrage has essentially become gamified. It’s currency within the online left, and the decision to make this game such a weird battleground in the fight for trans rights has really shown the issues at the heart of the community.

Don’t play it. Play it, whatever puts wind in your sailcloth. But don’t act like you’re making a political statement when all you’re doing is fueling your ego

#This is my first and last time speaking about Hogwarts Legacy publicly #And this post requires introspection and self awareness so I know yall aint gone like it #But I'm sure you'll be fine #You'll probably just ignore what I'm saying #And inadvertently prove my point by calling me some hyperbolic buzzword #But that's fine #Argue with ya mama's bald spot

[queenofbaws]

Hiiii! So this isn’t exactly a prompt and more like a random question (you can answer it as a prompt if you like!) but pretending there weren’t any Wendigos or a cool stranger that owns a flamethrower, what do you think would’ve happened if Josh’s prank had been successful?

well hiiiiiii!!! omg i...love this. i love this question so, so much, and as i've been sitting here thinking about it, an answer HAS presented itself to me, and that answer is, quite simply, this:

mike and jess show up to the lodge the next day and they've never been more confused in their fucking lives. that's it!

...oh who am i kidding, there's not nearly enough rambling in there for me. check the readmore ;)c heheheuHEUHEUHEHUE

so here's how i see it. we have no supernatural forces at play here. we also have no spooky old man/wolfdog c-c-c-c-combo. what does that mean for us here in blackwood pines?

well first and foremost, it means after emily and jess have their Iconic(tm) fight in the lodge, mike and jess are sexiled. they make their way to the guest cabin, and nothing bad happens. at all. literally not one bad thing happens. maybe mike jumps out and spooks jess. maybe he doesn't. maybe it's just...cute. and cold. and then they get to the guest cabin and HERE'S WHERE WE LEAVE THEM FOR NOW.

in irritation, matt and emily also go wandering to look for her *checks smudged writing on hand* b...bag from rodeo drive. they wander around. they too get very, very cold. they do not find her bag. these are both important points that we will ALSO LEAVE FOR LATER.

which brings us to your question in earnest: what WOULD'VE happened if josh's prank was successful?????? well, by all accounts, it WOULD probably work out, huh? he'd definitely scare the shit out of chris and ashley...the saw prank would go according to plan, they'd freak out and start running around like chickens with their heads cut off...and while they were busy screaming and sobbing and having panic attacks together, he'd swoop off and menace sam in her bath towel - as you do.

according to the logic of the game, chris and ashley would still run into matt and emily, who, of course, would try and go get help, only find there was no help to be had. what does this mean??? well, not a whole lot, really, except the two of them continue to be outside. cold. they still do not find emily's bag. the mood continues to sour.

meanwhile sam is now in the bowels of the lodge with nothing but a towel and she's Not Having A Good Time. as she is being chased by what she ASSUMES is a serial killer arsonist in a bad party city mask, chris and ashley are doing their best to be the hartley hardy boys, wandering around trying to SOLVE! THIS! MYSTERY! the mystery of the BISECTED BEST FRIEND! they're also Not Having A Good Time, but for markedly different reasons than sam.

josh, however, is having the time of his young life.*

*THIS IS SOON TO CHANGE!!!!!

matt and emily are able to make it to the fire tower and use the radio. the rangers inform them they won't be able to show up until...........morning, which is a bummer, right? super bummer. mostly because they're fucking cold. and they haven't. found. emily's. bag. only here's the thing, if there's nothing spooky happening, they also get DOWN from the fire tower in the normal, safe way. and then have to walk back to the lodge.

in the cold.

not finding emily's bag.

the vibes at this point are fucking. RANCID. MY FRIENDS.

what do they find when they get back to the lodge? well, a few things actually: (1) a bunch of sexy melted candles, which is...confusing, but like, okay, sure, fine, not their business; (2) a bunch of balloons with arrows drawn on them, which...also, uh..strange, but...okay; (3) MASSIVE POOLS/PUDDLES/TRACKS OF MELTED SNOW AND BATHWATER JUST EVERYWHERE; (4) no one has turned the heat on even though they've been there for FUCKING HOURS.

almost as important as those things is what they DON'T find: (1) any sign of the others; (2) emily's bag from rodeo drive.

