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miseries-mistress · 2 years

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PLEASE | CASSIAN ANDOR

Synopsis: You were beyond enraged, the feeling poisonously filling your chest, expanding and reaching into the far stretches of your mind until you're consumed by it. Cassian lied. It's not like he hasn't done it practically thousands of times but never to you, never to you. That was the promise he made, the only promise he made, and he just broke it.

Warnings: brief mention of the reader being female, MAJOR EP 2 SPOILERS, angst, all angst, absolutely zero fluff, more angst, did i say angst? oh yeah, don't forget angst. W/C: 1410

Notes: in honor of the andor series, i wanted to write something about this fine ass man. keep in mind i am also very sick rn so don't expect too much. reposting this shit

star wars masterlist

"What's this?" You slam the holopad on the table, fuming while Cassian flinches. Physically flinches. You look almost delighted at the reaction you elicited from him.

"What is this?" you spit out, and his gaze darts around each corner of the room like he's afraid of an onlooker in your own home. He doesn't need to look at it to know precisely what you are talking about; a product of just receiving the information from his mother and Bee. Cassian knew very well that he messed up by exposing his true origin but never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that you would find out about who he really was like this.

"How did you find that?" He resists the urge to step back when your fury seems to double, but you don't lash out. Instead, you turn to a piercing rage, one that petrifies him and breaks him more proficiently than any white-hot rage ever could. What makes it worse is he was planning on telling you. His past was something he never wanted to hide from you, and while he had his reservations at first about letting you into his life, you seemed to worm your way into it and, in the process, his abandoned heart. As time passed, he got used to having someone else by his side, someone he could simultaneously love and trust unconditionally. It took a weight he didn't know he was carrying off his sagging shoulders, but there was one thing, one thing that hung over his head like a dark cloud, his past.

He admired how you never pushed him to open up about it, willing to be there when he was ready to share despite the questions that would arise when you caught him talking to Bix either about dealings in the past that involved him with numerous things that linked to it or mentions of it. But today, his luck had run out, and he was here to face the callous, cruel fist of reality he tried so desperately to hide from.

"Bix told me," you seethe, gripping the pad a bit tighter. "She was surprised I didn't know."

Of all the ways you could have found out, that was for sure the least desirable. Hearing the news, as crucial as this is, from another person is one of the worst ways you could learn it because it suggests either a lack of trust or faith. Which is entirely false. Cassian trusted you implicitly with every fiber of his being, and it wasn't a lack of confidence that brought this on. It was his own complacent mindset that he assumed he would tell you when he deemed the time right, not when his life had been flipped upside down. As you turned your icy glare upon him, he felt a piece of his heart rupture.

"She also mentioned," you grit your teeth together, your eyes failing to meet his, "that I'm the first woman you've never told about your past."

He sucked in a breath, silently cursing Bix. Fuck.

"You're the first person I've ever been truly serious about–"

"Bullshit Cassian! Why didn't you tell me?!" you exclaim, but your words are deadly, and Cassian would have to be a fool not to realize that. This was dangerous territory he was trekking in. One wrong move, and– well, he would rather not think about it, for the pain of it would be too great to bear.

"I was planning to tell you, if that matters."

"When were you going to tell me?! When you were on the run?! When it benefited you?!"

"That's not true," he reached out, attempting to place his hand on your shoulder, a calming gesture you were fond of, but you slapped his hand away. The cracks grew wider, slowly chipping away at his reality and his attachment to it.

"Damnit, Cassian, do you not trust me?!"

"I trust you with my life–" he's stumbling over his sentences now, his craft for talking his way out of situations failing him when he needed it the most.

"Obviously not," you scoff. You move to turn away, but an iron grasp pulls you forward and into Cassian's chest. You place your hand against it, desperately trying to ignore the feeling of stiff muscles beneath his clothing as you push away. Cassian doesn't relent, maintaining his steel hold while you fruitlessly struggle against him.

"Let go of me," you warn, giving an experimental tug, but to no avail, as you don't budge.

"Let me explain."

"That's rich coming from you."

"Please." Your breath catches in your throat at the utter desperation in his voice while Cassian's mind runs a mile per minute. All he's consumed with is the thought of not losing you. He can't imagine living in a world where you resent him after he opened his heart to feel after years of repressing emotion after emotion. Instead, he feels the cracks in his heart widen, chunks breaking off and slowly breaking him as well.

