#i am really bored and this was a good opportunity for me to clean

[leclerced]

Hitman!Oscar being Lando’s girl comfort person. Probably because she doesn’t have lots of friends in general and they don’t see each other often. But then there’s Oscar that stays with her when Lando goes to deal with sth. First time he’s with her he starts cleaning his guns at the dining table and she hits him with a kitchen cloth telling him he’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks he’s gonna clean the weapons on the table. Second time she’s distressed because Lando had to go out in a hurry so she just clings to him (then when Lando seems jealous she screams at him n tells him if he’s gonna leave her w Oscar he’s gotta get used to it). Oscar is just a third wheel but even Lando warms to him being the third one in his relationship haha

i really love this ola 🥺 im gonna brainrot ab this and try to get in a writing mood. added read more bc kinda long

oscar definitely regularly cleans his guns at his dining table and does not understand why she is chastising him for it!!

imagine lando asking oscar to protect her for the first time, to stay with her when he goes to do something. oscar’s literally a hitman, and tells him such; he kills people, he’s not a security service. lando convinces him to do it the one time, saying if anyone tries to harm her they are his target and he gets to kill. he gives in and lando introduces them, and tells her oscar is now her personal bodyguard. oscar tries to be like, “hey this is a one time thing, i’m doing you a favor while you go out of town.” because he fully intends on getting back to business, but lando just leaves before he can get the words out.

he's staying with her in a secret apartment lando owns, a safe house of sorts, for the weekend, while lando goes out of town. it’s weird for oscar because he’s used to being paid to kill people, follows and watches his targets for days until he has the perfect opportunity to get the job done. she thinks he’s a little weird because he just sits and watches her, and when she asks why he’s staring he’s like, “lando told me to watch you. that is what i am doing.”

she starts making dinner to distract herself from oscar’s staring, and he follows her to the kitchen and starts cleaning his gun. she’s making pasta, and keeps her back to him so she doesn’t accidentally make eye contact with him. the layout of the kitchen makes it easy for her to avoid looking at him until she’s plated the food. she nearly drops the plates when she turns and finds a dismantled pistol on the table. the plates clatter as she sets them back down on the counter, tugging the kitchen towel off her shoulder as she approaches him. he looked up from what he was doing as the plates hit the counter, giving her a questioning look as she stormed over. then she was hitting him over the head with the towel and telling him to put it back together and never do it again. he puts it back together and they eat dinner, he’s surprised she made him a plate and she’s deeply offended that he’s surprised. like, “you thought i would just let you starve?” and more offended when he doesn’t tell her how good it is bc she really enjoys it but he looks so bored.

he sits and watches while she sleeps, nods off in the chair a few times but wakes up when he hears anything, her rustling in bed, mumbling in her sleep, a car in the parking lot. he’s awake when she wakes up and she tries to make him lay down and sleep because he needs sleep, but he ignores her and just follows her out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. she makes him coffee and breakfast and he’s once again surprised when she sets a mug in front of him and asks if he wants cream or sugar. he doesn’t. she’d ask him what he wants for breakfast and he doesn’t have an answer so she makes a bit of everything, bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes. she makes a smiley face out of whipped cream on his pancakes and he’s never once had that before so it confuses him.

she gets some reprieve from him after breakfast when she showers, but then he’s back to watching her when she gets out and goes to watch netflix in the living room. she tries getting his input on what to watch, but he tells her he doesn’t watch tv. she puts on her favorite show, season one episode one, and decides she’s going to make him like it. she knows he’s paying attention to her, and not the show, so she tells him everything thats happening and all her opinions on it. he finds himself enjoying it, occasionally glancing at the tv to actually see what’s going on, but he prefers watching her to the actors and actresses on screen. she ends up enjoying oscar’s company, aside from the gun dismantling on her dining table and constant watching, she likes him. she gets him to crack a few smiles. he tells her he likes the dinner she makes saturday, and the coffee sunday morning. he’s nice if she lets herself forget he’s a hitman.

it’s the first semi-normal weekend oscar has ever lived. he’s never sat around and watched tv or had breakfast lunch and dinner. it’s not the life he’s led. he hates lando a little bit when he returns sunday and dismisses oscar with proof of a wire transfer.

she finds herself missing oscar after he’s gone, and is hoping she’ll see him again. it happens, but not in a way she likes. one night lando wakes her up and hurriedly tells her oscar’s staying with her because he has to run out. they’re at home, not the safe house, this time. she doesn’t even understand what he’s saying, still half asleep when he rushes out of the room after kissing her forehead goodbye. she’s confused, scared, and worried about lando as she sits up and tries to get her bearings. she rubs her eyes and opens them to see oscar’s just standing at the foot of the bed, watching her. she’s weirdly calmed that he’s there, her racing heart slowing a bit as she stares at him. she needs someone to hold her so she doesn’t spiral. she hopes it isn’t showing.

she knows he’s likely planning to stay in that exact spot until lando returns, so tells him to lay down with her. he declines, saying he’s fine where he is, but she crawls to the edge and pleads, “i won’t be able to go back to sleep without someone next to me. please?” he gives in after a moment and starts climbing onto the bed but she presses a hand to his chest and tells him he’s not getting in bed with shoes on. truthfully, she wants to fetch him a pair of lando’s jammies and make him change into them but she knows he won’t, so she lets him stay in his own clothes. he tries to lay as far away from her as possible, laying on his side on the edge of the mattress, but she lays in the middle and pats the spot next to her, “i said next to me, didn’t i?” oscar’s never cuddled before, and he hesitates before he scoots over and awkwardly lays on his back next to her. she cuddles up next to him immediately lifting his arm and wrapping it around her as she presses her face into his chest. he wants to tell her lando will kill him if he finds them like this, but he plans on slipping away as soon as she’s asleep. he doesn’t mean to fall asleep with her, to cuddle into her and slip under the covers with her.

lando’s pissed when he finds them, would kill oscar if it wouldn’t traumatize his love, instead yanks the man out of his bed. it wakes the both of them, and she sits up and grabs lando before he can get his hands on oscar again. “you left me. you left me alone. you do not get to be angry. if you are going to scare me like that, he is going to comfort me.” and oscar’s super confused, laying on the floor with a now aching back from the impact. he was sleeping so well, he felt like he was in a cocoon of warmth, and the confusion turns to anger as he realizes his sleep was interrupted. lando just stares at them, wondering what comfort me means and if he comforted her in the safe house.

#ask #lifeboredme #idk if i like this #but posting anyways bc i dont wanna redo it #ln4/op81 #mafia au

[iridescent-petrichor]

now i'm fallin' in faster

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader

Warnings: alcohol is consumed but it's pretty vague cause i don't know how to write drunk characters

Words: 3K

A/N: this is very loosely based on disaster by conan gray because I've been playing it on repeat all week thinking of jj so i hope yall like it !!!

It was a late night at the boneyard, where a party was in full swing.

You stood off to the side, rolling your eyes while Kie was in the middle of trying to convince you for the millionth time that JJ was deeply in love with you and that you had to ask him out right that instant. She’d had a few drinks and was a little more persuasive than she usually was.

Still, you continued to brush her off, eyeing the crowd around you while she nursed her drink.

“Y/N, I have known him my whole life. I am one hundred percent certain he’s in love with you!” She said, arms moving so enthusiastically that she almost spilled her beer onto the sand.

“Kie, he really isn’t.” While every part of you wanted to believe he really did like you, there was no way you’d let yourself get your hopes up only to have them crushed in the face of his rejection. “Plus, if I ask him out and he says no? That will destroy the group dynamic! I’ll never be able to show my face around him or any of you, and I refuse to be the reason that the pogues are forced to disband!”

“Except he’s not gonna say no!” Kie leaned closer to you, a wide smile on her face. She nudged you lightly, ignoring the glare you sent her way. “He really likes you, trust me.”

As the words leave her mouth, you look past her and see JJ Maybank himself.

He was leaning against a tree, drink in hand, talking to some touron that was batting her eyelashes at him.

You grimace, forcing yourself to look away just long enough to make disappointed eye contact with Kie.

It’s enough to make her turn, shoulders dropping sadly when she catches sight of him.

“Shit,” She muttered, giving you a pitied look that you tried to ignore.

You brushed it off, shaking your head and plastering on a smile.

“Hey, it’s fine.”

She doesn’t look the slightest bit convinced, so you keep talking.

“I was right at least.” You take a couple of steps away from her, already fishing your keys out of your pocket to flee the party scene.

Before you did, you quickly turned back to your friend, holding the keys up.

“You don’t need a ride home, right?” For emphasis, you dangled the car keys, but Kie shook her head.

“Nah, I got a ride tonight.”

You nod, forcing yourself to keep the smile on your face. Turning, you throw up a hand in a quick wave.

“Later Kie!”

You tried to ignore the feeling of bile in your throat as you trudged through the sand toward where you parked your car. While staying sober had made the night mind-numbingly boring, it gave you the opportunity to make a clean getaway before you had to talk to JJ and get your feelings hurt.

The whole drive home you kept the music on full blast, hoping that if it was loud enough it would keep your darker thoughts from invading your mind.

It only half worked.

Once you were finally home, you collapsed onto your bed with a heavy sigh, staring up at the ceiling while your thoughts went wild with every awkward thing you’d said and done since the party started.

Despite your reluctance, you forced yourself back up, climbing off the bed to peel off the uncomfortable clothes Kie convinced you to wear for the party. You did admit they made you look good, but in the dead of night when you were half awake, it didn’t feel very worth it.

Throwing on some soft pajamas, you curled back up in bed, pulling out your phone.

Like most nights, you found yourself hovering over JJ’s contact.

Usually, you would type out a long message detailing how in love with him you were, and then delete it like nothing ever happened. Now, however, you were eyeing the call button.

You knew he hadn’t gone home yet, and if you were to actually call him you doubt he’d even answer.

God, you just wanted to hear his voice.

The loneliest parts of you took control, and you let your eyes flutter closed for a second.

“Hello?” Your eyes shot open when you heard JJ’s voice on the other line, barely even registering the fact that you’d even pressed the call button.

Scrambling, you put the phone to your ear, cursing yourself internally as you stumbled towards an explanation.

“I’m so sorry,” You started, screwing your eyes shut in embarrassment.

“What’s up?” He asked. You could still hear the party going on around him, and you tried not to think about how he still picked up – and almost immediately, too.

“I’m just drunk,” The lie slips from your lips before you can really think about it. “I shouldn’t have called-”

“Y/N-” He tried to interrupt, but you were already rambling on.

“I just wanted to… um… chat?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to get your brain to start functioning.

JJ didn’t say anything for a while, and you swore you faintly heard John B asking him a question in the distance.

“I’m just, uh, I’m drunk,” You repeated, still unsure why you were lying about that. If you thought any harder you would remember that you told JJ you weren’t drinking tonight when he offered you a solo cup full of beer. “I’m just gonna let you go, I’m sorry for calling-”

“Hey,” He almost sounded frustrated, and the firm tone made you freeze up. “Chill, Y/N.”

You stayed deathly silent, barely remembering to breathe.

“I know you’re not drunk, I saw you ten minutes ago driving home. What’s actually up?” Shit. You didn’t think he actually saw you leaving.

You didn’t know what to say, opening and closing your mouth with no luck.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know.” JJ continued, his voice much softer now. “Why’d you call, sunshine?”

The nickname pulled something within your heart, and you were sure that if you were drunk, you would’ve told him everything in an instant.

“Just wanted to talk?” It came out almost like a question, and you could hear a car door opening and closing on the other line.

“What’d you wanna talk about?”

And so, the two of you spent the next few hours chatting about anything that came to your mind. JJ had moved into the Twinkie to get away from the noise, and you forced your eyes to stay open despite how exhausted you were, just to talk to him.

“Hey, maybe I’ll drop by tomorrow. I can bring food and we can watch some movies?” He said it in a way that made it sound like he was unsure you’d even say yes. The thought of him coming over alone made your heart beat just a little faster, despite how often it had happened at this point.

It was nights like these that you liked to pretend he could be yours. Deep down, you knew it was a fantasy that was far out of your reach, but with the way his voice was softer than anything, you couldn’t help the giddy smile pulling at your lips.

“That sounds nice.”

JJ chuckled, and you could finally hear him shifting from his spot on the floor of the Twinkie.

He only hung up when John B began piling into the car with Pope and Kie in tow, hurriedly telling you goodbye before you were sitting alone in the silence of your bedroom.

You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face no matter how hard you tried, keeping your phone tucked close to your chest as if it would float away.

You were definitely in too deep.

Slowly, you brought yourself back to reality, the darkness of your room reminding you that JJ was not in fact yours, and if he hadn’t been on the way to the Chateau right now, he’d be bringing home the nearest girl that gave him the time of day.

He wasn’t yours, and you had to get over that.

It was in the middle of your spiraling that your phone buzzed.

It was a text from JJ.

“Is noon tomorrow okay?”

You grinned, remembering he was coming over. He may have all the girls on the island wrapped around his finger, but you were the one he wanted to see outside of the parties and away from all the alcohol.

When another party rolled around, you weren’t surprised to see JJ not far off with a girl who you paled in comparison to.

You were already a little drunk, content in the knowledge that John B was driving you back to the Chateau with the rest of the pogues tonight.

JJ leaned closer to the girl, whispering something in her ear. She giggled, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, pushing through the party to get to the keg. You tried to squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head a couple of times to rid the image from your mind, but it proved persistent. It felt like the image of him leaning over her was burned in your memory now.

Finally, you made it to the keg, and a kid around your age offered to refill your cup for you.

So you did.

Then, you refilled it again. And again. And again.

It wasn’t until Pope was grabbing the drink out of your hand that you really realized how far you had gone.

“Let’s get you home, okay?” John B’s voice made you turn, not even noticing him standing beside Pope until he spoke.

Home, you knew, meant the Chateau. There was no way John B would drive you home to face your parents when you were this plastered.

With a faint nod, you let him guide you to the car. Pope followed, calling out to Kie to let her know they’d be back once they got you situated.

You were silent the whole car ride there, half asleep on Pope’s shoulder.

When you arrived, Pope opened the door for the two of you and walked you inside with John B trailing behind. He tossed you a pair of old sweatpants you left behind forever ago, and one of the guys’ t-shirts that was lying around, turning around while you changed.

Once they made sure you were situated, they left to make their way back to the party.

You sat alone in the guest room and pulled out your phone.

The confession you would type out to JJ became nearly a nightly ritual, so much so that even in your drunken state you were focused on typing out everything you were feeling for him.

You stared down at the essay of a text message, exhaling deeply before going to delete it.

It wasn’t until your finger slipped and you pressed send that you began to panic.

Leaping out of the bed, you gaped at the screen in disbelief, hoping against all odds that it wasn’t real.

“Shit,” You hissed, the panic sobering you up just a bit. “Shit, shit, shit!”

Not only did you officially ruin everything, but you were still drunk and JJ was gonna come back with the group at some point. On nights like these, you usually slept in the guest room with him, since neither of you minded sharing a bed.

Guess that’s out the window, now.

“Fuck!” You threw your phone onto the bed, covering your mouth with your hands.

This can’t be real.

A couple of seconds had barely passed before you were lunging for your phone again. It was like a trainwreck and you couldn’t look away.

You sat there, staring at the phone for what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes.

Every minute that he didn’t respond, you thought of a new reason that your friendship was over forever.

Suddenly, a knock at the door to the guest room startled you out of your thoughts. You stared at it for a few seconds before hauling yourself out of the bed, swinging the door open a little too fast.

JJ stood before you, holding his phone up with an unreadable expression.

“Can we talk?”

Your heart plummeted to the floor, and you barely managed a nod before he was shoving his way into the room, shutting the door behind him a little too harshly for your comfort.

“So,” He took a careful seat at the edge of the bed, looking up at you. “What was that text about?”

You were definitely still too drunk to have this conversation. Your heart was practically beating out of your chest and your knees were a couple of seconds away from buckling completely.

When you didn’t say anything, JJ quickly stood back up, the intensity of his gaze making you forget to breathe for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” You started, breathless.

He stayed silent, awaiting your explanation. Part of you was waiting too, because how the hell were you gonna get out of this one alive?

“I’m just really drunk,” The look in his eyes made you falter, but you forced yourself to press on. “I was gonna just delete it after I typed it out like I usually do, but I pressed the wrong button-”

“Like you usually do?”

Shit.

“Uh, I mean,” You rubbed the back of your neck, firmly avoiding eye contact. “I- uh, forget I said that?”

JJ shook his head almost imperceptibly.

“Listen just please can we forget this ever happened?” The second you looked into his eyes you regretted it. The look he gave you was almost as heartbroken as you felt.

In your drunken state, you continued talking, not letting him get a word in. Part of you thought that if you kept talking forever he would never get the chance to reject you.

“I just, I had a lot to drink – ask Pope, he’ll tell you. I was just really lonely cause I was… well, alone… and you were the first person I thought of, and-”

“Hey-” He tried to interrupt, but you were still going strong.

“It was just stupid drunk rambling. I mean, I could barely stand, JJ-”

“Stop.” The firmness in his voice made you do as he said.

“I didn’t mean it.” You finished quietly, barely able to get the words out.

“Don’t lie to me,” He sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor. You didn’t think it was possible, but you swore your heart broke even more when he refused to look at you.

It wasn’t until he chuckled lightly that you realized he wasn’t upset. He shook his head, still staring at the floor, the grin on his face widening.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you?” His words made your heart skip a beat, and you stared up at him in awe.

“What?” You couldn’t help but ask, trying to make sure you didn’t imagine it.

“God,” He threw his head back, rolling his eyes playfully. “Don’t make me say it again.”

A smile made its way onto your face, and you risked a step closer to him. The action alone made JJ’s full attention fall back on you.

You could feel your heart beating fast out of your chest with the way he was looking at you. The glint in his eyes was enough to nearly knock you off your feet, and you couldn’t tear your gaze away from his even if you wanted to.

“Hey,” Lightly, he brought a hand up, resting it on your shoulder. “This is your turn to say something.”