they are cold. their moods are bad. matt still has himself a hatchet. emily has a flare gun. what do they NOT have? TIME FOR THIS.

they follow the trail of chaos downstairs to the cinema room, where there has clearly been a struggle. pottery shards everywhere. wet footprints just all over the place. they get down into the basement and now there's MORE footprints AND an overturned wine rack, AND a spooky dollhouse with what APPEARS TO BE NAKED BRATZ VERSIONS OF THEM INSIDE OF IT, and this is where things change ladies and gents, because the INSTANT emily davis sees this she utters five simple words that no one else in that game had the brainpower to string together:

"...this is some josh bullshit."

matt looks at it for all of .0001 sec before going yeah, yeah, uh huh, you're right. sure is.

they have a brief conversation to decide whether or not this is THEIR problem in any way. after some debate, they decide it IS, but only because JOSH is the only one who knows how to get the heat going in that FUCKING LODGE. emily also decides her bag MYSTERIOUSLY going missing???? that ALSO has josh's name written all over it. they now have a grand purpose, and that purpose is getting warm and getting emily's shit, and GOD HELP ANYONE WHO TRIES TO GET IN THEIR WAY!!!

as they walk, they keep seeing little clues of chris and ashley having been there, but MOSTLY their time in the basements/sub-basements is comprised of emily being Done With This. it's even colder down there than it was OUTSIDE, and literally every turn they take down there, she is just pointing shit out and going "josh did that. that's josh. this is all josh." the dead pigs? josh. mannequin dressed in sam's clothes? josh. room full of nothing but pervy security cam footage? JOSH.

as they're walking through, they bump into sam who is, uh, well, she's still more or less naked, isn't she, and for a moment both of them are like ah. yes. okay. we've stumbled across Some Weird Sex Thing, fantastic. sam quickly disavows them of this concern.

"SOMEONE STOLE ALL MY CLOTHES" she manages to get out.

"yeah that was josh" says emily.

"NO, JOSH IS DEAD - SOME MANIAC KILLED HIM" sam pants.

"that was also josh" matt nods.

"i - wait, what???" sam asks.

"yeah, chris and ashley said they saw him die, but like, when we asked if they checked the body they both sort of just cried? so we left."

sam's panic is slowly leaving her, replaced by what can only be called confuceptance: confused acceptance. none of this makes sense to her, but also, faking his own death for the vine DOES sound like something josh WOULD do.

this is when they begin to hear screaming from a nearby room.

they walk into said room only to find chris and ashley tied to chairs, both about to be taken out by saws. chris has a gun - no one is pleased with this development, least of all chris. there's...so much screaming. just so much. only here's the thing: emily is ACTIVELY EXPECTING to see josh somewhere in that fucking room, so when she does in fact see some weirdo wearing a clown mask, she's like I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU!

ah, but josh has already has his victory, you see. it doesn't MATTER that those three came crashing in, because chris and ash are bawling and having a very panicked conversation about how they would've treated their time differently if they'd known they were about to be cracked open like softboiled eggs in a dark basement somewhere, so he comes out to do his little bow...only who he finds waiting for him is EMILY GODDAMN DAVIS and THIS IS NOT THE RELAXING WINTER WEEKEND SHE WAS PROMISED.

he WISHES she would punch his lights out. she does not.

let's return to mike and jess, huh? it's been a while. let's just...let's check in on them.

after a fun, perhaps even ~naughty~ night in the guest cabin, mike and jess wake up to realize hey, there's...there's no food in this place. they joke about having to eat each other. eyebrows are waggled. there is much giggling. they decide to go back to the lodge and insist the others make them pancakes or something. they walk back the way they came the night before, and wouldn't you know it, nothing bad happens. at all.

well, they get cold. but like. again, there are definitely going to be pancakes at the lodge, whether the others like it or not, so. it's fine!

but when they get back to the lodge, what they find is sam comforting chris and ashley on the couch. both are inconsolable. ashley appears to be covered in about five gallons of blood. she doesn't smell GREAT. she IS ruining the upholstery. chris, similarly, looks pretty beat up and mostly just tired.

sam is wearing workout clothes as she strokes their hair and tells them everything's going to be juuuust fine. when she makes eye contact with mike and jess, her eyes widen and she shakes her head. DON'T ASK! that look says. PLEASE DON'T ASK!!!

they don't. mostly because they are cold. and want pancakes. so they walk into the kitchen to find...uh. well, the thing is, josh has been physically tied to the refrigerator.

