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seokgyuu · 6 months

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TEASER part of the @svthub 70's collab

Lee Seokmin is a very successful and admired Detective in the NYPD. Up until now he has had no trouble catching the bad guys. But when an especially horrific serial killer starts roaming the streets of New York City and he faces perplexity for the first time in his career - his superiors send a unit from the FBI trained to profile Serial Killers, which contains none other than you - Seokmin’s High School Sweetheart.

Pairing: Detective!Seokmin x FBI Agent!Reader

Genre: Criminal Minds/Detective AU, exes to enemies to lovers, Serial Killer AU, angst, Smut (MDNI!)

Warnings: Serial Killer theme, description of violence, description of dead bodies, cult themes, mentions of suicide, mentions of blood; smut warnings: will be added

Wordcount: teaser: 1045

Seokmin looks up from the file.

“Why is this different from the other four victims? Because she has an important dad, suddenly the tables turn?”

Bream sighs, pulling a hand over his red face.

“It’s not fair, I know that, Lee. But this changes everything. The judge is furious. He wants the slasher to be caught yesterday.”

“Oh, and we don’t? Captain, please, this is bullshit!” Seokmin scoffs, throwing the file back on the table and glaring at his superior, who looks straight back at him.

“I know. We all know Seokmin. It’s a bad situation. But, some might say, it did bring something good.”

“And what’s that?” Stolper speaks up, crossing his arms. Bream clicks his tongue.

“We got sent help. From the FBI.”

Silence is what follows. Seokmin feels the ice inside his veins melt and instead get replaced by fire. He knows Stolper feels the same. Everyone here feels the same. The fucking feds.

“They can’t take this from us. We’ve been on this for months,” Seokmin hisses, and Bream nods again, licking his dry lips.

“They won’t take it from us, Lee. They are only here to help. In fact, they aren’t… our usual feds.”

“What does that mean?” Seokmin raises his brows, leaning forward, hands on top of the table.

“They are a completely new department. Focused on the behavior of criminals, analyzing them, trying to figure out what is wrong with them.”

“They are killing people. That’s what's wrong with them!” Stolper shouts, and Bream holds up his hand.

“I understand that you’re upset. God knows I am, too. But there is nothing I can do. Go talk to them. They just arrived.”

The ice is back, and this time it hits Seokmin right in the face. They are here already? Waiting for them? Embarrassment flows through his veins, mixed with an emotion he has never felt before at this job: failure. His legs are shaking as he gets up, but he tries to play it off, his body tensing when Bream leads them to the door and opens it.

The hallway to the main hall suddenly feels longer than it is. The walls are closing in on Seokmin, the gray concrete threatening to suffocate him as he walks over the horrendous blue tiles he never understood were placed in the first place. Nothing really seems to be matching in this precinct. Most especially Seokmin and the federal agents waiting for them downstairs. He doesn’t know how his legs lead him to the glass front that shows the inside of the busy precinct downstairs. Everything is the same gray color. Everything is the same horrible blue. The only difference is the people standing in the right corner of the room all gathered around the whiteboard Seokmin has so carefully put together these past few months.

His hands are sweating. This isn’t fair. This is his case. They aren’t supposed to be here and take credit for what he has done so far. What exactly have you done, Lee Seokmin? The voice in his head reminds him, and he balls his hands into fists as Bream opens the door leading to the stairs that will finally bring him to the federal agents he knows he’ll hate already.

The atmosphere in the room is tense. More tense than usual because everyone in it is unhappy with the current situation. As if it isn't hard enough that there is a killer on the loose, now there are FBI agents trying to take this away from the NYPD? This is his town, Seokmin’s town! No one knows it as well as him. He knows every corner, every store. Every good place to eat, every bar to avoid. The people know him; they trust him with this, and now he is just supposed to accept that he can’t continue what he started?

He doesn’t know how, but somehow, he does end up right behind all the agents and one of the other detectives, Jeanne, and doesn’t even try to hide the fact he is bitter. His arms are crossed as he listens to Jeanne explaining what is on the board. She had been a part of this - all of the higher detectives have been whenever they could. It’s not like crime suddenly stopped in New York City just because a serial killer was roaming around. If anything, it just got worse.

“That’s about all we’ve gathered. I know it’s not much, but it’s all we got.” Jeanne closes her explanation, and Seokmin watches the backs of the agent's head nodding. Bream then clears his throat, making the others aware that they have joined and once the team of strangers turns around, Seokmin thinks someone has yet again taken a bucket of ice and dumped it all over his head. Because why on earth are you here?

You see him the second he sees you. It’s almost funny how your professionalism slowly slips out of your control, how seeing him makes memories flood your brain and almost drowns you. Why is he here? He, who had left you with a sour taste seven years prior to this moment? Why is he standing there in a well-fitted suit, looking the best he ever had in a precinct that shouldn’t have anything pretty inside it?

“Detectives, may I introduce you to agents Son, Song, Kim, Seok and Y/L/N. They were sent here by the FBI to help us with the investigations.” Jeanne smiles, but Seokmin knows it’s not an honest smile. You see it, too. When you had gotten the memo to go to New York City and help with the slasher murders, you had already known the detectives wouldn’t be too happy to see you and your team.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m the team leader, Hyunwoo Son.” You hear your boss speak, and you want to look at him, but your eyes are back to being glued to Seokmin. Lee Seokmin. The one who had taken everything from you when you were 19.

“You too. I’m Detective Stolper. This is Detective Lee.” Bream doesn’t sound sincere. For once, Seokmin is relieved his older colleague likes to speak over him. He doesn’t know if he would have been able to say a word.

header credit @playmetheclassics

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hy0ung · 2 months

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Okay, let’s do this. This is going to be a long post with screenshots, so be patient. Little “exposed”

Honestly I debated a lot if i should do it or not, and i was willing to leave it behind and move on. But this person’s “pronunciation” was what made me decide to post this. You all might had noticed that I’ve deleted all my posts and i explained that was because someone was using the same identity as me. I didn’t mentioned them before, but the acc im talking about is @minzica / @minztarot . When they followed me, i followed back and welcomed them, just as i do with everyone who follows me and is also a ateez tarot content creator. Then, someone pointed out that their profile was really similar to mine and then i wasn’t able to unsee it. It annoyed me. I thought i was being sensitive, and asked for guidance: if i was overreacting or not.

As you can see, i didn’t even mentioned their @. People guessed it right way (specially the instagram one), and it confirmed my suspicions. Then i posted it here, just as a vent. I also didn’t mentioned any name because i really don’t want a fight. But to my surprise, people came to my asks already knowing who it was. People asked me to expose them but i didn’t wanted to do so, until now. I slept and when i woke up, they already had unfollowed me. I was ready to move on, because they had changed all their blog and delete their posts so i thought they might felt bad and were shy to send an apology or something. But then, i received more messages about it. Basically, 4 accounts felt like they were being copied too. One of them, the ‘robbed’ reading had the same name and the same format. Minz didn’t even changed the name form the hard hours one. People started to think about scam, but idk if’s the case. But by stealing readings styles and all, people felt suspicious.

Now: why do i decided to talk about it and expose their @. Minz made a pronouncement, which you can read here. Honestly, it looks like they are making fun of me and the others for feeling frustrated of being copied. “Is just an aesthetic and i don’t see the issue”, well, we do. Because is not just an aesthetic, it’s our identity. Every blog has their own and everyone respects that. Is not just a color, or a template, as you tried to make it look, minz. Is it all, combined. That’s what makes my blog look like me, and what makes the other’s readers’s blogs look like them. People recognize us by it. This is a branding. Imagine if someone steals yours. You won’t be happy if someone out there stared to act like you. If you liked my blog and wanted to be inspired by it, good, i feel honored. But inspiration is not copy and paste, and wasn’t just me. The main reason why i am posting this, is because your words about the situation where indeed insensible with the ones who felt frustrated.

You said in your post, that you don’t like being accused of lying, but then you lie again? You said you were new to the community and didn’t knew how people do the things but then…you knew. I remember that i saw this comment and also the person does too.

Okay you wanted to fit. I get it and i understand you, i felt the same when i started and i think mostly of us felt the same. But just copying one thing from each blog, won’t make you fit honey. Being yourself will. I got that you were talking about deleting your posts and i don’t doubt that you were only unsatisfied with your readings. But the fact that you changed right after my rant received attention and people expressed how they also noticed and how unhappy they were, is kinda suspicious. Also, you said you felt an hostility. Let me stop you right here. You deleted it too, but i remember very well that i welcomed you when i followed you back. Our community is very open with new accounts and we always try to get along with each other, support each other. If you felt that ‘hostility’ is probably because people saw the similarities and felt uncomfortable. Im coming here to explain to you, since you made clear in your post that you don’t get why so many people felt unhappy about the situation. But don’t invalidade how we feel about it just because ‘wasn’t your intention’. We have all the right to feel this way. It was our time, our creative work to create our stuff to it just be copied like this. I honestly think that if you felt really sorry, you would at least tried to talk with someone, explain the situation, but no. You deleted posts, changed and all, might not be the case as i said, could be just a coincidence, but, it felt really suspicious, specially because the situation. People felt that

Im not here to start a war, i’m really not. I’m here to explain directly to you and to anyone else who wants to understand our frustration. You will always be welcomed into our community, but please: be yourself, don’t be insensitive about how people feel, and when you want to apologize, do it to the people who felt it. I was really against about coming here expose all the situation, but after all, wasn’t just me who felt like this and your words where hurtful. I just hope you understand, we can move on, leave it behind and keep being the friendly community we always had been.

#hy0ung.zip #ateez #ateez tarot

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isuckatwritingsobenice · 10 months

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Who is she..?

Concept: Milo with a reader who’s like White Diamond from Steven Universe.

Milo Thatch x AFAB!Reader

Nav! // Disney Masterlist // Taglist form

Metting you was an accident on Milo’s part

How he ended up on Homeworld he doesn’t know, and neither does the rest of his crew. But as they step from their vehicles and see all the other, people, staring at them, Milo gets the uneasy feeling they aren’t supposed to be here.

“ We come in peace. We are from Earth. We do not wish you any harm.” Rourke says, his hands up. Helga straps her gun to her hip, staring at everyone else. As they get radio silence, it’s then the citizens of this planet begin to focus. A large white orb in the air, comes to stand in front of Rourke.

“ Hello travelers. My Diamond requests your presence. All of you.” This girl says, the palms of her hands facing upward, almost as if she was holding something with her arms. Milo felt Audrey stand next to him, as Rourke and Helga began walking to the girl.

“ Who is, your diamond?” Milo asks, stepping near the girl with everyone else. Her face is blank, almost as if she’s being controlled.

“ (your color) Diamond. She is most unhappy about your arrival.” The girl says, before they’re surround by white light. Everyone is silent they’re being brought to heaven knows where.

