#i as a lesbian have the right to fall in love with every woman ive ever seen

[maschotch]

like and when people get mad at the valid criticisms of her. it's like, I'm sorry the character you created is not the one in the show?? she doesn't have enough/anything that makes her likable enough to outweigh the things in canon that make her unlikable! like no thanks!

"she's just the vessel for the writers shitty idea of what a strong woman looks like" soo true though. every attempt falls flat, or upholds stereotypes and her inability to look outside her own experiences

the fucksibdjdjfkdkg "my friends call me jj. you're not my friend you can call me jennifer"

its so fucking elementary afsgdghdjfh 9 year olds say worse to each other. it's not the slay moment everyone thinks it is

one instance in particular i can't stand is in s3ep14, they're at that carnival for rossi's case, and derek says "I can't believe people waste good money on these fixed games" and girlboss jj says "men" "its not people it's men" "only a man would waste $50 trying to win that $3 stuffed animal"

and just. parents. parents bring their kids to carnivals all the time. to have fun and win shitty prizes. oh but I forgot she wasn't a mom yet, so that wasn't her entire personality. I don't know. for me it just never hits as the girlboss moment every one thinks it is. but go off I guess afsghdhfkh

I've fallen out of it with cm a little lately, but unfortunately it will always have some hold on my soul lmao, and I got caught up in reading through your takes, and truly, this show fucking sucks, but analyzing it can be sO fun and you drop nothing but bangers. it reminded me in a way why I like this god awful show in the first place afgsgrhfjfjgshf

like if anyone gave me a single solid reason to like her character at all i might give her a chance. but i’ve been watching cm for a decade, and kept a finger on the pulse of the fandom for half that. so far ive heard absolutely no legitimate thing to like about her

even fanon jj falls flat for me? she’s so one dimensional and they never address any of her flaws. people either make her the target of emily’s infatuation (which is so fucked up on so many levels?? as if we need any more of the aggressive/obsessive lesbian stereotype) or they keep her as the mom of the group and leave it at that. absolutely NO nuance!! im convinced its bc they know we’re right… actually giving her a personality would mean acknowledging how insufferable she us

imo the best thing you can do with her character is actually talk about her internal conflicts. she’s got massive imposter syndrome and she takes it out on everyone!! thats interesting at least!! lets talk about that!! but nooo bc that would mean admitting everyones favorite blonde haired blue eyes beauty makes mistakes

god ur so right in that aaaaaall her girlboss moments are just so pathetic. i love to tear those moments to pieces because its just so fucking easy. clearly shitty attempts at the writers thinking theyre saying something clever or profound. it scares me how frequently the fandom falls for it. like. develop some critical thinking skills pls i am begging

im also well out of my cm phase, but its still so deeply engrained that even when i havent watched an ep in months, my opinions are as strong as ever especially since theyre always so correct. but yeah there’s something so special about cm? i think its all the half-suggested hints at something deeper that gives us a chance to try and build on it. but its also so casually entertaining that its also nice to just have on in the background. criminal minds is as good as you make it, ig

#akdhakdh i always sound like such a pompous asshole when talking ab criminal minds #i swear im not this confident irl #but… i mean what r u gonna do?? tell me im WRONG?? please #asks #cm crit #anti jj #imagine if we could all come together and give jj the character development she deserves by acknowledging her flaws and having her grow #instead of doing what she does: pretend she’s right all the time

[metagayming]

i have decided i’m in love with emily axford

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #emily axford #i as a lesbian have the right to fall in love with every woman ive ever seen #add her to the list

[mattressdemon]

bitching about narrative design in bioware games part 2

to summarize part 1 quickly, i bitched a bit about how bioware wrote some characters and designed some parts of the narrative of baldurs gate 1 and 2. they killed the only black woman in the og bg games for a (supposedly) white man’s pain (minsc) and then offered a replacement in the form of a white woman (aerie).

while complaining about bg1 and 2 could stand all on its own, the reason i wanted to talk about those things in particular is to highlight the way bioware writes and designs characters and stories in their later titles, like mass effect, but especially dragon age. i do particularly pick on the writing of david gaider and lukas kristjanson and a little bit on patrick weekes, but this is not meant to be a personal jab at any of them or say anything about their character or beliefs.

overall i think a lot of the way bioware frames certain characters and manipulates the dialogue of certain characters is really more questionable than allowing for actual critical thought. the best examples of my issues with this are cullen, aveline, fenris, dorian and sera. also a special shout out for jacob from mass effect. you might notice that ive now named four characters that lukas kristjanson wrote for; minsc, aveline, sera, and jacob. that doesnt mean i dislike how he writes all of his characters: i actually really enjoy carver and joker, for example.

my issues with the way he wrote these characters directly relates to over-utilization of stereotypes, writing dialogue that sometimes sounds bizarrely out of character, and combine both of those with poor levels of representation in all of the bioware titles.

aveline, while a very enjoyable character (imho) says things that i think directly contrast how she actually thinks and feels in game. she makes many degrading and insulting comments directly at isabela (who was confirmed as a black woman by gaider) about her sexuality and i feel like its honestly really uncharacteristic of her, given how often she finds herself agreeing with a pro-mage hawke throughout the story and how strongly she feels about the real protection and care of people. this is an issue for multiple reasons:

1. isabela is only one of two black female companions in the dragon age franchise, and she does not even have black facial features (she looks pretty european to me, leaving vivienne as the only black woman in the series with black facial features). contrast that to 12 white female companions throughout dragon age including DLCS, and three white female temporary companions (not including merrill, as i already counted her).

2. isabela is expressive and open with her sexuality in a way only one other female character is, and morrigan isn’t even near to the degree that isabela is. also, isabela is bisexual, and the narrative plays hard against characters that are bisexual/pansexual and simultaneously considered slutty (they have one each game! zevran, isabela, iron bull).

3. isabela is a swashbuckler/rogue with a spotty history irt loyalty, again reinforcing stereotypes of characters that are bisexual or bipoc being untrustworthy or of dubious morality.

and none of this would have mattered if there were more black and bisexual/pansexual characters in the series. weekes’ comment about not wanting to make solas black and bisexual because he didnt want to fall into a stereotype? null and void if there were more black and/or bisexual characters in the franchise. representation matters.

i love fenris too! and you know what i hate? people writing GOTCHA dialogue that doesnt even fit a character just to push a devils advocate agenda.

the conversation in question is between fenris and anders in act 2.

fenris: there, your magic would be a mark of honor. apprenticed to the right magister, you would do well.

anders: so they all do those things?

fenris: just the ones who don’t complain about how powerless and persecuted they are.

“just the ones who dont complain about how powerless and persecuted they are” shut the fuck up. why would this come out of fenris’ mouth at all, ever? bruh gaider wrote his storyline, he knows this doesnt make sense. he has to. doesnt he???

and i feel like da2, but especially inquisition, does this a lot. they shove a lot of dialogue into the game that kinda gives you a GOTCHA sorta vibe, like they’re just tryin to snag the inquisitor on bs.

this happens with dorian in inquisition too. if you play a dalish elf inquisitor, theres an entire conversation with him about slavery in tevinter. while the game spends the entire narrative effectively shitting on a dalish inquisitor for being proud of their dalish culture and heritage, dorian is often praised by the narrative for being nationalistic and proud of tevinter’s culture and history. in the conversation, it feels more like dorian is talking at the inquisitor rather than having a thoughtful and engaging discussion about slavery and why his perspective on it might be different. i dont have screencaps off hand atm, but it’s right there in the game, if you have a copy, go play it.

in contrast, in dragon age origins, you can have a conversation with leliana with a dalish warden wherein she says some hurtful things about dalish elves, things that are typically associated with real life stereotypes about indigenous people, like them being “savage” “brutish” or “lazy”. and by the end of the conversation, no matter what you say or do, she apologizes. she says she was wrong to say those things, and she’s sorry, and she won’t do it again. that’s an effective dialogue about serious issues in a video game!!!! not whatever bullshit that dorian conversation was.

and last but not least: sera and jacob. sera is a great character, and yet, she is the only companion who you can actively dismiss / rudely ask her to leave the inquisition throughout the entire game and in every single conversation. the narrative frames this 20 year old (she is YOUNG!!!! who ISNT annoying sometimes when they’re young???) lesbian as an irritant, and most people walk away from inquisition disliking sera. consistently ppl shit on sera throughout the game, and the narrative itself likes to make her an enemy to the inquisitor, make it feel/seem wrong that she constantly questions authority, when so many other characters are shown in a positive light for doing and saying the exact same shit she does. this is part of a larger issue bioware has in general with writing elven women in dragon age (see also the framing of merrill in da2 and velanna in the expansion for origins, awakening).

do i even have to start on jacob? black man with a heart of gold and a deadbeat, creepy, abusive father? then he “cheats” on shepard in mass effect 3 and the narrative gives you the option to punch him? he didn’t even know if shepard was going to be released from custody!!! he knew the reapers were coming and he didn’t know if he would ever see her again!!!! of course some people will feel his actions were a betrayal, but its all ignorant of the circumstances he was in. its not no two years thought dead thing that everyone is okay with excusing (virmire romance), but it’s certainly fucking close.

tl;dr: i hate how bioware frames characters and designs narratives sometimes. if someone ever reads this that works at bioware: please hire more bipoc and queer designers.

