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ineffable-suffering · 6 months

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The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie

Otherwise known as (*takes a deep breath*): A completely inflated close-up look at various dialogues and events of Season 2 that prove that the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Meeting Cotillion Ball was supposed to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley

Look, the point's been made before but that's never kept me from making it myself again, still. In fact, even I made it before, at the end of one of my other metas. But I feel like it's absolutely worthy enough to get its own soppy, way-too-long post. And I do love it so very much to write ridiculously long essays on something that could easily be condensed into a short paragraph.

So, here we go! Snuggle up, get cozy, settle in and, most importantly:

(Word count: 3.177 | Reading time: ~13 minutes)

As I already said above, I laid out a similar case in my meta about why Aziraphale is somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I'll try and recycle it here briefly, so I can further make my point.

When Aziraphale arrives back in London from his Edinburgh journey, he seems oddly happy and giddy for the fact that he just had a rather odd and threatening encounter with Shax. I explain in my other meta that this is because he just spent the last hours of his drive reminiscing on the thrilling and romantic magic show adventure of 1941 and also the fact that he just found out that Crowley has been replaced by Shax and no longer works for Hell.

Ergo: We have a hopelessly lovesick Principality at our hands, who's practically swooning over his serpent who saved him, his books and his magic show all those years ago.

Ergo:

✨This✨

Realistically, Aziraphale should probably be a tad worried about the eery encounter with Shax, in which she definitely had the upper hand on him. But well, if you spend many-a hours driving across the serene countryside (Edinburgh is about an 8-hour drive from London), pondering on one of the craziest, sticky-sweet romantic adventures of your not-life life, well ... things tend to turn a little rosy around the edges. Head in the clouds and all that. Light shades of grey!

Alright, onwards: Once the angel, filled to the very brim with fond memories and butterflies, gets out of the Bentley, he's kindly met with a face full of verdant plants and a very in-character-grumpy Crowley.

Fhwack! Way to burst the rosy bubble.

Seriously, the absolute lightning speed with which Crowley storms out to vacate the bookshop the very second Aziraphale arrives makes me giggle every time.

Let's make a first small (who am I kidding) diversion into analysing the following conversation in unnecessary detail ...

... simply because I enjoy quoting dialogue as an accurate reference in my metas. I'll also highlight certain passages I want to comment on in individual colours so I can back up my thoughts with them below. Alright, their little chinwag goes as follows:

Crowley: "They you are! I was worried something might have happened to you." Aziraphale: "No, nothing happened to me. Very uneventful journey indeed. No strange things at all." Crowley: "Good. That's what we wanna hear." Aziraphale: "Um .. everything okay with- ah.." *nods to the bookshop* Crowley: "Oh, yeah, fine. He's singing to himself. I think he must have been asleep. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom–" Crowley, to the Bentley: "Did you miss me? I bet you did." Aziraphale: "... I'm sure it did." Crowley: "So, any more clues from the mystery of the missing archangel?" Aziraphale: "Not exactly. Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something." Crowley: "I'm sure you are. Oh, by the way, the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout." Aziraphale: "Sorry?" Crowley: "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed, it's your go." Aziraphale: "I see. Well then, Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Monthly Meeting, here we come!" Crowley: "You're really hosting the meeting?" Aziraphale: "Absolutely! And I can guarantee you, it will be a night to remember."

At first glance, this has little to do with the plot of this meta but actually, it folds into my point very nicely! However, it's not time for that yet, so we'll just state the facts as they are for now and then bring them back 'round later when we need them. That being said: For the love of Someone, will these two ever manage to simply tell each other the truth of what happened instead of thinking they can protect each other by lying about it all the time? Hrmpf. As a big fan of open communication myself, I'm close to developing a stomach ulcer with the amount of false truths being spewed here. (Then again – and yes, that is another, way larger meta I'm currently cooking up – it plays so very perfectly into the whole Jane-Austen-Pride-and-Prejudice tragic miscommunication theme that this entire Season has, so I understand the point of it.)

Very uneventful journey indeed, Aziraphale, except for the fact that you were ambushed by a demon who told you she was Crowley's successor, knows about the rumors of the two of you being an item as well as what went down in 1941 (that almost had both of you exposed) and also seems to have figured out where you and your demon boyfriend are hiding Gabriel, all in the span of about a minute. No strange things at all, nooo!

And Crowley's "Oh yeah, fine" is a total lie too. Again, we see him make an absolute run for it before Aziraphale can even enter the bookshop. After all, he just once again witnessed Jim have a Gabriel-flashback, speaking of the Second Coming, while Crowley was alone with him. As fumingly angry he is with the amnesiac archangel – he's also absolutely terrified of what might happen (to him and Aziraphale) should Jim regain his memories. So, no wonder he's quick to vacate the premises after witnessing Jim's rather eery memory flashback (and was, just like Aziraphale, threatened by Shax mere moments later, lol).

But no, nothing out of the ordinary happened to either of them. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-fucking-boo.

Alright, let's get back on track with the actual topic of this meta. Certainly hot on the trail of something, hm? At first glance, it might seem like Aziraphale is talking about the fact that Gabriel was in company of someone whenever he went to the Resurrectionist Pub. (The clue!) However, I don't actually think he is talking about that. Why? Because, and this slipped my mind too at first, he never actually follows any of this information up, does he? Yes, sure, he went to Edinburgh, found the capital-c Clue and then returned to London. But what does he do with it? Nothing. He doesn't keep investigating this hot trail because that's not the important thing he realized during his journey. No, the more important clue Aziraphale found during his trip, is that Crowley no longer works for Hell and that he is also very much irrevocably in love with him and must confess this at the earliest given chance. (The latter part isn't necessarily a new discovery for Aziraphale, but it surely is fuelled by the fact that he just realized Crowley's out of a Hellish job and simply hasn't told him yet.)

This exchange just the perfect indicator for the fact that Aziraphale, at no point during his drive back, was thinking about the Maggie and Nina mission. He has no idea what Crowley is talking about once he mentions it and seems surprised, even, that he would. Even though they just talked about it on the phone when Aziraphale was still at the graveyard. Which is another important piece of evidence because it means that the last status update Aziraphale got of Mission Lovebirds, was that Crowley had sensed an opportunity to make them fall in love – and had then hung up on him. Why is this important? Because it means that until that very point of their conversation, Aziraphale did not know that Crowley's attempt had failed! There would have been just as much of a chance of Crowley's weather miracle actually working out and Maggie and Nina already having skipped into the sunset happily ever after.

So, riddle me this:

Why would Aziraphale spend the entire ride back from Edinburgh plotting "a night to remember" (because clearly, he already had the entire Ball planned out down to a T in his head since he goes into action right away after arriving) if he didn't even know yet that Crowley's attempt had failed?

To be very clear here: We're not talking about Aziraphale driving on the M1 to London, having a silly little idea for putting on some good music, miracle-ing Nina and Maggie to dance to it and watch them confess their love–

No.

He planned an entire actual Cotillion Ball with very particular location design that involves re-arranging the entire bookshop, specifically designed individual outfits for (almost) every single attendee, topped off with a live band, hors-d'œuvre, drinks and an actual choreographed group dance.

During one car ride.

Where's the party planner Aziraphale AU? I'm waiting!

Now, sure, we know that it's still quite important for Aziraphale to convince Heaven of the faux-reason they gave for their accidental ✨25-Lazarii miracle✨. But if we're all honest, this all seems to be a tad much just to make two random humans fall in love, even for that.

Glittery ball gowns and suits? Red and gold wall curtains? A modified language filter? Bloody vol-au-vents?

Talk about over the top ...

Once we start S2E5, Crowley is still surprised at the mere fact that Aziraphale is actually planning to organize the Monthly Meeting – and he doesn't even know yet that it's gonna be the most extravagant ball-boogaloo that the Whickber Street Community has ever seen! Aziraphale wanting to organize the meeting alone, is enough to render Crowley incredulous, because Aziraphale never mingles with the other shopkeepers. He usually actively avoids them and any sort of social encounters as much as he can because he doesn't care about the bloody Christmas lights, alright?

These things seem mundane and uninteresting to him, obviously, since all he really cares about is hoarding his book collection in peace like the little hedonist he is and drawing as little attention as possible to his none-business business.

Oh, right, speaking of books:

Let's take another unnecessarily detailed look at the whole Whickber Street invitation scene:

Aziraphale realizes very quickly that he's not the only one who's quite unenthusiastic about the blessed Chritsmas lights. And despite his very persuasive methods of temptation ...

... he has to take some more drastic measurements. And those are?

That's right: Giving away his books.

I'll repeat it again, slowly: Aziraphale is willingly (!) giving away or lending his books to pretty much complete strangers to, allegedly, make two other humans strangers fall in love.

Seriously, who is that angel and what has he done with our prim, fussy, hedonistic Aziraphale that protects his books with the vice grip of an eagle carrying his precious prey?

Believe in the importance of Mission Lovebirds as much as you will, but we're talking about Mr. A.Z. Fell here who, over the past millennia, has pretty much spent every day actively working out methods to stop people from purchasing as much as a single paperback from his holy shelves.

And yet: the 1965 September Dr. Who Annual? Given away. The first edition of Expert at the Card Table that was S. W. Erdnase's personal copy? Lent away to grubby human hands to fondle around with.

Let's do another coloured dialogue diversion (don't worry, it's not as extensive as the last one):

Crowley: "You just did what I think you did?" Aziraphale: "I'm not prepared to talk about it." Crowley: "You gave away a book." Aziraphale: "I had to! Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet."

Crowley backs up my point: This is a huge deal. Aziraphale does not sell his books – let alone give them away for free. We're all shocked! Flabbergasted!

And the explanation Crowley and us get just ... doesn't satisfy. Something and someone sure is depending on this Ball and doesn't know it yet. But it's most definitely not Maggie and Nina, folks.

You know for whom Aziraphale would give away his books in the blink of an eye, though?

Mhm, that's right.

This pretty old serpent.

I want to take a minute to show you the reaction again that Aziraphale has upon entering the very same magic shop him and Crowley went to in 1941 to acquire the Bullet Catch:

You ... you need a minute there, angel? You're sure looking a little ... affected.

And I mean, well, no wonder. He reminisced about that very memory four hours last night. To him, this shop is where the most turbulent, ecstatic, adrenaline-fuelled and romantic night of his life began. And it shows.

I've made my point in my other meta series about how Aziraphale is an incredibly nostalgic character. He romanticizes so many things in his memories – especially the parts that feature Crowley. So, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's once again willing to loosen the tight grip he has on his book collection to get the successor of Will Goldstone's Magic Shop, the shop that started it all for him, to come to his fancy Ball.

As we watch Aziraphale and his little lap dog demon pat around Soho, I'd like to take another second to point out that he goes to seven or more establishments before he even invites Nina.

... and he only does so because she starts talking to them on the street. Almost like he'd forgotten about it. Why not ask her at the very beginning? To establish whether or not he'd have to book-blackmail her too?

"Perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind", except that he's using you and Maggie as a pretence to resolve his own clusterfuck of a relationship-miscommunication Jane-Austen-style so that he can then hopefully confess his undying love to his demon not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Marvellous!

You'll forgive me another short diversion but my God, the whole exchange at the Marguerite's restaurant with Crowley literally cat-call-whistling Aziraphale over to him (and Aziraphale checking if he meant someone else first, I–)? I am weak. So, so weak and

However, this is also when we get a snippet of Crowley finally revealing the truth in place of his "Oh, he's fine"-lie earlier and telling Aziraphale that he's actually pretty scared Jim might turn back into Gabriel and smite him altogether. And Aziraphale's response is, in a cosmic sense, (remember the pink paragraph now) so hilarious:

"Have you thought of just talking to him?"

Yeah, have you? Have any of the two of you? Just thought about talking? To each other? About anything?

'pparently not. But hey, it's all good because remember what the ultimate remedy for star-crossed lovers simply misunderstanding each other is?

Bish, bash, bosh, problem solved!

Back at the ballroom bookshop, Aziraphale sends Crowley to invite Maggie in order to, in my opinion, not spoil the Ball-y surprise for him. (Inviting Maggie only now?! Wouldn't she be one of the only two guests who really should attend? Why the short notice? If she's really that important for the Ball you're planning, hm?)

On top of this, we see Nina almost not attending the Ball meeting after her partner broke up with her and Crowley being the one who coincidentally runs into her and ushers her into the bookshop before Shax and her "legion" of demons start creeping up on them. Again, if this hadn't happened by pure coincidence, Nina would have left to go home and this whole Ball would have taken place without her, rendering the apparent sole purpose of making her fall in love with Maggie useless.

