#i am literally nearly blind like I am very close to being legally blind

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I move into my own apartment for an internship instead of with friends like I initially said I (more likely than not) would for a while?

CW: kinda long but I don’t think I can put a readmore on anon :(

I (20sNB) have an opportunity to do an internship in spring of 2024. My friend (20sF) and her husband (20sM, we’re all within ~3yrs of each other) have been working on renovating a single-wide trailer in a trailer park in the same town as the internship, and it will be done with them living in it for at least a good few months before my internship. I’ve helped them with renovations whenever I’m in town and they’ve promised/shown me the room they’re reserving to be my space because they’re so sure I’ll move in with them.

I’ll be honest, I was planning to at first. But that changed with a variety of factors contributing, including but not limited to:

The trailer was reportedly full of black mold. Abandoned dressers would be opened and a puff of mold dust would emerge from the doors. It was also previously a hoarder’s house possibly due to the amount of junk in and around the trailer. Nobody wore PPE during renovations as far as I’m aware, and seem to believe they’re “in the clear” as they’ve shown no side effects yet. They’ve literally kept up only exactly what’s required to legally say they’re ‘renovating’ instead of tearing everything down and reusing the foundation, but it’s still a concern for me due to the casual way it was brought up and addressed.

My friends admitted that the neighbors don’t like them much due to the loud noises day in and day out from the renovation, resulting in the cops being called on them several times as a noise complaint. I have a rough time as it is being close to strangers, and that anxiety/paranoia? isn’t alleviated by hearing that and seeing people come out of their own trailers to glare at us whenever we work on the property.

My cat (20F) would be moving in with me. She’s indoor-only, but cats are bound to run around at some point. There are numerous unvaccinated and unfixed strays in the park and I’m concerned for her health; she’s having a hard enough time just keeping down food, a virus or infection would make me put her down.

My friends own a Pomeranian that does not respect other animals and continuously harasses them by barking and chasing after them. My cat does NOT like dogs, and my repeated warnings that having them in the same room would result in the dog getting blinded and possibly even more severely injured have been waved away with “The dog will learn soon enough to leave her alone!”. I would also have two relatively small lizards with me, both of whom leave their terrariums regularly for general holding sessions and to run around while I clean their tanks. There is a nonzero chance of them being beyond the safety of the glass and the dog eating them as the dog has a high prey drive.

Being with them would save me and my parents MASSIVE amount of money as rent is nearly nonexistent with how low it is in the park; I would mostly help with other bills (such as water, electricity, groceries) and general housemate things like cleaning up after myself and helping cook or chip in for takeout every now and then. Both friends know how restricted my ability to really develop is in my house due to my family (such as not knowing how to make anything more complicated than air fryer food) and have expressed that they are eager to help me learn and watch me grow into who I am.

But for a while I’ve been very strongly leaning towards an apartment instead despite rent being crazy (my parents are willing to pay half but with 0 guarantee of a paid internship and uncertainty as to whether I can hold a part-time job at the same time it would still be a blow to my savings). It’s gotten to the point where my language is full of “My future apartment will have….” “When I move into an apartment do you think I should….” when discussing the matter with my parents with zero verbal room for considering living with my friends. Advantages to the apartment include having my own space, being much closer to my internship location (though my friends weren’t all that far out themselves), and no concerns about my pets being around strangers or other animals. My parents and grandma agree that an apartment sounds the safest for my pets’ physical health and my mental health.

However, I have yet to tell my friends. The F is a friend of a decade now, and the M and I aren’t exactly close but regard each other as siblings. While she might be hurt but understanding, I don’t know if I want to risk him or both of them blowing up on me for my decision after at least 6mo of helping here and there and encouraging them to finish renovating their own place. The closest I’ve gotten to saying anything is warning them that it isn’t guaranteed I’ll move in with them when they use language suggesting it is and that I’m trying to keep my mind open to all housing options, including renting a space in a family friend’s basement. Neither of them seem to have caught on to what I’m doing, though. So, WIBTA if I finally break it to them that I’ve decided on an apartment and move into a space without them? This might seem like a non-issue to outsiders but it very much is to me :(

(For slight additional context: my friend is typically very understanding and we do our best to communicate our feelings about joint activities especially. Her husband is the type of guy to get mad at the ‘politics’ of the new Barbie movie and the joke made out of the Kens.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[astriline]

hey uhhhhh face masks SUCK can't wait till my job doesn't make us wear them

#shut UP about fashion i had to take off my glasses so that breathing wouldnt make them fog up #i am literally nearly blind like I am very close to being legally blind #i would rather be NEARLY BLIND than wear both my glasses and a mask #i think it also gives me a kind of sensory issue? #that mask is not supposed to be there and my autism brain wont let me forget it #blahs

[lesbianrobin]

hi bestie can u rank the st characters most to least likely to commit vehicular manslaughter

hey bestie i love u <3 here u go!!

1. nancy. i feel this needs no explanation. nancy’s hit the same exact pole in the hawkins high parking lot three times and still doesn’t understand why steve wouldn’t let her drive his car while they were dating. jonathan doesn’t let her drive his car either and she’s like what the fuck it’s already a piece of shit what am i gonna do to it and he’s like nancy if you wreck it i Literally can’t afford to fix it and she’s like well i’m NOT GONNA WRECK IT and then the next day she borrows her mom’s car to go to barnes and noble and she hits a weird speed bump while going 70 in a 45 and later when she sees a story about a hit and run on the news she’s like wow that’s so terrible!!! can’t believe people these days smh 🙄

2. hopper. he drives drunk and we all think we’re doing him a favor by turning a blind eye but actually we’re just enabling him and one day he’s gonna do something he can’t take back and we’ll all be personally responsible for the tragedy because we didn’t have the balls to say something. we’ll face our judgment in hell.

3. joyce. she can barely even see over the wheel. she also regularly applies mascara while drinking coffee and eating a burrito and adjusting the radio all at once. she does this while going like 80 mph. hopper would cover it up for her though <3

4. erica. she Definitely can’t see over the wheel and she would still try to drive anyway. steve would take the fall for her but his daddy’s money would keep him out of jail so she wouldn’t even feel too guilty about it.

5. dustin. prone to panic. probably closes his eyes whenever he makes a risky turn. definitely turned onto an offramp one time and just screamed about it before pulling an insane u-turn that nearly caused a ten-car pileup. once again steve would take the fall except dustin would feel INCREDIBLY guilty about it and probably blow the whole thing by telling the truth and then steve would get tried for perjury rather than vehicular manslaughter.

6. will. we all know gay people can’t drive. i think will specifically is too confident in his driving for his actual degree of ability like he wholeheartedly thinks he’s a good driver even though he tailgates people all the time and gets like five speeding tickets within a year of getting his license and has to go to a safe driving course at the community college so his license won’t get confiscated. however i think he’s probably more likely to rear-end people and get into small fender benders that drive up his insurance payments than he is to commit vehicular manslaughter.

7. mike. he seems like he’d be a pretty average driver tbh and i don’t think he’d ever drive drunk or anything so he’s pretty unlikely to commit vehicular manslaughter. shit happens though!! i also think he’d be one of those bitches who gets a little Too into his music while he’s driving and he prioritizes acting out the music video in his head over checking his mirrors. unlikely to commit vehicular manslaughter though he just sometimes Almost kills himself and everyone in the car but he catches it just in time and then for the next ten minutes he drives with both hands on the wheel and his jaw clenched in silence while his music continues to blare so loud that he can barely even hear the engine.

8.  steve. he’s the designated chauffeur for all of his friends and i think he’s probably been driving since he was like twelve. i just get that vibe like he has an uncle or something who owns a lot of empty land so he grew up driving around way before he was legally allowed to do so. he’s a pretty good driver. however he DID hit somebody with a car on purpose because the situation called for it and while i don’t think he’d drive under the influence he might drive with a head injury which leaves a narrow possibility for vehicular manslaughter.

9.  lucas. pretty low odds on vehicular manslaughter. he seems like he’d be a responsible driver although he might sometimes speed or fuck around with the wheel and swerve a bit on purpose to mess with whoever’s riding with him. he only does this on empty country roads. he might hit somebody with a car on purpose if the situation called for it though because that’s what heroes do.

10. jonathan. he’ll be damned if he has to stop his car to be polite to a cop and then pay them money afterward. he’d rather go 30 in a 45 than get a ticket and beyond that he drives will around all the time and it’s very important to him that he’s a good influence so he tries not to play chicken with yellow lights even though he wants to. extremely low odds of vehicular manslaughter.

11. max. this is going to be controversial but i think that despite being a speed demon and probably being one of those bitches who slides across four lanes at once she’s genuinely a good driver once she’s like tall enough to reach the pedals. like she’s VERY confident and cocky in her driving ability but it’s earned. she can parallel park in one smooth movement and not even break a sweat. everyone who ever rides with her is afraid for their life at Some point but she never actually gets close to getting into an accident.

12. robin. okay i KNOW she’d be a godawful driver but hear me out: you can’t commit vehicular manslaughter if you never drive. if she can’t make steve drive her somewhere, she just bikes instead. one time he tries to help her get over her driving anxiety by practicing in a parking lot and driving through downtown hawkins but she gets scared once they go over 30mph and slams on the breaks and steve hits his head on the dash and he says it’s fine and they can try again but she refuses. 

13. el. i will not take any criticism on this. when she kills it’s on purpose. el would never be caught dead committing vehicular manslaughter.

#asks #em talks #stranger things #han tag #lesbianrobin.canon

[iwrestlenow]

Many More To Die - Chapter 4

TITLE: Many More To Die (Chapter 4)

FANDOM: Sanders Sides (Necromancer AU)

SUMMARY: Roman discovers that even the power of a king has its limits--but at least he has the power to help Logan in one critical fashion.

Logan is a needy wreck, and can't figure out which way is up, and as desperately as he needs someone--one man--to hold his hand through it all? It only makes things worse somehow.

Meanwhile, through all of this, another chess piece steps out of the shadows and onto the game board--and he's not going anywhere until he gets what, and who, he came for.

SHIPS: Logince (Logan/Roman), future Moceit (Patton/Janus) and Dukexiety (Remus/Virgil)

WARNINGS: Panic attack, but that’s it for this chapter. It’s mostly me having feelings, being TOTALLY UNABLE TO STOP WRITING WHAT THE HELL SOMEONE SAVE ME XD, and more self indulgent garbage that just felt good to write. So there. :P

Also, no betas, we die like men.

NOTES: This is based on the gorgeous piece of art by @gretacticdraws that can be found here. I ended up writing a ficlet for it, and then my brain got swallowed up. Breathe at me wrong, and I’ll write more…hell, who am I kidding? I’ll write more anyway because this? Is self indulgent drivel. XD

Also located at AO3 over here.

“Lord Janus? I want this man dead.”

“Certainly, Your Majesty.”

“Please—mercy, Your Majesty!”

“Now hang on there just a gosh darn, berry pickin', mother lovin' moment, buster! Janny, if you know what's good for you, you will just stop with this nonsense and put the flippin' sword down!”

Roman would have burst out laughing if he wasn't fighting so hard to keep his composure. It could hardly be helped—Patton came up to Logan's shoulder, but only just, and was standing in his cell with his hands on his hips, glaring at the captain of the royal guard like he was a child being scolded for a broken dish.

Janus hardly looked intimidated—but the fact that he stilled after drawing his sword, leaving a terrified guard trembling against the bars of the cell next to Logan's was telling. Seven years, Lord Janus had served as the head of the assassins' corps before retiring to become the captain of the royal guard. Roman had heard stories, but never met the man until today, which was hardly unusual given that Janus was a drake—the son of a human and a dragon. They were notoriously gifted shapeshifters, even with a handicap like his.

Lord Janus was powerful, deadly, and highly skilled at remaining an enimga...but a hobbled child necromancer in a cell had the power to stay his hand.

Janus raised an eyebrow at Patton, but finally glanced at Roman.

Roman nodded. Janus refocused on the guard, pushing the tip of his sword against the hollow of his throat, hard enough to draw blood.

“Majesty, I beg you! I don't want to die!” the guard begged.

Roman let out a bemused little laugh.

“How strange,” he replied as calmly as he could manage, “I was under the impression you did, given the fact that you refused, a second time, to obey a direct order from your king.”

“The Necromata must be bound! It's the law!”

“I am the law!”

Storming up to the guard, Roman let his emotions fuel him—exhaustion, grief, anger, confusion, and the tearing, unspeakable ache that throbbed through him every time his gaze ventured too close to the open door of the cell where Logan still leaned.

The wail he'd let out when Roman pulled free of his grip to order the cell door opened was going to haunt his sleep. The way he stood now, so carefully still, features so meticulously schooled into calm, unfeeling lines, was going to rob him of that breath of life Logan had only just returned to him.

“I am the king now, and I am the ultimate authority.” Roman spat. “Now, I fully understand the need to shackle a prisoner being removed from his cell, but as far as I am concerned, this man is no longer a prisoner here.”

“You can't--”

“I think you'll find that I can.”

“Your Majesty.”

Roman turned at the sound of Logan's voice, cool and even but too quiet, hoarse and thick with the tears he'd finally managed to stop from streaming down his face.

“The law is such that the king cannot overrule it.” Logan declared with deceptive calm. “The Necromata, once imprisoned by the royal family, can only be pardoned for the crimes of their birth with the blessing of the people. A vote, if you will...and no such vote has ever been successfully passed.”

“How do you know this?”

“I have been here for ten years with little more to do than read. I have the entire legal code of the Kingdoms and the criminal rules of order memorized, along with the family tree of the royal family and all available star maps of the area.”

Roman wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something—for a terrible moment, he wanted to order Janus to proceed with the guard's execution for real, rather than just trying to make a point.

Then inspiration struck—bright, blinding, and blessed as it filled him with light.

“My order will still be obeyed.” Roman announced. “These two necromancers—they may not be pardoned, but they will be imprisoned at my pleasure...and it is my pleasure to have them confined to guest quarters upstairs. Have extra guards posted at all available palace entrances. They are not to leave the grounds until the vote has been passed. Successfully.”

He shot a look at the offending guard.

“And the first person to shackle either one of them without violent provocation will be hung at dawn.”

Janus lowered his sword and slid it back into its sheath—the cane he'd been carrying with him—before moving to Roman's side.

“Bit extreme, don't you think, Majesty?” he murmured once he was close enough to ensure that only Roman would hear him.

“My father is dead, Lord Janus.” Roman shot back bleakly. “I have yet to shed a single tear for him--'extreme' feels like an appropriate response right about now.”

“Touche. Of course—and it has nothing to do with the traumatized necromancer you're apparently well acquainted with?”

Roman didn't answer as he moved towards the open door of the cell. Standing before Logan, he extended his hand...

...then suddenly realized that was a bad idea as he put his hand back down again.

********** More.

Logan could hardly string a single coherent thought together around the constant chant in his mind, his marrow, his soul for the prince to touch him again. He couldn't let him, not when it was so agonizing, fire and pressure and somehow affecting every nerve in his body when it was focused on such a small area...

More. More. More.

He didn't understand why restraining himself was so hard. It hurt, it was clearly doing him some kind of physical and psychological harm...and yet he wanted. Needed.

He couldn't remember ever experiencing the sensation.

It very nearly caused another panic attack when the prince dropped his offered hand—and that was another problem entirely, standing before a cell door standing wide open, and the use of the word pardon being thrown around like it wasn't capable of changing the world as Logan knew it—but the pause that seemed to last for an eternity must have only been a few seconds long.

Because a moment later, the Green Man—the prince—was reaching into his pocket and producing a pair of pristine white gloves. A missing piece of the military uniform, how had Logan not noticed? He usually noticed things like that...

When he finished tugging them on, he offered his hand to Logan again. He said nothing...just waited.

Logan shook with the force of effort it took to reach, slowly, to accept the offered hand. The gloves blocked some of that heat from skin to skin contact—and when he gently folded his fingers around Logan's, barely any pressure, it was still intense...but better.

“All good, Berry?”

Logan looked into his eyes sharply, the name ricocheting around in his skull in a manner he hadn't experienced in literal years—not since he'd first discovered his power was awakening again, all concussive force and electricity crawling against the underside of his skin.

All at once, the years fell away, and he was asleep in his cell that first terrible night, dreaming of every monstrous shadow transforming into a protector as green eyes lit the dark.

He opened his mouth to answer yes, he was fine—then realized...

“I do not know which of the princes you are.” he admitted with a bemused huff.

That got a smile from the other man—too brief, far too brief before it fractured to pieces, a crystal goblet slammed to the floor, raining shards of razor sharp light.

“Roman.” he replied. “Pr—King Thomas Roman II, but you may address me by my name.”

“Hardly acceptable, is it, Majesty?” Janus mused.