#aveline critical #fenris critical #dorian critical #bioware critical #notes #sunni

[rouge-the-bat]

uh oh another person whos repeating allll the same bullshit thats totally havent been shouted out to me a million times before ! seriously yall, i havent changed my mind about bi lesbianism even after being attacked and told to die so many fucking times, wtf do yall think ur gonna achieve here lol.

lesbian isnt an exclusive term and never had been, learn some queer history idiot! i literally have sources on my bi-lesbian blog in my #history tag! and plenty of people use it as an umbrella term still bc ~gasp~ people use words different than you 😱

literally explained the nonbinary situation in my last ask but like whup dee doo that doesnt matter bc u clearly talk for all enbies ever huh? what do you think about very man aligned enbies also? are they all inherently excluded or included in your eyes? (rhetorical question, dont actually want an answer obv youre an idiot) again not all enbies are comfortable with lesbianism since people like you think its ~oooh so strict~ and others deem it ~exclusively women loving women~ and a lot of enbies dont want to be possibly perceived as just a woman, even if theyre woman aligned! (while some man aligned enbies are perfectly comfortable with fallin under lesbian attraction bc, identities are complex!) if yall fucks would finally let lesbian be defined fluidly and can sometimes hold exceptions depending on person, like every other gd fucking queer label, then i think this issue would be resolved since more enbies would feel less like theyre just being seen as a women due to exclusionistic lesbians.

yeah bi women or other mspec ppl love women just the same as lesbians, i literally never say otherwise, so idk why ppl always say that to me lol? like it feels YALL have some internal biases yall need to convince urself through, not me. lesbian has simply included bi women for forever before lesbian separatists (aka radfems) deemed them as lesser (and aiding in their own oppression) and tried forcing them out. / but oh yeah me calling myself a bi lesbian is tooootally saying i think bi women are lesser forms to lesbians /s 🙄

people who have exceptions to their sexuality or EXTREMELY extremely rare attraction to certain genders is not just "bi with a preference" unless they feel like that accurately describes them, but a lot dont. me as an example! if ud look at any of my posts i have a really complex/confusing attraction due to being arospec and cupioromantic, and dont see how defining gender-based orientations extremeley rigidly can work well since gender is extremely complex and fluid. along with a ton of other factors that makes me feel best described with bi lesbianism. bc ppl by nature are complex and dont need to and cant always fit into lil neatly defined terms, darling

you probably also deem the split attraction model as an aros and aces only thing too, huh? because sexuality being complex and different than yours is just soo so impossible right?

"invalidates both lesbians an bi women" ah yes becuase thats totally an objective, factual statement! and no lesbians and bi women who are not bi lesbians would ever support bi lesbianism huh? except, oh ive met plenty who do! surprise surprise a lot of queer people support other queer people who are different than them and have complex identities, bc thats what the whole fucking community is for, lol. stop acting like you speak for everyone of a label, queer people are not monoliths ♡

maybe branch out of ur lil exclusionist circle for once and try talking with more queers with complicated orientations and stop trying to fit all of us into rigid boxes 🤪 trying to assimilate the queer community in a neat and tidy and ~respectable~ way isnt gonna win you any brownie points with the homophobes, honey

stop drinking the radfem koolaid, also. all of this literally falls right into their rhetoric. a lot if not all of exclusionism does, actually

#only responded to this bc im feeling wordy and sassy lmao #anyways get fucked dicknut #im a bi lesbian and im not the only one. were not going anywhere #die mad about it 😘 #bi lesbian

[rabdoidal]

i know you listen to a lot of podcasts and ive found some of my favourites from hearing you talk about them! do you have any favourites?

under the cut! my top 10 podcasts at the moment:

Alice Isn’t Dead Genre: horror, thriller, drama, Lovecraftian, Americana Episode count: 30 (completed) Description: A truck driver searches across America for the wife she had long assumed was dead. In the course of her search, she will encounter not-quite-human serial murderers, towns literally lost in time, and a conspiracy that goes way beyond one missing woman. Thoughts: This podcast is, to me at least, completely flawless in every way. I would consider myself a person that listens to a lot of horror podcasts, but Alice Isn’t Dead takes the cake for its depictions of liminal middle America, the horror that is capitalism, and the most tender, realistic depiction of lesbians in any podcast. Anything else I could say would spoil it and for this, I don’t want to spoil it because I want every person alive that can stomach horror to listen to this.

Archive 81 Genre: horror, comedy, sci-fi, Lovecraftian Episode count: 35 (ongoing) Description: Archive 81 is a found footage horror podcast about ritual, stories, and sound. Thoughts: The latest podcast I’ve tried, and it’s definitely one that grows on you. The audio mixing is some of the best I’ve heard in any podcast, and every bump and scratch and hum of frequency weaves to form moments that are truly and viscerally gory. Season 3 and Left of The Dial are my favorites because again, I love Americana horror, and anything that involves family!

Artificial Ghost Radio Genre: non-fiction, discussion, comedy Episode count: 75 (ongoing) Description: Our Sisyphean music recommendation challenge with hosts Miles (he/him) and Jupiter (she/they) challenge each other to find songs based on arbitrary themes and to spin the WHEEL OF DISCORD to talk about a random song from their library! They can be found on twitter @artghostpod. Thoughts: Gotta plug my own podcast! We’re still small, but the people I’ve met from doing AGR has made my life richer and fuller, even through the ups and downs. I recommend starting with #58: Songs about Aliens ft. our friend Liz (@thescaryjokes)!

EOS 10 Genre: medical drama, comedy, sci-fi Episode count: 34 (ongoing) Description: Doctors in space, a deposed alien prince, a super gay space pirate and a fiery nurse who'll help you win your bar fight. Thoughts: It’s been a hot minute since I listened, but as someone that inherently loves things like Star Trek and procedural comedies, EOS 10 is a quick and hilarious listen! Fair warning some of the earlier stuff is a little bit ignorant when it comes to their LGBT characters, but it gets a lot better over time.

King Falls AM Genre: horror, comedy, Lovecraftian Episode count: 100 (ongoing) Description: King Falls AM centers on a lonely little mountain town's late-night AM talk radio show and its paranormal, peculiar happenings and inhabitants Thoughts: I’m a bit behind, but again, gotta love some Alpine American horror! King Falls AM perfectly captures the feeling and sound of listening to a small late night radio show with two bros, but it really goes from typical dude dialogue to heart wrenching found family alien conspiracy real quick. Same as EOS 10, fair warning for some ignorant language and LGBT stereotypes, but they address it and it gets better as it progresses.

Not Another D&D Podcast Genre: actual play Dungeons and Dragons, TTRPG, comedy Episode count: 128 (ongoing) Description: Welcome to the campaign after the campaign! Three unlikely adventurers attempt to right the wrongs caused by a party of legendary heroes who screwed up the world while trying to save it. Thoughts: I’m only like 40 episodes in because they’re thick, meaty ‘sodes, but god is NADDPOD fucking hilarious. I’ve tried a fair few TTRPG shows, but the chemistry and care that the cast has together is unmatched by others in the genre. I’m a complete sucker for shows that are so funny and so tragic in equal measures, and the entire concept of a D&D game set after the world has been so drastically changed by a different D&D game is so unique!

The Faculty of Horror Genre: non-fiction, horror, philosophy, sociology, feminism Episode count: 86 (ongoing) Description: Tackling all things horror with a slash of analysis and research, horror journalists and occasional academics Andrea Subissati and Alexandra West are your hosts for brain-plumping discussions on all things that go bump in the night. Thoughts: A little non-fiction in this list of fiction podcasts! The Faculty of Horror is a concise and educated intersectional feminist podcast, and it’s a breath of fresh air to listen to anyone that isn’t a cishet white guy talk about horror. I highly recommend the episode on Cabin in The Woods or Jennifer’s Body!

The Magnus Archives Genre: horror, office comedy Episode count: 180 (ongoing) Description: The Magnus Archives is a weekly horror fiction anthology podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organization dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join new head archivist Jonathan Sims as he attempts to bring a seemingly neglected collection of supernatural statements up to date, converting them to audio and supplementing them with follow-up work from his small but dedicated team. Thoughts: TMA is, similarly to A81, a bit of a slow burn to get into, but I think once you listen to a few episodes you’ll know if you want to continue. It’s a pretty standard prompt for a narrative, but the sheer amount of individual short horror stories they’ve managed to write is insane! And I love the slow break down between recording statements and the stuff happening within the archives. Also one of the best redemption stories in a character that starts off as such a grumpy fuck!