Still, you stayed silent, barely registering the words coming out of his mouth. You were sure you were stuck in a dream and one wrong move would make you wake up to a world where you were alone again.

“Please say something.” He repeated, and you managed to snap yourself out of the daze you were in.

“I didn’t think…” You trailed off, not realizing you’d grabbed his hand, mindlessly fiddling with his fingers.

“Didn’t think what, pretty girl?” He was smirking now, fighting every urge not to just kiss you right there.

You brought your focus back to him, taking silent note of how much closer he’d gotten to you.

“I didn’t think you liked me back.”

Ever so gently, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours.

“I don’t remember using the word like, sunshine.” His voice was low, near a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear.

“I guess Kie was right then.” You grinned, your hands moving up to rest at his waist. “I should’ve asked you out much sooner.”

“You really should’ve.” He pulled you impossibly closer. “Would’ve saved so much time.”

“I was just scared.” You pulled back just enough to get a better look at him. “I mean, you’re so… you, and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship because if I asked you out and you said no it would destroy the whole dynamic we have, and then the group would-”

Before you could finish your sentence, JJ’s lips were on yours.

Instinctively, your hands came up, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. You felt him smile into the kiss before the two of you had to pull away for air.

“God, I can’t believe I can finally kiss you.” He muttered, now cupping your cheek with one hand.

With a light laugh, you buried your neck into his neck, letting yourself fall further into his embrace.

“Me too.”

And in the quiet moment, you forgot about the pogues that were surely piled on the couch down the hall. The only thing you could think of was how JJ’s arms were around you, his thumb gently rubbing up and down at your waist.

You were definitely in too deep.

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader

[panderghast]

I have maybe a pinch of hope left...

Cause like, I have sooooo much to give. And it seems like everyone wants a piece of it, but nobody wants to give anything back. They want me to be dirty, as long as I can wash myself clean again of course (my goodness). They love how quirky I am! Until I need to tone it down, oh my gosh it's mortifying. Why would I wear that in public, say that out loud? I'm going to walk away from you if you do that, I swear to god don't embarrass me. I have strong values and morals; unless we disagree. Then I become stubborn and unpleasant while I defend my opinion and you drown out my voice with your cynicism and ego. I can't even talk about what's bothering me, it's a personal attack on them exclusively. Lord have mercy it is actually about them, because suddenly they do nothing right and nothing is ever good enough for me and they just can't lose me, they can't!

Honestly, I'm also tired of playing into the thought of basic decency being my reward? I'm not your good girl. I'm not a dog. You aren't a dom, and I'm not a sub. I don't owe you that privilege just because you saw me naked and you put your hand on my throat while you fucked me. You don't know the first thing about BDSM, and you can't even tell me the definition of a kink. So why do you think this is a turn based game instead of a bonding exercise around consent? Don't touch me.

The thing is, I want to let someone in. I want to express deep and passionate love. But I am constantly misguided. I am lead to believe these men tell the truth, and then once I get comfortable in their embrace and I feel safe they constrict me like a snake until I stop breathing. My heart is treated like a possession, not a delicate gift. I'm a conquest in some sick subjugation, not a prize to be displayed and discussed and proud of. I'm a very fun toy to have, but I'm like a sports car - but they can't use me everyday, that's why they have their family car and I'm in the garage; they can only take my out when its convenient or they're feeling nostalgic or frisky. All I was asking for is maybe some recognition? A little appreciation, some attention? Maybe give me half as much thought as you did to your Baldur's Gate 3 character. Or, I suddenly turn into their mother and I get to experience all the Freudian bullshit that they packed in their bags and dragged around with them from house to house. I must be able to teach them all the things their lacking, right? I mean, after all I'm raising 4 kids successfully on my own and maintaining a house and budget without help and I do all these wonderful things like cook and clean and make art and I can still love so freely. Wow! I'm a goddess. I'm so special, unique, incredible, astounding...So, that's something that I can share obviously. It must be a secret, a technique I've perfected through all the trauma and opportunities life has given me. If I could only support them a bit...emotionally, spiritually, financially, sexually, physically, mentally...teach them how to take care of themselves since they never bothered to learn. Then I could make them a good partner. For me, of course! ...But I have to make sure I share their interests because mine are a bit boring, they don't get it it's too much information to follow, this cartoon is kind of childish don't you think, what is this a romance, I don't really understand old horror movies they're so badly made...but hey, have you seen the entire Marvel collection? Don't worry, I'll make sure to ask you questions on everything you do like that coincides with my interests to make sure you're telling the truth. Oh wait, make sure that I don't go out without them too much, they'll feel lonely. Why is my phone going off so much? I'm so paranoid about shutting my laptop when I'm done, omg can I stop doing that why don't I leave it open. Hey, they're out of body wash and shampoo btw. Ah, shoot, can I help them clean up because they're just so tired. Can I cover this bill, order this food, get these drinks cause they ran out of money? We haven't gone out in a while...oh it's because I'm not paying or planning for it anymore and the last time you did anything was March? What the fuck do you mean you don't vote? What the fuck do you mean you think feminists are annoying? What the fuck do you mean I emasculate you, I wasn't even talking to you, I was talking to my son about doing his homework or else he would end up living in his friends apartment sleeping on a mattress on the floor with no sheets and his winter coat on cause they couldn't afford the gas bill working a dead end job at a fast food place cause he has no skills...but if the fucking shoe fits, my guy. 🙄

#feminine rage #female insanity #female rage #rage #trust issues #apathy #anger #love #love language #i give up #leave me alone #better on my own #scream #scream into the void #break up #breakups #moving on #letting go #bye #shut up #ughhhh #ok bye #why #again #why are men like this #id rather be single

[luvfrommirah]

24/2/2024

Sorry for the inactivity, I've been pretty busy with school:'[

I've been watching delicious in dungeon and it's a pretty cool anime, it's worth watching in my opinion!

Also this Monday I won't go to school and go for coffee with my friends, it's going to be wonderful!

I've been appreciating walks alone more and more, and I've gotten back into drawing, it's really fun!

Some tips to enjoy walks alone!

Go to cafes! Seriously! No one will judge you! Everyone has their own things going on in life and they wouldn't care about what you're doing in a cafe!

Grab something to eat from a bakery. I understand if you find it pricy sometimes, depending on what you're getting, but even entering a bakery and smelling all of the amazing scents is worth it

Skim through books in a library/bookstore! It's always worth it and maybe you'll find a good read too!

Walk through nature, go to a park you've never been in or a forest if you have one in your area. Connecting with nature is really beneficial for your mental health so it's a good opportunity for you!

Go through a neighborhood you've never been too and look at the houses! Comment on the architecture in your head and think about what your ideal house would look like!

Go to supermarkets and look through the isles! I know it sounds boring but don't knock it till you try it! Smelling candles, looking through the school supplies or, a personal favorite, containers and cookware is so relaxing to me, and I recommend it to you too!

Turn off the music and analyze your thoughts. Maybe psychoanalyze yourself, why you act the way you do, maybe you can help yourself heal!

"Mirah that sounds good and all, but what do I bring with me?"

Well that really depends on your hobbies, but there are definitely some must haves when going on walks alone

A bag to put your stuff in. Obvious, yes, but a good backpack can always be beneficial!

A water bottle! Hydration is really important and if you plan on being out for hours and don't want to spend any money, definitely bring one

Something to eat. It isn't 100% necessary, and it doesn't have to be something complicated, some fruit or a small sandwich is enough.

A book. Finding the perfect spot to read is like a little adventure. Maybe you discover something new in the way. And it always makes every destination 100× more enjoyable!

A notebook. It can vary in size, shape, lined or not. Have it with you to write down your thoughts, doodle something, put things you find on the ground between the pages, write poems, you name it!

And you can't have a notebook without writing equipment! I am an artist so I always carry around pens and my colored pencils!. Though, from artist to artist, it would be best to carry with you the most convenient art supplies, the ones that don't take up too much space in your backpack or can fit in a pencil case.

Headphones. I've never left the house without my headphones. I don't think I need arguments for this one it's blatantly obvious.

A tad bit of money. Don't overdo it tho. This isn't a shopping spree, it's a walk to renew our energy! Personally I like to bring less than 2€ with me to challenge myself into not buying anything, unless I enter a cafe of course!

Hand sanitizer or wipes! If you plan touching a lot of things or are very cautious, these need to be in your backpack. I've dropped my earphones too many times and I needed a sanitary wipe to clean it and I didn't have any, let's say it wasn't pleasant with only one earbud

Walks outside are one of my favorite things to do and I hope I inspired you enough to do the same!I wish you have nice times like these too. May life fill you with happiness and joy, and I hope you have a good weekend/week! 🩷

#self love #self growth #self care #selfcare #affirmations #productivity #girlblogging #daily blog #love #life #romanticize life #romanticize school #romanticize #walking in nature #tips #bakery #healing

[heroes-of-olympus-next-gen]

Friends Halloween

To kick off one of my favourite months, I give you this one-shot that was stuck in my drafts for the past year. Hope you enjoy.

Friends Halloween

Nico was still in his bed around 4 pm. He didn’t have anything to do that day, or any place to be. Which meant embracing his lazy sleepy side. That only came around once or twice per year. Will’s illogical amount of energy must be rubbing out on him.

Will still hadn’t seen his text. It was a regular occurrence at that point. Was he feeling neglected by the constant disappearance of his boyfriend? Yes. Was it all worth it when he listened to said boyfriend talking about his shifts and surgeries. Also yes. But it was getting rather lonely and depressing never having him around. He wanted his boyfriend but deep down he knew that he was being selfish, and he should be happy and proud for him.

He heard someone banging his door. Nico didn’t even flinch as he knew who it was. The only person that would barge in his apartment and he wouldn’t care. He waited for 5 seconds before the door opened.

“Get up and go take a shower.” Reyna ordered him. She scanned the room and the expression on her face sent a shiver down his spine.

“I’m fine.” Nico reassured her.

“No, you aren’t. You’re hopeless romantic and want to spend Halloween with your boyfriend who is also hopeless romantic and celebrates Halloween like it’s a real holiday. And because you can’t spend Halloween together and you are cranky.”

“Reyna, you don’t have to worry about me.” Nico argued.

“I do. That’s why you keep me around. I’m your voice of reason.”

Nico raised his eyebrow. “No, you aren’t.”

“Who am I kidding? No, I am not. Anyway, that’s not the point. We’re celebrating Halloween.” She announced and started picking up the clothes from the floor.

“You hate Halloween.”

“I don’t hate Halloween. I just believe that there are holidays superior to the spooky day.”

“Like which one?”

“Christmas for starters.”

“Can’t really disagree with you on that. That’s a great reason to pretend that today is day like every other one.” Nico said in a desperate effort to ignore the day. He was upset Will was on a 26-hour shift, but there wasn’t anything he could do.

“Not happening. I know how much Halloween means to you, so we’re going to celebrate together.” Reyna promised him. Nico got out of his bed and straight to the bathroom.

“Give me ten minutes.”

“I don’t have any other place to be.”

15 minutes later, Reyna was tidying his living room, which didn’t sit well with him. “You don’t have to clean up my messes. You’re my guest.”

“No, I’m your family. Which means I clean up around here as well.”

“That’s not how it works, but I am going to drop the subject as I know we’ll get nowhere.”

“Just admit that I’m right.” Reyna smiled in victory as she put three blankets in the basket near the couch.

“Never. Then, our friendship will be boring.” Nico said and opened his television “Million dollar question: Nightmare Before Christmas or Hocus Pocus?”

“Hocus Pocus.” Reyna replied immediately. “Nightmare before Christmas is more a Christmas movie rather than a Halloween one.”

“That’s what Will believes as well.” Nico said as he put on Hocus Pocus. Reyna had already brought out his Halloween stash that he had in his kitchen. After the movie was over and they were waiting for their pizza to arrive, Reyna found the perfect opportunity to ask the real one million dollars question.

“How and you didn’t shadow travel to him?”

Nico immediately stood frigid like he was busted. “It’s complicated.” He coughed.

“Did you break up?” Was the only logical answer that crossed Reyna’s mind.

“No, no, no, definitely not. We’re good and still together.” He reassured her.

“Then what’s up?”

“I’m going to tell you something that I have only told to Will and Hazel.” Nico paused for a second. “And it has to remain strictly between us. Nobody needs to know.”

“I am not going to tell anyone.” Reyna promised as she realised that Nico was serious, and the subject meant a lot to him.

“I stopped using my powers. Like if it’s in my power, I’ll never use them again in my life.” He announced to his best friend.

“Oh, I didn’t expect that. How come?”

“I’ve come to the conclusion that the more I use my powers the more I disassociate with reality. It might have nothing to do with my powers, but I feel more stable.” Nico admitted. “You know, the underworld is a part of me, but for the past few weeks I’ve been feeling better. Less depressed, I’ve been eating more, working out more, doing homework and shit. It might all be inside my mind, but I think my powers and emotions are linked.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Reyna-“

“You are getting better. I’m telling you that. Because I can see all the progress you’ve been making me. Nico, a year ago you were rotting inside this apartment, and we had no idea why that was happening to you. I wish it really is just your excessive power usage and nothing else. You shouldn’t be worried about anything else rather than making the Dean’s list this year.”

“I thought you would have a different opinion on the matter.” He said a bit confused. He was relieved Reyna wasn’t disapproving his decision, but it also seemed weird at the same time.

“Because I come from a strict Roman household where powers are important?” She asked.

“Kind of? I don’t mean it in any negative way though.”

“I know. And Nico di Angelo I care about you more than you could ever imagine. And your powers don’t make you who you are. I’m glad you’re getting better.”

“Even if that means pushing aside the godly mythological side of my life?”

“Especially then. It takes a lot of strength to contain the most feral and strong part of yourself. I would never be able to do that, so yes, once again you made me proud.” She smiled. “And since we’re confessing stuff to each other, I guess it’s my turn.” Reyna said.

“You don’t have to.” Nico reassured her.

“I can’t have children.” She announced which caused Nico to remain quiet.

“Reyna-“

“The doctors aren’t exactly sure why. Probably it was Circe’s island, or the pirates or I probably got hurt in battle at some point.” She confessed. “But it doesn’t matter because I’ve never wanted kids on the first place.”

“Not wanting and not being able to are two different things.”

“I know.” She chocked.

Nico pulled her closer and hugged her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. Now I can’t be your surrogate.”

“Please don’t even think about it. It should be the least of your worries. Will and aren’t even on the same time zone right now. If we ever find the time to settle down we’ll find the way.”

“I just, I don’t know.” She sighed. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but I don’t feel like I’ve done it all.”

“You’re 23 years old. You aren’t supposed to know everything.”

“But I feel like I should.” Reyna said a bit confused.

“All I know is that you’re a talented person who has faced so much shit and deserves the world after everything that has happened. And I truly mean it, Reyna. You are the head of New Rome and in charge of Camp Jupiter and you never stop for a moment. I honestly don’t know how you do it all. I struggle with a simple college degree while you manage to put two feet in a shoe. I just want you to be happy.”

“Is it bad that I wish I wanted a simpler life? I wish I wanted to get married and have kids, so that I would feel normal. But I can’t even have kids. My body doesn’t even want to be normal. And I don’t know how to feel about all that.” She said trying to control her voice.

“You are normal. You don’t need to beat yourself up over something you have zero control over. And you aren’t alone. You have me, Will, Hazel, Frank, your sister, and a whole bunch of people who love and cherish you. You’re my sister, Reyna. You helped me so much throughout the years that I don’t even know how it’s possible to ever repay you.” He confessed to her.

“It’s simple. You owe me your first born.” Reyna half-smiled.

“Done.” Nico said and shook her hand.

“Thanks for spending Halloween with me. I really needed this.” Nico confessed as he took the last candy from the bucket in front of them.

“I needed this as well.”

#hoo #pjo #percy jackson #nico di angelo #reyna ramirez arellano

[observeowl]

Her Assistant | Chapter 5 - Feelings

Summary: After losing her family, Natasha Romanoff builds her company from the ground up. During the rise of her company, she decided she needed an assistant, one that works in her office and her house. That's when she saw your resume. After working five years for her, how was it like working for her? Or more importantly, how things progress?

Series Masterlist

Your POV After Miss Romanoff rushed me out of the house for absolutely no reason, I called my friend to see if she was free to hang out. She works as a freelance photographer so her schedule can be a bit hard to guess. This wasn't the first time I got hurt after a mission, I don't understand why she was so adamant on me resting.

Turns out she was free so I went to her house to fetch her before driving us to the bar we frequent since young.

"How's working for Natasha Romanoff?" She said as she got into the car.

"Wow. No hi or anything? Geez, get out." I said jokingly, playfully shoving her out of my car. She doesn't know what it was like serving Miss Romanoff, she thinks that I am serving a normal wealthy family that does normal duties in the house. You know, the normal cleaning and helping the family. I do that, just adding the extras.

"Fine. Hi, nice to finally see you, my friend." Victoria said while rolling her eyes as she buckled her seatbelt. We reached The Eden pretty quickly and got seated at the bar.

"My life is boring. Tell me about yours. I've seen your photos, you've been overseas?" I asked her once we had a couple of drinks. Victoria nodded but didn't say anything else. "It didn't go so well?" I asked her wearily. I knew about her passion for photography, she has been taking photos at every opportunity.

"It's just not easy being freelance when you haven't made your mark. It's almost like you're paying people to get work." She shrugged her shoulders.

"I know you'll make it someday. You just need that one shot. By then you have to remember I'm your first ever supporter." I cheers her drink before downing the remainder of the drink and ordered us a refill.

Once you get drunk, even the coaster is a sore eye. I flicked it aside and set my glass on the oak table. "I've been avoiding this topic for a while..." Victoria began. "But really, how is it working for Miss Romanoff?"

"I've been working with her for a few years, she's been through a lot since what happened to her family. She hired me after the incident, I never asked what happened but I know it's not something good. But she's really strong, she managed to build her own company from the ground up." I said what I could, avoiding all the side stuff Miss Romanoff does and obviously the contract. I may be drunk but I still have enough consciousness to know what I can say.

