#i am exhausted tired and anxious

[sinneroutsidethegrave]

#confession #quotes #book quotes #f scott fitzgerald #sad aesthetic #sad thoughts #sick and tired #sickness #sinful #i am sick #i am bored #im so tired #exhausted #anxious #overwhelmed #i feel so drained

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

#normal things to think after your doctor tells you you need to get a blood test re-taken bc you mistimed your dose #I'm just. I'm tired man. #I've been putting off a phone call for two months #i spend every day lately torn between do I need to go to hospital or am I just unfit and anxious #I rot and decay when left alone but also people are Too Much #I want to Create but I can't get started and when I do I'm just so disappointed with whatever I make #I'm exhausted but I'm awake at 4am bc if i go to sleep tomorrow will start and I'll have to do this all again #and I need so fucking badly for someone to just crush me so hard in a really long hug until my bones realign #and i need to find past me shake her by the shoulders and yell “you're fine! you'll be fine! cut your hair! eat your greens! #take up swimming and also some new pronouns! no one else will respect em but they're for YOU and so is the health stuff #please for the love of fucking god just look after yourself better than i did!“ #there's toooooo many fuckin holes in this sinking ship #I need a full body MOT and then to be cradled against the chest of a large gentle man for 12-36 hours #mr. bees speaks

[bandzboy]

it’s becoming more and more apparent that governments don’t care about young people or genuinely don’t have them in mind when they make decisions when it comes to anything but then demonize young people for speaking up injustices and how mistreated they are… make no mistake they hate this younger generation for standing for something and being tired and how we don’t wanna suffer in silence like most of our parents and grandparents did! we are fed up and we just want change and they how powerful we can be if we stick together it’s just becoming so clear but jokes on them we won’t stop any time soon

#i’ve had this on my mind since my country’s elections #instead of building a better future for younger generations #you just want to make our lives more miserable so we don’t have hope for the future #i am hopeless tired and exhausted i log on social media every day #to see tragedy people asking others for donations bc they can’t afford food #or their rent #seeing genocides and people dying #people my age who can’t get a job on the fields they studied #and etc etc #i could be here listing all the bad things i see every day #i just want a better future for us #and for that we need the present to be better #some of us can’t take it anymore it’s impossible to not be anxious about the future #when our current present is so miserable #that’s all i have to say #tris.txt

[steampoweredskeleton]

Ignore

#delete later #in typical birthday fashion i am now exhausted snd overwhelmed and battling a meltdown #i stubbed my toe and now cant put any fucking weight on it #im exhausted from performing appropriate birthday excitement. i dont think i understand birthdays correctly #to me the only relevance of ppls birthday is that i can show that i care about them and give gifts that make them happy or #spend time with them. other than that its just a day. in my head my birthday is just a day but it's a day rhat im expected to be #ecstatic over. i dont understand that. i spend the day worried im not feeling the correct feelings or displaying them right #and worried bc the normal day routine is broken and im anxious bc i don't know what will happen #too much uncertainty. abd rhat anxiety makes me feel guilty. but at the same time bc to me birthdays are avout showing the #person that you care. if everyone ignored it i would start to assume they dont care. idk how to fix my brain on this #at least its only once a year. plus the whole still being alive at 24 thing freaks me out. so when i inevitably have my #meltdown or shutdown it comes with not fun things #i get the same way at christmas except its slightly more socially acceptable for me to hide at christmas. #meltdowns make me angry abd emotional so i know im being a bitch in my head but logic is hard so im just upset and angry #and confused on how im supposed to feel and act. i fucking hate my brain. #i have ordered good comfort food abd have weighted blanket abd new piercing. life is okay #i dont want to see mu parents this weekend but it will be what it will be. im so fucking tired

[transbee]

anybody else profoundly sad these days. clap if you're profoundly sad.

