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#i am ashamed
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Here’s some crack fics I wrote a month ago that haunt my restless dreams. Behold.
———
The archive is on fire
this bothers nobody.
the tape recorder is on, rolling like proud Mary. 
”Martin came into work today, fucking hate that man. Wish he would die. I’m such a good boss”
the door opens, and in comes Martin Crackhorn. “Sup you sexy snake, want some leaf juice?” “Fuck off you bastard, I’m reading about the mentally Ill.”
martin blushes. 
Tim bursts through the wall like the kill aid man, dressed head to dog in mr bonzo merch. And lingerie, but no one cares about that—there are more pressing matters. 
“I solved the arg mother fuckers, here’s my girlfriend.” Alice hand drier walked in on the ceiling, because trans people don’t like physics or any of its motives. “Wassup bitches, gimme a twenty.” 
“Why?” Sasha asks, crawling out from her desk chewing a table. “Because I’m so sexy that’s why.” 
They all nod in agreement. 
“Welp,” Elias says, notifying to everyone that he was still there with a slap of his 200 hundred year old knees. “I’m getting another divorce today, can’t stick around.” 
“Leave my dad alone!” Martin and Tim say, glaring at each other before Martin stabs Tim in the elbow. “They! That was new!!” 
Jon sighs. “I wish mr spider had just eaten me instead of billy wheeler.” 
“Womp womp” says nikola, taking his ear and chewing it like Tabasco. 
“I hate this life.” Gerry says, “make out with me,” says the sexy yellow door. 
“No thanks, I’m a book, we will never work.” Micheal runs away crying. 
“what did you just say to my grandson?” Gertrude has risen from the dead. “I think you’re confused gramma.” “No, I’m Gertrude.”
Eric is in the corner putting his eyes back in, but they’re backwards and he is horrified by the sight of his own Brian.
”marry me Juliet,” says Martin to his emotionally constipated boss. “No! I’m busy.” He picks up the binoculars and looks at Tim who is sat two feet from him on Alice’s lap. 
“Omg that’s so gay.” Alice is weeping openly now. 
Peter walks in, the room goes misty. 
“There you are, my prized little problem.” 
“Dad!” Elias gets a weird look, but no one follows up on it because Tim is missing both his girlfriend and his knees. 
Peter dips out after punching Jon in the emotions.
”I can see it all.” Jon gets punched by Daisy, who immediately smooches bassira on the forehead before jumping into the coffin. 
“Well,” “shit,” Berlin and Hoop are pale and normal looking, pay no attention to the zippers on their necks.
”it’s time to d-d-d-duel!” Mary has been skinned. Everyone ignores her. As they should. 
“Well,” Martin wants to say he didn’t see this coming, but he did. “I’m going to marry you.” 
“Oh word?” Jon and Martin have a wedding in spring. It is delightful, no one dies, and the priest is just happy to be free from the meaty clutch. 
Jared hopworth is the flower girl. It does not end well. 
The eyepocolypse is avoided, but Daisy still does because it’s what she deserves. 
Elias gets killed by jurgen lightener, who immediately dies of Ligma. 
All is well, except for Tim. He is suffering. 
Click.
———
Heavy metal blasts from her mouth.
”wassup twot, where’s the cheese?” Mary sighed. “We ‘ave non.” “Bullshit, give me the cheese before I ceaseless watcher you.” 
Mary visibly tenses. She pulls out an uno reverse. 
Gertrude eats it.
”Dearly beloved, get wrecked.” Gertrude does a backflip.
”I want your lungs.” “No, that’s gay.” 
The crusty dusty old bitches fight. Gertrude wins, the absolute girlboss.
Micheal comes out from Gerry’s room, no one ask why. 
“Oh no!” Gertrude’s eyebrows run away. “The consequences of my actions!” 
“I’m going to kill you.” 
“Nuh uh.” 
.
.
.
a gunshot rings out. 
Gerry is an orphan, Mary is still alive, Micheal is single, and Gertrude is secretly John Cena, hence why the eye couldn’t see her.
