#i am dead. i will never do anything ever again

[ccrites]

Signal Lost

I've had something happen to me that's so incredible and that I could have never hoped, something so touching and so unbelievable that it made me rethink a whole lot of stuff: a wonderful reader on Ao3 started reading my long-form fic (101k words!!!) and commented basically every chapter after a certain point. And wow, I would have never thought something like this might happen.

And yeah, it is my first fic with plot in it, yeah I will never believe it to be perfect, but it's good enough. And receiving all those emails from Ao3 really was the highlight of my days over the course of which I saw said reader slowly go through all my favorite parts!

And so I wish to give it some spotlight here, while I'm finishing up my school year and work and whatever! I will post this here for now, but I will drop chapters every few days and make a Masterlist for it this weekend. I have too many loose ideas in my head so this is just to pass the time till the brain worms wiggle all in the same direction

So without further ado:

Link to AO3 here : Signal Lost - a John Price x reader fic

----- here's a blurb to pique your interest!

“I don’t think I’ve ever received a document as classified as this one. What am I supposed to do with it, Kate?” he says, dragging his thumb across the pile of papers, each file filled with more ink than the last.

“You asked for proof, there’s your proof,” Laswell says.

“You said you’ll bring someone competent, and who can help us, this doesn’t tell me shit.” He stares blankly at the screen, tired. She stares back.

“The Captain specifically asked to keep this under wraps.”

He rubs at his face, scratching at his beard. It’s getting long again.

“Who is he, anyway?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

He groans again, picking up the file on top. No photo, no name, no age, no height, weight, no nothing . And he thought Simon was secretive.

“What can you tell me?”

“It’s the closest we’ve ever gotten to him. Did things a particular way.”

He shifts through the papers. “And the discharge?”

“Left after the entire team got wiped out. Messy stuff.”

“That why he doesn’t show his face?” He bends forward, grabbing the cigar from the ashtray and bringing it to his lips.

“John.” Her voice carries a heavy warning.

“Just sayin’,” he says, biting around the cigar with one side of the mouth. “What kinda captain doesn’t go down with his men?”

“Got enough guilt as is. You’re lucky I convinced them.”

They both remain silent. They know the missions would be a slippery slope. One wrong move and a war is started. He puffs a cloud of smoke.

“Anything else?” John asks.

Kate looks to the side, her face illuminated by another screen. He can see her hesitate, her lips are pursed in a thin line as if she’s debating her options.

“You’ve worked together before.”

His face lights up. “Finally! Who?”

Her face immediately hardens back up. “Can’t tell, John, my hands are tied.” She sighs. “You were still a Lieutenant.”

Years ago then. He mentally catalogs everyone he’s ever worked with, but he knows that at that age, he was throwing himself at every available mission, wanting to make a name for himself. “So an old fart then? How’s that gonna help us?” If the guy was a Captain when he was still a Lieutenant, and he felt himself grow old, he can’t imagine who Laswell is bringing back from the dead.

Laswell’s face distorts, he knows he’s pushing her buttons, but he has to know.

“Not older than you John.”

His eyebrows raise. “Oh?”

---

or

returning to the military to hunt Makarov is hard enough, to do it with your past lover is even harder. a "friends to lovers to enemies to friends and back to lovers" story

---

Tags and other CW: will be posted for each chapter containing warnings for more hardcore stuff (i.e., torture and angst namely), but this is a fanfic, with smut, so if you want all the tags feel free to check the ao3 link bc there are a LOT and I am lazy to retype them all here

#cc writes #141 #tf 141 #call of duty #ghost #soap #gaz #price #john price #price x reader #captain john price x reader #captain john price #reader insert #fanfiction #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #ghost is kinda a softie in this one #price is a bit of an asshole at the beginning but you'll see i dont wanna spoil anything #reader is badass but has issues lmao thats the only way i can describe it #you can see when my writing style sort of improves so don't compare it to my most recent stuff lmao #anyway enjoy

[groenendaelfic]

I have quite literally not stopped thinking about the basket baby snippet since you posted it! I'm happy to wait but can I be cheeky and ask for any more tidbits, how ever tiny, about the basket baby fic? Like baby name reveal, another snippet, chapter 2 outline...anything at all please I will give you my first born child! (I am amypond on ao3 btw - happy for you to publish this ask)

ah basket baby! Thank you for not forgetting, and of course you can always ask. I love basket baby. One day it will even be born. Why oh why can't I write fic full time, I would be so much more productive and efficient 😅

For a few very foolish seconds Simon considers naming the baby Wilhelm.

