#i am incapable of that kind of decisiveness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ridleymocki · 6 months

Text

(seeing so many bad faith interpretations of the argument, y'all are really going to make me do this, okay HERE WE GO)

.................................

What Ed says: "I think last night was a mistake. I'm not ready for... Whatever this is."

What Ed means: "I didn't want last night to happen so soon or under those circumstances. Things are changing rapidly, which makes me feel out of control and scared."

What Stede hears: "I regret sleeping with you. I don't want the sort of relationship that you're after."

.................................

What Stede says: "It was a fine fish. It was... whatever. I was just trying to make you feel good!"

What Stede means: "I only cared about the fish because you cared about it, and I care about you. I liked the fish because it made you happy. Ordinarily, I'm ambivalent about fish."

What Ed hears: "I lied to you. I didn't care about your achievement I was just placating you to get what I wanted."

.................................

What Ed says: "Here's the news: I'm leaving. I got a job on a little fishing boat and I'm leaving. I'm a fisherman now."

What Ed means: "I think I need to be away from you to figure out who I am, because I haven't been able to do that while we're together, and your lifestyle now is the life I'm trying to leave behind."

What Stede hears: "I've made a decision to leave you and have a life without you. I don't value what we have enough to work with you to find a solution, I'd prefer to end it."

.................................

What Stede says: "Oh, Ed. Seriously? You're not a fisherman."

What Stede means: "I think you're using this plan to escape and avoid your problems. It sounds like you're pretending to be someone else. It seems to me like an impulsive decision and I am concerned."

What Ed hears: "I don't support this ambition. I think you're incapable. I don't think you can be different from what you have always been."

.................................

This is the kind of analysis done in therapeutic environments. When I put what they mean, it's not just a rephrasing but a boiling down to the core issue. I could go on to the rest of the dialogue but do you see the continuing ship-in-the-night miscommunication?? It's tripartite:

failing to express one's current emotional reality with the most accurate and clear language, often because that reality is not fully understood to oneself,

misinterpreting the other's language, due to preexisting sensitivities and defensiveness about one's own understanding of the situation,

increasing frustration and sense of personal attack that results from those misinterpretations, which perpetuates and worsens the poor communication.

Importantly, this kind of pattern means you miss the best and most important kernels of communication in an exchange because you're reacting to the more inflammatory parts.

Stede: "This can be whatever we want it to be." (I am willing to make changes to our arrangement so that you're happy). Ed: "I don't even know who I am! Alright? I know I don't want to be a pirate. And you, you're blowing up, you're the toast of the town." (I think we want different things. You're just starting a journey that I've already finished).

With those two bits alone they could've sorted this out. The first is the answer to the second. But they didn't -- couldn't -- latch onto it because all their other baggage was getting in the way.

And I'm being proven correct that this is what is happening, because I have seen next to nothing on here about the above two lines, only reactionary takes of fans also focusing on the inflammatory parts because of their predispositions. You're doing an encore performance of what they're doing.

Point being, there are no bad guys in this scene, just repeated system failure!

#our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #blackbonnet #ofmd #edward teach #stede bonnet #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #our flag means death s2 #ofmd meta #something something cracking up on the rocks #cocktail name? my mental state? who knows!

4K notes · View notes

celestialtarot11 · 4 days

Text

What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? 👀💐 PAC reading ☀️

Hi friends 💐☀️ it’s been a minute since I have made a post on here, but I am back! What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? Let me know below if it resonates with you, feel free to comment like and reblog ⬇️☺️

Pile 1: Hi there pile 1’s!☀️🧘‍♀️💐 I feel like people underestimate your intelligence when they meet you. I feel you are the kind of person who observes a lot and doesn’t say much, until its necessary. A lot of people hate on the quiet kids but they’re the most dangerous because they know everything 😂 thats the vibe I’m getting. You’re quick witted, you’re quick with your comebacks and people don’t expect that. People expect you to be quiet, small minded and naive. But then they have a deep conversation with you and all of a sudden its like, “i was wrong to assume that of my pile 1, damn” and it hits them! What you say resonates because its like you get to the root of the matter and pull it out. Like weeds. You pull the truth out and say it. You guys have a powerful throat chakra and it’s something to be proud of! You don’t like illusions, lies and dishonesty. You prefer honesty, openness, and integrity! And lots of people aren’t able to match that so they end up feeling attacked, which was never your intention. Thank you pile 1’s for coming by 💗 I hope this resonated with you!

Pile 2: Hi there pile 2’s! Welcome to your reading 💐🧘‍♀️😻 People underestimate your resilience and bravery. I feel that some people see you as someone who is incapable of fighting, standing up or defending yourself. But you are the opposite! And people don’t expect that. They underestimate your ability to take on a challenge. Especially if you’ve been through a lot in your childhood, I’m feeling like family members perceived you as weak, gullible and naive. But you got up and healed and it took a lot of time, and you are still healing, but here you are setting boundaries and putting your foot down. This is something people do not expect. But then again im hearing “what did you expect? Did you expect me to really sit and take your bullshit?” On point!! You guys are quick, to the point, and do not hesitate in saying no or setting boundaries. For a long time you struggled with speaking up and it still may be a thing, which is understandable, and now you are healing enough to say no. People also may not expect you to be financially well off is something I’m getting. Your efficiency at saving money is something people don’t expect, or your savvy mindset when it comes to making 💰! People underestimate your resilience and your ability to take on a challenge. A true phenix from the ashes 💗 thank you pile 2’s for coming by! I hope this resonated. Please like comment and reblog for the support 💐☀️

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3! 💃🏻 This ones gonna be interesting 😂 in the best way possible! I feel that people underestimate your ability to leave. To say goodbye. To end situations and walk away. And move to a better place than you were before. People think you’ll stay in the mud, but you are the kind of person where if it gets uncomfortable you have no problem taking yourself out the pot. If the situation isn’t working, remove yourself from the equation is what im understanding 😂 love it! You guys don’t hesitate in moving to where you need to be and where your soul calls you, and right away you’ll know if someone is meant for you, or situation. People underestimate your ability to create abundance and move into prosperous places, but you manifest fast-and you move on to where you need to be with little to no issue. I feel like you guys know how to pack it up and make your decision, and the other person is shocked you thought about this without them. And your response is something of “I wasn’t aware I needed you in the first place to make this choice” 😂💗 I love it! You guys really know how you make an entrance and say goodbye 😻 thats the vibe im getting. People underestimate your presence in their life. The absence is felt when you’re really gone. Thank you pile 3’s! Please feel free to like comment and reblog to help this blog grow ☀️💐💃🏻

Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💐💗 it meant a lot to me! Your support is greatly appreciated. Enjoy the Aries full moon 🧘‍♀️

Paid Readings ⬇️💅🏻

491 notes · View notes

gatheringbones · 1 year

Text

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

#laura kate dale #lesbian literature #trans literature #currently reading #gender stuff

3K notes · View notes

furiousgoldfish · 2 months

Text

For those who are constantly sabotaged from learning survival skills, who are told repeatedly that they're "good for nothing", "incapable" and "will never be able to do even basic stuff in life themselves", I just want you to know that it's normal that you feel absolutely terrified for your future and unsure if you'll ever be able to live independently. It is really scary to be kept in that belief that you will fail at anything you ever try, that your work is not good enough for you to be hired or paid, that you wouldn't be able to survive without your parents. It is debilitating, it is stopping your progress in you life, its making it impossible for you to plan or imagine any kind of future, when you can't believe that you'll be able to achieve anything.

