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#i am sorta proud of myself
astrxealis · 7 months
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btw to filipino moots im gna be an arenean B) or iskolar ng bayan who knows!
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#my only choices for college r the big 4 personally i'm so sorrey ... but minus ust tbh bcs i rlly dont want to be a thomasian LOL#IT'S JUST REALLY PERSONAL i don't like the culture of ust & etc . i have my reasons. dlsu is ok but ateneo or up is my Dream#may be a surprise but i've always been a straight a student and real smart :3 even in anything to do w filipino#but that is the one thing that drags my grades (slightly) down ..... but my math is so exemplary and i get perfect computer anything always#bs cs future major hereee but since i want ateneo i'm going for dual degree cs bs-dgdd#yeehaw i never talk abt really real life stuff like this but this is still okey#one day u might get a face revea but only for my eyes bcs im sorta obsessed w and unfortunately think im really cute. so#ANYWAY !!!!! excited for college tbh. scared. but yes!#i havent finished my admu app but it is due friday i am so crazy LMFAOOOOOOO but i have recos alr <3 yay <33#rlly confident in myself but i want to be careful and really get what i desevre. gna do my best and try to get top 15% AND MAYBE even 200#but that one specifically is sorta crazy but tbf i could achieve it if i study a bit more :P so ya#it's amazing bcs ... english is literally second nature to me BUT i am and have always been amazing at math & sci#always been a math kid and sci kid AND art kid AND eng kid and music too and computer#idk. just proud of myself. i love me lol#there's a lot to it but no need to get into specifics :3 im just happy w myself yay!
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ghoulangerlee · 7 months
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i finished the next chapter of my wip i did it oh my god. now ive got to edit it and post it but GOD its finished.
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fairybumpkin · 10 months
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ooo grindr is scary but i'm proud of myself for trying
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steampoweredskeleton · 5 months
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Ignore
#delete later#did a good compromise today. my therapist will be proud. only minorly panicky now#and have been making my chainmail things and it makes me very happy#have started designing the arm bracers abd bought fabric glue for the material ill be using#probs gonna make it velcrow abd add decorative buckles so dont have to worry about flaps of material#have the shape sorted and am gonna experiment with foam and stuff#have a good idea pf how to attach thr chainmail to it. just how to make it all stiff enough that it keeps its shape#ive been using cardboard for a lot of things but i dont like using it for wearable stuff bc i worry about washing things#im a messy person i need to be able to wash things without it falling apart#i have a yoga mat that might be good. i would just need to figure oit how to set it in a certain position#i have a tube i can dry it over. it might be a douse in pva and dry over cellophaned tube sorta deal#the cape is going well. hood is finished. cloak itself needs to be sewed around tge bottom and the front edge hemmed#thrn its just attaching thrm and decorating#i have fake autumn leaves abd acorns and i want to sculpt some shelf mushrooms out of my super light clay#but idk if thats overkill. i mean its my costune so that doesbt matter i guess. im very proud of myself on this project and i love it#and i even nabaged to do sone work roday despite only being able to think about chainmail#legit spent entire morning making the main piece. needs lengthening but its looking good abd solid#OH ALSO I FUCKING CALLED THE DENTISTS. i havent been in four years bc of anxiety abd TODAY I CALLED A PLACE#REGISTERED THERE AND MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR NEXT WEEK#i did SO WELL TODAY
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darth-bagel · 1 year
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okay so. @thelealinhypehouse @actualanxiousswampwitch
you ask and you shall receive owo
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--yes they have dalish tattoos. no they have no idea how that happened, they woke up in an Orlesian pantry already like that.
or well, at least in the version where Skaia from @swtorcompanionsgoofin is the Inquisitor. seeing a mirror in either was something of an experience, certainly.