"Is... her family still alive?" She rested her head on her fist and asked.

"I'm not sure. I've never heard her say anything about it. But I know she gets nightmares once in a while." The house and mansion is big but I never fail to hear her screams when it gets bad. I tend to just wait outside to make sure that nothing goes wrong. She wants to maintain a strong front and not be seen as vulnerable and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want anyone to know and talk about it so I've told Bucky to keep quiet as well.

Victoria gave me a knowing smile and I scrunch my eyebrows at her.

"I've never once seen you describe a person without saying a single negative thing about them."

I watched as the ice melted in my glass. It's true, there was always something to hate about the person I've met - like their punctuality, not that that stops me from being friends with them but their negative point was still there. I just have to live with them as long as our waves match. Even Victoria has them.

People can never be perfect, but Miss Romanoff seemed so. She may be rough at times, but I like it sometimes. Here I am trying to figure out what to pinpoint about her cons but I couldn't come up with anything. I- I like everything about her.

"Hey hey, what got you smiling like that?" Victoria tapped the table and pulled me back to reality.

"Nothing. We should get going. Miss Romanoff said I needed to be back at night. I'll drop you off." I said as I paid the bartender for our night of drinks. "Once you're famous, this kind of treat would be yours to pay."

"If I ever get famous. Are you sure you're okay to drive back?" She checked on me.

"I'm sure, let's go. Since when have you seen me dead drunk?"

She put on her thinking face and answered. "Never."

"Precisely. Let's go." I drove out of the parking lot once she was ready. I could smell my alcohol breath so I searched for my mint and offered it to Victoria at my side while still looking at the road. She took one before placing it back.

"Get back safe." She said after I dropped off.

"I will. See you soon." I waved at her before driving back to the house. It was nice to catch up with an old friend that I haven't seen for a long time. To be honest, ever since working for Miss Romanoff, I haven't been given the time off since we were usually engaged in missions and were sometimes overseas as well. And I've lost some contact with my friends, not sure what they were doing.

But I let my mind wander about what Victoria said regarding Miss Romanoff. Why am I feeling this now? She is my master, I'm not supposed to be feeling this way. This was not how they taught me. Her face flashed in front of me and set butterflies in my stomach. What is this feeling? I just can't seem to describe it. I think I need help. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

How did I get back to the house? I don't remember anything after dropping Victoria off. I don't even remember parking my car in the garage. Just how much did I drink yesterday?

I woke up with a pounding headache when the alarm rang and turned it off immediately. As the head assistant, my day starts earlier than the rest. And I got to work while trying to shake off the pain that even seems to make my hand shake.

"Are you okay?" Bucky's voice came out of nowhere and scared me, causing me to spill the hot coffee over my hand. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." He came and guided my hand under the running cold water. I clenched my jaw trying to control the pain and stop myself from whimpering in pain.

"What has gotten to you these few days? You never get hurt so often." He said as he applied cooling gel on my hand and wrapped it. He was always very well versed in first aid.

"Just the alcohol from yesterday night. Thanks." I patted his shoulders and assured him that nothing was wrong. "Help me set the breakfast on the table for Miss Romanoff." I nodded towards the food that was already plated.

Natasha POVAfter I told Y/N to leave, I didn't see her until it was almost midnight. I was still in my office getting ready for the release of a new product when I heard the garage door open so I went to check things out. Y/N came back stumbling into the house, unable to walk in a straight line. A huge part of me wanted to help her seeing how she was still injured from the mission earlier but I didn't think she'd want my help so I stayed behind the corner and made sure she got back to her room safely.

I stood outside her door trying to guess what she was doing but there was no sound until I heard light snores coming from her room. Content that at least she was safe, I retreated back into my room and went to sleep as well.

---

"Miss Romanoff." I could hear Y/N's voice. I groaned and faced the inside of the bed, not wanting to wake up yet. "Miss Romanoff, your coffee is ready." She said once again, and I finally got up. I mean, she asked so nicely, how can I get mad at her?

I noticed the white gauze on her hand as she handed me my coffee which I did not see when she came back yesterday. "What happened to your hand?"

"Just a burn, nothing much."

"You need to be more careful. You're supposed to be the best." I said. "What's the schedule for today?" I asked as I took a whiff of my coffee before sipping it, letting the aroma linger among my senses for a while longer.

"Tony is coming over today and the warehouse requested for your visit today." She informed me.

"Ahh yes... they have been bugging me to visit. I guess I'll go today." I gave her back the cup and she passed me my outfit for the day.

Breakfast was already on the table at my seat and I began eating when Tony barged in again. What's with him and his entrances especially during breakfast?

"Yes! I managed to catch you while you were still having your breakfast!" He cheered as he sat on the table opposite me. Are you sure this guy is a grownup? Doesn't he have any other better things to do other than to disturb me?

Bucky placed another set of breakfast in front of him and he started munching on his share. "I came to deliver what you asked."

Your POVDeliver what Miss Romanoff asked? What could it be that she didn't ask me to do it? Requests usually go through me and I try to source it to the best of my abilities.

A muscular guy came into view and I furrowed my eyebrow lightly. His tall structure and muscles are almost ripping out of his shirt. His blonde hair and blue eyes seemed so cold.

"Right... he will be your assistant for a week, Y/L/N." Miss Romanoff said while still eating her breakfast. So now I have an assistant...

"Steve Rogers." He held his hand towards me and I shook it as a kind gesture while nodding. "Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you."

"He's working with me and I'm lending him to Natasha for a week." Mr Stark said and he finished his breakfast, faster than Miss Romanoff. "He's pretty good at fighting."

"But... I don't see the need..." Given his recent track record of people working for him and actually being dangerous, I don't see how this is a good idea to use people that Mr Stark has hired. I am enough to protect Miss Romanoff, more people just add to the hassle and complexity.

"He's mainly here as my bodyguard. Your job remains the same."

"Yes, Miss Romanoff." I cleared her table and brought them to the kitchen. Was I not doing enough, is she going to replace me? But we have the contract. Where did I fail? Was it because I got hurt in the last mission and she thinks I'm not competent enough?

I got the car ready to leave for the warehouse and saw that Mr Rogers was following her. Not once in my one year of service I had the privilege of standing so close to her. We attended events together but I stood so far apart that I wouldn't even be included in pictures.

I opened the car door for Miss Romanoff and Rogers got into the back row with her. My knuckles were turning white from my tight grip I have on my steering wheel. Why is this affecting me so much? I am hired to follow orders, stop thinking so much. I pressed on the gas and we took off.

Once we reached the warehouse, there were already people there to greet Miss Romanoff. She followed Mr Simson, the head of the warehouse who was showing her the new products that were due to be out on the streets in a week.

"Here's a sample." He took a piece of chocolate and presented it to Miss Romanoff. She swirled it in her mouth, tasting it before giving an emotionless 'hmm' and moving onto the next section. I could see that the employees were flustered as they looked towards me for help since they didn't understand what kind of signal she was giving.

I gave them an okay sign and they hurried off passing the message that the product was in the clear. The production line started moving again and things were getting packed.

I looked at Rogers and he was eyeing Miss Romanoff like a piece of meat. Shouldn't he be looking out for dangers? Stop looking at Miss Romanoff!

Just seeing him sets off my anger, I am so irritated but I can't seem to calm down. I want to punch something, someone, more specifically him but I have to keep my image. I want to scream to let the world know I'm angry but I just take a couple of deep breaths while clenching my fist.

"Y/L/N! Aren't you coming?" Miss Romanoff shouted and I took a couple quick steps to catch up to the group.

Just a week, I told myself. He's here for just a week. You have better patience than this. 

---

Once we were done with the inspection of goods about the new product line, Miss Romanoff decided she wanted to have lunch outside so we went to the Italian restaurant we always frequent. There was a private seating area inside which was always reserved for us.

I was about to step inside when Rogers caught my arm and my attention was directed to him. "Where do you think you're going?"

I looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you going in?"

I chuckled at him and stepped backwards to stand right in front of him. I dusted the invisible dust on his shoulders and straightened his collar for him. "You may look tougher than me, but I worked here longer than you. So stop questioning me."

"Y/L/N, why are you so slow?" Miss Romanoff called from inside the room. I smirked at Rogers before heading into the room.

We were choosing our food when a waitress came in holding a cup of coffee and I instantly knew it was Rogers doing. Even though it was placed in front of Miss Romanoff, I took the cup and drank it instead. "Sorry about that."

We gave our orders to the waitress before she left and it was back to silence. She was busy with her phone and I sat there looking around... or at her. It was a weird quirk of Miss Romanoff, she never liked to eat alone so I had the luxury of eating at the same time as her. I'm guessing she hated the feeling of being left alone, one of the reasons why she never liked staying in her mansion. This was a plus compared to my other master, my meals were never on time.

Our food came and we proceeded to eat until I thought of Rogers again. "What about Mr Rogers?" I quietly asked as we were eating.

"You can go and order anything with him when you go get my coffee." She simply stated as she glanced up at me.

"Yes, Miss Romanoff." I got up from my seat and Rogers was still standing outside, I nodded for him to follow me and told him to order anything he would like to eat. Using my card, I paid for the food and collected Miss Romanoff's ice coffee that we pre-ordered.

"Miss Romanoff drinks specific coffee at different places."

---

The launch went exceptionally well and the profit was rolling in. The front page of the papers were showing the new products and the logo of the company can be seen. Once again, Miss Romanoff gave me another day off and went to work with Rogers. I don't understand why she was giving me so many days off all of a sudden. It made me very out of place and I had nowhere to go since the rest of my friends were working.

I walked where my feet took me and I ended up in front of a busy shop. People were crowding the entrance and there was even a queue to enter. I looked up slowly and it was the Romanoff Corporation. Kids were begging and dragging their parents into the shop, wanting them to buy the latest edition of toys and such. It was very chaotic with lots of screaming and yelling and the parents trying to remain strong and not give into their puppy eyes.

From the window, I noticed that Miss Romanoff was there as well. Out of every shop, my feet chose to walk to the one she's in. She liked going down personally to check on things and experience from the consumer's point of view, which was what made her company so successful as well. Due to the crowd of the store, Rogers' hand was on her waist, standing next to her.

I was boiling with anger and slammed my fist on the brick wall before heading back to the apartment. I found Bucky working out in the gym and I went to join him in the boxing ring after wrapping my hands.

I poured my anger into my punches and pushed Bucky to the edge of the ring. "Woah woah. Okay, stop!" I dropped my hands to my side and panted. "What has gotten into you? Has your wound healed?"

"I- I don't know." I stepped out of the ring and wiped my sweat.

"Ever since Rogers got here, you've been a lot angrier." Bucky noted as he took off his gloves and checked on my wound. "I've never seen you lose your cool." He lets my shirt down when he sees it's not bleeding through the bandage.

"Just drop it okay. I'm going back to my room."

Bucky POVI sighed as Y/N went back to her room. This week was not going to be peaceful at all. Rogers was daring and often overstepping his boundaries as a bodyguard while Y/N was staring daggers at him.

The tension was thick when both of them were in the same room. Rogers wished to serve Miss Romanoff better but Y/N would prove that he was not needed and he was making things a lot more complicated. Even though I have been here for slightly more than six months, I have yet to learn all of Miss Romanoff's habits.

"Just you wait, at the end of this week, I'm going to replace you." I heard Rogers say to Y/N one day in the kitchen.

"I'd really like to see you try." She shoved him aside before bringing the dinner out. I cleared my throat before entering and carried the rest of the plates out.

"Brother, a piece of advice. Don't mess with women." I stopped at his side before reaching the dining area.

"The two of you are dismissed." Miss Romanoff said and we walked out, leaving Y/N and her alone.

Natasha POVI could tell that Y/N has a lot on her mind and I told the guys to leave. We haven't had a mission for a while so I was curious as to what was clouding her mind. "You know, you can always tell me what's going on. I may be able to help. You don't always have to think of me as your boss."

She looked at me and gave me a kind smile. "I just don't understand why Rogers is here. Is he doing something that I can't be doing?"

I didn't think I was making her feel that way when I requested an extra assistant from Tony. I just wanted her to heal in peace since it was my fault she got hurt. But seeing Rogers here seemed to make her uncomfortable.

"I just wanted to see what having two assistants is like." Well, it's almost the end of the week. Just two more days and Rogers will be returned to Tony. But I guess I should let Y/N return to her normal work so she's more comfortable. Rogers... well, he can just stand somewhere.

We finished the rest of dinner in silence until Y/N cleared the plate.

"You can resume your work as per normal tomorrow." I told her before leaving the dining area. 

#natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x you #my writing #Her Assistant #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfiction

[ft3rachaa]

“star-gazing was a good idea.”

• pairing: minho x fem!reader

• content/warning: uhhhh, nothing just fluffy fluff fluff

• genre: idol!au, established relationship

• word count: 884

• a/n: i’ve just been feeling so soft towards minho lately so i hope you enjoy this lil drabble

———————————————————————————————

it was always minho’s busy schedule that got in the way. granted you were busy too, your part time job at the cafe and school work piled on top. but minho’s schedule caused his days to be sporadic, sometimes arriving home at 10pm, other days he was silently slipping into your shared bed at 3 am after dance practice. time wasn’t really on your side when it came to the extra shared time together.

so when the opportunity presented itself, you had finished your assignments for the week, only having a morning shift while minho finished his schedule before dinner, the idea of a little dinner picnic under the moonlight was an idea far too good to pass up.

you discussed the previous night the plans for the day, compromising on you choosing the dinner to pack, minho driving and picking the perfect location where the stars were easily visible.

so that’s where you are, blanket laid out on the soft, slightly damp grass in an open field, no trees to obstruct your view, nor any city lights to dull the sparkle of the trillions of mini lights in the sky. it was almost too perfect, the one night they could have time together, the air was clean and comfortable, a cloudless evening, and most importantly, the one you care for the most in the world feet away from you.

minho sat on the blanket, shifting the material until it laid perfectly flat, his hands busying to set out the sealed food you had prepared earlier in the day. from the short distance you were from him, extra blanket in hand you retrieved from the car, you spotted a small smile he kept to himself. wondering what he was thinking to smile alone without any motivation.

you finished your mini journey back to his presence, kicking off your shoes before finding your spot right between his legs, back against his chest, his hands immediately wrapping around you out of instinct. “whats got you all smiley, mister?” you teased, shifting to look up at him as your smile widened seeing he kept that same soft smile.

“i was just thinking, star-gazing was a really good idea.” he praised, a hand reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. leaning into his touch you hummed with content, nodding in agreement, yet still wanting to hear him speak, “yeah? what made you realize that?” you questioned with honey dripping from your voice. the moment felt too soft to speak in any other way than sweetly to your lover.

“i get to spend time with you, no distractions, no loud noises, just you, me, and the beautiful little lights in the sky.” he rambled, his hands stroking over your cheek. the way he stared at you while speaking was enough to feel like you were falling in love all over again. his eyes were soft and the way they bored into yours with such passion had you blushing like a little schoolgirl. you had been together for nearly 3 years but he still has this affect on you.

“can’t forget the amazing food i prepared for us.” you teased once more, shifting so your side was against his chest, legs across his thighs and arms finding their home around his neck. “i was getting to that part..” he mumbled, leaning in to rest his forehead on yours, lips brushing ever so slightly as he spoke. you could taste the mint from his breath as he spoke, enticing as ever.

without a second thought your lips were moulding together, tenderly dancing just as the stars were above your heads. it was something out of a movie, the way everything felt so calm, romantic and beautiful. you felt another hum of content leave your lips as you pulled away, earning a smile from your lover yet again.

“i love you.” he spoke out gently, his hands cupping your cheeks to place a few more tiny kisses across your face. earning a giggle, you scrunched up your nose at the contact, smiling brighter than that crescent moon above the stars.

“i love you back.” you spoke, pinching his cheek playfully before leaning back slightly. minho whined at loss of contact, replacing his hands around your waist again, chin resting on your shoulder. you pointed out how you haven’t touched the food yet but he couldn’t focus, shaking his head as he pouted. “don’t want that, wanna keep kissing you.” he whined, earning the umpteenth giggle from you that even.

“you gotta at least try my sandwiches, i cut them into hearts and everything!” you exclaimed, grabbing the tupperware full of mini heart shaped sandwiches.

“fine. only if you feed me.” minho compromised, wiggling his eyebrows in a playful manner. you scoffed playfully, pulling opening the lid and grabbing a sandwich. “such a baby..” you murmured, a smirk threatening your lips. he chuckled as he took a bite, repaying with yet another kiss to your face.

“but i’m only your baby, and that’s all that matters.” he stated matter-of-factly.

and that he was right, nobody could compare to the cold to everyone else, yet soft to you man you were able to call your own.

minho was right. star-gazing was definitely a great idea.

#skz drabbles #skz fluff #skz scenarios #kpop #stray kids #lee know fluff #lee minho fluff #lee know drabbles #lee know x reader #stray kids x reader #ft3rachaafics

[istorkyou]

When We Were Wild (Modern!Ivar AU)

A Modern!Ivar x F Reader.

Warning - Alcohol use. Implied sexual abuse. Violence. Knife. NSFW 18+ MINORS DO NOT READ. Smut. Language.

Synopsis - Best friends until….

Note - Everything in italics is a flashback.

Word count - 9080. Well shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit....

As always, massive love to @punkrocknpearls​​ for talking me through this, the amazing beta (pretty sure she got the characters better than I did!) and for the fabulous moodboard above. You da BEST!

Tag List - As always, let me know if you want on or off.

