#i am the child in the backseat screaming MCDONALDS MCDONALDS and my brain is the father pulling into the drivethru

[pengirwinthepenguin-blog]

Stay with Me

Pairing- Daddy!Sam x Reader

Word Count- 4,237

 Warnings- Angst, Self-Hate

A/n- I hope you guys like this! Feedback is always welcome! And thanks to my best friend Daisy for helping me out on this!

YOUR POV

The wind howls as me and the Winchesters treck through the forest. Shotguns in hands, we crouch down, quieting our footsteps. The trees sway side to side as we tread along. The skinwalker was anywhere, and we all knew it. We all felt it. Watching us from behind, waiting to attack. I can hear the crunch of leaves under my boots, but no other sounds. I turn, and see no one behind me. No one in front of me. “They’re dead,” I think. I pull my shotgun closer to my chest. “Come on out, you son of a bitch,” I whisper to myself. I stand still, waiting for a sound. I hear that classic crunch of leaves, and I spin around as quickly as light. I aim my gun, just as Dean taught me. I close my eyes, hoping to see Sam or Dean. But of course, with my luck, I see the skinwalker.

I panic. Freeze up. Stop. I keep telling myself, “Shoot, SHOOT, WHY AREN’T YOU SHOOTING?” My body won’t move. The only thing I can get out is, “Fuck.” And I ran. Faster than anything. I started to yell, “DEAN!”, “SAMMY!”, or my favorite, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WOODS WINCHESTERS!” I ran 13 miles. 13. And I never stopped, mostly because the skinwalker ALSO ran 13 miles. That kept me running. I lost it for about 10 minutes, so I stopped to get a drink there, but otherwise I ran A LOT. Once I found the Impala, I got in, not caring that Dean would be mad.

The skinwalker followed me all the way to the car. I sat down, panting hard. I reach into the backseat of the car, and I grab a beer. I chug it down, knowing I don’t get drunk easily. I just sit there, waiting for the brothers to get back. I look out the window, and thank the lord I see two brothers completely in tact. I get out of the car and hug them as tightly as I can. They looked at each other, then at me, then back at each other, then pat my back to signal that they’re done.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Dean asks. I sigh, and begin to explain my long, long run. They just stared at me in awe, looking at my sweaty, still panting figure. I just finished my story, and leaned onto the two. “Oh, alright. Uhm. Hey, Y/n. Uhm. Let’s put you in the car,” Sam says, confused. I laugh sleepily as he picks me up and puts me in the backseat.

As I’m passing out, I hear the boys talking. “I don’t think she should be hunting anymore.” “I agree. I mean, I don’t want her getting hurt.” “She isn’t as careful either,” I continue to lie on the seat, but I turn to face the back. “I can’t believe they would say that,” I feel a tear try to escape my eye, and I just let it fall. They wouldn’t care.

I feel the impala park in front of the bunker, and Sam shakes my unconscious body lightly. “Hey, Y/n, we’re home,” I turn and stretch, sitting up to be in my seat. I get out of the car, and walk inside. Sam opens the door, seeing that I’m still half asleep, and I slowly walk down the stairs. “ I’m going back to bed,” I yawn, and the boys nod to me. I wasn’t really sleepy, I just needed an excuse. An excuse to go to my room.

I grab my suitcase from under my bed, and open my closet. I grab my clothing, which I don’t have a lot of, and shove it in. I hear a knock at my door, and I quickly hid the suitcase. “Come in,” I fake-yawn. I lay in my bed, looking like I just woke up. “Hey, me and Dean are going to a bar, are you coming?” Sam asks. I shake my head no, pretending to go back to bed. He nods, and slowly closes the door. He peeks back in after a moment and asks, “Hey, something wrong?” I blink the “sleep” out of my eyes and shake my head again. “Nope, just tired. Now can you leave, I need my sleep!” Sam chuckles and closes the door softly. I hear his footsteps in the hall, getting quieter and quieter as he makes his way downstairs. Eventually I hear the car engine turn on, and I sigh with relief. I’m alone. “They don’t want you. No one does, and no one ever will,” I think. I feel the slippery tears run down my face, and I grab my suitcase and continue packing. I grab everything out of my bathroom, and I put it all in my bag. My tears turn into a storm, and I run up the stairs of the bunker.

