#i am listening to bullets

[harbingersecho]

HEAD LIKE A HOLE, BLACK AS YOUR SOUL I'D RATHER DIE THAN GIVE YOU CONTROL

#rvb #red vs blue #felix #isaac gates #felix mcscouty #rvb felix #*24 #mine #art #this one's for the felix stans. throwing a few crumbs at you like im feeding pigeons at the park. #i actually did some detailed lineart for his armor. usually i just make blocks/general shapes and fuck it up with a brush lol #1 thing ill say abt felix. his playlist has some fun tunes i can listen to while drawing him #me + felix killing the dancefloor to stray bullet by kmfdm. i am your worst enemy i am your dearest friend malignantly malevolent #< as if i dont get sucked into watching the bao fam while drawing. i'd love to say i'm cool like that but alas. the pandas.

[z0mbiefrank]

Ray Toro at Beaumont Club, Kansas City 2003

#listen... i know the balls to the wall screaming on dash has died down a bit but i am Still Here #ray toro #my chemical romance #mcr #my chem #bullets era #mcr 2003 #beaumont club #my gifs #ray #bullets

[aceghosts]

Rooney Shepard (They/Them): RELIC AU

There are stranger things I've learned on the outside Separated by an open door I find it hard to reach the end of my timeline Salivating 'cause I wanted more Is this the end or is this the beginning? -Too Close/Too Late by Spiritbox

[Template Credit]

Tagging (Opt In/Out): @bbrocklesnar, @marivenah, @alexxmason, @captmactavish, @carlosoliveiraa, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @nightbloodbix, @voidika, @strangefable, @captastra, @amalkavian, @katsigian, @cassietrn, @g0dspeeed, @clicheantagonist, @cloudofbutterflies92, @direwombat, @onehornedbeast, @thedeadthree.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk2077edit #cp2077edit #cyberpunk 2077 OC #nbvnesdays #nonbinary oc #commander rooney shepard #I won't let fear compromise who I am #OTP: It always comes right back to you #v: cyberpunk 2077 #myedits #I'm still kind of finetuning the Relic AU in my head #but what I have so far is that even though Rooney didn't participate in the heist and really know about #but V calls them when they are heading to DeShawn after the heist #as V needs Rooney's help and they know (or hope) that Rooney can get them out of this fuck up #Rooney takes the Relic and tells V to lay low with some friends from their days in the military #and in the end Rooney takes the bullet meant for V #Rooney and Yorinobu still reunite the same way they do in Rooney's canon #but there is absolutely the extra layer of 'oh fuck i can't tell him about this' #and in this universe V still works with Goro because I don't think he would let go of Saburo's murder so easily #and I like to think that Rooney thinks of Johnny more as a teammate as time goes on #like even though they butt heads a lot #Rooney still feels responsible for him #and the two start to get along better #but Yorinobu is absolutely the one thing they cannot agree on #anyway #thanks for listening to my fucking unhinged ramblings in the tags #I don't think they make sense #but I can explain it more in an actual post if you want

[windydrawallday]

Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

#windy squeals #im so sorry if i end upsetting someone with my point of view #with my expressive way to use words #or my overly dramatic behavior #its all real i swear these are all real #and you dont need to give me back the same level of energy #just be clear af and say what you need because i dont read minds #im tired of being seeing as a clown or be infantilized because of this #or feared like im a sort of vampire that sucks emotions because NO #or that im intolerant to people that dont follow those -normatives because believe me #im too very asocial to certain cues but intead of raging about them #i try to create new rules that fit better my way to navigate life #the only way to achieve what we want is by stating it gently #not setting on fire posibilities to create new connections and points of view #but i guess there will be always be people that prefer to live in a bubble and expect the whole diverse world to mold to them #and i say that as an aroace that used to be intolerant of the normatives that push my boundaries to the edge #but eh sometimes youll fight but most of the times youll need to dodge and learn to avoid bullets #listen if i sound ableist with this whatever i am then #im not perfect #gotta keep reading and relearning and updating my brain ugh

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me, a physically disabled (high support needs) neurodivergent (mid to high support needs) person: Hey, my neurodivergence IS extremely disabling in a way that a lot of you say "isn't possible" and also my physical and neurological disabilities often combine in ways that can't be separated and produce symptoms that are new or of added severity for me.

