#i am thinking so deeply about them

[thatsocialmoth]

I will never stop this

Every season I have to make a post about how indescribable D20 related grief is.

There is such a wildness to it where I feel my heart like sinking as I process it all. And like you find these beautiful stories about cycles, about loss and love and the things we do for secrets and for the things we love and the things we want. The sacrifices we're willing to make. The way war and death and grief takes people apart piece by piece and never rebuilds them. The way we are changed when we're left behind in a world without someone we thought we'd have forever. The feeling of finally having something to want, something that's yours, that's solid and something that's beginning only to have it ripped out from beneath you. The people we turn into when there is nothing to do but to run. The way fear and trauma and torment can make a person do things they wouldn't otherwise, how they influence decisions and desires and how freedom becomes a blessed commodity. The way we find that people need each other but sometimes they just can't. The way ambition blinds and ruins. The way the people who are gone leave ripples in their wake, something new as they die, something blooming from their decaying.

Like there's this deep story about the cyclical nature of the world and the way it's all so unforgiving. A narrative about how life finds a way, among the struggles of a girl who should be dead growing up too quick in a war and learning to want instead of just need. A plot about a man who loses everything trying to find something to prove that there is a purpose to his torment, that he can be saved.

And it's beautiful

And then you have to explain to your friends that you're crying because the radish grandpa and the chili pepper satanist died.

Like how the fuck am I meant to explain the profound grief of a mango? Or the way that ambition has absolutely crushed a pastrami sandwich who, even more than greatness, seemed to want love. The way greasy provolone cheese tells a story of regret and atoning for one's mistakes.

#Colin provolone I think deserves the world actually #Everyone in this show needs a fucking hug #I never though garbage disposal cult would be a phrase I'd have to use but i guess this is my life now #Like i thought that I was only meant to cry about chilis when i ate them #this seems excessive #I have never felt so deeply attached to a pastrami sandwich #I dont even like mangoes or pastrami or chili but I am currently a mess so #d20 spoilers #the ravening war spoilers #trw spoilers #d20 trw

[gentil-minou]

"This is more about your ego and pride than Palestine" No its about putting pressure on a party that is supporting genocide

It's about logic

Biden and the DNC would rather cause dissent and dissatisfaction within their own party rather than call for a ceasefire

They know they can get away with it because they're a better option than Trump, because they know they could murder babies in front of you and you'll still vote for them.

So why would they call for a ceasefire when they don't need to?

That's why putting the pressure on them, saying they won't get our vote or saying we are looking for other options is so important.

Because that's the only way they will change.

By saying "Vote Blue No Matter Who", you give him and the DNC permission to permit genocide despite the vast majority of public opinion. You say they can do whatever they want because you will vote for them anyways.

You tell them they don't need to do anything else. That in fact they can do whatever they want. You've shown them you are so terrified of your own government that you would rather lie down and let it walk all over you than put any pressure on them at all

They have a year to make a change. Biden could end this all tomorrow, but why would he when he has you doing his dirty work?

#there is nothing to be proud of here there is no ego here #if anything i am deeply ashamed that my vote and my country has allowed this to get so bad and that my tax dollars have led to this #i didnt read the whole ask because it was abother essay but if you are implying im voting third party because of an ego you are part of #the problem here #but im sad because so many people i thought were friends or people i admired have shown they dont actually care abouot the world #if it were my country's people that biden was funding a genocide against they would still expect me to support it #i want desperately to never think about politics or any of this but when millions of lives are directly at the mercy of my government #the least i can do is not give them a pat on the back and look away for my own comfort #at least in finding out who to block and unfollow i guess #us politics #joe biden

[robinfollies]

BREATHE IN LIKE WAVES

ON A GLASS BEACH

🌊🌺🌿✨🩵

(speedpaint + little art ramble under the cut!)