He loves Wilhelm and he misses him, can't imagine what he must have been going through this past year, alone safe for the very much not amused Royal Court, no doubt at some estate hidden away in the countryside, not even allowed the familiarity of his own rooms.

He also hates Wilhelm. For not finding a way to tell him, to have them be together, because surely, surely it can't be that impossible, can it?

Except of course it can. Simon's mom was accosted by Royal Court lawyers at work, and that was them being nice. It is exactly that impossible.

Tears spring to his eyes. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. It'd hurt to much. It'll hurt anyway, holding the baby in his arms, knowing it's the only part of Wilhelm he'll ever get to hold again.

He already loves the child more than his own life, and the more he looks at the tiny, scrunched up face getting ready to cry, the more he can see Wilhelm reflected in it.

He shifts his grip, pulls the baby closer and hums a melody he hopes is soothing. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. The baby is not Wilhelm, and it deserves better, deserves its own name. One which isn't a constant reminder of its unreachable parent.

Not that he'd be allowed. No matter how popular the name Wilhelm in all its forms has remained in Sweden ever since Wilhelm was born. The Royal Court would not allow it, and Simon can't risk angering them before the baby isn't officially his and he has the paperwork to prove it.

So not Wilhelm then, he thinks, as the baby bursts into tears. Simon would give anything to be able to cry along, to crumble and break, but he's a father now and his child comes first, even if he has no clue what to do.

He just put on a fresh diaper with the patient help of his mom and it can't be time for another bottle.

"He can sense that you're upset," his mom explains when he asks, and oh doesn't that suck.

He doesn't put the baby back in its basket however, nor does he hand it to his mom. Instead he cuddles it closer and starts humming again.

His precious, precious child. His and Wilhelm's.

A tear rolls down his face. He's hurt and angry and scared, hating the Royal Court and the world and everything for being so absolutely, thoroughly unfair.

Everything except his baby, who is innocent and beautiful and perfect.

It didn't ask to be born, and certainly not into a family like this, to a legacy like this. The monarchy is not its only legacy however, and suddenly Simon knows what he's going to call it.

Not a Swedish name. Nothing to tie it to the long line of ancestors who want nothing to do with it. Not Carl or Magnus or Gustav. Not Erik either, or at least not as a first name.

Something Spanish. Something to ensure his child will never consider itself an unwanted royal bastard too embarrassing to be acknowledged.

Something powerful. A reminder that he is also part Venezuelan, and that that is something to be proud of.

Yes. He'll name the baby after his maternal grandmother. There is no person living or dead he can think of who is stronger or more determined in the face of hardship than his abuela.

It will make her happy, it will make him happy, and if royals can do it, then he can do it, too. Only better and with less toxicity, less historical baggage to weigh it down.

He'll make sure no one will ever compare his precious baby boy to anyone. Will ensure he'll get to pave his own path however he wants. He loves his child, his and Wilhelm's, and whatever he can do to keep it safe he will.

"Alejandro," he tells his mother, and because he can't ignore Wilhelm's one single request adds, "Alejandro Erik Eriksson."

For a moment he considers using the Spanish version for Erik as well, if only out of spite, but that wouldn't be fair to Wilhelm. That, and it would remind him too much of his mom's favorite singer.

His mother bites her lip and nods.

It's the right choice. The only choice, and Simon can only hope little Alejandro will think so, too.

#basket baby #ask me anything #young royals #wilmon #fic snippet #young royals fic

[luna13e-blog]

Rosekiller. TW: Mentions of abuse, necromancy, dead rabbits.

"I'm going to kill him", Barty said through clenched teeth but his hand kept softly tracing the scars over Evan's back. Some were almost invisible but some other were new, angry pink over pale skin. They weren't there before the summer.

"I've had it worst", Evan shrugged.

Barty flinched, remembering second year when Evan came back to school with three broken ribs, left unhealed. "I know." It took him and Regulus a month to make him talk and a while more to make him smile again. "It doesn't make me want to kill him less."

Evan shuffled on his chest, moving to be able to see him. His blue eyes looked at him with worry. "I'm sorry", he mumbled.

