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#i am fert
i-am-fert · 2 months ago
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Tube 2: Hypertube
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nezumiko · 8 months ago
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Ronin and Oak are exhausted after a hard afternoon “helping” me clean. And by helping I mean tipping over the cleaning spray, pulling the disinfecting wipes out of the canister to trail all over the room, and knocking over my unattended coconut water.
Shenanigans really take it out of you, especially when the other two ferrets are too busy napping to even pitch in.
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laspeliculasqueveo · 7 months ago
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“I Am Not an Easy Man” 2018
Writers: Ariane Fert (collaborating writer), Eléonore Pourriat (as Eleonore Pourriat)
Director: Eléonore Pourriat (as Eleonore Pourriat)
Stars: Vincent Elbaz, Marie-Sophie Ferdane, Pierre Benezit |
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a-startup-of-ferrets · 2 months ago
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Beethoven and mystery feet (the second one taken because I thought @i-am-fert would be impressed)
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sweater-equestrian · 2 months ago
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for the record / those concerned, I have researched the soil I am using and confirmed it is safe. It took me a bit to find safe soil but it does seem like miracle grow organic raised bed soil is ok to use. It is manure free (in fact, the only one I could find that was, including top soils), the 'compost' is listed as being 'forest product/composted bark' and the fertilizers are OMRI certified- and listed as kelp, feather, and bone meal. They are listed as containing 0.1% ferts, which is like, trace amounts of organic certified fertilizer is a risk I am willing to take (and a risk I think is present in ALL soil). I also think its telling that fish keepers use it in planted tanks AND people say wild toads love living in their planting beds that use that soil. I feel confident that if sensitive fish and amphibians thrive in it, so can a lizard, especially if its further diluted with other materials, and only covering 1/2 the tank.
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angrycupcake80 · 10 months ago
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Ferret naptime with bleeps - a trifecta of ultimate relax @i-am-fert
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awsugar · a year ago
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Heya~ so I’ve recently been cleaning my phone and I came across a couple lists I made with a friend when we were running a blog similar to mcrsecrets a while back. We would make top10 lists for different categories of submissions we would get and that got me wondering if you have any particular secrets that stood out to you or have you become immune to the insane amount of bad takes you must look at on the daily
i think i am mostly immune but some of my favorites.....fert nation....gerard isn’t bandit’s father but it’s nice of him to stay and parent her...i fantasize about my straight uncle dating gerard way...i dreamt that i was at a liminal space taco bell with gerard and we shared a baja blast...the person who thinks mikey and ray have been hooking up since bullets bc that one is just. so out there to me skdjfhs. 
idk most of those aren’t actually bad takes they’re just ones that are my favorite, the real bad takes i’m definitely just desensitized to
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i-am-fert · a year ago
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halt, traveler
before you pass you must answer a riddle
the riddle is what do you got in your pockets and can we have it
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nezumiko · 8 months ago
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Sleepy baby Ronin
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mrchicsaraleo · 6 months ago
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i wanna bathe but im also hungry and if i do eat first im going to fall asleep immediately afterwards, but i really wanna bathe cause i just finished washing this damn house that nobody helps me with but if i do bathe i will fall asleep afterwards and i haven't eaten all day but like i am sweaty and dirty cause this house is so damn dirty and the reason i will fall asleep is cause my feet hurt so damn much cause i have that thing where your fert are fucked up and don't touch the floor properly and im about to get high as hell cause the pain is killing so let's let all this be for nothing and for my high ass to make the decisions
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joshuakiryusmom · 6 months ago
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@gloomyembers asked for Hazael with D. subtle kindnesses so ​here it is. Also again, no proof read we die like M E N
Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide, and quick description of attempt.
"If I'm reading these directions right, I should turn the corner here and." A pause, looking up. And then a satisfied smile. "Bravo."
To be completely honest, the old god was worried he had misread the directions a few times, but seeing the ironwork arch that displays the sign 'Ashfield Cemetery' they immediately eased up and his confident bravdo began to feel less like one.
