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#i am equally obsessed with when they choose to look away
suiana · 2 months
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(yandere! genius x gn reader)
"For someone so smart you are acting unusually stupid right now."
He grits his teeth, stalking towards you as you unconsciously take a step back.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? You need me."
He hisses at you, eyebrows furrowing as he folds his arms. You only stare back, lips pulled into a thin line as you refuse to speak to the person you once considered your friend.
How did it even get to this? You were only joking around when you told him that you wanted to date that cute bakery boy! How were you supposed to know that he had feelings for you? That he would do anything for your love?
"Come on. You know that bug wouldn't even match half of your intelligence."
He mutters, looking at you with lovesick eyes as you continue to defy his wishes. Why wouldn't you give into him already? It's clearly the best and most intelligent outcome! He knows this. You know this. So why are you making such a foolish mistake?
Is it because of...
"Hah, don't tell me you're actually throwing away everything to be with that plebian!"
He insults, eye twitching as he resists the urge to hurl insults at you. Come on! Just give in already! Why are you making this so much harder for yourself?
"He's an idiot! He will never match up to our levels of intelligence. Ever. Why are you tainting your bloodline by choosing him?"
"It was a joke! I don't actually like him!"
You yell, looking behind your shoulder for a possible exit. There was the window but the fall is two stories and you don't want to risk breaking your ankle. And there was also the door... But would you make it in time?
"Then why? Why are you refusing me? You know I'm the only one for you. The only one worthy of you."
He spits, face relaxing slightly at your reassurance that your crush was just a joke. However he can't help but grow agitated again at your antsy behavior. Are you scared of him? You keep looking at the door... Are you trying to leave?
"I locked the door. You can't run. Now answer my question."
He mumbles, taking large strides over to you as his patience wears thin. He's so glad he took precautions.
"What? You locked me in?! How-"
"Because I need you to understand that only I can stand as your equal! You hear me? Me. And only me."
He yells, trapping you against the wall as your chances of escape dwindle near zero. You feel your heart thudding in your chest, mind racing as you stare into his obsessive eyes.
"Only I am worthy of you, just as only you are worthy of me. No one else can compare with us."
He mumbles, calming down slightly as he invades your personal space. Your breath hitches as he stares down at you with sharp eyes. They are full of obsession, eyes belonging to someone completely unfamiliar to you. Dread fills your body as he mumbles his next statement, sending shivers down your spine at his lovesick tone.
"And I will make you understand why that is so."
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Cats & Mouse (Mouse series) - Max Verstappen
First mouse request ever from @iamapersonwholikesunicorns - Idea for mouse fic. I have a feeling animals would be attracted to her and like sitting beside her asking for strokes. So maybe a fic of max and her on a street in monaco (or a trip to Greece) where he leaves her for a moment and then returns to her surrounded by cats XD
Btw, I am OBSESSED with this idea. I will say I'm not sure there's a lot of cats in Monaco(?) but I know there is famously loads in Greece so we're running with that for the first part. It is kind of short but this was a super cute idea.
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Max doesn't allow himself a lot of breaks very often. But sometimes he does just want to get away with y/n. So he let her plan out a trip of her choice, promising they could go anywhere.
"It's so pretty here." Y/n whispers as they lie in the sun.
The villa they have for a few days is outlooking the ocean and y/n is absolutely lovestruck by it.
Unlike most people who go away on a trip. Y/n's shy nature means she's more compelled to choose a really nice place to stay so that she doesn't have to leave that place. She goes on holidays to relax and just lie down in different locations in the sun.
Walking around for hours and tourist attractions are too tiring and she'll just mute herself around so many strangers. Something Max would rather avoid since he loves her voice, but equally he quite enjoys being away from people too.
"I'm just going to grab the food."
Max has actually brought his assistant out here with him, giving them their own holiday so long as they make sure there's food for the couple to last them through the day, then he's good to go out and enjoy Greece. So far that had all gone according to plan.
Max smiles leaning down and kissing y/n before he moves inside.
This really is peaceful. Both him and y/n are feeling blissful in their little bubble away from anything and everything.
Max sighs as he digs around the food then lifting his head as he hears a meow followed by a couple more meows.
He grabs a couple salad for himself and some fruit bowl for y/n but as soon as he steps out he finds y/n grinning at her boyfriend.
"How do you manage this?" Max laughs earning a small shrug. "Trust cats to be drawn to the one woman who is nicknamed Mouse."
"You're just jealous." Y/n giggles as he sits down behind her and strokes a ginger and white cat. "Do you think we could just kidnap one?"
"I don't think so." Max laughs whiles she pouts a little. "We have cats."
"That's true...Jimmy and Sassy already go feral without another cat to fuel it." Y/n hums then frowning when one of the cats jumps down. "You brought food?"
"Yeah, I thought the fruit looked good but there is some other stuff if you want?"
"Mmm...No. Fruit is perfect." Y/n smiles as he reaches over handing her the bowl of fruit with a fork.
The two sit with the cats moving around them, being petted by y/n and Max both before the cat that had jumped down and trotted away reappears bringing her kitten. Presumably one of more and y/n gasps as the tiny little meowing kitten is plopped down before she rushes off.
"How do you gain that sort of trust. It's not fair, mouse." Max frowns earning a grin and shrug.
They seem to spend the next half an hour being delivered kittens before the cat settles down with them, allowing y/n to pretend to be a grandmother. She even ends up deciding to donate some of their food to the cats. Which even Max has to admit will be a mistake on behalf of whoever stays here after them. They'll probably find themselves cornered by hungry cats.
-
Imola isn't always the best place to drive for easy track conditions. It's wet at the moment, not flooded but wet.
Y/n is hiding out in the unit post-FP2 just watching the rain and people rush to try and avoid it.
There's suddenly a movement that makes y/n frown and shift leaning forward to look at the door.
"Oh my gosh." Y/n gasps moving to the door to properly trigger the automatic doors and watch the cat plod in and practically howl at her then brush up against her, coating her legs with any loose sticky fur.
Y/n doesn't even stop to think before picking up the soaked cat, uncaring of the fact she was entirely dry.
The cats meows earn attention as she tries to get to Max's driver's room and before she's got to the room. Max included.
"Mouse?" Max laughs while she grimaces, almost gritting her teeth at the fact she's the centre of attention. "Are you kidnapping the Imola cat?"
Maybe he expected too much for her to utter a word with so many eyes locked on her.
"Alright, come on. I won't be long guys." Max nods gesturing for her to go ahead while she swallows thickly before Max guides her off to his room. "Mouse, did you kidnap the Imola cat?"
"No. She was-" Y/n cuts herself short when Rupert appears making Max sigh.
"Sorry, can you grab some more towels? I think Mouse intends to steal mine." Max smiles as y/n places Formulino on the floor and he hands her a towel for the striped cat.
She bundles Formulino into the towel and immediately seems to earn an appreciative muffled meow followed by some loud purring.
"I don't know how you manage it, mouse." Max laughs shaking his head.
"I was just watching the rain and people moving around then I heard her outside...and then she came rushing in when I got the doors to open." Y/n mumbles while gently rubbing the cat with the towel. "It's not like I ran out and grabbed her."
"No. Animals come to you, not the other way around." Max smiles moving to kiss her. "But people might actually come looking for her. Maybe we should find out who she actually belongs to since you...catnapped her."
"Max..."
"Mouse kidnaps the Imola cat." Max laughs to himself, clearly finding himself hilarious. "You'll need to change out those wet clothes too, mouse. You've managed to soak yourself with carrying her around."
"She sounded so sad." Y/n mumbles earning another small laugh from the driver.
Taglist: @namgification @hiireadstuff @jsjcue @geniusalpaca @itsjustkhaos @llando4norris @partyinpitlane @lpab @xoscar03 @harrysdimple05 @mellowarcadefun @cixrosie @scopeiguess @racingheartsposts @c-losur3 @jehun @bethanymccauley @randomnessis-mine-me @sunf1ower16 @8justme @bborra @igotnorrrizz @unknownmystery22 @aeri101 @neilakk @d3kstar
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proseover-bros · 9 months
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BEDROOM HYMNS BY PROSEOVER-BROS
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FANDOM: The Walking Dead
TITLE: Bedroom Hymns
STATUS: Complete
ERA: Season 7
PAIRING: Negan Smith x Female Reader (No Use of “Y/N”)
WORD COUNT: 4.6k
SUMMARY: On the night of the lineup, Negan took one look at you and knew that he had to have you. What you never anticipated was just how desperately you would end up wanting him back.
RATING: Mature (Minors DNI)
WARNINGS: Enemies to Lovers, Angst, Language, Sexual Situations, Dirty Talk, Begging, Praising, Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Rough Sex, Unprotected Sex, Teeny Bit of Fluff
A/N: I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that I love Negan just as much as I love Daryl. Needless to say, seeing JDM’s sexy ass on my screen again every week was just the inspiration I needed for this smut-fest. Hope you enjoy! If so, comments/likes/reblogs would mean the world!
What the fuck am I doing here?
The same question had been repeating itself in your head as your reluctant footsteps brought you to the outside of Negan’s apartment. All of your instincts were screaming at you to get far away, but before you could so much as knock, the door swung open to reveal that smug, irritatingly beautiful face.
You knew he’d been waiting for you. When Simon had made a beeline for the truck the moment you returned from that afternoon’s run, it was a dead giveaway. Not to mention the fact that Negan had you hauled back the second he realized you’d snuck off in the first place.
Earlier that morning, you’d heard a group of the Sanctuary’s scavengers talking over breakfast. Today’s run was supposed to be through a neighborhood ten miles west of Alexandria. This was your chance. Your plan was to return, but only long enough to pack your things and get gone before anyone knew the wiser. The last thing you wanted was to create any more trouble for Rick and the others when all they’d ever done was help you.
Unfortunately, your entire plan went to shit when Negan had gotten in touch with Mike, the Savior who was leading the expedition. You’d overheard their conversation on the radio, listening as Negan ordered Mike to bring you back to the Sanctuary if he wanted to keep his balls attached to his dick. If Mike had been anyone else you might’ve felt bad for getting him into trouble, but he wasn’t. Mike was a Savior, and therefore not worth one damn bit of your sympathy.
He drove you back to the Sanctuary, bitching about the waste of fuel and resources the entire way, and when his truck pulled up right outside of the towering building, you turned to face him.
“If you were stupid enough to believe that he’d let me go in the first place, you deserve whatever you have coming.”
Mike snarled, opening his mouth to no doubt call you a bitch or a whore, but by the time the insult traveled from his pea brain to his mouth, you’d already opened the door to the passenger side and jumped down from the truck to an awaiting Simon.
“What is it about you?” Simon asked by way of greeting. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re hot as hell, but there are loads of hot women for him to choose from — women whose job it is to please him. Why’s he so enamored with you?”
“Oh, enamored!” You exclaimed sarcastically, earning a glare from the man who had the bushiest mustache you’d ever had the displeasure of seeing. “Someone’s been brushing up on their vocabulary.”
When Negan’s right-hand man crossed his arms and raised an equally bushy eyebrow as he awaited your answer, you rolled your eyes and strode past him. “Just lucky, I guess.”