"I've wanted to tell you. I've wanted to tell you for a long time. I've just never found the right moment."

"Then why does Bix know, hmm?" Now that was a far trickier question to answer, one which opened doors to parts of his soul he's closed off to the outer world. The answer was far too complex for such a simple question.

You mistake his silence as his answer and scoff, yanking your arm from his limp grasp, the faintest touches of his skin leaving a phantom imprint on your own.

"You're unbelievable." Another crack, this time it splits, creating more crevices, more pieces he's afraid he will be left to pick up alone.

"Don't go." He sounds pathetic. He knows it, and so do you.

"Trust goes both ways, and you've just lost mine."

Shatter.

Cassian's heart fucking shatters into a thousand minuscule pieces. Why can't he stop you, the only real good in his miserable, horrible excuse of a life, from leaving? Why can't he explain?

Logically he knows both of your emotions are running high, and your responses are feeding into each other's emotions, making them spiral out of control.

Trust goes both ways, and you've just lost mine. Your words rang loudly like an endless song of suffering orchestrated just for him.

You storm to the front door, not to your room like you do whenever you get into an argument, but to the door. You yank your coat off the rack, shrugging it over your shoulders without sparing Cassian a glimpse. In the midst of the climax of your relationship, he can't help but long for your soft eyes, filled with unbridled love while holding their own untamed, wild passion that he often found within himself instead of the darkness and rage that clouded them over. He yearned for the warmth of your touch, your partially calloused hands running over his scared skin while bringing out a vulnerability he didn't know he possessed. He just wanted whatever you would give him, addicted to your smile, smell, and love so much, so it blinded him.

Cassian knows this is his only chance to explain, to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but he can't move, think, or feel anything. It's all the same void of nothingness penetrating his senses.

The door opens.

Cassian feels like you're stepping on the shards of his heart, breaking them further to a point he feels is no return.

"Please," a last desperate beg. All Cassian wants is to take you into his arms and wrap them around you, explaining everything before you become a whisp in the wind.

Please.

The door shuts.

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peninkwrites · 2 years

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“He isn’t angry with Tommy anymore. And if you’re not angry with him, it means you’re not getting him back. So maybe what he is seeking out is that anger, something to make him feel stronger as that wound in his heart settles in and scabs over.” oh tubbo :((((( you’re right though, anger is such an easy emotion to feel. it makes things simpler in a complicated world

damn it guess what i’m going to think about every time i wear my own plain grey long-sleeved t-shirt lol

yessssss i love the panopticon reference

MAN. that crimeboys conversation broke me - they’re really in it now, huh

“‘R-Really?’ Phil falters, pained. ‘Not– Not when he… w-when he finally came home, or… or when we tried to help him–‘ Phil cuts himself off, getting choked up. Ghostbur shakes his head. ‘No, sorry, Phil. I don’t think Alivebur was happy very much since he was brought back again.’ ‘R-Right,’ Phil stands, leaving the room before this breaks him.” oh. that’s such a specific feeling - when people try to help you out when you’re dealing with mental illness stuff but it still doesn’t help and all parties involved feel bad :(

NOOOOOOOOO not philza thinking wilbur used his sword. again. at least tubbo helped him realize that wasn’t the case

‘Can we– I am so fucking tired, after the past few days, after everything– I am done, man, I am so fucking done, I just want to fucking rest a-and I haven’t eaten in who fucking knows how long-‘ Tommy steps back until he hits the wall behind him, but he has nowhere to go as Dream comes closer.” had to stop reading for a hot second bc i knew this wouldn’t end well for him

“Punz has been in a bit of a haze lately. His protestations have led nowhere, so now he has decided to simply do his job.” mmmmm yes, compartamentalize, king (haha not really. just die)

oh i am NOT looking forward to seeing what sick twist dream puts on the double-person chase

“Dream pauses, and Punz can imagine he looks smug behind that stupid mask. “Well, I mean obviously I got his first two lives, and technically what took his last life was an accident. That I caused,’ he laughs.” HOW DARE HE CALL THE PRISON DEATH A FUCKING LIGHT-HEARTED ACCIDENT. SEETHING WITH RAGE RN

YES! I'm so glad you liked the panopticon bit!! it felt like such a Wilbur-y bit of horrifying fun facts to share :D

Phil having more absolutely tragic dad moments has been much fun for me. Damn that guy is constantly going through it.

