#i at least know what colours i want

[biillys]

BILLY WEEK → DAY ONE

i'm flesh and bone i'm a rolling fucking stone and the experts say i'm delirious

give me therapy i'm a walking travesty

all time low; therapy

#i dont understand COLOUR or PALETTES or PROMPTS so please. i am sorry #i am so fucking sorry #idk what this is but like. i guess if u squint its Palette Inspired.....maybe #again. i am SORRY #anyway. efforts were made! emotions were had! i'm emo! #i know this songs been done before a few times but ive always wanted to take a crack at it so. here we ARE #billy and max would be atl girlies u know this we know this #billy and max in the crowd of an atl concert listening to the nightly therapy speech....... #also the glitter and crimson speech........ gonna stop myself before i fucking lose it #anyway i hope this is okay and i hope at least one person doesn't think it's Rough jkahdbjkwa #ALSO the way mr horsegirl gaskarth himself talks about this song and how his feelings have changed over the years re: therapy #like........... Billy......................... #god....... #billyhargroveedit #harringroveweek #billyweek23 #m #gifs

[macksartblock]

Drawing the omega daddies while switching between listening to that new Madds Buckley song and reviews of horrible dark romance books is a great way to get into the “I hate these guys” mentality

#I hate them so much but I also wanna solidify their designs/colour schemes a bit #this is largely about Willy like I know what I want from him at least but I need it to be visual #he is a denim on denim 80s douchebag with a perm to me #like he’s hot sure but there’s something wrong with him

[soonhoonsol]

you guys ever get tired of friends who only talk about themselves? how do you respectfully tell them off?

#personal #like i love them but also im sick and tired of hearing them talk about themselves #every conversation feels like im interviewing them bc i leep asking them questions and they just answer #but there's no turning the convo back to me #it's like 'hey how r u?' and they're like 'oh im not doing so well like life sucks' #and I'll be sympathetic and ask them why and then they start ranting about 70 different things #AND IT'S ALWAYS A VAGUE RESPONSE SO I HAVE TO KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS #and they act like they dont want the attention but it's obvious they want it #and even once they're done with their storytelling they dont even bother to ask me how i am or anything #and it's pissing me off these days bc i feel like i dont even matter to them; im just some person they can talk to about themselves #it's like they don't give a shit about me at all #if i ask them what their fav colour is theyre gonna tell me it's purple and then move on from that topic #at least ask me what my fav colour is!! instead of not even caring...am i even ur friend or what #im so sorry for the rant guys but... if anyone knows to politely tell these kind of people off please lmk #i need to tell them respectfully before i lose my mind and start yelling at them

[deus-ex-mona]

worming out of awkward conversations l i k e

#accidentally partially traumadumped on my coworker earlier auaaaaaa im so sorry #literally all she asked was ‘are you gonna be spending cny with your father?’ and cue the rant (sadge) #i didn’t really have to tell her that the dude tried to burn our apartment down during a certain rampage #(said fire was extinguished by my then-11 year old bro with water from the sink though. good boi) #the topic was successfully changed after that yeayyyyyy #but. m a n n n n . cny is not a good time for me lmfaooooo #i swear i have at least one bad memory for all of the years that i’ve gone housevisiting for the season #like there was that time when i，as a kindergartner，was deemed to be the cause of breaking apart the family’s bonds #over a can of cola at a reunion dinner bc i cried when my evil aunt scolded me for daring to want a drink other than water #i think my father still blames me for that to this very day lmfaoooooo #g o d. manifesting my hopes and dreams for that prick to not contact me this year im begginggggg #he’s. like. the one person i hate more than myself. 3rd place on my hatelist is his father ofc. no clue who 4th place would be though… #hmmmmm ok i think that’s enough traumadumping for one cny season lmao #tune in next year as i once again wonder what tf the name of one of my cousins is #bc despite how bonkers that side of the family is… i’m sure that the dude’s parents weren’t deranged enough to name their son ‘colour’— #his name is seriously one of my greatest unsolved mysteries. i mean. he has siblings with names like dylan and vivian/valerie/vanessa(?) #and yet everyone calls him something that sounds like ‘colour’. #like damn did his parents decide to skip giving just one of their children a first name or something? guess i’ll never know

[deityofhearts]

I collect a lot of stationary for someone who has no reason to use all this stationary