The truth was, you didn’t understand Negan’s obsession with you either, but it went all the way back to the night of the lineup. That night and the fear you’d felt as you anxiously awaited his arrival with the rest of Rick’s group would stay with you forever. You’d all heard plenty about the Saviors’ infamous leader, but none had ever crossed him. Once the group had honored their agreement with Hilltop and attacked what they’d thought was the Saviors’ only compound, you’d assumed Negan had been included in the body count.
That assumption had cost Glenn and Abraham their lives.
You would never admit it, not to Negan, not to yourself — not to anyone — but the moment that the door to the RV swung open, you were just as attracted to him as he was to you. He may have been the man that both Hilltop and the Kingdom had warned your group about, but even you couldn’t deny that he was beautiful — psychotic or not.
As hard as you tried to fight it, your attraction to him had only grown since that horrible night, and after finally succumbing to it when you’d shared a kiss with him just yesterday, you’d gone out of your way to put some distance between the two of you. Until now, when you knew that continuing to avoid him could result in something horrible for Alexandria.
“Well, look who it is!” Negan exclaimed as he appeared in the doorway, opening his arms wide. He was attempting to hide his anger at finding his bed empty that morning with his typical show of bravado, but deep within his hazel eyes, you knew that the anger was laced with something else.
Hurt?
No, it wasn’t possible.
No fucking way.
This was Negan. He wasn’t capable of that emotion.
You brushed those thoughts to the back of your mind, finding it very easy to act as if it hadn’t happened when he continued with his usual theatrics. After allowing him to lure you to his apartment with dinner and drinks the previous evening, Negan had convinced you to stay the night, and you’d agreed, mostly because you didn’t want anyone to catch you leaving his bedroom so late. The entire evening had been established as a way to pay him back after he’d agreed to let Dr. Carson go to Alexandria to treat Carl, who had developed pneumonia after going on a run in the rain with Daryl and Sasha.
When you woke up that morning, it was in Negan’s bed, but he’d at least played the part of the perfect gentleman and taken the couch, which made it easy for you to slip out just as the sun was rising, completely unnoticed.
“What do you want?” You snapped, annoyed.
Stepping back, Negan opened his door wider to let you in, the flash of emotion you’d just seen on his face quickly forgotten as his signature grin replaced it, stretching wide across his handsome face. Foolishly ignoring your conscience for the second time that day, you stepped forward, entering his apartment.
“Pretty sure you know the answer to that question.” He grinned.
“And you chose me rather than forcing yourself on one of your ‘wives’?” An exaggerated gasp left your lips as you placed a hand to your chest with mock pride. “I’m honored.”
Negan shut the door behind you and within seconds you could feel him on your heels, his warm breath ghosting the back of your neck. “You really think I need to ‘force myself’ on anyone, darlin’?”
Ignoring his proximity, you moved away, stepping over to the kitchenette and mindlessly running your hand over the counter. Turning to face him now that you’d put some distance between the two of you, you crossed your arms over your chest and narrowed your eyes at him.
While Negan may not have noticed you leaving his bedroom that morning, someone else had. Sherry. The two of you had walked back to the cafeteria where she’d filled you in on how she had become Negan’s wife just a few weeks ago. It was an ultimatum that she’d agreed to in order to keep her real husband from receiving a worse punishment than the iron.
“I am not a rapist.” Negan continued defensively. “Every one of those women have come to me, willingly.”
“Willingly?” You scoffed, glaring at him in disbelief as your anger began to mount. “When you threaten to kill someone’s husband unless they agree to be your whore, that isn’t willingness, that’s desperation — and you fucking know it!”
Negan rubbed a hand down his jaw as he stared at you, but for once he didn’t have a witty comeback to toss your way. If the circumstances had been different, you would’ve celebrated such a victory. The man who never shut up, finally silenced? It certainly was a sight to see. As it was, you weren’t exactly in the mood for celebrating.
“That’s right, I talked to Sherry. Try again, asshole.”
For a moment he remained silent, tapping two fingers against his bottom lip as he appeared to be deep in thought. But when he met your eyes again and you watched as that wicked grin returned to his features, you knew that he felt no sense of shame, and your victory over him was short-lived.
“Ah, I know what this is . . .” He began, his deep, gravelly voice practically purring as he sauntered closer and lowered his hands to your hips. “You jealous, baby?”
Rolling your eyes in pure disgust, you covered your face with your hands, groaning loudly. “Oh, I fucking hate you!”
Negan’s grip moved from your hips to your forearms, gently pulling your hands away from your face. “We both know that’s not true.”
“Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe for a brief, absurd, fleeting moment I didn’t absolutely despise you last night — but that’s over. Done. I want to go home. I want to go back to Alexandria.”
For a moment, nothing was said. He worked his jaw as he took in your words, but refused to believe in them. “Not happening.”
“Why?” You hissed, pushing his hands away when he attempted to return them to your waist.
Negan frowned but didn’t reply.
You couldn’t believe that you’d managed to stump him twice in one night.
“I asked you a fucking question.”
“Take it easy.” He warned you.
“‘Take it easy?’” You laughed, outraged by how nonchalant he was being. Negan, who could put your potty mouth to shame, even on an off day. Nowhere near in the mood for this, you slammed your hands up against his chest, throwing all your weight forward and shoving him as hard as you could.
“Why the fuck not, Negan? Rick and the others have been killing themselves getting you everything you’ve asked for. They haven’t let you down once!”
Before you could fully remove your hands from his chest, he grabbed you by the wrists and pressed you to the wall, crowding your body with his.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
You absolutely hated yourself for the abrupt feeling of desire warming in the pit of your stomach as he closed in on you, those dark eyes staring you down in a way that made your heart race.
“Because I’m not letting you go. Because it’s different with you. I felt it — you felt it. I fucking know that you felt it.” Raising his hand, he moved it forward to cup your chin, his thumb and forefinger dipping down to graze the sides of your neck. “And I haven’t fucked any of those women, not since you got here.”
“And what do you want for that? A prize?” You hissed, desperately trying to keep your train of thought on what was important. “This isn’t me being jealous of your harem, this is me being disgusted with you for taking advantage of these women in the first place.”
“Didn’t seem to bother you last night when you kissed me.” He murmured, his eyes darting down to your lips.
“You kissed me.” You corrected him.
“And you kissed me back.” He smirked.
Lowering his hands from your face, he placed them over your hips once more and pulled you flush against him, letting you feel what thoughts of the previous night were doing to him. You closed your eyes at the sensation as he molded your body to the erect outline of his cock, your resolve weakening.
“That was a mistake.” You whispered, hating the pathetic sound of your voice.
“You don’t believe that.” He argued.
Biting into your bottom lip, you swallowed hard but said no more, not sure that you could trust what might come out of your mouth next.
Suddenly, Negan scoffed. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”
Finally opening your eyes to look at him, you narrowed them into a glare, daring him to elaborate.
“I let you pick the job you wanted, excluded you from the point system. Hell, I even let you take that hick piece of trash’s place—“
At the mention of Daryl, you swung your hand out and slapped him across the face so hard that it left your palm numb and stinging. Negan’s head whipped to the side from the impact, and when he looked back at you, that smug smile was finally gone from his lips.
“Don’t you fucking call him that.”
Negan growled and in the blink of an eye, pressed you back once more, slamming his free hand against the space beside your head. Your back connected with the dry wall, a startled gasp leaving your lips as you stared up at him, wondering if you’d finally gone too far. Moving his hand to your throat, he gave it a gentle squeeze but even as you felt your heartbeat quicken from the contact, you weren't scared of him. This wasn't fear you felt, this was something else entirely, and when his eyes darkened and he lunged forward to roughly press his lips to yours, you kissed him back rather than allow yourself time to think about what that feeling was.
Negan’s kiss was hungry; his mouth devouring your lips, tongue, and every single moan that escaped you while his strong hands held your face far more gently than you’d ever thought him capable of. Opening and closing your mouth against his, you returned each of his kisses with equal fervor; a mixture of passion, anger, lust, hatred — every single emotion you’d ever felt for him, merging into one — your hands clutching his shoulders as he moved you from the wall and carefully backed you over towards his bed.
Gently breaking the kiss, Negan stared down the several inches he had on you, the look on his face very much resembling a starved man. With your eyes on his, you opened your mouth to speak when a sharp gasp left your mouth instead, his hands having found your ass and lifted you into the air against him before gently setting you down on his bed. Over the next moment or two he took his time removing your button-up flannel, tank top and jeans, his lips tenderly kissing every new inch of skin that became exposed to him.
Moving his hands to unclasp your bra, he let it drop to the side before lowering his body over yours. Negan had always considered himself an ass man, but with you he didn’t want to graze over a single body part. Pressing his lips to your neck, he used both hands to cup your beautiful breasts to his face, and you welcomed the rough feel of his calloused hands and warm tongue as his mouth lowered to each smooth mound long enough to tongue both of your nipples into stiff peaks. His hands continued their descent to your hips, your thighs, your ass, until finally he hooked his thumbs beneath your underwear and pulled it off.
Quickly removing his own shirt, Negan loomed over you, his eyes greedily taking in every inch of your body with a groan that let you know he was loving what he saw. Wasting absolutely no time, he grabbed you beneath your knees and dragged your ass to the center of the bed as he kneeled, pulling you close to his face and dipping his mouth between your legs. Breathing heavily as you allowed your body to recline against the pillows, you tilted your chin, watching as he skimmed the soft skin of your inner thighs, the scratch of his beard and feel of his lips teasing you mercilessly.
“Look at my beautiful girl,” He grunted in awe, groaning at the sight of you completely spread before him, pink and smooth and glistening with your slick arousal. You’d been wet from the moment you saw his face and heard his voice when he’d first opened that door, and if he’d given you any time to think it through you’d probably be a little embarrassed, but then he leaned forward to lay a sloppy kiss over your wet heat and all those thoughts of shame faded away.
“Fuck—" You cursed, tossing your head back as his mouth found your clit with ease, his tongue darting forward to caress the tiny bundle of nerves as he used his lips to suck it further into his mouth. Instinctively, your back arched and your hips lifted off the mattress to be closer to his skilled mouth as he feasted on you. Anticipating your response, Negan slid his hands beneath you to grip your perfect ass, anchoring your body to him with his hands and mouth as his eyes traveled up to your face. He’d waited far too long to see you at his mercy, and he wasn’t going to miss a goddamn second of it.
After a few more moments spent skillfully eating your pussy and learning just what you liked, one of the strong hands clutching your ass slid from beneath you and returned a second later when he thrust two of his long fingers inside of your tight cunt, stretching you. Negan lifted his head for a breath and groaned against you as he felt resistance meeting his knuckles.
“So fuckin’ tight, aren’t you, darlin’?”
Staring down at his beautiful face nestled between your thighs, you nodded eagerly, jerking your hips to the rhythm of his fingers as you shamelessly began to fuck yourself up and down on top of them. You wanted more — you wanted him — and anything less wasn’t going to satisfy you for long. Snaking a hand along your abdomen, you slid it up between your breasts and shoved a closed fist against your lips, biting the skin of your knuckle.