Hazael carefully readjusted his scarf before he started walking again. Entering the snowy place and doing his best to not slip on the dirty ice that covered the pathway in. It was… difficult.
Despite it being almost two months he was certainly not use to being alive again, let alone human. Walking was much more difficult than flying and while he could still feel his wings connected to him, the feathers brushing against his skin as he flexed his shoulder blades. He knew they were long gone to him now, and only a distant memory.
Or more likely, a phantom pain.
"Angel, where are we? It's too cold to be out so early."
The blonde raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly to look at the iridescent black snake that was sticking their head out from underneath the scarf.
"I told you, you didn't have to come with me. Eir."
"You haven't slept the past two days and were extremely insistent on coming out to this location. I was worried." The snake paused, before ducking more of himself back into the scarf and slightly tightening his hold around the gods shoulders and neck. "You need to respond to your cousin, as well."
He made a clicking noise with his tongue, pulling his phone up to his face and awkwardly sending a message to Coleen to inform her that he had arrived. Fulfilling one end of her deal with him.
And honestly, if just letting her know when he arrived, and when he was about to leave to join her and her friends for their late christmas party, was all he needed to do to get the information he wanted. It was a piece of cake.
"Angel, it's still too cold in your scarf."
"I also told you, you'd be warmer in an actual body, rather than a literal cold blooded snake."
"But I can not be close to you as a person and hold so tightly to you."
Despite himself, Hazael felt his face flush. "If I offer up one of my hands to hold, will that satisfy you enough so you stop complaining about the cold?"
There was no response for a moment before he felt the pressure around his neck loosen to nothing and Eir slither down his body from inside the clothing until he was a small coil on the ground. And then slowly he shifted to his human appearance. Complete with a very, very warm looking coat.
Hazael sighed, sliding his hand into Eirs as the entity offered his own up and juggled his phone so he could operate it with one hand. Once satisfied he scrolled back up his conversation with Coleen and started reading.
"This… is a cemetery? Why would you need to come here?"
"I have some important business here…"
The answer must have been tk vague considering he felt his companion stiffen and start forcibly yanking Hazael back to the entrance. "Paul and Stan would not like that you are here for such a ma-"
"A-ah! Stop Eir!" He slammed his fert into thr ground, making him pause. "I don't know what idea you got stuck in that bone you call a head but I assure you it's the wrong one."
"Are you quite certain?"
"If I was plannijng to kill myself, I wouldn't have let you come, stupid snake." There was no maliciousness in his voice. Giving the man a gentle squeeze with their conjoined hands. "I just wanted to check something and it happens to be here. I promise I'll explain depending on what I find. Alright?"
Eir waited a few moments, very visibly pondering it before nodding his head. "I will forcibly drag you out of here Angel, if your behavior starts to worry me."
"Doesn't it always?" He snickered, looking down at his phone one more time before nodding. "We need to head straight until we arrive at a headstone with the name 'Eats'"
"You have to be joking."
"Apparently not, according to Coleen's directions."
Hazael took the lead, glancing down at his phone every now and then to make sure he had the directions right. Coleen wrote them so meticulously it would have been impossible to get wrong, but Hazael, by nature, was a rather anxious person. Which made him have to keep checking after he got to the next step.
It took longer than it probably should have to get to the spot at the back of the cemetery. A secluded section hidden by the trees. A lovely, albeit lonely place for someone's finish resting place.
Slowly Hazael let go of Eirs hand and walked over to the graves. Not caring to bother avoiding stepping over where the bodies lied as he crouched down to look at the names.
"What are you looking for?" Eir tilted his head over the blonde's shoulders, looking at him quizzically.
"Something… specific." He kept his voice low, running his fingers over a faded stone before stopping. His breath hitching in his throat.
"Angel? Are you okay? You're as pale as a ghost."
