#i am literally the 'this is beautiful i've looked at it for 5 hours now' meme guy now

[tihgnari]

ꕤ 44. a love stolen away (ღ)

tw: angst / wc: 743

the sky was colored cerulean, with minimal puffy white clouds floating about in a snail-like pace. it's a beautiful day today — perfect for picnics in the park with family, perfect for walking around the sidewalk with no particular goal but to feel the fresh breeze kiss your skin…

perfect for a wedding. 

"say, ayaka, how long do you think their vows was for each other?"

ayaka, who had started her day banging her fist against the varnished wooden doors, stops to look at you incredulously. "dude, i'm literally trying to get us out of here. don't be so pessimistic at least!" the banging resumes, with two fists this time. "i'll get you out of here, okay? just wait, and you'll get your speak now moment!"

you didn't laugh. much less reacted, really. your eyes hold no light, and it's jarring seeing the contrast against the sunny day, almost as if the universe is making fun of your miserable state.

"i wonder what color his suit was. i think he looks rather dashing in white, then again i also think he can pull-off any color."

ayaka sighs, walking towards you with heavy steps. she crouches before you but you don't spare her a glance. "don't worry, yn, okay? we can—"

"if you do get us out, i want to fly back home. maybe all of this is sign that me and ayato were just never meant to happen. we're from two different worlds. after he graduates he'll be the president of a company, but when i graduate i'll just be some clumsy intern who works 9 to 5 and doesn't get paid half as much as the hours i put in."

ayaka feels a spark of irritation in her nerves and she's never want to slap some sense into you as much as she does now. 

"yn, listen to me. what are you saying? don't give up yet—"

"coming here even made you fight with your grandfather. i don't want you to fight with your family."

"no," ayaka retaliates, stubborn. "first of all, you are more than what you think, yn. i genuinely don't think i would've survived college nor would i even be as mentally strong enough to even run as president! i am where i am now, because some god or deity above gave me an amazing friend. grandpa… needed to get that reality check that times are changing and he can't dictate what his grandchildren should do anymore."

you're silent, and ayaka would've thought you weren't listening if not for the glint of tears building in yours eyes. 

"this is just so fucked up," you whispered. "i didn't even get the chance to explain. he got married thinking i never returned his feelings, and that's what hurts me the most."

"hey, hey, the ceremony won't start in…" ayaka looks over her shoulder on the small digital clock by the bedside table. "no less than three hours! we can still make it so don't speak like all hope's gone. just help me bust down this door and we can hail a cab, the venue isn't far from here so—"

"earlier this morning, while you were still sleeping, do you wanna know what your grandfather said to me before he left?"

truthfully, ayaka doesn't. "what?"

"the ceremony started this morning, at 9AM. they changed the time and had informed all the guests three days ago — except for you. he said he knew his grandchildren, and honestly? i think he really does…"

ayaka wants to pass out. 

"…considering he knew ayato wouldn't spend a night in a room with the girl he's forced to marry and that you'd fly here with me to soil his plan. he knew everything. he caught ayato, and ordered him to text aoki that he was staying here when really, he was at another hotel. ayato's will is already broken down. your grandfather knew your brother won't run away, that he had no other option but to accept the marriage. while you, on the other hand…"

so that's why you looked lifeless, like you want to raise your white flag and fly back home tail in between your legs. 

the first tear rolls down your cheeks. ayaka didn't want to imagine what you felt, of a love stolen away before it began.

"timecheck: its 12PM, and i've given my context. so answer my question, how long do you think their vows was for each other?"

LOWKEY » previous : masterlist : next

a kamisato ayato social media au

summary — it was only recently you found out kamisato ayaka was, in fact, not an only child after all! seeing ayato for the first time gave you the severest case of the butterflies but according to ayaka, he’s off limits, especially to you as her most treasured friend. well, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt, right?

notes — a wild rosie appears... and dips again for the next 5 mos /j

🏷 i. @rinrinchin @nejibot @viiolettee @katsumikumo @starryeyedkoko @xingqiusliegee @boxdisappeared @lovelyycherries @love6cks @kiyowoir @luvvmeilin @blackberri-jelli @moonlightbqe @kazooms @tricethecharm @lynnforever @kaedear @xiaoisahawtie @crowbird @apotatouwu @xinii @euryrue @aequha​@nuttytani @plinkuro @aixaingela @milesluvrrad @windasteriaa @cherrytomato2 @zannivrs @eishtar @wccycc @ceylestia @sweet-almonds @queenaveryrules @veyu002 @ukinya @adeptusx @x-xxiaos @loveyoutothestars @ssalamanderr

[vonnart]

XXXIV - Annual Birthday Self Portrait 🎂 Here is this year’s annual birthday self portrait and reflection piece! Below are the previous ones i've drawn throughout the years!

This drawing reflects the last year of my existence and on my previous birthday, I had both the best day of my life and the worst. I had an extremely traumatic psychedelic experience where i was convinced i had died for the first 2 and a half hours. It was intense and surreal, making connections to what the afterlife was and it was like none of the religions or theories had taught us. It was just returning to matter, still conscious but unable to grasp reality or have any say or control. An unnerving feeling of numbness and the inability to function. After collapsing multiple times from the rigor mortis i told myself I was experiencing, I was confused why i could still see and interpret anything. After some processing on the floor, I made a mental shift and thought: “Maybe the afterlife was like a turnable dial and because I was afraid, it unintentionally turned it a bad direction”. I was clearly in a negative plane of existence so I turned this mental dial in a more positive direction. “Maybe the afterlife is whatever you want it to be.” So I entered into what i thought was a projection of my own idea of what heaven was.

Almost instantly, I felt the sensation of unrivaled elation. I wasn’t at the pearly gates, an astral projection amongst the stars, or a foggy cloud representing a soul. I was still in my body and everything around me looked normal, which oddly seemed strange. “But why would i be in my house?" Maybe my mind is still processing being dead so instead it’s projecting what is familiar and comfortable OR OH maybe because heaven is wherever you would want to be the most! And this house is literally my favorite place on earth. And then I saw my bf Josh and wondered “Why would Josh be here when i could make any celebrity or crush I've had in my life to be the projection of a guide in this afterlife?" OH okay, because there truly isn't anyone I would want to help me through the early stages of accepting what’s after death!

This pattern of thoughts and answering them in my strange sense of being keep on a loop for about 5 hours and letting go of each physical attachment to the world was euphoric. No more fear of having to make money, keep up with work, pain or stress, worries about war or the state of the world, and most importantly, never having to fear dying again. I had never felt this light before. I let go of all of it completely and somehow, at the same time, felt incredibly connected to everything in a way that I can’t quite put into words. And the best part is that I kept reminding myself that I get to feel this feeling forever!!

Later that night I wanted to see if you could nap in the afterlife, and when I opened my eyes, I no longer was in that dream state. I was horribly confused and conflicted. I was actually disappointed I was still alive as that projected afterlife was the most beautiful sensation I may ever experience. The weeks that followed became a constant fear of questioning reality and developing pretty bad insomnia. I was afraid of learning that I still might be dead but I couldn’t have any way to prove it. It ended up being rather painful for about 4 months. My friends, family, and parents really helped ground me back to earth and I am so thankful for them. I’ve been reading a lot of books that explore consciousness and it’s been helping immensely.

So now, I feel like I’m seeing the world again for the first time through fresh lens of perspective. Being alive is the greatest sensation that I was taking for granted. I did develop my first actual fear in life, and like many, it’s the fear of dying. And that feeling is so strong because I enjoy being alive SO much, I really, really love it! The ups and downs, the connections and lessons. Everything is so delicate and precious and I’m making sure to handle it better these days. Here’s to 34 and it’s pretty safe to say I’m looking to make it a more calm and peaceful one!

#vonnart #drawing #art #artist #pencil art #pencil drawing #original art #traditional drawing #self portrait

[secretdiaryofcrowley]

Things To Do Today

Drive.

Just drive

Nothing else.

Waking up this morning, I knew instantly that today is a driving day. I've sobered up to get rid of the hangover, but my headache's still there and it's persistent. Should've sobered up yesterday night, but I kinda like the fuzzy head. Keeps me from thinking.

If there's enough pain in my head, I suppose, I won't worry too much about the pain in my heart.

I don't want to go anywhere near the bookshop. I don't, but I need to return the CD to Muriel before it looses its song. Still, I drive around all day to work up the courage.

The song starts five or six times while I'm driving back to Soho. I try to listen, but in the end I always turn it off. My car turns it back on. I turn it back off.

At the horizon, far beyond the end of the road, the sun's going down in a blaze of red and orange. Like the whole world was about to end in fire.

The street lanterns at Whickber Street flicker on as I pass through. The stores are closed at this hour, but there's still light in most of the restaurants and, of course, the pub.

I could go there, have a whiskey. Or I could have a bottle of wine at Marguerite's or a bottle of Tsingtao at Mr & Mrs Chen's place.

No, I can't. It would never be just one glass or one bottle. Wasting yourself on your own is fine, but not in front of people you used know. Not front of people he used to know.

If I was human, I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere three times over. Being who I am, I know how far I can take this. This may be the worst time, but it is certainly not the first.

It's not even the first time I got my heart ripped out, but last time happened to be a bit more literal.

Do mine eyes deceive me? There's light in the bookshop. No, not in the shop itself, but up in the flat, in the very guest room that Gabriel used to live in when he was Jim.

