what's up, im still spiralling during this rewatch and i have been considering how miss loathing and the house of wayward interests is INSANE.
what makes these children different? these aren't the grown distractions that the fix has to handle, these are beings that the fix cares about. liking magic, reptiles, the bass, all of these are hobbies or things that elias has likely Hyperfixated on.
(also do we think that Fix and Lance are related like Self Loathing and Self Doubt their first name is their family name?)
ANYWAY, when the fix said that there is a lot of life left, that these kids can be chosen. self loathing implies that he would be the one to adopt them. but that makes Sense. the fix is a concept that doesn't consider himself powerful outside of a physical sense but he, like A. Tension, is a representation of what the Big Guy cares about. And the fix is currently owned basically by Bition.
But even he gets distracted. He goes to Miss Loathing's and he sees these kids just like Elias has solid his soul to the company but still knows all these animal facts.
These kids aren't just in the city either. They are actively watched by Self-Loathing. Every kid that the Fix sees is also shadowed by Loathing, Elias hates himself when he loses focuses. When he goes down those paths, thinking about reptiles or has fun with a deck of cards, or even listens to a sick bassline.
But this also shows a change for Conrad. Conrad lived in Miss Loathing's home for a while. He, like all the other kids, were shadowed by Self-Loathing within Elias. UNTIL, he met and adopted JUSTIFICATION. Then he became a super weak voice in the back of his head. Just a bit more awareness still buried under Nothing, until one random impulse followed by an air of curiosity suddenly set everything off.
And Bition made his own downfall or saving grace by sending the Fix to Conrad. Miss Loathing said it, focusing on her only makes her stronger. Focusing on your conscience? You suddenly can't stop thinking about it. Makes it louder, bolder. God I love this season.
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"I have no sister." The words were knives. What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister? | Jon VI
--metaphorical knives at feigning neutrality regarding his sister
Jon fell to his knees. He found the dagger's hilt and wrenched it free. In the cold night air the wound was smoking. "Ghost," he whispered. Pain washed over him. Stick them with the pointy end. When the third dagger took him between the shoulder blades, he gave a grunt and fell face-first into the snow. He never felt the fourth knife. Only the cold... | Jon XIII
--literal knives from breaking that neutrality to save her
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hi. hey. it's been a hot second since my last meta post but ohhhh did i realize something while making my edits. ready? i wasn't. there's gonna be a number of screencaps so let's go
i think everyone *noticed* while watching but didn't really mentally elaborate on it because i at least was already too busy sobbing. now, during the entire confession scene, crowley is attempting to make eye contact while aziraphale does his best to avoid it.
wanna take a guess when that changes? the second he steps closer and says nothing lasts forever. suddenly crowley is the one looking away, he can no longer stand to look into his eyes because his heart just got broken into a million little pieces and he loves zira so fucking much.
aziraphale is staring straight ahead and crowley looks past him, looks out the window, up, everywhere but at him. he ends up looking down and at the glasses in his hands and guess what.
aziraphale? aziraphale FOLLOWS his eyes. FOLLOWS. look at how he moves his head to keep meeting crowley's gaze. the head tilt.
i quite literally could not decide which screencaps to use so have all of them.
what really gets me though, and this might just be me being a little bit insane and very gay, but i swear aziraphale glances at his lips. it is literally one frame but it is THERE. look!!
his eyes flick DOWN. just for a second but they move from crowley's eyes, where they have been for the last half a minute, to his mouth. and when crowley says good luck and walks past him? he STILL follows him. turns his entire head and body with him even while he is trying to catch up with what crowley is really saying.
alex, you may ask, why does this matter? because it is the other way around now, they switch roles, because crowley kept eye contact during his confession and this is aziraphale's confession.
this is HIM saying run away with me, let's go off together, let's be an us in heaven. he tries to soak up literally every single heartbeat of being able to look into crowley's eyes without any barrier between them. this is him trying. he literally moves with him just to keep looking at his pretty yellow eyes, the eyes he has come to get to know so so well over the last few years. the eyes that have been uncovered, his face bare, presumably every single time crowley was in the bookshop.
crowley hears "nothing lasts forever" and takes it as rejection.
aziraphale says "nothing lasts forever" and looks at the one thing, the one person, that IS forever to him - crowley. he cannot say the words and lets his eyes speak for him yet crowley has already closed himself off.
(side note: call me delusional which i am clinically psychotic and all but if crowley had not put on his glasses? had stayed just a bit longer? said the nightingale bit right then and there? fuck me, but i think aziraphale would have kissed him first)
aziraphale loves humanity, loves the world, but crowley is HIS world, he sees all of his creations, all his nebulas and stars, in his eyes and tries to find the joy in them that he once saw before the beginning of time.
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