“Aren’t I one already?” Despite how light his voice sounds to his own ears, he knows it must sound so strange. Too many emotions mixing in and choking him.
“Angel, what’s going on?” He can feel Eir crouch down next to him, hands carefully ghosting his shoulders in an awkward attempt at an embrasse.
Hazael took a deep breath, eyes closing as he attempted to speak. The words, however, refused to come out. Catching and dying in his throat. He tried again, again and again, struggling to speak but finally shook his head. Slowly he raised his hands, shaking to get the words through somehow. [I was… curious. What happened to this grave when me and Mayu made the memory disappear from peoples heads…]
Eir rubs at his shoulder, shushing him and softly whispering to take his time. Better to sign with steady hands and take longer than rush it out.
The old god nods his head again, leaning slightly into his hold until he was fully pressing his small frame against the taller man. [This. This is my grave.]
He could feel the man stiffen, looking carefully between Hazael and the headstone. "How… how can you…"
[Its faded, probably from me and Mayus' interference, but you can still feel my name carved into the stone.] He silently chuckled. [Hazael Hushers supposed final resting place.]
"Why are we here? If it's upsetting you so much."
[I wanted to see it for myself. Call it a morbid curiosity] Hazael waved his hand in a dismissive gesture hearing the irritated huff slip past Eirs lips. [Today also marks five years, here in this time, since I blew my brains out across my living room walls. I wanted to reflect a bit. I guess.]
Eir let a shudder slip past their body, arms moving instinctively to wrap protectively around Hazael. “I could have done without the imagery of the incident. Thank you.” The blonde chuckled again, leaning more into the touch. “If you don’t mind me asking… why did you…”
[Do it?] Hazael looked back, watching Eir nod his head. [It’s hard to explain, but that is something to reflect on.] He took a deep breath, flexing his fingers. [I was already in a bad place due to my home life anyway. But I had a tipping point, five years ago, on my birthday. My parents were out for business for the holidays but they left me a present.] He sneered to himself, recalling. [They gave me a gun. For some unknown reason. I still have no idea why they did it, despite having a chance to explain themselves. But I don’t think I want to hear the reasoning. That ontop of having this version of myself baiting my younger self to do it, my life would be better if I just simply did it. I caved.]
“You… Baited yourself? I… I do not understand.”
[I could see ghosts even back then. The version of me you knew, was haunting myself from back then. And since at this point this version knew everything that was going to happen, and… I don’t know. I can barely remember myself from before what happened and coming back to life. I can’t even say I regret doing what I did. If I didn’t do it then, Mayu wouldn’t have used her powers to send me back and I’d have never met Merrie, or Reg. ...Even you…]
“Angel…” Eir’s arms tightened around Hazael for a moment, squeezing him as he felt the blonde begin to shake slightly. “Do not force yourself to speak about your reasoning behind this. I’m sure despite how you act, it’s very hard for you to speak about.”
All Hazael could do was nod his head. Letting his hands fall to his side.
“I... “ The snake paused, before nodding his head and continued speaking. “I can’t condone your actions, what you did was not something good. But I… do not regret that incident causing us to meet. You’re very important to me, Hazel. And I am glad something good came out of it for you.”
Hazael blinked, turning to look at the snake before a shriek coming out of his lips instead as he was scooped up into his arms bridal style and felt him nuzzling their faces together. “E-e-e-e-e-eir! W-what-”
“This place is too depressing to spend longer in.” He smiled, completely unfazed as Hazael tried to fight out of his hold. “You have a party to go to and many small presents to give out to your friends. I will not allow you to sulk in this place any longer.”
Eir stood up, causing the blonde to wrap his arms quickly around his neck out of fear of falling, and began to walk out of the cemetery. Using a much faster pace then how they entered. He shifted his hold on Hazael until he was comfortably resting his head in the crook of his neck, the snake resting his own on top.
“Question.”
“Y-yea?”
“Which way do I walk to get to the shop owned by the one who probably was given the secrets of the universe and now must suffer with the knowledge of it.”