For a brief moment I allow myself to imagine what it would be like if Aziraphale was still in there. He'd notice I was on my way and open the door for me. And then we'd sit inside and talk about something or other, have a drink or two, and maybe talk some more. He would have a snack and I would watch him eat. He would get excited about something and bounce around and I would listen to the ridiclous sounds coming out of his mouth.

And watch his smile. That beautiful beautiful smile. And everything would just be fine for a few hours.

A familiar silhouette at the window. Muriel is sitting there, probably on the inside sill, their head bent over a book they're holding. They're a fast reader, turning the pages at a quick and steady pace.

I wonder why Muriel didn't take Aziraphale's room. It's bigger than the guest room and it's not like he'll be back anytime soon.

Angels and their faith...

I drop the CD in the letterbox inside the door, trying to avoid any noises. Back on the road, I look up to the window again.

Muriel still seems busy with their book. I hope, they read all the brilliant ones first, then the good ones before moving on to the trash that they inevitably will find.

But then, these humans never can tell the difference. Goethe's Faust was a good book. Marie Corelli's Sorrows of Satan was a brilliant one.

I cross the road and signal for my car to come pick me up. Nina is still inside her closed-for-the-night-coffee shop sitting at a table across Maggie. They're talking to each other and they both look worried.

Time to get out of here. Just as the Bentley speeds around the corner, Maggie spots me and starts waving frantically. Nina looks up, too, her expression a mix and match between a sigh of relief and a death glare.

No. No talk. I don't want to talk to any of you. I did what I came for and now I'm leaving.

Just leave me alone, all of you!

~ * ~

More Diary Parts:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18

#crowley #good omens #aziracrow #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #crowley is a mess #aziraphale x crowley #crowley is lonely #crowley is heartbroken #crowley pushes everyone away #good omens fanfic

[hard-deckpilots]

Cowboy.

Pairing: Rhett Abbot × Rider! Reader.

Summary: Whilst competing at an international horse show event, Rhett has his eye on a certain rider.

Warnings: Rhett being a gentleman. Kissing. Mentions of falling off horse. I'm not a professional in horse stuff.

Wordcount: 1.73k

Tags: @sebsxphia @briseisgone

Images not mine.

These days where you spent so much time eventing was your favourite. 5 days straight of competing against other riders. You main areas were horsemanship and show jumping.

Not only did you compete but you watched other people compete. Mostly the cowboys. The rodeo and barrel racing was always an interest of yours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 1:

You had finally gotten Tidus your show horse, settled in his stable at the eventing ground. Preparing your saddle to go warm up in the arena, you placed it on the side of the wall. Tidus nudged your shoulder as you continued to prepare.

"I know boy, we'll get into the arena soon." You spoke softly to the chestnut coloured horse, stroking his maine softly.

Placing the saddle onto Tidus, you put in your riding gear and climbed up onto your horse. Riding out of the stables you rode past others and into the warm up arena. Gently leading through the paddock, you make sure to be aware of who is around you. To the left of you and Tidus, was a gentleman in a red flannel shirt, jeans, leather gloves hanging out his back pocket and a black Stetson.

Tidus being the boy he is, gently nudges the man's shoulder.

"Tidus stop it. I am so sorry." You apologise as you pull the reins away from the gentleman,

"It's no problems. I'm use to it anyways. May I?" The gentleman asking to pet Tidus.

"Of course." You smiled. Watching as the man pats Tidus on the neck. "What eventing you doing?" You asked the mystery cowboy.

"Rodeo and Barrel racing. I bet you do the fancy stuff don't ya with all that get up." The cowboy looked up at you with striking blue eyes. Eyes that literally took your breath away.

"Horsemenship and show jumping... Going there now actually." You smiled. He smiled back at you.

"Rhett." He held his hand up so you could reach it.

"Y/n." You shook his hand. "Rhett... I guess I'll see you later otherwise I'll be late."

"Of course." Rhett smiled. "Good luck out there and I'll see you around." Rhett smiled up at you.

You both said goodbye and you rode to the arena where you started your warm up. Entering the main arena you started your show jumping routine. Managing to complete the set jumps. When finishing Tidus walked around the arena and you saw a distinct black Stetson in the audience. He had a small smile on his lips, which made you blush lightly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 2:

You were in the stable cleaning Tidus, listening to music on a low volume not paying attention to anything but Tidus.

"Well done on the jumping yesterday." A southern voice sounded out making you jump.

"Oh!" You turned around. "Thanks Rhett... We don't have anything today until later this afternoon. You enjoyed the show yeah?" You replied leaning against the stable door.

"It was quite a spectacle I have to say. I'm amazed Tidus can't jump that high. Here... For you." Rhett handed you a flower which appeared to be a dahlia.

"Oh... Thank you so much Rhett." You blushes taking the flower from him and smelling it.

"Where's your stable by the way?" You asked Rhett continuing to smell the flower,

"Just down there, see where that older gentleman is farriering. That's my stable." Rhett smiled "Is it okay if I see you later? I've got barrel racing in half and hour."

You smiled and nodded. Then decided to be brave. Leaning over the stable door on your tip toes you kissed his cheek softly. And this time it was for him to blush.

"Good luck Rhett."

He smiled and tipped his hat then walked off. Roughly half an hour later you hear hooves trotting down the paddock path. You look up and see Rhett on a beautiful grey horse, his Stetson still on with a blue flannel and a padded jacket. His leather gloved hands holding the reins.

You smiled and walked down to the arena to watch him. The barrel racing was incredibly amazing to you, the speed Rhett sent his horse round the barrels. As he finished he saw you standing off to the side and rode over to you, placing his Stetson on top of your head.

Afterwards you kept his Stetson on, and went to find him.

"Hey cowboy." You smiled. He looked up and smiled at you.

"You know... I think I'm falling for you Y/n." Rhett spoke as he looked at you, his eyes portraying more emotion than his face.

"I think I am as well." You smiled. Rhett took of the Stetson on your head, and pulled you gently by your waist and kissing you gently.

You kissed back and you both stayed behind the stables kissing.

"wow... You're a good kisser." Rhett spoke with a schoolboy smile,

"So are you... Not just a cowboy are you?" You smiled back giving him another kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 3:

You walked down to Rhett's stable in the morning before you got ready, and saw him working on his horse.

"Morning cowboy." You spoke softly,

"Good morning fancy." He smiled back at you as he worked on his horse dart.

"I made something for you by the way. It's probably stupid..." You held out a bracelet made out of twine which you braided. Rhett looked at it and smiled and let you put it on his wrist.

"Thank you fancy." Rhett spoke kissing your cheek. "Good luck for your show jumping today." He continued making sure you knew he'd be there.

He watched as you prepared and walked you and Tidus to the arena, then took a seat near the gate. Watching as you done jumps, Rhett watched you and Tidus jump and then the next thing he knew you was on the floor.

Rhett didn't think as he jumped the fence and ran over to you.

"Y/n! Are you okay?" Rhett asked as he came over to you,

"Grab Tidus... Make sure he's okay please." You responded sounded winded. Rhett nodded and gently grabbed the reins of Tidus and calmed the horse down.

After a few minutes you managed to get back up and take the reins from Rhett. His hand laid on the small of your back, leading you out of the arena and to the medics. The medics checked you out, and said you had a sprained wrist. They wrapped it up and sent you on your way.

Rhett walked you and Tidus back to your stable. Doing all the work for you.

"You okay fancy?" Rhett asked softly,

"Sore but I'll be okay... What's horse riding without falling off aye?" You smiled softly at his concern.

Rhett kisses the top of your head. And he let you lead him to the room you stayed in, and layed together for the night. Eventually you fell asleep on him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 4:

You and Rhett had spent the night together. This to you both felt right.

"Rhett... Where do you live?" You asked softly whilst still laying against him,

"Dayton in Wyoming." Rhett replied. "What about you?"

"We live closer to each other than I thought. I'm in Wyola in Montana." You smiled up at him. "Only 30 minutes from each other."

Rhett smiled down at you and kissed the top of your head. Neither of you had competitions today, which you were glad about as the tumble you took yesterday shook you.

"Do you wanna go look at the shops?" You asked,

"Sure." Rhett replied. Both you and Rhett got changed and walked around the shops set up. You walk past a stand selling leather riding boots.

"Oh... These are nice." You looked over them and checked the length of them against your leg.

"You wear these?" Rhett raised an eyebrow. "I could buy like 5 hay bails for this price." He spoke as he checked the price.

"Unlike you cowboy. When doing horsemanship competitions both I and Tidus have to be in the smartest condition when showing the judges." You smiled teasing Rhett a bit.

"Understandable miss/ Mr fancy." He smiled back as he couldn't believe the price of the riding boots. He looked at another shop with you, which were leather gloves.

"Those are nice." You spoke,

"I got a pair." Rhett smiled showing you his gloves which have been worn through. You rolled your eyes and kept them in mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 5:

It was the final. The final day you'd get to see Rhett. You had your horsemanship competitions during the day, before having to pack away. Your wrist was in a brace but you braved through it.

Rhett watched you as though you had enchanted him. The horsemanship was something different he hadn't really watched before. All the competitors finished and the judges were calling out the top 3. Rhett sat there with his fingers crossed, hoping you at least made it to the top 3. And when your name was read out last, he cheered so loudly and was smiling at you brightly.

Your face was tearful in a good way when you rode out of the arena, and he helped you off Tidus.

"You won! You won the championship Y/n." He cheered, twirling you in his arms.

