#i can go into very graphic detail about how it's physically possible to do that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zenaidamacrouras1 · 1 year

Text

Writing Modern Steve Roger's Health Issues: A compendium

AKA How do Steve Rogers' MCU canon illnesses hold up in a modern setting?

I am writing something that is SO NICHE and so NERDY I feel absolutely, positively deviant about it. Who knew you could have this much fun while eating a burrito and sitting in the sun on your back porch?

OKAY! This one goes out to all of you writing modern AU's with a modern Steve Rogers. (There are literally dozens of us!). Let's go.

So, I find it somewhat problematic when people write disabled or otherwise medically complicated characters and are wishy-washy about the diagnosis they have. In real life, everyone I know with ongoing medical issues is a fucking expert on their exact shit. A great tumblr reference for disabled characters is Cripple Characters, but I also use reddit threads to read about people’s day to day experiences with different issues in their own words. If nothing else, just decide what your character has and take ten minutes and read through a basic website article about it.

So let's walk through what modern Steve's medical history and diagnoses might be. If you feel like I missed any details or got things wrong, happy to have comments to that end.

We'll start with the list of “ailments,” going with the MCU canon and combining the images from the museum exhibit and screen shots of Steve’s enlistment forms:

Asthma

Scoliosis

Fallen arches

Partial deafness

Scarlet Fever, Rheumatic Fever

Heart arrhythmia

High blood pressure

Palpitation or pounding in heart

Easy fatigability

Stomach ulcers

Pernicious anemia

Nervous trouble of any sort

Sinusitis

Chronic or frequent colds

Caveat: I am not a doctor, but I am a person who enjoys reading medical journal articles about illnesses I do and don’t have. The human body is a fascinating and terrible place to live. Talk to me about your medical complications - I will always find them interesting. I love small talk about Crohn’s disease and/or extremely graphic details about the time you had surgery because one of your wrist bones was the wrong length.

Sucks To Your Assmar: Asthma! How has asthma changed?

Kids who have their asthma well managed at a young age are going to have less scarring and lung damage (this is called airway remodeling). Thus a modern kid will likely have less severe asthma than a kid born in Steve’s time. Further, allergy medicines got way better from the 1990s, so kids with allergy induced asthma would have had fewer attacks. Fewer attacks as kids = less severe asthma as they age.

I would also note that asthma is highly connected to environmental issues. If Steve grew up in a house with cigarette smoke, cockroaches, rats, or mold present, as is fairly easy to imagine, especially without dehumidifiers in a swampy Brooklyn summer, those are environmental factors that would have made his asthma much worse.

They are also all factors that kids today certainly face, depending on how you write your modern Steve’s childhood. While people today certainly can have very severe asthma, it’s also entirely possible that modern Steve’s relationship to his asthma is pretty chill and easy to manage. (My partner has relatively severe asthma with a lot of environmental triggers; modern allergy medicine was a big game changer.)

Let’s talk about scoliosis ~~

There are a lot of variations to how scoliosis impacts people. I have very minor scoliosis and it's barely a thing in my life. I’m not trying to speak for everyone, but for what it’s worth, there are professional athletes with spinal fusion. I used Kyra Condie as my justification for writing climbing coach post-spinal fusion small Steve Rogers in one fic. My younger brother and best friend in high school both had spinal fusions.

In reality the athletic and physical abilities of people with spinal fusion vary pretty much exactly as much as people without spinal fusion, so you have a lot of leeway for how you decide to write a character with scoliosis. I recommend reddit threads to read about people talking about how their bodies felt before and after spinal fusion, or why they decided not to have the surgery, if you want to get a sense of how it might affect your character’s day to day life.

Wait, so how tall is modern small Steve Rogers?

You can see in this article that gains in height post scoliosis corrective surgery/spinal fusion varies, but the mean was 27 mm (1 inch) and the maximum was 66 mm (2.5 inches).

The more severe the curve in the spine, the more height gained with surgery.

We know Steve had scoliosis, we don’t know how severe it was (do we?). But if he was 5’4” without spinal fusion, and with all of his childhood fevers, and possible poor nutrition due to the Great Depression and untreated stomach ulcers, then it’s very reasonable that a modern Steve raised with proper nutrition and his gastrointestinal issues (see below!) properly treated and a spinal fusion could be easily 1-10 inches taller.

I think it’s great if you want to write modern Small Steve as 5’4” - but I tend to write him as 5’7” or so.

I think it is entirely likely that a modern Steve Rogers could end up being 6 feet tall given modern medical intervention and a healthy digestive system and adequate nutrition. As an example of how people with more or less the same genetics having different heights due to environmental factors, I know of one family of four brothers that immigrated from Italy in the 40s. Their height was 100% correlated to their age when they moved to the US/started having access to food: the oldest brother was around 5’4” and the youngest around 6 feet. The oldest was also a chain smoker and worked full time from around age 8, so you know, he was a fucking badass 5'4" Italian guy, if that's not clear.

What about fallen arches?

Fun story, but I have fallen arches/flat feet and had a lot of foot pain as a kid, but I thought it was normal. I wear custom orthotics and/or birkenstocks and do exercises to strengthen my feet muscles and it's fine now as long as I remember to do the things I just mentioned. My dad had to have multiple surgeries on his feet, so I think it helped that they caught it earlier in me.

Should I write modern non-serum Steve as deaf?

Maybe! I think it’s lovely when people write characters with hearing issues. There are great blogs that cover ways to do that well (a good link, another one, and another one and I think this one on hearing aids is particularly good if you are trying to bring in subtle day to day routine differences a character that wears hearing aids may have. Another great option is, again, reddit, especially for questions around how sexual intimacy might vary in small ways that can be nice to bring in. (I am working on a fic with a seeing character whose ex is blind and also read a lot of couples first hand experience with sexual intimacy around that dynamic on reddit).

But how likely is it that modern Steve would be deaf?

I think that it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s hearing issues were a result of Scarlet Fever, which is a bacterial infection that can result in rheumatic fever, an inflammatory condition that develops in more severe cases of scarlet fever.

Scarlet fever caused deafness - in fact, both Helen Keller and Thomas Edison had hearing loss due to scarlet fever infections. Further, sustained fevers of over 104 degrees can also cause hearing loss, so there is a reasonable chance that some other fever caused Steve’s hearing issues.

Today, the kind of hearing loss caused by fevers and infections can usually be surgically repaired or never occur because we have better antibiotics and better medicines to treat fevers. However, I have a friend who has partial hearing loss and lots of other life long nervous system and fatigue issues due to complications from childhood chicken pox in the 80s (this vaccine came around in 1995).

I don’t know if it’s canon or fanfiction, but I often see Steve as having one bad ear. For what it’s worth, hearing loss in one ear is much less common than hearing loss in both ears.

However, potential causes of hearing loss in one ear are infections that result in a high fever and some kind of head trauma, both of which are easy to imagine would have affected a Steve born in 1918, and while possible in a modern Steve, also easier to avoid.

Heart Stuff: Heart arrhythmia, High blood pressure, Palpitation of pounding in heart, Easy fatigability

The aforementioned fevers that can cause hearing loss can also cause heart issues. I think it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s heart issues were from his fevers as a young kid, but I often write him with a congenital heart defect, because why not?

These days, most of the time, such issues are detected at or before birth and fixed when the person is a baby, but there are plenty of heart issues that can require multiple heart surgeries at various points. Regardless, a modern Steve would most likely either have had access to corrective surgery or medication to manage these heart conditions. Which is not to say that he wouldn’t suffer mental and physical trauma from this medical complication.

There are plenty of professional athletes you can find who have all of the above heart issues. And plenty of people with heart issues who have no interest in being professional athletes, so like, follow your bliss.

Digestive System Stuff: Easy fatigability, Stomach ulcers, Pernicious anemia

I have easy fatigability under heart stuff too, because lots of shit can make you tired.

My personal head canon is that Steve Rogers has celiac disease and/or lactose intolerance, it would cause all of the above. Both can also lead to poor growth - in fact falling off growth charts is one of the most common symptoms of celiac disease in children.

While people have been aware of celiac disease since there were people, gluten wasn’t identified as the clear cause till the 50s.

I typically write modern Steve with some kind of food allergy, and I think that addresses quite a few of his canon medical complications.

Because so many causes of this category of symptoms are relatively easily solved with modern medical intervention/avoiding the problem, I would point folks towards Crohn’s disease if you are looking to write a modern character with medical issue that is more likely to be an ongoing source of similar medical complications today.

(Also, kids with Crohn’s are likely to have reduced height. I have a friend who has Crohn's whose 3 siblings are well over 6 feet and he is around 5'8" (so 4-6 inches aka 11+ cm shorter due to his severe childhood illness).)

Nervous trouble of any sort

Kids with medical complications and food allergies are much more likely to have anxiety. I’m so proud of all the kids making it through the day with anxiety. Luff you anxiety kids, I see you working twice as hard to be present as the non-anxious kids. Tough as hell. Give yourself a high five. I’m so damn proud of you.

Sinusitis and Frequent colds

I mean, god bless modern decongestants and allergy meds. Celiac disease and lactose intolerance can both cause sinus issues, so here is another one of Steve's ailments that can be "cured" through that diagnosis.

Other stuff

When you look at the above, you can see a lot of scenarios where modern era Steve, like many children/adults today, had multiple surgeries and serious and scary health complications as a child, but as an adult would appear as a relatively healthy able bodied person, with the possibility of even becoming a top athlete if he was so inclined. It’s also likely that some issues like chronic fatigue etc, might linger into adulthood as relatively invisible illnesses that nonetheless affect his everyday.

In some ways his character arc given the advances of modern medicine could mimic his arc due to the serum.

Being medically complicated as a kid sucks. Even if you have surgeries to treat and/or learn how to live with things like Crohn’s and celiac and reduce flare ups, lingering mental health trauma can have an impact.

Lastly and most importantly, I have a personal headcanon that young Steve Rogers of any era spent a lot of time sick in bed and staring into a mirror learning how to raise one eyebrow and perform other eyebrow gymnastics so he could more effectively sass his nurses.

IN CONCLUSION:

I think it's actually reasonable for an author to say, "My modern Steve never had any fevers, and got his severe lactose intolerance diagnosed as a baby, and had good nutrition, had medications/clean environment that prevented his asthma."

So this Steve is 6 feet tall and healthy as long as he doesn't eat dairy and takes his daily zyrtec (cetirizine - it's an allergy med). The only medical issue he has from canon left is scoliosis, flat feet, and an astigmatism.

You can also choose to write a Steve with more complex medical issues, and there are lots of things that can be good and interesting and value about that. I think the main thing is to pick a diagnosis and write it realistically, hopefully this helps some with that!

#stucky fanfiction #smol steve #writing disability #steve roger #pre serum steve rogers #modern steve rogers #honestly whats wrong with me #I don't even know but I feel like I'm dealing with my mental illnesses well enough and I had fun writing this #meta #headcanon #stony fanfiction

440 notes · View notes

snek-panini · 7 months

Text

It's been a few weeks since I had new books to share, but I finally got photos taken of the newest ones so today's the day. Here, have a book:

This is Across Tides and Currents, a Good Omens siren AU by Sodium_Azide and @doorwaytoparadise (hi. I hope I tagged you right). My favorite thing about this AU is that, at its heart, it's about learning to communicate with someone who is so different from you that you can't even physically speak each other's language, and yet you've still got so much common ground that you find a way. It's way lighter and more fun than that description makes it sound, though, so go read it if that's your thing.

The cover on this is Lineco book cloth, scrapbook paper printed to look like leather, and blue foil htv. The foil was actually a nightmare to do. The first time I applied it, it wouldn't stick no matter what I did, and the bits that did stick peeled off as soon as I touched them. I had to peel them up very carefully, cut a new image, and try again. Thankfully it worked the second time but I don't know that I'll be using the foil type again unless there's no other way to get the color I want. The non-foil metallic was so much easier to work with.

More book photos under the cut!

I went with a coptic bind for this one for a few reasons. The first was that I wanted to try one on a quarto-size book to see if I could. I also wanted to try the mitered corners thing I did when I bound Strange Moons, and see if I could have the same effect on the interior. (That bit didn't work out so well; the front is fine but I mismeasured the inside and the lines didn't match up, so I trimmed some pieces of cardstock to cover that up. I really like the layered look though, so that's fine. It's quirky.) The third reason is that not long before I decided to bind this one, the authors published a new chapter after two years of no updates. That's the best possible reason to have to change plans, and the glueless bind means that if they ever do that again I can just redo the stitching to add more pages. Win-win.

Getting whimsical with title pages here. This took way longer than I thought it would, probably because I don't like graphic design and I did it in Word where I do the rest of my typesetting. Usually what I do is grab an image and put text around it or on top of it and then just play with fonts and sizes, but this time I drew the lines and then made the text follow them. This is the first time I've used the word art feature since...probably 2009? I'd forgotten how. I have no doubt there are better ways to do this but if I'd had to learn a new program at that point I'd have quit. And I do think it was worth it--it's cute and fun and looks about how I imagined it.

Couple of photos of the inside. Sorry the first one's blurry, I had someone trying to get my attention when I took these. The section break image came from rawpixel, I just made it gray instead of black so it's more subtle. The fic has very nice illustrations that I specifically got the artist's permission to print and then I failed to get any photos of them when I did my little photo shoot. They look very nice, though. I swear.

The last image is something I've started including in my latest books. I'm calling them "A Note from the Bookbinder" and it's basically just me talking about why I chose that story, the experience of reading it for the first time, stuff that's going on in the fandom, stuff about the process like the new chapter coming out as I was preparing to print. It's kind of...like marginalia? Part of fanbinding is preservation and that's linked to archival work, and something I know archivists love is marginalia and diaries. I don't like writing in my books and I've never found any fun in journaling, but sometimes that kind of context is important so I'm trying to add it. Someday, decades from now, I may not remember all the details, so I'm trying to preserve them. IDK, this got philosophical on me. Go read about mermaids now. Promise it's a good time.