"hi" he says, acting like things are fine. (they are not). "how ya doing." there is a handprint on his face so red, so bright, so CLEAR, that mike clocks it from 20 paces that that's an emily davis special.

"so" mike says, neither him nor jess commenting on josh being hogtied in his own home. "guess that's a no on breakfast huh"

matt and emily reappear with just about every blanket they managed to find upstairs, barely giving mike or jess a second look. "we got the heat going, but it's taking FOREVER to warm this place up" emily groans, "so like here, or whatever." she gives them the worst blanket in the pile. the pink scratchy one with the satin trim. you know the blanket.

mike and jess exchange a look. before either of them can say anything, the cops arrive, filling the lodge with red and blue lights. "uh" jess says, looking out the window. "so...what's...that about?"

"oh" matt shrugs. "yeah that. josh cut himself in half hamburger-style while you guys were gone. we thought he was a serial killer or something."

there is a moment of silence. mike and jess look away from each other and towards matt and emily. then they look at josh, still tied to the fridge. he does not appear to be cut in half. from the next room, they can hear chris talking about the movie saw. judging from how hard he's crying, sure sounds like he didn't enjoy it much.

mike and jess decide it's none of their business. they do not ask questions. they also decide they're never hanging out with ANY of these people again.

once everyone's home safe and sound, sam decides to take a 6 month vacation as far from her friends as physically possible. she pretends she lost her phone in a tidepool and because of that, can't answer any texts or calls, oh no. chris and ashley end up dating, so maybe josh DOES win in the end, but he himself ends up in a court-mandated anger management-slash-why going texas chainsaw massacre on your friends is wrong class so fast his head spins. matt catches a cold from being out in the snow for too long, and while he's fine after a couple days, man, he misses out on like. at LEAST five workout sessions, and that's devastating for both his gains and his morale.

but the most important thing that happens once everyone is off the mountain is that emily realizes she left her little bag from rodeo drive in her bedroom the whole time. oops.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#clumsybookworm18 #asks #legit i........i love this so much askdlfjalskjfksaldjf #i dont even know if this is REMOTELY the kind of answer you were hoping for but HERE WE ARE

[bengiyo]

My School President Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Y'all, I just know I'm about to put on my clown makeup, so let me just go ahead and get it ready.

Last time, a jaded school counselor doused the naive optimism of a bunch of high school seniors, and inflicted massive doubt on Chinzilla. They took some time to reevaluate, and Tinn spent the episode helping rebuild Gun's self-confidence. Gun's mom collapsed at work, and he briefly considered giving up his dreams on music, before everyone came together in a lovely musical number. Finally, Tinn all-but-confessed his feelings to Gun, and I'm hoping I won't have to put on my makeup.

🤡 Gun doesn't know who Tinn has a crush on, and wants to play matchmaker. 🤡

BL shirt messaging of the day: "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

Oh no, Tinn is back to his fantasies and now they're harsh.

He put Gun in his phone as "Chinzilla Baby." I can't.

Both of them in this angsty spiral are going to demolish me. It's very high school and appropriate, and at least endearing because they like each other. Still, I want to mash their faces together. Where is Tiwson?

I'm with Por. Just Being Friendly is a banger.

🤡 Is Gun only just now connecting the dots about everything Tinn has been doing, including the pinky touch? We thought he maybe liked Tinn this whole time and we were wrong lol. 🤡

Alright, real shit. If you grab my neck like Tinn did here, we better kiss immediately.

Of course this is Tinn's favorite song. You're my favorite simp, baby boy. You and Vincent Liang eat at the same table.

"Don't mind a nosy boy like me." Thank you for showing up to save these clowns, Tiwson.

I will say, as a former educator, I'm a strong advocate for peer mediation. So, I'm really enjoying Tiwson stepping in to manage this MV project after Sound and Win started fighting so hard they kicked off their shoes.

That's right, Tiwson, ship to your heart's content. "Good job, BL."