”if you don’t like my killer attitude—“
Eric bursts in. “You’re cheating on me?!” 
“What? No?” Gertrude is a confused old lady. 
“Not you— her.” “Oh, yes. She’s a lying scumbag.” 
Eric gets the rusty shears, but trips and dies. Not on the shears, but from embarrassment and testicular blueness. 
“Gerry wants to die.” No one knows who said it, but it’s very true. 
So he does.
momstermf enermguy. Bag for lumgs.
”I want to marry you so that we can divorce.” “Alright Elias, calm your saggy tits.” 
No one is happy, and Micheal is still a door. 
“Don’t @ me.” Gertrude is dead now, and all is at peace.
———
Martin was hungy. Tim owned a pet gorldfish. 
Can I make it anymore obvious?
”Martini, you absolute gay barnacle, have you seen my fish Charles-Jevil—“
Marin is choking on the fish. Greedy bastard.
Jon is crying in disappointment and also because of his severe and chronic lack of parents. 
Sasha is dead. No one knows why.
Tim has a gun, and breaks through a wall just to walk back in through the front door.
Will wood is blasting from every device, electronic and not. 
It’s just Red Moon. Again, and again. 
Elias walks in, hears will wood, and because he is a homophobe he immediately dies. 
Agnes would have come, but she was on a date with her boyfriend because they deserve happiness and they get it. 
Tim has been c4’d by Martin. The audience cheers, then weeps until the archive is flooded.
”My paper-work!” “Jon you fucking neek, no one cares about the fucking boxes you foolish bitch!!”
Jon is having a panic attack, and the water has eaten his shoes.
Tim has forgotten his anger, and since he is a ghost, he can get his pet fish back from Hades, Orpheus style. 
Spoiler, he looked back. She died.
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sourlemonjuice · 1 month
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Yeah… I redesigned Aphmau’s Pheonix Drop High stuff…. More Tomorrow…. Im so sorry dont look at me
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perotovar · 10 months
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Fish is the most talented pilot I know, and he’s grounded on a bullshit coke grab.
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cr0wded-r00m · 1 month
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tyler duremyu
how do i even use tumbrl this is so awkward
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aggressiveanon · 5 months
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i know im a platonic fic kinda guy but alas... angst
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"No! You're married to ME! SHE'S the other woman!..."
corpse bride! mikey by (the one and only) -> @averagerottmntsimp
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sandinthepipes · 4 months
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I need you to understand I ignored baldur's gate 3 until exams panic kicked in October. I knew NOTHING apart from Astarion being hot boy
And I was like "all these mf thirsting over Astarion, like yes we know, the most basic edgy character with white hair, what are you? 13?"
In character creation the game gives you a little preview of the companions, I didn't know they were playable, but I checked them out, and literally told my friend "oh no, I get it, people come for hot boy Astarion, and then stay for the goddess Karlach. Gale is the most sopping wet (derogatory) basic boring man ever, I fucking hate him btw, I hope he dies."
And look at me now.
How far I've fallen.
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detectivecarisi-1 · 1 year
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The Senator’s Daughter Chapter 3 (Bodyguard! Dave York x AFAB Reader.
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AN: Y’all... no one look at me lol. This is filthier than I expected (especially considering they haven’t even fucked yet) but uh... I have 0 friends and too much freetime so... yolo. Anyways please, enjoy! If you wanna be added to the taglist feel free to DM me :) also I’m a fool so... still working on a Masterlist whoops. 
Rating: EXPLICIT. So, minors, no. 18+ only!
Word Count: 4.7k 
Warnings: Oh where to start 🫣.. graphic descriptions of a wet dream, male and female masturbation, language, legal age gap, dave york has a filthy mouth, self-destructive behavior, talks of drugs and alcohol, Sudoku lol, sex toys, Dave York being a cocky bastard, degrading (a few uses of slut), praise kink, size kink… dom/sub undertones, dumbification kink…
Tags: @fatimaisabelpascal
@hayley1623​
Prolouge Chapter 1  Chapter 2  
You’ve barely hit the bed before Dave is on top of you, wedging his knee between your legs, spreading you open for him. You look up at him, eyes wide, you open your mouth, ready to ask him what he’s doing, but all your words turn to a loud moan as his mouth descends on you.