NOVEMBER 21ST… very special day for me!!! three years ago today i got into billie bust up, and two years ago today i started listening to glass beach and MAN. THEY IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED ME. my love for billie bust up + glass beach are very intertwined in my heart, they both mean A Lot to me so this piece is incredibly personal… it was pretty experimental and very much inspired by the aesthetics of the first glass beach album’s cover art, and OUH. I HAD SOO MUCH FUN. i put a lot of love and passion into this piece and i really hope that shows !!! 🥹🩵

ANYWAYS!!! WISHLIST BBU ON STEAM, STREAM THE FIRST GLASS BEACH ALBUM, GET READY FOR PLASTIC DEATH JAN 19!!! YIPPEE 💥💥💥

[🎵 glass beach - glass beach]

#robin’s art #billie bust up #glass beach #glass beach band #bbu billie #not tagging all the little guys that show up sorry 🥹 too many of them !!! #unless i feel like organizing that deeply later. but i think its fine for now #ugh i love bbu and glass beach so much. despite it all i stay whimsical #fav game and fav band that i am incredibly abnormal about! HEARTS HEARTS EXPLOSION #2023 art #speedpaints

[jessaerys]

"But I finished [Near and Mello] together as a set, and although they aren’t particularly laid out as such, I still feel a bit like they’re twins." —Obata Takeshi

whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same:

i. low sky, mahmoud darwish. ii. the world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire, ritika jyala. iii. kadan, 2008. iv. the dreamers, gilbert adair. v. @nathanielorion vi. nagiko, 2016. vii. elektra, sophokles (tr. anne carson). viii. wishbone, richard siken. ix. inbred, ethel cain. x. the boy who, tirol. xi. monster portraits, del samatar and sofia samatar. xii. in the field, @nathanielorion xiii. death note, "use" ch77. xiv. gut symmetries, jeanette winterson. xv. mystic union; fire and wine: poems, john gould fletcher. xvi. @inukai_0055, twitter. xvii. the carnivorous lamb, agustín gómez-arcos. xviii. my sister, the serial killer, oyinkan braithwaite. xix. the beatrice letters, lemony snicket (text); a quiet visitor, holly warburton (art); @unpardonablesins (edit). xx. ada, vladimir nabokov. xxi. this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar. xxii. the borgias, s3e10, showtime. xxiii. @antaarf xxiv. @vilicity xxv. @boymiffy

#death note #comparatives #web weaving #meronia #near dn #mello dn #mihael keehl #nate river #wammy's house #the amount of time i spent thinking about this one and carefully curating it like a bonzai gardener is ridiculous #but i really really like how it turned out i think a lot about the webweave as a single streamlined piece of art not just a collage #anyway hi. tumblr user brothercrush posting about how near and mello are twins in spirit. who could have forseen this #[holds you by the shoulders looks deeply into your eyes] they are SO in love they are SO two parts of the same thing #[shakes you until you get shaken baby syndrome] I AM NORMAL ABOUT THEM <- lying #brothercrush.txt #mellonear

[mwagneto]

why is everyone suddenly jackdoctor posting. like i'm not complaining i've just been indescribably sick over that entire storyline for years so it's funny to see it picking up steam again

#UTOPIA IS UP NEXT IN MY REWATCH BRO I WILL LITERALLY DIE 😅 #and i keep seeing that utopia clip someone posted that i still can't hit play on like oh my GODD you want me to die #the way it's like. already batshit crazy if you just watch dr who but then here i am having #consumed literally hundreds of hours of extra content and soso deeply ill #YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.... HHNNHNYJTNJFHFHFHFHDHB #so glad i get to force THREE of my friends to watch t.orchwood with me coz I #never got to talk abt it before and now I'll finally be unleashed. lordddddd #like ohhmy god it's not even like... like i dont SHIP them i dont think i ship anything in dw #but what an incredible story especially after you get All of jack's side of it. hough #i should whip up a list or a watching/listening order or something the catalogue of dweu in #my head has to be of SOME use other than making 3 specific ppl sit through it with me.... #doctor who #jackdoctor #jack harkness #trying to start a tagging system for dw after 7 years on tumblr is gonna bite me in the ass