“ How mad is your diamond exactly?” Vinny asks, with a click of his tounge. The girl is silent for a moment before she turns to face him.

“ Very.Unhappy. I haven’t seen her this upset since Pink threw a tantrum.” The girl says, before Rourke spoke.

“ If you don’t mind me asking, what is your name?” He says, nervously.

“ A ñame? I do not have a name. I am a pearl. That is what you may address me as. ( your color diamond)’s Pearl. I am to serve her and do as she asks of me. If I cannot do that, then what is my purpose?” Pearl says, before everyone is silent. Suddenly, the white light falls like a curtain, before Pearl disappears again. In front of them is a large being.

“ Thank you pearl.” The being says, before Pearl is beside them, nodding.

“ Yes my diamond.”

The pearl leaves, and Milo is quiet as the being before him and his group sits on her thrown. Her eyes are shut.

“Hello!” Rourke yells, waving to the large diamond. Audrey face palms while Milo gets nervous.

“Please, do not shout.” The being says, her voice shaking wherever they are. Rourke is taken aback, before shoving Milo forward.

“Your turn kid.” Rourke says. Milo gulps nervously before walking forward a bit.

“Hello. Um, do you know where we are?”

“Where you are?” The being scoffs. “Pink really couldn’t handle her own colony, and we told her.” The being says.

“I’m sorry… who is Pink?” Milo asks, before the being stands. She walks down her steps, before crouching down to be leveled with Milo. The crew steps back, almost trying to mold into the wall. She’s close, and she’s huge.

“Your diamond.” She says, her eyes shooting open. Milo stands, unsure what to do. He’s quiet. The being before him scans over his figure, taking him in.

“Do you have a name?” Milo asks, fighting the nerves in his voice.

“You,” She says, staring at him. Something in her eyes changes, and she begins to glow bright. Milo covers his eyes, not wanting to be blinded. When the light clears, he opens his eyes. “May call me, (Color) Diamond.” She says.

This time she’s smaller, around his height. Her outfit is changed, before it was almost a long white dress, a black caps of some sort. Now, it was turtleneck dress, with slits up both sides, almost to her waist.

“Okay, (Color) Diamond-“

“(Color) is fine.”

“A-alright. Can you tell us where we are.” Milo asks, before she scans over his crew behind him.

“Yes. In a moment.” She says, stepping past Milo to get a closer look at his crew.

“Pearl.” What calls out, and in seconds pearl appears.

“Yes my diamond?” Pearl asks with a smile.

“Take them.” Y/n says with a wave of her hand, her face stoic. Quickly, a bubble forms around them, and before they can protest they’re gone.

“W-where did they go?” Milo asks, and Y/n turns to him quiet.

“A holding cell. Considering how rude their ‘leader’ was. They’ll be fine.” Y/n says, before Pearl appears again. "Why don't we speak about this intrusion of yours, hm?"

Milo's basically shaking in his boots the entire time you two walk around homeworld, like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

thanks to you though, he does find out why him and his crew were brought here

apparently, one of the parts in Mole's drill was from homeworld, and when it began to cut into the Earths crust, it went into a 'retreat' mode, bringing them back to homeworld.

nevertheless, Milo is very interested in the gems, he just doesn't understand why no one talks about Pink diamond, so he's very curious about her

he also pays very close attention to the placements on the gems, like, why is yellows on her hand? as well as blue?

Blue was definitely more fond of Milo, since he 'belonged' to Pink, she tells you to go easy on him. "These people are all we have left of our pink." Blue says, crying and snuggling into Milo, while he stands awkwardly.

Yellow doesnt make a comment about why you're smaller, saying she doesn't understand why you felt the need to shrink yourself for a lower life form

milo wasn't sure how to take that...

but, you pay no mind to them, you're trying to figure out what to do with them, even though blue suggests putting them in the zoo, which does make Milo panic a bit

you decide to question him, you ask him where he's from, ask him why he's never seen a gem on earth, why none of them know who pink diamond is, or who they are for that matter and Milo is absolutely dumbfounded

you show him your library and he begins to go through the books, surprised he can actually understand them, hell even youre surprised he can read them, or make sense of it

"On Earth we have these two, only they're actual words." Milo says, gesturing to the in scripting in the pages.

you almost decide to help Milo and his friends. Almost until the gems around the castle are freaking out because Rourke shattered a gem and now you're livid

you tell the amethysts to take milo away, and he becomes frantic, he's not sure whats going to happen to him, regardless, he tries to reason with you when they put him in a holding cell, the only other two people he can see are Audrey and Vinny, and they fill him in on what happened

they tell Milo Rourke was trying to get them out, but the walls were so high they couldn't even reach the window

"Then this Blue lady came in, ans she started asking us all these question and Rourke tried hiding under her dress to escape and when she found him he shattered that, pearl I think it was called." Audrey said, and Milo was SHOOK

"What about Mole and Helga?" Milo asked, before Audrey shrugged.

'Helga helped Rourke, and Mole just hid in the ground, he's probably around here somewhere." Audrey said, but before they could continue the Amethysts came back with Joshua, or Dr. Sweet, Ms.Packard and Cookie, who was actually laughing a lot

"Please, you gotta let me talk to (color) diamond." Milo pleaded as they put the others in holding cells "No can do human, we got specific orders from Yellow to keep you all here, unless (color) tells us otherwise, you stay here." One of the amythestis said, before he sighed

"Bring her to me then" Milo said, before they all just looked at each other

"well tell her you wanna speak to her, but if she doesnt show up thats on her" one of the guards said, and Milo nodded. he sat in his cell for hours waiting to hear from you, and he was almost sure you'd said no, until the guards came back with keys to his cell

"Our diamond requests to see you" one said, opening the cell to let Milo out. he was nervous as they led him to you, until he realized he was in a throne room. on the thrones, sat Yellow and Blue, beneath them was a pink seat, which he assumed was for Pink Diamond. On the top was (color) seat, where you sat.

"Milo! My boy!" Rourke said with a smile, but Milo just glared.

"Silence." You said, and your voice rang through the room. "Yellow, tell your pearl to take them away. I want to hear what this one has to say." You said, and yellow's pearl did exactly that. Rourke and Helga were gone in seconds, and Milo stood before the three diamonds nervously.

"H-hello. Um, I h-hear about what happened." He said, trying to find his words. Yellow had a scowl on her face while blue frowned shaking her head. But he was only really focused on you. "I understand why you are upset with my associates, but, I do not feel we should be punished because they did something." Milo said, trying to sound firm.

"Think for a moment human." Yellow said, narrowing her eyes at him. "Youre speaking to life forces who have a greater power than you could ever imagine. Do you think we care about a humans feelings?" Yellow said.

"Yellow enough." Blue said, feeling sympathetic. She saw his point.

"Enough the both of you." You said, before sighing. " We are short a diamond. Not only did we lose pink, but we lost her pearl too. Tell me human, do you think it's fair to us to let her own kind destroy her?" You asked him, and he contemplated it. Up until now, he had never understood the mystery behind pink, but you had told him all he needed to know.

"I see, so pink was shattered?" Milo asked, and Blue gasped, before the room was blue, and Yellow and (color) began to cry.

"Blue please, control yourself." Yellow said, before she nodded, wiping her tears. "Are you proposing we deal with just the two of them?" (color) asked, and Milo nodded.

"Yes. that's exactly what i'm suggesting. the rest of my crew and I will leave home world, we'll never come back." Milo said. Yellow amd blue looked to you, as you sat in silence, taking his words in.

"I believe i have a solution." You said, standing. Yellow and Blue stood, watching you walk down from your throne, before shrinking again. "Well send you all back. You are to tell no one you came here, saw us, heard or did anything. When you get back to earth, we do not exists."

Milo was quiet, before nodding and accepting your decision. He had actually liked homeworld, aside from how sad everyone else looked. or maybe he just really liked you. But when the guards brought the rest of the crew to him, Yellow had informed him a ship would be ready for them to go.

So you could imagine milos surprise when rourke and helga had their very own personal ship, just the two of them. Rourke had told Milo to join his ship to steer it, but you objected, pulling him to the side.

Milo smiled, getting used to you being his size.

"You will not get on his ship." You said, and Milo's eyes went wide.

"Why not?" He asked, before you pointed to his.

"His ship is meant to break apart the moment it leaves homeworld. To our knowledge, humans cannot live in space. Therefore, he will die." You said and Milo was silent.

"Do I really need to leave?"He asked, and now it was your turn to go wide eyed.

"Why would you want to stay?" You ask, now unsure. "I like it here." He said, before noticing you weren't going to answer. "I like you. You're, very unique. Different." He said, and his face was red. You gasped before taking hold of his face. "Your'e off color." You said, and he chuckled.

"Yeah humans do that a lot."

"W-well, you must not be feeling well if youre off color. You can stay, but only until you get better." You said, before Milo began to protest.

"B-but I'm f-"

"No youre not." You say, before walking away to see the ships off. Milo noticed yellow and blue, who were giggling softly at their interaction. it was then he realized what you were saying. he could stay.

#milo thatch smut #milo thatch x reader smut #milo smut #milo thatch x reader #kida x milo #milo atlantis #milo thatch #atlantis the lost empire #atlantis smut #atlantis x reader #audrey atlantis #vinny atlantis #disney atlantis #disney #disney x reader

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humanmorph · 1 month

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post about PAL 41. yeah you know which bit. (I deleted this post by accident and had to entirely rewrite it and I am JUST posting it now. might change some stuff later if need be)

First of all "No, you dont get it Dre. I want you to FAIL" bitch me toooooooo

The Future reveal was extremely good. what a strong visual. after everything else that happened, it's still this that lingers with me... God... And at least to me a complete surprise. It's really great as a parallel to the other side of the game with the Axiom as a being unlike (but not entirely) Divines, precisely because they've excised humans/synthetics from their creation and being... and Future is not that and can't be that but it is able to wield itself, no Elect necessary. (In a different post I once said I wasn't sure if that had ever happened before, and I completely forgot about Liberty&Discovery. I did not this time.) There's a lot of different things going on with Divines this season, and some spanning back from PARTIZAN too - I think it's impressive that nontheless it all coheres. I already saw someone put this in a way I really liked, maybe I'll try to find that post again later.

