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#i am just taking the info they gave us and applied it to our world
criminal-minds-reider · a year ago
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Wedding Bells Don’t Ring (...Or Do They?)
Summary: Spencer is unhappy that Reader is set to be married to another man.
Pairing: Spencer X Reader
Rating: Mature for Sexual Content.
Content Warning: Language, Mentions of Drug Use, INTENSE FLUFF, smut is involved; purely vanilla, Oral (Male and Fem!Receiving) First time, Impregnation Kink, Unprotected Sex (Fem!Protected), Penetration
Word Count: 7,574k
Note: Warning this fic will turn you into a diabetic! It’s so sweet and fluffy and Smutty!) 
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Hi... I’m uh... Spencer,” I said softly, wringing my hands together. “Hi, Spencer.” The group chorused together. “I uh... I’ve been free from Dilaudid for about eight years now...” Everyone claps to celebrate my sobriety. “I-I’m here because I...” I stopped as I leaned forward on my knees. Emotions suddenly hitting me. “It’s okay, Doctor. Take your time.” My Sponsor, John said softly. I shook my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose harshly to fight the tears. “I’m here because I was too late... my best friend in the entire world is getting married tonight and I’m supposed to just... go and act like I’m not in love with her. And coming here was the next best thing that I can do to stop myself from getting high...”
I was honest. “What’s first?” John asked. John was the former Assistant Director of the FBI. He was the one who gave me my 1-year chip a couple of months early to help me stay on track when I was clearly struggling with the Lindsey Vaughn Case where she was begging her father to kill the suspect, who was just a kid too. John seemed to understand the feeling himself and didn’t judge me for my struggles. We weren’t the closest, but we had an understanding of one another. When he took over Kyle Walker’s position as the head sponsor for our N.A group, it seemed to go better, I thought it did anyway.
“The first best thing was (Y/N)...” I said softly. “She’s my main distraction from the drugs... but since she met her ‘love of her life’,” I sneered bitterly, “I can’t go to her anymore...” I sighed out. “Because I’m hopelessly in love with her... and I’m afraid... that if I go to her... I’ll spill it out and ruin my friendship with her and my sobriety altogether...”
“And after this meeting... I have to suck it up more and watch her walk down the aisle as she wears a white dress to be handed off to a man who doesn’t even appreciate her. It-It’s total bullshit! It should be me! I should be the one up there watching her as she comes down.” I snapped annoyed. “But no! I waited too late! I’m too fucking late!” I shut up to my feet kicking my chair away from me. Tears fell from my eyes, “And all I really want is to get high. Because being high is a much better experience than-than this... heartbreak!” I shouted as I crouched to the floor in the church, my hands hiding my face. “You’re not too late dude...” Whitney one of the few women in our group spoke up. “You said she’s getting married tonight, right?” She continued. “Y-yes...” I sighed out as I forcibly swiped at my face. “What’s stopping you from stopping the wedding? Fear of rejection? Public Speaking?” She asked.
“I’m afraid of being the asshole who interrupted a wedding only to be humiliated and obviously forced to leave...” I said shakily.
“So what? Spencer if you believe that (Y/N) is the one for you, then tell her! Don’t be a goddamn pussy about it!” Whitney said standing up. “What time’s the wedding?” She asked looking at me. “In an hour.”
“Okay. Get up.” She ordered. I listened. “You’re coming with me. We’re stealing you a bride tonight, Reid.” She smirked. “I didn’t dismiss the group. “So, we’ll reconvene after we get a bride, or not, we don’t know.” She called out as she dragged me out of the church. “Get in.” She said as she hopped into her convertible. I opened the door. “Where’s your suit?” She asked. “My place. I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to her wedding...” I said softly. “Well you’re going and I’m your plus one. Or the getaway driver when you successfully steal the bride or fail to do so, I’ll drive you away and we could fuck your frustrations out.” She shrugged. “Thanks, Whitney,” I said sarcastically before slightly smiling at her. “Direct me, Doc. I don’t know where you live.” Once I told her the directions to my apartment building, we left for our destination.
“Reid, you ready?” She called out from behind my bathroom door. I was attempting to tame my messy curls but of course, they weren’t willing to cooperate with me, I growled out and gave up. “I’m ready now,” I said opening the door. She gave a wolf-whistle as she saw me. “Not bad, Doctor!”
“Really you think so? My hair is being uncooperative...” I muttered. “Spence. You look great.” She said seriously. “Now, let’s go tell her before the wedding starts!”
“Wa-wait before?”
“Well, you said you don’t want to be humiliated... So that means you need to tell her before the wedding so she’s thinking about you during it and if she returns any feelings for you she’ll stop the wedding and choose you.” She explained. “I-I don’t know... what if the bridesmaids won’t let me see her?” I asked as we got back into her car. I told her the address of the church the wedding was happening at. “Then you better start planning your speech that you’re going to say when the dude asks if anyone objects this wedding and yadda, yadda.”
I couldn’t help the info-dump spill from my mouth as I did what I do best: Ramble out facts. “You know the etymology of the phrase speak now or forever hold your peace is quite the interesting one see the full quote, ‘should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.’ is literally say your piece as to why the wedding must not continue. Or keep it bottled way. Though this saying isn’t used as much nowadays... In the 12th century, it was based on the idea of consent theory. For example, I take you to be my husband or wife even without any witnesses around, technically because consent and vows were exchanged, a couple would be legally wed. It’s known as clandestine, a secret, though it was legal, it was still not allowed. See the issue is that a man could seduce a maiden and exchange vows with her and deny it ever happens, it could’ve been the fact that he was already married in a church. However, this prompted-”
“Reid, I say this with love, but I don’t care about the origins of the phrase speak now or forever hold your peace.” Whitney interrupted me. I laughed lightly, “Sorry I’m just nervous...” I said honestly. “Shit... traffic.” She muttered. “What? No, the wedding starts in 25 minutes! I’m running out of time, Whitney! Fuck!” I allowed my anxiety to speak for me. “I’m sorry, Spencer.”
“Fuck it, I’m running there.”
“What? You’re gonna run?” She looked at me. “Yes. I am.” I confirmed.
“Whoa-Whoa-Whoa, doc are you crazy?!”
“Maybe I am! I can’t just let her marry that guy without telling her how I feel first!” I shouted as I got out of the car and immediately started running in the direction of the church. “Spencer! Have you lost your goddamn mind?! Get in the fucking car!” She shouted. “No! I’m not sitting in D.C Traffic! (Y/N) needs to know I love her!” I shouted behind me. “You stopping a wedding?” A burly man on a Harley Davidson gruffed out looking at me.
“Yes. I am.”
“Climb on. I’ll take you.” I wasn’t thinking as I climbed on the back of this stranger’s bike as he immediately went off to the side of the road and was immediately breaking all sorts of traffic laws but I didn’t care, I needed (Y/N) to know I love her. Whitney was to thank for all of this... she reinvigorated my fire. I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. We rode for miles learned about one another, I learned that his name was Mad-Dog, he’s 68, married to another biker named Fish-Guts who’s 50, and their children Madison and Frank are in college. Mad-Dog loves Rom-Coms and Fish-Guts is a hopeless romantic.
“There’s the Church!” I shouted. The biker stopped and let me off as Whitney and Fish-Guts pulled up. “Wedding just started Reid. Go! We’re going to be here!” She cheered me on, the bikers did the same. “Go get your girl, man.”
I was frozen. “Spencer. Go!” Whitney shouted. I immediately busted through the church doors, “Stop the wedding!” I shouted. Everyone immediately spun around and looked at me with shock on their faces. I could see Penelope, Emily, and JJ standing next to (Y/N) who was staring at me with shock. The groom looked pissed. I didn’t care. I walked down the aisle, I saw her family, the rest of our team staring at me. Everyone was staring. At me. Oh boy. This is not going to go well. Maybe I should apply for a position on Emily’s team in Interpol... that’s a great idea! Fuck! I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. It’s not too late to turn back and walk away.
Yes, it is.
I stopped at the front of the pews. My heart was in my throat. This is now or never. “(Y/N), I’m sorry it’s taken me this long and on your wedding day too... I feel like such a dick... but I can’t let you marry him-”
“-what are you her owner?” The groom interrupted me rudely, granted I interrupted the wedding so... I can’t say anything about it. I threw daggers in his direction. as I looked back at the stunned (Y/N). “I can’t let you marry him without letting you know how I really feel about you,” I said seriously.
Everyone gasped loudly. “Spence...” She said softly. “Please... don’t speak yet, just let-let me get everything out there in the open. I wanted to tell you this before now but I was at a meeting, I got stuck in traffic, befriended a really, really scary biker named Mad-dog and his wife who is just as equally frightening Fish-Guts and Whitney who basically made me grow a set and told me that I would regret not telling you how I feel for the rest of my life.”
I started. “You see, (Y/N) I am hopelessly and helplessly in love with you and I fell for you the moment I set my eyes on you when you walked into the BAU. You were running late and you’d spilled really, really hot coffee on me when you bumped into me really hard. Granted I also spilled my own really hot coffee on you.” I laughed lightly. She smiled at the memory. “Morgan wouldn’t stop teasing me the rest of the day saying things like “Oh no, Pretty boy’s in love!” I mimicked him the best I could, which cause my audience to chuckle. It was a positive reaction. “Little did I know, he was right. I was in love. There was just something about you that makes you different from Alex or JJ or even Penelope. You had that spark about you that made everyone like you. But for me? When I knew just how smart and talented you were I knew I was in trouble because you would start debates with me about different things that the team couldn’t really add any input on from the lack of knowledge, which-which was fine,” I said quickly to my team before settling back on her laugh.
“Because you were someone who challenged me, someone who somehow beating me at chess that one time without me purposely throwing the game, I’m still... what does Garcia say? Salty. I’m still salty over that win, I’m convinced that you cheated somehow.” Everyone laughed again. In my peripheral, I saw Garcia clutching her chest as she was invested in my speech.
“I-I need to get to the point before I start rambling.” I said with an awkward laugh, “There are about 6,500 languages spoken in the world today, and yet none of them... have the correct words that I can use to describe my love for you. This, this feeling that I have, can only be said like this...” I said as I took her hand in mine. “(Y/N), I am so helplessly in love with you, I want to devote my life, my time, and my heart to you and only to you. “I want nothing more than to cater to your every need. You need a shoulder to cry on? I have two. You want someone to talk to? I’m a great listener. You have a question, I have answers for you. I would burn the world down for you. You tell me to jump I’ll ask you how high? You tell me to go, and I will go... But not before I tell you that I love you. I am sorry that I’m crashing your big day, but I can’t go on with my life without telling you that I love you.” I said. She had tears in her eyes. It was as if I forgot how to profile or read her body language properly. I couldn’t remember what tears of sadness or tears of joy looked like. I was panicking.
“Now... you can-can say your piece...” I felt like I was about to vomit everywhere... my anxiety was rising with every pump of my racing heart.
Oh god... please don’t break me down in front of everyone. I don’t know if I could recover from this. I don’t care about my social standing, it’s the heartbreak I care about... Please...
“I-I don’t know what to say... Spencer...” (Y/N) said softly. She sighed as she looked at Garcia, “Figure it out, damn it!” Garcia demanded loudly causing a laugh to come from the audience. JJ was soothing her. (Y/N) looked back at me, before hitting me in the head with her bouquet, “Ow! What was that for?” I whined as I rubbed my head. “For putting me in an awkward spot, Reid!” She groaned out. “God, you have the worst timing ever!” She huffed out. “I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me you loved me! What took you so damn long?!” She stomped her foot. “Wait... I’m confused.” I said honestly. “How can you be so smart and yet so dumb at the same damn time?” She shouted at me hitting me with her bouquet again. “Ow! Stop hitting me with your bouquet!” I demanded. “I will hit you with my bouquet if I want, you crashed my wedding when you could’ve stopped me from getting engaged in the first place. “Do you have any idea of how expensive weddings are, Spencer?!” She snapped. “U-uh about thirty to-”
She hit me again. “-It was a rhetorical question!” She hit me once more. “God I can’t believe you took so long to tell me.” She muttered as she crossed her arms annoyed with me. I immediately found Morgan sitting next to Hotch and Rossi. “I’m so confused, Derek...” I whispered, “Don’t worry, it’s looking like you’re going to win her.” He chuckled. “You want a wedding. Fine... Marry me.” I said boldly. (Y/N) looked at me. “What?” She said softly. “I said if you want a wedding. Marry me.” She looked at me. “You have a priest right there, let’s get married.” I continued. “Or we pull a Rossi and get married in Vegas by an Elvis Impersonator.”
(Y/N) looked behind her, I assume it was to see the groom’s expression on his face. But the groom left. No one even noticed. I looked at his side of the aisle and it was people that I knew just as well as (Y/N) did. Nobody that was his own guest. “He’s gone... Where’d he go?” (Y/N) asked softly. “I don’t know, I didn’t even notice he left. (Y/N), I’m so- whoa!” She pulled me into his place. “What-”
“-I’ll marry you. Or were you just talking a big game, doctor?” She asked seriously. “I wasn’t... I really was proposing.” “Morgan, Hotch, Rossi. Get up here, you’re Reid’s Groomsmen. Morgan’s the best man.” She said. “You got it,” Morgan smirked as he stood up and headed to my side. “This is definitely a Spencer Reid thing that happens.” He murmured in my ear, “Crashing a wedding, making the first groom leave and then marrying the bride at the same wedding.” Morgan laughed. “Way to make your dominance known, pretty boy.” He clapped me on the back. “Okay, everyone ready now?” The priest smiled, The two of us looked at each other and nodded. “I’m ready...” I said softly. “I’m ready.” She said just as soft.
“Start from the top.” She said quickly. “You got it... dearly beloved, We are still gathered here tonight to join this man and woman in holy matrimony.” Everyone chuckled, “Spencer, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
The priest asked looking at me. “O-oh uh. I do.” I panicked slightly I’d gotten lost in her eyes and I didn’t listen to the priest. She giggled. “(Y/N), do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
She looked at me with a relieved smile on her face. “I do.” She had tears in her eyes, I felt my own forming. The Priest cleared his throat, “Repeat after me, I, Spencer Reid take you (Y/N), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” I repeated the words, feeling my voice cracking toward the end. She had tears rolling down her cheek. “I, (Y/N) Y/L/N), take you, Spencer, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
“Do we have rings?” The Priest asked me. “Wait just one second...” I ran down the aisle. “Hey, Whitney!” I shouted. “Yo Reid! The Groom just left what did you- wait are you getting married?!” She was loud. “Yeah! You got a ring?!” I shouted. “No, but I got a ring pop!” She said to hold up an unopened Ring Pop. “What flavor?” I asked. “It’s Strawberry! Want one? I have two!”
“What’s the other one?”
“Watermelon!”
“Great! I’ll take them both!”
“Which one?”
I sighed the drug abuse killed some brain cells for her... “Strawberry and Watermelon,” I said as she walked up to me. “Here.”
“Thanks, Do you three wanna join?” I asked. “Sure!” The two bikers and Whitney smiled.
“Okay, I’m back. With... temporary rings but rings regardless.”  I said as I ran back up the aisle, “Also, this is Mad-Dog, Fish-Guts, and Whitney, my new friends.” Everyone laughed when I held up the candy. “What flavor do you want?” I asked. She laughed loudly, “I want the Strawberry ring pop...” I started opening the wrapper which sent (Y/N) into another fit of laughter with each crinkle. I was laughing too. “Okay. Now. Continue.” I said to the priest. “Repeat after me...  “I give you this ring... pop as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.” I was giggling as I said it out loud as I slid the plastic ring on her finger. She looked at it and immediately licked it. “Mm! Strawberry!” Before she opened my Ring Pop. “I give you this ring pop as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.” She said as she slid the plastic ring onto my pinky to which I licked immediately after causing everyone to laugh again. “By virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the State of Virginia, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The priest announced with a laugh, “You may now kiss the bride.”
I immediately grabbed her face and kissed her with all of the passion I could muster. She kissed me back with just as much passion. Everyone clapped and cheered. We pulled apart, “What an interesting first date...” She whispered. “I certainly didn’t plan on stealing the bride tonight when I woke up this morning.” I laughed. “We have a reception to go to my love,” She said as she pulled me out of the church. We ran to the rental car that had chalk paint written on the back glass, “Just Married.”
“Let’s go, you drive, Spencer!” She was laughing as I slid over the hood. “You got it... Mrs. Reid.” I smirked. “Call me that again?” She asked softly as I got in. “Sure thing, Mrs. Reid.” I smiled at her. “I think I can definitely get used to being called Mrs. Reid...” She sighed out happily as she looked at her ring pop and giggled. “Ring Pops, Spencer? Really?” She laughed. “Hey! Like I said I didn’t plan to get married when I woke up this morning!” I laughed. “You know, Rossi set up the Honeymoon and gave me and Sean money for Paris for three weeks, but I guess you and I could go and get actual rings?” She laughed. I slightly frowned. “What’s wrong?” She asked softly. “I went and did exactly what Whitney said. I stole the bride. I literally stole a bride and took his place at his own wedding.” It just registered. I let out a sudden laugh. “Oops.” I said, “It’s not funny someone is heartbroken.” I said forcing myself to stop laughing. I lasted three beats before I busted out laughing. “I am a giant dick! I stole someone’s fiancée and married her the same day. And you know what, (Y/N) I don’t feel bad about it!” I cackled as I pulled up to the Reception area. She was laughing with me, “This is going to be one hell of a story to tell our children.” She sighs out as she stepped out. “You want kids?” I asked looking at her. “Yes, do you?” She asked worriedly.
“Of course I do... how many do you want?”
“I want 2. A boy and a girl.”
“That’s perfect...” I said kissing her. She kissed me back. There was something new about this kiss. It was deeper and full of lust. She pulled away, “Not yet...” she whispered with a wide smirk. “Reception time,” I said in agreement. “Then the flight to Paris... And then we can.” She said as she pulled me inside she quickly changed from her wedding dress and into her white reception dress with flats. Soon everyone was flooding into the reception area. Where we celebrated our sudden marriage.
“It’s now time for the first dance!” Garcia cheered out into the microphone. “You go, kid.” Rossi bumped me on the shoulder as Garcia changed the first dance song from (Y/N) and Sean’s to Parachute’s Kiss Me Slowly. We danced, I was leading the two of us. “You can dance?”
“Nope. But it’s the confidence.” I twirled her, her dress spread out as she spun, her back hit my chest and we swayed to the beat of the song before I spun her again, I took her in my arms we continued to dance. The song changed to Ed Sheeran’s Kiss Me. It was a very slow song. Everyone found their dance partners and were dancing. JJ and Will were the first to join us, Then Hotch and Emily, Morgan and Garcia were dancing with us. (Y/N) and I was in the middle as Rossi finally took Alex Blake’s offer to dance with her. “I’m gonna steal the Groom for a moment,” Whitney said with a wide smile. (Y/N) nodded as she decided to dance with her father one more time.
Give Me Love from the same singer was playing now. “What’d I tell you?” She smiled. “You were right...” I said softly. “Of course. Though... when I said to steal the bride, I didn’t mean literally run the groom off and marry her the same day. But I guess that works.” She laughs. “What can I say? I wasn’t going to let her go without a fight, looks like I won.” I smiled. “I’m happy for you, Dr. Reid...” She said kissing my cheek as she twirled me into Penelope’s arms. I lightly stumbled, “You stole the show, 187.” She comments. “I did? All I wanted was for her to know that I loved her... I didn’t plan to wed her not tonight at least...” I laughed as she shook her head. Taylor Swift’s Everything Has Changed started, “I wanna steal the impromptu groom!” Emily cheered as she pulled me into her arms. “When I said to be more spontaneous, I meant suddenly buy a new car or go on a vacation to Greece not crash a wedding and make it yours.” She teases. “What can I say? You were vague.”
I manage to dance with everyone on my team when I finally got back into the arms of my wife.
Funny. Four hours ago I was at a meeting moping over the fact that I was going to lose (Y/N) forever to Sean. And now... I’m here dancing to Halsey’s Is There Somewhere with her married... Crazy how life gets. I don’t mind it... (Y/N) is someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. She’s my other half. The Peanut butter to my jelly, the Wine to my cheesecake.
“It’s time for dinner, Caterers are here!” Garcia announced. I guess it was a great thing that (Y/N) asked Garcia to be her maid of honor and the wedding planner. ‘Mr. And Mrs. Peterson.’ I looked down at the nametag where (Y/N) and I were to sit. It was crossed out and a quickly scribbled ‘Dr. And Mrs. Reid’ “Oops...” Garcia mumbled. I chuckled. “This is what happens when you have an impromptu change in grooms...” She playfully sassed. “That’s true,” (Y/N) comments, “What can I say? Spencer’s the obvious better choice.”
“Damn right I am!” I comment with a smile.