“Fuck,” He hissed, his eyes hooded with pleasure as he watched you move your beautiful body in sync with his fingers, your breasts bouncing with each movement as he curled his fingers inside you to graze that tightness within that left you writhing with pleasure. You were a goddamn treasure, and he was loving every second of this. “And so fuckin’ wet for me, too.”
Lowering his head once more, Negan lashed his tongue over your clit again and again, slowly but insistently while he continued thrusting his long fingers in and out. He could do this all goddamn night if that’s what it took, but with the way your body was starting to shake against his mouth and fingers, he knew you were close.
“Come for me, baby.” He breathed against you, twisting his fingers deep inside as he hummed over your clit. “Let go.”
“Oh, fuck — Negan!” You cried out, feeling that beautiful heat building up in your stomach and licking down to your core, your toes curling as your body began to jerk and spasm with the most intense pleasure you’d felt in years — maybe ever. Negan lapped up every bit of your release, taking his time as he cleaned you up, his graying beard and chin glistening as he climbed back up your body.
Your breathing was beginning to slow back down, but before you could get it back to normal you caught sight of his face and lifted your hips to pull him forward. Grasping his chin, you pulled him into a heated, messy kiss that he all too happily returned.
“You want me to fuck this pretty little pussy now?” Negan murmured against your lips before leaning forward to give you another soft, languid kiss. Hearing your eager moan of approval, he grinned onto your lips as he slid his tongue forward, letting you taste yourself. Tucking his hand behind your head, he threaded his fingers through your hair and gently tugged back so that your eyes were level with his.
“Then you’re gonna be a good girl and look at me while I do it.”
Negan watched as you processed his words and as your expression went from aroused, to pissed, then back to aroused again. But he knew that he had you. Of course, it was a risk, and if it hadn’t paid off he wasn’t sure he’d be strong enough not to beg for your forgiveness. Not allowing you any time to change your mind, he slipped his middle and index fingers forward to spread your slick folds, pressing his forehead to yours as he felt you shudder beneath him.
Not letting up, he found and stroked your swollen clit, rubbing torturous circles around it with the pad of his thumb and eliciting a sharp gasp from you. A beautiful, overwhelming shock went straight back to your core; your nerves still heightened and sensitive after everything he’d just done to you with his mouth.
“You want it?” Negan repeated himself, though his tone didn’t sound the least bit impatient. He was enjoying this far too much. Dipping his head, he pressed his lips to the smooth flesh of your breasts, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses across your taut, pink nipples.
“Negan . . .” You whined.
How had you become so desperate for this man? Your enemy? How could you let him touch you with hands that had murdered your friends? Kiss you with the same mouth that had humiliated Rick, time and time again? You hated begging, and you hated the idea of begging him of all people, but in that moment you needed him to fuck you more than you needed air to breathe.
“Not good enough, baby.” He murmured. “Let me hear you say it.”
Fucking prick.
Kicking your pride to the curb, you stared up at him and nodded quickly as your teeth found your bottom lip, your gaze going from his face to the erection in his pants, then back to his dark, hazel eyes.
“I need you, Negan.” You begged, practically whimpering as your hand splayed out against his chest to grip the dark, coarse hair that grew there. “Now.”
“That’s my good girl.” Negan praised you, another smirk taking over his features.
The floor creaked beneath his weight as he stepped down from the bed to unbuckle his belt, his jeans and boxers soon joining the pile of clothes on the floor. Spitting onto his palm, he took his massive cock into his hand and gave it a few leisurely strokes as he stared down at you. Jesus. He was just as huge as he’d always assured you, and part of you fucking hated him for that.
Climbing back over you, Negan captured your lips in another kiss as he slid between your thighs, slapping the thick tip of his cock over your clit a few times before inching himself inside of you, his eyes watching as your mouth fell open in a gasp; completely overwhelmed by the sudden fullness. Meeting each other’s gaze, you both slowed to stare at one another, clearly overwhelmed by just how fucking incredible it felt to finally be joined.
When you thought back to your fantasies of fucking Negan, you’d always wanted him to take you from behind, but it was clear that he wasn’t going for that. He absolutely would not provide you with any opportunity where you could pretend this wasn’t happening. The knowledge that he would only fuck you on his terms aggravated you to no end, but if you were being honest with yourself, you loved watching his reactions to the things your bodies did together. The way his brow furrowed as he thrust forward; the way his lips parted to elicit a husky groan of bliss when he finally buried his cock deep within you. And that smile. That insufferable, shit-eating grin that spread over his face, dimples shining through his scruff, all while his eyes stayed locked on yours. You wanted to slap it off and kiss it all at the very same time.
“Jesus-fuckin’-Christ,” Negan hissed, thrusting his narrow hips forward and burying his cock deep inside what had to be the sweetest, tightest heaven he’d ever had the pleasure of fucking. He looked down, mesmerized as he watched your tight cunt swallow him whole, in and out, over and over, delighting in the sounds you made as he stretched you inch by inch and you lifted your legs to wrap around the back of his thighs and ass.
“Uhh, Negan! Mmm . . .”
Your body reacted instantly to everything he did, your hands clutching his chest as you rolled your hips against his again and again, giving as good as you got. This man might be a monster, but he knew exactly what your body needed, and for right now that was enough to help you temporarily forget all the things that he’d done to the people you loved.
“Fuck, baby, you feel so fuckin’ good,” Negan hummed, digging his fingers into your hips as he steadied himself, pulling them just how he needed as he set up a steady rhythm. The sounds of his grunts and the wet, obscene noise of his cock going in and out of your pussy as it impaled you at such a delicious angle grew louder, and you could only pray that no one was loitering around in the hallway when you cried out his name while he fucked you harder, deeper, and better than anyone else ever had or could.
“Say it again,” Negan grunted, leaning over your body to gently palm your throat, pinning you in place as he used his other hand to swipe his thumb over your clit. “Fuckin’ say my name, baby. ”
“Negan,” You cried, not even ashamed as you felt him circling hard at your clit. “Fuck, Negan, fuck!”
Every time your hips rose to meet his — your movements, your expressions, your cries, his name on your lips, everything you were, everything you did — it all pushed him further to the edge. Anticipating that you were close, he quickened his pace, knowing that he wouldn’t be far behind.
“Look at me while you come all over my cock, pretty girl.” He demanded as he moved his hand from your throat to your mouth to trace your plush, swollen lips.
As if out of instinct, you flicked your tongue forward, lashing over the pad of his thumb and earning a low growl from him when you did exactly as he said, holding his gaze as he teased your climax from you, that delicious warmth fluttering through your stomach, then down further as your cunt pulsated and throbbed over his cock through every wave of your pleasure.
Gripping your hips, Negan moaned with you, lost entirely in your gaze as he chased his own release. Lowering his head, he met your lips once more in a bruising kiss as his cock swelled inside of your cunt and he spilled himself deep inside of you with several, brutal strokes.
Finally spent, Negan rolled to the side, reclining against the mattress and breathing deeply as he rested his hand over his abdomen. For a moment the two of you laid in peaceful silence, but only for a moment. Finally coming down from your high, you moved your palms to the mattress, about to push yourself up when Negan grabbed your right hand.
“Stay.” He said softly.
Quickly looking over at him, you frowned, about to shake your head no when he gripped you harder.
“Look, you can go back to goddamn hating me tomorrow. Just . . . just give me tonight first.” He pleaded.
Watching closely as he held your gaze, you found yourself at a loss for words. In that moment, Negan was being completely vulnerable, and he was letting you see that — more than that, he was begging you to stay. After a few seconds, he looked down, assuming you were going to deny him anyway, when you suddenly squeezed his hand back.
Rather than answer right away, you took his face in your hands and leaned forward to press a slow, tender kiss to his lips. When you broke it a few seconds later, you opened your eyes to find him staring at you searchingly.
“Tonight," You promised. “You can have tonight.
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t-nd-rfoot · 1 year
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MIRRORS & GLASSES aka Different Reflections
You are more than what you see in yourself.
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Summary Bob gives you words of encouragement to help you feel better about yourself
Pairing Robert Floyd x reader
Theme angst, with a happy ending
Warning/s body dysmorphia; obsessive looking into mirrors
Word Count 844
Note This turned out very different from what I had planned, and it ended up being about something very close to home. Body dysmorphia is no joke, and I feel that this ficlet barely scratches the surface of how serious it can actually get, but this fic is based on part of my own experiences with it and what I choose to share of it.
And million, billion thanks to @hangmanbrainrot for being an overall amazing person and for beta reading this for me! I wouldn’t have had the courage to post this if it weren’t for you 💗
If you suffer or think you suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, please seek out help at your local healthcare provider. Reach out to loved ones that you can confide in and turn to for help. You are loved, and you are not alone in your journey. Full fic under the cut for you to read at your own discretion.
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If you enjoyed this, please reblog! Reblogs are the best way to support creators (writers, artists, gif makers, everyone!) on this platform. Share the content, share the love!
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It was a mirror. Not a magnifying glass. Not a microscope. But a mirror.
Yet all you saw were the details. The flyaway hairs that had a mind of their own. The fine hairs on your upper lip that looked even thicker today than yesterday. The shirt that hung unflatteringly on your shoulders. The pants that seemed awkwardly tight at the hips. Just to name a few.
At the back of your mind, you kept wishing that this mirror was a fake—the kind that made you look distorted like the ones at the carnival. But this was just an ordinary IKEA mirror, so it only showed you your true reflection. And there was no hiding anything when in front of a mirror.
And you hated that.
“Hey, darling. Are you ready to go?” Your boyfriend called at you from the other side of the bathroom door.
Bob. If you couldn’t stand to see yourself like this, you were even more scared to be in front of someone else—let alone, him.
“Uh, you go on ahead,” you replied as steadily as you could. You sat on the floor observing the mess you made: the makeup strewn across the counter from trying to hide the flaws you found on your face, and the piles of clothes around you after trying on multiple outfits and not feeling good in a single one.
A soft knock echoed from behind the door accompanied with an equally soft voice sounding your name. “Is everything okay?”
When you didn’t reply, Bob peeked his head inside the room and found you sitting with your back against the wall. Defeat hung on your face while frustration simmered inside you.
“Oh, honey,” he sighed and knelt in front of you, “what’s wrong?”
You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “Nothing works. No matter what I do or what I wear, I look like shit. I feel like shit.” On the verge of tears, you ducked your head in shame as you picked at the hem of your shirt. “I put on too much makeup, I look silly. But if I don’t, I look terrible. None of my clothes fit me right—half of them are from when I was a different size, and the other half that do fit don’t make me feel like…me.”
You let out a sad laugh. “Sorry, I know it sounds silly, me complaining about clothes and makeup…I know everyone says that you shouldn’t always rely on those things to make you feel good, and I try not to. I really try not to.” You tucked your knees to your chest, trying to hide yourself even more. “But it’s so hard to like who I am when I don’t like what I see, you know? I feel like I’m looking at a stranger; I don’t feel like myself.”
With his fingers placed gently under your chin, he lifted your head to face him, “Hey, baby,” he whispered, “look at me.” As soon as your eyes locked with his, he wiped away with the pads of his thumbs the couple of tears that managed to run down your cheeks. He wasn’t a stranger to you crying, but he’d never seen you this hurt.