I have thoughts about Figure going back to/from their introduction in PARTIZAN, but it all feels a little pointless. The crux of it is that I would've found the character/their arc more interesting played in a slightly different way, and Dre didn't want to do that, or they would've. Usual disclaimer it's their character etc. and I do see why this is the way it is and how it fits together... I have a whole bit about it in my notes app somewhere I don't feel like dropping in here, but in the end they're just not my favourite PC. Which feels kind of mean(?) to say when they just died, but it does color how I feel about this...? It's not like I'm particulary sad, and I'm also not happy about it. Kind of grimly saying Hrm!, I guess. And I did really love their bonds to other player characters. Back in PZN too, I really liked some of the conversations with Kalar expecially, and in PAL the Cori-Figure relationship was an absolute standout, and I liked them asserting themself more generally post-Perennial too... And then throughout this season they've also always been intrisically connected to NPCs I either really really loved or found super compelling. And then they blew up I am excited about Cori getting to deal with Yet More Grief! Expecially considering their gravity clocks - she's aware that they saw her as someone to take care of, vaguely parental, and the clock is about that being somewhat frustrating to her. But she's also clearly glad that they care about her, and she does love them too, so... Well. I think it'll be awesome : ) Kind of wondering what Clem is up to but also she's not really on my radar currently. 👍 And Gur. Oooooh Gur is So Fucked. Completely even Beyond being fucked. It's grim. Everytime I thought it couldn't get worse for him, he's really been through the wringer, huh?, it does. it does get worse.

Well with all that. I'm still not sure how I feel about this as an end to Figure's arc. It's sudden, it's senseless, it's cruel... And it does hit REALLY well as a moment/scene, because Friends at the Table knows how to do the damn thing (the song really got me. The way it stops suddenly), I just don't know how I'll look back on it going forward. & It's the same for Gur (moreso, even) in that it's not like I can't see how this is extremely compelling & the way it works. The way they are working at it and how it frames both characters' whole arc and past decisions... It's just that I also am unhappy about it. Emotionally. I generally think it's worth it to think about why that might be and after mulling it over it's pretty simple: this is very bleak and I'm not able to enjoy that right now. I'm happy (well.) to leave it at that for now. And it really does depend on future developments too. I felt a similar way (not quite the same) about Valences death - and I do occasionally wonder about a shape of the story with them (and hell, Chrysanth) in it - but there was a lot of things I really loved that came out of their death, be it character developments or world changes, that in the end, I do quite like it. What doesn't really hit for me is. Or rather... I feel strange about "small wheels are breaking". Deeply sad to me in a way I can't quite say how yet. Maybe I've misunderstood "the Wheel breaks" this whole time, which like, that's on me, but I'm not sure where to go with it. Waiting & curious about "knock-on effects" for now. Perennial.... : (

And gurrrrrrrrr. fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee he absolutely cannot catch a break ever in his life/death. oooooohhhh my goodddddddd I do commend Keith for trying. I really do. The moment he was like "Where is real Gur?" I had the tiniest bit of hope. Like yeah PLEASE let Keith do some fucking bullshit. Need that rn. Alas. The dice

Like the world if Eclectic hadn't failed that roll...... fuck the dice for realllllll... [COUNTER/WEIGHT SPOILERS. still about PALISADE though] I JUST listened to Mako grab that damn thing in the C/W finale. A WEEK ago I did that. Oh it's just so cool to put next to each other, both Future itself but also the act of taking it (or failing to do so. And also of course Gur, who himself stole Future) and the way it then so completely shaped itself/it's presence/powers after who carried. That's why it's Zeal for Mako and Ambition for Orth (which I was thinking about the other day when I was looking at the fatt.wiki page... it's titled Zeal and that's literally just the case because Mako grabbed it first. If Aria had gotten it like she was supposed to by winning the auction we would probably not know about that other stuff!). There's even a fun way Future's change is reflected in the mechanics: because they were playing Firebrands there literally wasn't a roll to take it. There was no failure, because it would/could not do anything but be wielded. [C/W SPOILERS end.] Though it's interesting to think about that Future isn't a name given by themself either, though they might've genuinely adopted it. It's the Principality's. I've always loved this bit about Motion from PZN 33:

AUSTIN: [...] These things that we call Divines, whether we think of them as our weapons, or our highways, or our saints or gods or mirrors: they aren't ours at all. No matter how well we shop for names to place on their frames, our words are just ill fitting costumes.

But I don't know!!! I wish they'd gotten to talk to it!! It's so interesting to me the way Austin talked about the Ring (since Keith referenced LOTR) being tired of being worn, the Ring wearing itself. Again, extremely cool to me! Also that it's way to... protect itself (? Eclectic took a peril from Divine Blast & Figure. yeap) is still about the thing they detached itself from, which is what do YOU envision. What could YOU do with me.

I did really like the power of the Divine Opposition going through Eclectic causing an earthquake "it's like a rage boiling up in you, maybe". That was sick as fuck. And I really am so curious about Delegates relationship to Divines... I've said this before... I think it's very interesting that Eclectic doesn't fw it, but what do other Delegates think? How do they feel about weaving magic? Do they know to what extend they even have that power? Keith said Eclectic had never weaved magic before, which isn't true, he did, to get into a bathroom after stalking a random stranger (Connadine) (this is still extremely funny.), but in a sense that really is a very mundane way to use divine magic. And to have this literally seismic event happen because of the power coming from a part of himself that he already doesn't connect with, but DID reach out to in a critical moment in opposition to himself, and he didn't have any control over it at all? That's cool to me!!! I don't really have a neat point to make here, I just really want more about Delegates. It somewhat depends on Eclectic making it to next season or not, since I'm guessing the focus will shift away from Palisade as a place. But I just don't want them as a group to vanish from view, whether we have a player character representing them or not (......... Branched............ If you're out there.................. Call me.........).

Last thing but when the computer smell was mentioned I immediately thought of the Afflictions. Was this just because the other scene prominently featuring a smell ("AUSTIN: But it smells like Valence here. ALI: Shut the fuck up. What are you talking about?") had one of those in it? Yes absolutely. It's also a little wishful thinking, because I like them a lot.

#I knowwww I forgot about something that was previously there on the other hand I also wrote more about something else.#sighs #oh some c/w spoilers in there btw i've bolded a disclaimer but jsyk #palisadeposting #palisade spoilers #i did want to wait until i actually finished the episode to see if something critical to this bit still came up later #but i am posting it now lest i accidentally delete it AGAIN (unlikely but still)#lone marble group side getting it's own post probably.#if i feel like it. going on my walk soon ✌️

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twilightmalachite · 4 months

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2×2 - Children on the Streets 13

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Hinata

Translator: Mika Enstars

"(There you go, criticizing yourself in the mirror again…)"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: 2×2 Program Set

Yuuta: (Well alright, so? So you have a lover, but no close friends. So what are these kidnappers to you, Aniki?)

Hinata: (If you’re calling Anzu-san my lover, then you’re mistaken! She’s the number one most irritating girl in the world to me!)

Yuuta: (It’s rare for you to have special feelings towards someone, positive or negative, so I can’t help but find it a lil’ intriguing, though…♪)

Hinata: (Don’t concern yourself over it. Because it’s seriously nothing. Aw man, I’m not good at these topics…)

Yuuta: (Hehe, you’re very capable Aniki, so I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome anything even if you’re not good at it in no time, right?—One way or another.)

Hinata: (I’ll try my very best, then.)

(…Those kidnappers who took me away are the very delinquents that were rumored to be terrorizing the town lately.)

(But y’see, although they’ve only recently become a topic, they’ve been living there in that town for a long time.)

(And they haven’t even been doing anything bad. They were labeled a color gang and we were warned about them, but there was nothing ever said about anything like actual damage, right?)

(That’s because they genuinely didn’t do anything bad.)

(The reason the police were so lax in their response was because it was a nonissue, there was very little real danger.)

(In fact, it was more like it was the residents who overreacted and attacked them. Apparently the police had to devote a lot of manpower to deal with it.)

(Change your perspective, and the entire world will change, right? Hehe, that's just what Sora-kun says, though.)

(You do have close friends, Aniki. You have those who have taught you important things.)

(Yeah. Maybe… I guess I really had no need to feel so lonely.)

(But, that aside. All the talk about delinquents causing trouble around town was nothing but a nightmare imagined by people who were feeling depressed over the recession.)

(In reality, it was nothing but a group of people with no place to go, surviving by supporting one another.)

(Just like us, back when we had run away from home.)

Yuuta: (It was less supporting one another, and more Aniki supporting me one-sidedly, though.)

Hinata: (I got a ton of support from you too, you know, Yuuta-kun. Just mostly in a mental way.)

(Anyways, those people who we used to be like back then, they were all scared, being called delinquents.)

(They were anxious that they might get targeted by these hypervigilant residents. Turns out, an anti-delinquency movement of sorts was even about to start…)

(I was asked if I could do something about it.)

(Well, “asked”. It was a rather rough means of doing so, it basically was a thread.)

Yuuta: (So they did do something bad, after all!)

Hinata: (Doesn’t that just go to show how cornered they were? And, truthfully, they probably hated me, too.)

(You know, Yuuta-kun, they told me I wasn’t being fair.)

Yuuta: (You’re never being fair, though.)

Hinata: (Right. Even though I too was a stray cat with no place to go, back then…)

(I became happy. I was given protection from Master and built a career on the street performance skills I had built up there—)

(And now here I am, a sparkling idol up on the big stage! ♪)

(But we were all supposed to have been the same. Why only me? …That’s the grudges they spat at me. It was pretty rough. It had been a long time since I had felt so bad.)

Yuuta: (“Why”? They’re just unhappy because they didn’t try hard enough. It’s their just deserts.)

(How come everything bad is our fault? It’s just not true!)

Hinata: (There you go, criticizing yourself in the mirror again…)

(I understand where you’re coming from, Yuuta-kun. And in fact, it may be their just deserts, to an extent, but…)

(The unkind God never gave those guys an “opportunity”. A spider's thread was never lowered into hell.)

(We had grabbed it. We just so happened to catch the attention of some kind people.)[1]

(Looking back, I think it was the luckiest thing in the world. Y’know Yuuta-kun, you might hate everyone in the world, but…)

(Among that “everyone”, there are kind people who have helped us, you know.)

Yuuta: (… …)

Hinata: (So, I hope you won’t hate the world anymore, Yuuta-kun—)

(That’s the kind person I want to be.)

(I want to be like Master and like Sakuma-senpai and the others, who picked us up when we were stray cats, and loved us.)

Hinata: (I decided to forgive those who kidnapped me and spat those resentful words at me, with that in mind.)

(It’s instinctual for stray cats to bite, because to them, everything around them is their enemy.)

(And if you don’t bite, you can’t protect yourself and the companions important to you.)

(But. This world needs someone kind who will forgive even if they are bitten, and pick those up and bring them somewhere warm.)

(“That” is who I want to be. That is why I gave them jobs this time around. And I will continue to do so. I want to help them earn enough money to get themselves through the cold winter.)

(Waaay back then, I learned how to live on the streets, thanks to their guidance.)

(I’ll repay that favor.)

(Hatred creates a ripple effect, but so does kindness.)

(I want to continue carrying on that torch, and spread it across the world.)

(That’s what I’ve wanted to do, since the very, very start.)

Hinata: (I wanted to protect what was important to me. I wanted to bring them somewhere warm so they wouldn’t have to be hurt anymore.)