#bookbinding #fanbinding #snek makes books #good omens #fic rec #i wanted to do this as a mermay project #that did not happen #i finished it in october #happy mertober

46 notes · View notes

lemonhemlock · 1 year

Note

If you were one of the writers of the show , how will you write Aegon's character? His development, his bond with his dragon, relationship with his children, wife, siblings etc...

Like how he will be from his childhood to his adulthood + how he will be as a king and how he will become after the war...

Like you free to not use Tom's interpretation or Sara+ryan's interpretation if you don't want to.

I'm interested to know how will you write F&B Aegon and i hope you write it in details if you have time because i love reading your ideas.

What a monumental ask, thank you! This character has had such a hold on me; I can feel the potential radiating off this combination of screen + page. I ranted in the past about how I disagree with the choices they made with him, but they did endow him with an exasperating capacity for greatness, a lot of it thanks to TGC's interpretation.

I do think that Aegon could have been one of the most memorable ASOIAF characters and one of the most thrilling explorations of kinghood. I am not referring to people's already-cemented views of him; I am speaking of building the most compelling version of this character possible within the basic narrative of FB, beyond any fandom sectarian lines. Basically, what I'd like to do with these raw materials is to construct a character that people will love, but that they would find very, very uncomfortable, in a prickling-beneath-the-skin type of way.

I am also well aware that this will start to diverge wildly from canon, so don't feel compelled to point that out. I know already. This is going to get very, very self-indulgent since that was the nature of the ask.

Trigger warning for everything. Needless to say, I'm not writing a wholesome script here.

So let's turn him into this generation's Commodus.

This will mostly be imagery and vibes, because I don't have a lot of plot point thought out.

Some of the descriptive tags I use something when referring to green family dynamics are those of #an incestuous autophagous family gradually violating every boundary until every kind of social role leeches into the next #collapsing onto itself in psychosexual neurosis. Sound very pretentious, I know, but it's basically this idea of House Targaryen retreating within its family unit as a result of trauma, but ending in a process of cannibalization. I would have Aegon be the main exponent of this type of breakdown. So I will usually choose the most fucked-up option whenever possible, but I'd focus mostly on innuendo & psychological fuckery, rather than anything more graphic. I mean, this is a TV show, still.

Consequently, one of the readings that I find the most disturbing (and entertaining) is that of Aegon wanting to crawl back inside Alicent's womb, to revert to that pre-birth state in which they weren't separated, they were still one whole and whatever particles of him lived inside Alicent were safe and warm and protected. I am going to link to a few posts I made that describe this type family dynamic (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). This is pretty intense, granted, but imagine if there were a TV show that had the balls to implement this kind of dynamic. I mean, if you can't realise it within ASOIAF-verse, then where?

So I would have Aegon mirror Alicent in the way that she's trying to keep her family together. Aegon craves his family, he wants to feed off of them and wants them to feed off him. He wants them all to collapse into each other back to that original state of being physical parts of Alicent in a far-away time that coincides with Alicent's girlhood. It's often said in meta that Cersei views her children as extensions of herself. I want the opposite for Aegon, our most self-aware, fourth-wall-breaking character: I want him to know that he is an extension of Alicent. This will only become apparent to the viewer later, because we start in a completely different way.

I'd say that this could work very well, because on screen Alicent & Aegon look a lot alike. The casting directions really pulled through here. Alicent seems to communicate often through touch - she will anxiously grab at whomever she's talking to or she will engage in self-soothing gestures. I'd have Aegon inherit that from his mother, that need to physically connect with his family. He'd like them to hug him, but they don't initiate, so he grabs at them to stop them from leaving or just so he could feel them. In one of these scenes, I'd have him look wistfully at her and say some creepy melancholic shit about how they have the same face. "If you were a man, you'd be me." (IF I WERE A MAN, I'D BE JAIME - IF I WERE A WOMAN, I'D BE CERSEI - you get it. We're running with this).

Similarly, I would have Aegon willing & eager to accept violence from his family as an act of love. As long as his mother slaps him, it means that she loves him, it means that she cares, it means that she deigns to touch him. She can do it in public or in court & he won't react other than being weepy. (fans love this anyway, he's never beating the pathetic wet rat allegations) I'd also give Ser Criston the privilege of knocking Aegon about. Heck, the entire Kingsguard (those who did not desert, at least, because it means they are truly loyal to him). I want to toy with the idea of the trappings of kinghood - the king doesn't have absolute powers, he is a prisoner in his own right OR does he just choose to give them up and be pushed about for whatever reason? I want the viewer not to know what Aegon is going to do, whether he will pull rank or whether he will submit.

For Aemond, I've already provided a few links above on how I'd portray their relationship. With Daeron, I'd have him be ecstatic - finally, someone who doesn't look at him with disgust & disappointment! (Mostly because Daeron has been away for a long time and hasn't had time to be disappointed by Aegon, but, oh, well) Finally someone who will withstand his hugs! I'd have Aegon be very caring-big-brother like.

With Helaena, I'd give him a better relationship, because it's just more interesting to me than to have him another awful targhusband. Aegon is not someone who has a lot of patience, but for Helaena, he could channel Alicent sometimes (IF I WERE A WOMAN I'D BE MY MOTHER) and get through to her.

I've already spoken to death on the issue of their children - the most interesting and toxic option for me is if none of them know who fathered them, but they do not care. Sometimes they wonder, but as a curiosity. The children belong to all of them. They are all Alicent's, anyway. She made them all via parthenogenesis. (this is a joke lol). Feel free to disagree with this, I do not care; make your own AU.

I would also age them up, frankly, because it's ridiculous for teenagers to be doing all of these things anyway. I'd have them be in their early twenties - with Alicent maybe around 38? That's still young, before any of you gets their knickers in a twist. So maybe another 10-year time jump after the eye incident.

I've already written a post on what I'd change about Season 1, but I'll add a few more indulgent changes.

I would give baby!Aegon the white hart symbolism just to fuck with Rhaenyra.

I do like Ty Tennant's Aegon and wouldn't change much about him, except give him more things to do. If I could add an extra episode between "We Light The Way" and "The Princess and The Queen", I'd fill it up mostly with interactions between all of the children. Jace, Luke, Aegon, Helaena, Aemond & Daeron. Have them do stuff separately and together. Show more of Aemond being bullied, but also have Aegon rope his siblings into some silly adventure. Show them how to navigate the secret tunnels. Convince them to sneak out into the city. Do something cute with them, so it's not all doom & gloom.

I would portray young Aegon as someone who is naturally talented but doesn't apply himself. That annoying instinctually smart kid that never does his homework but somehow coasts by. Have his peers be annoyed at this and view him as an arrogant twerp. Make him an arrogant twerp, so it's not just an opinion.

One thing that I haven't really seen discussed all that much is the effect Viserys' illness might have on Aegon. He sees the throne cut his father and infect him to such a degree he becomes a walking husk of a man. He thinks, he knows that one day that will be him. If "all goes well", he will have to sit the Iron Throne and become infected and diseased like that. (This is false, but we'll only realise later. The throne will never cut Aegon. It will hurt him in different ways).

His father doesn't care for him anyway, so Aegon subconsciously rejects all this. He needs constant stimulation to take his mind off this gruesome fate. I would give him Prince Hal energy. Mingling with the common people, bawdy, rude, whoring & drinking his liver out. Perhaps by doing all this, he believes he will disqualify himself from the position? Or that no one would be so mad as to place him on the throne. We could have some fun by showing him getting into street fights over the dumbest shit. Just behaving like a general rapscallion. Yes, I would cut the rape and the child fighting rinks. 🤦‍♀️

I would like to develop his relationship with Rhaenyra somehow. When he's older, maybe entertain the idea of him having the same attitude towards Rhaenyra as Aemond has towards him - jealousy, viewing her as depositing all of father's love, despite her not doing anything to "earn" it. In effect, she is being just as irresponsible as he is, only that she's passing her bastards off ahead of him in the line of succession, while he's drinking and whoring. Yet, he is the only one being looked down upon.

I'd make both Aegon and Sunfyre have a soft spot for children in general. It's a surefire way to get the audience on your side. Show him playing with his own children and being goofy with them.

Blood & Cheese is a very good opportunity to delevop deranged! Aegon. Maybe have him torture and kill Blood himself. In the books, he orders every ratcatcher to be hanged. This can go as dark as you like. If you're really feeling lugubrious, he could kill them himself, one by one (???) Show him in his unhinged era, but also show him comforting his sister and mother. I wouldn't be framing him heroically here; he is turning into a villain. I'd show his family a little wary of him, like all this revenge action is getting too much. Aegon looks back at them and doesn't understand why they're being cagey - this is all for their protection and dignity, don't they see?

I have this idea of a scene of him delegating Crown business to Alicent: open court day, she is hearing petitions. Aegon insists that she be the one sitting the throne that day, not Otto. This image of him waltzing into the throne room, splattered in blood from one of his "interrogation" sessions, the whole proceedings stop, everyone bows down to greet him, Alicent starts getting up from the throne, Aegon says there's no need. His mother is the steward of the Crown. He stands there looking on in fascination as she dispenses justice, because it gets his rocks off to see her wield his power. Have him smirking at people as if to say "this is my power trip as well". I'd also include ambiguous cues that would make fans write essays upon essays on the fucked-up implications. So, for example, I'd have people address Alicent as "The Queen", not the Queen Mother or Queen Alicent or the Dowager Queen, while Helaena would be Queen Helaena. No shade to Helaena - I just think it's a lot more messy this way. I'd like to emphasize how she is the boss of them - the King is just there to be a sovereignty-donor.

I would change a lot of things about the military aspect of the war, so to speak. I would make things more even, not give Rhaenyra so many allies because it makes more sense. No ridiculous Lads army and I'd probably render Cregan Stark irrelevant by the time he decides to march down south. I'd also like Aegon to participate in more battles in his own war. So I would not give him Anakin Skywalker-level injuries after Rook's Rest. There's the southern front with the battles of Tumbleton, there's the western front where the Greyjoy fleet is attacking the Lannisters... IDK. I feel like we could give him more to do in this regard. I have this image of him maybe fighting alongside Daeron, getting injured and Daeron enforcing a shield circle around him to get him to safety. Whenever he is injured and bedridden, I'd turn him into a wet-eyed rabbit crying for his mummy. In relation to Aegon, the audience should feel like they want to push him down the stairs, nurse him back to health, then push him down the stairs again.

When he gets smuggled out to Dragonstone, I need him to use all of his car saleman skills and convince the people of Dragonstone to side with him. This should be Aegon at peak politician. Make the commonfolk start believing in his cause. I'd frame him like a cult leader here for shits and giggles. Maybe introduce some comedic moments to lighten the mood a bit. I'd like to parallel injured!Aegon to injured!Sunfyre somehow. Aegon craves affection and so does Sunfyre. Headcanons here and here.

Getting injured by Morning would be the final straw for Aegon. My idea is for Rhaenyra to take Alicent as a hostage when she flees to King's Landing and have Alicent witness Rhaenyra's demise. Have her beg Aegon for mercy, while he remains cold-blooded. This is her son, her baby boy, the one time he decides to disobey her and not heed her advice is when he decides to kill her soulmate. He holds her tenderly while she sobs and fights to get to Sunfyre. (If I were a man, I'd be Aegon).

This is where we can play with crazy, off-his-rocker Aegon. He wants to behead Baela and needs to be calmed down. He oscillated between wanting to kill Aegon III, geld him, send him to the Wall or cut his ear off. He breaks down thinking of his dead brothers. He keeps at Sunfyre's side all times and weeps bitterly as his dragon dies. He is a river of tears and they don't stop flowing. When Sunfyre finally dies, Aegon orders his bones be transported to KL and placed in his chambers.

He takes his mother and goes back to KL where his daughter is. It's time for demented girl dad Aegon! He keeps Jaehaera with him at all times, while dispensing punishments that oscillate between fair and cruel. He has no mercy for the Shepherd's lambs or pretender kings. He is the King. He keeps Jaehaera on his lap, reads to her, plays with her, entertains her child-like trains of thought. Sometimes he asks her how intense should the punishments for traitors be. (I would not make her "simple" in this re-telling, jesus christ).

Alicent advises him to marry her to Aegon III, so as to unite the two rival claims. Aegon refuses. My daughter is the rightful heir / I will not have Rhaenyra's blood dirtying my throne / Andal Law states that a daughter comes before an uncle, isn't that what you taught me all my life?? He knows that this is the best compromise, so as to avoid another future succession crisis, but he just can't bring himself to do it. He pleads with Alicent, tells her he'll sire another boy on Cassandra Baratheon. He'll fix this. Only the best for his sweet little girl. He'll create a proper husband for Jaehaera, just like his mother created the best wife for him with Helaena. Alicent nods and agrees, but doesn't hope that the future will be so simple for them anymore. "Very well, but until that son is born, why don't you betroth them, just in case". Aegon concedes.

Life is not really that great for Aegon at this stage. He is in a lot of pain, prone to bouts of weeping when he remembers his dead family members and dead dragon. He tries to comfort himself thinking of Cassandra and how he plans on claiming another dragon or hatching an egg (he's never been a hatcher, none of them were). That keeps him going for a few more days/weeks. Eventually, he realises that he cannot keep living this half-life, suffocating with this agonizing need for his siblings and dragon. He will tell his mother and daughter that his love for them is enduring and drink the poison himself.

Alicent marries Jaehaera to Aegon in the world's most depressing funerary wedding. They are all she has left - a girl who looks like her children (and her) and a boy who looks like Rhaenyra (rhaenicent reborn!). I would end the story like PRINCESS Shireen said: "two scared children spouting oaths they didn't understand, all that was left of the mighty House Targaryen".

I would end the series with the image of Queen Regent Alicent of House Hightower, hearing petitions, sitting on the Iron Throne, where her son placed her. The throne never cuts her. It hurts her in different ways. She is so young, still. Young forever. The children look like her children.

#aegon ii targaryen #SPOILER ALERT: JAEHAERA LIVES #ryan condal call me 🤙#this has been so rambly sorry #do not read if you're not into wild AUs with a green bias #i probably missed a lot of things but these are all my (disjointed) thoughts for now #hotd fic

111 notes · View notes

mariacallous · 5 months

Text

Open source investigations, once a niche area dominated by specialised websites like Bellingcat have entered mainstream journalism, driven by the need to verify large quantities of images, videos and claims in real time. Large outlets like the BBC and the New York Times now have dedicated teams for visual investigations whose work has become increasingly important in the context of information war.