Responses I've gotten from disabled exclusionists (some of whom are also both physically disabled and neurodivergent):

"What drugs are you on, you delusional freak?"

"I've never experienced this and therefore you're a dirty lying physically abled neurodivergent person who just wants to be more disabled and oppressed than you are. My experiences are universal and anyone who has different experiences is a lying liar. No one can ever prove otherwise because my axiom is that anyone who claims otherwise is lying."

"The ableds are at it again."

"Sit down and let the REAL disabled people talk."

"You're never allowed to find similarities between disabilities that are of different types, even ones you have, and if you do you're actually the reason why accessibility is such an issue because conflating them is why ableist doctors don't give us what we need and why society thinks medical gatekeeping is good, actually."

"If you're that suicidal do us all a favor and kill yourself."

This is without even getting into stuff about how disabled labels often apply differently to systems. The big discourse now is "nonverbal" labels for headmates who are permanently, always nonverbal, primarily by people and systems who refuse to view systems as anything but "parts" of a single person. Which is funny to me because ah yes, we have actual studies showing physical disabilities such as allergies can apply only to individual headmates, but gods forbid you apply a neurological label to someone whose brain activity is not only visibly different on scans from yours, but to the extent that it changes your entire shared physical body!

Like here's a novel idea: maybe we could just stop policing how other disabled people talk about their disabilities forever! Maybe we could blame any and all harm done even from the unicorn-rarity "actual fakers/liars" (also don't think I don't see you being ableist against people with actual diagnosed that cause compulsive lying) on the ableists DOING the harm because it's actually perfectly possible for them not to cherrypick our words and listen to the MAJORITY of us!

Maybe, just maybe, we could form a coalition, focus on the REAL enemy (ableist medical professionals and lawmakers) and push for actual change for ALL of us!

#also. I have been called ableist for reclaiming the r slur in a 'so what if I AM unintelligent or otherwise socially/emotionally incapable #specifically BECAUSE it was used against me for YEARS to the point of severe trauma #specifically FOR being a socially inept 'gifted kid' #and yet I've been told telling the truth about my own experiences is 'speaking over people with intellectualdisabilities' #and that I didn't actually experience that and they were actually not insulting me becaude they were only insulting intelligence #and it's like 'a bullet with your name on it aimed at me that hits me isn't making YOU bleed' #the target of a bigoted attack is the person that gets hit by it regardless of if the bigot is wrong about their identity #because get this bigots don't actually stop and apologize if they find out they're 'wrong' about you #because the reason they're attacking you is to enforce normalcy on you and they've sensed you are abnormal #it's like hey maybe actually slur reclamation discourse is bullshit and the basis for reclamation should be 'have you been called this' #and 'listen to people with different disabilities' should never mean 'other people know your own experiences better than you' #because that's precisely the problem causing so much ableism towards neurodivergent people from physically disabled people! #'I'm more disabled and oppressed than you on the disabled hierarchy' #'and therefore I get to define your own experiences and the meaning behind them' #No! That's a fucking problem! And super ableist no matter WHAT your disabilities #'listen to other disabled people' goes both ways #you might actually have to examine your own biases and readjust your viewpoint #because newsflash the ableism you think is unique to YOUR disability? ISN'T. #boo fucking hoo you have to acknowledge other people have been hurt by the same things you have #hyper individualism is a plague. you are not special. we're all fucked under abled hegemony #and yes abled people listen to some of us more - lower support needs and intellectually nondisabled people most #but you cannot just assume based on ONE label or lack of that someone is in the 'listened to' category #ableds don't listen to me regardless of eloquence or w/e because I'm massively crippled and mad and have cognitive disabilities #like if you think I have privilege over you bc I'm 'smart' or w/e. abled people take one look at me being a crippled schizo #and write me off as completely crazy! NO ONE listens to mad people. we are in THE SAME BOAT #anyway this rant is not even at anyone or any particular group because I've noticed it coming from EVERYWHERE in the community #these are just some examples #discourse #tw suibaiting mention #tw delusional as insult mention

[madetolooklikeus]

Aye aye!