I grab the keys to the older car that we have, and I leave the place I once called home. I can feel the tears run down my body, down my clothes. I put my bag in the backseat, and begin to drive.

After driving for around a few hours, I hear my stomach grumble. I groan. “Why couldn’t I have eaten before I left??”

Soon enough, I pass a McDonald’s. I’m not a picky eater, so I grab a wad of cash and walk in. I walk over to the nicest looking cashier, the one with blue eyes. I order two cheeseburgers and fries, and wait at one of the tables. The cashier delivers my food to me, and strokes my arm whilst passing by.

I bring my food to my car, and begin to feel strange. I get in my car, but quickly pass out.

–In her nightmare–

I’m in a room with blank white walls and glaring lights hanging from the ceiling. There’s only a few things in the room- me, a man in black clothing, and 2 men that look strangely familiar.

I realize that the black-clothed man is a demon. How I know that, I don’t have a clue. And then he hands me a gun. A sleek black gun- loaded.

I shake my head, refusing. But then my hand starts to move toward it. My fingers twitch, and all of a sudden I’ve lost all control of my muscles. I grasp the gun with my right hand, and aim it at the first of the two men.

Then it hits me.

I can’t kill them.

They’re Sam and Dean. My fathers, my family, my friends.

I try to resist. I hear the cries of Sam and Dean, telling me to put down the gun. To kill the other man, at least, so that they could live. My hand won’t budge, but I manage to pry my jaws open. “NO!” I scream at the demon. “I WON’T! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”

There’s a hissing noise all around the room. I hear a soft, dangerously evil snake-like voice inside my head– I can’t? Oh, Y/n, I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Now be a good little girl and choose. Will it be Sam you kill? Or will it be Dean? Or, do I just kill all three of you?

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. But I can’t put my hand down. Then I feel my pointer finger push, ever so lightly, on the trigger. My head pounds, the blood rushing to my ears. I’m going to faint. Then, quick as a flash, I hear a gunshot. Screams. Cries. Blood. Tears.

One of them has died. But my eyes are closed. I can’t open them.

I’ll never know which father I killed that day.

Then, it happens again. Only this time, it’s longer, as though my brain is trying to stretch out the agony even longer.

SAM’S POV

“Y/N!!!! Y/N!!!!!” I scream. I run to the McDonald’s, and see a djinn. Shit. Shit. Shit, I think. His eyes glint in the sunlight, and I realize that he has succeeded. He’s captured y/n.

In hopes of her survival, though I know it’s impossible, I run to the old car. Y/n is slumped in the front seat, a Happy Meal in the passenger seat. I run over to the Impala where Dean is waiting. “Dean, Y/n got djinn. If that’s even a word,” I say, panicking. Dean runs over to the old car. When he looked inside, he looked at me with a horrified look. “She’s gone.”

“DAMMIT!” I yell.

I grab my gun and look at Dean. We both nod, as though we telepathically knew the same plan. We hide our guns behind our coats and look around the area. Nothing. She’s nowhere to be seen.

“Why whenever we meet someone, or in this case get a FUCKING DAUGHTER, they die? Remember Charlie? Amelia?” I scream, frustration radiating all around me.

“Okay, where would a djinn hide with a girl?” Dean says, and I can tell he’s trying to stay calm. It’s okay, Y/n. We’ll save you, I think, my anger turning to determination. “Cas,” I state. Dean gives me a confused look, then notices what I’m saying.

Dean and I begin to pray, kneeling on the ground with our fingers laced and our eyes closed. “Dear Castiel, we need you. Badly. Your niece, my daughter, was taken by a djinn. Please, come down and help us,” I open my eyes and look around. Nothing, of course. I hear a large swoosh sound, and see our best friend standing in the doorway. “We will find Y/n,” Cas says, almost commandingly. I sigh and nod, looking over at Dean.

Cas gestures at us. “C’mon. We don’t have time to lose.”

The three of us start making our way to Bobby’s house. “We need to research before we attack,” Cas explains.