This work is particularly valuable in a conflict like the one in Gaza, where access to journalists on the ground is very limited and user-generated content can provide journalists with details of what’s happening on the ground. However, in doing so open-source experts are faced with torrents of graphic visuals depicting human suffering and death.

How can journalists protect themselves against any harm from incessantly viewing traumatic imagery? How can they build resilience in the face of intense conflicts like the one between Israel and Gaza, which shows no sign of slowing after a month of fighting?

We posed these questions to Andrea Lampros and Alexa Koenig, co-authors of Graphic: Trauma and Meaning in our Online Lives, a recently published book that aims to help people protect themselves against second-hand trauma.

Lampros and Koenig co-founded UC Berkeley Human Rights Center’s Investigations Lab in 2016, which collaborates with Amnesty International’s Digital Verification Corps to conduct open-source investigations of possible human rights violations. In 2021, Lampros left the Human Rights Center (HRC) to take up the post of communications director for Berkeley School of Education. Koenig is now co-faculty director of HRC and director of its Investigations Program.

Q. How did your experiences inform your book and how did you write it?

Lampros: The book is born from our experience with the Human Rights Center Investigations Lab. The intent was to train students in how to verify documents, using all of the open source information that is coming at us so ferociously from around the world, and make sense of it so that it can be more usable for investigators, journalists, and lawyers to document facts.

It was crucial from Amnesty International's side from the very beginning, as well as for some of our other advisors at the Human Rights Center, to consider how we were going to keep students safe psychosocially, psychologically, emotionally while looking at all of these terrible images, specifically, at that time, from Syria.

This was built in from the beginning. We were talking about cybersecurity, physical security, and psychosocial security. All three of those worked in concert with each other.

What we taught students from the get-go is to be aware of how you're taking in this information, to know what feels normal to you, and what your baseline is. How do you normally feel? How are you normally joyful? What are the things you do to take care of your mental and physical health?

Then we took students through the particular risks of using digital content: first of all, it's everywhere all the time, you can't escape it, it's very intimate, it's raw. And it's information coming to you from users, bystanders, survivors, people up close. You don't know what's going to happen, there's a whole element of surprise when you're looking at user-generated content.

Over time, students informed what we were talking about, because they had other ideas. We were saying a warning sign for secondary trauma might be not sleeping because you're having nightmares, but one student said to us, “I didn't realise, because you had talked about not sleeping, that I was sleeping too much, I was starting to go to bed early and sleeping way more than I usually sleep.” And so we tried different things over time. And then Alexa and I realised this had a broader application to the general public, and, of course, to journalists.

Q. What do you mean by psychosocial security?

Koenig: In 2016, when we started the investigations lab, the framing of psychological well-being was around resiliency and wellness. But when I started doing professional trainings for war crimes investigators, one of the things that we would do is lay out all the modules we can train investigators on, ranging from online search to verification of digital materials, to digital security.

They would inevitably say, “We want all these modules, the only one we don't need is resiliency, we're hard-working investigators, we’re hardened journalists.” But it was becoming so apparent that they weren't fine and that a lot of people were using numbing skills to cope, like drinking and drugs, that I thought, we've got to find another way to frame this.

That’s why we took a holistic security framework, which is where you think about the digital security of what you do, the physical security of everyone who's possibly involved, and then the psychosocial security of everyone: whether they're the people doing the investigation, the people being investigated or the individuals who were the victims of violence.

We are examining in what ways this could negatively impact them, and how we can minimise that risk of harm. And then the social part of psychosocial security is really about the wellness of the community of practice. So, if it's an investigations team, then the well-being of that team, the well-being of the communities that have been impacted by violence, etc. We've been learning from bringing this conversation around wellness into a conversation around security so that it was ultimately more palatable.

When people's sense of digital security starts slipping, their psychological well-being inevitably goes down, and the potential for physical harm goes up. The same thing happens when your physical risks go up: your psychological well-being goes down.

You can just go around the circle between these three factors, and realise that they are intimately interwoven. It's important to address them as discrete phenomena, but also to recognize that you need all three if you want to maximise your overall security.

Q. What are journalists risking with this kind of work, in terms of the possible impact on their mental health?

Lampros: Burnout and secondary trauma can happen to you. And that's not just being affected in the moment, because as we all know intuitively, all of us are affected in the moment. That's normal, that's healthy, that's human. But secondary trauma is about a more long-standing shift in your worldview, in your normal activity, that is dangerous and debilitating, and it makes it so that you can't continue the work.

I was watching a panel at the Global Investigative Journalism Network a few years ago where incredible journalists, all women, were talking about burnout, some about secondary trauma. But a lot of times they were talking about how they kept pushing it away, they kept thinking, ‘This is just a hazard of the job, I need to be tougher,’ etc. Until it just overtook them, and then they had to take a lot of time off. That's what we know can happen that can affect you in ways that you can't continue. How do we do this so that is doable for the long haul?

I don't think that there's any one answer to that. I think a starting place is to recognise that we need a different paradigm to the ‘tough it out, if it's hard just have some drinks and get through it’ attitude. And I think this is pertinent to journalists, the thought that you're not the one in harm's way and that you should be able to handle it.

That's what many in journalism have been working against for a while, but I think it's just especially acute right now with the flood of videos and imagery from conflict zones around the world, particularly Israel and Gaza. All of this is part of a really hard shift in mindset that we have to make. To keep integrity, if we are people who value human rights and human dignity, then we have to think of that for everybody involved, including journalists, human rights workers, lawyers, and investigators.

In the book, we also interviewed content moderators. Some of what they told us is that the hardest part is the lack of agency: you have to look at a certain amount of content, you can’t step away, and you also don't know the outcome. And certainly, journalists are in a similar position.

A way to protect yourself is through finding ways to set some parameters, and this is what we've heard from journalists who are covering Gaza and Israel right now. Of course, you have to do it, but you can also set a time limit and then step away and take a break, go for a walk.

Q. What are some other ways journalists and other open-source investigators can protect themselves while doing this work?

Lampros: People are different in this. A journalist doing open-source investigations, although in this case not on Gaza and Israel, recently told me that she needs to take a break and cry, and just let it out at that moment. She also said that she sometimes makes an altar according to her Mexican tradition, dedicated to the survivors or the victims, as a way of grieving.

There are different ways that you can recognise that you need to grieve. Sometimes it can't be in real-time, but it must happen sometime later, because otherwise, it's going to come out differently.

Q. In the case of the current conflict in Israel and Gaza, we’re now over a month in. How can journalists maintain these practices for a prolonged period?

Lampros: I think it feels like you can't step away, but it’s about taking a break anyway. Because we have no idea how long this is going to last, we have to trust our colleagues and our team. This is where structural things come into play: you have got to rely on each other.

The other important factor is community, especially in moments like these, and especially for people who are doing this work. They need colleagues in the community who know how hard it is, that they can call and understand one another. It's hard to do that with your family, or friends who aren't in that line of work. Finding that community to be able to let out the emotion is very important, and to validate the inhumanity of it.

And then I'd say, the third thing is knowing your ability, no one of us can change the course of this war. So, we have to know that whatever piece we are doing is enough, and just have to keep replaying that and know that taking care of ourselves is not selfish, it is actually selfless, because it allows us to stay in this work.

Q. What are some other warning signs of secondary trauma journalists should look out for?

Koenig: One that's very common is a shortened temper. For example, if you find yourself snapping at your partner, children or colleagues or you see someone else snapping in ways that seem out of character, it can often be a sign, particularly if they've been drowning in online information, that it is starting to affect them and creep into their everyday functioning.

Alcohol use going up is also one thing that I know a lot of people working in the space have started to monitor, but also something that everyday people who are engaged with social media can easily begin to track. Nightmares may be another piece, where you almost feel like you can't escape the content because it's not only there all the time in your waking life, on every platform that you're going onto, but it's even haunting you in your dreams.

So much of what we recommend is about trying to keep this horrific content away from your bed and late-night hours, just knowing how memory works and how the last thing you may watch or read before you go to bed is more likely to deeply imprint.

For so many people around the world, it's become a habit to try to unplug at the end of the day by looking at your phone and scrolling through Instagram, or Facebook, and seeing what your friends are up to. Today, though, of course, that's so interspersed for many people with the horrific things that are happening around the world.

Q. What advice would you give a smaller newsroom or a smaller team who wants to start carrying out open-source investigations?

Koenig: Starting small and starting slowly, having one or two people who've been well trained in this come onto the team and help the more traditional reporters understand where open source investigations can be useful, but also where they can be dangerous.

In the context of Israel and Palestine most recently, we saw a lot of major media outlets, and also some very well-known open source investigations teams, come up with very different conclusions based on their analyses of the same videos and the same open source content. This really shows the risk of ever relying on visual information without getting corroborating data from sources on the ground, and also physical evidence.

In the war crime space, you always want physical evidence, testimonial evidence, which would be sources in journalism, and then documentary evidence, which would be videos and photographs, emails, texts… The gold standard, at least in war crimes investigations, is to triangulate all three, and it’s very important for journalism too. It can be so irresponsible to create something flashy and convincing that has less grounding in the facts of what took place.

8 notes · View notes

chimcess · 1 year

Text

Nachash || jhs (Teaser II)

Release Date: Oct 31st Genre: Supernatural AU, Demon!Hoseok, Med Student!Reader, Smut, One night stand, Angst, Horror AU, Incubus! Hoseok Rating: 18+ (don’t interact if you’re a minor) Word Count Goal: 10k Summary: From the time she was born, Y/N knew what the expectations were. Her parents had made it clear: lawyer or doctor. She chose the latter. Now a medical student, Y/N’s life is seemingly on track. That is until she begins to have strange dreams about an unknown man. When she sees him during her night out with friends, she finds herself unable to keep her hands off of him. Warnings: Strong language, Hoseok has a demon side (like physically different), Explicit sexual content, vaginal fingering, oral (f & m receiving), dirty talk, rough sex, manhandling, Virgin!Reader, Inexperienced!Reader, Good girl reader, hard dom Hoseok, Hoseok is a menace, he’s also very sus, so much blood, choking, slapping, biting, spanking, suffocation, thigh riding, double and triple penetration, anal, use of sex toys, rimming, oral (m&f), face-fucking, unprotected sex (wrap it up), some non-con toward the end, POV switch, DARK ENDING, main character death (graphic), graphic violence, Read at your own risk

“Dirty martini for the lady,” I looked over at the mystery man.

My heart stopped. His face... My mouth dropped open at the sight of him. My dream man. He was sitting right in front of me. Every detail, every line and curve were the same. Even the mole on his lip was there. Just like Taehyung, it was hard to look at his face for too long. It was impossible to meet his gaze.

“You do like them dirty, right?” He grinned.

I could not respond for a few moments. The resemblance was uncanny. The anxiety Taehyung’s presence had given me was nothing compared to this. It left like an elephant had sat on my chest while every nerve in my body screamed at me to run. And just like Taehyung, I found myself unable to move. I found that, like before, I did not want to.

“How did you know that?” I asked, still in awe.

“I overheard you earlier. Was going to buy you one then but you left before I could.”

I swallowed my thickening saliva. It was hard to get down. Every part of me wanted to scream. My body begged to get away from him, but it also yearned to be near him. I was alight in every way possible, and the confusion was hard to wrap my head around. Do I stay or do I go? As if he could read my mind, the man reached out and ran a finger over the top of my hand. Electricity shot through my body, and it burned where he had touched.

“Have a drink with me.”

“Okay,” I whispered, hypnotized by his voice.

Taglist: To be added to the taglist, you can either message/ask me or go to the link in my bio and add yourself to the “Halloween 2022″ list!

83 notes · View notes

raayllum · 2 years

Text

Relics, Rage, and Magic :: A Viren&Callum Analysis

So, anyone who’s been following this blog for a while knows that Viren and Callum have my favourite foils relationship in the show (which is saying something, because I love foils). I picked up the similarities between them early on even just in S1 (specifically in 1x02), and have been dedicating arguably too much time to pointing out the similarities between them since S2.

I thought, now that S4 is making the parallels between them even more explicit, now would be a good time to talk about just how rich this foils relationship is, what it’s built off of, and where it may be going in the future. I’m going to talk about Personality first, then Season by Season in terms of structure, and then in regards to Relationships. Finally, I’m going to talk about future Predictions and considerations for S4 (and possibly beyond). Some of these sections will be longer and/or more detailed than others, with certain things pointed out. I will be drawing from all canon TDP materials (show, graphic novels, S1-S2 novelizations, and Tales of Xadia) and providing my sources as I go along. If there is something I don’t address to the full extent desired feel free to send me a followup ask!

With all that laid out, strap in, because this is gonna be a Long one.

Personality

Both are defined by their curiosity (“You are too curious” -Aaravos in S2 / Callum wanting to learn everything he possibly can about all types of magic: “Curious, he stepped through the door—and there it was. A mirror” from “Inheritance” short story) and the sometimes dangerous paths it can lead them down, but more on that later

They are tempted accordingly by being able to use Power, specifically, in order to leave an impact

They respond to perceived or legitimate betrayals with a very harsh, nigh complete cut off when it comes to remorse or forgiveness. For Callum, we see this with Claudia and with Viren (as prior to 1x03 and learning Ez’s life in danger, Callum ran to Viren for help when being chased by Rayla) and for Viren, we see this best with King Harrow

On that note, they both have very harsh tempers. Callum gets verbally very aggressive (particularly towards Ezran), Viren can respond that way too (and physically, more so alone, like when he has his rage fit in early S2 about the mirror).

Each has a strong mind for strategy and is the usual ‘planner’ in their respective teams (Callum, Ezran, and Rayla VS Viren, Claudia, and Soren). Viren gives his children tasks to achieve his greater aims (1x06) Callum dictates what the team should do to defeat the slug in 1x08. He also comes up with the plans in 1x05 and 3x01 regarding Fulminus and the aspiro spells accordingly.