“Zane?”
“Did I not specify well enough?”
Hazael blinked for a few moments before sighing softly and awkwardly moving to pull his phone out of his pocket and program the antique shop's address into the map. “Here”
“Thank you, Angel. You simply rest now and I will get us there post haste.” He nodded, a happy confidence excluding through his posture and voice as he began walking. His head every now and then shifting to look at the phone and his surroundings.
“Hey… E-eir?” After a few moments, Hazael broke the silence, burying his face farther into the crook of the mans neck. He felt the vibration of his quizzical sound, indicating he acknowledged his voice. “T-thank you. For… coming with me.”
“There is no need to thank me, but you are welcome.”
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derdiderun · 10 months ago
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Abi selâmun aleyküm, Allah senden razı olsun, paylaşımlarından faydalanıyoruz. Benimde içinden çıkamadığım bir halim var, ben eskiden uyuşturucu bağımlısı biriydim, her türlü berbat ortama girdim, bir gün madde yüzünden ölümden döndüm ve tövbe ettim. Ancak o ortamlardan kalbim etkilenmiş ki çok öfkeli, kin besleyen ve kendini çok fazla riyakar hisseden birisiyim. Kinim ve öfkemi dışarıya vurmuyorum, sadece içimde beni tüketiyor. Riya ise bir iş yaptığımda sen bunu şu şu sebep için yaptın, sen yapmasab daha iyi, senin tüm amellerin boşa gitti, küçük şirk işledin. Böyle söylüyor, ben bu hislerden kurtulmak, bunlar olmadan ibadetimi yapmak istiyorum. Acaba bir yolu var mıdır? Yoksa ben gerçekten riyakar mıyım bilmiyorum abi
Ve Aleykümselam. Allah büyüklerden razı olsun. MaşaAllah. Rabbim halini daha da güzelleştirsin.
“Hiç şüphesiz nefis devamlı kötülüğü emreder. Rabbimin acıyıp korudukları müstesna” Yusuf Suresi – 54)
Bu nefsin içinde on iki çirkin sıfat bulunur. Bunlar da şunlardır: Küfür, şirk, gaflet, cehalet, günahlara dalmak, kibir, hırs, cimrilik, gazap, haset, kin ve şehvet. Bunlar değişmedikçe hiçbir kul Rabb’ine yönelmiş, teslim olmuş sayılmaz.
Mümin bir fert iman etmek ve namaz farizasını yerine getirmekle ne kadar mükellefse kalbini her türlü riya, haset, kibir gibi kötü hasletlerden uzak tutmakla da mükelleftir.
Bu hastalıklardan kurtulmak öyle kolay değildir, terbiye ister tedavi ister. Bu hastalıklar ile ilgilenen tıp dalı tasavvuf ilmidir kardeşim. Yani bir mürşidi kamilin tasavvuf okuluna kayıt yaptırmak eğitim görmek lazım. Biz kendimizden temizleyip atamamışız ki sana kurtuluş yolunu gösterelim. Ama mürşidi kamil zatlar, Allah dostları amellerini bu hastalıklardan temizlemişler, bizde onlara başvurmalıyız. Asıl çözüm bu.
Allah dostlarının bu konudaki bir tavsiyesini paylaşayım seninle.
Evliyâdan Şakîk-i Belhî Hazretleri şöyle buyurmuştur; “Amelleri üç şey riyâdan korur; ihlaslı kılar;
1.) Ucbu (kendini beğenme hastalığını) kırmak için amel yapmaya iznin ancak Allah’tan olduğuna inanmak. Amel işleyen kimse, o ameli işlemeye muvaffak kılanın Allâhu Teâlâ olduğunu bilmelidir. Bunu bilince de şükürle meşgul olur ve amelini beğenmekten yani, ucuptan kurtulur.
