#i am neither cis nor heterosexual

[a-faggot-with-opinions]

Responding To The "Aromantic Manifesto"

So I found this aromantic manifesto earlier today and I have many thoughts and opinions about it. Mainly that it's really bad, and it is homophobic. It uses a lot of big words and complicated language to sound smart, but it's not actually conveying good ideas. I'm going to respond to it piece by piece. By the way, I am aromantic, but I am also gay, so that's the perspective I'm looking at this through.

The main points of this manifesto, as outlined in the beginning, are:

"Romance is inherently queerphobic."

"The organisation of queerness around the celebration and pursuit of romantic desires and pleasures reinforces queer oppression."

"Queer liberation must abolish romance as its long-term goal."

Point 1 is bad because the activism for lesbian, gay, and bisexual rights has LITERALLY been all about being able to love whoever we want to. We didn't fight for centuries to legalize gay marriage to have someone say that us loving someone else is inherently queerphobic. Implying that gay love is somehow oppressing someone else makes you the queerphobic one.

Point 2 is wrong because we've been fighting for our rights for literal centuries, and we've already decided that trying to repress our sexualities for any reason, is actually bad and contributing to our own oppression. The only way to make real progress in solving queer oppression is by expressing ourselves loudly. It's okay to dislike amatonormativity. I dislike amatonormativity. But that doesn't give you an excuse to be homophobic.

Point 3 is even more incorrect. That's because a movement that is fighting for people historically marginalized based on who we love isn't going to have abolishing romantic love as a goal. It's okay to be aromantic and not want romance. The problem comes in when you try to force everyone else to repress their romantic desires because you simply don't like it. That's bad.

The next part is extremely insulting to me as a trans person. They compare gay men wanting to date other men and not wanting to date women to gay men wanting to date trans men. Newsflash, assholes: trans men are men!

If straight people can’t help who they love, then neither can gay people. Nor, one might suppose, racists and transphobes, and people who find disability and fatness unattractive.

This is an obvious homophobic argument. They're implying by this that gay men not wanting to date women is the same as gay men not wanting to date trans men, implying that men who don't love women are misogynistic. It's transphobic to compare the experience of being gay to transphobia. Tell me you've never spoken to a trans person in your life without telling me.

Queer oppression is not just the experience of prohibited desire. It is also the experience of hierarchical and violent desire. It is also the experience of undesirability.

What the fuck are they even saying right here? Queer oppression is literally about the experience of prohibited desire and the lack of experience of expected desire. I can maybe understand where undesirability comes into play, since especially as a trans person I get cis people trying to equate my sexual attractiveness with my worth as a human being, but experiencing hierarchical and violent desire?

This reads as someone saying that queer romance is inherently evil and we're oppressing ourselves and we're totally at fault for our own oppression. QUEER ROMANCE AND SEXUALITY ARE NOT INHERENTLY EVIL AND SAYING THAT THEY ARE IS HOMOPHOBIC, IT'S 2023. Why is this even a hot take?

The next section talks about the "privatisation of love," which is a model for why they think that queer activism has been missing the entire point. Let's see what this author has to say about that.

While the domestic sphere fashioned by heterosexual kinship relations has been historically designated as private life, queer intimacies have instead been regarded as a matter of public concern due to moral panics associating them with predation and perversion throughout history.

This is a very sloppy, incomplete reading of the way that homophobia works. I'm not going to get into my theory of how homophobia works in this post, but anyone who's actually experienced homophobia in their lives will tell you that this ain't it. For one example of how that's incomplete, in recent years queer people have been encouraged by society and especially the right to hide our queerness and abandon our culture in favor of mainstream society. This isn't trying to make us a matter of public concern, it's trying to make us disappear. This isn't how oppression works.

This next section focuses on how romantic love is allegedly used as a hierarchy.

People who regarded as romantically attractive are invariably upward-mobile, white-proximate, gender-appropriate, able-bodied, slender/muscular etc.

Maybe. Just maybe. That is just a reflection of how society views people who aren't white, aren't gender conforming, are disabled, and are fat. Racism, transphobia, ableism, and fatphobia weren't invented by romance. The way that romance in our society works simply reflects those things that already existed. "I just find them unattractive" has been an excuse to discriminate against people for ages. That isn't because romance is inherently THE hierarchy, but instead it's because it's used as an excuse.

Often, calling romantic partners “compatible” just means their placements on the romantic hierarchy are relatively equal in privilege. Calling romantically unattractive people “compatible” with each other, on the other hand, easily sounds condescending.

I don't have much to say about this. This is simply not how romance works. While compatibility is not a great concept and I have critiqued it before, this ain't it.

Queer romantic ideals remain incredibly heteronormative, only celebrating the most privileged and “compatible” of queers and condemning more marginalized queer people all the same.

This quote is really interesting because it's pointing out a very real issue with society (the fact that society encourages assimilated queers) and tries to blame queer activists for it. No, we do not want to assimilate. Society wants us to assimilate, and some of us try to do so. However talking to most queer activists will reveal that we don't want to assimilate. We want to be treated with basic respect.

Queer romance does not resist heteronormativity as much as it assimilates queer desire, making us hold on tightly to whichever relative privileges we have and hate ourselves for whichever we don’t.

Hello? This is projection. This is exactly what the person writing this manifesto has been doing the whole fucking time.

By peddling the illusion that romance can be made queer, heteronormative capitalism forces queer people to try solve their problems of undesirability and unhappiness privately by finding the “right” partner, rather than directing their anger towards public action.

Gay people in the past got into romantic relationships that often got us killed. Did we do that because of heteronormative capitalism trying to force us to find someone? No. What the actual fuck are these people even talking about.

We propose aromanticism as a counterpublic that responds to queerphobic violence by mobilising public resistance instead of escaping inwards. Aromanticism is a principled commitment to finding radically nonviolent ways of relating to others.

There's so much to unpack in this quote. Firstly, the author believes that aromanticism is a choice. It is not. I was born aromantic and even if I choose to get into a relationship that does not make me any less aro. This is also implying that (gay) romance is inherently violent, which is Homophobia 101.

If you already have a romantic partner, we are not asking you to “leave” them, but to aspire to love them in a different, queerer way.

There's no such thing as more or less queer. If you're queer, and you love someone, congratulations, that's queer love. It doesn't become more queer if you call it something other than romance.

I'm not going to go over the last part, but this last quote is some icing on the cake of homophobia we've just eaten.

Just be aware that similar hierarchies of desirability exist in sex as in romance.

It shouldn't be a hot take in the year 2023 that claiming that all sex is bad is a very culturally Christian thing to do, as well as being very traditionally homophobic. Sex negativity is weaponized against queer people far more often that it is against cishets.

To conclude, I'm just going to say that this manifesto takes real frustrations that even I have with amatonormativity, and turns them into denial that romance exists, and blatant homophobia. It's also very hard to understand, so if I misinterpreted something, please do let me know. While I do think that aphobia is bad, being homophobic isn't a solution and is just going to cause us to be hated even more, as well as alienating gay aros.

#star speaks #aromantic #aromantic manifesto #long post

[gothhabiba]

Neither the fact that Black cis woman athletes may be forced to take hormones or else be barred from competing, nor the fact that something that could be termed gender dysphoria is common amongst cis women (worth noting that said experience is distinct from "gender dysphoria" as medical or pathological diagnosis or category imposed on trans people who navigate medical transition), nor the fact that non-trans-women may be mistaken for trans women at various points in their daily lives, makes me eager to abandon "transmisogyny" (qua "a form of marginalisation analysed as combining aspects of transphobia and misogyny to yield something 'greater than the sum of its parts,' experienced specifically by trans women and transfeminine people") as an analytical term—not because I am yielding to the orthodoxy of whatever version of queer politics, but because I believe it to be a useful model for explaining or understanding reality.