A few minutes later, Dean knocks on Bobby’s door. A man opens it. “Whaddya need?” he asks gruffly. Dean and I look at each other. “A djinn took Y/n. It was a fear-powered one as well,” Cas says. Bobby nods at us, opening the door wider. “We need to know how to help her. I can’t,” I start, “I can’t lose my daughter,” I feel a tear stream down my face as I shove my way past Dean and Cas, entering Bobby’s home.

“We need to get her before her insides jelly up!” Dean says, bursting in. I was searching every book in Bobby’s large library. “We need lamb’s blood,” I say abruptly. They nod, scrambling to get me what I needed. I get out a silver knife, and enforce it with the blood. “Alright,” Bobby says, “Let’s go find your child,”

YOUR POV

Nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare. When will it end? When will I be saved? I knew Sam and Dean hated me. They just pitied me for being in an orphanage. I knew they didn’t love me. I knew they never wanted me. I didn’t have those puppy dog eyes. I am the puppy dog. Nobody wanted me, why would Sam? Why would Dean? Dean even told me he hates most kids! I’m probably one of them. My body’s going to turn to jelly, and I’ll die. I want to die. Now, I’m not phased by the nightmares. They’ve turned into boring bedtime stories.

“Can’t? Oh, Y/n, I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Now be a good little girl and choose. Will it be Sam you kill? Or will it be Dean? Or, do I just kill all three of you?”

I’ve heard that line so many times, and It makes me cry every time I hear it. Because they used to tell me they loved me. I used to hear it every night. Now, they turn off my lights and leave. What happened to the love in my family? It’s gone, just like me. I’ll stay in this nightmare for the rest of my life, and I won’t mind. Sam and Dean are happy now, without me.

SAM’S POV

“Why the hell would you two idjits leave a teenage girl home alone?” Bobby says, disappointed. I hang my head, knowing that she had something wrong. “Dean. Our conversation in the car. She wasn’t asleep,” I say, realizing my mistake. Dean’s eyes widen, knowing that we caused this. “Oh, god,” Dean mutters to himself. Cas looks around, not knowing what to do in the situation. “Can we go find Y/n now?” he says. I look up, wiping away a tear and nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, we can. Bobby, where do we look?” I ask. He runs over to his library and pulls out a bulky book. “It says here,” Bobby says, following the words on the book with his finger, “that they live in ruins. Places they can hide in.” We nod, knowing exactly where to look.

We all climb into the Impala, and we go to the one place we know Djinns like, old, crappy warehouses. We go to every single warehouse in the area. Absolutely fuking nothing. “SHIT!” I yell, anger radiating off of me. “Don’t worry, Sam, we’ll find her,” Cas says, smirking. I take a deep breath, thank Cas, and tell Dean to check all of the alley ways.

After 28 solid hours of searching, we finally take a break. We all pass out, except for Cas, and just sleep until the next day. After our ‘nap’ we continue our search. Alley, after alley, after alley. We went down every single alley. After a while, we went down an alley way 39 miles away, not expecting anything, and finally found her.

“Y/n! Oh, my god! Dean! Cas! Bobby! Y/n!! Are you okay? Please don’t be dead,” I say, feeling tears leave my tired eyes. I cover my mouth in shock. Her wrists were slit, a bowl under her head. It was half full of thick crimson liquid. “Oh my lord,” Bobby says, eyes wide with shock. “Well, don’t just stand there, get her down!” Dean says. We all rush towards her, trying to break the chains suspending her in air. “Guys,” Cas says, standing up. We all look over to where Cas was looking, and see three Djinns, staring directly at us. We get out our weapons, get ready to fight.

Dean went first. He charges at the Djinn in the middle, but shortly after gets flung into the air and onto a Dumpster.

I gasp and jump up at the Djinn on the left. I dodge his glowing hands as they spin through the air towards me, barely missing my shoulder. He kicks his leg back, ready to kick me, but I manage to whack his shin with my leg first. Hard. He yelps and falls onto the ground. One down, I think, 2 more to go.

Cas jumps up, and I back away to tend to Dean. I lift him up from the Dumpster and brush his hair from his face. His eyes are glazed.