“Given that my life is currently in this man's hands—and the future of my father—I'd say he's earned a few niceties, Lord Janus.” Roman announced, raising his voice to ensure everyone within earshot was aware of it. Logan had a strange feeling that Lord Janus spoke up for precisely that purpose, to make his situation known.

Logan's, not Roman's—Logan knew that anyone with a shred of loyalty to the king would probably kill him if given the chance. There was no question that someone would likely accuse a necromancer with ties to the crown prince of the murder. Fear for Roman's safety would keep him protected.

Janus was that kind of man, shrewd and shameless—Logan knew precious little about Prince Roman, but to discover that he was equally blessed with the gift of strategy was...intriguing.

“Lord Janus, see to it that Logan's cell mate is made comfortable, and shown around the north wing of the palace. That is where I would prefer they spend the bulk of their time.” Roman declared. “I will take custody of this prisoner myself. When you are done, I want you, the dungeon master, the head prison mage, and a heart healer in the war room, immediately. Send for my brother as well.”

“Yes, Your Majesty—but I cannot send you alone.” Janus replied. Surveying the guards in their presence, and grimacing with impatience, he finally took a few steps down the corridor and flagged down another guard.

“You! Fetch the cadet from the graveyard patrol, now! I want him on the king's detail.”

Roman nodded his thanks, finally turning his attention back on Logan. Between those green eyes and the warm pressure enfolding his hand, ravaging his nerves and making his chest throb with pure emotion, he wasn't sure he could stand it much longer without losing his composure.

“Are you all right?” Roman asked quietly, stepping closer and into Logan's personal space. Strangely, Logan realized he could feel that as well, radiant heat and buzzing static crawling across his skin, too close and not enough and everything.

More. More. More.

“I am not.” he admitted. “Hardly unusual, given that touch starvation is a common condition among the Necromata, to say nothing of the Claim.”

“The Claim? What's that?”

Logan's mouth snapped shut, very real panic rising in his chest again.

“Whoah—Logan? Logan, breathe. Look at me, you need to breathe.”

The Claim. He knew, knew what Logan had done, was holding his hand and Logan could feel it, but now he'd spoken about the Claim, about his power, and he was going to die this time...

...two...three...four...hold for one...two...three...four...five...

“That's it, Logan. There you go, can you do it again?”

...good job, now again: in for one...two...three...four...

Pressure. Pressure, pressure, pressure, everywhere, pressure pressure unrelenting pressure...

“Hey!”

Logan blinked, attention snapping to the young man suddenly standing in front of him. He was nearly Logan's height, with straight black hair that hung in dark eyes, flinty as stone.

“Name five things you can see.”

“I...what?”

“Do it. Five things.”

Logan shook his head, and almost immediately his gaze was drawn back to Roman.

“Green Man.” he managed to reply. Roman smiled, and Logan felt that mantra start tattooing itself against the inside of his skull, blotting out the fear and panic.

“Okay, keep going. Let's keep going.”

Logan only realized they were moving because Roman still held his hand, was tugging him with the barest of pressure—and Logan's traitorous body followed. Between the cadet, demanding Logan name more things he could see, along with touch, smell, hear, and taste, and Roman's silent encouragement, he found himself moving out of his cell and towards the stairs of the dungeon.

Moving up each stair. Moving through the gate, and into the palace...moving, traveling, with only Roman's hand to restrain him.

Then he was in the palace, above the dungeons...and if he never saw the outside world again, Logan still felt like he could call himself a free man.

********** “Thank you.”

The cadet flinched a little, looking towards the king. “What?”

“Thank you.” King Roman repeated, still crouched motionless by the chair the prisoner had all but collapsed into. He'd basically passed out when they reached the war room, but didn't seem to be in any distress—just exhausted and overstimulated.

“That trick, focusing on his surroundings—it's greatly appreciated.” he went on, his gaze never leaving the sleeping man's face. He still held his hand, like he might vanish if he let him go. “How did you know it would work?”

The cadet had to grit his teeth for a second, finding himself watching the sleeping prisoner despite his best efforts not to. He looked...well, he looked like shit, and it was hard. It was so hard to watch, but he had to do it.

He was finally here, and he had to make sure that he didn't screw up again.

“I have anxiety.” he finally replied, keeping his tone even. “Nightmares, panic attacks, the works. My brother used to help me through them with tricks like that. He'd have me focus on my surroundings, or make me pick out colors—he even made me a special blanket to help me sleep. It, uh—it might be good for him? The guard who got me mentioned that this necromancer can feel your touch? If he's not used to contact, it could...”

“You'd be willing to do that?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Go and fetch it, then.”

“Sir, I was ordered to stay with you.”

“I'm the king. I overrule your orders.” King Roman replied.

The cadet lifted his gaze to the king's face, his stomach sinking when he realized he was being stared at. Hard.

Ohhhhh, shit.

“You don't call me 'Majesty.' Why?”

The cadet tried to be discreet about taking a steadying breath as he shrugged. “You have a pet necromancer now. All due respect, but I don't think you'll have the job long.”

“What do you know about necromancers?”

“I know they're not evil. Only reason I'm still here is that you seem to know it, too.”

King Roman nodded, gaze flicking down before it returned to the sleeping necromancer.

“Cadet...do you know what a Claim is?”

The cadet swallowed thickly. No...oh no.

“It's a binding ritual.” the cadet replied. “The Necromata are capable of manipulating death, but when they can't? They take it.”

“Away?”

“No—into themselves. They take the victim's dying breath, infuse it with their blood, and return it to the person it belongs to. That way, when the victim's time comes, they survive it.”

The cadet looked to the necromancer again.

Gods, Loganberry—what did you do?

“And the necromancer dies in their place.”

To his credit, the king paled, his free hand lifting to touch Logan's hair like the cadet itched to—so close for the first time in ten years, but he couldn't even comfort him.

He had to stay put. By the door, protecting the king and his charge.

After a decade, Virgil was finally, finally within reach of Logan in every way that mattered, and he would die before he jeopardized his one chance to save him.

Virgil was the one who got his big brother caught and imprisoned in the first place—he was damn well going to make sure that he was the one to set things right.

#sanders sides #fanfic #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #ts logic #ts creativity #ts deceit #ts morality #don't click to read more tags if you don't want spoilers #no seriously #going at the very end here #this is all the artist's fault i'm just a hapless writer that stumbled across it #my name is liz and i swear to god i will fic again #i don't even know what i'm saying anymore #virgil sanders #ts anxiety #logince #moceit

[malachi-walker]

Some Really Heavy Thoughts on the Relationship Between Scorpia and Catra

Fair warning, guys: I'm gonna get into some deeply personal stuff involving abuse recovery and past mistakes here. I will not be making excuses for Catra or her treatment of Scorpia, but well... Let's just say there's a reason why their relationship has always me wince. Because it touches on some stuff that is likely relevant to a lot of ex-abuse victims.

This entire meta stems from an epiphany I had while discussing with @johannas-motivational-insults how I have a really hard time writing Scorpia, and me trying to pinpoint what exactly makes me so uncomfortable working with her or looking at her relationship with Catra in detail.

Let me back up a bit. We all love Scorpia. She's a big cuddly sweetheart without a mean bone in her body. She's fantastic, a bright point in the overall suckage that is the Horde, and she gives GREAT hugs. So why does their relationship bother me so much?

Well... It's because I've been there once before in my own life. And it's one of my deepest regrets, so seeing that play out on screen and instinctively knowing where this is going fucking sucks.

Personal stuff under the cut.

We've already covered Scorpia being a good kid. That said, I feel like a lot of people just flanderize her into being this perfect wonderful friend who wholly accepts Catra (and conversely either woobify Catra or make her a horrible monster who doesn't appreciate a good thing) but... the truth is a lot more nuanced than that.

Scorpia doesn't wholly accept Catra because in order to truly accept someone you have to see them for who they really are, warts and all, and Scorpia doesn't. She idealizes Catra and either ignores or downplays her very real flaws and problems, and tries to excuse any actions she commits that don't live up to that constructed image, which is of course what she confronts in s4 (and I’m proud of her for that.) It's not done with any ill intent, but it's still not a good thing in any relationship; romantic, platonic, familial, any kind.

Here's where things get real personal. Also, I wanna specify that I am not forcing myself to talk about this, even though it still hurts in a lot of ways. Though I am probably gonna bring this up with my therapist when I next see her.

I've mentioned before in previous meta that I am an ex-child abuse victim who followed a very similar trajectory to Catra once I got out of that situation. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was ADAMANT that nobody get close to me again and fully prepared to lash out as much as I needed in order to make that happen. Occasionally people would slip through my guard anyway, but on the whole I was very successful at that goal and torpedoed a lot of bridges back in those days.

And as much as it kills me to admit it... I had my own Scorpia too.

Her name was Amy, and I met her in my freshman year of high school after I ended up in a private school for the “gifted and talented” (which ended up being its own mistake, but that's a story for another day.)

To put this entire situation into perspective: at the time I was struggling to process and cope with my abuse, I had just been misdiagnosed with major depression after an entire year of contemplating suicide, and I had been put on a ridiculously high dosage of the antidepressant Wellbutrin--literally the highest dosage they could legally give an adolescent without the risk of seizures--which cranked my rage up to a constant underlying simmer and also gave me horrific fucking nightmares, to the point that for about a year and a half I was consistently only getting two hours of sleep because I was waking up screaming nearly every night. This is not me making excuses for being such a dick, but I do try to keep in mind that younger me was dealing with an absolute shitshow when passing judgment on myself. I was trying to survive a situation that absolutely no one was equipped to handle at all of 14 years old.

And then here comes Amy.

Amy was one of those people who was relentlessly optimistic to an almost suspicious degree (more on that later.) The kind of person who will reply to any statement of "I'm having a bad [x]" with generic look-on-the-bright-side platitudes and a big smile without actually addressing anything you said. She was also one of those people who was aggressively Christian, not in a mean way, but in an "it was her answer for literally everything" way, which given that I was struggling with my own faith at the time was practically a recipe for disaster.

But for whatever reason, this girl latched onto me, no matter how much I tried to get her to do otherwise.

I wanna note that I wasn't wholly devoid of friends at the time; my best friend, Michael (who is still my best friend/bro to this day) had also gotten into the school along with me, but the rest of our friend group hadn't and those relationships drifted apart in the ensuing years, which only served to compound the underlying issues. And I will always be thankful that the guy was able to roll with the punches and stick by me even through my absolute worst, but it was also pretty irritating having to switch between my bro who understands me even if he didn’t always agree to my much tenser interactions with Amy. So back to her.

Basically, this girl just kinda inserts herself into my life, refuses to take a hint or back off, and any time I try to talk about my issues or get her to understand a little and make an actual connection, I'm met with the overwhelming feeling of "You're not really seeing me. You're not listening." So I responded by being a fucking bitch. I would ignore her, make fun of her, treat her like a third wheel, etc. In hindsight, it was a dick move, but at the time it made sense to me. I genuinely felt like it was her fault for never listening to me in the first place, so I justified it by telling myself I was just paying her back in kind.

I lost touch with Amy after I was kicked out of school at the tail end of freshman year due to a Wellbutrin-induced rage episode (nobody got hurt, but my attitude at the time was so consistently extreme that the school administration literally had an inch thick dossier on my behavior and what the other kids thought of me, so that incident was just what they needed to justify kicking me out.) Afterwards, my parents made the decision to relocate to another town since my expulsion meant I would be banned from going back into school for a full year unless we changed systems--and even then I was required to go into a continuation school to prove I had been rehabilitated, but I digress. Point is that I was uprooted from that environment and I didn't bother keeping in touch.

I actually found out years later from a friend who went to that same high school--though we didn't actually become friends until after my expulsion--that the reason why Amy was the way she was is that in the year prior to meeting me, her mother had committed suicide and she had been the one to discover her body. So in hindsight, her entire deal made sense: she was trying to survive in the only way she knew how and cope with a situation no one should ever have to, same as me.

But that didn't mean we were able to connect. The great tragedy of that situation, and the thing I regret the most about it, is that we were just two horribly damaged kids that were utterly incapable of actually seeing each other as we were at the time. And it ultimately wasn't anybody's fault, which ironically makes it even harder to accept.

I regret the way I treated her. I wish I could have made her life a little better, and I still hope and pray she got the help she needed elsewhere.

That's what makes Scorptra so incredibly tragic to me as well. Scorpia is a good-hearted person who does genuinely care for Catra, but she also willfully blinds herself to the things Catra is dealing with and her relentless optimism often just ends up rubbing salt in the wounds. Catra is wrong to treat Scorpia so badly, but I also fully understand those feelings of resentment and anger you develop towards someone when they consistently refuse to see you as you are, because I've been there. And that's also why I've always had a hard time with Scorptra romantically (though if you ship it, good for you! I honestly wish I could), because those issues have always been present in their relationship and made it unsustainable from the very beginning.

Something was always destined to break between them. And that's what makes it so damn hard for me to write Scorpia as a character, because in many ways she reminds me of one of the things I regret the most in my life: how I treated someone else who had the best intentions horribly when I was at my absolute worst. These days I try to be kind to my past self as part of the healing process, but when I think of my actions in that year it is really fucking hard. I don't like to think about it, even though I know I feel like I need to (which is also why this meta exists.)

Neither Scorpia or Catra were at fault for the fact that they couldn't see each other properly: it was just a really bad case of wrong place, wrong time. And that's what makes it hurt.

Also, if you made it this far, I'm sorry this was so depressing. Please have a happy cat and scorpion to hopefully feel a little better. Also huge shoutout to @yesbpdcatra for encouraging me to get this out there. You're the best, fam.

#hoo boy #tw: child abuse #mention of suicide #the sometimes ugly messiness of the recovery process #hard personal truths #scorptra #spop meta #my meta

[aahsokaatano]

ITALY????

Y’all I spent one whole week in Italy in 2017 and it was one of the most bizarre fucking weeks of my life

let’s break it down from the beginning

[under a read more for length]

So, fall of 2017 I was studying abroad in London. One of the classes I was taking was specifically for study abroad students, designed to get us engaging in the culture of London or whatever i dont really remember the class itself but my god do i remember the people i met in it

two in particular were these girls, also American. We shall call them Molly and Ally. They had quickly made friends with each other, and after one of the class trips into London, i was friendly with them as well. The “reading week” or fall break was coming up, and they mentioned that they were going to Italy and asked if I wanted to go. I had booked a short tour to Dover, but thought “oh my god Italy???? Fuck yes!” and so I bought my plane tickets then asked them where they had booked hotel rooms so that I could add myself to their itinerary

“Oh,” Molly said, “we haven’t, don’t worry about it”

Me, a seasoned traveler “?????? uh”

I bugged them about this for at LEAST a week and finally, about THREE DAYS from when we were supposed to leave, I just went ahead and booked an assortment of hostels and airbnbs for us in all the cities they wanted to go to and told them to pay me back later

they actually admitted afterwards that that had been a smart move on my part which like????? no SHIT its a smart move to have a plan where you’re gonna sleep every night while in a foreign country. god.

So, lets go through this day by day

Day 1 - London to Milan

we flew from London to Milan in the evening, getting there pretty late at night. and it was only once we were actually IN Italy that I learned that 1) none of us spoke Italian and 2) despite having grown up in two areas with large Hispanic populations, neither Molly or Ally spoke a lick of Spanish, which is close enough to Italian that you can kind of limp through a conversation of one if you know the other.

so, somehow, I ended up being our Italian translator for the week, armed with nothing but a translator website, a handful of Italian music terms, and the ability to roll my r’s fairly well for a white person. Literally, i figured out where the bus stop was outside of the airport because I saw the word “fermata” painted on the pavement and I knew that meant “long pause” in sheet music terms so I hazarded a guess it meant stop or similar in regular Italian

(sidenote I almost got in a fight with some random Italian dude on the bus because Molly was going on about how excited she was to try the pizza and I told her it wasn’t going to be the same because “the pizza you’re used to is an American invention” and he turned around and started going on about the tradition of pizza in Italy and I was like I just mean that American pizza is different from real Italian pizza i did not mean to offend i’m sorry!!!!!! anyways)

the bus dropped us in a square in the middle of Milan and we got out and i’m lookin at my airbnb app trying to figure out where we need to go and i said “okay we need to get a cab” and Molly and Ally are arguing about something and this RANDOM ASS DUDE walks up to us and is like “you need taxi?” and i said yes to he leads us back to his REGULAR ASS CAR, NOT A TAXI and tells us to get in, and for some unknown fucking reason I do and Molly and Ally follow me and shut up real fast because this is sketchy as fuck but the guy did take us to the airbnb without murdering us so thats a win i guess

The airbnb by the way was more like a mini hostel - it was this apartment where pretty much every room except the bathroom had been converted into a bedroom and so probably not entirely legal but whatever. whatever. 