"No one else is ever mistaken for a member of the marginalised in-group designated by this term or experiences anything that could reasonably be considered overlapping with their experiences" is just not a standard that terms or models for understanding and theorising marginalisation are usually held to. And when you consider that the experiences of trans women do not consist solely of the three things above named (with a difference—since they are barred from competing even if they're taking hormones), but also include the aforementioned sorting into a pathologised category to be normalised into a specific idea of "femininity" through the biomedical institutions of capital*; social and economic exclusion, precarity, or disposability especially as related to accusations of aggression, predation, or invasion; patterns of misogynist abuse founded on the vulnerability created by said precarity—that some of these things cannot be "mistakenly" applied to cis women and that it is the combination of these things that is being referred to—

—and when you consider trans women's marginalisation as arising from or otherwise being put to a specific purpose (a readily social ostracisable or 'acceptable' group at which to levy the excesses of abuse otherwise directed at cis women, in the same way that the houseless and impoverished create a pool of excess labour to keep workers down, is an example of a hypothesis I've seen forwarded)—

—it becomes clear that "transmisogyny" is a useful analytical shorthand, that the effects it describes are not solely reducible to analysis that could apply to cis women or to trans men, and that there is no sense to abandoning or redefining it (e.g., to include trans men since they are on the receiving end of both transphobia and misogyny).

*If any given combination of hormonal and surgical intervention were available anywhere, for free, via an informed consent model, I would not have a problem. Here I'm referring to medical gatekeeping whereby you can only get specific interventions of a specific type in a specific order and only by talking to a psychiatrist and only if said psychiatrist diagnoses you with "gender dysphoria" and they'll only do that if you present them with a specific version of normative heterosexual femininity &c. &c.

#I don't think any of this is commonly challenged in the circles that I'm in but I've already written it. so #I want to knit but that requires sitting up and I'm all out of 'the ability to sit upright' points for to-day #transmisogyny #mine

[mystic-insightss]

Oooo hey gravity falls fan!

Do you have any headcanons about any characters? I would love to know!

i am in fact a gravity falls fan!! i don’t have much art for them up on here but i do have a good few drawings on my instagram!

i made a headcanons note maybe a year ago that i never actually shared anywhere, so here’s that :)

stanley pines

- aromantic

- pronouns: he/him

- hates french people (is it a joke? we don’t know)

- has periodic nightmares

- has adhd

- prefers dogs

- atheist. bc of the trauma

- very dangerous driver. in addition to breaking like every law ever he has horrible tunnel vision. very bad at paying attention to his surroundings and often spaces out on the most insignificant objects and ends up almost crashing (or actually crashing)

- like mabel, he used to always lose to stanford in logic based games like checkers and chess. unlike mabel, he always beat stanford at ping pong and feels very happy for himself for it. (part of this is because stanford’s motor skills as a child/teenager were awful.)

stanford pines

- gay asexual

- pronouns: he/him

- has periodic nightmares

- is autistic

- played piano as a child

- struggled with self-harm as a teenager

- forgets basic life functions (e.g. sleeping and eating)

- prefers cats

- ngl ford gives asthma vibes LMAO like my man has horrible lungs

- nervous breakdowns. fiddleford calms him down by taking ford’s wrists in his hands

- agnostic only because the idea of punching god in the face gives him catharsis. still celebrates jewish holidays with stan & the kids

- even worse driver than stan. somehow. every bit of unexpressed anger he has gets expressed when he drives. wants every other car on the road to drop off the face of the earth. unhinged man that then turns around and says “what. i’m not a bad driver.” during the portal years fiddleford demands control of the car during trips.

- yeah he gets bullied as a kid for his fingers but he also gets bullied for EVERY autistic trait/symptom/display he has. it’s true he told me so

fiddleford mcgucket (1982)

- biromantic heterosexual* (see footnote. please.)

- pronouns: any

- likes to grow plants - idea credit to the fic ‘not one to forget’ on ao3! read it if u haven’t, you will have no regrets

- prefers neither dogs nor cats, likes other random animals better (cough. raccoons. cough)

- has to remind stanford to perform his basic life functions

- my mcgucket backupsmore headcanon is that he was shooting for a scholarship (or something similar to what stanford was going for) for a slightly less prestigious school than WCT and then when he showed his project to the scout people and it like blew up and hit one of them in the face and so needless to say they did not accept him

- he hates being called stupid more than anything

- he has anxiety. and yes that’s also pre-and-during-portal-years. the guy is nervous about everything. he nervous stims. chews his nails pulls at his hair shaking hands and legs the whole deal

- he doesn’t really talk about it either. he marinates. he marinates and ford developed a sense for it

- raised christian, really not that into it. has more important things to do

mabel pines

- sexuality: pansexual, or omnisexual. haven’t made up my mind yet but she’s definitely mspec!

- pronouns: she/her

- is she cis or trans?? who knows i can’t decide

- absolutely was into loom bracelets when they were popular

- also silly bandz

- 5’8” when she’s grown up. dipper is 5’7”.

- she collects squishmallows and/or beanie babies. they all have names. they take up half of her bed.

i have like nothing for dipper besides the classic transhet headcanon & him being shorter than mabel 😭 mystery trio phase hit me real hard ok

* don’t use this post for discourse. “bUt ThE SpLiT aTtRaCtIOn mOdEL iS onLy FoR aSpEc PeOpLe” too bad. i’m aroace and i say it’s *fine* who *cares*

#this was v fun to do i haven’t thought about gravity falls in a while #thanks for the ask <3 #gravity falls #ask #stanley pines #stanford pines #stan pines #ford pines #fiddleford mcgucket #mabel pines #dipper pines #gravity falls headcanons #gravity falls hc #headcanon #hc

[hymnsofheresy]

drop it... i'm struggling to understand so pls drop it. how do you understand the essentiality of sex in female oppression (i do not mean this in like an anti-trans way) but also the essentiality of gender dysphoria and it's connection to gender identity and transphobia. And ultimately how do those thing relate to christianity... especially from a non-protestant christian approach?? I'm sorry i know i just asked a lot.. but i need help understanding. i promise i'm not trying to be mean /g

Firstly, it needs to be known that every single person functions under a variety of paradigms. There is no such thing as an pure unfiltered Christian perspective. There is no monolithic understanding of gender identity amongst trans or cis people. People do not exist in a vacuum, but exist within an intersections of different cultures and worldviews. You and I are likely never going to be able to fully understand anyone's perspective outside of our own. And even our own perspective is hard to grasp sometimes. I will tell you where I am coming from, but I do not expect you to fully understand me.

The Bible verse that I often meditate on a lot is Galatians 3:28. It sets up a variety of dualistic social constructs, and upheavals them. Gender is one of these constructs: "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." This tells us that our intrinsic nature as humans is oneness with God, and everything else are constructs of our humanity, for better or worse.

I am not the only Christian out there who does not see gender roles as God-ordained. There are a lot of saints and Christians in history that don't exactly perform their assigned gender at birth, such as St. Thecla, St. Wilgefortis, Brother Marina, and the Public Universal Friend. And in general the numerous existence of Eunichs (both involuntary and voluntary) in Christian history already disrupted the notions of a strict gender binary.

Fundamentally, I see gender as a construct, a means in which people navigate society. Like all constructions, they tend to be founded on some understanding of material reality. The capacity to reproduce and breastfeed distinguished what makes someone a "woman" in the majority of cultures. Visibly this takes the form of breasts and a vagina/uterus, but in reality, what matters is what breasts and uteri do (or are "supposed" to do). For this reason, I often find it helpful to understand traditional gender as labor categories. The category of "women" historically describes the the workforce of "reproductive labor." As with all labor, within the structures of capitalism (and any other hierarchical societies) reproductive labor is exploited. This is why sex-based oppression is "real."

I see the disruption of our notions of gender as a good thing. It helps us understand that our oppression is not intrinsic, that we don't have to comply with the labor expectations assigned to us through our gender.

I do not really know nor do I really fucking care if gender dysphoria is "essential" or not. What I do know is that dysphoria causes profound suffering for many trans people. I know for certain transitioning, physically and/or socially, can be a euphoric experience for many trans people. To deny trans people a sense of belonging in their own bodies because it makes others uncomfortable is cruel and unnecessary. I think the mere existence of the trans liberation movement helps liberate all people from being coerced or forced into gendered labor.

As for my personal identity, I am a woman because I find solidarity through the label of womanhood, not because I "feel" like a woman. There is nothing "essential" about me that makes me a woman because there is no male or female in Christ Jesus.