The Penumbra Podcast Genre: sci-fi, neo-noir, romance, comedy, found family, magic, medieval fantasy, adventure, mystery Episode count: 75 (ongoing) Description: At the Penumbra, you might follow Juno Steel, a brooding, sharp-witted private eye on Mars, as he tangles with an elusive homme fatale, tracks dangerous artifacts of an ancient alien civilization, and faces his three greatest fears: heights, blood, and relationships. Or you might enter the world of the Second Citadel, where the merciless Sir Caroline must corral a team of emotionally distraught all-male knights to defend their city against mind-manipulating monsters...even the ones they’ve fallen in love with. Thoughts: On god TPP was a life changing podcast for me. Having creators that are genuinely concerned with accurately representing minorities with care and dedication makes me feel spoiled when I try listen to anything else. The two main universes are so different with their own set of histories and cultures, but I love them both so completely. If you want LGBT+ representation, this is the seminal podcast for everything non-binary, trans, queer, and people that aren’t afraid to change and have that change be known! I haven’t listened to another podcast that actually depicts transitioning like they do, absolute king shit.

Wolf 359 Genre: space drama, comedy, action Episode count: 61 (completed) Description: WOLF 359 is a radio drama in the tradition of Golden Age of Radio shows. Set on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus space station, the dysfunctional crew deals with daily life-or-death emergencies, while searching for signs of alien life and discovering there might be more to their mission than they thought Thoughts: Wolf 359 is like if you fell down the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs was a bear trap, and then after you step in the bear trap someone helps you take off that beartrap, but then they kick you in the nuts. Just replace physical pain with emotional pain. It can be so funny but also so fucking stressful and sad – w359 isn’t afraid to kill its darlings, and it will break your heart but you will still say thank you.

#personal #podcasts #podcast recommendations #long post #Anonymous

[adashelbysgirlfriend]

You're Adas Roommate and She Falls in Love with You Part 2 (Modern Au)

part one is here!

this woman makes me want to wet myself I'm no even kidding 

you guys have never argued like this before

or really ever

just like that Ada is back to eating alone

she's not coming back to the smell of baking 

its hard to explain to how much it hurts to hear you around the flat and know you're that but that you're both trying your hardest to avoid each other;

 you don't know what you've done wrong and you're upset that Ada doesn't seem to want to be mates with you anymore 

Ada just feels so guilty about the whole situation that she can't even bring herself to speak to you 

its a week and a but before Ada realises she has to do something 

she buys your favourite flowers and plans on getting home and cooking you a big meal as an apology, hoping that somewhere in this baking fiasco she will be able to think of some way of explaining why she said what she said

but when she gets back the flat its just a bit too quiet

she waits around for you to get back in and when it starts getting dark she starts to worry

when she goes to the bathroom she notices your toothbrush is gone

its just little things, but all the bits you'd have in the flat that you used every day 

it kinda dawns on her that you've gone and she just chucks all the food out and goes to cry on Polly shoulder

who wouldn't 

i bet she gives great hugs

“what should i do Pol? do i call her?”

Polly sits and listens to all her scenarios of how to win you back, knowing that she will tell Ada just to give you your space  

and obviously thats not the solution she wants to hear but for once in Polly’s  life a Shelby is actually gonna take her advice and not just do the complete opposite

with every passing day Ada gets less and less hopeful you'll come back

she was waiting on the text to tell her to just pack the rest of your stuff and leave it in the street for you 

and tbh as much as it would hurt she’d do it for you if thats what you wanted because she would do anything for you 

on day four though you were back 

she's having breakfast and you just kinda pop through the door like 

“hi, how y'all doin”

she's got no clue what to say to you at all

she hadn't rehearsed this scenario in her head 

you shuffle over and give her a hug and she's like 

wtf is happening 

but then obviously she hugs back 

“I'm sorry for whatever i did Ada i really am”

“you didn't do anything wrong it was all me”

girly happy tears hug 

Ada is so happy to see you again 

like she literally can't breath she's so happy 

its been only like 5 days but still

and she never wants this hug to end

EVER!

she's just soaking in the feeling of your warm arms around her and the smell of your hair

the feeling of your face pressed into the side of her neck 

having a movie night together to make up for all the time you guys missed eachother

5 days in lesbian time is like 2 years 

you watch all the twilights. all of them. 

bringing you quilts into the living room and cuddling on the sofa together

ada still feels a bit guilty about just how much her heart races when you guys cuddle but she's too happy you're back to think about that

playing with Adas hair like friends do until she falls asleep 

its the best nights sleep Ada has had since you left 

you start to notice Ada is acting a bit different? not bad just different 

a lil weird 

pulling polly aside and asking her if she had noticed anything

Polly putting on the best acting experience of her life and pretending she hadn't because the woman knows how to keep a secret 

everything goes back to how it was before for a while but Ada doesn't really know how much longer she can keep this facade up for 

she doesn't have to worry for long though 

all the ladies are out for Esmes hen do

this hen do is just a massive piss up to be honest, the whole family love going a little too far 

you all end up on the dance floor and Ada bumps into Freddie

who she hasn't seen in years 

you're at the table and can see them dancing together so you ask the girls who he is 

lizzie filling you in on their history together 

distant history but still history 

seeing how close he is to Ada makes you feel sick

is that his HaND On hEr AsS

meanwhile Ada is just enjoying a dance with an old mate, when all of a sudden you come out of nowhere with a grumpy face and grab her hand, pulling her out the club

polly watching this unfold like 

everyone else is confused, especially Linda

woman doesn't believe god made lesbians 

Lizzie, who has been theorising this outcome for months with her husband, is texting Tommy as we speak 

“what was that all abo-”

Ada is pushed against the back door and KISSED 

all that anger and jealousy makes for a horny reader (and writer I'm just saying)

Ada has literally no clue whats going on she just knows she's being kissed by her BABYGIRL OH HONEY 

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌

ada kissing back 

its passionate my dudes

lots of tongue and hands in hair

its all getting a bit too steamy when Ada pulls back, suddenly realising that this isn't some fantasy but actual reality 

“I've wanted to do that for so long”

“you've wanted to do that for so long? Ive wanted to do that for so long!”

going back to your flat

not to have sex of course although

but to talk 

falling asleep in each others arms again, but this time Ada doesn't have to feel guilty about being the only one who feels more from this than just friendship 

to be honest i could keep writing this forever, I'm planning on a smutty part 3 so if thats something you want let me know 

#Ada Shelby #ada shelby x reader #ada shelby headcannon #ada throne #ada throne x reader #ada throne headcannon #gay shit my dudes #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder headcanon

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

(1). Hi i love your blog and kinda need some advice. Ive been out as bi for a couple of years but suddenly I’m so terrified that I’m faking it when I’m not attracted to a stereotypical hot woman, so I start questioning all the other times I’ve been attracted to women or had crushes on them. I’ve never dated anyone seriously and random pictures of veginas and boob doesn’t arouse me. Like genitalia in general looks a little weird to me, and I like boobs. Part 2 coming soon

(2). But there is just so many other parts of the female body I find more attractive. I’ve never seen boobs or vagina in a sexual situation only on google or insta. But the thought of being with women sexually and romantically feels so right. Like I really would like that. That’s what i want when I think about falling in love and having sex. I can’t imagine being with a guy in the same way. What is wrong with me? Have I really just been faking it? I literally get anxiety attacks over it.

Oh honey, you’ve fallen deep into the internalised biphobia void.

Here’s a little thing I want you to try: Imagine a friend of yours (maybe you even have a bi friend you can imagine here) was sending you this message, worrying about all of this and fearing she wasn’t really bisexual - despite saying things like “the thought of being with women sexually and romantically feels so right”. What would you tell that friend?

Well, maybe you’d tell them something like that: you are completely overthinking this and putting the focus on quite the wrong end of of things. You simply cannot expect to be attracted to EVERY women. Nobody is. Even straight men and lesbians aren’t attracted to every woman they see. How about the men you are attracted to? Are you attracted to EVERY guy you see? Probably not. And why worry about the “stereotypically hot” women you’re not attracted to? Plenty of people don’t find conventionally attractive people hot because they don’t look like real people (often these celebrities doesn’t even look like that - it’s all make-up, surgery and photoshop). That doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to women. It just means you have a type that doesn’t align with what society considers The Beauty Standard at the current moment.

I’m attracted to small and chubby old guys. Stereotypically “hot” guys like the 20 white Marvel guys named Chris that are currently so popular leave me cold and dry. But that doesn’t make me doubt that I’m attracted to men.

And another thing: many people aren’t aroused by pictures of genitals or boobs. Especially when they don’t belong to a person you have (sexual and/or romantic) feelings for.

There is no right or wrong way to be attracted to women. You say there is many parts about women’s bodies that you find attractive. The fact that vaginas aren’t on the top of that list doesn’t invalidate the fact that you’re attracted to women and also I’m gonna take the wild guess that it’s not on top of most people’s list of attractive body parts.