We ate dinner and it was time for dessert and to cut the cake, (Y/N) and I laugh at the sheet of paper cover the M in Mr. and a D was haphazardly drawn on in permanent marker. “Again, Impromptu grooms get impromptu fixes.” Garcia shrugged. Post Malone played overhead quietly as We cut the cake and shove our slices into the other’s faces. As we quickly enjoyed the cake.
When everyone ate their dessert, Derek Morgan stood up and tapped his glass with his fork. “If I could have everyone’s attention...” He smiled widely.
The Conversation stopped and everyone looked over at Morgan. Oh no...
How could I forget that the Best Man gives a speech?
“When I met Pretty Ricky over here I did not like him.” He laughed, “I remember thinking that if he managed to get to the BAU looking like he did as a scrawny ass white boy then they’ll let anyone into the FBI.” Everyone laughs, “Never did I think at that time that he would become my little brother and best friend. I would jump in front of a bullet for this scrawny ass white boy. He is probably the brightest mind in the building. So smart and such a gentle soul... then little miss (Y/N) dumped hot coffee on him the first day at the BAU, and vice versa. I teased him that this fuck-up was the start of their love story... He vehemently denied it saying, ‘It was only an accident, and I don’t even know her!’” Morgan pitched his voice and mimicked my mannerism. Everyone chuckled. “I think the first time that I realized that Spencer was in love with (Y/N) was when she whooped his ass at chess. After Jason Gideon played with him and taught him all of his tricks nobody could beat him. Then this beautiful and clumsy, (Y/N) comes in and wins. JJ, Blake, Hotch, and I were floored when she loudly celebrated her win. The look in his eyes changed when he looked at her.” He said with a smile.
“And I am forever grateful that I witnessed that change, where it shifted from 'I view you as a friend and coworker' to 'I’m in love with you'... I was sure that he was going to ask her out soon. But he never did. The Poor boy was so convinced that (Y/N) wouldn’t feel the same about him.” Morgan hummed out. “Even though I repeatedly told him to take the plunge... but then she comes in glowing and just happy. ‘He proposed!’ Garcia and Blake lost their shit and celebrated with her. JJ and I were left to help the poor genius pick up the pieces of his heart. I remember him drunkenly stumbling out of the bar in my arms he was saying that he was an idiot for not telling her that he loved her and now it was too late... I stayed with him the first three weeks to help keep our favorite genius afloat.”
(Y/N) looked at me with shock as Morgan finished, “He nurtured his broken heart and got past it, I stopped making jokes at his expense and supported him... anyways, I kept telling him Engaged doesn’t mean married, he could still swoop in and take her for himself. I didn’t think that he would swoop in at the last possible second with help from scary-looking Bikers and a random woman with Ring-pops. But it’s Spencer Reid and it just makes sense that he would steal the bride and then marry her the same day. He’s not a spontaneous person, but this... Love can make people do some crazy shit without thinking... and sometimes it’s the greatest thing in the entire world. To Dr. And Mrs. Reid. May your marriage remain spontaneous and unique! To Now and Forever.” He held up his champagne glass. Everyone lifted their glasses to us. “To Now and Forever!” We all cheered loudly.
We went back to partying before Garcia announce that it was time for the Bouquet toss and the Garter toss, all of the women gathered and waited for (Y/N) to toss the bouquet. Emily caught it. “Ah! Emily’s next!” Garcia squealed. She laughed. “Garter Toss is next!” Rossi said as he lifted his glass of whiskey. JJ pulled a chair up for (Y/N) to sit down. Everyone cheered. “Use your teeth, Doc!” JJ hollered. I looked up at (Y/N) with a blush plastered on my face. She lifted the skirt of her dress up. “Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!” Garcia chanted causing every one of my impromptu groomsmen even Hotch and the bridesmaids to chant for me. It gave me a boost of confidence as I disappear under her skirt, I kissed up her leg before I latched my teeth into the garter. And pulled it down. Everyone was whistling and cheering me on as I pulled out completely off. Blushing as red I was, (Y/N) was laughing. “Toss! Toss!” I stretched it out popped it off my fingers as I notice Hotch catching it. “Oh my god be still my Hotchniss heart!” Garcia screamed. “Your turn to get married!” Emily was red in the face as she looked at Hotch. Who was just as red. “Psst!” I looked at (Y/N) she was smirking at me. “We got a flight to catch...” She said with a playful smirk. “I don’t have anything packed!” I laughed. “I know... I was thinking that we drop by to get your clothes and go.” She smiled. “You’re right. Irish goodbye?” I asked. “Definitely.” She said as she pulled me away. We got into the Rental car. and left.
I drove my apartment and rushed out, she followed me we were laughing as we ran up the stairs. She was latched onto me. I kissed her deeply allowing the lust I held for her to shine through. “Down boy, down we’ll have plenty of time for that later, Suitcase?” I whined lightly as I pulled it out from under my bed and pulled it out. She just randomly grabbed my clothes from the closet drawers and threw them into my suitcase I was laughing. As she struggled to shut it. “Why is it not... Spence! It’s not...” She whined. I looked at her and got her out of my way as I expertly folded my clothes in a lazy fold and zipped it up. “Now we’re ready.” She said. “It’s too bad we don’t have time to mess around...” I hummed out. “We will when we get to Rossi’s Vacation House in Paris...” She smirked. “I love you so much.” I sighed out as we left my apartment as we quickly rushed down. “Did you grab your passport?” She asked. “I did,” I said as I held it up. “Good, to the Airport!” She cheered.
We were in line to board the flight as (Y/N) hooked her arm around mine as we showed our tickets and boarded the plane. “We just got married!” She cheered loudly to everyone in First Class. “Mazel Tov! Honeymoon?” An Old couple asked together. “Absolutely!” (Y/N) giggled. “I remember our honeymoon, we immediately humped like bunnies and ended up with our first child.” The Older lady sighed out. It was so fun.”
“That it was.” The Older man agreed as they snuggled together. “We’re on our Seventh Honeymoon. We’re headed to Paris before we get on another flight to Athens.” We smiled as we listened to the stories they had about their marriage. I hope we last forever. God, I hope we did. I want to be old and grey and very much in love.
We landed finally in Paris and we rented a car. (Y/N) said that she was grateful that I was fluent in French. I bent down to her ear. “I hope when we get to Rossi’s house, you’ll let me speak French between your legs, my love.” She gasped softly. “Now I really can’t wait to get to the house...” She said pulling me excitedly toward the car as I got into the driver’s side. “You ready?”
“More than... now drive! I can’t wait any longer...” She whined. “I can’t have you wait anymore can I?” I comment as I slightly increased the speed of the car as we drove through Paris looking for Rossi’s house. We finally pull into the driveway. “Wow. This place is fucking nuts...” (Y/N) commented. “Yes, it is...” I said parking and turning off the car. She got out and rushed to my side and she practically ripped me out of my seat and kissed me with desire. “We’ll explore later, I need you now. Doc.” She said against my lips.
I lifted her bridal style, “I did say that I want to serve your every need. I can’t back out of that now can I?” I asked with a laugh. “Nope.” She laughs as I carried her inside the house as I looked for the first bedroom I could find. Luckily I found one quickly. She squealed laughing as I threw her on the bed, I didn’t waste time as I climbed on top of her after kicking off my dress shoes. “I love you so much...” I groaned out in desire as I removed her dress, pulling it over her head. “I love you more.” She whined out as she pulled my bowtie off and ripped the buttons off of my dress shirt ruining it. I didn’t care as our lips met again.
I removed the ruined shirt and threw it on the floor. “Spencer... I can’t... wait any longer... I need you...” She cried out as she pushed me on my back and removed my dress pants and my boxers.” I gasped softly at the chill air brushed over my hardening erection, I felt my cheeks heat up when she took my length into her hand. “(Y/-(Y/N)...” I was immediately in bliss as she pumped her fist to help me get fully erect before I felt her lips wrapping around my dick. “Fu-fuck!” I gasped out, immediately twitching in pleasure. She whined against me as she slowly started to bop her head. I was panting for her. I grabbed my hair as I fought back the urge to buck my hips up against her mouth. She hollowed out her cheeks and sucked as hard as she could. “(Y/-(Y/N) As much as I want to cum in your mouth... I don’t want it to end just yet...” I moaned out. She climbed up my body. “No?” She asked softly. “No,” I confirmed. “Then have your way with me, Pretty boy...”
When she said that I attacked her and pinned her to the bed. She giggled loudly as I did so, I kissed down her body and removed her white lace bra that was in the way of what I wanted to mark. I popped it off with one hand before I pulled it off of her and threw it across the room before immediately attacked her breasts with my hands as I squeezed them in my hand, they were a perfect fit in my hand. She blushed as she whined. “Spencer...” I kissed down her chest and left a trail of hickies down to her mounds I wrapped my lips around her nipple and sucked it until it was a hard little nub that was at my wrath as I flicked my tongue across it, causing a moan to leave her lips. I switched over to the neglected side and repeated the process. She was already squirming underneath me.
“Sp-Spencer... please! I need you! Make love to me...” She begged. I loved that sound... her begging... it sent heat pooling through my body and into my dick.
“Patience, love...” I chuckled as I licked my way down to her navel. “Do you like these?” I asked popping her matching lace panties. “They’re not comfort- Ah!” She moaned loudly when I ripped the fabric easily freeing her. I dove into her pussy and devoured her. “Fuck, Spencer!” She didn’t have as much restraint as I did as she bucked her hips into my face. I didn’t mind, I love it. Her taste was almost sweet like nectar as She grabbed my hair and pulled me tightly against her. I groaned against her. I loved her taste. “Plea-please, Spencer I want you... I need you. Please- fuck!” She cried out as I pushed two fingers inside her as I devoured her clit.She was shaking. “Spence, I’m so close! I wanna cum with you... please fuck me...” She begged me. “Please I want you to put a baby in me... like Charlene and Lester... Please...” She pleaded. I groaned against her. I do like the idea of impregnating her. I knew she was on Birth Control and I knew that she wasn’t ready for kids just yet, especially with our jobs, I knew it was just pure sexual fantasy driving her. And frankly, it was driving me too. “Fuck... baby...” I groaned as I moved up her body and was eye level with her. “You would look beautiful pregnant with my child...” I panted out as I lined myself up to her entrance, looking at her face for any sign of permission. “Spence, fuck me... please... Give me your baby.” She consented, I bit away from my moan and sank my hips into hers. We both gasped. At the sensation of the other.
“Spence...” I moved in until I was completely inside her. I didn’t dare move until she was used to the intrusion, I settled for a make-out session until she was ready for me to move. She wrapped her around my neck and hung them loosely as we kissed. I swiped my tongue against her bottom lip asking for entrance as she opened her mouth, I explored her mouth tasting every inch of her before letting her do the same for me, tasting my mouth before she bucked her hips up sending a wave of pleasure through me. She was ready.
I slowly moved my hips, slowly pulling out before pushing back in. I was rewarded with a small moan from (Y/N). I repeated my actions, desperate to hear her moans. It wasn’t long until I was increasing my speed. Her moans grew louder and louder My were lower registered groans as I was chasing my own high. “Spence! Fuck! Yes!” I shifted myself slightly to hit her g-spot as I plowed myself into her. I was thrusting at a rapid and rough pace, it was causing the bed frame to squeak and slam into the wall. I was focused on her screams of pleasure and the beat that I was creating with the headboard. I felt her walls tightening around me gradually, She was about to fall over the edge. “Spencer!” She cried out. I was focused on her face memorizing how she looks when she’s blissed out of her mind. “Cum for me baby girl. Cum.” I groaned out as I reached between us and rubbed her clit rapidly. She squirmed under me. “Spence... ah!” She arched her back off of the bed as she fell over the edge. I felt her walls tightening even more around me I was groaning louder before I got sloppier gradually. “(Y/N)... I’m- Fuck!” I cried out in pleasure as I spilled my cum inside her, coating her walls white as I continued to thrust my hips to keep our orgasms going for as long as I possibly could. I pulled out and fell over to the side of the bed, I was immediately exhausted. “Wow...” She panted, satisfied. “I have to use the bathroom...” She said as she stumbled out of the bed. She struggled to walk straight as she rushed to the bathroom.
I was blissed out, happy as she climbed back into bed and snuggled into my arms. “You look exhausted, Dr. Reid.” She commented. “You look tired, Mrs. Reid.” I playfully shot back.
“Sleep sounds amazing...” She comments as she pulled the covers up and over our sweaty naked bodies. “That it does... My love...” I trailed off as sleep was quick to take me.
Three weeks in Paris, France was amazing, but all good things must come to an end and life must play on. “You ready for work, Mrs. Reid?” I smiled at her. “I will never get tired of hearing Mrs. Reid.” She said as she held up her left hand showing both of us her actual ring. I got her two, a diamond engagement ring that’s actually from me and not Sean, and a thin 24 karat silver band.” I lifted my left hand and showed both of us, My wedding band was wider and a 24 karat silver band. She wanted us to match, I did too.
The elevator doors open and revealed Penelope Garcia. “Eek! You’re back!” She cheered as she pulled us into her arms. “I’m so glad you’re back! How was Paris?!” She bounced up and down. “It was amazing we saw the entire city! We had tons of food...” (Y/N) smiled as we walked into the BAU. “And Sex I presume.” She giggled. “You know it.” (Y/N) confirmed. I blushed. “And does the doctor perform well?” She waggled her eyebrows, catching the attention of our team. “Very well.” (Y/N) giggled. I was red in the face. “(Y/N)...” I whined out embarrassed. “Oh, you hush up, if you did good, she deserves to brag about how good in bed you are.” Garcia playfully scolded. “Then save it for girls’ night.” I sighed out amused as I headed to my desk. “Reids,” Hotch said calling my wife and me to his office. “Did you have a wonderful honeymoon?” He asked a ghost of a smile on his face. “We did.”
“Good, unfortunately, because of the rules, I’m going to need you to sign some forms regarding your relationship and your marriage. Formality.” He said. “Sure!” We said together. We signed the paperwork needed. “And Reid, the tan looks good.” He comments as we headed for our desks. “You do look great with a tan, babe.” (Y/N) said with a wink. “You look good with a wedding ring on your finger.” I winked as I turned on my computer and immediately got started on the work that I’ve missed.
I was the happiest I’ve ever been. This was the best thing I could have recklessly done. And I’ve done a lot of reckless things in my life. I needed to go back to my N.A. Group and update them on what happened, unless Whitney did that for me.
“Hey Spence.” My wife called out, “Yes, Love?” I asked looking away from my computer. “Nothing, I just wanted to look at you... I love you.”
I smiled at her. “I love you too... I’m glad I crashed your wedding...”
“Me too...”
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nyullm2020 · 8 months ago
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How to Crush Law School Exams as an LL.M.
Hello again!
It’s been a minute. I’ve just had a well-deserved break after finishing my finals, where I managed to get a bit of sun in Florida and Puerto Rico.
It’s been a running start into my final semester of the LL.M. - and I can’t quite believe how fast this has all gone. I have a lot of content ideas coming up about everything I will be doing this semester, including juggling my internship at the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office, a Research Assistantship with an NYU Law Professor, the March Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam (MPRE) for the Bar, a full load of classes, and job hunting/networking - but first things first. I wanted to reflect on last semester’s exams, final papers and overall grades, and think about what I did well, and what I would change!
What are American law school exams like?
I’ll start by giving you an idea of the format of exams to give you an idea of the general approach, and hopefully take away some of the anxieties you as a future LL.M. might have.
There is no uniform exam or grading type for each and every course. American law school professors have a lot of discretion about how they will structure and assess their courses - including what mode of exam you will take (multiple choice, short answers, long problem question responses, policy-based essays, etc), or a final paper, and whether and to what extent class participation counts toward the grade. My assessments ran the gamut. In one class, I had a group assignment worth 30%, a 5,000 word final paper worth 60%, and 10% class participation, and in two others my final exam was worth 100%, with the professor’s discretion to slightly boost your grade based on your overall participation and contribution to the class. My Constitutional Interpretation seminar was 50% class participation, and 50% based on regular pieces of written work we handed in, including a final paper of 2,000 words.
Exams typically last between 2-4 hours, while take-homes take 3-8 hours (I haven’t had a take-home yet, but I will have a 12 hour take-home this semester). We all took our exams from home with a special software (Exam4 or the law school’s own exam software, THESS). Both my exams this semester allowed students to use any notes they wanted, and you could access the internet as well. The main problem with doing that is running out of time! So creating an organized outline of your notes and brainstorming essay ideas ahead of time is pretty crucial.
How do Professors grade? And what is a good grade?
Professors seem to have pretty broad discretion when it comes to grading - and definitely so when I think about Australian law school professors, who grade ‘blindly’ and never know who is behind the student number unless they look it up later, or are awarding prizes for the top students. The possible grades at NYU range from an F to an A+, as follows:
A+, 4.333; A, 4.000; A-, 3.667; B+, 3.333; B, 3.000; B-, 2.667; C, 2.000; D, 1.000 and F, 0.000.
No more than 2% of students can get an A+ in a given class, with a target of 1%. I am proud to say I was the only A+ student in one of my classes - yay! A huge personal achievement for me, and so I will brag a little here because I don’t want to be lame and brag in real life!
About 10% of people get As, and another 20% get A-s, and about 26% of people get B grades (B+, B, or B-). B- and C grades are actually pretty rare, so in all likelihood you will likely end up with an A or B grade of some sort!
It’s kind of hard to work out what ‘good’ grades/a strong GPA are for job applications, but from what I’ve gleaned, in an ideal world you would have all A level grades, or maybe one B+. Personally, my grades were an A+, 2 A- grades and a B+. This gave me a GPA of around 3.8, which is definitely decent for job applications. 
Your chances to get the high grades will depend a big deal on your competition - in the core doctrinal courses (like Constitutional Law, Free Speech, Evidence, Corporations Law, and so on) and in classes of the really famous professors, JD competition is intense. I definitely didn’t make it easy for myself with my classes, and I was usually the only, or one of two, LLMs, along with pretty ambitious JDs (often from elite undergrad schools) aiming for judicial clerkships or other prestigious jobs. Many LLMs have usually been working hard enough back home, and work hard enough to get decent grades, but leave enough time to relax and enjoy themselves. I would say my approach was mixed - I knew I needed to work hard enough to get good grades to make me a strong candidate for job applications in the US, but I also had plenty of fun. 😄 Just less fun around exam time!
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On reflection, my top tips for doing well in your classes and exams would be:
1) Play to your strengths
At the time you select your classes, you’ll be able to see what the format of the assessment is - long paper, exam, practical assessments (like in a clinic or simulation course), etc. My top advice would be to think about your strengths when picking classes. 
I have always been much better at hand-in assignments, and my one A+ grade was from handing in a long paper. My lowest grade (a B+) was from a very time-pressured exam that I wasn’t happy with how I handled the timing. So - if you know you are much better at one type of assessment, make sure you are considering this when picking classes to pave the way for great grades, especially if you are relying on your grades for finding a new job or for a JSD application.
2) Understand your professor’s idiosyncratic preferences
When it comes to law school exams, the key to succeeding is really knowing who’s grading them. Some professors prefer you to be ‘quick and dirty’ and to really jump into the key issues and answers, while others prefer a more formalistic recitation of the rules and then a close application of the rules to the facts. Pay attention to how they explain what they want, pore over any model answers and exam keys they give you, be familiar with the way they write problems, and ideally hunt down past students’ papers with comments or overall feedback from the professor (if you know anyone that took the class before).
3) Make study enjoyable and social
Even in these COVID times, I really benefited from spending time at the library studying with LL.M. friends, and broke up study sessions with coffee hangs, lunches, and going to see the Christmas lights. Your friends will keep you sane and motivated, so don’t hide yourself away for the whole month or more!
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Friends! A well-deserved dinner break in December a week or two before finals.
4) Argue both sides of legal issues you spot
This is something that is really emphasized by NYU professors. A good lawyer can, when identifying a legal issue, show how it is a weak point in a plaintiff’s claim or in a defendant’s defense, and then demonstrate how both sides could argue their case. The best answers don’t ‘fence sit’, but come to a reasoned judgment/prediction about which side of the argument is stronger.
5) Be precise and concise
You should try not to include unrelated material in your answer as this could backfire if your professor believes you struggle to separate relevant material from irrelevant material. One of my professors was clear ahead of time and said he did not appreciate an ‘info dump’ and graded accordingly, but I think this is true of all professors.
6) Be *really* aware of your timing
I can’t stress this enough. Effective time management is imperative on law school exams. My Evidence exam was so unbelievably time-pressured (27 short-answer questions in 3 hours = less than 7 minutes per question to read a few sentences-long question and answer it), and I did not handle this as well as I could have, affecting my grade. Make sure to be really aware of this and try to be strict with yourself so you don’t leave any questions untouched.