I was that person, I was convinced that I was both stupid and incapable, I was convinced I couldn't learn to cook or even do laundry by myself, I was told over and over that any decision I make will lead me straight into ruin and that teaching me anything is a waste of time and effort.

But I am now years away from being treated like this and you know what I think about it looking back? It's laughable. My skills and abilities are already superior to those of my parents. Looking back it is extremely obvious that the only reason I wasn't able to progress with any kind of skill was the intense sabotage, and if truly had been hopeless, there would have been no need to sabotage me at all, I would have been allowed to try and learn on my own.

You are not hopeless, you're kept from development on purpose. Nobody is going to be able to keep this from you forever. Nobody is hopeless. Everything can be learned in freedom and with kindness.

#child abuse #escape sabotage #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #traumatic childhood #keeping children stuck #in order for them to be dependent on the parent #and unable to escape out of fear #that they'll die on their own

169 notes · View notes

dreamingundone · 10 months

Text

When The Morning Comes

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x OFC (could be read as reader-insert, no use of Y/N) Summary: Jake doesn’t do serious. He was really upfront and honest about that. So why is he he one getting really tired of saying goodbye every morning? Rating: PG-13 for swears. Words: 3K+ Author’s Note: Here I am again writing fic in the year 2023 because I haven’t stopped thinking about Jake Seresin since last summer. This is slightly Band of Brothers adjacent because I’m incapable of putting away that particular hyper-fixation but you don’t need to know anything about it to understand this. Disclaimer: I don’t own the character Jake or Top Gun: Maverick. Please don’t re-post or translate my work without my permission. There's probably some inaccuracies here though I did my best to Google a few things, but even so, please be nice.

He watches her as she works out of the corner of his eye. He tells himself that he's not seeking her out every time he wanders the corridors at the hangar, but it just happens.

She's impossible to ignore.

There's a sinking feeling in his gut as she very much doesn't make eye contact with him, and in fact, she brushes by him as she leaves the room without so much as a glance.

"All set?" He asks Rooster gruffly, who arches an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you cared so much, Hangman." He gets up from the exam table, hands brushing over the thin line of stitches near his eyebrow.

Jake rolls his eyes.

"Oh!" Rooster says suddenly, eyes lighting up. "It's not me you're here for--"

"Shut up."

Bradshaw's not lying though, which makes Jake grit his teeth even harder.

"Secret's safe with me." He says with a wink, leaving Jake standing in Sick Bay by himself, questioning basically every life decision he's made to get to this point.

Six months earlier

"Listen up!" Maverick calls over the din, and when he can't get anyone's attention except for Dagger Squad, Admiral Bates does the job with a sharp whistle.

The hangar goes quiet, and they sit quietly as they listen to the mission briefing. Three months of training, and then they'll be shipped out to God knows where for God knows how long.

While he's pretty used to this particular way of life by now, he sees some of the other squads he doesn't know sharing nervous looks.

There's a group standing closer to the door that he's never had the pleasure to interact with - the medical staff from Sick Bay. The doctors look bored, but there's a new medic who's caught his eye from the minute he walked into the room.

She's taking notes or something, and Jake smirks as she looks up, meeting his eyes briefly. She rolls her eyes and looks back to her notebook, which only makes him smile wider.

He introduces himself the first time he gets a chance, later at the Hard Deck.

"I'm Jake," he says, holding out a hand.

"Good for you." She says, not looking up from her phone.

"Waiting on someone?"

"Someone else, definitely."

There's something about the way she says it - there's no heat in her words really, even though he knows she's trying to put him off. Look -- everyone thinks Jake is an asshole, and he knows he can be sometimes, but he doesn't want to stick around where he's clearly not wanted, even if all he wants to do is sit here with her and learn everything there is to know about her.

"Enjoy your drink," he says, and leaves her there looking a little surprised, if the crease between her brows is any indication.

It's a few days later when he has an excuse to see her again, though not under the circumstances he would have wished.

He's being semi-held up between Javy and Rooster, and he's scowling. "I'm fine," he grumbles.

"Sure, tell that to the control panel you smashed your head off of." Javy says, and Jake would roll his eyes, it's just that he can't really see straight, so he thinks he'd just pass out.

Okay, so he had to emergency land. At least he didn't have to eject.

"Put him here." He hears her voice, kind but authoritative. "Lieutenant Seresin, I thought I told you the other night I wasn't interested."

Javy snorts, and Rooster bites back a grin.

"Desperate times calls for desperate measures." Jake says, groaning as he lies back on the exam table.

Then she's there, looming over him, and the irony isn't lost on him that this is the first time she's looking him directly in the eye. Well, her and her flashlight, anyway.

"Pupils a bit larger than I'd like." She mutters. He finds himself really unable to do anything other than watch her as his vision wavers. "Concussion, obviously." She says. "Is the light bothering you?"

"A little." He answers.

She hums in sympathy. "You need stitches. Give me a minute." She says, and then her warmth is gone, and the bright light overhead is all he can see, making him close his eyes.

He sighs. This really isn't the impression he wanted to make.

Dimly, he registers Javy and Rooster leaving the room, saying they needed to go tell the rest of the Daggers how he was doing. He's sure Phoenix and Bob are pacing somewhere. Mav, too.

"Stupid." He mutters.

"What?" She asks, sounding offended.

"Nothing. Not you." He says, eyes opening as she leans over him again, hissing when she wipes an antiseptic over his forehead. "A little warning would have been nice."

"Don't be a baby." She chides, face full of determination. "Stay still."

He lets her work for a few minutes before he tries again. "I meant that I felt stupid for this."

