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#i can never be good for myself because i am a disappointment

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#so...#my headache is just 📈 rn#and plus guess who broke down in front of her mother about her insecurities of being fat :)#ive been skipping meals a lot lately#and no pls don't go on telling me it's bad and i shouldn't do it because I've already heard this from her.#just... not the reaction i expected from her. i don't know why i always give her tbe benefit of the doubt and confide in her but#i just regret it now. i kinda shouldn't have done that. y'know what i got? no “youre beautiful the way you are” no embracing hug or anything#that could comfort me. instead just “who called you fat? i never called u fat?” yeah u totally didn't crush my hopes when i tried to seek#comfort in u and ur doing the same thing now too. “whatever you're doing is madness and u won't lose ur weight” which is true but...#idk i guess i just don't want to hear how much of a dumbass i am when I'm already sobbing hysterically and vulnerable. i kinda expected any#sort of comfort but all i recieved jusy proved that i should keep bottling ny emotions and never confide in ppl anymore. i hate myself.#it's midnight and she (mom) is asleep but im next to her crying silently as i type this and trying not to break down again. is it so hard to#have one (1) person who can just...love me for who i am and not act like im a total failure and i disappointed them when they're so#vulnerable. is it really that hard? Sometimes i wish i could just take a hiatus from irl and live online because irl is such a bitch. dude#start of the wedding and I'm already in shambles this is a mess. lol today everyone got their henna done except me and while it's a stupid#comparison it just reminded me of how i always put others first and take them knto consideration while being thrown around like trash and#having my feelings hurt multiple times. yknow- sometimes I'm just worried about how much I'm down lately. i think I'm recovering but#I'm always bsck to square one... crying and alone and just... not having a good time. 🙃#dawn.txt#tbd
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