“You are beautiful, okay? Even when you don’t feel like it, you are. You’re always as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. Yeah, your body’s not gonna be the same forever, and neither will mine. But we’re still going to be us. And through all those changes, I promise you, I will love those new parts of you just as much as I love the old ones. And I hope you’ll love those parts of you, too, even more than I do right now.”
As he spoke, you saw your reflection in the lens of his glasses. You saw your messy hair, your tear-stained face, and your rumpled clothes. But behind your reflection, there was no mistaking of the safety, assurance, and love you saw in Bob’s eyes. And when he looked at you like that, he was looking at everything, more than what a mirror could ever show.
“And honestly, darling, I happen to think you look good in anything,” he announced, making a small laugh and smile escape your lips, “not that what I think should matter, but I just want to point the truth out to you. Whether you’re in your baggiest sweats or your tightest dress, you take my breath away.”
You leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek, letting your lips linger in sincere gratitude.
“Thank you, Robby,” you sighed, letting his speech wash over you.
“You’re very welcome, baby.” He returned your kiss with his own on your forehead. “One thing’s for sure.”
“What is?” you asked.
Bob placed his hand on your back, motioning you to move forward. He sat behind you, his legs at your sides, and his arms wrapped around you in the biggest bear hug you’ve ever received.
“There’s always one place you’re gonna fit in: right here in my arms.”
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Disclaimer  I do not own Top Gun: Maverick or any of its characters. Please do not copy my work or translate without my permission.
Edited layout
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I know you're obsessed with me
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Summary: As you and Ajax have another bitter fight where he tries to push the agenda you like him more than letting on while explaining to Xavier why he fights and pushes your buttons so often.
Word count: 1.3k
A/N: Enjoy the small update because for the next one i’m thinking over dramatic or overly sexual.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Wednesday characters nor do I claim to own them.
“You do everything in your power to avoid me, yet you still haven’t blocked my number." His voice was filled with snark and arrogance. He laughed as he heard you speak, you listened to him speak and immediately was filled with annoyance as you rolled your eyes at him and his thinking knowing even with the two of you disliking each other but never really seemed far apart of one another even if it was to simply annoy the other which always seemed to be enjoyed by the one causing it. Looking up at him with your arms crossed over your chest as you spoke.“And why would I ever block your number darling?” You said arrogantly “you couldn’t resist me if you tried and we both know it.” You said with a smirk "Yeah well, I like arguing with you. It's almost fun." You replied with an equally sarcastic tone.
Ajax chuckles, finding the whole situation entertaining then spoke up "I am pretty irresistible, aren't I?" He says with a smirk. The two of them were often like this, going back and forth to try to annoy the other. Even with how much they seemed to despise at each other, they always seemed to end up together somehow. Like the two of them had something special, something that had been there all along, yet neither of them seemed willing to admit it.
You rolled your eyes wondering how or when he got such an ego even when talking to you regardless of whatever it was you would say to him, he always seem to turn it around just to compliment himself even as he smirked it annoyed you. He always tried to act like he was so much better than you even as you thought that Ajax was known as an annoying prick around the school, with a huge ego to go along with it. He wasn't afraid to pick on people he saw as weak, and his specialty was getting under the skin of someone for months on end and making their lives miserable. But he wasn’t if only he could realize it. He always seemed to act so superior, his smartness always annoyed you to no ends but deep down you liked it, he was really annoying but you couldn’t stay away from him. “You aren’t that irresistible..”, You said slightly annoyed, deep down knowing it wasn’t true as you tried to turn your face away, even just looking at him made you feel something different than normal.
Ajax raised an eyebrow, not believing for a second that you didn't find him irresistible. Afterall, how could anyone not find a man like him the most attractive person alive? He found it quite amusing just how much you were trying, and failing, to deny your attraction towards him. It was like watching a child try to convince their parents not to buy them something they wanted, completely denying that they wanted it even though they were extremely obvious. You shook your head before giving him another look that just screamed are you fucking kidding?, You raised your middle finger towards the gorgon before smiling to yourself as you walked away for your class "let me know when your over yourself Ajax" knowing at some point or another you'd have to deal with him once more. Taking your seat and started drawing in your notebook waiting for class to start as you replayed the small spat you just left but rolled your eyes wondering how easily Ajax got under your skin especially when you could talk to every other guy at Nevermore with no issues what so ever.
Ajax watched you walk away from him, choosing to give you the silent treatment. He was so done with you being a hypocrite and denying how amazing he was. He knew that deep down, you were madly in love with him, and he could see what he figured was you pining over him every day, but he didn't want to waste time with someone who was in such denial, so he decided to ignore you, letting you come begging for his forgiveness, just like a person would with their lover. He sighed, sitting by himself at one of the many empty desks as Xavier walked into class before sitting down next to Ajax acting like nothing had happened, Glancing over at him having already heard about what happened since word moves quickly around Nevermore but chuckled as he leaned on the shared desk looking at Ajax with a raised brow "so everyone is already talking about you and Y/n...What happened this time?" He asked as his curiosity was peaked.
Ajax groans as he sits down for class. Having all of his peers looking at him and gossiping once again about him was exhausting. It seemed he had a habit of becoming the talk of the school at least three times every week, and that annoyed him more than he liked to admit. He turns towards Xavier, taking in a deep breath before answering. "Y/n and I had a little...disagreement. And now I've won. They know who the dominant one in our relationship is. There's no avoiding it. I'm better than them." Xavier slowly nodded his head in understanding even if he didn't know how this feud between you both happened or worked, shrugging his shoulders as he thought about Ajax’s words but figured it couldn't hurt to ask "do they know that? normally everyone thinks they win most of these little lover's arguments you both have".
Ajax crosses his arms, scoffing at the idea that you’ve ever won one of their arguments. He felt quite confident that he was always the one who was right in their petty rivalries, and the idea that any of them could have been in your favor annoyed him greatly. "Obviously their not going to admit that I've won. their pride would never let them. But deep down they knows they’ve been completely dominated. I've crushed them, and it's going to be a while before they forget just how much I've dominated this relationship." Xavier nodded along as he listened to his best friend but gave him a look as he started thinking, wondering to himself just how far this ran for the both of you or if it was even just an act "you keep saying you dominated them does that mean you guys are also hooking up? because that's one of the rumors i've heard going around" He spoke with a curious tone as he also tilted his head at the thought.
Ajax goes red, his face flaring up as he looks to the side, embarrassed. He hadn't expected that Xavier would go this far into the gossip, but he should have known his best friend would be keeping up with the latest on the gossip mill. He sighs, deciding that he might as well give a truthful answer, at least to get him off his back a bit. "Yeah...we've hooked up. A few times." Xavier felt his jaw drop at the sudden news that was just said to him before trying to cover his laughter, now starting to understand a little bit more about why you two fought so often but turned to face Ajax even as class started and lowered his voice as he acted like he was doing the work "good for you, but if you have then why are you still at each other's throats?".
Ajax shrugs, turning towards the lecture from their professor. He doesn't like being distracted from his studies by other student's gossip, but Xavier is an exception. He's fine talking to his best friend, even if the subject isn't one he's normally eager to share. Ajax sighs, leaning back as the professor continues. He can tell that Xavier is waiting for something, and he can understand why. So he makes his move, turning towards his best friend and speaking in a low voice so that no one else can hear.
"I think I love her."
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yellowjacketsgayfanfic · 11 months
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Shauna brings you to Lottie's wellness center
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SUBMISSION:
i LOVE your writing
Could I request Shauna x female reader
When Shauna tells reader that she’s going to lotties wellness center or whatever reader breaks down because reader is like seriously attached to Shauna so they go together but reader is also really shy and hates being in places with loads of people and when they get there and Shauna is told to go do the activity she chose reader follows and then that annoying guy with the goat tells reader to go away but Shauna defends reader and they go into the forest for a fluffy little make out sesh till misty interrupts
A/N: obsessed with this prompt and how specific it is, ugh, eating this shit up
"Honey, I kind of have to go." Shauna repeated to you, hands on your knees.
Your arms were crossed tightly over your chest, eyes furrowed in defiance. "I don't want you to leave for a long time. I want to be with you!"
"What are you going to do there?" Shauna attempted to reason with you.
"What are you going to do there." You argued.
Shauna let out a long breathy sigh. "Okay, touché. But there's going to be a lot of people there. A lot of freaks. It's a cult, Y/N."
"But I'll be with you." You smiled sweetly.
She rolled her eyes. "It's useless trying to say no to you. Okay, get your butt in the car."
***
When the two of you arrived, it was more crowded than you originally thought. Purple blobs moved around in incredibly intentional paths, doing chores, talking to each other, laughing.
Shauna grabbed your hand. "Jesus Christ."
"This is awful." You snorted. "Holy shit."
You both walked forward toward the center of the compound. Natalie and Misty walked toward the both of you.
"Natalie." Shauna mumbled, heading over to give her a hug.
You wrapped your arms around yourself. Very quickly, several of Shauna's old friends tumbled in, all equally surprised to see each other. You, however, quickly became the center of attention.
"Who is this?" Natalie drawled, walking closer to get a better look at you. "She's young, Shauna."
Shauna cleared her throat. "This is Y/N. She's my partner."
"Oh." Taissa raised her brows.
You smiled sheepishly, moving closer to Shauna for safety. "Hi."
"Welcome."
Everyone turned their heads. Lottie was walking toward the lot of you. "Especially to you." Lottie smiled, reached out her hands to lock with yours.
You allowed her to, immediately understanding the chokehold this woman had on your lover and her friends. "Uh, hey."
"You're gorgeous. So full of life." She grinned. "I'm so glad you're here."
You swallowed, wondering if you were beginning to regret coming, actually. "Thanks. Happy to tag along."
You looked behind your shoulder at Shauna, who shrugged at you with confused eyes.
"Come along. All of you. The time is ripe to get started on your treatments." She tugged you along by the hand, and you sped up your gate to keep up with her.
Shauna jogged ahead, and the rest followed suit, playing follow the leader.
***
"When someone new comes in, we often let them choose a treatment for themselves." Lottie announced, holding a pine board with different therapies written on them in pretty handwriting. "Especially for our newest guest, I think we should let Y/N go first."
You blinked, looking at the women around you who seemed incredibly tentative to interact with anything that was going on at all.
"Alright." You mumbled, taking the board from her.
"Listen." Van sat up. "No offense, but this is really just not for me."
Natalie piped up, "I thought the same thing. Just give it a chance."
"Listen, Nat. I'm happy you're alive, and Lottie, it's... good to see you're back from Switzerland." Van continued.
"Switzerland? That was over a decade ago." Lottie shook her head, seemingly offended.
"Wow. That's great." Van nodded. "But I am just..."
"Okay, um." You sputtered. "I am going to do self-care. Right, Shauna?"
"Oh, mm, mhmm." She nodded. "Absolutely. All of my rational senses are screaming, but yes, self-care sounds right."
You slapped her thigh and gave her a warning look. The rest of the group picked their own therapies as well.
"Wonderful. We're going to get you started with this, but before you all head out, you will need to text this landline number to someone who is available for emergencies." Lottie announced. "You will be giving up your phones."
That was fine. Shauna was your emergency contact, and honestly, you were Shauna's. You took your phone out of your pocket, "Going offline for a few days will be nice."