#deity dialogue #I have recently acquired a pretyy lavender coloured highlighter #and it’s like. I don’t take notes I don’t write in my diary anymore because tbh I lost it and it was just. not a vibe maybe I’ll buy a new #one and try and start keeping entires again #I have no use for a planner because let’s be so for real I do not have a life #all I do is go grocery shopping and sometiems thrifting with lex and kait on a whim #I’ll be starting work soon but I set the hours for that job so it doesn’t really require a planner #I want so much to be a cute notes girlie (gender neutral) because I love cute neat things but like #the unmedicated adhd and lack of anything going on in my life prevents this #maybe I’ll buy a planner anyways and pretend #maybe buying a planner is the first step towards making plans #plus like I do have plans this year that me and kait and lex are gonnna start saving money since we all have jobs now so we can hopefully #move by at least the start of 2025 #so ya know what. I will buy a planner #a cute one.

[thedreadvampy]

not to be a dick but if you've been through actual university level art school and you still think that it's unreasonable bullying to be asked to push yourself or experiment with different art styles or to have aspects of your artwork criticised by people you asked for an opinion. what was the point of art school for you exactly?

when people say shit like 'my art school tutors told me my art was bad bc it was too anime and cartoonish ☹️' that may be true but I'm not gonna lie what I suspect happen is they told you 'you should work on developing a solid foundation for any art style you choose by pushing yourself to try more representational art Anne getting comfortable with ways of seeing and understanding images' and what you heard is 'NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO DRAW CARTOONS EVER AND YOUR WORK IS WORTHLESS'

and furthermore I suspect that you were really annoying in crits and took any even slightly negative comment or suggestion as a personal attack even though literally the point of art school is to learn to take and grow from constructive advice from your peers.

shout out to the girl on my undergrad who burst into tears literally every crit for three years even though about the nastiest thing anyone said to her was 'it might look cleaner if you rubbed out any of your pencil lines after inking and also used a clean rubber while sketching.' and guess whose art didn't improve at all over three years and whose technique actively got sloppier while other people were moving forward in leaps and bounds? yeah.

there were people who started uni as the best in the class and ended as some of the worst bc they just weren't prepared to listen to criticism or change how they did anything. and there were people who started out very mediocre and went on to produce incredible professional work to a high standard bc they listened and were open to change. and that's got nothing to do with who was more painterly and who was more cartoony or whatever it's just. when you ask advice and get something you don't want to hear do you chew on it and try it out or do you dig your heels in and do more of the same?

and like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sticking to your guns and doing art the way you want to do art and the way that brings you joy. I'm just saying if you don't want feedback, teaching or advice on how to improve I'm really not sure what the benefit of art school is that you couldn't get several thousand pounds cheaper by staying home and drawing there.

(and I'm also saying if you come out of art school like BOOHOO NOBODY LIKES MY STYLE AND MY ART IS WORTHLESS you might. need to pull yourself together and say either I'm committed to this style regardless of whether people like it and I'm going to keep building on this style and make it amazing, or I want to make art that's more like the work people like and I value, what could I change to get more where I want to go? but if you lie down and say waaaaaah it's so unfair that my art is bad and everyone else is just more talented than me then bullshit. by the time you've graduated art school talent is not the deciding factor in the quality of your work. it's a question of your willingness and capacity to put the work in, take criticism, understand what you want to achieve, and slog through trying and failing to get a certain effect until it improves. professional level art is not an innate talent it's a trained skill, and some people might start further along the path than others bc of their talent, eye or training, but the distance between someone who's talented but unpractised and someone who's less talented but puts a lot of thought and work in closes extremely rapidly. it can be disheartening but if you want to do this professionally rather than for yourself you gotta feel your frustration, have a good scream and cry about it, then get back in to figuring out what you need to build on. bc we're all guilty of sometimes going HOWEVER HARD I WORK I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY PEERS but no offence if you just lie down and give up where does that get you? if you just start going 'actually you should all feel bad for not liking my work more' instead of making your work more appealing or finding the right audience for it, that's on you not on anyone else. what was the point of art school????)