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7) Remember public policy concerns
After applying the legal rules to the issues presented in your fact pattern, if time allows, include a sentence or two about the policy implications of your conclusions, or how your chosen approach fits best with the policy rationale underpinning the legal rule. This is something that is valued more in US law schools than my law school back home. Not critical, but definitely something that could boost your grade a little!
8) Just try your best, and don’t be too hard on yourself
We have all worked hard to be here, and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. English might not be your first language, you might struggle with exams, or it might just not be the best day you’ve ever had. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of either not understanding the issues presented in a question, or not remembering the rules related to such issues, just do your best to write the best possible answer in the time limit. 
Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions!
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queenri0t · a year ago
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Bound to you Chapter 5
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Summary: You want him he wants you, and when Bakugo wants something he’ll be fucking sure that he gets it. Will you give in?
Notes: I’m so sorry I couldn’t update fast enough I was (and still am) in a depressed stage right now and it’s just hard right now. So I’m sorry again.
Warnings: Sex scene!!! Fingering, cunnilingus, cursing
-
You had a vicious hangover on Saturday morning and figured it was no less than You deserved. As much as you’d resented Katsukis insistence on negotiating sex with as much passion as he would a merger, in the end you’d egotiated in kind. Because you wanted him enough to take a calculated risk and break your own rules.
You took comfort in knowing he was breaking some of his own, too. After a long, hot shower, you made your way into the living room and found Mina on the couch with her netbook, looking fresh and alert. Smelling coffee in the kitchen, you headed there and filled the biggest mug you could find.
“Morning, sunshine," Mina called out.
With your much-needed dose of caffeine wrapped between both palms, you joined her on the couch.
She pointed at a box on the end table. "That came for you while you were in the shower."
You set your mug on the coffee table and picked up the box. It was wrapped with brown paper and twine and had your name handwritten diagonally across the top with a decorative calligraphic flourish. Inside was an amber glass bottle with HANGOVER CURE painted on it in a white old-fashioned font and a note tied with raffia to the bottle's neck that said, Drink me. Katsukis business card was nestled in the cushioning tissue paper.
As you studied the gift, you found it very apt. Since meeting Katsuki. You felt like you’d fallen down the rabbit hole into a fascinating and seductive world where few of the known rules applied. You were in uncharted territory that was both exciting and scary.
You glanced at Mina, who eyed the bottle dubiously.
"Cheers." You pried the cork out and drank the contents without thinking twice about it. It tasted like sickly sweet cough syrup. Your stomach quivered in distaste for a moment and then heated. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and shoved the cork back into the empty bottle.
"What was that?" Mina asked.
"From the burn, the hair of the dog."
Her nose wrinkled. "Effective but unpleasant."
And it was working. You already felt a little steadier.
Mina picked up the box and dug out Katsukis card. She flipped it over, then held it out to you. On the back Katsuki had written ‘Call me’ in bold slashing penmanship and jotted down a number.
You took the card, curling your hand around it. His gift was proof that he was thinking about you. His tenacity and focus were seductive. And flattering.
There was no denying you were in trouble where Katsuki was concerned.
You craved the way you felt when he touched you, and you loved the way he responded when you touched him back. When you tried to think of what you wouldn’t agree to do to have his hands on you again, you couldn't come up with much.
When Mina tried to hand you the phone, you shook your head. "Not yet. I need a clear head when dealing with him, and I'm still fuzzy."
"You two seemed cozy last night. He's definitely into you."
“I'm definitely into him." Curling into the corner of the couch, you pressed your cheek into the cushion and hugged your legs to your chest. "We’re going to hang out, get to know each other, have casual-butphysically-intense sex, and be otherwise completely independent. No strings, no expectations, no responsibilities."
Mina hit a button on her netbook and the printer on the other side of the room started spitting out pages. Then she snapped the computer closed, set it on the coffee table, and gave you all her attention. “Maybe it'll turn into something serious."
"Maybe not," you scoffed. "I'm not looking for a happily-ever-after, Mina, especially not with a mega-mogul like Bakugo. I've seen what it's like for my mom being connected to powerful men. It's a full-time job with a part-time companion. Money keeps Mom happy, but it wouldn't be enough for me.”
Your dad loved your mom. He'd asked her to marry him and share his life. She'd turned him down because he didn't have the hefty portfolio and sizable bank account she required in a husband. Love wasn't a requisite for marriage in her opinion, and since her sultry-eyed, breathy-voiced beauty was irresistible to most men, she'd never had to settle for less than whatever she wanted. Unfortunately she hadn't wanted your dad for the long haul.
Glancing at the clock, you saw it was ten thirty. "I guess I should get ready."
"I love spa day with your mom." Mina smiled, and it chased the lingering shadows on your mood away. "I feel like a god when we’re done.
"Me, too. Of the goddess persuasion."
You both were so eager to be off that you went downstairs to meet the car rather than wait for the front desk to call up.
The doorman smiled as we stepped outside—you in heeled sandals and a maxi dress, and Mina in hip-hugging jeans and a long-sleeved Crop Top.
"Good morning, Miss L/n. Ms. Ashido. Will you need a cab today?"
"No thanks. We're expecting a car." Mina grinned. "It's spa day at Perennis!"
"Ah, Perrini's Day Spa." The doorman gave a sage nod. "I bought my wife a gift certificate for our anniversary. She enjoyed it so much I plan to make it a tradition.”
"You did good,” you said. “Pampering a woman never goes out of style.”
A black town car pulled up with Clancy at the wheel. The doorman opened the rear door for you and you climbed in, squealing when you both found a box of Knipschildt's Chocopologie on the seat. Waving at the doorman, you settled back and dug in, taking tiny nibbles of the truffles that were worth savoring slowly.
Clancy drove you straight to Perrini's, where the relaxation began from the moment one walked in the door. Crossing the entrance threshold was like taking a vacation on the far side of the world. Every arched doorway was framed by lushly vibrant striped silks, while jeweled pillows decorated elegant chaises and oversized armchairs.
Birds chirped from suspended gilded cages, and potted plants filled every corner with lush fronds. Small decorative fountains added the sounds of running water, while stringed instrumental music was piped into the room via cleverly hidden speakers. The air was redolent with a mix of exotic spices and fragrances, making you feel like You’d stepped into Arabian Nights.
Perrini's was exotic and luxurious, an indulgent treat for those who could afford it. Like your mother, who'd just finished a milk-and honey bath when you both arrived.
You studied the menu of treatments available, deciding to skip your usual "warrior woman" in favor of the "passionate pampering!" you’d been waxed the week before, but the rest of the treatment--"designed to make you sexually irresistible"—sounded like exactly what you needed.
You’d finally managed to get your mind back into the safe zone of work when Mina spoke up from the pedicure chair beside yours.
“Mrs. L/n, have you met Katsuki Bakugou?"
You gaped at her. She knew damn well your mom went nuts over any news about your romantic—and not-so-romantic, as the case may be relationships.
Your mother, who sat in the chair on the other side of you, leaned forward with her usual girlish excitement over a rich, handsome man.
"Of course. He's one of the wealthiest men in the world. Number twenty-five or so on Forbes list, if I'm remembering correctly. A very driven young man, obviously, and a generous benefactor to many of the children's charities I champion. Extremely eligible, of course. He's got a reputation as a ladies man."
"Mmm a ladies man indeed." Mina grinned and ignored your violent headshaking. “But it'd be a hopeless crush anyway, since he's digging on Y/n."
"Y/n! I can't believe you didn't say anything. How could you not tell me something like that?"
You looked at your mom, whose scrubbed face appeared young, unlined, and very much like yours. You were very clearly your mother's daughter, right down to your surname. The one concession she'd made to your father had been to name you after his mother.
"There's nothing to tell," You insisted. "We're just... friends."
"We can do better than that," Your mother said, with a look of calculation that struck fear in your heart. "I don't know how it escaped me that you work in the same building he does. I'm certain he was smitten the moment he saw you. Although he's known to prefer blondes. Hmm ... Anyway. He's also known for his excellent taste. Clearly the latter won out with you."
"It's not like that. Please don't start meddling. You'll embarrass me "
"Nonsense. If anyone knows what to do with men, it's me."
You cringed, your shoulders creeping up to your ears. By the time your massage appointment came around, you were in desperate need of one. You stretched out on the table and closed your eyes, preparing to take a catnap to get through the long night ahead.
You loved dressing up and looking pretty as much as the next girl, but charity functions were a lot of work. Making small talk was exhausting, smiling nonstop was a pain, and conversations about businesses and people you didn't know were boring. If it weren't for Mina benefiting from the exposure, you’d put up a bigger fight about going.
You sighed. Who were you fooling? You’d end up going anyway. Your mom and stepdad supported abused children's charities because they were significant to you. Going to the occasional stuffy event was a small price to pay for the return.
Taking a deep breath, you consciously relaxed. You made a mental note to call your dad when you got home and thought about how to send a thank-you note to Katsuki for the hangover cure. You suppose you could email him using the contact info on his business card, but that lacked class. Besides, you didn't know who read his inbox.
You’ll just call him when you got home. Why not? He'd asked—no, told— you to; he'd written the demand on his business card. And you’d get to hear his luscious voice again.
The door opened and the masseuse came in. "Hello, Y/n. You ready?"
Not quite. But I was getting there. After many lovely hours at the spa, your mom and Mina dropped you off at the apartment; then they headed out to hunt for new cufflinks for your stepdad. You used the time alone to call Katsuki. Even with the much needed privacy, you punched most of his phone number into the keypad a half dozen times before you finally put the call through.
He answered on the first ring. "Y/n.”
Startled that he'd known who was calling, your mind scrambled for a moment. How did he have your name and number in his contact list? "Uh . . . hi, Katsuki."
"I'm a block away. Let the front desk know I'm coming.”
"What?" You felt like you’d missed part of the conversation. "Coming where?"
“To your place. I'm rounding the corner now. Call the desk, Y/n." He hung up and you stared at the phone, trying to absorb the fact that Katsuki was moments away from being with you again. Somewhat dazed, you went to the intercom and talked to the front desk, letting them know You were expecting him, and while you were talking, he walked into the lobby. A few moments after that, he was at your door.
It was then that you remembered you were dressed in only a thigh-length silk robe, and your face and hair were styled for the dinner. What kind of impression would he get from your appearance?
You tightened the belt of your robe before you let him in. It wasn't like you’d invited him over for a seduction or anything.
Katsuki stood in the hallway for a long moment, his gaze raking you from your head down to your French-manicured toes. You were equally stunned by his appearance. The way he looked in worn jeans and a T-shirt made you want to undress him with your teeth.
"Worth the trip to find you like this, Y/n." He stepped inside and locked the door behind him. "How are you feeling?"
"Good. Thanks to you. Thank you." Your stomach quivered because he was here with you, which made you feel almost . . . giddy. "That can't be why you came over.”
"I'm here because it took you too long to call me."
"I didn't realize I had a deadline."
"I have to ask you something time-sensitive, but more than that, wanted to know if you were feeling alright after last night." His eyes were dark as they swept over you, his breathtaking face framed by that luxurious curtain blonde spiky hair. "God. You look beautiful, Y/n. I can't remember ever wanting anything this much."
With just those few simple words you became hot and needy. Way too vulnerable. "What is so urgent?"
"Go with me to the advocacy center dinner tonight."
You pulled back, surprised and excited by the request. "You are going?”
"So are you. I checked, knowing your mother would be there. Let's go together.”
Your hand went to your throat, your mind torn between the weirdness of how much he knew about you and concern over what he was asking you to do. “That's not what I meant when I said we should spend time together."
"Why not?" The simple question was laced with challenge. "What's the problem with going together to an event we'd already planned on attending separately?”
"It's not very discreet. It's a high-profile event.”
"So?" Bakugo stepped closer and fingered a curl of your hair.
There was a dangerous purr to his voice that sent a shiver through you. You could feel the warmth of his big, hard body and smell the richly masculine scent of his skin. You were falling under his spell, deeper with every minute that passed.
"People will make assumptions, my mother in particular. She's already scenting your bachelor blood in the water."
Lowering his head, Katsuki pressed his lips into the crook of your neck. "I don t care what people think. We know what we are doing. And I'll deal with your mother."
"If you think you can," You said breathlessly, "you don't know her very well."
"I'll pick you up at seven." His tongue traced the wildly throbbing vein in my throat and ypu melted into him, your body going lax as he pulled you close.
Still, you managed to say, "I haven't said yes."
"But you won't say no." He caught your earlobe between his teeth.
"I won't let you."
You opened your mouth to protest and he sealed his lips over Yours, shutting you up with a lush wet kiss. His tongue did that slow, savoring licking that made you long to feel him doing the same between your legs. Your hands went to his hair, sliding through it, tugging. When he wrapped his arms around you, you arched, curving into his hands.
Just as he had in his office, he had you on your back on the couch before you realized he was moving you, his mouth swallowing your surprised gasp. The robe gave way to his dexterous fingers; then he was cupping your breasts, kneading them with soft, rhythmic squeezes.
"Katsuki—"
"Shh." He sucked on your lower lip, his fingers rolling and tugging your tender nipples. "It was driving me crazy knowing you were naked beneath your robe.”
"You came over without— Oh! Oh, God . . .”
His mouth surrounded the tip of your breast, the wash of heat bringing a mist of perspiration to your skin.
Your gaze darted frantically to the clock on the cable box. "Katsuki, no.
His head lifted and he looked at you with stormy red eyes. "It's insane, I know. I don't—I can't explain it, Y/n, but I have to make you come. I've been thinking about it constantly for days now."
One of his hands pushed between your legs. They fell open shamelessly, your body so aroused you were flushed and almost feverish. His other hand continued to plump your breasts, making them heavy and unbearably sensitive.
"You are wet for me," he murmured, his gaze sliding down your body to where he was parting you with his fingers. "You're beautiful here, too. Plush and pink. So soft. You didn't wax today, did you?"
You shook your head.
"Thank God. I don't think I would’ve made it ten minutes without touching you, let alone ten hours." He slid one finger carefully into you. Your eyes closed against the unbearable vulnerability of being spread out naked and fingered by a man whose familiarity with the rules of Brazilian waxing betrayed an intimate knowledge of women. A man who was still fully clothed and kneeling on the floor beside you.
"You're so snug." Bakugo pulled out and thrust gently back into you. Your back bowed as you clenched eagerly around him. "And so greedy. How long has it been since the last time you were fucked?"
You swallowed hard. "I've been busy. I had my thesis, then job hunting and moving . . ."
"A while, then." He pulled out and pushed back into you with two fingers. You couldn't hold back a moan of delight.The man had talented hands, confident and skilled, and he took what he wanted with them.
"Are you on birth control, Y/n?"
"Yes." Your hands gripped the edges of the cushions. "Of course."
"I'll prove I'm clean and you'll do the same, and then you're going to let me come in you."
"Jesus, Katsuki.” You were panting for him, your hips circling shamelessly onto his thrusting fingers. You felt like you’d spontaneously combust if he didn't get you off.
You’d never been so turned on in your life. You were near mindless with the need for an orgasm. If Mina walked in right then and found you writhing in your living room while Katsuki finger-fucked you, you wouldn't care.
Katsuki was breathing hard, too. His face was flushed with lust. For you. When you’d done nothing more than respond helplessly to him. His hand at your breast moved to your cheek and brushed over it. “You're blushing. I've scandalized you."
"Yes."
His smile was both wicked and delighted, and it made your chest
tight. "I want to feel my cum in you when I fuck you with my fingers.
I want you to feel my cum in you, so you think about how I looked and the sounds I made when I pumped it into you. And while you're thinking about that, you're going to look forward to me doing it again and again."
Your cunt rippled around his stroking fingers, the rawness of his words pushing you to the brink of orgasm.
"I'm going to tell you all the ways I want you to please me, Y/n, and you're going to do it all. . . take it all, and we’re going to have explosive, primal, no-holds-barred sex. You know that, don't you? You can feel how it'll be between us."
“Yes," You breathed, clutching your breasts to ease the deep ache of your hardened nipples. "Please, Katsuki."
"Shh . . . I've got you." The pad of his thumb rubbed your clit in gentle circles. “Look into my eyes when you come for me.”
Everything tightened in your core, the tension building as he massaged your clit and pushed his fingers in and out in a steady, unhurried rhythm.
"Give it up to me, Y/n," he ordered. "Now."
You came with a thready cry, your grip white-knuckled on the sides of the cushions as your hips pumped onto his hand, your mind far beyond shame or shyness. Your gaze was locked to his, unable to look away, riveted by the fierce masculine triumph that flared in his eyes. At that moment he owned you. You’d do anything he wanted. And he knew it.
Searing pleasure pulsed through you. Through the roaring of blood in your ears, Yoy thought you heard him speak hoarsely, but you lost the words when he hooked one of your legs over the back of the couch and covered your cleft with his mouth.
"No—" You pushed at his head with your hands. "I can't."
You were too swollen, too sensitive. But when his tongue touched your clit, fluttering over it, the hunger built again. More intense than the first time. He rimmed your trembling slit, teasing you, taunting you with the promise of another orgasm when you knew you couldn't have one again so quickly.
Then his tongue speared into you and you bit your lip to bite back a scream. You came a second time, your body quaking violently, tender muscles tightening desperately around his decadent licking. His growl vibrated through you. You didn't have the strength to push him away when he returned to your clit and sucked softly . . . tirelessly . . . until you climaxed again, gasping his name.
You were boneless as he straightened your leg and still breathless when he pressed kisses up your belly to your breasts. He licked each of your nipples, then hauled you up with his arms banded around your back. You hung lax and pliable in his grip while he took your mouth with suppressed violence, bruising your lips and betraying how close to the edge he was.
He closed your robe, then stood, staring down at you.
"Katsuki. . . ?"
"Seven o'clock, Y/n." He reached down and touched your ankle, his fingertips caressing the diamond anklet you’d put on in preparation for the evening. "And keep this on. I want to fuck you while you're wearing nothing else.”
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rq-s · a year ago
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Title: Falling Down 
Pairing: Xu Minghao / NB!Reader
Genre: Light Angst & Platonic OR Romantic
Word Count: 2.9k+
Warnings: None. However, I do interpret the timeline and meaning of his lyrics loosely. I can’t and don’t claim that it’s the “correct” way to do so; he wrote it to be ambiguous for a wide audience to enjoy. Please watch the Falling Down Making Film for clarity.
Credits: ENG Translation of Falling Down 
Summary: You and Minghao have been consistent penpals since 2004, sharing each other’s cultures, languages, passions, and lives as you both grew up. 2014 came around and letter from him only came in 4 times, and only 1 in 2015. The last this you ever heard from him read he was a bird in a cage.
Notes: Italic = letter  ... = omitted letter content 
My Masterlist
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Spring 2004
“How about this one, honey?” Mom handed me a postcard from a spot on the rack that I couldn’t reach. The large font caught my attention and told me it was a landscape picture of the closest national park. Though nothing in the picture was recognizable, it reminded me of camping, which made me smile despite having never been before.
“Sure.” Was all I said, and I followed her as she pushed our full shopping cart to the register and began chatting with the cashier.
Like usual, I quickly put the postcard on the conveyor belt along with the groceries. As soon as it was empty, I went to the bagging station and put the scanned and bagged items back into the cart. Making sure to the boxes and cartons together neatly like Tetris, careful not to squish the bread.
“What a diligent little kid you have!” The cashier spoke, her voice worn with age, but with a sense of joy that reminded me of a stereotypical grandmother.
“She always says I do it wrong.” Mom joked, smirking at me. She never did let go of my “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” attitude I had even as a kid.
 Mom finished paying, and we went put into the chilly morning air of the parking lot that was made even colder by the shadow of the supermarket. I once again moved the bags from the cart to the trunk and brought the cart to the nearest drop off spot while Mom started the car.
The ride home was mostly silent, save for the sound of the road beneath the wheels and the hum of the heater.
“Thanks for letting me do the penpal thing, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, but remember the deal; you get more chores to do. You’re 7 years old now, you can handle doing the dishes by yourself, right?” The tone of her voice was completely serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’ve been helping with the dishes for years, and I’ve learned from the best. I’ve got this!”
 When we got home, I scoured the bags for that postcard, and luckily it was only bent on one corner. I wrote down bit of info about that park - whatever Google told me, and set it aside. I grabbed the template application from my school binder and filled in the blanks. 
Hello! My name is _____________, I’m __ years old, and I am from ________! I am learning Mandarin, but I’m still a beginner. I hope to learn more about your culture and language as we exchange letters!
For now, I will tell you a bit about myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Along with this letter is a postcard and other information about where I am from!
I hope to hear from you soon!
Signed,
_____________
It was a pretty basic template that we had to copy from, and in retrospect, it was cringy as all heck, but it had to be formatted juuust right and follow the guidelines exactly, or the penpal program admin’s wouldn’t accept it.
From what I was told, someone from China who’d also applied and been approved would be paired with me, based on age and interests. Only this first letter was prewritten. Once we were paired up, the letters themselves and the mailing of them was up to me and my family. 