"Technology keeps you enslaved to other peoples priorities." Misty nodded to you.
"Say," Lottie sang, "Y/N. Why don't I take you and Shauna out to the barn where we will begin your treatment?"
"Barn?" Shauna questioned.
***
It was, indeed, a barn filled with cattle. Cows, goats, chickens, and lambs scattered the place with many people to tend over them and take care of them.
Shauna gave the place a once over. "Wait. This is self-care? Doesn't that usually include, like, massages. Or mud maths. Or a hot tub?"
Lottie chuckled. "Hey, I have to go, but someone will come over with, Bruce. I'll see you later!"
"Who is, Bruce?" Shauna called out, but Lottie had already traveled off.
A man walked over holding a little baby goat.
You squealed. "Awww, baby!"
He sneered at you. "What are you doing here? This is a one party therapy only."
"Hey." Shauna snapped. "Fuck you, purple boy."
With a scoff, he tried to hand Shauna the goat, but she backed away. "What are you doing?" She grimaced.
"You have to take care of him. It's the treatment. You will learn about all the ways in which taking care of Bruce rewards you, and the way in which he brings out sacrifices within you." The guy rattled off, almost reading from a script.
"No." Shauna shook her head. "No way."
You grabbed the baby goat away from the purple man. "I'll take him, then."
"He's not for you." The man shouted.
"Okay, listen you oompa loompa, freak." Shauna got up close to him. "Leave my girlfriend alone. She is the only one here who is going to actively care about that goat. I will find a way to fuck it up."
With a childlike level of attitude, the guy took off and stomped out of the barn.
"He seems emotionally stable." You commented, patting Bruce on the head.
Shauna sighed in annoyance. "Come on, baby, let's get out of here."
You walked alongside her out of the barn and further up into the woods. "You know, this is kind of fun. I love animals."
"Of course you would think this is fun." She smiled, a tender look in her eyes. "You're so sweet."
You blushed, holding on tighter to Bruce as you climbed your way through brush and trees. "Where are we going?"
"Somewhere we can be alone for a little while. I need to get away from those freaks." Shauna replied.
There was a silence for a time as you both trudged along.
"Lottie is for sure a cult leader, right?" You asked.
"Oh absolutely." Shauna agreed.
***
Once there was a good place to sit, Shauna helped you tie Bruce to a tree so that you and her could have some time to yourselves.
You sat down on the dead leaves beneath you, and Shauna followed suit.
"I'm really glad you came." She said. "This would be unbearable without you."
"What? Is it so hard to take care of the little guy for a day?" You joked, snuggling up to her, pointing toward Bruce who was gnawing on a branch.
She smiled down at you, brushing baby hairs off of your face. "I just meant...all of this. This shit with Lottie and the others. I'm just glad you're here."
You lifted your chin up, your lips brushing against hers. She brought her face closer down, her palm wrapping around the nape of your neck to keep your lips close. She kissed you very sweetly, her other hand making its way to your waist.
"Mmm." You moaned into her mouth, smiling into the kiss.
"What?" She whispered, clutching you tight.
"You're so pretty." You shrugged.
With a chuckle she continued to kiss you, her hand tangled in your hair, and her tongue dancing on yours.
Then, out of nowhere, leaves began to crunch. You broke away from Shauna, expecting some kind of wildlife to be quickly encroaching. But alas, it was just Misty.
"Oh, I am so sorry." She gasped. "Was I interrupting something?"
"No." You shook your head.
"Yes." Shauna said emphatically.
Misty scoffed. "Well, okay, then. Shouldn't you be in therapy, anyway?"
"We are." Shauna said.
"Last I checked, getting fresh in the woods was not on that list, okay?" Misty chastised.
"Wait." Your eyebrows furrowed, looking toward the tree that Bruce was supposed to be on. "Where did he go?"
Shauna looked over as well and groaned. "Oh shit, not the goat."
"Well then I guess I'll help you find him." Misty grinned. "Come here goat."
The two of you sat up from the ground.
"Shouldn't you be in therapy, too?" Shauna questioned Misty.
"I would really rather not sit in a dark tank void of any sound, filled with water. That's terrible for my vertigo." She replied.
Very quickly, you found Bruce bleating near a tree. "Oh! Oh thank God."
You ran to him and lifted him into your arms. "All better now."
"Oh good." Shauna clasped her hands together. "Good job, Y/N."
With a proud little smile on your face, Shauna kissed you again, and forgetting the company you were in, gave your rear end a little slap. "Don't let him out of your sight."
You cradled Bruce close to your chest. "Never."
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sixofsol · 5 months
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@johaerys-writes tagged my main (@heypax) for this, but since ive talked about my fics more on this blog i decided to do it here instead !
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
26!
2. What is your AO3 word count?
151,778
3. What fandoms do you write for?
I mean, I haven’t written anything for anything but six of crows since like year back… But! I do miss writing patrochilles, and tsoa is the fandom i’ve written the absolute most for! If we’re looking back, I’ve written hadestown, steven universe, haikyuu!! and a bunch more years ago.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
we were shotgun lovers // I’m a shotgun running away - six of crows, wesper, 772 kudos
like moss climbs a tree - song of achilles, patrochilles, 446
i want someone to try, and let me down easy — six of crows, wesper, 405 kudos
from the outside looking in - the song of achilles, patrochilles, 371 kudos
twisted roots and sunny days, the song of achilles, patrochilles, 363 kudos
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
YES if i dont miss when i get them (i dont have the email motifs on) i always do ! it means so much someone commented and i always love having a lil conversation about this thing that i wrote.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
as much of an lover i am of hurt no comfort i very rarely write it lmao but a lot of my tsoa fics had sad endings. autumn’s coming around is the first one that popped into mind, but that’s at least slightly open ? i’ll hold your hand while you drown, less so.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I feel like a lot of my fics have equally happy endings haha, the one that came to mind was our hair tangled in the breeze, simply because its a happy ending canon complaint tsoa fic which is a feat lmao
8. Do you get hate on fics?
nope the closets ive ever come was when i was 12 and people were like nice story but god your grammar and spelling is terrible! which was fair!
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
nah I’m a fade to black kinda girlie
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
I never anymore but well,, Once upon a time i was 14 and obsessed with glee and sherlock and well….
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not as far as ik
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope !
13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
nope, but I would enjoy trying!
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
…this is hard because wesper has been running around in my head for a year but simply cause ive been obsessed with patrochilles longer im still gonna say them
15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?
I’d love to continue for everyone im about to prove wrong, and I think I even have a mostly finished chapter lying around somewhere, but I’ve just not had the inspiration rip.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I think I’m good at writing characters in general, especially when it’s from their pov. first person pov my beloved.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I’m not really a person who uses a lot of metaphors of writes flowery language, but i wish i was!! i love very beautiful language and poetic writing but i just don’t do that that much im pretty straight forward, which isn’t a bad thing but I wish i could expand a bit more.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
takes me out the story way too much, it’s fine if it’s like one word every now and then but nah. ive read a couple of young royals fics, and as a swedish speaker its a bit jarring to suddenly have swedish words there lmao
19. First fandom you wrote for?
If non published count, harry potter. if only published, glee!
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
i’m gonna be fair to myself and choose one for soc and one for tsoa.
autumn’s coming around for tsoa and a fire died last winter for soc, which ironically are my least popular fics in the respective fandoms!
thank you !! and im tagging @leglesslouie @jackwolfes @wesperbrekkered @deathless--aphrodite
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Note
9 and 25 for all of them !! :)
evening gideon!! thank you for the ask :]
9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?
ok. so. the thing about me is that i dont actually listen to music all that often??? its mostly when i draw digitally, and im primarily a traditional artist so i dont really know that many songs. i also have shitty memory so its hard for me to remember quotes. aka this is a pretty hard question for me to answer, but i will try my best:
Caine-"Oh, captain, make up your mind/Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time/'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane" - Ship in a Bottle (fin)
honestly ive never really associated this song with him before but i looked into the lyrics just to see whether it had anything i could think of them with and theres??? actually a bunch of lyrics there that fit???? like to the point i was struggling to decide which one to use for this. but i think this one, the second chorus, really encapsulates the biggest parts of their character. hes the decision maker out of all my steps, the one that knows how to make the logical choices and think his way out of a problem. but hes on a time limit. he doesn't know when it will end, just that it will at some point, and they cant stop if they want everything done in time. also sight and eyes is something i associate caine with a lot, especially closing your eyes/refusing to see. "you get lost in your brain/and you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane." COUGHS. coughs. caine has the most gates open out of all my steps. i also fully intend to make them the source of hb 2.0. yeah.
Cyrus- HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I THOUGHT OF AN ANSWER FOR STRAIGHT AWAY AND I SPRINTED TO HIS TAG JUST TO FIND THE POST
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look him in the eyes and say this to his face. he will look like he got hit by a freight train.
Cecilia- another quote!
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im just gonna go ahead and put my own tags to this one because thats where i put it best:
#thinking about this again with ceci#the best part is the bullet hole#like yeah shes not ready to face the fact that everything shes been doing up till now#was just to distract herself from the absolute misery life became after heartbreak#she has FRIENDS she has people she CARES about and they even seem to like her back!!!!#she even has a girlfriend!#isnt that enough?#tell her thats enough#cecilia rider
theres a reason shes a thrill seeker yall.
Cynthia- "I swear, I'm so fucking sorry/I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all" - Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)
uh. *looks at cynthias relationship with ortega* uhhhh. *looks at cynthias relationship with sidestep*. uhhhhhhhh.
this song was also difficult to choose lyrics out of, but there is just something so special about girls who simply have to be the best they can to make up for the sin of being. there is something equally as special about girls who take their past selves as judge, and their lover as executioner. also "im not a good person, im barely a person at all" kills me. the regene flavouring on that line??? utterly insane of mr wood to make a song just for her.
25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?
THESE BITCHES ARE SO CONTRADICTORY!!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CLASHING ABOUT THESE FUCKERS AND ITS DELICIOUS. not even just trait wise, but with their themes? their core ideals? their relationships???? its always some sort of fucking fundamental difference shaping the way they act and i am Obsessed with it. also all of them are dangerous and it makes me vibrate a little bit. rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain. but this question is,,, also difficult to answer because idk how to pick just one favourite lmfao. i will attempt it though.
Caine- he is the normalest guy around. there is also something Deeply Wrong with him. my favourite thing about caine would probably be how fun it is to dive into his psyche! ill often have times where i get bored of them and wonder why i got so interested in the first place, and then i get hit with another round of it and i remember "oh right! its because hes insane." his whole character revolves around what is going on inside their brain, from their high subterfuge to their connection with heartbreak and his relationship with the puppet. theyre the most fun to play with in their mind.
Cyrus- god. my favourite thing about him is a tie between his stubbornness and his surprisingly strong sense of empathy. both of those were the things keeping him from becoming a villain in the first place, and now its whats stopping him from going back to being a hero. i want him to confront what hes become so bad yall dont understand-
Cecilia- cecilia is just. a breath of fresh air. shes easy and super fun to play, and while she certainly has her moments (i am looking directly at the checkpoint three mortum reveal scene), shes mostly lighthearted fun cruising through the game as nothing more than a silly guy. i think the next game will actually dig into her character more deeply and allow me to showcase the parts of her shed usually keep hidden, but for now im having a good time getting her to kiss argent and embarrass her friends.
