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#i am slightly more than worried
aquanutart · 4 months
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pushing500 · 3 months
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Laursen is so good with people. He's not even assigned to wardening as a high priority, but whenever he takes a turn at it, he succeeds. I love him so much.
I also love Euclid, she's cool. The psychopath trait will definitely help her fit right in with the cult, I reckon.
Her name is probably supposed to reference the ancient Greek mathematician of the same name, based on the whole "genies are the smart xenotype" thing, but... I can't help but think of it as her SCP object class, lmao.
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Euclid immediately set to work proving herself as a capable new member of the cult, and now Vasso is dressed to the nines in his new masterwork cape.
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Then poor Cecil got sick, so he's taking a break from helping around the colony and getting some well-deserved rest.
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And finally, two bionic thrumbos wandered onto the map and I fell in love immediately. Nobody in the colony has an animal skill high enough to tame them, sadly.
Worry not, though! Our Drakonori prisoner, Magic Man, has a decent animal handling skill. When we recruit him, his first task to prove himself will be taming these thrumbos! No pressure, Magic Man.
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quadrantadvisor · 14 days
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I started shipping Dick Grayson and Percy Jackson as a joke and then got accidentally invested. Help.
The thing about them is that I think they would Know. They would each know that the other had been though more than any one person could be expected to bear. They would feel secrets like a weight between them. And they would just. Not ask. They would decide to be eachother's simple thing. A bright spot of good in a world that's too hard.
Dick comes across as a ray of sunshine but he keeps up with Percy's snark. Percy's bleeding heart for the downtrodden and disdain for any authority endears him to Dick. They just have complimentary energies.
What makes this funny is how everyone else reacts to them.
Dick's family is panicking, since Percy is The Most Suspicious Man on the Planet. He works six months out of the year at summer camps that don't exist. He was accused of terrorism as a twelve year old. They keep trying to bring this up with Dick, who is exaggerating oblivoiusness. "What, Percy, suspicious? Never. He's great with kids, I'm sure the campers love him, isn't that sweet?" Tim is pulling out his hair.
Meanwhile, Percy's telling Annabeth (who he is still dating, polyamory ftw) all about his new guy, and Annabeth is like, "Let me get this staight. You're dating a rich trust fund kid, who's also a police officer, named Dick? That's not a real guy. That's a parody of a person. Who are you and since when do you tolerate cops."
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#delete later#in typical birthday fashion i am now exhausted snd overwhelmed and battling a meltdown#i stubbed my toe and now cant put any fucking weight on it#im exhausted from performing appropriate birthday excitement. i dont think i understand birthdays correctly#to me the only relevance of ppls birthday is that i can show that i care about them and give gifts that make them happy or#spend time with them. other than that its just a day. in my head my birthday is just a day but it's a day rhat im expected to be#ecstatic over. i dont understand that. i spend the day worried im not feeling the correct feelings or displaying them right#and worried bc the normal day routine is broken and im anxious bc i don't know what will happen#too much uncertainty. abd rhat anxiety makes me feel guilty. but at the same time bc to me birthdays are avout showing the#person that you care. if everyone ignored it i would start to assume they dont care. idk how to fix my brain on this#at least its only once a year. plus the whole still being alive at 24 thing freaks me out. so when i inevitably have my#meltdown or shutdown it comes with not fun things#i get the same way at christmas except its slightly more socially acceptable for me to hide at christmas.#meltdowns make me angry abd emotional so i know im being a bitch in my head but logic is hard so im just upset and angry#and confused on how im supposed to feel and act. i fucking hate my brain.#i have ordered good comfort food abd have weighted blanket abd new piercing. life is okay#i dont want to see mu parents this weekend but it will be what it will be. im so fucking tired
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possiblytracker · 11 months
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got dragged to a pub quiz with some of my housemates buddies and was fully convinced i was not really gonna have a good time and itd probably be too loud and i wouldnt be much help etc etc etc bc my mood is still not great but i forgot im a competitive motherfucker when it comes down to it and the sheer rush of euphoria that comes from knowing a few more obscure answers that had the rest of the room hemming and hawing is gonna carry me through the next week probably
#when nobody else in the wetherspoons in rural wales knows what the capital of florida is or what you call a female swan#the big ass grin spreading across my face and sheer rush of Power listening to 2 people the next table over arguing over whether#its jacksonville or miami. you Fools. you absolute buffoons. i know more than you/j/j/j/j#i am so exhausted now and the 'yea this is Over you are enjoying urself too late' sadness is creeping back in but it was worth it#we came 3rd...... the prize was a whole pitcher of some cocktail for the group but i do not drink so i just went home to bed#a female swan is called a pen btw i knew that six month long job spouting swan facts at 8 year olds would come in handy someday#IDK i still have a lot to work through but i feel like i should make a slightly less depressing post today skdfjh;;#shoutout to my housemate for always somehow noticing when i have just not left my room in a day and coming to drag me out of it#i was so close to just not eating again (which tbf. i didnt. until like 6pm whoops)#but now i have done that AND touched grass AND socialised AND feel good abt myself a bit.. so.....#i worry a lot that people dont really. notice or care that much when im struggling/when they do that its annoying or a burden so#im very grateful to have people who care about me enough to try and pull me out of it. i hope wherever i end up after this#that i can surround myself with more people like that#man this feels pretty bittersweet to think about as well but in more of a cathartic kinda way. i guess#trying to think abt things slightly more positively so i dont turn into a festering black pit of bad vibes for the next few weeks#and my blog still inexplicably feels like the nicest place to sort through this kinda thing