She meets his eyes quickly. "Sounded like you did what you had to do so you didn't kill yourself."

"You were listening?" He asks, surprised. He feels dumber that he didn't realize that. Of course the medics were on standby.

"It's my job." She says. She pauses for a minute, glancing at her wrist. Her wristwatch is turned the wrong way round, so the face of it is on the inside. It's very military, and it makes him smile. It's how he can spot another Navy guy a mile away.

Hers is different than his, though, the face worn and scratched.

"Is that thing even ticking?" He asks as she gets back to work.

Her tongue is between her teeth as she completes the next few stiches, the sight making him a little distracted.

"It was my great-grandfather's."

He feels like he's bothering her, so he doesn't ask any more questions, but she surprises him by continuing.

"He's the reason I wanted to get into medicine. He was an Army medic."

"And that was his service watch?"

"Made it through the drop to Normandy and back."

Jake's eyebrows rise. "A paratrooper."

She nods. "He died before I was old enough to figure out what I wanted to do, but this watch has kept on ticking. Feels like I've got him over my shoulder advising me on what to do."

"That's really nice." Jake says honestly, and again he catches a surprised look on her face.

"I'm sorry," she says, maybe seeing the way his features droop. "You can sit up," she says off-hand before continuing. "I wasn't really fair to you. I've just-- to be honest, I've heard some things. Made me think..."

Jake nods. He knows what everyone says. And to be fair, he's never given anyone other than his friends any reason to doubt the rumors about him. What's the point? He'd rather let everyone on North Island think what they want than spending time fighting his reputation. It's not worth it, especially when he leaves often for months at a time.

"Anyway. That wasn't fair. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, pasting on a smile he doesn't really feel. "No harm done. I don't really... I don't really do serious. So the rumors aren't far off." He doesn't know why he says it. It's the truth - he's scared of getting attached. He's no good at being someone's boyfriend and he knows it. But still -- it feels weird to say it out loud to her.

"Well. Okay then, Lieutenant. You're going to be grounded for awhile, unfortunately. Come back next week and we'll see how you're doing."

Over the next few weeks, they do more mission prep, which means the medical team and the Daggers are together more often than not. They'll all be together as a wing on the carrier, and it's important that everyone knows all the details of every minute of the mission.

They have enough downtime too, and that's where he really finds himself in deep trouble. All because of her.

Phoenix has taking a liking to her, and really, everyone else has too. It's hard not to like her.

He's watching her now, contemplative eyes as he tilts his beer bottle back to his lips, and his heart does a funny little flip at the sound of her laugh.

He's surprised when she makes her way over to him at the end of the night, elbowing him lightly.

"All alone, Hangman?"

He smiles wryly. "Only got room in my heart for one lucky lady, Doc."

The nickname was her great-grandfather's, and it's stuck to her too. The first time Mav called her that, she got a little misty-eyed, and Jake found it so endearing he could barely look at her.

She rolls her eyes. "You get back up in the air tomorrow."

He nods, having been cleared by the medical team earlier that day. He can't wait. He misses the adrenaline and the sound of the engines roaring underneath him.

"Thanks to you," he says, nudging her in return. She'd been like a drill sergeant the last few weeks, watching him like a hawk to make sure he stuck to paperwork and didn't overwork himself while he recovered from his concussion.

"Just doing my job." Her standard answer. He thinks it's interesting that someone so confident has a hard time accepting any praise.

"No, it's something else." He says, taking another pull from his bottle. "You were born to do this, I think. You've got a special touch."

She blinks rapidly, and for a horrifying moment, he thinks she might cry. She clears her throat. "How many of those have you had?" She gestures towards the bottle in his hand. "I said one beer, Seresin."

"Not even a full one." He assures her. "And I mean that, Doc."

The way she's looking at him sends his heart racing. Is she--? No, he's imagining it, that she looks like she's leaning in a little, her lips parted invitingly. That's impossible.

"Thank you, Jake." She says softly, and it's the first time she's ever called him by his first name. It takes everything inside of him to stop from leaning into her a little bit more, and in the end he doesn't fight it.

They sit there, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, in a comfortable silence for the rest of the night. And if her pinky brushes his just a little on the bartop, he doesn't draw attention to it. He just lets it happen, enjoying the warmth unfurling inside of him.

The briefing where they get their assignments for the mission is tense. This is a dangerous one. Top secret, and not even the medic team is allowed in the room with the Daggers while they get briefed.

There's some speculation that they won't even come along - that this mission is so secret, the fewer eyes on it, the better.

It makes something twist inside him, the thought that he might not see her until he comes home from deployment. He hasn't had that feeling in a really, really long time.

Afterwards, he's wandering the corridors aimlessly when he quite literally runs smack into her.

"Oh!" She says, surprised, and he grabs at her arms instinctively, holding her upright.

"Sorry, Doc."

"Are you okay?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Fine. I--" He looks up, meeting her eyes. "Will you go to dinner with me?"

She swallows. "What?"

"Look, I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm starting to think you aren't either. But I also like you, and I'd like to take you to dinner. If you want." It all comes out in a rush.

"Okay." She says quietly.

"Okay?"

"Okay." She repeats.

They don't even make it through dinner.

He's so distracted by the sight of her in civilian clothes that he can barely form a coherent sentence all night.

It must show on his face, and he really feels like an asshole for it, but she also responds to it, so he doesn't stop himself from staring at her, not this time.

Somewhere in the middle of the dinner course, she puts down her fork. "Are you going to take me home now?"

He doesn't think he's ever scribbled his signature on a check so fast in his life.

After that it's all a blur of heated gazes, wandering hands, and finally, mouths meeting. It's all flushed skin and, for Jake, trembling hands. He tries not to examine that particular fact too much.

In the morning, she leaves before he wakes up. He feels a little weird about it, but it's also how it has to be. It's how he's always done things. And if that's good for her too, even better.

They go on like that for weeks. He tries not to think about how each morning it's harder and harder to watch her get dressed in the haze when she thinks he's still asleep.

He tries not to think about how she always looks back over her shoulder before she goes, something soft in her eyes.

He tries not to count down the days between now and his deployment date.

On a Friday morning, he's making no show of the fact that he's awake when she slides out from under the sheets and starts dressing.

"You could stay." He says, voice a little hoarse.

She pauses, but pulls her shirt over her head. "Don't do that." She says, voice quiet but firm.

"Just for breakfast."

"This is what you wanted, Jake. I'm just trying to make this easy for both of us."

His face twists. "And I can't change my mind?"

"Actually, no." She says, voice harsh. "Because you've said to me a hundred times that you weren't looking for anything serious. Staying longer, spending days together... that's serious. I'm just doing what you wanted."