@smears-and-spots​ @punkrocknpearls​​ @youbloodymadgenius​​ @momowhoo​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog​​ @ivar-s-my-brat-tamer​​ @pieces-by-me​ @heavenly1927​​ @berryonasummerevening​​ @synnersaint​​ @out-of-the-box-and-into-alchemy​ @petite-hime​​ @serasvictoria​​ @mimiiinspace​​ @itsmysticalmystery​​ @lonewolf471​​ @mylifeisactuallyamess​​ @grimeundglow​​ @draculasbride-blog​​ @love-all-things-writing​ @southernbe​​ @redhead7799​​ @kaybee87​​ @ivarlover​​ @ivarhoegh​​ @freydis-tyrsdottir​​ @idgafiamallthefandoms​​ @darkphoenix5037​​​ @profoundtyrantharmony​​ @snarling-through-our-smiles @crazyunsexycool​​​

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3

CHAPTER 4 

You look around Ivar’s place and already know how much of the clean up will land in your lap tomorrow. You don’t know half the people here either, which isn’t surprising considering all the brothers are here and have invited everyone they know. 

You watch Ivar talking to a pretty blond woman and give a little smirk when he catches your eye. 

“Ahhhhh, hello there. Can you put my beers in the fridge?” Sigurd is jeering at you. “Or are you too busy watching my brother chat up every woman but you?”  

You stare at him, unmoved by his crappy attempt at needling you. He holds his beers up to you and shakes them, signifying he wants you to put them away for him.

“I’m not your mother, nor a maid, put your beers in the fridge yourself, fuckhead.” 

“I don’t know why you are always so rude to me.” He smiles at you; he knows exactly why.

You smile at him falsely, happy nonetheless for another opportunity to have another go at him. “Because you are a total and utter waste of space. An oxygen thief.”

He tuts at you. “You just follow Ivar everywhere. It’s sad really. You are here alone, in the kitchen, watching him flirt with another woman. It’s tragic.”

You huff in amusement. “Just so we are crystal clear here, I could not give a flying fuck how you view me, how tragic you think I am. Your opinion means less to me than zero. Now run along before I really follow Ivar and smash a bottle over your head. There’s a good boy. Have you forgotten, Sigurd?” You point to a thin silver scar on his neck.

His patronising smile fades and there is fear in his eyes for a fleeting second. Then he huffs out a laugh of derision, but you notice how he keeps his eyes on you as he fills the fridge and quickly leaves to join the party. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You’ve been staying at Ivar’s house for a few months. The brothers are used to you now, you were there enough before, had dinner there most nights that it’s not a massive difference now that you sleep there. You like them, well, not Sigurd but that’s probably because he and Ivar don’t get on and you are always having to drag Ivar away from a fight. On his own, Sigurd isn’t too horrible to you. 

Until one night. 

Ivar is out at the physiotherapist and you are in your room trying to do your homework. It’s maths. Not your strong suit. 

There’s a knock on your door and Sigurd pushes your door open. “What are you doing? I’m bored.”

“Maths homework. I don’t get it.” You throw the booklet down in frustration. 

“Oh… I can help. I’m good at maths.” He enters your room and sits in your bed as he grabs your booklet. “Ah, here, you’ve gone wrong here. Replace that with an x and see if it makes sense.” He hands it back and you study it for a minute.

“Nope, no fucking sense. Why is it an x? Why isn’t it a number? Oh fuck this,” you throw it across the room, “I’m playing Mariokart.” You turn the TV on and start to load up the game.

“Can I play?” Sigurds picks up the spare controller and you nod. 

You are kicking his ass so hard.

“So, why did your dad leave you?” Sigurd asks out of the blue, not taking his eyes off the tv even after your head swivels to his. 

Your hackles go up immediately. “Because he’s an addict, asshole.”

“Yeah but, he must have left you behind for a reason. Were you not making him any money anymore? Got too old?” His eyes are still on the tv. His words have left ice in your chest. He’s sat here as if what he is saying is not the most disgusting thing you’ve ever heard.

“What? That’s a lie, I never had to…. Get out of my room.”

“This isn’t your room though, is it, Reject? This is a room in my house, my family's house. You aren’t family. You are just a stray my mother has taken in. Ivar’s little pet. A wounded bitch.” 

You get off the bed and stand with your back to him, refusing to let him see you cry at his words. “Get out.”

“I don’t think I will. I don’t have to get out of a room in my own home. You aren’t too old for me, just so you know. If you want me to leave I will, but you have to do something for me first.” 

You have to physically stop yourself recoiling at his meaning, stop a wave of repulsion contorting your body as it makes its way slowly from your feet to your head. 

You felt safe here until this very second. Aslaug and Ivar, even the other brothers, have made you feel safe here. They’ve protected you. But you may as well be in your unlockable room at the group home right now for the roiling nausea you feel at his unwanted presence in your space. 

Fight or flight. Or freeze.

This is Ivar’s home. You will not be made to feel unsafe in his home. He is your only safe person, this house is your only safe space. You will not let Sigurd take that from you or Ivar.

You look over your shoulder at him slowly. His eyes are still on the tv. 

You stroll confidently around the bed so you are standing next to him. You climb on top of him, your legs either side of his lap. His eyes pop out of his head at your movement and he swallows thickly. 

You reach to open your bedside drawer. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Getting protection,” you tell him.

He doesn’t even know what’s happening before you flick open the knife Ivar gave you, pull his hair back hard and hold the blade to his neck. 

Your lips pull back and you bare your teeth at him. “You are not permitted into my bedroom ever again. You are not permitted to speak to me for the rest of the time I am living here. You are not permitted to imply disgusting, false things about my past. If you break any of these rules I will use this knife on you. I haven’t decided where yet, but I will use it on you. Do you understand me? You don’t intimidate me, I’ve been threatened with far worse by bigger boys than you.” Your chin tilts up and you push the blade a little more into his skin so a drop of blood falls. 

He nods, as much as he can without cutting his skin further, his face is terrified. 

Good. 

“Never call me a bitch or a reject again.” You remove the blade, pushing it into the handle. “I'll do you a solid, not that you deserve it, I won't tell Ivar or your mother what you have said to me tonight, and you should worship at my feet for that small mercy. Now get the fuck out.”

When Ivar comes into your room that night he knows something has happened. He knows by your face and the way you cling to him in a way you haven’t since your first few nights away from the group home. 

“What’s wrong, Shitball?” he asks into your hair as he holds you.

“Bad dream.” It’s only the second time you’ve lied to him and you don’t even feel bad. You are lying to him for him, to keep him protected from the truth 

He just hums as he smooths your hair down and lets you fall asleep wrapped around him.

________________

Ubbe is the only person who realises that something happened, probably because Sigurd developed a habit of touching his neck when you were around. He gets it out of you one night, in the gentle, coaxing manner he has. You make him swear to you that he will not tell Ivar or Aslaug. He never does, but Sigurd has a black eye for weeks after.

************************************************

“Who the hell brought Sigurd? I sent the message on the group chat and specifically told him not to come.” He chugs his beer and settles next to you, leaning against the counter top surveying you. “What’s wrong? You seem a bit off. Something happened?” 

You spoke through some rough stuff with Dr Hersher. Stuff about your father, stuff about your choices of men. She suggested it might be because you haven’t ever been loved unconditionally, and so choose men that will emulate that pattern. You don’t mention to her that there’s one guy in your life who has..

 You just shrug at him. “I’m OK. Just a bit meh…” 

“Bet your period is coming. You always get a bit.. flat the week before.” He looks around the party. “No one catching your eye? Getting laid would help.”

You look around and there isn’t anyone interesting, so you decide to make your own fun and wind up Ivar.

“Well, there’s been someone I’ve been interested in for a while now but I haven’t said anything because it’s really awkward.” 

His head turns to you quickly. “Who??”

“I think we’d be really well suited, we've known each other forever and I’ve started to think he’s really sexy, but I can’t say anything because it’s too weird.”

His whole body turns towards you. You keep your eyes away from his because you will just crack up if you look at him. You don’t see that his chest has started to rise and fall a little faster, that his eyes are glued to the side of your face.

“It would be too weird and you wouldn’t want to hang out with me anymore.” 

“Just say it,” his voice has a hint of panic in it, a breathlessness that you miss.

“It’s Sigurd. I’m going to bang Sigurd.” You turn to Ivar, who is a little closer than you thought he was. “I’ve fallen in love with him.” You look at Ivar’s face and it’s such a picture that you crack up and your bellowing laugh carries across the party.

Ivar deflates in front of you, his face drops but then he starts to laugh. “You are such a giant ball of shit. I thought… never mind. I will go and get him if you want? Sigurd!” he shouts across the party.

“Don’t you fucking dare! I will kill you!” your voice is low.

“Sigurd!” Ivar gestures at him to come over. You watch the confusion on Sigurd’s face and he starts to walk towards the kitchen.

“Ivar shitting Lothbrok I will never speak to you again!” He widens his eyes briefly at you. “Stop, I was just playing! I will murder you, believe me.”

“What do you want, Ivar?” Sigurd asks, not hiding the irritation in his voice.

Ivar’s eyes don’t leave yours, your eyes narrow and his eyes widen. “Nothing Sigurd. Just want to make sure you remember what a twat you are.”

Sigurd groans loudly and goes back into the party.

You let out a breath of relief. “I hate you!” you laugh. 

“You love me.” He gives you a quick kiss on the forehead and walks away. 

——————---------------------------------------------------------

Late in the night the crowd has thinned out and you are all sitting round chatting when Hvitserk asks if anyone wants to play truth or dare. 

“Jesus Hvitserk, how old are you?” Ivar asks, annoyed.

“Perpetually teenage I reckon,” you answer Ivar.

“Well you just volunteered yourself for the first round!” Hvitserk laughs pointing at you. 

You roll your eyes. “Fine. Truth.” 

“When was the last time you guys fucked?” Hvitserk points between you and Ivar.

You and Ivar look at each other with looks of confusion on your faces. “We’ve never fucked.” You shrug, expecting that to be the end of conversation. “Who’s next?”

Sigurd pipes up. “I don’t believe for one second that you two have never slept together. There’s never been once in all the time you’ve been friends that you’ve got drunk and had sex? You slept in the same bed for almost a year as teenagers.” 

“No. We’ve never even kissed. Now shut the fuck up and move on,” You hiss, dismissing him with a wave of your hand. 

“Well, actually, that’s not true is it? We kissed once.” Ivar’s face has an amused smile on it and as you look at him the memory of it floods back and you burst out laughing. 

“Oh shit!! We did, what were we? Thirteen? We got drunk on your mum’s wine and got off with each other!” You both are laughing. “We were both so weirded out by it we didn’t speak for weeks! Fuck I must have blocked that out, I’m going red at the memory!” You cover your cheeks. 

“I remember Ivar told me about that! He was….” Hvitserk starts to say but Ivar cuts him off. 

“Ok, she’s done her truth. Who is next?” Ivar looks around the room.

“You.” Sigurd replies quickly with an evil look on his face directed at Ivar.

“Dare.”

“Kiss her now.” Sigurd's face is covered in a smug expression.

You look at Ivar and he looks at you, his face is expressionless, and a little feeling of dread trickles in your chest. Surely he isn’t going to kiss you in front of all these people? Suddenly his face changes and he looks at Sigurd.

“No. I’m out.” He gets up from his chair and walks to the kitchen. 

Sigurd eyes follow him and then land on you. “Well, that’s embarrassing for you, isn’t it? Even your best friend won’t kiss you,” he tuts. “Are you OK?” He asks falsely.

“I’ll survive. Thanks for your concern, you cunt.” You watch Sigurd’s face pull into an angry sneer.

“How about you? Truth or dare?” Sigurd waves his hand at some dude you vaguely recognise as one of Aethelred’s friends.

“Dare.”

“Kiss her.” He points at you. 

“Have you got a bit of a hard on for me tonight, Sigurd? There were plenty of other people in the room.” You hear Ivar snigger from the kitchen.

“Uh, yeah, I’m not going to kiss her. I’m Aethelred’s friend.”

“And what?“ you ask him. 

“I don’t do sloppy seconds.” He laughs at his friend who is next to him. 

“Sloppy seconds? How old are you?!? There’s not one person in here who hasn’t been with someone else,” you scoff at him “we are in our late twenties, guy, everyone our age in someone’s sloppy seconds. Are you dumb?“

His face flushes, “plus he said you were a shit lay. I’d rather kiss anyone else.” 

“Oh. Oh, I was the shit lay? Tell your fucking friend that only one of us came that night and it certainly wasn’t me. I was nowhere close!” you shriek at him and laugh, but actually your insides have dropped a bit at the humiliation. 

“That was fucking rude,” Hviserk address the guy. “I suggest you leave before Ivar hears what you just said to her.” 

“Fuck what Ivar will do. I suggest you leave now before you see what I will do! Be sure to tell your friend what I said.” You get up and stomp towards Ivar’s bedroom which is always off limits at these parties so you know you will be alone. 

Even though you knew you stood your ground you can’t help but let the sting of embarrassment prickle your skin until it works its way up to your eyeballs and forces out as tears once you are alone. 

You've been doubting yourself recently. Since the contact from your father some suppressed memories and subsequent feelings have resurfaced. Feelings of inadequacy, rejection. 

If you are totally honest with yourself you have been feeling off balance ever since Tom went off with that other woman. And the one before did exactly the same thing. You don’t know what it is about you but you don’t seem to hold anyone's interest for too long, and you’ve always attributed that to the men; you aren’t lacking in confidence but it’s really taken a hit recently and you just aren’t feeling yourself. Even when you look in the mirror you don’t like the reflection as much as you once did. 

The rejection is really starting to cut at you and you know why: it all stems from your parents, but you refuse to let yourself dive into those feelings right now, at this party. This can be discussed next week in therapy.

You take yourself into the en suite and use your face wash to get rid of your panda eyes from the crying. You are going to head back out to the party but your feet stop at the bedroom door and won’t let you go any further. You try again but you remember the faces of the people looking at you as you tore a strip of the guy who embarrassed you and your feet just take you back to the bed. 

You stay in Ivar’s room until you hear the music go off and he comes to check on you. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Everyone’s gone. Are you just going to sit in here all night feeling sorry for yourself? A pity party for one?” he comes and sits next to you in the bed and knocks you with his shoulder. “I threw that guy out with strict instructions that he should tell Aethelred to Google “location of the clitoris”.” 

The snort laugh that leaves you automatically cheers you up. He can pretty much always cheer you up. 

“Come on, get your sorry ass up.”

“You just want me to help with the clean up.” You grump at him.

“I do, come out and help. It’s just us now, everyone else is gone.” 

You head out into the lounge and start filling up a bin bag with empty bottles and detritus.

“You OK?” he asks from behind you.

“Dunno. Feel a bit shit about myself right now, you know? Even before tonight.” You look at him sadly. 

“You wanted that random dude to kiss you in a stupid game of truth and dare?” Ivar retorts, poking a little.

“No but I certainly didn’t want to be humiliated in front of everyone,” you sigh, sniffling and rubbing your nose. “Not to worry. What do I care what he thinks?”

“He hurt your feelings,” Ivar counters. “I know you. You verbally bitch slapped him but his words hurt you. You know you aren’t a shit lay, surely?”

“I mean do I? The last two guys I had relationships with left me for other women and apparently Aethelred is telling the world and his wife that I’m hopeless in bed.” You throw a bottle into your trash bag so hard you hear a bunch of them smash. “Ugh, whatever. Just ignore me. It’s bigger than what happened tonight.” You drag the bag to the kitchen, throw it down on the floor and get a fresh beer out the fridge. You sit up on the counter top, feeling dejected and embarrassed, as you take a sip from it. 

“I know it’s bigger than this.” Ivar comes into the kitchen and leans against the counter next to you. “You pick weak men and let them walk over you because that’s the only blueprint you had growing up. Until you met me.”

He shrugs smugly and grins; it makes you laugh, almost.

“You want me to kiss you? I’m good at it apparently. It might make you feel better.” His face is full of mischief.

You give him a withering look. “Oh don’t you start taking the piss out of me as well, you knob. I just told you I’m feeling crappy, don’t make it worse.”

“Come on! Just a little one. I want to see if you still kiss like you did when we were kids.” 

He moves to you, slides between your legs putting his hands either side of your thighs, palms down on the countertop. 

“Ivar. How drunk are you?? Stop it. This is weird. You are freaking me out.” You know he’s joking with you and you don't appreciate it. He’s being cruel. You try to wriggle off the counter but his hands land on your hips, keeping you still. 

 Your eyes go to his hands quickly with a scowl on your face. 

No permission.

He knows instantly and he removes his hands quickly and puts his them back on the counter. “Sorry. But it's just me, it’s an experiment. For science. Just…. shush.” 

He leans into you, you keep your eyes on his eyes but they are looking at your mouth. He moves so slowly it allows you time to think through all the different scenarios: 

Is he going to stop just before his lips touch mine and laugh at me because he’s taking the piss?

Is he going to kiss me then sober up and be grossed out?

Is he going to kiss me and I’m going to be grossed out? 

What in the hell is he doing?

The closer he gets to you the more you just want to burst out laughing at the absurdity of the thought of the two of you kissing, like you are hallucinating, but the more you study his face you know he is serious about this. The realisation makes your stomach drop in nervousness and dread. You don’t want this to happen.

“Hey, what are you…” but the rest of your sentence is stopped as his lips connect with yours. Your body takes over and you lean away from him, breaking the kiss, but his mouth chases yours and his lips connect with your top lip, he sucks very gently then moves to your bottom lip, sucking it between his lips with more force than before. Your breath hitches twice as he releases the kiss, and then a third time when your eyes connect with his blue ones. 

You don’t know what to say to him. You want to run out of the house but something is keeping you here. Gravity feels heavier on you than usual and you don’t move. His lips are shiny from the kiss and you feel yourself leaning into him a fraction before you stop yourself. “Wh…” 

Your voice is lost when you lock eyes with him. His nose runs a circle on the tip of yours. You assume he is waiting for your protest, and you know you should, but you can’t form any words that would stop him. 

You liked the kiss. 

You know how your face must look to him, the questions etched all over it, the confusion brought on by his actions. You see the corners of his eyes crinkle with a small smile and his mouth is back on yours. 