He’s kissing your neck, sucking bruises under your ear, and you bite your lip to keep quiet. Even though he’s barely touched you, you know if you open your mouth, you’ll beg for his cock.
It’s hard for you to compute how this man has you so aroused so quickly. He’s been nothing but cruel to you. on top of it all, he’s virtually taken away all privacy you’ll have for the next 5 months… and yet … you don’t care about that right now. All you care about is how incredibly attracted you are to this man. and seeing him, lose the control he holds on to so tightly, and focusing on your pleasure… it’s the most erotic thing you’ve ever experienced.
“Tell me to stop, baby, and I will. I’ll get up and we can pretend this never happened” he whispers in your ear, taking a second to bite your earlobe. His voice is rough, clipped with barely restrained lust, and you can feel how wet you are. You feel yourself dripping down your thighs … it’s embarrassing honestly. How he’s barely done anything, just hovering over you, his lips on your neck, his voice in your ear… has you melting beneath him. You forget about his cold eyes, and all you can think of is how badly you need him inside of you. How you are beyond desperate for him to touch you.
“Please… please don’t stop, Mr. York… want this so bad”, it comes out much higher pitched and whiny than you had meant for it to. You had hoped you could have a low, sultry voice, but you’re so fucking turned on by this man, your body, even your voice… can’t seem to wait any longer for him.
You’ve never felt this pathetically desperate for someone. Never felt empty, for a man before. You can actually feel your cunt clenching around nothing needing him to fill you, with his fingers, his tongue, his cock… anything, and all he’s done is kiss your neck…
… until he pulls your pajama shirt off, revealing your bare chest to him. He kisses his way down your neck, biting as he goes, before he looks up at you, as covers your nipple with his mouth.
It’s a sin, really. how beautiful he looks right now. those cold, dark eyes, now have a mischievous, cocky glint, as he swirls his tongue around your nipple. His hand reaches up to roughly grab your other breast, as he gently bites down on your sensitive bud. Your back arches off the bed as you moan for him, and he gives you a confident smile as he moves to do the same to the nipple he neglected.
Fuck … it feels so fucking good. you’ve never had someone spend this much time savoring you, the other people you’ve picked up from the club have been too quick to lay you down and shove a finger inside you until your wet enough, driven by their own selfish need to hurry and fuck you. But .. Dave York … you can tell he’s the type of man to tease you until you’re begging for him. The type that wants to watch you slowly come undone over and over again … until you’re crying under him. Then, and only then, is he going to fill you, and fuck you like you deserve.
It’s the type of patience and understanding that only comes from an older man with plenty of experience in how to please a woman.
And it’s the hottest fucking thing you’ve ever experienced.
You’re convinced you could cum, just like this. Only from this incredibly sexy man with his mouth and hands on your tits. You feel yourself get embarrassingly close to your high, as you begin to lift your hips, desperate for something between your thighs. But you know better than to touch yourself… you can tell Dave wouldn’t like that. No, you know Mr. York wants to be in control of your pleasure, you know he’d be upset if you took a second of this from him… part of you is curious to see what would happen if you were to piss him off, but you mostly just want him to fuck you.. so, you put that thought on the back burner for now.
You’re grinding your hips into him… and… oh god he’s so fucking big. you can feel his cock, achingly hard, through his dress pants. It’s long, but you’re really amazed by how thick he is. The most beautiful fucking cock you’ve ever seen, and he hasn’t even taken off his pants yet…  if you weren’t so distracted by your own need, you’d question how you’re going to fit him inside you.
Dave bites your nipple again, much harder than before, the feeling borders on too painful, but your cry of pain turn into a low moan as a rush of pleasure overtakes you when he kisses it better. He groans as you continue to dry hump him. you should be embarrassed by your brazenness … but it feels too good for you to care.