[skitskatdacat63]

Vettonso x Similar Helmets

SV Germany 2012 x FA Monaco 2013: Gold & Dark Red

I think a lot about Vettonso and their mutual relationship witn gold. They're both golden boys, they're both seen lit gold by the sunshine on many podiums throughout the years, both have worn golden boots, and as you can see here: both have worn golden helmets. The parallels in these particular helmets makes me feel insane. Both are: gold with dark red accents, both have their birthplace's coat of arms(Bergstraße and Asturias), both have team animal motifs, and both have symbols to represent their two championships(You by now know the signifigance of the ones on Fernando's helmet, but I think the ones on Seb's are actually a callback to his Formula BMW days when he used to put the smiley stickers on his car for every win.)

And did you know both of these helmets were designed by the same helmet design company? Yep, both of these are JMD helmets. I know JMD helmets are/were pretty popular, but still, there's something to me about Fernando commissioning the same designer that Seb has been using since he was a literal child. Parallels, am I right?

SV Japan 2010 x FA Japan 2023: White with Black & Red

Haha I remember @protocolseben and I discussing this a bit back in September when Fernando's helmet dropped. I honestly think Seb is such an innovator and trailblazer in terms of helmet design, and you can see his influence in helmet design as recently as this past season. I'm not sure if he was the first ever driver to don a matte white helmet with red accents as a representation of the Japanese flag, but it certainly envoked him in my mind when I saw Fernando's!!

I think Fernando's is pretty similar to all of Seb's 2010-2012 Japan helmets but I like this one the most so! I think if Seb wasn't restrained by the Red Bull logo, he def wouldv'e put the red circle where Nando put his so I think Fernando did a really good job, even if unintentionally, at emulating Seb's sense of design.

SV Singapore 2012 x FA Singapore 2012: Sparkly!

Like I said in the one above, it's crazy how much Seb influenced helmet design. He was pretty much the pioneer of sparkly helmets for Singapore, right? It drives me absolutely insane that there's actually pictures of them together in such similar designed helmets. It's kinda funny actually that even though they're pretty deep in the championship fight at this point, and Seb just got one up on Fernando; Fernando is wearing a helmet that is a direct influence from Seb!!! Is that not insane???

Also, Fernando trying to be camp with trying the now in vogue sparkly Singapore helmet, and Seb accidentally completely blew him out of the water with his outrageous light up LED constellation helmet. But god yeah....to have pics of them in matching helmets from this era particuarly makes me emotional ;;;

SV Hungary 2021 x FA 2022: Pink with Dark Blue

I really could've picked any of Seb's 2021 helmets, but I thought this one matched the best with Fernando's main 2021 helmet(with the color pallet.) Also one thing, it's crazy how much control BWT has as a sponsor, I don't think I've ever seen another sponsor go so hard at having a chokehold on individuality. I like that we got pink liveries and pink helmets, but I don't think they should have that much control.

I'm almost kinda sad there wasn't any Miami GP in 2021, because I think that was the only unique helmet Fernando had in 2022. But these match pretty well! Pretty in pink!! It's crazy that their parallels in the 2020s are ongoing even before Fernando actually takes over Seb's seat. Thanks BWT I guess?

SV Abu Dhabi 2022 x FA Abu Dhabi 2022: Fernando's Seb Tribute Helmet

AND HERE WE HAVE THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE!!! The ultimate conclusion, it literally couldn't get better than this!! This is still unbelievable, like how is this an actual thing that happened!? Fernando intentionally branding his helmet, the only symbol of individuality in F1, with his rival's flag colors, HIS FLAG!!!!! Not to mention the literal "Vettono Best Moments" collage he posted alongside it....and the hand-holding....and everything that happened with them at Abu Dhabi 2022....