Many people do not see me as a woman because I refuse to participate in many aspects of femininity and am not heterosexual. Some people do not see me as a woman because I have "masculine" features due to my higher testosterone levels. And truth be told, I do not give two shits if people do not see me as a woman. I am not a woman for them, I am a woman because I find it to be an effective label to struggle against the patriarchy with. I do not need people to understand my own identity.

#personal #lgbt

[shinyasahalo]

People outside the aspec community have a belief that being aroallo is simply about having one night stands.

It bugs me because it assumes that that is something everyone can do.

"Are you an introvert or extrovert?" Neither, I don't have the ability to initiate and maintain a conversation, so I'm not an introvert with a small number of friends nor am I an extrovert with a large number of friends.

"Are you monogamous or polyamorous?" Truthfully I don't know what I want because I've never been in a legit relationship, which is about my social inability instead of my aromanticism. Unlike an attraction orientation where I don't need a relationship to know what I am, I consider them to be a practice instead of an orientation, so it would instead be about what I want. I know for many people it is an orientation, but I don't personally feel that.

Also I really wish there would be more of an acknowledgement of the sexual inequality that exists between cis men and everyone else. It seems to me that most cis men (particularly those who are heterosexual) don't get how if you are anyone else, going to a bar or club is potentially dangerous. That's why I believe that prostitution should be decriminalized and unionized brothels for people who are not cis men would be a safe space to have sex.

#Aromantic Allosexual #Aroallo #Inattentive ADHD #Attraction Orientation #Aroallo thoughts #Neurodivergent and Aspec #Social inability

[zitasaurusrex]

I'm still so annoyed about that how to solve boring het post...

Like I am neither cis nor het so I have nary a single dog in this fight, but the way it misses the mark....

Heterosexuality in fiction is boring not because it's an inherent quality of fictional heterosexuality, but because it is overrepresented and unsurprising. This is especially the case in works where romance is not the central focus of what is going on and is just being included as a bonus subplot. (Romance stories that are specifically focused on the relationship can also be paint-by-numbers and repetitive and tropey and boring, but there are plenty of people in there doing work to keep things interesting because that's their focus.)

When a romance is given no attention, the vague assumption that of course it will work out because He Was A Boy, She Was A Girl, Can I Make It Any More Obvious, and just pushed out half baked, of course it's going to be boring as shit.

When I'm reading/watching/whatever something you gotta convince me. That's not different if the couple is gay.

If you cannot convince me that these characters could care deeply about one another and be good together, I will not believe it's a foundation for a good romantic relationship.

No reblogs on this one lol.

[oetoria]

oetoria   :    is    an    independent,    twitter    based,    mutuals-exclusive    &     immensely    selective    interpretation    of    an    original    character    manufactured    &    written    alone    by    tofu.    est.    2023.    this    blog    is    dedicated    solely    to    things    reminiscent    of   ken.

a    study    in:    feeling    blue,    chasing    ghosts,    running    away,    becoming    a    stranger    in    your    own    home,    being    in    a    constant    state    of    emergency.    /    references    to    &    delineation    of    death,    bullying    &    mental    illness    lies    beyond    this    point.    view    at    your    own    discretion.    

                                                                       rules.

hi,  you    can    call    me   tofu.  my    pronouns    are   she    /    her,    i'm    22    &    my   timezone    is    est.    i'm    liable    to    be    on    early    in    the    mornings   &    late    at    night    ;    my    midday    schedule    is    unpredictable    to    even    me.    i    typically    take    a    day's    respite    to    keep    me    focused    &    prevent    dms    from    feeling    like    a    chore,    but    i    do    make    good    effort    to    reply    to    other    players    in    a    timely    manner.    if    you    feel    that    i've    forgotten    a    thread,   feel    free    to    nudge    me.    bearing    this    in    mind,   i    have    adhd   &    dyslexia,   (among    other    factors)    &    because    of    this    i    sometimes    have    to    recede    from    writing.    it's    not    okay    to    spam    or    harass   me    out    of    character,    blame    my    character    for    my    absence,    or    in    any    way  trip    me    into    a    response    when    i    can't    or   don't    want    to  play.

i    am    not    v    nor   am    i    in    any    way    affiliated    with    bts,    the    conclusive    members,    or    the    agency    they    are    contracted    to.    this    is    strictly    a   roleplay    blog.    you    must    be    18    or    older    to    interact    with    me.    don’t    lie    about    your    age,    &    protect    yourself    by    not    following    me    if    you    are    not    an    adult.

utilize    proper    roleplay    etiquette.    respect    my    time,    my    privacy    &    my    abilities,    as    i    will    do    the    same    for    you    ;   you    reserve    the    right    to    avoid    me    if    you    are    made    uncomfortable    by    me    or    my    character.

i    single-ship    with    chemistry.   i’m    open    to    writing    smut,    but    if    that    is    all    that    you’re    interested    in    developing,   bye.   i    often    fade    to    black,    &    if    that    bothers    you    ...    sorry?    there    are    plenty    of    other    things    that    are    left    implied    in    my    story,   &    aren’t    necessarily    playable.    i    am    okay    with    writing    other    categories    in    a    nonlinear    timeline.

                                                                      basics.

face    claim:    kim    taehyung    /    v    (bts) voice    claim:    kim    taehyung    /    v    (bts) name:    문    남기    (moon    “ ken ”    namgi). aka:    kenneth,    kenny. gender:    cis-male. d.o.b:    6.6.95. birthplace:    jeju,    south    korea. spoken    language(s):    korean,    english. sexual    orientation:    heterosexual. marital    status:    single    ;    had    a    girlfriend    in    syracuse,    new    york    before    his    departure. occupation:    part-time    bartender,    family    fishery    employee.    he    is    abhorred    &    scorned    by    the    south    korean    population    for    his    economic    hardships    &    his    family's    poor    esteem    /    career    decisions. physical    health:    had    severe    asthma    as    a    child,    but    has    incredibly    improved    in    adulthood.    still    requires    an    on-person    inhaler.    allergic    to    bird    dander,    pollen,    daisies,    amaranth,    juniper    &    wisteria,    the    venom    that    several    flying    insects    carry,    &    peanuts.    he    carries    an    epipen    ready    at    all    times. mental    health:    he    shows    repetitive    &    profound    symptoms    of    major    depressive    &    generalized    anxiety    disorder    ;    being    treated    for    neither. positive    traits:    musical,    kind,    loyal,    attentive,    curiously    inclined,    witty,    spontaneous,    romantic,    poetic,    brave,    responsible. negative    traits:    socially    inept,    insecure,    verbose,    unpredictable,    volatile    &    is    a    chronic    complainer.    pessimistic,    &    vocal    about    it.    passive    aggressive. alignments:    chaotic    good    /    melancholic    /    inxp. hobbies:    fishing,    hunting,    keen    on    playing    guitar,    reading    dated    korean    literature,    american    baseball,    woodworking    &    carpentry,    horseback    riding,    archery    &    origami.

                                                                    canons.

3    days    before    his    15th    birthday,    ken’s    mother    remarried    his    late    biological    father’s    brother,    a    less    adventurous    fisherman    who    frequented    america    for    his    undisclosed    affair    with    ken’s    mother,    up    until    ken’s    father’s    fatal    traffic    collision    in    syracuse,    new    york    on    the    night    of    his    birth.    the    affair    notwithstanding,    he    was    brought    up    by    his    otherwise    single    mother    in    the    united    states,    until    after    his    12th    birthday,    when    his    uncle    then    became    his    honorary    father.    his    mother    agreed    to    relocate    back    to    korea    from    whence    she    came,    having    abandoned    her    family    &    friends    to    elope    to    america    with    ken’s    biological    father    years    ago,    ken    was    made    to    forgo    his        fuller,    livelier    youth    in    new    york,    where    he    left    his    crowd,    girlfriend    &    surrendered    the    bulk    of    his    past    belongings.    they    left    everything    there    ;    he    was    fast    to    understand    that    his    mother    was    good    at    doing    that. 

after    moving,    living    on    the    outskirt    docks    of    seoul,    ken    has    grown    accustomed    to    &    fond    of    the    waters    &    the    art    of    sailing,    but    the    ocean    nor    marine    life    can    bear    close    to    his    tender    dream    of    becoming    a    father.    

ken    is    host    to    scars    on    his    palms,    knuckles    and    up    the    pillars    of    his    arms    from    various    mechanical    boat    work    ;    his    hard    efforts    of    hooking,    netting,    &    managing    heavy    material    &    machinery    are    all    things    that    he    wears    on    his    body.    his    fingers    are    typically    bandaged,    or    taped.

the    remainder    of    his    childhood    spent    on    the    harbor    was    trying.    he    faced    severe    bullying    for    his    family’s    affairs    &    their    occupation    &    impoverished    social    status,    as    well    as    his    speech    impediment    /    stutter    that    later    ameliorated.    his    neighboring    kids    beat    &    preyed    upon    him    as    a    child,    &    hassle    him    today    as    an    adult    as    most    of    them    evolved    into    street    mobsters.    he    never    fights    back    ;    minds    his    own.