Day 2 - Milan to Venice

i woke up early the next morning and went to take a shower at the bathroom at the end of the hall and found out that the lights didn’t work. Whatever, I’m mostly blind without my glasses anyways so i just showered in the dark, no biggie

we had an early bus to catch from Milan to Venice, so we headed out to the bus station. I’ll be honest, I do not remember how we got there. I think we walked, because I ended up with a coffee at some point so I probably got it from some cafe on the way? But idk. I was so tired.

We get on the bus, I found two empty seats far away from Molly and Ally, and immediately stretched out and fell asleep.

Ally woke me a little later and said “c’mon, we’re here!”

I was confused as all hell because it had not been nearly long enough for us to get all the way to Venice, but I got off the bus and was greeted by Molly stretching her arms out and proclaiming “Welcome to Venice!” underneath a sign that said we were at the Verona bus station.

They did not believe me when I said Verona and Venice were two different places. “Venice has canals, Verona is where Romeo & Juliet is set. There are no canals in R&J, they’re two different places!” I literally had to pull out my phone, go to google maps, and zoom out until they could see that Venice was still several hours away before they believed me.

The bus driver almost didn’t let us back on but I was able to show him on the tickets that our end destination was, in fact, Venice.

Venice itself was pretty neat. We got to go on a gondola ride and I ate an entire pizza by myself at dinner lmao.

Day 3 - Venice to Florence

we took a train from Venice to Florence the next morning, and that’s when I discovered that Italian train stations have lovely little cafes with AMAZING coffee and really good pastries. The other two didn’t drink coffee but like, their loss. it was fantastic. 

Florence was great, we found a little shop that sold really yummy gelato for only 1 Euro a scoop - Geletaria La Carraia. If you ever end up in Florence, definitely check it out!

We wandered around for a while, took a lot of pictures. There was some famous church that was undergoing some renovations, but as we walked up to it Molly gasped and said “I’ve climbed that in Assassin’s Creed!” which was pretty funny. 

We went to a museum that had made a bunch of models of some of Leonardo DaVinci’s inventions. We went to an art museum and stumbled across Michaelangelo’s David on accident, so that was the big “wtf” moment of the day. Also that night Molly decided to buy a bottle of wine to take home to a friend of her’s back in America, but realized after buying it that her backpack wasn’t big enough to cart it around for the rest of the week so I ended up carrying an entire fucking bottle of wine for the rest of the trip because I was the only one smart enough to bring a proper backpacking backpack and not just my school bag.

Also the hostel we were in had actual skeleton keys for their rooms and actual goddamn keyholes that one could clearly see through so i left the key in the lock all night AND hung my sweatshirt from the door handle so that no one could peek in at us

Day 4 - Florence to Pisa

once again, I woke up early, went into the bathroom attached to our room (the hostel had had a cancellation and so we ended up in a private room instead of a dorm style) and discovered that the lights didn’t work so I had a second shower in the dark

we took another train from Florence to Pisa, and there we ran into our only bit of bad weather

What’s the big draw in Pisa? The Leaning Tower, right?

What was the only day it rained, non-fucking-stop, the entire time we were in Italy? THE DAY WE WERE IN PISA

I got so soaked that I actually bought a new sweatshirt because the one I was wearing was DRIPPING

anyways, after we had taken several dumb touristy pictures and grabbed an early dinner at a nearby restaurant, we decided to head over to the room I had booked. The cheapest place I could find was a tiny cabin at a campground nearby. According to the map on my phone, it was a short walk away.

A solid hour later, we finally trudged up to the main office of the campground, shivering and soaked, and got the keys to our cabin. We set our stuff down, and Ally and Molly decided to go back out to the grocery store we had passed coming in. I waved them off and went to take a shower in the bathroom with fully functioning lights! hooray!

Day 5 - Pisa to Rome

another morning, another train station with excellent coffee. We got into Rome and, at this point, we were all so tired from travelling that I was finally able to take charge. up until this point, Molly had been railroading us, even sort of bullying Ally in the process, but now she was exhausted and I, through a combination of practice in functioning while dead on my feet, lots of travel experience, and Mom Friend Instincts, took the reins. We got to Rome and I said “we’re going to the church with the big hole in the roof (its a thing, look it up) and then we’re going to eat.... at this place around the corner and then we’re going to to go our hostel and check in”

they didn’t argue, and that’s a true testament to how fucking tired the two of them were, especially Molly, because she would argue about anything and everything given half a chance. We also went to the military museum that day, mostly because it was free and also air conditioned

(also while looking through my pictures of this trip i just discovered that i still have the picture i took of the Rome hostel FAQ page that had by the front desk, which i now remember i did because it had the wifi password on it and we weren’t in our room for 30 seconds before one of the other two asked what the wifi password was so, once again, i show that i am a very good traveler/travelling buddy)

Day 6 - Rome

so we had the next full day in Rome, and we got up early to get in line for the Vatican. I wanted to be there by 7am, Molly was like “it doesn’t even open until 9!” and we compromised at 8 and it was STILL an enormous line so i was like “see? this is why i wanted to get here early”

Oh, but before we went to the Vatican, i took a shower. IN. THE. DARK. BECAUSE ALL OF ITALY EXCEPT FOR PISA DECIDED THAT I DIDN’T DESERVE TO HAVE A SHOWER WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE TO FUMBLE AROUND BLINDLY LIKE AN ASSHOLE

ALSO on the way to the Vatican, I asked if the two of them had their passports. Ally said yes. Molly said yes, why?

And I had to then explain to Molly, a 20 year old RELIGIOUS STUDIES MAJOR, who was RAISED CATHOLIC and who had FAMILY IN THE CLERGY, that the Vatican, THE CENTER OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, is it’s own country. 

she, again, did not believe me until i pulled it up on google for her

turned out that we didn’t need our passports stamped to enter the Vatican but still! still!!!!!

so it turned out that whatever day we were there on, the Sistine Chapel isn’t open that day, so we just walked through the cathedral and then headed out to the Colosseum and the ruins of the Senate behind it, both of which were very cool

Day 7 - Rome to Milan to London

we got up even EARLIER on our last day, I took another shower in the dark, and we rushed over to the Vatican, speedwalked through most of the museum, and finally got into the Sistine Chapel, which was absolutely breathtaking. Then we hauled ass back to the train station to catch our train back to Milan.

At this point in the trip, I was so fucking done with the two of them, but especially Molly. Ally was sweet and naive, but she was also willing to listen to new information. Molly was just a stubborn ass with a mean streak a mile wide and I was COMPLETELY done associating with her.

Luckily, since I had booked my flights separately, while we had flown into Milan on the same plane, I had a completely different flight back to London - to a different airport, even. They were going back to London City, but I was heading to London Gatwick. Both planes were set to depart around the same time, from two gates that were next to each other though, so i couldn’t really escape them until - uh oh! My flight was delayed. 

Molly and Ally were fretting about it but i was like “it’s fine. it’s fine. I’ve been flying since i was literally 3 months old and I s o m e h o w know more Italian AND Spanish than the two of you combined, even though I would never say that I speak EITHER of those languages. Just go.”

The flight ended up being delayed like 5 hours due to mechanical issues. They finally just got another plane for us, and we finally took off from Milan. When we went over Paris, the captain, obviously feeling bad about the delay, made sure to tilt the plane in both directions so that everyone could see the Eiffel Tower lit up, it was really neat.

We finally got back to London at literally like 230 in the morning. The busses and some of the trains weren’t even running at that point - certainly not all the way out to the fancy little liberal arts college I was going to. I went up to some security guard at the airport and said “just tell me how close I can get to the University of Roehampton on the trains” and he told me to take the train to Black Friars so I got out there and there was a bus, but it was like 40 minutes out. It’s now pass 3am, I am exhausted after a long, weird week in Italy, I texted my dad and he said “just get an Uber i’ll pay for it”

The Uber driver was very nice and as soon as I got in he said “you look really cold! do you want the heat on?” i could have fucking kissed him. he was super nice. actually made sure that I was still texting my dad (i had mentioned it when I got in because I almost dropped my bag while trying to text and maneuver at the same time) every few minutes. offered to let me take and send a picture of him to my dad. otherwise didn’t really speak and just let the music play. I tipped him literally whatever was in my pocket at that time, i don’t remember how much it was, but it was at least 20% and probably more. Really great guy. 

Random London Uber driver from 2017, you remain the best Uber driver and I love you

i finally crawled into my shitty little dorm bed at about 4am, exhausted and utterly bewildered by the past week

honestly??? I’m still bewildered by my week in Italy.

wtf even happened in all that mess.

#italy #venice #florence #rome #pisa #tales from the hill #chris #thebubbledragon

[amosbarot]

( cismale ) haven’t seen AMOS BAROT around in a while. the DEV PATEL lookalike has been known to be (+) INSOUCIANT & (+) KEEN, but HE can also be (-) TROUBLED & (-) DERISIVE. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in COMPUTER ENGINEERING. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

hello !! here is my other baby, who is...somehow, more of a mess than naeva !! no dilly dally, let’s jump right into it !!

TW: drug addiction/abuse, car accident. mental illness. 

a e s t h e t i c s ( except i am a sham of a person and sorta very much forgot to save my aesthetics so ! winging it ! )

floral suits and a light air of mock-arrogance, charming smiles and a mischievous glint, easy sarcasm and raised eyebrows. rolling joints resembling cigars, smoke drifting towards ceilings as conspiratorial rambles escape intoxicated lips,  wild gestures and toppled book stacks, four expresso shots at the stroke of midnight and equations leading off whiteboards. heavy eye bags and warm smiles, dismissive words and excuses. sleepwalking to the middle of the quad for the third time that week, donning white boxers littered with red hearts...again. secret glances and barely contained excitement, distractions from the obvious.

general info !!

full name: amos ronak barot

nickname(s): n/a !!

b.o.d. - january 17th, 24 yrs old, capricorn

label(s): the academic, the ebullient, the fallen, the icarcian.

height: 6′2″

hometown: london, uk ooo fancy

sexuality: wildly. chaotically. bisexual.

his stats can be found HERE

and his pinterest can be found HERE !

biography

introducing...another one of indira’s cousins !!!! 

born to olena barot, member of the american embassy in london/future U.S. ambassador to the UK and ronak barot, CEO of his very own computer company. needless to say, he and his younger sister alya were born into a certain wealth

they hopped between the US and the UK and wherever else they desired to go on vacation to with ease; UK for school and US for breaks, rome or paris or wherever else, simply whenever.

despite this though !! olena and ronak had always wanted their children to find their own success, to be financially stable without their assistance once they got older. therefore, it was a known fact in their household that they’d be cut off financially by the time they were 21.

luckily, neither of them really minded this? both children had always had an extreme thirst for knowledge and a wonder for things. even so--their childhood wasn’t quite typical, as their competitive natures led to them trying to one-up each other?

alya and amos grew up extremely close to each other, being so close in age it really didn’t feel as if she was the younger sibling; they were more like twins than anything. obviously, amos still gloated about being the eldest, but their bond was tight.

there were moments in their childhood where if anybody, and i mean anybody--spoke ill of alya, amos would get into physical alterations. he’s much more peaceful now, but the history is still there.

by the time amos entered sixth form, his studies were--while still very important to him--less frequent. he’d go out nearly every night, gone whole weekends, partying or being a general hooligan. 

alya, however, did not partake in these activities. this is where they differed--amos had always been an extrovert, fond of crowds and people and being in the center of it all. causing ruckus. wrecking havoc. alya’s always been...reserved, in the best way possible. few knew just what a gem she was, but she really was to be treasured. even so--the less time amos seemed to spend at home, the more distant alya became towards him.

but, surprise: despite being literally, incredibly smart, amos got BIG DUMBASS ENERGY and was very very oblivious to the why and how of this. which really, really did not help.

unfortunately, there wasn’t any time to dwell about this.

around the same time, tragedy struck the barot family.

after one of his lil’ runabouts, amos came home to find furniture being escorted out of their house, police--his sister crying, his mother ashamed, his father nowhere to be found. 

and soon after, amos found out that his father was arrested for a scandal that sent many into a tizzy. essentially: the company fucked over their own customers via stealing their info, committing some fraud, y’know, credit cards and social security numbers, sellin’ it. just. some nasty white collar crime.

it also wound up fucking up olena’s newly acquired position as the US ambassador for the UK. she was released from the embassy during ronak’s trials.

he ultimately wound up in prison, and olena moved their family back to the U.S.

and amos--being the big dumb baby he is, figured the best thing to do was to pretend it hadn’t bothered him one bit! so he did exactly that!

i imagine that they moved close to indira’s family, and amos spent a lot of time with her from there then.

however, in between pretending things were fine and dandy, and home life, and the drag and pull of parties, anxiety weighed down amos’ bones like...constantly. his family was now, essentially, poor with a mass debt thanks to their father. the expectations for amos to do good, to be better--the fall of amos’ biggest role model.

it was all too much. anxiety attacks became frequent, provoked by the slightest thing--he could only lay awake at night, sleep infrequent. he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia, and treated for both--some days it still doesn’t feel like enough.

getting a scholarship to lockwood is probably the best thing to happen to him in a long time. it was a new look into a potential future.

got into the uh...career, of sorts, of doing people’s assignments for them for a hefty payment, alongside his normal job. just to make sure he had spending money and whatnot.

involving tatiana: their friendship bloomed after he did a few assignments for her, y’see--then came the midnight adventures, and whatnot. i wouldn’t have called them close by any means, but they had fun together when they weren’t arguing. their friendship ended after a pretty bad car accident--neither were fatally hurt, but the car was wrecked and it was amos’ fault and it just. sorta was the end of that.

he’s got a...reliability on his sleeping pills, if you will. it’s not healthy in the slightest, but he’s convinced it’s nothing serious. it’s pretty serious.

his eyesight is also getting worse--expected to become legally blind by the time he’s forty.

more on those l8r

personality

there’s a lot of words you can use to describe amos! pretentious, sarcastic, provoking, hardly ever serious, immature, petty, Just Like That, full of himself, smartass, big dumbass energy. y’know. just an infinite amount.

he can be so dramatic! everything he does is exaggerated. he rolls cigar-sized joints at every party. goes around with a horrible ‘20s mobster voice, voicing his lil’ conspiracies.

it’s both hard and very easy to forget that amos graduated as valedictorian of his high school (stealing it, from somebody else--i should mention, as he came in halfway thru the year and kinda just. snatched the title.) because he can be a real idiot sometimes.

because he tries to hard to mask his insecurities, he overcompensates with just. being childish. he’s fun to be around but sometimes he can just be. exhausting.

so like, he went into computer engineering because that was just sorta what he always wanted to do? besides programming? he really wanted to take after his father--but with him being in jail and whatnot, kinda puts a damper to that dream. still, he can’t stop.

so he’s just. really good with computers tbh?? built his own, programmed his own firewall. his dream is to open his own cybersecurity company.

VERY STRESSED LIKE CONSTANTLY like catch him in the library with six empty coffee cups surrounding his work, it’s 2am--he hasn’t slept, in fact his eyes are likely taped opened. he works a lot.

but parties...a lot more! he tries rly hard to not mix his medication with anything so that leads to him...not always taking it, or overcompensating when he misses. it’s a mess. he’s a mess. he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he’s NOT.

i think...i’d consider him lovable. he’s a lil eccentric, a lil high energy.

LOVES HIS FAMILY. like, listen. he still loves his dad. would protect his cousins and sister and mother with his mf life.

alya and him aren’t on the...best terms rn. so that Hurts.

he can be really petty tbh ?? like he can’t take arguments seriously so he just becomes this fucking manchild. he will mimic u. he’ll mock u. he can be hurtful.

god...i don’t even know what else to say. just take him TAKE HIM

wanted connections

as always, i am a big slut for every connection.

give him his Lads. his buds. his pals. his broskis. his bromances.

ride or die(s)

people he tutors !! people whose work he does for them !!

somebody who goes to him b/c of computer troubles n he’s just like...r u going to pay me or nah

high school friends??

party pals??

his sister may become a WC in the future but idk quite yet, we do stan her though !!

drug dealer pls n thank

ex friends ?? fake friends ?? toxic friends ??

bad influences ?? good influences ??

hook ups ?? like a lot of ‘em ??

confidante ?? just somebody he can. rant to.

academic rival just b/c i really love intense study-offs

enemies for whatever reason ??

exes ??

particularly this one ex he was really, really in love w/ but life just got really stressful and idk it affected their relationship and they sorta just. ended it. idk who ended it w/ who but it probably wasn’t mutual and he’s probably really still hung up about it. 

i mean i’ll take...anything...did they run into each other once and now just see each other everywhere??

unrequited things??

really cute close friendships??