A few of their core wounds are similar, both of them adjacent to King Harrow and not quite belonging, perhaps, the way they would wish to. Viren and Callum both fear being useless and nothing, seen in their dialogue (“Oh you’re nothing! Powerless! Useless!” from Viren in 2x02; “But without [the primal stone], I’m nothing” for Callum from 1x08 as well as “I just don’t want to be useless” in the S2 novelization during 2x07).

By extension, they have a tendency to obsess and assign more meaning to objects than they probably should. For Viren, this includes believing the mirror is important purely because it was kept close to where the dragon king/queen slept, and proximity to power indicates importance to him (not projecting at all, bud) and the amount of importance (see above) Callum places on the primal stone and the cube.

Sassy, disbelieving natures. Cue Callum’s skepticism except when he’s tunnel visioning, and how much reckless caution Viren has with Aaravos.

Last but not least, both are self sacrificial when they also have a hopeful way out or a meaningful way in. Callum is willing to sacrifice himself for Ezran but still argues for his life; Viren risks it all in Lux Aurea but also knows he has Aaravos up his sleeve (uh, throat?); they are not self-destructive to degree that Claudia is nor self-sacrificial without hope to the degree that Rayla is.

With all that said, let’s talk about the Structural similarities season by season

Book One: Moon

Primal VS Dark Magic

Callum and Viren are the two defined mages of the series, with Claudia and Aaravos (and sometimes others, like Lujanne) swapping in to show off spells and perspectives along the line of dark vs primal magic. However, we see this connection between Viren (and his smoke/fire motif) and Callum (with his air/breath motif) very early on in 1x04. Cue smoke from Harrow’s funeral pyre and Claudia’s spell, dictated by Viren, transitioning into Callum’s primal stone. Although we don’t know it yet, this is transactional on a few counts; Viren is trying to steal the throne that would rightfully be Ezran (and Callum’s barring that) while Callum has a stolen primal stone from Claudia (that, as we know from 2x06, was originally Viren’s).

This set up is returned to a more meaningful draw between them in S2, but S1 still very much lays the ground for what’s to come, and the parallels will probably be stacked even further with S4. After all, that dichotomy is just going to be more and more blurred for Callum in particular as time goes on.

Team Leader

In season one, they are both established as their team’s little leader. As previously mentioned, Callum and Viren are the Planners in their respective groups (Callum: Ezran + Rayla + sometimes Ellis / Ava; Viren: Soren + Claudia), knowing how to use their family-turned-team’s skills and what to expect of their temperaments. We see this in how Viren is able to effectively manipulate Soren into taking on the task of killing the princes and that he gives it to Soren, not Claudia, at all. We see this in how Callum gives every team member a role in taking down the slug monster in 1x08, and even his musings from the Book One novelization:

He had avoided introductions thus far because he wasn’t sure if Ellis’s unbridled enthusiasm would mix well with Rayla’s dry sarcasm.

Also future parallels set up with Viren’s plan not going perfectly because of his team’s execution (“Nah, your plan was fine! Our execution was a little off”) and almost none of their plans ever going off without a hitch with only a couple of exceptions.

Lying to Amaya

They both have plot lines that revolve around lying - to a degree - to Amaya like, an episode apart. Callum doesn’t want to lie to his aunt in 1x04 but he feels he has no choice, given her opinion about elves and protective nature. Viren also doesn’t want to lie to Amaya, but she’s in the way of his goals and doesn’t trust him at all, even with his fronting. Both Viren and Callum lie to Amaya through omission and directly, one to protect his cause (Viren) and one to try and protect his burgeoning friend (Rayla).

It’s a small detail, but it’s another set up for Callum being able to lie convincingly when it matters (re: saying he’s Ezran in 1x02) just like how Viren can do the same to just about everybody, when the time comes.

Circular objects

Last but not least, you have 1x08 and 1x09 with their parallels back-to-back. Each episode deals with confronting some kind of monster for a character; for the kids, it’s the slug that drains blood, and for Runaan, the human mage that’s going to drain his soul (“You’re a monster” “You’re mistaken; I’m a pragmatist”). Viren’s personal plot line this season culminates in him taking Runaan’s soul and sealing him away in a coin (a circular object) because he won’t answer questions about the Mirror, whereas Callum’s personal plot line ends with him shattering the primal stone (without hesitation) to hatch the egg, even though “Without this, I’m nothing.”

Keep in mind that Viren imprisons Runaan because “[he] is no use to me” and has ‘failed’ to be useful, whereas Callum smashes the primal stone after Rayla weeps about ‘failing’ to be useful and successfully keep the egg safe, since we will be returning to that later.

Book Two: Sky

Book Two is where the parallels for Callum and Viren are perhaps the most numerous and pointed in the series thus far (as of S4 not being released). Thus, this section is probably going to likely be the longest, so like with any of my longer meta: give yourself room to read in breaks! And to set the stage: both Callum and Viren hope to attain greater magical power and by the end of the season, have achieved those goals. There are also other parallels set up and commonalities drawn in both overt and indirect ways. I will be doing my best to catalogue and demonstrate each of them. With that out of the way, let’s get into

Mirrors and Reflections

Viren’s mirror motif (and subsequent breakdown) is obvious, perhaps, but Callum himself has to do a lot of reflection this season. The shots above are literally 1 second establishing shot apart in 2x02, in which Viren hopes to finally find real answers, and Callum isn’t even aware there are real answers to find. This is just hammered home in 2x07 and 2x08 respectively, where they both reluctantly make deals with something dubious - Aaravos and Dark Magic - with Viren facing the man in the mirror, and Callum literally facing a reflection of himself that matches Viren’s dark magic appearance more than anyone else’s (Claudia, Ziard), both in 2x08:

Narrators

Season two’s opening recap, while perhaps fulfilling a necessary (or unnecessary) portion of catch up for the audience, also turns the tide in establishing Callum as one of three primary Narrators in the series, alongside Aaravos (1x01) and Viren later this season (2x05-2x06). Callum gives his view of the events of S1, Viren tells the tale of the royal family, death of Sarai, and the Magma Titan. Both are even speaking directly or indirectly to a monarch, with Callum writing to Harrow, and Viren speaking specifically to Queen Aanya. I’ll touch on this more when we return to this motif in S3 with 3x06 and 3x08 detailing the loss of the egg and the Dragonguard.

But in a story where “Destiny is a book you write yourself,” chapters, books, lost scrolls, and history are increasingly important... them being set up as dual narrators with Aaravos is no accident, and we’ll only see the crucial aspect of it more as we go forward, I’m sure.

Search Your Heart

As part of the Magical Ascension quest, in which Callum and Viren do reckless and then slightly more sensible things in order to achieve magical prowess and further their magical connection, they are both instructed to search their hearts and uncover their own truths.

For Callum, this happens during his spiritual / dream quest in 2x08, in which the Dark Callum tells him to:

D!C: Look inside yourself, Callum. This is your destiny. You can’t deny it.

as well as when Captain Villads instructs him to:

V: [Needing a boat] You am! Into your voyage into your own heart and mind!

This is mirrored by what Aaravos says to Viren in 2x09, advising him to:

A: Search your heart. There’s something you want very badly. But something, or someone, stands in your way.

But perhaps more importantly, this ties into their magical ascension plot line in season two, so let’s dig into it and where it leaves them by the end of the season...

Magical Ascension

In 2x01, Callum and Viren both have a goal that they are being held back from due to status. Viren worries over the throne and wants to call a summit, but he cannot do so as he is not a king or queen. Callum wants to learn magic and continue providing protection to the group, but he is a human, born without a connection to a primal source. Viren has no crown, and Callum has no arcanum.

Viren also wants to learn more about the mirror and begins that process in 2x02 through 2x04. In 2x04, Callum re-focuses on his mage arc, with both him and Viren being presented a particular test symbolized by hands and connection. For Callum, he has to grip the lightning pole in hopes of possibly connecting to an arcanum. For Viren, it means doing the blood oath with Aaravos and slicing open his hand. You know, the exact same hand that Callum cradles in the same episode that was shown up above? (Rayla’s binding also goes around the same wrist/hand, but that’s a meta for another day.) 2x04 also ends with a brief reprieve. In the end, he covers up the mirror (the one time Aaravos seems truly taken by surprise) since his summit meeting is going to go underway. Callum, likewise, doesn’t risk his life to learn magic and instead manages to get him and Zym back to the boat in one piece.

2x05-2x06 put everything on pause for backstory, causing 2x07 to bring the magic arcs back to the forefront with a vengeance. Viren is faced with his failure and Callum with increasing anxiety and the reality that, the way he is now, he cannot protect his loved ones the way he wants to.

Backed into a corner of desperation, they then realize that there is something they can do. Dangerous, and possibly not without consequences, but one more possibility: trusting the the elf in the mirror and doing dark magic to save a Moonshadow elf.

Viren makes a blood oath, emitting something out of his body, and Callum takes dark magic into his body by crushing a slug that is a very similar size to Aaravos’ worm familiar. Viren’s choice to go to Aaravos turns out much better for him (at first) then Callum’s choice of doing dark magic, even if there’s a quick turn around and reversal in 2x09, with Viren descending and Callum ascending. But with that, we have to talk about

Crossing the Threshold

Most commonly seen in The Hero Journey’s structure, Crossing the Threshold refers most often to a point of no return, or a character slipping or stepping into a new reality, and seeing what was previously unseen. Most often this results in either transgressing or overcoming some kind of literal, emotional, or metaphorical barrier.

For Callum, this means shattering the ‘magic’ ceiling if you will (and primal stone) to gain a new awareness of the world and his place in it. This is what his speech in 2x09 boils down, in terms of explaining his new emotional and metaphorical awareness of the Sky arcanum and how its opened itself to him. Callum moves from being on his knees with Rayla to standing tall, ready to soar. He crosses a literal and metaphorical threshold, stepping into Sky magic, and then again, crossing into Xadia in the season’s final scene.

Viren, meanwhile, is brought back down to his knees again.

Viren has crossed a legal, magical, and social barrier. Unlike the beginning of season two, where he was generally trusted by the council if thought a bit fanatical, now he’s a full-blown traitor, taken into custody by Opeli after killing a bunch of guards. Like Callum (and Claudia, but again, meta for another day), he reaches a new threshold of magical power, but rather than finding it within himself, he takes Aaravos’ bug and the cost of dark magic further into his body in a dark almost imitation / inverse of Ezran and Zym’s more natural, loving bond and connection/partnership. The barrier Viren crosses is that of a supposed innocent to being proven guilty, and rather than entering Xadia, he finds himself locked into a prison cell.

Book Three: Sun

This season doesn’t have quite as many parallels but it does reaffirm and evolve some previous ones in very interesting ways, so we’ll do a quick run-down either way.

Mythic Parallels

TDP has always borrowed from other works, citing general Western fantasy and more (Plato’s allegory of the cave is the Moon arcanum, tarot card symbolism, Shakespeare) and weaving it into the world and the work. I was delighted to see that S3 heavily borrowed from Christian symbolism and gave it to Viren / the villain trifecta with some bonus Soren. Additionally, there were also some very apt comparisons to Greek myth. There have been outright confirmations, such Aaravos as being like Prometheus in interviews and the dark magic sigil from Hermes’ caduceus, and less outright ones in-text, most notably in the parallels between the Siege of Troy and Lux Aurea, and Through the Moon borrowing from the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. The book two novelization has as well, invoking the myth of Icarus, which is what I want to talk about today.

Where Viren gets saddled with all the Christ symbolism (and I mean all of it), Callum is presented far more as an Icarus figure. This would admittedly fit just about any character (particularly boy) who sprouts wings in such a notable way, but given the season is also called Sun, the previous evocations, and the fact Callum already has a tendency to fly too close to the sun (1x04, 2x04, 2x07) I’m not exactly surprised by where it seems his season four arc is going... but more on that later.

Avizandum

Since both Harrow and Sarai are dead, in-story, we hear about Avizandum from Viren, Callum, and Aaravos respectively, each with their own opinions on the fallen Dragon King. Viren is very impassioned in the flashbacks, pushing even when Harrow resists, desperate to assuage his own guilt and possibly to restore he and Harrow’s bond to what it used to be, but Viren of the present is completely impassive as he speaks of the events that ultimately ruined more than one person’s life that day.

Callum also comments on Avizandum, showing a sentiment we haven’t seen from him first hand in the series until then, with “I hate him. He’s the one who took my mother away.” But even with all the big feelings being at Avizandum’s statue brings, Callum remains clear headed, and aware of the connections he has, and of the ones Avizandum would have had, too.

Narrators (x2)

And just like before, we have Viren and Callum set up as dual narrators, relaying a very similar set of events (these ones close in timeline, relation, and history) to an elven companion. Viren explains the vanquishing of one of Aaravos’ enemies, much to his delight, and Callum explains how Rayla’s parents didn’t really run away, much to her relief (and grief). Viren tells a story that he’s already written, while Callum gives Rayla a chance to rewrite her end, handing her the metaphorical pen before they write it together. And speaking of Rayla...

It’s Just Pride

S3 definitely skimped on the Viren-Callum parallels compared to S2, but what it delivered was quality over quantity. The Rayla-Callum fight in 3x08 mirrors so much of Harrow and Viren’s dynamic in 1x02 and 1x03 perfectly, with one half being a martyr determined to pay the price, and the other an angry mage, hurt and upset at being looked over and abandoned, if not also for their friend’s life.

For Harrow, he’s determined to not do anything to upset the precarious balance they’ve found themselves on, hoping his death will clear the way for his sons to lead Katolis and the world into a brighter future, not bogged down by his mistakes if he can pay this price properly. It’s more noble and slightly less guilty than Rayla’s, which is basically all guilt over choices that weren’t even hers (like, at all - she’d barely talked to her parents in years) and, unlike Harrow, was presenting no reasonable path forward. There was nothing emotionally or otherwise to gain from having her die there.

But either way, Harrow and Rayla mistakenly have their choices labelled as pride, even when it’s the opposite. While Callum comes to understand that and to let his own pride go, Viren doubles down on his under Harrow’s scolding, and they crack further under the pressure.