“If you want something, princess, all you have to do is ask. I’ll give it to you. you just gotta use your words, pretty girl…” God you wanna ask for it. you wanna beg for him to flip you over and fuck you until he fills you with his cum, and then fuck you again. you want him to keep going until you’re both completely spent and there is nothing left for him to give you, you want to drain him until he’s filled you with every single ounce of his cum… but it seems all your thoughts are currently preoccupied with how he’s began grinding his impressive length on your clothed pussy ,meeting your desperate movements. That leaves all mental capacity for forming words completely blank and all you can do is moan his name…
He smiles, proud of himself, before he shifts his voice into something crueler, mocking, almost, as he starts grinding into you harder.
“Awe… poor baby. are you cockdumb already? look at you… desperate, dirty, pretty girl … barely even touched her and she’s thoughtless for me. my poor, pathetic little slut. you want me to fix it for you, baby? I can make it all better for you. all you gotta do is say ‘I’m yours, sir’ that’s all you gotta do, pretty girl. and I’ll make you feel so fucking good, baby. I’ll fuck you so good all you’ll be able to think about, every day, is how good I treat you. you just gotta tell me you’re mine, princess, that’s all I need.”
oh. oh fuck.
Is it possible to cum from someone’s words alone? Cause even if he weren’t grinding into you right now, you’re sure his words would be enough to send you over the edge. No one has ever spoken to you like that, and honestly, if it were anyone other than Dave York calling you a pathetic little slut, you’d slap them and send them on your way… but something about how he said it to you, how he’s still swirling his tongue around your sensitive nipple …
Wait … how the fuck is he whispering absolute filth into your ear, while still swirling his tongue around your nipple?
You start to question if this man is some sort of God or some fucking shapeshifter, which honestly, that’s dope too, when “Man After Midnight” by ABBA starts loudly playing… ruining the moment cause … c’mon, it’s a terrible song to fuck to.
And you wake up.
You wake up… fuck you wake up. You’re remembering now, laying down after Dave took your flask, and deciding to sleep it off … you must’ve set an alarm, so you don’t sleep the entire day away. You made that mistake once; it ruined your sleep schedule for a month.
You’re realizing that it was just a beautiful, incredibly hot dream. You … just had a fucking wet dream about your bodyguard. But, you don’t even have it in you to be ashamed because you’re currently just as desperate for Da- Mr. York, as dream you was.
You’re uncomfortably wet. You know your panties are ruined, and you can already tell that the second you get up, there’s going to be a wet spot on your sheets below you… fuck… you need to cum. Dream Mr. York knew exactly what to do to make you needy, and you woke up so turned on you can’t think of anything other than how badly you need to orgasm.
“Will you turn that shit off.”
You yelp as you look over to find Mr. York sitting in the chair by your makeup desk. He’s not even looking at you, too distracted by some book in his hands. you read the cover “100 Extremely Hard Sudoku Puzzles!” and you hold back a laugh as you look at the man you just had an incredibly hot wet dream about… having a book dedicated to sudoku puzzles. What a “middle aged man” thing to own.
His distraction from the, presumably difficult, round of sudoku he’s playing allows you to shamelessly check him out. His suit jacket from earlier is draped behind the chair he’s sitting in, along with his tie that he’s no longer wearing. His light blue shirt is unbuttoned a little, and his sleeves rolled up. You bite your lip as you process how relaxed and undone he looks. his legs are loosely crossed, and he leans forward to rest the book on his lap as he sighs and looks up at you expectantly, annoyed, like he’s waiting for something.
ABBA is still blasting behind you.
“Shit! Sorry.” You’ve really gotta change your alarm sometime soon.
  Quickly, you turn it off, it’s 4:31. you’ve been out for most of the day. you feel … much better. aside from a minor headache … thankful that you’ve slept for at least 6 hours.
“Wait… Mr. York have you been in here this whole time?” He’s back to his sudoku… he doesn’t even look up “yup.” He says it like it’s … not really fucking weird to just be in a girls room, playing sudoku of all things, while she sleeps.
“… you gonna tell me why?” He still doesn’t look at you. “You were still drunk. had to make sure you didn’t choke on your vomit or anything.”