"I done it!" You smiled burying your head into the crook of Rhett's neck. The two of you celebrated for a while and then it came time to say goodbye.

"I made something so we could match." Rhett spoke placing a twine bracelet on your good wrist. You smiled up at him.

"Well I got something for you as well.... Here." You held out brand new leather riding gloves, the ones Rhett had noticed the day before.

"Y/n... You didn't have to...." Rhett looked at you with admiration. Rhett held the gloves and then noticed a note inside. He opened it and noticed it was your name and number and address.

"Text me?" You asked softly.

"I'll call you every day... Is that okay?" Rhett responded. You nodded and kisses him on the lips softly.

He smiled and kissed back.

"Make sure you look after that wrist okay?"

Nods

"I will. I'll come visit you at the ranch one day. It's only a thirty minute drive, so we don't have too far do we."

Rhett kisses your forehead again and gave you one of his hoodies to keep with you. You hugged before you went your separate ways. And on the way home all your mind could think about was him.

The Cowboy.

#writing #outer range #rhett abbott #cowboy

[escapetheshark]

Genre: smut; angst; supernatural; horror

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem reader

Word count: 2,8k

Warnings: adult language, smut, blood and gore, raw meat, masturbation

Summary: Tired of being exploited, two low-wage workers bond over their desire to eat the rich. Quite literally.

A/N: I don't know, lads. Happy late Halloween? This is pretty disturbing by SKZ fanfic standards, you have been warned. Dead dove, do not eat. It is chaptered, but it's gonna be short and I promise I'll update Off The Deep End soon.

Chapter 1 of ?

The rat race. I am not caught up in it. What I am caught up on is the need to afford basic necessities. I have no desire to climb the ladder, I simply desire to exist comfortably. But comfort does not desire to exist in me, as is proven by the excruciating torsion in my spine, as I pick up yet another wet rag off the floor. It's been a particularly difficult day between bags full of dirty linen, wet towels and toilet brushes. It aches, it canes, it's hot and sticky and uncomfortable and I have no choice but to endure it, even though I'm tired and hungry.

"Excuse me," it's faint, the voice. Like its owner can sense the sleeping bear within me and does not wish to disturb it. I don't spare it any mind as I lazily shift to the side to allow him to pass, glancing at the dress-pants-clad round buttocks as the man pushes his little mini-bar trolley through the corridor. Nice, I catch myself muttering, the glance turned into a gaze. The encounter is quickly forgotten, however, as a ping on my phone snaps me back to reality - oop, there goes gravity. Sadly, there is no mum's spaghetti this time. Can you please bring down the linen bag from the 5th floor? The sigh that leaves my throat is more like a pterodactyl screech as I saunter away into the storage room.

It's hard not to sulk into the barely comfortable chair, staring at the plate full of dried-out croissants - guest breakfast leftovers, pondering whether or not I should just wrap one of them in a napkin and take it home, like a bottom feeder who can't afford fresh croissants from the bakery. Which is true. Still, having to acknowledge it so blatantly makes my head hurt. Fuck it, I'll put it into the toaster for dinner.

"Rough day?"

"As rough as all other days," I shrug, not sparing the man even a look. But he demands to be looked at when he loudly places a mug on the table in front of me and sits across from me. It's the mini-bar boy, still wearing his pristine white button-up shirt, yet his clip-on bowtie has gotten lost somewhere and the two top buttons are undone, his milky skin peaking through. "You?"

"Yep."

I can't help but stare at his neck, skin supple and pale, prominent veins adorning it so purely. I get horny when I'm tired and angry, maybe that's why this random co-worker I hardly ever talk to, who doesn't even look particularly appetising to me most of the time suddenly seems like one hell of a snack. The whole damn meal, even.

The steam from the hot drink he's placed in front of me fogs up my glasses as I inhale the scent of lemon herbal tea, the fancy stuff we have for guests that we're not supposed to drink ourselves. "Cheers," I simply say, looking at the man.

Perhaps it's awfully cliché, but it does feel like time has come to a halt now that I've sat down for a minute and put down the mop. I haven't dared to look in a mirror yet, but I can imagine my hair completely out of place and dishevelled, my face red from the heat and exertion, eyes dead behind my thick glasses. In front of me, however, Chris - I'm pretty sure his name is Chris - looks nearly immaculate with his carefully combed hair, perfectly rosy cheeks and a slight glint in his eyes. He must have a good home life, I think to myself, or he doesn't watch the news.

"I spend 8 hours a day cleaning beautiful bathtubs, yet I go home and take a 5-minute shower in nearly cold water because my water heater has been fucked for God knows how long and these cunts don't pay me enough to pay rent and bills, get groceries and get shit fixed."

Chris seems caught off-guard by my sudden statement and I'd feel awkward if I wasn't too exhausted to fully care about a co-worker's opinion. He takes a sip of his tea and I do the same, both hands holding onto the warm mug in an attempt to keep them busy. "These shoes are so fucking uncomfortable," he confesses, his eyes on mine, a certain mischief glistening on them. "I spend 8 hours a day pushing around a trolley full of expensive alcohol, yet I go home to shitty supermarket beer."

"Touché, friend!"

He glances at his wristwatch before leisurely getting up, walking to the sink and washing his mug, then grabbing his jacket and backpack off a shelving unit full of other employees' personal belongings. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, friend. I have some shitty beer to drink." I look at my watch too and let out a beastly yawn. The bus is a few minutes away and it's way too cold to wait at the bus stop, so I sip my tea slowly while mindlessly scrolling on my phone, desperate for some kind of stimulation or excitement, but all I see are photos of babies, cats, dogs and food.

It's dark by the time I get home to my overpriced, tiny and desperately needs TLC studio apartment and my stomach is growling, I haven't eaten in Lord knows how many hours, save for the dried croissant, and even the uncooked mince in my fridge is starting to seem appetising. Cooking is exhausting, ordering in is expensive, the grocery store is a bit too far away to justify walking just for a frozen pizza, and the dairy is closed by now. What else do I have? Stale bread, half a pot of vegemite, no butter… Why is that raw meat actually feeling like it would go down? No cooking time, no clean-up. Is raw pork really that bad for you? That's crazy, maybe what I need is a shower, a four-finger self-loving session and to just fucking sleep. Sleep for dinner, a poverty classic.

Porn is useless these days, ever since I read that article about how porn stars are mistreated and the websites are full of non-consensual bulshit, I can't even watch it anymore, let alone get off. My fucking hunger for knowledge always ruins my life… I could go read some smut, but I always end up criticising the poor grammar and spelling and unrealistic scenes instead of getting wet. I haven't fucked in a while, so I don't even remember what that feels like, what a cock looks like, the warmth of someone's fingers pushing inside of me, stretching me out… Chris. The hot mini-bar boy from work. He has nice fingers, right? Despite being short and kind of average, he's generally easy to look at. Just some guy, but he has dimples when he smiles and there is definitely a glint of mischief in those brown eyes of his, not to mention his arse looks phenomenal in those black dress pants he always wears. Yeah, Chris will do. The awkwardness of thinking about a co-worker while masturbating doesn't last long, it eventually fades when my finger easily finds the exact spot in my clit that makes it feel good. Normally, I'd half-heartedly rub on it for a while until it makes my walls clench around nothing and call it a day, but today I'm in the mood to prolong it a bit, make it a bit of a show. Where did I put my dildo? I haven't used that one in a while and it was far too pricey to be collecting dust.

My stomach growling is slightly distracting, even with my arsehole full and my clit being fustigated by the calloused pads of my fingers, hips rotating as I desperately try to swallow the dildo whole, my pussy throbs around nothing, empty and wet. Why I chose today to try shoving something up my ass is a mystery, but I couldn't help it, it's like I've been possessed by some kind of hungry monster who won't be satisfied with a 5-minute session of clit rubbing accompanied by some run-of-the-mill vaginal insertion. No, today I crave more, insatiable, for whatever goddamn reason. I have to cover my mouth with my free hand, lest my desperate groans alert the neighbours, and the second I imagine Chris lying on top of me, cock where the dildo currently is, biting my neck, I crumble. It travels up my body like lightning, I've never come this hard in my entire life and I can't even process how I feel about it as I see those white dots behind my shut lids.

Fuck!

Everything feels fuzzy when the alarm inevitably pulls me from the sweet embrace of unconsciousness. I forget about my weird dream almost immediately, but not before noting that I should probably never go to bed that hungry again, because it definitely fucked me up. At least it's the last day at work before my regularly scheduled time to do chores around the house, also known as days off. There's a weird smell floating around the apartment, but I chalk it up to mould or some kind of plumbing issue that will never get solved before hopping in the shower, my arsehole is still sore from last night's treatment. What got into me, I will never understand. I'd rather forget about it, but the ache won't let me. There's blood circling the drain, I'm not sure where it could be coming from. Did I cut myself? Is it my period? Did I tear something inside me when I stretched my sphincter with a dildo? What the-

Along with the blood, I see blurry chunks of… something. Meat? Am I peeling away? Panic starts to set in as I search every inch of naked skin for a deep cut or something, is it my ass? Is my ass actually that badly bruised it's somehow peeling away? The smell gets more intense the more chunks fall into the drain, causing it to clog, water pooling on the floor. I bend down, my body squeezed against the too-narrow shower walls, I can't see very well without my glasses but I hesitantly reach my hand towards the drain and it feels absolutely abhorrent, the texture is so nasty I nearly add vomit to the mixture. I bring it to my nose, the stench is beyond agonising. Is this- is this mince pork? Why is there minced pork on my drain? I can't handle it anymore, and I feel my insides spill on the shower tile, unable to flow anywhere, I can barely breathe and my head is spinning.