secret. secret. some screens with no Arcane GEN
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gentlesounds · 1 year
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mothocean · 2 months
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Girl help i am having grievances over my art major final project
#idk i just keep thinking about how i had a grand spectacular plan for it and then. well. *gestures around* all of this happened#and like at the end of it it feels like everyone else managed to achieve their spectacular plans and make something amazing#while i just. failed#and i am picking myself back up and i am making something!! even if its not what i planned originally it should still be good enough!!#but i guess im having a hard time reconciling with it. being proud of it#like in previous years we had multiple projects to work on all with clear deadlines and so if one thing i mad didn't turn out right#at least i had everything else i made#but now.. because of everything and just. yeah. i have one thing to show and im not 100% satisfied with it#i still have a week or so and in that time im going to make it into the best thing it can be#but its not what i wanted it to be and its still inferior to everyone else's projects#and i know that doesn't matter on the technical scale and that i'm going to get graded on what *i* did regardless of what everyone else did#but like. when they put up the exhibition people are going to see my work next to everyone else's works#and they're gonna see that what i made is far less... impressive#and like. i dont even know if what i made is good enough! if it's not too obvious or too vague#if people are going to get it or if they're gonna think it's dumb#i don't know!! and my art teachers already warned me against putting too much text next to my works so like#i can't even explain myself lol#i am going to probably make a lil design document thing and put it up next to the works themselves#but like. idk if they're gonna let me do that#i don't know!! i will keep working on it and i will try to mold it into something i can be sorta satisfied with#but like. i cant help but mourn what it could've been#roseflower.txt#vent cw#rant cw
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trash-bin-ary · 4 months
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… my real life “character arc” has really always been about getting more social hasn’t it,,, like my goal has always been getting better at talking with people and I’ve always been getting better at it but always at such a slow pace that I barely realize it until I’m comparing it to the past,,, I think I really need to try out touring as an internship yeah, what better to work on socializing than having to do it for a job lol
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clarabow-mp3 · 11 months
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daiples · 1 year
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i somehow feel like young me would find me so cool that i get to "be who i want to be", but at the same time i feel the least "myself" than ever
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esamastation · 7 months
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Remember when I was happy to be able to sorta draw a cat? :D
Well I've continued practicing and I am so proud of myself. :]
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navstuffs · 6 months
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The Visitor
Pairing: Incubus!Leon Kennedy x GNSupernaturalHunter!Reader
Summary: Your mom always told you to find allies between your enemies - but your incubus consultant, Leon Kennedy, wants to be more than that.
Warning tags: SMUT with gn!reader so MINORS DNI,frenemies to lovers, sexual tension, masturbation, oral sex, penetration, excessive cum (its my headcanon for incubus so), jealousy sex (sorta)
Author's tags: we are the end of my halloween challenge! thank you so much for everyone who supported me. i am so freaking proud and happy with myself that i finally got to finish ONE thing that i commited! last one has to be smut. happy halloween!! enjoy your reading!
my halloween's masterlist
Rain starts as you drive to your home. It has been one heck of a night. The streets are empty as they should be at 2 a.m., but your senses are on high alert. You blame your genetics: coming from a legendary lineage of supernatural hunters, you were expected to become one from your early age, liking or not. It was in your blood. The problem? To be able to sniff other supernatural beings with that same skill prompts your social and love life to be awkward sometimes.
Take tonight as an example: first date with a nice fellow you met on a dating app. When you arrived, your sixth sense instantly picked a creature nearby; you shouldn't be surprised, but obviously, it came from your date. The man, a recently transformed werewolf, ended up reacting to your dangerous smell. And what was supposed to be an excellent night with you fucking your brains out ended up with an awkward goodbye, together with the silent promise of never seeing each other again.
As you park your car in front of your house, you rest your head on your wheel. It had been like this for a while: you met a nice person until you found out they were friends with a vampire or a family member who was a banshee. Your romantic life was nonexistent, which your mom would approve of: "We must remain sharp. No time for this romance bs." Says the woman who almost ran away with a vampire as a teenager.
You are so focused on your thoughts you don't pick up the familiar sensation stinging in your chest as you should. You had been around him so long that your body had started not to react in alert when you were near him. It's almost as if you are getting comfortable.
You exit your car, covering your eyes against the rain, which is getting stronger. You notice the familiar figure sitting on the steps of your porch. He has his hood on, his face partially obscured by the darkness, but you would know him from anywhere: Leon Kennedy. The incubus, you sometimes have the displeasure to work with him. You sigh, wondering what he was doing there so late.