Why doesn't Aziraphale care more for both of them to attend and be there? Why is he instead busy fussing over everything looking perfect and wonderful and doesn't even seem to notice that both Nina and Maggie are really late to the meeting?

Well. Well.

The answer's in the title, babes.

Alas, Crowley safely gets Maggie and Nina to join them, Mr. Brown is the only one who doesn't get a miracled outfit (fussy, petty angel, you just don't like him, do you?), Jimbriel stuns with glamour and flirt (and whatever sexually suggestive thing he does with his cheeks) and the Whickber Street Ball is a-go!

Sorry, I just had to chuck this in again because Crowley's face here absolutely kills me every time. He looks so confused, I am hollering.

And the heart eyes Aziraphale is making at Nina and Maggie now that they're actually here?

Oh, bless it, angel.

He's all like "Oh look, it's working! Jane was right! It's all going to be resolved, all the misunderstanding and quarrels! Crowley, where's Crowley–"

Ah yes, there he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an angel who is not listening to a single word being said right now. No, in his head, Aziraphale is already down on one knee, pouring his heart out to Crowley after they just danced the night away.

Oh, yes, right. The dancing.

Parallel much?

But well, as marvellous and beautifully romantic as her stories tend to be, it turns out that Jane Austen isn't always right after all. Because before we know it, the perfect night shatters into many-a tiny pieces (literally).

And once again, fhwack:

... the rosy bubble bursts.

Let's take one more deep breath so I can make my final point:

In S2E2, Aziraphale explains to us very exactly what Jane's Balls (hrhr) used to be about: Solving miscommunication and confessing love to one another.

During his car journey back from Edinburgh, Aziraphale:

doesn't know Crowley's Mission Lovebirds had failed

remembers 1941 and just how badly he's in love with Crowley

and also realizes that they seem to have been wildly miscommunicating for quite some time now. (Crowley didn't even tell him he basically got let go!)

So, what does maddeningly strong love plus a want to resolve all the miscommunication equal? That's right: A night to remember! A Ball to change it all! A dance, a vol-au-vent, a confession. And, ideally, a happy ever after. Because:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man angel in possession of a good fortune Jane Austen collection, must be in want of a wife demon husband.”

The Ball was never for Nina and Maggie. As a byproduct, maybe, yes. But the whole rest of the glimmer and glamour, the careful, romantic planning and set up of it all, the book-bating the other shopkeepers– that was for Crowley and Crowley only.

And oh, if only it were as easy as in the books.

*whispers* I'm sorry, I had to.

***

Your honour, the tinfoil-hat crackpot defence rests. Feel free to share thoughts (and prayers) if you want to!

Au revoir! 💗

#good omens season 2 #good omens #gos2 #go2 #good omens 2 #good omens meta #good omens s2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #my own meta #the bloody vol-au-vents made me do it #aziraphale has balls #truly #jaune austen ball #it is a truth universally acknowledged that this show is going to drive me out of my mind #azi just wanted his silly little love confession #but then he had to surrender the angle #bummer

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loveyourownsmiilee · 13 days

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I’m reading through all the interviews. The one I am about to quote has Ryan going I think it will depend the connection between Marisol and Eddie. But then there is this

"As far as [Eddie's] sexuality, I think it's pretty clear that he's tried to fill in this motherly, this wife type role—that's all he knows," Guzman explained. "And he's a man [that] first off, he's Catholic. Second off, he's from the military. So those are very straight-edge kind of lifestyles that don't offer too much of exploring. But through the 118, he's had this epiphany each year, like, 'Well, maybe I don't know as much as I thought I did. And maybe I should be exploring a little bit more and maybe I should understand myself a little bit more and even seek a therapist,' which is something new for Eddie. So I feel the representation is reflective of the inclusivity that Ryan Murphy's show likes to have and Tim Minear likes to write."

Yeah that doesn’t scream deepening a connection with a former nun. At all. Also the fact that it should have been Eddie and Tommy. I have more faith than ever. (Also the look Eddie has when Buck comes out to him. The first second as he processes it. Ryan and his facial expressions).

The minute I read that article, my mind immediately jumped to what we’ve all been saying for such a long time. He literally slept with a woman and ended up, knocking her up, then marrying her due to his religious family. Then he joined the army because that’s what he thought was expected from him. He never got to date, never got to experiment and really explore his options. And his word choice is so fucking, prominent here and it really does confirm what we’ve all been saying and thinking. Like I don’t see any other way, his story can possibly go. i am so so itching to do a meta on just their talk in the lost bc Eddie’s facial expressions and tone of voice alone was EVERYTHING to me. Like he truly was like “oh holy shit no way!!!” And he almost was seeing Buck in a new light but it was in such a lovely way and ahhhhh. Like the story is clear as day for me idk. Especially given everything else we found out about today??? Mhmm it’s safe to assume s8 Buddie canon for sure.

#juju answers #shammers86 #buddie #ryan guzman #911 spoilers

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jomamaofficial · 10 months

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An Empty Vessel pt.2 (Dabi x Fem!Reader Dark Angst)

A/N: Happy holidays my lovely toes. I am so sorry for this delay, my laptop broke down 😃😃. I urge you all to read the TWs and CWs because I have delved into dark topics. As always, my Ask Box is open for any requests or just a conversation. I absolutely adore all of you, and I want to take this time to thank you guys for your support. Seeing your comments and messages motivates me to write :) <3. Please remember to take care of yourselves, and enjoy. As always, I would love to see your thoughts in the comments :). TW: Vague sexual harassment, substance abuse (weed, alcohol, smoking), death and bleeding. CW: SPOILER: Season 6, Dabi’s backstory, PFL, AFO and Shigiraki plot, swearing, vague mentions of intimate acts. Taglist: @marlenemckinnonsleftfoot @sukunasleftkneecap @istoleyourmanho3 @witherfag Masterlist Edit: Part 3 😼😼 Word Count: 2919. Summary: In the stories Rei used to read him, heroes always won. Reality wasn’t a story though. The villains won the Meta Liberation War after 6 years of fighting. With the death of Pro Hero Endeavour, and the reign of All For One, Dabi could finally leave his past as Touya Todoroki. He no longer had family. But what about the past that haunted him to this day. A family that belonged to Dabi, not Touya? One that escaped unborn?

——————————————————————————————————

Musutafu, Japan– it made international headlines.

The Paranormal Liberation Force finally did it.

The nation observed a minute of silence for the fall of Pro Hero Endeavour.

Musutafu was now all for one. And the entire nation would soon suffer the same fate.

Dabi stretched his neck to the left, stretching his right shoulder as he fought the growing tingles in his body. Chills ran up and down his spine as his eyes followed the tears of rain flooding the dimly-lit road.

He loved how empty this street was: no cars, no news reporters. There were no signs of nagging parents and their brat children, and there were no heroes patrolling the streets, strutting up and down like they owned the place.

It was just him and the soft sound of the rain which seeped into his socks, staining them with the remains of what was now All For One’s headquarter city.

Dabi wished to hear the familiar croak of Tomura’s voice: the back and forth banter, the late-night clicks of the video game console. Back when it was just them, the League of Villains. Tomura, Kurogiri, Toga, Twice, and him. Back when he didn’t ruin everything.

Dabi never told anyone, but there was a tiny part of his soul that withered away when he was near All For One.

Dabi felt small. He was 5’9; he never felt small.

But that thing would always tower over him. His slimy touch was forcefully ingrained into Dabi’s skin— that thing touched him like he owned Dabi.

And Dabi hated the way his mind memorised the way All For One used his crooked fingers to tilt Dabi’s head up to inspect him.

“Oh he’s a little doll isn’t he, Tomura? Where do you find these pretty boys?”

He hated the way All For One laughed after; it was a broken wheeze that rang murder in Dabi’s mind.

He watched as All For One forced Tomura to laugh with him, and Tomura’s apologetic eyes wavered when he looked back at Dabi.

He hated Tomura for laughing that day.

But he hated that laugh much more; the laugh that tainted the fresh air they stood in.

Now, Musutafu’s entire air was tainted by that laugh.

Now… Musutafu belonged to All For One. And Dabi could only hear that broken wheeze.

It would follow him everywhere.

So despite the rain’s destructive nature, Dabi allowed the weeping drops of the sky to fill the emptiness inside of him. The cool drops were better than the air.

Dabi was just an empty vessel. Nowhere to go, no one to go back to.

The Meta Liberation War quenched everyone’s thirst for blood. The dirt was saturated with the blood of heroes and villains alike.

He found it amusing, he really did as he bore his vacant eyes into the rusting ground. Dabi watched as everyone’s blood mixed together under his foot.

He raised his eyebrows, and chuckled.

‘All it took was death for them to stick together’.

Dabi travelled further away from the battle ground, quite deliberate about the steps he took. He counted underneath a shallow breath.

“Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven,” until he reached the sixty-second step.

His heel pressed against the seeping soil surging scarlet.

And the world was still.

So still and silent that the gentle wind snuck up on the thin man, and he let out a broken gasp as his knees gave out.

The ringing in his ear struck a bitter note. His chest heaved up and down, up and down, and his eyes were blankly fixed on the ground beneath him. Thick, warm blood oozed through the thin cloth that covered his knees.

Enji Todoroki finally died. And Touya Todoroki was responsible for it.

Touya Todoroki, after 7 years of persistent efforts, was officially fatherless.

Finally, it dawned upon him: after 30 long years, Touya Todoroki couldn’t chase him anymore. He could finally find solace in Dabi.

And Dabi was alone. He had no family.

As the joint finally caught up to him, after four or five rookie puffs, the raven man started asking himself what he was doing here.

Surrounded by a group of homeless men who he caught rummaging in the dumpster, they were huddled away into the darkness of a dimly lit alleyway. It smelled like shit, offending his heightened state of smell. Flies picked on the waste scattered below them, their constant buzz creating a monotonous flow.

Dabi peeled his lips open as he felt each individual cell respire on his skin. His heart felt like it was growing inside of him, puncturing his dry lungs, getting louder and faster with each beat.

As a young boy, he saw Enji drink every evening for two years. Dabi used to sneak a sip when he was alone. Dabi was often alone.

He caught Enji with a lit cigarette in his fingers. Dabi stole one and showed it to his friends. Dabi coughed a lot that day.

Enji never touched drugs. He was against it.

Dabi never took drugs; the thought of it never passed him.

“How does it feel kid?”

Dabi’s consciousness was dragged back to reality, the bleak colours of his surroundings painting a vibrant picture.

“I can feel my skin breathing,” he responded, his lower jaw hanging open as he struggled to keep his neck straight.

Howls of laughter echoed in the distance, but the scarred man took no notice.

The joint was held to his lips, and Dabi took another puff.

Dabi wanted to individually itch the surface of his eyes with his nails. It was miserable.

But the ripple of the individual muscles in his cheeks felt so warm and happy when he smiled. That was less miserable.

So he kept on smiling, jaw still gaping. His staples pulled against his grafts, but the molecular traces of marijuana in his bloodstream shielded him from the pain.

Dabi was taken aback– gravity was working exponentially harder against him. A man touched the corner of his lips, the thick and coarse pad of his thumb sending him back, seven years ago.

Oh he’s a little doll isn’t he, Tomura?

“Boy”, the man slurred, “you’re bleeding.”

He shoved his bloodied thumb in Dabi’s face.

Dabi struggled to focus his gaze on the thumb in front of him, switching between double and triple vision.

“Can’t feel it,” he mumbled, his reactions delayed as he scooted away from the stranger.

“Everything’s breathing except these.”

Dabi was mesmerised by the feeling of his grafts against the pads of his fingers. It restored the faint twinkle in his hollow eyes.

“Why are you all fucked up everywhere, boy?”

It took a few moments to register, but Dabi did respond.

“Useless mom, dick dad.”

A unison of delayed ahhhs followed, and Dabi began to feel a knocking pressure trapped in the inner corners of his wide eyes.

“I was never his first choice,” Dabi chuckled. He wasn’t sure if they could hear him. They sure as hell couldn’t understand him, but he was fine with that.

“I was his first born son. No fuckin’ use. Dropped me like I was a waste of time and money.”

The offensive smell of the blunt dug him further away from reality. Dabi was content with his own company.

It would always be just him, forever and always. Because after everyone leaves, you’re left with yourself– your only support.

The more he delved into his loneliness, the louder he heard his skin breathe, it was deafening. And so the silence on his graft became even louder.

For a man who was considered dead all his life, Dabi wasn’t used to his living body. Senses upon senses, he was bombarded with the constant reminder that he was still alive. Even his dead, unresponsive skin felt alive. Because it was the absence of feeling that felt different.

Many people would describe euphoria as extreme feelings of bliss and joy. It was this boxed definition that led Dabi to believe that he could never feel euphoria. But in this moment, whilst Dabi sunk deeper into his conscience– his doubts finally quiet, time finally stopped.