I was lucky I got a match at all, most of the kids in my class didn’t. I learned pretty quickly why: I was the only one who put “dancing” as an interest.  
Summer 2007
...
This was a frog I found at the lake! Mom got mad that I touched it, and when it jumped out of my hands and back into the water, it got mud all over us!! 
Later we had a barbecue and some other campers came buy, but their kids were teenagers and didn’t wanna play with me, so here is a picture of me pouting in the tent instead of having fun. 
...
This is the last one, when we finally got home from the long car ride. we all were sunburned really bad, but it looks like you can see freckles on my face because of it! 
Whenever either of us would go on trips, even just to the water park or to a festival, we’d take Polaroid pictures to send. Most the earlier pictures Minghao sent were of him at tournaments, then they turned into selfies from after dance practice. It wasn’t until they were in their teens that he began to take more artsy pictures, with the occasional selfie thrown in. He’d always put at least one polaroid in each envelope, and photography quickly became one of the many things he excelled at. 
Winter 2010
And I still can’t believe you were on TV!! Twice!!! All these letters… I can use them as blackmail someday when you’re a superstar! Muahah!!
I’m not nearly as good as you still, but Miss Lilly says my footwork has gotten a lot better! I wish you could teach me, but words don’t have the same effect as seeing it. I doubt I’d get it even if you tried to explain… and don’t even think about trying to teach me any martial arts, my brain will melt!!
My letters were always a bit longer than Minghao’s, and were full of run on sentences and unorganized thoughts. He was always clear and concise, yet sensitive. He always gave strong and encouraging advice on my Mandarin, but my English tips barely seemed to help him. I always cared more about getting to know him and telling my own stories than about practicing. Though, I don’t know what stories I had worth telling as a 13 year old. We contrasted each other a lot, and Mom said it made us a better fit for each other.
It wasn’t a weekly thing, but we always wrote when we could and has a steady back and forth. Sometimes the envelopes were thick, with many pages, postcards, candies, cool leaves or rocks we’d found, songs we had been listening too; things we cared about and wanted to share. But sometimes they were thin, barely a page long, with hastily written characters and a sincere apology. Both made me smile the same just the same – both showed how much he cared.
 Spring 2012
Perhaps it was because we were the same age, and despite not meeting, had spent so much time together. He somehow always understood me, and never made jokes when I was opening up about the less fun sides of life. He went at his own pace, and it took quite some time, but he eventually felt comfortable doing the same.
I’ve worked so hard for this, I know I’m capable, but I’m genuinely terrified. But I’m excited, too. I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can tell anyone, they’ll worry, or they’ll tell me I shouldn’t do it.
I want to try. I want to be on that stage and in that tournament and I want to come out having earned something.
 Fall 2012
 Congratulations!! Now I can brag that I know THE Xu Minghao who won 8th at a WORLD DANCE COMPETITION!!!! I knew you’d do great. Yeah, you were nervous, but your hard work showed through!
As soon as I read the news online, I was so happy. Eight is a good number, right? I think It suits you. Even when you're laying down, you have infinite potential! That’s you, Xu Minghao, Number 8, my best friend.
Come to think of it, it's been about 8 years since we met, hasn’t it? it must be some sort of prophecy!!! Haha I’m kidding, but seriously… That’s more than half our lives. We’ve spent knowing each other half of the time we’ve even been on this Earth!
I’m really glad I know you, Minghao. I’d be lonely without your letters, I think. I hope I make your days brighter, like you make mine. I hope we never forget about each other.
 It was rare for me to get so sentimental, but he needed someone to be his fan, and I wanted to be the best fan of Xu Minghao I could be. Not to say I was the first, like I would joke about doing, but because he deserves it. I knew it from the way he talked about training, that he’d make himself a star someday, no matter what.
Because of this, though, it was this letter and onward that we stopped doing the copies and corrections. I noticed myself missing his teasing marks on my papers, or the cheeky smiley faces he’d draw when I did well. We stopped sending trinkets and polaroids too, so each envelope felt a lot emptier.
 Spring 2013
I’m really going to Korea now… The flight is in a few days, I’ll send you another letter from the new address as soon as I get there, so please wait for it!
I had bad dreams back then, about how things would be different, slower and distant. His letters were a significant part of my life, and I was afraid to lose that. Yet I was surprised he was even allowed to keep sending me letters. Retrospectively thinking though, it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to write to his family.
Was I like family to him back then?
 Winter 2013
I’m sorry for not writing you back sooner. The company has been really busy with Seventeen TV starting. I’ve been practicing a lot, I barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone sit down and write. There’s barely anyone around who knows Mandarin, and I’m still just learning how to make sentences in Korean, and they call me Myungho… Those who I can talk to are all boys, but they’re my friends, and possible group members, so I shouldn’t mind.
I miss your handwriting. Sometimes I reread our old letters, and notice that we’ve changed so much. But I keep every memory, did you know that?
I always feel better quickly. When I think about being on a stage, having fans singing with us and cheering for me… It makes me so happy that I cry, sometimes. But then I can’t help but think, “Will it ever be me? Or will I just dream of being there, and someone else will get the chance?”
That’s usually when I find one of your letters. The one you sent on my birthday a couple months ago, that you sprayed with that citrus scent? It’s my favorite, I relax so much when I read it. It reminds me of home, somehow.
I’ll try to write more often, I’m sure you’ve been patiently waiting. Let’s exchange pictures again, it’s been a while, right? I just really miss you.
 Was he like family to me? No… I think, back then at least, it was something special for me.
Summer 2014
Hey! I haven't heard from you since April! I miss you a lot, but I know you must be really busy. I’ve been trying to watch the previous Seventeen TV episodes when I can, the other boys seem funny and nice. I hope they all take care of you, like you say Junhui has been.
I’m always wishing you sweet dreams, I worry about how you’ve been. I wish I’d have asked for your phone number or email or something before, but now that you’re so busy and under a big company… I just hope these letters and postcards reach you well.
Fall 2014
Also, they’ve been saying I’ll qualify to be on SeventeenTV soon. The others are hoping it’s a sign that we’ll get to debut soon. You’ll watch it, right?
Things are looking bright for me and my brothers here, but I can’t help but feel full of dread. I can’t pinpoint why. Junhui said it might be stage fright, but I don’t feel afraid.
I know they all support me, and I support them, but I feel like I might disappear, and not even you would remember me. I know its not true but it’s what I’m feeling.
Winter 2014
I SAW YOU!! I watched it as soon as it released, I didn’t understand what most of them were saying without English subtitles, but I could understand you, and I saw you! I’m so proud of you Minghao, you’re an official member of Seventeen!! You’ve been working so hard, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Please try and take time to rest and heal before debut, all of you need it!
Spring 2015
May 26th 2015. That is the day I debut. I know we haven't talked much, but I hope you’ll be there in spirit. Thinking about you cheering for me makes it easier to handle. I’ll fight for you, for me, for them, and for us. I’ll try, even though things feel like they’re ending.
I’m going to be busier than before. I’m not sure about the contract, but I’ll try to still get letters out. For now, have this. Thank you for everything.
A layer of grey I can't escape Walls built of fear are colored all over with red Who will listen to the sound from the bottom of my heart at the end of the world(/day) There's no one by my side Flee Flee
The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking I can't find love at all So why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Hidden by the dark clouds, helpless and pitiful Can't feel myself, light is lost Before the end of the world(/day), (I'm) yelling, sounds of pain But there's no one by my side Flee Flee
The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking After I disappear completely, (you) won't realize I once existed Why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Falling endlessly, falling in silence What did I ever do wrong
Missing someone you’ve never met is an entirely separate kind of heartbreak. I began to doubt every single thought and feeling I had, every single word I wrote, everything began to bleed between imagination, ideal, and reality. 
The Minghao I watched on the screen wasn’t the Minghao I knew, and I started to wonder if I ever truly knew him in the first place. I felt like a fool, and even then, I continued to be foolish. I wanted to believe I knew what he meant; that I understood him, but as the years went on, I got more and more lost.
They won awards, they went on variety shows, they released albums, they went on tours. They traveled, they worked, and they grew. I needed to believe I knew him, but Minghao and The8 are not the same. And as I grew to love The8, Minghao began to fade into the back of my mind. When I watched him try to express himself beyond his stage persona, each time I saw flashes of a beautiful bird locked in a rusted cage.
I always kept the letters.
They’re my private collection of memories between he and I. They were the only way I knew it was real. I could run my fingers over his handwriting, feel how he sometimes pressed too hard and left marks in the paper. I could see how the paper and ink warped when he accidentally got tears on it. I could look at his pictures from his childhood and know what he was thinking as he took it. 
I knew him.
Summer 2020
Hey, Minghao. It’s me, do you still remember my handwriting? Maybe it’s changed... No, I know it has, because I’ve changed as a person. It feels strange, I know what you’ve been up to, but you might’ve even forgotten my name. But I feel in my heart that you havn’t. Maybe thats wishful thinking.
Anyway, I’m so proud of you Minghao. You’re a superstar, just like you dream of being back when you first started dancing. You’ve become part of a family, and have so many fans cheering for you every single day. Congratulations!!
5 years. Does the smell of citrus still remind you of home? Of me? Maybe it just reminds you of the hard times you had back then. But I guess you’ve been reminiscing about that a lot lately?
I watched the video as soon as it came out, and I was shaking as soon as I heard your voice. That song isn’t a special piece of yourself that you shared with me anymore, but it’s part of your story for the whole world to see, and you told it so well.
...
I miss you.
It was finally time.
It was a fairly thick envelope, inside were many postcards of where I’ve been, quickly written notes as I reacted to songs and memorable moments, and full-length letters that never got sent.
It was so surreal to sit in front on him at this panel. He looks just like he did as a kid, but more refined, stronger inside and out. His aura intimidated me like I was seeing a skyscraper touch the clouds for the first time, and yet he maintained eye contact with me like I was a dandelion about to be blown away with the breeze.
“It’s me, Minghao.” The words barely drifted from my mouth, but they struck him like lightning as realization stealing his breath away. For a moment I saw his eyes twinkle, and the corners of this lips twitch.
A member of staff took the envelop away from him; he barely was able to read the label.
My time would be up soon.
His fingers intertwined with mine and he opens my photobook to his page with his free hand, looking down for only a moment to sign it.
The next Carat was nudging my shoulder already.
“Not yet.” I whispered both to them and to him with a squeeze of his hand. He did the same, like a beat of the heart, and then released. I watched his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as he gave the next fan the same focus and care he gave me. 
I forced a smile on my face as I scooted over.
Did he truly realize it was me? Why could I feel his heart beating faster from the tips of his fingers? Did he want to contact me all this time, or had he chosen to stop and was scared to tell me? Did he miss me too?  
My smile was only fake for a moment, though.
I was meeting his second family for the first time, after all, I needed to make a good impression. After years of keeping up with the group, it should have been easier to feel comfortable, and to be happy like the others.
Yet my hands continued to shake, their faces blurred and the sounds around me went quiet. My senses went in and out of focus like waves reaching and leaving the shore.
The warmth and the texture of his hand stained mine, and as i stared down at it after going back to my seat in the crowd, it felt alien. His hands are same hands that have been writing my name on every envelope for so many years...
I felt like I was falling.
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jaybirdcoffee · 5 months ago
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Blood Soaked and Alone
Info- This is pretty much the Prologue of a book I’m attempting to write so constructive criticism is very much welcomed! Let me know if any of you want me to release another chapter : )
Summary-An outsider making due with what she has been given, in a world of demons, hurt, deception, and death. This is pretty much just backstory, as I am currently working on the first chapter. 
Warning- Implications of death and Abuse.
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      As a child feeling alone was a normality, or at least something I had grown to believe was a good thing. Not until my later adolescence had it been brought to my attention that socializing, and being open was a key to being human, a key to survival. Or at least that was the common rationale, as being seen as “odd” or even “weird” through the isolation that followed the word “alone” was unhealthy and should be corrected. Throughout my adolescence I received an education through at-home schooling as my parentals believed that they knew more than the education system. In a way they weren’t wrong, but the reason for them keeping a child home had more ill-intent, with less concern for education than it did making a child a soldier. 5 a.m. wake-ups with intensive training until noon, from then until 5 p.m. a thorough education, intensive training following until midnight, then to bed. A routine that would stick, never changing or faltering for the weekdays until my early teenage years. While the weekends did tend to differ as morning wakeups were around 6 a.m. with intensive training until noon, bedtime still remained at midnight, and never were to be missed or being forced to stay awake was punishment. I can vaguely remember shopping for produce and any other necessities with my mother on Saturday’s but Sunday’s still remain in a kind of blur. I assume they contained the well-known weekend schedule but that knowledge has evidently been hidden by my mind. 
     Nancy and Allan were the names of those who raised me. Nancy always carried a sad smile, but the personality of an angel. I gather she was quite the social butterfly as a child, but slowly hid inside a shell not too long after she met Allan. Allan on the hand always had quite the temper, never truly having friends as that was not a necessity only a hindrance. Polar opposites had fallen in love, more specifically one fell in love while the other needed someone to breed their child. Possibly, if Nancy had fallen in love with another she would have found true peace and love, but if that were to happen, where would the necessity for this story be?
     I had survived with Nancy and Allan until the age of fourteen, when an “accident” occured leaving me homeless and alone. Those details are none of your concern, only note they aren’t pretty. The town came together unsure of what they should do with a child, as an orphanage nor a children’s home existed, as the population was too small and seemingly too “in love” for that to ever be a necessity. A man by the name of Cassius stepped forward offering to take the child in, as he had done so before while living in another town. Reluctantly they gave the child away, thrilled to finally wipe their hands with the aftermath of what had occurred and move on. Cassius was named after the roman senator who murdered Julius Caesar, and while that may be off-putting his demeanor showed no resemblance. He was a man with a genuine smile, and the patience of a god, his temper always remained in-check, and he was bestowed a heart of gold. While he remained in his late 40’s at the time, his wisdom was like that of the eldery making him seem much older. 
     The town of Bonelock held secrets, many of which remained after centuries had passed. With a population around 7,000 citizens, it was considered one of the smallest towns on the outskirts of the kingdom. Still being inside of the jurisdiction, laws and rules that had been put into place by the king still applied to the town, even with it being so far from the rest of society. Citizens would gossip on the streets about how corrupt the king was, or how they should be independent as this was common talk, but should never be heard if a knight were to visit, as the talk would be punishable by death. At least that was what had been taught, as a knight nor any royal representation had been seen around those parts in at least 50 years or so. A town approximately 500 miles west, had managed to gain their independence from the kingdom, but rebellion was the only thing on their mind leaving many to avoid their town. Militaries in Bonelock were unheard of as a crime would be brought to justice by the fellow citizens. As children you hear stories about soldiers and knights that resume under the King’s orders, their brilliance leaving you only to dream. This was something as a child I had aspired to be, one of the only things being my motivation to keep training. There was one town over named Woodstock, somewhere I often found myself in as they had a bigger population with fresher produce. The gossip and apparent judgement that loomed the streets of Bonelock were never to be found in Woodstock making it a nice change of scenery, as I was one they would turn a blind-eye to, this being quite the pleasantry. 
     Growing up with Cassius, one must admit it was quite pleasurable almost to the point of feeling spoiled. He shared his wisdom, ideals, thoughts, all uncensored but were to remain unspoken outside of the very walls we lived within. Five other children by the names of Leo, Marilyn, Harper, Mason, and James had become my fellow companions when I first began my residency there. However, over the course of three years we lost Marilyn to illness as well as James to being hit by a moving carriage. This left the four of us to make family with who remained. To which we did, as they were all we had left with Cassiues instilling the importance of family and who we choose to care for in us. I was aware the others found the routine that had been drilled into me as a child were odd, but Cassius never once made a comment or a criticism, only shifting it so his hours of 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. as they were his time to teach. With this I see we may begin our journey, to the age of which I was 17.
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currentfandomkick · a year ago
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Miraculous Team and the Batboys- Mundane Monday and Plot is Connecting Maybe
HEY so thank you all for waiting, puppy plus work being mobbed is hell, so this took forever to get brain power to write... oh well.
--
Marinette was on guard when she came into class. Her meeting of the “End Gabriel Agreste” Club with its core four members—herself, Chloe, Nino and Sabrina—went well. They were now 15% away from their goal.
Apparently Felix snatched up 3% on his own and gave it to MDC while she was away. Apparently it was his way of a peace offering… or a bribe not to kill him on sight. She wasn’t sure which… yet.
Properly awake and with her favorite drink (blend of dark roast, cream and a tiny bit of Energy Mayhem Special) she was good for the day. Everyone had their usual orders in their seats.
She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a text from Red Robin on her phone, currently a rose and bird emoji label.
RR: So, scale of one to ten, how bad is it if I accidently figured out your partner?
Marinette took a deep breath at that, checked the classroom (Nino was off with Kitty Section debating how to fix the ‘off’ bit of the rift in Rose’s latest song—something about it not ‘punching right’ and Luka being busy with his other band, Chloe and Sabrina were currently fighting Bustier in her office, Alya was conspiring with the Girl Squad on Lila’s end since she wasn’t in, Max and Kim were obviously eavesdropping on that conversation while Nathaniel was off in his own world). Damian still hadn’t come in, and Adrien wasn’t in yet… she wondered if her Chaton was going to sleep in for once.
LB: Please tell me you haven’t told your team
She kept her breathing steady, not letting panic overtake. That would alert people she didn’t want knowing, to looking, which leads to suspecting and rumors and theories and she’d like to avoid that entirely—especially since she still can’t really lie.
RR: I have a feeling you would kick us all out if I did, so I haven’t.
Marinette sighed, tension leaving her shoulders.
LB: Good. Keep it that way as long as you can, okay?
RR: They’re detectives, once they have the pieces they’ll put it together… also, why is your team so easy to figure out?
Marinette winced at that.
LB: Dumb Magic Rules.
Like the one that training a wielder young will prevent corrupting them to use it for personal gain. Like the one where a Guardian cannot be a True Guardian until they connect to the entire Box or Set of kwami. Like the one where Fu can’t give up being Guardian until she’s fully fledged… and that means until she can reclaim the Nooroo and Dusuu and heal Dusuu’s miraculous. That when she does—when she does Fu is gone.
She kept her breathing steady. nothing that they wouldn’t see as Typical Marinette Fretting Over Orders… not that they knew she had those cleared for the month.
“Good morning Dupain Cheng.”
She put her phone away easily, quick to keep up Typical Marinette (no plotting or superheroing here, just Typical Marinette, Baker’s Daughter and Keeper of Secret Drink Menu).
“Hi Damian, how was your weekend?”
“Annoying.” She winced at that. He didn’t exactly have friends here, and time differences are a horrible strain on them… Maybe Ladybug should keep an eye on him… just in case. “I hope yours was adequate.”
She was really wondering who taught him French today… he was being less him and more… stuffy than usual.
“I just needed some time away...” Honestly, she needed a lifetime away from Bustier and Hawkmoth… Lila was manageable (now).
“I am glad you were able to then.”
She was wondering where her deskmate went and why he wasn’t looking at her… Maybe she overdid it last week? She—no. She is stopping her analysis brain from going off and---
“Hello Marinette,” grinned obviously Not-Adrien. Seriously—how did they all fall for it back then? Body language, facial tics, accent—its all wrong.
She narrowed her eyes, not aware that Damian was doing the same beside her.
“Aw, didn’t you miss me?”
Nino came over then, scrunching up his nose as they both could tell Fake Adrien Agreste from the real one with ease now.
“What are you doing here,” Nino was definitely tired… He was not applying his sleep schedule quiz results at all. She was so lecturing him… lunch. She could pencil it in for lunch after wrecking Felix for taking Adrien’s place for the day.
“Oh, good to see I-Love-You Girl isn’t the only one that grew a brain since I last saw you all.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Damian, lingering. Plotting. “You’re new.”
“American Transfer, leave him out of whatever’s going on in that thing you call a brain.” Marinette was not going to deal with an akuma over this. Nope. She was not dealing with that again—or a series of Akuma… God she was going to kill Felix personally if he did. Chloe was untouchable as the Mayor’s daughter, but him? She could take him down again.
“And where’s my bro?”
“Your precious Ladybug,” He sneered, “didn’t cast whatever she did last time, and he’s home sick since his allergies are acting up. I figured it’d be as good a time as any to pull our old switcheroo to keep his Father-Farthest away.”
Marinette twitched at that. She knew she was forgetting something… She sent a quick text to Red Robin.
LB: Why didn’t you tell me it was Mr. Pigeon irl, not video!
RR: …you thought I figured it out from a video?
Marinette rolled her eyes openly at her phone, ignoring Nino as he threatened Felix with his own brand of Bro Shovel Speech.
LB: detectives, most of our battles are caught a decent amount on video, and most of Paris knows that Mr. Pigeon makes him sneeze. Really not a hard recon.