By the time I come to my senses, I'm lying on a bed that isn't mine, and I know this because the mattress feels way too thin and the air doesn't feel stuffy and mould-ridden. I hear voices around me that I don't recognise and opening my eyes is futile since I have no idea where my glasses are. I try reaching out for them, surely they'd be on some sort of bedsible table, but I immediately feel a sting on my hand and something attached to it.

"Oh you're up," a female voice says, but all I can make out of the woman is her small stature and the fact that she's wearing something teal-coloured. "Here," she said finally handing me my glasses so that I could see my depressing surroundings - a hospital room, sterile and blunt as they tend to be. "You fainted in the shower, so we got you on IV and just let you sleep it off, we'll need to run some tests just to make sure there's no underlying condition, which doesn't seem to be the case according to your history. You should be released hopefully tomorrow morning."

Although I can definitely see more clearly, I still have no idea what is happening. The last thing I remember is vomiting in the shower, and then I woke up here. I'm not sure I have the energy to piece together the little clues I have, or even think about any clues whatsoever, but I find myself hungry again. My head pangs as I painstakingly get up from the cold hard hospital bed and I drag around the IV in search of a vending machine or a canteen or anything I can eat, my legs weak as the room slowly spins around me. The only thing I can smell is blood and it makes my stomach hurt even more. I get back to my room having found a couple of cardboard-flavoured protein bars, a can of coke and some crackers, but my hunger remains unquenchable and I can't figure out why my stomach won't stop hurting, and I surely don't even wish to think about how I ended up in the hospital to begin with, how would someone even find me in the shower passed out in a pool of my own vomit, and how mortifying the thought of being found in such condition by an actual human being even feels.

By the time the nurse brings me lunch, I am starving like a wolf. It all looks and smells unappetising, nevertheless, I swallow without chewing, inhaling the flavourless rice and meat, using my bare hands to shovel it into my mouth, barely able to take a breath in between. Thankfully, the nurse left and the curtains that separate my section of the room from my neighbour's are drawn shut, or they would think me an animal. I consume the meal within seconds, something I've never been able to muster even at the top of my hunger, yet I crave more. I'm nowhere near satiated and I wonder if I can ask for another portion, but the lack of seasoning does throw me off. My stomach grumbles again, and the last time I tried sleeping it off I ended up in this predicament, plus I'm missing work which means my pay will be even more nauseating than that soggy broccoli I just wolfed down. Speaking of work, when the nurse comes back to retrieve my empty tray, she brings news of a visitor. There he stands, not tall yet somehow mighty, painfully average looking yet the reason I shoved a dildo up my ass last night - I think it was last night, at least.

"How are you feeling," he asks, still standing there like a looming demon, hands in his pockets. This is the first time I see him wearing street clothes as opposed to the penguin uniform. I want to ask why he's visiting me at the hospital, given that we're merely co-workers and have barely exchanged any meaningful conversation in the past few months.

"I'm- I'm alright, I guess. Why are you here?" He chuckles for some reason, dark eyes piercing as always and those pretty dimples of his making an appearance. What he says next leaves me in a state of disarray I've never felt before, humiliated to the bones.

"Well, I did find you naked face down in your own spew, so I thought I'd check on you and make sure you're alive."

And he laughs. He laughs like he knows I'm utterly degraded, IV stuck in my hand, weak and trembling as he confesses to having found me in that state and somehow taken me to the hospital.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone about the raw meat. That's our dirty little secret." And he winks, a shit-eating grin I wouldn't have imagined on such a wet towel of a man.

I'm blinking, fully panicking but afraid to make it a spectacle, I can feel sweat running down my back and my pussy tightens in discomfort. Raw meat? I don't remember any- What exactly happened? The weird dream comes back to me, where I crouched by my open fridge and gobbled down that leftover raw minced pork like a goblin. Then my shower drain clogged in whatever weird bloody substance… No no no no, this can't be real…!

Chris seems amused by my panic as he approaches me, sitting on the fragile hospital bed beside me and leaning in so close I can feel his breath caress my skin and smell his breath when he whispers right in my face. "The cravings. I have them too. You'll get used to it." He leaves at once like he didn't just shift my entire world upside down and make me feel the most humiliated I've ever felt in my entire life. Next, he's gonna tell me he also found me with the dildo up my ass and whimpering his name? But the cravings… What cravings? And he has them too? I feel dizzy and I keep thinking this too is part of that weird, never-ending dream. Come on now, where's my alarm? I'll gladly go to work just this once.

To be continued

#neverendingdreams #n.sft #fanfiction #disturbing #idk how to tag

[gfdatingsim]

HOO you don't have to respond to this bc I'm gonna RAMBLE but I just wanted to say thank you so much for making this game. I remember when it first came out years ago, I love dating sims, but I had never seen Gravity Falls before. I thought "aw man, if I play this, a bunch of references will probably go over my head huh" so I decided to actually sit and watch GF, I binged it and managed to finish the whole series in about two or three days. I wouldn't have taken initiative to watch the show at *all* if it wasn't for this dating sim, but I sincerely love visual novels more than anything else in the world, and I am so glad I watched the show. I really enjoyed it. Now, years have passed, I decided that I wanted to replay this dating sim again today, but it'd been years since I'd played or even watched the show and I didn't remember much of anything at all, so I rewatched again and fell in love like the first time. I'm pretty sure I sped through the episodes in less than five days this week because I was so so so excited to play this game again. I smiled SO big when I heard the music after opening the title screen. Felt like coming home.

I can tell a lot of love was put into this game. I've tried making dating sims before, just personal ones for my own self indulgence with my OCs and such, and like... dude, it's so hard! Making games is hard!!! Pushing yourself to actually finish a game is hard! Not to mention coding, that's like a whole other can of worms more tempting to never open. So the fact that you finished this game is impressive just in itself! Not only does your game seem so in-character, making it so easy to read everything in the character voices, but it's got such expressive sprites!! I cannot tell you how many otomes I've played where the sprites are just one plain expression with maybe 3 different eyebrow angles and just a switch between a smile and a frown. But your sprites really move!! The body language!! Oh my god. The way the sprites are colored to fit the setting. Like their coloring is darker if they're outside, and even tinted red in the sunset backgrounds. I literally just sat and stared at the screen when that first transition into nighttime happened and you see the characters matching. I was so impressed. Even Stan's hands in his pockets change when he bunches his shoulders forward ever so slightly. The attention to detail is amazing. The outfit changes too!!! Ahh!!! :D

The illustrations. Wow. Just.. man, please let me ramble about the CGs, they're gorgeous. The brush strokes look so so so soft and the fact that so much time was put even into the backgrounds... lineless and so clean... every few minutes I take the time to just stare at the artwork. I rarely draw backgrounds because I find it so difficult, and anyone who has the patience to make backgrounds and also paint is really admirable to me. I'm so blown away by the art in this game. The illustrations are magnificent. There is genuine fondness and joy in their eyes in each drawing and it's so pretty to just [parks and rec voice] this is beautiful, I've been staring at these for 5 hours now

I'm so happy to have found a fan-made dating sim who is not only true to the characters, but also slowburn. It feels real, making a genuine connection with these characters at a steady pace, not rushing into things. And maybe this is just because I'm ace, but agh, I can't tell you how refreshing it is to play a game where I don't have to do anything raunchy to get a good ending... like, I've played so many dating sims, it's one of my favorite things to do, but it's always a little bit disheartening to only get a good ending if you do something sexual, from the perspective of a person who. well. isn't! And when I replayed this game today, I remembered "oh yeah... I don't have to worry about that sort of thing" and it also makes me feel more lovable because... well. ahh this might sound dumb but it made me feel like these two would really truly love me, not just despite me being ace, but maybe even *because* of it? It was so refreshing, I'm sorry I'm not the best with putting things into words but I hope I was able to phrase it clear enough to state: I am really, really grateful that this game is made the way that it is, that someone like me is able to play it without any worries. A huge lift off of my shoulders. I can't tell you how many otomes I've played where I've gotten a bad ending or a neutral ending just bc I didn't sleep with someone. Playing this and just having pure fluff and kisses (with a bit of the steamy makeouts on Stan's route? heehee) Hoooo, that was perfect, that was just perfect.

This message is getting so long fjdhkfh I'm sorry I was gonna ramble more about how much I love the game like, the dates, how the dates are very fun to play bc there's such a variety of things to do that makes you feel like you're really in Gravity Falls, and I love how you get to interact with many more characters on the side without it distracting from the main storyline, like interacting with Dipper and Mabel and even Dan and Susan, things like that! I love the little mini games like boxing and playing dungeons, I love that you have to really work hard to get the perfect endings and that Ford takes a little more time to open up about his feelings - hell, I love the little detail that you have to encrypt the codes to get their walkthroughs!! That's such a cute little touch! This whole thing couldn't be more perfect. I adore everything about this game, it's very dear to my heart. You've all put so much love into it, I don't think there's any other fan-made games out there for any other fandoms I'm in, at least to my knowledge, that are so well put together. It's one of my favorite things and I love replaying it at least once a year. Thank you for making me feel like these characters would love me, it helped me through a tough time lately, I've been in and out of the hospital for a few months and this game gave me some much needed comfort today. I hope everyone who worked on this game is doing well right now. And know that there is some random person out there on this planet under the same sky as you, who is always going to cherish the love put into this game, forever, always gonna have a special place in my heart for it and I am so thankful it exists 🥰💙

i love that you noticed so many details about the game!

reading this felt like looking into a mirror a couple times--i've had a similar experience with vns/dating sims, though for me i gave in and stopped playing them bc it felt like while i loved the genre, it never loved me. i've felt those thoughts and worries myself, so i'm really glad you can just relax with this one!!

thank you so much for sending this in :') i hope you're doing well right now too!