#water:intro #hi it takes me fifty years to do things but i DID IT

[wheresmynaya]

Two Ghosts Ch. 6 | Brittana

 So things will start to pick up from here, brace yourselves. Enjoy!

Coaching a high school cheerleading team ends up being way harder than Santana thought. Most of the squad is pretty disciplined, as disciplined as a bunch of teenagers can be, but there is one that sticks out from the crowd. In fact, she kind of feels sorry for all the teachers and coaches that had to deal with her when she was younger but Santana would’ve been a breeze compared to Alexandra Carpenter.

At their first encounter on the day of the first practice, Santana nearly put Alexandra, or Alex as she not-so-politely corrected her, in a head lock but Quinn and Brittany were too quick to hold her back. The attitude, the sass, the snark all remind Santana of her younger, more rebellious self. What makes it even worse is that Alex is probably the most talented gymnast she’s ever seen. Everything she does is effortless and executed with precision and Santana kind of hates her for it because Alex really does have the talent to back up that huge ego of hers.

In addition to dealing with Satan’s spawn, there’s also Brittany. Santana’s struggling so hard to be normal around her which worked for a week but being civil is a hard concept for her to grasp when she finds Sam waiting around for Brittany after practices. She doesn’t want to call it jealousy, but rather a combination of annoyance and aggravation because seriously? Sam Evans?

Her thoughts go on a joyride and she can’t fight the hurt that creeps back just knowing that she could be so easily replaced. She never thought of herself as the greatest girlfriend in the world, that title was Brittany’s, but she didn’t think she sucked so much that Sam was a better option. Sometimes she’s able to remind herself about the money though and how she only has to get through the school year and that eases her mind just a little, but sometimes her thoughts get the better of her. Each day the balance tips a little more to either side and it gets increasingly harder for her to control her emotions.

However, no matter how well she tries to keep her cool, Santana is only human and she has limits. So when Alex calls her a tired old hag on their fifth practice, which caused Snixx to make an appearance, Santana inevitably, lands herself in the Principal’s office.

           “I am very disappointed to have to call you into my office like this, Ms. Lopez.” Principal Figgins says with his arms crossed over his chest as he frowns at Santana with Quinn and Brittany flanking her, “You cannot threaten a student; I shouldn’t have to be having this conversation with you. Do you know how upset the Carpenters are?”

           “Whatever, that little demon started it.” Santana tries but Figgins shakes his head.

           “I don’t care! You are a coach, you’re meant to uplift the children.” Figgins argues, “Set the example! Be a role model. Not threaten them with-“ He looks to his secretary, “What were the words?”

           “Razorblades hidden in her hair.” She answers with a scowl in Santana’s direction and Figgins snaps his fingers and slams his hand on the desk.

           “Yes, that! Do we need to call TSA in here to inspect?” He asks, waving his hand at Santana’s pony tail.

           “She’s not boarding a plane.” Quinn cuts in, “That’s not necessary. There’s nothing even in there. Besides, Alex was way out of line disrespecting a coach like she did.”

           Santana tries to maintain her composure even though she feels so small as they begin to argue around her. It weirdly takes her back to when her parents would fight when they thought she was asleep and it makes her chest ache. She tries to bite her tongue to prevent herself from digging a deeper hole, but it really isn’t fair. The kid is the antichrist!

           “A threat is a threat and it will be treated as such.” Figgins replies and turns his glare back on Santana, “I take my students’ wellbeing very seriously. You know the Carpenters are requesting that I suspend you? This puts me in a very difficult position, Ms. Lopez-”

           “I swear if you tell me your hands are tied-“ Santana grumbles but Quinn elbows her and gives her the shut up look. Santana swallows the rest of that sentence and starts again, “I’m sorry but saying you care about your students’ wellbeing is a load of bull! If you cared so much about these kids, you wouldn’t have been letting Alex breeze by undisciplined all this time just because she’s kind of smart and can do some cartwheels or whatever.”

“She is a national champion!” Figgins clarifies but Santana just rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, so am I. All three of us are but what does that matter?” Santana argues, “What do you think will happen when she gets out in the real world and finds out people don’t turn a blind eye in real life? That will fall back on you and this place. You’re meant to be preparing her for the real world and you’re not so excuse me for trying to pick up your slack.”

           Figgins sighs at a loss for words.

           “I am not an educator, I’m just here because Sue is, was, apparently loaded and you didn’t bother hiring anyone else and she must have some dirt on you because how is this even legal for us to be here? I don’t have any experience in teaching and I don’t know how to deal with these brats, so yes, I will slip up sometimes. I agree with you that I may have handled some things wrong, but cut me some damn slack. I’m trying my hardest here.” Santana says and quickly stands, “If that’s not good enough then I’m out.”

           She’s just about to turn and leave when Brittany reaches out and grabs her wrist. Santana looks down at pale fingers wrapped around her, the touch burning her skin, and then looks at Brittany in confusion.

           “What are you doing?” Santana questions quietly but Brittany just gives her this pleading look before letting go to face Figgins.

“Santana doesn’t mean that.” Brittany says and that surprises Santana because what does she know? Santana looks at her with furrowed brows but Brittany only stands as she continues, “The kids like her. She’s good for them. I can tell she cares about them because giving tough love is how she shows that and these kids need someone to care about them.”

All Santana can do is blink as Brittany speaks to Figgins.

“You call threats tough love?” Figgins questions but Brittany just shrugs.

“Sue used to say way worse things than Santana and she had been teaching for like 100 years without any repercussions so it’s a bit hypocritical for you to come down this hard on someone who has literally been winging it this whole time.”

Santana’s shocked but she can’t understand why Brittany would stand up for her, she barely says a word to her unless it pertains to the squad but now all of a sudden she’s willing to defend her?

“You don’t need to do this.” Santana says to Brittany but it goes unnoticed.

“Brittany’s right.” Quinn adds and stands as well, her hands moving to rest at her hips, “You need us and if one goes, we all do. Good luck finding a replacement at this time of year.”

Figgins lets out a deep sign, “Fine, stay. But if I hear one more complaint, that’s it! I don’t care if Sue’s spirit haunts me until the end of my days, the deal is off and your services won’t be required any longer.”

“This won’t happen again,” Quinn nods, “I assure you.”

With that, the three leave the office. Santana’s fuming still and a little confused as to why Brittany of all people came to her defense. Quinn and Brittany decide to let her cool off on her own and head back to the field to clean up.

Santana makes her way to her car for a little privacy and protection from all of Brittany’s stares. She racks her brain for a reason why she’d stick up for her when they’re not exactly friends. Things aren’t how they used to be and she doesn’t need her fighting her battles.

A little while later, Santana spots Quinn and Brittany coming off the field with their duffle bags. She feels a little bad that she didn’t help clean up, but then she sees Sam exit his car and wave to Brittany and suddenly the balance she’s been trying to keep steady finally tips. Santana watches as he jogs up to her and offers to take her bag and Santana feels the need to gag. She quickly looks away and goes to start her car, in hopes she can speed off and not have to suffer seeing anymore, but of course the engine doesn’t turn over.

She slams her palms on the steering wheel and yells, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Now she really feels like she’s about to burst into tears at any minute and she squeezes her eyes shut tight thinking it’ll make the feeling go away as she twists the keys one more time.

But the car refuses to start again.

“That is it! I’m done with you,” Santana beats her fist against the wheel, “I’m gonna sell you so fast. You just wait!”

In a fury, she gets out of the car and slams the door behind her before lifting the hood. Again, she has no idea what she’s doing and she thinks how she’s reached a new low and her day couldn’t get any worse.

But again, she’s spoke too soon as she hears footsteps near.

She peeks over the edge of the hood hoping it’s Quinn or Figgins or even Alex. Just anyone else other than who she’s pretty sure it is walking over.

Sadly, she’s right and as her eyes land on Brittany looking concerned as ever with Sam closely behind she knows she’s finally hit rock bottom.

#two ghosts #brittana #santana lopez #brittany pierce #fanfics #fics

[howardlinkedin]

Debriefing (And Other Bad Jokes) Part 4

Part 3 here: x

Next, Part 5: http://howardlinkedin.tumblr.com/post/168953427738/debriefing-and-other-bad-jokes-part-5

Summary: Slightly less ridiculous chapter about museum heists, unless your name is Howard Link, in which everything is still ridiculous, while Allen asks the Important Questions.

There are only three people who know the entire story of how Yuu Kanda went from absolutely loathing Allen Walker to something like positive, relationship affirming emotions. (No one can  make Kanda admit things like “love” or “romance,” even if they threatened death. Honestly, even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to succeed, seeing as the man would break the idiot who dared make threats in the first place inches away from death’s door.)

First there was the Bookman- which should be obvious given his skill set. The redhead even bragged about knowing the two were bound to become...whatever they were long before they even knew it. This bragging usually got a sword uncomfortably close to his crotch.

Next was Lenalee, who was Allen’s best friend and confidant. She actually had a front row seat to the drama that was Kanda’s and Allen’s relationship coming to a head. This was something she often reminded Allen when he was being particularly annoying, due to the fact that she had recorded most of it on her phone, and she was not afraid to use it.

Last, and probably the most baffling, was Johnny Gill. Baffling, because the forensic examiner hardly even made an appearance at the Department, choosing to spend his time at the Crime Labs. Lenalee and Lavi often wondered how the smaller man fit into this equation, since he was never around when the officers in question usually interacted.

Argued.

Violently flirted.

Everyone else working in or associated with the Black Order Police Department were simply secondhand observers. Many got whiplash when word actually got out that Kanda and Walker were A Thing.

---

Whatever Thing the two decided to be, was the question of the century. Only Allen and Kanda knew what, exactly, they were to each other, but it was there and sometimes it was less violent and more on the sweet side.

If you squint.

---

Noise Marie was the Order’s top surveillance specialist. At every stakeout, he was there, hidden away in a van, abandon building or any other nondescript location to listen in on the goings on with the officers under his care to watch.

Or rather, not so much watch.

Noise, legally blind that he was, could only listen. Which made his name rather ironic, which he was very well aware of, thank you very much.

The lack of proper sight never stopped him from being the best at what he does, however. No one questioned how his unique skill set works, but altogether accepted at the Order regardless.

So when the tell-tale buzz of the speakers tickled in, he responded immediately.

“This is Marie.”

“Allen here-” (In the background, Noise could hear the new Detective Inspector chide. “Walker, don’t give your name out in the middle of a job!”  The chiding was moot considering Link just also have out the rest of the officer’s name.

“Okay fine, Eagle One-” “I’m Eagle One.” Kanda grunted over his own communication. “Darling, only when I let you.”)

“I’m listening.” Marie tried not to sound amused. It was hard, but he was a professional and this was a job.

A high stakes job.

---

Once again, Link was able to actually do his job, and this time it looked more promising to be solved than the current murder case.

He listened and traded notes with Inspector Galmar, who had, up until now, been the only detective assigned to the Phantom G case.

(At the debriefing, Allen had commented that it was a rather cute name for a thief. Allen also though Kanda was cute when on the verge of homicide, so Link decided the officer’s opinion of anything was to be mad ravings of a crazy man.)

“And you say that somehow, anyone arrested during this case has been framed?” Link flipped through the stack of prints of the literal dozen fingerprints uncovered from every scene of the crime.

Galmar sighed heavily. “Yes, the problem we don’t know how or have any evidence besides obvious intuition. Unfortunately, the law can’t let anyone free from arrest just on those grounds.”

Unfortunate indeed, considering that all who were arrested claimed to never have been near the areas where valuables have been stolen. But, as far as the law was concerned, fingerprints don’t lie.

“So.” Walker, who had been a silent observer, until now, leeched himself at Link’s side and stared at the images. “This kid is able to lift copies of multiple prints from several officer, who happen to always be on site during a stake out, plant them and then make off with the loot?”

Link’s brow ticked at the loss of his personal space and elbowed the officer away. “Walker, let me work.”

He paused, narrowing in on the other’s comment. “You said ‘kid.’”

Allen grinned like a cheshire. “I did.” “And why,” Link’s suspicion once again rising. “Do you believe the thief is a kid? Clearly this level of skill is not something a mere child could do.”

Shrugging, Allen had the gall to look innocent and doe eyed. “No reason.”

“Walker.”

“Howard.”

Howard Link decided then and there he needed to make a doctors appointment for the amount of migraines he continued to suffer.

---

“I thought you were supposed to casing the layout of the museum.”

“I did.” Allen chirped. The Detective Inspector pinched the bridge of his nose. “Walker, you literally have been standing behind me this entire time. What part of that is casing anything?” Phantom G, as the acclaimed thief signed their M.O as, was most often known by the many notices they leave announcing their future plans of theft. The most frustrating aspect of their taunts was that they always delivered them to the scene where they threaten to loot, and always naming said object they are wanting to steal.

No matter the security, the Phantom always, always got away with it. With false fingerprints left behind, the accused unconscious with the very same mask as the Phantom over their face.

It was a wonder the entire team working on the case thus far hadn’t quit out of frustration.

Especially considering how utterly ridiculous the masks were. What with the bright, flashy neon yellow.

This time, the threat was at the local museum, which happened to house a very expensive and very historical crown.

“I saw the glass case where the crown was.” Came Allen’s cheeky reply, as though that was all he needed to see.

And maybe it was? Because Link was beginning to believe that despite all of Walker’s oddities and nuances, they always worked.

---

Link took a glance around the open space of the museum. “Where is Officer Kanda?”

Allen waved a hand as if to portray ‘don’t worry!’

“He’s doing a better job than I am at canvasing the entire area.”

Because that’s what Kandas do, apparently. And Allens just pester and waste time around actual hard working investigators.

---

“Anyway,” Allen continued over the communication to Marie. “Quick question, and it’s very important that you answer.” “Yes?” Noise turned a dial at his soundstation, making the frequencies of the white noise in the area more clear.

“What are you getting me for my birthday?”

(“WALKER.”

The surveillance specialist could hear Kanda sigh over the detectives reprimand.)

“Because I’ve been thinking of a hat. A large fluffy warm hat. Maybe a matching scarf.”

(“Walker, we are WORKING now is not the time to-”

“Jesus Christ shut up, both of you.”)

This is when the museum alarms are set off.

---

Arrested was yet another framed officer, with the crown missing and Officer Allen Walker-

Well. He was engaging in an actual chase with the presumed true thief.

On the rooftops.

Link had to at least admit that the other man was dedicated to his job.

---

The thief- Phantom G, in all their neon glory, hopped, jumped and mauvered the rooftops with the skill only someone who understand the layout could accomplish.

“Hey, you know maybe bright colors weren’t the best idea in this situation.”

Unless your name is Allen Walker, in which case he somehow managed the ability to maneuver just as, if not more, fluid after the thief and the crown.

Said thief gasped, and nearly tripped when the officer swung from a railing and landed just in front of them. They made an attempt to dash to the right, but Allen, quick as he was, flashed the crown at the Phantom’s face.

Well, assumed face anyway. It was hard to tell, what with the huge mask and all.

“Sorry, but this is mine now.”

“WALKER! You can’t keep stolen property!” Link chose that moment to leap to the roof also.

Phantom G took the momentary distraction of the Detective to leap from the side of the building and slide down the emergency fire exit.

Allen put the crown on his head and followed suit, all smiles.

And Link? Well Link followed after because Walker You Can’t Put That on your Head It’s Valuable!

---

Once on ground, the thief shot their arm out and Allen yanked the Detective with him to slide down the ally and out of the way.

Inspector Howard Link did not squeak, he most certainly did not, no matter what Officer Allen Walker says. (Noise Marie caught it all on tape, and he is very sorry for the man’s dignity and pride.)

The wall where they had landed was sliced through with thin threads, almost invisible if not for the moonlight.

Allen’s smile dropped off his face.

“You know, a lot of people just had their lives ruined by you. Do you really want to add manslaughter to the list?” “Shut up!” Finally, the thief spoke. They sounded young, too young.

Link didn’t have time to analyze further, and took the moment to dash out and kick their legs from under them and slapped one wrist with handcuffs. They yelled in surprise.

“Link! Move!”

The detective barely had time to flinch away before the same threads as before shot from the Phantom’s free hand and into Link’s shoulder.

With a grunt, the blonde rolled away, holding the wound to stave the bleeding. The threads were very sharp indeed.

Suddenly, the threads were sliced through, and Kanda shot out like a bullet from seemingly nowhere at the thief. “If you want to play like an adult, then play with me.”

The other man had a grin what Link could only describe as maniacal.

The thief, no the kid, which was what they could only be, because they were too small and wiry to have been an adult, and their voice too, too young, let out a sudden screech in fear at the swordsman. They leapt up and clambered over window sills in an attempt to escape.