And your persisting disdain for Punz continues to delight me!!!

#as always your commentary is top notch!!!#thank you sm!#asks #nonotablechange #tddd #wake up.

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humbugg · 3 years

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i swear to fucking god if i get my scores back after taking the sats tomorrow and they arent what i want i am simply not going to college

#i am waking up at 6;15 risking covid and paying $100 for what??#to possibly not get accepted into any schools anyways??#i hate the collgeboard so much #i am seething w rage rn #i will get my desired score out of spite #i refuse to give them any more of my time or my money #i also have work tomorrow :(#seriously tho i will not be going if my scores arent 600+#this is my second time taking them #im taking the subject tests #ive been doing the barrons practice tests and doing fine but im thinking ppl were lying when they said barrons #was harder than the actual test bc i went from a 460 to a 780 #thats a huge jump and idk if i buy it #not getting my hopes up #ik a lot of colleges are test optional for this year but i dont graduate this year #plus im missing one math credit (FUCK precalculus) so i cant go to any of the unis in my state #idk if i wanna go international #ive looked into it and its Appealing but it scares me #rambles

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thenightjillcamehome · 2 years

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i watched scream 5 w seven. great movie until act 3. i am literally SEETHING with rage rn

#jill.txt #movie tag

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onepunchmiss · 5 years

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OPM s2e12 Live Blog

“The Wiping of the Disciple’s Butt”

The season finale. I’m nauseous. Lets begin.

As always, I’m watching from the perspective of someone who has read the manga and webcomic.

Right where we left off. Again I love the music. I’m just like, really calm right now actually. hhhhhhhhhhhokay. OOF oh god all the crunching sound effects oh no, this is already so weird watching Garou get his ass handed to him since he’s pretty much curb stomped every other hero in battle thus far, or at the VERY LEAST avoided taking so many hits. This. is so uncomfortable to watch. WOAH ????? THESE SHOTS WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SPLIT SECOND BUT??? HOLY SHIT???

GAROU’S HAIR OH MY GOD

Oh god oh god Bang is relentless this hurts please stop guys GUYS PLZ HAS NO ONE REALISED THAT NOT ONE HERO HAS DIED CMON PLZ IT HURTS calm down stop trying to kill him plsplspls OH

THIS

IS WHY

WE STAN GAROU

HE SAYS FUCK DEATH HOW ABOUT I JUST GET STRONGER INSTEAD QUE EPIC THEME MUSIC

oh god damnit him legit running on all fours right there just looks goofy tho F “preposterous style” Bang you aint lying asdfghjkl really though OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY THIS IS SO BLESSED

WAIT

NO OPENING THEME???????????????????? WHAT?????????????????????? WHY????????????????????????? ONE, I WANTED TO SEE THE CHIBI OF THE WEEK AND 2

I WASNT PREPARED FOR MY FAVORITE DOPEY BIRD MAN THE FUCK PHOENIXMAN PLS NO ILY I know people hate him a lot but I just really dig how he feels like a fleshed out character compared to most other monsters, like he’s legit lookit him being all smart and stuff plz I just,,,,,,,,,,,, want to hug dumb fluffy birb ;-;

Woah again I’m being blown away by the animation??? Garou getting smacked around is really fluid and this just looks really cool in general?????

FUCK I CANT DO FLASHBACKS MAN JUST HEARING THE KID VOICE MAKED MY STOMACH LURCH OH NO

OH NO I SCREAM OH NO I CANT OH NO GIMME 5 MINUTES PLEASE I CANNOT BBY NO I FORGOT ADULT GAROU IS IN THE FLASHBACK WATCHING THIS TIME PLS NO

LIKE???????? I got kinda a comedic vibe watching him comment on it in the manga but the slow music and shit is just FUKKIN ME UP RIGHT NOW I HATE IT THANKS IT HURTS

oh god his face he has the seething thousand mile stare of quiet rage and its burning a hole STRAIGHT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BEING “But me I was the loner kid. Always gloomy and without friends” STOP. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT. IM CRYING AT U RIGHT NOW STOP

NO DONT HOLD HIM LET HIM GO S T O P OR SO HELP ME i can’t watch this what the fuck “I was always the loser” SHIT this legitimately hurts me “I dont want to be the monster anymore” GArou hey did you hear that part?? hEY GAROU DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF THERE???