Cynthia- somebody come pick her up please before she starts crying in this club. she is crying because of me but lets not talk about that. i think my favourite thing about her is the contrast between her general wimpy sad lovergirl disposition and her revenge scar, and how she chooses to cope with it! because like,,,, it is just so so tasty watching her fumble with the overwhelming emotion, Especially since the emotion is hurting people. she never learned what to do with the anger! she does not want it! she wants to be as kind to other people as possible! "im not a bad dog, i dont know why i bite" etc etc. eventually she might figure it out, but Definitely Not Now lmfao.
questions from here!
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thekinkyleopard · 2 months
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Interview with a Ship
A Couple’s interview with
BlyFry
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Decided we would kick off this month’s couple interview with our newest editions! Freya and Blythe! @aller-geez Owns Freya 🥰
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Alright girls! First question!! Who is the more flirty one out of the two of you?
Oh, most certainly me, Freya is a mess when it comes to flirtations, 🤭 but gosh it surely is adorable when she tries. 😍
Bly 🥺 That’s not fair…I don’t have as much customary knowledge as you for, flirting. I spent the first few centuries of my existence just watching over people, so flirting was something I’ve had to learn through Blythe..
if I’m honest! 👉🏻👈🏻
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Awe, that’s so very sweet though, we love learning through our partners!! Question 2! Who would win in a game of hide and seek?
Probably Freya, Im not very patient and I don’t rather enjoy the anxiety that comes with having to stay quiet and still 😬🫥
I would have to agree, as Blythe gave me the training of a lifetime while I was still her Angel. Trying to keep her safe AND avoid being seen definitely kept me on my toes ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა
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Question 3, Who is more codependent?
We’re a bit both codependent I’d say, she risked heaven, I sold my soul….pretty….equally obsessed with one another when you look at it from an outside perspective 🤷🏻‍♀️
-giggles- exactly! Not everything is a competition, you know~ ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)
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Question 4, Who is more willing to compromise?
Me, most certainly. Blythe is a bit more on the stubborn side 🤭
What? I am not! I am super agreeable, and I am always willing to compromise for you! 😩
Sure you are Honey, sure you are 😌
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Question 5, who is the more picky eater?
I’ll eat almost anything you give me, unless it has cheese. I hate cheese. Can’t stand the smell, texture or taste. 🤢
I’ll try anything once but the food here is so bland… so I guess that means I’m the picky eater, then, huh? ૮˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა
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Question 6, What makes you worry about the other?
I worry, that someday her choosing me, will eventually take her away from me…and that day, if it were to ever come…I better learn how to slay a God….
My biggest fear is that one day she will regret selling away her soul to spare my fate… she was so young, with so much potential that my stupid decisions took away… -clears her throat and wipes away a single tear from her eye- anyway! We don’t like to think about those kind of things~ ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა
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Question 7, Last question! What is your favorite feature on your partner?
Her jaw, hips, inner thighs….her ass…collar bones…oh my god her ti-…breasts…*clears throat* I’m a big fan. 🫠🤤
Oh gosh, there’s so many good answers here… it’s gotta be a tie! Her gorgeous silver eyes when the sunlight hits them just right… It’s like watching someone smelt platinum, just fascinating and absolutely beautiful at the same time; an art form~ But of course, I can’t forget about the perfect shape of her lips, even the little pout she gets on them whenever she doesn’t get something she wants… -winks at Blythe with a giggle-
And that’s all the questions we have for today! Thank you ladies for indulging with us, and for everyone who takes the time to interact! 😘🥰
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willow-lark · 1 year
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4, 8, 10, 32, 34, and the last one (i think it was 40 lol) for weird writing asks pls or whichever ones you would prefer bc i picked a lot :]
HI HI HI!!! dw i am going to answer All of these. thank you. <333
(send me a weird writing ask!!)
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
hmm hmmm. let me think on this one. honestly? i think it changes from wip to wip. currently i think maybe "heart"? i'm going through a phase rn where i'm completely obsessed w the idea of will calling mike "my heart" soooo. lol.
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
probably dialogue. i need to work on my description--it would be a fun challenge.
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
i am haunted every day by every single wip i have ever failed to finish. which is. most of them. lol. but honestly?? i always need a lot of time to mull ideas over before i write them so there's always something haunting my brain, lol.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
ummm my favorite quote of all time is mr. darcy's line from pride and prejudice, "my good opinion, once lost, is lost forever." it's a brutal line, and it sounds really harsh to live by, but it gave me the strength to get away from some really harmful/toxic people i was keeping in my life. so i love it
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:
always necessary. no exceptions. the oxford comma is the light of my life. it is beautiful. it is the backbone of society. every time someone doesn't use it, humanity as a whole strays further from our roots. i will be an oxford comma enthusiast until the day i die and it KILLS ME on the occasions that i am required not to use it.
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
god. the SPEED at which i ran to grab my copy of sappho to answer this one. i can't choose a favorite, but have one under the cut:
He seems to me equal to gods that man whoever he is who opposite you sits and listens close to your sweet speaking and lovely laughing—oh it puts the heart in my chest on wings for when I look at you, even a moment, no speaking is left in me no: tongue breaks and thin fire is racing under skin and in eyes no sight and drumming fills ears and cold sweat holds me and shaking grips me all, greener than grass I am and dead—or almost I seem to me.
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vacantgodling · 1 year
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@henrike-does-writing-sometimes
gl with resetting your sleep schedule! i know that's a struggle lmaoooo
so when it comes to dag's lovers i still am working on a lot of their personalities and everything but i can give you a kinda basic rundown of whats going on
tl;dr in order to have a chance at becoming the celestial ruler, dag & 7 other hopefuls (chosen by the previous celestial ruler's lovers when they pass on) are chosen young in order to be trained, and then go on a worldwide journey to each of the 8 spheres (or realms. or gates. however you would like to call them lol) to marry a member of each realm's royal family. they have to basically choose the right one (soul destiny some shit lol) in order to ascend to the throne :)
some hopefuls aren't in it for the romance they're just tryna get it over with; or they marry platonically (but thats not this story im obsessed with romance lol). dag however, really loves all of his partners and seeks to genuinely get to know and fall in love with them and whatnot
so without further ado, these are the partners & what i know about them so far:
*also as a side note everyone in this story including dag are nb. but i do list their pronouns and you can call them anything in that realm lol
LILLIABET (she/they/he) — lillia is dag's childhood friend and is the youngest child of the dattenmaow royal family. i just first of all, love her aesthetic she wears red most of the time and has long braids. favorite part of her outfits/design is her big heavy beaded jewelry, its a bit of a staple in dattenmaow! the two of them have been in love for a long time; dag was taken to the celestial city for training when he was 6 years old, and for the 27 years he was away for training (yeah its that long lol) the two of them kept in contact through letters! lillia is excitable and can be a little childish, but she cares deeply for people. they're also a very skilled fighter and love exploring and adventuring. she feels like she's not taken seriously by her family because she is the baby, and appreciates how dag has always seen her as his equal! she also saved her first kiss for him lmao. it's a well known fact in dattenmaow that if dag hadn't been chosen to be a hopeful, he and lillia would've been wed regardless lol (especially bc she and dag's parents were close).
IZUL (they/them) — i don't know much about izul yet tbh. they're the fifth child of the mukhiru royal family. i definitely know that they tend to go most places barefoot (i think it might be a cultural thing for them) and they have a lot of anklets. their skin is sooo pretty and dark and they have short kinky curly hair. i think they're a bit more of a reserved person; they tend to laugh behind their hand a lot and i think they're also more reserved with affection. dag definitely appeals to them as a friend first.
VIGUSTAV (he/him) — VIGUSTAV MY BELOVED i gotta calm down. he’s the third child of the vukter royal family! something to know about dag is that he's actually pretty tall, but 2 of his lovers are taller than him: vigustav and almine. viggo is an absolute sweetheart, which is actually looked down upon in his culture. i don't know much about everything that their culture does yet, however i do know in order to become accepted as a true warrior or some shit, they have to complete a SUPREMELY dangerous trial that its seen as more of an honor if you die in than to come back and fail and... unfortunately vig failed. he lost his arm in the trail actually and while he's not in the extremely dark place that he was before he met dag, he definitely was suicidal back when it happened. he's matured a lot as a person since then but that doesn't necessarily mean people's treatment of him is any better, and tbh, he really struggles to see himself as a worthy partner for anyone, esp when he meets dag. they have such a sweet romance like i'm laying on the FLOOR. dag helps vig feel attractive and desirable and worthy of affection and vig absolutely spoils tf out of his wife. there's this really sweet scene that i see happening during a courtship ceremony when viggo and dag dance together and bc of his disability most of the time vig sits out dances or has to be "led", dag lets him lead the dance and boy it restores his confidence a lot. if you can't tell absolutely adore this big bear of a man he has my whole heart.
MUU (they/he/she) — muu is another newly figured out addition. i know my initial description of them was “sports anime protag” bc i just see them being very excitable, hardworking and down to earth. they’re also SUPER dreamy. head in the clouds all the time and very giggly. they come back down to earth when things need to be taken care of but they’re very laid back and love relaxing and driving boats throughout the marsh. they definitely started off being instantly attracted to dag but also admired him greatly for his strength and chill personality.