2.) Hevâsını yani nefsin arzularını kırmak, yok etmek için amel etmeye Allâh’ın rızâsını gözeterek başlamak. Yapacağı amele bakar, eğer onda Allâh’ın rızâsı varsa yapar, Allâh’ın rızâsının olmadığını bilirse, onu terk eder.
3.) Riyâ ve tamahkârlığı kırmak için amelinin sevâbını yalnız Allâh’tan beklemek. Amelini, ihlâslı bir şekilde, yalnız Allah rızâsı için yapar, insanların sözlerine, ne diyeceklerine ehemmiyet vermez.
Hikmet sahibi bir zât şöyle söylemiştir:”Amel işleyen kimse, amelindeki edebi, koyun çobanından almalıdır.”
“Bu nasıl olur?” diye sorulunca:
“Çoban, koyunların yanında namazını kılınca, bu namazıyla koyunların kendisini övmelerini beklemez. Bunun gibi amel işleyen kimse de insanların kendisini görmesine itibar etmemeli, yaptığı ibâdet ve amellerini, insanların yanında da, tek başına kaldığı zaman da yalnız Allah rızâsı için yapmalı, insanlardan asla kendisini övmelerini beklememelidir.”
Bak bu son kısmı önemli: “yaptığı ibâdet ve amellerini, insanların yanında da, tek başına kaldığı zaman da yalnız Allah rızâsı için yapmalı.” Aynı şekilde tek kaldığında nasıl yapıyorsan, ne kadar yapıyorsan insanların arasında aynısı yapmalısın. Böyle böyle yaparsan şeytanın vesvesesini kırmış olursun, o yine vesvese vermeye devam eder ama sen içine dönüp baktığında ben yalnızken de aynıyım der vesveseyi def edersin Allah’ın izniyle. Böyle yaptıktan sonra o vesveseye itibar edilmez, dikkate alınmaz...
Allah’a emanet ol.
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ohimtherebabey · a year ago
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its 2:30 am and tears are streaming down my face because i tried explaining bonkie and fert nation to my beat friend and couldnt atop laughing
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avengerscompound · a year ago
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The Tower: The Queen of Asgard - 17
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The Tower: The Queen of Asgard An Avengers Fanfic
Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //
Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)
Word Count: 2377
Warnings: Mentions of violence, death, and sex.  Injuries.
Synopsis: The twins are now three and while the Avengers know that Clint and Thor are the biological father’s none of them know or care which blond, blue-eyed baby is related to which man.  When Riley gets the power to control wind and it becomes evident that she is the heir to the Asgardian throne, Elly, Steve, Thor, and Tony take the twins to Asgard to train her.
Not every Asgardian is happy with their king’s choice of consort, nor the impurity of the heir’s blood.  While others expect Thor to make things more official.  What’s clear is, the role of Queen of Asgard is not easily filled.
Author’s Note:  Written with the fert mother @fanficwriter013​
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Chapter 17: The Fight for His Life
Thor was still sleeping soundly with his head on my lap and his daughter draped over him with her mouth hanging open as she slept along with him when Natasha returned.  She still looked a little stressed and no one really said anything while she helped herself to food from the carts.  She sat down next to Wanda and started to eat.
“Looks like Pietro is asleep.”  She said gesturing to Pietro who had started to sag over Clint’s head as he sat on his shoulders.
“I’ve got him,”  Steve said, going over and gathering him up in his arms.  He came past Thor and scooped up Riley too and took both the kids to their room.  Thor stirred when Riley was taken off him and sat up stretching.
“What time is it?”  He asked.
“Almost time,” Loki replied.  “You should go and prepare.”
He nodded and stood, heading into the bedroom.  I hugged myself as I watched him and looked for a topic to talk about that might take my mind off it.
“Bucky’s still punching things?”  I asked.
Natasha nodded.  “I tried to get him to come back, but he wasn’t listening.”
“Why’s he so upset?  I would have thought this was a good thing.  It might mean he gets to keep us.”  I said.