#needless bitching time #i just. i don't understand why you'd pay thousands of pounds a year to get constructive feedback #and then spend the year treating any feedback as a personal attack #save your money my guy of you want to do it on your own and you don't think other people have anything to tell you #then don't pay 6 grand a year to not listen to other people's advice #saw three consecutive art posts on here of ppl being like MY TUTORS TOLD ME NOT TO DO ANIME ART BC THEY JUST DON'T GET ME #WHY ARE ALL MY PEERS DOING BETTER THAN ME DESPITE US ALL GRADUATING AT THE SAME TIME #friends it's not bc you do anime art it's bc they tried new things and learnt new skills and you dug your heels in bc anime is What You Do #but like. successful cartoonists and anime artists are ppl who've at least had a crack at life drawing and realism #to know what they're stylising and how #I'm sure there's some teachers going NO ANIME EVER but I'm p sure most of your tutors were actually saying #don't just do anime bc it's what you know how to do. try other styles bc even if you're bad at them you'll learn something #it's not just anime like. ppl who come in only doing photorealism are pushed to stylise more. #you should be pushed out of your comfort zone. different styles. different media. that's not where you're being asked to END UP. #it's a LEARNING PROCESS #like a lot of my direct tutelage was like. pushing me to do looser more gestural blockier art #use an a6 piece of paper and a fat marker pen for life drawing #or no lines only blocks of shadow #or use a 3 colour palette with no midtones #or draw 30 thumbnails in a minute #and the art i made like that SUUUUUUUUUCKED. and it's meant to. it's not meant to be how you work from now on. #it's meant to help you identify what you're missing and where your blind spots are #and what you can incorporate into your work moving forward #red said

[faunandfloraas]

Comments on that vid being like Yes Seungmin we like it when you cut your hair into a very boring style with bangs across the face that you have had 600 times already, be gone the mullet that was actually new and interesting 🫶 and I'm just sitting here like. Well everyone is entitled to their own opinions I suppose :) my eye isn't twitching :)

#like you know what? i was hype when he did his hair dark blue for rock star so i dont mond him going back dark #like chill. cool. rock the black #but why couldnt he keep the length for a bit longer??? do a balck mullet ??? 😭 seungmin has had the least varied hairstyles in skz let him #play around and try having it longer like most the ithers have gotten to do at some point without immediately being on the okay now go back #HE HAS HAD THAT STYLE 70 TIMES IT WILL ALWAYS COME BACK LET HIM EXPAND HIS HORIZONS 😭 #like he was the one who wanted the fun tangerine colour for 5star maybe the guy likes playin around with his hair has the thought occurrd #ough #Okay im done i'll stop lamenting the loss of seungmullet one day but not today lmao

[bmpmp3]

lemme tell you im starting to get a little sick of when im complaining about when a show or movie is writing a major female character with not as much depth as her male cohorts or she's written oddly plot device-like for a main character and people always tell me "oh but it's intentional, we're seeing her through the eyes of the male main character and he has a crush on her so he doesnt see her flaws" because like

FIRST of all yeah i get it but its hard to write that trope interestingly to me at this point without a lot of work put into subversion so intentionality doesnt make it any less boring

SECONDLY half the time people say this about ensemble cast stuff and like why is the random dude suddenly designated as the most perspective of all perspective characters when it comes to this specific woman. why dont we get to see the other characters perspectives on her too?

AND THIRDLY do people view women they have crushes on as bland plot devices without lives of their own enough irl that this is so universal in writing? isnt the point of having a crush wanting to hang out and know more about your crush, know about their likes and dislikes and all that. am i missing something here

#im gonna sound insane for what im about to say. but i grew up watching way to much harem anime for a 10 year old #and im gonna be honest. maybe that spoiled me? those things were not without their flaws but at least the 5 different magical giant #goddess demon vampire women with multicoloured hair inexplicably in love with random normal guy at least had like. inner lives #like thats why the guy is so normal and bland. because the focus is on the magical women and their pink hair and their complicated #backstories and familial lives and whatever outside of the main character #like theyre still big boobied colourful haired fantasies but at least they showed me something about em #when it comes to these other stories where a woman is treated like a plot device love interest and written like a dead wife in an #action movie but like. alive. i cant help but feel like. are you holding out on me? i want to know her. show me her LIFE i want to SEE IT #grabs writers by the collar ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME??? #its nuts because sometimes you see the bones of a really cool character but the writers are more interested in what she can do for the main #male character and how he sees her than whats going on in her head. i dunno im just getting annoyed. i think u can do this trope well #like how i think you can write basically any trope well. but i see intentionality used an excuse so often so i wanna see you do #SOMETHING interesting with this trope if ur gonna do it at least. subvert it in cool ways i dunno just do ANYTHING hfjdkjfkd