Maybe I don't want that anymore. The thought rattles around in his brain, but he doesn't say it.

"It doesn't have to mean anything." He says without thinking, and the look she gives him is withering.

"You've been doing your best not to let any of this mean anything, Seresin."

"We're going by last names now?"

"For fuck's sake, Jake!" She hisses, tugging her pants on. "I should have trusted my instincts with you. I should have listened to my gut."

He sits up straighter now, hurt lacing his tone. "So you've just been miserable for the last few months, right? None of this has been pleasurable for you, and that's my fault."

"I didn't say that."

"You know what? Don't let me keep you. Must have been a moment of insanity." He says, voice hard. "You're right. Keep it simple, keep it meaningless. That's perfect."

She doesn't say anything else as she gathers the rest of her stuff and slams the door behind her.

He doesn't see her again until the final mission briefing before deployment.

They're being deployed to the same carrier. That wasn't supposed to happen. The whole reason he decided to take a chance, to finally act on these feelings that he's afraid to identify... it was spurred on by the idea that he may come back in a year to find her elsewhere.

Their eyes meet across the hangar. There's nothing friendly in them now.

He swallows hard. This is going to be a shit-show.

They're out in the middle of the goddamned ocean when he, yet again, has to race to Rooster's rescue. It's not nearly as terrifying as the last time it happened, but he's still furious at his friend for risking his life once again. Rooster skids into the carrier with his landing gear barely hanging on, and the rough landing has him doing his best impression of Jake himself all those months ago when he nearly smashed his face into the control panel.

He has to help Rooster get to the Sick Bay because he can't do it on his own, and no matter how much he wants to avoid seeing her, he needs to get help, and Doc is the best, there's no doubt about it.

They ignore each other, though he watches her. He can't help it. She handles Rooster like he's the most important person in the room, and it twists something inside Jake, though he knows that's what makes her invaluable.

She leaves before he can say anything to her.

"All set?" He asks Rooster gruffly, who arches an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you cared so much, Hangman." He gets up from the exam table, hands brushing over the thin line of stitches near his eyebrow.

Jake rolls his eyes.

"Oh!" Rooster says suddenly, eyes lighting up. "It's not me you're here for--"

"Shut up."

Bradshaw's not lying though, which makes Jake grit his teeth even harder.

"Secret's safe with me." He says with a wink, leaving Jake standing in Sick Bay by himself, questioning basically every life decision he's made to get to this point.

In the corridor outside Sick Bay, she's lingering. Pacing.

Jake stops. He's not sure how to get past her without speaking to her. And truthfully, he knows he owes her an apology. He owes her more than that, but he doesn't know how.

"He's going to be okay," She says. "Just so you know."

"I know. Had you fixing him up, after all."

"You sounded scared on the comms."

He shakes his head. "He's reckless."

"He's your friend. It's okay to worry." It's okay to feel things, she doesn't say, but he hears it like she shouted it.

He puts his hands on his hips. "I worry a lot, actually. I worry about a lot of things."

She's just watching him warily, and he goes on, actually unable to stop rambling.

"I worried from the second I met you that I was going to fall in love with you, and that's exactly what happened."

Her mouth falls open, and he plows on.

"I worried that if I let myself get too close, I'd never recover when inevitably you found someone better than me. I didn't think we were getting deployed together. I thought I'd never see you again, that I'd come home and you'd have found someone that deserves you. So I put a boundary there, and I never should have. Even when you respected it, I got angry with you. Because I did want more."

"Jake, what the fuck?" She breathes, and he laughs.

"I know. I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry. I just-- I couldn't stop myself. With every little thing I learned about you, I just fell a little harder. And that was never the deal. So even when you acted like... like you could've felt the same way, I didn't give you the chance." He smiles, but it's more like a wince. "Call it self preservation, I guess."

"You're so stupid, Lieutenant Seresin." Her voice is shaky. "As if I would have thought about anyone else for a year, even if we were separated."

His head snaps back up to meet her eyes. "Doc?"

"I've been falling for you this whole time too, you idiot. And the only reason I didn't want to stay that morning was because I'd worked so hard to stop myself wanting more than you were willing to give."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that."

"I can keep saying it, if it helps."

She takes two quick strides in his direction while they're alone, and kisses him. Quick and hard, it sets his skin afire and his heart pounding.

"Back to work, Hangman." She says against his lips as she lowers herself down to her feet. "We'll talk about this later." Her thumb presses into the dimple on his cheek.

"If I have to, Doc." He says, and this time when he watches her walk away, he knows it's for the last time.

He's not going to let her out of his sight for a long time, if he can help it.

#hangman x oc #jake seresin x oc #top gun maverick fanfiction #HELP I'VE WRITTEN FIC AGAIN #you can thank my obsession with G.P. for this one

715 notes · View notes

onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks · 18 days

Text

RANT TIME

If I see one more person say that the reason Rhys seemed different and less likeable in ACOSF is because we’re seeing him from Nesta’s POV and not Feyre’s, I’m going to go feral.

I’m sorry, I know we find ways to blame Nesta for absolutely everything under the sun, but are we now also trying to claim that she is able to control Rhys’s words, decisions, and actions??? PLEASE BE SO FOR REAL. I do not dislike Rhys because Nesta thinks unfavorably of him and her mental commentary is somehow swaying me. I dislike him because of the things he DOES and SAYS. Nesta does not like Rhys and makes this clear to everyone. But for God’s actual sake…her opinion of him does not control his choices and actions. The story SJM wanted to tell was going to happen, regardless of who’s POV we see it from.

AND, as if that weren’t enough, there are PLENTY of scenes where he acts deplorable and the POV is Cassian’s, not Nesta’s!!! And as we all know, Cassian is so far up Rhys’s butt he can probably see out his mouth. So explain that one to me, please!

Now, does Rhys appear noticeably different in ACOSF than he does in previous books? Absolutely! I am in complete agreement that ACOMAF!Rhys would never handle Feyre’s pregnancy the way he does in this book (The conversation a lot of people are really not ready to have is that Tamlin would be the one to behave this way while Rhys would be the one who swoops in to let us all know how degrading, condescending, and chauvinistic his behavior was and that he would be the one to treat her with agency and respect and would never coddle her and lie to her about her health and her body because she was strong and she could take it).

(Tell me I’m wrong, I dare you!)