The realization hits you … you just had a fucking wet dream about this man. and he was in the room with you the whole time. “And did I choke on my vomit or anything?”
If you weren’t watching him so closely, you may have missed how the corners of his lips quirk up in a small smile, before falling back to his usual, stony expression. “Nope. just … mumbling to yourself.”
Holy shit… you swear you feel your heart stop.
He puts the book down and looks at you, feigning concern for you, “why? you feeling okay?”
This bastard. You can see the devious look in his eyes. You see right fucking through him. If you weren’t so frustrated by how he definitely knows you were having a less than wholesome dream, you’d be mortified. But his usual smugness makes your blood boil with enough rage to forget about the embarrassment you should be feeling.
“I’d be better if you weren’t just watching me sleep. Mr. York, is this really necessary? What am I gonna do in my sleep, start sleep walking and do a line?”
Of course, now he’s back playing sudoku. “Is your name Till Leland?” Your brows furrow “obviously not?” “Are you my boss?” This fucking asshole. “No. But,… don’t you think-” He puts the book down and glares at you, and the asshole has the audacity to cut you off, “then don’t question how I do my job.”
This guy sucks. He is the most infuriating person you’ve ever met. He makes your blood boil in ways you didn’t even know were possible.
… but you’re still ridiculously turned on. Not only is he absolutely gorgeous, you just know that he’s not just all talk. No, the type of confident, bordering on cocky, aura Dave York has, only comes from a man who knows exactly what he’s doing. All you can think of is how close dream you was to cumming and the intense, ache resting at the bottom of your stomach.
“Okay … fine whatever…” you realize there’s no arguing with him about this, but you’re awake, clearly not choking on vomit, so, “can you leave now?” “No.” you freeze for a moment, looking at him in confusion, this can’t be normal to him, right? “Do you not see how you’re being a total creep?”
He shrugs, filling in a few blocks of his stupid sudoku puzzle. “My job is to watch you, princess,” you remember how dream Dave called you that, real Dave obviously said it as a bit of an insult, but still, you feel your pussy get even wetter, you didn’t even think that could happen. He pretends to not see the shock on your face as he continues, “gonna have to be a little ‘creepy’ to keep you from drinking yourself to death.”
Okay, fair. He is just doing his job, but watching you while you sleep? “Mr. York what do you think I’m gonna do while I’m sleeping?”
Still, he is completely enraptured by this stupid fucking sudoku game, he looks up at you for a moment, smirks, and looks back down at the book. “While you’re sleeping? nothing.’ But you could’ve been faking it, and waiting for the right moment to use the sheets you got tied together in the fourth drawer of your dresser to climb over that balcony and sneak out.” After he says that he looks up, just in time to see your jaw drop.
He searched your room. He fucking searched your room. While you’re sleeping, he went through your room. 
You try to run through everything he could’ve found. your eyes instinctively drift to your bedside table, feeling your face warm with embarrassment as you know he probably found what you keep in there.
He sets the book down, and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, smirking at you. “Already found that, princess. you got quite the collection, huh?” For once, he’s holding eye contact while speaking to you.
This. Fucking. Bastard.
He’s brazenly smirking at you, clearly proud of himself for rendering you speechless. Your eyes are wide, mouth open, trying to figure out where to start with him. You’re struggling to wrap your head around what is happening. The way he switches from ignoring you, to now? He’s… toying with you. He shrugs and smiles, picking up the sudoku book again, looking away, “you keep having dreams like the one you had earlier, I see why you need so much.”
You watch him, smiling to himself. like he just knows you’re on your bed, wanting to dissolve into it and fade from existence. You’re so fucking embarrassed right now you could die. you honestly wish you would.
He knows. He knows.
You can’t look away from him, your jaw is on the fucking floor, and for a moment, you swear you feel your fight or flight kick in.
But then… you notice him shift a little. You let your eyes follow the movement. Then, embarrassment is numbed a little when you notice his raging hard-on pressing against the front of his pants, before he attempts to cover it with tightly crossing his legs and resting the godforsaken sudoku book on his lap.