Their retreat was cut short when Kanda sliced the wall nearest their hand, impaling his sword clean through. “You really should rethink your actions right now.” The officer was as serious as they ever were, and the warning in their words were as sharp and dangerous as his sword.

The air was quiet for exactly two seconds before it was filled with sharp wailing. The Phantom Thief G slid down to the grown, heaving. The mask was becoming soaked with tears.

“Jesus Christ you’re loud.” Kanda complained, which was not really the time or place, but still altogether a very good observation.

The wailing and crying was indeed very loud and very shrill.

---

With the mask off, Phantom Thief G, as deduced by Allen earlier that day (and Link still demands to know how the officer figured that, much to his ever mounting frustration) a kid.

No more than nine years of age, identified by Marie as Timothy Hearst, was cuffed and placed into the awaiting police vehicle.

With Allen, who deemed it acceptable to coddle the criminal, and let himself be sobbed on in the back of the car.

“Walker, kid or not he’s still a-” “Shh Link, you’re scaring him.”

“NEED I REMIND YOU that he could have very well killed us, and managed to stab my arm.” The Detective hissed. His arm still hurt, mind. Miranda, who was also on standby, had wrapped it. The kid’s wailing only intensified. “I’m- I’M SORRY!!!” He bellowed.

“See, he’s sorry.” “Walker.”

Kanda ignored them all and snached the very expensive and valuable crown from his partner’s head and handed it over to Inspector Galmar. Allen ‘awed’ in disappointment.

Everything was too ridiculous anymore.

---

Timothy had cried himself to sleep in the Order’s jail cell. Wrapped in no less than three blankets and five downey pillows piled around him. 

No one commented on this.

In his office, Commissioner Lee read over Link’s report. “How could a child have this level of skill?” He inquired.

Allen, who commandeered the room’s only couch, piped up before the Inspector could respond, literally taking the words from his mouth. “He had help. No kid could ever pull this off without proper training.”

His silver eyes were far off, and Link didn’t like it. He also did not like how Walker obviously knew more than he let on.

Link was the detective, it was his job. Yet Officer Allen Walker was able to deduce just as fast and as much as he could.

“Training?” Still, he pressed on. Confrontations would happen later.

The white haired officer hummed, eyes flashing back to the present. “Yeah. Those needle threads aren’t something easily handled without being trained in them. No normal nine year old would ever have a working knowledge of them.”

“I see.” And Link did see. He also agreed. “I believe also that Hearst had help. To pre plan exactly who to frame and have them be an officer that would be stationed during each and every heist? There’s someone else working in the shadows.”

Commissioner Lee scowled at the thought of a kid having been wrapped up in this mess. It left a sour taste in his mouth. “Do we have any leads as to who, though, is the question.”

The Detective Inspector was at a loss there.

“Sheryl Kamelot.” Allen named, looking for all the world the most serious he has ever been. “This reeks of Noah, and Sheryl would be our best bet.”

Komui straighten at the names, and leaned on his elbows. “Explain Officer.” He demanded of his subordinate.

Allen also leaned forward, unconsciously flexing his scarred hand. “Sheryl’s pride in the Noah consists of finding kids who show talent, any talent really, and exploiting them in anyway.

Stealing, information gathering, murder - there’s no limit to what he’d train a child to do. My guess is that Timothy is rather new into the fold, which was why he was scared easily enough to surrender. Anyone worth their scuff in the Noah would have needed a lot more to put them into submission.”

Howard Link frowned, scowled, and tensed the longer Walker spoke. Because, how, how, how! How does the young officer know this? Where did he get this information? To have such an understanding of one of the Noah, was nothing short of terrifying.

Did he learn this during his arrest of Tyki Mikk? Or was it before during investigation? But, as far as Link knew, Walker was not assigned the Noah case first hand. That was General Cross Marian. Did Walker learn this from his mentor? Was Cross actually reporting directly to his adopted son, and both were keeping quiet?

Why wasn’t the Commissioner demanding these details?

There were too many questions surrounding Allen Walker, and Link despised the lack of answers.

---

Once away from the Commissioner’s office and steps down the hall, Link demanded his answers. “How? How do you have such knowledge?” His voice was thick with distrust and accusations that he hadn’t outright stated. The implication was still there, regardless. “And for that matter, how are you able to follow thieves across rooftops and spy those threads? You said it yourself it takes training. What are you hiding Allen Walker?”

They had both stopped their descent down the hall.

Contrary to their pause, Kanda was making his way to them, but by his movement he was in no hurry.

Allen only smiled that alarming and guileless smile of his that renders everyone around him defenseless but also paranoid at the same time. “Oh Link, you should have put the pieces together by now. You’ve read my file after all.”

If Link believed in in such things, he could have sworn the air turned chill and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

He couldn’t even deny it, not with Kanda now directly behind his partner, like the shadow he always was. Tucked at his arm was Walker’s file, which had been stolen from Link’s apartment nights before.

#ashlee writes #dgm #link ur in deep shit now boi #kind of #next time we meet more assholes and tim cries some more #allen to parent tim y2k #kanda is like lmao lets chase and scare children this is the most fun ive ever had YOLO #link is So Done #hey there marie HOW YOU DOIN BOY #allen walker #yuu kanda #howard link #timothy hearst #tbh I still dont know what ship to tag this as its all over the place #but its mainly Kanda/Allen #Yullen #with Link watching and lusting and WANTING NONE OF IT so he tells himself #sorry its been A While PEACE OUT NERDS

[umbrellurs]

tore the curtains down

Tony Stark is having a comfortable day in his lab. Okay, maybe a comfortable couple of days in his lab completely alone and nonstop working. Enter Peter Parker, stage left. A little bit of Tony being stuck in his head, and then just a little bit of Peter being what he needs to distract him. 

Word count: 1529

In other news, this is my first fanfiction in a long time, hope you all enjoy it!

Growing up, Tony Stark had gotten used to sitting alone in his lab and working on things nonstop for quite literally days on end undisturbed. After the death of his parents, it had seemed that no one knew quite how to handle it, or more importantly, how to handle him. So, Tony got into the habit of impulsively working for days on end in his lab, starting the moment inspiration struck, ending the moment the project had been finished and perfected - multiple times, of course, no Stark does anything halfway. Tony was currently working on upgrades for his suit. He was tackling one of the many ideas he had considered, but had never actually gone through with or perfected until… well, until he was left stranded in Siberia and had a lot of extra time to think about the upgrades that he could have had, but didn’t. 

After the initial pain and rage at being abandoned in fucking Siberia had (mostly) subsided, his mind had promptly raced to equipment improvement and ways to prevent this from happening again. Of course, he had to deal with legalities and a huge amount of boring shit before he was able to escape to his lab to work on his suit, and even then he was expected to do press to clean up his own reputation and give a statement on his former teammates turned war criminals. And, of course, with the whole Vulture incident and the cleanup afterwards, it was quite frankly a miracle of godlike proportions that he had a few days away at all. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a god, but it was Pepper Potts, which is pretty damn close in his, and most other’s, opinion.

So now, here he was, in the flickering lights of his lab, working on his current progress. It was his second or third day in his lab undisturbed, judging by the amount of progress he had made and the amount of times F.R.I.D.A.Y. had alerted him that people were looking for him, or even worse, attempting to call him. He was pretty sure he was only about halfway done with the new and improved suit, and after that he still had finishing touches and digitalizing the blueprints and field testing and-

“Hey uh, Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark? Are you in there?”

No fucking way. No fucking way would F.R.I.D.A.Y. let this kid into his lab while he was working on something that could potentially be very extremely dangerous, life threatening, even. No way. He could hear the kid puttering around by the door, but thankfully his windows were blinded so the kid definitely couldn’t tell that he was in his lab, because he didn’t have the door codes, and even if he did F.R.I.D.A.Y. would, under no circumstances tell Peter that Tony was in there, or just let him stroll into-

“Door code activated.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s mechanical voice informed him, in a way that was almost smug for an AI, much to his annoyance, “Peter Parker is visiting because of suit difficulties boss, I’m sending him in.” And in strolled Peter Parker. Son of a bitch.

“Hey Mr. Stark, Happy said that I had to talk to you about any problems with my suit because he was too busy, but uh, I know that you might be too busy so if you are just tell me and I can come back like, tomorrow or something. Really, whatever is more convenient for you, Mr. Stark! I-”

The kid was walking into his lab, seemingly carefree, fiddling with his hoodie strings and jostling his backpack from side to side, babbling about how his suit wasn’t working correctly when he tried to activate a certain webbing function. Which okay yeah, Tony was happy to see the kid and happy that the kid knew well enough to come to him when his suit was damaged (nearly half of the previous Avengers had barely known to do that, by the way) but he could probably live without the company right now. He was about to clear his throat and say that yes, he was actually a little busy currently, so maybe in a couple days, possibly a week? Anyone’s guess, really. But true to habit, the kid beat him to talking once more.

“Oh I am so sorry Mr. Stark,” Peter said, stopping in front of him a little ways from the table, “I just noticed you’re working on something so uh do you want me to just leave my suit here or do you want me to take it with me and just keep you posted or-”

Tony was already starting to feel a slight headache coming on. It occurred to him suddenly that he hadn’t actually had a human being in his lab, talking to him, since he started, and he should probably be pausing for at least some sleep soon. He also found himself suddenly remembering how it had been to work in a lab with Bruce, how they might not have talked or interacted nonstop, but how it had felt so much more comforting than working in the hollow, dark, emptiness of his lab with just him and the suits in it.

“You know what kid?” Tony said, pushing himself away from the desk and turning to face the younger hero, “How about we work on it together? That way if you have the same problem another time, you won’t necessarily have to bring it in, and to me? How’s that sound?” Tony figures it must sound pretty damn good based off of the muffled sound of excitement that Peter makes. Turning back to his desk, and pushing a few papers and parts aside, he gestured to Peter to bring it over. And in an instant it was out of Peter’s backpack lying on the table, and they had started trying to find the source of the problem.

A couple of hours later, it was resolved. It had been a small problem with the wiring that delayed the action of his web shooters by one or two seconds. Silently, Tony thanked whoever was listening in that Peter hadn’t been in a position that day where the delay was severely life threatening, and that Tony hadn’t brushed off the problem as being minor. He shudders to think of what would have happened if he had turned Peter away and allowed him to keep fighting crime in a malfunctioning suit. Of course, they weren’t necessarily finished, he still had to have Peter test the suit to see if it was fixed, and then have him fly around and test his webs for a little while to be sure that it was fixed permanently, but he figured he could write this particular case down as an pre-success.

“Hey Mr. Stark,” Tony heard Peter say as he came back into the lab, tossing his backpack below one of the tables, “so far so good, but do you want me to go and test it outside for a little while? Just to be sure it’s fixed properly?”

Tony couldn’t contain his smile as he turned to look at Peter - he was a smart kid, no doubt about it. But, as he took in Peter not bouncing on his feet slightly out of excitement, but rather slouching slightly, his head tilted towards the ground slightly, almost like he was disappointed, his smile dropped momentarily. Tony realized abruptly that he wasn’t ready to go back to his solo project in the lab just yet, and apparently neither was Peter, if his expression and body language were anything to go by. They had both had a fairly good time working together, thinking of ways to track down the problem, testing their theories, then finding ways to solve the web malfunction, so Tony made an impulsive decision and rolled with it.

“You know what, kid?” Tony said thoughtfully, watching as Peter’s head whipped up to look at him hopefully, “I think that maybe I could use a flight too. What do you say to me going with you while you test it out?”

Peter was all for it obviously, and he practically threw himself over to the door in his excitement, already talking about how he wanted to show his mentor all of the new techniques he had learned, all the recent things that had been happening in his life. Maybe, Tony mused, he would get to hear more about Peter’s school, maybe see if he was still around Vulture’s daughter. And, to his own great surprise, Tony didn’t even spare half of a glance at the project left shoved to the edge of his work table before he turned the lights off, shut the door, and shouted at the kid to wait up for him.

#peter parker #tony stark #dad tony #marvel #spider-man: homecoming #peter parker fanfiction #tony stark fanfiction #tom holland #robert downey jr #spiderman #marvel fanfiction #mcu #marvel universe #spiderman homecoming #spiderman: homecoming #iron dad #spider son #iron fam #my stuff #my writing

[dirt-noodles]

when you get this, it would be be cool to post 10 facts about yourself and then pass it along to 10 followers ( *´ ▽ `* )

oh hell 

well

1.)  I was adopted pretty late into life (as in like, taken into foster care at sixteen and officially, legally adopted when I was seventeen years old) 

2.) I am just above legally blind in my left eye and have to wear glasses with lenses as thick as the Hubble 

3.) I have never yet broken a bone, had any cavity, any major sickness, and have somehow stayed alive until I was finally vaccinated when I was put into foster care, living despite literally all of the odds, and pretty healthily too somehow

4.) When I was small, I befriended a family of raccoons through the windows and by time I met them outside, I was able to touch and feed them all I wanted and they were my best friends

 5.) I met my very best friend, Katie when I was nine (we are 19 now) and we are still close as ever and have synced up in damn near scary ways. She is the entire reason I’m alive today after everything that happened when we were kids, and she’s the goofiest fucking meme I know. 

6.) I live on my own, all grown up now! I am luckily living with my fiance and two friends, all three of which I love dearly. I’ve got a good job and actually really like working retail with people, and am using this big cash to save until I go to college for psychology and counselling.  Until then, I’m taking a year to chill and feel like a person. 

7.) Despite being the biggest I’ve ever been (5′4 and 140 yall, look at me go) I am an absolute lightweight. Hence, working a straight eight hour the other night and about half a gallon of Starbucks nearly killed me, thank god.  

8.) fuck i don’t know it’s two in the morning and i gotta pee????

9.) I shamelessly still love Kankri Vantas and, despite currently breaking out of writing other characters more, I still scrutinize and look back on everything he does for reference while writing and I still come to the conclusion that he is the worst character in homestuck

10.) I. Fucking. Love. Teddy bears.

#asks #about me #sinningandcynical

[changhomin-hatsukoi]

Okay, first of all: again, I don’t hate Alec. I am however disappointed in him 

One of the main points for Alec stans in defending him is: 

Alec is young.. way too young to understand what he’s done and certainly too young to be responsible for his action in the latest episode.. Magnus should forgive him.. This is Alec’s first relationship.  We should all give him a chance… blablabla…

Infact, there was even some opinions that supported that Magnus was in the fault actually. Because he was the one who chose to be with someone so much younger and inexperienced than he is. So Magnus should have known that this is tough on Alec…etc…

Are you fuckin’ kidding me? 

Seriously, people..!

Okay, you know what.. here’s a list of acceptable fuck-ups that one who.. letssay~ mentally a teenage boy (since you guys loves to infantilize Alec regardless of the fact that Show!Alec is 23 years old young adult and a FUCKIN’ WARRIOR), will probably makes on his first relationship.

- being late on long-awaited/planned date

- forgot about the said date completely actually 

- tend to get engrossed in doing stuff with his friends (in this case, with other fellow Shadowhunters) that his boyfriend could feel neglected.

- Busy being ‘the good bro’ with his besties (in this case, Jace) and being good listener/supporter/ problem-solver that he forgot he has his own sulking lover to make up to.

- Being unnecessarily jealous and sulks all over the place (book!Alec is an expert at this)

- Alternating between being super cringe-worthy sappy romantic and ‘I’m too cool for this PDA nonsense’ jerkface all the time.

- Alternating between being ‘youyouyou’ and ‘mememe' attitude all the time. 

- Making huge embarrassing public gestures to show their undying love

- Jumping to the physical part of the relationship too fast before either party is ready

- Doesn’t understand that it is NOT okay to be so close to the person who clearly has a crush on you… especially in front of your current lover

- Doesn’t realize that honesty is the best way to go and that lies will always come and bite you in the ass later. 

- Doesn’t realize the importance of having the alone just ‘us’ couple time every few other days.

…… I could go on and on.. there are thousands of easy mistakes one could make in his first relationship.

But you know one thing that i could assure you would never ever make that list?

HELPING SOMEONE TO TORTURE AND NEARLY EXECUTE A MAN THAT MIGHT HAVE THE SOUL OF YOUR LOVER STUCK IN HIS BODY!

… and not even legally!! For fuck’s sake, Imogen was acting against the Clave’s decision. At the very LEAST, Alec could protest on the fact that it is fuckin’ illegal!

Being young and inexperienced is not a ‘free pass’ ticket to excuse the fact that this time.. maybe not all the time, but this time you fucked up royally.. 

that you were not only a shitty boyfriend for not even trying very hard to disapprove the claim that your boyfriend’s soul is now in a middle aged most wanted criminal and would rather prefer the easy way of just shutting the man up by executing him before fair trial, 

but you also is heading the right way to be a real shitty leader one day with this blind allegiance you have going on right now. 