Transformation

So as mentioned TDP borrows from Tarot card symbolism (most notably with some of the things that fall under Moon magic, if I recall correctly) and one of the most well-known aspects of Tarot is that Death is not a negative card. (That honour goes to Lightning Struck tower - 1x03, anyone?) Rather, Death is the card for transformation and change of self.

3x09 says both for Callum and Viren. Viren literally dies, of course, and again, as mentioned, has the eye symbolism and ground work lain in season four to radically change as a character. It also speaks to Viren’s brushes with death (perhaps most notably in 1x03 when he and Harrow have a mutual discard of their relationship and it gets ugly fast) as a negative transformation. Then, you have Callum, who is physically transformed after a near-death ordeal out of his love for Rayla. This also speaks in line with the plans Aaravos had in mind for Viren being fulfilled (unintentionally and against their wishes) by Callum.

This is particularly poignant with Aaravos’ mention of human, as Callum only accesses his wings because he’s already done what’s basically unheard of for humans, transcending the limits of magic in order to manually connect with a primal source. Callum flies and survives, Viren falls and dies. The ending could not be more clear that they’ve ended, well, in radically different places.

But that’s not quite where they seem to begin in S4.

Book Four: Earth / Predictions

Right now, all we have from 4x01 is confirmation that Callum will be building some kind of connection / trying to figure out the mirror, and by extension, Aaravos. I am curious about how they’ll do a plot line with Callum and Aaravos conversing through the mirror without repeating Viren and Aaravos’ steady S2 pace, since there’s almost no way S4 has the time for something like that (everything indicates it’s going to hit the ground running and not let up, tbh). We also know from interviews with the creators that, for many reasons (including Rayla’s departure) Callum is less trusting than when he was young, and he already had a skeptical streak to begin with.

I’ve maintained since S2 I think that I thought the Viren-Callum parallels would be more overt in S4, so: why? Why did I make that prediction and why do I think it’s coming true? Well, Callum was always going to Ezran’s anchor to the magical side of things in Xadia, as well as the parallels he and Ezran’s relationship had to Viren and Harrow throughout the first few seasons (but more on that under Relationships down below).

I also figured that post-Rayla’s departure, Callum’s obsessive tendencies would come out. Either he’d be in Xadia looking for her already, or he’d be masking the pain with magic and trying to pretend everything was fine. Viren also has that obsessive streak (the mirror plot line in S2) as well as all their other issues. Pre-TTM, I thought Callum would chase magic a bit too much and a bit too dangerously (again, very Viren’s whole business, just of Dark and not Primal), so it looks like even with all the narrative loops, it’s rounded back into being accurate with some additional angst.

I think it’s likely due to Viren’s eye symbolism that he’ll have the beginnings of a redemption / atonement arc, or at least begin to doubt the path he’s on. Meanwhile, I think Callum will occupy more of Viren’s role, so solution focused he doesn’t think as much about the means or the aftermath. If Viren changes in S4 to slowly realize Aaravos is bad news, and that he doesn’t actually want things to work out in order to protect the world/Claudia - a similar but also wildly different emotional prioritization than he had in S1-S3, then I think it only makes sense for Callum to take the opposing position, and prioritize his loved ones over the safety of the world outright. Callum has always been a Viren, in many ways, who makes all the right choices, so if Viren is finally beginning to make the ‘right’ choice, it would make sense to me for Callum to make the ‘wrong’ one in a way.

Last but not least, we’re going to talk about relationships, specifically Harrow-Viren Ezran-Callum, and Viren-Aaravos Callum-Rayla parallels. I may include some thoughts regarding Claudia and Soren as well, but that may be a post for another day since this is already long enough, and I don’t have too many thoughts in that regard. Moving on:

Relationships

Viren and Callum both almost have a two-pillar situation in terms of the relationships that directly push them forward, thematically, across the first three seasons. While this is subject to change and for that ring of influence to be expanded in season four, particularly in mind thematically for Viren (with Claudia specifically), it’s a very prominent parallel in the first Arc. Viren’s two most defining relationships is the king-brother duality with Harrow, just as Ezran is Callum’s constant cornerstone, with an elven guide in the form of Aaravos and Rayla pushing each mage in new and more dangerously fulfilling directions.

King-Brother

The “Brother-King” parallel is arguably the most important and the most overt in the series. It was an early rewatch of S1 (my second or third I think) when I noticed Callum taking Ezran’s place without hesitation in 1x02 was immediately juxtaposed with Viren hesitating to do just that with Harrow. You have Callum and Viren, both adjacent to political power, kept as mage advisors and unable to fully exercise their will. Ezran and Harrow are also both very idealistic with Callum and Viren leaning more towards a pragmatic route in response. Where Viren seeks power, Callum is happy to support his brother on the throne (even or especially when they disagree).

But where Callum actually loves Ezran like a brother, Viren and Harrow are far too tumultuous and far too broken, even before the start of the show in many ways. I’ve talked a bit about how the boys parallel Viren and Harrow’s dynamic while also subverting it in some ways, already. Since Callum and Ezran both have to overcome the mistakes of their generational foils, respectively, it makes sense that they would have to overcome what broke Viren and Harrow apart as well and push through, stronger than ever.

Elven Guide (Rayla-Aaravos)

I’ve outlined a lot of Rayla and Aaravos’ similarities in this post, so I’m not going to repeat too much here, but the general structure of the relationships is very similar. Callum and Viren both want a magical object (mirror, binding) / person (Aaravos, Rayla) to reveal their secrets, and initially don’t trust the elf trying to offer them guidance with their already formed goals/quest.

By the end of S2, the bonds have grown much stronger. With Viren, he is now bound to Aaravos whether he likes it or not, whereas Rayla is realizing the strength of her love and devotion to Callum, and he to her.

This is accentuated in TTM where, like Aaravos, Rayla is “nothing if not elegant and efficient” by only risking one life in her quest to take out Viren, she’s just determined for that life to be her own rather than put Callum at risk, juxtaposed with Aaravos risking only Viren’s life substantially in 3x07. Callum means everything to Rayla and Viren means nothing to Aaravos, and it’ll be interesting to see just how deep that runs true in S4.

If you are interested in possibly more Viren/Aaravos Callum/Rayla parallels, check out this foil tag here. If you are interested in more Rayla-Aaravos parallels, check out this tag here.

Conclusion

If you have reached the end of this very long and dense meta, congratulations and thank you for getting this far! I’ve had a lot of thoughts about Callum and Viren for a long time now and thought now was as good a time as any to lay them out before S4 comes along and adds to them undoubtedly. If you are interested in where I think Callum and Viren’s arcs might go, I would recommend these posts: 1, 2, 3. Hope you enjoyed, that is all, and Dragons out!

76 notes · View notes

therhythmafterthesummer · 2 years

Text

Safe Haven ~Bang Chan | Day 10.

Pairing: SpaceRebel!Chan x WitchQueen!F.Reader Themes: Fantasy AU | Sci-Fi AU | Royalty AU | Soulmate AU | Slow Burn | Mutual Pining | Angst | Smut | Fluff. Series Warnings: Third person POV · Very loose and liberal usage of Star Wars concepts (mostly to refer to weapons and tech). you don’t need to know anything about SW to read this, trust me · Physical descriptions of the main female character such as: can visibly blush, having long hair, and being short · Violence · Swearing · Mature themes and language · Original characters · Graphic smut (later chapters) · Mentions of the members of other groups (later chapters) · No one is straight, beware · Each chapter will include its own individual warnings. Chapters marked as M (Mature) either include highly detailed violence, or smut.

Chapter Warnings: suggestive? not really but kinda Word Count: ~5k | AO3

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for a 18+ audience only. Minors do not interact. ✰This chapter has been reworked as of 16/08/2023

Previous Chapter: Day 9. | Series Masterlist. | Next Chapter: Day 15.

Author's Note: we're at the half-way point! the second half of this story is my favourite, so, if you're reading this, i hope you enjoy what's coming as much as i do 💜

Disclaimer: the story presented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

“You’re especially aggressive today”, Wang Eun’s chest was heaving, and his hand moved to the middle of his chest to soothe the area, where Chan had just hit him.

“Am I?” Chan was bent at the waist, clutching his knees as he tried his best to breathe air into his lungs. How long had they been sparring for? Seconds? Minutes? He didn’t know.

“I mean it’s hot, but also slightly worrying. You okay?” Wang Eun threw a water bottle at Chan, which he caught effortlessly.

Chan scoffed, and started gulping down water. At least, the cool liquid spread pleasantly within him. “I’m fine”.

He wasn’t fine.

Chan had barely gotten any sleep, Her Majesty’s words haunted him even to this very moment as he stood on the training grounds. Don’t come close to me. Leave–the words, just like daggers, stabbed his heart. His brain replayed them over and over again, his inner demons slowly, but surely, had convinced him that he’d done something wrong. He had overstepped the line and here he was now, taking out his frustrations on Wang Eun.

Changbin had noticed, too. A flash of worry had crossed his features the moment he met Chan this morning so they could come together to the training grounds. He’d asked Chan–because of course he had–if he was fine, if something had happened. Chan being Chan, told him he was doing great. He hoped that maybe, if he said it enough times outloud, it’d become true.

Wang Eun must’ve known Chan was lying–if the inquisitive look the man gave him was anything to go by. Chan wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case, knowing that every other person on this planet could put any lie detector to shame. However, the man pried no further, for which Chan was grateful.

He didn’t want to admit his worries out loud, much less to anyone else. Explaining his worries would lead to explaining the feelings he harboured towards the Queen, and that would be too much, too risky, and possibly too stupid. So, he decided to bottle it all up and shove it as deep as it could go within him. Which clearly wasn’t working, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try.

Wang Eun eyed him for a bit, biting the tip of his tongue. With a sigh, the man walked towards the bag he’d dropped on the floor next to the training bench, where Changbin was currently bench pressing. Chan looked at Wang Eun, his curious eyes following his every move as Wang Eun rummaged through the bag, until he finally pulled out a different wad of ribbon, an exact pair to the one currently hugging Chan’s upper limbs.

“So, ready for lower body movements?”

Chan nodded, letting Wang Eun step into his space to start wrapping the ribbon around his legs. He started at his ankle, then moved further up to cross it around his calf, and then he wrapped it around Chan’s knee and thigh. When he reached his hips, he politely asked Chan for permission to lift his shirt a bit, to which Chan gave him the go-ahead almost instantly. Wang Eun had seen him practically naked plenty of times now, so he truly didn’t mind, but he appreciated that the man checked anyway.

Finally, Wang Eun crossed the ribbon over his waist, right above the hem of his trousers, then repeated the motions on his other leg.

Wang Eun stepped away from him as soon as the ribbon was wrapped around him. “This honestly works much better if you have them actually touching all of your skin, especially going lower on your hips, but touching your ankles and your waist will do for now”.

Much like it did over his bare arms, the presence of the ribbon around his waist and ankles was comfortable–it was familiar and, in a way, he felt soothed by it. Chan flexed his knees and rolled his ankles to make sure the thing was stable around the joints. “Feels fine”.

Wang Eun took his time explaining different movements and techniques, verbally checking in on him often, positioning Chan’s body in various stances to get him to focus on his movements. It was a stark contrast to the way he’d explained upper body movements when he started training Chan.

After a long while of this, Chan felt slightly more grounded, and he understood then that Wang Eun was just trying to get him to focus on him, instead of focusing on whatever he might’ve thought was going on in Chan’s head.

Wang Eun’s gentleness was over the moment they started applying those techniques in actual combat. His movements were once again pointed and sharp, just like they always were. Chan was happy with that, his mind couldn’t wander when he was trying his best to not get his ass kicked.

When it was time for a break, Changbin and Wang Eun stood by the machines, chatting away. Chan mostly listened, offering his opinion on the topics discussed sparsely as he didn’t really feel much like talking, but being close to them as they talked to one another eased him a bit, so he stayed.

“I could show you a thing or two as well, if you want”, Wang Eun offered, stretching his arms as he addressed Changbin.

“Really?” Changbin’s eyes lit up. “I’d like that. You guys look pretty cool when you fight”.

“We do”, the sudden intrusion of a voice that didn’t belong to any of them surprised them. The feeling was gone as soon as it came when recognition crossed Wang Eun’s features.

“Your Highness”, Wang Eun’s voice was slightly airy, his eyes clearly made a conscious attempt to look the man in the eyes and not at his bare chest.

Hoseok scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. “Who uses my title these days? Drop it”.

“You do know that I’ve got to use it, right?” Wang Eun urged, completely dropping his title anyway in good Wang Eun-fashion. “It’s pretty much in my job description”.

Hoseok gave him a pointed look. “Towards the High King and the Queen, perhaps. Not towards the Prince Consort, especially when he’s asking you not to use it”.

Hoseok greeted Chan by extending his hand and shaking it as soon as Chan returned the gesture. He turned to Changbin then, introducing himself to him and extending a hand in his direction as well. Changbin took it immediately, confidently giving Hoseok his name.

“I must say, I was a bit confused when I came close to you guys. Thought for a second Her Majesty was here”, Hoseok made his way to the rack by the corner, and picked up a couple of dumbbells–heavy dumbbells–so he could start a set of standard bicep curls right there next to them.

“Oh, that’s probably just Chan”, Wang Eun commented, nonchalantly.

Slight panic brewed within Chan at the comment, and he couldn’t help his eyes from opening wide. Did they know? Was he that obvious? “Wha–”

“Oooohh, the ribbons”, Hoseok nodded. He seemed to have just noticed the fabric wrapped around Chan’s limbs.

“The ribbons?” Changbin asked, for which Chan was grateful, since the panic within him now mingled with confusion.

Hoseok looked at Changbin for a second. “Right, you also don’t have magic”, he adjusted the position of the dumbbells in his hands and continued. “Magic leaves a signature. The ribbons were enchanted by Her Majesty, so it makes sense that I felt her here”.

Chan looked at his hands, at the ribbon wrapped around each and every one of his fingers. “Huh…”

“I mean, it’s kind of weak, but we’ve been living together for a long time, so I can tell”, Hoseok added.