[arcadianico]

it makes so much sense that quackity couldn’t talk to SOPHIA about love without also talking about grief btw. the two are so intertwined in the smp as a whole but especially in qquackity’s story. his love and grief are inextricable from each other, they’re symbiotic

#he refuses to talk about his feelings for wilbur as love. because he knows its not #its attraction yeah but not love. they barely know each other #also i maintain that his desire for wilbur is less about wilbur and more about the role wilbur can fill or should have filled in his life #quackity’s obsession with wilbur is fundamentally tied into his grief for tilín #literally the whole thing is about q thinking wilbur was meant to be his partner and therefore also tilín’s other parent #and that massively colours how q views both wilbur and tallulah #that’s why he’s been so obsessed #his talk about roier and cellbit was cute but really when he was describing love he wasn’t talking about them because so much of what he #said doesn’t apply to spiderbit’s relationship at least yet #(there’s still time) #but there’s a reason he couldn’t help but circle back to tilín #tilín has been q’s biggest motivator for most of the series in one way or another #his relationship with tilín might have been doomed but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love them #he loved them to the point of self destruction #and after that conversation with SOPHIA i think he’s only now picking up the pieces #or even examining them in detail #the grief and love he has towards tilín have been overshadowing him this whole time and he hasn’t dealt with it #idk he’s tried at points but he always falls back on denial and pretending he’s fine #maybe because he feels like letting go of any part of his grief is like letting go of his love for tilín and he doesn’t want to do that #after all they are two sides of the same coin #god this is a ramble anyway #quackity #sophia qsmp #tilín #tilin #qsmp

[slashingdisneypasta]

F/O Imagine/Question

Thinking about Adult Online Shopping with your F/O(s). Like, not even searching for toys to use together- you were just casually looking for something new for yourself, your alone time, and your F/O(s) just happen to walk by and get curious. Did they know before you that you masturbate? If not, how do they feel about it? Are they shy about looking at this stuff with you? Do they try to initiate funky time because of this? Are they cool an casual?

Now imagine actually going to the adult store with them XD

#yep this i s inspired by real events. my pink bullet has decided that it is Her Time and stopped working #so i'm in the market and OH BOY. #i'm sex positive but apparently i have some work to do still because some of this stuff is still pretty awkward to see 🤣 #but like. this imagine is so fun XDD #like 👠cruella and me grimacing at the ones that actually look like fleshy veiny penises (no thank you not for me) #theorising with 🐊jim about what some on earth of them even do because they are NOT all self explanatory lemme tell you- #🖕otis knowing the answer to e v e r y q u e s t i o n. XD #F/O #F/O's #F/O Question #F/O Imagine #“👠oh god darling do you really want a disembodied penis in your home??” #“noo i cant say i do... at least they have various colours though... hey what do you this one does??” #“🐊surely- surely that goes in the- ” #“no way!- ” #“🖕yep that goes in the ass. i recommend this other one though- ” #XDDDD i dunno its just a fun casual chill thought!! XD #edit: OH I FORGOT ABOUT CALLAHAN📕 #okay with him... i can see him possibly being pretty curious haha XD #like he's sitting right next to me telling me what to click on so he can read the descriptions XDD

[merchantarthurn]

So I’ve started compiling a Google Drive to make an archive of all WHA official art (not the text of the work, of course) and today I received my set of the playing cards from one of the special editions! I’ve not even seen HQ copies of these without SAMPLE watermarks before but! I’ll be making copies of them & the rule book available after I scan them.

On that note - if anyone would be interested in translating some of the text (especially the “special rules”) let me know! The game itself is based on “Love Letter”, so most of the rule book is not high priority, but it throws in some rule-altering “special cards” that have the characters on them and alas... machine translation does not make their meaning very clear lmao. I can provide an explanation of how “Love Letter” works for context - it’s a nice simple game. From my understanding there’s also video showing how to play the game which I have in my bookmarks which is an extra resource available for translators if you can translate by ear!

I’d love to see all the text translated though so if you’ve not got much time or aren’t confident enough for rules translation, there’s plenty of flavour text which would be cool to have translated too! 

With permission, I’d like to be able to put these in the Google Drive when finished (with credit to translators in accompanying documents and as a watermark)! There’s no deadline on these, this is a very long-term project.