We all want him to be the leader of the Institute.

But you can’t say that Alec is ready to be a great leader and at the same time defend him when he was being stupid by giving him excuse of being ‘too young to know better’.

Letssay it was someone else.. some other Downworlder or a Shadowhunter or heck, even an innocent mundane just passing by that got their soul swapped with Valentine. 

The fact that he absolutely completely refused to try to remove all reasonable doubts by finding the truth or at least to prove that Valentine is truly lying. 

That he would rather gambled with someone else’s life (in this case, the life of the person he claimed to love) than to even..try.. 

I.. I don’t know.. It’s just.. on so many levels of fuck up that I don’t even know what to say..

And for fans to actually blame Magnus?

Implying that he had this coming just because he fell in love.. decided to trusts his heart and safety to someone younger than him.. because he has such a kind gentle heart that he willingly helps them regardless how they always take him for granted..

Just… how could you? 

Are you really that obsessed with the need to have your idea of an ideal character of ‘innocent sweet virginal delicate’ Alec?

And obviously Magnus must be the predator incapable of any feelings because he is older, right? And he got to bend over backwards for this poor innocent naive angel in everything, right?

PSA to all SH fans~!!:

Newsflash: ALEC LIGHTWOOD IS NOT A BABY.. so STOP infantilizing him!

you guys do realized that in order to cater for your own kink, you literally implied that he is incapable to learn to be more responsible of his action and to be more open-minded and be more confident in his own gut instinct, right? 

tbh, all those fics that keep trying to enforce the idea that Magnus should forgive Alec just like that… makes me sick. 

No, it wasn’t Alec’s fault that Magnus’s soul were swapped. 

And I’m pretty sure Magnus knows that too.

BUT

- His inaction is the problem.

- His ‘I’m sorry for everything you had to go through’ rather than ‘I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.. and I’m sorry I’m almost too late..’ is the problem.

- His concern only coz ‘you never refused to help me when I need it..’ is the problem. 

And I’m pretty sure Magnus wouldn’t forget how easily and willingly Alec grabbed him roughly, tied him down and gagged him in the middle of him begging.. 

And how Alec never tried to stop or to even pause the torture when he was crying and calling out his Mama..

And how Alec saved him with just three extremely short sentences (9 words to be exact) from Jace (who somehow Alec believed instantly despite not even being there physically and could maybe be mind controlled for all he knows..).

And remember, Jace said: “Alec, I’m so sorry. You were right. They switched.”

You. 

Were.

Right.

So, obviously Alec did have some doubts.

And what did he do with it?

Nothing.

And that.. is why Magnus deserves better.

#personal-opinion #malec #idonthatealec #justdisappointed #ilovethisshowreally

#malec #personal opinion #i'm so disappointed in you alec #you better grovel hard #magnus has enough shit from you and your fellow shadowhunters #shadowhunters #rant/rave #i love this show..really~ #but that doesn't mean i will tolerate their bs #best cast #fandom

[ladylegesis-blog]

For my first Product review I’m going to go into a HUGE topic that is consistently debatable as far as “The Best Food” whats best for one may not work for another so please keep that in mind in the grand scheme of things. However when your talking Kibble, Wet food, or Raw (which can break down to several other options) in general my personal belief and experience has lead me to place Raw Pet Food at the very top of this list. Now please keep in mind I am not a nutritionist or a vet...I’m much worse I’m a concern parent who only wants the best for her babies. I want to know what’ going in them and what they get from their foods and treats.

Please keep in mind raw food does not necessarily mean you go out to your local grocery store and feed whatever your cooking tonight and giving your dog a slab of it raw... although some pet parents, with the help of their vet and the knowledge of whats safe and nutritionally sound for their pet might but I do not recommend that option for the average person, and honestly I don't even recommend that option for myself...its more work than is needed especially when there are so many pre-made balanced diets out there. Raw comes in a few different varieties from Frozen, Freeze-dried, Dehydrated, etc. I buy both Frozen for my dog (Jack Murdoc) and Freeze-dried for my cats (Winston, Ming, and Kasey.) Why do I buy two different types? Jack is a 50 pound Bulldog who if I fed freeze-dried I’d go through a bag within a few days and for most dogs 30 pounds or more I’d suggest going with frozen just purely for expenses. With my cats I can purchase 4 bags at a time and not have them go bad and it usually last me 2 months.

All types require a bit of work or planning on our part as the pet parent, however all types can be modified to work with any lifestyle. The frozen (depending on your dog) could be fed frozen especially on hot days...it would provide as more of a chew and take a bit longer which again could work for your dog especially if they gulp everything down without chewing. Jack, my dog prefers his thawed, he has a very pronounced under bite (to put it nicely) and I think you’ll find for most dogs thawed or mostly thawed is best. Who has the time to wait for it to thaw? you can’t microwave it cause that will just counter act the whole reason raw is so great (I will address this later) and all other methods take time. For me I use containers as I feed one feeding I clean it out and put the next feeding in and place it in the fridge, I do 2 feedings a day depending on the thickness of the nuggets/patties I may need a few more containers to rotate in between but all the time required is to clean it out with a bit of soap and pull out another from the freezer. Freeze-dried and dehydrated foods need to be prepared usually just with a little water and a few minutes to absorb.

As a side note most people don't realize that cats have drinking problems...I know i didn’t know that...but its not what your thinking. Cats are obligate carnivores meaning in the wild they get all their food by hunting and killing their prey, which means all their vitamins, nutrients and most of their hydration comes from its prey. Your probably thinking but wait I see my cat drinking from its water dish all the time, and while that's probably true, the truth of the matter is a cat cannot get nearly the amount of water a dog can get merely through drinking and lapping water. It all comes down to their tongues. So while feeding your cat kibble has probably been ok for many years (decades in fact for some) as time and knowledge of better understanding cats and their anatomy its not the optimal food choice in our markets today. And I’m sure many of you are saying “Lucky for me I feed my cat can food” which is better for your cats hydration by far when compared to kibble.

What it all comes down to with why Raw is so radical is ultimately what you get out of it. Maybe that isn't enough to hear just that so let me break it all down for you. When you feed kibble (a cup to a few cups a day) your dog absorbs at best (let me repeat that... at best) 70% the vitamins and nutrients from its kibble, the US pet food standards (AAFCO aka The Association of American Feed Control Officials require all pet foods to be “complete and balanced” but let me tell you there is a huge difference between Old Roy and Canidae... however the AAFCO probably couldn't tell you that.) are not in my opinion as high as they ought to be... but neither is our education system so like the education system we need to be good parents and do all we can to find the right fit for our kids...the same goes for our pets nutrition. Kibble will take all the the ingredients, some by the way sound pretty amazing too, and then cook the crap out of all of it to make it into a crunchy nugget, a process called extrusion (minus a few new comers like Lotus who bakes theirs like a dog biscuit is made, which explains why dogs love it so much.) Once the extrusion process is complete the vitamins and minerals that were naturally in the food which were cooked off are then many times synthetically reapplied by mixing it in a liquid form of fat and then spraying it back on the kibble...light bulb...that's why the kibble bags always feel so greasy...eww. Ok so whats all this mean, while your dog is absorbing the vitamins and nutrients mainly from its now sprayed in fatty layer all that other stuff ...well its shit...literally. Ever wonder why or how your dogs poop is so big? While in the moment kibble may seem like the best bang for your buck your paying to feed more and pick up more waste in the long run. Maybe its time to consider a better alternative.

Finally we are here...Why raw? With Raw Pet foods through the AAFCO again yes they are complete and balanced (as long as they are not just a supplement or treat there are some out there that are meant to just add some meat or vegetable matter in so please read the labels, they do legally have to state it.) While its true nothing is cooked, which is why its “Raw” so it does come with a side of slight warning, while dogs and cats are built different to withstand higher levels of bacteria, humans are not so caution: please be sure to wash your hands thoroughly after handling any raw product. With raw none of the natural vitamins and minerals are cooked out and with it being 60-70% moisture loaded (YAY for the kitties out there eating raw!) So while your out buying food and you see the price tag of raw verses that of kibble remember the big stinky poop we discussed now imagine half if not less than that as your out come (haha pun intended) no shit...ok ok I think I’ve gotten it all out of me (haha) honestly its one of the best perks along with way less gas (and having a bulldog that's super important to me!) What else is raw so good at...glad you asked! Besides being so highly digestible/absorb-able and being biologically appropriate (excuse me but do you see wild dogs and cats eating kibble ...besides the ones closed to the little old lady with all the cats?) Raw is typically more limited ingredient and over all better for your pet if they have allergies, again bulldogs are typical for having allergies and while Jacks not allergic to anything yet (knock on wood) he is very sensitive to yeast and will get ear infections from kibble all the time, even when its a high end supplement with brewers yeast in it. Raw does wonders with their skin, coat and teeth which means less money over all with dental problems and oh yes not to mention less shedding! Increase in energy thanks to the ability to easily absorb the vitamins and nutrients, and of course the big winner for me is its a natural weight control thanks to its high levels of moisture. Everyone pictures the same thing when they hear bulldog...wrinkly smooch face, low to the ground and FAT. I am here to help change that... bulldogs are not meant to be fat, nor is any other breed of dog...its horrible on their joints and breathing just as it is on us. Minus the ear infections and the fact Jack was born blind in one eye he has been the picture perfect healthy boy I know him to be and at 6 years old not many bulldog parents can say that. Take a look at his picture hes all muscle with a curvy little waste and we work very hard to maintain that, but with an all raw diet it has been a breeze!

I have linked one of the Raw choices here called “Primal” its made in the San Francisco Bay Area (where we are from so even a better perk for me to support local business) and it includes organic vegetables and fruits. I will tell you one thing especially after the pork version came out I would use these for all the picky eaters that would come into the store as a treat and it would be a rare dog not to want to eat it. They absolutely love primal! Jack never refused his Primal and the cats the cat version as well (Turkey and pork only because what’s a cat if not picky.) Another perk with this particular company...and quiet a few other Raw brands...if your feeding the frozen at home but want to travel with your pet, the freeze-dried is the exact same formula minus the water content...which you would have add when on the go but water is a much easier thing to find out and about then a freezer...especially camping. Please don't take my word for it...do the research click on the primal link via Amazon and look for yourself, and by all means fire any questions my way and I will do my best to answer them. I cannot talk enough about raw and all the many benefits you and your dog are about to receive!

#dog #dogs #cat #cats #Primal #Raw #dogfood #catfood #Amazon #kibble #dogkibble #catkibble #catcans #vitamins #nutrients #hydration

[loveisblindfanfiction]

Chapter Nineteen

I felt euphoric, on top of the world, a feeling of accomplishment that couldn’t be described, the feeling of triumph over facing a fear, the feeling of elated happiness in knowing that you looked beautiful…

The mess of feelings were still swirling around in me long after the show had finished. I’d walked that cat-walk like I was born to it!

Per Karlie’s advice, I made my first walk in what was called ‘the pinstripe number’ a bouncing and happy walk. I propelled myself forward so that I was able to create the wind-swept look and I smiled and was playful. In my post at the end of the runway I even sent a little wink out to the audience before I bounced back stage in my happy walk.

My second walk to Taylor’s song ‘Style’ and I was told I was wearing a ‘lacy black’ number with a pair of heels and elbow length gloves. When I strutted out onto the stage, my walk was not as bouncy or playful, it was controlled and more of a strut. Taylor took my hand, as we had rehearsed and pulled it up above my head and spun me around before she released me back out onto the runway. I walked with a sense of purpose and did the ‘smoulder’ that the girls had taught me. When I got to the end of the runway I posed for a moment with my hand on my hip before I turned and looked over my shoulder for a moment before I strutted back down the runway.

I may have been blind but I knew I looked fabulous because I felt fabulous.

I couldn’t think about one specific pair of eyes being on me when I was so aware of thousands of eyes on me in that moment, watching everything I did. It was a feeling of absolute adrenalin whenever I was out on that catwalk and I loved it.

I could practically feel the awed vibe coming off the crowd as they looked at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world and considering the company I was in, that was pretty impressive. Girls wanted to be men and men wanted to be with me! It was amazing!

And now that it was done there was nothing left to do except bask in the glow of my triumph.

Backstage, as soon as the show was done and all the models stood in their robes, a bottle of Champaign was popped and we all toasted out triumph. But we only had that one moment to celebrate because after that everyone had to go back to their make-up stations and get ready for the after-party where we would meet and greet with not only other designers, photographers and brand representative’s in order to book work, but also mingling with the VIP guests.

I was wearing a grey halter-neck cleavage dress with Miu Miu Swarovski crystal-embellished glittered leather sandals. I paired it with a black Edie Parker clutch with the words ‘High Maintenance’ written on it.

Sarah clutched my arm and directed me into the room where the guests were waiting. The moment I stepped into the room there seemed to be a scuffle as several people tried to approach me at once.

“Wow, there is literally a line to see you right now.” Observed Astrid as she came to stand with me, placing a glass of Champaign in my hand, “To be fair there is one to see me too, but it’s not as long as yours.”

I giggled in amusement as I held my glass up to hers, “Cheers!”

She clinked her glass against mine as Sarah took control, “One at a time!” she called, “Astrid you stand over there, Gerty you stand here and I’ll stand between you to mediate.” She said quietly as she shifted me into the correct position.

Although the nature of the after party was supposed to be that of a party, it was more of a professional meet and greet. It was only after Sarah and myself had talked to all the representatives that wanted to meet us that I would actually get to mingle with some of the guest and talk to my friends.

“Sarah.” Greeted a cool voice.

“Lagerfeld. How did I know you would be the first one to step up to the plate?” asked Sarah.

I blinked in shock, was she talking to Karl Lagerfeld? THE Karl Lagerfeld of Chanel?!

“Well I’m the best darling. I get afforded such luxuries of being able to see who I want to see first.” He replied smoothly, “Miss Trinket, Miss Burgess, delighted to make your acquaintance.” Said Karl pleasantly.

Astrid didn’t seem able to speak and I myself was similarly shell shocked. One of the biggest names in the fashion industry was talking to us. He was talking an interest in us. I couldn’t breathe.

“Hi.” I squeaked as I sent him a wave.

Why I waved I had no idea. It seemed like a wise choice at the time even though I instantly regretted it.

“I’d be interested in booking both your girls for campaigns.” Said Karl, addressing Sarah, “Particularly Miss Trinket for a short film.”

Karl Lagerfeld, creative director of Chanel, wanted to cast me in a short film?! WHAT?!

“Now, now, Karl. Don’t go poaching anyone just yet.” Replied a cool voice.

“Anna dear, what a nice surprise.” Said Sarah.

Was she talking to Anna Wintour? Editor and Chief of Vogue?        

“You’ve got two beautiful girls here Sarah. Very beautiful. Very talented.” She said flatly, “Now, Miss Trinket, I understand that you are legally blind?” she demanded speaking to me directly.

I blinked in shock, was she talking to me?

Sarah took my drink from my hand and I heard her place it on a nearby surface behind me. I knew I needed to speak but it was taking me an awful long time to figure out what I wanted to say.  

“Ah, yes. I am.” I said, my voice breaking embarrassingly and I cleared my throat in an effort to sound normal.

“Do you feel that hinders your ability to model at all?” she demanded.

I had heard of Anna Wintour’s abrupt nature. She wasn’t known as the ice queen for nothing. I suddenly understood the nickname.

“Well, as you’ve seen today, it’s not an issue at all.” Said Sarah.

“Yes, well I’m very interested in your quirky Australian girls Sarah.” Said Anna, “Miss Trinket here has opened up a lot of doors and I’m interested in crossing those thresholds with her.”

“Now whose poaching Anna?” asked Karl.

Though their tones were light, I felt as if something was bubbling beneath the surface of their calm demeanours and I began to feel a little on edge, as if a fight was about to go down.

“Well I’m sure arrangements can be made for you two to share Gerty.” Said Sarah diplomatically.

Were Karl Lagerfeld and Anna Wintour fighting over me? Was I dead? Had I died and gone to model heaven? That was the only plausible explanation for what was happening.

“Yes Anna. I’m sure the schedules can be negotiated in that we will both get what we want.” Said Karl.

“You know I don’t like to share.” Said Anna dismissively, “Miss Burgess, you have done some interesting work in the past.” She said.

“Yes ma’am I have.” Said Astrid seriously.

“Have you ever done high fashion before?” she asked.

I personally had no interest in ‘High Fashion’ which was the kind of fashion that was strange and not the kind of fashion that people wore on a day to day basis which was the fashion I was interesting. As far as I knew, Astrid shared my views on that kind of fashion, but could she really say no to Anna Wintour? I sure wouldn’t like to be in her shoes.

The whole thing was like a night mare when it wasn’t a beautiful daydream.