As you approach the entrance, Leon raises his head, and you are met with a pair of enchanted blue eyes. You can feel your stomach twist in a way you are used to by now. It is not technically his fault: Leon needs to have this effect on people if he wants to feed. His eyes start from your head to your well-dressed figure, then your legs, and return to your face. You decide to ignore that and the way your body has warmed up.
"What is it? This better be important." You scoff, and Leon finally gets up, opening a small smile.
"Am I not always important?" Leon chuckles, crossing his arms, a smug smile on his lips. Attractive bastard, you think.
"Yeah, sure, sure. What is it, Kennedy?"
"And where did you come from? A date?"
"Kennedy, I really don't have time for that." You answer, impatient. Your body is telling you to get away from the "monster," and you have to trust your instincts. You search for your house key, walking past Leon and ignoring how inviting he looks tonight.
"Werewolf this time? At least it wasn't a ghoul like last time," Leon teases you, walking up behind you. You look back at him, furious, after opening the door of your house, and Leon raises his arms in a sign of defeat. "I am kidding."
"No, you are wasting my time. Goodnight, Kennedy." As you try to close the door on his face, Leon stops it. You look at him like he has gone crazy, caught off guard by the look you are met back: hungry as a hunter staring at his defenseless prey. 
The rational part of you wants to tell Leon to fuck off and close the door on his face. Advising you to remain unaffected if Leon is trying to seduce you now. But you are so tired tonight that you let the irrational one speak. The one that is needy for some sort of human contact tonight. Even if it's from a freaking demon, who pisses the crap out of you.
And to not help, the next time Leon speaks is in a much more vulnerable tone.
"Can I come in?"
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Your mom's biggest piece of advice? That you should always find allies between your enemies. They were always traitor among their kind. You and Leon met by accident three years ago. Like most sex demons, he would prey on his victims in places with a strong sexual desire, like strip clubs, bars, or regular clubs.
You were there trying to find another sex demon who was killing his victims after sex, instead finding yourself in the middle of a fight between two very hungry incubus. You should have had an easy time, but a bigger fight started amongst the humans present as well. It was a mess.
Leon helped you, to your surprise. You realized he was an incubus as soon as he grabbed your hand to get you out of the middle of the mess. Your body reacted as it should to his presence: you pulled your hand away, disgusted, but simultaneously, you were affected (and you knew it). Usually, you shouldn't remain unaffected by their extreme sexual energy (they were created for that), but with Leon, it was different. You didn't know why. Leon offered to help find this killer incubus, which proved to be an easier task with him at your side.
And now you could consider him your partner. A very annoying, sexy, good-looking sex demon partner who always looked at your body with interest when he thought you weren't looking.
Like right now. You ignore again your rational part as you bend over to find a bottle of water by the fridge. If Leon's eyes are on your ass or not, you don't really care. It is your fault for letting him inside your house anyway.
"Again, what do you need, Kennedy?" You ask as you close the fridge door with a bump. Leon is resting against the kitchen counter, the hood down. His dirty blonde hair is by his shoulders now, much longer than you first met.
"Decided to go for a bike ride late at night. Couldn't sleep."
"Oh? And you are telling me that because? Are we friends or something?" Leon ignores the irony in your voice, a small smile on his lips. You wait. 
"No, we are not."
"Good, because-"
"I don't want to be your friend, anyway." Leon declares a somber tone in his voice. It's that same feeling you have had many times near Leon: he is trying to take down your defense walls, one by one. Wanting for you to feel anything other than danger.
"I see. The feeling is mutual." You whisper back, clearly affected this time. Leon starts approaching you slowly. When he stops before you, your back against the cold fridge. There is nowhere to run from his blue eyes. You can't move or don't want to move.
"What do you truly want?" You murmur again, afraid of the answer. Leon places each arm to your sides, caging your body with his. You have never felt so scared before, but not in the wrong way. Never felt so small. So powerless. Passing control to someone else shouldn't feel so easy. 
"What do you think I want?" He tilts his head to one side, tempting you to answer. You bite your lips, wanting to close your eyes but keeping them locked on his. You can still pull him away, your rational part suggests. Pull him away and never see Leon Kennedy again. But do you truly want that?