On the Drive itself: I won’t link the drive directly on Tumblr because I don’t want the link to be something I can’t take down if I need to (please don’t post publicly on tumblr either! and check the rules/disclaimer document), but I’ll post a link to the tweet I share it in in the reblogs/replies! (Further rambling below the cut)

It’s a WIP as I’m tracking down the original sources and context of various images & I’m trying to find untranslated versions where applicable (as some are from translation teams who may not want their work in the drive) - but I’m hoping that’ll also make the Drive a robust archive regardless of whether the work needs to be taken down at any point (e.g. copyright removal requests). Since so much of the extra content is on Twitter, it’s actually very easy to locate the sources and provide dates! And I’ll probably throw in some extra links like Shirahama inking or the anime announcement trailer too :)

On that note sldjfg I might ask for some help to scrub through old tweets from Shirahama at some point, or just grunt work copy/pasting links from some of her twitter moments that compile individual artwork. So far I’ve focused on “sets” that I have the information of (like magazine covers, chapter cover art, volume covers, countdowns and holiday art) since it’s easier to nail down dates or sources for those, but for the rest... it’s gonna be a slog pfff. So if you know how to use the advanced twitter search to comb through time frames, I might have a job for you in future lmao.

But!! General statement for this archive - it is meant to be an archive, so the focus is on documenting source, context, etc. Which means logging the original tweets and whether they’re any explanatory text attached is far more important that reuploading artwork - if the artwork is requested to come down, it will! Whether that’s a request from the copyright holders, or translators. So DO keep in mind the rules regarding reuploading or sharing the link to the drive - I really wanna keep this stuff of Pintrest lol, but also keeping the link to the drive private or easy to delete (so, not a direct link on tumblr) is a must innit.

#witch hat atelier #tongari boushi no atelier #wha #tbna #presently though my focus is getting the easy stuff uploaded #i also have a copy of the colouring book but I don't want to pull all the pages out to scan them unless im ready to colour them lol #but at least i know what im looking for - i have a few pages already

[plushie-adventures]

Birthday boy got his cake!!!

Lovingly made by me and a-yao hehe

#i forgot to buy candles ToT #also. wanted to decorate the cake all pretty with cloud patterns buti dont have any of my baking supplies or piping bags with me in my new #flat :')) did find blue food colouring at least hehe #they are filled with the things i found in my cupboard so chocolate and red bean paste and almond flakes and you know what theyre GOOD OKAY #didnt realise his forehead ribbon had fallen off for the photos bit its his BIRTHDAY he is allowed to be unrestrained anyway :) #lan xichen #xiyao #plushchen #plushyao

[sysig]

Psyche, she was meant to be weird this whole time (Patreon)

2018 “Cure” like: Lol you thought

It really is hard to translate her design to paper! Even just trying to get her body type down and decided on was tough - is she a bean? Not exactly, but she’s not hourglass either, or exactly chubby or round, but not just a rectangle?? I don’t know how to describe her, and that’s completely discounting her face. I do remember that she’s both very short (a little bigger than your average teddy bear but not by much, so around 2′6″?? Maybe??) but also rather wide so her proportions are all weird

The original look at her wide eyelash concept - still not sure :0 I imagine they’d be brightly coloured as well, probably hot pink or maybe a gradient of colours. She’s definitely meant to have some elements of eyestrain in her design

#Doodles #Original #Vaguely offputting if you prefer #It really is mostly the eyes #There's still not just one eye design I can settle on and be like ''Yup that's completely accurate'' #I think it's just another one of those things that's gonna have to be ever-changing #At least that'd make her easy to draw in one sense haha - there's no real way to be completely accurate #So that means plenty of things are all equally inaccurate and valid lol #She'd probably have obnoxiously layered sparkles and shine-shapes and colours - Blingee sparkles as a base haha #Anyway - she does /actually/ have some trueisms of her designs: #Cure isn't her real name - 'cause she doesn't have one lol - and she's regularly very smiley and non-blushy #Which is a real shame for me 'cause y'all know how much I love drawing blush marks but she just doesn't! #She's meant to be just a little off-kilter - not in a danger way just a little freaky lol #Her character feels hard to describe lol - it's like agreed-upon antagonism? She's playing the villain and loving it #But she's also only playing the villain as much as anyone playing against her wants her to - she's only as strong an opponent as desired #So in a literal sense she's unbeatable but she only wants to play lol - once it's no longer fun she turns it off and steps back #She still likes being off-putting in a harmless way but her goal is never to hurt just to toy - I mean she literally is one lol #So yeah she's a weird one #Maybe someday I can put exactly what's been in my head all this time down to reality haha - doubt it! But I can keep trying :)