I keep trying to help Dean, but suddenly I hear a low, painful growl. The metallic smell of blood fills the air. I look up- Bobby stands by the Djinn on the ground (the one I kicked) with a bloody knife. The Djinn’s chest is bloody. “Did you hit the heart?” I ask him. He shrugs, grimly. “I dunno. But it sure looks fatal.” I nod.

Meanwhile, Cas is fighting the other Djinn, the one who had thrown Dean into the Dumpster. He flips out his angel blade, as it’s one of his only weapons. He stabs the djinn, directly in the heart, then uses his smiting powers to kill the djinn.

I hear a yell. A yell that sounds like Dean. And it is. I whirl around to look at him. “WHAT??”

“Y/n!! Where’d she go??”

Shit, I think. I realize that Dean is right. Y/n is gone, completely vanished, along with the third Djinn. “SHIT!” I scream aloud. “CAS!!! Y/N IS GONE!”

Cas looks up, his face going from pride to disappointment. From disappointment to rage. “We need to follow them.” We all nod at each other, then split up in 4 directions. I went down further into the alley. “Y/n, I will find you,” I mutter to myself.  “I won’t let you die,”

YOUR POV

I shriek, but I am quieted by a rough hand slapped across my mouth. I try to bite the hand, but it pulls away fast. I yell again. “Bitch,” the Djinn mutters. He presses his fingers back to my head, putting me back into a coma. Back into my nightmare. He obviously wants me to be alive. This is the sixth time he’s woken me. Why does he want me alive? Djinns are supposed to kill, not keep living.

I hear that same voice, the soft, evil, dangerous one that tells me to choose. This time it’s easier, because I am so angry at them. I know they don’t love me, so why should I love them? Instead of listening to the cries of what I called fathers, I shot them. Both. Just closed my eyes and shot.

It happens again. I just shoot. Again and again. The wise part of my brain (0.000001%) is horrified, but I’m too angry. It just would be easier to kill them. It’d be payback. They tricked me, my punishment is death. And besides, their pitiful cries are getting on my nerves.

At one point, I just froze up. I had been shooting so fast that the evil voice didn’t even have to say anything- I just raised the gun and pulled the trigger (twice). And suddenly, I was just… Frozen. I couldn’t shoot. I remembered those times when they had taken me out to dinner and the bar afterwards. I remembered when Dean held me when I was in tears after a nightmare, how Sam would always laugh at my lame jokes. And I couldn’t shoot. So, instead of shooting, like I was doing, I walked over to the nearest wall, and began to beat my head against it. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. That’s all I could hear.

SAM’S POV

We find Y/n. She in in the closest warehouse to the bunker. Again, hanging upside down with her wrists slit, but we still find her. Before anything bad can happen, we get her down and carry her to the Impala. Cas and I sit in the backseat with her across our laps.

Once we get to the bunker, Cas brings her to a chair and examines her. “She’s out. I can’t heal her quite yet,” Cas says, disappointment riddled in his emotions.

Dean stands up. He is trying not to cry. “Is there,” he starts, “Is there anything you can do?” Cas looks at me and Dean, then down at Y/n. “Well, there is one way. But she has to accept me,” he says, worried. “Cas, what is it?” I ask, hustling him. Adrenaline is rushing throughout my body.

Cas looks at me closely. “I have to possess her. And she has to accept for it to work.”

I gasp. “I can heal her from the inside, but I can’t possess her without her consent. It’s with all angels,” he continued. I look over at Dean. “I mean, it’s okay with us,” I say.

Cas nods. “Then let’s get started.”

YOUR POV

I flinch. Something is coming. Something… different. I don’t know. It’s not a Djinn, I can tell that much. I can’t really move in my unconscious state, so I don’t do anything.

It is right next to me. I can feel its presence. Suddenly, a deep voice asks, “Hello, Y/n. Are you okay?”

I shudder. I try to respond, but my mouth doesn’t respond. I’m fine, I think, but I know that the person can’t hear me.