So, is Rhys different from how he is in previous books? Yes. But this is not because we are in the POV of someone who doesn’t like him. It’s because SJM’s handling of him is beyond bizarre, and at this point almost has me convinced he is her tool in some kind of social experiment she’s conducting on manipulation and brainwashing in literature. It’s as if she is testing to see how far she can push, how insufferable and hypocritical can she make him behave while still demanding through the narrative that we love and adore him. I used to swear this was not intentional on her part, that she really did think as highly of him as she appeared to, but his behavior as of late has gotten so absurd, it’s honestly beginning to make me wonder if some of this IS intentional and is part of a bigger process. I can only hope that it is.

So no, Rhys does not seem different and less likeable simply because we are seeing him through Nesta’s eyes. He seems different and less likeable because he IS different and less likeable, and a hypocrite to boot. No matter who’s POV we are seeing it from, he does and says insufferable and hypocritical things all throughout the story. But the cult following that this man has is unmatched, and so many people are literally incapable of admitting they feel any kind of distaste for him or that he may have done something wrong. So instead the response becomes “He just seems that way because we’re in Nesta’s POV and Nesta doesn’t like him.”….as if being in Nesta’s head creates some kind of opitical illusion where Rhys’s behavior isn’t real. Whatever makes you feel better, I guess!!

#acotar critical #acosf critical #sjm critical #nesta archeron #anti rhysand #nesta deserves better #acosf #pro nesta

79 notes · View notes

kazonandoff · 2 months

Text

LN 5 and Maomao

Finished 5. Read the prologue to 6. That was a fascinating read and actually pretty sad.

Maomao and Jinshi finally get intimate but neither of them enjoyed it. Comes from Jinshi trying to force the relationship along and I won't talk about that, there's a great post here somewhere of someone else discussing Jinshi's side of things. I wanna talk about Maomao.

If Jinshi has a warped view of relationships, then Maomao is just as bad, of not worse. She talks about how she's incapable of love but I think that's 1) not entirely true and 2) hugely affected by the environment she grew up in.

(BTW if you relate to Maomao as aro/ace that's awesome and I'm not taking that away from you. This is just my interpretation of things).

Maomao has been born and raised in an environment where relationships are a commodity. There's little emotion involved besides the base desires. Without even bringing up her parents, Maomao's sisters have been essential in her viewing relationships this way. Pairin taught her, against her will, how to use sex as a tool and as part of power play. Meimei taught her the best relationships are the ones that give you money and a secure future. And Joka taught her men are duplicitous and will always find a way to hurt or betray you in the end. None of this thinking exactly engenders love in a romantic sense.

So you can probably imagine what this kind of environment does to a young woman's thinking. Maomao is a pragmatic realist and has not a single romantic bone to her body. But she still very much cares.

When presented with 2 young girls in desperate circumstances, the most she can do is make sure they understand the severity of their decision to sell themselves to Verdigris House. When Chou-u starts running around town, she warns him of the dangers of rape and abduction. And when Jinshi comes to her door and says he wants company, she offers him Verdigris services.

And that's the problem. Jinshi wanting her specifically is not something she's currently emotionally equipped to deal with. The definition she's been given of love is that it's a very bad and dangerous thing. So she handles her love for Jinshi in the only way she currently knows how: as a child of the pleasure district, born and raised.

And I'm very sure she loves him. When Jinshi is being himself, without the posturing and machismo, she likes being with him very much. She likes touching him and she likes taking care of him. She just can't really express that yet in a healthy way. Relationships and love are still viewed by the lens of the pleasure district.

So when cornered and pinned down (literally) she turns to the only tactics she knows. The ones her sisters taught her. As a courtesan.

So yes, they got physical, they got intimate. But neither of them particularly liked it. Jinshi is left feeling shamed and Maomao is unsatisfied. Dealing with things the courtesan way is not enough for her anymore. And Jinshi dealing with things the way a person of authority would isn't cutting it. They're not master and servant anymore, not customer and courtesan.

So, in conclusion to this rather long ramble that I am writing half asleep and on only one cup of coffee: these stupid kids need to start communicating.

#the apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao #kusuriya no hitorigoto #way too long #I didn't sleep because of these 2 #I'm not proofreading this

126 notes · View notes

theelast-straw · 4 months

Text

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

#this list is just me going “i love him sm” ten times in a row lmao #apparently my type is just pretty man who is secretly a loser nerd #the sign the series #kinnporsche #pit babe the series #bake me please the series #twins the series #the untamed #word of honor #choco milk shake #my dear gangster oppa #a tale of thousand stars #thai bl #kbl #danmei

78 notes · View notes

faerynova · 6 months

Note

Thoughts on. Caesar Salazar ?:3

oughhg césar... he is so autistic (derogatory) (im autistic its fine i can say that)

what i love about him is that he has NO empathy but also SUCH strong morals. he invented nanites TO HELP PEOPLE. he wanted to cure diseases and make the world a better place but also hes completely incapable of understanding that his actions have consequences and can hurt other people

like i straight up think he does not realize how much he hurt rex with like. the control collar and also yknow putting him through fucking EVERYTHING to do with the metananites and not telling rex his plans. césar isnt a "the end justifies the means" kind of guy its just that he does not realize that his means are harmful in the first place

ALSO SPEAKING OF REX IF I THINK TOO HARD ABOUT CÉSAR AND REX ESPECIALLY THEM AS KIDS I WILL START CRYING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

CÉSAR CARES SO MUCH ABOUT REX AND AS MUCH AS HE DOES DO THINGS FOR THE GOOD OF PEOPLE IN GENERAL HE WILL WATCH THE WORLD BURN TO SAVE HIS LITTLE BROTHER

i think about his introduction so fucking much. calls him mijo. immediately clocks providence as sketchy organization (that may or may not be experimenting on his brother who he knows has crazy nanite abilities and would thus be a prime target for that shit) and is like alright rex im getting you the fuck OUT OF HERE

also like césar skipped six whole years. the last time he saw rex, rex was TEN. thats his BABY brother. and im sure césar has some trouble like... realizing. that rex is older and can be treated as, yknow, a capable person. which ofc informed his decision to keep rex out of the loop every step of the way. (also i headcanon that he and rex have a 12 year age gap. and now that césar has his time skip, theres a 6 year age gap)

also césar has a doctorate?? zagRS refers to him as Dr. César Salazar. this man has a phd. i also headcanon that he was actually one of *those* super smart autistic kids who started going to college at like 13 or some shit and ended up with an engineering doctorate at 20/21 or something.

its like 4 in the goddamn am if this makes no sense then im blaming that

anyway tldr i am shaking him inside a pringles can i love him i hate him im gonna put him through the horrors

#generator rex #césar salazar #i think he should have some trauma. as a treat.#cant wait to get to that part of function.heartbeat #trauma for EVERYBODY babeyyy!!