(So that’s what I’ll do. And what I’ll continue to do. Even if you don’t like it, Yuuta-kun, because it is what I truly want to do.)

(I’ll fill the world with love and kindness.)

(If I do that, Yuuta-kun, then you won’t have anyone to hold a grudge against anymore, right?)

Yuuta: (…You’re really arrogant.)

(But it’s fine. You and I are twin brothers, Aniki, but we’re two separate people. I have no right to stop you from doing what you want to do.)

Yuuta: (Sure, there may be kind people in this world out there. But, the number of them is still overwhelmingly small.)

(If you ever get devastated by that cruel truth and frustrated by that reality, Aniki… I’ll be watching you from the side, laughing.)

(And when you hit rock bottom and become the same creature as me, we’ll fight side by side for the “same cause” together again.)

Hinata: (That day will never come. No, I’ll do whatever I can to ensure that.)

Yuuta: (Then it’s a match to see which of our desired futures will come to be first, huh?)

(I won’t lose, Hinata-kun.)

Hinata: (I have no intention of losing either, Yuuta-kun.)

Yuuta & Hinata: “♪~♪~♪”

[ ☆ ]

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A reference to The Spiders Thread, a story by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa where a spider's thread is descended into hell by Buddha, giving the protagonist a chance to climb himself out. Upon seeing others grab onto and try to climb the thread behind him, he shouts that the thread is his alone; at that moment the thread snaps, plunging them all back down. The story is about compassion.

#2×2 #2x2 #yuuta aoi #hinata aoi #event #translation

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official-megumin · 9 months

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Hey, I saw your recent post about how you're struggling. I know you don't know me, but I just want to tell you that you're not alone. There's a lot you said you're struggling with that I've gone through as well. I understand. I want you to have some solidarity, even if it's just because a stranger chose to share a piece of their story with you.

When I went off to college, things were fine at first. I went through my first semester with flying colors. Second semester started the same, but deteriorated quickly. I fell behind on homework, so I didn't understand what was happening in class, so I stopped going to class as much, and this spiraled until I stopped going to class all together. I spent most of a semester either in bed or *shudders* on League of Legends, only leaving my dorm to eat at the dining halls. When I failed all my classes, I was invited to never return. It was very much a dark place to be, and I can only hope that you're not stuck in as bad of a mental space as I was.

Of course, I don't know the full severity of your mental health, and I don't expect to either. I'm sharing this next bit of wisdom in fear of the worst, in fear that it's as severe as mine was: Find a reason, any reason, to stick around, and latch onto that. For me, that was my cat. I saw a meme once where the poster shared they were only sticking around cause their pet wouldn't understand why they were missing, and why they never returned home. Point is, the reason doesn't have to be something grandiose. No matter how trivial a reason may seem, like not ever tasting ice cream again, or not being able to see a new season of an anime, or even just cause of a meme, it's always a valid reason to not give it all up. Find what that reason is for you, and latch on tight.

I'm sure you've heard "things will get better," a million times, and I understand just how hard it is to believe, especially when depression takes hold. Instead, know that no feeling is final, and there will always be a tomorrow. Your mental state does not define you, and there will always be time for it to change.

Take care.

thank you so much for the taking the time to respond.

I'm no longer a student, I haven't been for years. But back when I did go to school, I also started off with near perfect attendence(granted I couldn't keep up even at the start) but as time passed and my mental health worsened, I started not completing homework and just staying home from time to time. I did end graduating, but only barely. And without covid and a hospitalisation that stopped me from going to exams, I wouldn't have passed at all.

Since then, I've been on sick leave. And it's been over 3 years by now, first year I spent just trying to get the doctors to listen to me telling them something was wrong. And in the process I tried to end my life a time or two and I was admitted to the hospital 3 times.

End the end I came in telling them about my experience with "Hearing voices" really it was just my alters, but still I was granted 2 years of intense therapy.

Now those years are over and I still haven't really improved much, my depression is as bad as ever, so is my BDD.

The only thing that has improved is my social anxiety. Which I am thankful for. But really it's not enough of a change to really make a difference.

Luckily I have grown older and wiser over these past 3 years, I haven't tried to kill myself for over 2 years for once(apart from one time this week where I was very close to attempting it) and I have learned the importance of having something to keep you going just like you said yourself.

I'm not really good at talking about this sorta thing, but when you sent this ask yesterday. You did it at the perfect time, I was very very unhappy when I saw it, and it cheered me up a lot.

I know that it to you probably didn't seem like that big a thing to do. But it was, it genuinely was.

I'm also really sorry if I caused you any sort of worry, my intention with that post wasn't to ask for help really. I think at least.

But more to show that there is more to my life, and to so many other trans people out there than just happiness. And that it's not a failure to not be happy all the time, even if it seems like everyone around you is doing great. That was what I was trying to do.

I hope you have a good day, and a good rest of your week. And that you feel like you made even just a tiny difference in the world.

I hope you feel like you have the strength to help others, as well as other people may feel inspired to reach out to others whom they feel could use a hand.

The world needs more light in these dark times, and honestly this interaction with you has been a highlight, thank you

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charmixpower · 2 years

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Hm... maybe some headcanons about Roxy in Alfea?

Oo yeah ok

Bloom was a magical prodigy, which is why she was able to skip one year (two if it's a five year highschool), without much problems. Roxy is not a magical prodigy, she is a normal girl

Roxy is having a lot more problems than Bloom did, but Roxy has the added benefit of being able to call Bloom (someone who went though the same thing) whenever she wants

Roxy is an only child, exactly like Bloom, but unlike Bloom, Roxy is an introvert and is unhappy about having a roommate....unlike Bloom however, she's not shit at chores

Poor Roxy is getting really bad culture shock, rippp

LMAO and Roxy thought middle school was bad and annoying her aroace sensibilities, welcome to highschool Roxy! People now make out in the hallways and you still won't understand why someone would want to do that. Roxy is the epitome of "I don't get it" aroace, but slightly more repulsed than I am

I think Roxy would volunteer to work with the Dragons at Ref Fountain

Roxy absolutely is the weird kid already with her Charmix(?) of the first years. Most people either try to befriend her, or gawk at her, and some try to bully her. Roxy is used to being the odd one out so she doesn't mind. What she does mind is all the people trying to use her to meet the Winx???? Was anyone going to tell her that her weird stressy older sister figure was a celebrity???

Griselda (bc it's my headcanons and I get to give her a character arc) actively takes great pains to look over Roxy bc holy shit she is not nearly watching the weird kid from earth nearly die again

Roxy is very happy to have an adult looking after her and offering her on site support bc theirs only so much Bloom&Winx can do unless Flora actually says fuck it and becomes a teacher lol

Roxy probably reminds undecided for at least two years before picking a track

Roxy's favorite lesson out of all her classes (at first) is the ability to change her hair color without dye, she's in love

#sorry this was so late. depression day :/// due to someone being a dick /no one here (hes irl)#winx club #winx roxy #rus chatters #asks #winx headcanons

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garyfischy · 11 months

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regardless of what mediums you wanna use how you wanna draw ever heres what you need to do

-if youre a cartoonist be very specific with anatomy studies. if youre gonna stick to really stylized cartoony shit then keep anatomy studying to just basic forms, joints etc and focus on figure drawing. id reccomend 'figure drawing methods for artists' but for fucks sake just go on youtube, watch a couple videos they all say the same thing anyways. as long as you're not getting blatantly incorrect info from a guy that doesn't actually know how things work and cuts corners. it's better to sweat and bleed learning how to draw basic forms like the torso and pelvis than do what i did (go through as many shortcut pinterest guides as possible, develop a flawed and stiff understanding of anatomy, use it as a crutch) .

but yeah figure drawing is useful because learning how to set characters up in different poses and composition are useful. for every cartoonist!

-2... i ran out of points to make. Think about artists you like, you don't even have to make long rambly analyses , just jot down why you like their art and what appeals about them to you. anything from that vintage mustang poster you saw the other day, to a 'fine art' artist you'd see in a museum to your favorite blog

3: study practically.

read artbooks, look at tutorials online, watch youtube tutorials from a variety of sources: but remember, regular practice is the goal here. don't get too hooked on watching tutorials or studying and just go outside and draw a little. try and apply those skills bit by bit.

4 here are my (amateur guy that draws online and isn't going to art school)'s random advice bits

supplies i think are a godsend no matter what: one really good pencil. doesn't matter what kind it is. i got fancy ones but in all honesty light or dark you just need one that feels comfortable to write and draw with. practice those artist grips! consciously think about lines: do i want thick or thin lines? and what can I do to change it? Are my lines unsteady? and am I unhappy with that? sure, then try a different grip, or see if a thicker, more bulky pencil works! but hey, i'm just some guy on the internet telling you to do things.

ironically, even as I wax poetic about how fun it is to collect wood/mechanical pencils, my favorite thing to draw with is a #2 pencil.

I could go on and on about art supplies and practical applications but all I can say is if you really like something, splurge on it and if you're not sure about it get cheap ones. It's not really about the subtle intricacies of each medium but if you even like it in the first place. Cheap vs expensive watercolors aren't gonna matter if you don't LIKE using watercolors.

..that being said I think color pencils are the exception to this as each brand varies in quality regardless of price.

here are some artbook reccomendations to finish off this jumbled, disjointed and haphazardly written post

-Sketching People by Lynne Chapman: I tend to lean towards the more practical when it comes to any advice. something that really boils down the way you do something and why to its core. This book is really good for that.

-Figure Drawing Methods for Artists by Peter Boerboom and Tim Proetel: it's a really fun exercise book.

-Space Drawing and Perspective by Superani: once again, practical, well translated , and really fun to do. Don't get superani's anatomy book though it's racist and pervy as fuck

-and so many more that I can't even list here. Just go to your local library and open up one of these babies, grab a sheet of paper, and just jot anything down that seems interesting to you. Capiche?

#im on fever medication right now because I am sadly once again sick so this might be incoherent #but this post is really just my contribution to the discourse around instagrammable marketable clean and palatable art and #expensive art supplies and confusion and #just in general a lot of online spaces have made artists feel like their art has to be super palatable all the time #so a lot of people forgo learning the bones and joints and MEAT of art #ie structure and foundational skills #in favor of getting a cleaner product out faster #so this is just kind of me ranting on my lawn chair about how I THINK is the right way to do it and git gud faster #dont rb #fish talks

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aprill-99 · 2 years

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Can I get some people to read the book “Saffy’s Angel” and the Casson Family series by Hillary McKay this year? Purely because I would like to talk to some people about it sometimes and my family are the only ones I know who have read it. Some bullet points to entice you in:

1. It’s an amazing family story, both found and biological. The kids all drag in their friends to be part of the household and never look back. Not unlike the vibe in the Bridgerton books in that regard which is apparently what I look for in fictional families

2. The whole family of children is named after paint colors and each book changes to focus on the POV of a different sibling

3. The writing is lovely and funny and comforting

4. The audiobooks are lovely too!

A Quote from each book in order:

1. Saffy’s Angel

“It will be so sad."