ZHUJEN (she/her) — WIFE. WIFEY. BELOVED. she’s the eldest child of the guanai royal family though she is still younger than dag by three years. in guanai culture there is a lot of emphasis on the care of elders to youngers and the ruler of guanai is essentially seen as a parent to all of the people. since zhujen (before she weds dag p much) is seen as the next in line to be mother (nb) to all the people of the nation, she’s constantly worn thin by people constantly needing her. between being trained as a ruler, to her peoples calls for her aid, to her siblings relying on her… it’s a wonder that she’s able to handle it all. dag is the first person to really be able to emphasize with the stress of having so much responsibility rest on her shoulders at all times and the two bond over it quickly. she has a fairy-like vibe to her; guanai is a land of thick dense forests with houses built in trees, so to be fair most of the people of guanai feel like that. however zhujen is remarkably patient and loving and kind. acts of service are a huge love language for her both giving and receiving and she promises dag that once he becomes celestial ruler she’ll make sure he never works himself too hard 🥲
ALMINE (she/he) — the fourth child of the royal family, almine is gruff and has a calm command of the room around her. she can be intimidating with her tall frame and large build, and fierce disposition but it’s because she’s a guardian and protector to her core. the only thing she loves more than silence and nature is horses and she is the leader of the zali mountain militia. she’s also the oldest of dag’s lovers and the wisest. it’s definitely a situation where she swept dag off of his feet when she realized he would respect her boundaries and had a similar love for the earth like she did. (i also based a lot of her personality off of geralt of rivia from the witcher down to the scruffy stubble/beard and light hair 😭)
RHOHANEN (they/he) — sixth child of the aeronwen royal family and an ACTUAL brat he had genuinely no desire to be wed off to anyone until dag sort of convinced him otherwise. the deal is that aeronwen, like it’s icy peaks, is a land devoid of integrity like some of the other spheres value it’s intensely cutthroat and ruthless. being one of the younger members of the family, rho has constantly had his ability and existence questioned and constantly has to duke it out with his siblings in order to be noticed and respected. he’s not used to love, essentially. in fact the only reason anything sparks between he and dag is bc rho is a horny lil bastard who says “it’ll be sex and nothing more” however guess who catches feelings 🤪 dag’s probably the most assertive with rho than with any of the other lovers bc rho is someone who refuses to see things even if it’s right in front of his face. dag teaches him how to allow himself to be vulnerable and to trust those who have truly earned it while rho helps dag with his decisiveness bc up until they met, dag has been very much able to use his subtly and humbled nature to solve problems and get by. however it mirrors how, even as the celestial ruler when tough times arise, you have to be cutthroat occasionally for the good of the world :)
AENLIN (he/they/she) — finally, aenlin, the most interesting circumstance of all dag’s lovers. see, the thing about aenlin is that not only is he the second child of the lesedi royal family but he’s also a hopeful himself. all throughout the journey that he and dag have taken through each of the realms (1) aenlin hasn’t courted any lovers or been wed and (2) he’s viewed dag as a sort of rival. this is simply bc since he’s in a unique position of being both a hopeful and a member of the royal court, he essentially was forfeited from birth from the ability to be the celestial ruler (he can’t marry one of his siblings lol). but he also can’t become a ruler of lesedi bc he’s second in line. it’s made him very bitter, and he’s known that dag is the most likely candidate to become the celestial ruler for a decade at least, however they didn’t met officially until the journey of the hopefuls began. he wanted to hate dag and he does his best to. in the times they interact even when dag is kind or neutral towards him, aenlin has been very gruff and almost rude in a way. but all is revealed when they reach lesedi and he’s “welcomed” by his family. dag has no ill will towards aenlin and slowly gets to the bottom of his feelings and helps him reconcile that just because he isn’t “the best” doesn’t mean he isn’t loved and that he doesn’t have purpose. so, as much as aen didn’t want to lol he does end up falling for and marrying dag :) their love story technically takes the longest bc i’d be sprinkling it in all throughout dag’s time traveling and with the other lovers haha.
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taetaespeaches · 2 years
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Hi Liv! Ok, drunk anon here and I’m sliding into your inbox sober for once lmao… I’m going to send you lists of my fave fics, but I’m taking this very seriously as I’ve re read your fics SO MANY TIMES. Like I’m in here re-reading everyday, to the point that I feel like your fics are sort of a part of me in a way. Like they’re a very big part of my life is what I’m trying to say (not like you didn’t already know this given you’re the person I literally swoon over when I’m drunk haha)
So, I’m gonna send you my favourite fics for each of the long term couples in parts. It is probably worth mentioning that I am a slut for a few things - angst, smut (especially their first time with their girls 😩) and any kind of fluff that involves a shower or a sleepy bangtan boy, especially when they’re in bed… there’s just something so intimate about those two scenarios that always gets me, but I feel like that shows in my selections anyways lol.
I can’t narrow it down any more than I have (pathetic effort, I know) but it’s not my fault you’re a beautiful writer! Imma put my FAVES at the top, and then come the honourable mentions of fics that I equally love and always find myself coming back to.
Kicking off with our crack heads, Seokjin and Poopsie!!
Absolute absolute absolute faves:
I want to be happy about this but I’m just so angry >> Love, we need to talk >> I still choose you every single day
I’m counting these as one fic cause I’m a rule breaker, but when I say I sobbed when I found these. I SOBBED. I read these in the middle of the roughest break up in the history of breakups, and hearing the way Jin intentionally chooses Poopsie? I was a mess. I re-read these daily, for weeks. I still hold these very close to my heart cause they actually gave me a lot of lightbulb moments for my real life shit. Immaculate work Liv.
I’m a simple man, love
I told you, I’m a slut for fluffy showers.
Don’t you think you’ve made me wait long enough to get my hands on you?
Bashful Jin being the softest sweetest man to ever exist? And smut too? Yep this will always be a fave
Honourable mentions that I also adore with all my heart:
- I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that, but what you’re doing isn’t fair
- Easy, girl. Everyone is just a few feet away.
- You’re not an asshole, you’re just a pain in the ass
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- It’s midnight, we’re supposed to kiss
- Why is there mistletoe in every room of the apartment?
- You're gonna wash my hair?
- I’m terrible at getting engaged, I forgot all about this part
Ok sorry for the spam… but I will be back!
Love drunk anon, x
P.S. I feel like I’ve given myself a horrible rep on your page as some crazy off the rails tequila maniac who is drunk all the time… when in reality I’m equal parts tequila maniac (only on the weekends lol) and introverted book worm with an obsession for my jazz vinyl collection. Life is about balance, right? 🫠
Omg hi!!!! I love you!! Stop this is so fucking sweet of you to go :( I actually had no idea that you’ve revisited the fics so many times and I am beyond flattered to learn this like wtf?! The things you’re a slut for- same babe 😩
I’m so happy and like relieved? maybe? that you found those fics while you were going through a bad breakup bc like that’s literally what they’re there for. Like I love when you guys read the fics during relevant times in your life and relate them to your lives. A lot of them are written based off of real emotions/experiences I’ve had so if that stuff can help any of you out either with aha moments or just with comfort then I’m fucking thrilled.
Omg “you’re not an asshole, you’re just a pain in the ass” - I sometimes wonder if I should have ever even written that fic so I’m so glad to see it on this list lol. And ah, “it’s midnight, we’re supposed to kiss” (boning in the new year 🤪) - I have to egotistically admit that I was giggling writing this one. Something about jin not being able to wait until you’re home 😤 please give me that
This is such a fun list and I love being able to see what fics have stood out to you. Ah this is so cool! Also don’t worry, I think your reputation around here is that you’re equal parts adorable and chaotic and I mean that in the best way lol. But omg hearing about jazz vinyl collection 👹 you’re so cool! She’s an introverted jazz fan book worm who knows how to let go! Very interesting, I’m a stan
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stormboundscholar · 8 months
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Love and Ambition
Another day at school has passed. So it's time to write another entry.
It was a cool summer day again. Yesterday I wrote that fall was coming soon, and if the trend continues we might be ready to leave the heat behind.
I love autumn. I just think that it has the best parts of every season combined, and more! I can choose whatever I want without worrying about freezing to death or frying myself alive. Add bugs dying out and rainy days, it's just the best time of the year!
All that aside, let's get to the part where I talk about my day.
It was quite a calm day. I studied like usual, and even spent some time with my friends, but I my mind was still busy with an issue.
I have been thinking about something that has been troubling me for a long time. I have never been very close with people, maybe it is temperament, maybe it is my trust issues. I have been yearning for something... Closer for the longest time. I never even had a date, and I never was closer than friends with people in general.
I have cleaned myself up lately, I picked up better hygiene and tried to improve my fashion sense, I even lost some weight. It was nice to get closer to my ideal body image and I have gained the confidence to at least try my hand at romance.
But I... Couldn't.
But I didn't...
I am a man of ambition. I always loved my work and the advantages hard work gave me. To be completely honest I had no choice because I was largely isolated at childhood, and everyone had high expectations from me. They still do, and I am sad to say that I sometimes expect a lot from myself as well.
When I wanted to try my hand at the dating scene, I sadly found that my ambition stops me from trying. Maybe it's just an excuse, but I have filled my schedule up so much that I just can't spare the time that I need to hold up a stable relationship. Even when I get a good lead on a possible partner, I take too long to make the right moves and the mutual interest just fades away...
There is a person I am interested in again. She's a very nice girl! I met her years ago in middle school, right when I was starting to recover from depression, and I would have considered her as a friend, even though I was pushing people away back then (actually the same problem of ambition turning into obsession) she was always nice to me. In recent days I couldn't help but notice that she was closer to me, and she started hanging out at similar places to me in recent days even though she is in another class. We chatted a little this evening and I thought for the first time if I would be interested in her romantically, and I had swallowed the bait. I would be interested. Maybe she just sees me as a friend/acquaintance but... Maybe I am looking for more.
Could have tried my luck, maybe I could have asked for a date, their number or maybe I could have just put more effort in the conversation to be closer to them. But I... Didn't. I am building a future, but I wouldn't want to ruin hers in the last year before college exams, and I can't spend the time that could help me go to the college of my dreams. Or at least that's what I told myself.
Damn it all! I want to love someone and to be loved in return. I want to be completely vulnerable to someone who would be vulnerable in return. It isn't even about what you think anyway, I just want a confidant, an equal to complete me. But I keep pushing everyone who could be that person away!
The girl haunting my dreams lately just has a personality is really similar to mine, and similar experiences as far as I know. She may be interested in me and on top of all that she's cute,she's beautiful. But I can't...
Sad Times.
Let's talk about my current romance partner, I guess.
I spent hours with my true love today. Hours and hours with my studies. Sadly, I wasn't as productive as I was yesterday, but weirdly I found myself spending more hours working anyway. I was a guest at a family function and I had to study harder material which led to slower progress, but I am still happy to say that I was reasonably productive. My day finally came to an end at 11pm.
So now I have become sleepy, the catcher of Z's (:
Good night everyone, and good luck!
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silkiemae · 1 year
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Crown of Midnight by Sarah J Maas
My rating 3.25/5
What I'm about to say shocks me as much as I'm sure it will shock you...but I didn't hate this book. There were plenty of aspects about it that enraged me but I was entertained through a large majority of it and was very entertained by all the world building. I loved learning about the Witch Kingdom and the Crochan witches. I thought the funhouse mirror fight scene with Baba Yellowlegs was really cool. I thought the fight with that demon creature in the library basement was also great. This book proved to me that Sarah J Maas absolutely can write good action scenes if she chooses to. So what the hell happened in ACOWAR? 
I really enjoyed Dorian's entire character arc. While I didn't love him in the first book, I loved reading about him struggling with this newfound power and struggling to keep it a secret. I would love for so much more of it. While I thought the first half of the book was incredibly dry and just ridiculous, I enjoyed the second half far more but there are so many things I wish were different about it. *cough* Nehemia's death *cough*
Straight away, I was annoyed with Celaena. This book picks up a few months after Celaena became the King's Champion. Despite the fact that she is treated like an employee of the king and has a handmaiden, a luxuriant room of her own and a dog, she is still a prisoner, but she does not act like one at all. She's meant to be off killing targets the king sends her to assassinate, and at first I was really excited to read about Celaena being ruthless, but it's later revealed that she is letting these people live and fake their deaths. I thought it was a huge bummer because it would have been really cool to see Celaena finally do something truly self-serving rather than spend all of her money on clothing. It makes more sense to me that she would be truly willing to do whatever it took to earn her freedom from the king, as in doing whatever he said while simultaneously looking for another way out of her agreement. I loved the reactions that Chaol and Dorian had when she showed up in court with a severed head. I liked the idea of that dynamic change in their relationships where she finally shows the kind of person she is, and they realize that they, in fact, do not like her. It would’ve been a really interesting thing to explore. But then, it’s revealed that Celaena is not actually killing her targets. I was so unbelievably disappointed in this. I did however love that when Chaol sees her finally go off and slaughter a bunch of people his thoughts about her shift and he's like terrified of her. But like, what did you expect Chaol? You knew who she was from the beginning. 