She took a deep breath and chewed slowly on her food before swallowing.  “I think it’s like the arm.  He had this obvious solution to a problem that had been plaguing him but he never thought about it.  Now here he had a solution to something huge and he’s upset it was never offered to him.”
“It’s not like we knew though,” I said.
“I guess he just thinks it should have been looked into.  That Thor was just sitting on this knowledge.”  Natasha said.
“That’s not what happened,” I said.  “Thor didn’t know and what?  Now he has to go into a fight to the death thinking Bucky hates him?”
“What I can’t be angry at someone I love?”  Bucky snapped.  I jumped and turned in my chair.  He was standing in the door scowling, while Volstagg stood behind him.
“You can keep it to yourself until he comes back safe, Buck,” I said, frowning.  “You’ll only be angrier with yourself if this is what you hold onto and it ends up being the last time you see him.”
Bucky came inside and folded his arms over his chest.  “I’m going to be there.”
“Yeah, because watching him die while you’re pissed at him is going to make it better.”  I scoffed.
“He’s not going to die, Elise.”
“You don’t know that, Bucky.  Chances are in his favor.  But none of us know what’s going to happen until it happens and I don’t want anyone here saying horrible things and feeling that way when he goes into this.  Because his feeling guilty isn’t going to make it easier for him.”  I snapped, turning in the chair to look at him.  “And if he doesn’t come out, you’ll hate yourself.  You know you will.  You’ll hate yourself for holding on to that.  You want to bond with Thor, don’t you?  Tell him.  Tell him that’s what you want.  Don’t be angry it hasn’t happened yet.  Be happy that it can now.”
“Well, of course, I want to bond,” Bucky said, running his hands through his hair.  “It’d give me an end to my life that I don’t know for sure is gonna happen.”
“Is that the only reason you want to?”
He dropped his eyes and shook his head.  “No.”
“So tell him.  Tell him so he doesn’t go into that arena thinking he ruined things.”  I implored, a tear rolling down my cheek.  “Tell him in case you lose him and never get another chance to say it.”
Bucky sighed and gave a nod.  “Where is he?”
I pointed to his room and Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets and huffed off in that direction.
Steve returned from putting the kids down and a little after him, Bucky and Thor came out.  Thor was dressed in armor and his winged helmet.  Mjolnir was clutched in his hand, as Bucky walked beside him.  Loki stood.  “It is time, brother.”
I jumped up and ran over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest.  “I love you.”  I murmured against him.
He rubbed my back and nuzzled into my hair.  “I love you too.  I will return.”
“Which of you will be attending?”  Loki asked.
“I’m coming,” Steve said, standing.
“Yeah, me too,” Clint said standing up.
“Yeah, I hate it,” Sam said, getting to his feet.  “But I’m going to support my beefy boyfriend.  One of my many beefy boyfriends.”
“The rest of you, please take care of each other and the children,” Thor said.
“Don’t worry,” Natasha said.  “We have the heaviest hitters here.”
“Good,” Thor said and gently pried me away from him.  “I’ll be back soon.  It should only be an hour.”
I swallowed and nodded.  “Good luck.”
“I don’t need it,” he said and kissed my cheek.  “But thank you.”
Thor looked over at Sif.  “I’ll stay here,” she said and looked over at the warrior three.  “One of you three idiots will have to stay for the children too.”
Fandral made a sweeping bow.  “I shall be your idiot.”
“How will you pull yourself away from your sometimes darling?”  Sif teased.  “Or are you two in a spat?”
“My goodness, Lady Sif.  You do like living on the edge.” Fandral shot back.  Sif shrugged.  “Good luck, Thor.  We shall celebrate upon your victory.”
“Yes, a huge feast.  Bottomless ale.”  Thor said as the group headed out.
I sunk down into the couch and started picking at my nails.  Wanda took my hands.  “Stop that.  Smell the nice Wanda hair.”  I sighed and nuzzled into her hair and inhaled deeply.  “You could braid the nice Wanda hair if you like.”
“Okay,” I said sitting back.