This time he tilts his head a fraction to the right and coaxes your mouth open with his. You feel a small lick onto your tongue with his, a testing action. Waiting for your reaction. You reply by letting your own tongue carefully into his mouth, exploring. Your movement seem to be the permission he needs and you feel a shift in his posture, a straightening of his spine, pulled up to full height making your head tip a little as you feel one of his hands run up the outside of your thighs, settling in the crease connecting your hip and his other hand finds its way into the back of your hair. 

This is how you stay. 

You barely break apart, only to allow enough oxygen into your lungs to stop them burning before diving back into each other. With each break your eyes find each other’s, checking in, a continued permission exchanged silently. 

Your head is empty of all questions and doubt for the moment. The only forming thought is that this feels normal, natural. Your body is in the driving seat now, your brain has checked out.

You are aware of his hand running over your hip, and pulling you towards him as your hips roll into his crotch. The feeling of him hard against you makes you break away from him. 

It’s sobering, a line you’ve never considered crossing with him. 

“Wh….what… Ivar, what are we doing here?” You shake your head a bit, trying to restore your thoughts to order. 

“I am trying to prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you. You just pick the wrong guys. I am not the wrong guy.” He clears his throat and moves his crotch away from yours. His hand slips under your top and settles on your waist, his thumb running a circle over your skin. “Sorry about the boner,” he says boldly. 

“Jesus Christ!” You give him a quick swat on his chest. “I feel weird,” you tell him quietly.

His thumbs stop moving over your skin abruptly. “Weird how?” His eyes move off your face and settle on the counter next to your legs. You haven’t seen such uncertainty, such apprehension on his face since you were teenagers and it triggers your protective feeling towards him. This won’t affect your friendship surely? A few tipsy kisses to try and cheer you up won’t damage you.

“I feel weird because I want you to kiss me again,” you tell him, hoping he isn’t going to laugh in your face. 

He certainly does not laugh. His eyes are back on you, he breathes in a massive breath, as if it’s steadying him for the task ahead. “You do?” he sounds so relieved as he places both his hands gently in your face and kisses you again. 

This time you aren’t shocked or scared, you aren’t tentative. You are enjoying it. You are enjoying it a lot. You are allowing your hands to travel over him, running over the bare skin of his forearms, under the sleeves of his top onto his defined biceps. You can’t help but let out whimpers and his hands explore your thighs, waist and back. You are covered in goosebumps from his touch. 

The kiss gets more and more passionate and soon you are rubbing yourself against his crotch as his hands are up under your shirt, groping you over your bra. 

“We should..” you say into his mouth.

He pulls away from you quickly, panting, untangling his hands from your shirt. “We should stop. Yeah. Ok. We probably should.” He wipes his mouth and adjusts his trousers. 

“Oh, OK. If you want to.” You feel dejected. 

“Do you want to stop?” he asked, seeing the expression on your face. 

“Well what I was going to say was that we should go to your bedroom but if you want to stop then we can.” You give him a shy smile. 

“Fuck, seriously? Shit, yeah let’s.. let’s do that. Better idea than mine, definitely.” He nods vigorously a couple of times. “I don’t want to stop, I just thought you did.” 

You hop off the counter and let him lead you to his bedroom. 

He turns to you and you look at each other for a few seconds. 

“Are we really going to do this?” he checks. He’s so clearly nervous. His face is red and he’s got the start of a sweat forming at his temples. “Is it hot?” He fans himself with his hand.

You lightly laugh at him. You feel calm. There’s been a clear switch in the dynamic from when this started. “I think we are, if you want to? It feels kind of natural? I don’t know.” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“I do. I really do want to,” he gives a smile, “it does feel natural, I know what you mean. I’m still nervous as fuck though,” he huffs out a laugh and looks at the floor. “I don’t think I’ve felt this nervous since…” his eyes stay on the floor.

You know since when, he doesn’t have to say it. “That doesn’t appear to be a problem here, with me, does it?” His eyes meet yours again and he smiles.

You smile at him and take your top off, then your jeans so you are in front of him in nothing but your simple white underwear. There is a fizz of fear in your stomach that goes when he takes his top off and you can see his tattoos and muscles. The fear is replaced with lust, you’ve seen him with no top on a million times but this time it’s different. Something has shifted.

“Kiss me again, I’m freaking out,” he asks you with a pleading face. 

You step into him, kiss him again, your hands running over his body in a way that you never have before. It must fan the flame in him and he’s grabbing at your ass soon after. 

“Better?” you ask in between kisses which makes him laugh. “Sit down.”

He sits heavily onto the bed and you drop to your knees in front of him. You see his eyes open so wide you’re afraid they’ll pop clean out his head. You giggle at him. 

“I’m down here to take your braces off but your face looks so goddamn hopeful…” You unbuckle them and throw them across the room. “Take them down.” You gesture to his trousers, sitting back on your heels and wait. He takes his trousers down slowly and stills just above the knee. He is stalling, avoiding your eyes.

“Take them off, Ivar. It’s just me, I’ve seen your legs a million times.” You give him an encouraging nod. “The only part of you I haven't seen is your dick.” Your eyes flash wide at him, he takes them off and you help them off his feet and throw them behind you. 

You run both your hands up his legs, over his knees and up over his thighs, leaning into him as you kiss him again. With your mouth still on his, you tug the waistband of his boxers down and you feel him lift up a bit pushing them all the way off. You are still kissing as you feel his hot hands run up your back to undo your bra and take it off your arms. When you stop kissing he looks down at you. You have to fight the instinct to cover up in front of him. 

“You have got amazing tits.” His hands squeeze them gently. You worry for a second that the feeling of his big hands touching you so intimately will freak you out, but as his thumbs run over your hard nipples you moan in pleasure at the feeling and your worries are gone.

You suck in a deep breath, “Ok, here goes. I’m gonna look at your dick. Yep.” He laughs at you as you lean back a bit and let your eyes wander down his body until they reach his lap and you tilt your head to the side slightly. “Well. Fucking hell!” you look back at his face, which is looking shyly smug. “I mean, that smug look is warranted, my friend.” 

You don’t give him any warning at all, you just lower your head and lick him, letting your tongue swirl over the whole head. You wish you could see his face but it’s the wrong angle. Apart from the initial hiss when your tongue touches him he is silent so you don’t know if he is enjoying this or not. You lift your head up so you can see his face and it assuages all your fears. His eyebrows are pulled together and his mouth is slack so you carry on. 

You draw noises from him when you let the tip slide into your mouth and suck gently.

“Oh god, fuck fuck..” A sharp intake of breath lets you know you are doing it as he likes it. You want to make him come with your mouth but you also want to have sex with him. You’ve crossed the line so long ago you might as well go the whole hog. You don’t know what his stamina is like, whether he can go multiple times or not. 

You take him to the edge and stop, letting him pop out of your mouth. When you look up at him he is a picture, red cheeked and gasping, the need in his eyes is evident.

“You want me to carry on? You can go more than once?” He nods so quickly and moans as you suck him back into your mouth. 

You can’t help your own groans of lust as you feel his hand on the back of your head, pushing you down softly. His hips start to buck up into your face then stop.

“Gonna cum… in your mouth?” You nod and you feel him spill onto your tongue, tasting the saltiness. You look up at him, smile and swallow. “Was that good?” Slight apprehension in your voice.

“Fuck me, you just swallowed it all? Yes that was fucking amazing” You don’t answer. You just smile sweetly.

He pulls you up onto the bed, grabs you by the waist and throws you up to the pillows and tugs your underwear off with one hand. 

“Lie back.” He crawls up between your legs. “Oh God, you are wet, I can see you dripping for me.” 

You prop yourself up on your elbows so you can see him. “Ivar, just so you know, I don’t cum easily. Don’t take it personally if I don’t, OK?” You want to warn him, you would hate for him to think it was him. You wonder if he realises now why you’ve got so many sex toys. You kind of wish you were at your house so you had a helping hand.

His fingers slip over your clit softly and smiles as your eyebrows pull together at the feeling. “Ok, I won’t take it personally. Just relax, it’s just me.” He pushes two fingers into you slowly and pumps them in and out before curling his fingers searching for the bumpy ridges.

“There.. right there….” you whine. When you first feel his tongue on you you arch off the bed, draw your feet up so they are flat either side of his head, you hear him chuckle as he laps at your clit, soft and steady. 

“Oh fuck me, you’re good at that,” and then you loose the power of speech. He has started to suck on your clit and move his fingers inside you in the same rhythm. You can do nothing but watch him and moan until the orgasm building in you finally explodes and you are wracked with shudders as the intense waves of pleasure coarse through you. Even after they subside your thighs are still shaking. You cover your face in embarrassment, you won’t tell him but this is only the second time a guy has made you orgasm without help from your collection. 

You feel him crawl up over you and settle into your core, his hard dick rubbing against you. 

“Why are you hiding? Don’t hide from me.” he chuckles and nudges your hands away. As your eyes focus on him he kisses you. “Was that good?” he asks as he kisses your cheeks and lips again.

“Really, really good.” 

He reaches between you and holds his dick, running it up and down your soaking folds.

He looks at your face, raises one eyebrow cheekily and whispers, “you want me?” 

“Yes. Please,” you reply breathlessly, sounding needier than you meant it to but Jesus Christ, do you want him to fuck you. 

“Please? Are you begging me for it? Oh fuck, I really like that,” he swallows thickly. “Do I need a condom? I’m clear.” 

 Oh god this is really happening.

“Not for me, on birth control.”

He gives you another kiss and starts to push into you slowly. 

Too slowly for your liking. 

You trail fingers down his spine and grab a handful of his round ass, encouraging him to push into you more. “Don’t be gentle, you won’t break me.” 

He stops his movement, resting his head on your forehead, eyes looking into yours, you watch his pupils open up. “I’m going slow for me, just… let me feel you. Ok? I didn’t think we’d ever do this…”

“Ok. Me neither.” Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of him slipping inside of you, your pussy stretching open to let him bottom out in you. You pull both your thighs high up his torso on either side, allowing him a little bit more precious space within you and he takes it up straight away. His head drops into the crook of your neck but he stays still.

Your mind starts to wander into a bad space. He’s regretting this. As he is inside me he’s realising this is a mistake. 

“Ivar? Are you good?” your arms cling to him a little harder, your heart pounding faster as panic and fear engulf you.

“Oh I’m fucking more than good here.” He gives you a lazy roll of his hips and the accompanying moan helps you to relax. “How do you like it?”

How do I like it? How you like it is something you’ve never had the confidence to tell anyone you’ve been with. Sometimes you’ve gotten lucky and they do it as you like it but many times they haven’t and you haven’t ever said anything. 

You know you can tell Ivar though. 

You turn your face into him, his head still in your neck, you give him a second but he doesn't move to look at you so you move your lips to his ear. “Hard. I want you to fuck me so hard I wake up your neighbours. I don’t want to have a voice left tomorrow morning, Ivar. Please, please fuck me hard. I’ve never had a dick as big as yours inside me. Just.. just fucking ruin me. Please.” 

He lifts his head out of your neck, eyes all over your face. “That mouth. That filthy, fucking mouth.” 

You suddenly feel small and ashamed at your words, embarrassed at your preference.

“Hey don’t be embarrassed, I fucking love it,” he adds before he huffs in disbelief and kisses you so hard you can taste the tang of copper coming from one of you and at this point, you don’t care who because he starts fucking you just as you asked. Hard. Very fucking hard.

“Do you like it like this?” You try to form words to answer him but as he drags his cock out of you and slams himself back into you, can do nothing but moan and nod. 

“Tell me. Tell me I’m doing it for you,” he demands. “Use words, I want to hear it. Use your dirty little mouth to tell me, Shitb…” you hand flies up, covering his mouth before he gets his sentence out. 

“Don’t call me that now. Not like this.” You card your hand through his hair and pull him onto your mouth hard, your tongue is in his mouth tasting him, your best friend.

He drops onto his elbows, either side of your head, caging you into him so you have no where to turn, giving you no choice but to keep your gaze on him as he fucks you up the bed.

He slows his roll and pulls your hair gently so your head is tipped to the side giving him access to your ear, and fuck does he use it to his advantage. 

He bites down on the soft skin of your neck just below your ear then swirls his tongue over the sore skin. “You feel like heaven to me, I thought your mouth was the best thing I’d ever felt in my life until I slipped into your pussy. I fit into you like I always thought I would, I’m your missing piece.” He pulls your head sharply so you are face to face again and he starts moaning your name over and over and over. You don’t know that last time you heard him say your name: years and years. 

Your name skipping from his mouth, settling in the air all around you, is almost too much. Too intimate. Maybe more intimate than his dick inside of you. It pulls you out of the sex haze you are both wrapped in. You need to be away from his intense gaze, but you don’t want to stop what you are doing.

“On your back, Ivar. Do it now.” He looks puzzled for a second but nods, pulls out of you and kisses your tits letting his tongue run over your hard nipples.

You prop a bunch of pillows up on the headboard for him to lean back against and he does, watching you intently and you straddle him reverse cowgirl style. He slips in you and you put both hands on the bed between his legs and you start fucking him. 

“Oh fuck.. I’ve never done it like….” He grabs your ass hard as you start to fuck him hard. 

You wonder whether this is the closest to doggy he can get with his legs. 

“Mmmmmm mmmm my fucking god… this fucking view. Do you like it like this? Talk dirty to me” Ivar asks between moans.

You smirk. 

“I like it like this. Your dick is hitting spots that I’ve never felt before. Make me cum again. I want to cum all over your hard cock. Pull my hair.” You feel his hand in your hair and he gives a tentative pull.

“Hand up into the roots and drag my head back. Cross the line with me, Ivar. Make me scream.”

With a fist full of hair he jerks your head back so you cry out in pain, your face ripped toward the ceiling. 

“That's it, that’s how I want it from you,” you whine as he fucks up into you.

He pulls your head more and you feel him sit up behind you, pulling you against his chest, turning your head so he can whisper in your ear. 

“Your mouth made me cum once and it will make me cum again if you keep talking like that.” His words make you moan and when his hands grip your waist and throw you forward into your stomach, a yelp of shock leaves you then a giggle as you feel him over your back. His hand runs for your shoulder, down over your waist onto your ass.

“I had no idea you would be like this in bed. You are a fucking goddess. Need a break, I'm gonna cum again and I don't want it to end yet.“

He kisses down your back, and you feel both his hands slip under your hips and jerk you up on your knees. He pushes your legs wide so your ass is in the air but low and you feel him panting onto your wet core. You look back over your shoulder at him and his eyes are fixed on your cunt.

“You like the look of me?” 

His eyes find yours and he moves so he can run his fingers through your juices, finding your swollen and sensitive clit easily. 

“I like the look of you, the feel of you,” he leans into you and flattens his tongue against your entrance, “the taste of you. You are going to cum for me again,” he tells you and starts to lick your clit. You bury your face into his sheets, moaning, whining and panting until he easily pushes you into a hard orgasm. 

You feel him settle next to you on the bed and his hand is running up your back gently. You lift your face off the bed and turn it to him. He smooths the hair away from your face and smiles, “you cum easily with me, it’s not you. It’s the guys you've been with, they don’t know you like I do, you haven’t allowed yourself to relax with anyone like you have with me. Am I wrong?”

He rolls you onto your back and climbs on top of you, you open your legs wide so he gets close to you, his hand is on your hip as he grinds into you. “Am I wrong?” he asked again, eyebrows raised, expecting a reply.

He’s not wrong. “No you’re not wrong. I have never felt anything like this,” you admit.

The smile that splits his face in two is beautiful to look at. So much pride, such happiness. You reach your hand up to his face and kiss him gently. 

“Are you ready for more? I want to fuck you like this again, I want to look at your face.” He slips back into you in one push and you watch his eyes close and his mouth fall open making you giggle. His eyes fly open to yours. “Hey, don’t laugh at my sex face!” you both dissolve into laughter.  

“I wasn’t laughing I promise, I love seeing the enjoyment of your face,” you shrug and he leans down to kiss you.

“Well I’m going to get you back, I want to see your face when you cum all over my dick.” He hooks and arm under your knee and pushes your thigh backwards and starts fucking into you so hard and fast that you know what he is seeing, your face screwed up in pleasure, mouth open and screams filling the air between you. “So pretty, so fucking beautiful screaming for me. Could watch this forever.” 

You don’t know if the size of his dick or the angle he is hitting you at but you can feel a heat spreading quickly through your pussy, steady, slow build of pleasure you have never experienced with another person. 

“I’m gonna cum again… don’t stop… keep doing that. Oh, shit. Ivar… oh, God…” you fall silent as you are almost there, gripping onto his shoulders blades, leaving marks in his skin. You start to come around his cock, if you were in your right mind you’d not believe it: you have never had an orgasm this way before, not even on your own.

“Oh fucking hell, I can feel you cumming.” He starts to move quicker and you know you are pulsating, fluttering, squeezing around his dick. When the waves of pleasure hit their peak your high-pitched whines turn into screams and you open your eyes to see him watching your face, his own eyebrows pulled together.

His eyes slam shut as he reaches his own orgasm, pumping cum inside you, shouting before collapsing onto you for a minute, kissing your shoulder and neck, trying to catch his breath. “Are you ok?” 

You nod and you kiss him deeply until, finally, you have to come up for air. He slips out of you and rolls onto his back leaving you both panting looking up at the ceiling. 

“Fuck me,” you say.

“Just did,” he retorts. 

You look at each other and start to laugh. 

“Oh God, don’t make me laugh, your cum is leaking out of me!”

“Jesus! Let me get you a towel.” He looks around the bed. You know there is nothing to hand and he hates crawling in front of anyone, even you.

“Stay put, I need to pee anyway. could do without a UTI.” You move to slip off the bed. “Look away a minute.” 

“Really? I have to look away after what we just did together?”

“Just… look away, OK?” 

He looks a bit sad at your request but does it anyway. He covers his eyes and you quickly shuffle to his bathroom, use the toilet then realise you didn’t grab any of your clothes. You look in the mirror and you have a realisation that almost turns your legs to jelly. 