The Tiw and Tinn friendship is a lot of fun.

Tinn is flustered at the first question? Baby boy, please.

I'm so glad Tiwson is taking his role as director seriously, and now I want to try these noodles.

Mark is genuinely funny. He and the noodle shop owner made me actually laugh.

The interesting thing out of the badminton scene is that Win doesn't lord over Sound something he can do that he can't. Instead, he genuinely tries to teach him. Sure, he gets frustrated and yells at Sound, and it shows that Sound struggles with being seen as incompetent, especially when he's being berated about it.

I like the fantasy sequence of them laying on the bed together answering these questions.

Car violence continues to play a role in these shows. Determined to build a future where our transportation modes aren't so hazardous.

Fourth and Gemini played the emotional shifts of that bed scene really well.

Sound doesn't like to lose or be bad at things. He clearly practiced for a long time. Win also gives praise easily.

I don't know why Tiwson is dressed like this, but I am thankful.

😂 Yo is too big to just be fainting like that.

"Cut! We got it!" I'm dying 😆

Love the era we're in where the boys fight over who likes who.

Okay, I really love that everyone got life from that medal kiss, and now these two caught feelings.

The music cues in this umbrella scene are timed so well. I am leaning in so hard with the tension.

"Got it, friend." "See you, friend." Why am I being crushed?

Excellent use of comedy after that scene. Gentle reminder of the kind of story we're in.

Gun going for a repeat on wiping his lips, eh?

Tinn and Tiw were not prepared for Gun's improvised kiss.

Oh, I had to pause. Usually Tinn likes when Gun grabs his chin, but he threw him off this time.

Finally, mutual open admission of the attraction. Good use of the friend zone graphic.

Oh lord we are at Church's Texas Chicken.

Tiwson knows his audience. "You are allowed to eat and watch."

I'm back in my The Way He Looks era and thinking about Gabriel asking, "If you stole a kiss, how would you give it back?"

I am always taken out by these boys flirting over chicken.

Okay, but do I get to see the music video???

Secret dating next week? Be still, my heart.

YES, WE GET THE MUSIC VIDEO!

#my school president #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

[faggot-friday]

i do love my chickens but sometimes they're very testy. i tried to leave their little section of the backyard (and when i say little i mean it's pretty fucking massive for a chicken like they have the whole area behind the shed and the water tanks and it's where the vegetable garden used to be so it's actually pretty huge probably about the same size as my bedroom) and they all decided to sneak around my legs (while they were very wet because of the rain and i'm wearing shorts so it was like when you're swimming in the ocean or the river and a plant touches your leg and you're like Oh No The Creachers They Are After Me and it's very terrifying even if you can see that they're your pet chickens that you've had for like a year) and escape into the backyard but i had all their eggs in my hands so i had to put the eggs down on the ground and keep the chooks away from them (because they'll try anything once they keep eating my shoes when i go in there and god forbid it looks like food cause i brought in a bucket for the eggs and it had pictures of strawberries on the outside and they went hogwild) while also trying to lure them back in but they kept going No Fuck You and running away from me (if you've never see a chicken run it is wild they basically gallop) so i had to carry them individually across the backyard (and we have a pretty fuckin big backyard) into their section and then close the gate behind them and make sure that none of them that were in there got out when i brought in another one and normally that's alright (except for the fact that they were wet and covered in shit but that's pretty standard for a chicken in the rain) because when you near them they just tense up so you can grab them very gently and just walk while holding them but there's one fucking chicken who refuses to be carried and will run as fast as she possibly can in the opposite direction if you even think about touching her but you can't leave her out because it's wet and you don't want her to be attacked by i don't fucking know foxes or whatever so you have to somehow sneakily grab her and carry her but they don't squirm once you've got them they just sort of look around blankly like What I Am Not Used To Being This Tall and once you put them down they're fine but then i have to see their sad sad little faces as they walk away like apollo why did you leave me here 🥺 but at least the eggs are fine right

[freakattack]

Im not done yet but move it thoughts so far (SPOILERS)

I hate this but i'm getting this out of the way right now because i am NOT pointing out every time this happens, but i cannot believe how much unintentional deviantart type shit is in this?? Obviously it's all goofy cartoon gags so it's innocuous in intent but with so many in quick succession it feels like we're checking off boxes here. Kids, there's nothing more cool than drawing characters you like, but if an anonymous stranger ever randomly approaches you asking you to draw "what if ashley was giant haha", THAT'S NO GOOD

One other thing before i get into the individual stages that i thought was weird even back when they released the trailers for this, and i'm being a little fun police about this, is fhat i dont like the implication that this ancient civilization was colonized and converted into a tourist trap. I don't know how i would have fixed this but seeing it all laid out like that is like oh, this feels sucky.