#palisade spoilers #friends at the table #palisade #coriolis sunset #f@tt #thank you ms bullet for letting me draw an anime girl in marker for the 1st time in like 15 years #walked around in the freezing rain listening to palisade #and drew & posted her immediately upon coming home #ok ill have a hot shower & eat soup now #my art #i am not immune to Twilight Mirage aesthetics #my-art #marker

[0wllight]

the way i act is killing me bcuz in theory yes i like sasha but if someone else points it out i start saying umm no i dont like that guy. who is that. never heard of him in my life. whats wrong with me

#I UST WENT BACK TO SQUARE ONE IN MY FREIND'S DMS TALKING ABT HIM #WHY AM I LIKE THIS!! #LISTEN. WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME EXPOSURE THERAPY. #who wants to talk to me abt him and then i have to admit i like him/j #ky shut up #my post #ship: bullet through the heart

[blingblingsparklesparkle]

Anyways now I wanna try to plan out what a bullet train musical would even look like

I’m not gonna make it. (Fucking obviously, does it look like I know how to do that?) But the gremlin child is eating my brain as we speak and I have to do it now before it eats the whole thing.

#bullet train #like where would the first song be? I don’t fucking know but now I have to find out! #how am I gonna incorporate the intro cards… #I wanna write the songs now #can I write music? we’ll fucking see!! #listen if mediocre youtubers can do it so can I #bullet train the musical

[ctommy-chileno]

Hey girlies I just found out I got kicked out from my last internship because they found out I was mentally ill what the hellll

#i am going through this revelation #i mean i suspected it but now it has been confirmed #anyways this is why late beebo tonigh #listen. beebo would never discriminate against me like this oka #bro its just treated social anxiety and possible autism I am literally just a little guy #apparently that place has reports of abuse and harrasment now so guess I dodged a bullet there #still. I am indeed going through it #vent #i guess

[girlgerard]

Dearest girlgerard, how are we vibin with the thought of MCR playing Party Poison on tour? Or really any of the lesser "liked" DD songs

okay i am a party poison truther i fucking LOVE that song and anyone who says otherwise die. street walkin cheetah with a capital G?? fucking banger line of all time i'd actually shit if they did that live. dd is a gaypop bible and anyone who refuses to defend it doesn't deserve food water or shelter

#it's technically my least favorite out of the albums but when i say that know that it's by a 0.00001% margin #i just emotionally connect with the songs on bullets and revenge more often but i am a die hard dd stan never forget that #i literally can't listen to kids more than once a week it makes me experience too many emotions

[jules-van-hering]

how the fuck do you calm yourself down from wanting to completely rip into those dudes on dating app who just saw the non-mono tag on your profile didn't read any further then texted you the most offensive shit and now you just wanna rip his head off

#I am really holding myself back here holy shit #no alex I am not in an open relationship LIKE YOU #I am fucking poly which is fucking different #and dude you describe yourself as conservative how have you fucking looked at my profile and decided sure she's gonna like me and will #become my new fwb #FUCK OFF DUDE #I haven't been that angry about online dating in a bit motherfucker #I need to add to this because the not so hidden misogyny is making me vomit: #he wants “a women to have fun with but she should also have sth in her head” #eat a bullet fucker! #and he is quite famous in his field (“5 digit of people listen to what he says so it must be interesting”) #drive yourself off a cliff please I beg you #“except for ballsports and laying tiles he could beat me at everything” #gosh I just wanna end this guy's ability to ever talk to a woman again #I might almost start to feel sorry for his wife but who knows