"You have to be sad sometimes," said Caddy. "Whatever Dad says. He may be right. Granddad probably had totally lost his marbles, but I am still sad and I'm still going to the funeral. I shall be as unhappy as I like and I shall where black.”

“You’ve all been walking past me for years and years.”

“Is that why you ran me over with your wheelchair?”

“Not saying a word.”

“Is that why?”

“Without even looking at me.”

“I didn’t think it was an accident.”

2. Indigo’s Star

“If you were a Casson family member, for example, and Eve drifted in from the shed asking, "Food? Any ideas? Or shall we not bother?" then you either joined in the search of the kitchen cupboards or counted the money in the housekeeping jam jar and calculated how many pizzas you could afford. Also, if you were a family member you took care of Rose, helped with homework (Saffron and Sarah were very strict about homework), unloaded the washing machine, learned to fold up Sarah's wheelchair, hunted for car keys, and kept up the hopeful theory that in the event of a crisis Bill Casson would disengage himself from his artistic life in London and rush home to help.”

3. Permanent Rose

“It had not seemed to matter that Rose was only eight years old.

"More than eight," said Rose. "Nearly nine."

"Darling Rose, even almost nearly nine-year-old's don't fall in love," said forgetful Caddy.

"Who said anything about falling in love?" growled Rose crossly. "Falling! Falling is by accident! I didn't fall in anything!"

4. Caddy Ever After

“This is how I do special.”

“How can I give you nothing? Do you seriously expect me to buy nothing, wrap up nothing, stick a gift tag on nothing, send a card saying I really hope you like your nothing and lie awake worrying that the nothing I got you was the right color nothing you always anted? Have a heart!”

5. Forever Rose

“‘Rose,' he said. 'I suddenly feel old. I did not realize how the years had gone by. Do not try to look sympathetic because you cannot possibly understand.'

Yes, I can. I have just spent a week with Class 1 and they are like people from another plane, but really they are just me, five years ago. Indigo and Saffy and Sarah and Caddy have changed too. They are turning into the sort of people I used to call Grown Up and I cannot stop them, although I would if I could. I would slow them down, anyway. Sometimes I want to shout, 'Wait for me! Wait for me!'

Like I did when I was little and they walked too fast.

They always slowed down back then, however much of a hurry they were in, but I do not think they can turn back now.

So I do understand.”

“School is no longer a peaceful place where you can catch up on your daydreaming, forget your family ( or what is left of your family) and talk about things like Dr. Who and how to stop GLobal Warming (we all know how but we don't stop it) and if it is okay for boys to wear pink and all those other things we talk about.”

6. Caddy’s World - (Prequel)

“The genie was at work again, and soon Caddy’s world would be set spinning once again.”

#book recommendations #book reccs #saffys angel #permanent rose #the casson family #indigos star #caddy ever after #long post #quotes #book quotes #please please someone else get in to this #i just want to read #I just want to rant #found family #all the good tropes #positive disabled representation in a novel

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pbandjesse · 1 year

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I feel a lot better right now but man was I miserable this morning. I hate that my moods can swing so hard day to day. I was so happy and at peace yesterday. And then today I am a crab apple. I feel better now. A lot of it was I slept so bad it was terrible.

My nose started whistling again last night. Thankfully it is not right now. But I was super uncomfortable and couldn't get it to stop with any of my normal tricks. I eventually went and tried nasal spray that just made me sneeze. I did fall asleep but it was not good sleep. I woke up when the sun wasn't up yet and gave James, who was playing a video game quietly in their room, a hug, used the bathroom, and went back to sleep for 2 hours.

When I woke up I was alright. I was happy but I was okay. My hair felt weird. I got dressed and tried to be alright. But I didn't like my outfit. And changed three times because my arms hurt. I would eventually end up in my favorites and things felt a little better. But before that I just had a sweatshirt dress on and was super unhappy.

James was so sweet though. They had set the bread maker up to make fresh bread this morning. And was finishing the laundry. They are the best house wife.

They made me avacado toast with a fried egg. I was confused why they put cheese on it but I actually loved it. 9/10. The only reason it loses a point is because it was really messy.

I was still a crabby patty though and got back in bed to work on my embroidery and try to cheer up.

James went for a bike ride. And honestly it was good for me to be alone for a bit. I was just having a bad time.

I would finish my embroidery and then went to work on my website. Which was stupid hard because the website builder I use is not intuitive and has always been annoying. But it's fine. I was able to get it half way decent. I still want to make a new background and change some colors but it's getting there.

James got home while I was in the thick of being upset about the website. But they said we should go for a walk and go get my prescription. And they were correct. So I finished up publishing the site and then we went out.

It was surprisingly cold. I am glad James told me to wear a jacket. We talked about what we would do for the rest of the day. And we decided to go get groceries after we got my medication.

And we did just that. I was pleased when the pharmacist checked in with me about the medicine because no one else has. And then we walked back home to get the car and go to the grocery store.

And honestly we did really well. A little cheaper then what has happened lately with how crazy everything has gotten. I was excited about a new mini cereal. We got fancy black cherry soda. I got nice yogurt. And then we went home.

I had gotten a little upset because James ate something I had been saving. But it was fine. When we got home James made us a little lunch. And I chilled in bed. I had some darning to do on my tights. So I sat in bed and did that while my food cooled down.

Eventually James said it was time to go. We were going to lush so I could get my argon oil face bar and then to port discovery to meet Anne and Charlotte.

Lush went very quick. Didn't get samples and I was only slightly disappointed. And since we had some more time to waste before we were to meet them we walked to Marshalls to look for the Valentine's dress I wanted. And they did have one but it was to small. I was only slightly devastated.

We would get to port discovery as Charlotte and Anne were rounding the corner.

And it was fun! It was smaller then I have pictured in my head, and apparently they have taken a lot away and aged down the demographic they go for. But it was fun getting a tour and I loved hearing about what James and Charlotte did and liked when they were kids. It was also just neat getting the behind the scenes tour.

It's awesome that Anne's been promoted and she was very sweet with the kids we encountered as we went around. I had a good time.

There was a pretend diner and gas station. A big boat (which was my favorite part) and a whole shipping container part. There was an adventure of egyptologists in the 1920s. And it was a cool place. I get why people have such fond feelings and memories of it.

We were there for about an hour. And at the end Charlotte and Anne climbed to 'the cloud' and went down the 3 story slide. I don't like a big slide so I did not go. And James felt they were to tall to climb (plush their arm would probably hurt after) but it was fun seeing them go down.

We would all leave after that to go back to the Fulwiler house. Where we ordered Chinese food.

Now I don't usually eat Chinese but I tried stuff I was unsure about but I loved it. It was great. And it was just nice talking to everyone. Things didn't feel weird or anything like they had around the wedding. I told them about the medications I'm on and Anne also has arthritis so we were able to commiserate. And I showed her and Tucker my embroidery project. And that was just really fun. And then we had grasshopper pie and it was really nice. I liked the crust a lot.

We played a silly game where I read a phrase and you had to guess if it was from a listing for an adoptable dog or a haunted doll. And we had big laughs. But soon enough Charlotte had to go home. So we left as well. We all went out together.

Me and James got back here and I decided that I should lay out all my crochet squares to see how many I had left. I thought it was 5 but it was actually 2?! So I spent the next hour or so finishing those and James helped me lay all the pieces out so we could make sure no colors were touching and the black and yellow was balanced. And I'm just so thrilled. It's going to take a while to put all togethr but I'm so excited!!

Once we got those stacked and numbered I went to take a shower. James says I smell super nice. My body wash is mango. My lotion is strawberry. My hair cream is lemon. My deodorant is spiced cider. I'm like a little fruit salad.

And now me and James are getting ready to sleep. I have a little bit of an earlier day tomorrow. And I'm apparently with prek. So that's interesting. We will see how it goes I guess. Hopefully they like story books because that is a lot of tomorrow. I just hope the teacher has a handle on them because that is the make or break.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. And that my nose doesn't act up. Wish us luck. Goodnight everyone!

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hrtsmom · 21 days

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“No; I have no reason to be angry.” His tone sounded aloof, almost cold.

“Then why are you acting this way?”

“What way do you mean? I am acting no differently than before.”

“That’s not true. Even before the island, at least you were kind to me. Now you act as if you barely know me – as if we aren’t even friends anymore. And after what happened there, I thought – ”

He stared directly at me, his green eyes hard. “What happened is over and in the past. I would advise you to forget about it.” With that he turned and left me.

I barely made it back to our cabin before the tears came. I lay on my bunk and cried like a hurt child. How could he treat me this way, after all the things he had said? It was the harshest thing he had ever done to me.

Soon, though, my hurt grew into anger. I decided that if Kahri wanted to forget everything, I would do the same. I had been wrong after all: I didn’t love him. And he must have been lying when he said he loved me. In my anger, I let everything else go out of my mind: all the hints, advice and visions I had been given, even the picture I’d seen in the well. Kahri didn’t really care for me; it was as simple as that.

After that, I didn’t care how he treated me. I spent more time with Risch and Jain, or alone. My friends surely noticed something had changed, but nobody said anything to me about it. I wasn’t exactly happy, but I wasn’t terribly unhappy either. Everything was quiet again.

On our fifth day away from the strange island, late in the afternoon, we heard a new call from the ship’s top. “Ship ho!” the lookout cried. “Sail approaching off the port beam!”

This call caused some excitement onboard. This was the first ship we had met in our entire voyage so far. It had begun to look like we were the only vessel on the Western Sea.

“What are their colors?” I heard Captain Tresmin call up to the lookout.

“No colors, sir. There aren’t any signal flags I can see.”

“Run up our colors,” the captain commanded, and the first mate relayed the order. Soon the Vina’s colors – the small flags which announced her name and business to other ships – flew proudly along the main rigging.

“Still no signal, sir,” the lookout announced after a moment. “But she looks to be putting on more sail.”

“Blast! I was afraid of that,” the captain snapped. “Full sail! We have to outrun her!”

More crewmen scrambled aloft, and I caught Lune as he ran by. “What’s happening?”

“Get below, Miss,” he told me shortly. “There may be trouble coming.”

His grim expression told me he was serious. I hurried down through the aft hatch, trying to stay out of the crew’s way. In the passageway, I nearly ran into Jain. “What’s happening?” she demanded.

“I don’t know, but it looks bad. Where are Risch and Kahri?”

“I think they’re in the mess. Is it another storm?”

“No, it’s another ship.” I started toward the passengers’ mess, and as she followed I told her what had happened. “The captain seems frightened of them,” I concluded as we reached the mess.