WARIO: I like the callback to smooves in his stage and also that he gets both in and out of trouble by being a massive dick. The new voice......it's gonnna have to grow on me

MONA: Was a little disappointed that she was looking for mermaids instead of like barnacles or something but it's fine, mermaids can be for everyone. Joe is a fucking maniac but i respect him.

THE CRYGORS: really fucking cute. I love the pose mike does when you win. Also, the retroactive cave drawings of each of them are super funny

ORBULON:

W

H

A

4.T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK first of all, i know i said that i wasnt gonna bring this up again but i really really hate the orbulon weight gain thing. Do you know how many of that exact image i have been accosted by before this game was even announced just by googling his name?? TOO MANY. And now all of them are REAL. I feel betrayed.

now that that's out of the way. WHAT!!!!!

I don't know how to feel about the oinker being alive. I'm at a loss. On one hand, it upends everything we know about the oinker. On the other hand, i too have a soul bond with my car

I enjoyed being able to look inside orbulon's brain. I think that is all i ever wanted to do in a wario game.

One thing i think is highly consistent with his old characterization is that he WOULD instantly welcome people worshipping him like a god

THE ORBULON DAD REVEAL. It's like. See I thought we were going to meet him in person and it would be like a big lore thing but this is literally a joke. I'm ok with a joke. I'm ok with a gaff.

I really appreciated all of the slapstick. If orbulon doesn't eat shit on the concrete is it even worth it

This is in a later cutscene but i'm addressing it here, i simultaneously love and hate the fact that orbulon is depicted sleeping on a lounge chair slurping a drink because i literally drew him doing exactly that in the next camping episode. I'm very happy that we are all in agreement that that is a thing he can do. But mark my words i did it first so you gotta act surprised okay

OK one last thing but i really liked rhe chicken rap

ASHLEY: Just your standard garden variety ashley cutscene. Even on vacation red needs a vacation

THE REMIX BUS: this is my favorite cutscene in the game. Super funny, love the chaos as well as seeing each character fooling around and just hanging out, and mike's singing is melodious. This is the peace all true warriors strive for

CRICKET & MANTIS: I think i said "WHAT" out loud like five times during both of these cutscenes. WHAT!!!!!!!!!

KAT & ANA: Similarly, CRACTUS??!!!?! FROM WARIO LAND??!! I enjoy how many random throwbacks this game has. Also, nice to see the return of leo even though i didnt care about him that much. He's alright

JIMMY T: Beautiful as always. 10/10 no notes

Dribblenspitz: I think there is more raw emotion in dribble's "AW, NUTS" than the entire rest of the game. Love their cutscene

Also love that REPORTER KEN is BACK and i guess he wears contacts now good for him. Love the traditional dribblenspitz sci fi shooter boss

#ok im going to go back to playing video games now bye

[blamemma]

Am I the only one who thinks he both looks a lot better/healthier then he did last season but also still no where near how he used to look? Like he still looks so thin even if he looks better. Especially when 2018/2019 pics float around on the dash and you’re comparing; he’s lost so much weight/muscle you’d think he had gone through a serious Illness or smth

going to answer this under the cut as i know weight/food/stress etc can be a very difficult topic for people x

as someone in the last year and a half went through a shit time and consequently lost a lot of weight, putting that weight on is just as much of a mind struggle and can also be difficult! i'd 100% agree with you, he definitely still looks thin, but its been 6-7weeks since the season finished and he's maybe let himself indulge a little and so i wouldn't expect to see a massive change in him yet, and he wouldn't have just finished the season and suddenly gotten over the mental health aspect of it all, that'll take work and time.... also as well he's always liked to do active things anyway (riding bikes, idk he probably went swimming a lot with his niece and nephew at the beach, that kinda thing ya know) so just naturally he will have been burning calories and being active...he may also just never look like his 2018/19 self again, he's gotten older (not a bad thing) and this might just be the way he looks now....to me what's the most important is that smile on his face looks so genuine and not the one he used to plaster on during interviews and i think that's a very good thing x