Barty sighed, his hand still tracing patterns over Evan's skin. "It's not you who I am mad with, big boy."

"But I made you upset", Evan argued before letting his head fall again. "M'sorry".

Barty looked at the head of blonde hair over his chest and the huge body that suddenly looked small in there. He sighed, nuzzling the top of Evan's head with his nose. "Don't ever apologize for this".

"But..."

"Don't."

Even nodded slightly, closing his eyes. "I'm getting better at it", he whispered, "I'll be better next time and he'll stop."

Barty's eyebrow furrowed. "Evan..."

"It's fine." There wasn't anything fine with any of it.

"I swear..."

"Don't kill him, Barty"

"Why?!"

"Because if he dares to touch you, I'd have to kill him again and necromancy isn't my strong suit", the blonde stated simply.

Barty looked at him surprised but Evan didn't notice. A hint of a smile still creeped its way up his mouth. "Have you tried?"

"Mhm", Evan mumbled between a yawn. "Last year. A dead rabbit I found in the backyard."

"Why?"

"I was bored", Evan shrugged again. "He looked like good company, he wasn't."

Barty stared at the huge boy on his chest and his jaw sets again at the image of Evan alone in his parent's summer house. The scars seem to shine under the dim light that finds its way through his bed curtains. He stayed quiet while Evan slowly fell asleep with a peaceful expression he never had when he was awake.

"I'll kill him", he whispered again, low enough not to wake Evan up.

It was a promise.