But god, after years of incidentally making parallel helmet designs, Fernando decided to officially tie the knot of the red string of fate, and make a helmet directly referencing Seb's. I think it's funny because as I said with two of the previously mentioned ones, those Fernando designs are pretty much inspired by Seb's, and here he is openly making one directly inspired by Seb. I don't really have words for how this actually makes me feel because it's just. Yeah. The most open and clear declaration of love and respect and admiration one could ever make. TO ME.

#all of my posts subheading should be: 'its probably not that deep BUT-' #i can't believe ive made two deeply researched and beloved posts in a row one day after the other #posts sponsored by: 12 am red bull consumption. my all-consuming devotion and love for vettonso. and my unwillingness to do schoolwork #i mean i felt a lot of emotions and had fun making it but like. hey. could you put this effort into school? #anyways feeling deeply emotionally affected about helmets and their symbolism #i think in the entirety of f1 seb and fernando are two of the most dedicated and passionate about helmet designs and symbolism? #so this post is very special to me :] helmet fuckers unite <3 #again: they say they aren't friends and don't share any hobbies and im just staring at them like YOU IDIOTS!!! #its just that spongebob meme of him pointing out the trashcans. like guys. be fr rn. you totally share hobbies #both like helmet design. paddel and pingpong. sustainability. cars. racing. european football. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON #well im glad they swapped helmets at some point(i think nando gave seb two pretty old ones as well. now thats dedication!) #if they werent cowards i bet they couldve also had a 5+ hour long discussion about helmet design ;;;;;; #thinking also about how fernando has one of seb's in his museum >:) but if only it were one of the ones on this list. sigh. #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion #well lmk if theres any other vettonso helmets you think are similar!!! im pretty blind to seb helmets that arent rbr era tbh #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #vettonso #we do a little bit of f1

[torgawl]

i am begging people who keep pushing the wriothesley is a father figure to the melusines/sigewinne agenda to read his lore. begging. he's not a father figure, in fact, he's like their borrowed grandkid. the melusines adopted him, not the other way around!!!

#after neuvillette's story quest and neuvillette himself being vocal about not introducing the melusines in human society out of pity but #because they're capable and letting them prove their value why would you choose to babify them?? #they're old and they're very independent #they're like tiny grandmas #maybe i'm being petty but am i really??? 😭 #i just think it's stupid that there's so much focus in not infantilising them for sigewinne to be made wriolette's kid in every piece of #fan content for commodity #she's not a baby she's the head nurse she's incredibly capable and she took care of wriothesley since he was a teen in the fortress #he just deeply respects them and retributes the kindness that probably saved his life now that he has means to do so #if anything they're friends really #their relationship is also so much nicer and more meaningful this way without any sort of power imbalance #i wish people could appreciate that too #anyways sorry for being petty on main #also sorry for posting about wriothesley again shsjshs

[gwynbleiddyn]

oh, please, give me mercy no more // that's a kindness you can't afford

#bg3 tav #astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #feeling really normal about them #x: coincide #hozier wrote the soundtrack for vampire x werewolf situationships i guess #this might not be anything but it is TO ME and that's all i'm here for #i have so many thoughts about dyn's lycanthropy in contention with astarion's vampirism #like the same but different hunger #dyn guards it like an exposed organ and astarion wields it like another fruity little dagger if it suits him #no matter which way you look at it tho they are so deeply unkind to themselves #and astarion turning to dyn and saying “i think i deserve better” is SO fucking groundbreaking #I AM CHEWING THE FURNITURE #IM SO UNWELL

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

#ria.txt #i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????' #but then it was like. yeah. i see #love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations #also. izutsumi #what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes #the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected #hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille #not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop #it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes #haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face] #those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that #the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious #marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone- #-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH. #i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag #the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact #very solid and well rounded series wooo #the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together #anyways. dunmeshi au..... #more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison #ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters #which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste #false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her #martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy #stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty #the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone #i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her?? #and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy

[lovrbooy]

i feel like i have very unpopular opinions on dennis within this fandom. i am scared of fandom spaces so. to the tags i go