RR: I think you are overestimating my willingness to watch amateur video at length when I can outsource.
Marinette huffed at that.
LB: So you trusted them to not miss major clues when you were all working on different things and would miss key connections?
RR: we’re on the same page as a team. Plus, I get better info filtered with my apps
LB: Magic Fucks Things Up
RR: I’ve noticed.
She looked up to see Damian staring ahead, and wondered if she did something, or didn’t or—NO! Bad Marinette—no going down Rumination Ruin until its time to sleep. She needs daytime for Plotting, Nighttime for Anxiety and Regrets to run wild.
She kept her attention forward when class began, pointedly Not Talking To The Gremlin but not busting him either—she wasn’t going to get Adrien in trouble. Bustier may not notice the abuse signs, but a few other teachers had, and were given the ‘heads up’ by Nino and Chloe and Sabrina.
Lila was the only one unaware of the switch when she left during lunch to drop off a few deliveries her parents asked her to handle when the rush hit. Mostly to one elderly home, and one to her favorite Rescues Only center.
(if she was seen cooing at Lord Murder—yes she knows that’s a Bad Name but the giant kitty amputee was named that years ago before she was found and stubbornly refuses all other names. So, Lord Murder (Never Lady, she hisses at that) it was.)
She blinked when she saw Damian walk in on her checking the Lord Murder’s prosthetic.
“Hey Damian.”
“Dupain Cheng.”
Marinette nodded in acknowledgement and hoped he didn’t catch her calling Lord Murder “the lord and master of murder, the most deadly kitty in existence, and yes, clearly the most cunning of kitties to manage to scratch Mean ol’ Jean with the new paw when it doesn’t even have claws, because you are The Lord Murder, kitty of cuteness and wrath to all unwanted bath times.”
He was watching her then. “Lord likes you.”
Marinette raised an eyebrow, as yes, her favorite rescue (sorry Chat) likes her. She’s the one who argued them into letting them try out prosthetics and handled the funding (officially as MDC) and may have gone overboard on checking everything from the fits and materials and… yeah, okay, she could admit that the giant fluffy Norwegian Forest home in a millisecond if it wasn’t for the health code violation (soon… Gina mentioned she might stop renting out her old house soon as the current group was only a quick temp and she didn’t want someone else living there that wasn’t like family… and something about her Lost Son using it for the moment. Maybe she could convince Maman and Papa to let her do house sitting is she breaks out the Kitten Eyes.)
“Yes. Yes she does.”
Then Lord slow blinked at Damian. She wasn’t sure if she sould be offended or worry her favorite might be adopted by someone else, or glad that it was a serial pet adopter that actually took care of their pets and would be just as nuts as her about making sure Lord Murder was happy and healthy.
“I see she likes you too.”
She could feel Tikki dying in her bag… yes, she was being… awkward. She got it…
“Anyways, I should get going, still have a delivery to do and all so…”
She didn’t, she just really had no idea how to broach the Awkward that was Damian Greyson at the moment.
“See you tomorrow.”
That got him to pause. “Tomorrow?”
“Uh, gymnastics for the rest of the day, making up for what I missed so…”
“If you see the Other Grayson, tell him he is not to hug you.”
Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I…” Brother, father, maybe cousin or legal guardian or friend of his father’s. Too many possibilities, too much to spiral on that she can’t right now. SO.
“O. okay then.”
“Good.”
Marinette waited for him to leave the room, looking at a Too Amused Lord Murder.
“Don’t you start with me, I know I’m a mess on a good day. And no, I’m not overthinking this time Lord, I’m planning, there’s a difference… And no, its not an Alya Plot.”
Those went sideways too fast.
She left with ease and froze at the text from Red Robin.
RR: Can we meet up tonight? No traces that way.
She sent a time and place and –If no akumas happen.
--
THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING. it has been a hellish time at work and extra shifts and war-zone lately on top of Precious Puppy Bonding and Care. As always, edits when I can get there and any comments or things you'd like to see expanded on more, leave a comment and I'll try to work it in if it flows.
As you can see, Plot Lines are converging soon.
Big Question though--what kind of Lila Exposed By Class do we want/are angling for? I can go legal or social backlash, blacklisting from Agreste brand, or some combo, or keep it a background element as I don't like how cannon Lila is written and the characters altered to make her bad lies work, so...
Other inquiry--do we want Dick to see Marinette take down someone (probably trying to rob her) on her way out of her gymnastics place on her way home using a few Obviously MIxed Gymnastics and Specific Brand of Martial Arts that feels oddly familiar to Nightwing who tells Red Robin and for him to groan as 'Coffee Angel, Why!' and then the next day its 'oh. Coffee Angel is also That Woman's Granddaughter. It all makes Sense now.' (as i hc Gina as probably busting a few drug, weapons, and human trafficking rings on occasion as how she met Jason back in the day) OR for him to only see the end as Nightwing and stare as she took them down and used her earbuds as 'makeshift handcuffs' while she's calling Sabrina as "I'm fine, no dodged their hits and yes i didn't get gassed this time... yes I'll let the medics look me over and no i'm not going to vanish before they get here unless Akuma, Yes if that happens i'll go to the hospital after--Look, i think i saw a shadow just move. I'm going on Akuma-mode now so... Thanks!" before running to meet up with Red Robin and have it take meeting Gina and looking between Gina and Marinette and how she responds to Jason trying to spar with her and then it clicks? I can go either way, but... Tim figures them out quick and straight up says at one point "I mean, Queen Bee after Style Queen, inverse colors... I've seen the multiverse, I had her pegged after seeing her in the bakery last week." All while Not Telling The Bats as Marinette's team doesn't even know and he has a feeling (correctly) she'll react Badly if she isn't the one to tell him before he comes clean, and ears her bolting as 'no support, team leader, and often absentee and likely disabled mentor, civilian life was a wreck for two years and her civilian safety net is only JUST reforming... hm. That's Famil--Oh.... well... wait until trust is there and let her move on that front, try not to set her off and offer help in what she'll allow--or risk pissing off the demi-goddess of creation and his Coffee Angel. Which he'd like to avoid, please and thank you.
Yeah, Tim is definitely going to Project on Marinette in this.
Also, I see Jason or Dick as Getting Marinette is InvolvedTM next... and Damian being the one to confirm the suspicions.
Prefer Jason Big Brothering or Dick "New Sister Mode Engaged" to suspect she's a temp hero? (Jason via Have You Seen Her in a Spar--and it's Gina's Granddaughter vs Dick 'Her Moves are Too Familiar, Maybe Ladybug uses her as a Body Double and trains her?' as the first Suspicion Arisen among the Bats.
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lanvady · 8 months ago
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Vady Reads MDZS - Reincarnation
An explanation of these posts can be found here
Wei Wuxian has been resurrected by means of a dark ritual. He has been offered a body in exchange for revenge, but the details of that revenge are unknown to him. He must follow through anyway, or he will be destroyed, never to be reincarnated. He learns what he can of the person who gave him his new body. 
More under the cut.
We get more infodump here, mostly about Mo Xuanyu’s background. I don’t think the specifics are important to record, but there are some important pieces of info.
The Mo family are not cultivators, and regard cultivators with awe. 
Mo Xuanyu was crazy, but only after he was thrown out-- “as if his life was scared out of him.” 
Mo Xuanyu was gay.
Mo Xuanyu was bullied by his family to the point of sacrificing his own life in order to get revenge. 
The story of Mo Xuanyu continues the theme of reputation, and adds a layer of the fickleness of people’s esteem. His mother was the child of a servant, and looked down on. She then attracted a cultivator’s eye, and gained esteem for it-- the family took pride in her. Then he left her and their attitude changed again. Their regard for her, and for her son, changes easily. 
The divide between the Mo family and the cultivation world is an interesting contrast; the prologue was all from the perspective of the cultivation world, and these people… what does the Mo family even know about Wei Wuxian? Would they recognize the name? What rumors would they have heard? Mo Xuanyu would have heard it from his time as a disciple, but the rest of them? This is probably the last place anyone would look for the fearsome YiLing Patriarch, though-- why would he be reborn in this backwater hicktown?
I love the detail that the family thinks Mo Ziyuan could have been a great cultivator-- Wuxian seems real dismissive of that. Does a person have to be born with a talent for it? That may be something that is known to those who are familiar with the genre. Based on Wuxian’s response to the idea, though, it seems like becoming a cultivator requires being born to it, in some way, and that Mo Ziyuan-- a child with no cultivator in his ancestry-- would likely not have it, where Mo Xuanyu-- whose father was not merely a cultivator, but the leader of a prominent sect, and presumably very powerful-- did. 
This is the first time homosexuality is mentioned, and… it’s not entirely clear to me whether it is itself something shameful, or whether the shame was that he “harassed” other disciples. Probably both-- if he had “harassed” female disciples, that would have been normal, not scandalous. Textually speaking, though, that’s not really made clear. He also is wearing makeup-- badly applied, horrible looking makeup, but makeup. Is that supposed to be because he was gay or because he was crazy? 
(I have some thoughts about Mo Xuanyu being crazy, but as I am attempting to keep this centered only on what I have read so far, I won’t mention them-- they’re based on stuff we find out later. I want to see, with this re-read, whether that headcanon holds up.)
(Speaking of things we don’t know yet: let’s start tracking characters that are bullied, picked on, or treated terribly! The count so far is just Mo Xuanyu, and his response was to sacrifice himself to summon the most evil spirit he could think of to kill his entire family. Also, he is treated this way mostly for shit that’s not his fault-- while his disgraceful return to Mo Village was due to his actions, he’s mistreated because his family hated his mother, because they think he ‘stole’ Ziyuan’s chance to be a cultivator, and because he’s crazy. Also, there’s the very real possibility that he was kicked out of the sect because he was gay-- yes, the scandal was due to his actions, but would the same thing have happened if he had been harassing women? Let’s keep an eye on people who are bullied, why they are bullied, and how they respond.)
In this chapter we already start to see cracks in what we were told about Wei Wuxian in the prologue. 
That one of his first thoughts is “when did I do something as immoral as…” is telling. The people celebrating Wei Wuxian’s death certainly would not have put stealing a body past him, but he himself thinks it is immoral and that he wouldn’t do it? His first thought is basically “how dare you!” but after that he’s… confused, groggy, and not at all the terrifying YiLing Patriarch that we heard about last chapter. 
He does realize what happened almost immediately-- he recognizes the array, or is able to decipher it enough to know what it did. It is an “ancient, forbidden technique” that he presumably had studied at some point, to figure it out right away, which does align with what we’ve heard, at least as far as his skills and abilities are concerned. Turns out the talk of his doing evil magics was at least partially true! 
… but he “refuses to accept” the whole deal because he is not, in his mind, an “extremely villainous ghoul.” 
I have to laugh at the phrasing here (and I wish I could read the original to know if the tone is the same) where he thinks “his reputation wasn’t great.” My dude, we just had a whole prologue in which the entire cultivation world celebrated your death. Whether or not you were “extremely villainous,” your reputation was way worse than “not great.” 
It is interesting that he says he was a harmless ghost-- that he did not seek vengeance. That goes directly counter to one of the things we were told last chapter, that if he was ever to return he would unleash hell. 
I absolutely adore that he whines “how could this happen to me…” about being given a body (do you not… want to live again? Or is it the requirement to take revenge that you don’t want to do? In any case, you are the fearsome YiLing Patriarch, stop whining like a child), and that the last thing in this chapter is “you’ve got the wrong person.” Wei Wuxian knows exactly what they said about him-- he lists off several things-- but he also tells us, with that last line, that he is not what Mo Xuanyu thought. 
So, what do we know about Wei Wuxian, now that we’re in his head? 
Whiny*
Does not think of himself as particularly evil
Would not have stolen a body
Experienced with dark, forbidden magics
Thinks he is the wrong person to call on for revenge
Now, looking at this chapter in terms of how it functions… it’s a jarring change. The prologue had no characters; it was all dialogue from unnamed cultivators. It also spoke of great and important events, and the narrator was distant, telling the audience things but not from any one perspective. Here we are in Wei Wuxian’s head, seeing things from his perspective, and the events are… mundane. An asshole cousin beats him up and trashes his room because he complained to his parents. There’s obviously more going on-- a dark ritual, an array painted in blood, a tragic backstory-- but we are thrown into this scene that is very petty. 
Having our viewpoint character not know what is happening is a useful device; we don’t have to be told things he already knows because he doesn’t know what’s going on. We get to figure things out along with him. At the same time, we have this setup where we have been told a lot of things about who our viewpoint character is, and we can immediately see that the grandiose caricature presented in the prologue is… not particularly accurate. The fearsome YiLing Patriarch, whose power could level mountains and empty seas, is confused and annoyed at having been forced into a body to enact someone’s revenge. 
Two chapters in, and we have been shown: do not believe what the rumor mill says, it’s almost certainly exaggerated, and potentially entirely wrong. 
*okay, that might be a bit harsh, but seriously, he repeats “how could this happen to me” several times as he figures out what happened. Still, it’s definitely not the sort of behavior I would have assumed from the prologue’s descriptions of him. 
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trishvaylar · a year ago
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9.11
I guess we all know that this is standart tradition in the english-speaking culture to number dates and months exactly that way - first the month number, then the day.
9.11 - September the 11th.
It is although the numbers we dial when in an imergency. Nine one one.
And so, since 2001 there is dual association connected to 911/9.11 - both the hope for salvation and the memory of greatest pain, loss, and despair in our recent history.
This little story, I hope, could come as a sign of rememberance and of our togetherness in those very trying times.
911
I remember everything burning. The wallpaper piling away from the walls and the metal melting from the heat. I remember the wall of flame separating me and three of my collegues from the stairs which by some miracle did not collapse...yet. I can feel the walls, the floors, the ceiling wibrating with this inevitable sense of death coming for all of us. We were trapped, unable to escape, and all because the three of us were never late for our jobs. I am with a tourist agency and was just working with an early client, and my two collueges are managers from the same agency. I suddenly remember that Jennifer has three kids, one of them only three years old, and their Daddy died last summer from complications to pmeumonia. And they are about to loose the one parent they still had. Then I remember that Gemma, my other collegue, has an invalid Mother who only depends on her. And then I think about myself. I have no one to come back to at home, not even a cat, or a puppy, or a parrot. And suddenly I want nothing more then to help Gemma and Jennifer, they have so much to live for.
Their phones are in their bags, and those were left in the office. When panic insued, we started running away, and only I had my phone in my pocket.
Not knowing what else to do, I take it out and see with wonder that the signal is still on. I dial 911 automatically, because that seems the only possible thing left to do. And, what a miracle, I get an answer.
"911, James is my name, what is your emergency?"
I listen to this soft gentle voice, and again hope flares in my soul.
"We are trapped, thirteenth floor of the second World Trade Center Buildings, the one, that was attacked first. There is fire and smoke everywhere, and a fiery wall blockes our way to the stairs...There are three of us. What do we do?"
For a moment I think the connection has been lost, but it isn't.
"Do you have anything to wet your clothes with?"
I think long and hard and suddenly I remember a little service toilett on the same floor, very close, on the left in the hall where we are.
"If the toilett is not out of service, there is one we may reach right now".
"Do it, try to reach the toilett, and if there is still water in the sink, wet everything, every item of the cloth that you have on, and apply as much moisture to your faces as you can, it could help your eyes cope with the smoke. Do it now. I am here and I am not going anywhere at all".
I feel like his voice is guiding me while all three of us try to do what he said (I put my phone on loudspeaker, so the others would also know what to do). We get to the toilett, it is working, and the water is in the sink, in the tubes. It takes us a few seconds to wet everything and our faces. Now we should go back and try to pull throught the smoke to the stairs.
And all the while James is with us, guiding us, step by step. Then, in the middle of of our efforts to pull through the fire and smoke, holding to the middle, as James is advising us, we hear a terrible noice...a noice of Apocalypse, something giant falling to the ground. Fear almost paralizes us all, for, even though there are no windows here, we know, we could guess what just happened outside. But James' voice wakes us from the stupor.
"You must keep moving, you should not stop".
Then I see Gemma stumble on some rubble that she did not notice right in front of her and I see her fall to the ground. I hold the phone with one hand, and grab her left hand with the other and pull. It is no good, her leg is stuck, and while we tug, me and Jennifer, Gemma screams in pain.
"Leave me, leave me, save yourselves!"
She literally yells at us, which is a first, usually she never yells. In fact I have never before heard her raise her voice, even when she was giving orders, and we worked together for seven years.
"GO!"
She yells again, and Jenifer pulls me hard to make me move.
"Someone will come for me, go!" says Gemma, but I see the lie in her hazel eyes. We both know we shall never see each other again. All I can say is:
"I know where your Mother lives. I will not abandone her..."
"THEN GO!"
I feel the tears cloud my vision, and I can only gravitate towards James' voice telling me that there are many 911 teams outside trying to get it, and he, James, would do all in his power to convey to them of what happened on the thirteenth floor. He implores me to go.
And I go. Me and Jennifer, we hold hands, and I hold the phone right in front of my face...and then I hear the command:
"James, we have tons of incoming calls, not just coming from the Twins. Hang up, there are already teams there, and start taking other calls".
I scream "no" in despair, terrified by the prospect of loosing my becon of hope, when James suddenly commands me to give him my number. I dictate it.
"I will call back from my private number in a few seconds. I will not abandon you!"
I hear his boss yelling that he shall not or he will loose his jobe, and then I only hear short pinges. I hang up and wait, praying - not for salvation, but for James to call me. And he does, in less then ten seconds. I again put my phone on loudspeaker and we listen to the new instructions, gratefull to a man we have never seen for his sacrifice. I find a moment to tell him so, but he only says quickly, "my job doesn't matter, only your lives matter to me now".
In two minutes we start seeing the stairs. But the floor in front of us is burning. James tells us to jump. We hold hands as we do so and we manage. Then there is only one thing to be done - run, run as fast as we could. And we run. Counting the floors aloud, that is how James holds our moral. We reach seventh floor when the building begins to shake so hard our bodies vibrate with it. The fear almost paralizes us both again, but James keeps telling us to move. And to count. We do so. Finally we reach floor one, and there is the Exit sign right in front of us. But the door has jammed, we can not open it. James directes us to go find a window. Any window. We manage that. We manage breaking the glass, clearing the shards with a piece of wood (hell knows what it used to be, a table, splintered to pieces, possibly), then I climb up first for I am taller then Jennifer. I hand her the phone, find solid ground and reach out with both hands to grab hers, as James had instructed. Now is the time to say goodbie to our guide, hang up, so I could grab both her hands. We both say "thank you". He tells us to call him back when we are both out safely. I promise him that. Then Jennifer tuggs the phone into the pocket of her jacket, and lifts both hands. This is when I feel strong hands pull me back. I see a man running to the shattered window and start pulling my friend to safety. And then I hear a sign that sounds like the words "I am sorry I couldn't last longer", and I see the pit of hell opening right in front of me. The sound is horrendous. The last thing I remember is myself wispering "I do not blame you".
I came to in two days in the hospital, knowing beyond reasonable doubt that my two collueges, along with thousands of others, were dead.
When I finally chequed out of the hospital, the first thing I did was cash the cheque I got from my company and gave half the money to Gemma's Mother. Then I found Jennifer's kids and found out that her parents came for them, her death having healed the breach that existed between her and her Mom and Dad. I knew now that they will be loved and well taken care of.
Next I went and bought myself a new mobile phone. I tried to pull all the incoming calls from my mobile company, to fullfill my promise and call James, but I was turned down. I was also turned down by the 911, they just told me that they had a lot of Jameses, and were not allowed to disclose any private info about their employees.
That evening I came back to my one bedroom flat, feeling that my whole life crushed with the Building I spent most of my time at during the last ten years. I felt listless, despair setting in, when suddenly my phone rang. Automatically I answered it.
"Hi, I kept calling you every evening at seven, hoping to reach you, it's ... "
"My becon of hope", I wispered, tears running freely from my eyes.
"Did you both..."
"No, just me".
A minute of commemorative silence and then he said:
"Care for a cup of tea and a sandwitch?"
"I would love to. Just tell me when and where. Your choice".
And so we met. We drank tea, eat sandwitches and traded little private things about ourselves to each other. On the second date we kissed. On the third he proposed. In a month we were married. Tomorrow, on 9.11 2020 we shall go to Ground Zero with our daughters Gemma and Jennifer, who both turn seventeen next month, and again pay our respects to my two dead friends, gone but always most fondly remembered, to all those people who lost their lives on 9.11 2001, and whose families will be forever affected by the loss, with our twins to tell them again of our own private love story and of the Twins.
#my story #911 #9.11.2001 #9.11.2019 #Dedicated to the World Trade Center in New York City #To the Twins #And to New York #My favorite city in the world
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ninibears-erigom · a year ago
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Thank you your answer!! I'm considering living there for a few years actually but I'm currently just labeling it as a trip. So any info about your time living there would be super helpful! (-:
This is gonna be hella long so it’s under the cut. Remember these are all given from my experience and what I saw/experienced and some of these things will vary from person to person.