#sovo answers

[di-girls-dem-sugar]

Going to be keeping it absolutely real on here as I always do when things get bad. I'm starting to think that it might not get better after all I can't lie. I'm just so sad and angry and mad and lonely all the time. I moved away from home two years ago and I can't hold on to any stable relationships and I'm basically all alone here and I feel like such an idiot for complaining about it because it's nobody's fault that I don't go anywhere and I am bad at talking to people or holding on to relationships. it's completely my fault and I know it's up to me to change it but I've never been good at making friends and that hasn't changed just because I'm not 16 or 11 or 5 years old anymore and I'm still not quite sure how to go about it.

It's been 2 years and Canada doesn't feel like a foreign place anymore .I know my way around and I know how to get stuff done and it has already set in that this is my life now and I guess this just means that my life now is just me by myself with everyone I know and love 1800 miles away.

And even then half the time it still feels like I don't have anyone because my sister hardly answers her phone and my other sister and I have literally only known each other for a month and I don't even know her middle name yet and my mom has got a new job and doesn't have time to call me like she used to and so I don't even feel like I have my mommy anymore and my best friend is already dealing with so much and I wish I could turn back time and bring her loved one back to life but I cant and I feel so empty thinking about how she must feel and I'm not comfortable with anybody else so other than those people.

I'm a year away from graduating with a degree in a field that I hate and I can't find any internships or working experience because everything is so experience based and I am so bad at all this stuff and my grades are so mediocre and I don't have anything that makes me stand out and at this point I'm worried that I won't even be good enough for grad school. When I find a part of this wretched degree that I actually like I cannot seem to do well in it despite the fact that I actually care enough to study and do work in it and it's just so demotivating. And even if I do somehow manage to get a job I'm never going to be able to afford a house and I want to have a house so bad I don't like renting I want to have a backyard and I want my own kitchen and I want to decorate my house the way I feel like when I feel like it but everything is so expensive and I hate my shitty customer service job because I hate talking to people and I don't want to stand for 6 hours and fake smile and listen to the same songs play over and over again for 6 hours anymore but I can't leave my job because no one else is hiring me.

And I have to keep pretending like everything is okay when every time I turn on my phone and go out to social media I see something else indicating that we are witnessing the decline of man as we know it and there's kids dying in so many places all over the world and people getting their homes destroyed and no matter how much I try and raise awareness and no matter how much money I give and how much I talk about it there's really nothing changing and I go outside and somebody asks me for spare change to buy a coffee so they don't freeze in the below zero weather and I wish I could put them in a house but I don't even have a house of my own. And I used to be able to look around and find even the beauty in the smallest things and to not think the worst of people and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt for the most part but now I can't help but wonder if this person thinks genocide and exploitation and mindless killing and destruction is a good thing. And I hardly see anybody talking about Sudan or Congo or Senegal or Haiti or Madagascar and it feels like african people are just always doomed to be pushed to the back burner even by black people in the diaspora and I try to be positive because if the people in those countries haven't given up hope why should I but sometimes I just get so sad.

And despite going to therapy and going on meds I still look in the mirror and hate myself and I remember that my problems are so paltry and poor compared to what's going on in the rest of the world and that I feel worse because it doesn't make me hate how I look or who I am less and the world just won't stop turning and we never get a break we just have to keep going until we die no matter how bad things get and it's not fair and I'm so tired I just need it all to stop for a second. Looking at my life feels like reading the bell jar knowing that sylvia plath wrote a book about a depressed woman and ended up killing herself. I feel doomed

#shut up kayla #diary entry

[batmannotes]

Gomer Pyle Blu-Ray Box Set Review

Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.— The Complete Series includes all five seasons of the classic sitcom. This 20 disc set will provide hours of entertainment and laughter.

This hit spin-off from The Andy Griffith Show took one of the hilarious side characters, Gomer, and set a fresh new show around him that would exceed the hilarity which started in way back in Mayberry, North Carolina.

I still rank this comedy in my all-time top 10 list. The naive, but loveable country boy Gomer (Jim Nabors) and loudmouthed Sergeant Carter (Frank Sutton) play incredibly well off each other. This is probably the 20th time I've watched most of these classic episodes and I still gleefully appreciate the comedic genius of this old tv show.

The series is presented in HD for the first time in this 20 disc Blu-Ray set. The first season is in black and white with the rest in beautiful color. The transfer is solid and crisp, especially in season 2-5. Actors and actresses faces and overall presentation have never looked so delightfully clear. You'll even notice set pieces and landscapes in the background like never before. It's amazing when you realize these episodes are over 60 years old. Although this is presented in a 4x3 aspect ratio, it never hinders your appreciation for this series.

VIDEO QUALITY 📽️ :  B+

For only a DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 Mono track the sound is actually quite pleasant. It might be because I long enjoyed these episodes on an old picture tube television for years without complaining, but I can not find anything wrong with the mono mix here. I am also aware that not all of the music originally found from this series made it to this release sadly due to rights of usage.

AUDIO QUALITY 🔈 : B-

As far as the extras go, there aren't many (see below). There are also no dvds or digital copies available with this set either. While the disc extras here aren't numerous, I can understand that more than the lack of digital copies for the episodes.

Season One, Disc One:

Pilot Episode "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. from The Andy Griffth Show (480i, 28:09): The episode that debuted the character and concept. Includes the option to play the episode alone or with the "Sales Presentation" which is also included separately (see the next supplement below).

Sales Presentation (480i, 2:39): Jim Nabors introduces and closes out the episode, as is optionally seen with the episode above.

Season One, Disc Two:

Audio Commentary: Ronnie Schell, who played "Duke" on the show, discusses the first episode on the disc, "Gomer and the Dragon Lady."

EXTRAS 📀 :  D

FINAL GRADE:  B-

Clocking in at 3786 minutes, this is one box set that viewers both young and old can sit around and savor together for literally hours and hours. Even with the lack of extras here, this release gets my 100% recommendation. They don't make them (comedies) like this anymore.

Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C. Blu-Ray Box Set is now available at Amazon.

#gomer pyle #classic #tv #television #show #bluray #review

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 4 Rewatch Thoughts Pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Ok Rain, you and I both know you didn't sleep through this honey

Phayu looks unconvinced as well lmao - do you see this eyebrow raise?

Slightly controversial opinion, but I actually love that I occasionally hear fabric rustling and other mic interference. It adds a messy and fun element to the scenes that make them feel more real to me. Here, we heard what is probably Phayu's shirt slide against the mic as he leans into Rain.

The first time I watched this, I had to pause and raise my eyebrows ngl. Supremely unprepared for this relatively simple sequence and in the end highkey felt like I got slapped in the face (but in a funny way).

Boss looks so intense and good here

Taking it from the top

down

down

down

(including this shot bc wow Boss has big hands)

and...

(we just got to the halfway point y'all... whew)

I've never heard of this seduction technique before. Phayu, you might be the only one this works on (I feel seduced but not in a sexy way, more like if I was a cat I'd make biscuits on Rain's tummy)

I don't have a whole lot of commentary on this part aside from they're both adorable and I love the way Phayu likes to drag Rain physically closer to him whenever they talk. I think physical touch is really important to Phayu and I love how Rain basically preens under the attention every time Phayu touches him

I have literally seen this 12 times. Every time I'm like OMFG THEY ARE ABOUT TO KISSSSSSSS

But NO, freaking P' Saifah couldn't wait outside for one more minute. At least he has the decency to give them a countdown do-over. Phayu looks like he considering the merits of ending his twin while Rain is just distressed. I love how they framed these shots of P' Saifah with his body physically dividing the screen between Phayu and Rain's faces which are blurry in the background. This drama uses physical blocking very creatively in my opinion.

P' Saifah I'm going to reach through the nth dimension just to SHAKE YOU I mean seriously how could you not see Phayu and Rain were having a MOMENT

But it does lead to this stellar headpat so I'm not too mad (the 7th one in the series, if I'm not mistaken), plus Rain's praise kink gets activated (seriously, just watch him reminisce about the headpat that just happened)

AHHHH Rain looks SO HAPPY to see that Phayu wrote him a lil note and helped him out - I mean it's no wonder Phayu would bend over backwards just to put that expression on Rain's face from here on out

Including this shot to praise the lighting directors bc it's beautiful, as is our hard at work Rain

I think it could have been really cool if they had Rain use his lucky triangle ruler thing (that Phayu gave him) here, bc that would have been an extra layer of symbolism. I think if they were going to include it as a serendipitous plot point, it would have been better to introduce it this way rather than stick it in a glass case.

GOOD WORK BBY!!! Your reward comes later though

AND the first thing he thinks of after is...