And his body finally let go.

The familiar bud of the joint met his mouth again, and he inhaled the noxious fumes until he smoked his fears away into the midst of the neverending clouds in the night sky. The full moon gleamed down on his pale skin, bathing his grafts in a lunar embrace.

Unlike the sun, which beat its scorching rays on his sensitive skin, the moon shyly kissed it, leaving trails of beautiful markings that soothed his aches.

Dabi’s heart was working overtime. Blood rushed to his scalp, and his body completely shut down. There was one name that his heart called for.

A name that belonged to the past. The moon shyly casted a glow on that face too, but it averted its lunar eyes when Dabi defiled his past, leaving trails of burns that caused her aches.

He was wrong.

Touya Todoroki, after 7 years of persistent efforts, had no family.

But Dabi?

Dabi had a family.

Dabi woke up to blue skies and a gentle sun peeking behind the stained curtains. His body was sprawled on the tiny bed, his limbs spilling out the sides, here and there. He blindly groped for his phone in the midst of thin sheets, switching it on to check the time.

09:23 AM.

He groaned and threw a dark shirt on top of his eyes, blocking the obnoxious sun as he squirmed to find his sleep.

Moments passed and all he could focus on was the neverending tick of the clock in the corridor.

“Fuck it.”

Dabi slipped on some shirt, and put on some shoes, and slammed the door when he left.

09:36 AM.

No wonder he could hear the tick, the corridor was ghost-quiet.

Routinely, Dabi heaved himself over to the bar, scanning the counter for a quick shot.

09:41 AM.

Toga walked inside the lair, her hands hidden inside the cuffs of her cardigan. Dabi nodded at her as he let out a yawn.

“Everyone die or summin’?”

Toga stared at him, her eyes glazed.

Dabi immediately straightened up.

“Wait, did they actua-”

“She’s gone.”

09:49 AM.

Dabi’s jaw tensed up, gripping the shot glass tighter.

“Who’s gon-”

His body was jolted back into the counter, the loud glass shrieking as it fell from his hands.

“Don’t you dare Dabi. Don’t you fucking dare.”

Her eyes were red. Her fist was clenched around the loose cloth that hung on him.

Dabi averted his eyes from Toga, releasing a shallow breath.

Toga’s chest hiccuped underneath her cardigan, and she hid her face into his chest, staining it with stale tears.

“She’s gone,” she repeated, a broken record.

Dabi clasped his arms around her, his hands patting her head.

09:59 AM.

“She left.”

Dabi reached for the flask hidden in his inner pockets. Bony fingers struggled to open it, fine tremors running through his bones.

‘Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen, eighteen…’

Door number eighteen. A few strides away. But the growing feeling of heaviness in Dabi’s feet warned him: it was going to be a marathon.

Countless strangers pointed at the lone man in a tattered, thick jacket. Dabi grasped at the wire fence that separated the long stretches of the park and pavement, muttering something underneath his breath.

The sight of free cars strolling past him caught him off guard every single time. He had no sense of time, no sense of direction.

He was far, far away from Musutafu.

Here, the air felt fresher.

It wouldn’t be long before it was infested either.

But he had to owe All For One some credit.

His reign of terror gave the PLF members a huge leverage when it came to accessing government files.

Dabi flipped through piles of kojin bangō, particularly scanning through documents of 27 year-old mothers, registered births and quirk-hybrids, and a certain family name.

He found everyone’s name, everyone’s identity; no one was safe.

Yet the name his eyes yearned for was nowhere in sight.

Countless days and nights were spent silently begging for a lead. On day 18, Dabi finally left the building, clutching onto a piece of paper close to his heart.

Saira Uchiyama.

Names didn’t match, but it was the only name that he could trace her back to.

Dabi took the final steps up the road, feeling lighter than he had in days.

It was on his right. There was but a sliver of road that separated Dabi and door number eighteen.

His fingers started picking at the ripping cuticles on his nail bed, and the grown man started to track his breaths.

He took a step.

A car honked at him.

“Watch where you’re going!”

Dabi didn’t draw back.

He took another step, and another, and another. One more, maybe two.

He could feel the gravel underneath his boots. Dabi lifted his broken face and a perfect house stared down at him. Pristine brick walls stood proud; the bright toned paint complimented the thriving flora in the yard. It fit in so well with the lines of houses, strong and shielded.

This was someone’s home. Bonsai trees armed the right side of the yard, some trimmed, others growing wild.

There were two floors and a garage; more than enough for a perfect family.

Dabi was stopped by the fence gates that guarded the perimeters. He struggled to get past.

Encrusted in metal, his eyes laid upon the name beside the door.

Engraved in gold letters, it read Uchiyama.

He was a step away from Saira Uchiyama’s front door.

Dabi’s hand reached towards the door handle, but he stopped when he felt the unwelcoming chill of it.

He eyed the doorbell instead. He fisted his hand that was itching to press it.

The drowning noises of children’s laughter bled through his skull from the park that was behind him. The drones of parents buying ice cream, and husbands holding their wives’ hands. This was the type of neighbourhood he was in.

And someone told him. Since when did Dabi develop the need to preserve this?

He was a lone man, half dead. He was disgusting. He couldn’t find her name. Now he was outside some poor woman’s house. Saira Uchiyama. How would she feel seeing a decaying man waiting outside her front door? How would her husband feel if some uninvited scarred freak asked to meet his wife, hands empty?

He felt a thick substance roll past his cheek and drip onto the clean welcome mat.

Dabi pushed his raven locks out of his eyes, biting onto his knuckles as he struggled to maintain a steady breath

His nails moved to pick at the staples underneath his eyes.

He couldn’t do this.

‘I can’t fucking do this.’

Through his bloodied waterline, he looked at the doorbell one more time before turning around.

He couldn’t fucking do this. Dabi didn’t belong here.

He tried to move forwards but his legs were shackled to the pebbly footpath. His rhythmic heart couldn’t let go. His twisted mind forced him to go.

His desperate eyes latched onto the bed of perfect flowers on his right.

Like an open flame, the flowers stole all his attention. Dabi stilled.

Their indigo petals mirrored the deep colour of his dead skin. He was entranced by the bold opening, the beautiful colour bleeding out and reflecting the glimmering hope that built up in his cerulean eyes.

“What’s your favourite flower Dabi?” Toga asked as she played with her blunt knife, running her thumb across the blade.

“Typ’a fucking qustion’s that?”

“God Dabi, don’t you know how to have a civilised conversation with someone. I’m just trying to get to know you better!”

“And asking my favourite flower’s gonna do that?”

“It’s called small talk, Dabi.”

He scoffed, pushing past the young girl to rummage through the cabinets.

From the corner of his eyes, he picked up on her amber eyes intently pressing him for an answer.

“For fucks sake. Fine. I’ll do your little small talk”, he gave in, evoking a small squeal from the blonde.

Dabi considered her question for a minute, pressing his tongue against his cheeks.

“I saw these flowers once,” he gulped. “They were blue, kinda like flames. My flames. I saw ‘em in one’a those gated areas. I guess they were pretty nice.”

Toga pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side as she tried to paint a picture in her head.

“Do you know what they’re called?”

“The fuck would I know? Probably one of those fancy rich flowers grown by fancy rich people,”, he shrugged.

“I’ll ask the newbie, she’ll know what they are.”

“Have fun talkin’ to lil’ miss know-it-all,” he scoffed, happy as Toga skipped away, leaving him alone. Finally.

A week later, Dabi found out what they were called as he was sharing a cigarette on the roof.

“By the way, they’re called Rindou flowers.”

Dabi quirked up an eyebrow, his lips curled in a sneer.

“Those flowers you like, they’re called Rindou.”

Dabi’s ears perked up at the small giggle that followed.

“I guess I could say being ‘miss know-it-all’ isn’t the worst thing, huh?”

Dabi’s chest heaved as he turned around, his pace fast as his hands inched closer to the doorbell.

Ring.

The wind stilled.

He could hear footsteps run down the stairs.

Click.

The handle moved.

The door creaked open.

It was 09:59 AM.

——————————————————————————————————

Keep a look out for Part 3, my angst-loving toes. If you would like me to add you to the taglist, please comment or message me :).

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absolutebl · 10 months

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This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.)

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?)

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested.

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword... My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. *

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must.

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE.

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below.

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me.

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that.

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have.

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10

I loved it, but not as a BL.

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness)

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that.

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest.

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10.

RECOMMENDED

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly...

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps - Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????) Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI) - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so.

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you!

All Step By Step

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius)

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian)

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships.

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there.

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie.

(Last week.)

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bloodpen-to-paper · 1 year

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Spider-man: Across the Spider-Verse Trailer Thoughts

Can I just start this post off by saying that I am totally normal? Over this movie? Perfectly reasonable in my level of hype and mentally well in every way? Mhm, trust me. Anyway, onto the blurbs!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Seems Miles is at his teenage rebellion stage

-Miles' teacher telling him he's not doing too well in Spanish in front of his Puerto Rican mother is an ouch (in that it's hilarious, but not for him. Sorry Miles)

-Seems there's gonna be a rift between Miles and his parents now that he's Spider-Man full time and very much keeping it secret from them; maybe this movie is where they find out?

-Across the Spider Verse seems to also have a core theme of Miles going against the grain and doing things his way, forging his own individual path for how he wants to do Spider-Man. Looking forward to seeing a more grown up Miles that is able to go further into his self-exploration now that he's reaching older teen/young adulthood.

-I think Gwen and Miles might get together this movie which... eh. Alright. No hate to the ship, but the first movie felt very platonic save for Miles liking her cause she's a pretty girl, and rip to cishet society but that ain't enough to sell me on a relationship. Maybe they'll get some development in this movie? Until possibly that I'm just gonna enjoy them as friends personally

-Apparently Oscar Isaac voices Miguel... Doctor Strange was not kidding when he said the multiverse got screwed in NWH

-Here we have Jessica Drew, Marvel's first (continuous) Spider-Woman! She looks awesome, and based on how often she appeared in the trailer, I'm assuming she will play a key role.

-I also suspect she will help push the narrative around ATSV's theme of parenthood, with Miles having issues with his own, and Peter becoming a father.

-Regarding the race change for Jessica, I earlier referred to her as the first "continuous" Spider-Woman, because she was the first woman to notably don the spidey title. However, the first official Spider-Woman was actually a one-off character named Valerie the Librarian. Originally, Valerie had no powers; she instead went around as a non-super helping Peter Parker's Spidey in any way she could. Spider Verse has always been by black people for black people, so it doesn't surprise me that they (allegedly) are honing back to Valerie, a black woman and the first official Spider-Woman, to base Jessica's appearance on. Goes to show the creators did their homework, which I'm pleased to see.

She is so beautiful ma'am please take my hand in marriage; also, she's pregnant! She is literally hero-ing while pregnant, which I've realized is not something we really see like... ever. Granted, because its dangerous, but Spider Verse has always made strides to give more diverse female representation, and a pregnant spidey mirroring pregnant working women seems to be next on their list. Happy to see it!

-We got Miguel O'Hara! Admittedly I'm not the most familiar with him, but one doesn't traverse Marvel comic fandom without having heard of this guy. Based on what I'm seeing in the trailer, he looks like a very fun character and I'm excited to know more

-"Don't even get me started on Doctor Strange and the little nerd back on Earth-199999." I am... so normal about the acknowledgment of the MCU in Spiderverse. The multiverse really is converging, which on a meta sense is something I absolutely love so I am very excited to see where the Marvel universe heads.

-Also people have been saying Feige stated the MCU was Earth-616 and Spider Verse went against that, which they're happy about, so if someone could fill me in on what happens in Earth-616 I'd appreciate it!

Peter's back! And he has a spider baby! From what I've seen this is Mayday Parker, daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and she does indeed get her father's spider abilities in the comics. Perhaps we'll see more of her in the future?...👀

Stab me, it would hurt less.

(Looks like Gwen's backstory is being explored more, which is a hooray moment, but its exploring her trauma, which is less hooray.)

And of course... the meme, made multiversal. (Is that fucking PS5 Spiderman)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's about it, very excited for this movie, also afraid, but mostly excited! See y'all when it drops!