#not..!!! not doin good. not doing very good at all. #stressed over nothing but also everything and for someone who does nothing i am EXHAUSTED all the time. #crying soo. so much. #cried over my boyfriend cried because i got anxious cried because im tired of feeling lonely and abandoned and sick and weak and. UHGG. #and a new alter split off of me a few months back and ever since then it feels like theres a chunk of me missing. like i got ripped in half #sorrrry. sorry. i got stressed -_- #Sighs and rolls up my sleeves. Still I Cringe Onward. #.txt

[sga-owns-my-soul]

anyone wanna recommend some super happy sga fluff fics i need some fluff to get me through today

#preferably mcshep #but i am Not Picky #hell gimme todd fluff idc #i just want fluff #today is gonna Suck #and i am Not excited #(it shouldn’t actually be Bad) #(it’ll just be Very Busy and i’m Exhausted and Anxious so it’s gonna Suck) #fic rec #sga #i’m so tired

[neptunes-saddest-alien]

I am so uncontrollably terrified this year will be as bad as the last..

#it’s already starting to feel that bad #i am actually scared.. #2023 was so bad I can’t do that again #anxiety #tired #exhausted #deppressed #numb #mentally tired #scare #i’ve been getting anxiety attacks #anxious

[lovelaceisntdead]

Oh. having a bad time.

#I've been holding it together all day but suddenly everything is really getting to me #so sick of feeling like this. i want to be able to have a nice time and enjoy myself but i can't walk around for more than half an hour #without feeling so exhausted #and i saw my brother today and i was really trying not to let it get to me seeing him doing so well #and I'm really happy he's doing well it's not that i just get so jealous that he's able to do all the things he can #i thought I'd been doing well the last couple of weeks bit maybe i was just repressing because now i cant fucking breathe #and i miss the cats so much i know it's been literally a day but I'm so used to having them there all the time #i am so tired. i want to sleep. but I'm so sad #I'm so anxious and i feel like I'm being short with everyone and it's making everything really tense #i don't know what to do. #I've been looking forward to this week for ages and i knew it would have an impact on me but i didn't think I'd feel this bad #I'm just really upset i don't what the point of this is but i just need to get this out because i feel like imgoing to explode #i think I've been feeling triggered since yesterday but not purging it so my body has just been feeling it and then its all spilked over #i know it started in the car because the roads we took to get here are the ones i used to take for my hospital appointments

[fiemdblunt]

.

#why am I so agitated and sad and anxious and empty and restless and tired these days #shit has been mostly fine I think what the fuck is wrong with me #I'm so exhausted and I keep hurting people around me #I wish I had some beer left #I could use a cig rn too #and I don't even know why I feel so shit #augh

[cream-and-tea]

how do werewolves work in lmd (plus anything else like that)

OK SO.

(this got very very long)

(just as a warning)

(also i’m going to tag @transmasc-wizard bc i remember you asked about this a while ago and a lot of this response comes from what i had typed up to respond to YOU lol)

(okay here we go)

there are (putting it very very basically) two main kinds of magic in the Ghost Story Universe: mortem (Death Juice) and vita (Life Juice). they draw from the same source (God Juice) (which is also the source of the apocalypse but that’s another post entirely) and are kind of different aspects of one thing, but still act as opposing forces. equals and opposites, can’t have one without the other, etc etc. the point is that even though they’re two different types of magic they share the same set of rules and operate under the same basic facts. one of the most basic being that magic is physically taxing to use. no magic comes without a cost

so this is pretty straightforward. and generally it isn’t anything too debilitating, but the more powerful the magic and the more magic used, the more damaging the physical effects become (for example: early on agnes’s chitchats with the ghosts she sees don’t really wear on her because it’s a very passive form of her power, but as the plot progresses and she actively draws on it more and more she starts to develop chronic headaches). the more active magic bullshit you do in succession —> the worse you’ll be feeling the next morning. people would usually need to rest for upwards of a few days after performing a major act of magic and the reason The Library focuses so much on endurance and repetition is to prevent that from happening. it’s to the point that some majorly powerful stuff is possible but the benefit of it is almost completely outweighed by the potential damage it would cause.

rambly worbuilding aside, this is really just a preface so it makes sense when i say: vampires and werewolves are what happen when people push their magic to far.