#i fear that some of you see dennis reynolds in a fanon way that you have accepted as canon ... #he is not . GOOD! guys. i say this as someone who deeply relates to him #he is canonically unmedicated for bpd and i Am medicated so i feel extremely attached to the mindset he has that used to be my LIFE! #i dont believe dennis would ever willingly put himself in any sort of situation where he isnt in control or powerful. its why he creates #entire identities just to have power over women for a few weeks. he doesnt date because at some point they become powerful and he losespowe #i am certain that there are parts of his psyche that love his friends and family bc he DOES have feelings ! but i also believe its hard for #him to accept that or even think about it if he wanted to because he is so obsessed with his delusions of grandeur #i dont think love is ever something he could give to someone easily and if he did it would be a painful toxic wound #we already know this. he loves dee and they are horrible for each other. and hes worse for her whether some ppl want 2 admit it or not #dennis is my favorite character on this show and i wanna reiterate that because im scared ppl will be annoying I Dont Share my Opinions #about Media a lot even though i think Tons of them #iasip #dennis reynolds

[mirandimoo]

once again thinking about how aki’s character is one of, if not the most tragic character i have come across in any media i have ever consumed in my life.

like guys you don’t understand, i’m not saying this from a ‘csm stan’ pov or anything i’m saying it from a literary standpoint AND as a media production major like yes objectively speaking he is the most tragic of tragic characters i have ever come across in any story. like from his childhood to his adult life it was all hell and trauma and after spending his whole life with nothing to dedicate himself to other than revenge, he finally found something worth protecting in denji and power so much so that the thing he spent his whole life chasing after suddenly didn’t matter because he had a little family now and that was enough for him. going through all of this only to then become the very thing you feared the worst and to be taken out by the hands of the person you cared for the most in the world. afterwards there’s no one to properly mourn you, aside from the one who took your life. everyone else is gone and the guy you cared so deeply for that you were willing to give up your life’s mission to protect has to now navigate the world with your blood on his hands, forever stained by the regret of not only killing you, but never even getting to say a proper goodbye. he’s had so much thrown onto him now that he doesn’t have time to properly grieve you and power. but no, for him your death is even worse than hers in retrospect. because there’s still a small glimmer of hope, no matter how faint, that some day she’ll come back. and that hope is so important to hold on tightly to, it’s enough of a reason to keep moving forward, to keep living. but you… oh you. for you there is no coming back. no second chances, no glimmer of hope for a happy ending. just pain. just death, anger, and so much pain. so instead of grieving properly and moving on, he’ll forever be stuck in this limbo of self hate, grief, and guilt that’ll end up with him just hurting himself physically and mentally over and over and over again. sort of how you acted in your own life... it’s kind of ironic is it not? that even in death all you do is hurt those you love, and not only fail to protect them, but deal them a fate even worse by actively being the reason they hurt. a fate worse than death it seems. and although when told it, you didn’t want to believe it, you honestly did die in the worst possible way imaginable.

#sorry this analysis is great or too in depth #i’m just tired and thinking about aki again #like i love csm with a passion #but this isn’t me blindly hyping it up cause i’m a stan or something #i’m not even sure if i AM a stan #regardless i just have so many thought about aki #not to mention too that it’s implied that he cared for them #and loved them much more deeply than either of them did for him #but i won’t get into that cause i know loads of people have STRONG opinions on that #but evidence wise it adds up but alas #we’ll save that for another day wheb i’m less tired #and more capable of articulation #chainsaw man #denji #power #aki hayakawa #hayakawa family #csm #power csm #denjichainsawman #if you guys want a more in depth analysis #cause that’s what i do best #let me know and i’ll deffo make one #i just love aki so much

[dustteller]

Reading He Who Drowned the World and honestly Baoxiang has no right to be as bitchy as he is about Ouyang squandering Esen's love or whatever. Baoxiang is genuinely convinced that Esen loathes him. No you dumb bitch, your brother loves you and the reason he's giving you a hard time is because he wants you to be safe and happy and healthy. Yeah, he sucks at expressing it, and his efforts are misguided (bc the toxic masculinity gender rolesis fucking up Esen as much as it's fucking up everyone else), but Esen very much does love Baoxiang deeply. Every time Baoxiang remembers a time when Esen "enjoyed his fear" or whatever, I can only think of these parts of Esen's POV from the first book:

