#i am only pro for myself

[wanna-b-w8lessss]

cant recover when theres no proof of anything TO recover from.

#I AM VERY MUCH PRO RECOVERY BTW!!!!! i mean this only for myself #pro for me not for thee #PRO FOR ME. NOT FOR THEE. okay just wanted to make that clear #tw ana diary #4n0r3xia #tw ana trigger #4norexi4 #ana trigger #ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #4n4t1ps #4n4blr #4n4rexia #4n4m1a #4n4memes #4n0rexic #4norexla #4nor3xia #4norexia #anorexcya #th1n$pø #anor3c1a #@nor3×14 #ana bllog #th1nsp1ration #an0r3c1a #an0rec1a #tw ana meme

[duskcowboy]

Another day, another reminder that it was SJM and Bloomsbury themselves that confirmed Elain is an introvert:

Please, can we move on from this argument now?

#I’m seriously tired of this argument and the weird way people pin it on Elriels like we’re crazy for saying she’s introverted #it doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy social gathering and being talkative at times or like being around friends and family #introverted does not mean anti social #I’m an introvert myself and can only recharge my energy alone and in quiet spaces but I LOVE parties and gathering and hosting friends #I am LOUD and talkative with people I’m comfortable with #I am polite and converse at social gatherings and enjoy it #being an introvert does not mean I am sulking in a corner alone 24/7 not talking to anyone #elain archeron #pro elain archeron #acotar #a court of thorns and roses

[mulletmitsuya]

please support the global strike in solidarity with palestine

#this is actually the only platform i haven't posted about palestine #but please do whatever you can to support it #i was gonna do this on my main blog because i didn't wanna disturb peoples timelines with non fandom related stuff #but people are being bombed and it won't do much to affect your day #i'll be sharing more posts from now on because it's the least we can all do #please share these posts as well #also tumblr supports israel btw #don't use your money on the app #they're spreading pro israel propaganda and also muting things that have to do with palestine #my blog could get affected bcs of this and ofc i don't want my blog deleted (idk of tumblr can do that) but again #people are being killed #remember to boycott!!!! #i'm so late to this and am greatly dissaponted in myself for not posting on this app considering i have a high number of followers #but i'd rather start now than still be silent #silence is compliance

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[marsst4rs]

me when i stand up and lose all sight and hearing and start shaking for 30 seconds (and wouldve fallen if it weren't for my doorframe)

#should i be worried? #this happened earlier too #am i like dying??? #i ate something so i dont think i need to eat more #not the fun dizzy #tw ana diary #ana trigger #skinnni #tw ed descussion #tw ana shit #pro only for myself

[calamitys-child]

Hornyposting in tags skip if u dont wanna see

#like wrestling collar matches right. idk. yesterday i was trying to explain my Deal to a friend when they asked if i was a puppy #and i was like. im not a puppy. because im not cute sweet baby boy . im a fucking Mutt. #im a grown ass dog with teeth. #and im a werewolf. im scared of the part of me with claws and teeth and no self control #and i love the part of me with teeth and claws and no self control #i dont want head pets sit up and beg good boy #at least DEFINITELY not outright #i want to be chained up and slapped and only when ive broken myself against my leash and am too tired to fight is it safe to pet me #i want reassured that i cant bite people because even when i get twitchy or scared or snappy the muzzle keeps me from hurting anyone else #and I dont want degradation i want seen as an equal being worthy of respect #and pro wrestling collar matches. i feel more resonance with that than i do with almost any pup play content ive ever seen #i want a fight. and maybe i want to lose. just to prove to myself that im not the threat im scared i am

[whataboutfractions]

while it's not exactly in line with mujoe's non-bmj appearances, i feel like jetters still did an excellent job casting him using his premise as a pro wrestler based on the simple fact that pro wrestling itself is scripted - from a moral standpoint, jetters mujoe isn't a villain, he's a textbook heel:

once again bearing out the series-wide theme of the jetters-hige conflict as essentially one long farce, more LARPing than genuine animosity