69 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

Note

WIBTA for going to see a play with my crush?

yesterday, i got a call from my friend (S) telling me a guy (A) from her friend group (that i am no part of) asked her out earlier that day. same guy that i’ve been having an embarrassing crush on for almost two years now. she rejected him because, i quote her, ‘she felt incapable to project herself with him in a committed relationship’. which, totally fair!

the thing is, the night before he admitted his feelings for her, he asked her if she’d like to come with him to see a play to which he got two tickets. but that was in the intent to take her out as in a date. which, with all that happened yesterday, very certainly won’t happen in that kind of context now. so she is reluctant with the idea to go with him, but the tickets are non refundable, and she would feel bad to ditch him and throw the money to waste.

during the call, as she was telling me about her feeling bad to not go but feeling kind of uncomfortable to, i half-jokingly said ‘well, i could just go. no need to do anything with him, but at least, his two tickets won’t go to waste. plus i like to see plays’. and S thought that was a not-so-bad idea, enough that she texted A (with whom she still kept contacts, no hard feelings) asking him if he’d be okay with me coming instead of her just to leverage the tickets. we wouldn’t go together, but we’d still sit next to each other during the play.

i think A was a bit high when he answered my friend, but he said he was okay with anything at this point.

i feel kind of bad for A, like i’d be ruining something, a moment he wished to share with somebody else, plus for S who is still very confused about the whole thing and scared to regret her decision. i don’t want to meddle at all, it should be their thing to clear out together, and maybe sending a friend to go to what was supposed to be a date with your friend guy you rejected, isn’t the best way to start anew.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

59 notes · View notes

tossawary · 9 months

Text

Needing something to play in the background during the day, I have started watching Transformers G1 and have now finished the first season. It is very funny to visit the original after getting most of my information through Fandom Osmosis and passing acquaintanceship with more recent Transformers media. I decided to start at the beginning (terrible decision, I know, I will not be changing it) because I have like 40+ hours per week that need background sound and I like studying adaptational choices over time, so I intend to progress through a bunch of Transformers shows in chronological order.

It's kind of like Star Trek: TOS (Star Trek is better) in that I find parts of it very charming, there are plenty of aspects that are even compelling in their potential, but it's also... bad. A lot of it is Very Bad, sometimes in a very funny way and sometimes in a way that is just Not Good and even Problematic. I cannot possibly recommend it.

The animation quality is understandably very low due to the context of its creation (television show from the 80s made to sell toys). I like a few of the Cybertron background paintings, but it still takes me a second to tell a lot of the characters apart, partially because there is a revolving door for supporting characters. The writing quality is even worse. The physics is all over the place. The powers and abilities are completely arbitrary. None of the science works. No one can decide what body parts the Cybertronians actually have. There is way more mind control in this show than I ever expected there to be. This is apparently an alternate universe where the Earth has various types of energy crystals. The Idiot Ball trope is flying all over the place like dodgeballs and the characters are repeatedly hitting themselves with it constantly. Some of the accents are quite silly, yeah, but it still doesn't justify how some people type them out in fanfiction.

And yet I am still mildly entertained, probably because I am already partial to both animation and space opera with robots. And I recognize enough of the characters to find these early versions of them very funny. And some parts of this extended toy commercial were very clearly Done With Love.

Megatron and Starscream are like two halves of a whole idiot. The Decepticons are incapable of not betraying each other for more than a few episodes. Except for Soundwave, who is the MVP of the Decepticons, and yet also does nothing to stop any of the drama. Both sides can just Make New Guys at any time apparently and the Dinobots should unionize. I think Optimus Prime essentially "ok boomer"ed Megatron in the second episode and it was justified. I can't believe that Shockwave didn't just straight up stage a coup or otherwise move on in 4 million years, like, man, DUMP HIS ASS already. Bumblebee has apparently always been Very Smol and Just A Little Guy. Because this is a kids show, all these giant robots are constantly calling the Mortal Enemies They Want Dead "dweebs" and "nerds" and "twerps" and it's Very Funny. And I'm just going to assume that Sparkplug is a nickname and not an adult human man's legal name.

Also, I know the reason that the human kids are in the show is so that the show can go, "Look! This could be you! Being friends with all your favorite giant robots!" But it very much comes off as the Autobots having no real context for Spike's age or squishiness, probably because their own newborns are already able to fight. And Carly's introduction involving renting scuba gear and breaking into the Decepticon base makes her look (and I mean this with bewildered affection) fucking nuts, girl.

#tossawary transformers #tf g1 #optimus prime #megatron #starscream #soundwave #bumblebee #carly witwicky #shockwave #grimlock #spike witwicky

100 notes · View notes

thowawayuntilfurthernotice · 7 months

Note

Don't you think Vivi used NDAS to silence the people who used to work with her? I am trying to give Krystal the benefit of doubt here and others

and, tbh, kind of scared to see the fandom reaction to the new vas

As far as I know, the entire cast from the pilot got fired and weren't offered the chance to audition for any roles in the main series.

Krystal (Like Ashley.) most likely doesn't wanna speak out because she's scared of getting blacklisted by Viv.

And look, I don't hate Krystal, I'm not trying to "cancel" her, I'm just so tired of people within the industry constantly saying they don't tolerate abuse while refusing to hold abusers accountable.

Ashley, Michael, Dave, and Krystal can try to distance themselves from Viv all they want, but it doesn't change the fact that they didn't say shit when Erin and Ken spoke out.

Also, the Hazbin/Helluva fandom is basically a cult, they'll gladly simp for the new VA's because they truly believe that Viv is incapable of making a bad decision.

#Ask #Vivziepop Critical #Hazbin Hotel Critical #Helluva Boss Critical #Spindlehorse Critical

51 notes · View notes

mereeples · 2 months

Text

Maybe somebody can help me with this better on here.

I recently came out as aroace to my family (took 2 years to do, we’re a Christian family and was scared of getting backlash. They were very supportive with my decision though).

(This got long, added the read more so it’s not giant on my page, lol)

I wanted to find some content pertaining to the aroace spectrum because I wanted to see other opinions and experiences. I’m still trying to figure out where I am on it, y’know? But whenever I look up aroace content, especially on tumblr, it’s a bunch of people yelling about shipping aroace characters and why you’re a terrible person if you do ship them? I get it for some, because some of the ships don’t make sense to me depending on the character, but, I don’t know, I just feel hurt I guess when I see someone say that character CAN’T be with someone just because they’re aroace.