[running-in-the-dark]

oh! my nephew stayed here last night, and he told me that his grandma's partner - the most annoying, conceited, boring man I have ever met - said he doesn't like it that I always contradict him :)

I've met this guy maybe... 5-10 times total? and every time he manages to say something even more stupid than the last! it's almost impressive! like, he thinks he knows everything. and no one ever says anything, they just let him talk because it's not worth it (I know that because almost every one of them has told me this).

but I get too pissed off when it's something I care about. and I'm an adult now, I can talk back to shitty adults, I don't give a fuck.

anyway, I just think it's absolutely hilarious that he feels that way and now I'll do it even more often :) it's very fun when I ask him what his sources are for what he's saying and he just stammers some bullshit and tries to say that's not the point (pretty sure it's 100% telegram and tik tok, because that's the kind of useless old guy he is).

#some fun recent examples include... my niece gave back my rainbow high doll. he saw it and commented that it's disgusting that dolls #sexualise little girls like that because of crop tops and high heels and makeup and garter belts. what the fuck man. no one is sexualising #anything except YOU #that's a fashion doll. meant to be like 15. wearing fun pretty clothes and colourful makeup. if you look at that and think oh that's #too sexy. then I'm sorry but that's YOUR problem #(and garter belts??? it was some decoration hanging off her skirt what the fuck.) #he didn't like it when I said that no one ever says toys for boys have to be good role models :) #got realllly pissy when I wouldn't stop :) like hello dude you know there's something you can do if you don't want anyone to respond to your #fucking bullshit right? it's called THINKING. just keep that shit in your head #I'll keep doing this until he no longer wants to say dumb shit when I'm around :) (so. forever probably. but he's old he'll die before me so #it'll be fine). #oh and one time he tried to convince us that regular people in the UK are better off since Brexit. hello? dude you don't speak a damn word #of English. you barely know how to order a drink or something. how the fuck would you know #it drives me insane. he couldn't be any more mediocre and stupid if he tried. yet he thinks he's the greatest person ever #can't fucking stand him #and men like him in general. (yes it is only ever men. women like my mother are similar but they're never this fucking sure of their shitty #opinions.) #(in fact they usually give up way too easily. in my experience at least.)

[dullahandyke]

YIS my fabric pastels came!!!! Time 2 make my own shirt >:3

#im thinking a load of cluttered decals but idk what to do for a lot of them #i know i want lesbian flag and trans symbol at least... #the rest ill figure out #15 colours yippeeeeeee #maybe a little vocaloid.... maybe a kero-chan...

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

how to not be overstimulated

#put music on - some of my very favourite stuff - and oh! it is making my hair stand on end! in not a good way! i am now on edge and i #don't! know! why! #if only all this would make SENSE >:( #no apparent trigger that i can perceive #back to our regular i want to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee apparently #and there's no REASON for to be feeling like this it would be so much easier if there WAS #i want to do so many things but they involve Textures and No #knitting? i want to finish my cloak! im les than a row away from the border itself! excited! and its maybe at times getting cool enough i #could wear it! but the mere thought of perhaps i should knit to calm down sounds Too Much! because knitting has Texture! #piano? it has Sounds! and there's a slightly worrying trend beginning to emerge that piano makes me Feel Emotions! and it's been like at #least five times where ive gone to play the piano to calm down which helps to some extent but also helps to remove a numb feeling which is #overall good emotionally but it has ended up with me harming because i can't Deal with the Emotions! and i dont think this is a very good #trend! i could get out my colouring book i was given for my birthday and see if that helps but that also has Sounds! pencil on paper sounds #i could write but id have to work out a different scene because i cannot write the scene im up to rn bc it's hard enough when im #emotionally stable bc neither character knows what to do or say! #so many things i *could* do! i could go for a walk! too Bright #i could do All These Things If Only I Could #am i just making up all these difficulties and is it just my own stupid brain that's inventing things? Who Knows!! #and it's so unfair that eating makes everything *worse* #it shouldn't happen that way #it just shouldn't #i just want to die so bad #i wont do anything #not permanent i mean #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #for the record i ate a meal like an hour and a half ago and ive hydrated #personal #im just so tired and pathetic and messed up :/