[theinfinitedivides]

a list of personally notable things from the nearly 8 and a half minute-long interview with SRK that YRF put out on their official YouTube channel while i cry over the just announced OTT date of April 25th, exactly three months after the original release:

him. obviously. we love to see it

the cargo pants. with the pockets. all of the pockets

the black sunglasses. immediate Kala Chashma war flashbacks (slightly tempered by the dance cover by The Quick Style which f*cks severely, i should add—pls watch the entire thing here, you will not regret it)

the jewelry (there are at least five or six bracelets/bangles on his right hand alone + his wedding ring + a watch on his left. we are keeping with the silver accessorization theme. sadly no earrings tho)

the way he really said he came to the industry 32 years ago to be an action hero, missed the boat, became the romance hero, got back on the boat, is currently giving us Pathaan

intentionally fighting to change the choreo for JJP bc he said the danceability factor gave off Chaiyya Chaiyya energy after listening to it through his car speakers

'(talking about John agreeing to sign onto the film after his previous "good" roles) ... in the Hindi film scenario, heroes don't play bad guys. i'd love to play bad guys'

John being quiet and shy when working with him bc irl he's just a Soft and Tender Boi ™

"'you are a national treasure, i will not hurt you, i can't' ... and i had to do a lot of convincing to tell him 'no, it's OK, you can punch me, i won't get hurt'" / John correcting his posture during filming (so. SRK x John boxing club meet-cute AU when, exactly)

manifesting that the most liked character in the film is, in fact, John's and not his (enemies-to-lovers pipeline endorsement. i'm taking this at face value)

Deepika being the morally ambiguous character (!!!) who looks better throwing a man over her shoulder than he does

the obligatory self-deprecating box office history joke

"a kid shouldn't be disappointed in his father to say 'baba, you told me this was your favorite star and he didn't even say hello.' ... (slight paraphrasing) when they say 'apna Shah Rukh' i want to show them that that is not untrue. i am theirs" / basically just SRK explaining why he is the decent human being he is and greets his fans. there's a Delhi reference in there somewhere

#film: pathaan #pathaan #bollywood #srk #shah rukh khan #john abraham #local gay watches Bollywood.txt #there is no reason for this kind of breakdown of one (1) interview from this man. none at all #and i am sorry but he mentioned the eighth bullet point and i went 👀 #see this is why i needed tickets for this these are basically becoming the equivalent of gay coffeehouse AUs at this point #you listen for one second and it sounds like Shah Rukh runs the club and John is absolutely f*cking terrified of punching him #on their first day #you let him finish the thought and then suddenly it's John running the club #and somehow still being absolutely f*cking terrified of punching him on their first day #bc Shah Rukh telling him as a beginner he won't get hurt does not necessarily mean he won't get hurt #although if we go by the SRK-running-the-club trope his judo training would come in handy #(re: Happy New Year BTS-judo-training handy) #also questionable!Deepika??? the promise of emotional scenes??? backstory??? #sir??? #i live for nothing else #he also confirmed that JJP is a post credits song so John probably meets his demise somewhere during the film 😔 #but i choose to live in a world where a MLM/OT3 is and will be possible tyvm

[queenlucythevaliant]

I read Lolita a couple weeks ago now. Here are my thoughts:

This book is fascinating. I couldn't shut up about it. The drive to keep reading was squarely in between the one that keeps me reading someone like Falkner (this book is being held together with some incredible mystery adhesive that I must identify/drizzle all over myself) and like. the high I got when I read Atlas Shrugged in 9th grade (I don't like it exactly, but it makes my brain light up as though I've just discovered quarks and now must figure out how to articulate my findings.)

Basically, reading this book is an exercise in reading past the narrator and trying to find scraps of the other characters (especially Dolores) in what he bothers to tell us. It's like panning for gold in a bunch of muck. It's a very active, almost athletic reading experience, if that makes sense.

The beauty of Dolores peeking through all Humbert's mud is that of an ordinary little girl brimming with quiet courage and irrepressible dignity. Dolores Hayes manages to hold her ground against Humbert's best efforts to subsume her and I ended the book just viscerally angry on her behalf. The prevailing sense that I had on finishing Lolita was one of deep injustice.

Nabokov is a treat as always (I've read and loved Speak, Memory and some of Letters to Vera, but this was my first foray into his fiction). The prose was appallingly clever and there were a few little storytelling tricks he pulled that had me all but cackling. The craft of this book is next level.