LOOK at him being a responsible student! He's only got two left and then he's doneeeeee (unlike me, I still have so much to do lmao and yet here I am) - (OK I wrote this earlier part two days ago and at the time of writing this sentence I am DONEEE so me *join hands emoji* Rain: done with finals)

My plans for the next 48 hours:

Except this boy gets revived at the thought of seeing his pseudo-bf and runs immediately bolts out of bed 2 seconds later. Ngl if I had a Phayu I'd probably do the same, but since I'm a single pringle it's just me and my clean sheets

Ok, now where have we seen almost this exact color combo before?? Mayhaps you can scroll up a couple pictures...

Basically, I think this is the production crew's way of telling you Rain's about to get smooched by Phayu. Also Rain's changed clothes from the previous scene so he really cleaned up to go to the garage awww

I love that Rain tells himself he should be using this time to sleep, then shrugs at himself and goes to Phayu anyway. Priorities, priorities

Yay, P' Saifah is here to guide Rain to Phayu!! The in-laws are getting a lot of interaction these days hehe. Also look at how eager Rain looks here - full on puppy mode (I met a cockapoo puppy named Molly today so I know my comparison is accurate)

I like that P' Saifah is talking Phayu up to Rain - not that Rain needs any more convincing that Phayu is the coolest mechanic ever. It's the thought that counts though.

For some reason, this shot of Rain and this shot of Phayu make me laugh. Rain's just standing there like some guy when we all know he's thee guy and Phayu is making the "this is so sus" face

The interaction between the three of them right after is so funnyyy - my favorite part is P' Saifah calling his big bro out - this is prime younger sibling behavior. Also Phayu pretending to be a grump - he's just kiss deprived is all (that problem is about to be solved tho)

I also like how I though Rain was going to be the possessive one but Phayu is out here with raised hackles even though P' Saifah is just being friendly to press his buttons (again, prime little sibling behavior). Please observe how pleased Rain looks about this though!

Me + P' Saifah: Phayu you're a SIMP

Ok I like that they included this shot of PhayuRain for no discernable reason (bc it cuts to them walking over to the other part of the garage right after it) other than to show us Phayu looking at Rain fondly with his eyebrows raised

I also love how Rain immediately reports that his work is done (likely so he could get praised) but then Phayu counters with "did you sleep?" to which the answer is no. Rain's like "ahhh we can't win with this one uff" (don't worry bff, your reward is en route)

On to part 4!! I'm hoping it's the last one or none of you are gonna want to read it (this is a lie, there are 5 parts bc I have no self control when it comes to taking screenshots of PhayuRain)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

#love in the air #lita the series #lita rewatch thoughts #phayurain #bossnoeul

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

#anon asks #a long ramble as always

[xneontragedyx]

Accepting going ghost accepting no contact. Yeah I can honestly say I'm weak, I can't do that, I don't have anger in me anymore even though he did me really bad, I still seek validation and worthiness but he just calls me a clown with nothing to offer.

We were together living together for 2 years I've known him since 2013 he pretty much was telling everybody behind my back that I'm a dumb b**** and I am unattractive and I have a weird shaped body and I don't dress like a girl and that I'm blind and we don't have the same personality so there's no way like he can get close to me and he said I cared for you a lot which probably means he thinks that he took care of me but I was working 14 hours a day cuz I had two jobs and I was running on 5 hours of sleep and I did that for almost 2 years and he actually had romantic feelings and less full feelings for this girl Maria that he kept secret and she would show up at the apartment after he would take my daughter to school she would show up and she'd be there until like 3:00 or whatever in the apartment so he even called her attendant that he wished that like him and her like live together you know but I was the Cash cow you needed me to pay but he wanted to spend time with her and that's what he told her he's like I'm not even affection I don't even tell that girl I love her it's just true you never told me he loved me and it wasn't affectionate so yeah he pretty much was like romantic with this girl and told her you love her and said like she was his OPP or whatever like his his special person and that they were so close and that he called her beautiful like not only did he admire her body but he admires her personality and he cares for her like like okay yeah anyways he says that she's angelic and she can fly and she's a good mom like he has like so much positive things to say about this girl and like nothing but s*** talking about me because he's always comparing me to her even though I was the one but see my ass off trying to like make sure that I was putting in my part but he pretty much said that like I couldn't give him what he needed because he called me boring because I wasn't sexually satisfying him so he literally I know of three people he had with Marcy with Jezebel and with Maria I don't know who else but yeah it was consistent it wasn't like a one-time thing. he called me a cop I don't know what that means but yeah he called me a cop he called me a dog he called me desperate and he said to move on there's nothing there I keep looking for something to be there he's already moved on and that he never saw me as long term anyways he saw me a short-term because he never had those real feelings for me in the first place you never saw a future he just needed to get out of his mom's house and I was the one that was able to do that because I'm not gullible and they actually laugh behind my back because I thought that like everything was fine but it wasn't. He left me for her he actually is engaged to her or was engaged to her they actually went to Vegas to get married apparently they had a huge blowout and he said that I traumatized him because I when I found out he was cheating on me and he didn't care for me I guess I spiraled into an emotional roller coaster and he said that traumatized him like a lot and now he doesn't want to live with another woman anymore or like do that anymore and he puts the blame on me like he said out of all the memories that he's ever had like you know when you part ways with somebody he's like you or a bad memory I do not like to think about you at all he's like I still have resentments. He blocked me on everything he blocked me on everything for real. And people are like your wounded you need to heal and you need to move on you need to move forward in your life and stop dwelling on the past like it's been long enough and why would you want someone that doesn't want you like he doesn't want you why would you stay put and I don't know how to I don't know how to move forward from the pain. not to mention you got me pregnant and was like totally fine with me keeping the kid. And he proposed to me twice once without a ring and then once with a ring. And the thing is too is I think he was being romantic with me just to make fun of me behind my back with his actual friends.

#tfatws #escrituras #my otp #andrespatino #ghost cod #who are you #explore #wife exhibition #last twilight #avatar the last airbender #las ventajas de ser invisible #maria chernyshova #samantha 38g #sami rambles #farmcore #qsmp foolish #clowncore

[tim-lucy]

You're top 5 songs that gives you all the chenford feels and why? :D

Five is so hard!! I actually have four different playlists from different chenford eras. I usually make a new one every year, but I've already made two for Season 5 and we're only on episode 11 😵‍💫

Out of allll of the songs I've put on them the ones that hit most are probably:

About Love by MARINA – There were very few edits (the fandom was like 4 people 😂) at the time and then someone popped off and made this amaziiiing video and it became like THE video for me! I literally remember listening to it on a run and having a breakdown LOLOL. Now the song always makes me flashback to the early chenford days and I get emotional :')

What Am I by Why Don't We — In all honesty, I got it in my head that they would do the deed to this song lmao. It's been years and I can't picture anything else playing. It's just so soft so them!!

Crowded Heart by Samuel Jack — MY GOD. I just remember the hours leading up to 3x09 and the chaotic "I have feelings for you" promo and how BEAUTIFUL that end scene was. "I'll be wrong before I'm right." She was wrong because she actually did fall for him OOP. It's also my favorite Chenford scene ever! It was the scene where I was like...this is the ship my soul has been searching for. I'm dramatic but also it's true hahahaha

How You Get The Girl by Taylor Swift — Okay there was a promo released right before Day of Death and it had Tim being all stressed looking for Lucy and then this instagram edit was born from it and the song has reminded me of them ever since! It's one of the few that has made it onto every updated playlist 😂 Also Tim is gonna stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain and Lucy's gonna open up the door and say "are you insane?" and also he's gonna tell her "I want you for worse or for better I want you forever and ever" in this essay—

Running In Place by Chris Moreno — THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO!! "I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending I don't love you" LIKE BRUH. Literally Season 5 Chenford in a nutshell send help!!

Thank you for asking this! It was so fun (and emotional we've come so far)!! :D

#anonymous #the rookie #chenford #ask

[steamberrystudio]

Hi! Ok so, I've never said/messaged anything before because I'm more of a lurker, so I'm sorry for not saying anything before now, but! I just want to start by saying I love your writing! Proof, on Steam I have 134+ hours for Changeling and 137+ hours for Gilded Shadows, and those numbers are only gonna grow because I come back to replay all the time (plus we haven't even gotten to Reuben and Yuu yet!). They're like, legit some of my fave games. Anyways, I do have a question/ask other than just showering you in praise. Sorry in advance for the wall of words but I am literally incapable of not typing a book no matter what it is. And that's paired with the fact that I've been wondering about this for a long time now and am dying to know now that Quill's route has been released. So without further rambling, my question is this: How does Neo Human/biosynth biology work as far as having children and just… reproducing and growth in general? I guess? Ok, like, I remember Quill said that they mature super quick where they're fully mature in like 5 years, and he also mentioned having parents and and sister. How does this work? Are biosynths "built" fully grown (and the parents are just the ones who built them? Or maybe where they got the bio DNA from or something?), or can they get pregnant/get others pregnant? If they can get pregnant, does the baby gestate for the same amount of time as "normal" humans, and then they give birth the same too? And once they're born, are they small like "normal" humans and then just rapidly grow into adulthood in like 5 years? Both mentally and physically? So something like looking and thinking like a infant/toddler when 1 or 2, like a child when 2 or 3, like an adolescent when 3 or 4, then a fully mature adult by 5? How does that work if they have a lot of sythetic parts? Like, their bones are zisiltan right? Can the non-biological components grow as they age like the bio parts can? Speaking of age, do they keep aging once they hit maturity? Can they grow old and die like "normal" humans? Can they get "upgrades" to keep themselves going longer, or do their bio parts force them to eventually expire like "normal" humans? If they do age, is it at the same rate as "normal" humans? On top of all that, if they can reproduce like "normal" humans, can they do so only with other biosynths or can they with a "normal" human? If so, how would that work? Would the child be half and half, or more one than the other? How does any of this work?? Ok. So I'm sorry for the question vomit up there, but I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this and am hyperfixating on the unknown details a bit, especially after Quill's route, and am just dying to know how that would all work, especially when imagining Quill's past, and his and Morgan's potential futures. I'm sorry if any of this made you uncomfortable or was inappropriate, or is just something you don't want to answer. If so, I understand. Just know that I love your writing! I get so invested and it makes me so curious to know everything about the beautiful worlds you create! <3

Some of the answers to your questions are undefined intentionally (I just didn't want to) but I'll answer what I did make up my mind on. One thing I decided early on is that it's really not comparable to the human experience because humans and Neo Humans aren't the same species.