“Frightened of who?” Risch asked. He and Kahri sat at a table, engaged in a card game.

I told the whole story again. Just as I finished, we heard a shout from above: “All hands on deck!”

“Should we go up?” Risch asked.

“No,” Kahri said firmly. “It is pirates that Captain Tresmin fears. We would be of no use on deck.”

“We can fight as well as anyone!” Jain protested.

“There will not be a fight,” Kahri told her. “The captain will give in rather than lose his ship or any lives. It would be best for us to hide.”

#fiction #fantasy #fantasy adventure #The Throne of the Sun #indie author #I made this

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patheticdogs · 1 year

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super super super long rambling like way more than essay length like actually insane shit like I'm crawling inside the sewers and there was a depressed boy's emo poetry scattered around

it's hard to see a future where anything gets better, how can I believe that when my life has been this repeated? it's been drilled into me that I have to be useful to have worth, even if I have worth besides that people get unhappy and attempt suicide, I am in a ballroom dancing with my responsibilities and if they let go I and everyone else die

it's hypocritical to try and prevent the suicide of others when I'm like this, after how many times I've tried I'm convinced I just couldn't possibly make it work, instead I cover myself in wounds and pity, as if this time it will be different, and somehow my pain will be acknowledged and everything will be heavenly, what is a plea for attention versus a mental health crisis, I get enough attention as is

I have to do things to make myself worthy of the attention I receive, right now even being awake is being ungrateful because I'm disobeying expectation, I can't have boundaries because then I can't be good, no one can offer what I want but I can receive the praise of doing a good job, obviously I love helping independently of that

all I ever do is waste my time, I don't want responsibility, I'm scared of dependency, I crave time for me and acknowledgment but these fears can't be voiced because they're disappointing, I have to be a perfect image or else I will be looked at with the knowledge I can never be what someone wants because my own feelings get in the way, it doesn't matter if no one holds themselves to that standard, I am always the exception, people do not force themselves to do something because they know it would make someone else happy, it's the nature of the world versus the nature of me

I think this is all strong evidence for me being an angel, I don't die when I bleed out, I am entirely alien to the rest of the world, the way I act is unnatural, I am too self sacrificing, anyone who comes across me feels as if I'm owned a debt from them even if they have no intentions of rectifying that feeling

am I the only person that notices the repetition? is every person the same? why do I stand out? I wish I could get into the head of the people I've know to hear what they really think about me, I can't imagine it'd sound good, I wish I could go back to heaven and never have a worry again

I am like a badly taken care of family heirloom, passed from person to person and treasured dearly, people think about repairing or fixing the damage time has done but they don't act on it, my colors are faded and I'm riddled with holes, badly sewn on patches from futile attempts to change anything, falling off because they never stayed to finish the job

I'm a passenger in my own life and a tool for someone else's, I've resigned myself to this and have built a reputation of being a responsible and reliable person, people do not expect disappoint from me, follow through is the norm, I envy people who are the opposite despite still managing to experience the bad parts of both

I'm lazy and irresponsible, I never work hard enough, but I'm too self sacrificing, I never talk about how I feel but I'm too sad all of the time, I ignore feelings that crush me just so I don't have to reexplain myself

it's been funny watching every person I've known be forced into some sort of hospitalization while I have never even spoken to a professional about my mental health past the one time my doctor was vaguely concerned about my cutting at age 11 or 12, it feels like I don't even exist outside the people I associate with, like I'm more of a side character that supports the protagonist, I am the character that encourages them to better themselves but is then forgotten about, or as kitty would say to me, I am a backup option, I am a safe person to fall back on because my loyalty is endless, I do not set boundaries, I do not complain, and when I do, I go back on it in favor of normalcy

and no matter what I do, I am in a cycle of hell, 7 years of my life I have been a servant and not a person, it's hard to feel like a person, I don't know what standards to hold myself to, I don't know how to be nice to myself or how to ask for anything good, I have been literally trained to expect nothing

I always tell myself that everyone I've known has had it worse than me, I was never abused enough, I was never groomed enough, I was never hated enough, I was never enough at all to compare myself to these other people and even acknowledging how bad things were I still can't see myself being a priority, I don't know how to be fixed

the fact I'm expected to know what to say to make someone feel better but no one has anything to say to me is soul crushing, I feel like I cannot be heard no matter what I say, this isn't even going to be read or acknowledged, I've spent 20 minutes writing about how miserable I am but what is this going to do? what will this change? I do this every few months, I beg for help but it doesn't work, it doesn't change, I am a rock for anyone that needs me but I fall through the hands of others like sand

when I am sad I make others sad, that is always a first priority, my feelings have to be hidden in a way they cannot be acknowledged, that's why I write here instead of being upfront about anything, because then there is no expectation for someone to respond, there's no quiet acknowledgment that I'm hopeless because someone doesn't know what to say again, my problems are drama for people to get off on, I'd beg at someone's feet just to feel seen

I have to hurt myself to get the toxic feelings out, if not they build up inside me and I become poisonous to those around me, I stop being what I show to others, I stop being nice and cute and friendly and I lose my energy and willingness to sacrifice my wellbeing for others, I make people feel guilty for struggling just by helping, what is the correct amount of help, when do people become dependent on my help to succeed, I have been doing highschool to college level work since 6th grade because of the people I have surrounded myself with

I want to feel wanted so much, I want to lay my head down for hours knowing I can stay that way safely without anyone coming to hurt me or scold me or think I'm dead I want peace and I want disgusting shameful things that I've told myself to see as horrible so I can never hope I get it again as if it was a test from god to see if I know shame to which I've failed more times than I can count

I noticed I always come back later to make sure nothing I say can be taken as a threat to daily life, nothing too out there that can shake things up too much, there are hands around my throat controlling my actions, there is a person inside what I present, he's not hardworking, he's not smart, charming, or suave, he is scared and naked and beaten, he is covered in more scars than there are stars in the sky

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squashshade7 · 2 years

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Why Do Playing Cards Get Declined

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My Debit Card Fee Has Been Declined Despite The Fact That I Have Enough Money To Cowl The Fee

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#replicaclubs #coeebags #corabags

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secretkittendetective · 3 years

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(insp)

The beginning, where Erik is alone and at his worst and Charles gives him a home. The ending, where Charles is alone and at his worst and Erik gives him a home.

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

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If I Fell For You (Part 12) - Not So Sweet Home

Summary: Jensen is fed up with his parents ignoring Y/N all day and when he gets a moment alone, blows up on them like never before. The reader sees how upset Jensen is over what’s happening and does her best to defend him while still trying to salvage a relationship with them...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,200ish

Warnings: language, major family angst, mention of a dead parent

A/N: Eek! If you like angst this part is for you! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was late, the kids asleep in the guest bedroom, Jensen’s siblings and their families gone home for the evening aside from his brother. He made some half ass excuse about wanting to hang out with Jensen more but you knew he could sense what you did. Jensen was getting close to popping after a whole day of politeness on his part and his parents ignoring you on theirs.

Jensen was bouncing his knee like crazy as he sipped on his beer around a gas fire pit, suddenly stopping when you shifted in your seat.

“Maybe you ought to cool it with the alcohol tonight,” said his dad. Jensen set his empty bottle down on the grass and breathed deeply through his nose. “Your legs been-”

“Y/N, would you get me another beer please?” asked Jensen. You took the opportunity to get out of there, surprised when the back door opened quickly after you, his brother closing it behind him.

“I don’t think your parents like me very much,” you said, going to the fridge and pulling out a drink.

“I know,” he said, glancing out the dark window. “Jensen asked me to make sure you don’t come back out there.”

“He’s gonna go off on them.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m guessing,” he said with a sigh. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to go well. You guys can crash at my place if you want. We don’t have a guest room but we have an air mattress we can put in the family room.”

“You think it’ll be that bad?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“Then why are we in here talking about this when we should be out there making sure he doesn’t say something he regrets in the morning.”

“You might hear things you can’t unhear,” he said.

“Right now my concern isn’t if my feelings get hurt. He’s really upset and I need him to be okay.”

“You know that’s why the rest of us like you, don’t you? You care about him, the kids. You’re in love with him.”

“Yes I am,” you said as he nodded.

“You call me if either of you ever need anything,” he said, going back to the door. You nodded and took a deep breath, following him outside and already hearing raised voices.

“She’s half your age, Jensen,” said his mom. “She was your nanny. Sweetie you have to know what’s going on here.”

“You’re getting played,” said his father, catching you walking out with Josh.

“She is not half my age. She’s thirty fucking years old! She’s a goddamn adult and been through more shit then both of you put together! She’s not after fucking money,” snapped Jensen who was already out of his seat.

“You’re engaged to the girl after five months!” said his father. “It took you years to propose the first time around!”

“Because I was a nervous kid that was away working constantly. I didn’t want to make Dee stay if it was gonna make her unhappy. I’m not afraid of how I feel anymore because I feel the same about her as I do Dee and I’m not wasting my time so I can stick to your socially acceptable schedule,” said Jensen. “I love her and she’s gonna be part of this family whether you like it or not. Deal with it.”

“You need a prenup,” said his dad.

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! You’ve known the girl for not even six months!”

“She’s not up to anything!” shouted Jensen.

“Son-”

“Have you ever lost your wife? Have you ever been in the car and almost die yourself while you watch her breathe for the last time? Where she’s hurt and you can’t do a thing to fix it? Have you ever had to tell your children their mother is dead and she’s not coming back? You have no idea, no idea, what that does to you, how much it hurts and how much it hurts when you’re still so fucked up and your parents start making comments behind closed doors about you and you have to pretend you’re better when you’re really not. When you don’t even care about yourself anymore, when you pretend for everyone’s sake so they stop treating you like a child, when you don’t know how to tell your kids it’s okay because it’s not. It’s not. Until you go through that, until you know how bad it hurts, don’t assume a damn thing about her. She’s my best friend and she makes me feel like my old self again. I laugh and smile and have fun and when I get scared or feel guilty or freak out she makes me feel better. I don’t give a fuck how old she is or what her job was. She’s kind and good and she deserves better than you two. Danneel’s parents like her. Jared’s parents like her. Her old foster dad’s family likes her. Our family likes her except for you two. Get your heads out of your asses or you can not even bother letting me know you exist anymore. I’m done with things hurting the women I care about. I couldn’t stop what happened to Dee but I can sure as hell keep Y/N away from the two of you,” said Jensen. He huffed and walked off, Josh running off after him.

“Well congratulations. You got your hooks in him deep, don’t you,” said his father. You rolled your eyes and his mother scoffed.

“You can take care of someone without treating them like a child you know. He’s an incredibly strong person. If you don’t like me fine. But don’t call him stupid or easily manipulated or imply that it’s wrong to know you love someone after only a certain amount of time. I love your son.”

“You love his money,” said his mom.

“I do just fine on my own,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “He’s staying at Josh’s house tonight. We’ll pick up the kids in the morning.”