You have both crossed a line you won’t come back from. Your brain begins to run at speed, picking up the pace as each thought is more dire than the last: Things will never be the same between you ever again. There will always be a lingering friction, the memory of tonight. Will this change how he feels about you? Will things be awkward between you now? Why did he kiss you? Have you just ruined everything? Oh shit, why did it feel so fucking good with him? Have you just caught feelings for him? Shit, you think you have. No, you can't have. Shit, the waters have just been well and truly muddied between you and the one constant in your life is in jeopardy. 

You feel sick.

“Shitball, what are you doing in there? Are you ok? Are you standing in the mirror overthinking what we just did? Get back here.” You can’t help but smile at his words. He knows you better than anyone in the world and his voice goes some way to calm all your fears. 

“I was,” you admit as you look at him from under your lashes.

“Stop that. I know what your brain is doing, come here please.” He is using his firm voice with you. You walk back to his bed and drop the towel you have wrapped around you just before you hop under his duvet with him. He pulls you close to him. 

“I had no idea you would be so vocal in bed… that was the hottest…” 

“Ivar. Stop it, I’m really embarrassed. I’m not usually like that. I’m not sure where it all came from. Please stop staring at me, I can feel your eyes on me.” You can feel heat on your face as you stare up at the ceiling. It felt ok at the time but in post-sex clarity you are mortified at all the things you said to him.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it was fucking awesome. You're dirty little mouth made me pop, literally.” he chuckles.

“No, oh God, stop it. Read the room, I’m mortified.” You cover your face. You start to squirm, you start to feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, you want to leave and go home. 

Doubt sets in. 

You shouldn’t have crossed this line with him. It felt so normal at the time but now you feel humiliated that he saw you in such a way. That he can see you naked in his memory at any time, your cum face, you blowing him anytime he wants. Hear the words you said to him in the heat of passion. You start to breathe heavily and look around the room eyeing up your clothes so you can leave. 

He doesn’t seem to feel uncomfortable at all.

“Jesus, it’s about time I got out of the friend zone,” he laughs.

Your eyes snap to him as something inside of you breaks and everything around you grinds to a stop. 

What did he just say to you? What the hell is he implying? Your face must be questioning and confused, because he replies to your expression. 

“I’ve been stuck in the friend zone for years,” he says with a laugh. 

You sit up immediately drawing your knees to your chest as a deep feeling of disappointment drops from your heart and travels down the front of your thighs. You were already feeling vulnerable and this feels like a slap in the face.

“The friend zone?” You don’t know how to deal with what he has said. You can’t help it, the corners of your mouth turn down involuntarily and your nostrils flare at the horrible feeling that comes along with forming tears. 

Your back is to him so he can’t see your face and he laughs. “Yeah. I’ve been hoping to make an exit from it for a while.” You feel the bed shift and he kisses your shoulder, and the feeling leads you to shiver but not in a nice way. 

The friend zone. Mens version of the waiting room they have to spend time in before their time comes and they get to fuck their “friend”. God, it’s such a repugnant idea to you that for god knows how long he has been hanging out with you in the hopes he will get to fuck you. 

You feel sick. 

You get off his bed trying desperately to gather your clothes so he can’t see you naked any more. You are avoiding looking at him. Oh God, you almost feel… dirty. 

“What are you doing? Where are you going?” You can hear the confusion in his voice but it doesn’t stop you. You need to get away from him. You pull on your shirt and trousers and head out of his bedroom door before he can see your tears.

“Hey. Hey! What is happening? Stop! Stop! No, don’t leave.. please.. I can’t get to you…where the fuck are my braces? What…” is the last thing you hear before you run out of his front door, out of his house and into the street. 

Your tears fall even faster when you realise you are using his disability against him, to get away knowing he can't chase after you, but the humiliation overrides the guilt and you just keep going. 

You go home, keep the curtains closed and put your phone on silent. You draw a bath and slip into it, you cry but the tears are very quickly replaced with anger. Anger at him, at yourself for fucking up the only consistent relationship in your life. For fucking up everything.

Your buzzer goes off multiple times but you ignore him. You know it’s him. You don’t look at your phone. 

When you get into bed you fall into a restless sleep. Your dreams are of you trying to outrun a train but your legs get heavier and heavier and you can’t quite make it. 

You wake in the night and can’t get back to sleep, your brain won’t allow it. Thoughts tumble around in your head like clothes in a dryer, getting more and more jumbled, more confusing and upsetting the longer you dwell on them.

Why did he say that about the friend zone? How long has he wanted to be more than friends? Has he just been biding his time until he found an opportunity to get you into bed? Has it all been a lie? 

You can’t sort out your thoughts or feelings. So you just cry. 

Chapter 5

#Modern!AU #MODERN VIKINGS #vikings modern au #modern ivar #modern!ivar x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar vikings #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar fanfic #ivar imagine #modern ivar x reader #modern ivar au #vikings #vikings au #vikings fanfic #vikings fanfiction

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Love your writing! If you’re still taking prompts, how about Midge/Lenny pre-get-together and *gasp* there’s only one bed? 😳

Let's call this an alternate ending to 2x10

Here's how it happens:

She sticks around for the Steve Allen gig, and Lenny gets a big, heartfelt hug when he comes off stage, which, to be honest, Midge wasn't expecting to give him, but...he needed it.

She kind of did, too.

And she has every intention of saying her goodbyes, finding a cab, and heading to Joel, with her head full of feelings about winding up...

Well...

Alone.

The problem being that when she and Lenny step out of the television studio, it is dumping rain, there are no cabs, and the subway looks packed with people. Getting anywhere will be impossible.

"Come with me!" Lenny calls over the loud rain around them, and she pulls her umbrella out, lifting it over her head as she follows him, trying to lift it over his too, but he's walking fast, and it's hard to cover both of them.

Eventually, they get to a small walk-up, and Lenny leads her inside and to one of the small apartments.

"It's not much," he apologizes. "I gave up my actual apartment, but I keep this place for emergencies. At six bucks a month, it's a steal."

She shivers as he leads her inside. The space is small, but clean, with a corner for a kitchen, a couple of chairs and a table, a neat-looking bed and a doorway to what Midge assumes is a restroom.

"We can wait things out here," he tells her.

"We could have gone to a bar, or a diner," Midge offers, a little amused.

"We could have," Lenny concedes, as he disappears into the restroom, emerging with a couple of towels. "But they don't have these."

She catches the one offered to her, and sheds her coat before wrapping it around herself, trying to dry off. "Thanks."

"Sure," he nods, pulling off his suit jacket and using his own towel.

They warm up and dry off in companionable silence, and once Lenny finishes, he looks over at her.

"Thank you," he says. "For coming to this thing. It was very kind."

Midge smiles at him warmly. "It was no problem. It was fun."

He nods and gathers the towels up. "I uh...I don't have a tv or anything...it might be a little boring until this rain lets up."

"That's okay," she says. "I uhm...I actually have a lot no my mind, so the quiet is okay."

"Yeah?" he asks, lifting his eyebrows. "Care to share?"

Midge takes a breath. "I got a good. A good one."

He smiles slowly. "Do tell."

"Shy Baldwin wants me to tour with him," Midge tells him.

"No shit. That's incredible."

"Thanks."

Silence falls over them for a moment, before Lenny narrows his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She doesn't respond right away, crossing her arms.

"Come on, I poured my guts out to you the other night, it's your turn," he says, grinning at her a little.

"I just-I'm gonna be alone," she shrugs. "There's not gonna be someone willing to wait for me until I get back from stuff like this. Certainly not Benjamin. And Joel- my ex, Joel - would never."

He gazes at her understandingly, letting her talk.

"I chose this," she goes on. "I am choosing this life and I don't regret it and this opportunity is amazing but it means I'm leaving behind a lot of the things I thought I wanted. You were right. I can't go back to jell-o molds. But I guess I didn't realize what that really meant until tonight."

"That's not what I meant," he says gently. "I mean, it is, kind of, but -"

She looks at him expectantly. "You're not wearing your wedding ring anymore. Your marriage fell apart, too?"

"Yeah, but it's been falling apart ever since we got married," Lenny admits. "We weren't the people either of us wanted each other to be."

Midge nods and takes a seat on the bed. "You don't feel alone?"

He shrugs and sits next to her, keeping a good bit of distance between them. "Sometimes," he admits. "But not all the time."

She looks at him and takes a breath. "I really didn't want to be alone tonight."

"You're not," he tells her. "Or am I chopped liver?"

Midge laughs a little and crosses her arms. "I don't know that this rain is gonna let up any time soon."

"Yeah, might go all night."

"You don't mind me staying?"

"You can even have the bed."

"No. I can just- there are chairs."

Lenny rolls his eyes. "Midge, it is not often I am overcome with chivalry. I would not turn it down if I were you."

"Lenny, we can share the bed."

"Are you a kicker?"

"Yes, you'll love it."

He laughs a little - really laughs, and Midge decides she likes that sound.

******

She wakes up before dawn, and Lenny is sleeping on the other side of the bed, over the covers, back turned to her.

Midge takes a breath and sits up, leaning over him. "Hey. I gotta get going."

He rolls onto his back and gazes up at her in the dim light of pre-morning, his eyes sleep-dazed. "Yeah," he whispers back. "You gonna be okay?"

She nods, but doesn't move. "Thank you. For last night."

"Thank you for last night," he says. "It meant a lot. You showin' up. I didn't put your name on the list because I didn't think you would."

"Well now you know me better than that," she tells him, her hand doing something she doesn't expect as it strokes through his curly hair.

His grin falls as they stare at each other, and suddenly she's leaning in, kissing him slowly, his hands reaching up to hold onto her hips. The kiss deepens as Lenny sits up, and Midge's arms wrap around his neck.

Lenny smells like rain and aftershave and it's a nice combination and oh my god, what is she doing?

They pull apart, both breathing heavily as his hands stroke up her back slowly.

"Now you know me a lot better," she quips, and finds herself being kissed more passionately.

She had imagined that she'd wind up with Joel like this. That she would show up at his little place and they would have sex that would either mean something or it wouldn't, and then she'd disappear into the night, and instead, Lenny's hand is trailing down her leg and up her skirt and why does this feel so right?

"Midge, if you wanna go, you should tell me right now," he warns as he kisses down to her neck. "Because things are very quickly getting out of hand."

The feel of his thumb, stroking her thigh is unexpectedly tender, and when he lifts his head, she stares into his eyes, dazed still, but with heat and want instead of sleep.

And she kisses him again.

*****

The kiss goodbye is soft, and surprisingly sweet. He slips a piece of paper with a couple of phone numbers on it into her handbag the same way he'd slipped that joint into another one the year before.

"Give me a call from the road?" he asks hopefully.

Midge smiles and kisses his cheek. "You got it."

#fic #au #alternate 2x10 #Midge/Lenny #Midge x Lenny #Midge Maisel #Lenny Brue

[gokupowers]

whats karkat like in the euphoria au?

omfg @swimfuel is responsible for like half of this. also its insanely long bc i am uncontrollably verbose

Karkat's always been angry.

Not angry at anyone or anything, but at the whole world. He's always been like this. Sometimes he thinks, if he stopped feeling this potent miasma of rage, always pounding in his head and through his veins, his heart would stop. 

As he watched his dad fall asleep, his head in his arms and a stack of bills on the counter, he was angry. At school, when he realized he was the only kid in hand-me-downs, he was angry. So when Vriska gets a gleam in her eye one day at recess, and asks him where his dad is, knowing full well he was cleaning right in front of them, voice vicious and thinly veiled, he doesn't think twice before punching her.

That was the first and last time he hit someone else on purpose.

After the fight, Karkat expected a lecture. Instead, his father looked at him sadly, held him in his arms, and apologized. Looking at his son’s little face, he told him; never do that again. Vantases don't use our hands to solve problems, we use our words. Right?

And boy, does Karkat use his words.

A nonstop stream of paragraphs and epiphets and swears and threats and made him less like the kids in his neighborhood who play-fight (and as he grew up, just plain fight), and more like the prim kids he knew at school.

One day, he watches Eridan’s dad throw a sneer and a snide remark at his father, passive aggressive comments on his work ethic and an underlying threat beneath it all. That night, he sees his dad cry for the first time, head down while he thinks he and Kankri are asleep.

Karkat learns that rich people don't use their hands to hurt other people. They use their words.

He grows up resenting the friends he made at school, while being inexplicably fond of them. He knows there's more to them than the money, that their lives are just as twisted up as his. But God, doesn't that money make it easier?

He thinks: all of his’ dads work for him to go to a fancy private school, when he says it's a better opportunity or for his future, Karkat knows what he's really saying. That it's for money. So one day, he wouldn’t have to reuse the same clothing for years, or see an eviction notice on the door. One day, he’s supposed to be rich.

So Karkat does just that; he pursues money. He dreams of security and safety and one day repaying his father and putting a stop to the growing shadows under his eyes and the sunkenness of his cheeks.

He throws himself into his studies, throws himself into his friendships, throws himself into everything so he doesn't notice at first, when his dad gets weaker. More tired.

When Kankri starts cooking more, he's in middle school, but none of it matters because now he's in the student government and speech and debate and learning to program and doing anything and everything that will make him more than a diversity hire or a charity case.

And for all that Karkat rages, he listens and he sees.

He sees Vriska, withdrawing, becoming meaner. She's started wearing makeup, he notices, but it does not come as a surprise. She's always been painfully vain, he thinks, but this is different in a way he can't put his finger on.

When he sees her take out a little white bag after school, passing it around a group of older kids, he understands.

He learns that rich people do drugs for different reasons then the people back home do. He's used to people people using to hide their pain, to distract them. Here, they're just bored. 

There's nothing for them to do, after all, with trust funds and stocks for passive income and a starting reserve of millions already their birthright. So they do drugs and have sex and hurt each other just for the hell of it. Unlike for Karkat, there's never any danger either; mommy or daddy  would always swoop in and the cops never saw it as anything but good fashioned teenage fun.

When Karkat turns 13, his dad's condition is unmistakable. His fatigue after too many late shifts when Karkat was a child now seemed laughable in comparison. He'd all but wasted away. Everytime Karkat asked, he was brushed off. It wasn't anything for him to worry about, just focus on those grades of his and playing with his friends, he was told.

When he asks Kankri, he tells him, in a way that's shockingly blunt for all the neurotically sensitive pontification his older brother is prone to, that it's cancer. They can't afford treatments anymore. Karkat hears the implication: they can't afford them, because of you.

Karkat is prone to smashing things, to shouting words, to handing out cruelty before he can recieve it. Once his dad dies, he smashes the laptop he'd worked hard to save up for with a summer job. Kankri wordlessly replaces it. Karkat is prone to these fits, though he only ever breaks what was his in the first place. Kankri worries about him because he's almost sure that's worse. 

Karkat realizes he can't program for shit, too many barbed exchanges between himself and Sollux's silicon valley genius-brain that he decides on something “attainable'', instead. Med school. If he plays his cards right, if he applies to the right scholarship and uses that anger as fuel... he'll make it. And he'll be able to help his dad, or at least, people like him. 

When his dad dies at 14, it's not a surprise. When Kankri is forced to take care of him, and things become worse between them, he's not surprised. This kind of thing always seemed to happen to Vantases. 

Maybe he becomes angrier, but no one notices. Karkat’s always angry, after all. Gamzee was his best friend, and the kid was always high out of his mind 

When they were little, Gamzee was fun, if a bit mischievous. He would talk about clowns and his father's religion and honk his own nose as if it was a horn. As he got older, the clown imagery became less cute and more horror movie levels of disturbing. Violent. One day, hed brought home a pigeon, with a fork stabbed through the middle, and presented it to Karkat like a cat, blood still on his fingers.

So when Gamzee started experimenting with weed in middle school, while Karkat couldn’t fully endorse it, Karkat was honestly a little relieved. He becomes more like how he was as a kid.

Gamzee had started to become more intense about his fathers religion, which karkat now unabashedly called a cult slash pyramid scheme. “IF SCIENTOLOGY IS AN ACTUAL COMPETITOR TO YOUR DAD’S COMPANY, THEN YES GAMZ, IT'S A CULT.”

Karkat gets used to managing people the way he was used to managing his father when he had worked too hard, or his brother when he had blundered into another friendship fuck up.

So managing gamzee is easy. He’s had practice.

When Gamzee starts taking uppers, Karkat notices. And he manages. Makes sure Gamzee never takes too many, is never totally unsupervised.

But he's started to hate it. Hate being everywhere for everyone, for taking care of teenagers who would always have more than him. The world makes him so fucking angry, but he's always been able to seperate that from the people he calls his friends. It's been harder, lately. 

So when Karkat sees Dave pummel Eridan’s face at that party, he thinks. They're the same.

It's the same halfhearted fantasy he's had for years, showing Eridan everything he says about him and people like him has concequences, that just because he had less money doesn't mean his fists wouldn't be just as painful, that he was any less real than the rest of them.

He always dismissed it, because Eridan was always more pathetic than genuinely maddening, everything an echo of his parents’ beliefs in a desperate ploy for attention and love. It wasn’t really his fault.

For Karkat, it was embarrassing. But that didn’t make it any more cathartically satisfying to hear his nose crunch under Dave’s fist.

(switch to first person POV)

And normally, you would be put off by this sort of ease of violence. But the last couple years,

with Terezi and Vriska maiming each other, Tavros' accident, fucking Aradia’s accident... You're not surprised by blood anymore. Besides, Eridan instigated, though you know if it was anyone who’d known Eridan for more than two minutes they’d realize they were all empty threats.

And you know Dave… Not really, not past first time you ran into each other on accident, but you've seen him crying. That counts for something. And you saw his hands tremble after he hit Eridan. You two are the same, you think. So much anger, and so much hunger for something more.

You've never met someone like him before.

You've seen intimations of him, in Eridan, in Cronus, in Equius, in every guy who hides an eating disorder and insecurity behind protein shakes and physical perfection, who blusters his way through masculinity because anything else is too scary. 

But Dave? He's serious about it all.

Effortlessly masculine, effortlessly cool, and just that little bit of unhinged. Well, you've never claimed to have good taste in men.