Living - there are complications to living there for extended periods of time. A few foreign friends I had lived there on tourist visas, but they worked in hostels for accommodation and would have to leave the country every few months; I would only recommend this if you were able to afford the expenses because you are unlikely to work a job that would pay you in this situation. Some hostels will pay you if you work over the recommended hours but most do not. I was on a working holiday visa, which is great to do if you want to work and be able to look around the country; with this you would have to get your ARC before 90 days (do not mess with this because someone I know didn’t do it within the time frame and ended up with a huge fine). You are allowed to work a maximum of 25 hours a week but you can only stay at a job for six months at a time, the minimum wage is fairly low and so this is another situation where you need to have a good budget plan as well as back up funds. Also it does take months to get a job, so definitely don’t expect something to happen straight away and be careful when applying on craiglist as some of those jobs are not what they appear. If you are looking for long term - this is where you need a work visa, you can change from a working holiday to work but you need to have a sponsored job to be able to do so and these can be difficult to come by depending on what job industry you are looking at. I don’t want to shoot down your dreams of living there but it is fairly difficult to just ‘live there’ unless you have certain factors like a good paying job, the correct visas as well as being able to survive for at least three months without a source of income.
ARC - Alien Registration Card, this is your ID and is your proof that you are living in Korea. You can open a bank account or get a phone with a passport but these are limited in time frame but when it comes to applying for a lot of jobs, housing, buying things online, going to the doctors etc. this is what you need. It was really hard to find decent information about obtaining this and it does take a month to process but it isn’t as hard and as scary as it seems as long as you have all the correct paperwork and the correct office for registration.
Online security - anything to do with banking in Korea is INSANE, the amount of apps I have on my phone just to be able to purchase things online is ridiculous and yes, you do have to have a good understanding of Korean to be able to navigate these apps because they don’t offer English and when I first bought something online because it was cold af and I didn’t want to travel to Gangnam to order it - I was so so close to doing it anyway because it was so damn difficult.
Public Transport - most of the time, taxis can be the more efficient way to travel and you get to sit down the entire trip but considering the cost compared to catching a train/bus and the fact I almost died three times in a taxi - I do recommend train/bus if you aren’t pressed for time. Both are extremely reliable but can be super cramped (once I caught the bus home from work, it was 3am and it was PACKED) but I never had fear that the train was going to kill me en route to destination unlike the taxi drivers because those mf be crazy. You can get personalised transport cards (T-Money or CashBee) and they can be used in most convenience stores as well as transport. I still have my Nini one that I got done, so worth it as a souvenir.
Foreign treatment - I will say this, even though I never experienced it, there have been friends of mine who did have bad experiences because they are foreigners. Some examples I will place in the section below (Men) but two ‘bad’ experiences I had were both very minor and easy to look over. I was stared at a lot because I am fair-skinned, blonde with blue eyes (yes, I am of mixed cultural descent but my Scandinavian genetics stands out more) but I am also curvy and not overly shy about my body so that brought attention to me also. The other was the one of two bad experiences I had with a Korean EXO-L (the other will be in the Kpop section) where I had gotten a score of 98% in the handprint compatibility test with Jongin at SMTown (I have the photo as proof) and the girl going after us gave me the dirtiest look and said something in Korean which wasn’t hard to decipher. Another thing is that some nightclubs are very racist about who they let into their clubs, Octagon is very high end and if you did choose to go there you have to dress and look a particular way, I know a friend of mine who was denied at a club because she’s African American and another because he was from a Muslim country.
Men - okay, as much as we love our idols and wouldn’t think they would behave like this, men in Korea, like any where else in the world, are dogs. Now, this isn’t the entirety of my experience as a lot of the men I met were sweet and very respectful but wow, some of them were rude and dogs. Especially in the nightclubs. A lot of the ‘older’ men are actually married and go to clubs in Hongdae or Itaewon to find ‘easy western women’ to have one night stands with. This was something that I didn’t experience thankfully but I know a lot of people who did. They will grope you and pressure you, a friend of mine also got ruffied, so never ever go out to the clubs without some true friends who will have your back. Most of the time, the men are lovely but there is always a few mutts in any part of the world you go to.
Kpop - I hear a lot of drama between kfans and intl fans and the weird thing is, I only ever had to deal with a nasty kfan (other than the weirdo at SM) once. A lot of them were lovely, helpful and inclusive; a few of my really good friends in Korea are kfans and we met at concerts/events and even hung out outside of it all. There was one woman that I literally shoved because she was a real bitch and slapped a young girls banner out of her hand and also slapped my lightstick out of mine all because we were ‘in her shot’ but that was the only problem. The rest of the kfans were so beautiful and always willing to help with certain things that confused me or I was unsure about.
Little random tidbits - wages are paid monthly, accommodation costs can be quite expensive, there’s a lot of sex work advertised on craigslist so be careful, speaking english isn’t overly a problem but having a good knowledge of korean is recommended, people live fast in korea so expect to be shoved around as they try to get to where they need to go, always be respectful of the older generation and children, avoid the churchies who will harass you on the street, crossing the road is like playing chicken regardless of whether you have the right of way, if you can’t handle spicy food - you may be shit out of luck in most places.
All in all, my experience in Korea was life-changing and positive and I do have the intention of moving permanently over there as I did have the opportunity given to me while there but need my bachelors to do it this time around. I adjusted quickly but I also had friends that helped with that; it can be quite terrifying and daunting unless you have someone or are able to meet people over there who can help you with certain things.
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canonicallysoulmates · 2 years ago
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SPN SDCC 2019 OPINIONS
Right now some of you are probably wondering why the fuck you're seeing a post about SDCC when it's September and the answer to that is that I did not have a computer when SDCC happened back in July so I couldn't make this post then, trust me I would have preferred it if I could have, and why am I even bothering to make it when so long a time has passed? Cause I said I was going to and as I've  stated in the past I was going to watch the panel and some interviews anyways and share my opinion so I might as well make it into a proper post. Or at least try to, this turned out a little over the place. Now, originally, back in July, I was thinking of doing something like I had done last year meaning a massive post full of spoilers and info available but as you can guess from the title of this post that did not happen this is because of two reasons: 1) I feel like there was less info than there was for s14, to be fair like I said I didn't have a computer during the time and I wasn't on SM a lot so it's entirely possible that there was a bunch of info and spoilers that never made their way into my very limited radar. 2) September is ending, the s15 premiere is literally around the corner, I don't have the time necessary to go through any and all news and info and spoilers about s15, and to be very honest I don't have the patience either. So this post is going to be just my opinion on the panel and on some of the things that were said in SDCC interviews, there are still timestamps and some transcripts and all the interviews I talk about plus the panel are linked at the end in their entirety.  I watched 4 interviews for each person on the panel with the exception of two people, I did not watch any of M. Collins interviews, I also didn't watch any of Berner's interviews I was going to but Dabb, Singer and BuckLemming test my patience enough as it is. Also I want to keep this post brief so I'm only talking about things that really stood out to me. Standard disclamer applies that these are all just my opinions and you might not agree with them.... SDCC 2019 Panel I don't have much to say about this panel, most of it was everybody talking a bit about the legacy of the show, there wasn't really any info given about s15  and in that regard, I am a bit disappointed, I wish they had used the panel more and found a balance between talking about the legacy of the show while also incorporating info about the final season. But I can understand why they would do something more subdued. The only things that stood out to me was Dabb trying to make what I hope is a joke about the ending of the show pleasing only 30% of people and bringing up GOT,  regular which I'm not gonna comment on cause I want to keep this post general but those who know know 😉, should go without saying that my heart broke all over again seeing j2 cry over the show ending 💔 And I cannot go without mentioning Dabb's intro to the panel cause it fucking killed me, he must have written it himself 😂 "our next guest very first job on tv was writing for supernatural, after eight seasons in the trenches he ascended to the coveted position of showrunner. Armed with genius talent and deep respect for the characters and stories he's beautifully shouldered the shows vision for the past 3 seasons and now leads us bravely forward on the shows final chapter" [TIMESTAMP] Interviews
Let's talk about Chuck, everybody seemed to be on the same page about this, they all gave similar answers when asked about it which is a nice change of pace usually they all give different answers but to me it seems like they, once again, dug themselves into a hole they don't know how to get out of and are trying to back out of it, like in one of the interviews Lemming says at one point Castiel will point out to Sam and Dean that whether or not it was god playing tricks on them they would have come across the same crossroads and they are the ones who made the decision about which direction to go not someone else ("cas will point out to them weather it was god playing tricks on us or us doing it ourselves out in the world we would have met the same crossroads or they would have been different crossroads but whatever crossroads we would have come across we made a decision whether  to go right or left no one else did that to us" [TIMESTAMP] ) which to me sounds a hell of a lot like free will. And look, everybody has a different interpretation or views on what free will is, I, personally, think free will has nothing to do with whether or not someone/something puts an obstacle in front of us it has to do with whether or not we're the ones who decide how to deal with it meaning that someone/something doesn't make the choice for us. So to me what Lemming is talking about is free will which is what supposedly Sam and Dean never actually had, to be fair it's possible that scene won't happen or that explanation won't be given or it'll be something different but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that it was all a test by Chuck and when Sam and Dean go to kill him or something he'll be all 'surprise! you passed your mission is done now you can have peace'; I also wouldn't be surprised if Dabb&co do what they usually do and ignore things after the first three episodes until the mid-season finale and the finale. But hey, maybe they'll prove me wrong, and do something really interesting and complex...not gonna hold my breathe for it though. Since I already mentioned Lemming there was something she said that irked me, she was asked about the shows influence/impact on sci-fi shows and stuff, I'll leave a link so you can see the whole thing point is she was talking about early seasons and said: "....we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is..." This irks me. Look I'm not a horror buff, so perhaps it's not my place to talk and to be fair maybe this is not the way she meant to come across and I'm probably alone in this but the way she talks about horror at least in this particular answer comes across to me as somebody who doesn't understand or respect horror. I don't really know how to properly explain myself but her going "but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is"  to me this come across as somebody who doesn't know or understand that you can write personalities and the psychology of people and still be horror. Still stay in that genre, without going into drama territory like horror is so much more than just jump scares. I don't know maybe it's that I'm so tired of everything being put in what I consider outdated boxes of either comedy or drama. Or that I'm tired of horror being shoved into drama's box. Or horror being shoved into a box where it's just gore and jump scares and if it's more than that it's a drama or artsy horror or classy horror or some other bs  people say when they don't wanna admit they like horror. Or maybe it's the fact that Eugenie Lemming of all people is the last one that should be saying this when with the exception of ONE episode she and her writing partner don't actually explore personalities or peoples psychology. Or maybe it's the fact that the early seasons where this show was more horror it explored personalities and the psychology of the people in that world way better than the later seasons, even though the later seasons have moved into drama territory and have moved away from its horror roots! Anyways I'm gonna leave a full transcript here plus the timestamp so you can go and get full context, this was just something that like I said irked me: "when the show started the mission was to do an hour horror film every week, and really pay attention to the elements of what made horror horror and really put a lot of money into production and make it look good i think we didn't really break ground- yes there were some scary things and special effects in prior shows but we really approached this and build up a post production community, we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is love between brothers betrayal between family members, hope dreams promises honor deceit and you do all that- so that can be in every genre it's just packaged as a very classy horror genre..." [TIMESTAMP]
Let's move on to Buckner, he, unsurprisingly, said a lot of things that made me roll my eyes, like he said romance might make an appearance which why??? that's not the point of this show, and: "that's one of the more exciting aspects of this season is that it's actually covering new turf instead of just doing the things that ave worked for us and just going out on a high note actually it's going to be quite experimental"  [TIMESTAMP] 
Do I even need to point out why this is a dumb ass approach to handle a shows last season? Speaking of dumb asses...Dabb. He got asked if Sam was still psychic he answered: "No, since Sam decided to stop drinking demon blood his powers have gone away, unless he picks it [demon blood] up again" [TIMESTAMP] 
Sam had his powers before he got addicted to demon blood, he got his powers when he was a baby because of Azazel, ffs we saw him use his powers in an episode! In season 2! Before the demon blood addiction! He drank demon blood to enhance the powers he already had; it would have made more sense if he had said something like Sam burned his powers after what happened in s5. Sucks that we might never see Sam with powers again but with Dabb behind the wheel it might be for the best. 
Now you’ve probably noticed that so far I’ve made no mention of Jared, Jensen or Alex and that’s because with the exception of Jared and Jensen talking about the ending nothing stood out that much to me and as for why I don’t talk about the ending it’s cause I don’t have much to say, Jensen said it took some time but he’s ok with the ending now, Jared that he was ok with the ending they had planned but that it might change and I am both comforted and concerned by their words; even though I didn’t talk about them I am going to link to the Jared and Jensen’s interviews I watched, I personally really enjoyed Jared’s (I love the way he answers questions ❤), sadly I forgot to save the links to Alex’s interviews but if I might try to find them and add them. 
So there it is my edited down opinions on this year’s SDCC, if you read this whole thing, thank you. If you read it and didn’t agree with any of it that’s ok, this is as I said just my opinion. 
Links:
SDCC Panel
Lemming Interview 1
Lemming Interview 2
Buckner Interview 
Dabb Interview
Jensen’s Interviews:
Interview 1
Interview 2
Interview 3
Interview 4
Jared’s Interviews:
Interview 1
Interview 2
Interview 3
Interview 4
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mentalillnessmouse · 2 years ago
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(p1) Hi, I'm writing because I feel there is no hope for me. I'm 30, I live at home where I get verbally mistreated (it was physical when I was younger.) I'm morbidly obese, agoraphobic, I literally didn't leave the house for a 2 year period and still rarely do. I have 0 friends and never had any except a few online ones who ditched me years ago. I was bullied constantly. I have self-harm marks all over my arms. I've NEVER had a job, or finished high school. I still almost never leave the house.
(p2) I’ve asked for help to learn to drive, but they tell me I can’t. I guess because they call me autistic and tell me I am not very smart and make jokes about me having ADHD. I took those comments seriously and they told me I was “looking for problems.” WHAT? I made the mistake of speaking with a few psychiatrists about it who shut me down because, in their words, I didn’t “look” like I had those issues. And that my parents had hard jobs so it made sense they would lash out at me. 
(p3) I deal with other issues too like menorrhagia. A doctor had me do an ultrasound (this was like my 3rd one since ‘06) and sent me to a specialist because they saw something. The specialist said she didn’t think anything was there and wasn’t going to actually examine me. I gave up. I’m afraid to speak up for myself, I genuinely don’t understand how to live, make friends, talk to people. I feel like I just have TOO MANY issues. And at my age I don’t see why anyone would bother with me anymore.
(p4) I have an appt with a psych at the same place as the others because I have my city’s free insurance and nowhere else to go. I don’t know if I can do it again after this? I just wanted somewhere to reach out at least one more time :( I’ve reached out to others (like extended family) who will talk to me for a bit then ignore? I can’t help but to feel damaged or like I’m doing something wrong I can’t figure out. I feel like a weak loser and I didn’t try good enough.I’m sorry this is so long
Hello Anon, 
I’m mod Bee and I’ll do my best to help you out, but I received help myself from the other mods to write you back. So this is a communal effort!
Thank you for reaching out, and I’m sorry you’re going though such a difficult and distressing situation. You sound strong and tenacious, and I’m proud of you for the way you keep trying to improve your life. 
We have some suggestions that we hope can be of help. They’ll concerne:
finding online communities/groups to hang out with
finding a professional that suits your needs 
looking for courses you can join 
thinking about possible job options 
Just an head up: this is going to be long, and it will contain tons of links. I’ll highlight one - that I think it’s most useful - for each section, but I suggest you to go through them all. 
1. finding online communities/groups to hang out with
Having friends is important for our mental health, but it can get difficult to make new ones, especially when we’ve been burned before.  
Online communities, forums, and groups, can be good places to start looking for friends again. You can approach them with as much caution as you need, and find those people you relate with the most.
If you like games, and rpgs in particular, there are online options that allow you to connect with other others all over the world. Activities like Dungeon&Dragons are based around players’ interactions, so you’d get to know people without putting the stress on forging new friendships. The article 10 Best Online Chat Rooms & Games suggests other equally fitting games. 
Forums and groups where you can share your experience and fears are another important tool you can use. I’ve looked into active ones and found Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia Forum, r/Agoraphobia/ (on reddit), bus (a self-harm support forum), Mental health support group and discussion community, Online Support Groups by Turn2Me, PsychForums (Psychology and Mental Health Forums), and the ReachOut app.
Trying with pen pals - a one on one exchange - could also be a good idea: InterPals and PenPalWorld are only two of the many websites dedicated to this purpose. Here’s some tips on how it works.
Finally, there are apps with the specific purpose of finding new friends, like Bumble BFF. Try to see if you there’s one of your liking in this list.
2. finding a professional that suits your needs
We usually recommend what it’s colloquially called “psychiatrist/therapist shopping”, the act of choosing a professional after inquiring what we need to know of their line of work, based on our own wishes, and asking this to more than one.
It’s difficult when insurance covers just a little portion of professionals, but not impossible. 
Can’t afford therapy? No insurance? Need low cost options? Here is a great list of ways to get help when money or insurance is an issue.
Therapy For Every Budget: How To Access It
9 Ways to Get Free or Cheap Therapy When You Don’t Have Health Insurance
Dial 211 for Essential Community Services: if you call 211, you can ask about free therapy options in your area, or how to work with you insurance to afford other professionals.
If none of these options work out, and you have to stick with the professional your insurance provides, there are measures you can take that might help making the sessions successful. Check out 21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session and How to Talk to Your Doctors When They Don’t Listen. 
If your new psychiatrist tries to dismiss you without hearing everything that you have to say, insist that they write on your record exactly what they did and why, and that you absolutely want a copy of it before you exit their room. It’s your right to have both your requests accomplished. I know it’s not easy to have them respected: you’ll probably have to stand your ground and that can be difficult, but I think it’s important for you and fundamental for what you can get out of this session. This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself, which I suggest you to start before going to your appointment, if you can. It can be useful to face your family, too.
Does your insurance cover a different specialist for the gynecological problem your doctor wanted you to check out? Is there any free or low-cost clinic near you, like Planned Parenthood or Free Clinic? You can inquire about their services through email.
3. looking for courses you can join
Online courses can be helpful for a number of things, like keeping busy, learning new stuff, feeling accomplished, and possibly getting some qualifications. 
There are some free options that end with a proper certificate, but not all are accredited, meaning that they’re not automatically accepted by employers (they can choose to consider them valid or not). Still, there are no downsides in joining such a course, seeing that it doesn’t cost anything but your time.
Not accredited certificates/no certificates:
Alison’s Diploma Courses and Certificate Courses 
FutureLearn doesn’t grant you certificates with their free courses, but it still provides learning access
edX’s Courses
Udemi, not free but it offers up to 90% discounts generally once a month
Learn how to code, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn coding
Free Online Language Courses, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn languages  
24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free
Accredited certificates
coursera offers some free courses, and/or the possibility to apply for financial aid
Online Degree require no tuition, no applications, and no interviews, and has worked so participating Universities around the country will consider the courses for credit, potentially finishing up to an entire freshman year of college
edX’s Professional Certificate Programs are not free, but edX offers up to a 90% discount to those who prove they cannot pay a full price.
University Of The People is tuition-free, which means there is no charge for teaching or instruction, only initial fees (around 160$) for each course. You can also apply for scholarships.
on StudyPortal - Scholarships, you can find a huge number of scholarships available in your country, and here you can find the easiest scholarships to apply to. There are also scholarships for online courses.
There’s also the possibility of completing high school through virtual courses, and if they’re organized by your State’s public school system, they should be free. You can find more info on this here. 
4. thinking about possible job options
Working towards finding a job is important for our own self-worth and feeling like a valuable member of society, and of course it can also help with looking for better therapy. 
It can be tricky when mental and physical illnesses are at play, though. That’s why I’d like to give you some online options here, too, that don’t ask for any particular prerequisite, and would give you enough free time to focus to get better. Jobs like data entry or app testing are doable from home, and may not pay much, but they’d allow you to start building some savings. 
5 Online Jobs That Require Little or No Experience
No Experience? Start One of These Online Jobs
Best Data Entry Jobs From Home
10 (Legit) Data Entry Jobs from Home
Work At Home Data Entry on Indeed.com
FlexJobs
Glassdoor
Whatever you choose, creating a strong resume is always a good step. I’m giving you some resources on how to do that:
How to Create a Professional Resume
How To Make A Resume 101
Help Everyone Find A Job In Their Field
And between checking out all these options we gave you, please try to do some of this Workout For Daily Life, because focusing on a screen for too long can cause so many aches!