“He’s overreacting. He’ll be fine in the morning,” said his dad. You crossed your arms and leaned your head back. “He’ll be fine.”

“You two don’t know a thing about me and you assume I want money because of my age and my former career. Don’t assume your son will be fine and get over it.”

“We’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He’ll get over it after a night’s rest.”

“You may have known him longer and I’m sure in some regards you do know him better but not the ones that matter. If you did, you would have seen how much he would have loved for the two of you to like me. I would have taken some respect and been happy because trust me, I get how this looks to everyone else. I understand you have fears and I’m not mad you have them. I’m mad you assume those are facts when all they are is a story you made up in your head you don’t want to change. He’s right, I’m not going anywhere. The difference between him and me though is that I’ll stay out here all damn night with the two of you until you get it through your heads that I’m not here to fuck him over. I love him. I don’t have family, not really. Things have always been screwed up for me pretty much until I met him and he didn’t have to say it for me to know that he was hoping he could share the two of you with me. Maybe I was hoping for that too. But right now I’ll take some goddamn respect and an apology to your son to start and we can go from there.”

“You’re gonna curse at us and expect an apology?” said his mom. “We know you took him when he was at his low and tricked him into trusting you so you could get exactly what you wanted.”

“You know what I want? What I’ve always wanted and somehow always seems to get ripped away? A family. A stupid fucking family. Being a nanny? That let me feel like part of the family. I could pretend I was like all of those people I worked for. Nice and normal and like people gave a shit. Some kindness and a family is all I’ve ever wanted. You two...you wouldn’t have survived a day in my childhood. In my adulthood with the shitty ex boyfriend and the crappy friends and I picked myself over all of them because my mom told me to stand up for myself. Even when she couldn’t be there and I wanted her to. So I stand up for myself and now I stand up for him and those three kids to anyone and I mean anyone, that hurts them. He’s my family and those kids are my family. I don’t know what you think I’m gonna do but I guarantee the only thing I will do is tell you two where to shove it and to leave him the hell alone.”

“Why would we believe anything you say? At all?” his dad asked. “It’s probably the same sad story you told him to get him on the line. I don’t buy it.”

“I have a million dollar book deal. I’ve worked rent free for a lot of rich people since I was eighteen years old. Do I sound like someone who needs his money?” you said. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head. “What is it? You want me to sign a prenup? I would but he doesn’t want one. He trusts me and for a guy that lost his wife and had to work through falling in love with another person, I respect that. He knows what he wants and he’s not wasting time. This is scary for him. It’s scary for me. But when Dee’s parents gave me open arms and kindness and their blessing, the last people I ever expected to disapprove were you two. If you’re going to stand there and keeping calling me a liar, I’m going to find your sons and I’m going take care of Jensen instead of wasting my time here.”

“We don’t disapprove of him moving on and marrying again,” said his mom as you turned to walk away.

“Could have fooled me,” you said.

“He’s going too fast and he doesn’t know you either, not well enough to make a decision like that,” said his dad. You turned around and smiled.

“He knows my favorite color. He knows what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. He knows why I have nightmares and he knows how to make me forget them in the first place. I’m sorry we aren’t doing things on your schedule but it’s his life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with it, whether that’s me or somebody else. For the record, he knows me just fine. Oh and if this is how you plan on speaking to him again in the morning, I’ll pick up the kids myself.”

“We’re looking out for his best interest,” said his dad.

“No, you think you’re looking at his wallet for him. See money? People think that’s important and it is but best interest? It ain’t that shit,” you said as you started to leave.

“Well what do you assume his best interest is then?” said his mom.

“Treating him like an adult. He is smart and strong and the most emotionally healthy man I’ve ever met which considering all the fucked up shit he’s been through and felt the past year is really saying something. He’s your child but he’s not a child. He found someone he loves and all he wanted to do was share me with you. This was his worst nightmare and I couldn’t stop it. So if you’re not gonna even try with me, then I’m gonna protect him from you.”

“He doesn’t need protecting from us,” he said.

“You call him stupid and that he can’t take care of himself, that he can be fooled and that the person he thinks is his best friend really only wants him for his money. He knows none of those things are true but it’s what you said to him when you said that about me. For a man who went through what he did, it wasn’t mean. It was cruel. I’m gonna go fix what I can of your relationship with him because despite all that, I know you guys love each other and I’m not letting that get fucked up because you think whatever the hell you think about me.”

You stormed off around the house and found Josh’s truck still there but neither man in sight. You looked around and heard a sniffle, your head going up to the roof. You saw the lattice work on the side and climbed up, peeking your head up to spot the two of them sat on the roof.

“Hey,” you said quietly. Jensen wouldn’t look at you, Josh rubbing his back.

“Careful,” he said as you climbed up and slowly walked over. You took a seat on your bottom, spotting the window behind them. “That was my room. Jensen used to sneak out this way. I was always too nervous of getting caught to try myself. You landed the bad boy of the family.”

“Oh yeah, such a bad boy,” you said. You scooted closer on your butt to him, Jensen resting his head on his knees. “Hey. Before you even think about it don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I know,” he said. He took a deep breath but looked up, looking fairly normal aside from a slightly pink nose. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nobody was,” said Josh. “I’ll give you guys a minute. I’ll be in my car when you’re ready.”

“You should go home,” said Jensen. “Staying in a different house won’t change anything.”

“That was kinda fucked up what they said.” Jensen raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. “I don’t always agree with them. If you guys want to stay, that’s your choice but I’m not going home without telling them what a mistake they’re making.”

“You don’t have to-”

“You’re my little brother and I like her. Even if I didn’t, they’re being assholes and she doesn’t deserve that. You don’t. Alright?”

Jensen nodded and Josh walked off to the lattice and climbed down while you scooted next to Jensen.

“You thought your siblings weren’t gonna like me,” you said.

“He’s a good person. He’s never told off our parents before so...I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not.”

“He’s a good big brother,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “I don’t love you for your family though. I don’t care if your parents don’t like me. I’ll deal with it.”

“I wish you didn’t have to,” he said.

“I still like your dad so much better than mine,” you said.

“Yours is a monster to be fair.”

“Yeah, he is. Yours love you and I don’t agree with them but in their minds, they’re protecting you and I don’t have a problem with anyone trying to do that.”

“How are you so fucking kind to them after they basically said you’re with their dumbass son because of money?”

“Like you said, I know monsters. I know toxic and bad. They aren’t it. They raised you and I really, really like you. Good people can be stupid and still be good. In the morning we’ll try again.”

“What if I can’t get them to change their minds?” he said quietly.

“Jensen,” you said, moving to squat down in front of him. You grabbed his cheeks and he stared at you. “You don’t have to pick anybody over anybody. Maybe I won’t be close with them but that’s okay. It’s so okay. We’ll respect each other or just won’t talk to each other and we’ll figure it out but we don’t have to do it all tonight.”

“I think what bothers me the most is they’ve already made up their minds about you based on your age when they don’t even realize who you are. They don’t see that this is the kind of person you are, kind and supportive and I heard you not taking their bullshit. You’re a stronger person than I am and I wish they could see that the reason I’m not freaking out over this is cause I know you’re my partner and you got my back like I got yours. I’m just having a hard time understanding why they won’t even listen to us.”

“I don’t know,” you said, eyes darting to the window when you caught some movement inside. You narrowed them and glanced down, spotting the crack between the windowsill and frame. “I’m a little cool. I’m gonna get my sweatshirt if that’s okay.”

“Careful climbing in,” he said, turning on his bottom and pushing the window up. You kissed his cheek and climbed inside, the room empty as far as you could tell. You stepped out to the hall and into his old room, getting your hoodie, his old hoodie. You pulled it on but went downstairs, catching his parents in the kitchen with Josh.

“Josh may I speak to your parents in private,” you said.

“Yeah. I’m done here. I’ll be over for brunch, okay?” he said. He walked past you and caught your arm. “Call me if you need me back.” You nodded and he kissed your temple before he went out.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“We went to tell him to get off the roof. We could see him from the backyard up there,” said his mom, putting her back to you as she mixed up something in a mug. “But we heard the three of you talking and then the two of you. We didn’t mean-”

“We are all on the same side. His side. We should get along. It shouldn’t be this difficult and I don’t appreciate private conversations being listened in on. But I hope you understand that you hurt your son. I know you didn’t mean to and it’s the last thing you’d ever want to do to him. But you did. So please try to help me fix this. This isn’t easy for me to accept that you don’t like me either but you’re gonna respect me. If we can respect each other, then he’s not going to worry as much at least. Please promise that we can agree to that,” you said. His parents looked at each other and you sighed. “You have to be kidding me. What do you want me to do? Go away? I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

“That’s not...Jensen called your father a monster up there,” he said.

“I thought it was a sob story according to you ten minutes ago.”

“You said you don’t have parents. He said your father is alive.”

“What’s your point, Mr. Ackles,” you said. “Please enlighten me.”

“It doesn’t make much sense to tell different stories,” he said.

“You can’t even give me the benefit of the doubt that I love your son. Why the fuck would I tell you things only he knows, things so few people know about. Why would I trust you with the worst parts of my life when you don’t accept the best ones. For your information, my birth mother is dead. My adoptive mother is dead. I wish my son of a bitch father was dead. The only glimmer of a parent I have maybe, maybe was my foster father. That was until last weekend. I met some parents. I met Dee’s. I met Jared’s. I got the same message from all of them. Let us know if you ever need anything. Oh the way he looks at you. You must be pretty special. Anything at all, you give us a call. People that don’t even have an obligation to look in my direction treated me like I was their kid. So maybe he and I both got our hopes up with you two and that was on us. If you want to pick apart what I’ve said and call me a liar…” you said, putting your hands on your hips. Your shut your eyes and breathed deeply, turning around. “I don’t care if you have to pretend to respect me. Just do it for his sake and the kids sakes, alright?”

A tissue appeared over your shoulder and you took it, blowing your nose and stepping away.

“When did your mother’s pass?” you heard behind you. You threw your head back and took a deep breath.

“When I was born and when I was sixteen,” you said, turning around and swallowing. “Why does that matter?”

“When were you adopted?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

“Please.”

“I was eight,” you said.

“So you only had your mother for eight years then,” he said.

“Yeah. She got sick when I was fourteen. I stayed with her boyfriend until I moved out for my first nanny job at eighteen. It was all very sad and angsty,” you said.

“Who made the first move?”

“I’m done with this interrogation,” you said. You started to leave but he stepped in front of you. “What do you want from me?”

“I just want to know who made the first move, you or Jensen.”

“I don’t…” you trailed off. “We had a fight. I told him I didn’t want him to be my friend anymore, he was just my boss and that was it. We couldn’t hang out at night and stuff anymore.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want him to hurt me,” you said quietly. “I didn’t fit with his life. I’m not a pretty actress. I’m not smart. I’m the younger nanny and that’s all I was gonna be until I became an older nanny and that was supposed to be my life. I didn’t ask for…”

“For what?” asked his mother, carrying over her mug and setting it down on the end table.