#reaction blurbs #marvel #marvel studios #spider-man: across the spider-verse #across the spiderverse #atsv #into the spider verse #miles morales #gwen stacey #peter parker #may parker #miguel o'hara #jessica drew #valerie the librarian

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helioshellion · 2 months

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hello helioshelion.. i wonder what ur thoughts are on majima's (absence of) backstory up until age 20 and how u deal with it canon compliant-ically or in aus. i find it frustrating like everyone else but at the same time any kind of explanation people come up with to fill in the gaps doesnt land for me... i am unsure why. maybe becuase theres so little to go off so its basically entirely made up? or maybe because its not in the vein of his character? anyway i think you are the yakuza man so i would like to know what u think happened in that time. snake eyes is kind of narratively satisfying to me because patriarchs being father figure adjacent and imparting traits and shaping their subordinates is the closest thing to kind of. growing up i think?? that majimas story has. so having sagawa and shimanos influence transposed onto his actual developmental years actually feels like the most character accurate backstory to me even if it is removed from canon. (i dontknow very much sorry if i got anything wrong) butyeah anyway love ur models im like OH SHIT!!!! HES FUCKING MAKING!!!!!!!! ok thats it have a good daaaaayyy

I think what's important and vital to this narrative is for Majima to not be the central focus. Of course I believe the most interesting concept for Snake Eyes is Majima's exploration and coming into his own in a way that justifies who he is within what we DO know of his past, aka Y4 and 0. I believe it is within Dead Souls' cabaret where Majima tells the hostess that if he could go back to any time to redo things, it'd be 14, and therefore it's where I landed on a timeframe- the moment Majima meets Shimano. I believe Majima is at his best as a character who is reactive, but not focused on. He is entirely a character who is shaped by the people around him, both within the lore and within the meta itself, he is not the main character. He is swayed and changed by the events around him, with little to no control in changing this, because he is simply an NPC, and that's the small tragedy of Majima. A character who is so strongly tied to the idea of control, of shaping his own future, when really he has no agency, not within the narrative, not within the game. Anyways, that is the central focus on Snake Eyes. What kind of man Shimano Futoshi is, and by extension, what that says about Majima Goro as a boy. Is there any parallels I can make between the men Majima would later on follow in life and the man he swore his name to? I wrote earlier about agency, and that's something I think that's very important to Shimano's character as well. Present day, you wouldn't exactly compare Shimano to Kiryu, or Saejima, but that's what I find to be the most interesting thing to explore- if I can make a case that there are those similarities, what would change so drastically that Shimano would become the man you see in the series. Sagawa is merely a pawn in this exploration, just the same as he is a pawn in 0. I really enjoy connecting narrative within gameplay. Majima's a stone in the tide, I'd say, stuck on the bottom to be shaped over years and years and years.

So yeah! Snake Eyes is about Shimano, and how he changes the people around him, and how that changes him. Uroboros or whatever.

I think what's funny is that despite being the AU guy, I try to keep myself strictly to canon compliancy, and the things I do change I need to justify. Like me making the decision to have Sagawa be Yasuko Saejima's birth father. We knew her dad was an Omi man in Sotenbori, and that he was money focused. It was a loose comparison, but the idea of exploring that was so interesting to me. Yakuza is all about fatherhood sometimes, so why not.

Majima's character in Snake Eyes, again, meant to justify who he is later on, but also I do not want this idea of Majima being wholly good and brought into evil. I do not think it's black and white. There's something in Majima that was probably there long before Shimano, something that brought him to the point that men like him were to be followed. In the right light, even the worst actions can be seen as heroic, justified, admirable, especially to a kid. Kind of like Ichiban, I guess!

Another funny thing is that I tend to steer away from the idea of Majima needing a backstory. I believe how he is is perfectly suitable and fine for who he is. I do not want to see where he grew up, but I do like using implications to paint an idea of how and why he is who he is. It's sort of why I have an OC who exists as Majima's birth father in Snake Eyes, meant to sort of paint this all literally. Discarding this past for the sake of the role you are meant to play. Maybe it's a nihilist perspective, but I believe Snake Eyes is a nihilist's story. It's a perfect parallel for Forever Yours, an optimistic exploration of fatherhood and how that shapes a person.

This was a lot. hope you enjoy to read.

#im glad i got a message like this thank you for the question #i have not been doing much art at all outside of the 3d models #which are half for me and half for school. taking care of both my mother and grandmother takes a lot of time away from me to be able to #really enjoy my things. but thats fine. im glad i get to think more about it again.

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starseneyes · 9 months

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Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S2 Eps 8 & 9

So, I was gonna wait until the Finale to do another Meta, but then I saw all the Chapel hate coming out after 9, and I felt the need to insert my (uneducated) opinion.

SPOILER ALERT: Spoilers are like garlic for me. If the recipe calls for a clove, I'm adding a head. So, if you dare eat this Spanish/Ukrainian princesa's babaganoush, then this spoiler-filled Meta is for you!

Everyone clear on how this thing works? Brilliant. Let's dive in with kleenex in hand.

"Under the Cloak of War" AKA "You Had To Be There"

"The ally ambassador must have many interesting insights on delicate matters of diplomacy." ... "Christine." "What? Oh, you're doing the word game. Um, I'm sorry. I don't really have one right now."

The staging of this is so haunting and beautiful. Spock has his back to the situation, because he was never really apart of it. Spock didn't see the ravages of the Klingon War up close.

Christine faces it head-on, refusing to look away when it might be healthier for her. She shouldn't even be here. But the Veterans are forcing themselves to put on a good face for the sake of Starfleet.

And, ugh, that kills me inside. M'Benga writes it off, saying he's survived worse than polite conversation. True. But that doesn't make any of this right.

Spock is worried about his not-girlfriend, but he has no idea how to help her. He can't understand what she's been through, but she won't/can't help him understand.

And, please don't misread this as a criticism of Christine. She is under no obligation to help Spock understand. But he cannot understand it, and from his perspective, he's trying to. He never will.

"You are under duress."

Spock shifts from standing in front of her to standing alongside her. I love that choice. I don't know if it was writing, acting, directing, or something else. But it shows the shift in him turning that blind eye (intentionally or not) to standing with her.

Also, gosh, he knows her. He's observant of her. He's paying attention.

He wordlessly looks down to the glass in her hand.

"Quite understandable. I do not know much about your service in the war, but... I am available if you ever feel the need to share." "Yeah, I don't, so let's just change the subject, yeah?"

Her duress increased. The exact opposite of what Spock hoped to achieve in telling her that he was there for her.

"I just wish he would shut up for one second about all this amazing peace he's achieved." "I can help with that."

There's vulnerability in her eyes as she looks over to him, because she really doesn't want to close herself off to him.

She doesn't want to deal with all that she lost during the War. And, in a small part, what she's going to lose shortly based on Boimler's words.

Spock strides over to the Ambassador, inspired by Christine's previous words, "let's just change the subject" and he puts it into practice. As conversation shifts, he looks to her.

"Did I do right?" his eyes ask. Because all he wants is to help her. She offers him a small nod and smile in return. Yes, in a small way, this is actually helping.

"Okay, I'm gonna go see if she needs anything."

It sucks that their first time sitting alongside one another at a dinner now that they're dating is one... like this.

There's nothing to report here on them besides the fact that Christine takes the out to leave and check on Erica while Spock sits in his chair stewing over what he could have done differently to help.

Spock earnestly wants to help. He doesn't know how. And Christine doesn't know how to tell him what will help because nothing will help.

"I want to apologize for my part in last night's dinner." "You don't need to apologize. None of this is about you. You just see me going through something and our closeness makes you feel responsible."

Spock is still looking for some way to help her. But Christine is still living in moments long since passed. And he can't get there because he's never been there.

But, she's right. Their "closeness" factors into him wanting to help. We know from the future that Spock cares deeply about the people he holds closest and would do anything for them.

"You're not." "I understand." *Spock looks around to see no one there* "That is not true."

Spock steps into the corner and Christine leans against the wall. They both relax into their positions almost effortlessly, but they aren't alongside one another anymore. They aren't facing anymore. They're separated with feet planted almost perpendicular.

This is where their paths diverge. No longer towards one another. No longer alongside. This subtle blocking choice shows us we're at the beginning of the end.

"I am having difficulty watching you experience such obvious distress. I want to help."

I love the clear communication on his end. Truly! Spock is laying it all out for Christine.

"But it would appear all that I am doing is making it worse." "War, it doesn't leave you. It can, it can bury itself, but it's-it's always there."

And she's trying to give him insight. But how can she truly explain? She can't.

"I researched J'Gal. It was a forward operating base. The data suggests the loss of life was disproportionate-" "J'Gal is not a statistic, Spock. J'Gal is what it is. War, it makes sense if you've been there, but it will never make sense."

That last line. Wow. I have nothing to add.

"Like I've been trying to tell you, I just need some personal time."

Like you've been trying to... huh? She's not even looking him in the eye while she says this. Because she's taking this opportunity to take that "closeness" that makes him feel responsible for her and push it away.

Maybe she's been trying to say this, but not saying this. We know Christine's not the best at communicating what she wants in a relationship.

And we know that right now he is making it tougher on her. Even he realizes it. But what he doesn't know is that in giving her this space, now, he'll never regain back what he thought they had.

"I understand. You require personal time away from me."

And he'll give it to her. He'd do anything for her. For goodness sake, he almost started a war for her when he was still in a fully-committed engagement. Of course he'll give her space if that's what she needs.

He only hopes she'll close the gap when she's ready. But poor, sweet, Vulcan/Human boy... you aren't ready.

"Subspace Rhapsody" AKA "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart"

"Oh, I have to talk to Spock."

But. She. Doesn't. Christine doesn't like truth-filled conversations with the people she's dating. We know that this is a core flaw in her attempts at relationship—she has no idea how to effectively communicate with a romantic partner.

She's not going to talk to him... and instead he's going to stew (and eventually make his own stupid decision) because they're not communicating at all.

I feel like Christine was one of the best at communicating with Spock pre-romance. They built this really beautiful friendship. And even as they were in the early stages of their dating relationship, that connection still seemed strong.

But J'Gal tested them in a way neither predicted. And that would have happened whether or not Boimler dropped the future truth bomb.

Christine has a lot of PTSD that is unprocessed. And Spock lacks that understanding because he has never shared those experiences. I've seen relationships implode more than once when one partner had PTSD. It's brutal.

And enter this huge opportunity for Christine. She once told Spock that relationships are about mutual sacrifice, that one puts the relationship above work. But that's not how either Christine or Spock operate.

In a parallel universe, they could discuss this openly and honestly with one another. But this Spock and Christine have communication issues that they'll sadly never resolve (at least so far as we know canon).

"Unfortunately, we have had another communication failure."

Dana Horgan & Bill Wolkoff (the screenwriters of this episode), I love you. To have that line as the verbal cue to switch scenes was so bloody perfect, especially considering the state of the Spapel relationship. These two are definitely experiencing a communication failure.

"Is that transmission regarding Nurse Chapel's recent fellowship application? Was the news... favorable?"

Oh, dear, how long has he been giving her "personal time" that he's asking Uhura for updates?

"I don't look at personal correspondence." "Of course, that would be unethical."

And, look, he's not trying to spy. But he does want to know. And he wishes Christine would be the one to tell him. Our poor boy has been doing everything he can to help her—including giving her space.

But while he's been wishing to be close to her, again, she's been widening the gap.

"You and Nurse Chapel have become close, haven't you?"

Okay, so the whole crew isn't aware that these two are shacking up. But, we've seen Uhura be hyper-vigilante about the connection between Spock and Christine since Season 1. She was the first person to call it out.

And Spock really isn't sure what to say. In his mind, they are still an item, even if they aren't a "couple", right?

"I suppose it would be accurate to say that we are more than colleagues." "There's that classic Vulcan romance I've heard about."

She means it in a ribbing way, but it hurts. Uhura notices, and makes the adjustment, like any good communications officer would.

"Why don't you ask her about it?" "Of late, our communication has faced challenges."

Gosh, he needs this. In the absence of Christine, he needs someone he can talk to. Someone who can see the whole of him and truly listen. To make Uhura that foil considering the TOS-era friendship they seem to have makes total sense.

Spock Presses the Issue

It feels like Uhura and Spock both thought he'd be the one to sing when this was pressed. Was it a stupid move? Gosh, yes. But if characters didn't make mistakes, we'd scream and wail about their plasticity and lack of organic truth. They have to be flawed to be well-rounded.

But, Spock's mistake leads to one of the most energetic songs of the episode, and a lot of unspoken truths.

"Christine. Logic would dictate you are toasting good news regarding your fellowship. So, allow me to offer congratulations." "Thank you, Spock." "I am curious why you chose not to inform me. Was it an oversight? Or was it intentional?" "Can we, um, can we talk about this later?" "I am just curious."

Again, Spock pressing this in front of everyone was asinine. I'm not glossing over that. But her hiding it from him was stupid, too. They are both in the wrong in how they handled this situation.

But I truly believe Uhura though Spock would be the one to sing. They were trying to incite a song, and she could already tell he was o the verge of emotional when it came to Christine and this fellowship.

But, Christine busts out with absolute glee. And she deserves to be gleeful. A partner should never be her whole life.