"This is a trick." You place your hands on Leon's chest. Either stopping or grabbing it, you don't know. You close your eyes, shaking your head, refusing to see, to feel what is right in front of you: Leon Kennedy wants you. 
You were doomed from the start as soon as you let him in. Not here, not today, but from the club. From accepting his hand, reaching out to you.
You know that getting too close to the sun could eventually burn. You have known since the first meeting that allowing Leon Kennedy into your life would be trouble. The wet dreams about him, the fact you would get jealous every time he went out for "a meal." You tried to deny for a long time, ignore, and kill those feelings that only grew stronger. Because who would be stupid enough to fall in love with an incubus?
"Open your eyes." Leon's smooth voice commands, and you still fight again, your body urging you to obey him. Tired of resisting, you open to find him just inches away from your face, his lips close enough so you can finally kiss them. "I can give you what you want. You wouldn't have to go scoping around searching for it. I can leave you breathless. I can give you all the pleasure you deserve and much more."
Leon's voice sounds like butter. This is it: you are into the incubus enchantment. You are melting inside, your hands now grabbing his hoodie. 
What actually breaks you is that Leon seems to be asking for your permission. Deep down, Leon could seduce you, could make you kneel and beg for him. Instead, the silent please in his eyes, the desperation in his voice, his hand trembling against your cheek. You close your hands around his hoodie, bringing his lips into yours. It surprises you how ferocious you are kissing him, surprises you how you moan into the kiss.
Finally, your body aches relieved. Finally.
The feeling is mutual to Leon. What he never has told you is that since he met you, he knew he had to have you: he didn't know what it was about you. He had never heard of anyone of his kind falling in love (they are supposed to be the embodiment of sexual desire, anyway). The time bonding together (for more, you tried to not call that), fighting other creatures, and saving each other's asses made Leon just desire you even more. And for some strange reason, you seemed to reciprocate his feelings, too stubborn to admit. 
His feelings for you made him stop feeding as much, as Leon didn't find much fun and interest in other people. Everything tasted bland and boring compared to you. It didn't help with the dreams, the horny thoughts about you getting worse and worse. Usually, jerking off would be like a small snack for Leon, but thinking about you never left him completely satisfied. He needed to have you.
And tonight, especially tonight, after another sleepless night and having another dream about you sucking him off, Leon decided to, as numerous past nights, bike around town to cool off. He would need to get home and maybe jerk off again, imagining you squirming under him, begging for him to move when he noticed your smell. His attention turned into jealousy when he saw you hugging a werewolf who clearly had sexual intentions towards you.
After seeing this, Leon turned his motorcycle around with one destination: your house. He needed to try. He needed to show you what he felt for you. And if you sent him away, well, at least he would have tried.
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Your bodies are entirely in sync. You are surprised to notice Leon knows precisely where and how you desire to be touched and how you like to be kissed. You "blame" the incubus side: he is supposed to seduce you, so you give him what you want.
You fall back into your mattress, and Leon pulls away from you momentarily. You are only in your underwear, bare chest, a complete mess with your lips swollen with the kisses. Your body is vibrating for him: Leon needs to admire that. Or else he would never believe his dreams turned into reality.
"You look so beautiful." He whispers with reverence, taking his hoodie off. You are surprised to see him with no shirt on. Leon pulls his pants down, and you gulp, watching his cock spring free.
"No underwear?" You wonder, your eyes locked into his hard-on. Were all incubus supposed to be this thick and big? 
"Easier that way," Leon answers, shrugging his shoulder. He kisses you again, and his hands take off the last piece of your underwear. He doesn't even know where to touch you first: your hard nipples or your sex? He is eager and somehow nervous. Leon is probably the first case of a nervous incubus in history.
"Leon?" You call his name, confused. He raises his head to meet your eyes, an emotional expression on his face. It is the first time you have called him by his name.
Leon starts paying attention to your nipples. He watches for your reaction, twisting and pinching the way that makes you moan more. You are clay under his hands; if Leon told you to run around naked, you would. At this moment time, you are no one else except his. 
"Spread your legs for me."