When you look at something like a puppy and a fawn - puppies are helpless little sausages for weeks while fawns can stand and move around on their own in less than hour. They're just not comparable in terms of development. You'd never be able to understand a fawn's development in terms of a puppy's development. You have to look at it like its own thing.

It's kind of the same scenario. In many cases, there is not a 1:1 comparison between human children and Neo Human children because they're totally separate things.

To get to specific questions.

- Neo humans do not and cannot reproduce sexually, no. They do, indeed, have to be engineered. They have no mechanism for sexual reproduction and fertility. That said, they can "have offspring" with a normal human since genetically, their organic parts are human.

- I ultimately decided that Neos probably use a generic construct for the first few years of their life before being transferred into a permanent body. This gives time for their permanent bodies to be fully constructed. But means that the children probably are smaller than adults (for convenience) but are also kind of…all the same in appearance.

- They do get biological information from the parents' bio-parts which are used for the child's bio-parts (the only gene editing they do is for fatal genetic anomalies. They don't do any other gene editing/fixing) and are able to engineer the physical body by extrapolating the physical features of the parents into a child. So Quill, for example, does share DNA with his parents and there is a family resemblance.

Quill and Morgan could have a child together (you never asked but I felt like that's what you were getting at). They would be engineered like a typical NH child using Quill and Morgan's DNA as well as their physical appearances.

- Neo Human children are pretty self-sufficient incredibly fast. And because their brains develop quickly, they have no equivalent of infancy or, really even being a toddler. They grow and learn in a completely unique way that isn't really comparable directly to human childhood.

- Regarding ageing: One thing that I can't remember if I've ever stated openly is that humans on Arcalis naturally live much longer than our current life span. It's normally about 150 Earth years (so in Arcalian years, getting up into the 200s is really common even without medical intervention). Their "prime" is much longer, though they hit maturity at the same pace. So they essentially become an adult at the same pace we do but then stay in their "prime" for a much longer period.

An example I use is Keres who, I think, is 50 earth years. I actually made him look older in the game than he should because I didn't want to have to explain the age thing. But he's actually considered quite young still and would probably not look that much older than Caissa. He should probably look like someone in his early 30s (no grey hair for sure). But, I did make him look older to not confuse people.  If you think about life stages, Keres is only 1/3 of the way through, not middle aged like you'd assume.

So the reason I bring this up is because when we start talking about ageing - even for Neo Humans - in the first place you have to understand that everyone is reaching their geriatric stage much later than what you would think. And then, yes, there are medical interventions that can absolutely keep people alive even longer. But brains are organic and that is where the consciousness resides. You can only prolong life for as long as the brain can last; you can't just replace that with an upgrade like you can a heart or something like that.

So I don't have a set life span for Arcalians in general. Neo Humans probably live a little longer than most humans because their physical bodies are already mostly cybernetic. And due to restrictions most humans can't add enough cybernetics to prolong their lives that much. But it's not a situation where Neo Humans are basically immortal. I don't know how much longer their life expectancy is. Maybe a few decades but probably not as much as you'd expect - and humans could definitely live as long without the restrictions to use of extreme cybernetics.

Anyway, I hope that answers all your questions - I didn't touch on everything you asked but mostly because some answers are implied by other answers while some questions become moot for the same reasons.

#gilded shadows #quill #biosynth lore

[emyluwinter]

Since I've started talking more about Eric, I'll write a short excerpt about Chapter 5.

Yuu and Grim were heading to Pomfiore's living room to discuss with Vil what he and the participants would need in Onboro. So that Yuu could at least prepare a little. What they didn't expect was to hear the very menacing voice of an angry Schoenheit. Moreover, she saw the students running to their rooms as if they were avoiding a terrible storm. Although judging by the conversation in slightly raised tones, something very scary was happening.

-Explain to De Lerenier why you didn't take part in the audition? It seems I gave you very clear instructions about VDC with your data, it's just stupid not to use them. - The voice was so icy and hard that Grimm hid behind Yuu's legs and trembled from the oppressive atmosphere.

-I am not a Felmer whom you dress up like a doll for your own purposes Schoenheit. And even if you are the Leader of the dorm, I am not obliged to obey and obey you like a trained dog. I already told you. I will not perform, under any circumstances.

Looking out curiously from around the corner, Yuu saw for the first time another third-year student Pomfiore with whom a fierce argument and conversation were conducted. He was a tall, handsome young man with refined manners and a very elegant posture with such a velvety voice that Yuu could swear that her knees trembled with delight. Wanted to listen to this voice for eternity, as if under hypnosis. The owner of this voice was mystically stunningly beautiful and mesmerizing.The right side of the face was hidden under a dark gray mask, which was covered by dark dark hair falling over the shoulders. Yuu could have sworn that the Dark Mirror was definitely conducting some kind of beauty casting among the students, she couldn't find any other reason.

Given that she and Grimm were unwitting listeners, it would be extremely tactless to continue eavesdropping. And Yuu thought it would be a good idea to slightly "trample with noise on the spot" to attract attention to herself.

Only now she was discovered by a young man with a beautiful voice, interrupting an altercation with the Leader of dorm

-On top of everything else, we have new listeners….Come out, little mice, I heard as soon as you entered through the main door. Schoenheit will not scold you, do not be afraid, I am taking on this role now, as you can see.

Yuu awkwardly looked out at the seniors.

-Em…excuse me…I didn't want to eavesdrop. - She was extremely uncomfortable from being discovered like that. Still, she had enough of other people's fights, she was not very eager to get into others.

-It's all right, don't worry. Oh, where are my manners… I take it you're the Prefect of Onboro? Let me introduce myself - Eric De Lerenier is the third year of the Pomfiore dormitory. - Eric gracefully nodded slightly in greeting to Yuu. And grinning, he immediately turned his gaze to Schoenheit.

-And for this hour, I'm the main migraine of this guy. Isn't that right Vil?

Schoenheit gathered his composure and taking a deep breath literally sorted through every poison he could apply on Eric.

-Your stubbornness will lead to nothing. You don't even realize what you're losing Eric.

-Oh, I understand perfectly. Only now it seems that for you it's not as clear as a reflection in a mirror. You see, if you perform, it will be a stage. These will be numerous cameras around the world, Schoenheit. Attention heaps of faces and eyes. You are definitely used to them. I'm used to these lousy reporters who are literally ready to get under your skin to find out what your insides are. But why don't you understand that I don't want to go through this?

-No one will get under your skin, and no one will talk about your appearance.

-Oh great Aeda *… Eric rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. and continued his attempts to convince Schoenheit to leave him alone. - Schoenheit, I'll say it just once. All those who see my mask will be eager to tear it off, I don't want this attention. I don't want these looks and lights of spotlights, cameras and other paraphernalia of performances on stage. It's you who can flaunt under all these flashes of spotlights…. It disgusts me.

-Disgusting?! Do you even understand what's at stake?

-Your obsession with rubbing Le Blanche's face in the mud with leeches?Or am I wrong?

Hearing that the conversation was getting heated, Yuu hurried to cover Grimm's ears from what would happen next. In truth, she wanted to leave wildly. Right now.

-Obsession? Is that how you see it? Or don't you want to admit that you're a coward?

-Don't start that worn-out old Schoenheit record… - Eric's voice suddenly changed to such a threatening tone that Yuu felt like she would be torn apart just from hearing it.

-You will just be in the second line-up if one of the participants cannot reach the necessary skills to the VDC itself. With your data, our team could have won with higher chances. But you're stubborn.

-BECAUSE THEY WILL SEE IN ME ONLY A FREAK AND NOT MY VOICE, FINALLY UNDERSTAND THIS. - Eric suddenly roared furiously, which caused the Grimm to jump on the spot and fluff his fur up to the tail. If Yuu hadn't been holding him, he would have run away from these two long ago.

For some reason, it seemed to the Prefect that these impulsive outbursts of anger were not so rare for Eric. But he doesn't look like Riddle at all. Eric is more…strongly controls it, but explodes when the topic heats up to some topic.

It was the hardest and most furious conversation that Yuu could hear in her life, which did not end with either a fight or an overblott. To her great joy and relief.

***

In the end, Eric suggested that he would "assist the participants" for the contest. Firstly, it would greatly simplify Schoenheit's task. Because there were more unprepared than people with experience. And Eric's knowledge and skills were the best in the whole college. No matter how much Vil said that he was better, Eric always interrupted him that this was complete nonsense and looked like "the croaking of a frog in the opera"*

-That's no good, Spade…you look like a strained string that's about to break. Breathing is not under control, you confuse words as if you have a mouthful of frogs that are about to be plucked out. - Eric was mercilessly criticizing, but in a very soft tone, as if a child who was just learning to walk was already asking to dance the most difficult act in ballet.