he's always mentioned as well that he enjoys healthy foods and that's why he finds diets quite easy, so i can imagine he's been indulging in some good bbq and chicken burgers and large bowls of his mums pasta but i also dont think he'll be sat on the sofa eating 10 bags of crisps and chugging soda (which would be perfectly ok also if he did do that)

#tw eating disorder #tw weight mention #anon #asks

[imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper]

I'm procrastinating both a paper and a chapter of a fic I feel cringe about so everyone vote on which of my more memorable dreams you like better! 1 A mom from one of my various childhood co-op groups is pulling corpses out of my front yard and shaking them at me menacingly, they appear to be people I'm supposed to recognize but I don't which makes it all the more uncanny. 2 I am biking with my parents, we are on my drive way but instinctively in the dream I know its meant to be a park, there's been a cougar in the area, my parents slice the tire of bike and leave me to die while I scream and cry, I am attacked by the cougar. 3 I am watching two children living in a house that is not mine but is set where mine should be from a floating outside perspective almost akin to the sims, there is an alien its got a face somewhere between Audrey jr. and a warthog with the bright colorings and striped patterns of a blue and red dart frog walking around on chicken legs, its a fast bitch and although goofy it is DEADLY. I cannot interfere, I watch the children fight for their lives. 4 I am at the zoo, I am four years old a there alone, I walk into the bathroom, IRL there's a black toilet of a specific model that was SO FUCKING LOUD in those bathrooms and it scared the shit out of me, I go to piss and the toilet shoots out a tendril of its nasty fucking toilet water, I am eaten by a toilet. 5 outside perspective, watching like a movie but also inside perspective and living it simultaneously, I am driving down a road I recognize very well from IRL, I am like three I am baby and I'm driving my mom's white minivan alone down this road during a thunderstorm, everything is in black and white, to my right sits a MASSIVE towering skyscraper of a barn or hay shed, its got no front only the walls the back and the roof giving me a view of all the hay inside, its dilapidated as hell and is strangely not black and white instead being a dull rusty brown color, lightning strikes it and it catches on fire and begins to collapse, it falls down on me and the minivan, bonus points for recurring nightmare.

6 I wake up alone in my house, in my room in my bed, everything is very correct, things are where they should be its incredibly realistic. There is an awful noise coming from outside. I am on auto pilot, I am aware of my actions and I DON'T want to do them but I do not have a choice. The awful noise continues, its like a dying animal, I get out of bed to go see, the living room windows don't have blinds, there is a thing outside, its trying very hard to look in the windows but it isn't doing very well, it looks almost human but almost is the important bit there, it can't seem to stand bipedal-y and its frustrated, it catches my eye, it looks like it should be dead, corpse like but like the awful gaudy Hollywood corpse all gaunt face and walking dead style zombie, sunken pupiless eyes, half corpse and half animal with barred yellow pointed teeth and a body too contorted to walk on four legs but not made to walk on two. I want to run away, its still looking at me, I have no control over my body, slowly I walk to the front door and unlock it. I step outside onto the front porch.

7 I dreamt that a new episode of the penguins of madagascar (my favorite show at the time) had aired. In it, I was watching the episode in the dream but also somehow just reading the synopsis, the penguins had build a robot fifth member, specifically Skipper had commissioned Kowalski to build it and things went wrong from there. I woke up excited to watch it and when I couldn't find it I was so determined that is simply hadn't been put on the pirating website I used at the time that I convinced my mother to let me check Amazon to see if it was listed there. It haunted me for weeks.

8 There is a torrential rain and thunderstorm raging outside our house and my family is all trapped inside for the evening, its been raining for a while and we're all a bit snippy. I look outside and see the face of a horrible old woman staring back at me, she's smiling like a cat that's got the cream. I run and tell my parents I am very scared and upset. They go to the door and open it, I see the woman but they don't, they see a scared little kid shivering in the rain. They let her in despite my protests, when my parent's aren't paying attention she continuously whispers threats at me "I'll kill you" being her very basic favorite. I can do nothing, my parents will eventually leave us alone together and she'll do whatever the hell she please to me. They let her in and I get to pay the price.