And I truly believe she never would have told Spock in front of the entire bar under any other circumstances. We already set it up with La'an warning Pike and then Pike and Batel exposing themselves in front of everyone.

To borrow the phrase from Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, these are "heart songs". These are things that dwell in the deepest part of selves that would never come out under normal circumstances.

Pike would still be lying to Batel. La'an wouldn't have run off to hide in her quarters because she was belting truths. And Christine would have dealt with Spock in her own time... even if that was still a bad choice.

The song forced Christine to share this truth.

And, gosh, there are so many lyrics in here that show Christine's state of mind. The validation. The freedom. The future that she already knows she doesn't share with Spock.

Christine has applied to something that only a handful of people get into every year, and this isn't a 2-month trip that she'd return from. This could be the start of an entirely new path for her. She may never come back to Enterprise.

And, from his perspective, I see how cold-hearted it seemed. But I do not begrudge her going after her dreams. I simply abhor that she cut Spock out entirely prior to this big musical number.

But... our characters have to make mistakes. Otherwise, we'd be watching "the perfect people" do nothing every week.

"If I need to leave you, I won't fight it. I'm ready."

She speaks the line the last time... "I'm ready." It's spoken outside of the song. She means it. And it crushes him.

He turns over that left shoulder... but away from her, this time. He's spent the entire song standing still while the world around him moved, while she moved the world with her words. And now he feels out of place in a realm where she thrives.

Her spark is ignited, while his flame painfully claws at the last threads of wick before dying.

Uhura and Chapel are the only ones who watch Spock go—who understand what really happened there. We don't see Christine's reaction, but we see Erica smiling up at her.

Christine meant it. She's ready to move on. But it does kill me that she doesn't try to go after him, to seek him out, to make sure he's okay.

Again, our characters have to make mistakes. They have to screw it up. And in how she handles breakups, Christine consistently screws up. It would be out-of-character for her to handle this one well.

Again, I don't blame her for breaking up with him via song. He pushed her to sing by pushing the issue. But her actions before and after are entirely her own just as much as his to push was his. They're both idiots.

"I didn't expect Christine to be so definitive about ending our arrangement."

He doesn't even refer to it as a relationship. But, since he's opened up to Uhura at the start of the episode about them being "more than colleagues", he feels freer to speak.

He also feels exposed.

"Relationships can be difficult, Spock, and you're Vulcan" "But I am also human."

Oh, my sweet boy. You finally got there. You finally learned to embrace both sides of yourself only to experience your first true heartbreak.

And now you'll endeavor to do what so many other humans have done before you—shut out the pain.

"I feel things differently. Bigger. I see her logic and, yet, I am hurt."

Gosh, the pain. Listen to his emphasis on "hurt". This is where Ethan Peck's vocal inflection and range really sing (pardon the pun).

Uhura has never seen this level of emotion from Spock. But they are becoming friends, which is welcome and needed for both their stories. And he's opening up in a way he won't, again, for a very long time, I suspect.

"I am left behind."

I hate to say it, but I imagine this is how T'Pring felt when he took off on their engagement night. There was always something Spock seemed to be choosing over her.

The difference is that Spock thought he and T'Pring's relationship could weather all his other duties. With Christine, that isn't even a possibility she's willing to entertain.

She's done. It's over. And he's hurt.

The Music Swells

Spock and Uhura lock eyes. They both know a song is coming on, but I love how he doesn't run away, and she stays there with him.

If anyone knows what it is to be alone, it's Uhura. She's the one who pressed him to press Christine, so she's not leaving his side, now.

And it's Christine's Song. It's their song. Oh, gosh, this hurts. I didn't call it right on them sharing a song in terms of a duet, but in this melody, they share the two sides of the same song—one elated, one defeated.

Though, Spock's in the minor key where Christine was in the major. So, even though the melody and rhythm are matching, the songs aren't quite the same, even in construction. Damn, this is masterful.

My husband, who started playing piano at age 5 and studied for 21 years, said they gave Spock and Chapel the "Les Mis" treatment, and I about died laughing. He's not wrong.

"This news really changes everything-"

Starting the same way, too, whew. This is already super painful. Christine's version was a boisterous, celebratory tune with raucous dancing, cheerful backup vocals, and lots of pageantry.

Spock is in the echo chamber of Engineering. Without Uhura, he would be utterly alone. But there's no one to sing with him. His voice rings out alone.

"I can't believe how wrong I've been. Convinced myself we shared the same feelings. I won't make that mistake, again."

And Uhura can't interject to tell him about interdimentional space and everything that Christine said there. It's not her place. But, damnit, communication would have changed this whole story.

"For her I set aside my need to analyze. Now I'm wrecked and searching for Why. I'm the Ex."

Beautiful play on words. Though, I'll admit a small part of me was mentally breaking into the Calculus song from 2gether (yes, I'm that old).

While the other song was more hilarious, this one's eloquently and agonizingly crafted. It makes so much sense that our favorite Science officer is merging math and music, as only the best STEAM students can.

"I've got no one but myself to blame. I betrayed my core philosophy. Unending reason must be my true north, lest I drown in this sea of pain."

Imagine you've grown up in a constricted world and when you finally decide to break out of that and test the waters, your boat is capsized by the person you trusted to help you steer.

Spock took a great risk with this relationship, and he knew it. But he never predicted it would end like this. Yes, Christine was upfront with not wanting to label it and not wanting to tell Starfleet. She didn't pretend in any way.

But Spock still hoped. And now that hope's been dashed.

I think a lot of us have been there—having our hearts broken by someone we really trusted. Gosh, I remember my first boyfriend.

He broke up with me over the phone on my birthday, which happened to be the week of Prom. Oh, and he was cheating on me because two months in on my first relationship I wouldn't sleep with him. We still went to Prom together because I thought I could win him back.

Seventeen-year-old Rachel wasn't that bright. But she was hurt. And she had hope that she was wrong to be guarded, that it was okay to let those walls down a bit and let someone in.

"I'm so dysfunctional, weak and emotional, feelings I just can't contain. Escaping this misery, you're breaking free, not a possibility.

Uhura's brow furrows as she listens to him talking about himself so harshly.

"Weak and emotional" is a gut-punch to me considering how a season ago in episode 9 Spock was lamenting his weakness while Christine cupped his face and told him it was his emotions... and that they didn't make him weak... they made him human.

"I solved for Y in my computation but missed vital information, the variable so devastating... I'm the X."

Watch how he looks to Uhura mid-phrase. He nearly forgot she was there listening to him bare his soul. But he can't stop it as it's flowing out. He has to finish the song, no matter how painful.

"I'm the ex."

He speaks the line the same way Christine spoke her last line. Because, it's real. It's true. And it hurts like hell.

"I am sorry."

He's near tears, again, and it's all wrong. So far this season Christine, M'Benga, the transporter chief, and now Uhura have seen the Vulcan near-tears or crying. He can't have that, now. Before, he allowed himself the vulnerability. He tested the bounds of his humanity.

Never again. He refuses to let himself be hurt like that, again.

"So far, we've only witnessed people being torn apart by this event." *pointed camera on Spock*

Look, we all knew this was coming, right? This story is set in canon, and canon dictates and Spock and Christine are not together in TOS-era.

And Spock has already started to bottle up those emotions that plague him. We saw that he can pull it together quickly enough, as demonstrated in the season opener.

Yes, this will take work, but he's willing to do whatever it takes to never feel this pain, again.

The Missed Moment

At the end of the big musical number, everyone's feeling connected and elated. There's hugging and congratulations. But when Christine turns to Spock, there's a wall there.

She didn't expect that. You can tell she didn't expect him to wall her off so swiftly, though it's not entirely unexpected. And she's not going to chase after him.

But it still hurts. I mean, we all saw how broken-hearted she was at Boimler's news that she wasn't even a footnote in Spock's written story.

And I posit that's part of why this isn't harder for her—she's been letting go for weeks. Pulling away. Making space. But Spock's had mere moments to wrestle with the consequences of giving into weakness.

A few weeks ago, he would have been laughing and hugging with all of them. He was reveling in testing the waters of his humanity while basking in the love of this beautiful, human woman. So much changes in the course of a few weeks.

Look, I'm thrilled for Christine. I am definitely not a woman who thinks any woman should change her plans for a man. But celebrating with her friends over champagne before telling Spock was tacky.

And I'm not excusing him pressing her in front of their friends for an answer. While he did it under the guise of duty (and we all know how married Spock is to duty), it was a bad call.

But they're both in the wrong. Spock was right at the beginning of the episode—their communication is a problem.

And, now, their paths are potentially, permanently diverged. I say potentially because there are dozens of possibilities.

Maybe they try, again, but something external pulls them apart. Maybe they get together in another timeline. Maybe years after TOS they reunite. We can dream, right?

In the season finale, there'll be awkwardness between them, I'm sure. This looks like the Gorn issue is coming to a head, and we know from early promos that there's footage of the pair of them together in space suits.

Will it be a final coda on their relationship? I suppose we'll find out together.

There were so many little things that made me squee during this episode. Paul Wesley's voice reminding me so very much of 1960's-era Disney princes, the Gilbert & Sullivan reference, the Buffy-coded Bunny reference, Uhura's amazing earrings that were giving me major Nichelle Nichols vibes, the raucous joy of Chapel's number, the crispness and clearness of Chistina Chong's vocals, M'Benga's surprising range, the varying styles and eras... so much. I could go on and on and on.

And, I'd be so remiss if I didn't call out two things in this episode that took my breath away beyond the obvious Spapel:

"You see the connections between us when all we see are the empty spaces."

This line skewered me so beautifully. I'm a communications person. I have two degrees in it. I held together a group of friends who met at college orientation through our four years of school, and we've been together over 20 years, now.

This line is so beautiful and so meaningful. I will think of it often. Because we need people like that in the world. They're the connective tissue.

And this line captures why so beautifully with so few words. That's masterful. In a season that's all about connectivity and communication, this line stands out.

Celia Rose Gooding

No quotes needed. She's simply sensational. I like to think Nichelle Nichols is looking down on her with a proud smile on her face. Her entire solo I had chills.

Yes, there was another episode this season that focused on Uhura, but I really feel like this was her show.

We saw how she flawlessly handled all of the communications issues early, how she worked beautifully with Spock, how she cut loose with her friends with a musical number while working, and how she ultimately saved the day.

She is a marvel to watch, and I'm so grateful she had an opportunity to shine as she did in this episode. I've loved her performance up until now, but this episode is the one where I was completely wowed. What talent!

Truly, everyone was amazing this week. Yes, she was a stand-out, but everyone poured their hearts and souls and songs into this. It shows. And it's magical as a result.

My predictions for this episode weren't quite right, but the spirit sadly was. Now we get awkwardness next week in space suits. We all know how that ended for B'Elanna Torress and Tom Paris, but I doubt Christine and Spock will have such a positive experience.

Maybe some sort of resolution, but Spock's declared he won't make the same mistake, again. He's walled off that part of himself already. Christine won't be able to access it, again.

Unless, of course, I'm completely wrong and Season 3 opens with them in a parallel universe where these crazy kids get it right. But, what fun would that be?

Look, we all make mistakes. Characters make mistakes. They can't magically be completely different versions of themselves because it suits a happy ending. We all knew this wasn't a happily ever after story.

We knew it'd be messy and painful. We knew it'd end in tears. But, the writers, directors, and performers (not to mention the rest of the incredible crew) have given us something really beautiful, here. It's achingly beautiful. What a privilege to witness it.

Thanks for reading, my friends. Be kind to one another. Build one another up. And never forget that you have intrinsic value and worth that nobody can take away.

Look for the connections in the empty spaces. They're there. We're here. And you are not alone.