“Okay?”  Wanda said turning so her back was to me.  “Yay.”
I started carefully teasing her hair into sections and twisting them together.  It was actually a nice meditative action.  Plus it kept my hands busy.
“So an hour, Sif?”  Natasha asked.
“At least,” Sif answered.  “No more than two.  Most of it will be ceremony though.”
I felt myself tensing up and my heart began to pound.  Wanda sent me a wave of warm energy, instantly making me relax.  “Thank you, beautiful.”  I hummed and finished up her hair.  “There you go.”
She snuggled back in against me, but I kept looking up at the door like I expected someone to come in with bad news.  I couldn’t quite relax and my head wouldn’t let go of the worst outcome.
“It’s going to be fine, El,” Natasha said. “Don’t make me come over there with this weird tofu stuff.”
“What are you gonna do?  Choke me with it?”  I asked.
She smirked.  “I might.”
I looked over at Bruce.  He was wringing his hands compulsively and his eyes kept flicking around the room.  There was the faintest ting of green around his neck too.
“How are you doing, B?”  I asked.
“I’m here.” He answered, his voice strained.
“Come have some cuddles,” I said.
He shook his head.  “He’s right here.”
“He likes cuddles,” I said.  “It’ll help.”
Bruce gestured to Fandral and Sif.  “They don’t know him.  He doesn’t know them.”
“Forget about them.  They’re not going to provoke him.”  I said patting the free space next to me.  “He knows me.”
Bruce took a deep breath and moved over to sit beside me.  I reached up and ran my fingers through the back of his hair.  He shivered a little and lay down curling up with his head in my lap.
“I know you’re both scared.  It’s probably good he’s ready if we need him.”  I said.
Bruce made a small noise and I leaned down and kissed his temple and went back to stroking his hair.
We sat quietly for a little while.  Wanda playing with my hair while I played with Bruce’s.  Natasha finished eating and sat back with her feet on the coffee table.  “So who have you been assigned to?”  She asked Fandral.
“In general?”  Fandral asked.  Natasha gave a curt nod. “It changes.  I usually stay with the children. Despite what the Lady Sif would have you believe.”
“And what do you do with my kids?”  She asked.
“Mostly I stand by the door so that none enter or leave without clearance.  When they are in Loki’s care I will play with the princess to keep her entertained when she loses interest in Loki’s books.  When the princess had her lesson with Thor, I was teaching the little prince to ride.”  Fandral explained.
Natasha made a tch noise and tapped her foot on the edge of the coffee table.  “What makes you qualified to take care of my kids?”
Fandral shrugged.  “I’m not sure I am.  But I grew up with Thor and he trusts me.  I think that’s the thing he’s most concerned about now.”
“Yeah, well.  I’m not so sure about that.”  Natasha scowled.
I laughed.  “He’s fine, Nat.  Both the kids like him.  I like him.  Thor likes him.  He’s probably the only person other than the kids Loki can stand being around for more than an hour.”
“They’re not doing anything inappropriate in front of my children are they?”  Natasha asked.
I chuckled and shook my head.  “They barely even talk to each other in front of the kids.  Going off how they interact in public, you’d think they weren’t doing anything inappropriate behind closed doors either.”
“How dare you, your highness?  I assure you we do many inappropriate things behind closed doors.”  He teased, feigning offense.  He then stopped and looked at me seriously.  “Please don’t tell Loki I said that.”
Natasha looked him over again.  “Okay.  You have permission to watch my children.”
Fandral bowed.  “Thank you, my lady.”
The room fell silent again.  The longer the others were gone, the thicker the tension in the room got.  Natasha started tapping her foot in an erratic pattern on the coffee table, and Bruce got tenser and tenser, the green creeping up his neck until he sat up and started wringing his hands again.
“I hope it’s over soon,” I said, rubbing my eyes with the balls of my hands.
“It is.”