Esen's first instinct is to defend his brother. The only reason he doesn't is bc Baoxiang leaves before he can. And Baoxiang glares at him bc he assumes that Esen agrees with Altan and won't defend him, but no, Esen WANTED to defend him and it's Baoxiang that took away his oportunity to do so.

And a bit later, we have this interaction. Baoxiang assumes (again) that Esen would hate him if he was gay, and immediately goes on the defensive. Meanwhile, Esen literally does not care about this except for how it would affect his brother's reputation. He's just WORRIED. He doesn't care if Baoxiang is gay or whatever, but he's deeply aware that if he IS it would put him in more danger. Because, again, he cares about his brother, and he hates seeing what he assumes is Baoxiang making his own life harder.

And it's heartbreaking bc Baoxiang will probably never realize how much Esen adores him. He's so jealous of Ouyang for having his brother's heart without realizing that Esen sees him as his beloved baby brother and is desperately trying to protect him from a world that he KNOWS is cruel to him. Baoxiang will never know that his greatest supporter and the only person that loved him unconditionally was Esen. And maybe it would be WORSE if he realized how dear he was to Esen, because the realization that all thise things that caused him pain were borne out of a deep, unconditional LOVE and not the disdain he's convinced himself Esen felt for him might break him. Baoxiang has deluded himself into simplifying Esen's feelings for him into those of hate and disdain because its so much harder to accept that the person you love the most has destroyed you out of love. Baoxiang is doing the exact same thing Ouyang does in convincing himself that he's unlovable and relishing in the world's response as a form of self-harm. And Esen, who is genuinely trying (and floundering horribly) is a great tool for Baoxiang to use to tear himself apart.

And, on the other hand, Esen will never realize how much damage his attempts to help Baoxiang caused. He loves him so much, bc that's his baby brother! It's his job to protect him! But Esen has been raised as the golden poster child of a Mongol Warrior Man, a perfect pinacle of masculinity, and is thus doomed to only being able to express his love and acceptance for Baoxiang through a tough love, lets sand down all the edges to remove friction approach. For him, pushing Baoxiang into a box IS an act of love. It's the act of saying I love and accept you, and so I will help you succeed in all the things you're bad at so that everyone will love you too. Except by doing this, he doesn't realize how awful he's being and how he's asking someone that CANT ever fit the mold to break himself in the attempt. He's a perfect Mongol Warrior Man after all, and as such he has never been given the tools to express his affection in a healthy way. He will never truly understand how much he's an asshole, not because he is lacking in love (as Baoxiang assumes) or because he is incapable of sympathizing (as ouyang thinks), but because understanding is not something allowed of him and his role in society. At the end of the day, Esen is as much a slave to his role as all the other characters are, and now he's dead he will never be able to break free of the assumptions people have made of him. He went to his grave having destroyed the people he loved most, and now he will never have the chance to prove their assumptions wrong as be better.

#he who drowned the world #she who became the sun #wang baoxiang #esen temur #gosh i have many thoughts about this #i have repeated things here particularly in regards to Esen #but idc #listen if we're gonna give other characters a pass for their “gender angst bullshit that has a bodycount” i think Esen also deserves one #gender roles are destructive and they are fucking him up too. #bc even the perfect poster children aren't actually perfect and are also trying to live up to something they cannot achieve #also slightly unrelated but growing queer and neurodivergent in a hispanic family where the neurodivergent one is genetic #i am related to many Esen's. they love me deeply and I love them and we have all been broken by the same wheel. #and i can see that the trauma and harm they pass down to me is the armor they've cobbled together to survive. #and it's so heavy but it is the only way they know how to help me. #so i have a really big soft spot for Esen. #leave him alone he's doing his best!!