#Strange New Worlds #ST: Strange New Worlds #SNW #Christine Chapel #Spock #Spock x Chapel #Chapel x Spock #Nurse Chapel #Ethan Peck #Jess Bush #Meta #Spapel #Spock x Christine

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antiv3nom · 6 days

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asuka ask game? pick your favorite one

ok so i do enjoy asuka guiltygear but i have been thinking REALLY hard about asuka tekken as of late so we're talking about her today

also this took me WAY too long to post i apologize but it Is out here so yaaaay

favorite thing about them:

ok so legally i have to mention asuka's tekken 8 design because motherfucker WHAT were they thinking with that one. what the fuck was the inspiration. but i love it so much i cannot lie

other than that, i really enjoy her rivalry with lili and how moderately insane that bit has gotten, and i like how they've kept her a character who is a) defensively focused in her gameplay even among the generally aggressive play of t8, and b) has a generally down-to-earth feel to her despite. Everything. happening in tekken

least favorite thing about them:

so i was actually talking to a friend about this recently and she explained my feelings really well, its like. asuka feels like the protagonist of another story that isnt being told.

it feels like she has so much stuff that COULD be a really interesting plot focus for her but it just. hasnt been? like everything between her and feng COULD be so neat but its just been sort of...by the wayside for the past few games in favor of keeping up with the mishimas (new sitcom there btw)

favorite line:

asuka's quotes are fun but most arent super noteworthy unfortunately? its mostly pretty standard fare for fighting game open and win quotes unforch :( i will say though, i do really enjoy this win line in t8 from her:

It's not good to fight all the time. Well, see ya!

bc like. girl. what do you think youre out here doing rn. girl please

(note: i dont speak japanese so i couldnt say anything towards this, but i wonder if asuka speaks with a kansai accent/dialect in game? her being from osaka and all, itd be a cool little addition)

brOTP:

omg actually ive seen stuff between leo and asuka that's been fun before i really enjoy that, iirc theyre not super close in the main canon but i wanna say in the non-canon webcomic theyre friends? i think thats right? either way its a fun concept

OTP:

asulili...uwoagh........

fellas is it gay to buy your rival's dojo and fill it entirely with roses to get their attention? certainly not. certainly.

i do wish we saw some amount more narrative tension between them since most of it has sort of dissolved by t8 but i do think theyre really cute and as mentioned before i really do enjoy their whole bit its awesome

SHOUTOUT ASULILI WEEK BTW I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO PARTICIPATE BUT I AM HYPED ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE

nOTP:

i do not think i have been around long enough to see another pairing for asuka, let alone one i dislike, so i cannot answer this question LMAO

random headcanon:

spun my mental wheel of headcanon topics and it wouldnt stop spinning for like half an hour unfortunately so im just telling you that i think asuka would play baiken or may in strive

unpopular opinion:

i still havent been here long enough to know whats unpopular regarding her :,) although i think in terms of gameplay i think she's cooler than most people believe, though i do agree that her current iteraiton in t8 isnt very strong within the meta unforch :(

song i associate with them:

i can nigh on guarantee that it's because ive been listening to this song while thinking about her really hard recently but absolute zero by natori (banger btw go watch the music video it goes unbelievably hard), i think the lyrics arent entirely unfitting though!!!

favorite picture of them:

i really like this profile art option for her, the posing is fun and the textures on the clothing are really impressive

and then also i have to mention her preset 3 outfit which i LOVE SO SO MUCH

(apologies as i cant find a better example pic and do not feel like opening t8 at 2 in the morning on this day)

#ask #ask game #electricgnu #tekken #asuka kazama #your honor i think shes neat...#ive been scrolling through her wiki page as of late

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sitp-recs · 11 months

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Sitp Essentials - Fandomversary Edition: Writcraft

June marks the 12th (!!!) fandomversary of this incredibly talented and generous author, whose work has brought me so much joy and healing over the years. What an accomplishment, my friend! I know I’m not only speaking for myself when I say that we are so very grateful for your presence and immense contributions to the HP fandom. I’m a bit wary of taking on long-term projects these days but I really wanted to do something to celebrate this milestone so I’ve decided that, during the month of June (and there was no better month to celebrate in! 🏳️‍🌈) I’ll be posting single recs for 12 of my favourite fics by @writcraft. Some are older recs, written in the blog’s early days, some are brand new, highlighting rare pairs, hidden gems and recent works. I won’t have a rigid schedule because I don’t wanna set myself up for failure so the rec posts will be a surprise even for me 🤣 I hope you guys enjoy them just as much!

Anyone who knows me well is aware that I’m very shy around my fandom heroes and will rarely initiate any kind of conversation with them. I was so anxious about being perceived that I wouldn't even tag them when I created the blog. Writ holds even more power in my imaginary fandom altar because they’ve written one of my all-time favorite fics. I found Little Compton Street aka the “Life on Mars Love Story Told in 3 Acts” at a difficult time of my life when I was almost leaving fandom for good. But getting to read LCS and to fall in love with those magical London spots and captivating characters was a beautiful transformative experience that altered me completely. This fic not only had a profound impact on my ever changing self-awareness as a queer person, it checked my many fic reading boxes, and pulled at my heartstrings in all the right ways. I've learned so much from LCS; it is an ode to queer history, a love letter to all of those who came and fought before us, and to all of those who were killed, erased and forgotten in the process. It is is a story filled with hope and a compassionate reminder urging us to always resist, and never forget.

*at a loss of words*

(…)

As you can see, I always get immersed in my feels when I think about LCS and I know it will always have a special place in my heart. This feeling of profound gratitude and joy for Writ’s formative works is what inspired me to do this humble homage. Am I a bit nervous about not having enough fuel to see this through? Hell yes. But I’m opening myself to the possibility of failure because I know this is for someone who’s unfailingly kind and compassionate. Writ, I admire you deeply as a writer and even more so as a person. Your contributions to the HP fandom through fics, fests and meta over the years have been immense, and I know your RL contributions to the queer community and its memory have been just as impactful. Happy 12th Fandomversary, my friend! For someone who’s been reading your words since 2012, it feels incredibly special to finally get to share this space with you. 🏳️‍🌈💜

#happy 12th anniversary Writ! 🏳️‍🌈#Sitp rec series #special edition

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levitatingbiscuits · 11 months

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I love some of ur atla metas revolving katara sm! People are really hard on her, when in reality she suffered the most in the show. I think people try to use her to prop up sokkas barely existing issues so he's more relevant, and as a way to excuse aangs flaws, but you don't do that.

Thank you! I am, first and foremost, a Katara stan. I'm like Aang straight out the iceberg. 10 year old me saw her and was like OH YES SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and that hasn't changed in 13 years.

People tend to play suffering Olympics for this show specifically to shit on katara, even though it's primarily her trauma that the narrative focuses on as a lens through which to explore the war. Tellingly, most of her suffering she goes through alone, without the support she offers to everyone else.

People try to play whataboutism with Aang and Sokka's trauma, even though the show straight up tells us that she is their living emotional crutch and the reason they were able to move on. Katara can't move on. No one helps her move on. When she tries to take matters into her own hands, to heal herself the way she heals others, she's condemned by the fandom (and Aang and Sokka that one time), called selfish and cruel and a million other things.

I especially hate when people bring up the Air Nomad genocide as a gotcha, when Katara is also the sole survivor of a genocide, a genocide she personally witnessed and was in danger of dying in. People forget that bloodbending is very obviously a metaphor for the generational trauma she inherits ON TOP of the traumatic murder of her mother, who died in her place. Katara knew very well that Yon Rha was there to kill her for her bending. Her survivor's guilt is actually worse than Aang's, even though it's less focused on, because she never truly gets over it. She spends the rest of her childhood trying to fill the empty space her mother left. And she SUCCEEDED. For her father, her brother, for everyone else she supported and mothered. For the child she named after her mom, a child that carries on the almost extinct legacy of Southern bending the way Tenzin does for Airbending, even though her importance is just as downplayed as EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF KATARA'S LEGACY INDEPENDENT OF AANG'S. Katara fills that empty maternal, caring role for EVERYONE in the gaang but zuko and herself, then she plays the same role for Korra because she's Aang's successor.

That's why it's so galling that she never got to resolve the bloodbending story herself. Sokka and Aang do it for her while she's busy trying to repopulate the Air Nomads, because God forbid she be allowed to do anything separate from her husband. Legend of Korra shits on Katara almost as much as the goddamn fandom. "She doesn't get a statue because she didn't do anything after the war but mother Aang's kids" is the actual justification bryke gave for no one honoring or idolizing her the way they do for the rest of the gaang in LOK. And God forbid she get a fight scene or even attend her own granddaughter's mastery ceremony. After all, that's Aang's legacy, not hers. She was treated like a convenient broodmare still pining for him 2 decades after his death and training and healing his successor and being neglected and isolated by her kids, because of course she's not allowed to move on and be content without him. Katara is never allowed to heal from her losses. She's always, always left to suffer in silence and deal with her pain alone.

No wonder this fandom props up Aang and Sokka by undermining Katara. The creators did it first :/

People didn't used to be such weirdos about Sokka. This is 100% a result of the ex-klance people latching on to zukka due to the superficial aesthetic similarities. Remember all those Lance stans who would insist that he's the one who suffered the most and would shit on every other character to make him look better? And transplant the character traits of other characters on to him, ESPECIALLY the girl of color popularly shipped with his supposed love interest? (Waterbender/moon spirit sokka is just altean Lance with a fresh coat of atla paint.) That's literally what they did to sokka in the "Renaissance." Before that it was primarily the hard-core kataang/aang stans insisting that Katara's narrative mattered less than the male characters'. I still remember the rape and death threats I got back in like 2018 for arguing that she deserved better than to end up a permanently benched housewife healer propping up Aang's legacy rather than securing her own in LOK. Then the zukkas came along and insisted their misogyny was woke because it was in service of fetishizing a gay ship with barely any basis in canon. (Cmon guys, jetko is RIGHT THERE and their interactions are not exclusively about one guy's various girlfriends. Just saying. Hell, Zukaang has the most basis of any atla slash ship, but people aren't attracted to Aang so they don't bother. Mark my words, the upcoming atla movie is gonna cause a zukaang Renaissance.)

That got long lol. This is probably gonna be controversial but I don't care, I'm right. Appreciate you nonnie!

#pro katara #katara deserved better #katara defense squad #fandom wank #anonymous

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hidingoutbackstage · 1 month

Text

Okay I’m STILL procrastinating watching s15 bc I’m SCARED so here’s my extremely biased ratings/opinions on the episodes of s14 to help me procrastinate (episodes which are multiple parts of a single story will be condensed into one slot)

Room Zero: SO cute and good, I LOVED the animation style, it was simple and short but really well done with great colors, fun alien designs, and fluid animation, and I just like seeing the guys go on missions like that. It's a shame that the animated show never got picked up bc I would've adored seeing more of it. 10/10

From Stumbled Beginnings: Very cute and funny origin story for Simmons and Grif, and I love that they were p much always together since they enlisted lmao makes their dynamic rlly good and the humor actually got a couple laughs out of me. 8/10

Fifty Shades of Red: Sarge's humor never quite landed with me like is has for some people (my boyfriend lmao I literally have to pause episodes sometimes so he can stop laughing. Anyway) but it was a very humorous and in character origin for him as well. 5/10

Why They’re Here: Less interesting than the previous two, obviously just meant to fill in plot "holes" and to also show us the origins of the other characters. Also I am completely ignoring that one line from Tucker in the interview, just gonna chalk it up to the "edgy" humor it does not exist to me. 4/10

The Brick Gulch Chronicles: WONDERFUL stop motion, very fun and cute and entertaining, very wholesome and still in the vibe with what the show itself is. I appreciate the willingness to do stop motion for most of it. 10/10

Red Army Unit FH57’s Adventure: It was kinda interesting and kinda funny but I found myself kinda tuning it out cuz it just felt kinda whatever. The combo of the different animation styles was cool though and I thought the ship misunderstanding them was funny. 5/10

Locus and Felix: Okay I'm gonna be a black sheep for a second and say that I rlly don't care that much about Locus and Felix. I don't think Felix is a secretly deep sadboi whom I'm gonna spend an unnecessary amount of time thinking about, I don't think Locus as secretly good all along, and I don't care that much about their partnership and what they were like before Chorus. That being said, the animation here is absolutely gorgeous, this is probably my favorite animated story in the whole season, it looks awesome. The plot is nothing special but who cares like I said it's beautiful, 6/10

Fight the Good Fight!: VERY funny and well-executed propaganda video, short and sweet and nothing more to it. It does its job. 5/10

Meta vs. Carolina: Dawn of Awesome: Another one I really don't care for because literally everything leading UP to the fight between Meta and Carolina is a waste of time. Maybe some people really care about their weapons and stats, but I don't. And even then, you kinda know Carolina is gonna win the fight, the question is just how. 4/10

Grey vs. Gray: I don't know or care about the Game Grumps and the entire thing felt like a short gag that went on for way too long with a predictable ending. 2/10

Caboose's Guide to Making Friends: Again, ADORABLE art style and very cute having a story be told from Caboose's perspective. 7/10

Head Cannon: Kinda funny I guess. I wish we'd gotten it spread out more equally among the heads Omega jumped into. Ik he didn't spend equal time in there but who cares. Whatever, still funny. 5/10

Get Bent: I LAUGHED PROBABLY THE HARDEST AT THIS ONE AND THAT'S MOSTLY BC OF LESBIAN DONUT IT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD AND IT WAS HILARIOUS (also hello, bisexual church?) 9/10

Red vs. Blue: The Musical: it was fine. it was creative. The dancing was well animated. Enjoyable. 5/10

Mr. Red vs. Mr. Blue: I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs but Kaikaina was in this which automatically boosts it to a 8/10 (I also like that they have movie nights it's cute)

RvB Throwdown: Fine but mostly forgettable. 3/10

The Triplets Story: REALLY interesting concept (y'all know I love the freelancers) that felt like it dragged on too long and only gave Ohio something to do. 4/10

Immersion: The Warthog Flip: I loved the costumes and the actual Warthog and it got a couple laughs out of me. 5/10

Red vs. Blue vs. Rooster Teeth: This was made for the fans/themselves. As someone who is neither, none of it was funny and I just kinda waited for it to be over. At least the animation of the armor irl looked rlly good

#sid rants #sid watches #rvb

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ailendolin · 2 months

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Hi!, I love your Thomas posts, you make really cool analysis n.n, and well, I was wondering if I could ask you a promp about him with the following themes: fluffy, gentle, angst, comfort and quality time.