Sweetie, try not to focus on all of that. Focus on what you want and what label feels right to you. You literally say you want to be with a woman romantically and sexually. There is no heterosexual explanation for this. And in my experience after years of running this blog and doing bi activism: if you’re literally scared of “not really being bi/faking it” then that’s the biggest sign that you are really bi. It’s just that internalised biphobia is a bitch and for whatever reason it has gotten the better of you now. Maybe your mental health wasn’t in the best place atm and/or you overheard one too many bisexual stereotypes recently - possibly without even realising it.

Here’s more advice on internalised biphobia and I hope I could help somehow. If he anxiety attacks happen more frequently then maybe it’d be a good idea to talk to a mental health professional - ideally one that is explicitly bi-friendly! You can ask about that when making an appointment!

Maddie

#Anonymous

[cowboyjen68]

(1/4) hi jen, i've had this crush on my friend for basically as long as ive known her and for years i was very quiet about it until just recently when we went out on a date. it wasn't until after that date when i realized just how heavily i had been repressing my lesbian self to the point where i felt like i didn't even deserve romantic love or anything like that. we didnt kiss but it was such a big moment for me that every time i think about that i start to cry... anyway shes moving away

“(2/4) for college this week and i really dont know how to handle myself! i feel a little heartbroken for getting that first taste of what i could have, what is possible, and immediately losing it. this distance isn’t permanent since ill be going to the same college in the fall and shell be home for summer and ill try to visit her during the semester if i can. and im going to try my best to talk to her often and remind her that im interested but these next few months

(¾) feel impossible to get through. im really afraid that whatever we have won’t last until we see each other again because of the distance and the chance of her meeting someone else while shes gone and i feel bad about feeling like this but i just do… idk im just trying to stay calm and focus on the things i need to get done before summer. ive been wondering if i should tell her all of this but i dont want to overwhelm her and (4/4) the idea of being honest about this kinda stuff still scares me. i dont know what to do :( thank you for reading sorry this ended up being so long“

You don’t have to apologize to me for long posts.I am the queen of long winded writing. 

Even if you are wrong and it is not “love” you clearly have a connection with her and that IS worth vocalizing to her. IF she consented to a date with you there must be feelings on her side too. S what she if going to college? You have been friends for a long time and that won’t change. She deserved to know. 

Lesbians do this think.We over think and try to guess what the other women is thinking. We study clues, go over conversations in our head and rework every touch and body movement to see what they might mean. The constant “does she or doesn’t she” struggle in our brain. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Most of us do it. The fact his there is only one person who can answer the question. That is HER. 

And shake the idea that every relationship has to be permanent or all in or nothing. It is really okay, especially when you are young and figuring things out, but really at any age to explore and try things with women you are attracted to. Kissing her or even becoming intimate does not need to turn into a life long commitment. Having a discussion about what you both feel can help you both decide what works. This does also not get you out of heartbreak. If you really connect but both decide to date other women while she is in college it does not mean you will immediately be “ok” with it. But you also can’t tie each other to goal posts that you don’t want or can sustain.

I can tell you from experience, I kissed a woman.. and because she was drunk and I was not I didn’t not feel right about going farther. We were friends from college and absolutely connected and kissing her was amazing. We also both knew that long term or even a short term relationship was not viable. I did not keep in contact with her. She moved to her new job the next day and I never saw her again . I regret 1. not telling her sooner that I wanted to kiss her and 2. not telling her that I would like very much to be intimate with her and I would take the time to stay in contact with her.   Live and learn. 

So learn from my dummy 23 year old chicken shit self. Tell her sooner than later and don’t deny yourself and her a chance to talk about and explore what might make you both happy. 

And let me speak to you and your lesbian self.You feel heartbreak for your friend leaving because the connection you feel for her is wonderful and something unique to being a woman who can have chemistry with another woman. Being a lesbian empowers you to see and feel and connect with women in a way that brings more beauty into our world. 

#dating #lesbian #friendship

[robinskalechip]

home - chapter three

robin buckley x reader

a/n: i’ve been getting some really good feedback from the first two chapters, thank you guys so much!

warnings: smoking, language

not my gif!

chapter three - a family reunion

steve and robin had just finished closing up the video store and took the short three minute car ride to larry johnson’s town favorite diner. robin and steve were laughing amongst themselves and bantering along until they heard a voice.

“do suppose linda will remember me?”

the two turned to see sofia, cigarette in mouth, only a couple of yards away, walking towards them. steve smiled at her and began to speak but her attention was on robin who was still looking at her with the most gentle of smiles.

“i hope she remembers you, she always gave us discounts when you tagged along. ive had to pay full price for almost three years because of you” he walked past, ignoring the two girls he was with. steve harrington had one thing on his mind and one thing only. a royale with cheese. hehe pulp fiction reference the girls broke their eye contact to then walk behind him, sofia taking the cigarette out of her mouth to throw it to the ground and put it out whilst holding the door open for robin and quickly following her to be met with upmost nostalgia.

an older woman, probably in her early 50s, began to yell from behind the counter.

“IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS? I MUST HAVE SKIPPED AHEAD AND GONE STRAIGHT TO CRAZY!”

sofia moved past the two, lightly touching robin’s arm, causing a chill to radiate throughout her body. sofia was smiling as she walked to the woman and embraced her in a long hug. the woman released her but not before she could cup her face in her hands to see her face more clearly, despite the pain that was radiating through sofia’s body due to having to bend her spine in order to oblige. but she didn’t mind. this woman was her family.

“AH CUORE MIO italian for my heart WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN”

sofia smiled as she replied, “nella città che non dorme mai in the city that never sleeps ”

“i’m so sorry about your mother, have you seen her yet?”

the woman’s back was facing robin, as they had turned when hugging, and she had a full view of sofia’s face. she saw her smile fall, taking her heart along with it as sofia responsed to the salt and pepper haired woman with a sense of dread.

“no not yet. marco is there every time i drive by the hospital. i’m trying to though i promise”

“sei troppo buono per questo mondo, figlia mia you are too good for this world my daughter, but you also need to eat, sit sit i’ll bring out your favorite”

sofia smiled as she realigned her spine, walking behind steve as he hopped into the booth next to robin. robin was a bit disappointed steve sat next to her instead of the other side but at least she had to best view in the house.

sofia fell into the other side of the booth putting one knee to her chest and the other stretched over the seat what a lesbian as the older woman returned with a strawberry milkshake in hand and a smile.

she placed the cold beverage onto the table to then ask robin and steve what they would like to drink. steve snapped out of his staring contest with the milkshake to answer, “ill have one of those.” he paused for emphasis, “exactly one of those” he then winked at her.

robin chuckled and said “can i get the same but in vanilla”

sofia smiled at the woman as she moved the shake away from steve’s reaching capability, “thanks linda”

linda kept her eye on steve as he frowned at sofia’s action, “royale with cheese and extra ketchup?” steve shook his head eagerly. “and for you my dear?” robin liked linda. she saw her around town often but never came into the diner as much to be considered a regular like steve. “i’ll take one of your smoked turkeys with everything but the onions please” she didn’t even have to ask sofia, even if she brought out the wrong thing, she’d still eat it no matter what

“coming right up”

sofia was still eyeing steve eyeing her shake, “OH MY GOD JUST TAKE A SIP” and said as she slide the cold beverage towards him to which he eagerly sipped from the side of the glass and threw his head back in the most dramatic yet unironic way possible

“oh my god i forgot how amazing their shakes were. i came here all the time during summer but i was so damn tired of ice cream, i didn’t even think about ordering one”

sofia smiled as she took back the milkshake, “yeah dustin filled me in on everything i missed” she was now fiddling with the straw and paused to look at steve for emphasis, “and i mean everything. i can’t believe he’s got a girlfriend”

steve laughed thinking about the events of the summer, “yeah none of us thought she was actually real, but im happy for him, i also need to pee, be back in a sec” he hoped out of the seat, nearly hitting robin

sophia placed the milkshake down and met robin’s eyes, “wanna try it? i know it looks like a plain strawberry shake but there’s actually a secret in there”. she jokingly looked around before motioning for robin to come closer as she whispered, “there’s also bits of peach”

she leaned back into her original position and raised her eyebrows briefly showing she meant business

robin smiled as she took the glass and took a sip, “mm never thought about that combination, i like it a lot actually, w-what?”

sofia was laughing as robin talked, “its okay its okay, i got it” she leaned towards robin once again, this time putting her thumb on robin’s upper lip, wiping off the cream that had escaped. the two looked at each other’s eyes during the moment, until sofia’s eyes fell to her lips, robin’s doing the same before she abruptly returned back to her seat, followed by steve hopping back to his place and linda following only a few seconds later. if they had been in that position just a few seconds longer..