For nearly two hours I stood with Sarah and Astrid and met what felt like every person of note in the fashion industry all of whom were interested in us. By the sounds of it, I was set for modelling work of the next ten years! So was Astrid.

By the time it was all done and I could actually mingle with the other guests, I wasn’t just tired, I was thirsty.

“That was intense right?” asked Astrid, her lips close to my ear as we spoke in hushed tones, “I thought a fight was going to break out at any moment.” She hissed.

“I know right.” I smiled as we giggled together, “Hey do you know where my glass of Champaign went?” I asked curiously.

“On the table behind you, two steps to your left.” She said absently, “I think I see Johnny Depp!” she said excitedly, “He’s single.” She observed.

“Hold that thought!” I told her, “I’m gonna get my drink and I will be right back.”

I didn’t bother to stay for her response. I wanted to go and get my drink and then I wanted to meet Johnny Depp. I was so excited that I rushed a little too excitedly over to where Astrid told me my drink was and I bumped into a solid chest.

“Oh, sorry.” I apologized immediately.

“It’s ok.” The person replied.

I knew that voice. The moment the words left his lips I felt as if icy cold water had been thrown over me and my body had gone into a frozen shock, “Kit.” I stated flatly. There was no question in my voice, I knew it was him. I would know his voice anywhere.

“Hi Gerty.” He said, seeming slightly breathless.

Even though everything inside me was screaming, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t even think! The only thought in my mind was ‘Kit’. I wasn’t sure how long we stood in silence but it felt like forever. We both just stood letting the fact that after so long we were back in each other’s presence sink in. Eventually he spoke.

“You look beautiful.” He told me and I couldn’t possibly doubt the sincerity in his voice.

“Thank you.” I replied automatically.

I wasn’t sure what to do or how to react so it seemed as if my body had gone back to default settings; when someone complimented you, you said thank you. It didn’t matter if that person was your lying ex.

“Congratulations on today.” He said.

“Thanks.” I felt like a robot who had gone back to its original factory settings. Be polite. Say thank you. Don’t think. Don’t feel.

“Things seem to be going well for you,” he said conversationally after a moment.

“Yeah. They are.” I agreed.

I was following Selena’s advice and making sure he knew I was happy and that things were going well for me.

“There’s a big billboard of you at my tube station modelling for watches or something. I get to see your face every day.”

Why would he tell me that? Why would he tell me that he saw my face every day? What was I supposed to do with that information?

“I don’t know how to respond to that.” I said honestly.

“I was just trying to say that I’m glad things are going good for you professionally.” He qualified.

Well that was nice. It was good he could recognize how well things had been going for me lately in regards to my career. Relationship wise they hadn’t been going that well, but he didn’t need to know that.

“And,” he began.

Uh oh, I didn’t like where this was going.

“I wanted you to know that I think about you, every day.” He said lowly, his words meant for only me to hear.

I sighed deeply as I felt the weight of his words press down on my shoulders. I didn’t want to believe his words; they were too god to be true. Some deep, selfish part of me was glad to know that he thought of me every day. It meant he thought of me as much as I thought of him. But in believing his words, I couldn’t help but realize what they meant; it meant he still had feelings for me.

“I see your face every day.” He said quietly as he reached out, the tips of his fingers brushing the skin of my arms, “I think about touching you every day.” He said, his voice barely audible.

I winced in pain as I stepped back from him. I didn’t want him touching me. I couldn’t handle his touch. The moment his fingers touched me, I felt as if I had been shocked with electricity. The moment his skin came in contact with mine I was reminded of all the intimate touches we had shared and that had been too much to bear. Everything about me had shied away from it, from him.

I knew he felt it too from the way the air between us cracked with tension. There were so many things left unspoken in that moment, yet the silence seemed to say all of them. He still thought about me. He still missed me. He still wanted me.

“Gerty,” he began but another voice cut him off.

“Hey Gerty!” said a familiar voice.

I turned in the direction of the voice and was quickly engulfed by a pair of massive arms, “Jai!” I said in delight.

My voice had gone unnaturally high and although it could have been contributed to the excitement of seeing Jai again.

“You were amazing!” he told me as he hugged me before he pulled back, releasing all of me but my hand, “Wow, you look great.”

“Thank you Jai.” I smiled.

I completely ignored Kit, whose eyes I could feel boring into the side of my face as I focused all my attention on Jai. I couldn’t think of Kit or his feelings towards me. If I even acknowledged them I would come undone.

“Now, you have a deal to uphold.” He reminded me.

“Oh yeah!” I said, smiling in remembrance.

It vaguely occurred to me that it might look like there was something between Jai and myself. It would probably look that way to Kit and I didn’t feel the need to correct the obvious assumption he would jump to. He had Emilia. As far as he knew, I had Jai. We both moved on. That was fine.

Except we hadn’t moved on. He just said so. What was he doing with Emilia if he was still hung up on me?

Truthfully, I was still hung up on him as well. But I didn’t want him to know that.

“Shall we head to the bar?” he asked.

I smiled as I linked my arm through Jai’s, in an overly friendly matter. I’d taken Selena’s advice to heart in that I was going to show Kit what he was missing, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to make him a little jealous as well.

It had hurt seeing him with Emilia. I hope it hurt him to see me with Jai.

“Let’s.” I smiled.

I didn’t spare Kit one ounce of attention as I let Jai lead me over to the bar. Jai was by my side for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to give Kit another opportunity to corner me and try to talk to me. I knew he wouldn’t approach with Jai around, not just because he thought he was my boyfriend but because he was a buff Australian man that was at least a foot taller and wider than Kit.

Hearing Kit’s voice again and being around him, all of the feelings I had for him came flooding back like water bursting through a dam. I thought I might drown from the sheer force of them. Whatever progress I thought I had made in getting over him was gone. But startlingly enough, I realized some differences.

When I had first discovered who Kit was, I was in denial, I couldn’t believe that the same man that I had loved could be the same man that lied to me and used me. After that there had been depression in which I had buried myself in work so that I couldn’t focus on my hurting heart. Then there had been anger and I’d been suck on that stage of grief up until yesterday, when I had finally come to understand Kit’s motives.

And now, I was on bargaining. I was attempting to show him how better off I was and how happy I was in some warped attempt to balance the scales in that if I pretended to be happy, I would somehow become that.

With some happiness I realize there was only one stage left; acceptance.

As I made the introductions between Jai and a few of the other Victoria Secret models, Selena and Taylor took the opportunity of Jai flirting to have a whispered conversation with me.

“Hey, I saw Kit corner you before, is everything alright?” asked Taylor.

“Yeah, everything is fine.” I lied.

“What did he say?” asked Selena seriously.

I sighed deeply as I deliberated whether or not I wanted to tell them. They were both waiting expectedly so I had to tell them something, but did it have to be the truth? The truth was terrible.

“He said he thinks about me every single day.” I told them.

They tutted in disapproval.

“Don’t fall for it!” warned Taylor, “He’s just trying to win you back with some sweet talk.”

“Yeah. Your tonight’s MVP and he knows it. So he wants you back because he knows how in demand you are going to be now.” Said Selena.

“Good thing Jai showed up when he did. Talk about perfect timing?” said Taylor happily.

“Did you see Kit’s face when Jai came over and hugged you?” asked Selena scandalously.

“Surprisingly no.” I replied.

She giggled in response.

“He looked like he was about to punch him.” Said Taylor.

“It wouldn’t have been much of a fight.” I noted dryly.

But as I spoke, I wondered, if a fight between Jai and Kit was to break out, whose side would I have been on?

                                               …

The rest of November was crazily busy not with me actually working but in deciding what work to take. After that was decided, contracts needed to be negotiated.

I thought my life would change after the fashion show, but I didn’t realize how much until the offers started gushing in and I had more work proposed to me over the next year than I could achieve in a life time.

Sarah was constantly telling me how easily pleased I was. Whatever figure I thought was reasonable for the work I was required to do, she would always double it, triple it in some cases. By the time Sarah was done, I had work booked solidly for the next year, including being invited back by Victoria Secret to walk in their 2017 fashion show.

I wasn’t sure what shocked me more, the fact that they had asked me back or that they had asked me back a year in advance?

“They want to make sure you come back, so their booking in advance.” Explained Sarah.

But it was Karl Lagerfeld that surprised me the most. To get me to appear in his short film, I was offered a paycheque of one million dollars. That was more money than most people saw in a lifetime and I would be getting paid that much money for three days work!

News quickly spread about the Australian Model who was ‘paving the way’ for models of a different cut. My blindness was often focused on, which annoyed me. By default, I had become some sort of icon for not only models with disabilities, but people with disabilities in general. The Frew Hollows Foundation wanted me to be a spokesperson for them and front their campaigns to restore sight to thousands of people living in Africa who were needlessly blind.

After some deliberation, I agreed to be their spokeswomen. I didn’t want to be known as ‘The Blind Model’ but it seemed I didn’t have much say in the matter. That was what I was known to the public as but in the business I was the ‘Quirky Australian Girl’ and that made me feel a lot better about being known for my blindness to the public.

Given that my star was on the rise, our record label was willing to invest in Paul and mines music a little more now that I was a celebrity in my own right, more people than ever were interested in our music. I had no idea how I was supposed to fit any music in with my absolutely packed modelling schedule but the label had assured me that they would work around my fashion commitments because all the modelling work I did was free publicity for them.

Things were going so well for me professionally that I didn’t have time to focus on the horrible mess that was my love life. Jai had moved on to some Brazilian model I had introduced him to in New York and I had deliberately closed myself off to hearing anything and everything about Kit. I didn’t know where he was, what he was doing or who he was with and I was going to keep it that way. If I didn’t know, then I couldn’t worry about it; ignorance was bliss.

Except for the fact that every time someone hit on me, I felt guilty; like I was betraying him. We weren’t in a relationship, so realistically I knew there was no betrayal but I realized that it was a betrayal to myself and the deep feelings I still had for him. Even though I did my best to not show any interest in him in my everyday life, privately, things were a different matter. Echoing his own sentiments, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of him.

That was where the bargaining came into play; if I went the whole day without thinking about him, surely it was ok for me to think about him just before I went to bed? If I showed no interest in at all, then it was ok for me not to be open to new relationships. If I flirted with other men, it was ok for me to compare them to Kit because at least I was attempting to move on. If I worked myself into exhaustion, it was ok for me to miss him.

It wasn’t just him I missed but how I was with him. I missed the two of us hanging out and eating good food together. I missed the way I was able to joke with him and the way he made me feel when I was with him. I wished I could share with him all the new things going on in my life. The triumphs I was experiences. What use was having such a great life when I had no one to share it with?

My social life was on the rise; I was now a part of Taylor Swift’s ‘Squad’ which had opened a whole bunch of doors for me. On the rare nights that I did go out in London, I rubbed shoulders with the British Elite, such as Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding and Michael Fassbender. When there was an Aussie in town, like Margot Robbie or one of the Hemsworth’s brothers I was always invited to the party.

I wished I had more time for those kind of events, but as it was, an entire month after the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, I had been out twice. Once was clubbing with James and Paul, as well as Liam Hemsworth, James McAvoy and Adele. And the other was the night I went to see The Darkness in concert.

The best offer I would receive in November however came as a surprise and wasn’t done through Storm Models but through a mutual friend. Three days before I was to go and see The Darkness in concert, I got a call from Taylor.

I was sitting on the floor of my lounge room, going over a few new songs that Paul had composed when my phone rang.

‘Taylor Swift calling.’ Siri announced.

“Ooh, put her on speaker phone.” Said James nosily.

I ignored him and pressed the phone to my ear, “Hey Tay, what’s up?” I asked curiously.

“Hey babe, are you still coming to the Darkness concert of Friday?” she asked lightly.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” I said immediately.

“Great, I’ve got Justin Hawkins here who wants to speak to you.” She informed me.

I blinked in shock as my eyes bugged out of my head and I felt my heart leap into my throat; what had she just said?

“Hey Gerty, it’s Justin here, how are you?” asked a British accented voice.

“I’m-I-I-I…” I stuttered as I desperately tried to remember how to speak, “I’m good thanks.” I finally managed to stammer out.

“That’s good. I saw some of your music videos, you’re a pretty amazing cello player.” He told me.

I opened and closed my mouth several times before I was able to stammer out the word, “thank you.”

So far, given all the celebrities I had met, I thought I had coped pretty well in reigning in my inner fangirl. But this was Justin friggen Hawkins. My level of calm was out the window and I had lost the ability to think straight.

Justin Hawkins was talking to me. Justin Hawkins thought I was an amazing cello player. JUSTIN HAWKINS!

“Listen, Taylor tells me you’re a big fan and that you’re coming to see the show on Friday. I’d love it if we could work something out for you to get up on stage to play with us.” He said simply.

“You want me to… wait, what?” I asked.

I felt a little delirious. Surely this was all some sort of dream. Justin Hawkins had not just asked me to play with him. That sort of thing didn’t happen. Did it?

“Well you and the guy you play with.” He added.

“Paul?” I was able to burst out, my voice didn’t sound like my own.

The man in question was watching me quite intently and seeing how flustered I had become, he decided to take control. Pulling the phone from my hand he tapped the loud speaker button so we could all hear.

“Hello, its Paul here. Gerty seems to have lost the ability to speak so I’m stepping in.” said Paul in a business like tone.

“Hello Paul, it’s Justin Hawkins.” Said Justin.

I let out a small squeak that was involuntary; it was him! It really was!

“And Taylor!” called Taylor.

“Are you the same Paul that plays the cello with Gerty?” asked Justin.

“I am indeed.” Said Paul.

“Oh good. I was wondering if the two of you would like to play with us at our concert tomorrow.” He replied.

“Sure.” He said as if it wasn’t the greatest opportunity ever.

“Do you have a favourite song that you’d like to play with us?” asked Justin.

“Well, Gerty’s favourite song is ‘I believe in a thing called love’. So could we by any chance play that one?” asked Paul lightly.

I had to remind myself to breathe. How was this happening?! This was too good to be true.

“Yep that works.” He said simply.

“I can transpose some music for us and send it over for you to look at if you want.” Paul offered.

“That would be great.” Said Justin, “If you come to the stadium on Friday during the day we’ll have a run through?”

“Yep. Sounds good.” Said Paul simply before he turned to me, “Gerty, anything you want to say?”

But I couldn’t speak. The voice that came out of my mouth was not human. This was happening! It was actually happening!

“I think that was a yes and we’ll see you Friday.” Translated Paul.

“Excellent. We’ll be in touch.” Said Justin, “Talk to you another time. Bye Paul. Bye Gerty.”

Another squeak from me.

“Bye!” called Taylor.

“Bye Taylor!” called James just as I heard Paul hang up the phone.

I practically melted into the floor. I was a puddle of fangirl goo and I regretted nothing. I had died and gone to heaven! I going to be sharing a stage with The Darkness and Justin Hawkins, my hero. Dreams really did come true.

#chapters #fanfiction #fanfic #real person fanfiction #love is blind #Kit Harington #victoria's secret #reunion

[takarazuka-rpf]

ITEIWAY 5

Disclaimer: This is an RPF (Real Person Fiction) meaning anything written here does not reflect the events in real life.