#biography. #rules & guidelines.

[thewonder-ofwonders]

Okay the iPad joke was a little bit funny and y'all can pry that from my cold, dead hands

#dream team #full disclosure #i am neither cis nor heterosexual #and i found that joke fucking HILARIOUS #and like the dt has their moments #of yeah that's a tad homophobic #but the ipad was so extra i can't

[niuniente]

I found you through your Death's Head Deals comics, but I want you know I'm also gonna be checking out your other stuff.

Also:

Your art style is lovely, and your way of drawing is so expressive! I really appreciate what you'te showing with your comics, and, and as queer bisexual transmasc, I am so, so appreciative of your making Alrick a cishet man. Like, I feel like I can't tell you anything you don't already know, but as a transmasc, seeing such a positive example of a cishet man means...so much to me. In so many progressive spaces there's this sort of idea that anyone who isn't Woman Enough is pitiable at best. And, you know, as someone for whom womanhood was...oh, man. It was awful. I can't begin to explain to you what it did to me. Because it wasn't right. I was never a girl. But other people – cis and trans – look at someone like me and see someone who chose to transition. Who chose to be...a toxic gender, I guess?? Never mind that I'm not a binary man, the fact that my gender is masculine is enough to damn me!

So to see a cis man – a cis man who is also straight! so his gender can't be waved off like it's incidental to his sexuality! a cishet man! who is cis and het and gender conforming and not queer in any way – as something positive?? To see him as someone worth loving?? To see him as an okay way to exist?? To see someone like that, presented in a genuine, joyous way? Without the toxic masculinity one sees so often in popular media?? He's just...a good person? He's just...a person????

I can't explain how much that means to me. I'm queer in every way and reading about Alrick is healing to me. Because you don't present him as a failure because of his gender or sexuality. Because you, as the author, stated firmly that being a man, even a straight one, isn't a bad thing. Because Alrick is good. Because I can also be who I am, and not be lesser for it. I'm not 'joining the enemy:' men aren't the enemy. There's nothing wrong with manhood. There's nothing wrong with heterosexuality. None of these are toxic identities. They're just identities. They're neutral. And I, as a queer person, who is neither cis nor straight, find so much comfort in that. So. Thank you.

And I hope this doesn't stress you out!! Even if the story goes in a way I don't personally like, it won't ever change the fact that this story helped me. I just wanted to thank you for bringing it into the world as it is now, and how much that means to me.

(I had a LOT of limoncello, but I mean everything I said. I am just drunk enough to think you might like to hear what I have to say)

Aaaw, thank you! I read your feedback 8568506 times, seriously! I really don't even have words how to reply to your sweet message.

Your message doesn't stress me out, no sweat about it! All's good :3

Just once more louder to the back if people didn't hear me the last time I spoke about this:

BEING A MAN OR CISHET OR STRAIGHT OR BOTH IS NOT A CARDINAL SIN, NOT EVEN A SMALL SIN!

That's condemning people, judging them based on stereotypes. How well has that worked on you, dear minorities? Have you enjoyed it? Did it make you to like the oppose site even more? Why would use the same tactic towards your enemy - whoever or whatever it is - and expect different results?

Some resistance is always needed when things are being changed as the change does require strength, even positive aggression, but if you take it too far you only create another war.

Everyone wants to be treated with kindness and acceptance. People generally react negatively if you react negatively to them first.

When it comes to positive masculinity, I believe its the true form of manhood and masculinity. The toxic patriarch, man-made system has destroyed so much masculinity, given everyone sick expectations and models of "manhood". The same way as it has tainted true femininity and womanhood. It's not a sin to be a woman either. It's not a sin to be feminine, soft, gentle, sensitive, nurturing, emphatic, like cute things etc!

There are a few positive masculine men in media that I admire and I'm happy that they exist. I keep them in mind when working with Alrick.

Sláine is a feminist barbarian, who is shown in multiple cases to show compassion and kindness towards women without wanting anything in return. Unlike other men who have abandoned the old Goddess, Sláine still serves her and has vowed his loyalty to her till his death. His wife Niamh is shown to be incarnated in many different lives to be together with Sláine, as their souls always find each other. Pat Mills has created Sláine series together with his wife Angela Kincaid.

Ken Kitano (Sun-Ken Rock) is definitely the best positive masculinity examples in any media I have encountered. Here, Ken has just taken by force the whole control all South-Korean's entertainment business after he heard women were sexually exploited and abused in it. He asked nothing in return and sacrificed his possibility to ever leave mafia life - something he had dreamed of since the day one - to achieve the safety of all women. He's very loyal to his sweetheart and always refuses from any other women.

Ken is also extremely compassionate towards his enemies, all citizens and uses all his resources, fame, money and strength for the better of others, unconditionally.

Like “Shit. I have other things to do but there’s this victim of human trafficking, who I already saved once, but the other mafia hunted her down and forced her to work again. Well, better take the whole red light district’s ownership from 500+ member mafia with my less than 10 members mafia so that the girls can have their freedom and be safe for the rest of their lives under my protection”.

The best thing? He's THE mafia boss. The most powerful man in the whole South-Korea, above any law, above any other living person. Ken could do and get anything he wants but he always chooses to use all he's got for good.

Tatsu (Gokushufudou / The Way of The House Husband) left his yakuza life behind and married Miku. He's a most devoted husband and always treats Miku, neighbors, the women of the Housewife Association, all kids and animals with kindness. Other mafia members come to challenge him but he never takes the bait as he's got a dinner to make and laundry to do! He remembers everyone's birthdays, celebrations, is very kind and attentive towards his parents-in-law and always aims to make Miku happy. He's equal to his wife as his wife is equal to him.

I really like this series as it's pretty phenomenal in Japan, where the strict gender roles still sit very tight! Everyone is expected to marry early, and then men are expected to be the breadwinners and women stay-home wives and mothers. Men are above women and women's salaries are still lower than men's.. I've been delighted to see small changes in Japan within the last 12 years I've visited there. Last time I saw many home-stay dads looking after the kids and found men's bathroom with a nursery table inside.

#positive masculinity #ask niu #alrick #DHD #support

[queercutlureis]

So lemme get this straight: a lesbian asexual is still lesbian, and a gay asexual is still gay, but a straight asexual isn't straight?

A heteromantic asexual individual can personally consider themselves straight, that's perfectly valid. Likewise with a heterosexual aromantic person. But heteromantic or heterosexual feelings without their counterpart are not considered "straight enough" by straight people (i.e. heterosexual heteromantics) for heteromantic asexuals or heterosexual aromantics to have full access to straight privilege. For this reason, I believe it can be queer to be a het ace or aro - even if you also call yourself straight.

By this logic, we can see that comparing het aces & aros to gay or lesbian aces or aros is a false equivalence. Asexuals, aromantics, gay people and lesbians are all outside the in-group of straight people and straight privilege.

This ask quite clearly sent in bad faith, and I answered it only to make my position on the matter clear. I am not interested in asexual or aromantic discourse, it frankly makes me as an ace who is neither cis nor heteromantic feel nauseous from anxiety, and thus I will not discuss this further. All aspecs are welcome here, and that is all I care to say.

#not a submission #acephobia - #aphobia - #mod posts #and for the love of god please do not push my boundaries on this #some shit has just gone down in my personal life #and discourse is the last thing i need right now #Anonymous #mod teal

[baklavagyna]

it drives me fucking insane that people think im a hetero like i could not make it visually any clearer that i am neither cis nor heterosexual and yet literally everyone thinks im fucking straight until told otherwise. how fucking dare you. its like i have to have a rainbow flag plastered onto my fucking face at all times for people to understand.