And something about him makes you want to manage him.

He's like you. If you can save him, that means you can be saved too.

#homestuck #hs #karkat #davekat #character study #euphoria au #ask #writing #like do u guys see the parallels between rose and dave here #but also parallels between dave and karkles i guess LOL #Dave uses his fists karkat uses his words and his constantly raised hackles #most of the Homestuck characters use masks or facades in one way or another which i think kinda gets at hussies pathology lol

[lily-janus]

How To Control The Wild

Summary: Remus keeps bugging Janus about crossing to the other side until Janus finally lets him.

Pairing: platonic dukeceit

Warnings: none that I can think of but be sure to let me know if I missed any.

Word count: 711

Day 4! I'm late but eh, it's been busy here so we'll have to make do. This one's not very angsty and not very fluffy either, enjoy!

@dukeceitweek day 4 wild/control

........

Janus stared.

He didn't know what else to do.

The dark side of the mindscape's living room was… clean- no, shining. Moreover, as he watched, Remus was dusting the shelves.

"Ah… are you… feeling okay?" Janus finally found his words after a full half an hour of silent staring.

Remus turned around sharply and grinned. "I feel great! Why do you ask?" He said as if everything's perfectly normal and not completely upside down.

"Remus… you're cleaning, this place is clean." Janus tried to explain.

"Sure am!" Remus nodded with enthusiasm.

Has he stepped into another dimension? Was he dreaming- wait…

Janus squinted his eyes in suspicion and folded his arms over his chest. "Okay, I get it, what do you want?"

Remus gaped in the most unimpressively innocent expression. "I am offended! Can't I do something nice to my favorite snake?"

Janus raised an eyebrow at him. They both stared at each other for a long moment before Remus finally relented.

"Okay fine! I was just wondering if-"

"No." Janus cut him off.

"But I didn't even-"

"I know what you were going to say, no we are not going over to the other side." Janus said firmly.

Of course, they normally physically couldn't. But Janus had recently gained a new ability that allowed him control over who is on what side. He can't control who's a dark side and a light side of course, that's all up to Thomas' perspective, but he can decide if someone can cross to the opposite side or not. 

Remus sensed that new ability too and ever since he's been bugging Janus about it non-stop.

"But whyyyy, aren't you curious?" Remus whined.

"No, and that's final." Janus said defiantly.

"Aww pleaseee?" Remus begged, his hands cupped together and looking up at Janus with his best puppy eyes.

"Why do you want to go there so bad?" Janus asked, annoyed.

"Because this place is boring, I wanna see someplace new!" Remus explained with his extreme hand gestures.

"See? Or wreck?" Janus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Remus grinned wickedly. "Isn't that the same thing?"

Janus sighed. "Remus, there's a reason we're divided, we can't disturb that peace, not until he's ready."

Remus perked up. "So it is going to happen at some point?"

"Yes but when he's ready and in a controlled matter-"

"So can that time be now?" Remus interrupted him.

Janus pinched his nose in frustration. "No, he's not ready yet, must I repeat myself again?"

"Oh c'mon, he's a big boy, I'm sure he can handle it! Now let's go!" Remus started insistently tugging at Janus' wrist.

"No he can't, especially not you." Janus remained firm.

"I'll be good! Just let me out!" Remus insisted. Jumping up and down like an eager puppy that's waiting for a walk.

Janus sighed, trying to think of someway to make Remus give him more time to prepare for such big change. "Okay." He finally said.

Remus' whole face brightened. "Really?!"

"Yes, but we'll start small. I will go there first and will let you know when it's time for you, okay?" Janus explained slowly.

Remus frowned. "But I wanna go there nowwww!" He whined.

"You will soon, I promise."

-------------------------------------------------------

Janus hissed in frustration as he rose up in his room.

Fools! They're all fools!

Missing that huge opportunity for… for what? So Thomas can continue thinking of himself as a 'good friend'?

When are they going to listen to sense? How can he make them see-

"Can I go yet?" Remus suddenly appeared in front of Janus' face.

"Not now Remus I'm trying to think-" he started pushing the wild side away when he suddenly had an idea. "Yes." He said instead, a plan already forming in his mind.

Remus blinked, having not expected it after so long of being denied. "Really?"

"Yes, Thomas needs to be faced with his issues head on or else he'll just keep avoiding them." Janus thought aloud then looked up at Remus. "Can you do that?"

Remus grinned wickedly. "Fuck yeah! I've been waiting for this!" Remus said excitedly and then he was gone in an instant.

Janus smirked. Let's see how well you handle Remus' brutal honesty, Thomas. 

He relaxed, for once content to let Remus run wild.

#sanders sides #platonic dukeceit #canonverse #cw cursing #Lily writes #dukeceitweek2022

[pilotsir]

Boring Army Life?

I am in my early 20s, just enlisted to national service.

As I am the lazy type, hence did not work hard to be selected as Officer or Specialist, just a happy-go-lucky type of boy. But I do like to look at manly Officer in their authoritative uniform .  After 4 months of basic military training, I was posted to Commandos unit. Haha… I am not that good as real commandos. As my dad is a medical specialist, he managed to “help” me with a medical reason and as such I was posted to Commandos unit as a storeman.

I was initially excited as there will be many manly Commandos to watch, but soon I also realised the officers and people there are quite demanding and like to scold people too. As such I quickly get tired of the environment and drag my feet to the Store room daily.

One night while I was ordered to clean up my store, I feel so piss off as I can’t book out and have to do those dirty job.  After cleaning for a while, I doze off. But was waken by some sound at the back of my store. As always I was very curious, I quietly walk toward that dark ally. I was surprise to see my unit PC there masterbating. He was very handsome and has a good tan skin and muscular too. I always like to see him but not to work for him, as he will scream and threaten to charge people. In fact I stay back that day is also because of his order as the Annual Best Unit competition is just round the corner.

What an opportunity to take pic of my ideal man doing kinky act. I quietly bring out my handphone to take pic and video of him.  He was there rubbing his nipples and cock and softly moaning away with his uniform partly unbuttoned. He is super horny and he has a big tool too.  I guess I was too excited that I not knowingly walk nearer and nearer to video his act… to a point he noted it. He screamed “what are you doing man!” I was scared when he screamed, but I used my usual style of blur-ness to handle the situation. Instead I asked back…“ Sir, what are you doing there?"  He was shocked and asked back…” ah…ah…do you mean you did not see?“

Actually at this stage I start to have cold feet, but I like his look a lot, hence I continue to "play” with him…“I saw, but I don’t know what you doing? Maybe I should show others and ask them”.  He was mad but he know he has to handle me well… hence he turn very friendly by asking me “ok, what I can do for you if you don’t show that video to others?” I was so excited as I have turned the table around and I am in control now. As I am quite playful type, I just continue to act blur…“ dunno Sir, maybe tomorrow I can go to your room, to learn what you are doing today”.  He sheeply said “ ok, come over when you are free”, after which he quickly button up his pant and shirt and run back to his bunk.

That really excited me as I started to wonder what type of “training” I am going to learn from him or maybe I am going to teach him.

The next day, I look forward to the end of the day as I will be “visiting” my ideal officer,  His bunk is at another building which is quite quiet unless that there are military exercise or event.  I am in pt kit and walk towards the building, kind of excited and nervous.  Once I reach his bunk, I politely knock at the door and go in.  Woo, he is shirtless with his number 4 pant still on… can see his great body. I nervously said “ Sir… ah … ah… Recruit reporting”.  He quickly said “What you want, Recruit?"  I suddenly recall I have advantage position, why should I be scare. As such, my cheeky side immediately kick in and I close the door behind me and said ” Sir, I want you to teach me what you did last night".

I don’t know how long is the period of silent, he kind of shock and wonder how to handle me.  As he remain silent, I just try my luck by saying… “ Sir, strip to show me… or else I will need to show that video and ask others to teach me”.  He is a bit mad but knowing he has to strip. He start to unbutton his shirt. He suddenly stop and look at me and said “ Recruit, you want to learn right? Why are you not follow me in stripping?”

I was caught by surprise but logically he is right, so I also start to remove my commandos unit T-shirt and short. Wooo… he looks so sexy in his undies. My bulge start to form underneath my underwear. I was so shy and used my hands to cover it. He kind of expert and whisper to me that it is alright, is fine to have hard cock… and it will feel good soon. Next he said “ I am going to show you how to masterbate, as such I will be touching your cock, you ok?"  Before I can reply, my cock already answered him with my cock suddenly grow so big that it appear above the band of my undies.  He slowly walked over and grab the shaft of the cock and start rubbing it up and down. I feel so odd and feel like running off as I never been masterbated (or touched) by another guy.  He seem able to read my mind, he quickly said ” relax, else you will not feel good". Next he appear like a big brother by asking me to rest my head over his chest, while he stroke my thick rod. Indeed I get so horny and feel so good. I start to moan.  I feel so good that not knowingly I also start to touch his body, butt and cock. He seem to enjoy it too and also start to moan. As I am quite new being JO by another guy, not long I start to cum. I don’t want as I enjoy being with him, but the white juice just shoot like in the shooting range. It landed in his bed and uniform. I feel so embarrassed and keep apologize to him. Surprise me, he did not scold me, instead he said “Is alright. Did you learn and enjoy?” I was like a young kid , just knocking my head. He used some toilet paper to wipe the cum off my body and pass me my pt kit. I know he has fulfilled my request and seem my enjoyment is about to end.  I dressed and walk towards the door.

He suddenly asked" Do you stay back quite often, maybe we can explore more". Stupidity of me, I just factually replied him that I hardly stay back as I book out daily.  I feel so upset with myself that I have said that… I do want to explore more with him, but just too sudden and nervous that I never digest what it imply by stating the fact. I just sadly walk out of the door and close the door behind me.

That moment when the door about to close, I seem to hear “Maybe I should make you sign extra, so that you have to stay back more often”. Did he really said that?  Should I be happy or sad? Getting “Extra” is never good in army term.

The next day, I feel great as I seem to know my ideal officer well… haha has seen and touched his body and cock. While I am walking to my store, I am so “lucky” to walk past him.  I walk past and smile at him, but surprise me, he screamed at me “ Recruit! why are you dragging your feet and never greet me!”. I am kind of shock and quickly apologize “Sorry… Sorry Sir…Morning Sir”. The loudness has attracted my Unit RSM to walk out of the main office to see what has happened.  Once he noted RSM there, he continue to scold me and follow by “… Recruit, you will be punished and detained for one week, every night come to my bunk for extra training. I will make sure you are well trained!”

I feel so angry and humiliating as he was so nice last night but now act like don’t know me and scream at me. Maybe I should revenge by broadcasting his video to embarrass him. But if I do, I am sure he will not play with me forever.  After a couple of hours, my mood seem to settle down and suddenly I recall his last sentence last night (before I close his bunk door).  Maybe he does like me and just finding “excuses” to link me to him. While thinking of that, I seem to get hard at my crotch and start to forgive what he did that morning.

Seem so fated, lunch time I run to him again. Learned from that morning incident, I quickly greet him loud and clear. He was happy and pass me a plastic bag containing his OCS pt kit. He follow by saying “ Recruit, this is my PT kit I wear for PT this morning, do help to dry it and bring over when you report this evening”. I was shocked and just quietly accepted it . Confusion run in my head… is he treating me as his maid to wash the PT kit for him? I don’t even wash my clothing at home, who is he to command me to wash his sweating PT kit. But looking at them, I feel so good as if he trust me and show me his sensitive parts/items,

As I scare of getting more scolding if I can’t dry it by evening time, I quickly bring the pt kit up to my bunk for drying, before I proceed to my lunch. Surprise me, there is also a moist jockstrap inside, I doubt I can dry that Jockstrap in the open, might attract others to ask more question. Hence I hide the Jockstrap in my locker to dry. Crossing my fingers, hopefully it will get dry too and I will not get scolding from him that evening.

Time flies, it is 7pm and I need to report to Sir. I quickly open my locker and was greeted by a pungent smell. But lucky the jockstrap is dried. I quickly fold the jockstrap and the PT kit nicely and put it into a plastic bag and start to walk over to Sir bunk. Same as last night, I am mix with feeling, happy to be close to my ideal officer but scare of the mean officer who scolded me that morning. Would he nag at me all night? Or would he continue to touch my cock and make me feel so horny and high? Thinking of that, I noted a bulge start to form over my PT kit (ie. Commandos white T-shirt with a black short). I better walk quicker before being seen by anyone along the way.

Soon I reach Sir room, as usual I knock at his door before go in. As I still remember he scolded me that morning for not greeting him, I immediately walk in and loudly shouted “Good Evening Sir, Recruit reporting to sir for extra duty”. He seem happy with my performance, he smiled at me.  He just asked me to close the door.

After the door is closed, he asked “ how is my PT kit and underwear”? It kind of reminded me to dish him the plastic bag….“Sir, I have dried them”.  He seem surprised and asked again" my question is how is my PT kit and underwear… why recruit never reply me on that? How you expect me to train you without knowing your feeling?“ I was confuse and give him a blur look.

He slowly walk over and take over the plastic bag, seem to inspect the items inside. As I have dried them, I feel confident that he should be satisfy when he inspect them. Sir suddenly took out that jockstrap and cup it over my nose/mouth and grab my both hands from my back… it is like a kidnap scene and the kidnapper feeding the victim with a cloth filled with Chloroform. I am initially very panic but sir quickly whisper over my ear "Relax… relax… my body is at the back supporting you… slowly breath in”.  His words seem so powerful, the panic feel immediately disappear, instead my cock grow so hard which I never experience before.  Shouldn’t that be the horrible pungent smell, why would I get hard?

Sir whisper “ haha boy, this is smell therapy.  You want to learn right? I will train you to enjoy smell and make you a underwear slut. I passed you my PT kit and moist jockstrap is for you to enjoy. Haha you are such a cute innocent boy, never mind I am sure I will able to make you enjoy the process. Wear this jockstrap now”. 

With all the sweet words, I just obediently follow, undress myself and put on his white Bike brand jockstrap. I never wear a jockstrap before, not to say wear someone else used underwear. But surprise me, the feel is so good, it seem so season and the thick band makes it feel so fitting. Only uncomfortable part is the butt, feel so empty. He push me to nearby mirror…I look so naughty in it but it look great on me as it is able to secure my growing cock nicely.   Next he whisper over my ear “ This jockstrap will be worn by you until you meet me tomorrow. The red OCS PT kit is for you to wear when you report to me, as you are under training, you are my Cadet now, understand?”

Wooo… so kinky, I always want to be an officer but just not hard working enough to get into OCS. Hence I just get more excited and answered “Yes Sir, Cadet will follow Sir order”.

He seems happy and ordered me to pack up and go back as he needs to rest early as tomorrow he needs to wake up early for the Unit yearly firing competition (ie. part of the Annual Best Unit Award). Same for me, I need to wake up too, as I will be issuing them with the store items for the Firing Range. Not sure whether I will be able to sleep with the butt-less underwear.

Ring….Ring…Ring…..

Is 4am, I do have a good sleep in Sir jockstrap, the cock is still hardon. The temperature outside is so cooling and nice if I can continue to sleep. But knowing my mean officer and unit personnel will be mad if they can’t draw their store in time, I better dress up and go to the Store.  As usual I am in my Commandos white t shirt and black short (of course with Sir’s jockstrap underneath). I am early, I reached the Store but others are not there yet. Hence I just open the door and sit there to wait for them. It does not take long, those “Siao on” Commandos start to shout here and there while drawing their stores.  Soon, I noted my ideal officer walking over. He is that handsome as always, today he even put on a camo army scarf over his neck.  I am so happy to see him and quickly greet him “Morning Sir”. He smiled back and walked towards me.

He followed by asking me “Recruit, where is my store items?” I am confuse, I don’t recall he did request for any store. Oh no, likely have forgotten about it…die, likely will be scolded by him again. He quickly said “Recruit, those items are at the back of the store… let me bring you over”. His arm over my shoulder and kind of usher me to the back of my store. I feel so panic and bad and immediately apologize to him as I did not recall the need to prepare anything for him. He took a quick look at the surrounding and noted no one is around and he immediately force his hand inside my short to touch my cock.  He whisper over my ear “Good cadet, you did follow my instruction and I can see you have enjoyed my dirty jockstrap”. I was shocked but also glad that I am not that forgetful after all. Before he walk out, he whisper over my ear again “let hope today is a warm and hot day, so that I can prepare a more dirty and moist jockstrap for you… haha…”

Wooo… those words was so kinky but I feel so slutty, I do like it and immediate feel the hardon again.  Those smell is addictive, I do feel like pulling my jockstrap out and sniff on them. But as I am a good “cadet” now, I should follow sir instruction, I should not remove it until I report to him this evening. This time, the clock seem to run very slowly… I am like a drug addictive waiting to get my “sniff” from Sir. In order to kill time, I tried to experiment putting my yesterday used undie over my head, but the smell like not so good and I don’t seem to enjoy. Hence I just spend the rest of the day googling the Web to learn more about such fetishes, gears and jockstraps.

That day the weather is good and the firing range ended much before the scheduled timing. While I am googling for more kinky stories, picture and video, the Unit is back from their firing range. By 4pm, all the items are returned back to the Store. I take a quick store-count before locking the Store and go back to my bunk. Haha I need to mentally prepare myself for the “extra” duty by my Sir. Suddenly I noted I have an issue… how am I going to report in the red OCS PT kit? I am not an officer, and if I wear that and walk pass the parade square, surely someone will see it. If I don’t report it in, Sir will surely mad with me for not being obedient. Time is up, I need to go… still confuse, I can only bring the PT kit inside a plastic bag. After I knocked Sir door and proceed to go in, I quickly requested sir to give me a minute to change into the PT kit.