You obey his command, feeling his hard-on against your thigh. His hands go down your belly to your sex, more wet than usual. Leon smiles, rubbing you with a fingertip to get a taste of your juice. He chuckles as you tremble, your face embarrassed. 
"I have never been so wet like this," You confess.
"You never heard? Incubus charm can do that. Especially if the other one desires us back, really, really bad." You ignore the way he probably would have said meal. You can feel his breath between your tights, and your hands go into his shoulders to warn him.
"I won't last long if you do this."
"Exactly my point."
By the first touch of Leon's tongue on your needy sex, you can feel close to the orgasm. Your body is so warm, and one of your hands grabs his golden locks, keeping his head there. That only seems to thrill Leon more: He explores with his tongue up and down your sex, and you can't hold back your moans, your other hand grabbing the sheets under you. Leon hums, satisfied as he continues to savor you. 
It doesn't take long for you to cum in Leon's mouth. There is a sound of approval coming from his chest as your entire body shakes under him, your eyes rolling. It had never been this strong with your past partners, you had never come this fast. You would never tell Leon that. You need a moment to relax as Leon raises his head, licking his lips.
"Delicious. Even better, what I imagined." You try to not look embarrassed as he compliments you, the warm feeling in your chest happy to hear that.
"Leon?" You call him worried.
You finally realize his eyes remain the same blue eye color. You might not know a lot about incubus sex, but one thing you know is that their eyes turn a different color when they are feeding. You had heard about red, deep red, orange, orange red-ish. 
"You okay? Need more moments?"
"Why didn't you feed?" The worried tone of your voice doesn't go unnoticed by him. Leon smiles, attempting to ease your worries.
"I didn't ask for your consent. Didn't think it would be fair."
"You don't ask for consent for the others." You argue, the tone of jealousy making him chuckle. Leon lays on top of you, his arms caging you again.
"You are not like the others. You are special." Before the weight of his confession would make you run away scared, screaming for your life. Now, it makes you lock your legs around his hips, purring content.
"I am sure you say that to all others."
"No, I don't." His tone is serious. Leon starts to rub against your still-sensitive sex. He lowers down to kiss you, slowly and this time more patiently. You can taste yourself in Leon's mouth, making you wonder what Leon's taste is. When you break away, you confess in a hushed whisper you want him to feed. 
You want him satisfied with you. Only you.
When Leon penetrates you slowly, to not hurt you, for more wet that your entrance is with his magic, you watch fascinated his eyes turn into a weak red. He probably had been hungry for a long time, and something inside of you told Leon that he would need much more to be fed entirely. Leon pushes all his dick inside of you, giving both a moment to calm yourself. You feel delicious wrapped around him like that: tight and warm. There would be really no one else for him after this.
"You can move now." You whisper, rubbing his face. His first thrust is gentle but still drags a sob out of you. How come Leon has found your pleasure spot so quick? It had to be luck.
Your body had never been in such sync with someone else like that before: Leon knew precisely how to move his hips, how exactly would you make you moan the loudest. It doesn't take long for you to cum again, his thrusts still gentle, hitting that specific pleasure spot you love so much repeatedly. After you cum, Leon stops, worried you might say this is over, but you lift yourself from the bed with one hand, the other holding Leon's neck so he can look at you. You demand more from him, harder, faster. That makes you scream. That the whole town knows who you belong from now.
Your consent is probably what drives him over the edge. Leon doesn't stop now, and if it wasn't for his arm holding around your shoulder to keep you in the bed, you would have fallen out with the strength of his thrusts. You sound incoherent by now, pleading for something, someone, watching Leon's eyes flicker into a stronger red. His eyes never entirely leave your face, his hips hitting against yours with a supernatural strength. You thank mentally for your genetics, or else Leon could have actually hurt you. 
You both are close now, you to your third orgasm, Leon on his first one after weeks. Or months. He remembers how many times he has fapped to this vision before, your eyes rolling with your mouth parted as you begged him to not stop, to fuck you insane, never enough to completely satisfy him. But tonight, Leon is giving you all that he has gotten.