Even when, at sixteen, there wasn't much he could do.

~~~~~~

Notes: For reasons I can't comprehend this was written hearing 16 and in love by Spencer Jordan. And yes. I'm trying to write shorter things. Not really succeeding.

Pd: They are fucked up kids and I love them, your honor.

#rosekiller #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #slytherin skittles #marauders #baby death eaters #I'm back on my wrecked Evan era #(I actually never left) #I'm sad and sick and I'm going to make it everybody's problem #maybe im remembering how to write

[eddiethehunted]

already in the worst fucking mental state of my life and then i find out my grandma is going to die and ill never be able to see her again bc i cant fucking afford to drop everything and buy a plane ticket all the way to fucking alberta to see her one last time. and i can’t even talk to her on the phone bc she can’t talk anymore even if i say stuff she can’t reply. i haven’t seen her in nearly 10 years and now i never will ever again

#i literally can’t do anything at all #there is nothing i can do and i just have to accept that ill never see her again #and i don’t know how much more i can take because holy shit this has already been the worst 2 months ever and now this #like i am one (1) thing away from just dropping dead

[tearlessrain]

seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing

#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident #I straight up forgot #and just didn't show up to the session #my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked #I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up #my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january #I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted #like mentally and spiritually #all the time #my memory and sense of time are both shit #my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason?? #I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me #I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir #and yet #idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason #fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly #due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me #aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory #it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever #like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype #but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here #doing whatever this is #maybe I should drive out to the coast #maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long #I mean it can't make me worse #I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark #everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone

[sweet-star-cookie]

so i finished the teal mask dlc

#i'm not okay #i'm dead fucking serious i have never been so disquieted by a POKEMON GAME PLOT like this before and i don't like it #i'm so upset #look. LOOK. listen it has been established that the player's choices in pokemon do not actually matter outside of mild dialogue changes #i'm totally fine with pokemon moving towards more consequence-based stories #but if you're going to do that here then you NEED TO ACTUALLY /GIVE THE PLAYER A CHOICE/ #THIS PLACE SUCKS I JUST CAME HERE FOR A GOOD TIME AND I'M FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW ;;;;;;;; #FUCK YOU CARMINE I HATE YOU #I HATE YOU I HATE YOU #TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN AND I WILL DECK YOU IN THE FACE #YOU FORCED ME TO BE A BAD FRIEND TO THIS SWEET LITTLE BOY AND THEN WE TOOK AWAY HIS ONLY CHANCES AT FRIENDSHIP WITH ME /AND/ OGERPON #ABSOLUTELY HEINOUS #CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT #HE TRIED SO DAMN HARD THE ENTIRE TIME AND DID NOTHING WRONG AND I WILL /DIE ON THIS HILL/ #I'M SORRY KIKI ;;;;_______;;;; #literally he had his completely justified joker moment at the end and my friend was like 'yeah sorry he's evil now' and I just paused #and then turned to her and said 'never love anything' #this is unrelated but if Iruma in M!IK ever turns actually evil like this at any point ever I am defenestrating my tv #i am SO tired and i am betrayed SO often CAN'T HAVE SHIT IN DETROIT ;;;;;;; #WHY CAN'T MY SWEET LITTLE GUYS JUST STAY SWEET LITTLE GUYS FOR ONCE #Kieran is my SON you can't DO THIS TO ME!!!!!! #also i would die for Ogerpon btw #she is my daughter and i love her #i want to squish her little face and hold her in my arms forever #i need a plush of her right the fuck now #if any of you villagers or tourists scare her or make her sad again i will cut you and that is a THREAT #my art #kind of lmao #pokemon

[zevrans]

.

#so i finished my 4 out of 4th 12 hour shift in a row last night and i'm literally so exhausted and i was glitching mid simple tasks 🤡✌️ #my coworker asked to change shifts so he could have that one specific day as off #and he managed to do some very critical mistakes in his 4 days prior and that's considering his gf is often with him there #and i was the one suffering the consequences even if it's literally not my fault #ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here?? #like i try to leave my shift as good as possible i clean everything check everything and do all my duties #and when i come here after his shifts it's.. a fucktonne of work mistakes and literal dirt like dude!!! #4 shifts in a row never again man never again i am so tired my brain is nerfed and i can only rest for 1 day today because tomorrow i'm #going to a doc; #my social battery is not just dead it's nonexistent at this point #i just want to lay in bed and not be percieved or interacted with for at least the same amount of days 😫 #i really thought i could take a socially demanding and rather multitasking job without it taking hugest toll on my mental state huh??? #and i had such a bad sleep too i had a very graphic and sickening nightmare which woke me up 2 hours after i fell asleep #and then i woke 2 more times after that and i feel so exhausted and not rested at all and so fatigued i can't even do anything #man for me my sleep being interrupted is the worst like i function better if i have a smaller amount of sleep but it's uninterrupted #than longer in hours but it gets interrupted and i wake up even once #sorry i come here once in few days vent post and then dissapearvckfkv 😭 i miss tumblr but have no energy currently to even rb anything 🥲 #tbd