they’re basically the most extreme end of the spectrum for either kind of magic. vamps are a result of overusing vita (blood life stuff), and wolfs are a result of overusing mortem (spooky death stuff). this happens to people when they’re drawing on so much magic that their body literally cannot support it anymore and starts canabilizing itself in order to support the magic and prevent the person from just. coming apart at the seams. a Regular Person body is just incapable of handling that amount of power, so in turn they have to draw their sustenance from a different non-human source. the comparatively small piece-of-magic-apocalypse-juice in them mutates and co-opts the functions of their body in order to save that body from collapse. both vamps and wolves have to feed CONSTANTLY or they risk their bodies giving in and all their organs straight-up failing. it’s a slow transformation process and sort of representative of how much Whatever Caused The Apocalypse has become so deeply ingrained in every part of the new world. again: it presents differently but it’s all the same stuff in the end.

the world is full of monsters and weirdness and general spooky bullshit but vampires and werewolves especially have an ENORMOUS amount of stigma surrounding them because of the fact that most people still see regular magic users as recognizably human, and view the transformation as a transition from Human Person With Emotions Who I Should View As Such Despite This One Weird Thing to Inhuman Monster. most magical creatures aren’t seen as sentient in nature and many of them are actively dangerous to humans, so if someone pushes their abilities to far and ends up undergoing the transformation then it’s seen as a shift from being one of Us (normal people just trying to survive this crazy broken down to world) to being one of Them (unnatural monsters that came about as a result of the evil forest and apocalypse and want to destroy humanity), except that obviously the people who are turned are the same people they were before, just with an extra set of challenges and probably more bloodlust (which i can see being a bit of concern but c’mon. are u really going to let a little killer instinct get in the way of a lasting and meaningful relationship. weak).

They’re also used as an excuse when it comes to hatred of people born with magic at all. bc sure it SEEMS harmless when you kid is learning from their dead grandma or healing a little bit faster than normal, but with ONE WRONG MOVE they could become A VISCOUS BEAST or a BLOODSUCKING MONSTER and do you really want to take that risk?? wouldn’t it be better to stamp that out now before someone gets hurt??? even in places like The Library, which usually serves as a safe-haven for people born w magic, vamps and wolfs are seen as somehow Lesser. The Library toutes them as cautionary tales and failures of magic, basically a warning of what not to do to their students.

to get into the more specific abilities and effects and What Being A Vampire Or Werewolf Means i’ve made some handy little lists (ft. calliope and luca macnamara, a book 2-3 character that nobody knows about lol) (please click tumblr absolutely wrecked the quality):

so. yeah.

#i hope this is coherent i am truly just Saying Shit #tldr is if you do to much extreme magic you get fuckin vamped. or wolfed. but i felt the need to dig deeper and also make silly little #drawings about it. as you do. #worldbuilding isn’t always my strongsuit but i LOVE LOVE LOVE vampires and werewolves and i think i managed to do something interesting here #idk we all know monsters are Queer As Fuck and i mean. obviously. but the way i think about vamps and wolves in the lmd-verse is a bit more #in line w being disabled? especially in terms of chronic exhaustion and chronic pain since those are what i have the most experience #dealing with. but it really is pick your metaphor. #the monsters are a metaphor for eeeeeverything babyyyyy #i got to draw luca for this that was fun i love luca #he’s just a guy. anxious guy. tired guy. he just wants everyone to leave him alone so he can do crossword puzzles in peace. #if i love anything it’s my little side characters. technically a book 2 antagonist is a vampire and has a bigger role #but he’s an asshole so i don’t wanna draw him #the joke i make about calliope and luka is that calliope is a gay werewolf #who dresses like a gay vampire. and luca is a gay vampire who dresses like a gay werewolf. #nblw and mlm solidarity if you will #wip: ghost story #creme does an art

[braindamaged007]