Reading it was exhausting. I do not think I could have gotten through it had it not been the middle of summer.

#i don't often share what I'm reading bc nine times out of ten my reading journey is a very private and intimate thing #but that tenth time i am *obnoxious* about my books and baby i reaches new levels of obnoxiousness about this one #also. haven't seen any of the film adaptations but I do listen to a fair bit of lana del rey and boy howdy #my girl dolores got done so so dirty by pop culture #like. i knew that going in i knew the basic premise. i went in knowing that humbert is unreliable and that the culture doesn't get it #but guys. for all that reading lolita is a full contact sport it should not be that easy to miss the point #anyway #i did a bad job really discussing but i promised myself that i would restrict this post to a few bullet points #if anyone is interested in like a longer reflection or something please lmk #although it will probably be two to three business months before my brain is really prepared to be coherent about it #pontifications and creations #literature makes us more human

[melodic-operator]

mcr has such a solidified legacy that i think i forgot how fucking weird danger days is. like as a concept

#this album is FUCKING BIZARRE #the fact of its existence is WEIRD #bullets. three cheers. black parade. three albums with markedly different but fairly cohesive vibes #many similar themes. similar sounds. #keep in mind i loved this band in middle school and saw NOTHING weird about danger days Being There #but i bought it on cd today and was listening to it in the car #after spending the last two weeks spinning three cheers nonstop #i swear to god the first time i heard a synth i nearly crashed into the median #this is not me clowning. i was bumping party poison like my car was on fire #but it's weird like i don't think we talk about how weird it is because it's just a thing that's there #i'm not an mcr historian like i am a fob historian so i can't speak to any reasoning here but i was so caught off guard by this album #despite it being one of my favorites for literal years when i was younger #anyway. weird album. weiiiird album

[crabonara]

i like early sunsets over monroeville because it’s emotionally devastating and gerard’s vocals soaked in grief and pain make me want to tear my own heart out. also it sounds how living in new jersey feels.

#listen i am a new jersey hater until the day i die BUT #only i am allowed to insult it #it is illegal for anyone who does not live in nj to make fun of her #mcr #my chemical romance #early sunsets over monroeville #bullets mcr #i brought you my bullets you brought me your love

[enigma-absolute]

Today marks 10 years since I first really stepped into the Eddsworld fandom and went through an event with it.

But it also happened to be first anniversary of its creator's passing. This year marks the 10th.

I figured 13 year old me wouldn't want to feel alone in that moment, so I made this to join her and go through the flow together.

Without Edd and Eddsworld, I don't think I would've had that accessible foundation, can-do mindset and enthusiastic influence, admiration and desire to animate and make stories of my own. I was a year too late when I first entered into the fandom and heard about it, but these past 10 years taught me it's never too late to make an impact and tell your tales - no matter how long they'll take.

Thank you Edd Gould. For everything.

#chris rambles #my creations #i sobbed a lot while making this and dealing with CSP crashing a few times during progress #long post #Edd Gould really did say to a friend that last set of green lines if you hit the readmore #it doesn't feel right to tag the fandom this time #EDIT: okay so i've got myself to cry a little more and put myself together #and boy howdy i understand now what it means when an emotional overload impedes your communication #(is annoyed at spelling+grammar mistakes in-comic and description but no i'm not gonna change it) #my god this fandom had both the best of times and worst of times - moreso fandom troubles than personal but still #fun fact: i got to meet a good bunch of the EWFM crew back in the day through the years and some are still good friends of mine #(this is when things were FINE and NOT WEIRD i'm talking early-mid 2010's here people) #some are moreso acquaintances and most just drifted away (that's fair!) #only one of them i know for a fact either one of us would take a bullet for the other (and if you're curious he was a lead role VA) #(won't say who for privacy but listen. A. if you're reading this: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SO GLAD WE ARE FRIENDS) #yeah the friendship goes that deep and he makes me happy to say that I'm his friend #(he's also the only one of all the online friends i've mailed and penpaled to - who has sent stuff back. Nobody else but him.) #i need to chill now my goodness #there's so much ahead of me now bc of what my time in Eddsworld gave and I'm so so grateful <3