You’re not a loser, you’re strong and you keep fighting for yourself, which is admirable. I hope these resources can be of help, and please do send another ask if you need anything else.
Take care,
mod Bee
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foreveralwaysanauthor · a year ago
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As previously warned, I have a huge number of questions for the fanfic author ask thing. So, here we go: 4, 5, 6, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 20, 21, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 36, 37 and then, if that wasn’t already enough, and there is anything you want to answer that I haven’t already asked, then pick one of your choosing to answer as well! 💕
Holy crap you weren’t kidding! lol this is gonna be so much fun!
4: What made you start writing fanfiction?
My 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Gula, gave me a challenge to write out my own ending to my favorite movie or TV show. As I was never really one to back down from a challenge, I went home and wrote out my own story about the first Transformers movie and another one about what I would do if I had been in HIgh School Musical. Yeah... needless to say, I was the Hermione of my grade.
5: Favorite pairing?
I know I don’t write for them, but my top is probably either Dee Dee and Frankie from the Beach Blanket Bingo, Bikini Beach, and Muscle Beach type movies or Seaweed and Penn from Hairspray. Something about those types of romance are sort of sweet to me. Guess I’m just an old soul. I also adore Cory and Topanga form Boy Meets World, but I’m mostly here for the older romances.
6: Least favorite pairing?
I’ll probably get flack for all of my answer, but I’m a little bit opinionated about this lol. The way Ginny and Harry’s relationship in the films was, was just confusing and so not what I had expected from them. The books gave them so much more than the movies ever did. The books were way better. Another case I don’t like was Bella and Edward/Renesmee and Jacob from Twilight. I think the other relationships in Twilight were better (Jasper and Alice are so sweet!) and Stephanie Meyer just kinda tossed Bella and Edward and Renesmee and Jacob together in the hope it would work and it just didn’t.
12: What’s the weirdest fic you’ve ever written?
I can’t believe I’m admitting to this.... I used to write full stories about One Direction. I had a full Niall x OC story I posted on a 1D Imagines group on Facebook that got almost 2,000 likes. It was silly, but, my word, it was almost as long as Broken Record. It spanned over the month of October 2014 and I can’t believe it ot the attention it did. It wasn’t all that good, but I guess it was good enough for people to like it, so that’s alright by me lol
13: Weirdest fic you’ve ever read?
I don’t believe it’s on fanfiction anymore, but I remember the basic info on it. It was Make a Wish by FireBladePrime. It was pretty much a girl made a wish on a shooting star and it made her favorite toys come to life as full size humans. I believe she ended up falling in love with one, but I’m pretty sure it just ended up being something that she came up with in her head when she was in a coma due to a car accident. Definitely a weird one, but it was pretty well written as far as memory serves.
14: Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?
Well, quite a bit of my family knows, actually. It started with just my parents, but my dad was always wanting to show off whatever his baby princess did (I was his only biological child, my older siblings were from my mom’s ex-husband). Dad shared with his siblings, mom shared with her siblings and my grandfather. My nieces and nephews know as well, but I believe that’s it. As far as I know, they are all very supportive and have no problem with it. My neice, Lorali, and nephews, Erek and Drake, have read all of my Teen Beach fics and quote things from them daily just to see if I’ll react, but they mostly just like reading them or having me read to them. They’re very loving and supportive of my writing.
15: Favorite fandom to write for?
I don’t know if I could pick one! I love Teen Beach so much, but I also have a certain affinity for writing small oneshots or “x Reader” style stories for Avengers and Harry Potter which can be found here and here. I do share the Harry Potter page with my sister, but she handles reblogging things to our page. Anyway, those would probably be my top fandoms!
17: What is the harshest criticism you’ve ever gotten on a fic?
Holy crap. Okay, I may or may not have repressed this for a long time, but I have more than one that I can’t decide between. The other one was from a girl in my class who stole my writing notebook and read my writing. Fuck you, Ashley She gave it back to me later that day with marker scribbles all over my writing. She said that I was horrible. The next day, I stole the makeup bag she had brought from her mother’s bathroom and buried it on the playground.
I was a good child that believed in getting even. Nobody found out about that btw.
Anyway, the first real criticism I had on a fic was someone who said, “You have no talent and you shouldn’t be writing. It all sucks and you’ll never go anywhere as an author.” I had actually written this down and, when I felt it no longer mattered to me, I burned it. It took me a couple of years to come to the realization that their opinion didn’t matter to me.
 20: What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic?
Having time to sit down and write, probably. I usually have great ideas, but, in order to write them out and have them come out alright, I would need to sit down and feel it all come together while I write. I need time that I just don’t have most of the time.
21: Your biggest strength?
When I sit down to write, it all just flies out of me. Once i start, I don’t stop until my idea is all out into either m notebook or my computer. I can have a simple idea that somehow spirals into an eight page chunk that I never thought was possible. I like to think of that as my biggest writing strength.
24: What’s your process?
Write out the “backbone plot” (The stuff that has to happen, no matter what)
Decide on characters. Figure out appearance, personality and basic traits. (Sorta like a sim, I guess)
Bounce ideas with whoever will listen/listen to music (Gain ideas and write them in a small notebook)
Wait for inspiration and time to line up accordingly.
Write as much as I can.
Go back into that later on and edit what needs to be there and delete what isn’t necessary.
Publish!
I hope that’s what this means, at least.
25: Of all the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite?
Most definitely Broken Record and Creating a Rift. It was one of my first published stories and I just adore them.
26: Which of your fics is your least favorite?
I don’t even know how to find it anymore, but it was called Life’s a Rollercoaster. It was a Transformers fic that I had written when I was 11. Never finished it bc I lost the login stuff and it, now that I remember it, sucked hard.
27: What’s your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more?
Any of them really! I love that Broken Record has had almost 10,000 reads, but I don’t believe it. As I go back over it, I wonder how on earth it gained popularity in the first place, but I couldn’t be happier that it did!
29: Which of your fics was the hardest to write?
My book. Probably the Christmas one, tbh. I only feel the pull to write it around the holidays and that kinda sucks lol
30: Favorite fic writers?
You better know you’re number one, girlie! For those who don’t know, Eleanor here is one of my closest internet friends and she’s practically family to me at this point!
As for other authors, I love Ulurnaga’s Primary Mechanisms story (Transformers). I know she hasn’t updated it since 2014, but it was so good that she could’ve left it at multiple parts and it would’ve been fine. I think it has abot 118 chapters to it. I have a few favorites from AutobotGuy710 who does a lot of Transformers stories basing around adoption (helps for my references and also a better understanding of what goes on a bit in adoptions/foster care). On Tumblr, I have a few faves, but not a ton. I like imagine-and-marvel and potterlyimagines fics a lot, but that’s about it at the moment as I haven’t sat down to read fics in a little while.
31: Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing?
A bit of both, actually. I mostly enjoy writing my fics as a bit of an escape from reality. I enjoy being able to place myself in a world that doesn’t exist and sort of play around a bit. However, I do actually write as a job. I was working for my county newspaper for a while and that spiraled into me writing my first book, Feather Picked. I am currently writing one of the sequels to Feather Picked which takes the focus from my original main character, Melody, and moves it to her best friend, Roxy. I am planning on publishing a total of at least 5 books, the first four being the chronological 4 that take place over the course of a full year, each taking one season. The last one will be a look into the future, hopefully.
My first book can be found here!
33: Fanfiction pet peeves?
Goodness gracious. As someone who loves English classes, when people don’t place paragraphs correctly or spell simple words correctly, it reeeeeeally grinds my nerves. I will still sit through a story if it’s a well plotted story, but, come on people, at least do proper paragraphing!!!
Also, when people spell “definitely” as “defiantly”...... uuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh
36: Which charachter(s) would you never write for?
For this one, I don’t really have much to say.
Probably characters from shows like soap operas or shows that never seem to end. If I can’t grasp the character’s backstory or personality after watching it because it never stops changing whenever it benefits the story or what the writers have planned, I refuse to write for them. 
Mary Sue types like Bella Swan who are merely the damsel in distress  and are only there to play out the author’s wish to be put in some type of scenario where everyone fawns over them constantly (can be applied to male characters as well).
37: Which character is your favorite to write for?
Out of already made characters: Butchy, Lela, Cheech, Evie, Ben, Harry Hook, Bucky Barnes, Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood.
Out of my OCs: Mick, Malina, Roxy Madden, Candi DiMaggio
Since you said I could pick one if I wanted, I’m going to pick #40.
40: Imagine yourself 10 years in the future; do you think you’ll still be writing fic?
I think I will be, yes. I don’t think my ideas for movies and books will ever stop. Especially knowing what I have planned after Creating A Rift is done. But... that’s a story for another time, lol
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yukiwrites · 2 years ago
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Morgan, Comparing
Thank you for the support as always, @xpegasusuniverse! This one was so much fun to write askdjlkasd Morgan will be the death of those three someday!
Summary: Morgan, now Linfan, has gotten used to travelling with the people from this Valla world, already considering them her companions. Even so, or perhaps because of that, she couldn’t help but feel as though she were meeting some of the same people of Ylisse in this world, but in another form entirely...
Commission info HERE and HERE!
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Morgan had already felt at home amidst her newest companions during the war against the invisble-y, purple-y things -- they were something related to something that Azura tried her best to explain at least five times, but it honestly all went over Morgan's head.
Of course, she would most likely understand if she actually applied herself to it; or if her Father were the one to explain it to her, but as it stands, she just wanted to take things on her own pace. She had found her brother and pulled his ear like their Mother wanted, so there would be no problem in enjoying herself for a bit, right?
She was way too excited to be around so many new people and fighting such interesting enemies! All of that alongside her brother and her friends, as well! New and old!
Think about it! A male manakete (although Nowi did mention knowing one or two, but since Morgan had never met them, they didn't exist to her) with short ears and wriggly fingers in dragon form, able to stop a dragon-slaying sword. A water-controling dancer with next to no magical ability who uses the power of a floating pendant to instill her comrades to fight harder on the battlefield.
Not only one but three legendary swords wielded by a grumpier, blonde and royal Frederick, a shorter and hairier version of Walhart and the male manakete! Not to mention a legendary tome and a bow! This world was AMAZING in every sense of the word!
On her way to deliver her daily report to Corrin's tent regarding her patrol of the perimeter, Linfan wore huge grin on her face by just thinking about all of the awesome stuff this world had to offer. Her mind in the clouds, she bumped into something oddly fluffy right at the entrance of Corrin's tent: a... cleavage?
"Whoops! Lady Camilla! Thanks for the save." Linfan giggled after the nohrian princess caught her lest she fell on the ground after their bumping. "Visiting Lord Corrin?"
"You are very welcome, darling," the eldest princess smiled softly, lingering one hand over Linfan's shoulder. "And yes, I am... Though I must admit I am rather worried..." she took her free hand to her cheek, a dark cloud shadowing her brow. "Say... is that the report of your patrol, my dear?"
Oh, I wonder what this nagging feeling is...? Where did i see that dark look before... Linfan squinted at the beautiful princess' face, trying to discern what was it that bothered her.
Noticing how the young woman had once again flew into her own mind while gazing upon herself, Camilla giggled then patted Linfan's shoulder so as to guide her away from Corrin's tent. "My dear, why don't we have this conversation over there? I do not wish for my darling Corrin to be disturbed more than necessary..."
"Huh?" Linfan blinked as she saw the report she had been carrying slipped out of her hands into Camilla's -- smoothly so! How did she DO that? Was she secretly a ninja? Wow, that world had to be the best thing ever! But, wait- "uh, but he asked me to give it to him even if there were nothing out of ordinary-"
Camilla took her index finger to her lips, "that will be our little secret, hm? Dear Corrin has been much too stressed lately and only just now I managed to coax him to take a little nap." She giggled adorably, but her eyes were covered in a dark shadow. "Truly regrettable that I had to resort to a... calming kind of tea for that to happen."
Nagging feeling, nagging feeling, nagging feeling... Morgan couldn't hide her surprised yet scrutinizing expression, her brain working at its full capacity to be able to discern the origin of that insistent prickling at the back of her mind to think about where Lady Camilla was taking her to.
From a nearby corner, Laslow had just about finished helping a maid carry some supplies into a tent -- let us not mention how he was drenched in cold water due to the maid's... vehement refusal of his advances -- and caught a glimpse of Morgan being led through camp by none other than princess Camilla herself.
"Linfan?" He raised one eyebrow, taking it upon himself to tail the unusual duo.
Somehow, the air around Lady Camilla at that moment made the retainer unable to approach as he normally did -- and to think that Morgan was (happily?) chatting with her despite all that only meant that his childhood friend was still as oblivious as always to the world around her. Following from behind tents and barrels, Laslow watched how Camilla never lost her grip on Linfan's shoulder, a somehow uneasy feeling grasping his chest. He felt the visceral urge to go grab Odin immediately, but was afraid to lose sight of the two of them while he did so.
What to do... what to do...
"Oh, they went inside the- huh? The mess hall?" He whispered to himself, popping his head out of the flying banner he had badly concealed himself against. "No, wait, they went into the kitchen attached to it... Must follow!"
"Ugh, creeper, much? What're you doing following people by attempting to hide as lamely as that?" Selena scoffed beside him, as though she had been there the whole time.
"WAUGH!" Laslow jumped out of his skin. "Selena! D-don't scare me like that, I almost- wait, no time to waste, come with me!" He pulled his friend by the arm, tip-toeing as fast as he could towards the mess tent.
"Wh- hey, I didn't agree to-"
"Lady Camilla just took Linfan here!" He whispered-yelled, making a shushing gesture.
Selena slapped one hand over her mouth lest she gasped loudly in surprise. "What does Lady Camilla want with Linfan-"
"Let's find out-" Laslow whispered back, peeking inside the tent.
"What're looking for again, Lady Camilla?" Morgan asked joyfully, scavenging sacks and barrels alike, mostly for the fun of it since she didn't know what the thing Camilla wanted look like.
"It is a pear-shaped, grape-sized vegetable, my dear. You are a treasure for volunteering to help me look for it." Camilla's voice sounded a bit distant for the observing duo right outside, but they could feel the lack of mirth coming from it, which made them shiver.
Linfan frowned slightly, stopping her search to look up in wonder. "Huh? Did I volunteer...?" She searched her memory for the exact time that happened, but then shrugged. "Oh, well! I'm here helping now, and that's what matters! Pear-shaped, grape-sized, got it!"
"Don't go helping people without asking what it's for, you dimwit!" Selena said behind her teeth from outside. "If I remember correctly, that vegetable..."
"... Is used in a lot of soups, yeah." Odin replied, kneeling beside their friends as though he had always been there.
Selena's twintails and the entirety of Laslow's hair went up in surprise, but they managed to only yell inside their minds. "Odin?! Since when-"
"I saw you two sneaking about and thought it'd be fun to join, but then I saw it was about Linfan so I just stayed quiet." He replied with a serious expression, oblivious to the dark air around the nohrian princess right inside. "What's going on?"
Laslow opened his mouth to reply, but Selena slapped it shut for Morgan had started to speak.
"There! Is this it, Lady Camilla? The box was squashed under a big sack; no wonder you couldn't find it!" Linfan raised a medium-sized chest overhead, twirling around to the princess.
Camilla's mood shifted so quickly it was as though the cloud had never been there. "You are a treasure, dear Linfan! That is exactly it!" She smiled gracefully, taking the chest with rather ease from Linfan's hands. "Thank you so much for your help, my dear! Now I can finally cook up an invigorating soup for my darling Corrin. I will beat down his exhaustion by nurturing him in every way possible!"
Realization hit Linfan as strong and sudden as a slap on the face. "AHA!" She unabashedly pointed at Camilla after doing the 'I see' gesture. "That's what's been bothering me all the time! How could I have been so blind?!"
"Whatever do you mean, my dear?" Camilla placed the chest over a nearby crate, tilting her head to the side. Linfan placed her hands akimbo, proud at her discovery.
"That alluring cleavage; carefully cared-for hairstyle, the use of mixtures for the sake of others... And that care for your prince's health and well-being... The dark femininity of Tharja and devotion of Frederick! It's like someone mashed them together, put them on a wyvern and gave them a crown: Ta-da, princess Camilla!"
"F-FATHER?!" Laslow tripped over Odin, falling inside the tent.
"You idi-wahh!" Tangling her limbs on both fallen comrades, Selena rolled atop of them both, making the situation similar to a human rockslide.
"Heehee! What an amusing bunch you four are! Selena, my dear, are you quite alright?" Camilla threw her head back in laughter, extending one hand to help her retainer up. "Are those the characters from a story you three are well-acquainted with, dear?" She asked Linfan without even turning to her.
"Huh? No, they're from bac-mmmph!" She lifted her index to explain, but Odin had managed to tackle his sister in time, slamming her mouth shut with his hand.
"HOW PERCEPTIVE OF MY LADY! HAHA! That it exactly it! No wonder you are the cleverest, most beautiful and adored first princess of Nohr! None could compare! Now, if you’ll excuse us!" He laughed loudly, taking a step towards the exit with each word.
"Hold it, dearies."
Three words out of Camilla's mouth and the entire tent froze over, almost literally.
"Now, you four will help me with this soup, will you not? I need it done before Corrin wakes up from his little nap..."
Odin, Selena and Laslow breathed out in relief. Linfan struggled to speak under her brother's grip. What was that about? She was complimenting Camilla, you know! The beauty and shrewdness of one coupled with the strength and loyalty of the other! The perfect mash!
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dreamingkatfish · 2 years ago
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Persona 5 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi - hinted, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito - hinted, Harukawa Maki/Oma Kokichi - hinted, Oma Kokichi & Everyone Characters: Oma Kokichi, Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki, Tojo Kirumi, Momota Kaito, Akamatsu Kaede, Shirogane Tsumugi, Yonaga Angie, Yumeno Himiko, Kirigiri Kyoko - mentioned, Tengan Kazuo - mentioned - Character, Towa Haiji - mentioned, Original Kamukura Izuru | Hope's Peak Founder - mentioned Additional Tags: Persona 5!AU, Hurt/Comfort, kinda at least - Freeform, Yumeno is a cat now, I accidentally made it fluffy, hope yall dont mind, i kinda want to continue this au, also ive realized almost everyone in the PTs have blackmailed the PTs before joining it, Yeah I dont know what else to say, oumasaitwitterweek2019, this fic just didnt want to go any way i wanted it too, so many accidently hinted ships, to be fair i cant write anything related to Persona 5 and not have some form of Polythieves, so now thats a thing in this au, it was supposed to be obviously oumasai, with ouma yelling i love you at saihara during an argument, but uh as you can see that didnt happen, though at least that means this is fluffier i guess??? Series: Part 4 of Oumasaitwitterweek 2019 Summary:
Somehow being blackmailed can end in fluff. Or at least the idea of a hopeful future.
fic under read more as per usual
It was at the school festival when they had planned to get the info for Saihara. And so far everything was going according to plan. Saihara arrived as the special guest for the festival. They got him to go somewhere more private. And now all of them are gathered to speak. So far that’s several checks off his mental list to get information of Saihara. Which is of course why everything had to immediately go to shit Ouma supposes. Because of course his answer to Harukawa’s question as to what he wanted to talk about was just put a bunch of photos on the table showing them returning from the Metaverse. Because that’s exactly how Ouma wanted to start this conversation. And unfortunately it seems like the only two people in the room capable of having a poker face is him and Saihara. Oh and he has video footage of them returning too. Great. Just fucking great.
Saihara shifts his expression into a pleasant smile, but Ouma can spot how smug and fake it is from a mile away. He’s think at least the others can see the smugness except them seeing that only is setting them off further as Saihara says, “Let’s not pretend please. You all can go to the other world too, can’t you?” Ouma only hopes Momota doesn’t try to deck Saihara for this. They don’t need to risk being charged with assault in real life. That one the police can prove.
He can either try to deny it and play dumb or confirm Saihara’s suspions. Ouma closes his eyes and sighs. Yeah, his team is going to hate him for this later. But like ripping off a band-aid Ouma opens his eyes and steps forward, beginning to speak, “Yes we can, though I take it you can too then?”
Saihara focuses on him and his grin widens almost imperceptibly as he says, “Nice to see at least one of you can get straight to the point,” Ouma gives him a glare for that and Saihara takes his own advice, “I am also aware of that world and how your appearance changes there as well. It’s due to your mysterious powers, correct?” He pulls out his phone, “Honestly I found out about this world a month prior.” He then shows off the Metaverse app before continuing, “This app had appeared on my phone without my knowledge.” And Ouma has never smelled a bigger pile of shit in his life. It’s the Nav alright, but there’s no fucking way Saihara is telling the truth about when he discovered it.
But Momota’s jaw drops and he only says, “Dude… it’s the Nav… “ Ouma groans internally. Out of all things that’s what he focuses on!? Momota was there to know what Saihara is saying is bullshit and yet! And it’s not like Momota would think of hiding that he knows it’s bullshit. He’d be too pissed off. But fuck, he’s just going to have to play along to with what Momota has unknowingly started. He can confront Saihara as needed on his own time.