linda placed the three plates on the table as sofia reached into her jacket pocket, taking out her wallet until she was stopped by the woman, “la famiglia non paga the family doesn’t pay”

she began to walk away as sofia gave her a warm smile and robin began to speak, “i’m confused. you said hadn’t seen your mother yet, but linda calls you her daughter”

sofia smiled, “she’s my godmother and my mother’s best friend. she’s practically my mother though. i’ve known her my entire life”

steve was already stuffing his face with the burger, mouth already jam packed, “i like sofia’s mom better than my own mom right now”

robin felt warm, but not in the physical, heated kind of way. she felt melting as sofia’s words, “that’s sweet”

“she and my mother grew up together when they were being raised in italy. ma says she wouldn’t have survived mentally if it weren’t for her”

sofia didn’t look up as she spoke but she could feel robin’s eyes on her. and she didn’t mind it.

the three ate while steve caught sofia up on all of his latest strike outs and the crazy nights she missed out on and the whole nancy thing that repulsed both robin and sofia, despite nancy being another one of her old childhood friends. sofia asked robin about her life and her interests and the two asking sofia about her life in new york.

once the three of them had finished, they all got up to leave, sofia yelling at linda on her way out, “CI VEDIAMO PRESTO MAMMA ill see you soon mom” to which linda gave her a big smile and waved to then quickly return to the table she was taking care of

as the three exited the diner, sofia asked “do you need a ride?”

robin felt a bit taken back and wanted to say yes more than anything. she would definitely not mind being in a car with sofia, even if it was for just a few short minutes to her house

“you dont have to really, my bike is in steve’s trunk and im only like five minutes away”

sofia chuckled as she walked to steve’s car and opened the trunk, retrieving robin’s bike and carrying it to her car, “get in freckles, you’re on my way. see ya harrington.”

robin turned to steve who winked at her and turned to leave, “have fun”

robin turned back to see the messy haired girl closing her trunk and getting into her car. once robin got into the vehicle, sophia turned the radio on and asked for the address.

how soon is now by the smiths was playing and robin was reminded of the way she felt earlier that morning, when she first saw sofia at school can you tell i like the smiths

the two were silent as robin looked out of the window, but it was the most comfortable silence she had ever been in. she felt at peace. despite her and sofia both resting their arms of the glove compartment, their hands only about a centimeter apart. she was felt calm; safe.

robin’s thoughts were interrupted when she felt the car stop and she turned to sofia, “thanks for the ride” as she unbuckled. sofia stopped robin as she was about to get out of the car.

“can i ask you something”

robin saw the same look on her face as when she was talking to linda about her mom. robin nodded.

sofia breathed in before speaking, adjusting her body to face robin, “i know dustin told me you and him didn’t spend that much time together but..will..how was he?”

she looked anxious for the answer

“he was okay, steve told me about everything he had to go through so i imagine he isn’t the same boy you knew but there’s probably still parts of him in there. just like any of us when we go through some shit, its takes some, it leaves some”

sofia leaned back in her seat, now feeling the guilt build in her stomach

“i should have been here.”

robin was quick to reassure her, “you didn’t know it was going to happen. i don’t know why you left but i know it was something that none of us could have stopped. everything happens for a reason”

sofia chuckled, “what a clique; the beautiful teen philosopher who doodles on her converses and reads sad love stories with injustice undertones and wears an unsettling yet attractive amount of jewelry” her smile grew more and more as she spoke to then turn to robin who was slightly blushing and smiling back

“i won’t keep you captivate much longer but can i ask you one more question?”

robin nodded again, still looking into her eyes, smiling

“you and harrington?”

robin cut that shit off Q U I C K

“OH GOD NO NO NO he’s like my brother ew no i could never.” she realized how dramatic she sounded and laughed at sofia laughing at her. “i’m sorry. to answer your question, no. harrington and i, not a thing. he’s uhh not my type”

sofia felt better with that last statement leaving robin’s mouth. she scooted closer, but her arm on the arm rest and bringing her face close to her face, almost being able to feel her breathe.

robin was taken back mentally but didn’t move a muscle, she whispered “what are you doing”

robin jumped at the sound of the door opening a tease

“i’m just getting the door for you like the good mannered person i was raised to be”, we said with a smile and moved her face a centimeter closer. robin was almost certain she was going to kiss her until she whispered again “good night freckles”

robin got out of the car and walked to her door completely flustered but still managed to turn her head to give sofia a smile. she was, in fact, so flustered that completely forgot her bike in sofia’s car trunk, but she didn’t even care.

next chapter

#robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #robin x y/n #robin x you #robin buckley #robin stranger things #robin x reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #robin fanfiction

[handsmotif]

ive been feeling so much love for my very many ocs lately so im gonna write some blurbs about them and the diff stories they are/were involved in under the cut PLEASE feel free to ask questions about any of them i love infodumping abt them

Aquapolypse basically years into the future humans mutated into fish people (and various other creatures but this primarily focuses on the fish people) Zak and Zenna - twinsies! based off betta fish! very pretty, very fashionable, very fighty. strong familial bond. i adore them Solv - based off piranhas! Baby’s First Nonbinary OC, they have a crush on Zenna, and very stereotypically Emo. listens to mcr and cries that they were born in the wrong generation Xavier - swordfish! VERY punk. he has a crush on Solv, who, as we know, has a crush on Zenna. 10th grade me wouldve played this up as a love triangle but i am so much wiser now and resolving it with polyamory

Untitled a the last unicorn-esque story, but with a wood elf! she’s the last of her kind but has no idea. she’s just been vibing in the woods for a while until modern times comes along and builds a housing plan right next to her woods. she gets lonely at night and sings sometimes, causing rumors to spread that the woods are haunted. 2 young people (i picture them to be about 20???) decide to check it out, find her, and immediately think shes adorable and bring her home as a wacky 3rd roommate. Rhathel - the elf in question! shes very strong and very smart and capable, but her lack of knowledge when it comes to modern human culture causes many to think she’s an idiot. NOT the case. she will beat you up V - disaster punk nb lesbian! falls in love with Rhathel almost instantly  Carlos - distinguished gay(tm). V’s best friend and voice of reason. bit of a nerd and a techie. always got the Latest Gadgets. listens to carly rae jepsen and cries Untitled 2 But Superheroes a group of teens hanging out in places they shouldnt be leads to them getting involved in a freak accident that bestows them all with super powers! however, unlike a lot of superhero stories, they dont have any sort of mentor whatsoever to tell them how to be a hero, and well. when you leave these idiots to their own devices they are truly idiots! Lola/Lolita Light - the self proclaimed leader of the team. consumes a lot of superhero media and magical girl anime, thus reasons that she knows exactly what to do in these situations, but usually ends up getting them into worse places than they started. she gained the ability to manipulate light molecules and decided her alter ego should be a magical girl Ness/Frostbite - sarcastic and cold, but is actually the mom friend of the group. she loves her friends deeply but won’t say it. i very clearly picture her with blonde to blue ombre hair. she, as you may have guessed, can control ice and snow Brandon and Brendon - Those Assholes(tm). we all knew them in high school and probably got bullied by them a few times. i do love their character development though where they realize they’re assholes and start making up for it. anyway their powers work in conjunction and i havent *quite* figured out the mechanics of it yet, but they have to be in close proximity to each other in order to do anything. this effectively starts to rid them of their “no homo bro” attitude when they realize they literally have to hug every time they want to power up. i forgot what their alter egos were but i THINK it had something to do with storms and electricity?? i dont remember Dante/Inferno - the antagonist who eventually comes around and joins the team. he was initially part of the friend group but got so fed up with constantly being excluded and bullied by them that he literally formed a whole ass supervillain ego when he realized he had fire powers. the team does realize how shitty they were to him and they BOTH have redemption arcs.

Various scatterings of different ocs that dont necessarily come from any stories but i love them a lot Coronam - a spn demon oc i made in like 10th grade. goes by Corey for short. i still love him so much. he’s definitely an edgelord and i put him through the “would your oc be a tumblr sexyman” quiz and the result was he would be on par with the onceler Blaze - a dnd character i made for a oneshot! they’re a tabaxi warlock and basically if you took meg from hercules’s backstory and mixed it with the song woman by kesha you would understand her.

#i dont expect anyone to read this but hgdklsa #i just love talking about them

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N:  So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened. 

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm. 

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf  @disagreetoagree  @breezy1415  @peachthatdrinkslemonade  @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho  @marvel-randomness  @daniellajocelyn  @katecolleen  @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her.  Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze  the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.  

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #black widow #queer fic #wlw

[acecorvid]

Do you have book recs? Especially queer book recs, both fiction and nonfiction. Thank you!

Why yes I do friend! A whole list under the cut because I added descriptions and it’s rather long, but also if you’d rather: here is my queer book list on goodreads (some of the books I haven’t read yet but the ones I have read have longer reviews from me).