[eventual-ghoste]

TOG rambling

Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.

This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:

But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?

I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.

The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.

Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown. At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.

Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize. Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!). Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—

But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.

If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?

And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.

We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.

So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?

Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?

I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.

Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.

(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)

Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).

My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.

(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)

On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD. Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.

Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.

This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.

(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.

The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.

I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.

I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.

But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.

#the old guard #tog #vi rambles

[comingoutofthecauldron]

let’s talk about lesbophobia in fandom

i don’t like to use the word “lesbophobia” unironically because of all the gross radfem terfy connotations, so i will clarify right off the bat that i am neither a terf nor an aphobe and that if you are i want you off my blog like, right now. unfortunately, the meaning of lesbophobia has been so warped by alt right lesbians that seeing it in an unironic context makes me, a lesbian, uncomfortable, which speaks volumes in itself. so to clarify, lesbophobia is essentially homophobia with a pinch of sexism thrown into the mix, and it’s running rampant in supposed safe spaces and, more relevantly, fandom. 

/i’d also like to clarify that i’m not only speaking on lesbophobia, but also the general disgust and disdain for all wlw in fandom, and am using it as a sort of umbrella term/

lesbophobia and disdain for wlw has been around forever, but whilst gay positivity, mlm and mlm ships have been steadily increasing in popularity within fandom over time, wlw and wlw ships have remained perpetual underdogs. why? because lesbophobia has become a fandom within itself. both in and outside of fandom, we see instances of casual lesbophobia every single day—from aggression towards wlw to something as simple and prevalent as the complete and utter lack of sapphic ships and characters in media. hatred of lesbians and wlw is practically a trend, and it’s seeping in through the cracks of fandoms who are already facing issues with minorities and marginalized groups (i.e. racism, ableism). if you honestly think that lesbophobia isn’t prevalent as hell in fandom right now, you’re either not a wlw, you’re not all that involved in fandom, or you’re dumb as shit. 

just look at ships. in almost every single fandom, the ratio of mlm ships to sapphic ships is ridiculously unbalanced. people are quick to ship male characters who so much as smile at each other (and i don’t condemn that) but would never do the same for two women—even on the rare occasion that the ship is actually canon. i once wrote a wlw fanfic for a [predominantly straight] fandom, and received messages like this gem:

on the flip side of that, if there is a sapphic ship in canon or fanon, it is often fetishized and sexualised to a disturbing degree. there will be double the amount of nsfw art and fics, and ninety percent of it will be derogatory and fetishized as hell. having been actively involved in several fandoms over the past few years (and currently a content creator in one), i’ve seen instances of all this hundreds of times. people go crazy for mlm ships, but the second you say you ship/prefer a wlw ship, there’s always someone at the ready with, “i think all ships are great!” or “it’s not a contest” or “i prefer [insert m/m or m/f ship] actually” or “they’re my brotp!/why can’t you just let them be friends?”. not only do lesbians and wlw not get to have any rep in media, any rep that they try to create for themselves in fandom just gets attacked or ruined. this is so detrimental not only to all wlw, but especially to younger wlw who will end up being indoctrinated into this belief that their sexuality is something dirty, something that can never be tender and sweet but rather something that deserves to be preyed upon. 

building on that, let’s talk about engagement. i run an instagram account (where i have a significantly bigger following) as well as this blog for my fandom, where i post the content i create (mainly text posts). when i first started creating content, i made a lot for a relatively unpopular wlw ship, in which both girls are canonically romantically involved with a dude—though one of them is canonically pan. their canonical m/f ships are both very popular, and i noticed that my engagement was dropping every time i posted them, so i eventually just stopped. it wasn’t even a conscious decision; i merely resigned myself to the fact that the fandom didn’t want to see sapphic ships, and some people would even go as far as to condemn them. for reference, my instagram posts get an average of about 500 likes per post (popular ones usually exceeding 1k), but when i post this ship, my engagement drops to about 250 likes. similarly, my tumblr text posts have an average of about 140 notes per post (popular ones usually reaching up to 750), but my wlw content rarely surpasses 100. this just feeds the cycle of wlw never getting rep: if, like me, content creators become disincentivised by the lack of engagement with their sapphic content, they’re more likely to stop making/posting it, leading to further lack of rep—and when new content creators try to rectify that, they face the same problems. 

and then, of course, there’s the treatment of actual wlw in fandom. my best example of this is when my friend and i made an anti account on instagram (the first instagram anti account in that fandom), our bio saying something like “salty and bitter lesbians being salty and bitter”, and received an onslaught of lesbophobic insults and threats from angry stans within hours. (tw: r*pe) one commenter even went as far as to tell us that they wanted us to get r*ped. as well as this, i’ve seen so many instances of people using slurs against lesbians in arguments/in anons, often for no apparent reason other than they feel that they have the right. when i first mentioned i was a lesbian on instagram, my account only had about 200 followers, and within a day i lost 20. i also lose followers whenever i post f/f ships, not quite to that extent but enough for it to be noticeable, on top of the aforementioned engagement dips. in the face of all this adversity, i think a lot of wlw turn to mlm ships because they’re the closest thing we have to actual rep, but when we do we get accused of fetishizing them by the same people who fetishize us. there’s an endless list of double standards that non-wlw have been upholding for years, and i can firmly say that i’m really fucking sick of it. because of our sexuality, we will never be allowed to enjoy something without someone labelling it or us as dirty or otherwise problematic, when to them, the only problematic thing about us is that we aren’t pleasing men. 

as i mentioned before, the lack of rep for wlw in media is appallingly consistent, and part of that stems from tokenism. in a lot of modern mainstream media, you’ll have one, maybe two lgbt characters, and nine times out of ten those characters are white cis male gays. of course, there are exceptions to this, but generally, that’s it. script writers and authors (especially cishets) seem to have this mentality of, “oh, well, we gave them one, that’s sure to be enough!”, which means that on the off chance you do get your gay rep, the likelihood of also receiving wlw or any other kind of rep becomes practically non-existant. this belief that all marginalized groups are the same and that one represents all is what leads to misrepresentation on top of lack of rep, which is what makes tokenism so dangerous. if you treat your only gay character badly, you are essentially treating every single gay person badly in that universe. so not only is lesbophobia and disdain for wlw harmful to sapphic women via their exclusion in media, it’s also harming those minorities who do get rep. when people try to defend lesbophobic source material, that’s when fandom starts to get toxic. the need for critical thinking has never been more apparent and it has also never been less appeased—and wlw are getting hit hard by it, as always.

finally, a pretty big driving factor of lesbophobia is, ironically, lesbians. my lesbian friends and i often joke that though everyone seems to hate us, no one hates lesbians more than lesbians do. though i’d say it’s most prevalent on tumblr, i see traces of it all over the internet. the growth of alt right lesbian movements is not only reinforcing hatred for lesbians, but also reinforcing hatred for bi and pan women. here you have these terrible lesbians using their platforms to express their disgust for bi/pan women, for aces and aros, for trans women/nb lesbians, and people see them and say, “gosh, lesbians are just awful.” and just like that, all of us are evil. occasionally, lesbian blogs that i follow get put on terf blocklists for no other reason than the fact that they have “lesbian” in their bio. and the lesbians that actually deserve to be on those blocklists? they’re too busy spewing misinformation about trans women and bi women to care, boosted up by their alt right friends in an ever-expanding movement. i’ve found that this heavily influences fandom on tumblr, lesbians often getting branded as “biphobic” when they hc a female character as a lesbian rather than bi or pan. this criticism of both lesbians and wlw by lesbians and non-wlw alike only ever allows lesbophobia to grow, both in and out of fandom. that said, lesbians aren’t to blame for their own discrimination; rather, many of us have been conditioned into subconsciously endorsing it after spending our entire lives hearing heterosexual platitudes about lesbians and sapphic relationships. homophobic cishets are and always have been the nexus of this oppression—the only difference is that now they can hide behind alt right lesbians.

one thing has been made apparent to me throughout my time in fandom, and that thing is that no one likes to see men “underrepresented”. people hate sapphic ships and lesbians so much because there is no room for men, and men Do Not Like That. so, like the worms that they are, they slither their way in, be it through fetishization or condemnation of wlw characters and ships, and they ruin whatever good things we have going for us. the thing about worms, though, is that they’re easy enough to crush if you’re wearing the right shoes.

so to all my bi/pan gals and lesbian pals: put on your doc martens, because we’ve got ourselves some lesbophobes to stomp on. 