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[arsenicflame]

they wont put my name on my headstone

#i mean i know in part this is my fault #for not legally changing my name #and for not being out to the people that have any authority on this after im dead #(though i would argue that part would be pointless anyway) #but that doesnt make it any less upsetting #nyxtalks #sometimes i think i am fine with the societal perception of my gender and the way nobody would ever see me as anything other than cis #and then something like this hits me and it floors me for a second. that when ill die nyx will cease to exist #known only to a handful of people who will likely never even see my grave anyway #ill be fully. truly. unknown again #i want to see and be seen. i want people to look at me and /know/. i want it to be unquestionable what i was #even though my gender for me has very little to do with my physical form. i think itd be nice to be seen #because they wont put my name on my headstone. they wont even know they were supposed to

[yourheartinyourmouth]

being the only person you know who is struggling is so fucking humiliating.

we’re talking about getting me a job at a gas station. my friends all make $60K plus.

i have to work in a gas station.

#man so glad i almost died to finish my fucking degree #so glad i worked my ass off for five fucking years so i can watch everyone else succeed and i can be a 36 year old gas station employee #again #when all my friends were going off to college #i was working in a fucking gas station #my friends got to be people and i got to be a fucking gas station employee #my friends all get to be treated with respect at work #i get to work in retail #yep going into debt so deeply i’ll probably never be able to pay it off was worth it #all so i can do fucking minimum wage menial labor. #great. #fantastic. #love that for me. #didn’t make me radically suicidal the first time around nah #everyone else gets to succeed #while i only ever get to fail in the shittiest and most humiliating way possible #cool cool cool #i’m going to bite my fucking wrists open all over the first customer who talks to me #i would legitimately rather be dead than have to work in customer service #it’s so fucking degrading. no one thinks you’re a person. no one cares. #minimum wage 36 year old fuck up loser #that’s me #awesome great cool awesome #everyone else gets a normal happy life & i get nothing #because i don’t know #something is missing in me #i am woefully inadequate to the task #hey what’s a good job for stupid idiot fuck up morons who can’t do anything & wasted 5 years & 70 thousand fucking dollars #on a fucking sheet of paper #that doesn’t even list my fucking degree

[todayisafridaynight]

YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!

"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)

Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.

Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives

There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).

The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)

#snap chats #theres a note here about aoki's self hatred and ergo his inability to believe people could love him without 'worth' #and some kind of. I Dont Know occurs that comes with aoki accepting that love and ergo At Least Tolerating himself #and again becoming better as a person as a result. not WHOLLY you cant undo Everything Wrong With Him with one therapy session #but itd at least be a start and thats far more than anything else rgg has given since like. ryuji in dead souls #but w/e i- as per usual- have the vocabulary of a walrus so we're just gonna have to imagine i said something profound #AND THE LACK OF HUGGING IN THIS FRANCHISE IM GOING TO STAB ALL OF YOU. IN MINECRAFT. #with the power of delusions and this like seven-year-old wacom tablet i can fix that...... #it'll never be enough it'll never fill the void in my soul but it'll be something i guess #BUT UGH NO SORRY IM JUST MAD NOW #nothing in my life has ever genuinely triggered anger in me than the y7 ending its just soooooooOOOOO #IT WAS SOOO CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT I CANT #im going to give myself a blood clot thinking about it anymore i feel my heart stopping Do Not Call An Ambulance I Cannot Afford It #so to stop myself from going in any more debt than i already am..... the possibility of any essays from me are very small #my ability to use words is near non existent. i feel like a right ninny sometimes #in any case im not sure what else i could expand on that isn't restating what you've said #cant ever be upset with bein on the same wavelength tho it gives my inarticulate ass a helluva easier time trying to explain LMAO #plus im petrified of trying to interpret anything from the english dub or english subs #and looking into language use is Very Much important when dissecting abusive relationships #i guess there's always just talking about general actions committed and not inspecting the exact words used #idk.. at the very least ill rotate the concept in my head and then fend off the urge to eat my teeth #i'm gonna throw up.... im still thinking of it........ gonna make an unrelated-but-arguably-related post in like three seconds #dont look at it its cringe

[stupidscav]

maybe i should try and be a kid again

and stop being so scared