Fiction: 

All For the Game (aka The Foxhole Court three book series) by Nora Sakavic - fake sport, total drama university, demisexual character, gay characters, slow burn, lots of violence unfortunately, dysfunctional found family

The Raven Cycle (four book series) by Maggie Stiefvater - a magical game of hide and seek with an ancient buried king, gay and bi characters, found family filled with more love than you thought possible

Dress Codes for Small Towns by Court Stevens - queer characters, found family of somewhat delinquent friends (but they’re good Christian delinquents), finding yourself and exploring your sexuality under the watchful eye of religious people

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray (I recommend the audiobook) - beauty queens crash and trapped on a desert island what could go wrong, gay and trans characters, a lot actually goes wrong but a lot goes right

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - I’ve reread this book so many times I’ve lost count. Slow burn. Boys falling in love. Boys who will do anything for each other. Written in the most loving way I’ve ever seen.

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero - teen detective club all grown up and still traumatized by the eldritch horrors they saw in their youth, Scooby type gang and the gals are queer

 The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee - this book has so much I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s delightful and all the characters are so good, slow burn, too many wonderful tropes to count, at one point there’s a pirate ship

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera - ahaha this one hurts. The world building is phenomenal though and so are the boys and their love. 

It’s Not Like It’s a Secret by Misa Suguira - delightful wlw story of a queer girl, her family, and how she grows up with secrets

George by Alex Gino - a kid’s book about a trans kid, very sweet and informative, audiobook read by Jamie Clayton

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli - one of the best coming of age/coming out stories Ive read, inspired the movie Love Simon

More Than This by Patrick Ness - existential crisis of a book, queer main, all around beautiful story

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo - trans main, acceptance, growing, and dating

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan - two characters of the same name, several gay characters, a delightful journey of finding friendship and oneself

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - father of main is gay, from the author of Aristotle and Dante, beautiful tale of a young boy coming of age, figuring out his identity with his past and his present and his future

Comic/Graphic Novel:

The Less Than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal: Omnibus by E.K. Weaver - this sits on my shelf and it is HUGE, read it first as a webcomic so if you can’t find it in stores it’s online, long ass road trip that melts my heart every time

Lumberjanes by Noelle Stevenson (and more) - the best camp experience you will ever have

Take Me with You by Andrea Gibson - beautifully queer poetry

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson - everyone is queer, magical and misunderstood, bad guys need assistants too, sometimes the good people aren’t the best people

Non-Fiction: 

Revolutionary by Alex Myers - a historical retelling of Deborah Samson/Robert Shurtliff from a trans perspective

Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock - autobiographical, trans, sex work, sex positivity

Buffering: Unshared Tales of a Life Fully Loaded by Hannah Hart - autobiographical, positivity in the face of anything, family with mental illness, difficult relationship with parent

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic (also graphic novel but it’s autobiographical) by Alison Bechdel - also a broadway musical, broken family, coming of age

Sex Variant Woman: The Life of Jeannette Howard Foster by Joanne E. Passet - the life story of a lesbian librarian/teacher who needs more credit, very long and detailed but worth it, has a lot to teach you about the queer history in general

Not Explicitly Queer but Can Be Read as Queer:

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng - one of the main characters is ace and I will fight for that

Romeo and/or Juliet: A Chooseable-Path Adventure by Ryan North - there’s an ace joke and plenty of queer subtext

#book recs #book recommendations #queer books #Anonymous #askarra

[globrights]

do you have any theories for the roommate that dee burned alive? ive been thotting about that

omg okay like fr actually i have literally went Deep into thought about this before and i wrote it in my notes and was planning on shoving it in some angst fic for some reason but we all know that’s never gonna happen so here it goes (caution warning for some abusive(?) language and violence):

it’s dee’s junior year of college and she’s having the time of her life going out to parties and drinking and she goes to a lot of these parties with her roommate and they have a lot of fun together and she’s pretty but dee doesn’t feel threatened by her for some reason and dee also doesn’t feel the need to see her roommate as inferior to make herself feel better about herself and it’s so, so nice

one night they get drunk and wake up in the same bed... naked

they brush it off and laugh and pretend it’s all part of the college experience!! who doesn’t drunkenly hook up with their roommate anyway!! 

but then it happens again. and again. once when they’re sober, and then once again when they’re drunk 

it becomes a regular thing and dee can’t help but notice that sex with men has never felt this good. has never been this fulfilling. dee’s roommate says it’s just a casual thing, nothing serious, and dee agrees because she’s not a lesbian, she can’t be a lesbian 

but it begins to feel a bit to dee like they are dating, and dee’s falling in love with her roommate, and she thinks her roommate feels the same way but is just lying about it like dee is

she isn’t 

her love turns to obsession which morphs into possession and dee gets upset whenever her roommate “ditches her” to hang out with a friend, or study with a classmate. dee starts to get irrational about it. she starts thinking maybe she’s doing something wrong and that’s why her roommate doesn’t like her enough. maybe she made the mistake of letting her guard down and being herself 

so she starts to change... into what she thinks her roommate might like most, which is, well, her roommate. because why wouldn’t anyone like themselves more than anyone else, right? so she starts shopping at the same places as her roommate, but somehow those shopping trips end with her getting the exact same clothes as her roommate, the exact same shoes, anything she can find, really

when she can’t find something her roommate owns she steals it from her drawer directly and when she puts those things on... she feels complete for a moment 

dee’s roommate starts dodging dee more and more and they stop hooking up altogether and dee is freaking out about it... she starts following her roommate in secret instead of going for her classes and one day she sees her roommate bring a girl back to their apartment 

she catches a brunette with her hand down her roommate’s pants and she screams bloody murder 

the third party gets out because she’s been seeing dee’s roommate for a while (dee only finds this out after she’s been institutionalized) and knows she does not want to get in the middle of this 

dee and her roommate get into a huge fight. dee accuses her of cheating, her roommate reminds her that they were never dating and sleeping together was just supposed to be a casual thing for fun, she doesn’t like dee romantically, and dee has no right reacting the way she is

so in a fit of rage, fury, heartbreak, solemn, and the desire to take down a bitch who crossed her, dee goes to grab the gasoline she has stashed in her room and she starts dousing her roommate with it, who expectedly freaks out and tries to get dee to stop 

“why are you doing this, cut it out, dee!” “shut up, you goddamn bitch!” she seethes between tears, and then kicks her roommate in the shin. she falls to the ground. “maybe this’ll teach you not to be such a fucking slut!”

she lights the first match and drops it, watching as the fire spreads and her roommate, who’s screaming, tries to crawl and roll around to put out the fire. she’s crying, just like dee is, except while dee’s tears fall quietly hers fall with her desperate, begging, her voice retched as she apologizes, over and over and over, saying she’ll do whatever dee wants if she lets her go

but it’s too late. dee can only laugh at the ashes of her broken heart. maybe they can join her roommate in a minute 

she lights another match, and another, and then suddenly someone’s bursting through the doors and it’s dennis, who’s coming over unannounced again, who has no one to eat lunch with again 

“oh my god, dee, what the hell did you do?” 

she tries to shove him away but he grabs onto her and drags her out; the gasoline got all over the floor too and the fire is spreading 

dennis calls the fire department

as they wait dee hugs dennis tighter than she’s ever cared to and sobs hard and ugly into his chest and for once he keeps quiet and... lets her

dee’s roommate survives the fire, and has third degree burns to show for it

dennis lies to the cops and claims that dee’s roommate set herself on fire because she was obsessed with dee and did it out of anger 

but then witnesses come forth and there’s footage of dee buying a gallon of gasoline and when her roommate wakes up for the tell-all her fate is sealed 

dee tries to repress most of the incident after she leaves a free woman; she tells herself it’s a college experiment gone wrong, just stuff most straight women who aren’t psychotic go through 

she represses her sexuality even more, and tells herself throughout every dissatisfying hook up that she’s straight and that’s good because the alternative now terrifies her 

it continues to terrify her for the next twenty years, and the fears refuse to fade  

#ask #i don't even know WHAT this is #dee reynolds #iasip #why dee is a repressed lesbian lmao??? #and also why dee set her roommate on fire i guess #idk if this is a theory list or fic LMAO #twins #Anonymous

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[domesticangel]

ok ive been wanting to do an OC redraw/redesign for a while now and uh, well here it is !!! top is obv the revamp and bottom is these three’s original designs ,,, the bottom pic is 9 years old (holy smokes) so i made them during my middle school emo/scene phase when i was like 12 so thats why they're.........Like That lmao but left to right in both pics is jude, elliot, and skipper!!! this was? so fun honestly

ummm lots of info/backstory about them under the cut lol

so in the original pic/designs… if I remember correctly jude and skipper were in police academy training to be cops and elliot was some punk ass kid theyd end up seeing around a lot cause he was in and out of holding for Delinquent Things, and ofc they magically became friends. Im pretty sure they were all 16/17 when I first made them which makes no sense at all (teen cops??? Ok) but like when ur 12, teenagers are Practically Adults BUT none of that is Canon TM anymore. In their redesign they range from early to late 20’s; I usually peg jude around 26-27, elliot is probably 23-24, and skipper is 21.