Changbin had asked Hoseok something, completely changing the conversation. Whatever it was, Chan didn’t really hear it. As he looked at his hands, he suddenly felt heat creep up from his chest to the back of his neck.

So, this entire time, her magic had been, in a way, wrapped around him?

Was it odd to feel… giddy about it?

Maybe it was.

The cold shower he took in his chambers’ washroom after training helped ease some of his self-deprecating thoughts. The suds in his hands let his fingers glide through his hair to massage his scalp with the delicate, almost soothing motions. However, the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t relent. If anything, it had intensified as the morning progressed.

Wang Eun was right, Chan wasn’t okay, but what would he even tell the man if he admitted to it? It wasn’t even clear to him what was going on, especially since it seemed like too much noise had settled uncomfortably within every crevice of his brain.

Deep down, Chan knew that the only thing that’d ease this feeling would be to confront Her Majesty, but about what exactly? Did he want to know what had happened to her? Or did he want to know what he’d done to earn such a reaction from her?

With a sigh, he stepped out of the shower, leisurely patting his body dry. Chan wrapped a towel around his hips to catch any stray droplets, and he threw one on his head to squeeze water out of his hair as he moved from the washroom to the open space of his chambers.

The plum-coloured ribbons splayed over the dining table stared back at him, they’d been discarded there right after he made it into the room and peeled his clothes off. Chan threw the towel he had on his head on the table, and picked up one of the ribbons to start wrapping it in itself around his fingers.

Of course the thing had been enchanted by the Queen herself. He didn’t understand how, but he was sure now that the familiarity he felt from the fabric was just her. Am I becoming magic sensitive? He couldn’t help but think with an incredulous chuckle.

The sudden knock on his door didn’t surprise him much. Wang Eun would often drop by at this time to pester him a bit before Chan went to work on the Big Bad Wolf’s repairs–usually to tell Chan the latest gossip that was being murmured around the corridors.

Chan wondered what it would be this time… Who had shagged who in the kitchen’s pantry? Who was getting married in secret? The thought made him chuckle. Not thinking much of it, Chan spoke finally, “come in”.

The movement of his fingers on the ribbon stopped immediately the moment he looked away from the fabric in his hands and towards the door. It was, very clearly, not Wang Eun who had knocked, but the Queen herself that had made her way into his chambers.

He saw it almost in slow motion, the moment her expression turned to one akin to a deer in the headlights when she spotted him in the middle of the room, when she spotted him, essentially, naked, save for the towel around his hips.

She tried to say something, but her mouth closed right after. He could feel it so vividly, her burning gaze roaming his form.

Was that a blush on her cheeks?

Was she flustered?

Good.

She deserved it.

Chan would’ve loved to say he felt embarrassed or shy, but, truly, he didn’t. Not one bit. Even if he enjoyed the attention, he enjoyed seeing her struggle much, much more… Struggling, just like he had many times before.

“Good morning?” Chan offered, after a few moments of silence.

Her Majesty’s wandering eyes snapped up to his, quickly masking the stunned look on her face into one of neutrality. “Morning”.

Chan didn’t say anything else. If she had come all the way here, she surely had something to tell him, so he just shut his mouth and held her gaze. The ribbon he had around his fingers was finally twisted into a neat roll. So he placed the wad on the table, and picked up the other ribbon to start repeating the motions.

The Queen inhaled a shaky breath, each hand tight in a fist next to her. “Listen… Last night–”

“Don’t worry about it”, Chan interrupted her, looking away from her eyes to focus on the ribbon he was twisting around his digits. “I overstepped the line, I get it. It’s fine”.

It wasn’t fine, clearly. But he decided to act as if it were, even if his words came out a bit harsher than he intended.

“No, no. You didn’t do anything. Listen”, she was quick to reassure him, which gave him pause. Had he not done anything? Now he was truly confused. The Queen took a tentative step closer, twisting the ring on her index finger with her thumb when she continued. “There’s a lot going on and… and last night… I was dangerous, very dangerous… I still am today, but I am managing it much better”.

Chan could see it, the way her hands trembled, her hair swaying slightly even when there was no current coming from the windows. Something wasn’t quite right, and for a brief moment, he had the urge to walk closer, hold her hands, and hope for the best. But he didn’t do it. Instead, he just placed the rolled ribbon on the table and crossed his arms over his chest.

Her Majesty’s eyes followed his movement, staring at his chest briefly. With a minute shake of her head she continued talking. “I figured if I was a bit harsh, you would leave. And you did. But I felt horrible right after, and I’m sorry, truly. You saw how the books flew off the shelves, that wasn’t on purpose. I just… didn’t want to hurt you”.

“Didn’t think you would”, the words flew out of his mouth without much thought, but he realised they were true the moment they were out there.

“I know”, the Queen took a deep breath, moving one of her hands to the other to start playing with the rings on her fingers. “That’s why I decided to put some space. I need you to understand that this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me”.

Chan’s eyes looked into hers. It was almost comical how swiftly her words eased that uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, but he was still worried. He took the towel from where it had landed on the table and threw it on his head to continue drying his hair.

“Can I ask what happened?” Chan walked to his bed, and sat down on the edge while he rubbed the towel on his head.

“You can ask”, Her Majesty walked forward, so she could pull one of the dining chairs in his direction. She sat on it, and crossed one leg over the other. “But I won’t tell you. I don’t want to lie to you, so I prefer to keep it to myself”.

Chan hummed in response. He wanted to know, but he couldn’t force her to say anything, so he decided to not press further, respecting her decision. He removed the towel from his head, fixing his hair as best as he could with his hand.

She held his gaze the entire time, the foot of the leg crossed on top of the other bounced up and down slightly. He could practically see the gears turning inside her head as silence embraced them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an air of something floating between them, something pleasant, but, in a way, dangerous. A different type of danger than the one the Queen had been worried about.

Her Majesty inhaled deeply, then spoke. “I’ll be gone for a few days. Dev will stay here, so if you need anything don’t hesitate to go to him. I already asked someone to help Felix out, too”.

Chan nodded. A few seconds passed, spent just looking at her, and the Queen just looked right back at him, until a question bubbled on his tongue. “Wherever you’re going, will you be okay?”

“We’ll see”, the Queen shrugged, tapping her fingers on the armrest of the chair. She looked at him for a few bated breaths, until she spoke again. “Are you okay?”

Chan shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Just got a lot of things on my mind”

You, for starters, he thought, but he didn’t dare say it out loud.

Her Majesty hummed in understanding. She trained her gaze on him again, Chan could see the way her eyes scanned his face even from a distance. For a moment, it looked like she was about to say something, but clearly decided against it, shaking her head slightly as she stood up.

“Anyway”, she placed the chair back on its original spot and then walked towards the door to swing it open. “See you in a few days”, were her last words before she left the room and closed the door behind her.

Chan’s eyes stayed glued to the door for a few moments, until he exhaled, and dropped his body on the bed. He felt relieved, at the very least, he hadn’t crossed any lines and made the Queen uncomfortable, but now a different type of worry–one unrelated to his actions–clung to his bones when he thought of her outburst.

“Ow!”

Chan, Changbin, and Felix had been working on the Big Bad Wolf for most of the afternoon. Chan had spent the time mostly crouching under the main console, fixing connections within the unit, while Felix and Changbin assisted carrying things around when the engineers working within the corridors needed an extra set of hands.

Changbin had just hit his head while he tried to pick up a box of scraps from under one of the desks in the control room. Felix had laughed at him after, only for him to turn around and hit himself against one of the open panels on the wall, which made Changbin mock him immediately, alleging ‘Karma’s a bitch’.

Chan chuckled softly from his spot on the floor. Even if he was still worried, his friends’ antics brought some semblance of comfort. He’d tried his best to calm down after his conversation with the Queen. He reached the conclusion that there was nothing much he could do… But, in a way, that was exactly the problem. He couldn’t do anything.

Talboot had been chatting his ear off all afternoon, which also helped keep his mind occupied for a bit. Chan was learning a lot from the old man, too. His numerous years of experience in the field filled him with vast amounts of knowledge, and he was more than happy to share that knowledge with Chan, which he appreciated immensely.

“Knock, knock!” The sudden voice peeled Talboot’s attention from Chan to the woman now entering the control room with a large basket nestled in her arms.

“Ah, my dear!” Talboot rushed to the woman, and took the basket from her to give her a tight hug. “Boys, this is my youngest, Jenna”, he addressed the three rebels as he placed the basket on one of the desks.

Chan recognised her as the woman he’d seen in the throne room next to Wang Eun the day they arrived, the same one that had also bested the Queen when they were in the training grounds. She was tall, much taller than all three of them–even taller than her father–with the characteristic Liralean tattoos adorning only her left arm.

They greeted her, each one providing their name with polite smiles on their faces–or, at least, Changbin and Felix did. Chan wasn’t sure his expression could’ve been considered a smile, but no one seemed to care much about it.

“I brought pastries from my sister’s bakery”, Jenna gestured to the basket on the desk. “There’s plenty for everyone”.

Chan perked up at the mention of the delicious pastries, but he decided to wait until the sudden swarm of workers around the basket dissipated to go get his fill. Changbin and Felix probably had similar thoughts as they just lingered around the control unit.

Jenna came close to them, addressing Felix with an animated tone. “I’m sure you’re aware the Queen will be absent for a few days. She’s asked me to give you a hand in her absence”.

Felix’s face lit up immediately, making Chan and Changbin exchange an amused look. “Ah, really? She did mention it. But no light magic stuff, no?”

“Nope”, she gave him an apologetic smile. “Unfortunately for you, I was the only one available. I harbour elemental magic. Earth magic to be exact, but I can show you some basics!”

“That’s great, really!” Felix was beaming, and a splitting smile spread on his face. “When can we start?”

Jenna chuckled. “I was hoping now! That’s what I came here for”.

“Hey, boy”, Talboot spoke to Chan, pointing to the communication unit, which left Felix and Jenna’s conversation forgotten in the background. “Looks like someone’s calling”.

Changbin looked at Chan in alarm. The flashing green light of the communicator indicated an incoming call from their base. Chan thanked Talboot, and quickly connected two earpieces to the unit. He placed one in his ear and handed the other one to Changbin. It was unusual for the rest of their crew to call them first, especially at this time.

As soon as he picked up, Chan heard Jisung’s hurried words. “You guys okay?”

“We’re okay”, Changbin offered.

“Are you?” Chan added, worry laced his words as soon as he heard the shakiness in Jisung’s voice.

Chan heard the sigh of relief on the other end, which hardly did anything to calm him. If anything, it made him worry more. “We’re okay, too”.

Jisung stayed silent for a while, which kickstarted a twitch in Chan’s left eye. “Are you going to elaborate, or are we supposed to know what's going on telepathically?” Chan kept his voice as low as he could, looking at his surroundings to make sure no one was listening to them. Felix had left with Jenna, he realised, so they would fill him in later.

“I’m not sure how to start”, Jisung sounded antsy, which immediately started the warning bells in Chan’s head. “Jaebum’s unit… They were carrying out a mission in Othem, trying to overtake one of the guard ports and…” he went silent again.

“And?” Changbin urged.

“Shit, sorry. I’m kinda nervous”, Jisung took a deep breath. Chan could see him in his mind vividly. After so many years living together, he was able to pick apart every gesture their crewmates made. When anxious, Jisung’s lower lip would quiver and his hands would fly to his face in an attempt to soothe himself. That was probably how he looked right now. “They were captured”, he said finally, with a slight tremble in his voice.

Chan and Changbin looked at each other in alarm, with their eyes wide as they scanned each other’s faces. Chan clenched his fists, trying his best to keep his tone even and his voice low to not attract attention from the workers in the room. “What happened?”

“We don’t know for sure yet”, Jisung offered, and a tired sigh resonated from Chan’s earpiece. “Dall has sent a message to all units. They’re planning a rescue mission with their own unit. Those of us who wish to collaborate are welcome to do so. Those of us who don’t want to or can’t join for one reason or another… They’re urging us to stay low and protect ourselves”.

Changbin’s fist hit the table–some workers looked at them briefly, but returned to their tasks almost immediately after. “Shit. We can’t do anything”.

“We can’t, either… The Shining Starlight isn’t fully operational yet”, Jisung sounded genuinely stressed about it.

Chan’s closed fist trembled–not out of fear, but out of anger. He was seething, the feeling was eating him alive right there where he stood. It wasn’t the first time it happened, but it also wasn’t often that one of their own got captured by the Charmer’s minions. If he recalled correctly, it had already been over a year since the last incident.

Each time something like this happened, Dall’s reaction had been the same. They informed the Alliance they would deploy their unit for a rescue mission, and requested for the rest to either assist or lay low, which was something Chan had honestly always respected from their leader. They never forced them to do anything, it was always up to each member of the Alliance to decide whether they were willing to take the risk or not.

“Jisung”, Chan’s tone surprised even himself, the dangerous evenness to it was almost fabricated, it was his own way of trying not to worry his crewmates, and it seemed to be coming out on its own at this point. He looked around him once again to make sure no one was paying attention to them. “Any information on how many members were captured and if they’re still alive?”

“Nothing, captain”, Jisung sounded defeated, which was a sentiment Chan wholeheartedly understood.

Changbin looked at Chan, a mix of anger and concern pooled in his friend’s eyes as he looked around the room. Changbin didn’t need to say anything, Chan just understood him immediately. There were too many people in the control room at this time for them to be having such a sensitive conversation.

Chan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself. “Jisung, we’ll call you later”.

Uneasiness clung to every fibre of his body while Chan walked aimlessly around the castle. Once all workers left the Big Bad Wolf, he and his two friends went back to contact their base again. Their other crewmates had no further news, so they just used the time to try and comfort each other.

The night was oddly quiet. There was barely any rustle of leaves or any hooting owls. Chan wasn’t sure what was causing the heavy feeling in his chest. Was it the sense of defeat from knowing his peers were more than likely fighting for their lives out there? Or was it the sudden absence of the woman that had barged into his heart and made herself at home?

When he put it into perspective, it felt silly to even be bothered by the latter. After all, the prospect of death was a much more pressing matter than his aching heart. However, he reasoned he could be afflicted by both, considering his feelings were far from logical anyway. So, with that realisation, he allowed himself to be bummed out by both, all while he tried his best to not look too miserable when he strolled around the courtyards on his own in the middle of the night.