if i had someone who understood it

or allowed me to make no sense

somebody that i can talk without fear

i thought i had her but it simply proves that my own morals do not abide

i make no sense

but it would be nice to have somebody to sit next to me and listen anyways

and not expect another word

if it is a tear or a tear something or both will shed today

i am unsure anymore

maybe i should try and be a kid again

then again this idea has been taken

i will never be ok again will i

#vent #bugs #dead bugs #photography #why am i even concerned about this any longer #no sleep will ever be enough anymore #oh how i wish something of my own would spill and bring the thoughts along with it #i wish to never be so tired again too tired to enjoy anything #ive no reason to be so upset because there is no bad not much #but i still feel abandoned. she did not speak one kind word of justification #please just reply. once. #to me. i hope you are happy now. i wish i were as well. i wish we were happy together again #i will not send you a message or an update or anything about my day #not until you do the same for me #(not directed at viewers)

[bicon-crange]

update on my horrendous situation btw: it is still ongoing and at this point i am considering self sabotage

#IT IS SUCH A. SUCH A 5TH GRADE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MINDSET IM STUCK IN RIGHT NOW #im like wow im over here so deep in it and this person does NOT fucking think about me at all like i truly am a footnote of a footnote #and its like. would i say something. yeah. if i thought i had a CHANCE. but i so totally do not its an absolutely hopeless situation #so in my head im like ok. either i can be soo super nice to them so they like me more or i can just start being fucking evil #and get my attention fix that way. yknow. #bc im so absolutely convinced that its not reciprocated never ever in my life going to BE reciprocated not even transactional not even #so its like. why not yknow. #IDK IM GOIN NUTS OVER HERE ITS BEEN ACTUAL WEEKS #in all likelyhood ill probably just freeze up again and not do anything and go back to being like haha omg youre so smart ur so cool ♡♡ #whenever they say ANYTHING. like a total absolute baby. #but whenever i do that HEY FOR THE RECORD GUYS WHENEVER I DO THAT I WANNA PUNT THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF #LIKE HOW EMBARRASSING YKNOW. HOW TOTALLY DEGRADING DEAD INTO THE GROUND #ITS LIKE BEING A POP STAR STAN OR SOMETHING AND PEOPLE JUST STARE AT YOU AND THEYRE LIKE HEY.... BTS DOESNT KNOW WHO YOU /ARE/ #im going to gnaw my fucking fingers off my hand. i HATE IT HEREEE I HATE IT HEEREE GET ME OUT GET ME OUT

[beast-feast]

What if I deactivated

#feeling sick because it feels like I did something wrong again and I don't know what it is so I'm grasping at straws #don't know if talking or leaving people alone is the better option here I wanna leave this house I don't feel safe #I don't feel safe saying anything here or anywhere else I don't feel safe in my HOUSE #have to worry about people looking through my windows and having shots fired into my room and someone breaking in because I have two doors #I want out i want to sleep I wish I could say something or disappear and reappear where nobody knows me #be pronounced dead but someone who looks like me shows up in Chattanooga. I want to be nobody I want to be a stranger PLEASE #I don't ever fucking know if leaving people be or not is the right choice BECAUSE I DON'T HELP I NEVER FUCKING. #I never help I am never useful or good enough for people don't you fucking understand why I want to do what I'm doing #trying to hurt myself and poison myself so FINALLY people don't have to deal with me because I'll be too sick to speak #being forced to do things and feeling like I HAVE to exist when all I feel is fear and have delusions and hallucinations #and fucking psychotic symptoms. I can't even go back to the ward because they didn't DO anything #I can never say JACK FUCKING SHIT. EVER. #if I say nothing then suddenly one day you hear about the time I relapsed or when I purposefully eat expired things to get myself sick #but if I DO say something then suddenly it feels like everyone feels obligated to say something and it makes me feel horrible and terrible #and like a bad person I can't I can't I can't I can't #...I guess at least. I have therapy tomorrow. I'm sorry if I'm hospitalized again. I'm so sorry. #not art #vent #tw selfharm #// selfharm #tw ???

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

do you ever just

#cry not because what someone is saying is hurtful but because you know you're stuck and helpless and you can't do or say anything #can't fight back when he is saying the shittiest most horrifying shit ever #like my dad just called me at 9.15 am to say how since i don't need him cause i don't call him #i should just hang his photo in my room instead of the clock cause he is dead to me #and i fuckinh hate the way i can't respond and say dude fucking yes i would love to do that pls be dead to me #pls let me be dead for u let us never talk again i will be ecstatic #just consoling myself thinking that if he ever says shit like this when i live alone (hopefully) ill fight tf back #god i cannot wait for that day #mes

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

sonic the hedgehog tumblr dashboard simulator

0 notes

💠 extremegayr Follow

got held up in traffic today cause some noob couldnt drive the fucking loop-de-loop. lmfao fucking coward

15 notes

🎛 420zone Follow

ok but robotnik's kind of a dilf tho

🌫 wispgender Follow

he's literally a war criminal can we NOT do this tumblr

🎛 420zone Follow

📰 its-no-use Follow

@wispgender dont u literally simp for nominatus like who is one to talk

🌫 wispgender Follow

NOMINATUS ISN'T REAL????

🛜 viralsensation-destructorofworlds Follow

that you know of