WHAT DID I SAY WHAT THE F DID I JUST SAY STOP HOLDING HIM STOP STOPPIT THE HELL MAN What if……….. I just go BACK IN TIME AND ADOPT BB GAROU CAN I DO THAT IS THIS POSSIBLE IS THIS ALLOWED ? ?? ?

oh my god it keeps getting worse. I mean. I already knew garou was being disproportionately reprimanded for what he supposedly did, but watching this scene just fucking kicked me in the teeth. As if my stomach wasn’t already in knots. The fuck . why does this hurt so much more watching than reading the frustration in seeping into me ffffff.

This looks really cool but, i can barely focus on that because im pretty much being exsanguinated on the floor over here by this whole sequence look at him crying. do it for me cause I sure as hell can’t

“I want to strike a blow for the little guy”

Fukkin GETTEM GO GETTEM

HOLY SHIT HIS VA IS GOING T F OFF

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH LOOKIT HIM ILY SO MUCH SAVE THE DAY BIRB SAVE

ASDFGHJKL THIS IS SO INTENSE EVERYONE IS SO INTENSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT HOLY SHIT FUCK IM SCREAMING GAROU IS SCREAMING BANG AND BOMB SCREAMING GENOS AND EVEN PHOENIXMAN EVEN THE MUSIC IS SCREAM WE ALL JUST SC R E M

OH MY GOD AND THE LITTLE HEAD NOT GENOS AND BANG GIVE EACHOTHER SAVING THE HEROES OH MY GOD OH FUCK AND THE WAY THEY ANIMATE BANG JUMPING AROUND IS DOPE AS HELL AND ALSO HOLY SHIT ELDER CENTIPEDE I MISSED THE UNSETTLING SMOOTH CG LIKE ANIMATION FOR THE CENTIPEDES EVERY CELL IN MY BODY IS JUST SCREAMING RN I AM OVERLOAD HELP

Garou flailing in the air in Phoenixman’s grip is … really adorable oh my god. “It’s your fault for not finishing them” ooooooo that shut him up didn’t it oof. Also nice cameo by Tatsumaki there

ASDFGHJKL THE MUSIC AGAIN I LOVE IT I LOVE THEM LOOK AT THEM OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO BAD ASS

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO BADASS

Genos’s eye static, The brother’s fists swirling, THE FUKKIN CARAPACE SHATTERING

THIS FIGHT IS SO WILD MY COMPUTER CANT EVEN TAKE IT. ITS GLITCHING AND FREEZING UP HOLY SHIT

oh god ok the face coming out of the face was pure nightmare fuel alright then

WAIT

I FORGOT GENOS IS A SELF SACRIFICING DUMBASS. NO IM NOT READY GENOS YOU DOOF LISTEN TO KUSENO LISTEN TO HIM

oh no

im crying oh no

this animation is beautiful first of all and the music like im just here this is where I’m at and I’m crying oh no

He’s an angel. A literal angel. Look at that and tell me he doesn’t look like a fucking angel in the sky with the rays of light casting shadows around him.

Genos you are too good and pure for this world but that DOESNT MEAN TRY TO GET YOURSELF KILLED

Shit they really made it look like he was gonna self destruct there for a second which MADE HIS LAST STAND EVEN MORE INTENSE OH MY GOD SWEETHEART Y’all ever get into a show because you keep seeing one character that catches your interest, and you keep seeing them pop up on your dash or wherever until you finally decide ‘well fuckit, this is the asshole that’s gonna get me to finally watch the show’, cause you’re already invested in them anyway? Genos did that for me with OPM. If this fool didn’t exist Who knows how long it would’ve taken me to get to watching OPM, if ever. And shit like this is why I STILL love him. I usually move on to new faves 90% of the time but nope. Genos earned his spot and is keeping it. Look at this insane shit. My heart. Uhg

Enough gushing asdfghjkl ok but Genos, you just went INTO THE DAMNED THING’s STOMACH,,,,, and you’re SURPRISED that there’s STOMACH ACID?? But real talk. What the EVERLONG FUCK is that thing’s insides made out of? How did it NOT DIE. the FuCK

asdfghjkl Phoenixman’s chuckle???? I love

Oh Bang no, this is wrenching my heart like I know that he doesn’t actually use his power but its built up so intensely like,,, would he be ok if he did??? and actually more concerningly since it even WAS brought up that he has some hidden true strength, will we EVER get to see that??? Oh Shit well when they word it as “All the power left to me in this life” then yeah, that seems pretty life or death ish???? THE FUCK