Being honest with ya, I'm not entirely sure if this counts as just one promp or if I choose too many of them. If it's the latter, I beg your pardon, this is my first time asking for a promp and I got exited with the promps you suggested on your post. In that case could it be a fluffly/quality time promp plz?, either promp is fine and sorry for not giving you only one promp as an option, can't make my mind between those two. Btw, congrats on your 800 subs. Have a lovely day n.n

I am so sorry it took me so long to write your prompt! But the good news is, I think I managed to include all your requested themes in the fic! Some more than others but I really hope you enjoy your Thomas-centric fic! Thank you so much for your lovely ask and the kind words about my meta posts!

List of prompts is here. Filled prompts are here, here, here, here and here on AO3.

Prompts are closed.

————

Fireworks and Fairy Lights [AO3]

When Mike came home with fireworks on New Year’s Eve, the excitement was huge.

“Oh, it’s been so long since we’ve had fireworks here!” Kitty exclaimed with a happy smile.

“Quite right, Katherine,” the Captain agreed. He turned to Alison and explained, “Heather didn’t like them.”

“Because she was a buzzkill,” Julian drawled.

“Not everyone is fond of parties and loud noises, Julian,” Fanny reminded him. “Have a little respect.”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Like I said: buzzkill.”

“Ugh,” Fanny huffed and turned to Alison. “I hope you are not planning on lighting those–“ She nodded at the fireworks in the bag. “–at midnight. Some people want to sleep, you know?”

“Buzzkill,” Julian mouthed once more, earning him a snicker from Robin and a glare from Fanny.

Alison did her best to hide her own amusement when she said, “We’re actually planning on lighting them tomorrow morning when it’s still dark since Mia has finally started sleeping through the night now.”

“And thank god for that,” Julian muttered under his breath.

The others murmured in agreement.

“It’s not quite the same, obviously,” Mike said, looking up at the air around him. “But it’s her first time ringing in the New Year and we want her to have the full experience, you know?”

“We did the same with Daley,” Pat said brightly before he launched into a tale of Daley’s first New Year celebrations. Thomas, listening only with half an ear, dropped his eyes down to his hands. His fingers were restlessly worrying the bloody cuff of his left sleeve, trembling ever so slightly with every movement. He had never been a fan of fireworks. The lights were pretty and pleasing enough to the eye but the sounds–

Unconsciously, he pressed his left hand against his wound. For a brief moment, he considered asking Alison to forego the fireworks to spare him the pain and humiliation they would cause him. But then he remembered what she’d told him over a year ago: that he had the tendency to make everything about himself. And this – this was about Mia, not him. This was about Alison and Mike celebrating the New Year for the first time as a family of three, and the last time at Button House. How could he ask them to change their plans and make tonight anything less than perfect? It was not their fault fireworks reminded him of pistol shots and turned him into a quivering mess. It was his for never having gotten over his death. Two hundred should have been long enough to put it behind him.

Taking a deep, steadying breath that came out more shakily than he’d have liked it to, Thomas forced himself to lift his hand away from his wound and drop it back into his lap. He would not ruin this for Alison, Mike and Mia. He would smile and hold his tongue, and when the time came to welcome the New Year, he would not hide himself away as he normally did on these occasions. He would face his fears and stand outside with everyone else, perhaps in the back of the group so no one would see him flinch when the fireworks went off, and he would hold back his panic until it was over and he was safely back inside in his room. Then and only then would he allow himself to drown in the frantic beating of his heart and desperately gasp for air he didn’t need. The past would close in on him like a pack of lions on the prowl, and he would be helpless to stop it and hate himself for it. Hate the tears he wouldn’t be able to swallow and the pathetic noises he wouldn’t be able to refrain from making.

Thomas shuddered at the thought and looked up at Alison and Mike. Seeing the excitement on their faces at the prospect of making new memories, he forced himself to laugh along with everyone else when the Captain recounted that horrible New Year’s Eve when one of his soldiers, three sheets to the wind, had almost blown his own hand off in an attempt to light some firecrackers.

“He sent the whole medical staff into a frenzy,” the Captain chuckled fondly. “It was the most action we’d seen since that German pilot crash-landed in the woods.”

“I bet,” Julian smirked and wriggled his eyebrows.

As the Captain rounded on him, Thomas discreetly backed out of the room, not keen on watching the inevitable argument unfold when he already felt jittery with nerves. He found the peace and quiet his bruised heart was longing for in the library, his favourite place in the house. The familiar names of well-known poets and authors seemed to mock him from the shelves as he crossed the room. He did his best to ignore them, having resigned himself to the fact that his name and works would never stand among them, but it was more difficult than usually this day.

Curling up by the window, he stared at the frosty lawn outside. Dusk was already beginning to settle over the land. The sullen greys and browns and muted greens fit his mood perfectly, and the way the wind kept tugging relentlessly at the bare branches seemed to reflect the nervousness he couldn’t shake. In just a few short hours, he would force himself to go outside and willingly embrace the terror he usually avoided at all costs. It wouldn’t be the first time fireworks exploded over Button House since his death, far from it, but it would be the first time he stood on the lawn to witness them instead of hiding himself away like the coward he’d always known he was.

The lake had been the very first place he’d sought comfort in. Figuring it was far enough away from the house and deep enough to muffle the sounds, Thomas had sunken beneath its surface to wait out the spectacle. The water had dulled the sounds just like he’d hoped it would – but not enough. The distorted explosions of the fireworks had still echoed through his bones, leaving him gasping for breath and irrationally, ridiculously swimming toward the surface. He’d spent the next twenty minutes shivering and shaking on the shore and had eventually fallen asleep there, too exhausted to stand up on trembling legs and make his way back to the house after the last of the fireworks had died away in the night.

The next few times, he’d hidden himself away in the basement. The villagers had not seemed to mind his presence but they hadn’t been exactly welcoming either. Mostly, they’d just left him alone and Thomas was grateful for that. He did not want an audience, not in those terribly vulnerable moments. The last thing he needed was someone telling him how stupid it was to fight for every shaky breath and curl around a wound that should not hurt anymore when it felt like he was dying all over again.

When the safe was built, Thomas could have cried with happiness. It was blissfully quiet in there; quieter than the lake and basement put together. No sound went in or out when the door was closed and he’d found refuge there not just during firework displays but also the weapon’s training the Captain’s men underwent during the war and the hunts their neighbour Barclay Beg-Chetwynde was so fond of participating in. Sometimes, it seemed like the only good thing that had ever happened to him.

Tomorrow morning, the safe would not be his safe haven, though. Perhaps it would never be that again, Thomas mused as the shadows darkened and the world outside became even gloomier with dusk. Who knew what would happen now that Alison and Mike had decided to sell the house. Perhaps the new owners would rip out the safe, or leave its door ajar like Alison and Mike had taken to doing ever since Mike had accidentally locked himself inside it a few months ago.

Thomas sighed and leaned his head against the window. A part of him still couldn’t believe Alison and Mike were leaving, let alone that he had actually voted in favour of it. He would miss them terribly – yes, both of them. And little Mia, of course. But he knew it was for the best. Alison did not need someone like him to make her happy. If anything, she needed him gone to be able to enjoy the happiness she’d managed to carve out for herself in this cold, cruel world. Thomas could not – would not – begrudge her that. He would not doom her to a life full of worry and overwhelming stress just because his heart hurt at the thought of saying goodbye. Alison deserved better than that, better than him. She deserved true happiness, and until the day she moved out and found it in the world far from here, the least he could do was stand by her side as the world burst into colour and give her this one perfect memory to look back on.

For that was what love was, wasn’t it? To do what was best for someone else and not oneself. Even if it hurt.

Especially if it hurt.

————

Thomas did not sleep that night. He tried to but his heart would not stop running a mile a minute, no matter what he attempted to distract himself. His hands were trembling at his sides, as uncooperative as his heart, and the walls in his small room seemed to be closing in on him every time he closed his eyes.

In the end, he went back downstairs – not to the library, though. He faded through the old wooden front door and walked over to the fountain where he settled down, shrouded in gloomy darkness, and gazed up into a starless sky. Far in the distance, fireworks were still going off even though it was almost an hour after midnight now. They were too far away for him to hear but close enough for the echoes of their colours to be just visible, and for a moment Thomas watched them, silently wishing it could always be so easy.

Then they died away and the night became black and colourless again. Thomas sighed and looked at the house that, despite himself, had become his home over the past two hundred years. Once upon a time he’d entertained the thought of living here with Isabelle, of watching their children grow up chasing squirrels in the garden and playing hide and seek in the woods. Their days would have been filled with smiles and laughter, their nights with gentle whispers of love. Thomas liked to think he could have been happy here, if only fate had allowed him to live a little longer.

It hadn’t, though, and he had found himself fighting for every little scrap of happiness ever since. Often, it felt like a losing battle. The others did not understand how he felt, and if Thomas was being honest, he did not understand them either. They were different – not in a bad way. Just … different. Or maybe he was. He and his heartbreak had never really fit in here – or anywhere for that matter – and Thomas doubted they ever would. If two centuries hadn’t been enough to stop the others from rolling their eyes at him every time he so much as opened his mouth, nothing likely would. And that was okay. Thomas might not want to be remembered for his awful attempts at poetry and dramatic outbursts but knowing he would be remembered at all was a comfort words could not express. He had left its mark on the world after all, and if his legacy was to be remembered as a fool, well – at least he’d always been an honest one.

Thomas knew he hadn’t always been quite so honest in death. More often than not, he hugged the small, fragile parts of himself, the ones that had been broken before, close to his heart where no one could touch them. Perhaps that was why it was so hard for him to form a connection with his fellow ghosts. He hid so much of himself around them that he sometimes barely recognised himself when he looked into the mirror, and at this point he didn’t know how to stop. There were times when his hands refused to stop shaking and he desperately wished he could go to the Captain and ask him if he’d ever felt so lost and terrified his body betrayed him like this. Or moments when his thoughts were so loud he longed to talk to Fanny about poetry – hers, not his, because she obviously knew how to arrange her thoughts into beautiful prose and he would love to learn from her. And sometimes, on nights like this when he felt particularly lonely, he wished he could ask Robin for a hug like Julian sometimes did or had the courage to wake up Pat and ask him to keep him company.

But Thomas wasn’t brave; never had been. He didn’t know how to reach for any of these things. Everyone else made it look so easy yet for him, it seemed as impossible as leaving the grounds was. He wanted to reach out but couldn’t, and that, perhaps, was the most frustrating thing of all – to be so painfully aware of his own shortcomings and at the same time unable to do anything about it.

So he stayed there by the fountain, tired and alone, and waited for the hours to pass. Eventually, lights went on in the house, and he raised his head to look at them. It wasn’t until Fanny’s scream cut through the early morning air that he turned his head away and tried to pull himself together. A moment later, she came marching round the corner. Her steps faltered only slightly when she caught sight of him. “Thomas! What on Earth are you doing out here?”

Thomas clasped his hands in his laps, suddenly feeling like a young boy again, getting chided for writing with the wrong hand. “Waiting to celebrate the New Year with everyone?”

Fanny huffed but the sound was softer than it usually was; almost fond. “The celebrations are happening in the garden – which you’d have known if you hadn’t disappeared so abruptly yesterday.”

She raised one eyebrow pointedly at him and Thomas averted his eyes. “Sorry. I just – I–“

How could he put the terror the mere thought of fireworks evoked in him into words without making even more of a fool of himself than she already thought he was? How could he explain to her the nervous mess he became every time he was reminded of his death when Fanny herself relived her own demise every morning and did not make a fuss about it?

In the end, he just hung his head and repeated, “Sorry.”

Fanny’s eyes softened. “I know. Come on.”

With surprising gentleness, she took hold of his hand and helped him to his feet. She linked her arm with his before she led him into the house, Thomas’s legs felt weak and shaky as he followed her through several rooms until they finally phased through a wall and found themselves in the walled garden where his well was.