But Ouma is drawn from his thoughts as Saihara continues to speak, “The app had activated on its own causing the scenery around me to change suddenly. Honestly I almost can't believe it. Though you all seem quite used to it. Would I be wrong to venture a guess that you are acting as the Phantom Thieves?” He looks towards Ouma as he asks.
Ouma refuses to flinch as he answers, “And if it is? What are you planning to do about it?” He would outright confirm it, just to appear unshaken, but he’s more curious about where Saihara is going with this.
Saihara nods, “I’ll take that as a confi-”
Ouma cuts him off, “Cut the crap Saihara-chan. Tell us what you plan on doing with this information, now. If you’re going to threaten us then do it, then don’t just imply your threats.”
Tojo interjects, “It’s not like we’re the ones behind the mental shut downs. So I can’t see where you’re coming from with this Saihara-kun.”
Saihara chuckles, “Oh don't worry, I believe that as well.”
Harukawa glares him down, “What makes you so sure?” If Saihara says something about just believing in them then Ouma will actually deck him. Sure he gave Momota shit mentally for being violent, but if a fucking detective follows the same bullshit trusting shit Momota does then he’s quiting.
Saihara chuckles as if he knew what was going on in Ouma’s head though confirms, “I know because I had seen another in the Metaverse. I’m guessing they’re the real culprit.”
Momota shouts, “For real!?”
Akamatsu steps forward, “Who was it?”
Saihara shakes his head though before answering, “I couldn’t identify them, their mask covered their entire face. Actually it was when I was trying to take these pictures that I met them. Since I was forced into the Metaverse when the app had activated on me. That’s when I saw them. And I figured that they were the ones behind the mental shutdowns when the first thing they did upon noticing me was to shoot at me.”
Yonaga swung side to side as she brightly asked, “Nyahaha! So that’s the one that killed Kirumi’s father then?” Saihara looks at her weirdly and Ouma figures it’s because of how she asked it. The rest of the Phantom Thieves are long used to her oddities. They can see the way her hands are clenched tight behind her back and the tension in her shoulders. Her bright demeanor being nothing more than a facade.
And it seems the detective is worth his weight and notices this and erases the confusion from his eyes and expression, “Most likely. They definitely almost killed me. I was trying so hard to face the truth and I was about to die. And I just kept thinking how I couldn’t die here. Thankfully it was then that I awakened my persona.”
Yumeno jumps up onto the table and questions, “Nyeeeeh? He has a persona too?”
Saihara jumps and swings over to look at her, “Di- did that cat just speak!?” And it takes all of Ouma’s willpower to suppress the smirk threatening to overtake his face. Seems like they finally caught Saihara off guard, good.
Yumeno deflates though as she argues, “I’m not a cat! I’m a powerful mage!” Sorry Yumeno but that’s really not intimidating in the slightest.
Akamatsu puffs up though as she explains, “That’s Yumeno! She taught us about the Metaverse.”
Saihara stands stunned and Ouma interally falters as he realizes the shock is fake when Saihara says, “Really!? That’s quite unbelievable… But I suppose the unbelievable isn’t always impossible. And you do know more than me about this admittedly.” He turns towards Yumeno, “I take it you’re the one who told them how to change hearts then? I’ve been there and yet I still don’t understand how to myself.”
Yumeno jumps on top of a box on the desk and puffs up her chest, “We go into Palaces within the Metaverse and steal the core desires of the person; a thing known as a Treasure.”
Saihara nods, “I see… No wonder the police could never catch you. I doubt anyone could figure out that method without access to the Metaverse and extensive knowledge of how it works.”
Harukawa is the one who speaks up and says, “We’re getting off topic. Are you trying to say that we’re in this mess because of some mystery person in the Metaverse? I thought you were a detective, if you found us then you should’ve been able to find them too. You’re rather useless for a detective if you haven’t.” Ouma internally flinches, glad Harukawa’s ire isn’t directed towards him now. He wouldn’t want to face how harsh she could be, he could handle it. But he’s seen how bad others can’t.
But Saihara doesn’t even bat an eye as he says, “I don’t know how you do it, but I can safely say all you guys do is reform people, while someone else is behind the murders. However the police intend to blame the Phantom Thieves and arrest you.”
And all Ouma can think is, ‘Uh, yeah. We know Saihara-chan. It’s all over the news. We were then when Mom’s dad died.’ He crosses his arms and shifts his weight.
Tojo brings a gloved hand to her mouth, “They intend to try me as my own father’s murderer? That’s hardly- I…” Ouma frowns. Tojo never lets her emotions be so readable. The thought must really be shaking her up. He adds another thing to his mental checklist.
Saihara gives a sympathetic expression, and for once his expression isn’t bullshit. Huh, that’s definitely strange. Or maybe it isn’t, and Ouma is just lying to himself. He really doesn’t want the scenario he’s thinking of to be true, but soon enough he knows he will no longer be able to avoid this. “I can’t just ignore this! Which is why I want to strike a deal with all of you.” Ouma feels his heart sink. He might have to confront this sooner than he thought.
“A deal…?” Shirogane asks.
Saihara gives his trademark bullshit, bright smile as he says, “I want you all to work with me to catch the true culprit.”
Yonaga nods and sways as she asks, “Oohhhh!? Atua is curious! What if we decline?” Ouma doesn’t know if he can speak at this point.
Saihara’s smile doesn’t falter or drop as he answers plainly, “Then I’ll be forced to turn you into the police.” Ouma’s heart shatters. He knew. He knew it was going to come to this. And yet… yet he still couldn’t stop it.
Momota takes several rather threatening steps forward as he shouts, “That isn’t a deal! It’s blackmail!” It’s not like the others hadn’t blackmailed them before, but no one can deny this time feels different. As if everyone else was bluffing before, but this time Saihara means it.
Saihara shrugs and his expression grows deathly serious as he says, “It’s the same thing. This is the best way to go about this, after all. Anything goes if it means correcting this injustice and stopping those who kill and harm others for their own pleasure.”
Tojo tilts her head, “Justice…?”
Saihara’s expression relaxes and he shifts the topic, asking, “You are aware Kirigiri-san is heading this investigation, correct? The higher-ups are only concerned with closing this case you know. And who could blame them from wanting to catch the person behind the mental shutdowns and psychotic breaks, ending all the chaos? The problem is they’re putting a lot of pressure on Kirigiri-san.”
Yonaga leans forward, towards Saihara as she asks, “And where’s their evidence? I don’t even need to ask Atua to know they’re going to need evidence if they’re going to imprison anyone.”
“It doesn’t matter. Kirigiri-san isn’t being rational at the moment. If they keep pressuring her, she’d even be willing to fake a confession just to win.” Saihara answers. Faking evidence, huh? Ouma isn’t too shocked in all honesty. After all that’s exactly what had been done to him all those months ago. It would be easy.
Harukawa looks down, “Fake a confession, huh?” Ouma adds one more thing to his checklist. Though he might need to add even more things to it pretty soon anyway.
Momota bares his teeth as he says, “So they’re blaming it all on us!? What because they fucking felt like it!?” You know what? Ouma honestly couldn’t care if Momota punched Saihara right about now, but he knows he’d still stop Momota. Don’t kill the messenger and all.
Akamatsu steps forward too, holding her fist up, “We haven’t killed anyone! So it’s bullshit that they’re still trying to arrest us, what the hell!?”
Saihara raises his hands in surrender as he says, “Unfortunately yes, they don’t care. And if you’re caught then you’ll like be tried as adults and receive the death penalty.”
Momota shouts, “This is all bullshit!”
Saihara shrugs again, “I never said it wasn’t, however there’s nothing I can do on my own to stop this. That’s why I want your help. Though I do request you disband the Phantom Thieves after this. We don't want to risk the police still trying to go after all of you.”
Yonaga claps, “I see! I see! Then I shall ask Atua what to do!”
Ouma doesn’t know where his voice had gone. But as leader he needs to do something here, he knows that. So he steps out from behind Akamatsu and Momota and faces Saihara, “You have a lot of demands here. But we don’t just decide things on whim around here,” At least in these situations. Otherwise the Phantom Thieves are just a bunch of chaotically impulsive entities. “So you will give us more time to think about this and then we’ll get back to you.”
Saihara nods and smiles pleasantly, the smile is as fake as ever, “Of course, take your time.” And Ouma feels the bond between him and Saihara grow as time stops and a tarot card floats down in front of him. It’s the fifth time it’s done this with Saihara, but this time it feels wrong. Like he isn’t supposed to understand Saihara in moments like these. But he does… Ouma wonders what that says about him. Time picks up and Saihara continues to speak, “Glad we could talk. I haven’t done something this important for a while. I look forward to your answer. I’m glad I came today, but ah, we should be getting back now. Would it be okay if we ended the panel here? We both did what we wanted to after all.”
Harukawa sighs and nods, “I can handle it.” Saihara nods and makes his leave.
Though the silence his leaves in exit doesn’t last long as Momta shouts, “Goddamn it! He completely played us!” The others nod in sympathy, but don’t comment as Momota turns on his heel and leaves. They just follow him out. Though Ouma and Yumeno stay back. They’re something Ouma knows they need to discuss, there’s no avoiding it any longer. Ouma can check up on Tojo and Harukawa later.
---------
Harukawa had texted the group chat during school the day after the festival. Saihara wanted them to meet up the next day at LeBlanc afterschool. Because that wasn’t unsettling. To make matters worse a bounty had been put on the Phantom Thieves’ heads. And Tengan was on tv again, fucking bastard tried to act all high and mighty. What Ouma would love to do to put him in his place. He hates people who use their power to hurt others… And maybe he has a bit of a personal grudge against the guy. But is he wrong to do so!? No, no he’s not wrong. Though he supposes his anger won’t help him deal with the mess Saihara is creating by just sitting there in front of the group in LeBlanc without speaking.
And honestly Ouma has had enough of this, “Why did you call us here Saihara-chan?”
Saihara laces his fingers together and rests them on his lap as he answers, “I thought you would like to know what I meant when I asked all of you to assist me.”
Harukawa then snaps, “Then say it already.”
Saihara grins, “Ahhh, but-”
Ouma cuts him off, “If you even think about making a stupid request or derailing this conversation I’m going to let Momota punch you.” And thankfully Momota has no qualms about cupping a fist at Ouma’s words. Ouma lets himself smirk as he continues, “So don’t even think about fucking around.”
Saihara raises his hands in surrender, “Ahh, of course. Then as I’m sure you are aware there’s currently a bounty and a warrant for your arrest. You should know that Kirigiri-san is the one mainly behind this, it seems she’s getting desperate to end this case. It’s not a bad method of trying to catch you guys.”
Shirogane shakes her head, “But they quite plainly have nothing on us! There’s no way they can make an arrest!”
Saihara hums, “It’s true I’m the only person within the police force to determine your identities. However that doesn’t mean the police won’t just fabricate evidence and just place blame.” And Ouma wonders where Saihara is going with this.
Shirogane seems to be wondering the same thing as Ouma since she then asks, “There’s no need to be so smug. What do you want from us?”
Saihara stands up, “I’ll be blunt. I’m thinking of triggering a change of heart within Kirigiri-san. I’m aware of the existence of a palace for her.”
Tojo glances over to Harukawa briefly, “Is that true?”
Yonaga jumps up, “Nyahahaha! Atua says this is to stop the police’s recklessness!”
Saihara nods, “Yes.”
Akamatsu shakes her head, a frown firmly planted on her face, “There’s no need to change her heart because of that.”
“I really doubt she can fake all of that,” says Momota.
Saihara shakes his head, “Usually that’s supposed to be the case. However, recently it seems like her superiors are more than happy to turn a blind eye to falsified evidence.”
Momota stands up and slams his hands on the table, eyes wide, “You saying the police would do something like that!?”
“Do you really trust them that much?” Saihara asks, before shaking his head and continuing, “They only care about ending this case, I’ve told you that before. They don’t care if whoever they caught is truly innocent or not!”
Tojo deflates and Momota shouts, “That’s completely rotten!”
Saihara nods in sympathy, “I want to catch the true culprit. And I have no doubt this is the same for all of you. But we can’t do that if things remain how they are.”
“If worst comes to worst, then someone completely unrelated will take the fall? Nyahaha, this is truly a terrible situation, but I have no doubt that Atua will ensure it works out!” Yonaga claps her hands together in front of her as if in prayer.
Saihara stares at her for a few seconds before continuing, nice to know Yonaga can still catch him off guard though, “… Yes. Changing Kirigiri-san’s heart is the only way to fix this. After all, there’s no way that if she was in her right mind that she’d allow something like this to happen.”
Tojo brings a gloved hand to her mouth as she asks, “That’s why you want to change her heart then? I suppose I can understand your motive for this.”
Saihara nods politely, “The truth will be covered up and an innocent person’s life will be ruined. I must stop this from happening, my own moral compass won’t stand for it!”
Momota leans back, “I get it. That’s kinda the same reason we became the Phantom Thieves after all.”
Saihara stares at him wide-eyed for a few seconds. Did- did he never consider why we were doing this? Or did he just push the thought from his mind and now is stunned when he can’t hide from the truth of this. Though he quickly pulls himself together and clears his throat before continuing, “This will also be to protect Kirigiri-san as well.”
And for the first time since the start Harukawa speaks up, “And how’s that?”
Saihara steps closer to her, “Just what do you think is going to happen if the true culprit finds out she’s in charge of this case. If they think she’s close to the truth?”
Harukawa’s eyes widen slightly as she quickly stands, “They’d kill her. That’s what you’re saying. And they could easily pin the blame on us.”
Saihara hums and nods, “Now what do you say, do you agree to make a deal?”
Yonaga bounces towards Saihara, “So you’re willing to get your hands dirty mister Detective then?”
Saihara looks down, “If it’s to find the truth,” His head snaps up, “Then I’ll do whatever it takes!” He calms down and continues, “Besides I can think of one more reason to change her heart. To convince the police to back down. They can’t go to the public about one of their people having a change of heart, would reveal their corruption. So they’d know we can fight back, leaving me free to find the true culprit.”
Harukawa glares him down, she seemed to understand the implications of his last sentence. Though Akamatsu still asks, “What do you mean?” At least she can still tell something was wrong with what he said even if she doesn’t know what it was.
And Harukawa answers her before Saihara can, “He wants us to disband after this.”
Saihara gives her a blinding smile, “As expected, you truly are Kirigiri’s sister, even if blood says otherwise.” Her hands turn white in her lap. And he turns back to everyone else, “So what do you say? I don’t believe it’s a bad deal for any of us.”
Momota puts a hand on Harukawa’s arm, “What do you think Makiroll? This is about your sister after all.”
She crosses her arms, eyes shut, “I see he thought this through. He even takes in account putting an end to our team.”
Saihara smiles, “I’m glad to hear that.”
Momota glares at him, “Shut up, you smug bastard.” To be fair to Momota, Ouma knew he would say the same if Momota hadn’t spoken first.
Tojo looks up though, Ouma missed when she had lowered her head, “I have one question Saihara-kun, indulge if you will. Why do you seek this justice?”
Saihara seems to get fired up, “Because of sickening humans who think they can hurt whoever they want just for the sake of their own entertainment!” He deflated slightly, “Yes… That’s what drives my sense of justice. Not some lofty ideal or society’s sake, but rather a grudge and something very, very personal…. Sorry if that disappoints you.”
Everyone seems to back down upon hearing that, Momota let’s out a, “Dude…”
Though it’s Akamatsu who says what’s on all of their minds, “Doesn’t he remind you of us?”
Ouma speaks up after all this time to give his agreement, “If you mean got screwed over by some shitty adult and now seeks revenge, then yeah, yeah he is like us. Hell he even blackmailed his way in like most of us here.”
Saihara seems caught off guard by that one, “Wait! The rest of you blackmailed your way in!?”
Ouma nods and chuckles, “Yup. The only ones who didn’t really blackmail us was me, Momota, and Yumeno. Though you could say Akamatsu is on the fence for that. But Yonaga, Harukawa, and even Shirogane? They blackmailed the rest of us. Though I don’t think they meant it as much as you do is all.” Especially not as much as you do. Saihara’s eyes seem stuck wide open and Ouma likes how shock looks on him. He nearly chuckles with how Saihara’s mouth gapes. And when Akamatsu starts chuckling Ouma can’t bring himself to hold back a tease, “Wooooow, who knew this was all you needed to do to make the Ace Detective speechless!”
And that breaks the dam, everyone else begins to laugh with varying degrees of restraint as Saihara sputters trying to defend himself, “Hey-! I- Wha- !?” Saihara attempts to recompose himself, “I was not speechless!”
Ouma dramatically rolls his eyes, “Suuuuure~ And no one is laughing right now.” This causes everyone currently laughing to begin to fall apart even worse now. And Ouma watches as red streaks across Saihara’s face, up his ears, and down his neck. Flustered is also a nice look on Saihara. Though if Ouma’s honest, then he’d say how he just likes how honesty looks on Saihara. Even in moments when it’s just them, Saihara is always so fake. So it’s an absolute delight whenever Ouma can see the truth in Saihara’s expression and eyes. Ouma looks around at all the joy and mirth that was missing at the beginning of this meeting. He knows it can’t last. He can’t let Saihara keep making himself into the villian. So he takes a deep breath and says, “Welcome to the team Saihara-chan. Hope you’re ready to get thrown into the deep because if what you’re saying holds weight then we need to hurry to change Kirigiri-chan’s heart.”
The red fades as quick as it came, though some of it hold steady fest as Saihara this time successful in composing himself. He stands up tall as he says, “I… Thank you. I was worried you were going to refuse. I don’t think I could do this without you.”
Yonaga cheers, “I will pray to Atua that everything works out!” And Ouma thinks he might just do the same too.
Tojo looks over to Harukawa, “Maki-san…” Though she trails off. Ouma wouldn’t ever admit it out loud, but he’s also feeling rather worried about the girl.
Harukawa shakes her head, “I’m fine… I… I never said it before the reason I joined the Phantom Thieves is… well it’s not a very selfless reason…. I wanted to change Kyoko’s heart. I’ve wanted to from the very start. I’ve known she had a palace for a long time. I guess I had just been hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with it. That it’d just fix itself on itself own. But clearly it hasn’t.” And Ouma hates to see how much this is all affecting them. But he can’t make them completely stop. It wouldn’t be fair. This hurts them, to have to see all of this. He can’t take it away. He wants to though. God does he want to be able to take this hurt away. Wants to take away the corruption so that they never have to see it again. But he can’t, he’s trying, but he can’t.
Akamatsu stand up and pats Harukawa shoulder, gentle when she asks, “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Harukawa pulls her head down to the side, “It was selfish. You all were so selfless in this, I couldn’t just say my reason was so selfish. Though I couldn’t look into it alone.” Oh Harukawa. Ouma mentally stumbles. He should’ve never allowed this to happen. She should’ve never felt like she had to hide this. He should’ve noticed something was wrong. Should’ve been there. She’s their teammate.
Okay no, he needs to stop with the damn self-pitying bullshit. It won’t help the team now. So he turns towards her and rest a hand on her shoulder, “It’s fine to be selfish you know. Most of us were selfish when we started this, I know I was. Kaede and Kaito’s reason was selfish, they did it to get back at Towa. Angie was selfish, trying to stop Kamurkura for herself and her mother. Shirogane was selfish, only wanting to do something for herself. Saihara is here for something selfish too. We’re all selfish. I’m sorry I failed you, you should’ve never felt the need to hide this from us.”
Harukawa stares up at him, “I-… Thank you.” Ouma just gives her a smile, she weakly returns it.
Ouma pats her shoulder and pulls back. He then turns and addresses everyone, “We will hold off on visiting the palace until tomorrow if that works for you Maki. Otherwise we can hold off for longer. In the meantime everyone get some rest and stock up. We need to be prepared for this next palace.”
Harukawa nods, “Yeah… yeah that works. I’ll be there.”
Ouma nods, “Okay.” He swallows, “Do you need to be alone, oooooor would you rather we all go for dinner?” He smiles at the end of his question. He pats her shoulder again and looks over at the others, “It’s late, we can all use the break, yeah?” Harukawa’s eyes are glossy but she nods. He looks towards everyone else, they all give their own shouts of agreement. Ouma looks to Saihara, “Are going to join us too? You’re one of us now whether you like it or not Saihara-chan.”
Saihara smiles, a small and broken thing. But oh so honest. Ouma wants to preserve that honesty. It’s broken and sad. But he isn’t hiding that sadness now. He doesn’t want them to hide. They deserve to have a world which they don’t need to hide anymore. He’ll make that world if it’s the last thing he does. Saihara nods and they walk out of LeBlanc. Their all feeling a little off put, a little broken, a little off. But they’re together.
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