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lolacouldnotcareless · 9 months
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spent the whole day at an archery competition yesterday!!! twas really fun and i got slightly better :3 i also spent the whole day with long sleeves till it was my turn. it did not prevent the sunburns. i have a stripe pattern on my left arm now (caused by my arm protection)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#more day more. well a lil more than that but basically one day before i leave for my school visit#and thank goodness for that. im so so so distracted. im also slightly exhausted bc lack of sleep. but whatever#i did cave and pay for thr a shuttle trip. bc i would rather spend 120$ and have to spend 6hrs overnight in the airport than have to drive#myself 1hr away. i just. i want to enjoy the trip without the constant worry that im gonna die or get ppl killed. which is what would#happen if i had to drive lol. aye. the thing abt me is that im unwell. but whatever. if theres forward motion i csn coast by#im just so excited bc i think after this weekend ill have a good idea of where i want to go to school. and ill get to plan for the next 4-5#years of my life and think abt leaving this place. ill have a timeline. woof. and i can shed this paralyzing worry#am i prepared for the visit? that remains to be seen. probably not but i am more prepared than i was for my last school visit in undergrad#where i was left in a lab and told to put together equipment under time pressure and no instructions. which was actully fun lol. and told#to give a presentation on the spot. and then was ultimately rejected for. also i had a biochem exam the week after and my brain was#destroyed lol. so whatever happes im sure itll b better than that. i mean i learnef a lot on that trip and it was fun so no regrets but oof#sigh... i should watch stuff/read papers relivant to the visit. but im tired 😫#Thursday morning. just gotta make it thru tomorrow and then i can let myself be swept away in the travel flow#and ill get to see snow!!! but yea i hope i like the school#unrelated#lol i meant one day more in the 1st tag. im too tired to spell
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bonetrousledbones · 2 years
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can you tell us about a certain smiley guy’s recent appearance in atbb?
he just wants friends man
dcfgvb but in all seriousness, right now Smiley hasn’t actually met Rogue yet so he’s just wandering around looking for havoc to cause and people to “help” along the way! in his universe he used to be the monster ambassador before the stress and pressure of it all caught up with him and he kinda sorta snapped and decided to go full masked-vigilante. that’s why he wanted Retro to join him, he could tell the guy’s got a lotta pressure on himself and wanted to be there to help him out if he ever got in a similar situation. Retro will literally never call him tho, he’s one of my very few emotionally competent skeletons and Smiley creeped him out lmao
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charlattehotte · 2 years
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Realising that no one perceives or understands you the way you actually are but they also simultaneously see exactly who you are but don't wanna be and wanting to cut yourself off from everyone for a week or so to recalibrate or whatever but you have commitments and plans for the next week or so <<<<<<<
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nexus-nebulae · 2 years
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poke completed
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thecherrygod · 1 month
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I just woke up from.. such a dream that. Was completely unnecessary.
#my posts#my dreams#im. so tired#and bad.#like i was in this place with someone specific and it was close to being a penitentiary? but the people inside#kinda could do whatever they wanted. inside it kinda looked like a multi level/floored garage (hadnt dreamt of those in a while)#and some people were slightly better than others but everyone seemed... bad borderline dead#they had aubstances and guns and whatever they wanted#but also at multiple times we found either the officers that 'took care' of the place who just stood there and smiled and filed in 'changes'#in the place if anything happened. or people like us who were trying to find someone else. lr who had found them and the 'change' happened#also smiling. bc 'it was for the best'#we were doing bad emotionally but we find who we were looking for doing bad physically. slightly made me think of a rabid animal#he did his usual bullshit. the kind that makes you want to keep him away. was it better or worse than irl i don't know#so we. left. slowly. worried. and we hear a gunshot from where he was. we don't go check if that was right. we assume we know what happened#and we keep going from the garage to the proper building. we find an officer do they can in fact or the 'changes' down#someone reminds us it's for the best. nothing else could be a good thing#we are doing between better and worse#and i woke up feeling like shit lmao#also it's only 6 am are you kidding me#.... idk if i can go back to sleep#genuinely what the fuck was that#like yeah it's related to something that's been making me feel very bad lately but come on#also the person here kinda had started appearing in my stress dreams but this is. worse#i.. should try to sleep more but i feel like shit lmao
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b0mblover · 1 month
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My Own Underwater Prison
By: J
cw for themes of; selfharm (cutting specifically), eating disorders, and suicide.