Now before anyone yells, bear with me on this: I’m not referring to romantic or sexual relationships. That argument I can understand, but some make it sound like someone whose aroace is incapable of love or compassion.

I know that I’m aroace because I’ve never been attracted romantically or sexually to someone before. I honestly don’t see myself in that kind of relationship at all. But it doesn’t mean I can’t love or someone else can’t. There are more loving relationships other than just romantic or sexual, a relationship can be a platonic or family oriented scenario.

I’m currently writing a story regarding a platonic marriage, because I was curious about the thought of one. The relationship is way different from a typical marriage, and I honestly like the thought of such relationships where you know you love that person but you don’t show it in a normal sort of way. Like, you just vibe well together and that’s all there is to it.

I don’t know, I guess I just want people to know some of the stuff I see being said hurts sometimes. I get your side of the argument when it comes to people getting romantic or sexual with a character, but it doesn’t mean they are incapable of other types of love or relationships. I’m still new to my spectrum, and I’m still trying to figure out things, but I can’t be the only one getting a tad hurt by this indirectly. I just want people to be a little more empathetic about the topic, I guess. This topic involves a person’s identity, and like all identities, they are not cookie cut the same.

I don’t know, does anyone else have a say about this? (Also, please be nice or let me know if I’m coming off offensive. I’m really just trying to get reassurance or someone else’s opinion on the subject).

(Also, does anyone have any other character interpretations of someone being aroace? I only know of one that I like and I don’t want to talk about him on this blog because I try to keep it PG 13. Only other fictional character I know about is SpongeBob, apparently he’s asexual…)

Keep your smiles bright even during the most bleakest moments in life. 🙂

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #fandom #just kinda need a friend #love #relationships #queer platonic relationship #need advice #need reassurance #I’d like more education on the topic too #be patient with me I’m autistic. and I’m not saying that to be cute

18 notes · View notes

teal-fiend · 4 months

Text

An experienced prey helps a someone through their hunger by offering themselves up as a first meal, and guides the new pred through the experience (continuation of this post)

Content: prey pov, pred pov (alternating), digestion, implied fatal vore, pred has a panic attack

“You’re really hungry, are you?”

A nodded

“It’s the kind of hunger that never goes away right? No matter what you do, you’re still hungry. You know what this means right?

You’re a predator, you have different requirements. Dietary”

A shook their head, “no, no I can’t. I’m not like that.”

“What do you mean you can't?”

“I’ve never done it before, and I don’t want to”

“Why am I here then? Because you need to. You’re desperate to end your hunger. You don’t see yourself as a predator, you don’t think you could ever do what they do, you probably think it’s immoral too, but soon you’ll understand why they do it.” B put their hand on A’s shoulder, “they do it because it works.” B stepped away again, gesturing with their hands to emphasise the next words “you want to stop being hungry then eat. It’s that simple.”

“But what about you?” A asked quietly

B laughed, “you’ll be a terrible pred, asking questions like that.”

“Yeah, sure - that’s the point.”

“You’ll see, predators - you always change your tune after you eat, once you realise it’s what you’re meant to do.

A shook their head, “Not me”

B rolled their eyes. Everyone says that

“ you are partially correct; this won’t go well if you resist. If you don’t ‘believe in yourself’ (even if that sounds cheesy), it’s going to be a lot harder for you. It might even turn into a bad experience for you, which is the opposite of what we want. So. I’m going to need you to make a decision.

Right now, you have to say that you are going to eat me, and follow through with it

No backing out. (Unless you actually get nauseous or otherwise can’t digest me - you have to at least give it a solid go).

Give yourself a chance. You’ve come this far, you’re making an effort to solve your problems. Now is the time to actually do the dirty work.

Do we have a deal?”

“Okay, I’ll try,” they muttered, “I don’t really have any other options at this point.”

B clasped their hands together, “that’s the spirit. Okay, this next part is probably the most difficult, but it gets easy once you get the hang of it. You’re just going to put your mouth over me, and do your best to swallow. It might feel a little weird or embarrassing but, well, it’s the only way.”

“Ah, Okay…” A babbled

It took them an uncomfortable amount of time to figure out from which direction they wanted to approach B, and how exactly they wanted to get B past their teeth

An image came up in B’s mind of a lizard they once had who would always miss the bugs they put in the cage. No hunting instincts.

A would have no chance if they actually had do hunt for prey

Just once they thought A had a good grip, they spit B out again

“I don’t think I can do it,” they gasped

B sighed, “I didn’t want this to be my first choice, because I wanted you to learn how to do it on your own, but I think I can help. You won’t have to do much work, but you will have to relax.”

B didn’t know if A knew how to relax. They had been rigid the entire time, it wasn’t doing them any favours.

In all their experience with preds, they had never seen one so incapable as A. B had just been in their mouth, and it hadn’t mattered at all. It was frustrating, but subconsciously it only made B more determined to make A into an active pred

B turned on the radio, maybe background noise would help, and they ushered A over to a wall, that B could use as leverage to push themselves down A’s throat.

The attempt failed. B was wondering if maybe A wasn’t a pred after all.

“How are you feeling right now,” B asked, out of breath

“Bad,” A admitted

You know what would feel good right now, a full stomach

“You have it in you, I’m sure of it,” B said, although they were starting to doubt. “Your body knows what to do, your head is just getting in the way.”

“I think too much, is that it?”

“Kind of, just - ok Okay, we are going to do some exercises to try to get you into the mindset. Focus on the sensations in your body - close your eyes. Try to put a mental spotlight on that area in your middle, where you feel hunger the most. Here - “ B took A’s hand and placed it on their stomach, “allow yourself to feel your hunger, and accept it, don’t try to shy away from the unpleasant sensation. You need to admit it to yourself. Are you hungry?” A, almost in a trance, nodded, “yes”

“Good, that’s step one. Now. You are hungry, desperately so, you can feel it. It’s strong, it hurts, it makes everything else in your head foggy. But lucky for you, you have food. Me. So”

B sighed, “that’s the next part you have to believe. I am your food,” they gently rubbed A’s stomach, feeling it growl painfully beneath their hand. B liked to see predators when they were hungry, but usually they were more assertive, less pathetic.