[charmac]

#this is funny yes #but let me be annoying real quick #and by annoying i mean personal and parasocial here #i hate. touching and physical affection and what not #very much relate to charlie that way #my knee jerk reaction is to not touch people and not let people touch me #and i am not aware of how avoidant i am most of the time #and like. its worse the more i know someone #or like. the more i care for them and think about them #when i met charlie and glenn i didnt really. actively think about it cos they were seated at a table #and i was on the other side and walked around and what not #and i did not initiate touch with either of them #but charlie kept touching my shoulder RAHH. #like we are one in the same in this aspect and yet. he initiated contact with me when i was keeping distance #and he did it again the next week when he saw me at radio city #and its so fucking insanely comforting like. #just hand on shoulder grounding me #connecting. but not having to TOUCH #he like. doesnt want to be touched and i dont want to be touched and that. the shoulder thing. its good. #charlie day i deeply love you i fear #also when i met glenn again he tried to hug me and i actively backed away (which i didnt realise until i saw video of) so #i hope and think he understands... its a thing and nothing against him LMFAO

[ganondoodle]

i really need to defeat the fear in my head that i am exactly the kind of villain fan that the vast majority seems to despise and that once it becomes clear im gonna get hunted down like i have been before

#ganondoodles talks #personal #yes this is about demise #the further i get with chapter twos rough draft the more i have to fight that fear #bc i so often see aggressive posts about hating people making villains into good people and i keep thinking i fall into that #even if demise has barely anything to work with- and in my version the canon appearance is essentially .. not really him anymore #i have as much backstory for him as i have for destiny's entire plot #but in my version hes a deeply bitter and hurt but ultimately soft and kind hearted deity #that constantly is at war with himself bc he wants to embrace the role of being the evil beast hes been accused of being for so long- #-that hes been pushed into by his own doing and the gods playing spiteful tricks to punish him for resisting them- #-and still at the core wanting nothing more but to keep protecting and helping mortals- to fight the gods for them more than for himself #i guess you could sum it up with being torn between being the monster everyone wants him to be and still wanting protect them #both of which ending in the ultimate goal of destroying the gods #......i know i have talked about this before #but as i said i am getting further into the rough draft for chapter 2 so the fear is getting to me again #feel free to ignore weeeeeeeeeeeee

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally) #HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything' #and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these- #two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc- #ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.' #and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days! #ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!! #im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!! #they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation- #post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this. #admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!! #oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me. #everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u! #BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

[vibrantboredom]

I'm relistening to I am in Eskew at the same time as the Silt Verses come out and it's so fun seeing ideas introduced in Eskew resurface in TSV, like I just finished ep. 24 and the way the History Society works is so much like our new scary war saint!!! Obsessed

#i love you authors with frightening ideas coming at them from multiple angles #eskew productions you have my whole heart #both shows are obviously very different from each other but i absolutely love the wet gross meatiness of the horror in both #they're also both quite lonely shows imo #different types of lonely- David (saddest wettest little meow meow ever) is alone in a way Carpenter isn't #but Carpenter is so phenomenally lonely in a way that only seems to ho away when she is by herself #Falkner and Riyo are also pretty lonely people but to me it doesn't run as harsh as David and Carpenter #all this to say I adore these strange worlds and their stranger people and the gorgeous prose they're written in #another David/Carpenter parallel- being so deeply loved by a thing that loves wrongly #I'm trying to remember something i heard in a Jacob Geller video about the way houses love their people but they were not designed to love #and so they are haunted instead #anyway that's Eskew and the Trawllerman #also obsessed with the way Faulkner is fratricidally desperate for the Trawllerman to love him as well #and the way Riyo dismisses Eskew out of hand like she simply does not care for the City bc even though David hates Eskew #he cannot help it- he needs to be a part of Eskew he cannot let it go until the end #I'm insane. anyway #i am in eskew #the silt verses #tsv #i don't think there's an acronym for eskew