9 We are high up in the snowy mountains in a wooden chalet style resort. Its full of hot tubs, pools waterslides and treated pine wood luxury. Everything sort of plays like a reality tv show but its not meant to be one, it feels like one but its real life. I'm there with new husband, my husband is Speedy Gonzales. He is madly in love with me and I don't feel the same but I'm struggling to tell him so I avoid him which just upsets him, our relationship is falling apart and its my fault. When we're alone in our hotel room I break down and tell him, it feels like there's a camera shoved in my face even though there isn't. He breaks down sobbing, right before leaving the room and slamming the door he tells me "No one will ever love you" and I'm left alone in our honeymoon sweet. (To this day this is the most bizarre dream I've ever had if only because I have no clue why it was Speedy Gonzales a character I've never given a second thought to, my only guess is that the looney tunes show had seeped into my brain)

10 I am in bed, I am young and scarred, I cannot sleep, I cannot sleep because my closet is screaming, harsh scratchy screams, and the door is about to bust off its hinges. I get out of bed to go see, inside there is a formless black mass, approximately a man, it is swinging from a noose around its neck, its choking, its grasping at me, I can't tell if it wants me to help or if its trying to hurt me, there is a swirling red portal behind it glowing dimly that I instinctively know is a portal to hell. The bar in my closet the noose is hanging from breaks off and gets sucked in, the thing is dragged to hell by its neck and I watch helplessly. POLL:

#the word of grim #polls #nightmares #dreams #funny dreams

[bellewintersroe]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could have a BoB ship?

I’m pale, sort of auburn-blonde, green grey eyed, 5’6” and fairly slender but with big boobs and hips.

I'm very passionate, always smiling, empathetic, sarcastic, smart, and easy going. I hide behind my humor so people can’t get too close, and I overcompensate my shyness by talking to everyone, so no one believes I really am. I’m riddled with anxiety and massively self critical and can be stubborn and proud. But I try to always put others first, and I like to challenge myself. I’m fiercely loyal once I let someone get close to me. I’m a nurse, and I’ve been told that instead of being like “work wife,” I’m “work jester” because I just go around trying to make everyone laugh.

I love animals, especially dogs (I have 9, plus 1 geriatric cat and 8 chickens). I also love learning about anything and everything; I spend a lot of free time listening to lectures or watching documentaries. I’m an avid traveler and reader. Music is very important to me, and I listen to just about every genre from every era. Drawing and painting are my catharsis, but I love doing anything creative.

Thank you in advance! 🦊

Thank you for your request, sorry for the long wait!!! <3

I ship you with… Don Malarkey!!

Ahhhhh I was so torn on your request of who you’d match better? I definitely went for the more tender hearted, lovable, less in your face kinda guys????

When you mentioned how you used humour as a defence mechanism and also your selfless nature, I definitely leant towards Malarkey.

When you mentioned how you used humour as a defence mechanism and also your selfless nature, I definitely leant towards Malarkey.

I think Malarkey would definitely think you’re absolutely beautiful when he first lays eyes on you, let’s say somebody introduces you to one another and he goes all soft and shy??? He’s usually very playful, and maybe he is around your other friends, but around you he gets all nervous and a little awkward. It’s cute though.

lovesssss your hair, he thinks it’s such a unique and stunning colour that his eyes fixate on your fingers whenever they run through it.

Because you’re empathetic I think you could spot Malarkey’s shyness from a mile off, however because you’re so laid back and alwayssssss smiling it puts him right at ease.

adores your smile OMG, the two of you are grinning like Cheshire cats when you’re around each other and everybody can see what’s going on between the two of you.

I think you’d start out as besties who are secretly pining for one another and then one day (maybe after a couple of drinks) he kisses you and you’re shocked- he’s shocked too- but everything seems to work out perfectly from there.

he’s astonished by how beautiful you are and that you have the same feelings about him- most definitely asked ‘how are you this gorgeous’ and you’re literally like ummm idk that’s the 577th time you’ve asked me that.