What an odd thing to be satisfied about, he thought, kicking a pebble out of his way. But he was, truly. Hardly ever would he allow himself to feel things, he was always trying to be the best captain, the best pilot, the most calculating rebel leader… Letting himself bask in his misery was, in a way, freeing.

An unexpected light in his peripheral vision caught his attention, and his gaze moved instinctively to see who–or what–it might be. The light was partially covered by a big bear statue, he’d have to circle it to see more clearly, so, with languid steps, he made his way around it, just out of curiosity.

The large shape moving around on the grass took him aback slightly, until his eyes focused enough to see it was Freyr, His Majesty’s giant wolf. He was rolling around on the grass, much like any other canine would–much like Freyja would often do. It was almost comical, seeing the large lump of fluff rolling around as if it couldn’t kill a person in a millisecond with a snap of his jaw.

A soft chuckle passed Chan’s lips at the sight, Freyr was rather cute up close, and–just like the last time he saw him–he felt the urge to try to pet him, so he walked closer.

“Good evening, Chan”.

“Holy–”

The sudden deep voice breaking through the otherwise quiet space almost made Chan jump out of his skin. He recovered quickly, though, and addressed the source with a slight bow of his head. “Your Majesty”, he tried his best to not sound as surprised as he was, failing miserably.

The High King chuckled, clearly amused by the panicked look on Chan’s face. He swirled the glass in his hand, producing that typical tinkling sound when the ice floating in the liquid hit the glass. “What brings you around these areas at this time? Don’t you sleep?”

Don’t you? would’ve been the first thing to come out of Chan’s mouth had it been anyone else speaking with that tone. However, he already knew His Majesty to just be prickly overall, so he decided instead to not take it to heart, and to try his best to have an amicable conversation with the man. “Doesn’t seem like I do these days, Your Majesty”, Chan stuffed his hands in his pockets, confidently holding the warlock’s gaze.

The High King hummed, taking a sip of his drink and eyeing Chan over the rim of his glass. “I’m sure you’ve heard my dear sister has left for a few days”.

“I did”, Chan moved slowly, tentatively taking a seat on the farthest side of the bench, as far away from the High King as possible.

“I’d like to say I’m annoyed, but It’s only fair. I was gone for a few days, too”, His Majesty looked towards his wolf rolling around on the grass, swirling his drink. “It’s tough when she’s gone. But don’t tell her I said that”.

Chan wasn’t sure why the High King was telling him this, but he figured the man was just trying to find some common ground with him.

“You’d have to cover her duties, right?” Chan asked out of genuine curiosity, feeling no real hostility from His Majesty towards his presence.

The High King hummed in acknowledgement. “But that’s not why it’s tough. I just miss her”, his words took Chan by surprise, so much so he wasn’t able to conceal the expression on his face, which made His Majesty chuckle. “Don’t look so shocked. We fight all the time, but at the end of the day, she’s a part of me, just like I’m a part of her”, he added, sipping his drink. His words were genuine, which was a contrast to the tone he used to say them.

The sound of footsteps on the grass caught Chan’s attention. Hoseok was walking in their direction, but he stopped briefly to pet Freyr’s exposed stomach. As he resumed his walk and came close, he finally spoke. “Hello Chan”.

Chan waved at him, greeting him with a quiet ‘Hello’. Hoseok’s movements stopped once he stood in front of His Majesty, and one of his hands came up to comb the High King’s long hair. “What are you doing here?”

“Sulking”, His Majesty wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s waist, bringing him close to bury his face in his stomach.

Hoseok sighed, and a flash of concern crossed his features. He kept caressing his partner’s hair, and turned to Chan. “Has he given you trouble?”

The High King weakly whined against Hoseok’s stomach, his sounds muffled by the fabric of the Prince’s vest, which made Chan chuckle softly.

“Not at all”, and it was true. The man was prickly, sure, but he was certainly trying to have a conversation with Chan, like acquaintances.

Hoseok hummed, offering a kind smile to Chan before he patted his partner on the head. “Come on, sweetheart. Time for bed”.

His Majesty tightened his hold around Hoseok’s waist, but he didn’t make any attempts to move. Hoseok chuckled softly, ruffling the High King’s hair a bit. “Come on, darling. You can sulk in bed. I need to sleep, but I don’t want to if you aren’t there”.

His Majesty finally removed his face from Hoseok’s stomach with a dramatic sigh. “Fine”.

Hoseok removed himself from his space, and His Majesty immediately stood up and stretched his limbs before he leaned forward to place a soft peck on Hoseok’s lips.

Chan liked Hoseok. The man was level, strong, and clearly caring towards his family. In a way, he felt jealous. Not because of his strength or his looks, but because Hoseok was able to do all the things he wished he could do–and he did them openly and confidently. He briefly wondered if at some point he’d be able to fill a similar role in the Queen’s life, just like Hoseok did in the High King’s… Would she want that?

“Thank you for listening, Chan”, His Majesty’s words brought him back from his thoughts. They felt genuine, which warmed Chan up slightly. He took a hold of Hoseok’s hand as the Prince was saying his goodbyes to Chan. ‘Time for bed’, he urged Freyr to follow them, mimicking Hoseok’s words from earlier in a slightly mocking tone, which made Hoseok chuckle.

Chan left the place shortly after, deciding that he, too, should at least try to get some rest. As he tucked himself into bed back in his chambers, an uncomfortable feeling settled within him, and after picking at it for a few minutes, he came to an odd conclusion.

His mind, save for his thoughts, felt quiet. The seemingly ever-present humming in his skull that started the day they had landed here was completely absent, which unsettled him immediately.

Chan didn’t like that one bit.

Previous Chapter: Day 9. | Series Masterlist. | Next Chapter: Day 15.

#stray kids fantasy au #stray kids fanfiction #bang chan fanfiction #bang chan fic #skz fanfic #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfic

36 notes · View notes

minuy600 · 5 months

Text

Atari 2600 Chronicles 1980 #6 - Circus Atari

The paddle controller duology of 1980 continues. As does the blatant copying of game concepts in the form of 1977's Circus. This was the time where this was sorta acceptable, so i'll let it slide... for now. K.C. Munchkin would trample that leniency 2 years later.

You could even argue it's a clone of a clone. You play as a seesaw that holds a tiny stick figure who is supposed to be a clown, and another clown comes from the side of the screen and flings himself on your inanimate log. That causes the other one to fly up and destroy moving balloons, who are colored red, blue and yellow. Do that with a whole row (or the full board if playing on another mode) and they get replaced with new ones. So yeah, it's a honky trumpet version of the tride and true Breakout.

It's one of the better ones, too. It's surprising that they managed to get the bouncing physics working as well as they did here, you need to place your seesaw exactly right to get the necessary height. You can even mirror it so you can get out of a tough spot, a friendly thought for sure. There's also the difficulty switch that increases the speed, honestly I think I prefer that, my timing seems to be better adjusted to it for some reason and it SEEMS easier to rack up the points by being placed exactly right for the clown to be in the air for an extended period.

Now originally, I was very skeptical and there's multiple reasons for that. Obviously the need for a paddle controller plays a role, but it's moreso the lacking audiovisuals that kinda takes me out of it. They're not THAT bad however. Just not ambitious enough, as you'll see. It is worse when you look at it from the outside, much like many other early Atari titles. Besides, you're not buying the console for that alone, are ya?

The Verdict

Graphics (4): That other games were only marginally better doesn't mean it's any good. It's got the WaCkY flopping clowns in the least detailed way possible, you barely notice it while playing. Dying gives the stick figure an odd rectangular head. I don't get it. The blue background choices as of late have been strange, it's been a fairly big part of like 4 games in a row outside of Night Driver, and then there's the fact that some of the balloons are a different shade of the same color too! I just wish it didn't leave this stinky first impression as it's not even that awful despite my complaints.

Sound (6): The complete lack of music REALLY hurts Circus Atari. Circus had it, Clowns on the Astrocade had it, why not this one? Probably memory limitations. That doesn't mean it sucks in it's entirety though. I actually quite like most of the noises here, it helps the enjoyment of the game in my opinion! I gotta go into more detail about the 'satisfaction factor' for my explanations to make sense though, so you won't hear it right here.

Fun Factor (7): The not-actually-paddle controls on Switch do get in the way a little bit unfortunately, but otherwise, this is a very pleasant arcade romp to add to the slowly growing collection. There's plenty to be satisfied about here. In fact, that is exactly what I think is the best part of playing the game. It has a strong sense of dopamine hits. When you get your clown positioned right, bam that's many points in one go while the sound effects keep rolling. Get all the red balloons? Big points, an extra life and 'pew pew' noises to boot. Speed up enough that your little man is actually flailing around and you're trying to keep the streak going? Satisfaction. It's still Breakout with sprinkles added at the end of the day, I am not gonna keep enjoying myself with how repetitive it can get, but for short bursts of a good feeling? Yeah, I like it.

Longevity (8): Very solid showing here once again. Main problem is a lack of originality in all the modes, all you can really swap between are the conditions of balloon respawning, the addition of borders you gotta jump past and the very thrilling change of game mode to old faithful Breakthru. Get past that however and you'll find yourself getting a lot of mileage when hunting high scores. The manual encourages you to 'go pro' by overflowing the score. 9999 points is the non-overflow max as with Space Invaders. As someone who couldn't even reach 1000 on the easiest mode, that's got me quaking in my boots! No change in gameplay over time is a bummer, but the game is tough enough as it is already.

Oh yes, multiplayer! This is a cool one for cooperative play, I reckon. It's got all the variations and two more on top of that.

In Conclusion

#retro gaming #minuy600 #review #sona #atari #atari 2600 #1980 #circus atari

2 notes · View notes

mgsr-sing-to-me · 8 months

Text

Content & Trigger Warnings

This is for people who use tumblr exclusively from mobile devices and therefore are unable to view the pages from the desktop version.

Sing to Me is a story resolving around mental health, trauma recovery and healing. Therefore it is possible that certain themes, topics and scenes can be emotionally taxing to the reader. I do not recommend this story to younger people for a reason — mainly because some aspects of it can be very heavy on the heart.

Please refrain from reading Sing to Me if you’re feeling mentally unwell and are at risk of self-harming behaviour, have suicidal thoughts and/or urges or are otherwise at risk for self-damaging behaviours. It is better to stay safe than be sorry later.

Recovering from (complex) trauma is unfortunately a very difficult process. Usually when starting therapy, a patient is informed that they may feel worse at the beginning before they feel better. This is the case in the story as well – the protagonists will go through constant ups and downs and sometimes these lower points are very low. Anyone who struggles with mental health issues due to (childhood) trauma might know what I am talking about, so please take my warning above seriously.

This story, however, is not trauma porn – it is an accurate depiction of complex PTSD as well as other mental health conditions and how they affect the person struggling with those. My detailed thoughts on fiction and I how approach darker themes and topics in my own writing can be found here.

Content/Trigger Warnings for the Sing to Me Series

realistic depictions of the following disorders:

Complex PTSD (incl. paranoid pseudo-psychosis)

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

Substance Use Disorder

Polytoxicomania

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (also known as hypersexuality)

Self-Harm (not very graphic)

Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation and suicide attempts (these may be slightly graphic in the description of what the character thinks and feels but will not be graphic in the physical aspect of acting on them)

Homicidal Thoughts/Ideation

Intrusive thoughts (about violence, homicide as well as cannibalism)

Paranoid delusions

(Canon-Typical) Violence, Gang/Cartel violence → This will not exceed the violence seen in the MGS/R series, or the one seen in the games The Last of Us Part 1 & 2

Recreational use of chemical drugs incl. the feeling and experience of being high on various substances

overdosing (not yet decided if it will be included)

discussion/mention of sexual assault → a character will open up about their SA trauma to another character, but there will be no detailed description/scene of the assault

mentions (≠ detailed descriptions) of what went down with Child Soldiers during the first Liberian Civil War → abuse, torture, child sexual abuse, murder of their peers, witnessing of ritualistic cannibalism (this information is based on IRL historical evidence/witness reports)

transphobia including an incident of violence motivated by transphobia (by antagonists only)

mentions and/or parallels to real life historical events of violent nature

All of the topics above will be resolved throughout the story through the means of trauma therapy, emotional support, conflict resolution as well as cathartic acts of revenge and justice for the victim(s) of abuse and assault.

Sing to Me is not a tragedy. This story is also an emotional hurt/comfort one and the lighter moments are balancing out the darker ones.

#blog navigation for mobile users #content and trigger warnings

2 notes · View notes

ask-cam · 1 year

Text

Lessons that Last Forever

Forever by Judy Blume is a book that interested me when I first heard about it. What does it take for a book to be banned in schools? It must certainly have some juicy and interesting things to read about. After reading it at 21 it did not shock me anywhere near as much as I was expecting, I found myself wondering this is all it takes to get your book banned? The book has sexual themes certainly but nothing in graphic detail and honestly the message the book had was one I thought was very important to see for us young adults.

There are a lot of things I had wished I learned a bit sooner in my life and I found that books like Forever can show little lessons like this. The book follows Katherine in her journey of sexual exploration with her first partner Michael. Katherine learns a lot about herself and Michael as they closer and become more intimate. Most importantly Katherine takes her relationship with Michael very slowly and seriously, she closely adheres to what she is comfortable with and waits until she is ready to advance further physically with Michael. This is a great thing for a book about fiery young romantic love to show, because while it may seem very exciting to take a relationship very fast, its very important to do things slowly too. Katherine regularly turns down Michaels's advances even when they get very pressing. While this may seem most applicable to romantic relationships this advice really applies to life generally. When I was younger I felt a huge rush to grow up and experience as much as possible but it really is okay to take every step as slowly as possible so you can enjoy every experience you get to have.