🌫 wispgender Follow

what

10,672 notes

🔷 sonicinthewild

43,834 notes

☣️ lineinthesand Follow

saw sonic the hedgehog irl once. he showed up at my village, released 30 feral pickys in the town hall, paid the ice cream vendor roughly a thousand rings for a single chili dog, told me not to waste my life worrying about the little things, and then caused a fucking tornado

🧿 spiralhillspindash Follow

ok and??? you're not special

☣️ lineinthesand Follow

THIS WAS A PERSONAL POST GO AWAAAAY

173 notes

🌠 chaoinspace2electricboogaloo

sucks that sticks the badger hates all technology you know she would do NUMBERS on here

568 notes

☸️ r0u3e Follow

being an islander be like "are those the kind of eggsplosions i should worry about or the kind of eggsplosions that are gonna repair our crops, fix the economy, and bring my dead grandma back to life"

🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow

being a continenter be like "oh great what primordial diety has risen from the grave to block traffic and fight a 15yo today"

🥭 chao-official

being a chao be like "chao chao chao chao chao"

🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow

you said it my mans

579,056 notes

🏵 sprinkles-the-chao Follow

hold on if sonic the hedgehog is jewish then how is he santa claus

🤖 e123-omegaverse Follow

dont question him

85,628 notes

☣️ sparkygoboom Follow

hey guys real question are human/mobian relationships problematic

💠 extremegayr Follow

op is about to start the anthro church schism of the fifteenth year all over again

🛞 mobotropolis Follow

ok but in all seriousness did your mom never teach you that part of history

🎢 marxiobros Follow

someone doesn't know about the united federations public school system

🛞 mobotropolis Follow

what the fuck is a public school

⏭️ drowningmusic Follow

⚄ paradoxprism Follow

are we gonna talk about op's chaos radiation fetish

💠 extremegayr Follow

OP'S WHAT NOW

🏞 mobiancrossing Follow

ok but am i the only one who thinks that the public school system would be a good idea if handled right? like i know it's traditional to learn from your parents and then experience the world on our own from the ages of 7-13 but like combining all our knowledge and learning together doesnt seem like a bad idea

☠️ fabian-vane-number-1-hater Follow

bitch that's what the internet is for

🌅 s0leanna-apple-barrell

yeah where else am i gonna learn to make infinite chaos emeralds

❇️ freesurge Follow

"infinite chaos emeralds" that's called the phantom ruby

🏳️‍🌈 rainbowwispforgayrights Follow

everybody on this site has brain damage

❇️ freesurge Follow

yeah. from the radiation

603,573 notes

🐸 froggysfriend

caught this today

🏝 digginginthegroundfortubers

if anything happens to this blog i genuinely hope eggman blows us all up as punishment

950,420 notes

🐊 teamchaotixofficial

Hey guys! Sorry to do this again but rent's a little tight this month :( If we've ever solved a case for you guys or made you guys smile, please consider sending a ko-fi our way! we just need a few rings to get through the month <3

6 notes

🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow

do we ever talk about that time the sky turned blood-red and shadow the hedgehog's demon dad descended from on high to murder us all and we only barely survived

❤️‍🔥 songoose4evr Follow

shadow fixed it it's fine

🎮 n0cturnity

yeah that was like twelve apocalypses ago move on

🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow

kinda wanted to bang black doom tbh

🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow

THE DEVIL???? FROM THE BIBLE????

🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow

yeah. move over gayboy i'm boutta be shadow's new dad

856,301 notes

🗑️ berrybarry

starting a conspiracy that time hasnt moved since 2006

🗑️ berrybarry

why the fuck was i shadowbanned after posting this

8 notes

🤡 clownfinite Follow

tfw you finally save up enough rings for ice cream and you go outside and get hit by swatbot pieces and the rings just go fuckin everywhere

587 notes

🔷 sonicinthewild

34,452 notes

🌌 h-o-l-o-l-y-n-x

so did y'all see that genesis wave or was it just me

0 notes

🆙 planetsgiantcrack Follow

the virgin tweeter "if you use a bad word in the same tweet as the word 'cream' you get obliterated off the site" vs this chad site of "i want to put knuckles back in a microwave"

💟 presidentyaoi Follow

BACK????

69,849 notes

⬜️ chao-and-wisps-4-ever-so-cute-2 Follow

ok posting my first fanart to this site pls be nice! <3

2 notes

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

why does tails look like he's always about to say "it fucken WIMDY"

🦊 miles-prower-official

Hello, @emeraldfwuitgummy!

I actually quote that image on a constant basis! Sonic thinks it's hilarious every time. He's quite the fan of memes, and it's nice to get a laugh out of him!

Formally,

Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

SO WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT TAILS WAS ON THIS FUCKING SITE OR--

🏅 iwishhumanswerereal Follow

do. do you not know he created tailblr. dude it's in the name lmao

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

he

WHAT

🍭 milfwisp Follow

didn't eggman invent this site???

🪫 veganswatbot

THE EGG ABANDONED SCRAMBLR IN ITS TIME OF NEED AND THE FOX RAISED US FROM THE ASHES. YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT HIM

🦊 miles-prower-official

Hello, @milfwisp and @veganswatbot!

Very good question! This site was Eggman's until I ate his bones. Thank you for engaging! :D

Formally,

Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

YOU

WHAT

🌭 sonicsays

what's not clicking

#long post / #sonic the hedgehog #sonicverse #sth #sonicedit #mine #unreality / #unreality #long post #<< trying different tags here cause ppl are telling me the first attempt wasnt working