Chapter 5 Chigi: So today is the day. At 6 o'clock this morning, Chigi was woken up by a text from Mattsu saying that she had landed in Haneda airport and the address to her home. She hadn't seen Mattsu in nearly a year. The last time she saw her was backstage after a Caleb Hunt/Greatest Hits! showing. When Mattsu came and visited them, she had also bought her wife along with her. The staff and everyone in the revue that day kept that on the down-low because they wanted to protect the identity of Mattsu's wife and their relationship from prying eyes of fans. After Chigi had finished breakfast, which simply consisted of a bowl of cereal, she took a morning train to Tokyo where she will be having lunch with Mattsu in Mattsu's home. She didn't bother carrying too much with her as she's only out for the day (or so she thought). Therefore, grabbing her keys, purse and 2 bottles of champagne she bought for Mattsu and her wife, she headed out. By the time she got to Tokyo, it was already noon and Chigi is feeling her hunger more and more. If only Miyu was here with her home-cooking. Ah… she'd do anything to have that kind of luxury agai-  Nope, nope! She will not think about her. Today she will focus on catching up with Mattsu and having a good time. After taking a few deep breathes of the cold air, Chigi called a taxi and headed for Mattsu's address.  The Taxi driver must have seemed to recognise her because he kept on gazing her through his front mirror. Chigi wished that this driver would just confirm his recognition because it was kind of awkward the situation they are in now. Suddenly she hears a familiar voice through on the car radio.  Gosh, it seems like Chigi can never escape from that woman. It was Miyu singing the OST for her new drama series. Ironically, the lyrics seemed to be about forbidden and unrequited love. Chigi thinks the world must be playing a cruel joke on her.  Before she knew it, the driver turned up the radio and said, 'Ah, I've been obsessed with this song. Do you know her, Mister? Sakihi Miyu I mean?’  If the driver had recognised Chigi, he was obviously too dumb enough to not make the connection between herself and Miyu. And apparently also too dumb to get her gender wrong. 'She is this hot new actress you know? Very, very talented. Used to be a musumeyaku from that all-lady theatre company, a time wasted if you ask me, spending all those years with women only.' Chigi didn't like the way this conversation was going. 'Having said that, she has a great singing voice though and may I add a great figure too.' A smirk appeared on the man's face. Chigi is disgusted to see the man talking about Miyu in this way. The guy is practically drooling for goodness sake!  'Yep, I'm definitely a fan of hers alright!' The driver then let out a series of sounds that was a cross between a laugh and a snort. Chigi would describe him as a spitting image of a pig right now. He is obviously an old, perverted man who sees Miyu in a sexual way and Chigi did not like that one bit.  If it was legal to do so, she would have plunged a knife into the back of his neck by now. But thank god, the world had blessed her with self-control as she is now sitting back on her seat, taking deep breaths with her eyes closed, trying to enjoy Miyu's voice instead. 'Yep we're here. That'll be 950 yen please.’ Chigi said nothing and handed over the money to him. 'Mister, you don't really speak very much do you?' the driver joked. Chigi couldn't believe the nerves on this guy.  She opened the taxi door and said, 'no I don't. And for you information, I'm a woman.’ Just as Chigi was about to get out of the car, she caught the look on the driver's face. It was the face of dread and sudden realisation.  'Ta-ta-ka-ka-ra…,' the man had managed to utter out. 'Yes.' Is the only word Chigi said, before walking away with a smug look on her face.  Finally she could get some fresh air. But Chigi's mind suddenly went back to Miyu.  Is this the type of person Miyu has to deal with? What if someone like him approaches Miyu? What if someone like him ends up marrying her? All these questions started to invade Chigi thoughts but Chigi immediately shook her head trying to clear of them.  Miyu is not her responsibility anymore, actually what is she talking about, Miyu has never being her responsibility. Chigi believes that Miyu should be mature enough to realise that there are people like him out there and that she should avoid them. Chigi is also sure that there are probably people protecting Miyu as well. Chigi sighs. Not matter what, it seems like Chigi can't get Miyu out of her mind. But thankfully, Chigi still remembers what she is here for though. She found her way to Mattsu's address, which didn't take too long, and pressed the doorbell. Maybe being in Mattsu's presence will make her forget about Miyu's presence for a few hours.  She couldn't be more wrong.

Being early November, the days are chilly and windy and unfortunately for Chigi she hated it because she hated the cold. After ringing Mattsu's doorbell a few moments ago, she had been shivering outside Mattsu's Tokyo home waiting for Mattsu to come down and get her.  By-passers had been giving her a look as if to say 'why is this person waiting outside in the cold like this?' Chigi just hoped none of them were Takarazuka fans. She tucked her hands into her coat pocket and started to fiddle with the keyring inside which was attached to her keys.  As she traced its snow-shaped outline with her fingers, she felt warmth rise within her as this keyring had always been a source of comfort. It reminded her of home. Then next to her, the door suddenly opened. 'Chigi!! Nice to see you again!' Mattsu gave Chigi a hug and as she spoke, steam was coming out of her mouth. 'Sorry for the long wait. I was just unpacking. Come on in, you must be freezing.’ 'Hell yeah I am,' with this Chigi slipped into the door and into the warm, cosy home of Mattsu's. Once the door was closed, Chigi turned around and said, 'Mattsu! Long-time no see, how have you been? How's business in England?' She was glad to see her friend again. 'Yes indeed! I've been doing pretty well and my business is doing alright too. Haha enough to pay the bills. How about you though, how's post-taka life treating you? Wait let's go and sit down on the sofa.’ As they sat down, Mattsu's wife came out from the kitchen with a tray of tea. 'Chigi-san! How are you? Actually, no time to talk. I'm in a rush to go to a meeting so I'll see you and Mattsu in a few hours. The lunch is ready in the kitchen so feel free you eat it when you two are ready.' Said Mrs Mattsu. 'Ehhhh? Are you not going to eat with us? I haven't even properly said hello yet.' Exclaimed Chigi. 'No no it's ok, eat without me. Anyway I have some business to attend to so I'll need to get going now.' With that she bent down to peck Mattsu on the lips and left the house.  'Gosh you wife seems so busy. Within hours of landing in Japan and she has a meeting to attend to? Woah I'm impressed.' Said Chigi while sipping the tea Mrs Mattsu brought out.  'Haha yeah, well it can't be helped. She has a company of her own and there things needing to be sorted out by her.’ 'I'm sure you guys earn more than enough to 'just pay the bills' right?' Said Chigi while giving Mattsu a knowing smile. 'We're doing ok I guess.' Chigi can see that Mattsu is being modest but this is one of the traits Chigi liked about her.  'Anyway are you hungry? Let's move to the kitchen.' The two got up and sat opposite each other on the kitchen table which was filled with delicious food already prepared for them.  Looks like Mattsu got herself a wife who can cook! 'So Chigi, how about you. What is your work situation like?’ 'Well,' said Chigi with a mouth full of rice, 'I'm currently a teacher at the middle school I used to go to. It's just a temporary one though. I need to buy myself some time to think over some stuff.’ 'Such as?’ 'You know, if I want to carry on in the entertainment industry or not… if I want to start a family of m-’  'You mean love life?' Mattsu interrupted. Chigi nearly chocked on her rice. Mattsu's straight-forward personality hasn't changed one bit, as well as her love to gossip. Having said this, this is the subject Chigi had wanted to talk about.  Mattsu is the only person (other than Tomomin, who is on holiday in Hawaii right now) whom she feels comfortable enough to open up to. The main reason for this, is because she and Mattsu shared the same interest, which is the fairer sex, in other words, women.  'Ye-yeah well, including that too.' Mattsu nodded to Chigi's words. 'So how's Miyu doing?' Chigi nearly chocked again. Gosh this woman can read her like an open book. 'Last time I heard, she's doing pretty well. Actually, can we not talk about h-’ 'So I presume you guys are still 'friends'?’  'Of course. We've always been friends.' Looks like Mattsu isn't going to let them get out of the subject of Miyu.  There was a slight pause and Mattsu said, 'Miyu is doing pretty well for herself isn't she? On the way home in the car, I saw at least 10 different advertisements with her face on.’ 'Yeah she is. I'm glad for her, really, I knew that kid would go far.' Chigi said with a little proudness in her heart. Mattsu gave an understanding nod again. 'Hmm ok. So anyway, when are you thinking of confessing to her?’ Chigi chocked again. Seriously, eating while having a conversion with Mattsu is a dangerous game. 'I'm not.' Chigi simply said. 'What do you mean 'I'm not'? You guys can literally blind a dog if it was alone in a room with you two. It's physically painfully for me to see two people in love and not tell each other’ Chigi sighs, 'How many times do I have to say it. Miyu doesn't think of me in that way, at least not anymore. I'm a woman and she is straight, full stop. No one can change those facts.' A pause followed and then Chigi carried on, 'and let's not forget, remember the backlash you faced when you confessed you love for a woman.' Chigi knew this was a sore subject for Mattsu but she continued on anyway. 'I can handle it but Miyu, Miyu has a whole career in front of her and I refuse to be the one to ruin that.' There was a pause again. 'Chigi. I'm going to say something here and I don't want you to interrupt until I finish ok?' Chigi wanted to protest but gave up and nodded instead. Mattsu carried on, 'I can bet on my life that Yuumi-chan feels the same way about you as you feel about her.’    Chigi scoffed. As if! 'Eventhough, I've only seen you two together a few times before, but it is more than obvious to me how she feels about you. The way she looks at you, the way she speaks to you, the way she acts around yo-‘ 'Well isn't that how every musumeyaku acts with their top-san. With heart eyes and an overwhelming sense to serve them?' Chigi had to interrupt here. 'Indeed but with Miyu it's different! Miyu sees you as a woman. She sees you for who you truly are. And she likes for who you truly are.’    'You can't possibly know that, you hardly know her!’ 'But you do! You know her better than anyone. And the fact that you can't see she is madly in love with you is beyond mine or anyone's comprehension!’  There was a moment of silence after this and Mattsu continued on softly, 'I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I can see that you're suffering. Miyu is probably somewhere suffering as well. Sometimes I think your stubbornness is too much for your own good.’    Chigi let out a puff. At this moment in time, Mattsu looks like a mother trying to talk sense into her 5 year old child.  'Are you going to see her anytime soon?’ Chigi wondered if she should tell Mattsu or not but decided to anyway because it won't make any difference to this current situation 'Yes in a few weeks' time. We're meeting up for a meal.’ 'Well, you still have some time to decide what you want to do then,' said Mattsu finally taking a bite of her own food. Mattsu was right, indeed Chigi has a lot of time. But she has already decided though. She is determined to keep everything just as they are and continue to avoid any more questions or topic conversations to do with Miyu.

[consciousowl]

How To Activate Your Intuitive Powers

You may have caught Lucy, the smash hit action-adventure film of the French director, Luc Besson, starring Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman. An English-language movie shot in both Taiwan and Paris, Lucy focuses on the fate of an upscale street woman suddenly caught up in a brutal drug ring, almost losing her life.

In degrading circumstances, Lucy inadvertently swallows an experimental drug that can activate every cell of her brain and gradually utilize 100% of its power, going from mental to physical to paranormal powers. Scarlett Johansson, as Lucy, gets very smart, very fast, outwits everyone and begins to exhibit telekinesis, where she can move people around at will with her psychic power.

Morgan Stanley, as a professor of neuroscience, plays her counterpart, lecturing on all the untapped possibilities of the human brain in the context of a three-million-year evolution. Toward the climax of the film, Lucy develops godlike powers, including instant access to all human knowledge, a deep dive into the secrets of the Universe, and the ability to be everywhere at once, including time travel.​

You might ask yourself, “Why can’t I do that?” Why not?

Intuitive Powers Are Common

Advanced psychics with flawless records of predicting the future and instantly reading people’s minds maintain that everyone is psychic or intuitive. Few people, however, take their intuition all that seriously, or give it the priority it deserves.

We have two separate hemispheres, and the right, corresponding with the left side of the body, has been identified as the source of our intuition. It thinks in pictures and operates in an integral fashion, unlike our left-brain, which correlates with our right side that breaks everything up into bits, and is driven by logic. Think of floodlight versus spotlight.​

Uri Geller, while being videotaped under intense scientific scrutiny, was able to bend spoons merely by looking at them. The late Maharishi taught yogic flying as the initial phase of levitation. When studying mystical literature the world over, you will see that walking on water and levitating above trees are not uncommon, even within the Catholic tradition. Today, Swami Nithyananda has taught his students how to read with their eyes closed, while being reviewed by members of Congress.

As these miracles become increasingly common, not counting millions of recorded and verified healings, it is apparent that no one person or tradition can lay exclusive claims. They come out of our divine nature, and it is possible to see body, soul and spirit as a continuum.​

Why Intuition Beats Reason Every Time

Our urban culture has gone digital to the extreme, and research in neuroscience is becoming truly compelling. For centuries, our educational system has consistently preferred words and numbers to art and music. The genius we have as children is often dampened to ensure they are fully functional in a highly complex, information-driven society.

Nevertheless, the West has been increasingly impacted by a flood of yogis, lamas and rishis from South and East Asia, influencing generations of Americans, including the late Steve Jobs. They have all taught deeply intuitive processes that have often led to paranormal experiences, including unitive consciousness, that all is ONE. We now see an American form of Buddhism that is developing as an independent tradition. Its practitioners take the tradition every bit as seriously as Himalayan masters who materialize fire in ice.

The East has mastered processes thousands of years ago which are only now becoming accessible to the West. Our world has been unified in terms of communication and transportation in only the last century. In addition, Europe and America were culturally blind to the genius within the ancient civilizations they tried to dominate. These cultures had never given pure rationality the pre-eminence it enjoyed in the West.​

Synchronicity: Where It All Begins

In the early 90’s, James Redfield published The Celestine Prophecy, which sold 20 million copies, becoming an all-time best seller. He revealed 12 Insights that came to him as a revelation, and which deeply resonated with his readers. He then went on to write a series of novels, all allegorical, on how we can grow our intuition and channel divine energy.

Redfield’s insights center around the experience of synchronicity, or meaningful coincidences. He sees them as the primary means for God to speak to us and guide us throughout our lives, usually through the agency of other people. If you see the same person several times at difference places in a single day, there might be more there than meets the eye. You end up having a profound, delightful conversation that provides you the clarity you need at the time to take the next step.

Redfield went on to produce The Celestine Prophecy Movie in 2005, which perfectly depicts this process, how the central characters have impressions and hunches that lead them into a stunning climax near the sacred ruins of Machu Picchu. He depicts humanity moving from a world seen exclusively as physical and material to a world that is deeply energetic and spiritual. Both matter and energy are subsumed in divine consciousness. It is as though we are all brainchildren of the Mind of God.​

Tune In, Turn On and Join the Revolution

Back in 1967, Timothy Leary in Haight-Ashbury, San Francisco, highlighted the Summer of Love with the appeal to “Tune in, Turn on and Drop out.” Leary was a defrocked psych professor at Harvard, along with his colleague, Ram Dass, who together experimented with psychedelics for clinical purposes only to end up unconditionally and enthusiastically embracing them as a lifestyle.

A whole generation of Americans and Europeans were influenced by what was then called “flower power.” They got in touch with a whole other reality that couldn’t be explained by the best Western models. They had to go East to find an untarnished mystical tradition that perfectly mapped these states of consciousness.​

While psychedelics were subsequently suppressed for a generation, they opened up active interest in meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, enlightenment intensives and ecological tourism. Quantum Physics, along with Einstein’s Relativity, began to permeate popular culture. The Greens, or Cultural Creatives, emerged, now approximately 30% of the American population. They realized that they no longer required drugs to get high or experience sudden enlightenment.

Channel the Higher Power

For most of us, the easiest way to expand our consciousness without reliance on drugs is to find God in our own way. In recent decades, the whole concept of God, as well as that of the Universe, has vastly expanded beyond the stifling limitations of a tyrannical old grouch on a golden throne filling us all up with a bunch of rules.

Increasingly, God is seen as the Source of Infinite Love, and people are more willing to see themselves, and others, as divine, partaking of the very same nature as God. Most particularly, we can create a context of possibility that will allow us to be anything, do anything and think anything in harmony with our Source. If we are infinitely precious in the eyes of God, then why fight Him or Her?​

Neale Donald Walsch, with his phenomenal best-selling Conversations with God series, has induced many to throw out limiting ideas of the divine. Even more important, he is an open and powerful example of channeling God. Although Walsch had studied religion and philosophy early in life, Walsch found God only when he was literally on the street. With the utmost sincerity, he asked God, “Why me?” and God talked back to him… audibly!

How I Came to Trust My Own Intuition

In recent years, I came to hear an Inner Voice That expressed unconditional and irrepressible love. I was able to ask the Voice questions, and get immediate answers, and carry on a conversation much like Walsch enjoys. Its insights, directions and advice are perfect, and I am thereby able to accurately predict the future.

Although I have done many seminars and workshops, and danced on the edge of many spiritual movements, this Voice emerged out of relationship. My partner and I nearly 20 years ago began asking questions like, “What is reality?”, “Could it all be perfect, just the way it is?” and “How could we live beyond our wildest dreams?” Meanwhile, I have been very close to a large community from India, and have meticulously studied the oldest continuing civilization on earth, reading a whole library of books.

We went on to write a book on the inner dimension of globalization, Awaken Perfection, along with launching this web magazine. I can say from actual experience that, if you, with the utmost sincerity, call upon God, the Presence of God will most certainly come to you. You can channel the Divine in the form that most resonates with your innermost being. This will open up your intuition like nothing else.​

A Cure for Cancer That Actually Works

You might be ready to take an immediate step to experience this all for yourself. Deborah King is a New York Times best-selling author and healer who started life as a lawyer, but who contracted cancer early on. In dealing with this, she delved into the spiritual, meeting an accomplished master who guided her to a successful remission. Overjoyed, Deborah decided to quit her legal work and become a spiritual healer.

In Become a Modern Master, Deborah King uses chakra work with ancient sutras and the release of Kundalini energy to clear your energy field and open up all the channels of your body. Deborah has people actually waiting for hours in line to see her in person.

You might find it rewarding to take a close look at her and her unique work.​ You can join her free masterclass first and see if you align with her as your guide or teacher. Click on the image below and you'll be taken to her free sign up page.

How To Activate Your Intuitive Powers appeared first on http://consciousowl.com.