Forever is very clearly interested in exploring the sexual dynamics of young adults and lots of sources that analyze this aspect as its primary focus, "'You can't go back to holding hands.' Reading Judy Blume's Forever in the #MeToo Era" by Jenna Spiering and Kate Kedley. While that is a large part of the subject material Forever explores I find it reductive to only hone in on that aspect. Spiering and Kedley refer to how "Young adult romance novels, a common venue for sexual content, are not always a humanizing genre." (15) I fully agree here, however they go into more detail explaining the harms of loose technical language and the intricacies of specific sex acts, highlighting Forever's emphasis on character agency. So while this an important aspect of representing these characters I want to elaborate on the importance of "humanizing" these characters outside of their sexual importance. Its common to read Forever as a book about sex but its a book about young adults in a relationship and in my opinion that allows us to get a lot more out of it.

Spoilers ahead: Despite the book's title of Forever things do not last between Michael and Katherine forever, and by the end of the book they are no longer together due to Katherine meeting someone new. By the end of the book Katherine meets someone new after time away from Michael and they are no longer together. This is a tough thing to experience as a young person but I wished I had fully come to terms with the idea that many people will come in and out of your life when you’re growing up and even later it keeps happening. However, it's easy to take away from this book that this relationship wasn’t as big a deal as it seemed and my parents have done the same thing, dismissing early relationships as if they wouldn’t go anywhere. But Katherine and Michael loved and learned a lot from each other, and this is a wonderful thing, don’t let the fleeting nature of these relationships stop you from enjoying them. All experiences like this matter and will help shape the type of person you become as you grow up so don’t forget to enjoy them and try to learn as much as you can from them.

2 notes · View notes

purgetrooperfox · 2 years

Text

stylus-pushing and other workplace hazards

five times Nocte took care of the Corries, and one time did the same for him

rating: M

pairings: N/A

characters: Sergeant Hound, Clone Medic Nocte, Clone Veterinarian Bo, background clone characters

chapter tags & warnings: 5+1 things, chapter 1 of 6, whump, animal attack, dog bite, blood and injury, somewhat graphic depiction of injury, unbeta'd

1: Hound | 2: Thire ->

In a stroke of cosmic irony, Hound is abysmal at training and wrangling massiffs.

There’s some fundamental disconnect between him and Grizzer that can only stem from some dysfunctional relationship in a past life. To make it worse, he’s one of very few troopers who got a shot at a career they actually care about. He’s always wanted to work with animals, ever since their days as cadets on Kamino. Only someone thoroughly committed would stick with a voluntary program that included training and riding feral aiwhas - which, notably, live primarily underwater - in the neverending storms beyond Tipoca’s walls. Every cadet in the animal handling unit wound up in medical for pneumonia or parasites or near-drowning on multiple occasions.

That’s how Nocte first met Hound, back when they went by 1222 and 3903. Nocte was on the medical track and Hound was blue in the face because his aiwha decided to go for a dive with him on its back. A dozen more similar instances went down before mutual exasperation morphed into begrudging companionship into tight friendship.

Nocte can’t claim to understand what drew Hound to his specialization, but he respects it.

Well. He does understand it, in a roundabout way. It was similar for him before deployment. There was never any question in his mind - he was going to be a medic. Label it a calling or programming, maybe they're the same thing in the end, but he always knew.

There’s something remarkable about watching Hound bang his head against the wall day-in and day-out in pursuit of his dream. He won’t accept reassignment, no matter how many times Fox offers, or Grizzer scratches him hard enough that he needs stitches, or a Senator accuses him of lacking control over his beasts. The line that Nocte draws and Hound completely ignores is at the point of extreme physical injury from said beasts.

It’s not as frequent an occurrence anymore but back in the early days, Nocte swore he got called down to Animal Handling every other day. Hound’s fingers have to be more scar tissue than anything else by now. Truly, it’s a wonder he hasn’t lost any of them to snapping jaws.

Slumped over his desk with his head in his hands, staring down at a datapad detailing the new shinies’ medical history, Nocte realizes that he’s probably jinxed both Hound and himself by daring to consider that possibility. Their luck is poor enough without tempting fate.

He’s all but forgotten that particular train of thought when one of Hound’s troopers crashes into the medbay and nearly trips over a desk in their haste, visibly shaken.

“What happened?”

“It’s Hound,” they pant, doubled over with their hands on their knees. “Grizzer got him - bit him - and it’s bad. We had to pry his mouth open to get him off his leg– I don’t think Hound can walk.”

Nocte shuts his eyes for a beat then blows out a breath and stands. “I’ll need Grizzer’s vaccination record,” he says as he throws an assortment of hypos into a bag. It’s best to cover all the bases, just in case. “If he’s not up to date on his shots, I need to know by the time we get down there.” Disinfectant, bacta, stitches, gauze, painkiller, antibiotic… He glances up at the trooper still staring at him blankly. “Let’s go, vod, are you coming?”

“Do I have to?” their voice wobbles.

Nocte stamps down the urge to fist his hands in his own hair and yank. This kid is clearly affected by what they saw and he’s better than losing his temper when there’s work to be done. It’s not their fault this happened, or that it got to them like this.

“Hey, you can stay here, okay?” he says, getting a small, jerky nod. “I’ll comm the vet. It's Bo, right? You just try to relax. Take a cot and someone will come sit with you. Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” their voice doesn’t break, but it’s a close thing. Scanning their face quickly, Nocte realizes that this is one of the new shinies. They seem to get younger with every batch.

“It’ll be okay, alright? Hound’s made of tough, stubborn stuff. I’d bet anything that he’ll have Grizzer wrapped around his finger before the year’s out.” Still staring into middle distance, they just nod again.

Kriff it all. Nocte wraps a shock blanket around them and puts a comm through to his next ranked officer. “Buzz, I need you in medbay three until I get back from A.H.. I’ve got a shiny in shock, they saw Hound take a nasty bite.”

“There in five,” Buzz says, straight to the point, and cuts the call.

“Someone’s coming, kid. I have to go check on Hound, understand?”

“Yeah,” they rasp with a shudder that makes Nocte feel inordinately guilty. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

The hell they are. Unfortunately, there’s no real time to argue.

He comms the vet while he jogs through the halls and nearly physically runs into Buzz, which at least means that shiny won’t be alone for long. Bo's a surly sort, but he's good at what he does and his records are almost meticulous enough to counterbalance Hound’s.

"CT-4080," comes across the line as soon as it connects.

"Bo, it's Nocte. I need Grizzer’s vax history."

"Shit," Bo says. Nocte's inclined to agree. "He should be up to date, but I'll double check."

The change in temperature as he shuffles down the stairs is tangible. Animal Handling is a level below the rest of the Guard headquarters and there's so little cross-traffic between floors that it almost qualifies as a separate facility. They deliberately keep it cold, something about massiffs' body temperature regulation.

"You still there?" Bo asks after a short pause.

"Yeah."

"Grizzer's got all of his shots. Who'd he bite?"

He scoffs quietly. "Who do you think?"

"Well, it was probably inevitable. Anything I can do?"

"I've got it," Nocte assures him, "thanks though."

"Sure. Good luck."

The call drops just before Nocte punches in the override code to access the tightly locked massiff training room. With Grizzer fully vaxxed and significant disease transmission off the table, infection should be the greatest risk. He mentally runs back through the supplies in his bag, trying to predict what he’ll be able to do before hauling Hound upstairs for a full evaluation, while the door slides open with a loud protest.

His assessment is proven wrong when he finally lays eyes on the scene.

Hound is laid out on his back, grey in the face, jaw clenched, eyes screwed shut. His left leg has been stripped of armor from his hip down, exposing the tattered remnants of his undersuit. One of his troops is knelt between his legs with his ankle propped on his shoulder, doing his best to elevate the injury. There’s a makeshift tourniquet cinched around his thigh, just above his knee to slow flow of blood from his calf.

Only when Nocte gets closer and drops down at Hound’s side can he make out more of the damage through the mess of bodily fluids and remnants of fabric. A small pool of blood is slowly growing under his hips. Grizzer must have gotten him from behind, but his skin is torn nearly to the ridge of his shin.

“Hey, Sarge,” he murmurs to Hound, trying not to startle him. Once he gets a forced nod, he turns to the other ashen-faced trooper. “How’re we doing? How long has he been bleeding?”

“Ten minutes, maybe a little longer.”

“And you had to force Grizzer off him?”

“We thought he was going to– we didn’t know what to do, Grizzer wouldn’t let go of him.”

There’s not much else they realistically could’ve done. Grizz is a uniquely difficult combination of ornery and strong. He can’t see yet, but there’s probably torn muscle.

“Switch places with me,” he says and shifts to take Hound’s ankle. “Hold his hand, talk to him, distract him if you can. I��m going to try to get a look at the bite and it’s not going to feel good.”

The trooper nods sharply and hands off the job of elevating Hound’s leg, then takes his hand in both of his own.

Once Nocte can see the actual wound, it’s immediately clear that surgery will be necessary. Hound’s entire calf is already discolored with dark purple bruising. Grizzer managed to rip away from the initial bite, leaving deep, jagged-edged tears. He can’t see bone, but gently prodding around the site shifts the skin enough that muscle and fat are visible.

Sometimes forewarning only makes things worse, so Nocte silently apologizes and tilts Hound’s leg until it’s perpendicular with the floor and upends disinfectant over the bite.

And Hound chokes on his breath. His entire body jerks, trying to get away from the fire burning away dirt and cloth and bacteria. Then he screams - hoarse and agonized and trapped behind his teeth.

It’s all Nocte can do to swallow a swell of empathetic guilt. He stabs an antibiotic hypo into Hound’s thigh, then a painkiller, then carefully lowers his leg. Hound tries and fails to strangle a sob as fresh tears mingle with the sheen of sweat on his face, twisted with redoubled pain. His breath comes in short, sharp gasps.

He’ll probably pass out before long.

“We have to operate,” Nocte tells the trooper kneeling beside Hound’s shoulder, who looks up at him with wide eyes. Somewhat incredulous, he has to wonder how there are so many goddamn shinies hiding out in Animal Handling. “Can you carry him?”

“I don’t think so,” he squeaks, “not on my own.”

For the second time, Nocte narrowly manages not to grimace.

“Okay, go up to the medbay and tell someone that I need an operating room prepped. Now."

At least the kid’s quick to scramble to his feet and take off at a near-sprint.

Nocte blows out a breath. Hound did end up passed out, which is a small mercy, because this would be horribly unpleasant for him otherwise. Careful as he can be not to jostle his bad leg, Nocte hauls him up over his shoulder, wobbles slightly, and makes for the medbay.

In the end, there’s really only so much that can be done for animal bites. Nocte could cut away blood-soaked fabric and dead skin, disinfect what he can, stab him with more antibiotics, check for fractures, and stitch some of the more severe punctures. Beyond that, they would just have to monitor for signs of infection. They only had enough bacta for one infusion, which isn’t ideal, but is what it is.

Hours later, a rattling crash snaps Nocte awake with a jolt. He cracks his eyes open and squints at the screen of his computer for a long moment, contemplating how exactly he got to this point, asleep at his desk instead of in his bunk for the third time this week. For all that he gets on the commanders’ asses about the importance of proper rest if they want to be functional, he has to admit to himself that he’s no better.

There’s always some reason or another to shelf personal health for the sake of the job. Sometimes, it’s an influx of injured brothers after the war makes its way all the way to the Core, or after a team gets sent on an off-world assignment, or when local gang activity spikes. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a virus tearing through the Guard. Tonight, it’s a veritable mountain of documentation that’s due by the end of the week.

When he drags himself out of his office, Hound is sitting bolt upright in bed and trying to rip the saline drip out of his arm. It’s fortunate that there aren’t many other patients in this bay, or they would all be up and probably doing the same as Hound.

“Watch it,” Nocte says and pushes him back down onto his pillows. “How are you feeling? That was a nasty bite.”

Hound grimaces, but he doesn’t try to sit back up. “It was Grizzer, the big bastard. He just doesn’t know his own strength.”

It’s clearly more than that, but this isn’t the time or place to argue about it. “How’s your pain?”

“Painful.”

Nocte contemplates walking away. “Cute. I think we got a bacta treatment done early enough to prevent any nerve damage, but you’ll have some scarring. Your next few shifts are covered so no need to worry about that. Now, one to ten, how’s your pain? Do you need a painkiller?”

Under the blanket, Hound flexes his calf like an utter fool and flinches like he’s surprised that it hurts. “Eight when I move it, four otherwise. I don’t need any more drugs.”

For all that he’s stubborn and exhausting, Hound isn’t one to over- or under-exaggerate; he’s honest almost to a fault about nearly everything, including his health. It's a refreshing contrast to their less transparent siblings.

Nocte heaves a sigh and folds into the seat at his bedside. “Something’s gotta give with these mutts, vod.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll figure something out. Grizzer’s stubborn, he just needs a different approach than the others.” There’s pained resignation etched into his face.

“Sounds like someone else I know,” Nocte says, just to provoke a reaction.

“Ass.” He groans dramatically. “The crew will tear me a new one for this.”

Nocte shrugs. That’s probably true.

“Ass,” Hound reiterates, then narrows his eyes in an alarming imitation of Fox’s You’re-On-Thin-Ice expression. “How long have you been here? Shouldn’t there have been a shift change?”

Hells.

“Err.”

That’s the wrong answer. Hound groans just this side of too loudly. “Come on, I’ll get brownie points if I make you sleep. Come on.” He shuffles until there’s about half the space required to fit another grown man on his cot.

“I have datawork to finish,” Nocte whines. He doesn’t mean to whine, but he is tired and it’s a tempting offer, but he shouldn’t.

“Nocte. For me.”

“I can’t.”

He can’t.

“Please?”

The Guard should figure out a way to weaponize Hound’s blasted tooka eyes. Not even Dooku would be able to resist.

Nocte groans dramatically and goes about stacking his armor on the floor beside the cot, ignoring Hound’s victorious smirk. It’s a tight fit for the two of them, but they get situated with Nocte wrapped around Hound’s back and their legs tangled together, which is almost certainly what the bastard wanted all along. The position draws memories of Kamino back to his mind – long nights spent cramped into too-small bunks to weather violent storms. It seems fitting.

#this is the reworked chapter 1 #standby for the rest #leo.writes #leocs #clone medic nocte #sergeant hound #tags and whatnot at the top are chapter specfic

8 notes · View notes