When you both come at the same time, your back arches against the bed, and your vision goes white. You scream, your body trembling under Leon's arm, holding onto his shoulders as if you are drowning in the water. Leon is your anchor now, keeping you remotely sane.
As Leon fills you up with a strangled moan of your name, Leon feels his starvation to subdue. He is still hungry as he always would be for you, but this time he is sated. Different from all the other times he had feed: different from the simple fucks he had when he was hungry. As the closest thing from an incubus could feel from love.
It takes you a few minutes to come back to reality. You blink, Leon at your side this time, his arm around you and his head resting against your shoulder. He has his eyes closed, but he isn't sleeping. 
"You okay?" He asks, finally opening his eyes. They are back to their normal blue eyes, even looking more vivid. 
"Yeah, I guess?" You can feel his cum in your tights leaking from your entrance. "What have you done to me?"
"I told you I would have given you what you deserved." Leon chuckles, and you hit in the arm lightly. Convinced bastard. 
You sit down, wincing at the soreness in the middle of your legs. You wonder if you were entirely human if you could walk the following day. There is a small puddle of white cum in the bed, and you look at him, surprised. 
"Didn't know you guys could make this much mess…"
"Only when we are entirely satisfied." 
Leon lays on his back, arms lifted with his head resting against his hands, a satisfied smile on his lips like he just had the biggest meal of his entire life. And he did: you look a mess, and Leon loves being the reason for that.
"So, do you have to leave now or…?"
"Not if you don't want me," Leon answers softly. 
"I don't." You confess, and Leon smiles, happy. The confused feelings in your thoughts and heart could stay for tomorrow. Now, you need a shower and change your sheets. Then cuddle with the man next to you.
"Do you guys cuddle?" You ask, sounding like an idiot, and Leon giggles again. 
"I think we can. You will be my first one anyway."
First one? Before you can ask what that means, Leon gets up from the bed. You watch as the light of the night illuminates his body, marked with your love. He raises his hand.
"I can see you are overthinking. Let's worry about tomorrow when tomorrow arrives, okay?"
You nod. Sounds like the perfect plan. 
taglist: @90sbee, @scar-crossedlvrs, @roseglazedlens, @sarahs-secrets2
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on authenticity
My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/
Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.
What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.
The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.
Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*
I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.
There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.
Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.
Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.
I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.
There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.
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yuurivoice · 12 days
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I always forget that in the bittersweet summary around the beginning of chapter 3(i think, I haven't watched it in a hot minute) you mention that bittersweet is based off of your irl trauma/experiences(again, haven't watched it in a bit, sorry if I got anything wrong!(
Yeah! Not in its entirety or intensity, obviously but certainly in some regards I tapped into various experiences and feelings.
Specifically...
Seth & Jessie's relationship. Conflicted sexual romantic feelings with friends in settings where people might be homophobic. Being around crime in a criminal/gang setting. Alphonse and the loss of his parents. etc. and so forth.
I think the reason I am so drawn to adding the fantastical elements to the story is because it was my own fantasies and daydreams that helped me cope through a lot of those times. That and I just love urban fantasy.
So yeah, there's a lot going on that I draw from. I am not proud that in my youth I was in some sketchy places with sketchy people. I come from a family of bikers, and if you've been around motorcycle clubs and that sort of thing, you know that it's not uncommon for drugs, guns, real scummy types of people to be a part of that. If you've ever been to a club house, you get the vibes.
None of it was ever that dramatic or serious, but I was in close enough proximity to feel anxious and sick that I was there. That type of shit.
The parental aspects throughout BitterSweet are absolutely based in personal situations and relationships I've had with my own parents. My father and I were estranged when I was 15, he passed away when I was 16 just a couple weeks after I got something vaguely shaped like an apology. But before that, he was my hero. I looked up to him the way Seth looked up to Jessie, despite the flaws. So I've had something to say about relationships like that. Probably always will. Alphonse is sorta the flipside of that. The unfinished, imperfect feeling left when a relationship is suddenly cut short. That's something we'll get into in Chapter 4.
There are positive inspirations too. BitterSweet is the direct result of my experiences with soul mates, platonic, romantic, and everything in between. I wanted to talk about how transformative love could be, because I had (and continue to) experience it myself. Forgiveness and grace are things I've learned to extend to people who I wouldn't have expected to before that, and that shows up in the series as well.