#everyone say thank you hanna (@pinkseraphblades) for deciphering my rambling notes and helping me out with this #also want to say that my nb lesbians are not excluded from this!! i know i use the term 'wlw' a lot but i'd say it still applies to y'all #i could talk about this for days lmaoo #please rb #discourse #fandom discourse #lesbian discourse #wlw #lesbian #bisexual #yes grishaverse fandom i'm talking about you #grishaverse #soc #six of crows #tgt #the grisha trilogy #shadow and bone #and of course i was talking about my anti sjm account so #anti sjm #anti sarah j maas #anti acotar #cauldron rambles #didn't mean to take such an anti-worm stance i'm sorry worms #no worms were harmed in the making of this post #lesbophobes on the other hand... #important #ninej #lesbophobia

[hellomynameisbisexual]

As I spoke with other self-idenitified bisexuals throughout my college career, I realized that many, including myself, felt a dose of imposter syndrome in both gay and straight spaces. Whether it be comments from fellow queer folk invalidating our sexuality or the general queerphobia prevalent in the larger society, many bisexuals resent the heteronormative stereotypes imposed on them from both the gay and straight communities. Further research into the erasure of the bisexual community indicated that its impact on the mental and physical health of bisexual individuals is tangible.

The term “bisexuality” encompasses many sexual identities including queer and pansexual. According to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), “Studies suggest that bisexuals comprise nearly half of all people who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual, making the bisexual population the single largest group within the LGBT community.” As the largest subset of the gay community, it is interesting to note that bisexuals are routinely discriminated against in the LGBT community as well as in the straight community. Despite being the largest population behind heterosexuals, studies suggest biphobia in all facets of society has facilitated the erasure of the bisexual community to the extent that bisexuals can expect to be systematically disadvantaged regarding their physical and mental health,

The prevalent stereotypes about bisexuality that keep bisexuals from coming out are noted in the essay “Bisexuality and Mental Health: Future Research Directions,” published in The Journal of Bisexuality in 2015: “It has been argued that bisexuality has been delegitimized by negative stereotypes, such as ‘bisexuality doesn’t exist as a sexual orientation,’ ‘bisexuals are sexually promiscuous,’ and ‘bisexuals are confused.’ Several studies have found that heterosexual, gay and lesbian individuals may all have negative attitudes toward bisexuality, indicating that bisexual individuals face double discrimination.” The authors, Persson & Pfaus, assert that bisexuals are hesitant to identify themselves for fear of backlash from all facets of society, a statement I can firmly attest to having been personally asked “Can’t you just pick one or the other?” by both gay and straight people. In a press release regarding a study focused on HIV/AIDS in the bisexual community, published in the American Journal for Preventative Medicine by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, researcher William Jeffries⁠ stated, “Societal biphobia is more prevalent than antigay sentiment.”

Biphobia is prevalent enough to keep bisexuals from coming out to their homosexual counterparts. Historically, homosexuality has been considered taboo and punished with imprisonment and even death; pro-gay movements all over the world trumpet the importance of acceptance and inclusivity, yet gay communities globally refuse to acknowledge bisexuality as a legitimate orientation and discriminate against bisexuals based on this belief. In her article “Inside, Outside, Nowhere: Bisexual Men and Women in the Gay and Lesbian Community,” Kirsten Mclean examined the impact of bisexual attitudes on a group of 60 Australian bisexual men and women, “in terms of their perceptions of, and participation in, the gay and lesbian community.” Analyzing the range of biphobic attitudes within that homosexual community, Mclean’s study attempted to expose how these attitudes effect bisexual participation in said community. She found that, “though some participants were active within the Australian gay and lesbian community, many were not, due to the belief that they would be rejected or discriminated against as bisexual. Furthermore, those who did participate in the gay and lesbian community tended to keep their bisexuality hidden, for fear of being made unwelcome.” I related so much to that sentiment, having been called a “tourist” at a local gay bar when I mustered up the nerve to go with my fiance, a cis bisexual man. We left shortly after, feeling exiled to a life of languishing among the straights at tacky sports bars.

Ostracization from the gay community encourages bisexuals to pursue opposite-sex partners and fade into heteronormative society. A Pew Research Survey conducted in 2013 revealed that 84% of bisexuals end up in hetero relationships. Award-winning bisexual writer Kristina Marusic discussed this statistic, asserting that hetero relationships among bisexuals does not delegitimize their preferences and that the odds of a bisexual having an opposite-sex partner “fall enormously in their favor… the [percentage of the population that is LGBTQ] is actually closer to a scant 3.8 percent. So not only is it statistically more likely that a bisexual person will wind up with a partner of the opposite sex; it’s equally likely that they’ll wind up with someone from the over 96 percent of the population who identifies as straight.” In an interview with the HRC, an anonymous bisexual said “I wish that more people inside the gay community itself would support my decision to call myself bisexual. I am not being selfish. I am not a liar. I am not gay. I am not straight. I am bisexual.” Additionally, according to Mclean, “a large number of gay men and lesbians still flat-out refuse to date bisexuals.” Thus, many bisexuals couple with opposite-sex partners and identify as straight despite their true orientation, as is reflected by Marusic’s statistics.

The idea that there are two exclusive sexualities, gay and straight, has effectively gagged bisexuals, preventing their self-identification in the heterosexual and homosexual communities and ensuring their assimilation into heteronormative society. In her study “Living Life in the Double Closet: Bisexual Youth Speak Out,” Mclean states, “Dominant public discourses endorse heterosexuality and homosexuality as legitimate sexual identities, but do not recognize that some people are neither exclusively heterosexual nor exclusively homosexual.” Mclean interviewed 22 young bisexual people living in Melbourne, Florida. A bisexual woman herself, Mclean employed an interpersonal, interview approach to this research because she was “examining a group that had thus far been both silenced in traditional research on sexuality, but had also, for the most part, silenced themselves.”

There is nothing quite like silencing oneself, no greater discomfort than suppressing an inherent part of who you are. When I was twelve, I was at a large sleepover at a close friend’s house. Her older sister was “watching” our group of a dozen or so girls. At some point, a large bag of assorted liquors was procured. I have always been impulsive: always picking “Dare,” never scared to sneak out and certain in every situation that I was indestructible. As a seventh grader intent on proving my invincibility, I drank eagerly and abundantly. After taking several shots that blazed through my undeveloped chest and sent unfamiliar chills up my spine, I opened my eyes to the stars spinning above me where I lay in the lawn, both exhilarated and terrified at the realization that I was “completely smashed.” My next decipherable memory depicts me sitting semi-upright in the RV parked near the side of the house, the drunken faces of a few of the other girls swimming in front of me as I swayed.

Truth or Dare. I remember thinking, “This should be good.”

I was dared to kiss the girl next to me, a close friend who was as wasted as I was. I recall the nervous flip of my stomach as my lips neared hers. The Dare and I smushed our faces together clumsily. I could taste the vodka and orange juice on her mouth. I found myself falling into the kiss and she seemed receptive. We made out passionately as the other girls leered at us in an inebriated stupor. Eventually, they left us alone in the RV. I woke up the next morning in a crumpled heap on the floor of the RV; my eyelids crunched as I opened them and my lips were so dry they cracked when I sat up and coughed. The Dare was still asleep on the RV couch; last night’s events played through my head as I gazed at her sleeping face. I felt lighter than I ever had, despite having the worst hangover of my existence. I stumbled out of the camper and entered the house; girls were draped all over the furniture, looking at pictures from the previous night and nursing headaches. The room quieted when I entered; they stared at me, their faces inscrutable. I scrubbed my face with my hands to dislodge the various body fluids dried there. Under heavy surveillance, I procured some water and sprawled on the living room floor, head pounding and hands clammy.