“I can be in your stomach in a matter of seconds if you want it, which deep down you do. Bring that part of you up, don’t resist your feelings, your desires, your hunger. Be honest with yourself”

“I’m going to open your mouth now, just let yourself feel good, don’t be ashamed, don’t be worried, you have nothing to worry about…” B slid their hands into A’s throat and pushed off of the wall, they reached as far down as they could until they felt A tensing,

“Relax, relax, relax,” B grumbled irritably, and miraculously their hands slid down even further, they pushed down as far as they could before A could second guess it, and once their head was through, they started to feel the throat constrict, but then ease - A was swallowing them. B felt another tight clench around them like they were suddenly caught in a vice, but then they were the one being pushed further, the squeezing was rapid, desperate, and a less than efficient, but A was gulping them down with all their might. B felt smug about being correct, a switch had been flicked once A had realised how good it felt to have such a big meal move down their throat all at once. B imagined it would be the best thing A had ever experienced. But that was nothing compared to what would happen next

—

A felt heavy, like they had eaten a boulder, and they felt stretched, painfully, they still felt sore, they still felt a bit shit, a bit tired. It wasn’t as rapturous as B and many others had led them on to expect. It was weird, it was definitely odd, but not much else

The swallowing felt good; they did feel something then. A rush, and it did feel good to have such a promise of a meal and the satisfaction it would bring… but it didn’t last long. There was prey in their stomach… and A didn’t like it all that much

“How do you feel?” B asked from their stomach

“I don’t feel much at all,” A said thoughtfully

“That’s what they all say,” B muttered.

A sat down. It was funny, all of this, being a predator, they never thought they would do something like this, and furthermore, A never thought they would become like predators you hear about; hedonistic, driven by instincts, a slave to the monster that was inside them - that kind of stuff didn’t happen for A, but it would be interesting if it did. If their stomach felt so stretched and full, if that could bring them such satisfaction, the idea was a little scary. But surely not… unless

“I - “ A stuttered, “I think I’m starting to feel something,” they said shakily.

“Yeah, your tummy is really having it’s go at me,”

“What do you mean?” A asked, worried

“You’re digesting me, buddy. Wait, you’re starting to feel it, aren’t you?”

“No,” A said, “no no no. oh god no.”

“Hold on, don’t freak out, it’s alright,”

“I’m…” A could feel a hot, almost burning sensation in their stomach, it groaned languidly

“It’s ok, remember what I said about relaxing - okay your heartbeat is going up but that’s normal for digestion, just don’t have a panic attack or anything.” B laughed dryly

A could feel their heart burning, their stomach felt like it was pressing on all of their other organs, depriving them of oxygen

“I, I think I’m dying,” A could hardly recognise their own voice by how it was shaking. They felt their chest actually ache in pain, real pain, clenching, like a heart attack, “I’m… I feel like I’m going to die.”

“Okay,” They felt B realign themselves in their stomach, “Okay, you’re definitely not dying, you can’t die from eating prey, you’re just freaking out because you’re not used to this. Have you had a panic attack before?”

“Panic attack? No,” this wasn’t a panic attack, it was a heart attack, and they were dying, A had never been more sure of anything

“Okay, look it up. You can’t die from it, you’re just getting used to the new sensations. I’ll admit, this isn’t an ideal outcome for your first meal, and I wouldn’t have pushed you if I knew you were this worried about it, but you couldn’t eat me on your own, so I doubt you’ll be able to get me out, so you’ll just have to strap in for the next few hours. How are you doing out there?”

It was hard to believe B since A’s body was saying the opposite. They still felt a huge pain in their chest, and it wasn’t going away. “I’m not doing good,”

“Do you feel pain? Try to redirect that energy to your stomach, your heartbeat, just focus on the heartbeat in your stomach instead, feel the sensations you have here,” B rubbed on the stomach walls, “you don’t feel empty anymore right? Must be a relieving feeling.”

B was right, A focused on the feeling of their stomach, it was good, they were really full, when they actually took a moment to reflect, they realised it. They really had never eaten so much at one time.

A lay down on their side - they let the belly rest on the floor, feeling it gurgling against the carpet. They truly had never felt this was before, it was entirely different to how they expected it. They had eaten a lot before, of course, trying to curtail the hunger, but this sheer amount, it was such a shift in perspective of what they could physically experience. It was something entirely new, they felt like a child again, seeing things for the first time, they didn’t know they could feel this way.

And when their heartbeat slowed and evened out, the sensations changed from anxiety into a deep blanket of pleasure that radiated from their core. They felt satiated, but even that word didn’t do justice.

I know now, A thought, I know what they mean now

I get it

#might make a part 2 #digestion #implied digestion #tw vore #fatal vore #vore digestion #soft vore #v.ore #vore fic #vore writing #v/ore #vore prompt #pred pov #prey pov #vore talk #pred oc #prey

35 notes · View notes

aethon-recs · 4 months

Text

HP Rec Fest, Day 30 ❄️

Happy new year!! This is the last post for the @hprecfest daily prompts for which I'll be reccing fic, so the complete list of Tomarrymort daily recs for this month is listed in its entirety below! The 31st prompt is "a fav amongst favs", which I am physically incapable of narrowing down to a handful of fics, so I'll just end on Day 30 🤍

Thank you to the fest mods for suggesting such lovely prompts and running such a well-organized fest — what a great idea to celebrate the fantastic writing found in this fandom, and I found myself with tons of great new fics to read, particularly in other ships and rarepairs that I would have never come across otherwise!

Day 30: A Pre-Canon Fic

Reconciling with Death by Madame_Psychosis (M, 26k, complete)

Summary: Featuring a dead girl in a forest, little-soldier-boys, some tenuous grasps on reality, straw mothers, a ghost in a bathroom and, slowly and sadly, kindness from a boy who’s just passing through time. Why I rec it for this prompt: A really unique take on Harry travelling back in time to 1941 to Tom's school days. I love the non-linear style that this fic is written in, which really enhances the build-up of the murder mystery and all the psychological suspense.

Animus, Anima by @maiathoustra (M, 145k, complete)

Summary: In limbo, Harry doesn't choose to go back to the Forbidden Forest to face Voldemort. He makes another decision and finds himself in a baby's body: little Tom Riddle. Years pass that intimately bind the orphan and his imaginary friend into a hopeless and incestuous relationship. Indeed, all the odd events of Tom Riddle's life happen in spite of Harry's presence: could he be the one who provokes them? Why I rec it for this prompt: Another unique take on Harry being sent back in time, this time as a disembodied voice in Tom's head as the most important part of his journey from childhood to when he becomes Lord Voldemort. An incredible exploration on what it means for two souls to love each other so intensely, and the ending is absolutely gutting in a beautiful way. Definitely have tissues on hand for this long, beautiful, angsty read!

HP rec fest December recs:

#hprecfest2023 #tomarrymort #harrymort #tomarry #aethon recs #tomarrymort recs

45 notes · View notes