#bmj mujoe #to anyone into pro wrestling this was probably obvious from the start #but i don't know if that's exactly my blog's audience. i myself am only tangentially familiar from tvtropes terms but i vibe with the scene

[dizzybevvie]

when someone isnt skinny why is rapid weight loss seen as progress

#like i wasnt ever fat but id consider myself midsize like i got some rolls n large legs n stuff and it doesnt bother me now #but when i had an eating disorder and i lost weight like real quick why did i get so many compliments #13 year old ex ballerina girl is losing weight really really quick. welp anyway no redflags raised you look great #like every adult in my life was happy for me and it was the worst year of my LIFE i barely even remember it cus i was so hungry and tired #PLUS mine was only a year AND it was not as severe as some eatig disorders can be!! my heart fuckin goes out to fat ppl w eating disorders #TO CLARIFY i am OKAY i am recovered i hold no resentment against the people i am talking about its just sad #beverly says stuff #NOT A PRO-ANA POST FUCK PRO-ANAS FRFR!!!!!! EAT THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF FOOD ITS GOOD FOR YOU #tw eating disorder #tw disordered eating #tw ed ment #stay safe guys <33333333333333333

[derpinette]

gatekeepers fear me the way i instantly advertise things as soon as i know i like them

#with exceptions of course like only to people i actually know #i am so pro gatekeeping BTW but i am once again a huge hypocrite in this case #i just want everyone to Enjoy (- Björk) the things i like might make their life better... #if they had no prior knowledge WHY would i keep that from them... #& i always inadvertently pressure people when i shill i am relentless cause i KNOW my thing is good like Do you not trust me </3 #OK so you want me to kill myself...

[nocomforthere]

Sometimes I’m in a momentary panic of “oh fuck I don’t wanna age” and then I remember that hell yeah I do. I wanna be one of those people who go to pride events n shit, that are old enough to be the mom to anyone there, and be giving hugs like the guys in those videos.

Tryna be a helpful little role model for the youngins, so I gotta look the part. You feel me? Need a little costume

#I must don the appropriate mortal skin #and if that appropriate skin is the flesh of a middle aged woman. I will wait #I WANNA BE THE OLD LADY THAT BAKES COOKIES FOR THE MEW NEIGHBORS :( #I wanna be so gentle and caring and understanding #it’s 1 am and I feel so sentimental but GEJSVS #STOP THE WAY IT AUTOCORRECTED RO A DIFFERENT KEYBOARD SMASH #but like. :( #lowkey can’t wait. I’m gonna be a little history teacher also so I have an excuse to bring an Aztec death whistle to class :) <33 #I’m so excited. I love possiblities #IM NOT SUPER GOAL ORIENTATED. I DONT HAVE DREAMS ONLY HOBBIES BUT LIKE. #yeah I can dream to be this. ahhhh <33 #I’M GONNA BE FOUND DEAD IN MY HOUSE WITH 5 SNAKES LOLOLOL AHHHH I GOT PLANS #this is the first time I’ve been able to imagine a future for myself. is it obvious #I’m gonna be the neatest death ever. both meanings. just wait #(NOT NOW THO I WANNA GET TO BE AN OLD LADY) #sometimes I worry abt my body deteriorating w age but I wanna run people over w my wheelchair and smack them w my cane #I wanna babysit and take the kids on a ‘walk’ (we’re just riding in my wheelchair) #pro aging #old age #aspirations #personal #lgbtqia+ #lgbtq #lgbt

[em-dashes]

now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it

#em dashes #DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING #i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques #i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection! #bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!! #however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away #they all have editors and peer critiques to help them #and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures #because they aren't!! they're there to help!!! #anyway. enough venting for now #it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol #but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief #and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief #and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong' #AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes #but to be proud of myself for a second #i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it #it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr #i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years #and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet #wow. time is so weird

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[quoigenicfromhell]

Endogenic plurality is not really held as valid by many, many people. Most people, in fact! Being pro-endo is asserting the right of endogenic plurals to define themselves, and give themselves a community.