But you see it. It fills you with a twisted sense of pride as you see the evidence that not only did he hear you dreaming of him, but he liked hearing you.
Your eyes narrow a little, as you zero on his failed attempts to hide how turned on he is. You can’t get a great view, but you see the tent in his dress pants, and you watch the muscles in his thighs twitch, his left leg bouncing up and down on the floor. You almost feel bad for him. You know exactly what he must be feeling, you feel that same, ache between your legs.
You consider your options, ignore it, crawl over and suck his soul out of his dick, or… you could tease him like he’s been teasing you.
You decide you like the third option the best.
You take a deep breath, trying to brace yourself for what you’re about to do, as you finally respond to him. You don’t even take a second to consider the repercussions of this plan, especially since it’s flimsy. It requires him to look at you, to watch you. But you’re too turned on and frustrated, both caused by Mr. York, you don’t even care.
“I have a feeling ‘those dreams’ are gonna be a bit more common from now on.”
Instead of looking up at you, he keeps his eyes on the book. “Oh yeah? why’s that?” You watch his jaw flexing as he tries to maintain a neutral, unbothered expression.
Your heart sinks for a moment, but you're not one to accept defeat yet, adapt, improvise, overcome.
You lean over and open your bedside table, swallowing your nerves as you pull out your vibrator. You make sure to shut the drawer loudly, and a harsh slam echoes through your room.
Dave raises an eyebrow but doesn’t move.
Looks like you’re taking things even further.
You get out of bed, taking a moment to notice the prominent wet spot on your sheets, exactly how you knew there would be. Slowly, you walk to your dresser pulling out a spare pair of underwear, and a clean towel. You saunter over to Dave, “I’m gonna hop in the shower, again. kind of broke a sweat while I was sleeping.” He nods, you see that funny little muscle in his jaw twitch again “Sounds good. I’ll be here.” His voice is tight with restraint.
But he’s still not looking at you.
“How’s that game of sudoku?”
He chuckles, dryly, “struggling more than I’d like to admit.” He flexes his jaw again, and you catch the double meaning behind his words.
You lower your voice, trying to sound as sultry as you can, and you purr, “let me help you, Mr. York.” You make your way over to him at your makeup desk, standing behind him. Crouching down till your head is almost resting on his shoulder as you look at the puzzle. You take your vibrator, and place it down right next to him on the desk. His eyes follow the movement, and you watch, as his jaw goes slack, and he turns to look up at you.
Initially, his eyes are soft, his face relaxed with shock, until they process the self-satisfied smile on your face, and they harden with lust.  
You pretend to not notice as you study the puzzle. You’re so close you can smell his shampoo, and it’s filling your senses and all you can think of is how bad you want him to bend you over the desk and make you look at your own reflection in the mirror as he ruins you.
But … you wanna get back at him. so, you slowly reach down, grabbing the pencil from his hand, allowing your fingers to touch as you do. You process how big his fingers are, and your cunt clenches as you imagine how incredible they would feel inside you.
Leaning down a little, you whisper in his ear “4 next to the 9, Mr. York.” As you move the book to rest more sturdily on his lap, letting your fingers lightly graze his (very poorly) hidden erection.
Oh … oh fuck.
His cock must be achingly hard, begging for release, and you have to focus all your strength on holding back a moan as he quietly sucks in a breath when your fingers brush across the top of his clothed erection.
To your surprise, it’s just as perfect as you (literally) dreamt it was. As much as the thought makes your knees go week, you want to toy with him like he did with you, so you do as you said you would, and write the 4 in the box next to the 9.
“Something got you distracted, Mr. York? You seem to have gotten the rest of the puzzle just fine, what happened?” You whisper in his ear again, you’re right next to him, if he leans you’d be touching. You wouldn’t be able to hold back any longer if that happens.