jude was the very first oc I ever made so shes always had a special place in my heart… I started churning out rapid fire ocs when I was in middle school that id toss when I was bored with em but shes the one that always stuck around!! Shes been a big honkin lesbian ever since her conception, so id use her a lot to express BabyGay feelings I didn’t really know how else to process. design wise I kinda just simplified her look; I have no fucking clue why she used to have an eyepatch and cat ears (I mean, I do, its because I was a weeb) but I got rid of those along with the scene hair and gave her longer hair with more natural waves and some freckles from spending a lot of time in the sun. her gray eyes and hair were always kind of her signature, so those got to stay! She mostly just wears anything that’s easy enough to move around and get work done in; tank tops, loose long skirts, etc. think futch hippy. anyways jude is now just a simple plant witch who uses her skills and connection with the elements to run a modest local farm, and even though shes fairly content in her lifestyle, she wants nothing more than a gf/wife that she can work hard to give a good life to :3c shes a hopeless romantic and has a bad habit of falling a little bit in love with every woman she meets, but shes mad shy when it comes to flirting, so more often than not shes just a sweaty ball of pining and infatuation. Whenever shes feeling some type of way about a girl she either obsessively takes on projects around the farm or house to distract herself or rants to her plants about how shes too afraid to express her feelings. RIP useless lesbian jude. Anyway shes the oldest of the trio, so shes very protective of elliot and skipper in a mother hen kind of way. She gets embarrassed when she realizes shes lecturing them like a cranky old maid, but they secretly don’t really mind it and often come to her for general life advice. I think her sign would be Taurus :3c (and probably an air moon since she’s kind of a space cadet)

elliot was REALLY FUN to redesign bc I honestly just wanted him to look like one of those people who had a HUGE scene phase way back when and just… never completely grew out of it lmao so I gave him the two-tone mullet he deserves, grown out roots hes definitely not gonna bother to re-bleach and re-dye, and piercing scars under his lip from where he used to have some tacky ass snakebites that he probably had to take out to get a job or something lol. he couldn’t completely give up piercings though, so the labret and gauges got to stay. Dudes not COMPLETELY stuck in 2007, but he does still enjoy a lot of the OG emo/punk bands and the fantasy of making it big in his own band and touring the country in a fashionably clunky van. He doesn’t exactly have a band, but hes working on that. Hes halfway decent on vocals and a guitar so he spends a lot of time combing through the local college town he lives and works in in hopes of finding some people who’d wanna play some gigs with him. But in the mean time, he works as a barista in a local café, which usually hooks him up by letting him do some acoustic sets at night every now and again. Hes a very warm and upbeat person, and will happily engage and talk the ear off of anyone close enough for him to do so, stranger or otherwise. He also regularly reminds jude and skipper how much he loves both of them and how glad he is that theyre all friends; He doesn’t really have much in the way of embarrassment or apprehension when it comes to what hes feeling. Hes the official unofficial “plan-maker” of the friend group and is able to bring them all together for quality time, because hes not at all passive like jude or skipper, and… usually has the most free time out of all of them lol. elliot is pure Leo and that’s about all there is to that

And finally, congratulations to skipper, who against all odds, looked normal enough that I didn’t really have to change anything at all about his design! Just had to ditch the uniform for your typical Tired Gay mustard sweaters. Skipper is an English major in his sophomore year of college who, like most people in their 20’s in liberal arts programs, is desperately trying to figure out what he wants out of life and also doesn’t know what sleeping or self-care is. He really enjoys writing, but doesn’t really know if he wants to do it for a living or if he even could. He grew up with pretty cold and distant parents, so on top of knowing they don’t really approve of his major, he pretty much always operates under the assumption that if hes not working himself to death hes not justifying the space hes taking up or the air hes breathing. Emotionally speaking hes more emo than elliot will ever be and his blood is probably 75% caffeine. He having kind of a rough time tbh but hes gritting it out in hopes that things become more clear eventually. He’d be way worse off if he didn’t have jude or elliot, who hes more thankful for than he can ever bring himself to express. They were essentially his first real, close friends, and despite skipper being incapable of asking for help, they always seem to know when he needs someone to talk to or even just a brief distraction; Jude has an open door policy for her farm and will let him come over and cuddle some rabbits or sit and talk over tea on her porch whenever he needs to, and elliot cant remember the last time hes made skipper pay for anything he ordered from the café, or the last time he even had to ask skipper what he wanted. Because hes the youngest of the three its sometimes their instinct to protect him, which embarrasses skipper out of his mind, but he knows they mean well. Hes the physical embodiment of Just Doing His Best and is a stone cold Capricorn

They’re still besties but basically met just from living in the same town; jude and elliot met when jude started providing the café’s local roast from the coffee beans she grew on her farm so elliot saw her fairly regularly and of course was like Oh Friend? Jude always liked how forthcoming elliot was as it complimented her generally reserved nature, and elliot always thought living on a farm and growing your own food was pretty punk rock and therefore pretty dang cool in his book. They both got to know skipper because he came to the café every. single. day. to ingest ungodly amounts of espresso and study all day, and when elliot took an interest in skipper, jude suggested he invite him to one of his gigs since the poor guy kinda looked like he needed a break. Skipper initially kind of politely shot elliot down, but jude took a chance and found skipper later to tell him how much itd mean to elliot, and that if it made him feel better she’d go with him, since going to events like this was different for her too. skipper apprehensively agreed at that point, and the rest is history !!! they all kinda hit it off after that

tl;dr

#art #oc #original character #i even named the redraw frensiswhenyouhaveabud.jpeg #i think about this sentence almost daily #jude #elliot #skipper #redraw

[not-close-to-straight]

Black Panther Review!

SO For the first time since my surgery I put my contacts in and did my hair and my makeup and wore Real Clothes instead of yoga pants to get out and FINALLY see Black Panther and it was totally worth how many times I had to re do my eyeliner (four, because I suck at make up and have worn it a grand total of ten times in my life) AND it was totally worth the freezing cold theater and even though I had a massive migraine, I refused to let it bug me. 

So here we go. A list of everything I loved about the characters, favorite lines, maybe a little of my thoughts on the scenes. 

Heads up for spoilers below the cut!

First of all, just a heads up, every person in the movie was beautiful. Every single one of them. My poor worthless pansexual heart was DYING over it all. 

(Oh also, very quickly-- there was a new Coke ad before the movie where they very clearly mentioned Non Binary people (them) and LGBT (lesbians) in their montage of people who Coke was for and it was honestly lovely.)

The movie takes place a WEEK after T’Chaka dies in Vienne in CACW, so literally just a day or two after Tony is left in Siberia to die and it just brought up all these Post-CACW feels for me and also like... Tchalla you poor thing, this has been a hell of a week for you, omg. 

Chadwick Boseman/T Challa opened his mouth to speak and I almost melted through the floor. His accent is gorgeous and the words are so smooth its almost a little difficult to understand but so so beautiful. 

The way T’Challa looks at Nakia with these amazing puppy dog eyes. He loves her so much, looks at her as if she is his whole world and even though he asks her to stay with him, he respects her enough to not push the issue when she says there is other things she needs/wants to do. 

The Queen Mother! Angela Basset in all her glory! I love her and her endless beauty, may she reign forever. 

SHURI! You guys SHURI was the cutest fucking thing Ive ever seen in my life! Everything about her was equal parts bratty little sister making sure her newly crowned brother doesnt get cocky, and loyal Wakandan determined to use every bit of her genius to save her country and I love her?!

Also MORE GROSS to you guys who want to ship her with anyone. She is just so obviously a child in this. Yes, a teenager, but still a child, right down to the pranks she pulls and the way she dresses (minus her ceremonial clothing which was pretty enough to make me need some of my own) she is just a baby, stop trying to over sexualize her and ship her with older men. (or anyone for that matter. Let her be sixteen and giggly and adorable for as long as she can be). 

OKOYE. Where do I even start with this woman? First of all, she was bald (as were the rest of the dora milaje) and this is sort of a big thing for black women. Because there is a whole toxic idea of black women not being able to grow hair, or being bald as if its a bad thing, and I LOVE so much the scene in Korea where they are in disguise and she has to wear a wig and says “This is a DISGRACE” because for her to have to cover her head, her tattoos that show her culture and her status is an insult to her very person, and I love that she is angry about it. That to fit in to a white mans world, to be acceptable, she must change/cover up something fundamental to her identity, and she is ANGRY about it and I love it. 

I also love that she was allowed to be angry. Black people in general are already seen as “angry”, as the aggressors, and women are taught to hide it away as if its shameful to feel anything in the extreme, but ESPECIALLY anger because then we are just “another bitter black woman” and it is so important that she and the others are allowed to be ANGRY, visibly and audibly angry at what happens (for example, when one of their own dies.). Its raw and honest, and in its honesty, it is beautiful. 