i feel like i’m drowning.
i’m an ocean, sea, river, creek, wherever.
water constantly rushing into my lungs.
i don’t feel like i can breath.
somedays they’re will be people. 
who try and pull me up. 
they always let go within 5 minutes though.
theres been others who’ve held me longer. 
made sure i could breathe.
made sure the water was out of my lungs.
dried me off.
took care of me.
i cant shake the feeling that they’ll hurt me.
try to drown me.
so, i always go back into the water by myself.
i always try to breathe the water in again.
i don’t want to drown.
i don’t want to die.
maybe i want to drown.
maybe the water in my lungs is calming.
it doesn’t feel like it.
maybe i’m just used to it.
every time i’ve gotten slightly better- i feel like my own weight pulls me back under.
so i tried to shed that weight, tried to float.
i did so.
but yet.
i still cant float.
i know truly that it wont be what saves me- far from it, i know i wont be able to live normally on my own.
yet i keep trying, i know i wont stop. 
i don’t know why.
it all feels so heavy.
the waves, ripples, the currant, cuts my arms.
as if it was another sheet of paper to be used and disposed of.
i wonder if others see it that way too.
disposable.
the blood mixed with the water entering my lungs.
again and again.
feels so nauseating.
i’ve tried to hold my arms up.
but the wind only seems to cut them more than before.
somedays i think about if those people that held me, dried me off.
if they really weren’t going to drown me.
i know its idiotic to think about.
even if i truly don’t know either.
its nice to imagine them.
caring for me.
who am i kidding they’d.
i’d never let them do that.
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cheezyharu · 8 months
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I'm making a Bard dnd character rn
I'm very tempted to give her maracas rn
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raddishwrites · 8 months
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Should anyone come looking, I am dealing with a crisis. It’s a rather mundane crisis in the scheme of possibilities, and I’m not in physical danger or injured.
I am however completely overwhelmed and unable to socialise.
I’ll be dealing with this crisis for, rough estimate, 6 weeks. Then recovery for an unknown amount of time, depending.
This is not to worry anyone, it’s to assure you that my distance is not a lack of care or want to interact.
See you on the other side, take care of yourselves until then.
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arolesbianism · 1 year
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Thinking abt reworking Uni a bit. I do love Uni conceptually and as a character, but I've become increasingly uncomfortable with their story in the state that it's in, mostly because of how completely it removes Aris from the equation. I'm hoping to not completely scrap Uni, but I'm going to start brainstorming ways to also include au Aris as an actual character that's involved in au antag stuff instead of just a backstory character for Uni
#rat rambles#oc posting#eternal gales#my main problem with fully killing au aris is that it just feels like. rly uncomfortable to me to remove her agency like that#again Im hoping to keep uni around in at least some form but I rly think I need to prioritize au aris' agency#mmmmaybe it could be like. uni initially was stuck in her body but after they got involved in au antag stuff au aris managed to get back to#the helm of things and has to deal with the concequences of her death and of uni's actions while also wrangling uni themself#this could be a decent comprimise since itd both let uni have their character arc while also giving au aris her own#itd also allow for me to dodge my previous problem with just not knowing how to make an antagonist version of aris that isnt boring#since she wouldnt necesarily need to be even slightly antagonistic for this to work#buttttt. this would require uni to still be in the drivers seat for at least a lil while to undergo their initial stuff#that might not sound like too much at first thought but I know in practice thatd still be a good way into the story#I thinkkkkk shed still have room to breath since this is a chonky story already but I still worry#maybe I should work on further developing au aris' backstory and such first since that might give me more ideas#I have a handful of vague ideas but rly the only set in stone thing is that shes abt a year or two younger than main universe aris#the main decision I have to make is if her universe will be more canon adjacent or if I get wild with it#I am tempted to go more sci fi ngl#plus thatd give me an excuse to dive more into my bird aliens + maybe even include the staliens in her lore#idk Ill sleep on it and hopefully have more ideas tomorrow#either way thisll probably take at least a lil while of brainstorming and plotting things out so Ill try to not rush myself on it too much
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maiko-san · 3 months
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Catnap + Dogday x Reader ( Part 2 )
<<< Part 1 , Part 3 >>>
Relationship: Fluff
Character focused: Dogday, Fem! Reader
Plot : You're giving Dogday a groom after he got himself covered in mud.