He never once looked away from you since he noticed the vibrator on the desk. His face tight with frustration and overwhelming desire. You want to look away, but you can’t. He’s so fucking beautiful, you’re having to remind yourself to breathe. He looks down at your lips for a moment, before moving back to your eyes, “I’m never distracted princess, I always win these types of games.” His voice is a low, rumbling whisper by now. you hear in his voice how he’s barely restraining himself, but he holds your gaze. He refuses to look away.
The tension between you two is so thick. It would be … so easy for you to walk around him, climb on top of him, and bring you both the relief you’re obviously needing.
He holds eye contact with you, as you hand him the pencil back, and grab the vibrator. before stepping away from him, breathing heavily.
Neither of you say anything as you slip into the bathroom. You don’t notice the way he shamelessly watches your ass, reaching down to grab his throbbing dick through his clothes, trying to focus on breathing, the second you turn your back.
The second the bathroom door closes behind you, you’re tearing your pajamas off. Rushing to turn on the shower, not even caring to check the temperature, before you step in and lay on the floor of your shower, turning on your vibrator to the highest setting, pressing it to your swollen clit.
You know Mr. York can hear the loud buzzing, barely covered up by the sound of the shower, but crazy enough, the thought of him hearing you like this, turns you on even more. You imagine his hands, his big fucking hands, roughly grabbing your breasts, just like he did in your dream. Based off the outline of his cock that you saw, you can tell that he’s just as turned on as you are, you watched his eyes, you saw his restraint cracking, and you whimper as you imagine how he would not be gentle with you.
Imagining Mr. York choking you to keep you quiet, you reach up and wrap your free hand around your throat, groaning as you tighten your grip. You’re already so close, you feel the pressure building in your core, you feel that coil tightening, so you let go of your neck, and slide two fingers into your cunt. The mixture of the vibrations on your clit, and your fingers curling inside you have you seeing stars. you wish it were Dave… God you wish his fingers were filling you, you know it would be so fucking tight for him, but you’d take it. You’re so fucking wet right now, he’d slide right in, but you can already tell there’d still be a slight burn as you struggle to take him.
Your cunt starts to desperately squeeze your fingers, and you imagine him, naked, fingering you, calling you princess, calling you a dirty, desperate little slut, as he brings you to your high, and then… you cum. You finally fucking cum.
You don’t even realize that you moan out his name as you do.
When you come down from your high, you struggle to stand up in the shower on your shaking legs, breathing heavily. Leaning on your shower wall for support,  you wonder if he heard you. ———————————————— He did.
He hears every little noise and gasp that comes out of your mouth. He tries to distract himself with another round of sudoku, but he hears you call out his name in a strained moan… and he swears he almost came in his pants like a teenager. He reaches down, and roughly grips his cock, breathing deeply through his nose.
He’s trying to focus on anything but your moans, but instead all his brain can do is replay your cries, your fingers grazing his cock, how he was so close to you he watched your pupils dilate with need, he could smell your vanilla lotion, he could see your fingers shaking ever so slightly as you put the 4 next to the goddamn 9…
He’s never been this hard. not that he can ever remember. Never for carol. Never for any other girl he’s fucked. But you… you and your annoying, spoiled little attitude, your wide eyes, your soft fingers… something about you makes him want to possess you. He wants you in such a primal way, it even scares him. He was so close to breaking down the door of the bathroom, pulling his cock out, and getting in the shower with you until he actually makes you scream for him, it actually scares him a little. He had to remind himself, this is his clients daughter that’s he’s thinking of.
But your moans in your sleep, your soft fingers grazing him, your mouth next to his ears, you are screaming for him…
Dave has never been a good man. So, he chooses to accept this revelation as another one of his dark secrets.
When you emerge from the shower, he sees your face relaxed in a post-orgasm glow. He makes eye contact with you, closing the book and giving you his full attention. You freeze in the doorway and look to the ground nervously. He watches as you enter the bedroom, that confident, bold attitude you had when you grazed his cock, gone. You’re suddenly unsure of yourself, trying to hide the vibrator you all but waved in his face 30 minutes earlier, as you slip it back into your bedside table.
Dave never stops watching you.