“Happy New Year!” a chorus of voices shouted suddenly and for a moment, all Thomas could do was gape at the sight before him. Everyone was there: Alison, Mike and Mia, his ghostly family, little Jemima and even the villagers from the basement. They were all smiling brightly and their eyes shone in the glow of a thousand colourful fairy lights strung between the trees and lanterns gently swaying from the branches. It looked beautiful – more beautiful than anything Thomas had ever laid his eyes on – and he couldn’t stop staring at the lights that had transformed this place he so often sought refuge in into a magical midwinter dream.

“What is all this?” he whispered in awe.

“A surprise,” Alison grinned. “Do you like it?”

Thomas nodded, looking around in unabashed wonder. “But where will you launch the fireworks? It can’t be safe to do it here with all the lights, and so close to the house.”

A hush fell over the garden and the fairy lights Robin had been playing with stopped blinking. Feeling a squeeze to his arm, Thomas looked up at Fanny.

“There will be no fireworks today, Thomas,” she said softly.

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of Thomas’s stomach. “What? Why not?”

He looked at the others, searching for answers, but it wasn’t until he caught sight of the look of heartbreak on Alison’s lovely face that he felt his own heart sink. This was his fault. He was certain of that, even before Alison told him, “It’s been brought to my attention that you’re not particularly fond of them.”

No, Thomas thought. No, no, no. Panic, dread and shame swirled in his gut as he noticed the quiet pity on everyone’s faces for the first time. It was too much to bear.

“But you are fond of them!” he argued. “Mike is! You can’t let me ruin this. It’s Mia’s first New Year and your – your last here with us. Please. You must have fireworks. It has to be perfect.”

“Oh Thomas.” Something crumpled in Alison’s face when she said that. She handed Mia off to Mike and walked up to him. “Do you really think I would put fireworks over you?”

“Of course you would!” Thomas exclaimed before he looked away. A little quieter, he said, “You wanted to leave because of me.”

Someone sucked in a sharp breath.

“And that’s okay,” Thomas said and looked up at her with a fake smile before she could say anything. “I understand. I made the last five years difficult for you – which is why I wanted you to have one truly happy memory before you left. One I hadn’t tainted.”

The smile on Thomas’s lips wavered when he saw a tear roll down Alison’s face. He had made her cry – the very last thing he’d ever wanted to do.

“Walk with me?” she asked quietly.

Thomas swallowed hard and nodded. They didn’t walk far – just over to the well. He could feel everyone’s eyes on them as they settled against it, and he had a feeling they were silently begging him not to screw this up even more than he’d already had. He wished he knew how; the only thing he’d ever been good at was making things worse, it seemed.

“Do you remember when we watched the sunrise here together?” Alison asked, breaking the silence.

Thomas thought back to that one glorious morning two years ago: the warm light on his face, the quietness of dawn, the peace he’d felt settle over him. “I do.”

“It is one of my fondest memories of you,” Alison told him softly. “There’s also that first Christmas when you joined me by the piano, the time you helped me prepare for the interview, the smile on your face when we brought Mia home from the hospital.” She glanced at him and her eyes were filled with more love than Thomas knew what to do with. “My memories of Button House aren’t tainted by your presence, Thomas. Never have been, never will be. You’re my family, and I’m sorry that I made you think you weren’t, or that I didn’t care about you. Because I do – very much so – and so do the others.” She paused and Thomas, feeling like she was looking into his very soul, couldn’t meet her eyes. “You have no idea why they’d ask me to forgo the fireworks, do you?”

Sniffling, Thomas shook his head.

“Because we love you,” Robin’s gruff voice came from behind him.

Slowly, Thomas turned around. His heart ached when he saw everyone standing behind the well – everyone but Mike who was still at the other end of the garden, blissfully unaware of what was going on and rocking Mia back and forth as he pointed at the lights above them.

“And we don’t like seeing you sad, mate,” Pat said.

“Or scared,” Jemima added solemnly.

“Least of all today,” Fanny said.

She stepped around the well, and when she reached for his hand again and patted it like Thomas had so often wished his mother would when he used to be upset, he felt his vision blur. He tried to turn away so no one would see the tears but Fanny wouldn’t let him.

“None of that now,” she said matter-of-factly and pulled him close without another word. Thomas’s breathing hitched, and he felt helpless when he leaned into her touch, ashamed of needing it but also so desperately glad she was offering it freely. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had hugged him, not the other way around, and perhaps it was that coupled with the way the others crowded around them to hug him too that broke him.

As he cried against Fanny’s shoulder, Thomas allowed himself to fall apart in front of everyone like he never had before. For once he did not try to pretend that everything was fine, that he was fine because he was not. He hadn’t been for a very long time – so long that he had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted. To be loved. That he had stopped believing that anyone could care about him.

A part of him couldn’t help but wonder if this was all a dream, if perhaps he would wake up tomorrow to the sound of fireworks and blood rushing in his ears. But then Mia laughed somewhere in the distance, and the joyful sound cut through his doubts like a knife. It gave him the courage to suck in a shaky breath and finally lift his head from Fanny’s shoulder. As he looked at his fellow ghosts, Thomas at last recognised the pity for what it truly had been the whole time: sympathy, and for what was perhaps the first time since he became a ghost he felt like he was welcome in their midst – like he belonged right here with them.

It was the most beautiful feeling in the world.

“Thank you,” he whispered into the cold morning air. “Thank you.”

The others smiled and patted his arms or shoulders, and in that moment, Thomas was glad no more words were needed because he did not have any. He looked over the Fanny’s head at Alison and found her smiling at him too.

“Happy New Year, Thomas,” she said, and her eyes were warm and gentle in the glow of the fairy lights.

His first genuine smile that year was just for her.

#thomas thorne #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts fanfic #my fic #ask game prompt ficlet #fanny button #julian fawcett #the captain #pat butcher #robin the caveman #jemima the plague ghost #the plague ghosts #alison cooper #mike cooper #mia cooper

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deepdown-feelings · 2 months

Note

Is it possible for me to lose around 20 kilograms in a span of 7 months? I am currently 62 kilograms and 5'8. PLS TELL ME HOWWWWW IM DESPERATE :( LY 🤍

Hiiii <3

I was able to lose 20 kilos in 1 year although I only got into Ana the past 5 months. In those I've lost 10 of those 20 kilos so I would definitely say that it's possible!

Try to get daily as many steps as possible in (preferably 10k+) and I've had a really good experience with daily Pilates. I was able to see results really quick with that. You could also incorporate the le sserafim workout in your week. It's hard but it gets the job done lmao

Try to drink as much water as possible. I know it's hard but aim for 2 Liters per day! Also try to OMAD. I personally drink a low cal monster after waking up and it keeps me full for some hours. Low cal sodas like Cola Light also keep me pretty satisfied. Aim to eat low cal, high volume foods. I really love to eat vegetables like cucumber and bell pepper with low fat quark. Rice cake is also pretty filling and goes well with quark! Try to incorporate protein in your daily diet. I personally like to eat protein bars since they also satisfy my sweet tooth :) I aim to eat max 700 cals daily but the lower the better! Most days I eat around 500 cals. Of course you can also always do liquid fasts for a few days with max 200 cals in liquids, just be safe <3 Also don't underestimate baby food!!! It's so good and so low cal!!!! You should definitely do meta days every 1-2 weeks to keep your metabolism going!

Afterall don't be too hard on yourself and don't get discouraged if you should hit a plateau or binge. It happens to all of us! You can definitely lose that weight, I believe in you! Feel free to always text me sweetie! LYT <3

XoXo X

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wispforever · 1 month

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1, 7, 10, 13 and 16 for the ask game pls!

1. Most Overrated Character?

I'll answer this question more than once, cuz I'm a hater and I have a few. First one first, I'm just gonna say it. I've never understood what everyone sees in Obito. Do I understand his narrative role? Yes. Am I sympathetic to him as a character? Very much. Do I like him? No. I've seen piles and piles of fanart, of meta, of aesthetics, and playlists. NO HATE, everyone likes who they like, they see something in him I don't. Just do not understand it.

I find Obito annoying and frustrating as a character. He doesn't fascinate me, which is odd because I usually am drawn to characters with a heavy backstory. I think it might be that he decided to kill Kakashi about it. Idk. Just seems like if he really believes all the things he believes, if he really has risen above Madara and the Shinobi system's influence like he says he has, he wouldn't fucking do the same thing Madara wants to do and also try to kill Kakashi who endured the same trauma. Just don't really get him. Glad he came around though. I wish he didn't have to die, I find it unnecessary. The Leaf needs more Uchiha jesus christ

Also I think the obsession the fandom has with Rin THROUGH Obito is more than a little uncomfortable. Rin should have been explored via an avenue that wasn't him. In addition to him, maybe, but not Strictly Obito. Just another female character becoming a plot device.

7. Should Naruto have become Hokage?

I think a better ending for Naruto would have been a personal decision on his part that he doesn't HAVE to be Hokage. In my opinion, it would've been more thematically satisfying. Why do I think this? Because Naruto wouldn't even like doing the actual Hokage job, seeing as it's mostly paper-pushing, strategy, and talking politics with the other Kage. This is what I said to myself before the end of the series. *watches Boruto* I was fucking right.

Being Hokage doesn't suit Naruto. He wanted to become Hokage originally so the citizens of the Leaf would praise and admire him. It was a child's dream born out of unrelenting hate and ostracization. As he got older, Naruto never put two and two together that what he'd set out to accomplish was not actually being Hokage, it was finding people he could belong with and feel loved by. He'd done that by the end of the first arc, and he only went up from there.

After Sasuke leaves, Naruto abandons this dream. Whether he says so or not, Sasuke is more important to him than being Hokage. This could be because Sasuke is the one who makes Naruto feel the most at home in the Leaf. I think of it like this: if Naruto wishing to be Hokage is really a wish for belonging, Naruto pursuing Sasuke instead of pursuing becoming Hokage implies that Sasuke has filled this emotional role for Naruto (or Naruto wants him to, at least). In the end, he is made Hokage because he saves the world and is the most exceptional Shinobi in the Leaf; it's what makes sense. Naruto never really wanted to be Hokage. He wanted to not be despised by literally everyone. And in the end he wanted to be with Sasuke.

No, I don't think Naruto should have become Hokage. I don't think Naruto likes being Hokage.

10. Is Sakura a shitty character or shitty-ly written?

I don't like this question. I see it thrown around a lot. I don't really understand it, honestly. What is a character? It's a fake person written by a real person. It's called a character bc its characteristics and shape are decided by the writer. So what then is the difference between a shitty character and a character that's shittily written? Maybe I'm not conceptualizing it properly. Anway

I think all of Kishimoto's female characters are written like shit. There are zero female characters in Naruto that are given the focus or development they deserve. None of them are treated as if they have the same agency, drive, intelligence, or autonomy that the male characters do. Sexism is alive and well in this writing; there isn't anything else to say.

Do I think if these characters were written by someone who wasn't sexist/a shitty writer/unable to understand women, they would be better? Absolutely.

13. Was Kakashi trying his best? Was he a "good" sensei?

answered here :)

16. Is Tobirama racist against Uchihas?

Racism is defined by google as "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized."

The Uchiha is a group in the Leaf that is a minority and also marginalized, as the governing body at this point is made up of Senju, a richer clan and one that has always been at the top of the ladder socially, politically, so on and so forth.

Tobirama, before he becomes Hokage, is unwilling to trust the Uchiha becoming a part of the Leaf. Seeing as the clans have been at war for some time, the concern that he and his clan won't be safe trying to make peace with the Uchiha is not an unreasonable one. However, after Tobirama becomes Hokage, he imposes special laws specific to the Uchiha. He confines them to their own compound, so they will be contained and separated from everyone else. He puts up extensive surveillance, so that they are monitored 24/7. He creates a police force of only Uchiha under the guise of granting them "governing power", what it's really doing is alienating the Uchiha even further from the rest of the populace. He spreads rumors and creates "scientific" evidence that the Uchiha will turn evil with the evolution of their sharingan- something that would be considered a trait distinct to the Uchiha as an ethnic group. Mind you this is presumably years after they have cultivated peace, as Tobirama can only become Hokage after Hashirama is dead. At this point, his fear of the Uchiha has no basis in reality, as they have given him no reason since the war has ended to believe they are a danger (much less inherently evil). He is perpetuating the stereotypes that existed during the war- stereotypes that were born out of fear of the enemy, dehumanization of the other that you must kill or else be killed yourself.

So in short, not only was he racist against the Uchihas, he practically invented racism against the Uchihas.

Thanks for the ask :)

#this is wisp #ask #controversial naruto asks #anon

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