Sir is sitting on his bed and watching me doing “change parade” for him.  After I am done, he shouted “ Come over! You seem to be asking for punishment?. "  I quickly rush over and put my hands over my back and waiting for his further scolding.  He scanned me up and down and suddenly he forced his hands into my short again. He grab my cock and his face start to change… he smile and said ” Cadet, you seem to enjoy my jockstrap? Is so wet there… haha…“ I am shocked, likely I have pre-cummed a lot in the afternoon when I surfed the internet for such kinky stories and picture/video. I feel so embarrassed and lower my head. Next, Sir order me to undress him. He is still in his no.4 that he wear to range that morning.  I quickly remove his camo clothing … they are wet and smelly… or should I say a strong manly smell. When I unbutton his pant, I noted he wear a Blue jockstrap with a Yellow band, it looks ever more yummy than the white one that I am wearing. Sir seem to have been observing me when undressing him, once I am about to remove his jockstrap, he brush my hands off and said "Cadet, you seem hungry to take your daily dose of Sir smell. Tell Sir how badly you want it?” I was a bit blur as to what should I say… but suddenly recall those blogs that I read that afternoon. I quickly reacted “ Sir, yes Sir.. cadet need Sir jockstrap… please feed Cadet with it…please Sir”. Indeed it excite him and he immediately strip it off and cup the crotch area over my nose. Oh not.. it smell so strong, it is also feel warm and musky.  I start to like his smell and find it very attractive. I closed my eyes and enjoying the sub feeling.  I guess I really like it so much now that I was not aware Sir has actually taken some tapes to secure this jockstrap over my nose. Soon my mouth and eyes are also covered by tapes.  And Sir seem to have carried me to his bed. He spread my hands and legs wide open like doing “Star Jump”.  As I am enjoying the smell, I did not struggle and let him do whatever thing.   When I have enough of the smell, I start to try to move my limbs then I realized Sir has tied my hands and legs to the four corner of the bed.  I try to beg Sir to release me but my mouth is covered by the jockstrap and tapes. Oh no, I am totally helpless now.  Suddenly Sir said “ Cadet, take a good rest first while I take my bath”. This further panic me as what happen if someone else come in? I try to beg Sir not to leave me alone but it does not seem to produce any sound.  That moment seems so long, but also kind of odd as my cock is super hard through out that period… what happen? Maybe this is what I read in the blog today, the sub that like the “helpless feel”.

Suddenly I hear the door open and then a hand start touching me all over…I try to struggle but my limbs are tightly secured to the four corners.  Finally a voice appear “Cadet, don’t worry, is me… just relax… you will enjoy”.  That sentence really helped as I know I am not exposed to others.  While resting, I start to enjoy the smell of jockstrap again. Sir seem to touch or pinch my nipples… it start to send mix signal to my brain.   Is it pain or horny feel… one moment I feel so painful, the next moment, I seem to crave for more.  He also start to edge and milk my cock.  I feel so high that it does not take too long that I start to shoot… I guess I have cum a lot as Sir seem busy wiping here and there.

After cleaning up, Sir also released me off the restraints. Next he pass me his towel and ask me to go and wash up. I followed and when I am back to the room, I noted Sir is laying on his bed in that blue jockstrap with yellow band. I feel embarrass as it might have stained with lot of my saliva when I was covered in it a while ago. I softly asked Sir “ Sir.. I am sorry, I have dirty it”. Surprise me, he follow by saying “ No, this is my pair of jockstrap.” Next he turn his body to pick up something from underneath his bed. It is another pair of similar jockstrap. Sir then kinky asked “ Cadet, this is yours… haha… you want it? Come wear it and come over to the bed”.

Woo… I am so excited and quickly release my towel and wear that jockstrap. Although it is wet with my saliva, but it feel so good to be in similar gear with my ideal sir and able to sleep besides him.  Sir grab my hand and whisper over my ear “Tonight you sleep here, I need a big Snorlax to hug”. I happily hug Sir back and doze off…Zzzzzz…

It feels so good to be hugged to bed by my ideal officer. The slutty me suddenly wake up around 3am and kind of miss the moment Sir tied me to the bed. As such I whisper to Sir’s ear that whether he can tie me to the bed again. 

He is waken up by me and don’t seem happy. Being a very strict discipline officer, he just stand up and setup a mobile bed beside him. Before putting me there, he put a collar on me and whisper “Notti Cadet, I guess I need to discipline you… you are a Slave now… no clothing for you.” Oh no, he immediately removed the nice matching Blue jockstrap from me. Next he push me to the newly setup bed and start securing my hands and legs to the 4 corners.  He also make me wear an eyes mask and ear plug. I totally lost the senses, a complete helpless feeling start to kick in. So naked and so helpless and no sense of time. 

It seems so long before Sir release me.  When I am released of my blindfold, I noted is already morning. I quickly apologize to sir and told him that I feel cold and scare … and I will be a good boy and will not be notti again.  He walk over and give me a bear hug and whisper “ No No… you have progressed quite well, soon you will be graduated from my training… haha. But today onwards, I want to give you some slave training."  He follow by saying ” From now on, you no longer wear underwear (ie. Go Commandos). And you should not wear even the red OCS Cadet PT Kit or the unit white Commandos T-shirt. I want you to feel you are a slave now… you can only admire Sir…haha….“

As instruction, I quickly rush back to my bunk and change up into no.4 pant and a green army t-shirt , without any underwear and rush down to the Store as I am getting late.  ….

It is tough day for me, I feel very uncomfortable… likely due to the green vest as it seem thick and hot. I quickly change into a green singlet, but it does not help too… I sweat and sweat. What wrong with me? Suddenly I noted the other changes is that I am not wearing any underwear. When I unbutton my no.4 pant to take a look, I noted my cock is hard and pre-cummed too. Poor cock, no clothing. I quickly pull my singlet down to cover it. The hard cock seem super sensitive to my singlet, when I slightly rub with it, I feel like cumming. Oh no, is so shiok and feel like masterbating now. But the look for green singlet and no underwear, make me recall Sir statement… I am a slave now, I can only admire Sir. Hence I quickly release my hand and button back my no.4 pant. Next I quickly divert my attention to my Store stuffs, hopefully I will not feel that bad after that.

Finally the tough day is over and time for me to report to Sir again. As I being told no longer able to wear the red OCS PT kit, I proceed to Sir room in my no. 4 pant and green vest. Just after one knock at the door, Sir opens the door and drag me in and closed the door behind me. Sir follow by saying “ I thought I did mention I am doing slave training and slave should not be wearing any clothing?” Upon hearing that, I immediately strip off my vest, boots and no.4 pant. Oh no, my dick immediately stand up … so embarrassing…gosh….

Sir just laugh and asked “Is slave horny? Should I make him more horny? But I am so tired today…” After which, he takes out those tapes from his drawer and start securing my hands together with it. Next he push me to the floor besides his bed and make me knee like a doggie.  I feel so small and vulnerable in front of him, but as he is the officer I like, I don’t seem to be angry, instead full of excitement as what is he "teaching" me today. He look so tall and huge when he stand directly in front of me. He still in his blue jockstrap with the yellow band. It looks so nice on him, the bulge is growing and look so yummy as it is at my eyes level. While I am looking at it, Sir released his cock out of the blue tiny cloth and start stroking it in-front of me. OMG he playing his cock, make me so horny and I start to understand what sir mean by saying slave can only admire master’s cock. In fact, emotionally it excite me a lot… I guess is another form of helpless feeling. Sir cock is around 6", not small for Asian male. It get red and thick when he rub and rub.  Suddenly Sir whisper “I am getting tired and maybe slave can be of good use now”.  Before I figure out what he means, he force open my mouth and push his red, hot cock into my mouth. I try to struggle as I never suck a cock before and cock is where urine come out, seem so unhygienic. I want to say no but as Sir cock is already in my mouth, is hard for me to pronounce any words. Instead Sir just hold tight of my head and keep rocking my head towards him.  Being no hands to push away and my mouth can’t pronounce any word, soon I give up on struggle, instead try to relax and help to serve my tired Sir. Surprisingly I seem to get into motion and enjoy his tools. When I suck him tightly, Sir moans and it greatly excite me. The more he moan, I suck it faster and tighter. Haha, not long Sir cum, he shoot a lot into my mouth. It is warm and salty but I just take it down my throat. Sir whisper over my ear “ Boi, you are indeed good at your oral job. I guess I no longer need my Osim massager, I will use you for the future.” I feel so honored as I am “useful” slave to my ideal Officer.

After Sir did a bit of clean up, he release me of the tape. Instead he bring out some ropes from his drawer and start tying me up. He whisper over my ear that he is going to do the bondage on me. Just a while, the ropes run all over my body and it looks great and feel good too. It is like a lady’s push-up bra, the rope cut horizontally over my chest and push up my chest muscle. My hands and legs are also tightly secured by the ropes.  Sir seem happy with his rope work and took some pic with his handphone. He know I am discreet, hence he immediate assured me that he will not take picture with the head. After a couple of photos taking, he start to rub my nipples and cock.  It does not take long to make me super horny and start moaning.  Sir look at my push-up chest muscle and seem attracted and start licking and sucking my nipples. Wooo… his tongue is good too, tease my nipples and make me moan like crazy. As he worry anyone might hear it, he stuff his blue jockstrap into my mouth.  After making me crazy up there, he move down to blow my cock. His mouth is like milking machine, making me so helpless and only able to fully surrender All my “milk” to that “milking machine”. Both of us feel so exhausted after cumming. He released me off the bondage and removed the jockstrap from my mouth. Both of us rested naked on the bed and doze off.

After a good night rest, I waked up around 6am. Sir already wake up and he has washed up and put on a sexy white trunk.  He noted I have wake up, he walk over and kiss me. it feel so good and loved, I am ready to be his slave forever, hence I asked “ Sir, can I be your slave forever?”

He paused for a while and say “ Cadet, you have completed your training.”

I follow by saying “ Sir, you are a good master, I am still a notti boy that need extended training.”

Sir paused again and say “But… but… I am in fact a sub too. I give you these few days of training as you threaten me to teach you.”

A sudden change of mood in the room, I just wear back my clothing and drag my feet back to my room.  Is Army life going to be boring again? 

************************* The End***********************************

[jeffersonhairpie]

NCT Dream 230328 London Fan Account

-OH my god I love kpop concerts so much

-I went with a friend. We were seated so we didn't bother going before doors. She had made some cute home made photocards for freebies and we gave them out outside. It was so fun we wished we'd brought more. We also picked up some of the puzzle piece banners that were being given out

-The venue could NOT have been slower at getting everyone seated but oh well. We were in the accessible area and had such a good view of the stage it was wild. The chunk of stage that was built out into the audience was right in front of us and we could see everyone's faces super clearly

-I was in a minority of folk with an old lightstick so mine was green the whole night through lol. Nctzens are extremely unserious people and the number of silly fan signs people brought were so fun. Chenle has succeeded in making all his fans Stephen Curry's fans too. In general people were wearing lots of lime green and white with frog accessories and the vibe was just everyone there for a good time

-Before the concert even started people were shrieking at the VRs and MVs being played on the big screens

-OH my god I love kpop oceans

-We had been chatting with some of the people in our row about who our Dream biases were I was musing on whether or not Mark was my Dream bias bc he's objectively the member of Dream that I like the most but idk if I like him most within the Dream dynamic? If that makes sense? Anyway this was stupid as soon as Mark stepped onstage my jaw was on the floor. He had a variation of the messy blonde braided hairstyle he was rocking towards the end of the 127 tour but with additional blonde and pink extensions. He also had blue contacts. He looked amazing.

-First song was Glitch Mode (I am absolutely not gonna recount the whole set list in order rip). The hits started coming and they simply did not stop coming. Just tune after tune after tune.

-Dreaming is so good and I really really hope they get more discography in that kidlnd of style. Also the choreois clean as hell

-Just to say that Mark was outstandingly beautiful but everyone looked good and I will be fighting Lee Jeno in a parking lot at his first available opportunity

-Wen the mics were on they were ON but Renjun must have insulted the sound engineer's mother or smth because his mics were not calibrated properly the entire night. But yeah the rumours are true NCT singers are men who can sing

-NCT dancers are also men who can dance. Jeno and Jisung and Mark specifically

-They did their first chat with the crowd on the platform but Chenle got bored half way through and wandered off to go wave at fans lol. Haechan started his ment by sternly making us all be quiet

-Our section did NOT spend much time sitting down I should say we were on our feet dancing most of the night

-I knew Jeno's slutty backless shirt plus choker look was coming but it still did not really prepare me

-A fan group had given out lots of banners saying '7dream is our missing puzzle piece' and everyone managed to hide them until they played Puzzle Piece when we whipped them put all at once. It was a cute moment

-I have seen My First and Last live I can die happy. If you are reading this post for some reason and haven't watched the dance practice for this song pls go fix that ASAP

-There was a moment during Quiet Down (which is insane crazy CRAZY like what on earth was going on in the room when they came up with the idea to have half the group in boxes and the other half interacting with the through the glass? Super creative and looks really clean, the Jeno and Haechan pair up specifically) when Mark looked down into a camera and idk it was just... His energy man I would do anything he asked of me

-Better Than Gold was completely electric I had no idea that song had it in it. The shift from Quiet Down to Better Than Gold is really abrupt but the whole venue was shaking ass three seconds into BTG so it clearly worked. They did a 70s inspired line dance thing with prop mics before heading out onto the platform Probs my fav individual song of the night. There was a family sat just underneath us and this was the point when the parents started dancing and did not stop for the rest of the gig - pretty sure they had more fun that their kids who they had ostensibly brought out to see the boy band that night lol?

-At some point I grabbed some confetti that had been fired from a canon and draped it around myself

-Trigger the Fever is SO high energy I do not know how they manage to pull that off on the regular and come back for more tunes

-I lost my shit for Hello Future. It's simply the best NCT Dream song and I will not be taking notes

-Walk You Home my beloved <3

-People started throwing lots of plushies onto the stage towards the end of the show and before the encore and the security team were very obliging in making sure any that fell short of their mark made their way to the stage. While doing Walk You Home the group picked up some of this stuff. A watermelon bag for Mark was a highlight

-Rainbow played during the last big stage hiatus (for the group to change and presumably chug lots of water) and the cameras showed lots of fans and fan signs from around the room it was super cute

-Everyone's final mentions were fun! Everyone tried to speak English but there was a translator on hand. Jaemin is so grandma coded, he was telling us to remember to eat three meals a day. Jisung was super alarmed by us stamping our feet to make a sound like thunder and Mark tried on being British by saying 'blimey'

-Candy was the encore which I wasn't sure about but it's so high energy and fun it was a good send off

-No Dear Dream or Go (boo!) but otherwise the set list was really tight. All told the concert lasted 2 hrs 45 mins so like.. The tickets weren't cheap but we got a LOT of bang for our buck. I danced so much and the energy in the room was so good and I just had a great time.

#Nct #Dream #Nct dream #shitty text post #My fan account

[arthuriangodel]

HEY THERE.

Ha, I’m really not good with these type of things—that’s no slight to you, but I’m a bit out of my element when it comes to surprises. I guess it helps keep our minds off the cold and keeps most of the student body from complaining too much about crowding into Ramshackle.

This is a nice assignment, though. I’m not one of your students, so we’ve only really spoken in passing. You do pretty necessary work, considering some of the student body. I don’t want to speak ill of my peers, especially not to a teacher, but I sometimes start questioning how people will survive once they’re no longer enrolled. It’s a shame the life skills courses tend to be neglected… although I guess I’m not any better, since I haven’t had the need to take any.

I am curious about something, though. I have relatives who are very big into Spelldrive, and I think I’ve heard through the grapevine you used to play? I help out when the inter-dorm tournament comes around, although I can’t say I’m really suited for it. I have fun when we’re trying to do pick-up games in my dorm, though, but I’m not a competitive person so I tend to get left behind. Any tips for this year’s, haha?

Sorry for rambling. I haven’t written a letter in a long time, actually. People do like the handwritten effort, though I’m sorry in advance for making you read my chicken scratch. It’s not pretty, but at least I’ve gotten pretty fast at taking notes.

I hope your day is as well as it can be in the winter time.

SIGNED,

???

Why, hello there, little sprout :)

I surely hope you are faring well; it'd be a bit concerning if you were not. I understand your sentiment with this event, however. I was rather surprised when Crowley told some of us faculty to join in. I decided to join in this exchange in earnest because it is a nice opportunity to meet some new sproutlings like you, pen pal! The day has been faring well, for the conditions it is.

It seems you understand my sentiments, my dear. The first year I've been here, I almost had to do a double take on why a person would not clean off their dishes, only to realize that someone else has been gathering way too much blot for what should be considered a parlor trick in glamour magic. My little class may not be the most exciting for everyone, but there is much to be learned, whether one thinks that they may or may not need it. Your penmanship, for example, leaves a lot of to be desired, yes, but I see potential in you yet. For one, it is legible. And for taking notes, it's very effective as is. Calligraphy talents would come soon enough.

Also, yes! I have used to be in Spelldrive as a striker for NRU, those were the glory days. Back then, I went by the title "Spellthorn" as I had a youthful appearance in my youth, but my striking abilities were exemplary. However, things happened and now I don't really participate in Spelldrive tournaments, though I make it a habit to always watch the games live or on TV, whichever is easier. I can't exactly say what this year will hold, but a universal tip that always seemed to be overlooked is to always stretch your legs before flying and to develop your core muscles if you work out outside of flight class. This will make sure you can stay on the broom for longer, especially when you do those hard corkscrews. If you're not as athletic, then stretching and minding your posture will help wonders for flying in general. After all, the person needs as much maintenance as the broom does. I would ask which dorm you are from to see your Spelldrive practices, but that would be revealing the surprise too early, and surprise letters like this should be cherished.

Ah, it seems I have also rambled quite a bit and in my teacher voice nonetheless, do forgive me. Hopefully I didn't bore you with this letter. I look forward to writing more letters with you, and if you have any more questions or wish to confide in something, don't hesitate to ask!

As for you, how about you tell me more about yourself? Anything holiday traditions that you enjoy?

Your wonderous professor,

Godel

#[the professor knows best after all!] ic #[how does one ask or submit every time without fail?] inbox #nru: exchange 22