Plays pranks on you the more comfortable you get with each other.

They progressively get meaner.

gets sad if you’re not smiling, really feels your emotions so he’s a super understanding guy.

he definitely doesn’t believe you when you tell him you were shy when you both met. Nothing could be as awkward as he was.

if you’re ever self critical or looking the slightest bit down, Malarkey notices this almost before you do.

he’d throw an arm around you and walk the two of you out to the most comfortable spot and kiss your forehead- ugh I’m so weak.

maybe if you’re working on rounds in the aid station and he can see you exhausting yourself, trying to boost morale, he’s the one that tells you, you need to rest.

in Bastogne he’d give you his hat and scarf- he’d never ever ever ever have his girl going cold or hungry or anything.

Very attentive, would ensure you’re not getting burnt out- and if you are then he’d talk you into just sitting for a good 30 minutes to rest.

doesn’t like you being in Bastogne, it scares the shit out of him- your relationship definitely becomes more mature??? Serious?? After this.

you’d be such a huge support for him after he looses Muck and Penkala. Seriously, just go give him a hug, he needs it.

after Bastogne you can see both your sarcastic, fun loving attitudes coming back. Of course it takes a while, but I think Malarkey really thanks you and is grateful for how truly amazing of a support you were to him and all the other boys, especially in Bastogne.

calls you Angel, love, my love.

Gets defensive if anybody is too nosy about your relationship- didn’t really think of it much, but after the war he’s really, deadly serious about marrying you and spending your lives together.

accidentally would mess up one of your drawings or paintings and almost cries- even if it’s a doodle on the back of a book or something.

sooooo soft and loving, like I said, always checking up to make sure what he’s doing is okay- this applies to during sex, I think especially after they’re finally moved off the line he’d be so attentive and caring.

those biceps, omg I’m blushing. Secretly loves it when you hold them. He’s not egotistical in the slightest so it makes him go all red.

loves animals just as much as you, it excites him the thought of you bringing home another animal, I think for a while he’d love having this as an escape after the war, whether it’s taking care of chickens or walking your dogs.

leaves you to your own hobbies in peace when you’re drawing or painting, but sometimes gets super involved and has drawing competitions.

you always win lmao.

gets surprisingly good at drawing???

You play music alllll the time in your house, and at first he acts embarrassed when you try to get him into certain songs and genres, but maybe a week later he’s humming along to the song, then the day after he’s singing it in the shower.

every song you play reminds you of him, so when you’re away he’d play them just for the comfort they bring.

misses you when you stay over at your friends for a night.

Would want lots of babies with you, he’s seen how good he can be at taking care of tiny, baby animals, so he gets more confident in his abilities of becoming a father.

would cry when his children are born, he’s super sentimental, and he’s a lot more open with his emotions with you than he’s ever been before.

family life is healing for Malarkey, the fact you’re such a patient and upbeat lover is super important to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I ship you platonically with… Babe Heffron!

Like you, Babe can get a little shy around new people especially, but he hides this well with how upbeat and chatty he is.

you both would click instantly, being a nurse you’d be a lot more accepting and caring of the replacements, so you’d get to know Babe pretty quick.

let’s say you’re attached to 2nd platoon, it makes sense that you’re closest to who you spend the most of your time with.

people like you are so important to have in the army, and out on the line as your bring morale up whenever it’s at its lowest.

babe see’s how much you hide behind your humour and worms his way in, probably asks you a million questions whilst you’re trying to sew up some poor guys forehead.

if you’re anxious I don’t think Babe would understand at first? He’d get a little worried and flustered and start hollering for Malarkey, but you assure him you’re fine.

Would just sit with you sometimes in silence, it’s the most comfortable and comforting thing for you both. Especially after Julian dies in Bastogne.

Constantly laughing together, talking about all kind of nonsense.

I think because you’re pretty creative you’d come up with fun little games to pass time, whether it be a new card game, or whatever else, Babe would LOVE to play.

I think you both bring out each others inner child.

asks you loads of questions about Malarkey, and Malarkey loads of questions about you.

both so loyal to one another, you’d definitely keep such a close eye on one another after the everything.

#Band of brothers ships #don malarkey #don malarkey x reader #Babe Heffron x reader