“Z, do you remember anything about last night?” Someone asked. I sat up and put a palm to my throbbing temple. “Not really, did anyone get hurt?” I asked, doing a headcount of the girls in the room to see who was missing. Only The Dare was absent. “No..” Another girl piped up, “But you and The Dare like, hooked up.” She giggled anxiously. I flinched at the thinly veiled disgust in her voice, shrinking further and further into myself as I saw it reflected in the eyes of many of the other girls. Instantly, I realized my mistake.

It was a harmless thing to kiss a girl as a dare. It was another, far more heinous thing to enjoy it.

Panic engulfed me as my pubescent brain scrambled to find a way to maintain my position in the social hierarchy of my seventh grade class. Stalling, I sipped my water. I imagined being one of the “dykes” at school, of losing every inch of social capital I’d managed to attain. Frigid tendrils wrapped around my heart and, for the first time in my life, I consciously gave in to cowardice.

I feigned surprise as best I could: “What the fuck are you talking about?” I said, doing a small spit take to really sell it. A titter travelled through the room and girls started talking at once. “During truth or dare!” “You got dared to kiss her and you did!” “You were literally all over each other!” “She touched your boobs!” Their exclamations overlapped, the cacophony splitting my skull open. I silenced them with a shout of my own⁠— “Oh em GEEEE!” I yelled, burying my face in my hands so they couldn’t see the humiliation there. “I was completely wasted, I don’t remember anything. Did she have as much to drink as me?” I said. I knew that she’d been as drunk as I was⁠ but⁠— as I’d known (and maybe even hoped) it could⁠— the question changed the tide of the conversation. “You’re right,” a girl said from the couch, “she like.. Took advantage of you.”

That was not what I’d said but I let her comment fester as the other girls eyed me sympathetically. They no longer saw a lesbian; they saw the victim of one. My insides clenched uncomfortably and I ran to the bathroom, where I emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl.

I felt close to death as I leaned against the bathroom sink, staring at myself in the mirror. I remember my face so vividly: the self-loathing, the repulsion, the guilt and loneliness so clear on my young features as I silently tried to justify what I’d just done. My cheeks were sallow and slick with shameful tears and perspiration as I sweated liquor from my pores.

Not invincible, after all.

The Dare and I’s friendship was never the same. When our classmates made cruel remarks about what happened, I didn’t defend her. I apologized profusely to her after I came out in high school, but I know that wasn’t enough for the trouble I caused her. Though we were just kids experimenting, the reactions of the other girls solidified my denial of my bisexual identity for years to come. I tentatively called myself Bi-curious to a few close friends, but I’d temper it with comments like, “I think girls are pretty but I would never date one.” and “I don’t know how lesbians do it, vaginas are so weird!” My internalized homophobia manifested as a total denial of my bisexual identity when that identity threatened to make me even more of an outsider at my predominately white, conservative middle school. I had boyfriends and a social circle, but suicidal thoughts became a daily occurrence as the hatred I felt for myself deepened.

My experience is more common than I could’ve ever imagined then. After polling and interviewing hundreds of adolescents, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) concluded that “bisexual youth were much less likely to be out to their families, friends, peers, and communities” than exclusively gay youth. Only 33 percent of UK bisexuals surveyed by the Scotland-based Equality Network felt comfortable telling their general practitioner about their sexual orientation, and nearly half had experienced biphobia when accessing health services. Though there are many variables that contribute to a person’s ability to come out⁠— including but not limited to social and political climate, familial relations, and personal values⁠— the UK’s statistics raise alarms about global attitudes regarding bisexuality and health concerns for bisexuals.

In the United States, lack of preventative care for queer folk begins in grade school, as proper sex education for students attracted to the same sex is sorely lacking. According to a 2017 report by Guttmacher Institute, of the 22 states that mandate sex-ed, only 12 are required to acknowledge sexual orientations. Of those 12 states, 9 mandate inclusive discussion of the different sexual orientations, and 3 “require only negative information on sexual orientation.” Poorly educated bisexuals are less likely to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases into adulthood. When The Dare and I were exploring each other, I had absolutely no frame of reference for what we were doing and how to do it safely aside from mainstream pornography tailored for hetero, cis male consumption. No lessons on safe queer sex were taught at my middle or high school; it angers me to know that is the norm.

Erasure impacts mental health as well as physical health for bisexual folk: according to the HRC, “Bisexual adults were also more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors, attempt suicide or think about suicide than heterosexuals, lesbians or gay men.” Bisexuals, especially adolescents, were also more likely to engage in risk taking behavior like alcohol and drug abuse, which negatively impacts both mental and physical health. HRC’s 2012 survey of LGTBQ youth found “only 5 percent of bisexual youth reported being very happy, compared to 8 percent of lesbian and gay youth and 21 percent of non-LGBT youth.” The HRC asserted that poor emotional well-being during adolescence translates into bisexual youth being “twice as likely” to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Furthermore, during research regarding the disparity between bisexual health and that of individuals in the exclusively gay and straight communities, the HRC found that “more than 40 percent of LGBT people of color identify as bisexual, and about half of transgender people describe their sexual orientation as bisexual or queer – making these groups vulnerable to further disparities that occur at the intersections of biphobia, racism and transphobia.”

The well-known yet oft-forgotten “Mother of Pride,” Brenda Howard, spent her life advocating against bi-erasure. She said, “The next time someone asks you why LGBT Pride marches exist or why Gay Pride Month is June tell them ‘A bisexual woman named Brenda Howard thought it should be.’” Until general attitudes in both the gay and straight communities change, bisexuals will continue to repress themselves and feel excluded from both groups. Bisexuals: never let the ignorance of others repress you. You aren’t confused, you aren’t inherently hypersexual and your queer identity is valid. Don’t let anyone, gay or straight, take away your seat at the Pride table.

#bi tumblr #bisexuality #bi #bisexuality is valid #bi pride #support bisexuality #pride #lgbtq pride #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bisexual education #bisexual youth #bi erasure #bisexual erasure #biseuxal #bisexual community #bi youth #lgbt #support bisexual people #respect bisexual people #bisexual representation #bisexual injustice #bisexual info #bisexual tips #bisexual rights #bisexual pride

[starship-imzadi]

S5 E17 The Outcast

Androgyny is defined as having both male and female characteristics so that a specific gender cannot be determined.

Jonathan Frakes has reportedly gone on record to express his belief that Soren should have been cast with a male actor as it would have sent a stronger message. And I absolutely agree.

As it is, Soren identifies as a woman and is played by a woman which is just reestablishing a heteronormative status quo. In fact, all of the credited cast who portray the J'naii are women.

I have a problem with this. Often times the dichotomy of western heterosexual gendering is seen as "the haves and the have nots". E.g. men have body hair, women do not (which is absolutely untrue). Women are emotional, men are not (also absolutely untrue). Women as "the weaker sex" are often seen as "without" and androgyny is sometimes construed as being more "without" because it's supposed to be lacking the characteristics that give definition or.... features that are identifiable as a certain gender. Casting all women to be androgynous is, in a way, sexist for this reason. Though the non speaking and background J'naii are far enough away they seem less defined and more androgynous (some might be cast with men but it's not possible to tell...which is the way it should be).

Okay...so, Riker gets a bad rap for his struggle with pronouns and misgendering BUT what he's doing is actually incredibly important and valuable. Riker is canonically an American, heterosexual, cis gendered, Caucasian, male. He is the character that the most privileged, and most represented demographic will see themselves in and relate to. He is put in a position where he doesn't understand the experience of the person opposite him, he's trying his best and he makes mistakes, but he's also demonstrating that he's open to learning.

I've also seen some small uproar, especially from younger viewers (I'm looking at anyone born after the year 2000) over the writers not using they/them pronouns "I do not think there is really a translation". It is true that "they" as a pronoun to refer to a non specific person in common speech has been in use since the time of Shakespeare. Up until women's suffrage in legal context the pronoun used was "he" without specifically meaning a man. I.e. those pronouns were place holders for an unknown person regardless of gender or sex. Non masculine or feminine pronouns used to refer to a known individual is a slightly different story. There have been many different pronouns developed and used to greater or lesser extent through the entire 20th century (e.g. Hir or Xe) However, none of them really caught on for regular use across the entire language. "They" has been adopted most successfully because it is already in the language but its prominent use and acceptance wasn't until between approximately 2013 and 2015. This episode aired in 1992.