I spun to see Loki holding the door open.  Thor limped in behind him.  He was covered in blood with a few obvious cuts.  One above his eye and some on his arms.
I jumped up and rushed over to him, putting my hands on his chest as I looked him over.  “Oh my god, look at you!”
“It is but a scratch, my queen,” Thor said as the others filed into the room behind him.
“It doesn’t look like a scratch,” I said.  “Do we have something to clean you up with?”
“Mead will do the trick,” Thor answered.
Fandral poured him a cup and pressed it into Thor’s hand.  “Here you are, friend.”
Thor took a long drink and pulled me close.  “That should have shut down the opposition.”
I melted in against him, pressing my face against his armor.
“Really, El?”  Natasha scolded.  “Make him take a bath first.”
I didn’t move and just made a noncommittal grunt as Thor drained the last of the mead in his cup.  “He’s covered in blood Elise,” Natasha said.
I pulled back and looked up at him.  “Let’s clean you up.”
“I’d advise against walking on that ankle,” Loki said.  “It’s clearly broken.  He should see a healer really.”
“It’s against the rules,” Thor said.
“It is not,” Loki scoffed.  “Stop being bullheaded.”
“They’re making me jump through so many hoops.  I don’t want to do anything that makes them doubt me again.”  Thor said.
“Okay.  Alright.  Let’s get you to a bath.  Bruce, Sam?  One of you can set the ankle, right?”  I asked.
Bruce growled softly.  “Yes.”
“Yeah.   No problem.”  Sam agreed.
“Okay.  Can someone bigger than me help Thor to the bathroom?  I’ll go fill the tub.”  I said.
Bucky and Steve moved to either side of Thor and put his arms around his shoulders.  They supported him into the bathroom and started to strip him of his armor as I filled the tub with hot water and added a blend of healing and relaxing salts and herbs to the water.
“Okay, into the water,” I said when Thor was naked.
“Yes, mea vita,” Thor said, sinking down into the water.
I stripped down to my underwear and sat on the side of the tub behind him with my feet in the water and began to rinse out his hair.  “This will stop the insurrection?”
“Yes.  It should.”  Thor said.  “Elder Vasnor was the head of it all.”
“Good,”  I said as I began to wash his hair.  I checked his scalp for cuts and then rinsed out his hair.
“I’m fine,” Thor assured me.
I moved in the tub and began to wash his body, checking the cuts for severity.  “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“I’m not pretending.”
I ran my hand down to his swollen ankle.  “I think Loki is right.  This seems to be broken.”
“I’ve had worse.”
“That doesn’t make this not bad, Thor,” I said and sunk down into the water between his legs.  “You fought.  You won.  You are very strong.  We can all see it.  Do you think for just tonight, you’ll let us take care of you?”
Thor let out a breath.  “Okay.”
“Thank you,” I said and leaned over and kissed him gently.  “Alright, soak.  There are a few larger cuts that need dressing.  Sam or Bruce can do that and set your ankle.  Then you can stop letting us fuss and celebrate your win.”
“Thank you, carissima.”  He said, caressing my jaw.  I leaned my forehead against his and he wrapped his arms around me pulling me close to him.  “We will be okay, my life.  I promise.”
I nodded and attempted to relax in his arms, hoping that he was right.
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k-probs · 12 months ago
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oh man i saw a dog tumblr i follow who also has ferrets talking about how they practice the same consent things with their fert that they do with their chihuahuas.....like, how if you constantly pick up your small dogs even when they don't want to be held, they can get overly aggressive or anxious?
and now I'm like....IS THAT WHY MY FERT IS AN ASSHOLE......i have been picking him up all the time all 3.5 years of his life!!! that makes sense and i feel kinda bad?
there are a lot of ways i could have helped him more- i don't think he ever should have been an only ferret, either, but i am nervous to introduce anyone to him now that he has been one for so long.
he still likes me though lol, he follows me around, sits on my feet, and asks to be picked up sometimes. i am just trying to be better about not handling him outside of what's necessary.
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