-Yes, I understand that I am the most lagging behind.. - Deuce is already pretty tired of listening to him fall short. Eric immediately frowned and interrupted him.

-I didn't say you were falling behind. I said you were too tense. Please listen to me correctly. Otherwise it will look like a broken gramophone. So…

Eric took a small pointer that he made with the help of magic from his magic pen.

-First of all. Calm your breathing so that your heart rate will even out and adrenaline will not rage in your heated head. Secondly, relax your body.

De Lerenier pointed to Deuce's chest and forehead, forcing him to obey as if gipnose.

-Good. It seems that you fall into the mode, hit and attack when you fail. That's why you're all clamped down, as if you're going to be stirred into a tin can with sprats. Don't be so nervous.

After a little reflection, Eric decided to show clearly.

-I think you should better show it clearly so that you understand how it should look. Listen carefully Deuce, your voice may sound like this.

After clearing his throat a little and taking a deep breath, Eric sang in a perfect voice exactly like Deuce's. The clear and calm timbre carried throughout the hall that Deuce opened his mouth in surprise. The third-year student used a few lines from the song to show Deuce where to take a break or where there would be the best moment to take a breather and get more air in his lungs.

Deuce couldn't believe his voice could sound so beautiful?!

-So…See the difference?

Eric couldn't help but grin with what childish delight Deuce listened to every second of his singing.

-uh… uh… this…IT WAS AMAZING!!!

-Save the applause for later, kid. We still have a lot of work to do. Eric chuckled and turned his gaze to the other student.

-Epel, how are you feeling? Aren't you feel sick? Does your stomach cramp?

Meanwhile, Epel was lying on the floor trying to catch his breath. The poor guy was very pale and breathing erratically, as if something was not giving him a chance to catch his breath.

- My head.... is spinning less... I would never have... thought .....that singing requires..... so much.... strength and air.

-It happens with unaccustomed. So boys, you two need to learn how to breathe properly. If you get worse, be sure to tell me about it. Deuce, this also concerns you. Schoenheit will not leave me alone until the very chambers of Orpheus in the underground kingdom if you overdo it.

-Yes, sir!! ***

explanation!

Aeda. - one of the 9 muses of Greece, the use of vocal music, one of the "elder muses".

"the croaking of a frog at the opera" is for those who have not read the book, i'm explain. There is a scene where the main opera singer could not sing and her performance was disrupted. because Eric, aka the phantom of the opera, began to perform the loud croaking of the toad as soon as the poor singer opened her mouth. Thus, he wanted to give Kristina a chance to become the main performer.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst mc #twst yuu #twsited wonderland #twst eric #twst oc #twst vil #twst deuce

[stickidystickblog]

…i kinda wanna hear your stories about being scared of fishes

personally i am scared of the ocean, it makes me so nervous brnfıe. And like that the fishes inside it also scares me usually, makes me wanna scream when they’re around 🥳

*Cracks knuckles* I have many but the most prominent story the displays my fear of fish very well is the bucket story So back in 2018 I was working out of state for my first job as an office clerk up in Alaska on a fish processing plant and it was one of our slow days so my boss says "Hey, some of our fishermen are here and they've offered to take us out on a ride around the bay in their boat." Now I was pretty bored and my roommate was enthused about going on a not-so-company-approved boat outing around the bay so we agreed. Everything was going pretty well! We got on the boat and headed out and were pretty captivated by conversation and the beautiful sights the tiny Alaskan bay we were in had to offer. About midway through a conversation my roommate and the ship captain were having I turned my head and saw a bucket. Now I'm a curious person, a curious little fella, a being of whimsy if you will, so I'm like 'dang... there's a bucket there. I wonder what's in that bucket' because surely there could be *anything* in a bucket on a small fishing vessel during salmon season right? Anything at all! So I took an inconspicuous step closer to this bucket and came face to face with a dead fish. I don't know why but I immediately squeaked in horror and *jumped* at the sight of this fish. So very noticeably that my roommate and the ship captain looked over to make sure I was good. I was fine and everyone went back to idly chattering. ... about 5 minutes later I have 100% forgotten that the bucket exists and my eyes are wandering and I lock eyes with the glossed-over, scarily foggy, glass eye of this dead fish and I jump again! but slightly less so, and the squeak I make is slightly smaller. I'm shaking now. Why did I jump at the same fish twice?? Surely I wouldn't be scared of it again right?? WRONG!!! I turned back to converse and 5 minutes later I forgot about the fish, looked over, and felt shivers run down my spine BUT this time I didn't jump or make a noise. A couple minutes after that I'd forgotten for the last time and looked over. I didn't jump, didn't make a noise, just stared down this dead-eyed fish and shook for a good minute before my roommate registered I was being odd and tapped me on the shoulder to ask me if I was good. That fish scared me not once... not twice... but FOUR separate times within the span of 20 minutes. I still to this day don't know how I kept forgetting it was there and getting scared every time. Fish just creep me out. The way that they look and feel. Icky ! ! ! I was never *really* scared of fish before this either!!! Like this *awoke* something in me and ever since I've just had an aversion to fish eyes. And then the next year I went to work at a different plant and I took some extra hours literally gutting fish so like *stares* I have such a weird relationship with aquatic life. I totally understand the fear of the ocean. Too big, I don't want things touching me in there. I refused to swim in the bay by my dad's old boat dock because I didn't want to even *think* about fish or seaweed touching me while we swam. Wah!! Sorry, this was a long response but *stares* that darn fish got me every time

#mod talks #ashys speaks #perhaps this wasnt as exciting of a story as I thought #but just know #that the image of that fish still haunts me to this day #rip to my ability to look fish in the eyes #or see literally any dead thing irl ever #scawy #also this came out longer than I thought it would woopsie daisy #forgive me #I haven't slept in like so long this is probably incoherant hsdfbksjdf #*thumbs up*

[thegroundsofbrooklyn]

I MISSED YOU TOO TUMBLR IS AGAINST ME IT KEEPS EATING MY ASKS THOUGH IT SAID THEY SENT

OKAY SO THE PEOPLE FROM YOUR CORNER OF THE WORLD ONE DIRECTION I love Louis tomlinson so much. I loved him in 1d and loce him now. We had lots of pride stuff at our shows because well do you know the story of Larry stylinson? -Louis probably isn't straight (I mean being in love with your male best friend would suggest) but he has never specifically said what he is also he's so support of his LGBT fans and we love and support him so so much. He's so sweet and his music is great and real and he writes about sad things too!

soooooo I drove 3 hours to Ohio to see him on Thursday after work. I almost got heat exhaustion so hot. They did not have plain water for sale at like 80%of the vendors it was just beer and cocktails (yuck and also NOT HELPFUL IN 90 DEGREE HEAT), got upgraded for free Cuz they had empty seats closer (oh my fucking gosh I almost died of excitement l) IT WAS AMAZING HE WAS GREAT. I then proceeded to drive back and go to work on literally an hour or 2 of sleep and since the pandemic no where's open late anymore so I didn't eat for a day and a half opps.

I went to his Detroit show yesterday and it was lit. He literally said we were fucking unbelieveable a minimum of 4 times and thanked us and called Ohio then michigan(both of which I was at) the best shows his entire tour. I just wanted to hug him like a bazillion times.

#one directioner forever sorry to ramble about my lifelong love for 5 boys from the UK. I just love things veryyyyyyy intensely. Maybe not the normal amount but hey

The staff wouldnt let us get streamers from off the ground :( I know that's probably an odd thing to want what can I say it's a memory. Although I didnt basically sleep for 3 days it was so amazing and completely worth it. I wish I could live it a million times over. Everyone was happy, and Louis was happy:) I am not social, but the atmosphere of concerts and to a different degree professional theater is just something else. We're all there for one thing, and it's so Beautiful. It's one of those times that for me personally my depression anxiety and borderline are far from my mind. I feel euphoric on top of the world and being happy is very nice. Being happy with others; seeing two friends dance or shout words to each other or smile it makes you happy too. Even when I don't know them. So I guess I am social in liking to be around people but just not good at speaking to them.

I also lost my car in a field because they have no signage and in a sea of cars where the fuck did I park. Who knows I wandered for 20 minutes until I finally stumbled upon it. I can't even imagine those people who drink then look for cars like my human you bad decisioned.

My most unfavorite part of concerts is just getting out of the traffic jam afterword. I've learned to get to your car and sit there until there is no line of cars waiting and you're golden. (That usually takes a while bit is worth the headache and wasted gas. )

THAT IS SUPER EXCITING!! I wish you were going next month, lol. I hope you have the most fun!!!! Ahhhh boo tests BUT YAY CONCLUSION!!! That means in a few weeks I can annoy you with all the newsies thoughts xD

I WILL SEND MY FIC IDEA IN A DIFFERENT ASK BECAUSE IM SORRY THIS IS LONG. I kind of apologize for that but you did say tell you all the shenanigans xD

oh my god that sounds incredible and also so chaotic 😭 six year old me had the BIGGEST crush on all of one direction smdmdj i'm so happy you had a great time anon :))

i am going to west endsies next month, but only closing night because i'm away in the usa for about the first half of it anyway ... but i can always buy more tickets ...... 👀