A/n : I will try to include the other Smiling Critters in here, they deserve love too.
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A month has passed and things went on normally with your life. All the Smiling Critters get a minor check up everyday either by you or other coworkers.
These mascots work with children 24/7, they often are climbed on, tugged around or have paints/food stuck on their fur.
"I guess that's all of it"
"Oooh! My mane looks even prettier and shiny than before!"
You just finished cleaning up Craftycorn from all the glitters and paint off her white coat and cyan hair. Which took you half an hour to clean.
You put on a pink bow on her braided mane so she looks cuter.
"I really love how you do my mane! You know, we should do this more often! You're so creative, just like ME!"
" *chuckles* I'm glad that you like it, Craftycorn but I am NOT that creative as you are"
You dismiss the unicorn and give a handful of candy for her to enjoy. You call in the other mascot and Dogday pops his head in.
The dog is covered in mud from head to toe.
"Now, what did you get yourself into this time, Dogday?"
It was the third time this week.
Dogday only looks away, both hands on his back as he kicks his feet.
"KickinChicken and I got carried away while playing football, sorry..." /he lied.
You quirk an eyebrow, you know Dogday is really bad at lying. There are no muds at the football field since the field has fake grass carpet.
You wonder where he got all the mud from....oh well.
To Dogday, he likes being around you and wants to see you everyday but the other staff members didn't let him. Not even for a bit.
So the only way for the smiling critters to see you was to getting themselves dirty, either by accident or on purpose.
For Dogday, he did it on purpose so he could see you.
You usher the mascot on to the large bathtub so you could wash him up. You run the warm water over his body and rinsing the mud from his fur.
You know that they can clean themselves up but they seem to prefer having you to clean them.
It's a lot of work to clean a two story high mascot but it's fun.
You and the smiling critters would have a conversation, sometimes the smiling critters would tell them about their days.
Like a child telling their parents what they do at school.
"How's your day at the play care today?"
"It's really fun! We do a lot of things!"
"Oh, really? Tell me all about it. I'm curious"
"We play tag, we play hide n seek, we play red light green light with everyone! It was fun!"
"Did you have fun playing football with KickinChicken?"
"Oh, yes I did! The football was fun but what's even more fun is when you play in the mud!"
"Oh, really? KickinChicken just came a few hours ago and he told me he had fun playing skateboard"
"I—"
"Ha! Gotcha!"
You smirk as Dogday hangs his head down slightly. You scrub off the dirt from his ear and tell him that it's fine if he wants to see you.
Just don't get himself dirty all the time.
"The other staffs doesn't let me see you..."
"And why is that?"
"They said you stole their work...."
"....."
Recently your coworker has been glaring behind your back, gossiping and telling you to quit your job. Saying you were proud of your work which you never at all.
It is not entirely your fault that the mascots prefer you over them.
You knew how these mascots were treated before. It was during your interview at the playcare and your manager gave you a tour around the place.
You witnessed how the maintenance workers strapped these mascots in a tiny space and treated them like a wild animal.
"It is our fault wasn't it?"
"No, it's not. I'll deal with that matter myself and it is not yours to worry, alright"
You gave the canine mascot an assuring pat on the head which he leans into and his tail wagging behind him. You continue with your work and dry him in the blower machine and then you begin to groom his fur.
You notice that his fur had gotten longer by the day, so you decide to give him a little trim.
You hold his large paw, combing out the matted fur and snip some of them so it looks neat.
You did the same thing with his ears and chests.
Dogday watches you do you work, out of all staffs in this place. You are the nicest and the most gentle out of all staffs. You never strap them down or keep them in a small cage.
You treat them like a real person.
Like they used to be.
Dogday wants more from you, he wants to feel loved by someone. Someone that cares for him and everyone's well being unlike those scientists....
You care for him, so he will do the same to you.
You are his angel, after all....
"Alright, everything's done!"
You fix his collar and give his pendant a little shine. You decide to wrap a red scarf around his neck to compliment his orange colour.
"Is this for me, angel?"
"Yeah, it suits you well"
Dogday brings you into a tight hug, with his tail wagging aggressively behind his back. It seems the canine couldn't contain his excitement.
I mean, who doesn't like gifts? Especially from someone you like!
"Thank you! I will cherish it, always!"
"You're welcome, bud"
A/n : Since the first chapter received a good amount of views, here is the second chapter for all of you, sweeties!
I will assume that Dogday is the oldest out of all Smiling Critters, maybe around 13-15. We don't have a clue who Dogday really is but I decided to make him one of the older orphans.
Also, all the Smiling Critters in my stories share sibling relationships! and the reader is their oldest sibling or maybe parent figure! ☺️
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