So yes, BitterSweet is deeply personal to me and is so much more than just the relationship between the trio. They're wonderful and I love them and I love them as a package deal, but it's much bigger than that. The themes are much broader, and much deeper than "will they all end up together!?" which is why the Polyamory Discourse (TM) that cropped up around the end of Chapter 3 was deeply fucking offensive to me. The word "queerbaiting" was tossed around, which might be the most preposterous bullshit I'd ever had hurled my way in my years of being on the internet. It's okay, college freshmen whose first fandom was Voltron can be loud and obnoxious on the internet. LOL
Anywho. Shoutout to y'all who picked up what I was putting down. For everyone else, eat my cheeks.
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junicult · 1 month
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hey girlie are you okay?
hey!!! first of all, thank you for asking, you’re very sweet. second of all, yes! i’m okay!
let me explain why i’ve been gone for a few months
i kinda mentioned this a few posts ago, i went through (still sorta am) a longterm breakup recently! it was just a bit hard to be able to find interest in a lot of things i used to love for a while, that’s just how breakups go! nothing too serious, it just so happened to be my first breakup and uhm if ur wlw then you know how that goes LOLL. so other then that, i’m doing just fine!
now here’s probably what you all wanna hear and please still believe me when i say this; i am planning on posting again😭😭
unfortunately, i’ve experienced a lot of burnout recently when it comes to my longer, listed hc posts. although i have written a loooaadd of drabbles based on singular characters (mostly harvey surprise surprise) but i’m aware that my hcs are what people really like, and i like posting what you guys are more interested in! i’ve sort of told myself that since i’ve taken such a long break by now, i need to post something that’ll make everyone happy. like it needs to be some “grand gesture” or whatever. whether or not that’s the case, my mind just tells me that lol.
soooooo therefore i have piles and piles of ideas and little one off thirsts / drabbles stacked up in my drafts, yet all of my hcs are untouched (bit of writers block, i’d say.)
it also just so happens that my one year of posting on this blog just passed the other day. i looked up what kind of things a 1 year old does, so my blog is apparently able to pull itself up to stand, can now walk while holding onto furniture, AND can officially say single words!! so proud.
i’m glad there’s still interest in my blog though! that means so very much to me!!!
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b0tster · 9 months
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Since a lot of folks are doing this, I figured I might as well put my own hat in the ring. I spent a long LONG time denying who I was. I sorta had a feeling I was trans back when I was maybe 12 or 13(back in the early 00's when I first started to hear the word "Transgender"). I started to feel like being a girl would be amazing, and I would go to bed every night imagining scenarios where I came upon a genie or met a witch or warlock or something who could magically make me a girl, but I spent so much time denying that I was truly trans for so many reasons: I was afraid I wouldn't look pretty enough, that I would get push back/outright abuse from my family, that I was doing it from the wrong reasons. And so I spent way too long pushing it deep down into my soul, and tried to ignore it. It was only after I had a dream in college around 2012-13 that I finally decided to come out. I dreamt that I was living in a dorm with a friend and that I need to get up and use the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I saw me. Not the "real world" me but the REAL me, and she was beautiful. I had soft features, long hair in a ponytail, and was much shorter than I actually am. I cried looking at myself and felt all this weight I didn't even know I was carrying lift off my shoulders. I realized then that I couldn't pretend or hide any longer. I had to try. I went on HRT seven or eight years later; I was nearing my 30's and I didn't want to put it off till I was "too old"(a dumb thought, but it was necessary motivation). That's when I found out there was a Planned Parenthood down the street from me. I've been on HRT on and off for three years now and I couldn't be happier. To the anon, I know it's probably a lot right now. All of these folks sharing their stories. I'm sure it may feel overwhelming, but know this: You're not alone. You have all of us here to help guide you if you need/want it. And if you decide it's not for you in the end, we'll support you through that too. You are the arbiter of your own destiny. Not society, not your family, not random folks online. You. And we will be here support you <3
I couldnt have said it better myself. thank you for sharing, and im really proud of you for coming out.
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