Anti-endo: against endos. I get that yall use it in a way that doesn't always mean this but it is a group defined by their opposition to a group's existence.

Pro-endos are there to say 'yes, endogenics exist and deserve a community and acceptance' and anti-endos are literally defined in opposition to that. That's what anti means.

So labeling the former as a hate group because there are people who have behaved badly in response to the latter is certainly A Choice. Anti-endo is not just like a harmless discourse position it is a disagreement with a type of person's existence.

Anti-misinformation is one thing, like that makes sense, but I will never not take anti-endo as anything but an attack on my personhood and an attempt to define my existence for me by other people because that's how it started, that's how it's been the past decade, you people do not and have never had the moral high ground.

#this is more of a vent than anything else but like #am i fucking wrong??? #'pro endo' being a hate group? ok so what should i call myself if i advocate for the right of endogenics to form community #is that a hateful stance?????? lol #like im sorry but you can claim youre neutral till the cows come home #if you take our only term of advocacy and positivity and try to call it hate because you got hurt by someone who had that label #you are not being objective or reasonable

[autistic-katara]

thinking abt that one time i tried to pick up a sharp object at like 4am and somehow accidentally ended up cutting my wrist-

#it was like 2 years ago #but i remember it hurt like a bitch #bcz i very much was not expecting it #like i was fr curled up clutching the back of the wrist like a movie character #also i didnt want anyone to see it nd think it was on purpose so i covered it with sharpie like 6 hours later #(pro tip: dont do that. do not put ink on a 6hr old wound) #idk dude i was 13 😭 #that was also not even the only time i accidentally cut myself bcz i wasnt careful w/ sharp objects while sleep deprived #another time i accidentally leaned on one that i forgor i left on my pillow and cut my upper arm (weirdly i felt the pain on my forearm tho #idk moral of the story i shoukd not be trusted w/ sharp objects even when i am beinf mentally stable abt it #idek what to tag this as- #cw injury #does this need anymore? #ryan shut the fuck up

[disordered-doggie]

i love that my cal limit is 750 and im like "yeah i try to stay under but im okay with meeting 750" and then average 500cals per day 💀

#like bro i am so scared of going over 750 i convince myself im going over by actually only eating 750 😭 #jamie dog barks #pro for me not for thee #trans ana #anablr #⭐️ve #⭐️ving

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

i was tagged by @ybcpatrick to do this song title q&a so slay thank you best fwend (let's see if i can be interesting enough)

choose an artist you like and use the names of their songs to answer these questions as closely to the truth as possible!

artist chosen: fall out boy, who else :)

what is your gender? i don't care

describe yourself: the patron saint of liars and fakes

how do you feel? i've got all this ringing in my ears, but none on my fingers

if you could go anywhere, where would it be? heaven's gate

who is/describe your best friend: *friends :) the last of the real ones

your favorite time of day: golden

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called? the kids aren't alright

what is life to you? the pros and cons of breathing

relationship status: alone together

what do you fear? death valley

tagging: @celestialtoy, @such-a-happy-mess, @missmissingsyou, @themightyfall, @pmvstump, @p4nsy, @meat-wentz and anyone else can say i tagged u!! pls make ur own post <3

#i'm gonna explain myself because i like talking hehe if u read this i love u #gender? i don't know her. go ahead and perceive me i guess i simply do not care how! #sometimes i feel like everyone knows a different version of me or at the very least i hide myself very well from my family so #i am here for the liars and fakes babey #i'm very overstimulated so that's why i put i've got all this ringing in my ears LMAO #heaven's gate... sorry ik that's depressing i just dk what else to say and i mean... kinda relatable... hope i go there some day anyway #MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MY SOULMATES I WAS JUST AN ONLY CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE AND THEN I FOUND THEM MWAHMWAH #i didn't know what to put for time of day i copied kell sorry kell xo #tv show of my life would have the audience going wow something is not right with this bitch #life is just a ferris wheel it's always up and down or whatever u know the vibes there's pros and cons to this #i have someone 2 b alone together with :] #death scary #tag game