I need me a red dress like hers just so I can feel like 1/10th of a BAMF as she is. 

“If he touches you again, i will impale him on that table” 

“Does she speak English”

“When she wants to” 

I loved everything about that interaction between Okoye and Ross. Very reminiscent of the moment between Okoya and Natasha “Move, or I will move you” and in both scene T Challa is sort of laughing over it because he knows Okoye is about two seconds from fucking someone up. Hilarious. 

Klaw! What an odd Villain, because I felt like he wasnt really a villain. He was just sort of... the guy that was always around the bad guys, and then ultimately nothing more than a tool to be used for Killmongers vengeance. His sonic hand was a nice nod to the comic character who is just solid sound and emits it through his hand. And he was just amazingly obnoxiously AMERICAN and I both loved and hated him for that. 

Nakia. How I love her. Not only is she entirely her own person, doing what she feels is right, but she is fucking FIERCE and gorgeous and smart and is not about to give up what she wants/needs because T Challa is in love with her. In fact, I love very much that the T Challa/Nakia love story wasnt even... a story. It wasnt even a driving force of the movie. She didnt have to get hurt to inspire him to greatness. She didnt have to break his heart to give him something to fix, really she didnt even go searching for a way to save him when he went over the falls, she went looking for the person that could save their country. Their love story was something quiet, something in the background, because a love story is NOT necessary to keep a movie going (do you hear that, oh pushers of the awkward heterosexual relationship to fill the down moments? not necessary). 

HOWEVER, she absolutely was his rock, who he turned to in his moments of need. He crossed country borders and potentially could have ruined her mission (which was reckless and fairly selfish) because he needed her there when he was crowned King, and she wanted to be there for him. She was the only person he told about his uncle’s death and the truth about Erik, and she was the one to help his mother and sister escape because they are just as much her family as his. 

But back to Nakia-- I think one of my favorite scenes is when they go to Korea and she speaks the language so well, laughs over the trouble she gets into, and very much makes it clear to T Challa AGAIN that she has her own life that has nothing to do with him. Holla for Strong Females. 

How much did I love the Queen Mothers hair being blonde/white underneath her beautiful head-dress. Lovely lovely lovely. 

M’Baku. I have mixed feelings about his character. I very much appreciated Marvel NOT using his “man-ape” persona from the comics because hello, that is Racist As Fuck. Instead they made him lord over a people who used the gorilla as a symbol just as other tribes used the rhino/the panther etc. He was all sorts of big and beautiful and the challenge scene at the waterfall was just, brutal and incredible and PRIMAL and honestly there isnt much better than seeing two men (or women) really battle it out with just their strength. Of course the landscape and backdrop was incredible, but the fight scene was just INCREDIBLE. The way MBaku waited until the last minute to yield, the way T Challa BEGGED him to yield. I love it all. 

I thought it was very interesting when Nakia came to him with the heart shaped herb, he didnt accept it. As someone who had challenged T Challa for the throne, I expected him to at least consider it, but it was obvious in his face that he was both honored, and then humbled, and yet still turned it down because he knows T Challa needed it more. 

And yet when T Challa asked him for an army, for help, MBaku turned him down, said that this was the first king in CENTURIES to visit him. CENTURIES. These people had been living in the mountains, cut off from the rest of Wakanda and the other kings hadnt even visited them. No wonder the man is bitter. BUT NOT BITTER ENOUGH TO TURN THE QUEEN MOTHER AWAY. He still promised that she would be safe, no ham would come to her. I love that so much. 

He did not just forgive centuries of being ignored because they need help, but he wasnt willing to completely turn his back either. I thought it was a realistic depiction that kept him very human, versus the usual “no i wont help at all because our ancestors battled” or even the “i have had a sudden change of heart and now will completely help you even if it means giving up my life for you, who I suddenly support.” 

Also, the way he snorted and giggled over his vegetarian joke??? HE SNORTED AND GIGGLED and no one else laughed. Just his big ass on his throne cracking up and everyone else was like uhhhh....

Martin Freeman as Everett Ross. I love that they let his character be a smaller than average, soft spoken, older white man. No one overly intimidating, no one that seems to inspire fear and yet, when they are attacked by Killmonger when he rescues Klaw, Ross THROWS himself on Nakia (who could probably protect herself) and takes a bullet in the spine for her. That bravery, that instinctual “cover the women and children” and how quickly he reacts speaks to more of his character than anything else. 

Also, the end where he “flies” the ship to stop the weapons from being shipped out and Shuri tells him “you are a great pilot AND HE IS A FUCKING GREAT PILOT he wants so badly to save them, and I love that he just doesnt give up. Like, he realizes that how they healed him was damn near impossible, so he will do the impossible to stop the worst from happening. I love it. (Also I just love Martin Freeman)

“Dont scare me like that, colonizer.” 

“My Names Ross.”

“I know.” 

^^^^I laughed so hard my friend frowned at me and I shoved her and said, “quit scowling colonizer” and then laughed harder. She did not think it was funny. 

ERIK KILLMONGER. First of all, the scene where we meet him. Come on. He looks like such a goddamn fuck boy I almost wanted to smack him. Or maybe fuck him. I cant decide lol. I am in love with him though. 

Growing up where I did, I saw so much anger in the black youth, especially the young men, and for that reason it was so hard to see him as a villain. He is just another abandoned black boy in a forgotten neighborhood, who is angry at the system. And yet he is also brilliant and talented and DRIVEN and he pulled himself up out of the situation he was thrown in and now is determined to change everyone elses situation. He talks of how where he is from, the black people who start the revolutions dont have the weapons they need to protect themselves/to ready themselves and its just... its so true in this very painful way, especially now, recently, and I just hurt for him. 

The way he scarred himself, one for every kill so he could work his way up to challenging for the throne. It is horrifying to think of him marking himself after every kill, all around the world because every body was a step closer to his goal. 

I could talk forever about his character, because I think it was a very accurate, interesting look into the truth underneath the “angry black man” that society paints these young men as. 

I wont talk forever though, because holy shit Im actually talking forever lol, but I WILL say, that the differences between Erik and T Challa, from the speech patterns to the way they walked (cocky versus confident) to the way they dressed and talked/treated the women (I would throw a pan at Killmonger if he talked to me like he talked to them lol). it was just an incredible contrast between one who was given EVERYTHING and someone who had to take everything they wanted just to have a SHOT at anything in the world. The difference between rich and poor and the lines that it draws and the different worlds it creates whether we realize it or not. 

The only person I dont want to spend alot of time on is W’Kabi. I have mixed feelings to his joining with Killmonger, but I realize he was driven by vengeance and that can be a poisonous thing. 

HOWEVER, I thought he had one of the most beautiful scenes in the move. Him and Okoye are in love, and yet when it comes to them ready to fight each other, he asks her, “would you fight me, my love” and she says,. “for wakanda i would” (paraphrasing) and HE is the one to put his weapon down. He is the one to sacrifice his vengeance for love. Not the woman. She did not change. She stood strong in what she believed to be right, and he loved her enough to give up what he wanted. 

I love so much that this movie allowed her and other women to be the strong ones, driving the men to make the right choice. 

I will stop rambling now lol 

End Thoughts--- This movie is so important right now, such a wonderful thing for our young people to see-- Strong black characters, who go that way without a history of drugs or jail or anything like that. Strong black women who are beautiful (stunningly so) even without wigs/straightened hair/lighter skin, and Strong black men who are not any less strong for loving the women in their lives and being humbled enough by past mistakes to try and change. 

My favorite line is easily the very last one, where the young black boy asks T Challa-- who are you?

Every white child has had the chance to ask their hero-- batman, superman, spiderman, wonder woman etc etc etc-- who they are. Who is this hero that has saved my life and given me hope and is going to change this seemingly hopeless situation? 

But seeing a little black boy asking the same question-- maybe I read too much into it, but it really struck a cord with me. 

OH and the last scene. 

I will be the first to admit, I was like... foaming at the mouth to see Bucky in Infinity War, with his new arm and a new gun and like YASSSSSS BABY FUCK THEM BOYS UP LET ME SEE YOU KILL SOMEONE. 

But like?? Stepping from a hut looking like Jesus?? Long hair?? Like god Marvel, please just let my baby stay by the lake and meditate with his half pony tail and man bun. PLEASE just let him play with the children who call him White Wolf. PLEASE just let him light scented candles and have the women braid his hair and when Steve comes looking for him, just let him say no I have found inner peace here in my little hut by the water??? 

I JUST WANT HIM TO BE PEACEFUL?!

Alright, thats it. Sorry for the long ass ramble, this literally isnt half of what I wanted to say. Feel free to hit up my ask box about anything black panther related lol 

#black panther #wakanda forever #t'challa #erik killmonger #fan girl fainting