You turn, looking up at him with wide eyes, you open your mouth to say something, but instead, you frown, throw on a clean hoodie over your t-shirt, before turning to go downstairs to eat dinner with your father. —————————————— The moment you leave the room, Dave is rushing to his bedroom. He pulls his cock out and closes his eyes as he imagines it’s your smaller, softer hands wrapped around him, jerking him off instead of his own. He imagines you, sinking to your knees, opening your mouth to let him fuck your face, only pulling away from his throbbing length long enough to beg him to cum in your mouth. His hand moves faster as he imagines you gagging on his cock, slipping a hand into your panties to rub your clit, because you just can’t wait for him. He uses his thumb to run over the slit of his cock, feeling the pre-cum beading at the tip. He tightens his grip when he imagines how good you’d suck his dick. How you’d hollow your cheeks to make it tighter for him, how you let him use your face while you gag and take it like a good fucking girl, with tears running down your face. With a loud groan, he cums when he pictures the same wide eyes you gave him when you got out of the shower, after fucking yourself with your fingers and a vibrator, crying out his name… he pictures your big, beautiful eyes, innocently looking up at him, as he uses your mouth.
He cums all over his hands and it leaks onto the floor. He prefers to imagine it was your pretty face.
After cleaning himself up, he meets you and your father downstairs for dinner.
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elizakai · 5 months
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ehe <3
…..
i want you to grasp. i have spent the last 45 minutes a complete mess. my face is still burning. i have, quite literally, never been so flustered in my life.
I wish I was being dramatic.
…..there is no worthy response.
…I-
99999999999999999999/10
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wield-the-mighty-pen · 6 months
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I have done further examination of the "longest day ever" and the 5 episodes and special that make it up, and realized that I must have been mistaken in my understanding of the timeline.
We see Adrien fall asleep and even see Nathalie check on him sleeping in Multiplication so my original thought was that this was the end of the canonical day.
However, Multiplication couldn't have taken place after the Paris special as we see the sun rising at the end of the special and the parts of Multiplication that are in "the longest day", are pretty obviously still at night
What we know so far as the timeline:
The events of Risk
The events of Strikeback
The events of Evolution
After this is where it gets tricky, We know at some point Adrien must have fallen asleep, but the time of night that we see him asleep versus the time that we see him awake, implies that at some point, he wakes up.
What might be a considerable clue of what the episode order is, is the fact that Adrien, at the start of the Paris special, rather than focusing on his recent conversation, is still stressing about what he did to Monarch.
Additionally, we see Adrien fall asleep with a phone laying on his chest, it would have been very easy for the alert from Ladybug to have woken him up (I'm pretty sure Adrien is canonically a light sleeper) and gotten him to head to the Grevin Museum
This seems to imply that Multiplication takes place prior to Destruction and Destruction (which is still nighttime) would be prior to the Paris Special.
All of this considered, I offer the amended timeline of "the longest day ever":
The events of Risk
The events of Strikeback
The events of Evolution
The events of Multiplication
The events of Destruction
The events of The Paris Special
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
and please ignore Adrien, Tom, and Sabine all changing from their pajamas into regular clothes
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magnuspng · 2 years
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shoutout to supportive flatmates
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wanderingstupifsoup · 8 months
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I've been telling myself that nothing will ever convince me to watch hamilton, til' i realized that the actor of noah plays in hamilton.
Why? Because i could imagine mirage somehow finding his way in by using a hologram and squealing everytime noah appears on stage OR make a lil drone buddy where he can illegally watch the musical.
Why am i so delusional for mirnoah.
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kawotari · 11 months
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Layton redraw collab with @spidyjade !! (go see her Luke or Hershel will come for you... with puzzles of course)
(original artwork under the cut)
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mama-wrath · 1 year
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It’s kinda ass but I’m too lazy to change anything :)
(I swear I will stop drawing Shtopor like this…. Eventually)
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seventeenpins · 20 hours
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pls don’t talk to me or my seven dozen eggs or my mountain of v8 energy ever again
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paindemiserables · 1 year
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the girlies
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karlrose · 16 days
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I think I have thoroughly outed myself as having a thing for blonde boys with trauma
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