“Oh, good,” he says, so I guess he can read my mind (which is kind of disturbing). “Y/n. I know this is weird. It’s Uncle Cas. I’m possessing you, but only to heal you. I need to… to make sure that’s okay.”

My first thought is NO!! You are, like, best friends with my ex-fathers. I hate them, so I have no reason not to hate you. And then I remember what he said. “I’m possessing you, but only to heal you.” And I say, If that’s all you do. PROMISE. Or else I’ll have some ass-kicking to do when I get better. So no looking into my mind or any weird stuff you might do.

And suddenly I lose control. I can barely even think, I can’t move my muscles or anything. My mind is wandering and I can’t bring it back. Soon, I feel ‘myself’ wake up and stretch. I can see, but I can’t do anything else. I have no control over anything. Cas, can you ask them if they hate me? I think. Of course, this is your body. Whatever you need. I feel my mouth move, and the words form: “Do you hate Y/n?”

I see Sam and Deans’ faces go slack. They’re shocked. “No!!” Dean says. I can tell he’s actually genuine, but it’s hard to think that because I am-was- so mad at them.

Sam nods. “Tell her that we love her. We’re sorry. We know why she thinks that. Y/n, you might not hear us right now, but I love you. We love you. And we miss you. Please, come back.”

Cas. I can’t listen. Please don’t make me. I don’t want to wake up. But, Y/n. NOW CAS. LEAVE MY BODY. I feel the angel being ejected from my limp body. Now’s my chance, go into the light. Leave this horror show.

I can see it. I walk, slowly. I’m in a tunnel. There’s a light at the end. Voices cry out, old overpowering the young ones. Little babies cry, but they look… different. Old men and women hobble alongside me, and they look fine, but the ones on the sides, like the babies and some old people, are so different. And then it hits me- I’m heading towards death. The death tunnel. The babies look odd because some of them are unborn, and some are so young that they didn’t even get the chance to really… develop. The old people are already dead, so their eyes are glossy and unseeing.

People walk beside me. People older than me, and younger than me. We all have something in common- we’re about to die. Some people have spots, like leprosy. Other have unnatural lumps- cancer?

But we all have a reason. Except me. I’m perfectly fine.

Then I realize something. I can’t die. I’m fine. Cas is waiting, and Dean and Sam are waiting, and everyone is waiting on the other side. The side I’m trying to leave. Besides, I’ll only be alone if I die. No one that I know will be there with me.

I turn around, against my own will. The end of the tunnel- Life- is dark. There are monsters. But there’s also love, and it’s LIFE. Life is that word we all want to hear, the word we want to have. I look closer, and I see Dean. And Sam. And Cas. And Bobby. And everyone else.

I turn around again, to the Death side. It is bright, but I hear wailing. The wailing of people who left their loved ones and just died.  I keep turning. I start to see Ellen, Jo, everyone I love. But, the death side, it’s so beautiful. Which do I choose?

SAM’S POV

“Come on, Y/n, damn you,” Dean muttered. I was praying as hard as I could. For her to just wake up. I miss the times she would run to me because her crush turned her down. Or the time she tried to make Christmas cookies and she got flour everywhere. I miss that. I miss my child. “Please,” I cried out to her, “please, I can’t lose you. You’re my everything. Stay with me,” I feel the tears streaming down my face as I plead out to whoever’s listening.

I can hear everyone else praying along side me. I can’t lose the one and only thing important to me. Not now, not ever. I hear someone get up, and walk over next to her. It was Dean. He went over to check her pulse. “It’s faint. Sam, I’m so sorry,” Dean says, crying as well. I feel a small sob climbing its way out. I scoot over to her, cradling her in my arms. I cry harder, watching my daughter fade away into nothing. I decided that if she could still hear me, she should listen to her favorite song.

YOUR POV

I have decided. It’s the last thing I’m ever going to do. I begin to walk towards my decision. Towards the end of the tunnel. I stroll along with the other dead people. Away from life. As I’m walking, I hear the faint words of Sam singing, “Stay with Me,” I feel the sadness over-take me as I enter the light. I’m dead.

Oh, won’t you stay with me?

‘Cause you’re all I need

This ain’t love, it’s clear to see

But darling, stay with me.

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