Celaena talked in the last book about how she wanted to use her outrageous salary she earns from the king to move far away and be free but then we're told she's spending every single copper on clothing and books. And I just find that so stupid and irresponsible. Yes, I know Celaena loves clothes and books, and yes, I know she’s 18 years old, but that doesn’t change the fact that she was trained to be an assassin from age 8 to 17. There is no way that Arobynn allowed any room for weakness if he was cruel enough to force her to break her own hand so that she could be equally as good at swordplay with her less dominant hand. Or string her up so that she has to sit for days in her own filth until she can free herself. I feel like he would have seen her childish obsession with clothing as a weakness, and he would not have allowed it. So it doesn’t make much sense to me that she’s stupid enough to waste all her money on clothing when she could be saving it for her future hideaway. She doesn’t even need to spend money on books when she has that monstrous library in the castle! Why not have Philippa make your clothing for you? I am more than positive that the castle has seamstresses that could just as easily make Celaena beautiful gowns rather than spending every single copper she has on it. The irony was that she talked shit about Arobynn for blowing all the money she made for him, but here she is doing the same exact thing. 
I’ve read that a lot of people hate Chaol, and you know, I just don't really care about him at all. He's as exciting as mayonaisse to me. In book one, I thought he and Celaena had more chemistry than she did with Dorian, but it was still super bland. I think their chemistry is better here but still leaves much to be desired. When Celaena gets poisoned and is blindly running to the safest place she can think of and ends up in front of Chaol, I was into that a lot. His anger over his worry for her felt fitting and gave him some much-needed personality. But he has some uncomfy possessive thoughts that are making me withhold any further judgment until I see some more from him. I like the whole idea of Celaena being a reluctant heroine. Like I can respect the whole wanting to run away and live in peace with your lover after living a life of brutality, I can be down with that. And I knew that someone’s death was coming to instigate her to actually get involved with the war or whatever but I wish it had been Chaol instead of Nehemia. Not because I hate Chaol or anything but because I think Nehemia had so much more to offer to the story as a character. She was smart and strong and had power. She could have taught Celaena and Dorian so much more but she had to die to further the white main’s story arc? I think she could have had the exact same story arc if Chaol had died and she had been motivated by his death to seek revenge. Imagine Nehemia and Celaena through the next books being a powerful duo. But no. 
Another one of the things that irritates me so much about Celaena is that initially, we’re told that she spent all this time building up her reputation with no one ever actually seeing her face. So everyone knows how dangerous and lethal Celaena Sardothien is, but they have no idea that she is this eighteen-year-old girl before them. But then Celaena goes and just starts blabbing to everyone(Nehemia and Nox) who she is. Then in this book, while she has breakfast in bed with Nehemia(seriously, why does the king allow her so much freedom?) she literally blabs everything to her about the secret passage she discovered and the fact that she’s not actually killing the targets the king sends her to kill(and she tells Chaol which was BEYOND stupid). But the thing is, Nehemia literally just told her she shouldn’t trust anyone and here Celaena is blabbing everything out. Girl, you are well aware there are secret passages in this castle, do you think you’re the only one who knows about them? Because if Cain can find them, if you can find them, so can others. And what if someone was hiding in that passage listening to your conversation? She doesn’t think before she says or does anything and it makes the ‘world’s greatest assassin’ so hard to believe. And then in the end this all comes around to bite her in the ass. I evil laughed when I found out that Nehemia was relaying everything Celaena told her to the rebel group and was working with them. And when it turned out she knew about the secret passageways and hid the ridderak's body. Like she told Celaena from the beginning but Celaena was too naive to figure it out herself. 
I find the way Celaena behaves so odd most of the time. Like, does she realize that despite no longer being imprisoned in the salt mines she is still in fact a prisoner? Like she is still living in the same house as the guy who had her whipped and locked her away and she has no choice but to work for him. She just doesn’t really show the kind of initiative I would expect someone so determined to win their freedom to have. I respect wanting to have a character who you know is more good than bad or whatever but that just doesn’t work for the kind of person Celaena should be. That should be buried down so deep by this point that when it comes out, she views it as a weakness. Like the fact that she’s all glowing and happy about boning Chaol was so weird to me. I felt like she should be focusing more on finding a way to get her actual freedom and maybe kill the king instead of eating chocolate in bed with Nehemia and flirting with Chaol and standing guard at balls. Like....it took me ages to read this book because I kept getting bored in between every part I was actually interested in. 
I already mentioned this earlier but I think Nehemia's death was such a mistake. Not only did SJM off the ONLY POC character in this story but she also killed the only character that I actually liked. Nehemia had so much potential to really shine and become a powerhouse of a rebel princess but no. She had to literally engineer her own death in the hopes she could push Celaena into getting off her ass and doing something. I hate that so much. Nehemia read almost everyone to filth in this book and she is forever a queen in my book. Literally the best character Sarah J Maas has ever created. 
Fleetfoot deserves better. Not only does Celaena hardly give that poor dog the time of day but she almost left her behindfor a demon to eat. Then when she gets sent to Wendlyn she pulls a Jon Snow and leaves her behind again with the POS who was going to kill her in the first place because he didn't like her temperament. Like oh my god, Celaena. You are the worst dog owner ever. 
Despite all my complaints, this is probably my favorite SJM book that I've read yet. I hope the rest of the series is as interesting but with less predictable plots. We all saw it coming that Celaena was the lost princess, although I did think her randomly becoming a faerie was so out of left field. Still, I knew it was coming, and it was fun to see Chaol be like 
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after finding out he sent the lost faerie queen to the faeries.
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apple25n · 2 years
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Millennial Ennui Book Recommendations
Every time I have attempted to spell 'millennial', I have to let autocorrect fix it somehow. I am decidedly Gen-Z, born in 2002, but am suffering from an affliction named after my brothers' generation so I'll be turning on autocorrect to survey my post.
I had high hopes for this blog, then started my job a week later; where my aspirations fell flat on the floor and turned into a puddle to be splashed in. The total mind and time-consuming nature of my internship has left no time for any form of artistic expression. The plight of every young person entering the work force. My symptoms include a general sense of emptiness, lack of creativity, and constant tiredness. The diagnosis? Millennial ennui.
I haven't found a good, or any real definition of millennial ennui yet (Buzzfeed's attempt certainly doesn't count). I would describe it as the disillusionment of starting an office job and realising this is your entire life now.
So instead of trying to run away from this feeling, I am going to plop myself down in my office chair and stare at this glowing screen for my contracted 9-5 hours. And get some recommendations out because my brain cannot form any original thoughts.
Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney
Written in 1984, it's quite eery how spot on this book was in describing my newfound emptiness. We follow the main character as he drifts through the New York party scene while dealing with the loss of his relationship to his wife. The writing was surprisingly funny and self-deprecating. If you've ever looked forward to clubbing on Friday night after a long week at work, this book is for you.
Fan Club by Erin Mayer
The main character escapes her boring lifestyle website editing job by slowly becoming obsessed with internationally renown pop star Adriana Argento. From there, she falls in with a group of equally obsessed women. I've become the opposite, with all hours filled up with work I have not had the time to even contemplate starting a new interest. But listening to music on the bus ride to and from work has become one of the highlights of my weekdays. The ability to control my mood by swipping a song into my Spotify queue.
My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh
THE book. Another unnamed narrator. She has decided to spend the next year of her life cooped up in her apartment sleeping with the help of pills. Her want to simply stop existing and decompose into the earth to be returned to the worms is what got to me. I have numbed myself to most emotions as I work long hours. My strongest emotion has now become anger, and I actively choose to spend time eating with colleagues I don't like in order to stoke a flame inside me.
Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
Not the most 'relatable' out of the list, but it is the latest one I read earlier this week and what prompted me to make this list. A thriller, Jules has been hired to apartment sit in a luxury condominium. When another apartment sitter goes missing, she starts to uncover the strange history of the famous building. Jules was recently fired from her job, and living in a condo filled with the rich has made her distasteful towards capitalism.
The Lonely City by Olivia Laing
A non-fiction collection of essays on different lonely artists that lived in New York which Laing admires. I moved back to my hometown for my current job and was hit with the realisation that no one else decides to come back. I have been drifting from home to work without talking to anyone other than my colleagues and parents. This book reminds me that even in sadness and loneliness, you can create.
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Halfway through this list, I realised that every single one of these books is set in New York City. What is it about that heat bubble that prompts authors to write such lamenting books about? I've never lived there, but my boyfriend did over the summer and I visited him twice. I hid myself away in his white box of a rented room in Brooklyn and only ventured out to Manhattan once. Walking the streets felt like I was in the middle of a tornado, and that a cow might fly by me at any second.
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ram-de · 2 years
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of the me now
I think there's a lot of posts already about how I've felt alone and so miserable. A repeating stories of how I perceive myself in the words I wrote. A pinch of self-pity, another pinch of genuine sadness, another pinch of cries for help. It's what I wrote more, because I treat this kind of activity (journalling) as a way for me to vent. I don't really know where I could pour my own share of thoughts other than a place where nobody knows.
It's tiring saying this a millionth time. But it's lonely. Being alone is lonely. Yet after some point of time, I figured I got tired a lot after speaking with someone for a long time. It's lonely, but when someone got too dependent on me, I took a little step back. It's lonely, but when someone approached me in a way I felt like I'm only being used, I backed far away. It's lonely, but perhaps I also am being picky in choosing who I wanted to associate with. It's lonely, but maybe it's also time I figured out that I, myself, am mostly, or partly the cause. I assumed I needed to be someone of value, to be allowed to befriend someone. I also assumed shallowly, that people only liked being around people with values. This says a lot about me, isn't it? Ugly and to a degree, vile.
I am also an envious person. I got bitter when somebody did better than me, be it in social context or academic achievement. That's why I felt small being around people with many achievement, or people I looked up to. In a way, maybe that kind of view of putting them on a pedestal skewed how I act around them. I tend to be more agreeable, slowly losing faith in my ability to form my own thoughts on stuff. I am an envious person, I thought it would be nice if I could achieve something too. I compare myself needlessly, as if it's a habit that sticks too deep in my own routine. Because I view people that way, maybe they also noticed that I don't see them as an "equal". Partly true, I thought some person are just too unapproachable due to how nice or friendly or smart they are.
I am doing some psychoanalyzing right now, am I? Scrapping for meaning behind the many, many bad decisions I took over the years. Finding excuse to my own cowardice. Seeking comfort in reason I made up myself, seeking validation in something I don't even quite understand. Oh well, don't be harsh. I used to like Psychology and even tried pursuing studies as well.
Maybe I am just thinking too much in how I think people are gonna think of me. Obsessed with being approved by others, I forgot that I'm living my own life to walk onto, not something people are gonna judge and give points. I am just me. And this life is also something I am taking. I am lost. I need guidance. I need help. But at the end of the day, what decides what to do is me and me alone. I miss my family. I miss high school. I miss being able to do all kind of stupid stuff, most of which I barely do. When the world isn't all this huge, and I only think about repressing having a crush or avoiding going to extracuricullar activities. I have many options to be better, but the me could only do so much.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my past-self that I turned to be like this.
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