Oh thank god comedic relief is here I feel like i’m about to have a heart attack my chest is so tight hhhhhh ok breathe WAIT THIS ISNT COMEDIC THIS IS BADASS AS HELL JEEZUS witht he flashbacks to the Saitama encounter and THIS LOOK

The Anime is really fucking with the audience huh??? Making it look like KIngs about to throw hands like???????????? OH SHIT AND THIS MUSIC IS DOPE AS HELL TOO IM JUST laughing I have so much excessive energy right now???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHZAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASDFGHJKLJHGFDSWERTGYHUIUJHGFDFGHJKJHGFRE THE FUKKIN SONG THEY BROUGHT IT BACK THE ULTIMATE SONG I GOT THREE NOTES IN JUST THREE NOTES AND I KNOW IM SCREAMING I GOTTA GO RUN BRB

IM STILL SCREAMING FADFJSAGFJDSLKAHVFSKLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OUR MAIN MAN THERE HE IS THERE HE IS IM GONNA THROW UP

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OH MY FUCK THATS WHAT THE OPENING SEQUENCE EXPLOSION WAS FROM OH GOD OH FUCK BEAUTIFUL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL OH FUCK OH GOD

The REPRISE oh no oh NO OH NO OH NO NO ITS NOT OVER im not ready its not I cant no no no i dont want to press play cause if I press play it will end soon no no no Oh my god and at the end there isnt gonna be a title card for the next episode because THERE IS NO NEXT EPISODE no non o nonononon on on on ono no no no

HEY IVE BEEN RIPPED OFF. WHERES THE FACE WITH HIS HAIR BLOWN BACK??? ASDFJKL fine I cant even be mad everything else was tooo ofdbghjfshkggfhsjgbfhjka

KING WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT REACTION ASDFGHJKL W H A T

WAIT THEY ARE DOING THE OPENING THEME AT THE END NO I CANT HANDLE SEEING EVERYOONE NOW OF ALL TIMES GOD DAMNIT WHY ok yknow what. I knew it would be king. I dont know how but i did

Wha

fkin cliffhanger no please no

I.. I’m kind of at a loss for words. I’m. That’s it, huh? It’s really over. It doesn’t FEEL over. There’s so much unfinished business. Well, the only way to really neatly wrap everything up as neatly as S1 did would have been to get ALL THE WAY through the Garou arc, which obviously wasn’t going to happen, but this is not a great spot to leave off if we’re going to endure another few years hiatus. My hope is that, with biweekley manga updates, we should wrap up the Monster Association/Garou stuff (assuming it doesn’t diverge from the web comic too much) some time next year, and I’m HOPING that s3 is already being planned accordingly along side manga publications. So MAYBE it will at least be announced around that time 2020. That’s my wishful thinking at least. I don’t think I can survive 3 years. anyway

You could really tell JC Staff poured their hearts and souls into these last 2 episodes. Absolutely gorgeous, paced well, so completely satisfying and making every second of s2 worth while. For me, at least. I’ve already seen people still complaining and I’m just sorry they didn’t have as much fun as I did.

Seriously, thank each and every one of you guys. This has been a wild ride, I’ve barely had this blog a few weeks before season 2 started airing (and honestly just got into opm maybe a month before that?), so I owe a lot of the success on the blog to the anime I bet. This was the first series I’ve never tried live bogging, and I honestly can’t believe that they were as popular as they were? Especially since I never have any idea what I’m doing but yall listen to me ramble anyway?? Yall are crazy thank you so so so much. Now my tuesdays are gonna feel really empty… next week is gonna be weird as hell. Though I’m gonna get mad nostalgic good vibes rewatching this season in the future in no small part from sharing my experience with everyone who's stuck around. I can’t say see yall next week this time, but, see you next season whenever it may be for sure.

#live blogging #one punch man #opm #season 2 #finale #spoilers #garou #Saitama #genos #bang #bomb #phoenixman #anime #king #long post #im so sad right now oh my god #opmiss mumbling #s2e12

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