“I didn’t ask for him to love me. But he did and I don’t know why but I trusted him not to hurt me. It’s not fairytales and roses all day every day but I like having a best friend and I never would have submitted those books to a publisher without him encouraging me and I need him to feel better. He can’t catch a break lately and I hate seeing him upset. It makes me sick to my stomach and I really, really need him to be okay so please stop doing this. Just stop. Please. I don’t care if we have to pretend the rest of our lives but please, I can’t keep seeing him take hit after hit anymore and not being able to stop it.”

You weren’t expecting the hug from his father or to bury your face in his chest for a brief moment. His mom guided you to sit on the couch, pulling a blanket around you. She handed you the mug and you saw it was hot chocolate, your eyes darting back and forth between them.

“This isn’t about to be like a lifetime movie where you murder me, right?” you said.

“No,” said his mom as she sat next to you. “We hurt you quite deeply today, didn’t we.”

You stared at the mug, holding it in your hands.

“You were looking forward to meeting us,” said his dad as he sat down on your other side.

“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is him.”

“I don’t think he’d be very happy with you laying down for a semblance of normalcy for him,” he said.

“Just spit out whatever the fuck you want,” you said. You gripped the mug and shut your eyes.

“I’d like you to stop swearing please,” he said. “In exchange, maybe we can have a second chance.”

“Second chance at what?” you said dryly.

“At meeting our son’s fiance.” You lifted your head and stared at him, catching a bashful look you saw in Jensen every so often. “We understand, as well as we can, he was hurt after Danneel. We can’t fix those problems like when he would scrape his knees. We knew he was in a vulnerable position and things between the two of you seemed so fast for how in pain he was. We thought of the worst of you before knowing you and that wasn’t right of us. We were trying to protect him. But like you said, we all try to do that. So if you’ll let us, give us a second chance.”

“For him, I will give you both a second chance,” you said. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but this sort of thing isn’t going to go away just like that, for him or for me.”

“Is there anything…” said his mom as you shook your head. “We are sorry for before. Truly.”

“I know. Trust is difficult for me on a normal day. You guys kinda tore through the safety nets I thought I had with you. I need to build them up again is all.”

“That was you that said that, people have safety nets,” she said. You raised and eyebrow and she sighed. “Jensen, months back, he told us his therapist told him that, put things in perspective.”

“I guess couple’s are kinda each other’s therapists,” you said. “Sometimes they just need to vent to each other too.”

“Before you said...has he ever been to one?” asked his dad.

“Last weekend was...intense. I went to one as a child and he talked to him for a little while, helped him put things in perspective,” you said.

“Intense? Did you fight?” she asked.

“He and JJ got stung by a scorpion. It was a little serious. We went out the next night and I made a comment and he took it a different way and he got upset thinking I thought of myself as being less in his eyes than Dee was. I know it’s not true, it’s just different. He’s been having a really great week aside from today.”

You took a sip of the hot chocolate and went back for more, drinking half the mug down.

“We screwed up,” said his dad with a sigh, sitting back against the couch.

“Yeah but he’ll forgive you,” you said. “This is really good Mrs. Ackles.”

“Thank you sweetie and call me Donna. I made it for Jensen. He’s always liked it when he was living here and having a bad day.”

“Why do you think he’ll forgive us?” asked his dad as Donna got up.

“Because he’s Jensen. He’s not an angry man. Angry in moments but he doesn’t hold onto anger. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him. So I know he’ll forgive you. When I’m not sure of but it won’t be forever.”

“Have you two ever fought badly?” he asked.

“We’ve had a few fights. Mostly small and when we’re both tired or hungry. We had a big one a few weeks ago when he got home but we talked about why it happened and how to make sure it doesn’t again,” you said. Donna carried over a kettle and poured more hot chocolate in your mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Don't ask about fights Alan. It’s not our business. We should let them tell us what they want,” she said as she walked back to the kitchen.

“They probably should have had a big fight at least once to know if they can work through those things and it sounds like they have,” he said when he turned to you. “I know you’re probably love struck but marriage? That’s a lifetime of putting in the work.”

“Alan if I didn’t care about putting in the work I wouldn’t be down here right now. I know I don’t know everything I’m signing up for and no one really does but I know him and the kids and that’s worth the parts I have to work at.”

“You sound older than you look.”

“Age doesn’t always equal life experience,” you said.

“I suppose not,” he said. He stood and took a deep breath. “I do apologize for thinking the worst of you and not giving you a fair chance upfront.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’m going to bring this up and check on him.”

“Can I ask one last thing?” asked his dad. You nodded and he looked over to Donna who gave him a short nod. “Josh said you really love him.”

“I do.”

“Do you think he loves you the same way?”

“I know he does,” you said.

“How are you so sure?”

“How are you so sure your wife loves you?” you said. “Goodnight Alan.”

“Goodnight,” he said, his mom catching up with you in the foyer where the stairs were. You gave her a tired smile and she nodded.

“If I told you something, would you keep it a secret from Jensen?” she asked.

“No,” you said with a smile.

“I had to try,” she said. “We’re not like this by nature. Something happened he doesn’t know about when he was recovering that put us off to you. A woman. A young woman at his physical therapy.”

“What happened?” you asked quietly. She took a seat on a step and you sat beside her. “If someone tried to take advantage of him, you should have told me and him. He thinks you guys have gone nuts, no offense.”

“You’ll find with time you’d rather have your child safe and upset at you than the other way around,” she said.

“What happened?”

“We moved down to the house for a few months to help Jensen. He went to physical therapy. A very good place. A family friend works there and got him in and he regained a lot of strength in his leg quickly because of it. There were nurses that often helped and he worked with a few regularly and they develop a relationship and all that. It’s good for morale and healing we were told. One of these girls was about your age and our family friend overheard her gossiping to a friend on the phone during a lunch break.”

“Gossiping about…” you said. “Jensen?”

“They saw an opportunity to manipulate him. He is smart, smarter than the both of us together, but he was going through the motions that first month. She made him smile a bit. She flirted with him. Our friend told us what she’d said and we realized, he could be hurt again. Taken advantage of for what he has, what he can offer. His sudden shift in mood this year, introducing you as a fiance, made us think we’d failed to protect him this time.”

“Why not tell him that?” you asked.

“And tell him he was being manipulated back then? He’s so adamant that it can’t happen to him but we know different.”

“I think you should tell him, Donna. It makes your reaction today seem not so…” you said, her head shaking.

“Ma,” you both heard. You looked over your shoulders, Jensen sat against the wall at the top of the landing. “Mom. Jerry told me why I got a new nurse when it happened. She was nice, or was pretending to be, I don’t know. But I didn’t like her. I never got manipulated and I was never going to.”

“How long-” you said, Jensen rubbing the back of his neck. “You heard everything.”

“Yup,” he said, popping his p, his dad coming over to the bottom of the stairs and staring up. “I don’t want to talk to either of you right now. Y/N, I’d like to go to bed, please.”

“Accept their apology Jensen. You can hash out the rest of this in the morning but accept that they know they were in the wrong,” you said.

“Why should I?” he asked, cocking his head.

“We both got hurt out of their love for you. They are not monsters and I know the difference,” you said. “You know too.”

“Will you two ever look at me the same again,” said Jensen, staring at the landing.

“Honey it was a fight. It’ll be alright,” said his mom, his head shaking.

“Ever since I woke up in the hospital, you two look at me like I’m a kid. Like I’m weak and defenseless. But I’m not. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and this whole day could have been avoided if you treated me like your adult son, not the kid who fell off his bike and cries over a cut. I needed you two to take over, I did, I honestly did after the accident. I couldn’t take care of myself let alone the kids. But you haven’t stopped thinking I can take care of me again. I can. I do. I know I’m your kid but let me be an adult again. Trust me. Please.”

“Come here,” you said, holding out your hand. He slid down the steps and you stood up and aside, letting him get a hug from his mom and then dad.

“We’re sorry,” said his dad.

“I know,” said Jensen quietly. “Never do something like that again. Ever.”

“We won’t,” he said. You leaned against the wall and sipped on the hot chocolate, Jensen’s nose twitching.

“That’s my cocoa,” he said, turning his head up at you.

“I just Jerry Springer’ed ya’ll. I get the cocoa. Get your own,” you said. He smiled and you gave it right back, his parents pulling off and bringing him to his feet.

“Come here,” said his dad as his mom dragged him off towards the kitchen with the promise of hot chocolate. You stepped down until you were about his height and took a drink, licking your lips when you finished. “How do you just let that go? You were so angry before.”

“I’ve been to therapy. I have good diffusing skills,” you said.

“Is that a joke?”

“Not really,” you said with a smile. “You made a mistake because you love him. I’m gonna make mistakes because I love him. So when I screw up, now you owe me one, deal?”

“I know it’s getting late but would you be willing to stay up a while longer, maybe find out that favorite color?” he asked. You smiled and nodded, stepping down.

“Depends on the day,” said Jensen, stepping out with a mug of his own.

“He’s right,” you said. “You okay to stay up a bit?”

He nodded and walked back to the family room, taking your hand.

“Better?” you whispered to him.

“Yeah. Not all the way but definitely better honey.”

It was warm when you woke up the next morning. You peeled open an eye and caught Jensen laying awake, staring at his ceiling. You kicked off the blankets and he reached an arm out, pulling you to lay on his chest.

“It’s hot in here,” you mumbled, eyes shutting again.

“There’s a box covering the vent,” he said, dancing his fingers lazily over your bare arm. “It’s almost noon.”

“Seriously?” you said into his chest, nuzzling against his soft skin.

“Yeah. Sounds like they’re out back with the kids,” he said. You nodded and felt him move his fingers all over you, soft and light, absentmindedly tracing patterns every so often.

“Still upset?” you asked, his head nodding. “They’re human. They fuck up.”

“Are you angry?”

“I was. Not anymore. I kinda like ‘em actually.”

“Why would you give them a second chance?” he asked.

“When I got adopted I didn’t like, instantly love my mom. I was scared of her at first. I don’t know, I get that you can not like someone at first and then love them unconditionally, you know? It’s weird but your opinions can change once you get to know someone.”

“I don’t do a very good job of protecting you from things,” he said, tilting his head, moving a few hairs behind your ear. You looked up at him, his fingers playing in your hair behind you.

“Honey you went off on your parents last night. I bet you’ve never done that to them. You were trying to protect me and you did. No one has ever protected me the way you do,” you said. “Today is a new day and I’d like to get to know my new family some more.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll follow your lead.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 13 here!

#supernatural #spn #jensen ackles #jensen ackles au #jensen x reader #jensen series #rpf #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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