#i hate socializing #social issues #social problems #social anxiety #anxious #anxitey #i am alone #being alone #always alone #feeling alone #mentally unstable #mentally exhausted #mentally fucked #tired af #tired of this shit #bpd problems #bpd sucks #bpd meme #bpd #bipolar disorder #actually bipolar #being autistic #actually autistic #possibly autistic #autistic feels #movie quotes #movies #beautiful quote #tv show quotes #quotes

[melto]

something just like snapped in the back of my head like i Need to go like curl up in my room for like 5 days and play video games and not speak to like anyone

#^ guy who is not out of a depressive ep like he thought he sorta was #dont even like particularly feel the old urge of the anxiety/need to hurt my relationships like i used to..i just feel like shit. #short list of people i think i could handle like really speaking to rn but ultimately. i just want to be somewhere safe and easy #even if that feeling is like making me feel sorta suicidal still. #just dont have it in me to like figure out how to act normal right now. something i have to do around most people and nearly everyone #i intreact with irl right now #not healthy. Ofc naturally i know this. and i can push through it. im just not excited about it. #the exhaustion to like contain myself is greater than my lonliness even though that is rather large #and i would like to get this out of my system before like. the semester starts next week. which i know i cant like control but whatever #this is all sooooo stupid. i need to be alone but i need compaionship of someone i trust. #it feels like there is glue in my mouth and i can barely speak to people im not close with bc of how exhausted and anxious i am #man. thearpy is like. going to really . idk. probably not help my mood. bc it has been hard for me to word what has been happening to me #and im always so scared of saying something that will get me hosptizaled again. Even when it shouldnt. bc im not going to do anything. #but i am scared and tired simply. and while so much has gotten better and ive gotten so much better there are some things that i just. #cant seem to figure out how to fix or ask for help. whatever. Guy who is stupid and helpless and will have to just get over it at some poin #sry i just feel like shit. i should probably just eat something i havent been eating much. and then i will probably feel a bit better #news with isaac

[vulpixelates]

i am so truly and deeply unwell lmao

#*dykeposting #negative #i am so tired glfkfjdjs I've been in a state of pure panic since 4am bc i was awoken by the power going out #due to a wind storm... from a dream about being seriously injured while i slept during a storm lmao #it was so chaotic and exhausting gllfkddjs i am still reeling and so anxious even tho everything is fine now #it fwels like i need to be on edge for some reason #at least cats exist 😔 tho they were being wild while the power was out and stressing me out more fldkdjf they've settled now #and are being extremely sweet and cuddly

[parkinglothater]

just me alone in my room against the horrors

#renee rambles in the tags #the worst thing abt bei.g friends with 2 men exclusively is i cant have an enotional breakdown without serious fall out #theyre just not used to dealing with emotions gently #so now its me alone #anxious about the bugs in my bed #zack asleep without saying goodnight #seth lost his mind at me and i told him i went to bed hours ago #i just barely made it into my room #bam cockroach right there by the door #there was one in my jewerly box this morning #and another on my bed this evening #and i just want to go to sleep i literally am so tired #so mentally exhausted from crying all day #but i cant get into my bed i cant #i took all my stuffed animals off of it #and im moving them to my bfs place #bc im so afraid theyre gonna get full of bugs #and then ill judt have bugs forever wherever i go #or be forced to get rid of all my beloved stuffies from the past 20 years #its like im just #so tired of being so anxious in my own home #stfu renee

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired! #3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

[justabunchofdragons]

im. so. TIREDDD

#chaos.txt #AUUUGH #IM SO. ANNOYED!!!!!!!!! #why am i so EXHAUSTED. i know why. ive been very productive today. and my nervous system is on overdrive #and im so nervous. and im so anxious. and and and and and and im soooooo TIRED. #i have to have a scary conversation with my mum and there's a hundred ways it could go and its cuz i was impulsive two weeks ago #and i Thought i was getting myself a cute little GIFT but NOOO the universe wants to PUNISH cute little GIFTS apparently so now i have to #have. a SCARY difficult UNCOMFORTABLE LYING conversation with my MUM . TOMORROW. and then i have to send an EMAIL. and im so SCARED #and TIRED. did i mention that. sorry for Yelling. i.m upset