I really like that early on Soren and Riker are given an established shared interest. Too often on this show two people are put together....and it's not clear why they like each other. In such a short span of time it's tough to establish a believable new relationship, but this is a good first step.

They've known each other two days? It is reminiscent of "The Masterpiece Society" just a few episodes ago where Troi started to fall in love after five days. (Maybe they're both just very loving people.)

Also, in the midst of the misgendering, I'm pleased that the writers (or whoever) chose for Riker to use "he" because it plays against this species that's supposed to be androgynous but... Have a tendency to look feminine.

Riker's dad had a recipe for split pea soup...I wonder when he ever cooked it though. Riker mentions that it's good for cold Alaskan nights and it's the second episode in recent memory of his mentioning that he's from Alaska (the other was "Conundrum") I can't actually remember it being mentioned prior to that episode.... though there's a good chance it was established in the "Icarus Factor" and i know it's mentioned again in "Lower Decks"

A lot of the focus on this episode from fans seems to be on Soren being transgender but the J"aii are also homosexual. Riker and Soren have two different paradigms that are represented as neither worse nor better nor even given a moral label, they're just different. (Although, the J'naii's insistence that Soren cannot be male or female in gender or sex, is clearly meant to be the reciprocal of any insistence by humans that we can only be male or female in gender and sex.)

"I like one who's intelligent, sure of herself, who I can talk with and get something back. But the most important thing of all, she has to laugh at my jokes."

This conversation has a great sub text: different men like different things in women (and vis versa) so for someone to even identify as "heterosexual" doesn't mean every member of a different sex is attractive to them. And it begs the question: why are so many people with different qualities all under the same gender "umbrella"?

I've seen screen caps of Soren asking about human male genitals but they only show Riker's surprise. Really he deserves more credit because he handles the question really well. The way he handles everything very kindly and graciously, and the fact that Soren continues to ask questions, is a real testament to the safe place that he makes for discussion and curiosity.

There's some... dark humour in how Star Trek talks about misogyny and sexism. It's one of the notable hypocrisies and failings in star trek: to talk about a better future, while still operating on damaging ideals, and without any real idea of the journey it would actually take for society to reach "better". Both Gate and Marina had struggles with how they and their characters were treated compared to the men.

Oh boy. Worf's sexism fluctuates a lot, but when they need someone to be a misogynist, Worf is the go to and it's always painful. And Data asks the innocent, child-like questions. With a scene like this there are unfortunate reflection on some of the characters BUT the main purpose of the scene is, a slightly heavy handed, means of proposing different view points for representation and comparison. It's not really about the characters at all.

I'll say just from experience with that long hours spent working together will create some sort of bond for pretty much any two people. Love or other wise.

This scene is clearly about Soren coming out to Riker. And he takes it as kindly as he has everything else so far.

Geordi has a beard! (LeVar apparently grew it for his wedding)

"good hunting commander"

"thank you sir. See you for dinner." Do Riker and Picard have dinner together? (I love a good found family shared meal).

I really like this scene between Will and Deanna.

"well this one looks like you" with the teddy bear absolutely gets me every time. And Deanna's side look! I love their friendship and comfort together.

"You're my friend and I thought... I don't know, i thought I should tell you."

"I'm glad you did"

"Nothing will change between us, will it?"

"Of course it will. All relationships are constantly changing. But we'll still be friends, maybe better friends. You're a part of my life, and I'm a part of yours. That much will always be true."

This really hits home. Regardless of the label for their relationship, regardless of the details of the boundaries of their relationship, Troi is affirming for Riker that they are important enough to each other, that he is important enough to her, that she will stay in his life and keep him in hers. In a way this touches on what was established way back "Haven". The characterizations were still being sorted out to a large extent, but when Troi was due to be married Riker thought he was losing her and Troi ask him "i am no longer imzadi to you?" But even as much as they love each other, Riker isn't taking for granted that Troi will stay in his life once he becomes involved with someone. Troi is assuring him, promising to him, that she will stay. And the fact that Riker went to her, to tell her about him and Soren, was his way of demonstrating to Troi that she is still important to him, and that he wants to keep her in his life too.

Props to Riker for protecting Soren. Not only did he keep her secret he tried to help her preserve it.

This is a really good and impassioned speech that, even though its clearly about legislation against homosexuality, doesn't feel over the top like a lot of star trek speeches can. It's probably one of the better speeches not given by Picard.

This is the second episode in a row Riker has gone to Picard for guidance...kind of.

It's kind of sweet that Worf offers as a friend to help Riker jeopardize his career, for the sake of someone important to him, even though he doesn't like or understand the J'naii.

In the end, the Enterprise must maintain its status quo, so much like "The Host", there had to be a reason then love interest cannot stay. Even if the reason is honestly so disheartening and sad. I genuinely believe Riker cared for Soren, and this is so devastating. This was probably the best single episode relationship in terms of development.

Picard is so gentle and subtle with Riker.

Engage (!)

[sapphos-darlings]

I promise this isn’t discourse I’m just confused. What do you mean by trans men that never left wlw spaces? Why should we welcome people who identify as men in our spaces?

Hey, Mod Sade here. Normally we wouldn’t answer any questions regarding who does and who doesn’t belong in the wlw community as per our discourse rule, but since I’m personally in this situation, I’ll give you the reason why I never disidentified from the wlw community despite my medical transition.

You see, being a specifically female man is very central to my identity. I have worked hard to accept my body and my history despite my dysphoria, and with that, the paths that I’ve walked to be who I am today, and I’ve reconciled them with the life and paths I wish I would have had instead. I view myself as a mix of two worlds rather than a firm resident of either one: I’ve lived as a woman and I’ve lived as a man and in the end I’ve settled on just living as myself rather than any preconceived notion of what I should be as a person or a member of a gender group.

I am a transitioned person, but my medical history does not define who I am as a human being. I grew up as a dysphoric girl who loved girls, and whose primary community was other girls who loved girls, and this is what shaped me as a person through my most crucial years of development. The fact that I am also dysphoric and medical transition was the best way for me to treat that dysphoria didn’t remove or kill who I was before I took those measures, it merely made me feel more at ease with myself. I tried distancing myself from women and women’s communities, but I very soon realised I neither fit in nor wish to fit in the male equivalents - my community has always first and foremost been with the women I grew up with, and with whom I share my experiences of attraction and relationships. I genuinely do not believe I share anything in common with natal men beyond the pattern my body hair grows in, and I have no desire to abandon my true connections to chase an outside ideal of what a trans man needs to be and who he needs to connect with to be “real” or “valid”. This is as much a trans reality as the opposite would be, where a trans man feels no connection whatsoever to the women in his life and considers himself completely apart from them and most alike with or the same as cis men. We’re not all painted with the same brush.

I’m sure I’m not alone with this. I know for a fact there are, for example, transitioned butch lesbians who technically are or even self-identify as trans men, but who also simultaneously identify as butch lesbians. We, as trans people, are a very diverse group of people from all walks of life with different experiences and needs, and for some of us, who we were prior to transition carries over to who we are after it, even if it doesn’t match the convenient (and most often heteronormative, sexist) idea of what we should be. 

My attraction to women has never been heterosexual, and no amount of body hair or muscle strength will make a difference in how I experience that attraction and how my attraction is perceived by others (I am most certainly still viewed on the feminine spectrum by most, especially as I’m no longer taking testosterone for health reasons).

It’s very simple and safe to think of trans people as a monolith who all think and feel the same way, but it’s simply not true. It’s especially important to think of our needs, because for many of us, transition is not a choice, it’s a necessity. For those of us who are dysphoric, we have to treat that dysphoria, and in some cases that treatment is medical transition. It doesn’t change us as people, however. I was never reborn. I’m still the same person who grew up a wlw, and it will always be a major building block of who I am as a person, like a cornerstone of my identity and personal history that cannot be taken out of me.

I hope that clarifies the subject somewhat; I’ll pre-emptively close this conversation here for the sake of our no discourse rule and simply because my identity and life are understandably very intimate subjects to me, and I will not open them up for debate. Lastly, I can never speak for the whole community of wlw and most certainly not for the whole community of trans people, so naturally you or others may disagree with my views and the way I live my life. That’s ok.

#ask #mod sade