#i am an air sign i certainly don't want a serious romantic relationship

[thequietuptown]

I feel so mentally exhausted and I feel like it stems from trying to help my other with their trauma and depression. They've had their share of abusive relationships and family and they've told me I'm like a breath of fresh air with how caring and patient I am. I'm starting to reach my limit mentally though to the point I think I'm starting to develop headaches or migraines and dread going home when they might be having an episode and I have to try and help them.

Hello friend,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling exhausted. It's never easy being what may feel like the sole support for someone, especially when you know that person is trying. It's also not easy being the first person to provide someone with a loving and healthy relationship after they have survived any sort of abuse in previous relationships, romantic or otherwise. There is a lot of behavior that they have to unlearn, and that requires an incredible amount of patience, but even though you may love the other person with all your heart, there is nothing you can do to heal for them. And feeling like you fear going home or are maybe starting to resent them is a pretty clear sign that you need to have a serious conversation.

I really like the drop in cabin pressure metaphor in this situation. You have to secure your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. I have been in that position. I have been in a position where I felt like a caretaker instead of a partner. I have been in the situation where I dreaded answering the phone any time my partner called because I didn't know if I was finally going to snap at them. And, you know what? That's not really fair to anyone. It certainly wasn't fair to me, but it really wasn't fair to my partner at the time when I knew they were just trying their best.

I know that establishing boundaries with someone you love can be scary, and it can hurt when that person continues to push those boundaries. You don't want to disappoint them. You want them to know you love them. You want to be there for them, but if you can't be there for you, you won't be able to sustain being there for your other.

You're absolutely not a terrible person for feeling this way. Like you said, you're exhausted and it's beginning to take a physical toll on you. I hope you're able to find some way to relax and take care of yourself.

With love, friend!